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Mo Bunnell: Generosity as a Bold Growth Strategy · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Today I have Mo Bonnell.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: He helps complex organizations grow by scaling business development skills across their organizations and creating a growth oriented culture.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: He's the author of Give to Grow, which we'll talk about today, the Snowball System, the host of the podcast Real Relationships, real Revenue.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: And the founder of the Bonnell Idea Group, acronym BIG, who has trained tens of thousands of professionals.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Acronym BIG, who has trained tens of thousands of professionals.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Big's clients have used Mo and his team's Grow Big training to give their experts a system for growth that creates deep relationships, gives a comprehensive business development framework and, dare we say, it's actually fun to use.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Today, mo enjoys working with hundreds of clients, including some of the largest, most prestigious service-based organizations.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Mo and his wife of over 30 years, becky, enjoy spending time with their friends and two adult daughters.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Outside of work, he enjoys working out, backpacking and playing ultimate frisbee at the national and world levels.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: That is awesome.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Becky and Mo live in Atlanta, georgia, with their four horses, two cats, dog bird and miniature donkey.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge and welcome.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Lee, I'm excited about today.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I love what you're doing.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I think there's tons of overlap in our audiences and I think we're going to be able to add a lot of value, so this can be fun.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Let's jump right in to your definition of bold and what it means to be bold in Mo Bonnell's world.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll tell you.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I think I had an aha moment about a year and a half ago when I was writing the manuscript for Give to Grow.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I was working with my publisher and he does one book a year.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: So really interesting business model and we get really deep when you're writing a book with a publisher that only does one book a year.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: They're with you every step of the way and we had the manuscript.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: We had the manuscript maybe 70% done and Todd publisher asked me a question.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: He said hey, when do people fail?
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: You know, you've told me about all these client success stories.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: People that build up big book of business.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: They get promoted all kinds of.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: They do the work they want at the clients.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: They want what happens when they fail?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: And I actually didn't have an answer for that.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: So we went to our clients and there's about a couple dozen folks who teach and coach on our team besides me and in countless workshops we asked people, think of a person you wanted to reach out to, but you didn't.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Everybody gets that.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, and then why didn't you reach out?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: And we collected hundreds, maybe thousands of verbatims.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: I have to go back and look at the database.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: They were every single lie we tell ourselves as a human being, that gets in our own way.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: So finally, to answer your question, I think my definition of boldness is identifying the lies in our head.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: We're the only people who see them, so we think they're true, and overcoming them.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure on the show we'll get into the five lies and what they are and things like that.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: But I think our biggest barrier to success I firmly believe this, after we've done that research and now train thousands of people on the Give to Grow book is, I firmly believe, our number one enemy is not another person, it's not another organization, it's not our fiercest competitor in the marketplace, it's ourselves.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: And we have to learn how to get past our own lies in our head.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And when we do that, we're bold Right and those lies could be continuum of like completely having no facts at all, to maybe being half true, to maybe being true, but what are you going to do about it?
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So I definitely am excited to jump into those and how we talk to ourselves.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: So when did you in your life you have a moment where you just said I don't believe that lie that I'm hearing in my head and I'm going to do it anyway?
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Does anything come to mind for you?
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Oh gosh, all the time.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you one that's happened just in the past couple of weeks.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Okay, I was born with a club foot.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So if you imagine, like if you clenched your hand up like a fist, almost like it's all balled up, that's how my foot was and just at the time, in the late 1960s when I was born, you could do a surgery.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: As a child I had three surgeries from age, you know, from when I was born to around being a year old, and just nasty surgeries.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Compared to these days, whether you just fix it right away, it's not, it's a non-issue, but at the time I had to wear braces my whole first year and all these things.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Well, my whole left leg is like an inch shorter.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: My foot's still messed up and I love to play sports, like ultimate, like we talked about, but I do feel like I'm disadvantaged, like my right leg's much bigger, it's literally longer, it has different range of motion, all kinds of stuff.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I didn't think I could do certain weightlifting moves like a split squat, just a simple, like everybody does it kind of split squat, if you do weightlifting.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Well, I felt like my fitness was good at the end of last calendar year, but not great.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: I plateaued a little bit on what I could do at home.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: So I hired a trainer, a one-on-one trainer.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I literally didn't think I could do a split squat in one direction with my bad leg, back.