Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP.88: Command vs. Control: Lead with Power, Not Pressure | The Ambitious Podcast

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EP.88: Command vs. Control: Lead with Power, Not Pressure | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

0:00
Everyone in their mom is yelling on the Internet these days.
0:03
What people think is motivating is actually making me just see
0:07
your insecurity. I am a recovering control freak.
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I'm trying to control things to get things done.
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Is really you operating in your business out of fear?
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You can only trust others in your business if you truly trust
0:22
yourself. If I'm just like more of a
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commanding presence in my life and business, but I'm not in
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control, what does that mean? Because I don't know what that
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life looks like. The most important skill that
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you can have as a leader, as a CEO, is to know and understand
0:36
how to persuade with your commanding presence without
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having to raise your voice. Hello and welcome back to
0:43
Ambitious. Today we are talking all things
0:46
about control as the CEO in your business.
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And today we're going to be talking about two CS, which are
0:52
the difference between command and control because they are
0:56
very different things. And I think many people in
0:59
business get these two confused, which is that by controlling,
1:03
you are commanding the energy within your business.
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And many people don't know how do I command authority or
1:11
command results or outcomes in the business without feeling
1:15
like I need to control. And so today we're going to be
1:18
breaking down really what this looks like when you've mastered
1:22
this. And this is something I wanted
1:23
to talk about because I see so many entrepreneurs, CE OS
1:29
operators, leaders of businesses who feel like the only way to
1:35
get ahead, the only way to see results is by trying to control
1:38
literally everything and anything in the business at a
1:42
given time. And so there really is a big
1:45
difference between being the woman and the leader who really
1:48
commands attention from clients, from team members, from those
1:54
who see your brand versus those who feel like you have to
1:57
control everything around you in order to feel safe within your
2:01
business. And I would say like the reason
2:04
that this is important for us to discuss is because there is one
2:08
side, which is the fact that being a commanding presence,
2:12
being a commanding brand means that you are like magnetic.
2:16
Like you feel like your energy when it walks into a room, your
2:21
energy when it shows up on social media has this ability to
2:25
just stop everybody in their tracks and make them focus, pay
2:29
attention and get things done or get to the outcome that you want
2:33
them to go to. On the contrast control.
2:36
For most people, the overarching feeling or experience of that is
2:40
going to be exhaustion. You are going to feel like when
2:43
you were trying to be in control of everything, you are just
2:46
exhausted because you are genuinely holding space for so
2:50
many things at one time. And so why does this really
2:53
matter? Well, because control.
2:55
If you are someone who feels like, you know, maybe you are
2:58
like a self identified control freak or you feel like you're
3:02
someone who's been told maybe that you're someone who really
3:05
likes control by being the person who needs to be in
3:08
control all the time. What I want you to know is
3:11
that's actually a fear based operating system.
3:14
So the reason it's important to talk about and the reason it's
3:16
important for us to uncover within you is because if we
3:20
don't know this about ourselves, it may mean that what we believe
3:25
is like I'm trying to control things to get things done is
3:27
really you operating most or entirely in your business out of
3:32
fear. And so we want to make sure that
3:34
when we're operating in the business, we're doing so from a
3:37
place of command and not control, because command is what
3:41
actually generates trust within others.
3:43
It's actually what allows our presence and what we say and how
3:47
we say it to resonate with other people.
3:49
And it also is the thing that as a result of those two things
3:52
will get us better results. This is the thing that I, I
3:56
think kind of breaks people's brain about the idea of
3:59
releasing control is there Like, how could I release control and
4:03
get better results than if I just did it all myself?
4:05
And that unlock really is the unlock of scaling a business,
4:09
because scaling a business is never about you controlling
4:14
every piece. It's actually about releasing
4:16
control, but doing so in an intentional way.
4:20
And so we're going to break down today how this kind of trickles
4:24
into everything, right? We see how the difference
4:27
between control and command control up in many different
4:30
departments of the business. It shows up in sales, it shows
4:33
up within clients and specifically client boundaries.
4:36
It shows up within your team. So your team management, your
4:40
team leadership, it shows up without a doubt in your personal
4:45
brand. This is something that I would
4:47
say is like the personal brand aspect is probably the easiest
4:49
for you to identify that person that you, you feel like she just
4:53
shows up in such a way within her marketing or such a way
4:57
within her delivery of her offerings.
4:59
You've seen her speak on stages, you see her speak on a podcast
5:02
and you're like, she just has this like commanding presence.
5:06
And I can't quite put my finger on it.
5:08
If you feel like that is something that activates you,
5:12
that is going to be the basis of today's episode, is letting you
5:15
become that commanding presence within the room.
5:19
And also most importantly, this is going to trickle down into
5:23
your personal life because we know that many times how we do
5:27
one thing is how we do many things.
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And with that, if you are someone who feels like you need
5:32
lots of control in your business and you're trying to control
5:35
every little piece, every little person, 9 times out of 10,
5:39
that's also going to translate into your personal life.
5:42
Which is the fact that you probably are the type of person
5:45
who feels like you feel the most safe, you feel best within your
5:48
personal life or your day-to-day life when you're the one in
5:51
control. And so with this I really want
5:54
to first start with breaking down, making it really clear
5:57
what is the difference between command and control.
6:09
So let's start with control because control is going to be
6:12
the thing that most of us can easily recognize, especially if
6:16
we are those quote UN quote control freaks.
6:18
And I also want to say there's no judgement here.
6:20
I have been known in my life and within my business to be
6:24
somebody who has definitely been in the bucket of control,
6:29
meaning I'm someone who likes to feel like I have things a
6:31
certain way. I like to be able to get certain
6:33
outcomes and certain results. And it's also because of this
6:37
that I feel like I'm very equipped to talk about this
6:39
because I am a recovering control freak, if you will,
6:43
within my own life and my own business.
6:46
And so control and what that looks like, first, you're going
6:48
to note it is driven by fear and it's driven by anxiety.
6:52
So you might find that anytime you try to release control, you
6:56
physically or emotionally or mentally get a response.
