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6. Influencing and Leadership · Besties In Your Back Pocket

0:57
SPEAKER_04: Okay, welcome to Besties in your back pocket.
1:00
SPEAKER_04: I'm Amy Dickens.
1:01
SPEAKER_04: Uh, I'm, I don't know, just a goofball on a mission to spread joy around the world.
1:05
SPEAKER_04: And I got Angela Hutchinson here with me today, my other little bestie in my back pocket, who, you know, she's our little trauma comedy specialist.
1:13
SPEAKER_04: And uh, we're here to be a ray of little sunshine in your cloudy day here today.
1:18
SPEAKER_04: So uh let's have a I don't know, I'm feeling kind of weird today.
1:22
SPEAKER_04: I feel a little goofy.
1:23
SPEAKER_04: Um, what are we talking about, Angela?
1:27
SPEAKER_04: Um, Amy, you're the one who freaking came up with the promise.
1:31
SPEAKER_04: I think I'm like just feeling like extra silly.
1:34
SPEAKER_04: I've been like alone a lot the last two days.
1:37
SPEAKER_04: So I think I'm just like, huh?
1:41
SPEAKER_05: Oh my god, I cannot imagine Amy Dickens alone.
1:44
SPEAKER_05: Like, I feel like you'd start like making jokes with the walls.
1:48
SPEAKER_04: I mean, sometimes I do.
1:49
SPEAKER_04: I've been pretty, I mean, maybe chill, you know, pretty rookie, but um, yeah, look at these cool sunglasses I got.
1:57
SPEAKER_05: Those really fit your vibe.
1:59
SPEAKER_04: Don't they?
1:59
SPEAKER_04: I saw them and I was like, I got a business conference.
2:03
SPEAKER_04: Amazing.
2:04
SPEAKER_04: Like, I must have them.
2:05
SPEAKER_04: Um, but, anyways, we are talking about your energy and how it's essential to being a person of influence.
2:16
SPEAKER_04: Dare I say an influencer.
2:20
SPEAKER_04: And you know, I feel like the bad word, he who shall not be named, an influencer.
2:27
SPEAKER_04: And you know, kind of redefining what the heck an influencer is, because TBH has gotten a little bit of a bad rap, I think, these days.
2:34
SPEAKER_04: Like, I don't know.
2:34
SPEAKER_04: I think I definitely shy away from using that word because of the negative connotation of it.
2:39
SPEAKER_04: But shit, man.
2:40
SPEAKER_04: Also, what do I want to be?
2:42
SPEAKER_04: I want to be an influencer, I want to be a person of influence for the world that I want to freaking create.
2:46
SPEAKER_04: And I know you do too, Angela.
2:48
SPEAKER_04: Um, so we're gonna dive the heck into that and um have a good old time doing it.
2:54
SPEAKER_04: And we both are getting over having a cold, so bear with us if you hear any uh cold sounds or if I sound a little nasally.
3:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
3:04
SPEAKER_05: I mean, when you say bear with us, I'm like, I feel like they're finally relieved.
3:08
SPEAKER_05: Like we're like calmer.
3:10
SPEAKER_05: We're so loud and high energy that we're finally put in our place.
3:16
SPEAKER_04: Someone just montaged that first like 60 seconds of me, Amy finally calm.
3:22
SPEAKER_05: Hell.
3:23
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, um, thank you so much for the rundown of that.
3:27
SPEAKER_05: And I think I just want to get into the word itself because words are spells.
3:35
SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, like people they expressed that they really enjoyed jokes by saying, you know, I'm dying.
3:44
SPEAKER_05: And like that in itself is they're interesting, right?
3:48
SPEAKER_05: So then with the word influencer, I get why it's off-putting because some might use a a title like that out of superiority or some kind of egotistical way, but let's just break down the word.
4:04
SPEAKER_05: I mean, what do you hear?
4:05
SPEAKER_05: Influence?
4:06
SPEAKER_05: Break it, break it down.
4:08
SPEAKER_04: Uh, I mean, I don't know what er means in like Latin or something.
4:12
SPEAKER_04: There's probably some like definition.
4:13
SPEAKER_04: Should I look up the etymology of er?
4:17
SPEAKER_05: I feel like we could really be on to something as to why it's a bad word, okay?
4:21
SPEAKER_05: That er.
4:24
SPEAKER_05: Well, hey, to influence, right?
4:27
SPEAKER_05: It it's almost another way of saying like persuasion or like impactful, right?
4:33
SPEAKER_05: Those are those are like good sounding things to me.
4:37
SPEAKER_05: And essentially, people have free platforms now where they can share their stories or share how they show up in the world, and that impacts people.
4:49
SPEAKER_04: Right.
4:50
SPEAKER_04: And the reason Okay, wait, wait, here's the thing I just had.
4:54
SPEAKER_04: Every single one of us, every single one, not just me, not just you, literally, every freaking person on this planet is being influenced every single day.
5:01
SPEAKER_04: Most of us are not consciously choosing what we're really being influenced by.
5:07
SPEAKER_04: But like, we're gonna get influenced, whether it's by like the people in our house, people in our community, people at our school work, where like the people we follow on social media, the news, god, uh, or I don't know, the weather even is gonna influence us.
5:22
SPEAKER_03: Like, oh god, it's only gonna be 32 degrees tomorrow.
5:25
SPEAKER_03: Like, it's gonna be real cold and cloudy.
5:28
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna have a pretty cold and shitty day inside.
5:31
SPEAKER_03: You know, we're gonna be influenced no matter what.
5:35
SPEAKER_04: Literally, it's like inescapable, I'm pretty sure.
5:39
SPEAKER_04: So it's just really interesting that I think we have chosen to focus on the people that use it in maybe a more like significance-driven way.
