Latest / DA CREW Podcast / PULSE OF POETRY WITH MARCINE M MOORE 6/30/25

Transcript

PULSE OF POETRY WITH MARCINE M MOORE 6/30/25 · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Dad, ladies and gentlemen, May I have your attention please?
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: The show starts in ten mine eight, seven, six, five,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: four three two one go.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Hi everyone, Welcome to the Post of poetry. I am
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: today because I have very special guests.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I have missed.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Spicy Gray, who is author of Her Cry, Her Truth,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Her Heart. And I also have Symbolic Soul, who has
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: a book about healing souls, her book.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Healing Healing Souls.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Am I correct, Welcome, Welcome, ladies, I am excited, excited.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: So I did a brief introduction, but if I can
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: start with you, Spicy, could you give me a little
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: background on how you got into poetry and just a
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: quick little synopsis.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: About you and what you do and where you're located.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Well, I am located in San Antonio, Texas, born and raised. Yeah,
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: I got into poetry really as a young child.
• 2:58
  Speaker 5: People remind me that I.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: Used to walk around with a pen and a pad,
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: you know, always in you know, middle school. So to me,
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: you know, at that time, it was a place to
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: escape from everything that I was going through in life.
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: So, you know, get.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: Into poetry it was like a just a place to escape,
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: a place of healing for me and the traumas of
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: life that I was going through. So that's what I
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: used it for.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Okay, and the next symbolic soul.
• 3:30
  Speaker 6: Oh, first of all, thank you for having me. I'm
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: grateful to be here. So I was born in New Orleans, Louisiana,
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: and when I was younger, I used to write out
• 3:42
  Speaker 6: my pain and so I didn't know that that was
• 3:46
  Speaker 6: poetry then, you know. But then as I grew up
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: and I found God, then that's when God just started
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: cultivating my guilts. And so that's how I started as
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: a as a poet and just threw all the pain
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: that I went through. I just used that to tell
• 4:04
  Speaker 6: my story in order to help other people heal, you know,
• 4:08
  Speaker 6: to tell the truth.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think that's actually.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: How I got in got into poetry, and poetry is
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: so it's such a release and therapeutic way to express
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: your feelings and actually help other people as you talk
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: about your journey. I find that's how you grow audiences
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: and get connections with people. It's just very very therapeutic.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Have y'all have you all found that to be true?
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: Absolutely?
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, Yes, it helped me to express, to heal, to
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: gain strength, but also able to reach out and to
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: help others to see that they could also escape and
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: gain truth as well.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: So yes, the same for you missed about it. So
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: my question is, huh.
• 5:10
  Speaker 6: Oh, Yeah, I found my voice through poetry basically because
• 5:14
  Speaker 6: like for the longest, my voice was silenced from the
• 5:18
  Speaker 6: things that happened to me as a child and just
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: the abuse and stuff that I went through in my life.
• 5:24
  Speaker 6: And so once I truly found poetry, I found my voice.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: So since she said.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You specifically said you went through abuse, was there any
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: particular poem that was hard for you to put out
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: to the world. Now that's a question for both of
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: you were talking like we're at home.
• 5:46
  Speaker 7: So yeah, I mean because sometimes it's hard, like even
• 5:55
  Speaker 7: though you go through it, it's hard, like to face
• 5:58
  Speaker 7: your truth.
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: So when I wrote that poem standing my Truth, yeah,
• 6:04
  Speaker 6: I just had to bury my soul in that poem
• 6:07
  Speaker 6: and just like speak my truth. And I learned though,
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: like when I started reciting it on different platforms, you know,
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: it helped a lot of other people as well. But
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: for the longest I was able. Well, I think the
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: enemy had me wanted me to solence my voice and
• 6:26
  Speaker 6: live in the darkness and not bring it to the light,
• 6:29
  Speaker 6: because you know, the truth, when you bring the truth
• 6:32
  Speaker 6: to the light, that's when you know people could heal
• 6:36
  Speaker 6: and you could start healing yourself. So basically that's why
• 6:39
  Speaker 6: I had to justlike, you know what, even though I'm afraid,
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: I am gonna stand in my truth and I musa
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: speak my truth and even though you know it don't
• 6:49
  Speaker 6: feel good, hunted the freeze, I think.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: What about you missed?
• 7:02
  Speaker 6: Spicy will come back.
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: To Oh yes, I say, you know.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: The hardest one for me to write was called Blackout.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: And Blackout was hard for me because you know, it
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: actually was a situation where I was beaten and I
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: was leaning in the emergency room and as I looked
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: up towards this glass, it's just what I realized, what
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: could have been, what could have happened, And the words
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: just came to me.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: And writing that piece, there.
• 7:43
  Speaker 6: Can y'all hear me?
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: You can hear me?
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I can hear you?
• 7:49
  Speaker 8: Oh okay, oh okay.
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah. So I was just saying it was the one
• 8:07
  Speaker 6: that was standing your truth, even though because I knew
• 8:10
  Speaker 6: it was gonna be like so powerful when I wrote it,
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: like I just prayed to God to be able to
• 8:16
  Speaker 6: be on different platforms to speak it. Once I was
• 8:19
  Speaker 6: able to actually like like speak my truth and stand
• 8:22
  Speaker 6: in my truth, I knew that I was going to
• 8:24
  Speaker 6: be able to help a lot of other people do
• 8:26
  Speaker 6: the same. So that's why it was like very very
• 8:30
  Speaker 6: hard for me because I was revealing like some of
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: the things you know that that happened to me that
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: I had to overcome.
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Basically, well, I I I after the The Unspoken Heart
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: two book that I wrote, I did decide to do
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: a form of a children's book, and the children's book
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: is you Heard I Heard, And it was based on
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: my life from sixth grade to twelfth grade, so you know,
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: it's actually the memoirs of my own path. And I
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: decided to write that because being a motivational speaker and
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: reaching out to help others that's you know, dealing with
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: abuse or have dealt with it. You know, they had
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: to understand why I stand the way I do and
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: why I write the way I do. You know, I
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: could actually relate to the stories that's being told and
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: let them know that we do care and you can escape.
• 10:02
  Speaker 6: Well, I also write. I write raps, so I'm also
• 10:08
  Speaker 6: a rapper and I write songs as well. So I
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: just wanted to be different, so I started writing like hooks.
• 10:16
  Speaker 6: It just started out while I was just writing hooks
• 10:18
  Speaker 6: to my poetry, and then I started writing like songs
• 10:23
  Speaker 6: and then writing raps and yeah, I just I just
• 10:28
  Speaker 6: use my voice and just use the talent that God
• 10:31
  Speaker 6: gives me.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Well from my books verbally, I have received responses like
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: I feel the pain that you've been through, I feel
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: your strength. And I've also had people come to me
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: and tell me that my book helped them to get through,
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: you know, their daily lives, or have helped them to
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: get out of situations they were in. So you know,
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: the books came exactly the way you know, God intended
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: it to come and serve as a purpose not just
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: for myself, but for others as well. And we're not
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: just talking about women, but also men as well.
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: And I only have one book right now. I'm writing
• 11:32
  Speaker 6: my second one, but it's not out yet, so I'm
• 11:36
  Speaker 6: still working on it. But so with my one book,
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: I've also received like like great feedback from it. What
• 11:43
  Speaker 6: I hope for people to get from my book is
• 11:46
  Speaker 6: like to start.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Their healing journey.
• 11:48
  Speaker 6: Like I write about different things like domestic violence, racism, poverty, jealousy, envy.
• 11:59
  Speaker 6: I touched showing a whole bunch of different things. And
• 12:02
  Speaker 6: it's just like it's more to just lead to freedom,
• 12:06
  Speaker 6: you know, because I feel like every poem in there,
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: God gave me, you know, the message, So it's a
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: it's a message in a poetic format. So it's like
• 12:15
  Speaker 6: to touch a soul and to help a soul just heal.
• 12:19
  Speaker 6: Just what the name is like, you know, because you
• 12:21
  Speaker 6: know that's what God told me to name it. Basically.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Hey, wow, I apologize, ladies, wrap down and I'm back. Okay,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: I'm listening, and I feel like I stopped something.
• 12:50
  Speaker 8: Oh I was.
• 12:51
  Speaker 6: I was done already.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I guess when I when I stated or into the
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: nothingness and came back, I was laughing about a difficult poem.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Do you do you, ladies, have that poem actually prepared?
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Uh? Would you.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Mind doing a segment? I like to do poetry and
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: then talk and do a little bit of poetry and
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: then talk again.
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: I know she knows hers by heart.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Girl, Okay, want me to go second? Okay, so if
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: you know you're symbolic, Uh, let's let's let's go go
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: with yours first, and then I give spicy time.
• 13:39
  Speaker 6: Okay, so mine's is called standing your truth? Can we
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: try something different for a change. I mean, instead of
• 13:47
  Speaker 6: being silent, can we just raise our voices and maybe
• 13:50
  Speaker 6: even broaden our horizon? You see, some of us would
• 13:54
  Speaker 6: rather be silent and the novel we feel on the inside.
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: Then we would decide to wear a mask, the disguise
• 14:00
  Speaker 6: all the hurting pain we carry on the inside. But
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: my question to you is why why would we rather
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: hide our truth? They cover it up with lies, only
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: to deny the pain that will somehow resurfaces anyhow. In
• 14:12
  Speaker 6: the meantime we don't knowing it allied, I'll pass to
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: eat us alive as we learn to improvise. Why is
• 14:18
  Speaker 6: this so hard to open our eyes and to recognize
• 14:21
  Speaker 6: the enemy lies? I don't know about you, but I'm tired.
• 14:25
  Speaker 6: I'm tired of being silent, and I'm tired of how
• 14:27
  Speaker 6: in my truth. You see, I recently realized that how
• 14:29
  Speaker 6: to my truth was harder than working a full time job.
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: So I had to tell the enemy that I declined
• 14:34
  Speaker 6: the position, and I made the decision to no longer
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: be held captive and feel in prison. Trust me, This
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: decision wasn't easy for me. There was a time in
• 14:42
  Speaker 6: my life that I struggled with mental and physical abuse, suicide, addiction, depression,
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: low self esteem, and even insecurity. But today I'm ready
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: to be free. I'm ready to stand in my truth.
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: How about you? I know I'm through. Are you through too?
• 14:57
  Speaker 6: Are you finally ready to heal all that emotional pain?
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: Because I know that I am. My main goal is
• 15:02
  Speaker 6: not to be a shame and address what held me back.
• 15:04
  Speaker 6: I no longer want to feel trapped and I'm tired
• 15:07
  Speaker 6: of being attacked. I made the decision understanding my truth,
• 15:10
  Speaker 6: then I use my enemies attacks to set up my comeback.
• 15:13
  Speaker 6: It was because of that I just had to stand
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: up and speak my actual facts. For instance, for majority
• 15:18
  Speaker 6: of my existence, I had to paint a pretty picture
• 15:20
  Speaker 6: in order to conceal, but I tried so hard not
• 15:23
  Speaker 6: to reveal. However, with time, I begin to heal and
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: now understand what it means to be real. You see,
• 15:29
  Speaker 6: I made a bold decision and my truth has risen.
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: Now transparency has become a part of me and I
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: no longer have to hide who I am or who
• 15:36
  Speaker 6: I used to be. And for that reason, I'm finally
• 15:39
  Speaker 6: free to be authentically me. Seeds have been planted and
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: my emergers happen. That's the for greatness. No time to
• 15:45
  Speaker 6: be stuck in the same situation Satan keeps hating. But
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: the truth will not be forsaken. It's time we realize
• 15:51
  Speaker 6: what it means to be God's greatest creations.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Think that's true. And they got they got me going,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: And you were scared to put this was the one
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: that you didn't want to put out.
• 16:09
  Speaker 6: Well, yeah, because I was like, you know, I was
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: talking about, you know, the things that I had to overcome.
• 16:17
  Speaker 6: It was kind of like it was it was kind
• 16:18
  Speaker 6: of like my second or my third one that I
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: that I wrote.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, I guess I guess I can get
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: with that because of the very first poem I wrote.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: It was it was like a tragic poem because.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: It was called Beauty, which I'm not going to go
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: into because you guys are to guess it was called beauty,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: But it was my very first poem that I wrote
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: when I was going through divorce, and it.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Wasn't It wasn't.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I don't think it was as as like dynamic as yours.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: But it was one that was worth sharing.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, spicy, they give us some spice.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, you spoke of the most difficult one.