6:59
In doing so, you feel anxious and literally on edge that
7:03
someone's going to mess something up if you're not
7:05
involved. That if you give it away to
7:07
someone, you're not sure what's going to end up happening.
7:09
It literally gives you anxiety to think about not being in
7:12
control or you have tons of fears that come up for you of
7:15
what could happen or what could unfold if you are not tightly
7:19
holding the reins. It also we find with control, it
7:23
is in the basis of giving ourselves an illusion of
7:28
certainty. And really what all of us need
7:32
to acknowledge is uncertain environments.
7:34
So entrepreneurship is like the biggest roller coaster, right?
7:37
We have a new thing happening around every corner and 1st, we
7:42
have to fall in love with that process.
7:44
But sometimes the way that we stay safe within that process of
7:47
the fact that everything's changing all the time, we start
7:49
to train ourselves to kind of be able to adapt, to be able to
7:52
respond to things. And then before we know it,
7:55
we're like, OK, I'm the only one who knows how to navigate these
7:58
waters. I'm the only one who knows how
8:00
to drive this roller coaster. So I'm going to stay at the
8:03
forefront of this because that allows us to try to stay as safe
8:07
as possible in all of these uncertain environments because
8:10
things are constantly changing. With that.
8:13
We want to realize that doing so is giving us the illusion, and
8:19
that's a really important word to anchor into.
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By trying to control everything in uncontrolled environments of
8:24
entrepreneurship, all that that's doing is giving you the
8:28
illusion of certainty, the illusion of being able to
8:31
predict outcomes versus the reality of what it is, which is
8:35
the fact that it is unpredictable.
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And with this, we find that control is also very rigid.
8:41
I find that a lot of the people that I interact with are very
8:44
rigid in their thinking when they are someone who needs to be
8:48
in control. You're not having a lot of fluid
8:50
conversations. You're not having a lot of,
8:52
well, what if it looks like this or what if we could do it this
8:55
way? You're more in the bucket of
8:57
like, this is the way we're doing it and here's why we're
8:59
doing it that way. And that's the conversation
9:00
over. And with that, you're also going
9:03
to find sometimes in the control bucket, we also have a lot of
9:06
reactiveness. Like we have this reaction, this
9:09
reactiveness that happens in the things in our environment.
9:12
So you genuinely probably believe that you need to hang on
9:16
to everything right now and you need to hold space for it and
9:19
you need to be in the driver's seat.
9:20
Otherwise there's a high likeliness that it's going to
9:22
fall apart and you're probably going to identify with this.
9:26
If you're the type who micromanages you, feel like you
9:29
over communicate every little nitty gritty detail.
9:32
You don't leave room for other people to think because that
9:35
makes you anxious and fearful that they might think something
9:38
that you wouldn't think. And with this, you don't only
9:41
correct or provide feedback, but you overcorrect, you overdo it,
9:46
and you really try to be 17 steps ahead of manufacturing
9:51
every little possible outcome or circumstance that could happen.
9:55
So you're not only thinking of a Plan B, you're thinking of a
9:58
plan CDE and F if something should happen within your
10:02
business or within your life. Now on the contrast command,
10:07
right? So if we want to be more in a
10:08
command presence within our business, it means that we're
10:11
rooted in self trust and we're rooted in our personal
10:14
authority. We are super intentional with
10:18
the way in which we present, the way we communicate and the
10:22
things that we communicate about.
10:24
And that really allows us to be truly magnetic in the way that
10:28
we interface with people, whether that is within our
10:30
brand, our marketing, our team, our clients.
10:34
And the mindset around those that command and have a
10:37
commanding presence is that you trust yourself.
10:41
OK, So you trust the structure that you've set up in your
10:44
business and you trust others to meet you to that structure.
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And so this is a really clear, important distinction for me is
10:54
that you can only trust others in your business if you truly
11:00
trust yourself. And that is because as we know,
11:04
you've heard me talk about before, everything starts and
11:06
ends with you. So like, if I have a team member
11:09
that I'm going to delegate something to, the only reason
11:11
that I'm anxious around giving said team member something is if
11:14
I have some fear of the fact that maybe I don't have clarity
11:19
on how to navigate it. If it doesn't go well, maybe I
11:21
fear that I haven't given that person proper training.
11:24
I fear that they don't have the skills that they might need or
11:28
that I haven't provided them with those skills to do that
11:30
task right. If you're having something come
11:33
up, it often times, if we really start to unravel, it leads back
11:38
to you, which is the fact that you don't trust yourself.
11:43
And because you don't trust yourself, you can't trust giving
11:45
it to anybody else because you don't feel like you barely even
11:48
have a grasp of it. And so with that, you want to
11:51
remember that commanding presence is really rooted in
11:54
clarity. So you kind of have a vision,
11:57
you have an understanding of what's going to happen and why
12:00
you're going to have it happen the way it does.
12:02
You're going to be calm. This is the most important, like
12:07
Bing, Bing, Bing. Like awareness for me when I see
12:09
somebody is if someone is like fast talking twitching, yeah,
12:14
like this, this, this, this, this and they're go, go, go.
12:16
If you are not calm in the way that you communicate, it tells
12:20
me that there is an underbelly of that, which is insecurity and
12:24
fear. Because people who are certain
12:27
and calm are those that we typically feel like we can trust
12:31
in. People are who are sporadic and
12:33
all over the place don't feel grounded.
12:36
And they're not grounded because they're not confident in what it
12:39
is that they're trying to do or how they're doing it.
12:42
There is a a symbol for sure when it comes to commanding
12:46
presence, which is the fact that you are actually present in the
12:49
moment. So you have this really
12:52
incredible ability to take a present moment and make a
12:56
contextual for everybody versus thinking entirely in the past or
13:00
entirely in the future. Now with this, I want to give
13:04
you an example. So a controlling business owner
13:06
will need to monitor every single task, for example, that a
13:08
VA is doing. You might even be going as so
13:11
far as to go in and rewrite the e-mail that that VA prepped or
13:16
rewrite the message that that VA was going to send.