5:48
SPEAKER_04: Like people who are like, I want to be a person of influence because I don't feel enough and I don't feel worthy, and I'm going to use this in a subconsciously like manipulative way to like make myself feel significant, make myself feel worthy enough.
6:01
SPEAKER_04: And then people are like, Yeah, okay, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
6:04
SPEAKER_04: But there's also people in the world that are like, I just want to be a person of influence because I feel like there's this passion inside of me to create and to lead people into a world that I would really think would be like better for all of freaking humanity, not just me, but like, and you know, also being like, and my way's not the only way, like, it's just a way, like, not that you have to be on like the Amy show or the Angela show, but uh, if you like it, come along for the ride, kind of thing.
6:35
SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
6:36
SPEAKER_05: And you know, for to speak towards the people or the intention that you're talking about, where maybe they're like, man, like, you know, I I really want this reputation, I want to feel significant.
6:50
SPEAKER_05: I learned recently that a lot of that comes from fear of dying.
6:54
SPEAKER_05: So um, it's such a tangible way to create a legacy, and a lot of people want and crave creating a legacy so that they live on or that they can leave something uh when the inevitable happens.
7:09
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, wow, I never even really thought about that.
7:12
SPEAKER_04: Legacy.
7:13
SPEAKER_04: What's your legacy?
7:15
SPEAKER_04: My legacy is um obviously we're still making it, but as of right now.
7:21
SPEAKER_05: No, I I'm really figuring it out.
7:23
SPEAKER_05: I figured it out at your joy retreat.
7:26
unknown: What?
7:27
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, when I I went to Patrick's place, I started having a panic attack.
7:31
SPEAKER_05: He helped me release so much, and then like clarity and like source uh messages were able to pour through, and um, they called me the maiden shield, which is like part of my legacy is to stop um this trauma that's been happening over and over again in lineage, and yeah, it's like not really mine to hold.
7:55
SPEAKER_05: And so in my younger years, maybe I rebelled or like went against it, and now it won't repeat through me.
8:05
SPEAKER_04: She's breaking that badass pattern, baby.
8:08
SPEAKER_04: It ends with me, it ends with you, and we should write a new story to be so much.
8:15
SPEAKER_05: Well, Amy, I wanted to actually like coach you on the spot.
8:19
SPEAKER_04: Coach me?
8:21
SPEAKER_04: Was not expecting you to say that.
8:22
SPEAKER_04: Okay, what do you want to coach me on?
8:24
SPEAKER_04: Put me in coach.
8:25
SPEAKER_04: That's funny because I literally touched Angela.
8:28
SPEAKER_04: I'm I said she sent me the link and I said, I'm in coach.
8:33
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, perfect.
8:34
SPEAKER_05: Well, now that we're uh coaching this, um when Amy brought up the topic of this, like, oh, let's talk about um influence and leadership and just like what our roles are and processing that.
8:48
SPEAKER_05: Amy, when she said, I see us as leaders, she put her fingers up and did that to the word leader.
8:56
SPEAKER_05: I see us as leaders.
8:59
SPEAKER_05: The fuck?
9:00
SPEAKER_05: The fuck was that?
9:02
SPEAKER_05: I think it was um playing small a little bit.
9:06
SPEAKER_05: Like, what do you see?
9:08
SPEAKER_05: How do you feel about the word leader?
9:10
SPEAKER_05: Thanks for letting me do this, by the way.
9:13
SPEAKER_04: Okay, thanks for calling me out.
9:14
SPEAKER_04: Um, that's a really interesting subconscious thing that I did.
9:18
SPEAKER_04: Did not mean to do that.
9:19
SPEAKER_04: It's definitely one of those things where like, yeah, I'm a leader.
9:24
SPEAKER_04: Apparently, subconsciously, I go, I'm a leader.
9:29
SPEAKER_05: Right, because who does that make comfortable?
9:32
SPEAKER_04: You or someone else?
9:33
SPEAKER_05: I'm curious.
9:34
SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh.
9:36
SPEAKER_04: I mean, definitely I have been a reluctant leader my whole life, which is like like literally as a little kid, I would always be the kid like, I don't want to lead, oh not me.
9:46
SPEAKER_04: And then I would like end up being like the leader of the group project every time, or like, no release.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: I'd be like, okay, I'll step up, like, I'll do the thing.
9:52
SPEAKER_04: And I'd be good at it, but would just hate it, did not want to be in charge.
9:58
SPEAKER_04: Um, so there's definitely, I think, some rewriting of that.
10:01
SPEAKER_03: Of who am I to be a leader?
10:04
SPEAKER_03: Who am I to say that I'm like a person to influence to be listened to?
10:11
SPEAKER_05: Um, so leader sounds like a good thing to you, and you feel it's difficult to accept that good like association?
10:24
SPEAKER_04: I think it's some a lot a couple different things.
10:28
SPEAKER_04: I think, yeah, like I think there's a part of me that I'm like, wow, like a leader, that's like a whole like role to step into, and who am I to be that level of influence to other people?
10:39
SPEAKER_04: Um, and another part, yeah.
10:43
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
10:44
SPEAKER_04: That's that's I thought it was.
10:54
SPEAKER_05: You're just growing at me, you're so cute.
11:00
SPEAKER_04: Just like coaching me on her own podcast.
11:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
11:05
SPEAKER_04: Um, I think there's a there's just a reluctance within me to believing that I'm a leader, that I'm like ready, or like that I'm worth like I don't know, like I'm worthy of being listened to, even though I see myself step the heck up and I'm like, oh shit, dude.
11:21
SPEAKER_04: If not you, then who?
11:22
SPEAKER_05: Like so funny, ladies and gentlemen.
11:25
SPEAKER_05: You just heard her admitting this after hosting her first retreat with over 30 adult attendees that she profited on for her first ever stepping into, and she has humbly led people in so many ways because her energy is infectious.