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: And this was difficult because, like I explained before, going
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: through domestic violence, you know, a lot of people don't
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: realize how serious and how dangerous it is.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: Right, And this is what had woke.
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: Me up one day, you know, when I was in
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: the mercy room, and I came up with these words.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: And this is called blackout stretched with dry waterfall lying
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: down her pale face, silver metal content laid upon as
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: a temporary place, attempting to retract how one landed a
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: cold room. Visions in head are blurry with outlines of
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: gloom surrounding echo voices speaking from medical terms of technology.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: I did not go to college, but one appeared degree
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: of biology. White covered shield blocking optical sight. All is
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: not dark, for there's a faded gleaming light. Footsteps to
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: payment as temperature never begin to change. I can't feel
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: a heartbeat for no motion.
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: It is in range. A hand lowers to the head, removing.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: Cloth of protection and glass above mounted flat one mirrored reflection,
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: eyes positioned towards the ceiling without a minute's blink now
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: being motionless, I won't even have to think. The face
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: is unrecognizable for any human being to see. I'm lying,
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: lifeless because his anger out on me.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: Hm hmmmm. You can.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: You you can feel coldd you can feel, you can feel,
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: you can feel, feel the emotions and feel being there.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: So I know that you said you were as a
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: viv domestic violence, and so did the poetry help get
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: pull you out of that situation and come to grips.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: That hey, I need more than what I'm receiving. Did
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: it help you through that? And I know that you're
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: a big activist.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: Yes, it did help me tremendously inhaling and you know,
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: being able to realize that I am valuable, you know,
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: to learn how to love myself to gain strength.
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: And you know, I.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: Can honestly say that coming from exposure to domestic violence too.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: Going through domestic violence, you know, I had to look
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: back down my generational chain and I've seen the women
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: in my family that suffered from abuse, and I came
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: to the position to where I said enough is enough.
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: It starts with me.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: And I can honestly say what really really woke me
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: up on top of my poetry is because you know
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: when we have children. You know, my children all my life,
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: right and when I thought that everything was I'm not
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: trying to get emotional, because even thinking about it and
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: seeing her right here, it does get emotional for me.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: But she was my daughter was three years old when
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: I was hiding out and I felt like everything was over.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: I was crying and crying, and I couldn't remember her
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: taking a hand across my forehead and she said, mommy,
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: she said, you still got us. We love you.
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: And that's what made me get up and fight even more.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, when you had a kid. That made me
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: cry because when yeah, because.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: As a mother or as a parent, you think something
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: happens to me who I love more?
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: You know, you gotta love yourself.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: But then at that point in time, you want your
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: kids to know this is not normal. This is not
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: how you're supposed to live, This is not how life
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: is supposed to go. You have boys, you want them
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: to know this is not how you treat a woman.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: You don't want your daughters to know. You don't have
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: to accept this. Yeah, yeah, I've experienced that symbolicce.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Jump on in, honey, it's open. We freak
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: flowing jump because.
• 21:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that was that was that poem.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I loved it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 6: I'm Celtic. I've also like experienced domestic violence, and it
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: does it makes you like I remember when I first
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: experienced it. I was like, you know, you think that
• 21:44
  Speaker 6: you you know, because my ex was in the military,
• 21:47
  Speaker 6: so I think that I'm moving away to a happy
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: life and everything, and next thing you know, I'm being abused,
• 21:55
  Speaker 6: you know, I'm being dragged on the floor. And I
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: just remember thinking, man, I'm called up in a lifetime movie, right,
• 22:02
  Speaker 6: and you know, I see, yeah, you see it, you
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: see it on TV, and you never think that it
• 22:07
  Speaker 6: would be you. And then like the fact that he
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: was in the military and I just moved away with him,
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: I didn't want to feel like a failure. So I
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: felt like I was trapped, Like I didn't know what
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: I was supposed to do, Like do I stay here
• 22:21
  Speaker 6: or do I go back and you know, back to
• 22:23
  Speaker 6: my hometown, you know, and be looking like I felt,
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: you know, So I was like really really torn. And
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: then I had two kids. They wasn't his, but he
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: was taking care of my kids. So I kind of
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: felt like I was trapped and kind of like what
• 22:40
  Speaker 6: Spicy was saying, like when you it was generational, right,
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: So when you saw it already, you know, growing up,
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: and you see your parents or your auntie staying that,
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: then you really do think like, is this what life's
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: supposed to be like? Is this how you're supposed to live?
• 22:59
  Speaker 6: You know?
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: I think the one of the line that got to
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: me was when she said she was staying in the
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: light and you land there lifeless and then you took
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: the cloth of protection away. That's like, that's like to me,
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: that's it was a metaphor for it. You're exposing everything
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: time you land here, and you land here bruised up,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: and then you had then they take the cloth off.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: You tell me if I'm wrong. Then you had to.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Explain what happened to a complete stranger because you're laying
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: in a in a hospital.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Somebody who loved you put you there.
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well somebody that I loved, but I didn't realize
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: that what he was giving me was.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Not love, right, and that and that's the and that's
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: the truth. That's the revelation to come to when you
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: when you when you realize.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: What you were is not love.
• 24:02
  Speaker 9: Yes, and there's no.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Need to stay quiet and keep staying in that situation
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: and then at that point in time, that's when they
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: want to turn.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: That's when they want to turn it to you, like
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: you caused all of this.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: Exactly what I used to hear. You know, you made
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: me do this? Or why do you ask me do this?
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: And if you just mind me, this wouldn't I wouldn't
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: have to do this, you know it was. I mean,
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: I look back on it now and I'm like, he's weird,
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: you know. So it's like, how do I make you
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: do this? Because the fact that I.
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: Had a void? I'm human, right, I deserve love like
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: anybody else.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: The one day that I stood in the mirror in
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: tears and I asked, God, what is my purpose here?
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: Why am I here? Because all I'm feeling is pain
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: and hurt?
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: And I could say after I prayed and I asked
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: that question, he started laying the bricks and he started
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: showing me what my purpose was in life.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: And in your purpose was to be a voice for
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: the voiceless or for people who are going through Yeah,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: you who have gone through the same situation. So you
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: guys shared your point, I'm gonna share mine. At that
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: was at my lowest was at my lowest point, and
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: that was hard for me to put out to the world.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: It was called it's called hollow. I'm empty inside hollow.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Hollow is emptiness, but it is emptyiness good maybe maybe not?
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Who knows, but.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: God my soul, Yes, it needs relieving. I don't know
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: whether the laugh or cry is a confusing thing to
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: be hollow inside. See sometimes emotional scars can be deeper
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: than any physical scars on the body. The effects of
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: hot can cause hollowness. They can even make you fight
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: a leave, and I chose the lat other two. Now
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering why suddenly, why do I have this feeling,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: this feeling.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: It's not joy, it's not hate, it's just emptiness.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: It's just hollowness taking up place in my body that
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: once was my heart.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: And I'm listening and.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Feeling and putting my hand in my chest.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: I need to feel it.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I need to feel it beating, pounding something.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: I need to know I am alive. I am alive.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: This hollowness, this emptiness, its deceiving.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: It's kicking in.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: My flight of die syndrome. And I'm feeling like I
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: don't know what to do.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Remain hollow, bruised and destroyed. I'm gonna make this lesson subside,
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: to the back of my mind, a place that cannot
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: be reached.
• 26:58
  Speaker 6: Click.
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: I like that place in my head.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: I am empty inside hollow. I am anticipating what will
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: occur next, see, because no soul should be hollow, empty
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: against So that was mine because I had and I
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: have never really talked about this, but we're on the
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: topic of the youth, and I don't like to put
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: stuff out there I experienced mental Mental is just as
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: difficult as physical because you know, I always feel like it.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: With physical you can get hit and heel, but mental
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: it's always like that thick thick in your mind in there, right.
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: But I mean, you know, like I explained to people,
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: you know, because you have something that say, well, I
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: don't put my hand on her. It's no different when
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: you are abusing a person.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: Verbally or mental.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: It all affects the same way, and whether you realize
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: it or not, it slowly also can kill well.
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: I believe like me personally. So first I experienced the physical,
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: and then with my last marriage, I experienced the mental
• 28:23
  Speaker 6: and emotional abuse and so I didn't know that that
• 28:29
  Speaker 6: would be considered domestic violence but not but because I
• 28:33
  Speaker 6: had to go through it, like and I went through
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: both of them. I do feel like mental and emotional
• 28:39
  Speaker 6: abuse is worse than physical right because because the scar
• 28:43
  Speaker 6: is eventually healed, but it's like pieces of you are
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: slowly disappearing when it comes to the mental and emotional abuse,
• 28:52
  Speaker 6: because that's the goal, is to tear you down to nothing.
• 28:56
  Speaker 6: You know, it's meant to leave you stuck in a
• 28:59
  Speaker 6: place and to stay with this person because of their
• 29:02
  Speaker 6: manipulation power and control that they want to have over
• 29:06
  Speaker 6: you and make you think that it's your fault in
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: blaming you. And then you're questioning and you lost your
• 29:12
  Speaker 6: identity because you lost who you were before you got
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: with this person. If you ain't know your identity, you
• 29:20
  Speaker 6: just so lost because you don't even you know this
• 29:24
  Speaker 6: this person supposed to love you, so you like, you're
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: supposed to love me? Why am I going through this?
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: You know? So then you questioning whether or not they
• 29:32
  Speaker 6: love you, And then it's like a doctor Jaco and
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: mister Hyde. It was bad, y'all.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but let's move on from the dark side, because
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: apparently all of us healed and we moved from that. Right.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: But what's good about that is after you healed and
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: you start going through your journey, you know what you
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: will accept and well you will not accept.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: You know, you know your deal breakers.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: If you like cats and I like dods, I only
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: even I don't even talk no more, just like it
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: ain't gonna work. And then I think one of the
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: party things to do was getting back into a relationship
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: I speak for myself after getting out of one that
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: was so traumatic. And you know, so I know we
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: have some healing poetry because like in my book, my book,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: it shows a journey in my heart. It shows from
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: when I destroyed to when I went to that place
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: hollow to when I started healing and met somebody.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: We got some good port, We got some healing poetry,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: some healing forms, y'all I got Okay, I have one.
• 30:44
  Speaker 6: Let me see, oh, let me see.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Well, let me well, let me ask this question. Since
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: y'all you I think symbolics said that most of y'all
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: said that the words start tearing you down. Is that
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: when you realize words have truth, to turn it around
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: to make it a positive to heal yourself. When did
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: you realize that words had.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Power opposite power? I guess that's the way to say it.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: Well, their words to me from the exit that was
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: also verbally and mentally abusive. I started taking their words
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: and using it as a weapon to fight back, meaning
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: that to build myself, to realize that I am not
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: of the words that they are trying to form within
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: me right, and that you know, I was valuable. You know,
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: if anybody's gonna love me, God's gonna love me.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: For one, my dad love me.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: But like when I was going through concert, the first
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: thing she said to me spicy. I hear everything for
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: everybody else, but where's the love for yourself?
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: Hmm?
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: That's why I started sitting back. I took notes on
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: what did I think about myself? Why did I feel
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: like I was worthy? What makes me worthy? What makes
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: me valuable? And a lot of people need to realize
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: that when people give you issue you words of destruction.
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: Is to build their building.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: Up right, you know.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: But like I got to get to the place I
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: had to say, you know what the person I am?
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: You know, I was always questioning. I got the place
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: where I tell you so, you know, it's just like
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: a painting on the wall, if you try to put
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: the all on there and it keeps running off, Why
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: is that.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Because it doesn't fit.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: I am not of those words that he said of me.
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: I'm what God created me to be. And it's that
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: words of love, joy, encouragement, strength, proverity. And that's what
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: I started working in. Is you know, as I got
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: the tools to heal myself, I wanted to eat y
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: oll and let everybody else know you also are worthy,
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: You also are valuable and you can do it right.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: Right. Okay, So.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Back to mind to mine prior question do we have
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: but you have a poem that you want to share
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: that was.
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: Like r your healing before we go into.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Poetry poetry, I should have told y'all I like to
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: do poetry.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: For poetry.
• 33:35
  Speaker 6: So yeah, this one's called overcomer. So susan to follow
• 33:42
  Speaker 6: God was one of the best decisions of my life.
