Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #527 The Moment That Matters is Now

Transcript

#527 The Moment That Matters is Now · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, the biggest impediment to being present is exhaustion, burnout, overwhelmed.
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  Speaker 2: There's just so much to do, and my head is
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  Speaker 2: in those fourteen other places.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Hello, this is stopped Justin Coilson from Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 2: dot au and Channel.
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  Speaker 3: Nine's Parental Guidance.
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  Speaker 2: I'm here with Kylie mum to our six kids and
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  Speaker 2: Kylie school holidays.
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  Speaker 3: We're only a couple of weeks away. How fast has.
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  Speaker 2: Termed two gone? We're nearly halfway through the year. It's unbelievable.
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  Speaker 4: It feels like it's gone really fast, and it feels
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  Speaker 4: like it's been the longest six months of our life.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, the days are slow, but it's still times it
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  Speaker 2: flies by. We're excited to share something with you though,
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  Speaker 2: for today's podcast, about how we can make the most
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  Speaker 2: of most moments. Every now and again, we get so
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  Speaker 2: caught up in the thick of thin things that the
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  Speaker 2: things that matter most end up being at the mercy
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  Speaker 2: of the things that matter least. And so we thought
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  Speaker 2: that today we'd help you to keep the main thing
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  Speaker 2: the main thing, because that's the main thing, by talking
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  Speaker 2: about how we can be present, how it can be
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  Speaker 2: in the moment, and to do so. I want to
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  Speaker 2: start off with this quote that I found from Leo Tolstoy.
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  Speaker 2: It's a quote that really emphasizes what we're trying to
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  Speaker 2: do if we want to make the most of our moments.
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  Speaker 2: Tolstoy said, remember, then, there is only one time that
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  Speaker 2: is important now. It is the most important time because
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  Speaker 2: it is the only time when we have any power.
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  Speaker 4: That is probably one of the most profound things I've
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  Speaker 4: heard in quite some time, because we spend most of
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  Speaker 4: our time either regretting what we didn't do or what
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  Speaker 4: we have just.
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  Speaker 2: Done yeah, think about the past, yeah, or we're.
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  Speaker 4: Worried about what needs to happen in the future. Right
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  Speaker 4: in any given moment, I will be sitting at the
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  Speaker 4: table and I'm eating breakfast, but I'm actually thinking about
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  Speaker 4: the big to do list I have for the day. Sure,
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  Speaker 4: or I'm driving the kids to school, but I'm not
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  Speaker 4: actually with them in that moment, because I know that
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  Speaker 4: in order to maximize the hours I have without them,
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  Speaker 4: I need to do X Y and Z before I
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  Speaker 4: pick them up again.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll be in the car. Well, actually, do you
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  Speaker 2: know sometimes it's this bad. I can't believe I'm confessing
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  Speaker 2: to this, But sometimes I've got the option of going
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  Speaker 2: and doing something with either you or the kids, Like
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  Speaker 2: I've got to go and run an errand and I'd
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  Speaker 2: be like, Hey, does anyone want to come with me?
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  Speaker 2: But then before I ask the question, I think no,
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  Speaker 2: because if I don't take anyone with me, I get
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  Speaker 2: to listen to a podcast. It's in the car and
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  Speaker 2: listen to a podcast. And so there's all this, and
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  Speaker 2: what a what a waste? Like, what a what a
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  Speaker 2: wasted opportunity to be in the moment and make a
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  Speaker 2: connection with somebody. So Tolstoy's quote, the moment that matters
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  Speaker 2: is now.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 2: Obviously, we can focus on the future, and we can
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  Speaker 2: plan for the future and help the future to be better,
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  Speaker 2: and we can consider the past and learn from it
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  Speaker 2: and make the present and the future better as a result.
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  Speaker 3: But the general idea here is, if you.
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  Speaker 2: Want to make the most of most moments, be where
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  Speaker 2: your feet are, make sure your head is in the
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  Speaker 2: same place as your feed. Make sure your head is
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  Speaker 2: not three chores down the list, are halfway across the
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  Speaker 2: city or the suburb in which you live, because you
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  Speaker 2: know you have to go there soon. Just be here,
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  Speaker 2: Just be now. That seems to be what I think
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  Speaker 2: might be the most universal and helpful way that we
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  Speaker 2: can make the most of every moment.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I love that, And I think the second thing
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  Speaker 4: that I would suggest is sometimes we just need to
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  Speaker 4: let go of the agenda. We get really caught up
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  Speaker 4: in what we should be doing, when at times it
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  Speaker 4: may actually just be of benefit to everyone to just
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  Speaker 4: slow things down.