13:19
Whereas if you, on the contrast, were more of a commanding
13:23
business owner, we would be the kind of person who would set
13:26
expectations of how you typically do communication.
13:30
You would provide different reviews or opportunities for
13:32
feedback. And you would do so with giving
13:35
them structure, but also keeping your authority of how you want
13:39
it done. Meaning keeping the vision of
13:41
your standards, but also giving that person authority to say, I
13:45
trust you to have the skills, have the perspective, have the
13:50
beliefs or values that if something should come up that
13:52
you'll kind of work within that the guidelines of how I would
13:56
operate. And so I, I really do think that
13:59
many people, the reason I want to kind of define the difference
14:04
is you'll probably identify what it feels like for you.
14:08
So like I wouldn't say most of us are like, I'm a controlling
14:11
business owner, right? It's not something we
14:12
necessarily always identify with until we feel like we see the
14:15
symptoms and we go, wait a second.
14:17
That is how I'm operating right now though, or that is how I'm
14:20
showing up right now. And so it starts to presence for
14:22
us maybe areas of opportunity where we can say, OK, great, if
14:26
I am in the command bucket and I really am a commanding energy,
14:30
then with this, how can I lean deeper into that?
14:33
How can I finesse that and master it further?
14:35
On the contrast, if you are more of a control type of energy,
14:39
it's an opportunity to say how do I adjust this and you know,
14:42
change this within my business so I'm not capping my own
14:45
growth. And so I really want to, you
14:49
know, breakdown because control again is the one that we don't
14:52
want to have. We don't want to be showing up
14:54
in a controlling way in our business.
14:57
I want to give you some tangible examples that I noted down of
15:00
ways that control is going to show up tactically within your
15:03
business. So things like you are in
15:07
control mode. If you're constantly double
15:10
checking your team's work. So they go and they do something
15:13
and they may have done it perfectly 15 times over, but you
15:16
are like, I just need to triple check.
15:18
I just need to make sure that I go through it one more time.
15:21
You feel a need to explain yourself three to four times
15:25
over to really make sure that people understand what you're
15:28
saying. Whether it's team, clients,
15:31
marketing, you feel like you really need to make sure that
15:33
people are getting it. You get uncomfortable when
15:37
someone else does something differently than you.
15:40
And this is actually another thing that I see as a
15:41
distinction. Not only are they doing things
15:44
differently than you and it makes you anxious or fearful,
15:47
but sometimes it really scares you when you give it to somebody
15:51
and you let them do it differently.
15:53
And in doing it differently, they still get the outcome.
15:56
They still are able to get the outcome or the results,
16:01
sometimes in a better, faster, easier way than you.
16:04
And you think, whoa, that wasn't my process.
16:07
What's going on here? So you feel really uncomfortable
16:09
when you see someone doing something differently because
16:12
it's not your way. You are known to over deliver
16:16
and stretch boundaries because you do not want to disappoint
16:19
people. This was something that I saw
16:22
within a couple clients that I've worked with and they're
16:25
like, you know, really, really overdoing it kind of thing,
16:28
right, when it comes to delivery in their programs.
16:31
And like we're not talking high level delivery, we're talking
16:34
overdoing it almost basically like going in and doing it for
16:38
the person, right? So I want you to think like, say
16:40
I'm a personal trainer. They would be the person who'd
16:42
be like, you know what, screw it, I'm going to bring you your
16:44
meals to our next session. Like I had someone I was working
16:48
with who was in the marketing space and they were so
16:50
frustrated that clients were not doing what they wanted them to
16:54
do that they literally started to get into done for you work,
16:57
Meaning like they basically were like kind of shadowing as an
17:00
agency. And I was like, whoa, whoa,
17:02
whoa, what's happening here? And that was because the clients
17:04
weren't doing it perfectly the way this person wanted it done.
17:08
So they really overstretched their boundaries and they over
17:11
delivered within the offer that they had, which was a coaching
17:14
offer. It was not even a done for you
17:15
opportunity or offering. And that was because they really
17:19
wanted to have the outcomes done their way.
17:21
And over delivery within a service or over delivery within
17:25
an offer is often times connected to the fact that you
17:28
are really scared to disappoint people.
17:31
You are really scared that someone's not going to do it the
17:33
exact way that you intended it or the exact way that you
17:36
instructed it. And as a result, it's not going
17:38
to work. And if it doesn't work, they're
17:40
going to think it's because of me.
17:41
And you start to spiral down all creating all of these different
17:44
connections and stories. You probably are somebody as
17:48
well who obsesses over the nitty gritty details.
17:51
You're obsessing over your launch numbers, you're obsessing
17:54
over your follower count, you're obsessing over client reactions
17:59
to things. You are obsessive about
18:02
response, and you're obsessive about feedback.
18:05
You really take a lot of feedback in numbers and
18:08
followers and clients to be indicative of your success or in
18:13
the fact that you are successful with those people and you ask
18:17
for input. And this is a really key one
18:20
that I see is people who ask for input but don't want to take any
18:24
of it. So you're asking your team maybe
18:27
for ideas, you're asking your clients for ideas, you're asking
18:30
your maybe even spouse for ideas, you're asking everybody
18:34
for ideas. But then even when you bring in
18:36
those ideas and you do consult the panel around you, you're
18:40
still not doing anything with that information and you're
18:42
sticking to the original plan, which is what you wanted to do
18:45
in the first place. So that really is because you
18:48
have this belief that only you really know and only you can
18:52
really get it right. But you kind of humor yourself
18:55
with asking other people first in the illusion that you're
18:59
trying to be collaborative when really you're sticking to the
19:01
original plan control on a deeper level.
19:05
If we go a little bit, you know, under even deeper under the
19:09
surface within this control is often coming from a deep fear of
19:13
being misunderstood, of failing or of losing some aspect of
19:19
safety. And you know, we're not going to
19:23
get too too deep into the mindset side because that would
19:24
be its own episode. But there is actually an aspect
19:28
of control which is a trauma informed response to chaos.