11:43
SPEAKER_05: She creates joy parades where strangers opt in on being led by her, and she just got back from not only Tony Robbins Live, but also Colorado Women's Conference as well.
12:00
SPEAKER_04: Still reluctant though, crushing it at the same time, but still a work in progress because that's the journey of life, ladies and gentlemen.
12:13
SPEAKER_05: Yes, dude.
12:14
SPEAKER_05: And they and thank you for just like being willing to be honest and share like the voices or the thoughts in your head that still arise because you're human.
12:24
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, no, I'm so I think it's so important.
12:27
SPEAKER_04: It's so important to be open and vulnerable because I think people people pedestal me big time.
12:33
SPEAKER_04: I realize they like really think that I got it all figured out that I'm like, I don't know, it's easy, or I don't know, that there's not uh ever any conflict going on in my internal world.
12:47
SPEAKER_04: I don't really know what they're thinking, but that's not the case.
12:51
SPEAKER_05: I know I witnessed it firsthand.
12:54
SPEAKER_05: There was definitely like a there was a crush in her life, and he was like, Man, like, is this crazy?
13:00
SPEAKER_05: Like, I I feel like envious of Amy, and I was like, Welcome to the ship that I see many on.
13:07
SPEAKER_04: Like, oh man, the good tea.
13:16
SPEAKER_04: But here's the thing I just had a realization today.
13:20
SPEAKER_04: I was or yesterday, I was cleaning out my closet.
13:22
SPEAKER_04: I'm looking at my closet over here.
13:23
SPEAKER_04: It's so clean.
13:24
SPEAKER_04: Wow, it's so organized.
13:26
SPEAKER_04: And I found my goals that I had written for 2024, and I did them all this year.
13:33
SPEAKER_05: Is it crazy how you forget?
13:35
SPEAKER_04: Oh, completely.
13:36
SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, I like wrote it on the piece of paper and was like, oh my god, like so cool, and then put it away and then was like forgot.
13:41
SPEAKER_04: And I don't know, it's just really interesting because I think sometimes I feel like I'm like lagging behind on this year's goals.
13:47
SPEAKER_04: Like, ugh, but like, holy shit, girl, you did the fucking thing.
13:53
SPEAKER_04: Like, you are doing the things that you say you're gonna do, and you're just sometimes uh focusing on what's missing what you haven't done yet, versus like, oh my god, like I literally spent years holding this vision, and it took years for me to step into like actually creating it and creating the opportunities around me and like stepping into it and fucking celebrate that, man.
14:18
SPEAKER_05: Oh I love the way you put that.
14:21
SPEAKER_05: I mean, that's that's the dance itself, right?
14:24
SPEAKER_05: Because the reason you've gotten to where you've gotten is because you've noticed what was missing, you've noticed what you need to be able to achieve, but then the dance is like at some point you will get there, and you have to be able to process that it happened and celebrate it and like step down for a moment.
14:45
SPEAKER_04: Dude, yes.
14:46
SPEAKER_04: Okay, I feel like that brings me to the other thing that I was saying I wanted to talk about today, um, which is gosh, I really want to be like standing for this, but that won't work.
14:56
SPEAKER_04: So huh?
15:00
SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah.
15:01
SPEAKER_04: Let me get full Amy, let me get full speaker Amy mode.
15:04
SPEAKER_04: Get my chair out of the way.
15:06
SPEAKER_04: All right.
15:07
SPEAKER_04: So here's the thing.
15:12
SPEAKER_04: She's tripping, guys, but she'll be back in a second.
15:16
SPEAKER_04: Stepped like on my backpack and like just started sliding into a middle.
15:22
SPEAKER_04: I'm okay.
15:23
SPEAKER_04: I'm okay.
15:24
SPEAKER_04: Okay, so here's the deal.
15:25
SPEAKER_04: We are like learning how to bridge the gap of this is your life that you have right now, and you're able to be like, wow, I love my life over here, and I can see like the miracles and the everyday, and being like, life is so freaking juicy and incredible.
15:43
SPEAKER_04: And I'm a growth-oriented person, and I can see bridging the gap between this is where I want to go.
15:51
SPEAKER_04: Like, this is this part of me that feels so driven for more to create more impact and influence, and then create like a whole movement of people that I can hold and like increase my capacity for what I can like create in this world and magnetize new opportunities.
16:08
SPEAKER_04: And like, how do I bridge the gap between the two?
16:11
SPEAKER_04: Because that's how you know, like, create a whole new life of like, okay, how gonna be grateful for this stew that I'm in right now over here, and then also hold this vision of this new life and also take action while still being grateful, like and not being in the like, okay, when's it gonna happen?
16:31
SPEAKER_04: Is it happening today?
16:32
SPEAKER_04: Is it happening tomorrow?
16:33
SPEAKER_04: Um, what's I don't know, divine timing?
16:35
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, man, a manifestation.
16:37
SPEAKER_04: When's it gonna happen?
16:38
SPEAKER_04: When when when when?
16:39
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
16:40
SPEAKER_04: There's just something from that that um I want to dive into.
16:45
SPEAKER_04: I want to dig my meaty claws into because I think that as like a personal growth, like an achievement-oriented person, you can sometimes get stuck in the like, I'll be happy when I'll be happy when like I achieve this thing, or like this is never enough.
17:01
SPEAKER_04: More, more, more, more, more.
17:02
SPEAKER_04: Um, but then you can also become, I think, just like stuck in your comfort zone in the like, yeah, life's good now.
17:10
SPEAKER_04: Like, it's good enough.
17:12
SPEAKER_04: I love ignoring the voice for more.
17:16
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
17:17
SPEAKER_05: So this is like, I hope anyone listening out there has friendships like what me and Amy have.