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  Speaker 2: So the other night, it's a.
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  Speaker 3: Really hard thing.
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  Speaker 2: By the way, before you go on with that, let
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  Speaker 2: go of the agenda. I'm a very agenda driven person.
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  Speaker 2: I love how you're laughing at me for saying that
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  Speaker 2: there's stuff to do and we've got to stay on track.
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  Speaker 2: I'm totally fine with flexibility, and I'm not hard caught.
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  Speaker 2: It's seven oh two and we should have moved from
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  Speaker 2: the third thing.
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  Speaker 3: This morning to the fourth thing this morning.
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  Speaker 2: Not hardcore like that, But there is an agenda, and
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  Speaker 2: we need to keep things moving forward momentum. Let's not
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  Speaker 2: be late, let's not ruin everyone else's day. We need
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  Speaker 2: to be considered of other people's needs. Let's make this
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  Speaker 2: stuff happen. You're not quite as what you're saying here
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  Speaker 2: is maybe the agenda doesn't need to be adhered to
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  Speaker 2: quite so rigidly.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not suggesting all the time, but if bedtime
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  Speaker 4: is seven o'clock and at six point fifty, you can
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  Speaker 4: see that the kids are all sitting at the dining
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  Speaker 4: table with you, and you're playing monopoly or.
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  Speaker 2: Whatever whatever, g having a great conversation.
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  Speaker 4: Or you might be having a conversation, or it hasn't.
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  Speaker 3: Come out of the freezer yet.
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  Speaker 4: It's just you. You can feel there's this beautiful bond happening.
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  Speaker 4: Then why would you stop that just because the routine
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  Speaker 4: says that at seven o'clock everything's got to be done
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  Speaker 4: and dusted and we're supposed to be in abajamas in bed.
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  Speaker 2: Because you know that the kids are going to be
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  Speaker 2: terrible tomorrow if you don't do it.
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  Speaker 4: Something suggesting you have to do two hours of it,
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  Speaker 4: but just letting it just kind of, you know, end
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  Speaker 4: naturally is so much nicer. The kids hate it when
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  Speaker 4: you wake them up in the morning, and it's just
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  Speaker 4: that instant abrup turn the lights on, everything's done. Those
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  Speaker 4: transitions matter, And so for me when I see that,
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  Speaker 4: you know we're having this beautiful moment, I just want
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  Speaker 4: to I want to live in that moment for just
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  Speaker 4: a little bit longer, because they don't last long enough
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  Speaker 4: a lot of the time.
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  Speaker 2: Which kind of goes back to that first point that
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  Speaker 2: I made again, and that is you've got to be
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  Speaker 2: sufficiently aware and have the willingness to be flexible on it.
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  Speaker 2: But awareness and being present. Awareness and being present is
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  Speaker 2: how you really make the most of the moment. You're
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  Speaker 2: not being reactive, you're not chasing the agenda, you're not
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  Speaker 2: doing this stuff that just has to be done. You're
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  Speaker 2: actually saying, I'm committed to hear, I'm committed to now,
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  Speaker 2: I'm present, I'm taking it in, I'm focused and intentional.
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  Speaker 2: When you do that, you're going to make more of
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  Speaker 2: the moment than you would otherwise.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think just a flow on for that
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  Speaker 4: is being open to spontaneity. It's one thing that we
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  Speaker 4: have at times been brilliant at and other times we've
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  Speaker 4: been very very agenda focused. But you wake up on
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  Speaker 4: Saturday morning, the sun is just beaming, and you know
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  Speaker 4: that a day down at the beach is going to
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  Speaker 4: be amazing. But you've got house cleaning planned, and you've
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  Speaker 4: got other things that you need to take care of.
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  Speaker 4: What are you going to choose?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm choosing the beach.
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  Speaker 2: But a few years ago I probably wouldn't have Maybe
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  Speaker 2: ten or fifteen years ago, I would have said, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 2: we can have fun once we've done the important things,
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  Speaker 2: because it's so important that the car gets washed, or
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  Speaker 2: that the lawns get mowed or the washing gets done.
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  Speaker 2: And of course, over time we start to realize that
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  Speaker 2: the important stuff is not necessarily the important stuff. After
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  Speaker 2: the break, we're going to talk about Kylie's favorite way
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  Speaker 2: to be more present, to be more aware, to let
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  Speaker 2: go of the agenda and be in the moment, to
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  Speaker 2: make the most of the moment. In just a set,
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  Speaker 2: just when you think you've got this parenting gignailed, your
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  Speaker 2: child hits some new milestone that leaves you figuratively banging
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  Speaker 2: your head against the wall. You wonder, where's the instruction manual?