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: Not knowing what comfort men. When I let him stuff in,
• 33:49
  Speaker 6: he healed my soul, open my heart and helped me
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: get rid of strife. Darkness had to flee. As I
• 33:55
  Speaker 6: learned how to be obedient and stand firm in the light.
• 33:58
  Speaker 6: I used the power he placed this side of me
• 34:01
  Speaker 6: to itgnite flames for everyone to see, reciting his message
• 34:04
  Speaker 6: in a poetic format. He gave me the strength, courage
• 34:07
  Speaker 6: and confidence to speak up and no longer be anyone's darnt.
• 34:12
  Speaker 6: He quit me with wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Now I
• 34:15
  Speaker 6: stand in my truth and advocate for healing, willing to
• 34:19
  Speaker 6: bear this soul that I was given. I went from
• 34:22
  Speaker 6: a slave to sin to uplifting spirits, overcoming anxiety and depression,
• 34:27
  Speaker 6: taking no els as I learned from life's hard lessons,
• 34:30
  Speaker 6: free from shame, blame, rejection, and fear. God gave my
• 34:33
  Speaker 6: life true meaning. Now I have a real purpose to live.
• 34:37
  Speaker 6: So when life throws you a curveball, stand up and fight.
• 34:41
  Speaker 6: The world needs your talent. Let your life shine bright.
• 34:44
  Speaker 6: Resist the devil's temptation with all your might. Your story
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: still needs to be written, so grab your pen and
• 34:50
  Speaker 6: right journal your thoughts, goes, busits, and dreams. Believe in
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: God's promises for healing and peace. Meditate on his word
• 34:57
  Speaker 6: daily and surround yourself with god Beans changing. Growth is inevitable.
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: His favorite is not accidental. Stay humble and remain teachable. Yes,
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: vulnerability may be uncomfortable, but less scriptures, develop your inn strength,
• 35:13
  Speaker 6: then you will be ready to overcome any obstacle.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that was those ones.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: So that was dope that I mentioned. You want a
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: poetry you're a part of it. Tell me your title.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: You're a phart of a year too, right.
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it was inspirational part of the year on Spicy show.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he has a show plug first Fife. He had
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: a poetry podcast in San Antonio that you do it weekly.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: Right, Yes, I've been on vacation so it haven't been
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: We've been some weeks.
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: So yes, we do.
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: We have grown Men Talking incorporating on Fridays, which I've
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: formed a platform to where men can have a voice
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: because you know, you hear them say that, you know, well, why.
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: Don't you talk to me? Why don't you communicate with me?
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: You know what? Do you feel?
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: This gives the opportunity of a panel on men and
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: for the world to sit back and actually listen to
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: a different perspective of things in life. So we do
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: have the platform for the men to where they can
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: have a voice as well. We also have grown women
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: of views and Vibes where we have the women get
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: together and you know, we tell everything about topics and
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: real life, real talk.
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: And then the main one.
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: Is done spoken our discussion hour where we all come
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: together and we just talk about real life situations and nothing.
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: But the truth.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: I've tuned into your to your podcast a couple of
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: times and I haven't said it's amazing. That's why I
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: was so excited to have both of you guys in here,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: because I think when I first started watching, I was
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: watching a poetry competition with Symbolic Soul, and it was
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: some more awesome poets from the South Texas San Antonio region,
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: and I think a couple may not have been in
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: San Antonio, but it was awes.
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: It was all over the world.
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: We had some that inter from South Africa, we had
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: some that entered from Bermuda, you know, Washington, you know
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: some from here in Texas. So you know when we
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: had the powerful uh poet contest is for anyone all
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: over the world, even the children.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, so, but we have a powerful poet with us
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: at twenty twenty five, right.
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, actually mister Dasmond Jones. But is our twenty twenty
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: five powerful poet?
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, okay, my band, I thought I had one.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: I missed the final that I missed the funnel round.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Well you you powerful to me. Thank you.
• 38:01
  Speaker 9: That's why.
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: That's why I explain to them it's no winners or loser.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: You know, it speaks to somebody. If it touches one person.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: You've done your due diligence with your poems.
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, you know with the powerful poet. You know,
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: we have the inspirational poet, we have the passionate poet. Uh,
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: we have the narrative poet, and then we also have
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: the children's category, which is the junior powerful poet and
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: also the junior inspirational poet. So when they have judges,
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: my network because I said my network is going in
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: and now.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Apparently I know mine's is going slow. Okay, so you're
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: up mixed with your transformative healing ara poems.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: It's spicey.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: Oh you want to be giving me another one? Want
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: to give you another one?
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I love poetry is a powerful poetry, Yes, I.
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: Mean I And it's weird because when I go back
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: and read some of this things, that this stuff in
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: my books, it's like I sit back and I.
• 39:11
  Speaker 5: Was like, Lord, did that come from me?
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: Because you know, when I do poetry, it's it's from
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: some of the scars I had, it's really like things.
• 39:20
  Speaker 5: But then there's also things that other people went through.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: So yeah, but do you realize that you've healed from
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: that though? Right?
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And like I said, you know, I thank
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: my father for that because that's one thing I had
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: to look towards him, and also the Batter women and
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: Children's Shelter, where you know, the counseling helped. But you know,
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: after the sessions, like I told people, after the sessions,
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: you do have to find certain tools to keep you
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: going because it's a process in healing.
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: It's not an overnight thing. It's not when you escape
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: your abuser.
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: It's a process of healing because now you're going to
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: deal with the mental traumaization behind what you've been through.
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: And so, you know, the one thing I did have
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: to do when it came down to my children is
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: because I realized I was exposed to it. So I
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: had to come back and apologize to my children for
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: what they had to see. Because as others, we don't
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: realize that it traumatizes as kids worse than it traumatizes
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: us going through it. And if we're truly going to
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: break this chain, we got to start not just as
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: women and men, but looking to our children, looking at
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: them as human.
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: Beings as well.
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: You know, to know that we got to change that
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: path for them, because now we're looking at not just
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: adults being abused, but we're looking at also our teenagers
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: are being abused. So it's getting younger and it's sad
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: to see. But I got a piece here I haven't
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: ready in a long time. But it's called because of You,
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: and it says the eliminating approportion of RTUs and atrocious communicate,
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: compelled emotional to descendingly pour entirety conjectures She's desolate and
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: imnodity for nobody's conceived audio psychological injuries from her imperceivable
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: core sculating his baritone's serration, the jar rated through ears
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: like a sweet rhythmic melody, bestole me your crosses while
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: reposing hand over reary chest, eyes of deposedcy repecificated, can
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: you feel my empty spaces and restore entirety's losses? INTI
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: mentally destitute from perfection, She descends amiss from one's path,
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: but it's he that has been procurable towards each pitible call,
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: extending his hand in benefits by accompanying the view to strengthen,
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: make wise, and aiding her through every lever. It's fall
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: towards issues of entirety's dispossession as one addoris and beneficence
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: of company her through the aspiration and gross from within
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: my soul as I lovely kissed his tender lips and said,
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I'm standing to enations all because of you. And that
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: point there, more or less was saying that you know
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: there is somebody out there that love you and that
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: would accept you for all your flaws, all your wounds,
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: all your scars, and help you through it. Because you know,
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: as women that's been abused, we tend to get into
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: space like I stayed single for ten years because I
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: felt like no man could love me the way I
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: felt I deserved to be loved. Nobody would stop hurting
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: me and give me the joy that God says that
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: I deserve.
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: But in this point here, it's showing that there is
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: a person out there with a man of woman that
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: do understand that it's patient that will see you as valuable,
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: that will see you for who you are and be
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: able to say, let me just be there for you
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: and let me love you.
• 43:16
  Speaker 6: I like that I like here, were here, I'm looking for.
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: God hasn't been stored? Be patient?
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: No, then again, no, I don't think I'm ready.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Oh still looking? You're still certain? No?
• 43:35
  Speaker 6: Not really?
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And see, that's the thing I tell women is
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: that when you get out of abusive situation, it's not
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: healthy because I made that mistake.
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: You know, I was in two abusive situations.
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: And my thing is is that you have to take
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: time to heal. Because if you don't take time to
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: heal and look in the mirror and say I need help,
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: what could Because I mean, I always said I didn't
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: do nothing wrong. I didn't do anything. But if you
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: really look back, you got to look at sometimes we
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: can become a magnet to the wrong person because we're
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: not changing the path and a way in life. Yeah,
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: you got to know one, what your worth is. Two
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: to love yourself enough to say I am not gonna accept.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: That right right.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: I agree with you on that because I feel like
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: once I'm gonna speaking for myself. Once I learned how
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: to love myself and understand that I didn't need anybody
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: else to complete me, it became so much easier for
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: me to accept the love that I deserved into my
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: life exactly.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: And once people say, oh, yeah, I do love myself,
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: I do love yourself. Do you really love yourself? Because
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: you realize when you love yourself enough and you find
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: love with things, I'm telling you it's so sweet and
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: it feels so good. But I'm telling you love yourself
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: to say I love myself too much to allow myself
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: to go through any more abuse, it's to allow them
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: to repeat in my life. I love myself too much,
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: so you have to go back and have to repeat
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: everything that I have suffers from. When you realize what
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: you deserve, you'll see things come a lot better towards you.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: Right. It's called self reflection.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the hardest thing for individuals to do,
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: is to self reflect because you have to look at
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: your part and his part.
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: And I just don't want to say that men abuse.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: There also are are women do abuse men, because I
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: have a friend that supports a foundation for abused men.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: So it does happen both ways.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: Just for everybody out there in podcast world, it does
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: happen both ways. But regardless, if you're in a victim
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: of abuse, you need to take time to yourself and
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: Spicy pointing out to heal and really get to know yourself,
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: because if you can't see the room by yourself, live
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: by yourself, and be happy with yourself, you aren't healed
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: yet because that other person is supposed to come and
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: then be an addition to you, not not a need,
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: not one.
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: Thing you can also look at, because when you say
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: you're not healed yet, you got to look at it's
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: not just about learning how to love yourself.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: And a lot of peop they look at me strangely
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: and they be like, I can't do that, but I
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: could go back.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: After learning how to love myself and falling in love
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: with myself, it came also to look.
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: My abusers in their face. Let's say, I forgive you, right, Yeah.
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: I'm forgiven. I've forgiven, I forgive for myself.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: And when you can actually truly forgive a person and
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: it not make you angry, because you got to look at.
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: Forgiveness is a lot enter it and it's hard. But
• 46:55
  Speaker 5: will you forgive? That means that that person can no
• 46:57
  Speaker 5: longer make you angry.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: You cannot go right, You.
• 47:03
  Speaker 5: Won't feel anything.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: You just be like, look, I love you, but I
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: forgive you, but I need to go forward. I don't
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: go backwards.
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, we don't. We don't go back then go back? Well,
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: I had y'all share, I have to share mine.
• 47:24
  Speaker 9: Mm hmm.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: Mine was called second thoughts when I finally knew like
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: I was getting over that humph. It's called second thought,
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: second chances. Let's look at to determine the circumstances. Your
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: voice said second chances. But your eyes and your actions
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: speak second thought. The second thoughts hurt, they slice, because
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: second thoughts to destroy something deep inside.
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: The second thought means I wasn't the best you know,
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: nor not even meant for you.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: It just means you ran out of options, and second
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: thoughts come to your mind, and here you are back again,
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: hoping for one more time. No second thoughts will be granted. No,
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: not this time, not one this time. I'm gonna give
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: you a second chance to reconcile with thoughts in your head. Listen, heal,
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: and understand. A second thought and second chances mean two
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: different things. This second chance given by me is a
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: chance for you to understand and receive. I am no
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: longer accepting a second thought.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: While I love you, I value me more. Please take
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: your second thoughts and walk out my door.
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: Yes, I love it.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: Okay, that reminds me of a piece what you just
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: read right minded by my peace sens escape.
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: You know, it's just like you could just free yourself
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: from that situation.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: Right right. And you know that poem came to me
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: in the middle of them, in the middle of the night,
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: because you know, if you have somebody that you let
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: keep coming back and coming back and coming back, Yeah,
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: I was gonna come back because you the sacond.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: You know, you just sent you there right then.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: You they just don't keep coming back into you shut
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: that door. Yeah, And that's a hard thing to do.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna even lie. That's a hard thing to
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: do when your heart is still attached to that person.