19:33
So when somebody has been in moments of trauma, and again,
19:39
when I say trauma, I'm not necessarily saying, you know,
19:41
big T trauma. It could be a on the variety of
19:44
the spectrum of trauma. But when you've been in a moment
19:47
in your life where you have been out of control, it's not
19:51
uncommon to then after a situation or after an experience
19:56
to then have the desire to control everything.
19:59
And that is because again, we talked about the illusion of
20:02
safety. It means.
20:05
Setting your brain not consciously, you're not waking
20:08
up and being like, I'm going to be controlling today, right?
20:10
You're, you're really having the illusion of safety because
20:13
you're telling your brain, if I try to control everything, it
20:17
means that I am doing as much as I possibly could to control my
20:21
external environment, which in turn means that I'm as safe as I
20:25
possibly could because I've thought of everything and I'm
20:27
holding space for all of it. It's a way to basically protect
20:32
yourself from being hurt again in some capacity, whether that's
20:35
mentally, emotionally, for some people, physically.
20:38
It's really your trauma informed response of how to put this
20:42
protective layer around you. Because if you're in control of
20:44
everything, the likeliness that something can hurt you in your
20:48
mind is less, even though in reality it might be the same
20:54
amount. So there's that aspect of it,
20:57
but there's also the other lens, which is failure, right?
21:00
So if, for example, you grew up with a lot of feedback from
21:05
maybe parents or people that were major role models or big
21:09
figures in your life, and you had a lot of messaging around
21:13
what it meant to fail or what failure looks like, and you had
21:16
a lot of feedback around that. Then if failure was this big
21:20
scary thing to you, of course you're going to try to control
21:23
your business because what you're doing is you're trying to
21:25
control every piece that could or may possibly impact the
21:30
outcome. And so I saw as with, you know,
21:32
I had a client who was like, I would say, and they knew this,
21:37
they were very, very, very controlling within their
21:39
business. And so when we started to dive
21:40
into it, I realized that this was not anything other than her
21:44
relationship with her mom. Her mom had been the kind of
21:47
person who was like, it's perfect or it's nothing was the
21:49
way that she was raised. And so then for that to be her
21:52
upbringing, which then came through with some mindset
21:55
sessions we did that unraveled into now saying, OK, in her
21:59
business, it's either perfect or it's not done.
22:01
It's either perfect or it needs change.
22:04
And it made sense because her entire upbringing, she was told
22:08
if it's not perfect, she's failed.
22:10
So of course, in an effort to make something perfect in her
22:13
business, IE in order to be successful, it had to be
22:16
perfect. And to have it perfect, she had
22:17
to control everything. The other one I would say that,
22:21
you know, is kind of a little bit in connection to this as
22:24
well is like if you grew up in an environment where things were
22:27
not in your control. So like I had another peer who
22:31
was definitely somebody who feel, it feels like, and still
22:34
kind of navigates this, this feeling of, you know, wanting to
22:37
have control over everything. And it was interesting because I
22:40
said, you know, where do you think that comes from?
22:42
And he said, you know what? My parents had struggled with
22:44
alcohol and had struggled with addiction.
22:47
So because of that, I had so much instability within my home.
22:51
I had so much instability growing up.
22:52
There wasn't like a routine, there wasn't a schedule.
22:55
There wasn't like calm going home.
22:57
You never knew what you were going to walk into.
22:59
So because of that, their life and their environment is like
23:02
they triple think of every situation like anything that he
23:06
thinks of, he thinks of a plan BCD because that is really how
23:12
he protects himself from all these situations that he might
23:14
interface. But the problem was it created
23:17
this really, really deep sense of burnout because with trying
23:21
to think of all these situations of what if this happens and what
23:23
if that happens, it started to spiral that every single initial
23:27
situation actually became 234 different situations because of
23:32
this trauma response. So this is also the reason I
23:35
mentioned the trauma response aspect is because I think many
23:38
of us think, and we've talked about this in other episodes,
23:41
right? We have this identity sometimes
23:44
with things that we've been given as a label.
23:46
So if someone says to, you know, like, oh, I'm just a control
23:48
freak. I'm just like, I've always been
23:50
this way. You can, you know, know that
23:53
about yourself, but it also doesn't mean that you have to
23:55
keep that about yourself. And so that's also something
23:57
that I would invite you to, which is to say, you know,
24:01
first, do you resonate with any of maybe these quote UN quote
24:04
symptoms of being more in a controlled state?
24:07
If you resonate with the symptoms, it's to then ask
24:09
yourself, OK, well, if I wanted to kind of dive into that, is
24:12
there anywhere that I could see where maybe that comes from?
24:15
And then most importantly, which is the the essence of it all is
24:19
are you actually really willing to change that?
24:22
Are you really interested if you are the kind of person who needs
24:25
tons and tons of control, Are you ready, willing and able to
24:29
release some of that if it meant that you could have a better
24:32
life and that you could have a Better Business?
24:34
And I think for many of us, we want that, but we don't
24:38
necessarily know, well, if I wasn't controlling, what would
24:42
that look like? Because again, this may be the
24:45
only reality that you've known. And it's not to say, and I want
24:48
to take a second because controlling is not always a
24:51
choice. So I think many of us believe
24:54
that like, oh, if you're just a control freak, you're just the
24:56
kind of person who loves to control things.
24:58
I would really invite you to look at control is typically a
25:02
byproduct of something else that's happening underneath the
25:05
surface. Could be fear, could be trauma
25:07
response, could be the fact that there is, you know, some other
25:11
experiences that we haven't kind of dealt with yet.
25:13
All of this, though, to say being a controlling person is
25:18
not always just a personality trait.
25:20
It's usually often times at the root something else and it just
25:25
presents as control, as one of the symptoms of how it's showing
25:28
itself. So when we think about going
25:30
from being this controlling person to being the opposite for
25:33
many, including myself, by the way, I didn't know what that
25:38
meant. Like if I was like, if I'm just
25:40
like more of a, a commanding presence in my life and
25:43
business, but I'm not in control.