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: And in the fourth workout, which we did this morning, I went from not thinking I could do this at all and then trying it with a kettlebell, then with a bar on my back.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Now, just in four workouts, I'm now doing dozens and dozens of split squats with a bar on my back, weight on each side, and I left this morning thinking I can't believe.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I thought that was true.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for 57 years.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I thought I was physically lit like I was physically impossible to do a thing.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now you can do anything.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now I'm like fired up, let's go.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: So I think a lot of times with these lies, you know to be bold.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: We need somebody around us that's either an expert in the thing, a close friend or a spouse, who will tell it like it is and tell us the truth over and over again.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: It's really powerful.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: So seeing and hearing the truth right, it's really really important part of being bold.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And so for you, like you had told yourself, I can't do it, it's dangerous or I won't have enough strength, or it's just, it's just not something I'll be able to do, but maybe I can do it in something something different or modified.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes it sounds like also your trainer wasn't, he didn't hear that lie, he didn't know that lie.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: So he's like, well, maybe not first day, you're going to do it, but we could work on it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And so I think, when we do see those limitations that we placed on ourselves, not through someone else's lens, it is interesting what we do then next with it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Right, well, they didn't see it, so let me try it, let me go for it.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: And, like you said, 57 years of thinking it was one way and it's not.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: And for me like an example is like 48 is when I realized like, wow, I can take more agency in my life, I can create the next thing for me, whatever that is and, yes, I I'm not sure I don't have it, all the answers, I'm scared I mean I feel fear but I have so much more freedom and I I always say like fear and freedom are like the cousins in my entrepreneurial journey.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: They're always here but they balance each other out and it's not like I live in a world of balance either.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So I think it is interesting.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Just there might have been some fear there or just uncertainty but, when you met with your coach and your trainer like he had, like hey, you can get free of this lie and here's how we're going to do it.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: You nailed it and just to go one step further down the road, because what you said is so poignant, I don't.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I don't want it to pass by the audience.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: How he did that was.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: It was almost like what we do with our clients is we just get them to try things.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Hey, try this.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: The person didn't respond to your last three emails.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: What could we do that would elevate the value?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Reach out again.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: It's your move.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: It's always a chance to be helpful.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Well, take a little small step.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: What he did with me as I look back now, which I hadn't thought of this until you brought it up is he just said hey, let's just try something.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: He just lowered the bar down to a real easy thing.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: You see, can you just put your foot here and put your other foot there and just see if you can lower?
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Let's see how low you can go.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: He goes okay, that's great, and we're just doing a split, split, squat.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: He didn't call it the thing I said I couldn't do.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: He basically said let's like hey, see if you see if you can just touch your knee on the ground when you lower it out, like you're almost there, like you're just so close, you're doing it, yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: And then I'm like I think I just did a split squat.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: He's like you just did a split squat.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: He's like, okay, now let's grab a kettlebell to try it with a bar on your back.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: You're going to love it better.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Here's why.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: So he just like, he pulled the fear down to a little bitty thing and distracted me a little bit when he said hey, we're just going to try something.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: He didn't even call it the thing that I thought I couldn't do and pretty soon I was doing it and I think there's a, there's a broader lesson there for me, or anybody is like, whenever we say we can't do something Carol Dweck, the global growth mindset guru she has this amazing hack.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: She says whenever you say you can't do something, put the word.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Yet at the end of that sentence, yeah, you can't do a split squats yet.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't bring in the big deals yet I can't reach out to the person I'm afraid of yet I can't speak to the board yet I can't give a speech in front of a thousand people yet, whatever it is.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: She says, when we put that, yet on the end, it reframes our brain to start say we can someday and start building a plan.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so much interesting science, not only behind the growth learning.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You know, the growth mindset and the learning that we do on a continuous basis.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Hopefully I do believe in that Like if you're not learning, then you're not living is what I think.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: But when we think of like, even manifestation, and what people do and there is a science to it, like Dr Doty's book is the book that I'm reading right now around manifestation and how you actually are, you know, rewiring your brain, the neuroplasticity of your brain, and putting together the visual of what you want to do with the action and the emotion behind it.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So manifestation isn't just like I put it on a vision board and look at it every day and that's going to happen.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: It takes action and tension, it takes your effort and I think you know when you work with organizations and individuals, are you seeing people ready to take that action or are you seeing them maybe having to step through a couple pieces of, like the fear factor of of moving forward or making those contacts, or looping back around?