• 49:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: And a lot of people don't understand that because they
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: you know, you hear a lot, especially when I was
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: going through the courtrooms, it was like, you know, why
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: did you stay? Why did you put up with it
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: that long? What made you allow him to continue to
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: do this for so many years? And people don't understand
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: the master key to all function is fear. And fear
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: takes over so much to where you can't move because
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: if you look look at it, a person that's afraid
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: of someone, they're not gonna make a blink, a move,
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: a thought, or.
• 50:07
  Speaker 5: Even a word be spoken.
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: So until they can overcome that fear, they won't be
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: able to say, you know what, I could get away.
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: But is it easy?
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: No, it's not easy because really, even if you with
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: someone for sixteen years, that don't mean you know that
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: person and what they're capable of doing. You know, because
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: I never knew after sixteen years of marriage that he
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: would have a gun in my face, you know, just
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: to threaten for me to come back. You know, I
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: never knew that he would break into my home and
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: try to destroy everything just to put that fear in me.
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: But when they start seeing that you no longer possess
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: any fear, and you stand your ground.
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: And move in all control.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: Right, that's what that's what it's about to begin with,
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: is control, yep.
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: And when they lose control, they don't know how to react.
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: Because with my my, my former abusers start ulizing that
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: their words.
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: Couldn't hurt me anymore that I could. I stood up
• 51:20
  Speaker 5: to them at that time. They didn't like it. They
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: grew angry, but they could not harm me.
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: Right, But dude, I had to ask, as a residual,
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: is that like a trigger?
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Because I know for me, if I even had the
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: slightest clue that you're trying to control me any kind
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: of way, I know this is probably bad.
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: I get triggered. It's like, no, I can't deal with that.
• 51:49
  Speaker 5: It is a trigger. It is a trigger. And that's
• 51:52
  Speaker 5: what people don't understand.
• 51:53
  Speaker 9: You know.
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: You hear them say, oh, you need to get over that,
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: or that's been a long time with no, like when
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: I say it's a pride says it's a process, but
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: there's still little things that can go on that will
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: trigger from that abuse. Even though you learn, you know,
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: you can say survivor No, I've overcame because I learned
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: how to deal with it. I knew how I learned
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: how to overcome what he placed inside of me, the
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: prison that he formed for me.
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: I overcame that to.
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: Where now I can identify if a man's possessive, if
• 52:29
  Speaker 4: he's controlling.
• 52:31
  Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, I'm I'm not dealing with that, yes.
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: Real, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Okay, so we're trying to move over.
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: Let's let's get to something light, and we still don't
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: talk about domistic violence. Because that's what the topic kind
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: of is that. Mm hmm. So tell so, y'all tell
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: me how you got your point your pen names? How
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: did that? How did that come or revolve around poetry?
• 53:14
  Speaker 6: So God gave me my.
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: Name like im uh huh, how do you get your
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: pen name? Your your because I don't have a stage name.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: I cannot think of y'all like boy, so.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: Thanky great, I'm still I think of a stage name.
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: It's not a stage name.
• 53:39
  Speaker 4: My name is not a stage name, like I tell you,
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: just like my nails. I'm real, Okay, that is my name.
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: Oh wow, okay, it's government. Its government, okay, but people
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: don't believe it about Yes, my mother gave.
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: Me that name, that is.
• 54:01
  Speaker 6: But my name came from God because he told me, like,
• 54:04
  Speaker 6: I'm a symbol to save soul. So what he put
• 54:07
  Speaker 6: in me was made me a symbol to save souls.
• 54:10
  Speaker 6: So that's where somebolic soul came from.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: All right, all right, you have a signature poem around.
• 54:17
  Speaker 8: Your name or oh.
• 54:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm in the process. It's gonna be in my
• 54:26
  Speaker 6: next book.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: All right, like your next book?
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: When is your next book coming out?
• 54:32
  Speaker 6: I don't I have no idea.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: You're right, we just construction and do it.
• 54:39
  Speaker 5: It's other constructions.
• 54:41
  Speaker 6: Yes, a work in progress. Yes, yeah, I'm trying to
• 54:45
  Speaker 6: be focused and completed, though.
• 54:46
  Speaker 9: I really am.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: You gonna just just take take ten or fifteen minutes
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: a day and put your book together, get your poems together,
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: put them together, Just take a writ and sprint. Just
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: take ten to fifty minutes.
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: A day and it'll come together. I promise you. Yeah
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: you okay, okay, okay, I'm trying to let there some okay,
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: writer's block.
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: Oh I hate that.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: How do you get through it?
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: Because everybody, we all created. If we can do poetry,
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: I know we're creative.
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: And that's one of the.
• 55:33
  Speaker 5: Do you want to ask that somebody?
• 55:37
  Speaker 6: So when it comes to writer's block, right, sometimes I
• 55:41
  Speaker 6: just have to be in stillness. And then when i'm
• 55:47
  Speaker 6: when I just like shut everything down, I can just
• 55:52
  Speaker 6: sit there and then the Holy Spirit will start speaking
• 55:55
  Speaker 6: to me, or something might come to me in my
• 55:57
  Speaker 6: dream to start it off, and then I'll just finish it.
• 56:01
  Speaker 6: But a lot of times, though, I find when I
• 56:05
  Speaker 6: re really read the Bible, that's when all of these
• 56:08
  Speaker 6: poems just come to me. When I when i'm really
• 56:12
  Speaker 6: deep in my Bible.
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: You know, until he's speaking to you make you creative. Yes, yes, ma'am.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: M hmm, yeah, I'm I'm I'm like that when I
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: when I've been over stimulated. I think that's what the
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: kids calling now over when you're over stimulated. And when
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: I feel to the top and take and can't think
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: or do anything and I have a block, I'm like you,
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: I'll turn everything off, no TV.
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: No sound, no anything, and just let my mind reset.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: Because it's almost like a complete I just have to
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: go to sleep, reset, and I need to.
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: Come out of it.
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: Like I.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: I had went to a being in Austin over the weekend,
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: a book festival, African American book festival, and I had
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: been so overstimulated on this prior week I couldn't even think.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: So I drove three in three hours to Austin, no stamp,
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: three hours back after the event, no sound, to decompress
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: to where my mind can reset so I can be
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: ready to write and to create. And then I came
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: home and went to sleep. I think I slept like
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: all day yesterday, got home, sair day and then slept.
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: So that's how I recharged too.
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I got Righty's block. I can say thank
• 57:36
  Speaker 4: God just once. And it was frustrating. But I was like,
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: what's wrong with me?
• 57:43
  Speaker 5: Why can't I write?
• 57:44
  Speaker 4: But you know what I had to do with myself,
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: I said, okay, because I tell everybody, I'm an overthinker.
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: Every time I turn, my mind is just going for
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: the next plan, the next job, what to do next,
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: and what we're gonna form next. It's just my mind's
• 57:57
  Speaker 4: always moving, you know, to where I'm doing so much much.
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: But you know, I just came back from a vacation.
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: But you know, it's like I had to regroup. But
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: the one time that I had Riddy's brock, I had
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: to really separate myself from everyone. And I love being
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: by the water, so I just sit by the water
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: and I have to just sit out there, and I
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: had to just meditate, you know. And I teach a
• 58:22
  Speaker 4: lot of people about meditation because it does help with PTSD,
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: it does help.
• 58:27
  Speaker 5: With stress, and it helps to relax.
• 58:30
  Speaker 4: So you know, with me meditating, then I come back,
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: it's like I could like, okay, let's get back to it.
• 58:38
  Speaker 5: Lord, what I'm gonna do with me now?
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: Because what a lot of people don't realize about me
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: is that my pieces come from womb scars. But it's
• 58:50
  Speaker 4: when I'm placed in a quiet place.
• 58:53
  Speaker 5: And I'm alone and thinking.
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: That's why I say I have so much respect, And
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: I think it's so awesome when I see people like
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: Symbolic or you know, other people like Nikita, they could
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: just get on stage and they just go with, you know,
• 59:07
  Speaker 4: just remembering all these pieces.
• 59:09
  Speaker 5: And but like with me, I'm just to me.
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: It's like a private personal place that I get to
• 59:16
  Speaker 4: in order to find what purpose is this piece gonna be?
• 59:21
  Speaker 4: But when it comes down to writer's block, I've had
• 59:24
  Speaker 4: it one time and I had to overcome by just
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: meditating and like like they say, recharge.
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: M hm, you have to charge. And I think when
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: you said you touched on something in my mind, my
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: mind jumps. I have a little bit of ad.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: My mind jumps. You right about what peace means to me?
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: Some times, whien not I have people that reach.
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: Out entering it or writing.
• 59:58
  Speaker 9: I was.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: But speaking truth and don't change things, cause I find
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: a lot of people want to go back after they
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: and they were, but true is written from a point
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: of emotion or you know. So I always feel like
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: you shouldn't change it.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: Do y'all feel that way? Or do you go back
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: and edit or you know?
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: And when I say change, I mean like change like
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: poor versus or dynamics of the poem.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: Not they editing part.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: Well with me when I go back, And there are
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 4: times I go back and do look over it, because
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 4: just like I said at the beginning, that sometimes I'll
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 4: be like, did that really come from me? But with me,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: it's like if if the Lord's waking me up at
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 4: three o'clock in the morning because I keep up peeing
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: in a path right there, that's my man that leaves
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 4: with me every night.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 5: He's waking me out of my.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 4: Sleep and he just like, daughter, okay, this, this, this,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 4: and this if even if it's a title or it's
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: just a line, I get up and I hurry up
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 4: and write it. And then from that it's like I've
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: placed myself into the mold. It's like when I rode
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: from the different side as a man, I had to
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: actually place myself as that person, as a man, in
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: order to speak and write the way he wants me
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: to deliver, to get the message out. So I mean,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: like I said, it's a gift to me to possess
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: something like that. But like some people, you know, they
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 4: look at me and they's like I had like three
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: of them. Tell me, Oh, I wish I could do
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: it like you. I wish I could be like you.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: I said, Baby, you don't want these crosses though, because
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: who Spicy Gray is today?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 5: Baby, you got to start at beginning with my crosses.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: Come on now, yes, because whatever God molded me to be,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: it had to be developed and molded through those crosses
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: I went through, right, you know.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 5: No, I didn't deserve what was done to me.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: But it might sound crazy, but yeah, I've told my
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: music thank you, because what I see now is that
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: now when I'm in a position, I'm actually helping people that,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 4: you know, because all I look at is love. All
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: I want to do is reach out to love and
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 4: help people. And when I see what I do now
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: and I look back, and I mean, I wish my
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 4: grandmother was here to see me, and my son here
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 4: to see what came up me, you know, because you know,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: they was my inspiration, you know, to you know, keep pushing,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 4: don't stop. There was times I was gonna give up.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 4: I had people, don't stop, Spicy, keep going. We look
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: for you all the time. I'm like, oh me, you know,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: but we got to realize what we are worth. Don't
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: ever feel like you're not worthy. If anybody's telling you
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: you ain't worthy or you ain't at a certain level, baby,
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: trust me, they're intimidated by the strength that you possess
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 4: that you haven't found yet.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 5: And when you found that strength.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: You'll see why these people were intended intimidated and why
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: they wanted to abuse you for who they see you
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: to be.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: M say that again, rewind like we say you rewind
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: and say that again for the autumn.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 5: Yes, you know. It's when you have people that speak negativity.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 5: We're gonna put it like this. When people speak negativity
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: in your life, don't think they dumb.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: They can see your strength, they can see your power,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 4: and they know what you're made of and what's within.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: But in order to keep you from knowing your knowledge
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 4: of what's within your value, they'll say things like, you're dumb,
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 4: you're stupid, you're ignorant, you're not gonna mind up to anything, right,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 4: But I'm gonna tell y'all, and I hate to keep
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 4: talking because I know I can talk.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: To you, but I'm enjoying it.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 5: By my books.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: I never knew that I was gonna be published author.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: I never knew that I was going to be an
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 4: artist and with the hazard CD, I never knew I
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: was gonna be a speaker.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 5: But I never called out to reach for people to
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 5: go speak.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: They looking for me when they look for me, and
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: they in my emails because God sent them to me
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: for what he voted me. As I stood before my
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 4: father one day, because everything about me was negative, everything
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: was cut throat, like I wasn't worthy. But what I
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: had to wake up and realize when he told me
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: you ain't this and you ain't gonna be that and all,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: anybody can write a book. Anybody can do this, say
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 4: you know what, Yeah they can, but it's just the
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 4: fact that where the book goes right.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 5: Like I told him, I.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 4: Said, you know one thing, I realized every time you
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 4: say something negative, something positive happened in my life. You
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 4: said that I wouldn't be able to write the book.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 4: It wasn't published. It got published. I said, you said that, Oh,
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 4: anybody can write a book, but I don't mean they're
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 4: gonna be anything or acknowledged. Well, thank you Jesus, and
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 4: I was chosen the best book of the Year by
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 4: Amazon editors. When he said that I wouldn't make it
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 4: here or make it there, then I got a trophy,
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 4: a champion of faith. Use whatevery tool somebody say negative
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 4: in to your life as a tool to fight against
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: those words to make yourself prosperous.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 5: Right, you choose the path. You won't.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 4: You don't allow them to control your path anytime you
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 4: allow somebody. That's why people don't understand. I don't read
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 4: long test messages. I'm not gonna read your negative voice.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: I ain't gonna listen to your negative us messages. You
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: know why, because you feed that toison into me. Baby,
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 4: you don't control me. You don't control my thoughts, you
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: don't control my emotions. So I blocked that out. When
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: you start realizing, like I said, when you love yourself
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: and you value yourself, you start realizing how worthy you are,
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 4: and nobody who says anything negative can destroy you.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 9: Right, Yeah, thanks, I agree.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 6: I forgot the question now though, like I was, I was,
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 6: I was flowing with spicy.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: We're flowing off with spicy. You keep flowing off for her.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: We were going this is you guys, platform tonight so
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: we the question what what was your question?