25:46
What does that mean? Cuz I don't know what that life
25:48
looks like. I don't know what that feels
25:50
like. And so again, we want to go back
25:53
to the fact, in contrast, that a commanding energy feels very
25:57
embodied. It feels very grounded and it
26:00
feels very certain. It's not about being cold.
26:06
It's not about being bossy. So again, when we hear
26:10
commanding, we might think like, oh, she's very demanding.
26:14
It might be the thing that we think of that, but I want you to
26:16
think about, you know, maybe a situation where maybe you've
26:20
gone out to socialize and someone's entered a room or
26:22
someone's been around you and they just feel like their
26:24
presence. They haven't even said anything.
26:27
Their presence just feels very grounded and very confident and
26:31
very certain. And you just go, wow, that
26:33
person is just like really got like a, a beautiful, like, you
26:36
know, presence and energy. It's that it's not to say that I
26:39
want you to go walk in and bring some Beyoncé energy.
26:42
Obviously, if that's what feels good to you, by all means, but
26:46
it's to say that you can have a presence and an energy that is
26:50
effective that allows you to get the same results as you might
26:54
get in any other situation with a very different experience.
26:57
So when you're operating from more of a command energy, you're
27:01
showing up with saying less words, but they land like I have
27:06
a peer and he does not say much. Like he doesn't speak physically
27:14
a lot of words like volume wise he doesn't say a lot of words.
27:19
But when he speaks he will say like 2 sentences and you're like
27:24
left pontificating about life. Like it's just, it lands in such
27:30
a deep way that you instantly go into this like deep self
27:33
reflection and you think, ha. And like he didn't say much.
27:38
He's a man of very few words, but the words he does say are
27:42
always very thought out. They're very intentional and
27:46
they're very deep. They're not necessarily
27:49
something that he doesn't just kind of just and chat all the
27:53
time. But when he speaks, you know
27:55
it's going to land because it's intentional and it's it's
27:59
grounded. It's also, I find that someone
28:02
who's really a commanding presence is not in the kind of
28:07
business or lifestyle of like setting ultimatums.
28:10
They just have standards. They just have these standards
28:13
from which they show up. They have standards from which
28:15
they operate. And if something doesn't meet
28:17
those standards, they don't try to negotiate, they don't try to
28:21
convince, they don't try to do anything.
28:24
They show up in the standard of what they expect.
28:28
And if it doesn't fit that standard, then they just kind of
28:30
don't participate. They just don't engage because
28:34
they're so again, calm and centered and confident within
28:37
themselves. That easy indicator of someone
28:41
who has a commanding presence is also somebody who has the
28:44
ability to delegate fully. So you are someone who can
28:48
release attachment. You have structure in the way
28:53
that you delegate, but you also allow for space and fluidity.
28:58
So like set the structure, but you hold the space.
29:01
And the way that I kind of think about this as an analogy is it
29:03
almost want you to think about a bowling lane.
29:05
And I do once in a while use the bumper lanes.
29:08
I, I was playing with a, with a child.
29:10
OK, so to be fair, he was also using bumper lanes, but I
29:14
picture a a bowling alley with bumper lanes and I think about
29:19
those two bumper lanes on the bowling alley.
29:23
A good leader, a good business owner has those bumper lanes on
29:28
that bowling alley, but they allow the fluidity of someone to
29:31
find themselves within it. That is effective leadership.
29:35
It is not about telling someone, here's step one, Step 2, step
29:39
three-step four. And everyone's big thing with
29:42
delegating again in the control is that they don't want someone
29:46
to think. Because if someone thinks they
29:47
might think wrong, and if they think wrong, well, then there
29:49
goes the business. So the belief in a control type
29:53
perspective is that if I control everything they do and think,
29:56
they could never think something wrong.
29:58
They could never do something wrong.
29:59
Now I'm safe. Instead, someone who has more of
30:02
a commanding presence sets structure for a team member.
30:05
They set structure even for clients, they'll set those
30:08
bumper lanes, which basically help to keep someone within a
30:11
certain range. Those are their standards.
30:13
Those are their bumper lanes, OK.
30:15
But when they delegate, they also recognize the person needs
30:19
space and fluidity to find and have their own thoughts within
30:23
that structure. And because they allow someone
30:27
to do that, they typically have way better results way faster
30:31
because the person's really actually using their own brain.
30:34
They're developing a skill set. They're developing a
30:36
perspective, whereas if you don't use it, you lose it.
30:42
Which means if I'm in a job where I'm following like step by
30:45
step by step by step, I'm not having critical thinking.
30:48
I'm not having the ability to be self LED as a team member
30:52
because I'm not having to think. I'm not having to strategize.
30:55
I'm not having to solve problems because everything is a
30:58
predetermined manual because it's all in control.
31:01
If you really want to build an effective like powerhouse team,
31:05
you have to realize that people need standards, but they also
31:08
need space. And so that comes to the
31:11
delegation piece, but then also the easiest way that you can see
31:15
this within marketing and you'll know probably people off the top
31:19
of your head that you can think of, you know, the people who
31:22
seem like they're constantly pressuring you within marketing.
31:25
Like it feels like everything is a countdown.
31:27
Get it now before it's gone. You've got to do it now.
31:30
It's all about now. Like it's always just like
31:32
pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure.
31:34
If you are seeing someone market pressure within their marketing,
31:38
it's a clear indicator that that person is actually operating
31:43
from a place of control. They're trying to control every
31:46
moment, every person, every lead, every conversation.
31:50
On the contrast, if someone's really in a commanding presence
31:54
in their marketing, you're going to see that they show up with
31:57
this calm, grounded energy and they also have a lot of clarity.
32:02
You feel like every time they speak, if they're very well
32:04
spoken, they're very clear on what they're saying and how
32:07
they're saying it and why they're saying it that way.
32:10
It just feels like it flows. And you can tell that when they
32:14
market, they don't have this urgency and pressure and push
32:19
around needing to have a certain outcome in a certain amount of
32:22
time. And so this is really where you
32:24
kind of see the energy of like, this is what I have.
32:27
Here's, you know who it's for and what it does.
