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Strategic Leading Through an Authentic Lens with Dr. Erika Michalski · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Have you ever asked yourself, how is it that I'm be stay authentic, or should I say become
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authentic regardless of where I'm at?
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And I think it's something that I know I oftentimes struggle with, and I'm sure you're
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kinda thinking, yeah.
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How do I do it?
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Well, today, I have an amazing, guest, Erica Mikulski, and she is Her she's a chief
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encouragement officer, at strategically authentic.
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So I I'm gonna bet that if anybody's gonna be able to answer this question, it's gonna be
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Erica.
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So, Erica, thanks so much for coming on today to authentic living with Roxanne.
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Absolutely, Roxanne.
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I'm so glad to be here.
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So Erica's done lots of things out there.
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Should provide some energetic keynotes and she works with, you know, companies and and people
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in companies to help them understand What is their authentic lens and how is it that they
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truly stay connected and energized to it?
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Sarika, tell me kind of, you know, Ark and I recently met at, summit, a Mother's Day Summit.
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We were privileged to be on a moderated panel together.
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So how did you kind of get into this worker, Erica, to around I well, I'm gonna tell you
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something, and I've I've told Erica this before, is that, she signs off all her me
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emails authentically Erica.
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And I said, Erica, I can't now I can't use this.
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And the first thing that Erica said to me was, my goodness, Roxanne, you absolutely could do
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that.
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And I thought, What about somebody living truly within the space that that they teach?
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So thanks for that.
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You know, it's funny that signature piece is a a very intentional component and I love that it
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stuck out to you because what whatever your signature is.
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And people lose sight of this and and through a lens of authenticity, I think it's such a
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powerful intro into our dialogue today.
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Most people forget what their signature is over time.
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You don't look at your standardized signature that automatically populates So I have my my,
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email set up, so I have to add it, which means I have to tell my email, tell my message that
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it's an authentic representation of myself before I send it off to whoever I'm sending it
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to.
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So I know a lot of us have horror stories of emails we wish we had and sent, or things that
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we would have framed differently.
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And this is a a strategic touch point that I created for myself to say before I hit send, is
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this an authentic representation of myself in this conversation that I'm trying to have in
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this space, it's helped reduce unnecessary anger in places where it doesn't belong over
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time, and it has helped ensure that wherever the conversation goes, I know that it's rooted
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in my authentic self as part of it.
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So I love that it stood out to you.
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It was an intentional choice that I made for me, but I tell everyone all the time.
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Authentically, yours is a perfect way to send an email if you are.
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In fact, being authentic.
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And if you aren't, if you can't sign an email with that, maybe That's an indicator that you
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have some work to do.
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Right.
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Maybe in in how many of us have been guilty in that reactivity mode where we are, you know, a
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little bit, you know, hot under the color.
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We're not processing with a logical part of our mind.
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Because we see it in our subjective reality, and then we hit send.
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And the repercussions that oftentimes can come from something like that, I think I like the
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fact that at that point, what it says to you is, am I in the frame that I need to be?
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In order to send that message from my perspective onto the other person's perspective
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as clearly as possible.
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I think that's a that's an amazing room.
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I think it's something that all of us should do.
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And it's been useful for me.
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So if it's useful for you or anyone listening, please feel free to steal it and take whatever
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credit you need to.
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You can send people my way, but if it if it works for you, then and you need that anchor
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reminder, I love that it it can be powerful and helpful.
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I got into this work to go back to your question on accident, which is how a lot of us
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find our passions, I think, because We are given a lot of messages about what success is
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supposed to be.
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And some people go their entire life without assessing whether or not that message that
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they've been given about success aligns with their own internal metric of success.
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And across my work, so my background is all in education.
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My undergrad degrees and child development.
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So I started education with the beginning learners and over time in life's Ebs and flows
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of experiences and challenges and traumas, I ended up doing a master's in higher ed and a
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doctorate in adult learning.
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So I am now equipped to to teach everyone from their arrival on this planet until their
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transition elsewhere.