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, this might be a good spot to drop into those five lives.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's talk about them.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's like it.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Just it's the answer to your question.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Well, there's five of these, and maybe we just do them one at a time and they're layered, so you almost have to get the first one to get the second one and the third, fourth and fifth.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: The first one is and this is what I fell into the trap.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: I literally teach this stuff, but these lies are so powerful.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Even the expert can fall into it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: The first lie is I can't do that.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: In my example it was I can't do a split squat.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: I thought I was physically unable to do it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Boy was I wrong.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I fell for the lie.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: But the versions of I can't do that that come to the surface in our world where we teach high-end executives and professionals how to grow a book of business and deepen relationships.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: They might be things like I hate the idea of selling.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: I just like doing the work, not winning the work.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not good at reaching out.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I'm not good at dinner.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I'm an introvert.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not good at chit chat.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: I can't do it like so-and-so did.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Those aren't random.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Those are the literally the top examples that we heard when we did all this research.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I've heard all of those.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we all have.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I might have said them myself.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Well, I did it with the split squat thing.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: But what we find in the business world is when we've gotten approval.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: But if we really want to take our careers and our impact more broadly to a bigger level, we've got to not only be good at delivering on the yes once we've got it, whatever the project or whatever we've got the approval for, we have to get good at winning the work, shaping the agenda, crafting the presentation, to get the approval that we want to be able to use our expertise and those I can't do that examples I gave.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I'm good at the doing.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not good at reaching out.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Those are the first barrier that we've got to blast through to be able to shape agendas and deepen relationships.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: And that's where, if people can get through that first live, I can do it.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: You know what I learned?
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: My expertise.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I can learn this idea of winning the mandate, getting the S, shaping the agenda, deepening the relationship.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: If I can get good at that, then it's just the ceiling's broken and we can blast through the other four lies after that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what I found from the bold framework is belief is a big piece of that right.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Belief in yourself, of you can, versus can't and getting rid of the you know what if list.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, I think a lot of people think about if I do this, the action I take will have this result, but they very often do not think about what if I don't do it, what if I don't get curious and I think the other piece to this, when we are hearing this, I can't do it and the, the reframes and the and the work that you have and the things that you walk us through in the book is, I think, my experience.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And tell me if this happens in your role too.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: People think they have to have step one through 100 defined, when really maybe they only need the first five or the first two or sometimes even just the first one, and it can be a very quiet step.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I think bold's on a continuum.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: You know bold being quieter on this end between your ears sometimes of you know my bold moments.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: A lot of them are really on the quiet side no one's going to know about.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to social post etc.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: To the loud ones.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: You know where you're going to see someone quit their job or do those types of things.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: When you work with individuals and they're in this, you you know I can't do that phase.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Is there anything to kick them out or kick them into reframing or thinking?
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe I can, or absolutely I can.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Without a doubt and you know what, lee, like you're, so I can already.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: You're such a good interviewer it leads us to the second line, right, exactly, and it is.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And it's the second lies I don't know what to do.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: And the antidote for that which this will answer your question is fall in love with their problem.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: So if we're trying to shape the agenda of the board, of the CEO, of our boss, of a client, of some kind of partner we're working with in the marketplace, to blast through the, I can't do it.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: The best thing we can do is just not focus on being salesy air quotes around that but focus on being helpful.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Well, the best way to be helpful is to ask them what their priorities are.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: So the antidote to I don't know what to do, or this feeling of I'm not good at this stuff, the first lie, either one of those, is hey, hey, jane, it's been a while since we caught up.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Say, jane's a client.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Gosh, it's around the new year.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: We should get together and just have a quick Zoom call or a dinner.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I'd love to hear about your priorities, because then I might be able to find ways to be helpful for you in the next year.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Well, that just throws out the I don't know what to do, because then they're telling us what their priorities are.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: We're hearing that in their words.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: We can replay back to them, make our synthesis, make sure we got it right, and that should just unlock dozens of potential follow-ups that we could do, that are helpful and move us into that trusted advisor role that we want to be.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so when I think what that illustrates or underlines is you don't have to have all the answers.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: That comes up too, I think, with ownership.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: So ownership, being the second part of the framework, is you know, you own it all.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: You own the good, the bad, the ugly, and you do own pieces and parts, but you don't own a hundred percent of you know.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: When it comes to understanding someone's problems or the things that are you know, maybe holding them back, that's actually where you can deepen not only your understanding of it but, like you said, your application of your expertise or skill sets to help them, because, ultimately, I think we're here to help people.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: We're here to help one another in the sense of our work, and that's the way to understand it is not to tell them what they should be focused on, but listen to them.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I think you said an important word there.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: You said priorities.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: One of the things that a lot of organizations and individuals, and even myself, have a challenge with is everything can't be a number one.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: So what's a tip for helping people understand?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: When you say priority, what do you mean?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: First of all, like what's the definition of priority?
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: And then, how do we actually take very, very important things that we want to accomplish and maybe put them in the right order or maybe in the same place where they grow at the same time, potentially- oh man, that's a great question, I think for me at least, I can answer it personally and I'm also just.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: It's such a great question.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I'm also just, you're such a great question.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: I'm reflecting on all these top performers we work with that just have 10x the results of others.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll give you a hot take, and not only just sort of like a long-term view, but a short-term action plan, because I love how you're always driving back to what can we do, what's the action?
