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Discernment in Relationships: Is He My Future Husband/ She My Future Wife Syndrome" · Kingdom Spouse Disappointment | Healing, Heartbreak, God Revealed Relationship, The One,

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  Have you ever met someone and wondered to yourself, is that my future spouse?
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  Or have you ever met several different persons at different moments in life,
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  and wondered in anticipation?
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  Is he my future husband?
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  Is she my future wife?
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  In today's episode, the last of a three-part series on discernment,
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  I share more about my personal experience of what I call the is-he-my-future-husband syndrome.
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  Also stick around to the end as I speak a bit more on how this impacts discernment,
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  as well as uncover some biblical applications from the books of Numbers and Kings.
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  Have you ever believed God showed you your future spouse only for the relationship
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  to end or never even begin?
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  You are not alone. Welcome to Kingdom Spouse Disappointment,
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  a space for honest conversations about Christian dating, heartbreak and healing.
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  If you've ever said, I thought God told me they were the one.
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  This podcast is for you. Here, we process the pain, rebuild the trust in God,
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  and rediscover hope, one honest conversation at a time.
• 1:46
  Hi there, welcome back to the Kingdom Spouse Disappointment Podcast.
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  If you are new here, my name is Lori, your host, and I am really glad you have joined today.
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  In today's episode, we will be talking
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  a bit about what I call the is-he-my-future-husband syndrome, right?
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  Or even the is she my future wife syndrome or generally speaking you could say,
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  are they the one syndrome.
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  Now if you have listened to my previous episodes.
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  I have shared a bit about my story of how I believed God revealed to me who
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  my future spouse would be,
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  only for me to be faced with disappointment discernment,
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  right also for the past few weeks on this podcast,
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  we have been talking about discernment right i've been exploring the topic of
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  discernment such as what discernment is and isn't,
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  common misconceptions about discernment as well as just navigating discernment
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  in christian relationships.
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  Now, continuing down that stretch, today's episode on discernment will be quite interesting.
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  Now, from the time I was a little girl, I had a wide imagination.
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  I was an avid reader and for the most part, good at creating stories or poems, right?
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  Whenever I read a book, it was almost as if it came alive in my head.
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  So whenever i read romantic novels or even watched romantic movies the the story
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  sort of just comes alive in my head,
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  so much that i would create my own similar love story with a matching plot of course,
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  to that novel that i was reading or that movie i was watching or whatever the case was Right.
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  And this followed me into adulthood.
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  I would get so caught up in the story I created in my mind that I didn't pay
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  as much or enough attention,
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  to the current reality when it came to interests and relationships.
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  This eventually became unhealthy.
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  And without knowing it it blurred my discernment it led me to what I now call the,
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  is he my future husband syndrome or are they the one syndrome,
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  and I do talk more about this in my book God Was I Wrong but technically this
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  syndrome quote-unquote syndrome is you know and I'm being very vulnerable right now.
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  But it's where I would meet again.
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  We would start having basic conversations, you know, maybe funny conversations as well.
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  And my mind would almost be like, alert, alert, possible subjects suspected.
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  Could this be my future husband?
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  Well, maybe not, right? Not exactly like that.
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  But my mind would would start to wonder right my mind would start to think that
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  this could potentially be the one,
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  in most cases i would find myself you know i would i would start creating a story in my head about,
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  what our future would be like if and when we got married.
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  And I truly believe it is necessary that I bring this up in this podcast,
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  as well as in this series about discernment, because you might have had similar experiences.
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  You've been waiting on God to send the one. You meet someone amazing.
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  And in the first couple conversations or encounters, you start wondering,
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  could this be your future husband or wife?
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  Could this be the one?
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  You might even start fantasizing about the wedding day, children,
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  and maybe even what the future might look like.
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  And let me say this, wanting to analyze someone to determine their possibility,
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  of being a future spouse is not bad.
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  It is actually good to analyze and be intentional from the start.
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  However, when it branches off into fantasies and trying to create futures in
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  our minds before even getting to know enough of the present,
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  right, the present circumstances, the present person, the present situation,
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  that can blur discernment.
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  So yeah, what I found is that I was sometimes caught up, guys, I was caught up,
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  caught up with the future I wanted in my mind that I was not sober-minded enough
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  and alert enough to the present realities and.
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  I'm just really being very honest and vulnerable right now.
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  And if this sounds relatable to you, stick around because I do want to share
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  some scripture that I believe will be super valuable today.
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  As well as I am also excited to share with you your truth for the journey for this week.
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  And maybe what i mentioned earlier did not sound relatable to you maybe you
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  didn't excitingly and hopefully wonder to yourself,
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  is this the one about most persons you met and maybe you didn't get whisk away
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  in your imagination about what your future life or wedding would be like,
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  if they were indeed the one, right?
