Latest / ok storytime / My wife rushed me to the hospital unclothed… in the middle of a moment! | Reddit Stories | ft. Joey Cerone | EP3092

Transcript

My wife rushed me to the hospital unclothed… in the middle of a moment! | Reddit Stories | ft. Joey Cerone | EP3092 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep this show running.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: My wife rushed me to the hospital naked during mid-romance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 4: That's crazy.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Trigger warning, medical emergency. So let me start off by
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: saying I may not be the sharpest bulb in the
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: crayon box, but But I know things.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: A combo of like three phrases and all of them
• 0:32
  Speaker 4: were wrong.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think those go together.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: At all.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: And one thing I know or thought I knew is
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: when something is an absolute emergency. I hate going to
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: the doctor or any of that, so I only go
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: if I need to.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: Or any of that. That's great. I don't like going
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: to the doctor or, you know, any of that. Anything
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: like that, I don't... Did this dude? Any of that,
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: you know, I won't go to any of that. That's not,
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: any of that, I'm good.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Anyway, it was actually a couple of years ago. My
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: wife and I had a long day. It was like December.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: It was like December?
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: This is an awesome guy. This is just a guy
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: who doesn't really know what's going on at all. You
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: said day and then mentioned a month. It was like December.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: I don't like any of that, so I wouldn't. I
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: can't be tied down to a month. I don't like
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: doing any of that stuff.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Light bulb in a crayon box.
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: I'm the sharpest bulb in the crayon. And I think
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: it was December or something.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: He was right. But the weather was like in the 70s,
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: all day, kind of relevant.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Kind of relevant? Dude, this is a kind of person.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Dude. This is a kind of person.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: How does he pay his bills?
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: He kind of pays it, you know?
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he kind of. I just throw money in the
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: mail and hope it gets to the right spot.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: And all that.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: And all that.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: We, as parents with two darling children 10 years apart,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: miraculously were able to get a night alone together. Ooh.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Miracles do happen.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: And by golly, we were going to use it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: I feel like I know this guy. Yeah. This is
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: like a guy in Indianapolis, I feel like.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: It probably is.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: I'm not the sharpest, but yeah, I mean, everything he's saying,
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I've actually met a guy like this.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: It might be one of your cousins.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: It could be. By golly, we got a night together miraculously.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: It's an insane guy. By golly, I get to sleep
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: with my wife. Holy cow.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Holy cow.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: By Jeeve.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: We went to the store and everything for groceries, you pervs.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I like how this guy writes, too. You know how
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: he talks. You know for a fact you know how
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: he talks, but this is how he writes.
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: It's like, dude, you don't have to give details. Like,
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: you don't have to, but he's attempting to halfway.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: You don't have to flesh this out. If you wanted to,
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: you could just go flat normal. Yes.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Inside thoughts are outside words.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Four inside thoughts.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: So after a day and some cleaning up, we sat
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: down to relax, enjoy some TV. After some Hulu, she
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: wanted to chill. I sound cringe. I know.
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: Oh, man.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Anyway, we head to the bedroom and proceed to do
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: the dirty.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Your worst nightmare.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: Sorry, OP.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: I hate you. Dude. This is on like the Today
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: I F'd Up subreddit.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, 100%.
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: This is my favorite subreddit. We were switching into gears
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: in positions like you wouldn't believe.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: We were doing missionary.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: Reverse missionary.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: She's on bottom, I'm on top.
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: I was outside. She was inside. I was two doors down.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Classics.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Most of it was, oh, this position hurts my back. Oof,
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: my hip and knee hurt. We're kind of feeling the
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: aches of life, but alas, we push forward with great ambitions. Okay.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: Odysseus, like what- Start when you get hurt. I want
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: to hear the preamble. I understand this is the whole
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: precipice of Reddit and the show. Just shut up.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: This is just trial by fire, you know.
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: Ow, my knee hurts. Oh, my God. It makes sense
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: that it's a miracle because to get this guy to
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: shut up, to have intercourse, it's a miracle.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Whatever.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: Whatever.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: This freaking guy.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: This is so fun.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. And then eventually we settle on the
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: good old back door.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's so cool. This guy.
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: By golly goes.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: By golly, we found the old back door. Yeah, we did.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: By the grace of God.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Through the jungle.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: Through the jungle. Her knee hurt. And so I said,
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: let's just try the butt. Sorry your knee hurts so bad.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: Let's just try the butt.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: We'll take the pain away. Let's focus on that.
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: Let's just focus on the butt. We'll stay in missionary.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: Shoot. She has already completed. And when I finally do,
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: I have a sudden sharp... and searing pain in my head.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: Not a normal, oh, this is a migraine. By the way,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: this comes from spazo13, and if you want to submit
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash ok story
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: time subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon, and we have a special guest here.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Let him know who you are.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, from the comedy store, one of the doorman, it is.
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: Hi, I'm Joey Saron. Woo! That's what my handwriting looks like.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: I'm very sorry to do that. No, dude.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: I thought it looks nice.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: I shouldn't have done that. That's honestly the best I
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: could do.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: With what you have, yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Which is a bad brain and bad hands.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: Joey, could you tell us who you are a little bit?
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: Absolutely. Hi, I'm Joey Cerrone. I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: from Indiana, from Bloomington, Indiana, originally. Moved to L.A. about
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: three years ago. No way. Three years ago, yeah. I
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: moved here when I graduated from university.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: Indiana University.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, that one.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Go Hoosiers. Go Hoosiers.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: National champions.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we know who you are.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, then I moved here, got started. I'm a door
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: guy over at the Comedy Store. Having a good time
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: taking people to their seats. Doing stand-up. We get one
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: spot a week. Pretty fun. Unfortunately, most of my days
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: consist of nothing during the daytime and everything during the night.
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: So it's nice to be out in the daytime. Wow,
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: I appreciate that.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: You're like a reverse vampire.
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think just a regular vampire. Sure.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: We're going to be here reading the story goofily. If
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: you guys have anything you'd like to add, please add
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: it down below. Right now, OP says, my vision is
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: spotty and I'm seeing halos.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Ah, which one?
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: Two, three, halo four. Imagine you hit your head and
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: you just start hearing, oh.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: It's time.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: And suddenly, another even worse pain hits me and I
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: can't see out of one of my eyes because any
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: amount of light is so bright it feels like I'm
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: staring at the sun.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Is that like a stroke?
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: What is definitely? This is not like a, I thought
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: his penis was going to break, if I'm going to
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: be honest.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, that's what I thought.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: This is the amount of pressure on the human body
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: in its 50s to nut, you know?
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: And the fact that it was a miracle. He saved
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: up all of his karma points.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I've been saving up.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: And then the second they went to the good old reliable,
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: God came and collected his pension. That's what happened.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: That's enough. I stumble and almost fall off the bed.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: She asked in a unclothed panic, what's wrong? And helps
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: me find the bed to sit as the pain is
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: getting increasingly worse. And I now hear my heartbeat in
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: my ears. And it feels like my brain is about
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: to burst straight through my eye sockets. What an imagination.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm kind of back on his team. A
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: flowery writer with beautiful prose.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Guys, remember the relevance of it's something in December.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: Something like December. I also like that he put the
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: brackets around unclothed just to be like, yeah, I did that.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's us.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Censoring.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Honestly, let's be real. Let's be real.
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: I feel like it.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: You're good, dude.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: You're good. That's on us.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: I'm walking out. I ruined the show.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: All good, bro. It's all I can do not to
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: pass away from it. I tell her, I don't know
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: what's wrong, but call 911. I can't see, and my
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: effing brain is going to explode. She asks about Advil
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: and all.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: That's insane.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: You good? Just ibuprofen?
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: Just throwing your husband's dead on the ground. You're just like,
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: here's a Band-Aid and an ibuprofen. Get up.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: This will fix him.
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: That's so insane. Someone that you just participated in the
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: act of lovemaking with. Someone you, I would hope, love.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is love, honestly.