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Or most important ways to suss out what the priority is is to think X, many years from today, not days, not hours, but like years, five years from today, for example.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: What would my five year from now self be really happy?
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: I prioritized, and I think most people know the answer to that Well, it's gosh.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: I would really want to have a deeper relationship with my boss's boss, or I'd really like to learn this new expertise, or I'd like to break up in this new account that pulls us up from the reactivity of answering the email, or what somebody just asked us to do in Slack or in the hallway or whatever.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: So having that really long-term view, I think is the top thing.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: And then the action plan is one of the things in Give to Grow is actually a little process that we call success in the short term or the MIT process most important things process.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: It's ridiculously simple and it just brings so much agency to people.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: We have tens of thousands of people who do this.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: You take 15 minutes once a week and all you do is you take a look at your next week's schedule and you think what three most important things do I want to do next week?
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: That'll move me one week closer to my long-term goals, those big priorities that I thought about.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: We call that MIT's most important things and then you put them in your to-do list.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: But some research shows that by just putting your to-do list, that's a correlation to success.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: But even higher correlation is if I can put something in my to-do list and put it on my calendar, so that 15 minutes is typically enough time for somebody to choose three MITs most important things, write them a to-do list, figure out when next week I'm going to do them.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Maybe I've already got a meeting with somebody.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I need to ask them a question, so it's literally not going to take any more time.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to take advantage of that meeting I have nine o'clock on Tuesday and in the doorknob time or hallway time I'm going to ask believe you know his perspective or what his priorities and his words are, or whatever?
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: And the most important thing is, when people choose the most important things, we say, make them satisfy.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Three criteria B, I, g.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Choose the three things that are B biggest impact.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I write them so they're in your control not have lunch with Jim, but ask for lunch with Jim.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: And then G growth oriented Choose three things that are about what you haven't got the approval yet or the relationship, something future focused that you want to either get the approval for, shape the agenda or deepen the relationship.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: And we find out.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Quick summary when people figure out what they want their five-year self to look like, pick three things once a week, every week total consistency and that's so they have big impact in their control.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: And growth oriented you can take three things off a week and you just feel like you're winning.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: You feel like you're making progress and then fast forward over five years.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Almost everybody we work with actually accomplishes that five-year goal sooner than five years when they do that.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can pick your frame, like when you say five years to me, like I, that feels very far away, right, probably because I'm older, so like I want things to happen faster.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's okay too.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, time goes really fast.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know something about once I turned 50.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Like every, the clock just seems to be.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah really really fast.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but totally for me it's like how do I do it faster so you can pick your time frame, but obviously, like you said, it can't be overnight, it can't be a month from now.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: It needs to be, you know, two to three years, like when you're looking back like did this matter?
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Cause I think we do sometimes spend a lot of time on things that ultimately don't matter to the priorities that we have, but we feel busy or something like that that makes us feel like we're making progress when we're really not.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: You nailed it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: You nailed it Cause it's easy to get to the end of the day and say, gosh on, you nailed it.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: You nailed it Cause it's easy to get to the end of the day and say, gosh, I did lots of stuff.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I answered my emails quickly and I, you know I did the thing on that project.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: But are those the things that are X year from now?
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Like you said?
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: It might not be, might not be five, but at least a year, yeah, at least a year from now.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Would this be something my year from now self is happy I did.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Is this a good day from that perspective?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: It's people that are worried about the sort of year and farther out priorities versus the next hour's priorities.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: It's that folks that are worried about that longer term that I see are the highest performers.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, and if you don't feel like you have that, some of it is discipline and a lot of it's habits, and your book talks a lot about the habits, but we can talk about that once we get through the lies.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: But I think it is something that you can work that muscle.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: So don't be again going back to the first and second lie, where I can't do it and I don't know how.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You have tools that actually help people get into that frame of mind as well as understand themselves better.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: So, really, really good.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Tell us about the next lie.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll give the last three sort of high level and you can tell me where you want to go.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: But these are.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: You can see how these sort of cascade these are like is it the Russian dolls that just go all the way down.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: This is like you gotta.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: You gotta get through one to get to the next.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: So the third one is in.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Remember.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Now we feel like we can do it.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: We've asked them what to do.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: So the next lie is I might do it wrong.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: So verbatims, we hear I don't want to ask dumb questions.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know the content well enough to talk about it.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I'm not important enough to meet with them.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: That's a big one.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: The one after that and everybody feels this from time to time is I'm too busy, I'm slammed, I don't even know when I'm going to go to the restroom next week?
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard that.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how many times have you heard that one?
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how am I going to do the long-term stuff?