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According to the diplomas on my wall, anyway, And through that experience, even though it's
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not explicitly stated, what I noticed across learning, not learning in the most formal
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sense, but learning in the idea of growth is that any content Whether I was dealing with I
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was a associate dean at a school of nursing and ran a department in school pharmacy, so I've
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been in health care a lot.
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So whether I was dealing with an elite health care professional, or an aspirational preschool
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teacher, the things that authentically resonate stick better.
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And this isn't a revolutionary thing.
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We know this.
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The things that we're excited about, we retain differently.
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It's why if you're ever going to a trivia event, you build a team of different kinds of
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nerds.
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Right?
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You don't want a team full of only scientists.
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You want a team full of people who know pop culture and people who don't and and that's the
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thing.
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Growth and learning is most powerful through a lens of authenticity.
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So as an altruistic educator, the more that I settled into that realization, the more it
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began to frame my work and the approach that I wanted to take to how I was pouring into
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individuals and teams in my client base.
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But I didn't have a name for it for a very long time.
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I mean, I I knew the word authentic, and I knew about authenticity, I think, to some extent,
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But the true story behind how it happened was I was driving my I'm a mom, and I have 2 small
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children in a few years ago, I was driving on a day where I wasn't working and they weren't in
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childcare, so it was our day together.
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And I happened to be on the phone with a friend.
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And she said, oh, what are your plans for today?
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And as I told her my plans, she left and she said, Erica, you are the best mom because I had
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planned I had a theme for the day.
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Again, educator, preschool teacher.
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This is who I am.
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We had a theme.
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There were themes with the errands that I had to run, and the things we were gonna do that
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were more fun in the snacks and all these things.
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It was a very elaborate day essentially nothing if I'm being quite honest.
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And I said, you know, I'm not but I am the Erica est mom for my children and that's who
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they need.
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And I sort of said it as this flippant thing to be instead of the best to be the aircast, but I
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would say in your journey through authenticity, you also aspire to be the rock sandist because
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that's a metric I know.
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If you if I were to ask you the traits of the best mom and then 5 more people, there are
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probably a few that we would have in alignment and some that we definitely wouldn't.
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So so in that moment of thinking, no, I'm definitely not the best mom, and I certainly
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wouldn't win that prize in any experience, but my kids know that I am their best and I sat
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with that thought and over the days that followed, it continued to evolve this idea of
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what if then I convert that experience seemingly unrelated to my professional life.
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Into the work that I do with teams and leaders and executives.
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What if instead of trying to be the best or the greatest financial officer in the history of an
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organization, someone just tried to be the Michaelist.
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You know?
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And what would it look like how would the mental load shift if the lens of success and
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the metric of accomplishment became an internal concept rooted in authenticity rather than an
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external driver because there are all these folks and across your experiences, you have
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probably found folks who are successful by most people's standards but they've arrived at a
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destination that they didn't really wanna get to.
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And so they look at their space and they say, well, I have all these things and I can check
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the list of what everyone thinks is successful, but I don't feel fulfilled or satisfied.
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And so as I started layering that into that concept into the work that I was already doing,
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in in professional development and strategic planning, it became the driving force because
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it it was the most logical way to ground all the other work.
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I would think though, you know, to a caveat, I think, to the converted or people that have
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awareness, that's, you know, that's probably a nice place to be.
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But if we're coming into organizations, you know, that you're gonna say, you're gonna be
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the Roxanne or the anarchist, and they're like, what?
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Are you talking about, Erica?
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So how is it that you gauge?
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And I'm gonna assume I know with myself, I do an organizational assessment for readiness to
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see if people are willing to do the work that I do on authentic heart leadership.
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Without your authenticity work, how is it that you gauge or you, you know, when clients come
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to you or you go out, you know, to get clients that you gauge when they're ready.
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Sometimes you're ready for me, but that doesn't mean
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the work
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shouldn't be done.
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Which is a tricky place to be.
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So then you have to find allies, and that's a conversation for a different day, I suppose.
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But, sometimes they're not ready.
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One of the ways that I assess is by exploring their existing level of satisfaction.
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Because an area that I do a lot of work in and speak on and do programs around is the
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neuroscience of satisfaction.
