Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep16: Laughing Across Lines/ Interracial Love 🤣

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S2 Ep16: Laughing Across Lines/ Interracial Love 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: My wife, she's white.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, we got quiet.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: But my wife is just not white.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: She white, white.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know a lot of people in here are white, and you're questioning yourselves right now, going, am I white, white?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: My wife is whiter than you.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: My wife is from Gillette, Wyoming, white.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: You hear that?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: When white people in Timmy, like, damn.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's white.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: But we got a beautiful family, man.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We got two kids.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: My son is now five, my daughter's two, and they're black, white, and Asian.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: We gave birth to pandas.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: We call them Ling Ling and Sing Sing.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And my last special I talk about this when my son was born, because I didn't have a daughter at that time.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: When my son was born and the doctor handed me my son.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy as a father because I knew I would die for him, right?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't even know this dude.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: He could be a terrible human being, but I would die for him, you know?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But when they handed me my daughter, oh, it was different.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, okay, okay.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would kill for you.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I became a murderer overnight.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because the family dynamic to me is crazy.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would die for my son, I would kill for my daughter.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what's crazy: I wouldn't kill for my wife.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's not my job.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's her father's job.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to step on anybody's toes.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love both of my kids the same.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: But the love is in different directions.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: My son, I want him to be able to take care of himself, be strong.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But I know for the rest of my life I'm going to protect my daughter.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the biggest threat to women?
• 2:18
  unknown: Men.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Men.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So now I hate all men.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I became a lesbian activist overnight.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Slash murderer.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Ellen DeGeneres with a gun.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because every man's a threat to my daughter.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Every single man eventually will be a threat to my daughter.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I hate my son.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I hate my son.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because he's a threat to my daughter.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: We all have baby cams and watching my kids play.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter's playing with her little toy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: My son walks over and grabs the toy from her.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I get so angry, but then my daughter grabs it back, and I'm like, yeah, that's my baby girl.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Take no man's crap.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then my son looks around to see if anybody's watching.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Starts backing up where she is, and he hits her with his butt.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And she falls to the ground and starts crying.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I get so angry inside.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so mad.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want to fuck this little dude up, right?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I can't.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: He's only five, and it's not a fair fight.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a fair fight.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: All I can do is scream and lay, hey, you better stop that.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he runs off.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: But my daughter could hit my son with a brick in the face.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, hey girl.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Good job.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Good job.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I tried.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: I tried.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, I tried to get to the league, man.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: I tried so hard.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: I really, I really thought I was going to the NBA.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Closest I got was a white girlfriend.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't really.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean the scouts were.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: The scouts were like, that's a good start.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now, next, we want you to stop this guy from scoring.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I mean, I'll try, but I'm better at the first thing.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let's gauge this for a second before I ask.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: By round of applause, how many people here have ever dated somebody of another race before?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Who's done it?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let's post the time.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, you're not a villain if you haven't.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't gonna be one of those things.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to gauge this before I ask, alright?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you that have dated somebody of another race, have you ever gone out with that person and then you ran into somebody who just assumed that's all you're into?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you get what I'm saying?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Where they're like, oh, you got a thing?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, oh, I didn't know I had a thing.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: I run into it all the time.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's one of the biggest things in my dating life.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: People are always just like, JB?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, JB only likes white girls.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's not even true.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: I do like white girls, but I like women of every race.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then they'll get defensive.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, well, then why have your last six girlfriends been white?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, because that's who said yes.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's all I can do.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, what more do you want from me?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: What am I supposed to date six black women that said no?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: We've got R.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Kelly.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: What am I supposed to do?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: You feel me?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I'm not the king of RB.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't understand.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why are you getting mad at me, man?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: All I can do is shine the bad signal.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't control who shows up.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is how it played out.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm from this out.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I still don't understand for the love of me.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't understand how in this day and age people still have an issue with interracial dating.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, sure, plenty of people don't.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: But you know who I'm talking about.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Plenty of people still do.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it blows my mind that that's still a thing.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even imagine.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with two cultures coming together?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, teach me about health insurance.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'll teach you how to Dougie.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who I don't who's who's losing?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't even understand the logic of it.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with mixed kids?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Mixed kids are just white kids that don't sunburn.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be alright.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're just black kids that go to supercuts.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna outgrow it, my guy.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna overcome.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't understand why we can't have a more honest and open conversation about interracial dating and why it's not a threat to anybody.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's so bizarre to me, you know?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like I still think about that.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, man, if I had a baby with a woman of any race, I would love that baby to death.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: To death.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: But if I'm being honest with you, if I had a baby with a woman of another race, I would still be really fucking excited in the way I could be excited about that.