Latest / bit of a Rambler / 079 Dating Abroad

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079 Dating Abroad · bit of a Rambler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello. My name is Kai, and I am a bit
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: of a rambler. I like to travel, learn and tell stories.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: And I receive this question in one form or another
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: consistently enough that I think I should address dating abroad?
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: How does it work? What's it like? What are the expectations?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: All that jazz. Actually, when I opened this paper up
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: earlier to check my notes for the podcast, it just
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: said rad, and I hadn't filled out anything else about
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: dating while you're traveling, and I thought that was really funny,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So I just said dating abroad rad, because it is.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: It's great. That's what it's like. It's great. How does
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: it work? Same way normal dating works. You find someone
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: you're interested in, you ask if they want to spend
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: time doing what you want to do, and if they're
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: into it, great, and if they're not, find someone else.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: What are the expectations? Totally depends on the two of you.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I recommend making things clear how long you're going to be,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: where you are, what you are looking for, and then
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: the expectations will be known. Dating while traveling I enjoy
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: much more than dating while sedentary. It's almost easier while
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: you're traveling to know what you want because very often
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: you're there for two months or six months or whatever,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: you know how long you have, and so you don't
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: have to be as afraid as many people are. We're
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: normally very cautious. Humans are conservative in general, with good
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: survivalist reasons. What I find interesting is that it seems
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: like as the traveler, you gain some sort of pre
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: approval to determine the expectations up front. I'm not sure
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: exactly what it is. It sort of seems like if
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: you have enough of a direction that you want to travel,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: that's already more than many sedentary people know about what
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: they want to do in their lives. I mean, like
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: many people stay in a job, or in a relationship,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: or in a house, or in any kind of living situation,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: any part of their life because they're already doing it.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Because it's easy to stay in what they know. They
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: know they can survive it, because they are surviving it,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: so they can survive more of it. They don't have
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: to do something new. And as I've mentioned, traveling is
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: simple to do. You get your travel documents, you buy
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: the ticket, you go. It might not be super easy,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: but it is very simple. But that direct action and
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: seems to confer upon a person in an aura of knowing.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Having a literal direction in which are traveling implies a
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: sense of direction within your whole sense of self. And
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I think that's fair because spending a week in Italy
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: for the first time, you're going to learn more in
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: that first week in Italy than you are, or rather,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I should say than I did working an entire year
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: in my job at the bakery. And it means that
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: the traveler is taking control of their life in some measure.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: They're not staying in a relationship because they're in a relationship.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: They're not staying at a job because they're already at
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: the job. They are doing this thing because they want
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: to do it, and that's a fair assessment. Most travelers
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I know are traveling because they want to travel. That
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: is an active decision, which is very different from a
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: lot of sedentary life lifestyles. And it's awesome if you
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: love your job, it's great if you want to stay
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: and maintain the relationships of your friends and family you've
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: cultivated for a lifetime. That makes perfect sense and is
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: a perfectly valid way to live your life. This is
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: just the impression that I get from how people talk
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: to me and other travelers in general, like we figured
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: out some sort of direction, which I would say, even
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: if you haven't figured out a direction, once you're traveling,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: everything is much more clear than when you're inside the
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: fog of a well accumulated culture and life. So while
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I'm abroad, it does seem easier for me to date,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: and I get the same feedback from other travelers, not
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: my partners, but other people, other travelers who date. It
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: seems easier to do while you're already moving in a direction,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: while you're already making the decision to travel, You're already
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: questing for something by traveling, and love is such an
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: innate human component, and other people notice that too, which
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: brings us into the next point. Because you are traveling
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: and you have an apparent purpose, even if that purpose
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: is be here for a couple of weeks, you are
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: interesting your novel. If the same person saw you sitting
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: down next to them in a coffee shop, they might
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: not speak to you for three hours and then leave
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: for years, even if you were in the coffee shop
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: at the same time for years. That might just never happen.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: But if someone knows you're a traveler instantly, they're much
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: more likely to ask you, where are you from, which
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: country were you in before, where are you going next?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Why do you travel? What do you get out of it?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Do you ever get lonely? And you get to answer
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: these base sick questions break the ice, and then you
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: get to answer personal questions, So within ten minutes the
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: person that you're talking to you both have a sense
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: of oh, this person is asking very insightful questions that
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: resonate with what I care about, so you know if
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: you like them or not. And then because you're sharing
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: with them your values, they know pretty quickly if they
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: like you too. By being a traveler, it's very easy
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: to break the ice and get to know the other
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: person within a very short conversation with many more people
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: in general than you would, say the people around your neighborhood.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It might be easy to say hey or cool dog
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: to someone for years living near them and never know
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: anything about the person. But most people that you talk
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: to while you're traveling will ask you something personal because,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: just like I said, it'll lead from the couple basic
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: questions that many people ask into something that has to
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: be personal, Although it might seem fundamental, why are you traveling?