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: That is love.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Love is Advil and ibuprofen.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that is true. That's when you've been together
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: for a bit and you have kids and you're like,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: you're being a baby. Taking ibuprofen, throwing it into his
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: mouth on the ground.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: And I can tell it's not a simple migraine or headache.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Something dangerous has to be wrong.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, brother, you said your eye is like staring into
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: the sun.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's about to pop out of your head.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: She calls. Reference, the fire station and EMS are literally
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: next door to our apartment, and the ambulance are about
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: one block away and almost always have a few people
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: in there just in case.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I would hope the ambulance... Has people on standby at
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: all times.
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: The most important part, I think.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it gets busy and they're all out. I can
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: kind of make out flashing lights as it dawns on me.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: We are still unclothed. I, one hand over my eye
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: that can't see, stumbled into the dresser to dig out
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: a pair of shorts that had no drawstring anymore. And
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: she hurries and finishes dressing right as soon as they knock.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: About six people file in and are suddenly checking vitals
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: and asking stuff. And it's all confusing.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Because he doesn't do that sort of thing. It's confusing.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: What's up, blood pressure?
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: He's like, I'm sorry, I don't normally do this. What
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: are you looking at right now? And they're doing the
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: stethoscope on the heart. He's like, I don't even know
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: what this is. I'd never have done stuff like this.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: Get that away from me.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: What, are you killing me?
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Is that a vaccine? Get out of here!
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: I don't do stuff like that!
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Golly, try to kill me. And all I know is...
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: is I feel like I'm about to pass away. That's
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: when I notice among them is this tiny little lady
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: who is Mennonite. And she asked what happened that led
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: up to the issue. I have Mennonites that live like
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: the next, like in the same area as me. I
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: live in Sugarloaf and in Vashti. Mennonites, kindest people ever.
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: Are they? Yes.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: My mom, she went to the pregnancy center and she
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: knew this lady. She had 13 kids. They were all Mennonites.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: That's intense.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: We would take them lasagna.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Nicest people ever.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: That's very sweet.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: Are Mennonites don't... So they're like.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Amish, but like Amish is a spectrum. I don't know
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: where on the spectrum they are, but they do have electricity.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Oh, sick. And they're very sweet?
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: That's very nice. Yeah. Unfortunately, this Mennonite completely violated HIPAA
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: almost immediately. You can't just walk in and be like,
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: she's part of the crew.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I thought she was part of the crew.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: If she's not a part of the crew, she is violated.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: She just walked in.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: I think I missed the part that she's part of
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: the crew. And in my head, I just thought a
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: Mennonite woman came into their house and was like, what's
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: going on here?
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I think she just saw people going in. She's like,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: that looks fun.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: I should check this out.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I've never seen that. Imagine this person coming in just like.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: Honestly?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Tiny, tiny, tiny woman.
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: You're seeing God out of one eye and then you
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: see her out of the other. You're like, oh my God,
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: Mother Mary. Holy cow.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Has my time come?
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Is it over?
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: Is it over? Am I done?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't get my nut off.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: No.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: My wife finished. I didn't.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: I also want to revisit that. He put that in
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: there to be like, She came. I didn't. Doesn't matter. Oh, yeah.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: I forgot about that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: Doesn't matter. I'm really good at it.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Humble.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Humble. I'm really good at it, so I don't even care.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: I'm good at it.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: She's bad at it. You know how it is.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: She's terrible. She almost killed me. She came, though. I didn't.
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Doesn't matter. Whatever.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: I'm hot. And she asked, what happened that led up
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: to the issue? So you have to explain the sexual
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: situation to the men and women.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: You know, I guarantee you for a fact, he's like, so.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: So we were in bicycle.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: We did the backdoor stuff. Backdoor stuff.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: So we went to Older Life. I didn't have my fastball,
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: so we went with a change-up today.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: I try hard to be modest, and she's trying to
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: get more detailed description of the events. And all I
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: can think is that I'm going to pass away, and
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: I don't want to offend anyone. We got a little
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: bit left here. You're about to die. Who do you
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: want to see before you die? Like, what kind of person?
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Theo Vaughn says Filipinos. Filipino nurse for him.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'm here for that, yeah.
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: Actually, yeah. I'll tell you what. I would want to see...
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: I think I would want to see the Pope. I'm
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: not even Catholic or anything. Oh, wow. I just think
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: it would be sick to like.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Like any Pope?
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: Any Pope.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I thought you had like a specific one in mind.
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: No. I mean, even the loose one that's in like
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: West Virginia. There's like a loose Pope.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: A loose Pope?
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: It's not a real Pope, but he's like running around
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: saying he's the Pope. I like that. Even him. I
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: think that would be cool to like die in a non,
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: like explode or something and then just wake up and
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: just see like a guy dressed as a Pope. You know, like, hmm,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: was it Catholic? Ah.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Ah.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: Ah.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: Dang it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Ah, darn.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I picked the wrong one.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: I picked, ah, I should have done that. That was
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: an easy one.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Did you grow up Methodist?
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: I did, yeah. Oh, yeah, like a stomp and holler
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: type of church, you know, where the band is. They
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: fired the band leader at my old church because he
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: got tattoos. It was that kind of church.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Dude, Southern Baptist.
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, incredible.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: I just asked to get help climbing into the ambulance
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: since I'm a man, and even if I'm passing away...
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I gotta seem tough and strong.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we got that, Opie.
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's awesome, man. She came, you didn't. Awesome.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: We speed to the ER. Wife follows behind and hasn't
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: taken a chance to clean up. Gods, I love that woman.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: The nurses and doctor.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Hold on, he said gods, not God. He pluraled gods.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Whoa, this guy might not be Midwest.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: That actually kind of says everything I need to know.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: The nurses and doctor do all these tests and I
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: get a CAT scan, pray... E-E-G. E-K-G? All the E's
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: and all the G's along with the rest of the alphabet?
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: About four hours later?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, ZZ Top, you know.
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: Is pray a test?
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know!
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: Okay, because I also like if it is just praying
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: that it's second. That they do the cat scan and
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: they were like, let's just take some time.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: That's why the Mennonite was there.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I think it is what you think it is. I
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: think it's just praying. It's like just the normal praying.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's like a.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Hospitals do have like chaplains, I think, in it. About
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: four hours later, they finally come back with results. What
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: I had was called a harmless orgasmic headache.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: So that's what I called? I called it. Yeah, that's
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: what I said. I was like, it's just like, you
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: saved up.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it was too much in the bank.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It was too much in the bank.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: You tried to defy it too much at once. And
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: the bank teller.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Your body literally, like, you almost went to heaven. That's how, that's.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: What?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: You were so, yeah.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Dude, Bruno Mars is right.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: Oh my God.
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: Holy cow.
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: And he got locked out. Dang.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: I think he got locked out if he didn't actually
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: get to.
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: Of course. So that's what Bruno Mars avoided by getting
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: locked out of heaven. We could have lost Bruno Mars.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: We could have, bro. And because of how they happen,
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: they feel identical to a brain aneurysm bursting. In other words,
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: it's a headache that actually feels bad. And we get
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: discharged and find out that 70 degree weather I was
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: wearing shorts for is gone and it snowed. Wait, so
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: it's snowing now? Okay. Yeah, okay.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Relevant. Super relevant. Super relevant.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: I guess for a headache.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: It's like December or something.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: The pressure change.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah. On the way home, she asked if I want
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: round two. I don't want the knockout. So I said no.
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: And she still brags about it.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: She brags about how hard she almost made you climax.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: She almost killed you to death. Also, I assume this
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: is an American story. Yeah.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: It has to be. Dude, it has to be. He
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: doesn't want to go to the hospital.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: She's bragging. Yeah, of course.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Mennonite.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: She's bragging, and they're still probably paying off the medical
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: debt for the nine tests they did. Yeah.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: Dude, actually, there was a movie that my mom made
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: me watch, and in that movie, it was a Christian movie,
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: but these two characters got together and did the deed, and-
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: They wake up, and the guy's dead because he, like,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: something with his blood pressure or something shot up.