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I'm dying.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you can't go to the bathroom, like we might need to reset things in a different way, right?
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I've literally heard that, though.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I have too More than once, yeah.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nuanced that the headline doesn't sound like what it is, so I got to go touch deeper.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: But the fifth lot, the last one to overcome, is I'm going to look bad.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: It's in the verbatims that this one comes to life.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be a pest.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: I don't want to come across as salesly.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: I can't ask my friends for things like this.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I'm worried they might not even remember me.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: They already use someone else.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Worried they might not even remember me, but you know they already use someone else.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Someone there doesn't like us.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: What would talking to me help?
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: So the person reading my mind that these are so real because we didn't make them up.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: People told me they're real, like I think I can relate to so many of those and so yeah, and so I think I've heard a lot, and I even said this to myself when I was first starting, really not knowing what I was doing as an entrepreneur, and we do feel like that.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I think a lot At least I do but I was like I can't sell anything, like I've never sold anything, and then I like reframe that to wait a minute Every year.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I would sell my budget, I would sell that, I needed staff, I would sell what we in my review I was definitely selling my accomplishments and didn't get to where I wanted to, but I'm still going to and here's how I'm going to do it.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: You know, when someone told me to do something that I was like I don't think so, but I can't just say I don't think so.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Back, like I have to do this in a way where, like you said, fall in love with the problem, their problem, and how do you meet in a middle where it's something that solves it for both of you, right?
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: So my greatest example is like someone saying you need to cut your budget and you need to let go 10% of your staff and I say, well, how about if I take the amount that would have been the staff cut, I reorg or do what I need to do, but no one loses their job, but we still save the right amount of money that we want to save, amount of money that we want to save.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: That was something that was bold, that I did at Duke.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: That, I think, was very important for me to say.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: I understand what you're asking me to do, but I do think there's another way to look at it and are you open to seeing it right, and they were.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: So I think those are all kind of moments of like where you're selling something.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: You just may not know it, and all the times you've heard that and it can be something that really holds someone back from talking to someone.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: There is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it when you're reaching out so, like I have a bunch of followers on LinkedIn is my primary right now and sometimes when people connect, the very first thing they do is send me something.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know them, we've just connected and they try to sell me something, even if it's a free webinar.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I look at it as a sale right, because I'm smart enough to know where that leads to and where that leads to.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: So when we think about the right and wrong of just our initial reach out, is there something you've seen as over and over that doesn't work?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: And is there something that someone can understand?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: When we say giving to grow, it isn't like I'm giving so you automatically give me something back.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a hundred percent.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: So like in the sense of kind of what you've seen, the to-dos and not to-dos.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Are there any that come to mind for you when it comes to that initial reach out?
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Once you, you understand what the lies are.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: You've made it through, I can't, and you know, I don't know how, and you're doing the thing and you've made it through, but I don't know how and you're doing the thing and you've made it through, but there is something that I don't know.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: That's just an example of something that happens to me on a regular basis and I'm thinking, oh man, you're doing it right now, like let's know each other first, or at least somehow.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean you have to spend 30 minutes with them, but I do think the ROI on human contact is extremely high and whether it's virtual or in-person, I think one is higher than the other.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: The in-person, to me, is off the charts, but not always possible.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, there's science to back that up.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Some research came out of Cornell that found that a face-to-face ask was 34 times more likely to be the yes than an email ask.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Just as an example of this power of face-to-face, like you said.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: But the key for the audience is like it's not 34% better.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: The key for the audience is like it's not 34% better, it's 34 times better.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: It was the difference between a two out of a hundred acceptance and a 68 out of a hundred acceptance between email to face-to-face.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard to even get your mind around it, right?
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: But what's interesting about what you said is face-to-face really matters a lot.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: So then back to your initial question of well, what do you do?
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: What do you offer?
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: What's the first move?
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I'm assuming that it's not a cold DM on LinkedIn, because that's sort of cheesy and I don't even like it.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: But your example is so good yeah.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, I get them all the time.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: It's gross, like it makes you want to take a shower, like I don't even know you and you can just like see the format and go.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's a pitch.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I get it.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Ignore, we don't want to come across as that ever.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: No, because that really is salesy in the bad sense.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: So the master key to unlock relationships is generosity Just over and over.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: We see in the research that the first move should always be being generous.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: So if the audience member can right now think what trends am I seeing in the world?
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: What expertise do I have that's helpful?
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: What questions typically come up in a first call let's say it was a really warm introduction through a referral, so the person's receptive, they've got an issue, I'm helping them.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: What things come up over and over on those types of calls, those initial calls, when I have them, and then you think of okay, I've got this expertise, I've got these insights that people want because it happens.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: How can I package that up in a way that could be a gift to somebody that I could offer the first time I meet them?