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And when I can come to the table from a less perceived by some, not might be, from a less
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fluffy perspective, and I can come to the table talking about data that was seen on on MRIs and
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CAT scans and how do we take this neuroscience research turn it into something else, people
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are more willing to have the conversations if I have laid the groundwork with that tangible
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science than if I start from a place that they feel has less for lack of a better term, right,
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positive psychology is a space they spend a lot of time in, and there are a lot of fortune 500
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leaders who don't think positive psychology is real.
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So I can't show up.
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Cheering all the positive psychology chairs.
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So I start often with neuroscience and and invite them into a space that seems easier to
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trust because nobody will argue with neuroscience data to the same degree that they
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will argue with psychological data.
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That's what we've that's what I have found across my career and and among colleagues that
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lots of folks have lots of opinions about the validity of various psychological theories and
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and those kinds of things, but very few people are gonna pick a fight with me about
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neuroscience data that I have researched for an extended period of time.
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So it turns out that's a a small window that I can crack because the authenticity piece is
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directly tied to what neuroscience research tells us about living a life of satisfaction.
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There is a straight line connection, but if I start on the authenticity side, you're
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absolutely right.
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Some folks are not ready for
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Right.
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So if you're gonna look at, gaining awareness like, say, with senior leaders, and let's say
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you know that the with your strat plans and things are you're kinda you're not you're off
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course, and you're recognizing that there's maybe not the connection or the synergies
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between your team or 2 years.
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So something's not adding up.
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And you're gonna come up from more of the metric into things potentially.
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Maybe, you know, your incidental absences or maybe arbitrations, or you're gonna look, for
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productivity levels if if you can actually quantify that or maybe missed deadlines, those
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types of things.
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So you're coming at at it more from objective.
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Here's the hat dark data on this to kind of get them open and, you know, how can you fight with
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actual data at that point
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to
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have them understand, connection things like mirror neurons, all those, all those fun things
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in neuroscience that helps you talk about the you know, let's use the word fluffy end to what
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people think about authenticity on a management level.
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One of the pieces that we can look at through the HR lens is those exact metrics you are
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referencing what's going well and where are problematic behaviors?
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Do we have a documented record of problematic behaviors and are there problematic behaviors
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that are consistent across a team.
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So is everybody missing deadlines or is one person a deadline.
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Because if everybody's missing a deadline, that's a culture issue.
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Mhmm.
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And that conversation looks different than if an individual is missing a deadline, you know,
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even if they're missing it repeatedly and habitually, there's still an opportunity to
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have a different type of conversation.
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So for me, often people come to me to address something.
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So I usually ask them why they think that's a problem.
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That's the, you know, the starting point is I absolutely wanna support you, but what is it
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we're doing?
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And and sometimes they're not sure.
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And so they've they've looked at the data and they just say things could be better, but we
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don't know even what that means.
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And when things can be better, but we don't know what that means happens.
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That's actually one of my favorite spaces to be in.
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Because usually if you can strategically frame some of the conversations early on, you can
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guide to a place where the idea of empowering authenticity is the only thing that that they
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need because authentic employees and individuals who feel valued as themselves
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contribute more.
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And stop or full stop.
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Absolutely.
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Bottom line, and we can we can, you know, cite so many, you know, various pieces of data
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research that validates that.
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That if I'm able to bring authentically who I am to work, and feel validated and feel like
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I'm a vital piece to that puzzle.
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You know, I'm wanting to do well to the people that I work with day in, day out.
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And I also want to, impress the people below me.
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Right?
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Because to let them know to see that, you know, I'm really doing really well.
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Right?
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It's like, you know, when, you know, you I don't know if you you've ever heard this, but
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Oprah Winfrey says that every time she interviews someone, the very, very first thing
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they need to, they'll come off stage.
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She says, whether it's Barack Obama or, you know, Maya Angelo, the first thing they ask her
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is, how did I do?
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Oh, yeah.
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Because we all wanna know that we're doing well.
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And if we wanna know that and we know ourselves, and we're allowed that space.
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What an amazing space to be able to be in, which is the space that you and I obviously
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talk about within companies.
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Absolutely.