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: It happens all the time. It happens all the time.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: And then my mom said, that could happen to you.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: And she's right. That could absolutely happen. You could have
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: a blood pressure. What a story.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: What a story, dude. Yeah, that's the first one. We
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: got some more just like it. How'd that one go?
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: Felt good.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: In the pocket, dude.
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: I was kind of all over the place with that guy.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: You couldn't get a read on him.
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: Not at all.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like I want to.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: It was kind of like it felt like he was
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: pumped about a lot of stuff in the story and
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: was bragging a lot, but also was like, oh, I
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: don't want to seem like I'm bragging.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: Which is fine.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Like humble brags.
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: A lot of humble brags. I'm glad he didn't die.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: I'm glad that Advil would have worked. Funny. If you
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: had listened to your wife, you wouldn't have gone to
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: the hospital.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: That's a lesson in the story here.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: Listen to your wife.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: All right. We got another story. You boys ready?
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, are you ready? Joey, are you ready?
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: I'm so excited.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: I accidentally sent a photoshopped image of my boss to
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: the work group chat.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: It was Father's Day. My boss on my team of
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: 10 sends a photo of his entire family, including his
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: three baby grandchildren, three kids, their spouses, his daughter doesn't
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: have a spouse, and his wife. My boss is not
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: a good looking man.
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: What the hell?
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Dude.
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: Lay off.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: Lay off. Get out. The face only a blind mother
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: could love.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: What the hell?
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: That's crazy.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: We really got some good stories.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: On Father's Day.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Let him live. He has so many kids. Yeah, leave
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: him alone. Unfortunately for his family, especially the female offsprings,
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: his genes are strong as F. So, Ugly. Yeah.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Being nice here.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Ugly.
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: Dang, bro. Ugly family.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: That's okay. Probably good heart.
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: I love an ugly family. They're nice. Or mean.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: Really bad. It's either one.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: It's a flip of a coin. Yeah.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: I also hate my boss with a passion.
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: No way.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: He had also just brought his lazy son, who is
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: about my age, onto the team. And I was taken
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: out of all client interaction because his son needed exposure.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Expose yourself to him. There you go.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Awesome.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Double, double, double. Two birds, one stone. You expose yourself
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to him.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Dude.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: And you get fired.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: This is how you get ahead in the work field.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: That's true.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: This is how Joey became a doorman.
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: I exposed myself. You can too. I would never say that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Not here.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: The general manager is a gorgeous guy.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Aww.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: Sorry, Ryan.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: His son regularly flapped in the work bathroom with people
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: sitting next to him?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: See, he's exposing himself. Yeah, he knows that. He wants
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: to do exposure. We'll never run a business.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: His son got the exposure he needed.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: How do you think the boss got the job?
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, expose yourself.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Expose yourself.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: But that's another story.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: Sure is.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: I luckily had one really good work friend on my
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: team who also hated my boss. But he was higher
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: up and didn't really need to deal with him as much.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: As his work group chat is falling off, we are
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: just ripping into his family. We are... both pretty tipsy
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: because F it, it's Father's Day and we're not fathers.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: My favorite thing to do. And never once, I've never
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: been a father for one Father's Day and never once
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: have I been like, I gotta get drunk right now.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: In honor of dads.
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: I gotta get tipsy, it's Dad Day. And I, you know,
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: It's not even a holiday. Wow. It's a Sunday.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: It says a lot about how your father treated you.
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: I love my dad. I just think that is, that's
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: funny to make it seem like that's something that we're
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: all doing, like a fourth of July. Yeah, right.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Come on, boys.
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's Father's Day, so we were tipsy, of course.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: We gotta get crunked.
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: We gotta get crunked because we're not dads.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. This entire time, we're joking about how crazy it
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: would be if we accidentally sent this to the wrong chat.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: I was laughing or LOLing because it was text. at
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: him like he would be an idiot if he sent
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: it to the wrong chat. I had a... Eureka. Moment.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Just say your.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Babyboyblue. And if you
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon. And we have a special guest here. Let
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: them know who you are.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: Explain yourself.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: Hi, I'm Joey.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: That's it. He's just Joey.
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: I'm a stand-up comedian here in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: Over at the gorgeous Comedy Store. I'm a door guy
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: over there. If you're ever in town, don't come up
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: to me. But I'm there.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Don't show me your ID.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: Don't show me your ID. Please, just come in. Just
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: bypass security. Run into the front door.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: There we go. And we're going to have a good
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: time reading this story. We also don't know that much.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: If you have anything you'd like to add, please add
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: it down below.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Riley just said we're stupid. We don't know anything.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: That's what we got. We got to let them know
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: because they think we're like the smartest people ever. You
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: don't know about how to take care of a child.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: It's like, no.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I'm still a child.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: We're not the sharpest bulbs in the crayon box.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start saying that.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: So, Opie says, I'm pretty good with face in the
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: hole and use it often for funny memes. I faced
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: in the hole his ugly face into his entire family
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: except for his daughter. This included his two sons, three granddaughters,
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: his wife, and two daughter-in-laws. I made this thing a masterpiece.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: I was using tone. contrast switched angles to match everything
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: it was the mona lisa effed up face.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: In the hole we can't toss around mona lisa like
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: that that's a denigration of the mona lisa oh my.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: God and he says the best part is you couldn't
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: even tell that his daughter wasn't facing the hold and
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: that his granddaughters were photoshopped.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: That is horrible this is an evil human being with.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: No empathy You have to get fired.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: For fellow man. Oh, yeah.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I do not care.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: That's insane. That's so mean to not Photoshop her.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Come on, man.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: That's crazy.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I think he has a crush on her.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: Has to. Well, I hope so. Has to.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: She's also the only one that's not married.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: That's like next level hating.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: In pure excitement of this masterpiece I created, I saved
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: it and immediately sent it to my buddy waiting for
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: my glorious applause. I sent it. All of a sudden,
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: a text notification at the top comes up from my
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: work buddy that says, what the F question mark?
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Your work buddy's throwing you under the bus.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: Immediately.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: This guy knows how to play the game.
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: What's wrong with you? Why would you do that?
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: It took me a second to register that I had
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: sent that to my entire team. I hadn't said anything
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: in the group chat at all. To this point. My
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: first message was this picture that had multiple layers of F-up-ness.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: I literally jump up from the couch and throw my
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: phone against the couch. Saying, oh no, oh no, oh no,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: oh no. And start profusely sweating and pacing frantically in
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: the living room. My fight or flight response kicked in
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: and I wanted to run like Forrest Gump.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Felt like running.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: My wife freaks out, thinking I just found out I
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: had terminal illness or something, and I told her what happened.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: She had no idea of the effed up crap we
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: were sending. She had just heard me giggling like a
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: little schoolgirl from across the couch. She immediately tries to
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: calm me down, saying it's probably not that bad. I
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: show her the picture, and her jaw breaks.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: She's like, holy crap, he's an artist.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: I had no idea you were capable of that.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: You put so much effort into this. You put more
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: effort into this than our relationship. Holy crap.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: This is the Mona Lisa of this.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Da Vinci?
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: Da Vinci. Da Vinci? Whatever weird stuff you do, this
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: is the Mona Lisa of it.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: Okay. She says, we need to think of something. I
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: call my buddy, who is laughing hysterically at my stupidity,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, You need to bombard the chat so
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: hopefully he doesn't see it. He starts sending messages and
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: asks people how their Father's Day is going to get
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: more interactions as I'm just panicking, sweating, contemplating quitting before
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: I could get fired. My wife ends up having a
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: genius plan by telling me to text Happy Father's Day,
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: boss's name, to you and your mini-me's, which I thought
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: was genius, but I sent it like 15 minutes ago
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: and 20 messages later So it was random at that
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: point and maybe put more attention on it. That's smart. Okay.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: I finished my. I couldn't really get the face right.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Joey's an artist.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: So I just wrote ugly. And then there's a beautiful daughter.