32:30
And here's how to know if it's for you versus the energy, which
32:33
is like, you need this because you need to be here and you need
32:36
to be doing this in this amount of time.
32:37
And you're never going to change unless you do this.
32:40
People who have, and I think people really don't know how
32:43
they present sometimes in marketing because there are
32:46
people who are quote, UN quote, big in the space, big in, you
32:50
know, as a brand or as a personal brand who don't realize
32:54
that what they think is showing up as persuasive, what they
32:58
think is showing up as, you know, activating people to move
33:02
is really just pressure. And the pressure to me, and I
33:05
was talking about this even with someone on our marketing team,
33:08
and I was saying what people think is motivating is actually
33:12
making me just see your insecurity because it means that
33:16
there's so much lack, there's so much scarcity, there's so much
33:20
uncertainty, there's so much lack of confidence that I'm
33:22
going to scream at you because that's the way that I persuade.
33:27
The most important skill that you can have as a leader, as a
33:30
CEO, is to know and understand how to persuade with your
33:34
commanding presence without having to raise your voice.
33:38
And I know this is going to ruffle some feathers because
33:41
everyone in their mom is yelling on the Internet these days.
33:45
And what people don't realize is by yelling, you're not the one
33:49
who's persuading. Like you're creating this
33:53
emotional distraction from what would actually make something
33:56
land. And so yes, if you want to
34:00
really create movement within your marketing, it's not about
34:03
being louder. It's about having your message
34:05
land more. OK, it's going to repeat that
34:09
one more time if you want to have your message actually
34:13
resonate with people. It is not about making it
34:17
louder. It is not about cranking up the
34:19
volume and being more angry and more spicy and more loud.
34:23
It is about making sure that what you're saying and how
34:25
you're saying it lands with the consumer.
34:29
This is why you will see some people who are yelling on the
34:32
Internet and you will see other people who are calm, centered
34:35
and grounded. And the people who are centered
34:37
and grounded are making more sales.
34:39
Everyone's like, but they're not having to persuade anybody.
34:41
Yes, because their energy is commanding.
34:43
They're not trying to control people's behavior and beliefs.
34:48
They're able to let it land in someone and realize that they
34:51
have certainty and confidence that that person is going to go
34:54
through the journey that they just planted within them.
34:56
So instead of trying to convince someone to buy, a commanding
35:01
entrepreneur is going to know how what they offer changes
35:06
lives. So you want to think when you
35:09
are in a commanding energy as a marketer, you are not in
35:12
convincing like the amount of times that I have been on a
35:16
sales call with someone or the amount of times I've even been
35:18
in a sales conversation where I've someone has said, do I have
35:21
to make a decision right now? And I'm like, no, I'm going to
35:24
be on the Internet for the next two decades.
35:26
Like, do you have to make a decision right now in this
35:28
moment? No, because it would be BS
35:31
pressure of me to say to that person, yes, you have to decide
35:34
the next 20 minutes because her and I both know I'm not going
35:36
anywhere. I'm going to be here tomorrow.
35:38
Now, maybe the offer that I had at the time might not be
35:40
available. That's a fair, very realistic
35:43
situation that could happen. But the end of the day, I'm not
35:46
going to pressure her that she has to move in the next 20
35:48
minutes where she can't work with me.
35:50
What I tell her instead is like, listen, I'm not going anywhere.
35:52
So if you have questions or if you are ready to move forward,
35:56
message me and we'll go from there.
35:58
And here's what I will tell you because there's a lot of
36:01
narratives to say that, you know, being louder or screaming
36:03
or whatever is what makes things work.
36:05
I most recently did a launch and I really practiced this
36:10
commanding energy. And so I went into situations
36:14
where I knew my value and I knew my offer was great and I knew
36:19
that these people needed it and that I, you know, portrayed to
36:23
them why they needed it. And I had people who would have
36:28
a sales conversation with me and they would say, great, I'm going
36:31
to take, you know, X amount of time to think about it.
36:33
And I would kind of go through the typical prompting questions
36:36
and if someone wanted to think about it, I would say, OK,
36:38
great. And I didn't pressure them.
36:40
I didn't follow up 15 times. I didn't, you know, say, OK,
36:43
like where we at now? I realized my value.
36:46
And I also had confidence and clarity and certainty in them
36:50
that if they were the people that I was going to be working
36:53
with, and if I have kind of portrayed enough of what I think
36:57
this offer could do for them, they would come to their own
36:59
clarity. Fast forward, I within a one
37:03
week period had like 5 to 6 people who were like yes to our
37:07
mastermind, all of which were not closed in a pressure type
37:12
setting. They reached out to me and said
37:14
how do I sign? And that was because I didn't
37:18
pressure them and I wasn't all up in their face and I wasn't
37:21
saying OK well what about now and what about now?
37:22
Where are we at and what have you decided?
37:24
I recognize that if I want to be self LED within my own business,
37:29
I have to also realize that I need to again, standards.
37:34
I have to have the standard that other people are also self LED
37:36
in their business. Meaning I can't expect that if I
37:40
want to be around those self LED entrepreneurs that I'm going to
37:44
find them by, you know, helping and and moving them every step
37:47
of the way in the buying process.
37:49
I have to realize that if I want to call that in of somebody
37:52
through marketing, I have to embody that first in the way
37:55
that I behave, and that is through marketing, that is
37:58
through brand and it is through sales process.
38:01
You also were going to see that you will present the
38:05
transformation, you will hold the energy in and you will
38:08
invite them in. You are not going to chase
38:11
people. I am not in the business of
38:14
chasing people down to work with me.
38:18
And that's not from like an egotistical place.
38:20
It's from a place of recognizing that the people that you want to
38:25
work with, you're taking away their agency, their
38:30
independence, and their individual decisions because
38:34
you're trying to control it in your timeline.
38:37
So I recognize that like, I'm not going to chase people down.
38:41
So if I send you a payment link and you don't process it, I'm
38:46
not going to be like, well, what about now?
38:47
What about now? What about now?
38:48
What about now? Like you're your own person and
38:51
like you may have, because I know some of the people that
38:53
I've chatted with listen to this podcast.
