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3 Reasons Why Narcissists Struggle To Change · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists struggle
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  to change. Who better to talk about it than
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  a diagnosed narcissist who's trying to change their
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  behaviors? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of Being Narcissist Go.
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  Boom. Welcome back folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yeah, struggling to change the struggle.
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  The struggle. Bust the struggle.
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  Buggles struggle. Buggle bugle.
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  Before we hop deep into today's episode, y'all make sure if you
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  haven't already, check out the kids book on Amazon.
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  It's called Remember, It's Not Your fault.
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  It's about, you know, it's a good conversation starter to
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  have conversation with your kids about standing boundaries,
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  telling the truth, all the other good stuff, y'all.
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  It's available on Amazon. Remember, it's not your fault.
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  But yes, y'all, who better than to broach the topic of
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  narcissism, Toxic relationship dynamics didn't meant to heal
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  this himself. Yes, y'all, as you know, I'm in.
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  I've been in therapy for seven years.
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  I've been trying to change my behaviors.
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  I've been working hard in therapy outside of therapy to
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  change my behaviors. And yeah, have I changed a
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  little bit my behaviors and my better person?
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  Yes, absolutely. Yes.
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  You know, I've been doing this on social media for almost five
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  years now. Name a scandal I've been in.
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  Name somebody who just said I'm just uncomfortable around Lee
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  Hemming. I can't stand here that no,
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  nobody gonna say that because I'm good.
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  I'm working on myself, right? But why, why is it just me?
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  Why is it just possibly like Ben Taylor or the bat wolf or
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  whoever else, like the self award narcissist out there that
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  are on social media, nameless narcissist, those type of people
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  who who else is out here? You see what I'm saying?
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  Everybody has their own varying degrees of change and work that
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  they've done on themselves, right?
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  This is what happens. This is what goes on.
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  So you have to understand in these spaces like it's
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  difficult. It's difficult, you know, let's
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  just say 1% of the population are narcissist, less than 1% of
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  that or like I think most people would say less than 1% of that
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  are going to change. So 1% of the 1% are going to
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  change or try to change their behaviors.
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  Why? Why don't they?
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  Why did they struggle to change? Well, most narcissists struggle
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  to change because they don't think that they're the problem.
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  Let's be realistic. Let's let's be realistic.
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  There's always the victim blaming, the blame deflecting
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  narcissistic person that always finds a way to put it on to you.
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  It always finds a way to blame you for whatever the hell is
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  going on. They always find a way to put it
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  on to someone else and skirt accountability, get away from,
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  get away from accountability and just do what they want to do.
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  There's always that. There's always that narcissist
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  right? They always seem to find a way
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  to get out of it. It can be frustrating as hell.
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  Do you like, what the hell? How are you doing this?
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  How are you getting away with this right?
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  It just, it is the the fact is it's kind of wild is wow.
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  They always find a way to put it on to you.
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  So if I can always find a way to put it on to you, then I'm
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  going, hey, I'm not the problem. Then Emma, I can always say that
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  I'm not problematic because I can always put it on to you.
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  I can always put it on to somebody else.
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  I'm not the problem. So if I can't admit to having a
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  problem, how can I change? How can I change if I can't
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  admit to being a problem? How can I change my behaviors if
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  I can't admit that I have one or some how?
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  That's a struggle right there. So getting them to getting into
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  getting them to admit that there is a problem is like absolutely
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  one of the truths right there, right?
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  Getting them to it. Just sit right there and just
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  say, damn, I do have a problem. Damn, I am like this, Damn, this
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  is who I am. That's very difficult, right?
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  That's a difficult thing to do. It's very difficult.
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  It's a it's a very tough thing to do, very difficult thing to
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  do. So it's like you in this
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  situation have to understand if you deal with a narcissistic
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  person, if they're not going to admit that they have a problem,
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  how can they change said problem, right?
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  How can they change said problem if they don't want to address,
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  address same the said problem. You see what I'm saying?
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  It just it gets into your head right there, right?
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  You have to understand that if they can't admit it, then how
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  can they change it? You have to be able to admit the
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  problem right there, right? That's one of the reasons they
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  just have a they have a it just they put it over to everybody
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  else is everybody else's fault. The second reason y'all I would
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  say is that it's it's yeah, it's it's scary.