17:24
SPEAKER_05: Like, she Amy has a specific cold right now that I absorbed with her.
17:29
SPEAKER_05: I have the same cold across state lines, yeah.
17:33
SPEAKER_05: And like what she just preached in channel just now, I'm like, well, no wonder.
17:38
SPEAKER_05: Like last night for dinner, I brought a specific book to dinner called Toxic Success Syndrome, and it is talking all about the fine balance that you just described.
17:49
SPEAKER_05: And it's like, yeah, of course, our planned podcast the next day that you randomly channeled the topic on is going into what I studied relentlessly last night.
17:59
SPEAKER_04: Are you kidding me?
18:02
SPEAKER_04: I love this woman.
18:04
SPEAKER_04: We don't even need to talk to have conversations.
18:16
SPEAKER_05: So in Toxic Success Syndrome, the book is talking about how just like all the other disorders that humans get, um, people get anxiety, depression, whatever, um, there is a disorder that the author thinks isn't really talked about or given the name as often because it's more new in our capitalist world, and it's called TSS, Toxic Success Syndrome.
18:42
SPEAKER_05: And it's an interesting disorder because the symptoms look like charisma, high production, um, yeah, being very valuable and needed, a lot of those things.
18:54
SPEAKER_05: So, we in our capitalist world, we think those are really good things.
18:59
SPEAKER_05: They aren't something to ever consider someone's health declining from, right?
19:05
SPEAKER_05: And so part of the balance of that, they studied people that used to have TSS but don't anymore.
19:13
SPEAKER_05: They studied a doctor who was a CEO.
19:15
SPEAKER_05: He had like 200 employees, rich out of his mind.
19:19
SPEAKER_05: And they noticed that once he had taken care of himself, he was the opposite of TSS.
19:25
SPEAKER_05: He would just sit for a long time, like do nothing for a few hours outside, just stare at grass.
19:33
SPEAKER_05: And they're like, dude, what the heck happened?
19:35
SPEAKER_05: And how did you even get to this place?
19:37
SPEAKER_05: And he said it's because his work habits were creating so many good results, and he was just going so ham in it that he started almost to die.
19:48
SPEAKER_05: His health declined so severely, so quickly, that he actually was sent to hospice and they were thinking that that was like about to be it.
19:56
SPEAKER_05: And he made it out of that and reversed his health and came back to someone who's like a functioning, healthy human, still owns the business.
20:05
SPEAKER_05: And what he learned from all that is okay, I could lose all of this in a second.
20:10
SPEAKER_05: Like the things we work towards are temporary, so that's humbling and that's grounding.
20:15
SPEAKER_05: And because we're gonna die at some point, it's meaningful that we get to be working on our purpose.
20:22
SPEAKER_05: That's a motivation.
20:29
SPEAKER_04: That's also crazy because I've been stuck on like because you're talking toxic success syndrome, and I just got back from Tony Robbins.
20:37
SPEAKER_04: You know, he's all about like big vision, big goals, but he's also about like how to live a happy life.
20:44
SPEAKER_04: Like, don't just like drive yourself, like he, I mean, arguably, I think that he is like he seems like three freaking hours.
20:51
SPEAKER_04: Like, I've drive myself into the freaking crowd.
20:54
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he's like cuckoo.
20:56
SPEAKER_04: Um, but he talks about um how he was in this room filled with um like a bunch of like millionaires, billionaires, and like you know, doing some like retreat kind of thing with them.
21:06
SPEAKER_04: And like this one dude was like pissing everybody off in the room.
21:08
SPEAKER_04: He's like, I don't feel successful.
21:09
SPEAKER_04: And he's like, what the hell?
21:10
SPEAKER_04: Like, how come you don't feel successful?
21:12
SPEAKER_04: And he had all these rules, you know, it's like, oh, like a successful person makes like 25 million in like their net worth or whatever, and like, you know, has like and their kids like they get to see their kids this many days a week, and his kids are like, You're amazing! Like, you know, they're like just uh I don't he's like not making he make he's making it really hard to feel good, and then this other dude in the room, very similar dude, stands up and is like very happy, and he and Tony's like, So, like, what are your rules?
21:38
SPEAKER_04: Like, what do you need to feel successful?
21:40
SPEAKER_04: And this guy's like, I woke up above ground today.
21:44
SPEAKER_04: It's a good day, like huge success.
21:47
SPEAKER_04: And like the basic moral of the story is we all have rules in our head for what do I need to feel happy?
21:55
SPEAKER_04: What do I need to feel successful?
21:56
SPEAKER_04: What do I need to feel fulfilled?
21:57
SPEAKER_04: Like, we all have these beliefs and rules and we write the script to them and we can rewrite the script to them.
22:03
SPEAKER_04: But a lot of us make it really freaking hard to feel good and really easy to feel bad.
22:08
SPEAKER_04: We're like, well, I'll feel successful if I have this and this and this and this and this and this and this.
22:12
SPEAKER_04: And I'll feel bad if I have this.
22:18
SPEAKER_04: And I've just been like literally every morning since then just like waking up and be like, damn, I'm freaking successful.
22:24
SPEAKER_04: I woke up above ground today.
22:26
SPEAKER_04: And you know, I'm also always like saying in the joy parade, I'm like, dude, look up at the sky.
22:31
SPEAKER_04: You get to be alive today.
22:33
SPEAKER_04: What are you gonna do with that gift?
22:35
SPEAKER_04: Like not to pressure people, but like to ignite that creative source that lives within each of us that we just kind of get numb to, I think of, oh my God, I woke up with air in my lungs and legs that can dance around.
22:50
SPEAKER_04: How do I want to use my creative energy today?
22:52
SPEAKER_04: Like not from a place of not enoughness, but from a place of infinite potential.