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  Speaker 2: Your growth guide? Is that instruction manual a webinar outlining
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  Speaker 2: basic milestones so you know where your child's at, where
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  Speaker 2: they're going, and what you can expect get insights, reassurance
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  Speaker 2: and support from your growth guide, available online at happy
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  Speaker 2: families dot com dot au.
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  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers Now. You know, as
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  Speaker 4: a parent can be really hard to take in all
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  Speaker 4: of the moments and to really be where your feet are.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's exhausting.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, I reckon this is not something that we
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  Speaker 2: had written down before, but just as I think about it,
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  Speaker 2: the biggest impediment to being present is exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm.
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  Speaker 2: There's just so much to do and my head is
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  Speaker 2: in those fourteen other places. Another one is social media screens.
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  Speaker 2: That's a massive impediment to actually really enjoying the moment.
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  Speaker 2: It takes you away from the moment, takes you into
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  Speaker 2: this screen and you don't even notice what's going on,
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  Speaker 2: which goes back to the awareness thing. But you've got
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  Speaker 2: one thing that you mentioned to me before we started
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  Speaker 2: to record this podcast, and I thought that that's what
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  Speaker 2: we've got to finish on. That's the thing that helps
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  Speaker 2: you to bring it all together. What's your favorite idea
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to being in the moment.
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  Speaker 4: For me, the number one thing that just brings everything
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  Speaker 4: back full circle, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything,
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  Speaker 4: is just gratitude. Taking opportunities sit around the table with
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  Speaker 4: everybody at the end of the day and share and
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  Speaker 4: express the things that we're grateful for, because so often
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  Speaker 4: you miss the moments and it's through each other's perspectives
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  Speaker 4: that you gain you gain them back.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that you've said that.
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  Speaker 2: I think about those times where we're sitting at the
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  Speaker 2: table and we say, so, what was good in your
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  Speaker 2: day or what were you great and one of the
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  Speaker 2: kids and it doesn't happen all the time, like please don't.
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  Speaker 3: Think our kids are deep or insightful or always.
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  Speaker 2: Finding the magic moment in the day, But every so
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  Speaker 2: often one of them will say, I really appreciate it today.
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  Speaker 2: And then they'll say this thing, and you'll be like,
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  Speaker 2: I was there and I totally missed that, or I
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  Speaker 2: was there and I failed to appreciate it. I saw
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  Speaker 2: it happen, I registered, but I didn't consider the magnitude,
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  Speaker 2: the meaning, the purpose, the value in that moment. And
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  Speaker 2: then you hear that child recite to you how that
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  Speaker 2: was the best part of their day, and you kind
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  Speaker 2: of go, Oh, I need to be in the moment more.
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  Speaker 2: I've got to pay attention to this stuff because this
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  Speaker 2: is where life happens.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
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  Speaker 2: Look, there's probably a handful of other things that we
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  Speaker 2: could talk about in terms of being in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: We could talk about mindfulness, we can talk about granting techniques,
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  Speaker 2: we can talk about all.
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  Speaker 3: That sort of stuff. We can talk about self.
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  Speaker 2: Care and looking after yourself so that you're well enough emotionally, psychologically,
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  Speaker 2: or physically to be in the moment. But most people
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  Speaker 2: know that, and even just that quick mention of it
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  Speaker 2: is probably enough to give you the memory job. But
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  Speaker 2: today we want to encourage you to just be present,
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  Speaker 2: be aware, be in the moment, Focus on here and
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  Speaker 2: now because here and now is what you've got. Be
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  Speaker 2: where your feet are, Let go of the agenda, especially
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  Speaker 2: when things are going well so long as it's not going.
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  Speaker 3: To totally derail your.
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  Speaker 2: Day, and focus on gratitude because gratitude forces you to
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  Speaker 2: be present. It forces you to pay attention and recognize
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  Speaker 2: what's going on in your life. We hope that this
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  Speaker 2: is a helpful handful of hints to help you to
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  Speaker 2: be more present in your day to day with your kids.
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  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. We appreciate you, Justin, and we also very
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: much appreciate Greate Bruce, our executive producer, for his assistance
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: in making the podcast sound great. If you'd like more
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: information about how you can make your family happier, we've
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: got this awesome thing called a Happy Family's membership. We
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: would love for you to join us be a part
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: of what we do at Happy Families. Make your family
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: happier for as little as the team dollars a month,
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: or eighteen dollars for a Happy Family's Premium membership And
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: if you want more info about the podcast, making a
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Happy Family or a membership, you can find it at
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: happyfamilies dot com dot a