38:55
You may have chatted with me and you think, OK, well, wow, she
38:57
didn't follow up with me or she didn't kind of come back to me
39:00
15 times over is what I mean by that.
39:02
I'm not going to come back 15 times over.
39:05
Listen, you and I both know you're Aceo and you know when
39:08
you're ready. So that's why when it comes to
39:11
commanding energy, and this is something I want for you too, I
39:14
want you to have a commanding energy where you're not chasing
39:17
anything, you're not chasing leads, you're not chasing people
39:21
through marketing, you're not chasing clients.
39:23
You have such a an energy in the way in which you show up that it
39:27
sets the tone for how people interface with you.
39:30
And they respect your time, they respect your opinion, and they
39:34
respect the communication and conversations with you as a
39:36
result. So with this, I want to take the
39:40
next few minutes to actually break down for you.
39:42
How do you go from being someone who is in control and really
39:46
having that controlling energy in the way you operate in
39:48
business? And how do we start to shift
39:50
that into being more of that commanding presence, more of the
39:54
person who really has that clarity, that groundedness, that
39:58
confidence within them? So first you have to catch the
40:01
control when it's happening. So when you really just slow it
40:04
down. You have to have an awareness
40:07
first. So it's always a classic thing
40:08
of like we have to, you know, having an awareness of what
40:11
you're doing, is it the first step in creating any change.
40:13
And it is true. Same in the situation.
40:15
We do need to see that there is a need for us to 1st have an
40:20
awareness of when and where we're being controlling.
40:22
So ask yourself first, where am I gripping control right now?
40:27
What are areas in my life where I am feeling urgency?
40:32
I'm feeling the need to micromanage.
40:34
I am obsessively checking on XYZ.
40:38
What are those areas that you kind of feel like you're like
40:40
really obsessing over these days?
40:42
And maybe even the question of where am I trying to force a
40:46
result versus leading in a way that would lead toward one.
40:53
OK, so where are you gripping right now?
40:56
Where do you feel urgency? Where are you micromanaging, and
41:00
where might you be obsessively checking in on things in your
41:02
business? And with that, where are you in
41:06
your business trying to force a result instead of leading with
41:11
action toward 1? So again, are you checking Slack
41:16
20 times a day? Are you editing your team's work
41:18
even though it's already 90% of the way there and done?
41:22
Are you rewriting client emails because it's just faster if you
41:25
just do it yourself. OK, so check in first.
41:29
Let's have that awareness to start of like how is this kind
41:32
of showing in my world and presenting itself?
41:35
Second is really what I consider to be regulation, which is you
41:39
want to pause and regulate before you respond.
41:42
So most control I find comes from dysregulation.
41:48
So lack of presence when we talked about commanding energy
41:51
in people is typically a lot of presence.
41:53
So if you lack presence, you will typically be dysregulated.
41:58
So a nervous system will really look at a gap, a delay or a
42:04
deviation as a threat, right? So we're looking at anything
42:07
that kind of shakes us up as, again, someone else doing
42:10
something, someone else having a new idea as a threat to us.
42:13
So to move into command, your nervous system is going to be
42:18
challenged. So when you give something to
42:20
somebody and you say here you go and you used to give them step
42:23
by step, don't think instructions.
42:25
And now instead we give them bumper lane instructions and we
42:28
allow them, you know, structure with also space to find
42:31
themselves. Your nervous system is not going
42:34
to like it and it's going to say no, no, no.
42:36
This is not how we stay safe. When we stay safe, we do it all
42:39
ourselves. Let's just keep it and we'll
42:41
handle it because we can do it better.
42:43
Your body and brain is going to need time to catch up.
42:47
So This is why having regulation is really important because you
42:50
have to recognize when you feel this feeling of wanting to hold
42:54
it yourself. You have to know how to coach
42:56
yourself through that. And the reason it's coach
42:59
yourself through that is because you're not always going to have
43:01
this in a perfect coaching moment opportunity.
43:04
So you're not going to struggle with a decision only when you're
43:07
meeting with, for example, your coach.
43:09
You're going to have this at 10:00 at night when someone
43:11
messages you about something. You're going to have it in the
43:13
morning at 9:00 AM when someone messages you about a question in
43:17
Slack that they're like, yeah, I got it.
43:19
I'm going to come up with it. And I want to say even for
43:21
myself, the regulation piece is still a constant awareness for
43:26
me in my entire business. But it's also really an
43:29
awareness for me when it comes to delegating because my natural
43:32
tendency in delegation is I'll just do it.
43:35
I'll just do it. I'll just do it like that's
43:37
still in my brain, something that I have to consciously turn
43:41
off. And that's because I do
43:43
sometimes have that natural response of like, I could do it
43:46
fast, I could do it quickly. I'll just handle it.
43:50
And while yes, I could, it doesn't really help for the
43:52
goals of what I want for the business and it's not really
43:55
helping me to grow. So when I think about
43:58
regulation, I think about, you know, the message I want to send
44:01
on Slack of I'll do it and I say, great, here's what I think
44:04
would be really important when we do it.
44:06
But if you want to do a mock up and send it over to me, I'm
44:09
happy to give it a thumbs up before we proceed.
44:10
And you know, do this for all the posts, right?
44:13
So it's asking instead of me controlling the entirety of it,
44:18
how do I quality control? And that's something that I find
44:21
for me helps me to kind of regulate that, which is to say,
44:25
OK, I need to emotionally regulate myself.
44:27
But then if I'm interfacing with somebody, how do I, you know,
44:31
allow myself to feel baseline? It's to say, OK, well, I'm not
44:34
going to control the entire thing.
44:35
I have to make peace with that. But how can I make sure that
44:38
generally speaking, I have quality control, not control.
44:42
So even when I think back to, you know, like physical
44:45
products, right? Like I was randomly do not ask
44:48
me why. I saw on ATV show one time and
44:50
it was talking about Ben and Jerry's and how they have this
44:53
huge production line. And there's literally people in
44:56
Ben and Jerry's, the ice cream in the manufacturing center that
44:59
are literally just there to quality control the ice cream.
