Latest / PAMOJA PODCAST | PAMOJA MINISTRY, A LIFE OF CHRIST INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES / Conversation 9 – Part IV The Warmth in the House: Marriage Is God’s Refining Furnace

Transcript

Conversation 9 – Part IV The Warmth in the House: Marriage Is God’s Refining Furnace · PAMOJA PODCAST | PAMOJA MINISTRY, A LIFE OF CHRIST INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES

• 0:00
  Welcome back to Pomoja Podcast, a ministry of
• 0:03
  Life of Christ International Ministries. This
• 0:07
  is the place where stronger lives are built,
• 0:10
  faith is strengthened, hearts are encouraged,
• 0:13
  and Christ -centered homes are shaped through
• 0:15
  ordinary conversations that become extraordinary
• 0:19
  encounters with God's truth. One conversation,
• 0:23
  one story, one revelation at a time. In our last
• 0:29
  conversation, we discovered that not every fire
• 0:32
  has the same purpose. Some fires are ignited
• 0:36
  by the enemy to destroy, others are allowed by
• 0:39
  God to transform. We learn that everything of
• 0:42
  great value passes through a refining process.
• 0:46
  Gold, clay, bread, steel. None of these become
• 0:51
  what they were created to be without first passing
• 0:55
  through the fire. And marriage is no different.
• 0:58
  But today, I want to take you one step deeper
• 1:02
  because understanding why God allows the fire
• 1:06
  is only the beginning. The greater question is
• 1:09
  this, what is God trying to accomplish through
• 1:13
  the fire? What is He changing? What is He shaping?
• 1:18
  What is He producing inside us that could never
• 1:21
  be produced any other way? I have discovered
• 1:26
  something over the years that completely changed
• 1:29
  the way I look at marriage. Marriage is far more
• 1:32
  than a relationship between a husband and a wife.
• 1:36
  It is one of God's greatest classrooms. It is
• 1:40
  one of his greatest workshops, and perhaps one
• 1:44
  of his greatest refining furnaces. Not because
• 1:48
  marriage is designed to burn us. but because
• 1:52
  it is designed to transform us. Many people enter
• 1:56
  marriage believing they have found the person
• 1:59
  who will complete them. Others believe they have
• 2:03
  finally found the person who will make them happy.
• 2:07
  Some even believe marriage is God's reward for
• 2:10
  their faithfulness. But after enough years together,
• 2:15
  after the first disagreements, after disappointments,
• 2:19
  After financial pressures, after raising children,
• 2:24
  after moments of misunderstanding, they begin
• 2:28
  asking questions they never expected to ask.
• 2:32
  Why is this so difficult? Why are we struggling?
• 2:36
  What happened to the excitement we once had,
• 2:39
  and sometimes the most dangerous question of
• 2:43
  all? Did I marry the wrong person? I think almost
• 2:48
  every honest couple has wrestled with questions
• 2:51
  like these at some point in their journey. Not
• 2:55
  because their marriage is broken, but because
• 2:58
  the fire has begun revealing things they never
• 3:01
  knew were there. The problem is that we often
• 3:05
  misunderstand what God is doing. We assume he
• 3:08
  is primarily working on our spouse. We pray,
• 3:12
  Lord, change my husband. Lord, change my wife.
• 3:17
  Lord, fix the person I'm married to. But while
• 3:21
  our eyes remain fixed on the person beside us,
• 3:25
  God quietly turns his attention to the person
• 3:28
  within us. And that changes everything, because
• 3:32
  marriage was never designed simply to reveal
• 3:35
  who your spouse is. Marriage reveals who you
• 3:40
  are. That may be one of the hardest truths to
• 3:44
  accept. because it's much easier to see someone
• 3:48
  else's weaknesses than our own. But what if the
• 3:52
  greatest work God wants to do in your marriage
• 3:55
  begins with the person you see every morning
• 3:59
  in the mirror? Let's talk about that. One of
• 4:03
  the greatest misconceptions about marriage is
• 4:06
  that it changes people. I don't believe that's
• 4:09
  entirely true. Marriage doesn't create character.
• 4:13
  It reveals character. Think about it. A piece
• 4:16
  of gold doesn't become gold because it enters
• 4:19
  the furnace. It was already gold. The furnace
• 4:23
  simply exposes what was hidden beneath the surface.
• 4:27
  Marriage works the same way. Before marriage,
• 4:31
  many things remain hidden. You can choose your
• 4:35
  words carefully. You can hide your frustrations.
• 4:39
  You can walk away from difficult conversations.