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm living it up.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm taking advantage, bro.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm naming that motherfucker Blade, I'm calling them Daywalker, I'm doing all the things.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Bro, I'm picking them up off the operating table, all of their strengths, none of their weaknesses.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm living it up.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's all love.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm basking in what it is.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: When else could I do it?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so weird when people try to confront you for dating someone who doesn't look like you.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how is this even an issue?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's even more weird when it's your own people.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how are you who I'm arguing with?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give you a story.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Long time ago.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is years ago when I lived in Tampa.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: I remember I went to a mall with my girlfriend at the time, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend was white.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she, well, she was my girlfriend, is still white, to be clear.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: It sounded weird in my head.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, I'm pretty sure she's still doing the white thing.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: So we're at the mall, right?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I remember she saw something in a display case that she wanted to check out.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: She goes to check it out.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't go with her, right?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of just hang back, I just do like a general scan of the room.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just checking out where I'm at.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: You ever just, you ever just look at, you just I don't know, what's the best way to describe it?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: You ever just like look around in the room you're hanging out with?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're just checking it out.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: You ever accidentally make eye contact with a stranger?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like you ever hold each other hostage?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: When you're just like, why won't we look away?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: What are our motives?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're just caught in that moment.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I lock eyes with this black dude, and the only way I can think to describe him is too excited to see me.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's the only way I can think.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is what he did, right?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: We lock eyes, and as soon as we lock eyes, he goes, What the fuck is that?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: The fuck is that gesture?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Who do you do that?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Not a stranger.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: You don't do that to a stranger.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Who was that for?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what you did?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: You do that when you catch Michelle Obama at the strip club.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, Michelle! You feel me?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: But not to me, random black man across the way.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: But that's what he did.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I just go like, okay, all right, you won that contest, I'm not gonna really be staring at you any longer.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I wait a couple seconds, I peek out the side of my eye and I'm like, oh shit, he's coming.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, this dude's this dude is coming to me.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: He walks up to me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: This dude said one of the most confusing things I've ever heard in my life to this day.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so curious to see what you think of this.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: This guy walks up to me, I swear to God, so confident, he goes, Hey, brother, I ain't trying to start nothing, but you know when we see you out here having social intercourse with all these other races, you look racist.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I went, social intercourse?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Have y'all ever heard that term?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: I had never heard social intercourse?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's an aggressive way to say hanging with friends, isn't it?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know hanging with buddies could sound so sexual.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know I was such a heartthrob in the social community.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like apparently, like I lost my I lost my sexual virginity when I was 17, but I busted my first social nut when I was like four.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I had no idea there was such a difference.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I go, social intercourse, that's a weird word, man.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, call it what you want.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: What you're doing is racist.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, racist?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, yeah.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, let me get this straight.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's racist for me to be out in public with somebody of another race.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, mm-hmm.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I went.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to give me a sec, man.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: I've never heard somebody be this wrong before.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: It was like 2012.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, who hasn't seen Remember the Titans by now?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, how are we struggling with this?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: But he doubles down.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: This is why I never forgot it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, No, what you need to understand is when we see you walking in public with somebody of another race, it looks like you're embarrassed to be black.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what kind of mindfuck is this, my guy?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Did that make sense to any of y'all?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, because it damn sure didn't make sense to me.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna talk about it.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanna make sure we're on the same page before I get fought.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Let me say a couple things.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody of another race has the power to make you feel embarrassed of your own race.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Let me make that very clear.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: You feel about you the way that you feel about you.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know what's wild though?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know who does have the power to make you feel embarrassed of your own race?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: People in your own race.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't it wild how accurate that is?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: We've all got representatives that made us go, no, the fuck you don't speak for me.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Get the fuck out of here with that.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: We've all got those.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: You ever heard Kanye?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Are you always relating, or you're like, what the fuck he just said?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when he said slavery was a choice?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember how many black people came to his rescue?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Me neither.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's my point, dude.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: We we cut that nigga off like he like Subway did Jared.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: But you do remember how he handled it?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: We were like, he did what?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And there's proof?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: The actions of this individual do not reflect.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: We cut him right out.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Can I give you an example for white people?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: I can't speak for you, I'm just throwing it out there.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think this is a great one.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see how you do.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when George W.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Bush was president?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Remember that?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when he did that interview?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: He said this verbatim, he goes, Fool me once.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Shame on shame on you.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Fool me.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Can't get fooled again.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's a direct quote.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's a direct quote.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: I had to Google that to make sure I got it right, how wrong he said it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And all I'm saying is if you're a George W.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: supporter or not, can we just agree that you didn't feel well represented?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's the point I'm getting at.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all heard that and went, he could have said that a little better, I think.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Moment back.