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: What made you live in Korea for two years. You're
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: going to be sharing values and beliefs and insights and
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: conclusions that you've come to. It's really interesting how quickly
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: you can get to know someone, or really that's not true,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: but how quickly you can judge whether the two of
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: you would make good friends or partners or whatever you
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: want to call it sexy times together just by talking
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: to someone, and because they're already asking you what, it
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: becomes a parent is personal. As soon as you reveal
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: your values and why you travel, for instance, it's easier
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: to be direct. They can tell you if they're into
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: it or not because you've already shared something deeper. If
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: they just have to let you know that they have
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: a husband or a girlfriend already and they're not interested
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: in polyamory, then okay, now you know, but you can
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: still have a good conversation. I find it much easier
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to get to know someone while I'm traveling. It's a
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: lot like when you're younger and you start drinking and
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're having these super deep, insightful
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: conversations and they last for four hours with someone you've
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: never met, you just met them at the party or
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: it's the first time you talk to them after work,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: and because you're both drinking, your inhibitions are lowered and
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: you're just letting your true colors fly. And then the
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: next morning, maybe it was a good conversation, but you
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: probably forgot like half of it, and you probably weren't
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: making super good points anyway, because you're drunk. Being traveling
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: gives you that in right away to have meaningful conversations,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: but you can remember all of it the next time
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: you see that person and build off of that. Another
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: reason dating while you're traveling is great is because people
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: in general, globally worldwide as far as I've been, are
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: much kinder and more helpful to travelers than your next
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: door neighbor. If your water pipe bursts and you have
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: to ask your next door neighbor for help, you probably
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: don't really want to ask them, and they're like, I
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: was just pulling the cookies out of the oven, and
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: now I have to help this person. There's some sort
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: of thing where knowing someone familiarity breeds contempt. I'll put
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: it this way, because this is much easier to crystallize.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I can probably count on one hand the number of
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: times in my life that I've been living a sedentary
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: life and asked a neighbor for help and got help,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: versus traveling. I could not recall the amount of times
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I have asked for help and instantly received it, or
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: the number of times I have received incredibly generous help
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: without even asking for it. And people have been helpful
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: in what are considered the most dangerous neighborhoods in the
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: entire country. People have been helpful in stores when they
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: see me buying something every single stitu I literally can't
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: count either of those situations in which people have offered
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: help to me as a traveler. People in general are
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: more kinder and more helpful towards travelers. I personally and
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: every traveler that I've been in a conversation about this
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: specific topic with received kinder and more helpful treatment from
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: people while traveling, and not even when I'm in need
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: of help. People call me over for tea or to
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: share a conversation and a meal with them, or just
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: to talk lean over and let me know how much
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I should buy that bicycle pump four from the local cellar,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: or to play a game like People just want to
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: get to know a traveler more than they want to
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: know their neighbors. They're much more interested in talking to
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the guy with the rucksack on his back than they
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: are to the person who's lived next door to them
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: for fourteen years. That is just how people work, as
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: far as I've seen them, at least in relation to me,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: and as far as I understand at least in relation
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: to other travelers. It's a general agreement that while you're traveling,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: people are going to be more helpful and kind and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: to interest it. So when a girl in IgA Castle,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: where I was laying in my hammock, asked me if
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I was all right because I was lying in a
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: hammock in the middle of a day in a ninja courtyard,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, sure, I'm good. How are you?