• 4:43
  You can present the best version of yourself.
• 4:46
  But covenant changes everything. Marriage places
• 4:50
  two imperfect people under the same roof. The
• 4:53
  same responsibilities. The same pressures. The
• 4:57
  same disappointments. The same victories. Day
• 5:01
  after day. Year after year. Sooner or later,
• 5:06
  what is inside the heart begins to appear. Not
• 5:09
  because your spouse put it there. but because
• 5:12
  the fire revealed what was already there. That
• 5:15
  is why Jesus said, for out of the abundance of
• 5:19
  the heart, the mouth speaks. When pressure comes,
• 5:24
  the heart speaks. When expectations are not met,
• 5:28
  the heart speaks. When you feel misunderstood,
• 5:31
  the heart speaks. When you are disappointed,
• 5:35
  the heart speaks. The fire has a way of uncovering.
• 5:40
  what comfort often conceals. I remember looking
• 5:45
  back over different seasons of my own marriage.
• 5:49
  There were moments when I thought the greatest
• 5:51
  problem was the disagreement in front of us.
• 5:54
  But as the years passed, I realized something
• 5:57
  profound. The disagreement wasn't the greatest
• 6:00
  issue. What mattered most was what the disagreement
• 6:04
  was revealing inside me. Sometimes it exposed
• 6:07
  my pride. Sometimes my impatience. Sometimes
• 6:11
  my desire to always be understood before trying
• 6:15
  to understand. Sometimes expectations I had never
• 6:18
  spoken aloud. Sometimes fear. Sometimes insecurity.
• 6:23
  Sometimes selfishness disguised as righteousness.
• 6:27
  Those discoveries were not comfortable, but they
• 6:30
  were necessary. Because God cannot heal what
• 6:33
  we refuse to acknowledge. He cannot transform
• 6:37
  what we continue to hide. And He cannot refine
• 6:40
  what we never surrender. That is why conviction
• 6:44
  is one of the greatest expressions of God's love.
• 6:48
  He doesn't expose us to shame us. He exposes
• 6:52
  us so He can restore us. This is why I believe
• 6:57
  every husband and every wife should occasionally
• 7:00
  stop asking, What is wrong with my spouse? And
• 7:04
  begin asking, what is God trying to show me about
• 7:07
  myself? That question changes everything because
• 7:11
  the moment I become teachable, the furnace begins
• 7:15
  accomplishing its purpose. Instead of resisting
• 7:19
  the fire, I begin cooperating with the refiner
• 7:23
  and that's where transformation begins. But there
• 7:28
  is something even more beautiful. God isn't simply
• 7:32
  exposing our weaknesses. He is replacing them
• 7:36
  with something greater. He removes pride and
• 7:39
  teaches humility. He replaces impatience with
• 7:43
  perseverance. He exchanges fear for trust. He
• 7:48
  takes two imperfect people and slowly shapes
• 7:51
  them into the image of Christ. That's the miracle
• 7:55
  of the furnace and that's where we're going next.
• 7:59
  There is something beautiful that I've come to
• 8:02
  understand after all these years. God's greatest
• 8:05
  miracle in marriage is not producing a perfect
• 8:08
  relationship. His greatest miracle is producing
• 8:11
  two people who become more like Christ. Think
• 8:15
  about that for a moment. We often measure a successful
• 8:19
  marriage by what happens around us. No arguments,
• 8:22
  no disappointments, no struggles, no tears, no
• 8:26
  conflict. But God measures success differently.
• 8:30
  He looks at what is happening within us. Are
• 8:33
  we becoming more patient, more forgiving, more
• 8:37
  humble, more compassionate, more willing to listen
• 8:40
  than to speak, more willing to serve than to
• 8:43
  be served, more willing to extend grace than
• 8:46
  to demand perfection? Because that is the image
• 8:50
  of Christ, and that is God's ultimate goal. The
• 8:54
  Apostle Paul tells us that God's purpose is to
• 8:57
  conform us to the image of His Son. Marriage
• 9:01
  becomes one of the greatest environments where
• 9:03
  that transformation takes place. Every disagreement
• 9:07
  becomes an invitation to humility. Every misunderstanding
• 9:12
  becomes an opportunity to communicate. Every
• 9:15
  disappointment becomes an opportunity to choose
• 9:18
  grace. Every act of forgiveness becomes another
• 9:22
  step toward becoming more like Jesus. The enemy
• 9:26
  sees conflict as an opportunity to divide. God
• 9:30
  sees it as an opportunity to mature. The enemy
• 9:34
  wants every wound to become a wall. God wants
• 9:38
  every wound to become a doorway through which
• 9:41
  healing can enter. That is the difference. I
• 9:46
  have learned that love is not proven when everything
• 9:49
  is easy. Love is revealed when remaining faithful
• 9:53
  costs something. Anyone can love when life is
• 9:57
  comfortable. Anyone can smile when everything
• 10:00
  is going according to plan. But covenant reveals
• 10:04
  itself when emotions are exhausted. When expectations
• 10:08
  have been disappointed. When words have wounded.