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  But if you listen to this podcast and if you have encountered any form of relationship
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  disappointment as a Christian,
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  or disappointment about, quote unquote, the one, stick around as the scriptures
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  I am about to share is still applicable and beneficial.
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  Now, I want to ask a reflective question, right?
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  And that reflective question is, has a representation, symbol,
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  or even promise of God's hope or blessing,
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  become what you look to and think about more than God?
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  And I ask this question because I'm pulling this from, you know,
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  this interesting story, or two different stories, I would say, in the Bible,
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  right, that I am just noticing.
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  Now, in Numbers 21, right, it talks about the children of Israel,
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  you know, they left Egypt and they're in the wilderness,
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  and you know they're learning to trust God in the wilderness I think,
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  in this chapter they're closer to entering the promised land right.
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  But as before throughout the years they are complaining grumbling telling against
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  you know leadership and authority God has placed over them.
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  And, you know, just the works, you know, always complaining and saying,
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  why did you bring us out here, Moses?
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  Did you carry us out here to die?
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  You should have just left us in Egypt. But beyond that, the point is that in
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  chapter 21, we see where this is happening, the complaining,
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  the grumbling, the impatience, rebelling, and so forth.
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  And in it there were some snakes that came and you know attacked them and,
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  god instructed moses to technically build a bronze snake,
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  and put it on a pole and the israelites who looked towards the pole.
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  Would be saved, right? A simple act of faith or an act of faith, right?
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  Right. And it seems insignificant, right? It's a pole with a bronze snake and so forth.
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  I never really thought it was mentioned again in scripture.
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  But i have realized that you know later down,
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  and this is in kings right so later down after,
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  the israelites successfully reached the promised land then they have judges
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  who rule them then they eventually have kings and so forth we're now in second kings right,
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  and second kings 18 verse 4 He removed the high places, smashed the,
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  sacred stones, and cut down the Asherah poles.
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  He broke into pieces the bronze snake Moses had made, for up to that time,
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  the Israelites had been burning incense to it.
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  It was called Nehustan.
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  Now, the he that it is referring to here is one of the kings,
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  specifically King Hezekiah, right?
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  And just linking it back.
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  To the story in numbers, we are seeing where generations down the line, later down in life,
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  this same bronze snake you know that Moses had made as a symbol of hope for the people as a symbol of,
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  restoration as a symbol that they should look to and with faith through looking on that,
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  on that snake on the pole they would be healed right at the time when they were in the wilderness,
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  right so this this thing,
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  that at the time god,
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  told moses to create he created it and it was something that brought healing
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  to the israelites not because of the item itself but because of what it represented and,
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  you know the faith that they had to look and believe right and be healed,
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  now this very thing,
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  generations down the line became an idol,
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  and why is this significant i just want you to reflect and introspect a bit,
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  i just want you to reflect.
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  On this story and just reflect,
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  on the theme of discernment as you navigate because Could there be a possibility,
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  that a symbol of hope or a symbol of promise.
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  That was received by you or given to you became something that was elevated?
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  To be equal or above the God that you serve.
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  And as we see here in this story, and as we cross-reference,
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  you know, eventually this pole with this snake had to be put down.
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  It had to be smashed into pieces, right?
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  It had to be broken into pieces because it was something that became an idol,
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  which was initially meant to be a symbol of hope and faith for the Israelites.
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  So just sharing that.
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  And now as you go into the rest of your week.
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  I do want you just to think about what I have shared today and even possibly do some introspection,
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  spend some time with God and ask him to show you if there are any misconceptions,
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  or expectations that you have or had that were blurring your discernment.
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  And whether or not your story relates to the is he my future husband or wife
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  syndrome that I speak about, still take some time to reflect.
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  And while you reflect i just want you to remember that in this all you are more
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  than a conqueror in christ jesus and i don't want you to ever forget that healing is a journey,
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  it's not destination,
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  now as we wrap up i do want to share with you your truth for the journey for this week,
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  and that is that.
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  God is with you yeah,
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  I know today's truth for the journey is a lot shorter than the usual,
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  but I just want to leave with you
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  that simple encouragement because as you process this season of your life,
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  and as you reflect on the themes of discernment discussed in this and previous episodes,
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  I want you to remember that God is with you.
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  God is with you on this journey. he is for you not against you in the days when
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  you are crying he is with you in the days when you're a bit better he is with
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  you in the days when you feel like you've taken 10 steps forward,
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  but then 50 steps backwards he is with you,
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  also before you go i just want to pray philippians 1 verses 9 and 10 over you.
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  And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,
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  so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.
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  Thank you so much once again for joining me in today's episode.
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  Do have a blessed day and a blessed rest of your week.