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  I know people are going to say it's scary.
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  Lee, what the hell are you talking about?
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  Shame. Facing the shame is scary as
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  hell. Facing accountability is scary
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  as hell. It just is, y'all, It's one of
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  those things like they're scared as hell to try to face.
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  They're trying to face this situation, to face any type of
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  change to try to do it anyway. They're fearful of it.
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  They don't want to do it because it's tough to sell the scariest.
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  Oh hell no. I don't want any part.
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  I don't want any parts of that. You see what I'm saying?
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  I don't want any parts of that situation right there.
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  Like the only way that I've been able to get to this point where
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  I am right now in my life is is because I've been able to face
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  the shame and sit with it. I've been able to combat the
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  shame that I've expect that I feel, that I've experienced,
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  that I've had in my throughout my life.
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  I've been able to do that. I've been able to stare shame
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  directly in its in his face and fight back against it.
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  Do I still have shame? Absolutely, yes.
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  Sometimes shame wins and paralyzes me and I can't do
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  anything. But most times I win.
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  Most times I win this battle of shame.
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  It's scary to face shame. It's yeah, it's crippling.
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  It can be like it's a paralyzing effect.
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  It's like getting stung by a damn jellyfish with parallel
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  with paralyzing venom. Now you get stung.
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  It paralyzed You like when Shane bites you like Shane like bite
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  you. Narcissus is just stung.
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  I can't move. I can't move my neck.
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  You know what I'm saying in this space because they it's a
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  paralyzing effect. They don't want to change.
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  They won't they don't want to face the shame.
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  It's tough. It's scary as hell to face
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  accountability to be open and be vulnerable, right?
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  That vulnerability is scary because they view vulnerability
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  as weakness. So why would it like if they
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  view it as a weakness and it's scary, why would I want to be
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  vulnerable? That's what it is.
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  They don't see enough benefit in it to change their behaviors.
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  They don't see enough benefit in it to face the shame.
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  And I'm like, so when I say a benefit, so when I say a benefit
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  right there, they don't see enough benefit.
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  My mind automatically shifted to the people that are listening to
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  this video trying to help the person in their life.
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  And automatically, you might have heard me say they don't,
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  they don't see enough benefit. You want, you might have
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  automatically attached yourself to that.
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  Well, Lee, I don't mean enough to them for them to change their
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  behaviors. I didn't say that you have to
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  stop attaching yourself worth and your value to whether or not
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  they decide to go get help, whether or not they they decide
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  to face the shame or do anything like that, whether or not they
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  decide to move forward. That's not on you.
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  It's not you. It really is not you.
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  I'm just telling you straight up, it's not you that like they
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  had they they're afraid to face. It's the shame, it's the
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  vulnerability. Like we'll leave that what what
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  they don't love me enough or love the kids enough that it has
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  nothing to do with it. It's them.
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  It's an internal battle in here. There's an internal battle in
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  here. Yeah.
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  Have my have my kids been a motivational factor in me
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  staying in Derby? Yes.
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  Has my wife been a motivational factor?
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  Yes. But are they the reasons that I
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  went? No.
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  I said a motivational factor, not the only motivational
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  factor. You see what I'm saying, to stop
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  attaching your worth and value to somebody who's afraid to go
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  get help because they're scared of vulnerability.
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  They're scared to shame, they're scared of accountability.
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  They think that you will use them trying to go get help
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  against them. They're they're afraid that if
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  they go be vulnerable, that the therapist is going to tell you,
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  tell somebody, call the police and they, the world would know
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  their shame. That's a fear.
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  The world would know my shame. So I don't go to therapy.
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  I don't work on myself because the world will find out who I
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  really am. So hell no, I'm not stepping in
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  therapy. I'm not doing any type of work.
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  I'm not doing. I'm not trying to do work on
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  myself. I'm not trying to do anything of
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  that, of that ilk. Hell no, That's the space right
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  there. Hell to the no, This is
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  literally how they would feel right there in those situations,
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  in that, in that space, in that dynamic.
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  I promise you that's the mindset, that's the mentality.
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  They're afraid, y'all, they're fearful.
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  They're afraid as hell. The next thing I'll talk about,
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  y'all, is how sometimes they just don't.
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  They think they're beyond help, even if they can admit to having
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  a problem, even if they can face the shame there.