• 10:13
  When life has become heavy. And yet two people
• 10:17
  choose to remain faithful. because they remember
• 10:20
  that God joined them together. That is not weakness.
• 10:25
  That is spiritual strength. That is covenant.
• 10:31
  Looking back over my own marriage with Giselle,
• 10:33
  I can honestly say that the greatest victories
• 10:36
  were not the moments when we never struggled.
• 10:39
  Our greatest victories were the moments when,
• 10:42
  by God's grace, we refused to quit. There were
• 10:46
  seasons when we didn't have every answer, seasons
• 10:50
  when we misunderstood one another, seasons when
• 10:53
  the fire felt intense. But every time we chose
• 10:57
  to pray instead of walking away, to forgive instead
• 11:01
  of keeping score, to seek God instead of defending
• 11:06
  ourselves, something changed. Not only in our
• 11:09
  marriage, inside us, little by little. God was
• 11:14
  shaping two imperfect people into a stronger
• 11:16
  husband and a stronger wife, and that is a miracle
• 11:20
  no human being can manufacture. Only the Holy
• 11:23
  Spirit can accomplish that work. Everything we've
• 11:28
  talked about today leads us to one unavoidable
• 11:31
  conclusion. The fire is coming. Not because your
• 11:35
  marriage is failing, but because God isn't finished
• 11:39
  shaping you. The question is no longer whether
• 11:42
  the fire will come. Jesus already settled that.
• 11:46
  The real question is this. How will we respond
• 11:49
  when it does? Will we allow disappointment to
• 11:52
  harden our hearts? Or will we allow God to soften
• 11:56
  them? Will we fight against each other? Or will
• 11:59
  we stand together against the fire? Will we spend
• 12:02
  our energy trying to change one another? or will
• 12:06
  we surrender ourselves to the one who is able
• 12:09
  to change us both? I have learned that the couples
• 12:13
  who survive the fire are not necessarily the
• 12:16
  couples with the fewest problems. They are the
• 12:19
  couples who choose to keep inviting God into
• 12:22
  the middle of the fire, because the presence
• 12:24
  of God does not always remove the furnace. Sometimes.
• 12:29
  His presence becomes the reason we survive it,
• 12:32
  and that brings me to one of the most practical
• 12:35
  lessons the Lord has taught me. Not only about
• 12:38
  marriage, but about every covenant he establishes.
• 12:42
  The fire is not only something to endure, it
• 12:46
  is something to walk through with God. Let's
• 12:50
  talk about what that looks like. If there is
• 12:54
  one lesson my wife and I have learned over the
• 12:57
  years, It is this. You cannot stop every fire
• 13:01
  from coming, but you can decide how you will
• 13:04
  walk through it. That decision changes everything.
• 13:08
  Some couples allow the fire to push them farther
• 13:10
  apart. Others allow the same fire to draw them
• 13:14
  closer together. The difference is rarely the
• 13:18
  size of the problem. The difference is who they
• 13:21
  choose to become while facing it. I have learned
• 13:25
  that every disagreement presents two invitations.
• 13:30
  One invitation comes from the enemy. The other
• 13:33
  comes from God. The enemy whispers, defend yourself.
• 13:38
  Make your point. Win the argument. Keep score.
• 13:42
  Bring up the past. Make them feel what you felt.
• 13:46
  But the Holy Spirit speaks differently. Listen
• 13:50
  before you answer. Be quick to forgive. Choose
• 13:54
  humility over pride. Seek peace instead of victory.
• 13:59
  Pray before you react. Remember that you are
• 14:02
  on the same side. Every conflict becomes a choice.
• 14:06
  Which voice will we follow? One of the greatest
• 14:11
  mistakes couples make is believing that the problem
• 14:14
  sitting across the table is the enemy. It isn't.
• 14:18
  Your spouse is not your enemy. The Bible tells
• 14:21
  us that our struggle is not against flesh and
• 14:25
  blood. The real battle has always been spiritual.