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: And I went on a date with that girl. Later on,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: there was a girl whose suitcase was broken in Chiang Mai,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: and I thought about it, and then I felt like
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: a genius because I actually came up with this. But
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I had an extra keyring in my bag. I put
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: the keyring through the zipper hole because it was just
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: the other part that had broken off, the little handle part,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and it worked perfectly to the zipper and she shared
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: her contact information with me, and we talked off and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: on for years after that, and I think she was
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: offering to let me kiss her in thanks, and then
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: like I didn't get it because I'm an idiot. I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: will say real quick, there is the general allure of
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: a traveler too oo. It's a man or woman of mystery.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Where are they going, what are they doing? Why are
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: they doing it? There is Yeah, you have an air
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: of mystery around you. Now, oh you have to do
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: is buy a plane ticket, and now people think you're
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: internationally interesting. It's a great shortcut to a personality. I'm
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: kidding because I don't think that's true. That is a joke,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: But I do think it's a very good shortcut to
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: people giving you the benefit of a doubt and immediately
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: trying to find out who you are and what you're
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: all about. You don't have to play the social games
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: because you're outside of your culture. So if you misspeak,
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: you didn't just misspeak about twenty seven cultural connotations that
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: you have to get correct. Every time you say anything.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: You can clarify your message, the person can ask a
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: follow up question. You have real conversations, and inevitably, in
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: every situation, Once people start having real conversations, they find
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: out that, oh, that thing I thought they said that
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: made it sound that they were so far away from
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: my position on that topic, we're actually pretty much the same,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and we just disagree on one or no detail. Sometimes,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: if you are not assumed to be speaking under an
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: obligatory cultural context, then people pay attention to what you
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: are actually saying, whereas if you said the same sentence
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: under the burden of obligatory cultural connotations, in which you're
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: supposed to believe words only have one meaning because that's
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: where the culture is at that point, then it's much
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: easier for the listener to jump to a conclusion and
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: make a decision about who you are and what your
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: values are simply because of the words you used and
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: the assumption that if you are both from a country,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: then you must have been using that cultural context when
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: you said that word, rather than the actual definition of
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the word, when it often is not. When miscommunication is
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: so common all the time in every situation. If you're
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: traveling and outside of your culture, you don't have to
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: deal with that as much as a traveler. People literally
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: take you at your word. They say, Okay, that's the
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: word they meant to use, but maybe I'm understanding it
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: wrong because our two cultures are different. So they'll say, oh,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: did you mean. They're going to try to meet you
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: halfway instead of just assuming what you meant, which is
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: very common when you share a culture, whoever you're talking
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to will be like, Okay, this is what they mean.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: The problem there is the assumption that you share a culture,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: even if you are from the same country and it
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: is a monoculture like China or like Japan or like
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: many countries, that person grew up a different life than you.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Their home life might be different, their work life is different,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: their health might be different. So when they use the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: word corny, maybe they don't mean goofy. Maybe they just
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: mean funny when they use the word corny, but you
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: think they mean goofy because you're from the same culture,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: so you assume if you think it means goofy, then
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: they think corny means goofy and they're being insulting. They're not.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: They meant funny or something else, But you have to
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: ask them to find out rather than just assuming that
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: they only understand words in the same way that you do,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: regardless of one cultural tie. That you two share this
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: open conversation while you're traveling. This open feeling of mutual
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: understanding and tolerance really helps develop personal relationships much easier.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: What else is great about dating while you're traveling that
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: you're surrounded by date locations. A lot of people don't
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: do anything where they live a lot of people who've
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: been to New York don't see the Statue of Liberty.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Tons of people in China have not been to the
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Great Wall, like most of the country. I would guess,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: even though lots of people go, I've gone with Chinese
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: people more times for their first time than I've gone
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: with people who have been there before. Don't go to
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: the attractions near them. And with you being a traveler,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: you have a great excuse. You're like, well, hey, I'm
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: only here for a month. Do you want to meet
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: up at the Modern Art Museum? And yeah, yeah, I
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: haven't been to that museum in years, or sure, I've
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: never tried it before. There's or anchor wat like imagine
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: you meet someone in a suburb of Memphis and there's
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: nothing around and you can't think of anything. You're like,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I guess, I guess we could drive for an hour