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: She's the only one with a face. Aww. And she's beautiful.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: Is her mouth like this?
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: Or is it like. And she has a mustache.
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: Mustache.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Billy Idol was singing about that. It's Eyes Without a Face, right? Yeah,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: there it is.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: This is the Billy Idol song.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's the best I can do. They're all ugly.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Happy Father's Day to you and your mini-me.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Happy Father's Day to you and your ugly children.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Except for that one daughter.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: And one daughter.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: That one daughter? She looks just like you.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: She's got your eyes, boss. And your face. Your toe face.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, the toe face is from Spy Kids?
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Cool.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, so my buddy tells me our other coworker texted
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: him on the side. WTF, did OP just send? Is
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: he trying to get fired? Also, wasn't boss's daughter's name
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: the only one not photoshopped? Tough.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe you weren't that good at Photoshop.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It's that obvious. Tough.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: It was like 9 p.m. at this point, and my
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: wife is trying to console me, but I could tell
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: she was worried too. And tomorrow, he has to go
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: into work. Nah.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: No, you don't. You don't have to go to work.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Just start looking for job applications right now. You don't
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: have to go to work.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: You can just not go to work. Just don't go.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Use your PTO. This is the time.
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this is the time. Go to Europe.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Ugh.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Like, maybe your boss didn't see that photo where you
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: photoshopped his ugly face onto his entire family, including his
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: baby granddaughters. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: just rolled around sweating, thinking about what the heck I'm
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: going to say to him and explain to myself.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Easy. Easy. Happy Father's Day.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: Happy Father's Day. Yeah.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: Whoops.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Happy Father's Day.
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: You know what?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: You inspire me.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: You inspire me all the time. Your beautiful family is
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: an inspiration.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, he might not think his face is ugly. Yeah.
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: Exactly. I'm sure he does. If you're a boss.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: That's why he's mean.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: That's why he's mean.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And he looks at his ugly face. That's why his
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: son goes to the bathroom.
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: And just goes to town.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, I forgot about this.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: His married son.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: His married son.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: It's called stress relief, all right?
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: And he's trying to not get prostate cancer.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be healthy. You're just catching up.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: I'm just catching up. Home life has been slammed. I
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: haven't been able to clear myself.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I need to expose. Yeah, I need exposure.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: I need exposure. I need to expose myself immediately.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: In the bathroom.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: Do I just go up to my boss first and apologize?
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: Do I wait and pray that he didn't see it?
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: I went through every possible scenario in my head and
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: they all sucked. Oops.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: There's not the one scenario where he's like, what if
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: he likes it?
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: I know. We're through every scenario.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: Dr. Strange it?
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: And he goes, one.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: This is the only one.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: One.
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: This is the only path.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Oops. I accidentally slipped and photoshopped your face onto your
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: entire family and then sent it in a group chat.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: I get ready for work early because I legit couldn't sleep.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: I feel like a prisoner on passing row making his
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: last walk. But I didn't get a tasty last meal
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: because I felt like I was going to vomit. I'm
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: the first one in the office to... And I'm pretending
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: to work and trying to play it cool. Our assistants
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: come in, and I'm thinking, all right, be sharp here
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: and act like nothing happened.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, guys? How's the weather?
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: Hey. You like to work. Texting, right?
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: Crazy.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Who invented that?
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: Alexander Graham Bell. You know?
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: That guy.
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: Got it. Well, have a good one.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Happy Monday.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: I'll be at my desk.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: That was your father's day.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: Good. Good.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Cool.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: It was good. Move on.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: Got wasted.
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: Go to work. I got wasted on five. You guys also?
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: You know how we all do it every year?
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, every time.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: Just get hammered on Father's Day.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Hammered.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: All right, well, I got a lot of work. Oh, man.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: They said nothing about it, like they didn't see me
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: insult our boss's entire family via a masterpiece facing the hole.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: I'm starting to calm down, thinking no one saw it.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Then my work buddy comes in, and he's just passing
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: away laughing, which brings my anxiety up. He can see
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: me from his office. so every time a new co-worker
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: comes in his eyes get wide like oh crap there
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: it comes as he's chuckling no one says anything and
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: then the moment of truth comes.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: In hey it's Dakota your favorite goofball host here and
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: we're gonna get back to the stories but here's three
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: minutes of ads from our sponsors.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: And my fat, ugly boss walks in with his fat,
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: ugly son.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: Okay, the son deserves it. He's a monster.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: You don't got to do this.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: You just said ugly, bro.
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: I mean, it was ugly the whole time until this sentence.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: And guess what?
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: You're fat, too. This is Opie's boss.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, dude.
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: Oh, what's up? Jeremy Allen White played Rada the Hut.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: Jabba and Rada.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: Dude.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: Hey, Jabba, Rada's been doing something in the bathroom. I
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: didn't want to be the one to bring this up
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: to you, but Rada's been relieving pressure in the restroom.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: He's really stressed out. He needs exposure.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: It's insane how they built him.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: Wait, is that in the Star Wars universe?
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's Rod of the Hut.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: That's Rod of the Hut.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Wait, that's actually real?
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's Jabba the Hutt's son played by Jeremy Allen White.
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: It's Rod of the Hut.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's from Boston.
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: It's Rod of the Hut. There's Jabba the Hutt.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: There's your boss. That's boss.
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: That's your boss.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: I started sweating again. WTF, by the way, just a
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: crappy response to fear. He just walks by me and
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: says nothing. No hi, no good morning, just nothing. Okay,
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: kind of weird for him. but not bad. I'm watching
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: his every move like I'm some psycho analyst trying to
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: read a serial unaliver's body language. Nothing happens, and I'm
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: convincing myself he didn't see it. Maybe my face in
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: the hole was so good that he thought I just
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: sent the original photo copy back.
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: Except for the daughter.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: Everyone but the daughter.
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: Except for the daughter.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: 12 p.m. comes by, and he comes up to me
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: and says, OP, wanna grab some lunch? I'm good, not hungry.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: I just had a big breakfast. Well, walk with me
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: across the street to get food. All right, I guess.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: Time had come.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: No, the best thing you could do is like, I
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: got diarrhea. I can't.
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: I had to go back to my house. I did
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: something horrible. I was just waiting to talk to you
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: about it.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: Gotta go to the bathroom, relieve some stress.
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: Immediately, if your boss is like, let's go walk across
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: the street, I'm going to be like, your son's doing
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: crazy stuff in the bathroom.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Here's a video of it.
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: Here's what your son's been doing. I don't need to
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: get food with you. Here's what your son does in
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: the bathroom.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you get out of this?
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: I think you say no as long as you can.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: You're just like, no, I think big breakfast, you hit that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: And then when he's like, no, come across the street,
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: you're like, it was so big, actually, I can't stand up.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: It was actually the biggest breakfast. I had metal and
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: iron and tungsten. So I'm not even hungry and I
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: can't walk.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: You're bulking.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: You should probably go to the emergency.
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: I'm bulking. You know, I don't normally do stuff like that,
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: but if you could take me to the emergency room,
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: that would be kind of dope.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: That'd be nice, man.
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: If your son could. I don't really need it.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: Ugh. The time had come. I didn't get away easily.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: As we were walking out, my buddy Army saluted me
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: like it was the last time he would see me.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: He starts with small talk, and I could barely answer
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: because I'm just thinking about how I would come up
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: with an excuse to I have to wait for this
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: effort to get his stupid salad bar as I'm starting
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: to sweat again. I look like a walking food violation
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: because the sweat was coming through my shirt.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, it has to be. Going to a full
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: salad bar is so funny.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's having fun with his meal.
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you just see this guy's full sweating. You're like,
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: I'm going to make my own salad.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: Get some croutons in here.