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  A lot of narcissists think that they are beyond the pale, the
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  scope of getting any help. They think they're beyond it.
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  And nobody can help me. There's nobody else.
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  I'm a lost cause victim O go back to the very first one,
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  right? I'm a lost cost.
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  Nobody can help me out. Nobody's going to be willing to
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  sit down and talk to a narcissist because everybody
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  hates narcissists. Everybody hates, everybody hates
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  me. So I feel a certain type of way.
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  This is how people go, y'all. This is the space.
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  This is how the mind goes. This is how the mind works.
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  They will keep doing the same thing, keep saying the same
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  thing. This is the this is literally
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  how we go, y'all. So I'm just telling you straight
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  up right now, if you're dealing with a narcissistic person, they
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  can be super afraid, super, they can be super afraid and face the
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  face the fear, but they are, they don't think they're they,
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  they think they're beyond help. They think that they're so
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  messed up that it's pointless to go seek help.
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  I'm just, I've ruined everything.
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  I've ruined every one of my relationships.
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  I quit my jobs, I quit my, I quit my quit school, I quit
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  everything. So it's important for me to go
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  to therapy because I just quit. It's important for me to see a
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  see a life coach or whatever. I'll just quit.
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  It's important for me to stop smoking or stop drinking because
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  I'll quit doing that and go back to doing it.
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  They feel like there's no help out there for them, which is why
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  one part of the reason my channel exists to show you if
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  you are a narcissist diagnosed or not, you can go get help.
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  There's help for you if you choose to go get help, if you
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  choose to admit that you could be problematic, if you choose to
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  face those fears, face the shame, take accountability.
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  If you choose to believe that you can do this, that there's
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  help out there. There's there's qualified people
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  out there. You just have to go out there
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  and seek it. You just have to go out there
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  and be, you have to go out there and seek it there.
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  Yeah, there is the there is help out there.
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  You just have to be willing to go out there and seek it for
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  yourself because if you're afraid to seek it, then you
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  can't get help. Let's say right there, if you're
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  afraid to seek help, how can you get help?
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  If you're afraid to seek it, If you're afraid to look.
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  Well, I'll message one therapist and then they never got back to
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  me. Whoa, it's me.
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  That ain't enough. That ain't enough.
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  They had to be willing to put the work in.
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  Y'all put? I'm putting it in the work.
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  I'm putting it in the work. Whether my wife leaves or stays,
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  I'm putting in the work, right? That's what I've been doing.
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  I'm going to put the work in regardless.
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  I have to I'm willing to face the shame.
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  I'm willing to be vulnerable. I know I have a problem.
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  I know I've been problematic. I know this help out for me,
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  help out there for me. So that's why I be talking about
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  y'all. That's why I know a lot of this
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  is the three main reasons I know I didn't give a new I know, I
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  know I didn't give a number. I might name this the three main
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  reasons narcissist struggle to change.
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  I might do that. It might be a list, but the
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  three main reasons that narcissist I feel like
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  narcissists struggle to change. There could be some other
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  reasons why why y'all. If you could think of some other
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  reasons, drop them in the comment section.
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  I could have missed a reason. I'm not perfect.
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  Realizing reason #4 bonus reason realizing that I'm not perfect,
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  you know, whatever it is, if you haven't already, y'all make sure
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  that you hit that subscribe button.
• 11:46
  It helps reach more people. It goes a long way and it goes a
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  long way into into this journey and it goes a long way into
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  helping people connect with other people.
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  I'm super thankful for y'all. Make sure you subscribe, y'all.
• 11:56
  Like I said, I'm starting my new podcast here pretty soon.
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  The Mental Illness Podcast is about to launch here pretty
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  soon. I'm like, my goal is to just
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  make this one of the biggest podcasts in the world and
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  nobody's going to be talking about mental health like we're
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  going to be talking about mental health, all things mental
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  health, not just narcissism. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. It's always y'all been doing
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  this is out please what's going on?
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  Beautiful folks Thank you so much for making it to the end of
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  my video I truly appreciate it. You have no idea If you haven't
• 12:21
  already hit that subscribe button.
• 12:23
  You made it this far you might as well subscribe it really does
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  help the channel y'all helps me reach more people as well.
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  Also I have coaching my courses and my support group available
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  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
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  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
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  I appreciate it, I'm out.