22:59
SPEAKER_05: I love how you worded that I really needed to hear it in that way where we can set up being a winner in our day.
23:08
SPEAKER_05: Like that is actually just up to us each day.
23:11
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
23:13
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
23:14
SPEAKER_04: It's it's um we get to make the rules and like rewrite the rules.
23:18
SPEAKER_04: And I think that that's kind of what being an adult is sometimes like you know I think our parents all did the best they could with what they knew.
23:25
SPEAKER_04: I love you mom and dad if you're listening to this you're freaking rock stars.
23:28
SPEAKER_04: I freaking love you mom and dad of Amy.
23:33
SPEAKER_04: I'm so blessed.
23:35
SPEAKER_04: But also like there's things that I learned that I need to unlearn and relearn you know I think that I get to make new new rules and patterns and beliefs for myself you know I think uh I got I learned that like my I I discovered my worth I thought was based off of my productivity and how well I achieved in this world and you know I'm still unraveling that you know so there's a lot of there's a lot of that I think in this day and age of um rewriting the script of like okay like I don't have to do nothing necessarily in this world because I think I've also kind of tried that path of like the hyper feminine like you know living in the van swings a little too far and so from the hyper productive um that's also not fulfilling for me in my soul like my soul has this like inner like oh my god like put me in coach put me in I came here to create a movement and I'm gonna make it baby and we you know everything you were saying that like your parents showed you not to do I I think most of the previous generations like they just didn't have the opportunities we have like I think that's why the word or job title of influencer is also distasteful to so many is because it's like excuse me you share yourself on a free app and it pays you yeah yeah yeah right like you don't need college excuse me you don't have certifications and you think people should listen to you except I do have a million certifications I literally just moved in like era of Amy thinking I'm worthless unless I have a bazillion certifications folder.
25:18
SPEAKER_05: Wow we needed to hear that one of my good friends who makes well over six figures a year in coaching she was talking with me and I was like don't worry I have certifications this and then she was like girl if someone asks you what certifications you have lock eyes with them and say my life yeah I could take a note from that book well why don't we get into what it took for us to get to where we're at because you've brought up how you you've noticed um in your life maybe someone treats you or reacts in a way where it sounds like they think your success was overnight, right?
26:03
SPEAKER_05: Sorry to have a spit.
26:08
SPEAKER_05: Wait can I show the camera what I've been spitting into because I only showed Angela I found this um old bag of kinetic sand that's empty in my office and I was just sitting here while we were recording being like hmm what can I spit into well I could spit into this old bag of kinetic sand we will be auctioning it so put your raffles in yeah I have my shit together you do anyways I forgot your question um what was it people think I people think I was just born this way and I will fucking wasn't excuse me so a lot of us seem to notice overnight success or that's what it looks like but why don't we go into like the story of what it took to get there because even though it's not fun to talk about it always seems to cause awe or inspiration.
26:59
SPEAKER_04: Yes I want to talk about it and I also have like literally just this morning me and Andal are so connected I was literally just thinking I'm like huh like I feel like I wear this story like I'm grateful for this story.
27:15
SPEAKER_04: I know that this story is part of my story so that I can influence people so that people can relate to me so that there are lots of people that have gone through so many dark things.
27:23
SPEAKER_04: And I've started to notice this like oh don't worry I'm happy like I've struggled so much.
27:29
SPEAKER_04: I've actually struggled so so much to be happy so like I've earned my happiness and like kind of noticing that um reaction to people I mean like shit I don't want anyone else in the world to feel like they have to go through what I want like I meet people sometimes that haven't necessarily struggled as much as I have and like they're fucking rocking and way younger than me and like you know like I don't know they're just like seem more easeful than I did maybe at like 23 years old, you know?
28:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
28:01
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like shit like who the fuck do you get to become now at 33 like me because you don't have to that you didn't have to spend all this time.
28:08
SPEAKER_04: And not that like we can avoid struggling and suffering but um yeah I don't know there was just this like moment this morning I had of I'm always gonna share my story.
28:19
SPEAKER_04: And I know that it's like a huge part of people being able to say whoa it's possible like transformation is fucking real change is like beyond real and you don't have to earn it.
28:34
SPEAKER_04: You don't have to like have your suffering like on your sleeve like it's a badge of honor.
28:39
SPEAKER_04: Um of like I get to be happy because this um I don't know and maybe that's just part of like the Asheville culture I feel a little bit too of like where I live is I'm just gonna fucking say it.
28:50
SPEAKER_04: Name dropped I'm fucking name dropping you Asheville I think this is your shadow come at me I'm not scared anymore no I love you too Asheville but um I'm I used to be scared that people would cancel me in this town for being too joyful um and not being like I've grieved so much today.
29:09
SPEAKER_04: I've grieved my freaking pants off in my life I got to this town I'm finally doing okay and they're mad that I'm not grieving this world needs more joyful people to create a new world.
29:24
SPEAKER_04: But yeah no it's it's honestly fascinating because my story starts to feel more and more like it happened almost to like somebody else the older I get like I like start to talk to other people like I was just in Denver um and it kind of actually helped me click back into it because my college roommate lived in Denver um so I like would go and we were like best friends.
29:45
SPEAKER_04: So I'd like go to Denver and like visit her all the time.
29:47
SPEAKER_04: So it kind of helped me tap back into that really like severely depressed like so dissociated.
29:56
SPEAKER_04: I can't even really describe how painful it was like I literally did not ever feel like I was in my body like it felt like I was like somewhere up there.
30:06
SPEAKER_05: Just I I thought when you were like yeah I used to visit my my best friend it it just really brought me back I was like to nostalgia and girl nights and you were like the the copious pain the copious pain and like you know my best friend was like a light in the dark for me and we would have like silly fun moments and she was also like fucking going through it.