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: I'm making some croutons. I'm going to do a couple laps.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: I'm going to do another one.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I think I'm going to try one of everything.
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: I'm going to wait for them to bring out the
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: fresh lettuce.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I don't even like arugula, but you know what? I
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: think I'm going to try arugula today.
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: I think they call it rockets in England. I'm going
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: to try a rocket. This is what you get for
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: being a cruel human being. Unless your boss is also. Well, again,
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: the sun I think is exempt. I think however mean
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: you want to be to the sun, go after it.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: Get after it. But we don't really know what the
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: boss has done, though.
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: That's true. But I genuinely, the daughter thing is one
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: of the most horrible things. Not photoshopping the daughter is
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: so horrible.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: So effed up, dude.
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's an insanely mean thing to do. But
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: we don't know what the boss did. But that's fair.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: But the daughter is a horrible collateral.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Let us know if you face in the hole
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: at all in your free time. Love to know. So
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: we walk back. He's asking about my career aspirations and
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: all these things. This guy did not mention it the
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: entire time. He was just 100% mind effing me and
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: it worked. It was honestly worse than if he had
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: just called it out. I got back to work and
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: I was safe. No one else on the team mentioned
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: it again. My buddy would always randomly send me the
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: photo while working. Just to eff with me. I end
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: up quitting about six months later for a much better
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: job thinking about sending it to that chat again next
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: Father's Day as a nephew. And that's it.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: Why do you need an FU? It seems like your
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: life is good.
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he didn't mention it.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: You have a better job and you didn't get in trouble.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: Why are you still being mean?
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he was asking about.
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: You, dude. You learned no lesson from this.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: He probably would have gotten you lunch too.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you learned no lesson from this. You quit six
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: months later, got a better job, and you're still laying
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: into this guy about being fat and ugly? Move on.
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: With your life. Enjoy your new job. Stop coming back
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: to your fat, ugly boss. Let him breathe.
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: How miserable are you, OP? You have a good life.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: You have a wife that cares about you.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: Who helps you. Your wife came up with a plan.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: And it's art. Yeah. You're so good at Photoshop.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's so funny to just, to be so
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: hyper-focused on something that did not go wrong. Well, I
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: think because it didn't go wrong, now OP is like,
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: I'm actually the king. Nobody can touch me sort of thing.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: I'm the best there ever was.
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: I'm the best at facing the hole, which you might be.
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: Can't imagine there's a whole lot of competition.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: There's always someone better.
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: There's somebody somewhere doing a better job as a guest
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: on a podcast. Oh, man.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: We got another story. How you feeling?
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: I feel fantastic.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Feels fantastic. You're doing great.
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: Thank you very much. It's an honor to be here. Yeah, yeah.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: That first story was great. This is fun.
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: This one. Also, someone said something about my shirt earlier
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: I wanted to plug real quick.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what you got?
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: It's a Fort Wayne band. Fort Wayne, Indiana. My buddy's
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: called Man of the Flood. It's a great album called
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: Sorry Puppy.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Dude, what a friend.
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: If you want to listen, my friends are in that band.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: Heck yeah, dude.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Sorry Puppy. Thanks, kitten.
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: Sorry Puppy. Thanks, kitten. Goodbye, rabbit.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: Hello, donkey.
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: That's good. That's pretty fun.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: That is.
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: That was really good.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: Thanks, man.
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: It's a bullseye.
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I grew up on a farm. We had goats.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: How many? Were they milk goats or just hanging?
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: Just hanging. I lived on a compound. Okay. So my house,
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: through some woods, aunt's house, grandmother's house.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: Through some more woods, great-grandfather's house, cousin's house.
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: Okay. A family compound.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: And then right here, garden. Over here, garden. Over here,
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: apple orchard, basketball court. Over here, goats.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: Interesting.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: And then now my great-grandfather passed away last year. So
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: my cousin, who's now having her third baby on the way,
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: she's 26.
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: Congratulations.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Is remodeling great-grandpa George's house into her place.
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: That's wild. That is really cool.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: All right, we got another story. You guys ready?
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: I think my brother's girlfriend has feelings for me. He's
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: about to propose.
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I was doing the math on that. When he's
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: about to propose, I was like, to you?
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: Okay. No. Okay, he's going to propose to the girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: The girlfriend has feelings for him.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: For OP.
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: So now I've done the math on it.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: I can run it back.
• 37:57
  Speaker 4: No, that's okay.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: This is raw.
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: This is real. It's okay. This is live TV.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: This is live TV to most people.
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: I was doing the math on it. Okay. Yeah, that
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: makes sense.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: That sucks.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: My brother, let's call him Jose, and his girlfriend, Valerie,
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: fake names, have been together since high school. They're 30
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: and 28 now and live together. It's like a decade, bro.
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: That's a long time.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: As far as I know, they have a good relationship.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: They did take a one-year break a few years ago,
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: but Jose never really talked about what happened.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, we all know what happened.
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, one-year break.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: One-year break. There's a lot of days in that year.
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: A lot of days. Long days. Long dog days.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: He just said there were no hard feelings on his end,
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: And he still loved her. He had a great year.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: How many?
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask how it was. How many?
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: I had a great year.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: They eventually got back together and moved in and have
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: been together ever since. I'm 25 and went to college
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: out of state. So honestly, I wasn't that close with
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Valerie growing up. I've only gotten to know her since
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: I came back earlier this year. My brother got a
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: new job that gives us more time to hang out,
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: so he started inviting me over more to watch games, movies,
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: play video games, etc. At first, I thought Valerie was
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: just being nice. She'd make sure there was food when
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: I came over, and if she didn't cook, she'd go
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: out and buy something. She remembers all my favorite snacks
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: and foods and will have them there when I come over,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: and sometimes she'll bring me food while Jose and I
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: are playing a game. Then, I started noticing other stuff.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: we're going to get.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Back to the stories, but here's a three-minute ad break
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: from our sponsors.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: But just OP, not Jose.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I feel like that, I mean.
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's nice. That's just like a nice person.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: That's a nice thing.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you have a guest over, you bring the guest food.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: Jose can get his own food. He knows where the
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: food is.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is what we do in the South Midwest.
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you just, if there's a guest over, it's Zeus's law. Yeah.
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: I feel like that's pretty normal, remembering snacks and stuff
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: that Could be weird-ish, but it's like your brother, you've
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: been dating this guy for like 12 years. Yeah.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: I'm having a dinner party tonight, and I'm going to
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: have food there.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: You know what my favorite foods and snacks are?
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: I do, and I'm not making them. I'm making my
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: favorite food and snacks to share with you guys.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from throwawaybrosgirlfriend123, and if you
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: slash okstorytime subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon, and we have a very special guest.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: Introduce.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: Introduce yourself.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: I am Joey Cerrone. It's great to be here. I'm
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: a stand-up comedian. I work over at the gorgeous Comedy
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: Store here in West Hollywood, California. From Indiana originally. Moved
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: here about three years ago. Having a great time in
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: the beautiful, sunny weather.
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: Joey, thanks for coming on to one of the top
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: 100 comedy podcasts out there.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Look at that.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: We're so close to 50. We're almost top 50.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: That's going to be so sick.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Joey, what's the staple food for Indiana? If you had
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: to be like, this is the food that you have
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: to try in Indiana.
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: The official state food we share with Iowa, the pork tenderloin. Now,
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: I don't eat meat, so I don't know how good
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: it is, but people love it. They do the big
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: flat one where the bun is this big and the
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: meat is that big. That's what we're known for.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: Corn. Corn.
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: Popped corn.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Popcorn. I love popcorn.
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: Corn on the cob.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: We are some funny, goofy guys giving funny, goofy advice.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: And if you guys have anything you'd like to add,
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: please add it down below. Obie says, She makes me
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: little baskets with my favorite things or stuff I've mentioned
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: wanting or needing.