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: to the city and there's this cool I like to
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: go to, or like, there's a show coming up in
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: two weeks. You know, we can go to the show.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Do you like like industrial punk? Or versus you meet
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: someone when you're traveling in Cambodia, let's go to Anchor
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Watt Like, Yeah, they'll want to go to a wonder
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: of the world with you. It's it's an intricately or
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: one thousand year old stone palace preserved surrounded by live
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: elephants and food kiosks, like the date locations are literal
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: wonders of the world often or or you know what
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: happened all the time in Thailand when I would decide
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: to go on a date with someone, Oh, let's go
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: to the seven step waterfall. Can't do that in Denver,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: but you can sure do that in literally everywhere in Thailand.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: There are stepwaterfalls everywhere. Oh, well, what do you want
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: to do? Oh? We can go walk around the night
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: market where there's three hundred people selling delicacies for a
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: quarter each and I can just buy you one hundred treats.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Or we can go snorkeling in the private lagoon that's
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: world renowned for snorkeling. It's really that much of a difference,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: certainly for me. Wherever I lived in the States, I
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: was the same. So I was like, whatever, Yeah, it's
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: a cool mountain. I guess No, I don't really want
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: to climb Mount Hood. But if I was visiting Washington
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: State on a trip, let's go to Mount Hood, which
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: is a cool mountain. While you're traveling, you're all everything
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: is always interesting to you because you haven't seen it before.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: They probably haven't been there before or haven't been to
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: it in years, and they want to spend time with you.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: And a lot of these naturally beautiful locations are inherently
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: romantic or tranquil or peaceful. It's just great that there
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: are so many date locations while you're traveling. Nobody's gonna
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: mind going to a tourist spot because you are a tourist.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: You're a traveler, and tourist spots are touristy for a reason.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: They usually are cool. I didn't go to the Statue
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: of Liberty when I was in New York because there
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: was a line. But I took the ferry like twenty
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: times and just watched it and was like, yep, that's cool.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: But I lived there for months, never even felt the
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: urge to go to the Statue of Liberty Island itself.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: But if I met a traveler, some cute girl with
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: a rucksack and curly hair, who asked me, I really
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: want to see the Statue of Liberty. Will you go
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: with me? Yeah, let's go. Now, let's go right now.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I'll take you the Statue of Liberty. I see it
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: every day. It's crazy. I haven't gone. I'm so glad
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: you want to go. Let's go. It's funny I'm using
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: that example because I'm really uninterested in actually going inside,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: despite all the stories I've heard about how great it is.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe it's because I lived there for
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: too long and I was like, whatever, it's just one
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: of those, you know, fifteen hundred foot statues or whatever
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: that some countries give other ones in celebration of independence.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Now you know, it's probably more than you have such
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: a great view of it on the Staten Island ferry.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: It looks really cool. You're pretty close. It's really big,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: so you can see it pretty well anyway, while you're
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: on the ferry for free. The faerry is also free,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: so I got my fill. I love going by it
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: every time, but I don't have the itch to go
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: to the island itself. Okay, so dating is great because
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: you start making a full conversations your novel and mysterious
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: as a traveler, people in general are kinder and more
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: helpful while you're traveling. There's all these cool date locations,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: and there are still more reasons why it's much more
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: accessible to start dating while traveling. For me and for
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: many people I know. Staying in hostels great way to
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: meet people. You're sleeping next to a person four days,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: you're going to say something to them, as opposed to
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: going to work with someone that maybe you're interested in
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: but you can't find a way to start any kind
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: of conversation with them for four years. Easily happens happens
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: constantly to everybody. But if you both wake up in
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: the hostel and a dog shit in the entry away,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: you're both going to be like, well, that's fucking gross,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: and then one of you is going to have some
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: gross story that happened to you somewhere where you were traveling,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: and me you'll start talking and boom your friends. So
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: just being in the same place with people, it's like
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: going to elementary school all over again. Getting seated at
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: tables with each other, you usually become friends with that
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: person because you were sitting next to them. It's very
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: easy to meet people and start up conversations and relationships
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: platonic or romantic because of the close proximity and the
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: shared experiences of living and a left traveling in a place. Yeah,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: doing the same thing basically together or meetups. You know what.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: A lot of first time travelers get kind of nervous
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: and they want to touch roots kind of. So a
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: lot of expats or travelers have meetups in every city
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: in the world, and you'll just have twenty or thirty
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: different travelers just meet up. Everybody has a drink, they