30:28
SPEAKER_04: Like we were definitely like frequency wise like a match but sorry guys yeah and you know it's uh and like my social anxiety was so intense I literally like someone was like oh my god it's so easy for you to make friends like I just went to this conference and traveled solo I knew new one no one and made like friend friend friend friend friend friend friend um and someone's like wow it's so easy for you to make friends I was like well you can learn it too I did not always know this skill this is a skill that I have learned once upon a time I lived with three people and did not even see the faces or names of two of them for the entire year because I was so anxious I memorized their schedules and just never met them.
31:11
SPEAKER_04: I'd like go into the kitchen hoard my food and just like bring it into my own room to never see them or the light of freaking day.
31:19
SPEAKER_04: So it's not like any of this came easy.
31:23
SPEAKER_04: And I also it's just it was so interesting I literally cleaned out my closet and I think it really just shined a light on how like I was like in just such a dark place how hard I worked to get out of it.
31:36
SPEAKER_04: Like I had like a stack of like I'm not even kidding like just notebooks like this high from all the trainings I've done and all of the like I don't know like I'm just gonna go to every workshop and every blah blah blah and like not to like be enough even just to be like I'm just gonna like throw all the spaghetti at the wall and see what fucking helps.
31:52
SPEAKER_04: I don't know what's gonna help but I knew something would um and a lot of this stuff did help but it wasn't until I really let like joy and play be the modality to really You just joy because people are like oh like it's just joy you know they're like oh it's just fluff like oh it's and I'm like no it's not just joy it's not just play like this is like intense serious work but people think it's like not they think I'm just it's they think it's um the outcome and not the path I'm like no this is the way I choose to use this as the skill to become this that I was growing incrementally and working so fucking hard and it wasn't until I found this that I might like the graph went and I became a new person and like continue and continue and continue and continue to become a new person and continue to have goals that are like more audacious than anything I ever would have imagined.
32:49
SPEAKER_04: Like five years ago would I ever have used the words I want to create a movement no absolutely not would I ever have said I would like to have the microphone in my hands and be on Tony Robbins's stage in front of 1500 people absolutely the fuck not like that's like what the hell you can just become a new person though you are on Tony Robbins stage no I wasn't but that's my big goal that's my big audacious goal.
33:22
SPEAKER_04: It's gonna happen next year it's gonna happen oh your big hairy goals next year I it might be who knows cool okay I hear you I hear you um yeah but all of that to say is uh and you know like all the health issues that come from it you know like there's it's like I could like go on and on I could wax philosophical I could write a whole memoir I probably will I probably should I feel like there's a memoir that wants to spill out of me of like I don't know how I became this.
33:49
SPEAKER_05: Oh yes darling I see it I very much see it and I love the way you said that joy is not a destination it's the path because I think being in this like joy industry you know where it's like part of the protocol it's yeah pe the okay I'm gonna use my words I notice that people misunderstand it or they don't respect it.
34:14
SPEAKER_05: Um and then they learn like what it took to cultivate it and where we came from and then they're like how the fuck did you get all the way to joy yeah yeah kind of like yeah they don't respect it.
34:26
SPEAKER_05: What's up with that?
34:27
SPEAKER_05: Because it's childlike which is one of the most freeing healthiest fade a wave like states but in our society maybe it doesn't like produce money or something sorry the book I was reading but it does also like I think we're entering a new freaking era and we're rewriting the script and joy is a freaking revolution baby welcome to the joy volution well wow wow wow okay so yeah I mean from where you are at now where you feel comfortable letting what you learned and cultivated and ultimately had to choose which was joy you're letting that be called a movement that you're willing to lead and it sounds like yeah you came from a place where you felt so uncomfortable with your life that there was depression anxiety hiding yeah I mean it's funny because I can stand in front of a bus now and not want to jump in front of it.
35:29
SPEAKER_04: So that's like some big growth.
35:31
SPEAKER_04: Girl that should be on your resume sometimes I'll like be like on the sidewalk and like buses will pass and I'll be like wow I remember when I had to like stop myself from jumping in front of buses.
35:44
SPEAKER_05: I could use I I laugh because it's just like I don't know well it's it's wild um I mean it's wild should I say what has been going on if you'd like to that's up to you well it is indeed wild um this year two people in my orbit killed themselves so yeah it's like even though we're at a point where we actually feel really empowered to make light of this topic um it's like so real that it was part of our lives like it's it is one of the hugest successors that you were able to step out of that you know speaking for my friends that chose the other way this year.
36:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah dude just sending so much I don't know love to you and these people are your friends and their families and all of your other friends because that's just a lot to go through thanks for sharing because I know that this is part of your mission also that's near and dear to your heart like I'm still at the point where why is that you know when you find out your big reveal and you're like ooh like I I didn't really want that one yet but like and Lindsay made the joke she was like she was like all right God we we hear it loud and clear you don't need to take anyone else out okay Angela's well aware now that she has suicide prevention in her mission the message has been received God we don't need any more messages yes uh dude oh my god oh and personally that is where I came from too i i i have attempted i have been in it for many years and i feel out of it for good i feel like it it takes like an inner trust to feel like your brain isn't going to get there because i think there's a few steps to end up in that like severe repression or loneliness state of being and yeah i mean we all need each other and i think there are ways to make sure that we can sustain the weight that we're carrying yeah wow i just realized we're bookends kinda what do you mean i don't know i feel like you're like yeah like holding and i i feel like i attract a lot of these uh in my life of the like bookend of like oh my gosh like the reverence of life and like helping people at the lowest of their like low moment and i'm like that's a joy oh my god i see what you're saying like the evolution or the spectrum of like emotional depth like you you almost feel like you have this language where you meet people at like bringing them to the most ecstatic celebratory like moment yeah I think like um shining a light so bright that they can like shoot for the stars kind of thing um in their own internal stars you know I'm like I don't this doesn't have to be my stars it's your stars baby um yeah it's like well I feel like we all have a different um puzzle piece to play kind of thing sometimes you know and it's like oh like what part of the journey does each soul feel called to help other souls with is kind of like where I'm seeing it you know it's like oh and like you're so called to the suicide prevention level of things um which is like let me help people at this incredibly low moment that's so real and it's you're so like worthy of life like you're like I want to breathe the possibility and worthiness of life back into people oh thank you and that's where we intersect because we use the same tool but we just meet them like in that different place because like even at the most dead frequency of emotion I feel like joy is completely accessible and it's like ha ha we can laugh during this what?