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And there's a layer that's so important that usually gets law in the shuffle.
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And that is when you feel valued as an employee for who you are, You are more likely, again,
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data to support it, you are more likely to feel safe asking questions when you hit a point of
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uncertainty If you do not feel valued and you subsequently do not ask questions, then you
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complete a project inaccurately.
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Or you move in a direction that wasn't part of the plan.
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So when I say if teams you know, if teams say we we know we can do more or better, but we
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don't know what that looks like or or teams that are having complete implosions The role of
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authenticity in the biggest mess is if the collective culture doesn't value the
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individuals, the individuals don't feel safe asking questions when they're not sure what
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comes next.
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So instead, we operate through a system of hope.
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And hope belongs in a lot of places, but it doesn't belong as part of your project
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management work.
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And that's where that's where the authenticity piece becomes so important to me is if you want
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your team to have the confidence to go forward, we have to remember that part of confidence is
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asking questions at a point of uncertainty culturally.
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We don't value the question act asking piece the same way as we value the accomplishment
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piece.
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So there's this distorted perception of what I should do as an individual if I'm on your team
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Roxanne, and I have a question, but I want you to think that I'm confident I will do
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everything in my power to just try and figure it out and hope that I'm right.
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And I guarantee you, you as my leader, don't want me to operate from a system of hope.
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So that's where for leaders, the empowerment of authenticity and the transparency of value in
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individuals for who they are has this spillover effect that is much larger than people wanna
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come to work.
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You know, when I talk to folks sometimes about the work that I do, that's their first
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assumption.
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Oh, you just want people to have a good time at work.
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I mean, that's not wrong.
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I like having a good time.
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It's nice to have a nice type of work, but it's, you know, how are you creating the space
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to to allow to occur.
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Yeah.
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What I really want is people to feel equipped and empowered to have an impact because if you
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hired them or haven't fired them, either you inherited them or or something else.
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But if there's a person on your team, they're there because you believe they are capable of
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having an impact.
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Leadership through a lens of authenticity is about empowering the capacity of that impact
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through the individual as they are and are capable of becoming.
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So I think the other thing is authenticity doesn't mean I had someone once say that once
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the team or once the individual are settled in a sense of authenticity, then they don't really
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need professional development anymore because they are who they are.
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And that is not the point.
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Authenticity isn't about a finite endpoint of existence It is about choosing to know yourself
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as you evolve and grow and experience professional development and personal
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development I am who I am, and I have been this person for a very long time, but I am different
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than I was 10 years ago, even though I am who I am and have been this person for longer than
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that.
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So the the idea of authenticity, I think sometimes gets muddled with the concepts of
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finite development or once you have achieved this state of awareness about your authentic
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self, then you get to stop exploring or putting energy into continuing that that growth.
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So I pair authenticity with the idea of evolution, not just growth, but evolution
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because evolution this is what happens when you invite someone who's a nerdy science person to
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contact the parent.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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And I should say my partner is a molecular biologist and virologist So after our children
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go to bed, our pillow talk is like talking about the evolution of the global population or
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talking about you know, whatever he's doing on a co a COVID vaccine or whatever it is.
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So we have the most unromantic romantic dialogue.
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A romantic pillow talk.
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Correct.
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Of anyone that I've ever known.
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And it works for us.
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Because it's authentic to who we both are as humans.
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But evolution is this is fascinating if you think about the fact that There are pieces of
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you and me on a molecular level in our biology that are the same as the original single cells
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entities that inhabit at this planet.
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Absolutely.
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Evolution says we don't have to get rid of everything when we're growing.
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We get to bring with us the things that make sense as we evolve into a new space.
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So authenticity is the awareness of what you need to bring as you evolve.
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That's why they work in tandem.
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So, intimately.
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I love I love the I love it from that frame because The perception is, like, when you're
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going into, let's say you could go to address, teams that are not getting along, that people
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truly believe that they have to atrophy in order for change to occur.
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And what you're saying is we're evolving, like the rock like to your point, the Roxanne of 10
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years ago or the 10 years from now, there will be all the core fundamentals that that need to
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evolve and go with me.