• 14:29
  The enemy wants to convince a husband that his
• 14:32
  wife is the problem. He wants to convince a wife
• 14:35
  that her husband is the problem. Because if he
• 14:39
  can turn two covenant partners against one another,
• 14:43
  he no longer has to fight them. They begin fighting
• 14:46
  each other. That is one of his oldest strategies.
• 14:49
  But when a husband and wife recognize that they
• 14:52
  are standing on the same side, everything changes.
• 14:57
  Now they stop asking, who's right? And they begin
• 15:01
  asking, how do we protect what God has joined
• 15:05
  together? That question changes the atmosphere
• 15:09
  of the home. I've come to believe that one of
• 15:14
  the most powerful prayers a couple can pray is
• 15:16
  not, Lord. Change my spouse it is Lord. Don't
• 15:22
  let this fire harden my heart Teach me what you
• 15:25
  want me to learn reveal what you want me to surrender
• 15:29
  Remove what does not look like Christ and when
• 15:32
  this season is over May I love you more and may
• 15:36
  I love my spouse better than I did before the
• 15:39
  fire began I believe God delights in answering
• 15:43
  prayers like that because those prayers agree
• 15:47
  with his purpose. Perhaps today you are walking
• 15:53
  through a season that feels overwhelming. Maybe
• 15:57
  the fire has lasted longer than you expected.
• 16:00
  Maybe you've wondered if your marriage will ever
• 16:03
  feel different. Don't lose heart. The refiner
• 16:07
  never abandons the gold. He stays near the furnace.
• 16:11
  He watches carefully. He knows exactly what he
• 16:15
  is producing. and he never allows the fire to
• 16:18
  have the final word. One day, you'll look back,
• 16:23
  not simply grateful that the trial ended, but
• 16:26
  grateful for the husband, the wife, and the marriage
• 16:29
  God was forming through it, because in the hands
• 16:32
  of the master, even the fire becomes an instrument
• 16:36
  of grace. As we come to the end of this conversation,
• 16:43
  I realize we've finally reached the end of one
• 16:46
  of the greatest mysteries my father gave me so
• 16:49
  many years ago. When he first told me about the
• 16:52
  house in the middle of the forest, he kept repeating
• 16:56
  the same words. The house was warm. At the time,
• 17:02
  I thought he was simply describing the house.
• 17:05
  Today, I understand he was describing the marriage.
• 17:10
  The warmth was never found in the wood that built
• 17:12
  the house. It was never found in the walls. It
• 17:16
  was never found in the roof. The warmth came
• 17:19
  from two people who chose day after day to protect
• 17:23
  what God had entrusted to them. It came from
• 17:27
  forgiveness, from humility, from prayer, from
• 17:31
  sacrifice, from grace, from choosing covenant
• 17:35
  over convenience. And yes, sometimes it came
• 17:40
  through the very fires they thought would destroy
• 17:42
  them. Now I understand the warmth was never the
• 17:47
  absence of conflict The warmth was the presence
• 17:50
  of God The warmth was the testimony of two imperfect
• 17:54
  people allowing the refiner to complete his work
• 17:58
  That is the mystery of the warmth inside the
• 18:01
  house But my father wasn't finished telling the
• 18:07
  story There was another detail about that house
• 18:11
  that puzzled me just as much. He told me the
• 18:14
  house was warm, yet the windows were completely
• 18:18
  sealed. For years, I wondered why he emphasized
• 18:23
  that detail. Why mention the windows at all?
• 18:27
  What was he trying to teach me? Was it simply
• 18:30
  part of the story, or was God hiding another
• 18:33
  revelation inside the parable? Over the years,
• 18:38
  The Lord has continued opening my eyes. And the
• 18:42
  more I meditate on those sealed windows, the
• 18:45
  more I realize they carry far more than one lesson.
• 18:50
  There isn't just one revelation. There are many.
• 18:54
  Some speak to marriage. Some speak to family.
• 18:57
  Some speak to our relationship with God. Others
• 19:01
  speak to the way we protect, or sometimes fail
• 19:05
  to protect. the life he has entrusted to us.
• 19:09
  In our next conversation, we'll return to those
• 19:12
  windows, not to rush through them, but to slowly
• 19:16
  discover the truths God has hidden there. Because
• 19:20
  sometimes, the greatest revelations in scripture
• 19:24
  and in life are found in the details most people
• 19:28
  overlook. Until then, keep building. Keep protecting
• 19:33
  the warmth God has entrusted to your home. And
• 19:36
  remember, every house built on Christ becomes
• 19:41
  more than a shelter. It becomes a testimony.
• 19:46
  God bless you. And I'll see you in our next conversation.