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: She's just a nice lady.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: It's called listening.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: She's a caring, empathetic lady.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: She listens. Man, if everyone did this who listened to me,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I would have been married.
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: A millionaire.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: A long time ago.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: This is a classic 20, like dumb guy.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Right.
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: Cause you never had anyone to be nice to. Yeah.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, maybe just doesn't have any friends.
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah. This is just kind of what it's like to
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: have buddies that care about you and love you.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I've also caught her staring at me a lot
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: when we're hanging out, and she asks about me a lot,
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: about my work, friends, dating life, etc. There have also
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: been a few specific situations that made me start thinking
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: more about it. When I first moved away for college,
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: she offered to drive me since my mom and brother
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: couldn't get the time off. My mom was able to
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: do it, switch shifts, so it wasn't needed. Another time,
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: I needed to borrow something from Jose, and he told
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: me to just stop by since Valerie works from home.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: When I got there, she insisted I stay for dinner
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: and hang out until Jose got home, and she even
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: brought her work laptop into the living room so she
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: could work there instead of her office.
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: It's just a very nice, thoughtful, kind human being who
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: maybe is like, wow, this guy, I don't think he's
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: ever had anyone be nice to him before.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: True.
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: So I'm going to be real nice.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: As a single guy, it is hard to decipher when
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: a woman is flirting... Or being nice to you.
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but in this specific situation, I feel like.
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: Just nice.
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: Just a nice lady who's been dating your brother for
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: like 12 years.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: Had an interesting break.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: He won't talk about it.
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: Just a one-year break.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Won't go into detail about it.
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: But it sounded like he had a good time during
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: the break. Maybe she didn't. She's just a nice... Come on, dog.
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: You gotta touch grass a little bit on this. She
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: wanted me to stay for dinner.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: Till my brother got home.
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: Till my brother was here.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: Uh-oh.
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: Sparks are flying.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Then there was another incident that made me think about
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: it even more. One day, Valerie and I both had
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: to work late and my family was having a game
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: night with some distant cousins who were in town. Jose
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: was already there, so Valerie asked if I could give
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: her a ride.
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she's into him.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: There it is.
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: She wants him bad. Can I get a ride to
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: the family event? Okay, let's lay off, lady.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: You're dating my brother.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Like ride or ride?
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what kind of ride are you talking about?
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: She doesn't drink at all and says she hates booze
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: because she's never found anything she likes. So I know
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: it wasn't about needing a sober ride. The drive was
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: pretty long and we talked the whole time and she
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: was basically singing along to basically every song I played.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: Okay, again, she's just a nice lady with joy in
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: her heart.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Lay off. She sings the songs I play. All right. Okay. Great.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: She knows music. She's got good taste.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: You just like her.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's a bug. Opie has a crush and is
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: convinced that she wants him.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: Yes. You just like her and she's just too nice.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: This is why you got to go outside.
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, dude.
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: Legitimately, this is why you have to go outside.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: This is the first time Opie's talking to a girl.
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: It feels like it where it's like, she asked me
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: for a ride and I know it's not because she drinks.
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: What are you talking about? She just wants to show
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: up to this family event with you so that she's
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: not going alone. Yeah.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: She's singing songs I play. I think she loves me.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: To be real, Jose's already there.
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: And it's a long drive anyway. She's going to have
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: to drive there and back alone in her own car. Instead,
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: she's going to hitch a ride with you there and
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: then hitch a ride with Jose.
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, come back with Jose.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: I would do that. That's just common sense. That's just easy. Yeah,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: that's common sense.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: Come on, dog.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, what stood out to me afterward is that when
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: she was younger... She used to get carsick and would
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: usually fall asleep in the car on family trips. But
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: this time, she was fully awake and talking the entire ride.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: People grow up!
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: God forbid she changes from getting carsick as a child
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: to growing up and not getting carsick as an adult.
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: She maybe copes by singing along to songs.
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: You have no idea. Or maybe she's like, oh, well,
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: I'll just talk because it's a long ride. So I'll
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: just participate when it's just two of us. This is
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: the most you-gotta-touch-grass kind of guy. Doc, come on. Get
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: a hold of yourself.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: Get a hint.
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: Get a hint. She's just having a nice time.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: She breathes my oxygen. She's in love with me. That's insane.
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: You have to talk to more people. Unfortunately, that's the
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: only thing here. She's singing songs and she's staying awake. Yeah.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: So could it get any more obvious? She used to
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: fall asleep when she was a kid.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: You do the math. She also told me she's never
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: realized how much we have in common with In terms
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: of music, books, movies, et cetera.
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: She just wants to get to know her future brother-in-law.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe she just has interest.
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: Cool.
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: Maybe she didn't know you that well when you were
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: in college, and now she's making up for lost time.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: I want to know what things that she's into, he's into.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: It should be big multimedia things.
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: She watched Spider-Man, which I was like, that's crazy. I
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: also did that.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: She likes Bad Bunny.
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: She read a couple books with words.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: I've done that.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: She knows the alphabet. I know the alphabet.
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: I know the alphabet. Her steering wheel in her car,
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: left side of the car. That's where mine is. She
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: just wants to get to know you, dude. Because you're
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: going to be her brother-in-law. Unless you're creepy and you
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: explode it.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: I think that's what it's getting to. Maybe none of
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: this means anything and she's just a really nice person.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: I honestly don't know.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: We could tell.
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: But the staring, attention, remembering everything I like, and always
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: wanting to spend time with me has started making me
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: wonder if there's something more to it. For context, I'm
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: not attracted to Valerie at all.
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: Okay, dog. Okay, sure. Let's say I believe you.
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: She's not my type. I've also been told I look
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: like a younger version of Jose, so part of me
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: wonders if that's something to do with how she treats me.
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: Okay, dude. Talk to a woman outside.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: The reason I'm hesitant to say anything is because my
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: entire family loves Valerie.
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because she sounds like an awesome person.
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: She probably does that to every single one of them, too.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: You're like, gee, I wonder why... Everyone likes her. I
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: wonder why my brother likes her. I wonder why they've
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: been dating for so long.
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: The whole family loves her.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: My sisters are always talking about how nice she is.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: They go on girls trips together. She's the godmother to
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: both of my sister's kids. And my mom... absolutely adores her.
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: My family constantly talks about how sweet, thoughtful, and amazing
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: she is, especially how good of a cook she is. Basically,
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: everyone thinks she's perfect.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: Do you think she's perfect?
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: So all that stuff that you mentioned, maybe think about
• 48:53
  Speaker 4: any of them. Everyone thinks she's sweet and thoughtful.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: That's some thought processing.
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: Do you wonder if maybe she's doing this to everyone else?
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: Why do you think they think she's thoughtful? Awesome. Is
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: she in love with everyone in your family? He sees
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: her bring cookies over for a family event, and he's like,
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: oh my god. She loves her mom. Listen for me.
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: She loves her mom.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: I got to tell Jose.
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: I have to tell Jose. She loves our mom so much.
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: She helped him clean up dinner. Oh, no. She wants
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: to marry our dad.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: Wait.
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: Did she just give Grandma a plate of food?
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: Nuclear. This is nuclear.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: Stop it.
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God. She wants to marry Grandma. She wants
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: to marry Grandma. That's gonna kill Grandpa and Jose. Oh, no.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: Hal's hodgepodge says, okay, speaking for the girls, I stare
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: at people because they look like people I'm trying to
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: figure out who.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: That's fair. I mean, OP gave it the context of
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I look like a younger version of Jose. She probably goes,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I see it.
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I kind of see it.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: Sometimes you see someone and you're like, that guy looks
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: like a mix of someone and someone and you just
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: take some time.
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So when Jose and Valerie broke up years ago,
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: my family was really sad about it because they were
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: so close with her and her family. I was away
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: at college for most of that, so I never really
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: had the same relationship with her that everyone else did.