40:20
SPEAKER_04: Oh totally absolutely like I definitely have like a montage of like Amy in college being like you know like in the scheme of things very depressed and like an absolute freaking goof and those moments really being what like got me through like those little like oh those breaths of fresh air I think are really like those I can do this like another rung to like grab onto to hold me on through the next like low season.
40:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
40:51
SPEAKER_04: Okay also I'm just like reflecting on my own journey and I'm curious what your thoughts are on this um like I was reading something about how animals really only get depressed in captivity.
41:05
SPEAKER_04: Like you know like they don't get depressed in the wild like that's only you know it's like you see like the elephant that's like swaying back and forth in the zoo like just like losing its freaking mind because it's like a fucking huge ass brilliant very smart animal that we've like decided can live within like I don't know 20 foot by 20 foot walls which is just wild for like its whole fucking life and it's just understimulated and not designed for that.
41:32
SPEAKER_04: Um and I think about how personally I was living my life when I was pretty severely depressed was in captivity.
41:44
SPEAKER_04: Like I would be stuck in these patterns of I don't know like going to school or going to work and then I'd like get home and then I'd smoke weed and then I'd like I don't know just like be pretty sedated and like suppressing my of like joy and like I don't know like I'd get like drunk on the weekend maybe and like have like a little like kind of moment but um there was this huge suppression of this big life force that's like obvious to everyone fucking now.
42:14
SPEAKER_04: It's like oh my god Amy your energy is like larger than fucking life and I'm like wow the amount of energy that must have taken knowing that that was still within me in those moments to like keep it all in.
42:26
SPEAKER_04: And it's really interesting to see the more steps I started taking to live a like wild and free life um that was just authentic to me the less I felt that way among many other things but I've never really thought about it that way until like kind of this moment of like oh I was living in captivity because I thought I should because I thought that's what we were supposed to do.
42:54
SPEAKER_05: The good girl yes yes there was this quote and it says you have a limited amount of energy each day to expend so are you going to use it on expressing or repressing because they both take energy yes yeah I don't remember who said it you know like the depression is suppression and like you know I think it's many other things as well but that's like one thing that I definitely can resonate with in certain moments I'm gonna put a cock up in my mouth hold on and with the elephant getting depressed because it's being confined that there was just a podcast I was listening to I think it was LucasMack shout out greatest breath work instructor and they were talking about how there's studies um at the zoo where there's a type of monkey and in the uh I don't know if it's the jungle or the woods or whatever but it can jump about 20 fucking feet like really far.
43:53
SPEAKER_05: But when that same exact monkey is in the walls of the zoo it doesn't even attack Or they don't think it knows it can just jump over the wall.
44:06
unknown: Dude! Yeah.
44:07
unknown: Dude!
44:11
SPEAKER_04: Environment is so important! It's so important.
44:17
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's both and, right?
44:19
SPEAKER_04: Like, we get to choose uh the meaning that we make of things because the emotions that we're experiencing often come from the meaning that we're choosing to make of things.
44:28
SPEAKER_04: I can catch myself real fucking time choosing this, like in the moment.
44:32
SPEAKER_04: Sometimes, like, oh, like something happens, and I'm can either be like, oh, a frustrated story, or oh, you know what?
44:42
SPEAKER_04: What's a more empowering version of that?
44:44
SPEAKER_02: Um, and well said.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: She spit out her cough drop for that.
44:57
SPEAKER_04: I spit out my cough drop.
44:58
SPEAKER_04: This thing's too big, it just looks like that.
45:01
SPEAKER_04: Did you ever watch Ed and Eddie and they had like those giant jawbreakers in their mouth?
45:06
SPEAKER_04: I know what you're talking about.
45:07
SPEAKER_04: I never seen that.
45:08
SPEAKER_04: It was like comically like larger than their head, like just like their cheek would be like.
45:16
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
45:16
SPEAKER_04: I watched too many cartoons as a child.
45:18
SPEAKER_05: That was well.
45:20
SPEAKER_05: I I'm so grateful that we get together to just like boost each other up and keep yes anding our conversations.
45:28
SPEAKER_05: Good same.
45:32
SPEAKER_04: Same.
45:33
SPEAKER_04: Okay, Angela.
45:34
SPEAKER_04: I want you what's one more drop of wisdom you got for our listeners today.
45:39
SPEAKER_04: Drop it low, drop it like it's hot.
45:41
SPEAKER_04: Should I drop this thing?
45:43
SPEAKER_04: Okay, please.
45:44
SPEAKER_05: Um, a drop of wisdom to close out this beautiful conversation.
45:51
SPEAKER_05: Well, in the same way that doing things that are best for you equivalents to it being best for everyone else.
46:01
SPEAKER_05: Uh we all are here to address our success because that is what's best for all of us to do.
46:13
SPEAKER_04: Address our success and dress for success, baby.
46:19
SPEAKER_05: Ooh, I needed to hear that one.
46:22
SPEAKER_05: Dude, my boyfriend's wearing suits at the airport.
46:25
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, I'm stepping it the fuck up.