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: So now let's say the context is a conference and a lot of people go to conferences.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Or go to a conference, let's say people could purchase my services.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Well, if I took all the things I know over the last several years and wrote them up into a one pager that were like the seven things you should know about the new tax law that might come into place with the new administration, or how the new regs are going to impact the world, or the top five things I see when somebody does blank, you know, whatever the, whatever my expertise leads me to.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Well, if I could package that up into a little document and say, wow, this has been really fun, jane, meeting you after we.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: You know, I gave that speech.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Thanks for coming up at the end.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Hey, let me give you this little one pager.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: It's really cover some of the key elements that would be important for you and your role at the big life sciences company, whatever it is.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: And, if you want, I'd be happy to meet with you after the conference.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: We could have like a 30 minute zoom call and I could talk to you about how these would exactly impact you because of whatever specific reason there is.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: So what's neat about that sequence is we're taking somebody that's at least a little tiny bit interested.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: They heard us speak at a conference.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: They came in through our referral whatever and we're coming up with something really valuable we can hand them that gets their attention like, oh, these are the top seven things to be thinking about with the whatever.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, wow, this is cool.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Thanks, Mo.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: And then there's an offer to take a next step.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Would it be helpful if we had a Zoom call to talk this through, because there's some specific issues we're just not going to get into it here at the conference.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Now we're transferring the conference or the introduction or the breakfast chat or whatever, to another call and we're continuing the momentum in our relationship.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: We're going a step deeper.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: So it's something around those lines.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: How does that land with you?
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Like, the idea of generosity is key and coming up with something packaged up a little bit.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: There's a whole chapter in the book on this Give to Grow, but packaging it up a little bit in a way we can offer it right away.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Chapter in the book on this Give to Grow, but packaging it up a little bit, in a way we can offer it right away.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: And there's a clear next step of how we could get on a call Zoom call, in-person, whatever and talk about it.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm probably on the other end of this, and so I think one of the things that I have learned about myself over the last four years, really honing in I mean, I've had every leadership assessment that you can think of and recently I've also done the human design and, you know, taken other type of things around being an entrepreneur, but I am a giver and I think what happens in my case is I I give away too much, like.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I have you give away too much.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good in my value.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: And you know, even when we think about pricing structures and things like that and around business development, like, oh well, that didn't hit.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: So when we think about pricing structures and things like that and around business development, like, oh well, that didn't hit, so let me reduce the price or whatever, that was what early on challenge that I had when thinking about BD.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: But I think there's also another side of this and I probably see this less than I do, but it is certainly that something that I experienced of like I have been giving away things, probably far too much, in the sense of that, and I think what it's kind of finding the whether it's the medium or you know where you want to hit.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: That I think that's something that's important to me this year as I go into year five of my business.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: Do you see that in others too, like where they, no, don't give that away, like, do the seven steps?
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Don't do like the 70 page syllabus of how you know, like the course you could be doing, you know so do you see that happen?
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I do and there's an answer to that will help you Stop doing it.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, not stop it more.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: More.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: It's more of a I don't think of it as a light switch on or off, but more like a dimmer switch, like scaling it.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: So what?
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: What you can do is, first of all, the fact that you're a giver.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: You already have an advantage.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Research out of Penn, adam Grant's, famous for this, but it was a whole team of people Givers, takers, matchers.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Givers were by far the most successful, but in a specific way that's unique.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: Takers were the least successful and matchers were in the middle.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: What's interesting about the givers is they were sort of barbelled, where some of the givers were the most successful and some were actually underneath the takers, like they were the least successful in the world.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: And Adam has this amazing line where he says the people that are the most successful givers which was his name for it we call them strategic givers.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: They're people who size the give to the relative value they might receive.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: There's no strings attached, but you've probably got organizations that could spend a million with you over a couple of years, people that could spend a hundred thousand in organizations where $10,000 would be a really big deal.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: So you can just think in those broad orders of magnitude and for that potential client of yours that could spend a million with you and your company over a couple of years, well, you might give them a lot.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: You're going to dial it up.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: You might give them a whole free speech if they could hire for 20 of those over the next years or something like that.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: The organization.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: That's going to be a struggle to look for pennies in the seat cushions to spend $10,000, well, you might give them a 15 minute phone call.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: We're going to scale up that gift Back to the line that Adam had.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: That I love is the unsuccessful givers are the ones who didn't know to say no or wouldn't and didn't scale the size of their gift to the size of the potential outcome.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: The line is they tend to get burned or burn out because they were just giving so much that they didn't have a filter for their own needs.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where strategic givers are different.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: They're like they know to say yes or no and if they do say yes, they're going to scale up the gift to the size of the potential outcome.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: No strings attached, but a big difference for what they'd give the million dollar potential client versus the $10,000.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that and you learn just as a giver, or even you know as you move through the five lies.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: You do learn if you're paying attention, and one of the things that you say that you know it's always your move Right.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to me that that means like I'm in charge, like I have the agency to change this, and I love the visual of the dimmer switch because I think definitely like I was on bright, you get it all, like you know.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: here's my cell number, all that jazz you know, to year five, I was like, well, I got to tamp that down, that's not working Really thinking strategically.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: So I love that you call it the strategic giver, so it isn't also tainted in a negative way.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: So just for people to hear that too, because I think you know, takers will always take, they don't have boundaries, and that's something someone said to me and I was like, yeah, wow, that's right.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: So oh, it's so true, yeah, so true.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: So when you say it's always your move, what do you mean by that?