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: If I tell Jose, I feel like he'll probably be
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: in denial because he's completely in love with her. Should
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: I tell Valerie that I'm not interested and that some
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: of her behavior is making me uncomfortable? Should I just
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: start keeping my distance? Or should I tell my brother
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: what I've noticed?
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: Hey, Jose, I... I think Valerie loves me.
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: I think if she is legitimately doing stuff that makes
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: you feel uncomfortable, then just tell her that you're feeling uncomfortable.
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: But don't concoct this whole story in your head that
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: she loves you. It's totally fine to let someone know
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: that your boundaries have been breached. And if that's the case,
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: just be like, hey, I don't like it when you
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: stare at me.
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: I don't like it when you cook my favorite food
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: when I come over.
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: I don't like it when you remember seeing the top
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: 40 or stay awake. You're not my type, first of all.
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: First of all, Valerie, not my type. And you make
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: me uncomfortable by listening to music and staying awake.
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're so into her.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, my gosh.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: And plus, if she was mean to him, game over.
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: He's going to fall in love, too.
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: I know, immediately.
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: Well, it's just as.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: If she's mean or making you uncomfortable, 100%, be like, hey,
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: this sucks.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: Opie's a modern-day Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, he solved the case.
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: But like.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: He's like, I should be a detective. Crack the code.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: Think about it a little bit. Sometimes there's no clues.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: I would, I don't know, go up to her and say, hey,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: does she know what you like? Do you sing with
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: her in the car?
• 51:39
  Speaker 4: Just double check. Ask everyone in your family, hey, has
• 51:41
  Speaker 4: Valerie ever been, like, thoughtful to you?
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: I was gone for four years. I was, like, college,
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: by the way.
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: And when she was here, was she, like, nice?
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: She knows my name.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: There's one comment Prior Priority says, do not say an
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: effing word about any of this to anyone. It'll end
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: in all tears. Trust me, I know. Just keep your
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: mouth shut and say nothing.
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: That also is weird. I don't love the tone of that,
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: where it's, That one almost seems affirming to him. To
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: be like, just keep your mouth shut. Don't say anything.
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: It'll end in tears.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, true. Don't say a word. There is enough.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, keep going. Keep going.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: There is enough there?
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's enough there.
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: Oh, you added it? So I talked to another woman,
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: and she was nice, too. I think every single woman
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: is in love with me.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: They all want to marry me.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: There's a cashier at Trader Joe's, and you would not
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: believe the stuff she was saying. She told me I
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: got really good items, and the crispy wontons are her favorite.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: So.
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: What am I supposed to do? So now my life
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: is ruined.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: Too much.
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: Now I can't go back to this Trader Joe's. The
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: cashier's in love with me.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: Update.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: Update five days later. So I didn't tell my brother
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: or Valerie anything. Instead, I went to my sisters and
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: told them what I'd noticed. They basically laughed at me
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: and said I was being delusional.
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: Great job, sisters. Slam dunk.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: They pointed out that I was going by my own logic.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: Valerie would probably be even more into them because she
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: does some of the same things for them and more. Yeah.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: Come on.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: She's cooked them recipes she's seen online and they've wanted
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: to try them and surprise them with meals or snacks
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: they've mentioned wanting and sometimes stops by their work with
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: coffee she makes herself. or leftovers that she and Jose
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: didn't finish.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: Opie's sweating bullets. He's like, holy shit, it's a family affair.
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: Oh no. Oh no. How are we going to tell Jose?
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: I honestly had no idea she did any of that.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: My family really doesn't cook much. If we do, it's
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: usually pretty basic stuff. Valerie, on the other hand, is
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: a really good cook and makes all kinds of dishes
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: from different cultures too. My sisters explain that cooking for
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: each other It's kind of a thing between them and Valerie.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: If Valerie makes something good for them, they usually do
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: that in return by making something for her. Or sometimes
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: they'll take her out to eat.
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: Oh no, it's too late. They're married.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: Gone too far.
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: She married the sisters.
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: It's not something Valerie does for everyone in the family.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: It's more of a mutual thing between her and my sisters.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: It's because Valerie loves your family and loves you, and
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: this is how she shows love, dude.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go. And Opie goes, said it. She
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: loves me.
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: She loves me. I knew it. And I don't even,
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: she's not even my type. But I don't love her. Yeah,
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: she's not my type at all. I'm normally into, like,
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: different girls.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: I'm into girls who just treat me like nothing.
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: I'm into that.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: Give me that.
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: Not really sweet girls.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Sweet girls?
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: They don't know my name. Oh, he's a goober.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: They don't talk.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: He really is.
• 54:40
  Speaker 4: This guy's a real goober.
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: They also pointed out something I completely overlooked. A lot
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: of the snacks I thought Valerie specifically remembered for me
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: were actually Jose's favorites, too.
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: You dork.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: Sometimes Jose is the one who tells her what to buy, too,
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: and when.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: What an actual idiot.
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: You are just sweet as could be.
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: My sister said that when they're shopping with her, she'll
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: sometimes say something like, Jose asked me to grab these
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: for him and me.
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God. I think his brother wants to marry him. Oh, no.
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: Jose wants to marry OP. Oh, man.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: I guess she rubbed off on my brother, too, because
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: he wasn't always as emotional or caring as he is now.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: Someone had also DM'd me if Valerie only served me
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: food when I was over. No, she serves Jose his plate, too.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: What was the first story? What was the full circle?
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: What did he say? What did OP say in the
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: first story? He's like, I'm not the sharpest tool.
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: In the crayon. The sharpest bulb in the crayon box.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: I think we found someone duller. Yep. I think we
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: found a duller bulb somehow.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: How? No idea.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: I also like that he has this fixed reality where
• 55:52
  Speaker 4: he's like, my brother was never emotional. And then I
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: was gone for like five years. And I come back
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: and out of nowhere, he's emotional. And emotional, by the way, just, hey,
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: can you grab snacks for my brother? And he's like, wow,
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: you've changed.
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: Used to be different.
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: You used to be way different five years ago when
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: I used to live here when I was 20 and
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: you were 25.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Good math.
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: And now you've changed out of nowhere. You told her
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: to buy snacks for us? What are you, some emotional guy?
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: What happened, man?
• 56:21
  Speaker 4: What happened? You used to be so stoic. You never
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: wanted snacks at all.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: A few people who also asked if I've been single
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: this whole time. I haven't. I had a girlfriend before,
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: but she wasn't nearly as attentive or close to my
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: family as Valerie is. So I think that's part of
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: why Valerie's behavior stood out to me so much.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we could tell.
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: I'm just not used to my brother's girlfriend being that
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: attentive towards me. So I interpret it differently than I
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: probably should have.
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe anyone attentive to you at all.
• 56:49
  Speaker 4: That actually makes me really sad. I'm very sorry. Sorry
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: that that happened.
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: Should probably ask if Valerie has siblings or something.
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: I don't know. Just double check.
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 56:58
  Speaker 4: You're a sweet guy.
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: Sweet guy.
• 57:00
  Speaker 4: I'm glad you learned a lesson a little bit.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: I hope so, dude. My sister also reminded me of
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: something else I never considered. Valerie is an only child
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: and only apparently wasn't very close with anyone growing up.
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: Her family was mostly older Tias and Tios. And also
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: because they were older, her family eventually became pretty small.
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: My sisters think that's part of why she likes being
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: so involved with our family. We have a much bigger
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: family and apparently she really enjoys being a part of it.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Couldn't tell.
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: You're a sweet kid. A lot going on.
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah. They also told me they weren't going to say
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: anything to Jose. and that I shouldn't either. Apparently, Jose
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: is planning on proposing to Valerie in October, and they
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: don't want me to make things awkward between us or
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: have mine and his relationship rocky again over something that
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: I completely misread. I guess she was just being nice
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: and herself.
• 57:54
  Speaker 4: Whatever that means. I hope you learned an important lesson. Yeah, dude.