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 6: Again?
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: I don't forgot it.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 4: I think she asked the question about the writer's block
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 4: and how you get through it, and then I went
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 4: from there, and then I think that's why I said,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 4: I get to talking.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: No one we answered the another one. We were on
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: another one.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: But okay, I come up with another question, and I'm
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: gonna turn and then I'm gonna come back to you, Spie.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna start with, so, how do you take your
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: peace while writing the honest, raw truth? How do you
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: protect your peace? Because memory I've actually.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 6: I've learned to fast a lot more like last year,
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 6: I believe I started fasting. I try to fast like
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 6: once a month something once a month, and I started
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 6: that either last year or the year before last. And
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 6: so I learned to fast and deny myself. And as
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 6: I deny myself, I just get to a space with
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 6: God where he gives me like clarity and to be
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 6: able to write and to think about what others need
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 6: to hear and the truth that others need to hear.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 6: Right like, So as I do that, I just realized,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 6: like I have to since God made me who I am,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 6: like I have to go through some hard truths, right,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 6: Like that's what I was just telling a friend of mine.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 9: Life.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 6: I just realized, like do out my whole life, even
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 6: when I'm not even looking for the truth.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 8: It just finds me.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 6: Right. So it's like, you know, and so I guess
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 6: I'm just meant to be free because you know, the
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 6: truth sets you free, right, So, and I'm meant to
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 6: show other people how to be free. So it's like
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 6: that's where I find my peace from like the more,
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 6: even though like as I go on in life, even
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 6: though the truth hurts, it's like I know how to
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 6: accept it and live it. So as long as I
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 6: know how to live it, I'm free and I feel
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 6: peaceful being able to live my truth and to show
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 6: other people how to live their truth. Basically, Oh no,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 6: that makes sense right.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah to me, It makes sense to me because so
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: and when we speak our wordtal power, it's like you're
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: putting a sword out to the world. So however you speak,
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: you need to what's the word I want to say?
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: Your words can create a destroy You have power as
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: a poet, you really do.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: My thought died alone. I thought that about I'm loud.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 6: Yes, been of life and death is in the power
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 6: of the tongue the Bible.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, it is exactly like the.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 6: More I learned the war, the more I learned the word,
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 6: I think, the more powerful my poetry becomes. And that's
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 6: a beautiful thing. And that's the more that I could,
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 6: you know, learn to accept the truth as well, because
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 6: just like Spicy was saying, I'm learning and I'm still healing,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 6: you know, because I'm fresh out of, you know, the marriage.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 6: So when I was on Spicy show, I wasn't divorced yet,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 6: but I didn't even know its Spicy, but I was
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 6: actually divorced because I had said I wasn't putting my
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 6: elbow out. Well, God told me I couldn't put my
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 6: elbow out until I was divorced, but I didn't even
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 6: know that I was. I was already divorced when I
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 6: was on Spicy shows.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: That was that was like a beautiful thing.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 6: So but yeah, like so just to overcome everything, like
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 6: all the negatives that people say that you are not
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 6: and everything, and it's like it's the truth. Like they're
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 6: trying to talk you down because they see they see
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 6: what's in you, they see those gifts and talents. They're jealous,
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 6: and they envious of it because they can't do what
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 6: you do with that light that God put in you.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 6: Whereever you go, it's gonna shine, people gonna be attracted
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 6: to you, like your spirit and everything, and people gonna
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 6: be jealous of that. They're gonna be envious of that.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 6: And I used to be like that used to make
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 6: me feel some kind of way, right, But now I
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 6: just I'm like, I'm who God created me to be.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 6: So you know, go hate and hate, you know, go
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 6: ahead and be jealous, go ahead and be envious. Just
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 6: like Spicy said, You're gonna keep on elevating me, So
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 6: go ahead, I'm gonna keep loving you with the love
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 6: of God. Mm hmm, and speak and speak your truth, right,
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 6: I know, I know.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 3: I found that just as deep as I can write
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 3: about pain, I can write about joy. Did y'all find
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 3: that I can write about joy, I can write about happiness,
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: I can write about love.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: Because at first I felt like writing, writing, writing, and
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: a lady talked to me about my poetry, and she's like,
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: she didn't I said, well, she couldn't say.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 3: She couldn't say, so it was like giving.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: Voice to the voice list so that empowered me more
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: to want to continue to write and write on subjects
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: that I felt.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 3: Would empower people.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: And my main gendre right now, believe it or not,
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: is love and it came out of heartbreak.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 3: And that's how I write about love and happiness and joy.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: What about you, guys, I'm trying to get there. No,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: but what what's your main gendre?
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: I know everybody's not a lot or spoken words, but
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: what's your goal? Yeah, when you when you speak or
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: what's your voice for the voiceless?
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 6: It's truth. It's just like you know, it's truth. It's
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 6: about everything. So it's it's about like to show people
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 6: really who God, who God is, so to lead people
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 6: to God like in the like in a poetic way,
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 6: because that's what everybody's telling me. Like I I'm a lyricist.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 6: So it's like I write and it's simple, but yet
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 6: it's profound and it's and it's also like at the
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 6: end of each thing, it's gonna lead you to God. Basically,
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 6: at the end of each poem, at the end of
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 6: everything that I do, it's gonna you're gonna go back
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 6: to God because you can't heal without God, you know.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 6: So that's that's what it's about. So mine, it's all
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 6: about healing.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: Right right, I agree, and you yours, miss spicy well minds.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 4: As you know, it started off from scars, wounds, pain,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 4: you know, trying to escape to part two. As you
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 4: see right here, I have unspoken hard too to where
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: you begin to sit.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 5: That's what I tell you.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 4: If you want to feel the transition, you gotta get
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 4: part one to float the two, because too you could
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 4: actually feel the strength how I fell in love with myself,
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 4: how to love, and how it feels to be loved.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 5: You know, whatever this is gonna end up too?
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: Uh?
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 4: Only God can answer that, because I'm falling whatever brick
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 4: that he lays before me.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's not gonna He never leads you down
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: the wrong path and not understand it.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: But he don't lead you around. He don't lead you wrong.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: So y'all know what if you're read the ad right see,
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: let's do run through your poems.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 3: I'm not taking a specific poem, just whatever poem you
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 3: want to perform. Let me see, have you ready to embolin?
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 5: I know you're ready, always ready.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: Ready, don't have to get ready.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: That's what my Mama's sake.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm kind of trying to live by that model,
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 6: right though.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 5: This one is called my desire.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 4: Opening her eyes to the morning light nor apparent muscle
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: throughout her is tight, breathing deeply in with freed of
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 4: one's stressed, not wanting movement or the attempt to get dressed,
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 4: reminiscing on a long night's romance and story, passionate bond
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 4: released in her mind, her worry, his affection destroyed all
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 4: solid walls, echoes in the room is his name of
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 4: vocal calls.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 5: Having in some off his hands is a message he send.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 4: This moment of luxury she never wants to end, arms
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 4: pulling her clothes, not letting her go.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 5: In heart, she wants to love him.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 4: So turning head over to now an empty space, all
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 4: in printed sheets lined is his body trace looking over
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 4: a text from a long mile words expressed raised her
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 4: teenage glowing smile for all that he had to offer.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 4: Isn't an admire standing to acknowledge that he is what
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 4: her heart desires?
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 3: All right? All right, all right, and you're an out
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: that as I'm.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry, did I miss?
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 2: I was trying to think I was analyzing a poem
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: so it's faintly like she lost her life.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 4: Yes, everything her heart desired, you know, she thought she
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 4: had it, but it was just the eye. Lot of
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 4: his body is like be able to recognize when somebody
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 4: is just using you for who you are instead of
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 4: using you for the true meaning that you stand for.
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 4: You know, when you want somebody to love you, realize
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 4: what's the difference. I wrote another piece in love by myself.
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 4: Realize when you're in love by yourself and when you're
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 4: not in love by yourself.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 3: M yep, there you're the only one in a relationship
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: and didn't know it. You are? You had your piecement somebody.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 6: Oh, yes, this time I'm read out of my book, y'all.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 6: So this ain't for memory, y'all.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 3: I ain't none of mine for memory.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 5: I was like you for me to shine.
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 3: I can remember.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 6: This one is called the becoming the best version of Me.
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 6: You're looking at one of God's masterpieces. Witnessed me as
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 6: I wholeheartedly speak my truth to you through every unforeseen circumstance, obstacles,
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 6: and roadblocks. I was protected by a force that I
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 6: never knew. At times I didn't understand his plan, and
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 6: I questioned my value. Many times, the right decisions weren't made.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 6: Then before long, procrastination became an impossible addiction to shake.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 6: After that, I solely saw my future fade away. Day
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 6: after day, depression began to pave the weight. Thoughts of
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 6: doubts engaged my fears. Eventually they congregated and left me still.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 6: The determined pair turned my life into major despair. I
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 6: lost all hope and suddenly a heartened heart just appeared.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 6: After soul searching, I decided to switch gears. Then God
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 6: appears to me and he tells me to follow him.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 6: So I let go of my doubt and face my fears.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 6: I tried everything else, so why not put my trust
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 6: in him? Truth was revealed and it took me out
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 6: like an ivy prope and pealed. I begin to see
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 6: the light and the unconditional love that my severing God
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 6: could give. Forgiveness then becomes a part of me. God's
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 6: truth told me to let go of all my bitterness
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 6: if I want the recipe to succeed. Eventually, my thoughts
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 6: and dreams transforms into reality. Guided by the spirit, I
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 6: drifted into something extraordinary. All my enemies can't see me,
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 6: and that makes it hard for them to try to
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 6: comfort me. Confidently, I break down walls and climb over
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 6: all obstacles in my way. God helped me break away
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 6: from all my dismay, and he turned my grace, guys,
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 6: into brighter days. No longer standing in my own way,
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 6: I could truly say I've been redeemed by His mercy
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 6: and grace. Now I love a blessed life. Because I
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 6: made the decision to walk his way. All the unhealthy
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 6: labels and negative, self fulfilling prophecies has been tossed away.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 6: Because of his love, I've been truly remade. I found
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 6: a new identity, and all my mistakes has been raised.
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 6: The best version of me is now underway.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 3: All right, right, so.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 6: Thank you, thank you.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 9: I like that.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 3: And what was your h what would be your synopsis
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: of that poem?
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 6: Just everything that I had went through. Basically, I was
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 6: finally like, you know what I'm becoming. So this was
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 6: the poem that I wrote before you know I was,
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 6: I was becoming, you know, because they know my album
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 6: I have one where I am becoming, you know, like
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 6: I'm you.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 3: Know, hmm, you normal becoming? Okay, Okay, I guess this
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 3: is my trainer.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I know.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 3: I'm a love poetself.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: This one it's called not Your Forever?