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Did I take that in the way that you meant it?
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I'll say it this way because it'll it'll blaze a little bit of a new trail and it'd be fun to get your reaction, because I think you just hit the line.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: What I'm about to share aligns so beautifully with your audience and all your content about being bold is it's easy for us to all of us to blow in the winds of whatever the last bit of news was.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Bad events are good events.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: So bad would be like oh, the person canceled on me, oh, we didn't get hired after we gave the pitch, you know, they said our pricing's too high.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: All kinds of bad things can impact us On the good side of the fence.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Hey, we got hired, we won the big deal, we had a great meeting, whatever.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: It's easy for emotions to blow in the winds of whatever happened that day.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: What the best do and this gets to the it's always your move is bad news.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Lean in with generosity.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: It's always your move is bad news.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Lean in with generosity.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Make it easy to reschedule.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: You didn't win.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: Ask for a feedback, call.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: Ask what we can learn for it.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Make another offer to invest in them.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: If they're a good potential long-term client, at least Good news.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: The thing that can happen.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: There is, people can get hired or get the yes and they're like okay, great, let's get to work.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: But the problem is the decision maker is likely feeling buyer's remorse, so that's actually another good time to lean in with generosity is like, yeah, give again, because what's a little delight and surprise we can give them.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Can we give them the deadline a little earlier?
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Can we get started a bit earlier?
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Can we have our VIP just give a phone call and say, hey, this is really important to us, thanks for choosing us, we're going to nail this for you.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: We're putting a couple extra resources on it, whatever it is.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: So it's funny that we can either stop when we get bad news because it's bad.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: We can stop when we get good news because we think we've hit the finish line.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: In both of those cases, it's always our move and if we can lean in with a little generosity, it's the people that do that over and over and over again that we see, just blow the doors off outcomes that other people just never get to.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't want people to misconstrue.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: It's like don't say.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: I think I've heard people say don't take no as an answer, like no, really take no as an answer, but understand the no.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I like that, I think early on I was very much like, oh, I didn't do it right, I'm a big owner of like things that don't go right.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: I need to really focus on owning what goes well, which I've been working on.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, I could have done this better.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't say that right.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, I forgot to cover that and I really wanted to.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: You know cause I prepped for it.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: But like, no, just sit with it.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: And it's way easier said than done, especially when you're starting off and you kind of feel like, oh man, I just blew it or it didn't happen and I, I needed that so much.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: But maybe take a little pressure off of it and I think, really understand the note and, like you said, you could go back and say, well, I know it was a no for this particular engagement, but this is a possibility if this would be something that maybe is a first kind of step into the process with us.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: And here's an example of what we use our case study and the template that goes along with it, or something like that.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: So I love what you just said there because it's easy to take it personal.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I just think, regardless of being corporate or being an entrepreneur, like it's easy to think it was you, but there are lots of reasons why someone says no, and sometimes you just take the no and you learn from the no as well.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I had forgotten about this, but it was maybe six or eight years ago.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: We got a random RFP request for a proposal in because we do all this business development training for large organizations and it was from a huge organization, big healthcare company, one of the biggest in the country, that I would love to work for.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: We work with several others.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: This is one we hadn't worked for.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: We were real excited about it.
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: We filled it out, we sent it in.
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: Procurement was running this.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: It was real formal process.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: You're not allowed to call them.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: They don't even put their contact info other than a random inbox that they sent out the RFP in.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Anyway, we send it in and get an email like a week later after the deadline.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: It says, hey, thank you so much for your proposal, but you didn't make the finalist round.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: So you know, good job.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: And Leah, I'm like did they understand who we were?