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: talk for a bit, and then they leave again. But
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: everyone's just looking for simple connection. So while you're traveling
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: and locals will be there too. People will be looking
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: for connection explicitly, and you'll be there. So if you're
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: looking for connection, that's a good spot to look for
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: a connection with a whole bunch of other people who
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: are looking to connect with you and other people, which
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: leads right into the next reason it's easier to date.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Travelers are all more open and more interested in hearing
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: each other's stories than any neighbor is in hearing your
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: story of the barbecue yesterday, no matter how interesting the
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: barbecue story is. A traveler will listen to another traveler
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: talk about floating down a river not doing anything for
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: like an hour without a problem. Like, it's pretty easy
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: to listen to adventure stories basically than it is to
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: listen to an experience that you can directly connect with, Like, yeah,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I also poured too much lighter fluid into my machine
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: one and it made fire. After you travel and go
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: back home if you visit home again. I've heard this
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: so many times from travelers, and I've experienced it myself,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: and I've done it. I did this to my girlfriend
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: at the time when she visited France. She came back
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: from a long trip a month in France, and we
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: were dating pretty seriously at the time, and she had
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: interesting stories that she wanted to tell me. But I
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: was definitely stuck in the American grind of customer service
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: and was just exhausted all the time. I didn't understand
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: why she wanted to talk about adventures because I was sedentary.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: So when she told me about it, I just said, wow, France. Cool.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Oh you drank wine? Cool? Okay, so what do you
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: want to do today? Are you opening? Or am I
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: opening on Wednesday? And I was just like, shut that
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: information down. She was still living in this wider world
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: and I wasgging her back into the static world that
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I was familiar with. And she explained that feeling to
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: me a little later on. But if you're traveling and
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: you talk to someone else in a hostel or a local,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: especially if you tell them, yeah, I was just in
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Toulouse and I had a beget and they were like
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: a beget, like the big bread thing they're you're talking
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: about bread, they are interested. And if you can't tell
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: from this podcast, a lot of travelers love to not
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: shut up about our stories. And that's mutual. Once you
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: start telling a story, the other person wants to match
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: a reciprocal story. And if you're both travelers, you probably
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: have pretty good stories. And if you're one of you
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: as a traveler and the other one's a local, they
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: still have good stories. Because everybody has stories. Some people
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: just don't talk about them normally. But you know, point
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: one way up above was that people are more interested
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: in speaking directly and finding out the values in per
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: personal interests of travelers, so they're more likely to share
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: stuff they wouldn't share with other locals and other people
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: they talk to casually every day for years. They want
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: to share that. Everybody wants to share their stories with travelers,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: likely because there's an undercurrent of well, a traveler knows
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: what an adventure is, they understand what a story is.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: They'll get my story too. And then even if the
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: story is crappy, you've just had a full conversation with someone.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: And like I said again before, if you've had a
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: full conversation with someone, it doesn't really matter how good
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: the story was. You're inevitably going to get a little
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: bit closer by sharing a personal conversation with another person.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: That's how it works. You're not going to meet a
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: lot of bigots who go to meetups with people and
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: cultures they're unfamiliar with. That's not how it works. When
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: you talk to someone personally, you understand them better. And
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: if you understand someone, you're not as afraid of them.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: And if you're not afraid of them, then you don't
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: dislike them. I've seen it a billion times. I've experienced
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: it one hundred billion times. It's just how it works
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: with other humans. Inevitably, you're like, oh, they're also a person.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I thought they were a different alien species, but turns
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: out they're basically just a human being like me. And
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: once two people accept that they're both just human beings,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: it's very easy to fall into like and lust and love.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: If you're back home and you see your neighbor again
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: that you haven't seen in a couple of years, and
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, I was teaching English abroad. It was really cool.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: They'll be like looking around, like you'll see their eyes
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: darting around trying to get out of the conversation to
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that's cool. They like had chopsticks or whatever. Yep,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: they all ate with chopsticks. But I loved this little
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: section of the sea called wudao Ying. It had all
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: this live music. It was really cool, Like there were
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: punk bands and locals and like teachers from other countries
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: were playing together, and they're just like sweating looking around, like,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: oh my god, are they ever gonna stop talking? I
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: have to get back to my dog. My dog's been
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: waiting inside for like a minute. I'm not sure what
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: it is, but there's something about people that don't travel,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: that the routines of their lives have a much stronger