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 3: What if I wasn't said to be? You're always, but you're.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 2: Almost not your forever, but the one you remember when
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: the room goes quiet and the years stretched along. What
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: if I was just a pause between what hurts you
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: and what healed you, a fall place you landed before
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: you learn to fly again.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 3: Now we a constellation that never aligned our.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: Stars, brushing shoulders but never holding hands in the sky,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 2: star crossed, time tangled, caught in.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 3: The middle, in the middle of a bu for eight
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: of what could have been. I gave you moments, but
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 3: they felt like lifetimes.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: Kisses that re wrote gravity, laughter that stitched old wounds,
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: and nice that tasted like always. But I know some
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 2: stories aren't meant to be underlined, not extended. Some loves
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: don't fade, they just echo. So when the years bloom
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 2: between us and the world called you elsewhere, I hope
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: you'll think of me and smile, not with regret regret,
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 2: but with warm and of something rare, Because maybe, just
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 2: maybe I was never your forever, but I was the
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 2: one you'll remember forever.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 3: That's was point, So I wrote that I'm going to
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 3: give u s anopsis.
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: I just wrote that when I realized that sometimes people
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 2: have come into your life and seasons, and that could
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 2: be for family or.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 3: Whatever, and they're not.
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 2: You're forever. They're supposed to be there to do to
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: teach you your lessoner, to help you grow and to
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: be mm hmm yeah.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 6: The reason the season in the lifetime.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 3: M hm, Yes, you do. You do, Like I said,
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 3: you do have those people that come to teach you
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 3: what they need to teach you and leave. They're not
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 3: supposed to be.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: Permanent fixtures in your life, and they help you remember
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: what you need that lesson when it comes back around again,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: so you don't repeat it again.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Whose ladies, we.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 9: Are talk topic?
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 6: So what.
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 2: I don't want to ask because I'm just I have
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 2: I am been enjoying this talk. I have learned so
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 2: much from spicy and symbolic. I am enjoying the guys.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 2: So I had to ask some fun questions. Now, So,
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 2: if your poetry was a person and could walk into
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 2: the room, actor, actress, singer, whoever you like, who would
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 2: your poetry be?
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: Who would be your person? Wait?
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 6: What?
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 3: So that's just like saying if you well, like if you.
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: Could pick your person to represent your poetry, like I
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 2: even say a song, what what would represent your poetry?
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 2: A person or a song, an actor, an actress or
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 2: a song that would be for me?
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 5: It would be Maya Angelo. Oh, She's always been my inspiration.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 4: I've always felt her when she spoke, her strength, you know,
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 4: just her passion.
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 5: For each word that flowed through her lips.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 4: You know, if anybody could be that person when I write,
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 4: when I speak, when I stand, or even be in
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 4: a representation, it would be her.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 3: That's a good one, all right, that's my Angeloue.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 6: No, I got to change mind spicy because you hurry
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 6: up and jumping up. No, for real, Like I was,
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 6: I was at this restaurant and this this one guy
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 6: had told me that like that my poetry was powerful
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 6: like my Maya Angelo. But he also told me about
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 6: so it was since she picked Maya Angelo, would be
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 6: Lauren Laurence Hill, right, Laurence Hill is you know I
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 6: feel like she it's like really really deep, so to me,
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 6: like even just like her essence. She she would be
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 6: like to the next coming from Maya Angelo basically because
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 6: she's so talented and just like the way she put
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 6: her words together like she she writes poetry too, I believe,
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 6: but her rap is more like poetry as well. So
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 6: so yeah, it would be Laurence Hill.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 3: When you said that, I started thinking.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 2: It could all be so simple but rather hard, right.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 3: Karaoke boys right now? Yeah, mm hmm.
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: But that's the song that came to my mind, so
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 2: as whenever I hear Laurence Hill, that's what I think
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: a Zion when she sung about her son Zion.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 3: Remember when that song came in.
• 1:25:51
  Speaker 5: Yes, I know what you know.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 4: I've been knowing as the body for a good minute.
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 4: And I mean, she she I'm surprised she don't ask
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 4: me why you're always smiling at me, because when I
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 4: see her, I mean, it's just it's so sweet, it's
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 4: so loving. But when you sit down and list with her,
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 4: she's so She is really an inspiration and she's very passionate.
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 4: And when I see her, I know some people might
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 4: not think so, but I see cisly Tyson when I
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 4: see symbolic, because to me, cisly Tyson was a very
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 4: nutritional woman that was very inspirational, that was a person
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 4: that show stood her strength was she broke through all barriers.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 5: And when I look at Symbolic, that's what I see.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 6: All.
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 2: She has a spirit to get a chill when I've
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 2: been talking, No, you're not. I don't have a sweet spirit.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 2: But when I was listening to her and I was
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: getting with you guys, you guys are so grad sious
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 2: with me in case I everybody.
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 3: Frozen on the podcast? Am I frozen?
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 2: No?
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 3: We continue? Okay, well, okay?
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 2: On the podcast are in the Aspiring Authors magazine, and
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 2: there are the features in the in the June.
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 3: June is magazine that I believe is out Angela.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 2: She put it out and I was so excited to
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 2: have him as a guest, and I've just been this
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 2: has been a great show.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 3: Am I still frozen? I guess I am. But you
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 3: can hear me. That's fine, we see you moving to.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 2: Wait a minute, don't let me pick my great gone display.
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 3: I'm frozen.
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, y'all have to know I'm a jokester.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 3: I'm a very very.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 6: Us that that's beautiful.
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 2: So okay, can you guys get your person?
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 3: And my person is.
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 2: Believe it or not, Erica bad By do is I
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 2: love me? Some miss Erica Bad. I love her style,
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 2: I love her voice that when she speaks and how
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: she does so she would kind of represent me.
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 3: I guess it's a walking in Dallas girl, Erica. Yes,
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 3: mm hmm. So with that, when I guess only, I
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 3: think we've covered like.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: H pardon words. So we're going to finish on the
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 2: last line. My truth is, and that's going to be
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 2: what we wrap up the show with. Well, what what
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 2: is you, guys?
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 3: Truth?
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 2: And what do you want to get out to people
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 2: and let people know where they can find you pick
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 2: up books and what you have coming up next? First, however,
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 2: whoever wants to go first, Yes, ma'am.
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 4: Well, you know I say my truth is exactly what
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 4: you see and what you hear from me. You know,
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna cut no corners. I'm gonna give it
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 4: to you just exactly what it is, because if I don't,
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 4: then it's not gonna help you, it's gonna hinder you. Now,
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 4: with that, that's why I formed, like I said, the
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 4: shows that we have Fridays seven pm sins Your Static
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 4: Time a pm Eastern stand of Time, five pm Pacific
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 4: stand of Time. Grown Men Talking Incorporated hosted by Dwight Robinson.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 5: He's a pan off man.
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 4: And then once a month we have the Grown Women
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 4: of Using Vice, which will follow on a Saturday seven pm.
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 4: But every Saturday that we don't have the Grown Women
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 4: of Us Advice, it's done Spoken Heart Discussion Our where
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 4: you'll see the man and women come together and give
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 4: either we having family game night. We have you know,
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 4: like we had the porgiy contest, but we have topics
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 4: to where we get to share our own opinions and
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 4: feelings and experiences you know that helped us through life.
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 5: But you can find me also on.
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 4: I got two more than two pages on Facebook, but
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 4: the main ones are done Spoken Heart and then there's
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 4: Spicy Gray on the Facebook pages. Also you can find
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 4: me on Twitter and Twitch on the Spicy Gray the
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 4: same thing. Instagram is done Spoken Heart seventy and we're
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 4: also on Rumble as well, which is new. Yes, so
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 4: we're enjoying it. It's it's it's becoming a good platform
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 4: from us. So you know, other than that that, you know,
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 4: we just want to let everybody know that we're here
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 4: as the platform to you know, to heal, to love,
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 4: to bring awareness, to break chains in lives.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 5: And bring in relationships together.
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks, And do you do any events or around the
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 2: San Antonio area since I know you're in San Antonio.
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 5: We were doing events every October.
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to look for our place, a bigger place,
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 4: so we're gonna be expanding the business. But we were,
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 4: you know, taking I still do it even without events.
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 4: Taking donations for the batter women and Children's shelters. You know,
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 4: we had you know where we accept diapers. You know
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 4: we accept baby wipes.
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 5: We have events for that.
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 4: But outside of that, the clothing we take, if you
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 4: don't throw them away, you know, if they're not bleached,
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 4: torn or anything, you know, hit me up at the
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 4: Unspoken Heart seventy at aol dot com and makes to
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 4: pick that up to get it over to the shelter.
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 5: I do go through them and I make sure everything
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 5: is presentable for them.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 4: Christmas we do have where we have businesses that we
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 4: choose to where we set up the Nation Box to
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 4: donate brand new toys for the children and the shelter
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 4: as well. But we also throw at Christmas event to
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 4: where it's a raffle with the purple hearts where you
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 4: might win a fifty five inch screen TV.
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, well I have I have I lived in
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 2: San Antonio. I guess I'm purpect. I don't know if
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 2: I told you guys that I lived there for almost
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 2: twenty years. So hopefully some of the people in San
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 2: Antonio all watching and listening you pick up what.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 4: She said, yes, if they're interested in the book. The
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 4: books The Unspoken Heart wanted to are and you Heard
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 4: I Heard is available on the Amazon. I am working
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 4: on The Unspoken Heart Part three. It is gonna become
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 4: series of poetry. There's only gonna be two memoirs right now,
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 4: we got it. You Heard I Heard is out and
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 4: the next one's gonna be The Heart and Heart, and
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 4: that will be the last memoir from after I graduate
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 4: till I'm grown. And how I became the stand my
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 4: ground to break the chain of abuse in my own life.
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to get that. So, yeah, I'm gonna
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 3: have to get that and follow you and keep up
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 3: with that because I'd like to read that.
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but on YouTube, also the shows on YouTube on
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 4: the Unspoken Heart Discussion Hour, so that you know, that'd
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 4: be the easy because sometimes you know, Facebook or flag you,
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 4: So YouTube is the best place to go and rumble.
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 3: Mmm, Facebook a flag based.
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 5: That's my own music.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 4: I'm like, wait a minute, because I had my own
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 4: CD where the purpose was for people that were blind
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 4: and couldn't see the words, that they would hear my
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 4: voice and some of the pieces out of the first book.
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 5: You know, they would listen to it.
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 4: But I'm like the music and the lyrics, I'm like,
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 4: how you gonna flag me on my own stuff?
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 3: I got.
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 2: I got flagged on my author page because I wrote
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 2: a poem for my birthday and I said I almost
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 2: didn't make it like that that was part of the poem,
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 2: and they flagged that that was inappropriate.
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm seeing how they made it.
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 2: But I pulled through and they flagged me and they
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: wouldn't recommend my author page.
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I was like, are you for real? Facebook?
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 3: You didn't even look at the content of the poem.
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 2: Man, I'm not suicidal. I wasn't talking about killing or anything.
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 2: I was being gracious that I made it because I
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: almost didn't make.
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 5: It limitating people.
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 4: But one thing I can say, YouTube give you a
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 4: little bit more room, but with Rumbo, they give it
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 4: like they have no barriers. So I mean even profanity
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 4: and whatever you discuss rumble does not.
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 5: And you flag you for it. They let allow you
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 5: to express.
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think clubhouses like that. I go on
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 3: Clubhouse on Thursday morning.
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 2: Now, that's another thing for poets. Poets on Thursday morning.
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: It's a club, a clubhouse that starts about seven point
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 2: thirty and it goes to about nine thirty ten, and
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 2: it's poets from all over I had I can't cause
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 2: the Lincoln always hit it. But Michael Gean hosted and
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 2: so it's poets and it's an open mic poet virtual
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 2: and it's every Thursday in the twelfth House, the Treehouse Clubhouse.
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 2: I'm just old, just in wrong for it, but I'll
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 2: post the information.
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 6: Okay, I'm trying to get house with my Android.
• 1:36:02
  Speaker 3: Yes I have an Android. Hey, I'm an Android.
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 6: Yes, you didn't know that it was for iPhone.
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 3: No, I'm on Clubhouse. I listen every Thursday morning. I
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 3: go in there.