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Like, we know this business better.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: We know this industry better than anybody.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: We've worked with all their competitors, all their brokers and consultants, all these people that are in the ecosystem.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: So it took a massive amount of just.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what you would say here, but I felt like I was eating crow.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I had to.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I emailed back.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: They did not offer this and I said can I have a debrief call with someone, because I just would like to learn more and learn Right.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, it's a humbling moment, a humility moment most likely too.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: We all have egos, you know.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we all have egos, you know?
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's healthy to have one well, we got it.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: We all do, and I have one and uh we gotta know when we should have got a yes and believe the worst part about it was I almost would have felt better if we would have made it to like final two potential partners and not made that we didn't even make the finalist round, like we were like kicked out in the first round.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like what is going?
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Whoa.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: So random person for procurement recess said hey, so-and-so from learning and development, who's running this, is going to call you.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like okay, that's cool, I'm too so a person calls me and you can tell when she calls.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: We don't know each other.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: So hey, procurement asked me to call you.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: I'm sure this will be short.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: What do you want?
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Like it was sort of started with what I've got stuff to do.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: Not a lot of warm and fuzzy there.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: No.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: And I said, hey, here's the deal.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: You know we do this, we do that and you know we didn't make final.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: I would just love to hear what we can learn from this.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I'd be really curious to know, like, what would you change and when would you keep about our?
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: I was trying to get really specific, not just how do we do.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: And she said, well, gosh, tell me.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: She got curious.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: So she's like well, tell me more about who do you?
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: You mentioned you work with this organization, that organization, this organization.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: You do what, what do you do?
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: So she's leaning in now and we, anyway, we chit chat for three or four or five minutes and it's clear and she says this.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: She says, oh, I see what's going on.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: You the RFP, you answered, was for, like, our lowest level beginning people, like right out of college, and that you're seem like you're more suited for the higher level folks.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, that's right.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: She's like we should have made that clear in the RFP, because probably you're weren't even good to respond to this.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Anyway, we were looking for more like video training, and.
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: But she's like would you want to meet the head of our national accounts function?
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: Because I think he would really be interested in what you do.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, and so we met the next time he was in town.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: They became our biggest client that year and I actually gave a keynote speech to that organization years later.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: But I gave a keynote speech to that organization last week.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: It was just.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: We made such a big impact.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Full circle moment, right, you know.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: And then from a no to like.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I literally glanted the client and now I did a keynote for them.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: So that's an awesome example of a no and you know, not getting fired up and not getting like so off kilter that you don't really think about the facts around it.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Right, cause it can be emotional.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: You got it.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: So, as we close out, one of the things that you talk about is being intentional about our habits and our systems, and so we understand what the five lies are.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: We start to really hold in on kind of who we're going to speak to or want to expand and create relationships with.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: What are some of the habits around creating relationships or systems that someone can start if they're at that place of ready, ready to kind of move to the reach out and to create connection that's genuine?
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll give you sort of a three-step process and it's just.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: It's what can keep the magic alive.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: It ties back to that MIT process that we talked about earlier.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: But thing one and this is so easy to do, People can do this in 90 seconds.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: It's so powerful Write down the most important relationships for you right now.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: It's usually and I'm talking to the audience it's usually 10 or 15 people.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: It's not 100.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: It's not 500.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: It's not everybody you're connected to on LinkedIn.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Think out that three, one, three, five year mark, something a year longer, and you just think who do I want to deepen a relationship with?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Who's the most important to me?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Writing down those names and a potential like what's a really ridiculously practical next action I can take 100% my control for each.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: That's step one.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: Step two is write down what are the opportunities I've got.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: In other words, what are the things that somebody else needs to say yes to?
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Winning some work, getting a referral from a partner in my organization, whatever, what are the opportunities I've got that I would like to get the yes for?
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: It could even be as simple as like getting a promotion.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Working on that project I heard is coming down the pike.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: That, I think is really important to me.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: Those are opportunities, Writing down those next step.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: And then the third thing is every week, 15 minutes taking a look at their top relationships, taking a look at the top opportunities, getting on our front foot and saying what three proactive things am I going to do next week that are going to move those forward, Big impact in our control and growth oriented, like we talked about, and we find that just doing that three-step process is sort of like managing the project of life.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: The number of emails to answer and things to do are infinite.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: It'll never end.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: So it's almost impossible to feel good about the week at the end unless you define what success looks like at the beginning and every week saying these are the three things I'm going to do, I have agency, I'm going to be bold, I'm going to lean into this.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: And doing those three things every week gives you sort of a rubric Like I did a great job or I didn't.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: And then we feel like we're making progress and we build momentum from there.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Does that help?
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Absolutely no-transcript.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: And the things that he can do to help you grow and, through your giving, understand your greater connection to the world and the relationships that you can strengthen.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.