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And there's parts of me that I will atrophy and and kind of break off as need be.
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So this new evolution can occur, and the authentic version of myself will be something a
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different iteration or a fractal or, you know, and I may be using that context that in the
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wrong context of what needs to evolve 10 years from now.
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Yeah.
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You know, you can be authentic today and authentic 10 years from now and totally
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different.
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And that's the thing that folks get hung up on sometimes is how do I trust that the
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relationship that I have with someone that I've known for 5 years is genuine if who they are
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now is so different from who they were 5 years ago, and that's because as they've evolved,
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what they've carried with them, has had dramatic impact on who they are now, and that's
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okay.
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Some of us go through major life accomplishments, major traumas, small traumas,
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a global pandemic, there are a lot of things that are gonna change who we are and how we
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are.
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And I certainly hope that who I am a week from now is different.
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And I would say I'm my authentic self today in this moment, but who I am a week from now, if
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I'm exactly the same as I am in this moment, means I missed the opportunity of existing for
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a whole week.
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Because the advantage of being above ground is growth and exposure to reasons for evolution.
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Absolutely.
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You can do all of that authentically.
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You know, I am an extreme optimist to the nth degree.
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In my social media space, I talk a lot about how I built a career, cheering, for other
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people that that's what I wanted to do.
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How I cheer for them will change and how I cheer for their accomplishments or encourage
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their difficulties will probably change, but it will never not be from a lens of cheering and
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encouragement because I know that is who I am and I know that my client base needs me to show
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up as me.
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That's why I'm in the mix.
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And I think that's the pieces.
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No one should question who's coming to the table.
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When they see the list of meeting invites.
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If we work in a collectively authentic space and if we work to drive this idea that who you
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are as you are is the most important, then if you and I have a meeting and I see Roxanne on
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my schedule, or we have a meeting with thirty people, and I see that Roxanne's gonna be
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there.
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I know immediately what that represents.
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And I have 100% had experiences where I've been caught off guard because someone showed up and
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then behaved in a totally different way.
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And I was stuck waiting to reconcile which version is the version that I can trust moving
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forward.
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So when there are issues in the team and collaborative dynamic, trust is often One of
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the reasons that there are problematic behaviors without trust, people have less
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investment in their output and their contribution to the project.
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So when there is an inconsistent representation of team members, It is harder to have a sense
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of trust about who they are and what they bring to the table.
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Absolutely.
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It doesn't work.
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So for for CEO's listening, your senior leadership teams, right, that are struggling.
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And there's they're listening to you and I and saying, Okay, Eric and Roxanne, we got what
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you're saying.
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We've tried.
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We think we have trust.
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What is the litmus test?
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Seeing that I'm talking to the scientists comes from that frame.
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What is a good litmus test for them to decide you've you've talked a little bit about, some
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metrics.
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Are there some other metrics that they could look at to decipher potentially where to begin.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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One that is test is how often they are given bad information.
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Negative information.
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I shouldn't say bad.
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Not meaning incorrect negative information.
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How willing are people to share with you negative information before it's either
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incredibly problematic or before the standing monthly meeting that you have with them.
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So as a leader, when you are a trusted leader, the people around you feel more comfortable
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sharing unknowns or negative information.
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If you are never getting negative until you look at the quarterly budget reports because
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people are afraid to share negative information, that is because there is not a
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sense of trust
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I love that, Erica, because if people can and, of course, what is vulnerability?
29:48
Vonorability is letting down your guard in any relationship, which allows you to show people
29:54
spaces within yourself that you think, oh, should I just Should I just said that?
30:00
Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
30:02
So I love that as a metric, right, which oftentimes you wouldn't think of it as a
30:06
metric, but truly, you know, if people can come to you and and and really say, you know, this
30:11
is really going badly.
30:13
And if you don't do X Y Z or consider something.
30:17
It's gonna get worse.
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What an opportunity, like you said, not under the quarterly review of the strat plan, or when
30:25
you're about to go back to your shareholders to talk about profit if you're off to have to have
30:30
that conversation, but to know that microscopically, this would be invaluable so
30:37
that you're continually having you can make adjustments every time you get a bit of
30:42
information.