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 2: And listening to the poets. I haven't I haven't done
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 2: the open mic yet. By the time my memory is
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 2: a little bad. By the time I remember, I'm coming
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 2: in the middle of the session and the open mic
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 2: is closed because he lets you do open mic mm hmm.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 2: And it's poets from everywhere in there. It's usually like
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 2: one hundred plus poets in there, which is a good Yeah,
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 2: you know, it's.
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 3: Good to ube.
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 2: You know, like like when you find your poet. The
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 2: poetic community, uh community, once you get into it is
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 2: you know, you start seeing the different spaces to go
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 2: to hear poetry, and I just I just vibe it.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 3: I love it, and I'm on.
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: I go on poetry talk too, I don't know, talking
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: about TikTok and find a lot of good poets, a
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 2: lot of communities and a lot of events through poetry
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 2: talk too. And I met poets on there. Mm hmmm hm.
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 4: Yes, where some of our poets came from was TikTok
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 4: as well. And what I mean, like I said, I'm
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 4: very proud of our poets. You know, we try to
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 4: celebrate you know, our poets because it's just like anything else.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 4: It was on a back burn and people didn't take
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 4: us serious. They god, you know, oh, I don't do that,
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 4: like it was just something like a hobby. Like no,
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 4: we we have a true meaning. We have it's just
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 4: like a true flow, just like you listen to the
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 4: blues and rhythm and you know rap, we that same
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 4: type of vibe, but we also have a message that
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 4: I held a lot of souls out there like symbolic
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 4: mm hmm.
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we turned it over.
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 6: You know, at first I thought, you know, that poetry.
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 6: That was a time where I did think that poetry
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 6: didn't matter, you know, like even when it comes because
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 6: I perform, you know, all around San Antonio, and when
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 6: people want to book us, sometimes they don't even want
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 6: to pay us. And I've been doing this for years now,
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 6: so I'm what you call a professional poet, right, you know. So,
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 6: But and then but yet you want to pay a
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 6: singer and you want to pay you know, a rapper
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 6: or whatever, you know what I'm saying, and they want
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 6: to they always want to short change us. So it
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 6: kind of get discouraging too.
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 5: And not only that.
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 6: When I was I performed at a lot of different
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 6: you know, when I first started with different bars and stuff,
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 6: and they don't even want to respect when you when
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 6: you actually doing when you were performing as well, like
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 6: they don't respect the poets. And you know, but I
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 6: think y'all, sometimes this is like in San Antonio though,
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 6: because like when you go to Houston and Dallas, in
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 6: different parts of Texas or whatever. It's a different vibe.
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 6: So my goal is I do want to want to
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 6: start doing shows again because I used to host poetry
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 6: shows here in San Antonio, and I think I want
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 6: to do that again where poets can have a platform.
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 6: I want to use my platform for the highlight of
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 6: the poets as well for the for to be able
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 6: to use your voice and to help other people here
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 6: basically because they don't respect us. So we got to
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 6: make a platform for ourselves and we got to make
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 6: app in ourselves basically.
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well as you do, you know how to get
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 3: in touch with me because it's just a drive. So
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 3: I've been in Austin. I mean I drive, I go
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 3: where Austin San Antonio. That's because I'm.
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: About the poetry, yes, ma'am, because people really, until people really.
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 2: I had a friend that with me she and she
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 2: really didn't care about poetry. It wasn't into poetry, but
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 2: she knew I now crying and she was like, it's
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 2: some stuff that I needed to heal. You wouldn't never listen.
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 5: Oh she she froze this time.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 6: Yeah, she froze and came back and froze again. Well,
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 6: I was just saying with my truth.
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 4: Is yeah, but you know, let them know, like because
• 1:40:44
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm gonna be honest. You know, I was
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 4: very happy for you when the judge because people don't
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 4: know I do not judge these contents at all.
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 5: I don't and I appoint different judges every year.
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 4: But you know, let the people know, you know, like
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 4: where they can find you someoic and you know how
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 4: they can get.
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 5: In contact with you, because I know she did ask
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 5: that right there.
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 6: Oh yeah. So first, my truth is that I am
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 6: who God created me to be. In every twenty four
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 6: hours that I get, I'm learning how to walk in that.
• 1:41:22
  Speaker 6: So I'm learning how to not really take on those
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 6: negative labels that people placed on me. And just like
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 6: you were saying, and all of the negativity and people
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 6: that people will say to you to try to break
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 6: you down, I'm slowly transforming at more and more as
• 1:41:38
  Speaker 6: I read the word and understand who God created me
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 6: to be. So that's that's my truth. And so I
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 6: have music on all different platforms, so y'all can find
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 6: me on Symbolic Soul, on Apple, on iTunes, on Amazon Music.
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 6: I just released my second CD call what is my
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 6: CD called I forgot.
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 5: It and I just didn't vinew you about it too.
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but it's on the Is it beautifully No? Beautifully
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 6: Flawed is the first CD.
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 5: That's the first CD.
• 1:42:17
  Speaker 6: Yes, back to Me, Back to Me, Back to Me
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 6: is my second CD. Yeah, I had a brain freeze
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 6: for a minute. I have my book. It's on you
• 1:42:29
  Speaker 6: can find it on Symbolic Soul seventy seven dot com.
• 1:42:32
  Speaker 6: Uh if you're in the local area. I like to
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 6: meet up with people and take a picture and personally
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 6: sign the book for them because I like to show
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 6: love to people who show love to me. I'm also like,
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 6: I'm just starting my nonprofit called Her Story, and what
• 1:42:48
  Speaker 6: it is is it's a platform for women to speak
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 6: their truth. I just had a conference just later earlier
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 6: this month and it was more than fifty some women
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 6: that got healed. So it's very powerful and I'm trying
• 1:43:03
  Speaker 6: to do that like every every three months, like God
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 6: had called me to do. So that's what I'm also doing,
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 6: trying to start my nonprofit. And I'm also an actress.
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 6: I do a lot of different things, everything that God
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 6: caused me to do. If you want to follow me.
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 6: My government name is Issha chantel Ward on Facebook, on
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 6: all the rest of the platforms, on Instagram, on Facebook,
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 6: on TikTok, It's symbolic soul seventy seven. Did I say everything?
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 6: I don't know if I say it everything, but yeah,
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 6: just connect with me, connect with me, send me a message,
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 6: talk to me.
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 3: I talk back.
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 6: I appreciate everybody's support, Spicy. I appreciate being the inspirational
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 6: poet of twenty twenty five. You don't understand what that
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 6: did for me because I was debating whether or not
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 6: I was going enter into that contest, and then I say,
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 6: I said, why not? You know, and man, it made
• 1:44:04
  Speaker 6: my day because it feels good to be chosen when
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 6: you was was rejected for so long, you know, since
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 6: since a kid, you know, so when when you're chosen,
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 6: it feels good and you still don't really know how
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 6: to accept it, Like I'm still learning to accept compliments, y'all.
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 6: So if y'all got some suggestions how that's supposed to work,
• 1:44:26
  Speaker 6: I'm up.
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 9: Phone.
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 6: But I like so many good things for me, and
• 1:44:34
  Speaker 6: I appreciate it all, and I just want to be
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 6: able to be happy and celebrated. But I think it's
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 6: a way that I stay humble. He keeps me humble
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 6: by you know, just you know, accepting it the way
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 6: that I do. I guess.
• 1:44:52
  Speaker 4: What I love that day is like I felt like,
• 1:44:55
  Speaker 4: you know, after you want and I think if you
• 1:44:57
  Speaker 4: call me you I called you. And it's like just
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 4: seeing her, I mean Martine, if you would have seen
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 4: her spirit that day.
• 1:45:05
  Speaker 5: She stood up in the camera foot body straighten, her
• 1:45:07
  Speaker 5: shut up, and she says, I am inspiration.
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 4: I said, yes, you are. But I was so proud
• 1:45:21
  Speaker 4: of her. I mean, the judges made a great choice.
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 4: Like I told him that none of them are losers,
• 1:45:25
  Speaker 4: none of them are winners. Day it just with some
• 1:45:28
  Speaker 4: chosen poets.
• 1:45:30
  Speaker 3: The competition was fire.
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 5: Thank you y'all. I look forward to next year. We've
• 1:45:35
  Speaker 5: been doing it.
• 1:45:36
  Speaker 4: I think this is what our fourth year now we've
• 1:45:39
  Speaker 4: been doing it. So I'm so happy right when I say, well,
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 4: you know what, I'm not going to do this again.
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 4: But then it just something put back in there to
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 4: be like no, girl, keep going, keep going.
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 3: Keep doing it for the poet.
• 1:45:51
  Speaker 2: That's what we've been talking about, getting a poet, getting
• 1:45:53
  Speaker 2: our respect.
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, and I mean them as each year goal
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 4: is getting even more powerful, powerful to the judge. I
• 1:46:01
  Speaker 4: had a judge this year that just she inboxed me
• 1:46:04
  Speaker 4: and she says, this is hard, but it was such
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 4: a joy. I mean just seeing all the gifts that
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 4: you know, everyone possessed in poetry, the courage and coming forward.
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 4: I mean, I was proud of Sabotic when she says
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 4: she's been wanted to reach out and do it, and
• 1:46:25
  Speaker 4: I was like, come on, she did it.
• 1:46:28
  Speaker 5: I'm proud of her. I'm very proud of her.
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 2: I have to keep y'all in the loop with like
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 2: the poetry events that go on here because it's poetry
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 2: competitions and open mics that I mean going on all
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 2: the time. I go faithfully to the doc Bookshop open
• 1:46:46
  Speaker 2: mic on Tuesday nights. And then Mike again, he's the
• 1:46:50
  Speaker 2: promoter of poetry. We call him the hardest workingmand in poetry.
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 2: He always has events and contest and we had the sposters,
• 1:47:01
  Speaker 2: and it had all of the poetry.
• 1:47:02
  Speaker 3: Genres where you could compete for monologue, gospel, poems, love,
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 3: just different things.
• 1:47:12
  Speaker 6: It was.
• 1:47:13
  Speaker 2: It's awesome and I participated in that twice, so we
• 1:47:17
  Speaker 2: got to keep the poetry the poetry lines open.
• 1:47:22
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna keep it going, keep it going. Maybe we
• 1:47:24
  Speaker 4: could expand, you know, even further. But you know, I'm
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 4: proud of how people are coming forward now. It's like
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 4: they're no longer sight. They beat it out.
• 1:47:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:47:33
  Speaker 2: When I was in San Antonio, I used to go
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 2: to what was it the Continental Cafe and it was
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 2: over there off rinomen I was doing the second verse,
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 2: second verse, right verse, first Friday, second first Friday, second verse, Yeah,
• 1:47:49
  Speaker 2: second verse, second verse, it was second verse. I used
• 1:47:52
  Speaker 2: to go there.
• 1:47:54
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's where I started at.
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 2: Really okay, maybe I know you from there, but I
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 2: used I really used to go there with like some
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 2: of my little Milly my military friends were in the
• 1:48:07
  Speaker 2: poetry and we'd go to second verse and I think
• 1:48:10
  Speaker 2: it was called Continental when' it.
• 1:48:15
  Speaker 3: Mm hm? I used to enjoy Are you said enjoy
• 1:48:17
  Speaker 3: going there? Do they still do? Second verse?
• 1:48:20
  Speaker 6: No, second verse been been stopped. They started and they
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 6: started again and then they stopped it. They stopped it again.
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 4: Oh wow, yeah, else throwing now to where I can't
• 1:48:33
  Speaker 4: remember where was that because it's the fly comes up
• 1:48:35
  Speaker 4: every now and then, and uh the young Ladies support
• 1:48:39
  Speaker 4: herself and she hosted it. I got to look it up,
• 1:48:43
  Speaker 4: but I've been seeing it, and you know, my main
• 1:48:45
  Speaker 4: thing is that I need to start back getting out.
• 1:48:48
  Speaker 3: I know in Austin they have a large.
• 1:48:52
  Speaker 2: Community and they do open mice and stuff in Austin, Chris,
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 2: I want.
• 1:48:58
  Speaker 3: If they let them. Is Coing.
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 2: I just saw him at the aa B. I get
• 1:49:03
  Speaker 2: his information because y'all are close to Austin.
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 5: Well, I supposed to be going to Austin.