46:27
SPEAKER_05: I was barefoot at the airport.
46:28
SPEAKER_05: I love the dress.
46:30
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I love this though.
46:31
SPEAKER_04: Angela picked me up from the airport barefoot in just a robe.
46:37
SPEAKER_05: Just a robe, just commando in the robe.
46:39
SPEAKER_04: And she's eating, I fucking love this.
46:41
SPEAKER_04: I think I had known Angela for like two weeks.
46:43
SPEAKER_04: Like we met two weeks before at a conference.
46:46
SPEAKER_04: She flies me out to Florida.
46:48
SPEAKER_04: She's like practically a fucking stranger.
46:52
SPEAKER_04: I show up, she pulls up in her car.
46:55
SPEAKER_04: There's a I tried opening the trunk to put my bag in it, and there's a printer in the trunk, and like a bunch of other crap.
47:06
SPEAKER_04: We won't be doing that.
47:08
SPEAKER_04: And then she sits down and she just like has like an avocado that's been like fucking man-handled in half bit into.
47:15
SPEAKER_04: And she's just like biting into it.
47:18
SPEAKER_04: She's like, he wants some.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: It's like a fucking apple.
47:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
47:30
SPEAKER_04: It's just like, who is this woman?
47:33
SPEAKER_04: She's fucking incredible.
47:35
SPEAKER_04: She makes me feel like I have a stick up my ass.
47:40
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for saying that.
47:43
SPEAKER_05: Holy shit.
47:45
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
47:46
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I really appreciate that.
47:48
SPEAKER_05: You know what?
47:49
SPEAKER_05: Like, opposites attract.
47:52
SPEAKER_05: So it's fine if my boyfriend wears suits.
47:54
SPEAKER_05: I was gonna say, I'm not your opposite.
47:56
SPEAKER_05: I can't.
47:56
SPEAKER_05: Listen, you are not my fucking opposite.
47:59
SPEAKER_05: And granted, I flew Amy in so that she could laugh at my show.
48:06
SPEAKER_05: And I don't think she fucking laughed.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: I've been waiting to use that line.
48:34
SPEAKER_05: And I I remember saying to Amy, I'm like, dude, like I feel like you didn't like find it funny.
48:39
SPEAKER_05: And she was like, I didn't know if it was okay to laugh.
48:46
SPEAKER_05: I tend to like, you know, say severe things in my comedy.
48:51
SPEAKER_05: And it's called my life.
48:54
SPEAKER_05: Holy shit.
48:55
SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
48:57
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
48:58
SPEAKER_04: I thought you thought me good.
49:00
SPEAKER_04: I love you too so much.
49:03
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
49:07
SPEAKER_05: Thank you for being you, dude.
49:09
SPEAKER_05: You light up everyone's lives.
49:11
SPEAKER_04: Oh dude.
49:13
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
49:14
SPEAKER_04: Same to you.
49:15
SPEAKER_04: And we're funny fucking bitches.
49:17
SPEAKER_04: I was a comedian for the first time yesterday.
49:20
SPEAKER_04: Was that yesterday?
49:21
SPEAKER_04: Two days ago.
49:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you're like, look at me now.
49:26
SPEAKER_04: Look at me now.
49:28
SPEAKER_04: Maybe I know you're a comedian.
49:31
SPEAKER_04: Everyone knows it, but like I like like I for the first time I was like, I'm not just gonna like act like be like, oops, yeah, and I'm funny.
49:38
SPEAKER_04: I was like stood wig with the microphone and was like, my intention is to be fucking funny, and it worked.
49:45
SPEAKER_04: And it worked, it worked.
49:46
SPEAKER_04: They were fucking cracking the fuck up.
49:49
SPEAKER_04: Not stories, baby.
49:51
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I can't wait to hear about that.
49:53
SPEAKER_05: Thank you for meeting up today in such a dramatic week.
49:59
SPEAKER_05: I'm not an astrologer, but something's in the goddamn fucking air, dude.
50:04
SPEAKER_05: It's your fucking northern lights, bro.
50:06
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I'll turn it off.
50:08
SPEAKER_05: Getting too whimsical.
50:10
SPEAKER_05: It's funny because I have like 80 northern lights.
50:12
SPEAKER_05: I I literally was like, wow, they're in the same pack.
50:17
unknown: Yeah, they are.
50:18
SPEAKER_05: Well, but think about painting over this.
50:20
SPEAKER_05: Sorry, I got like ADD brain right now.
50:24
SPEAKER_05: It's okay.
50:24
SPEAKER_05: I I wanted to give everyone that even got to this point a thank you for just sharing their time and energy and focus with two bitches like us.
50:34
SPEAKER_05: Dude, we love the fuck out of people, so it means the world that anyone is tuning in and finding any sort of way to relate with us.
50:44
SPEAKER_05: We really feel that.
50:48
SPEAKER_05: She's laughing at me.
50:50
SPEAKER_05: What the fuck?
50:52
SPEAKER_04: This is what you laugh at, but not my stand up live.
50:55
SPEAKER_04: I know we're fucking weird, and I just want to say thank you so much to anyone out there who's weird who can relate to us.
51:05
SPEAKER_05: No, literally.
51:06
SPEAKER_04: Literally, someone asked me the other day if I was from the future, and I was like, beep pop boop pop.
51:10
SPEAKER_04: Yes, I come from the future.
51:14
SPEAKER_05: That's fucking hilarious.
51:16
SPEAKER_05: Someone the other day said to me, I I feel like I'm waiting for you to come out of the closet as an alien.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: We're being seen.
51:26
unknown: We're being seen.
51:28
SPEAKER_04: Are we hash I relatable?
51:30
SPEAKER_04: Are we hash eye influencers?
51:36
SPEAKER_05: Well, I love you, Amy.
51:38
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, I love you too.