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: That sometimes people are nice, and they don't love you
• 58:02
  Speaker 4: in that way.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they don't want to F you.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: This did happen to me. My friend's fiance, Dakota knows
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: the story because he also had the same experience with
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: the same girl.
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: Interesting.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: We came to this party. I had like a sandwich,
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: good sandwich. She's like, the sandwich looks really good. And
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: I went, yeah, do you want a bite of it?
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: And went to her fiance, who I'm good friends with.
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: And he told me, he's like, hey, she told me
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: that you wanted to give her a sandwich and like
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: you're in love with her. And I went, hmm, bro,
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: I gave my, you know me. And he's like, yeah,
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: I know you. you'd give a bite of a sandwich
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: to anyone who thinks it's good. And I went, yeah.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 58:36
  Speaker 4: Huh.
• 58:36
  Speaker 3: Interesting.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Literally like that. It was just like, he said he
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: wanted to give me a bite of a sandwich and
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: I think he's in love with me.
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: So you're Valerie. Yeah.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: And she was OP. And I'll tell you right now,
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: they didn't get married.
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: No.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: She would say things like that and we're just like,
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: what is going on?
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: Have you ever been a Valerie?
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: I don't think I've been a Valerie. I hope not.
• 58:54
  Speaker 3: Well, Valerie's sweet.
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: Oh, Valerie is sweet, but I hope that nobody's out
• 58:58
  Speaker 4: there like, Oh, thinking like, that I'm in love with me. Yeah,
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: I'm just kind of like a, Chill guy.
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: He makes me laugh. Loves me.
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: Loves me.
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: Loves me.
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: No, not as of now as anyone has publicly told.
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: I imagine they talked to their sisters before.
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: And then they didn't say anything.
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: And then they didn't. Have you been to Valerie?
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: I think I have. I was nice to these couple
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: of girls back in Tennessee whenever I lived there, because
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, friendships. And I have better relationships
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: with women. I don't know. It's hard for me to
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: connect with guys sometimes, so I was just like, oh, girls, yay,
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: fun time.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: And then I think because I would cook for them
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: and hang out with them, one of them started to
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: like me.
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: Classic Valerie.
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: But she didn't tell me.
• 59:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: And I could kind of tell, and I was like.
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah. That's tough. I mean, you just want to be
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: nice and participate in society.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: So many people are so bad and terrible.
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: That it is kind of indicative of how mean the
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: majority of people are. For people to be like, oh,
• 59:50
  Speaker 4: holy cow, this guy's being nice to me. I think
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: he loves me.
• 59:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:53
  Speaker 4: Instead of that being like. Oh, everyone's nice.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, especially like in L.A. or I got to think
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: in New York. Have you spent as much time in
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: New York?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: I've never been. Never been? Never been.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: Trying to stay off the East Coast. You never know.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: What did the East Coast do to you?
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: You never know.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: You never know. Fair.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: How far east have you gone?
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: I went to New Jersey.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: As a boy.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: And then you went, I never want to experience the
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: East Coast ever again. Fair.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: I'll be back someday. I'm just waiting for things to
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 4: cool off.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: You skipped a state.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 4: I went right into New Jersey.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: Well, Joey, is there anything we didn't get to talk
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: about that you want to talk about on this pod?
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: I had a great time.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, dude. This was awesome.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: I'll have you back sometime.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: I would love to.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 4: And this is a good time. I like the comments.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: That's fun.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: Dude.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 4: Don't worry.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I get mean.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 4: I was waiting for it.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: I was like, what are you saying over there? Well,
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: plug yourself. Where can we follow you? Where can we
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: see your stuff?
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: Absolutely. You can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. The
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 4: username for that is all the same, Joey Cerrone Comedy,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: which is J-O-E-Y-C-E-R-O-N-E, comedy. And then, yeah, check out my
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: Comedy Central taping coming out at the end, maybe October,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: maybe a little earlier. It'll be out on the Comedy
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: Central YouTube, or if you follow me on Instagram, I'll
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: post about it. Amazing. Come check it out. Also, I'll
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: be at the Comedy Store almost every night.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: Let's go.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: The door guy.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: I'm the door guy.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: Showing them the seats.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 4: Showing you your seat. Yelling the rules at you.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: Have you ever met Angie?
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: Angie Stroud? Fantastic door. She's got a write-up in the
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: LA Times as an up-and-coming comic. One of my dear friends.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: I saw that with Ryan.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: The other dude.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: One of my dear friends.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: You know Ryan? Angie. Oh, Angie?
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: Angie? Yeah.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: I followed her for a while.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, cool. One of the great door guys.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: Everyone's called a door guy, regardless of gender. Everyone's a
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: door guy. Okay.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: Any just quick nightmare stories?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: This is my favorite nightmare story.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, great.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: Two guys from Utah came to a 7 p.m.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 3: Show.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: Nightmare. The show went from 7 to 8.30.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 4: And they showed up together, two guys from Utah. They
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: both had four beers each. At the end of the show,
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: one of the guys got up, threw up down the stairs. Oh.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 4: Threw up down the stairs. Four beers. Threw up down
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: the stairs into the yonder pouch bin, which is where
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: we lock phones up. We had just bought 200 new
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: yonder bags. for phone locking, threw up into that. And
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: so I went to follow him. And then I looked
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 4: over at his buddy. His buddy had full peed his
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 4: pants front and back, sitting down in the chair.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: Front and back?
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 4: Front and back. He stood up front and back pee.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: Two guys from Utah. They had four beers at 7 p.m.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 4: during a musical comedy show. Mormons.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: Mormons.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 4: They had to be. And one of the guys, and
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 4: I bet they went back to Utah and they were like, guys,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 4: we were right. Alcohol is actually really bad.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: Or they were like, I don't think we should be
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: Mormons anymore. I know.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: Well, I hope that's not the way. Full pee front
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: and back. And his buddy threw up down the stairs
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: into the yonder pouch. I think doing $ 5, 000 of damage
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: just in those yonder bags alone.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: Stop it.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just beeline.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: Who pays for that, dude?
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: I don't believe we got their number. Front and back pee,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: which means he was sitting down in the pee for
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: gravity to have taken.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: He got a little sticky on the whatever he was
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: sitting on.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: Front and back pee. We had to throw away a chair.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: That was a horror story. That was a bad one.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 4: And then a couple nights ago, My roommate, Luke Binko,
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: the great Luke Binko, great door guy, very funny comedian.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 4: He was working in the original room and a guy
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: came in to the show and saw someone on stage
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 4: and immediately went, I challenge the stage. I challenge the stage.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 4: And the comic is a great comedian named Matt Lockwood.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 4: Let him go up. Cause the guy was like, I
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 4: believe I'm funnier than this. And I went up and
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: the guy completely blanked. Didn't say a word on stage.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: Blanked?
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: Blanked, nothing. And then we obviously kicked him out. But
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: as he was being kicked out, he was pleading with
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: Matt Lockwood to let him stay in the show. Pleading
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 4: with him, going, please, don't let him kick me out.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 4: Don't let him kick me out. And Matt was on
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: stage going like, why would I help you? I'm not
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: on your team. So those are just some fun ones.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: Dang. That's wild.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: It's a good time.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: You ever get like, you see Utah on somebody's ID
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: and you go, I got my eye on you.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: I definitely have my eye on two... Two guys like that.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: If those two guys ever come back, I think I'll
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: recognize them.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: Dang. They're right there.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: Front and back, Pete. You remember that? Front and back.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: If anyone were to have $ 5, 000 to pay for that,
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: it would be the Mormons. Yeah.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: Just put on Joe Smith's, or what's his name?
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: Is it Joe?
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 4: Joseph Smith.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Joseph Smith.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 4: I never called Joe, but I like that.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Joe Smith.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: Joe Smith.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 4: My buddy.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my buddy. We go back. Put on Joe Smith's card.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: Put on Joe Smith.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: But Joey, we're going to close this out. So if
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: you love us, make sure to subscribe.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 4: We love you. And we'll see you tomorrow.