30:43
Absolutely.
30:45
And there's a humility that precedes this layer of trust and that humility is being transparent
30:54
about your own bad information as a leader.
30:57
Right?
30:58
Not necessarily a an an email company wide that says, hey.
31:01
I screwed up.
31:03
But if you've done something that didn't go well and you forget to acknowledge this didn't
31:07
go well and this is what I've learned, true.
31:10
Then the culture is tied to the idea that we we don't talk about our failures.
31:19
Or we don't talk about things that are problematic.
31:21
We only deal with them.
31:23
So when leadership can openly and honestly say I thought this would go different.
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I would like to change this.
31:32
Or I'm looking at the data and my vision isn't getting us where we need to go.
31:40
How you lead that dialogue or openly and transparently share those moments of
31:47
imperfection.
31:49
Is how far the door opens for others to feel that that's safe to do the same.
31:54
Absolutely.
31:54
I could not agree with you so much.
31:56
So in, you know, exponentially, you and I, we we live in the same bucket, and we speak
32:03
probably speak to the same, levels of companies and, you know, speaking events, I'm sure we
32:09
would have a lot of commonality.
32:11
Erica, you and I probably could spend a lot more time, but I'm cognizant of our time and
32:16
respectful of our time as well.
32:18
So for leaders or, you know, senior leadership teams, that are wanting more information about
32:25
you.
32:25
Where where is it that they can get a hold?
32:28
The easy places right now our LinkedIn, I mean, it's easy to find me and connect with me there
32:35
and and send messages there.
32:37
Or on Instagram is actually where I have been.
32:40
The busiest lately.
32:43
My web designer is also a law student, and she's been a little busy with finals.
32:47
So I have a web page coming, and it will found on Instagram and on LinkedIn, but it's just not
32:51
here yet because I respect her authentic vision of success, and it's a law degree.
32:58
And my website it as important as getting her to that law degree.
33:01
So, my Instagram account is consultant Barbie Barbie.
33:08
We we won't talk about it here and now, but Barbie represents authenticity in a funny way
33:12
because she's a very stereotyped entity.
33:16
But if you dissect some of that stereotype, there's a lot of authenticity and empowerment
33:20
and the idea that you can genuinely show up in bright pink lipstick and go to space because
33:25
that's what she did.
33:26
That's how I knew when I was 5 that I could do anything and, like, bright pink lip stick
33:30
because Barbie did everything wearing bright pink lipstick and heels.
33:33
So it felt safe for me.
33:34
You don't want to do the same thing.
33:37
So those are the two spaces that would be the easiest to find me.
33:40
And through those channels, I share a lot about what we've talked about here, tips and tricks,
33:46
what's one small change you can make in a meeting that can have a large impact, or what's
33:51
a way to think about team building or or development as a collective that you may have
33:56
been thinking about differently and how can we amplify or elevate that So I love giving free
34:00
information.
34:01
I love doing free consults because honestly sometimes people need 10 minutes to think out
34:08
loud with a person who is completely disconnected from a project, and that's all
34:12
they need.
34:12
So if you need 10 minutes, I'm I'm the one who will give you 10 minutes, and I won't send you
34:17
an invoice afterward.
34:18
But sometimes after those 10 minutes, you say, here's a 6 month project that I'd like you to
34:22
be a part of, and I'm happy to do those.
34:24
So.
34:25
Awesome.
34:25
Well, Erica, thanks so much.
34:27
So what's one thing I'm taking away?
34:31
Create the space so that the people can tell you what's one of their little, secrets or
34:38
things that they're keeping in them that they know could be helpful with you in leading as
34:44
the best leader possible.
34:45
So again, thanks very much for tuning in.
34:50
And if you're needing more information, please book a consult with me on authentic leadership
34:55
at Roxanne Durgesh dotcom.
34:58
Again, Erica, thanks so much for your time.
35:00
And for everyone, we'll chat again next week.
35:02
Take care.
35:04
Thanks for tuning in.
35:05
To authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive healthy change.
35:11
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
35:17
roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
35:21
We'll see you next time.
35:23
On authentic living with Roxanne.