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: hold on their interest than anything without as in outside
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: of those routines, at least in the States. I would
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: guess it's like the desperate struggle to survive in such
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: an expensive and socially demanding culture. Like you develop a
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: routine so that you have a basis of comfort from
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: which you can deal with political concerns or social concerns,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: or any events that rise up. But that's why people
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: develop those routines, as sort of an insulative bubble around them,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: so they can deal with their anxiety of interacting with
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: the rest of the world. Is how I see it.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: When you're traveling, you just have to accept that the
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: world is there, and you should go toward the things
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: that are interesting and go away from the things that
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: are not interesting or hurtful. Talking about traveling to Americans
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: very much sounds like you're describing Narnia a lot of
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: the time. And I mentioned this before, but America is
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: only connected to two countries, which is a very rare
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: situation for a country. Most countries are connected to more
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: than two countries, and Americans just here. You should travel.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: You should travel and they're like, that's insane. Why would
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I leave. I've never even seen another country. That's if
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: you're in a play anywhere in Europe, of course you're
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: connected to a whole bunch of other countries. And you know,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: even if you're in China, you know that you're the
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: borders of your country are connected to a bunch of
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: other countries. America has two and they just assumed that
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: the ones to the north are basically them, but they
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: forgot to add some stripes to their flag. And then
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: the ones at the bottom e tacos. But America has
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: tacos anyway, So why worry about traveling over there? I
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: get it. That's Taco country, and that is shared by
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: most people who grow up in most countries, because countries
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: have a culture, and it's difficult to leave the culture,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: and it's difficult to see how small and confining any
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: culture is until you're outside of that culture. And as
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: soon as I'm back inside it, I instantly pick up
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: all of the ropes and burdens again and immediately begin
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: responding to social cues that I would have laughed at
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: a week ago. With one thousand miles of perspective, I
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: probably do that less now than I did before, but
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: it's still inherent to conform to the society around you,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: especially if you grew up with it. All that is
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: to say that when you're traveling, if you have something
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: genuinely interesting to say, yeah, I actually worked as an
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: auto mechanic in Madrid for a couple months because I
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: ran out of money, any other traveler is going to
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: be like, Okay, tell me the whole story way slower
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: in detail. They'll want to hear the whole story because
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: it's probably an interesting story on its face, and it
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: probably tells them something about you. And traveling very rapidly
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: becomes a way to understand yourself and the world around
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: you better, and you telling this story to them is
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: going to help them understand the world a little bit better,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: help them meditate on another small piece of the pattern
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: in the fabric of reality. And because other travelers will listen,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: it's very easy to find a connection short term and
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: long term, literally a day or marriage. Dating apps are
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: also bigger than ever. They're basically what dating is now.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: As far as I understand, traveling is the only way
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I can see meeting someone organically with any regularity or fluidity.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: But every country has some form of Tinder or some
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: dating app, and if you use those, you'll be able
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: to find someone, but online and more interestingly offline. As
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I mentioned many times above, dating is very accessible and
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: very frequent for travelers. For all the travelers, I know,
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: you're a more interesting person when you're traveling, and you
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: are probably becoming more interested in the world around you
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: and are interested in the stories and personalities of the
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: people surrounding you. And if you're interested in listening to
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: someone else, that person will like you more, and if
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: they like you enough, they'll want to grow that connection.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: And that's like full circle. Why when I decided to
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: talk about this, I didn't have a big bunch of
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: notes right away, because every time I thought about talking
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: about dating while traveling, I just was like, it's really cool,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: it's very personal, it's wonderful, it's good. So I just
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: wrote rad in my notes and that just sat there
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: for weeks until I finally fleshed something out a little more.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Oh and in the interest of inclusivity, because I know
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I keep mentioning polar opposite genders whatever that absolutely goes
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: for gender fluid or gay or however you identify I've
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: known everybody in every gender reference. They are dating someone,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: they have dated someone, so it's not just a boy
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: and a girl. It's boys and boys and girls and
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: girls and girls and cat girls. It's all over the map.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: It's the traveling thing that makes it easier to date,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: just like traveling makes so many other things fall into focus.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. I am glad I talked about this.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I will talk to you on the next one. I
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: hope everything's going good.