• 1:49:07
  Speaker 4: You know, I promised them they you know, I've been saying, yeah,
• 1:49:09
  Speaker 4: I'm coming, I'm coming, but yeah, I'm coming. But yeah,
• 1:49:13
  Speaker 4: you know that'd be nice for you know, to get
• 1:49:14
  Speaker 4: some of my cast members down there together. We all
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 4: go there because you know, you'd be surprised, you know,
• 1:49:20
  Speaker 4: like Dwight the host, dwighte he he does poetry, you know, yes, yes,
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 4: And Narra Nearr was our passionate poet.
• 1:49:30
  Speaker 5: She is so deep, so deep, and I know she
• 1:49:33
  Speaker 5: wouldn't mind going as well.
• 1:49:36
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 1:49:38
  Speaker 2: We got them all connect and uh connect on our poetry.
• 1:49:43
  Speaker 2: Poetry seen in circuits. Like I said, when I'm when
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 2: I when I traveled to travel south and come home,
• 1:49:51
  Speaker 2: I called San Antonio home because my brother and grandkids
• 1:49:54
  Speaker 2: and stuff from there. I like to look for Vince,
• 1:49:58
  Speaker 2: but it's really I never really find many. I think
• 1:50:01
  Speaker 2: I did my poetry at Horizons because another owner over
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 2: there Intoya, and so she let me do a book signing, poetry.
• 1:50:10
  Speaker 3: Reading and stuff there, So it was a good event
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 3: for me. Then yeah, I'm saying, I'll have to say
• 1:50:18
  Speaker 3: we need to connect and stay. Yeah, So since we're.
• 1:50:29
  Speaker 2: Getting near the end of the show, do y'all have
• 1:50:32
  Speaker 2: any No, you had to do a final parton piece
• 1:50:36
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 1:50:38
  Speaker 5: Oh you had another poetry?
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 3: Did?
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 5: She said, yes, No, I loving it. I'm loving it.
• 1:50:47
  Speaker 5: I'll do one.
• 1:50:48
  Speaker 4: This one here meant a lot to me when I
• 1:50:51
  Speaker 4: wrote it. It was a little bit long, but it
• 1:50:54
  Speaker 4: just it came from a deep place. So this was
• 1:50:56
  Speaker 4: called the Heart and Heart, which, as you know that
• 1:50:59
  Speaker 4: it's gonna be the name of the second memoir. My
• 1:51:05
  Speaker 4: mind is exhausted from the pain and I just can't
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 4: take the more. Heart Miles became wary of trials, throbbing,
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 4: an open, sore. Patience has eventually expired. Throughout the dreary years,
• 1:51:20
  Speaker 4: my eyes completely drained dry behind one's tears, bold loneliness
• 1:51:26
  Speaker 4: has stood still constantly knocking at my door, quietly awaiting change,
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 4: One realized she refused doing it anymore.
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 5: Countless chances has hurtled out.
• 1:51:38
  Speaker 4: On what you refuse to clearly see, look closely within
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 4: and acknowledge what one has afflicted upon me. My weakening
• 1:51:48
  Speaker 4: heart has slowly heartened towards becoming totally warned.
• 1:51:53
  Speaker 5: The muscles in coordination with her soul have completely been scorned.
• 1:51:58
  Speaker 5: God witness toward or as clear blue sight hindermost all
• 1:52:02
  Speaker 5: you have put me through. So the deepening applied afflicted wounds,
• 1:52:07
  Speaker 5: my friend, is all solemnly on you. Be mindful of
• 1:52:12
  Speaker 5: the heartless flowing words through parted lips that one shall
• 1:52:15
  Speaker 5: say for letters applied in moments clicking calculation will an
• 1:52:21
  Speaker 5: equal out and towards double pain. He lacks acknowledgment towards
• 1:52:26
  Speaker 5: pain that dwells within depths after my heart slowly resulting
• 1:52:31
  Speaker 5: in cause for my love inward deep to be torn
• 1:52:35
  Speaker 5: completely apart.
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 4: One merely refused insurance of respect as I devotionally supplied
• 1:52:41
  Speaker 4: to you, So my love for him eventually diminished and
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 4: validated to be totally through. Contemplating if you had sacrificed
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 4: all desiring truly wanting to be with me, deciding my
• 1:52:56
  Speaker 4: value and shedding one more tear, and demanding finally setting
• 1:53:00
  Speaker 4: all free. So I slowly closed the lids, blocking out
• 1:53:04
  Speaker 4: one radiant stream for glaring people, light, visualizing, pulling you closely, breathing, rapping,
• 1:53:12
  Speaker 4: and wanted holding me extremely tight. Elevation of the heart
• 1:53:17
  Speaker 4: rise as our lips start to momentarily gently and instantly
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 4: touch speed per hour, one's heart races and time towards
• 1:53:26
  Speaker 4: men in hand becoming no matter of such as the
• 1:53:30
  Speaker 4: shades covered to sighted vision, stript state as each one
• 1:53:34
  Speaker 4: began to eventually open up, drunken in motion, swiftly poured,
• 1:53:39
  Speaker 4: smoothly rising above heighten, thin glass, rim cup mirrored reflections
• 1:53:45
  Speaker 4: in the form of optical sight, clearly translated appearance of me,
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 4: drawn feelings from my strongest muscles, sustained battles, flight, letting
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 4: things just to be, acceptance that sometimes being a lot
• 1:54:00
  Speaker 4: is healthier than having someone's loneliness range. Love never costs
• 1:54:05
  Speaker 4: one single dollar towards acknowledgment of a heart and.
• 1:54:08
  Speaker 5: Hearts change.
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 4: All right, And that momentment I wrote that because it
• 1:54:19
  Speaker 4: more or less summed up everything I went through, and
• 1:54:24
  Speaker 4: everything that formed my heart to become so hard at
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 4: that moment, and realizing that you wasted my time. If
• 1:54:34
  Speaker 4: you really truly didn't love me, why did you even
• 1:54:38
  Speaker 4: bother with me? But when I finally stood just to
• 1:54:43
  Speaker 4: sum it up, I finally stood in the mirror and
• 1:54:45
  Speaker 4: seen myself and seen everything that I was worth. And
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 4: when I've seen my worth, I was able to say
• 1:54:53
  Speaker 4: bye bye.
• 1:54:58
  Speaker 6: That's something like a poem.
• 1:54:59
  Speaker 3: Raked up.
• 1:55:01
  Speaker 2: Right, I can't snap.
• 1:55:04
  Speaker 6: Some spicy just had a voice like you had a
• 1:55:07
  Speaker 6: voice like everything you say. People tell me that too.
• 1:55:10
  Speaker 6: It sound like everything you say is just a poem.
• 1:55:15
  Speaker 3: I agree, no heartedly.
• 1:55:22
  Speaker 6: Okay, So mine is called no More Fear. So I'm
• 1:55:27
  Speaker 6: reading out my book again.
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 7: Y'all.
• 1:55:30
  Speaker 6: Here we are face to face and total toe. I
• 1:55:33
  Speaker 6: will not let you deceive me no more. I know
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 6: I invited you in and you got comfortable, but it's
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 6: inevitable that I let you know you're not welcome here anymore.
• 1:55:45
  Speaker 6: Before I didn't know what I now know. And therefore,
• 1:55:48
  Speaker 6: Fear you gotta go. No more holding me hostage. Now
• 1:55:52
  Speaker 6: I'm ready to acknowledge the clear advantage.
• 1:55:55
  Speaker 3: You had over me.
• 1:55:57
  Speaker 6: Cease fear. There is no place for you here. See
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 6: now I recognize who I am, and my God said
• 1:56:03
  Speaker 6: I could do all things through him who gives me strength. Furthermore,
• 1:56:08
  Speaker 6: I must address how I let you on me for
• 1:56:11
  Speaker 6: way too long. You see, I didn't understand, and I
• 1:56:14
  Speaker 6: handed you my plan before I even had the chance
• 1:56:17
  Speaker 6: to become a God fearing woman. My inner beast has
• 1:56:21
  Speaker 6: been unleashed, and now all my ungodly ways must decease.
• 1:56:26
  Speaker 6: So fear I have to bury you six feet deep.
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 6: Rest in peace, and don't come looking for me no more.
• 1:56:33
  Speaker 6: Now I am equipped with the skills to check you
• 1:56:36
  Speaker 6: at the door. You have crippled me, made me feel
• 1:56:39
  Speaker 6: like I was nothing, got a whole of my mind,
• 1:56:41
  Speaker 6: body and soul, then left me feeling weak. Well, let
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 6: me tell you now that you're deceased, I'm finally free
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 6: to embrace the woman God created me to be. With
• 1:56:52
  Speaker 6: God by my side, the enemy must step aside. My
• 1:56:56
  Speaker 6: newly found identity gives me the ability to struct stride.
• 1:57:01
  Speaker 6: God said, if I X, I will not.
• 1:57:04
  Speaker 3: Be did not m all right? I can't no noise.
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 5: I love that.
• 1:57:18
  Speaker 3: I love that. I love that, love that. You ladies
• 1:57:22
  Speaker 3: have been.
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 2: So inspiring Tonight again I thank y'all for joining the
• 1:57:30
  Speaker 2: close of poetry I have had I guess Symbolic Soul
• 1:57:35
  Speaker 2: and Spicy Gray. If y'all miss this podcast, you can
• 1:57:40
  Speaker 2: catch it again on YouTube and.
• 1:57:45
  Speaker 3: Facebook and Twitch. So until I until next time, do
• 1:57:51
  Speaker 3: you ladies want to say bye?
• 1:57:52
  Speaker 2: Tell them where you can be found your plug real
• 1:57:55
  Speaker 2: quick and your your social media handles.
• 1:58:00
  Speaker 5: Well, I oh, you're gonna go first, you go ahead,
• 1:58:08
  Speaker 5: go ahead.
• 1:58:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, So once again, you can find me on Facebook
• 1:58:13
  Speaker 6: under my government name Issha chantel Ward, my artist's name,
• 1:58:18
  Speaker 6: Somebolic Sould on all the different platforms. It's Symbolic sold
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 6: seventy seven on my website. It's Somebolic sold seventy seven
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 6: dot com on all the musical platforms, iTunes, Apple Music,
• 1:58:31
  Speaker 6: all all of those platforms. It's symbolic sold. And yeah.
• 1:58:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah yeah.
• 1:58:43
  Speaker 2: Follow her the to her album now to miss Fify great.
• 1:58:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you can, like I said, you can find
• 1:58:50
  Speaker 4: my books The Spoken Heart one and two and you
• 1:58:54
  Speaker 4: heard I heard on Amazon, uh the CDs up through me.
• 1:58:58
  Speaker 4: So you can reach out at Unspoken Heart seventy at
• 1:59:02
  Speaker 4: aol dot com and we get that over to you
• 1:59:06
  Speaker 4: as well. If you need donation, wanted some you know,
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 4: submit the donations for the victims of abuse and the children. Also,
• 1:59:13
  Speaker 4: I could be found on YouTube under Done Spoken Heart
• 1:59:16
  Speaker 4: Discussion Hour, or you can put Spicy Gray in you
• 1:59:19
  Speaker 4: can hear some of the CD on there as well.
• 1:59:22
  Speaker 4: I'm also on Facebook or the Spicy Gray or this
• 1:59:25
  Speaker 4: other page Done Spoken Heart.
• 1:59:28
  Speaker 5: I'm also on Twitter, Twitch, Brumble.
• 1:59:35
  Speaker 3: We can learn today.
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 4: Yes, I mean, if you need me to come speak
• 1:59:39
  Speaker 4: for any event, you can reach me at the email
• 1:59:42
  Speaker 4: as well as it makes you put the but the
• 1:59:46
  Speaker 4: Unspoken Heart seventy at aol dot com.
• 1:59:50
  Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am, and again i'd like to thank y'all for
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 3: being my guess.
• 1:59:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, y'all pick up the magazine. If y'all have
• 2:00:00
  Speaker 2: not picked up Spying Author's magazine needs are our feature
• 2:00:04
  Speaker 2: poets or the June twenty five issue.
• 2:00:08
  Speaker 3: Pick it up. Support these ladies, support the poetry, their works.
• 2:00:14
  Speaker 3: And y'all know who I am.
• 2:00:15
  Speaker 2: I'm mar seeing him More and y'all know you can
• 2:00:18
  Speaker 2: find me on all platforms and my website is author.
• 2:00:22
  Speaker 3: Moreauthor dot com.
• 2:00:24
  Speaker 2: So until again, on the postal poetry, good night and
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 2: see you around