45:02
And it's they literally are meant to take random scoops each
45:04
time and to, you know, basically rate it between 1:00 and 10:00.
45:09
So are they going through every single tub and taking a bite?
45:12
No, because that's ridiculous and that's something that's not
45:15
possible at scale, but they still have quality control,
45:19
which is to still say you're not releasing everything entirely.
45:23
But my body doesn't know the difference, which is why the
45:26
regulation's important. So for me, it's, and it sounds a
45:28
little bit dramatic, but it's literally again, something
45:31
you're going to coach yourself on.
45:32
It's literally taking like deep breaths before you delegate
45:35
something or it's centering yourself to realize, OK, I, I'm
45:39
going to think about the worst case scenario of what could
45:41
happen here. But even if the worst case
45:44
scenario happened, how would I navigate that?
45:46
And I kind of, for me, I have a self talk that I do when I feel
45:49
like I'm getting in my own way when it comes to delegation.
45:53
So again, you can do breathing. If you start to feel like you're
45:57
like, Oh my gosh, no, I can't give it to this person.
45:59
Take a step away from your business, Createspace, go
46:02
outside, get some, you know, sun on your skin.
46:05
And another really important question is to say, what are you
46:09
making it out to mean? So like when you're delegating
46:12
something, what are you making this to mean or to represent
46:16
versus what it actually is? And that's something that I find
46:19
is when people are really trying to control, there's a lot of
46:21
stories going on in their head of what they anticipate or think
46:26
is happening versus what's actually happening.
46:29
And so I basically have to anchor into that.
46:32
Just because something is uncertain to me does not mean
46:35
it's unsafe. OK.
46:38
So just because something is uncertain does not mean that it
46:43
is unsafe. It's a really important
46:46
distinction because often times, again, which is why regulation
46:50
is so important, we don't know the difference between something
46:54
being uncertain and unsafe sometimes, which is the basis of
46:58
fight, flight or freeze. We've talked about it in many
47:00
different lenses with an ambitious is that that response
47:04
doesn't know that you're delegating is any different than
47:07
you running from a tiger. Your body feels it the same way,
47:11
which is why when you try to do it the next time it's going to
47:13
try to protect you in that process.
47:16
So when it comes to the ability to then go from OK, I have an
47:21
awareness that I'm being controlling.
47:23
I have these moments where I can tell that I want to hold it, but
47:26
I really want to change this. So I want to regulate and take a
47:28
breath, a pause, a step away before the next step.
47:32
You then have to recommit to your standards, not to your
47:35
emotions. OK, which is Step 3, getting
47:38
clarity and looking at the fact that you have to recommit to
47:41
your standards, not to your emotions.
47:43
So you want to remember that a commanding energy is not the
47:47
kind of person who makes decisions based on the moment.
47:50
It moves from the standard. So you want to ask yourself what
47:55
is and the thing that you're doing?
47:56
What is the standard here? Have I clearly communicated this
48:01
standard to others? And this is like the Ding, Ding,
48:03
Ding. If I could like stop any person
48:06
in a moment, it's this. If you are wanting to have a
48:10
client do something the way that you're wanting, if you're
48:13
wanting to have a team member doing something the way that you
48:15
want, you have to ask yourself, have I even communicated the
48:21
standards of my work? Because I will tell you more
48:24
often than not, I talk to entrepreneurs who are like Kate,
48:27
it's common sense. And I'm like, there it is.
48:30
It's not common sense. It's not common sense.
48:35
Just because it's something that you feel is easy to you doesn't
48:38
mean that another person has the same awareness or that they have
48:42
the same thought process. Because something that might
48:44
feel second nature or obvious to them might not be obvious to
48:47
you, and vice versa for everybody.
48:51
So when I feel like someone is struggling with their standards,
48:54
so maybe you're like, OK, what is the standard?
48:56
And then most importantly, have I communicated it?
48:58
If you haven't communicated it, it's also part of why you're
49:01
struggling with control because the reason you're upset
49:04
someone's not getting the outcome in a program with your
49:06
team, etcetera. The reason they're not getting
49:08
the outcome that you want is because they're not following
49:10
your standard. The reason they're not following
49:12
your standard is because your standard was never communicate
49:14
in the 1st place, right? So This is why, again, when we
49:18
think about being controlling, control is something that
49:21
typically when we unravel it, there's a deeper root underneath
49:24
this as to how it's all connected.
49:27
And you want to remember that control reacts, command
49:32
reinforces. OK, so controlling energy is
49:36
going to react to a situation. A commanding energy is going to
49:40
reinforce. So you're going to reinforce the
49:43
standard of something that you wanted.
49:45
You're going to reinforce and provide feedback on.
49:47
This is what I was looking to achieve versus reacting to the
49:50
fact that it was done poorly or reacting to the fact that it
49:53
didn't hit the mark. So for example, instead of
49:56
resending a payment reminder with anxiety, you would just
50:00
reinforce your policy, right? That's the difference of
50:04
command. So if someone you know in your
50:06
program, you're having an issue when it comes to this client's
50:08
payment, it's not about reacting to you know what, this client
50:11
this, and they said this, they're supposed to do this.
50:13
It's like, hey, our policy around failed payments within
50:18
our program is X. And so this is kind of the
50:21
standard of for us. What would be a next steps if
50:24
you did need to have an adjustment when it comes to your
50:26
payment versus the reactive emotional nature of someone
50:31
using control is like, we need to send out the payment
50:33
reminder. She needs to make that today she
50:34
owes me that payment, right? There's a very different energy
50:38
in the way that you present within problems or situations
50:41
that come up now. Step 4 is to delegate fully and
50:46
detach, which is trust, OK? You can't command a business you
50:53
don't actually trust to support you.
50:57
OK. You cannot command a business
51:01
that you do not actually trust to support you.
51:03
You cannot scale what you are controlling.
51:07
So it's a shift. You're thinking instead of it
51:12
only if I can do it right, it needs to be I can lead others to
51:16
do it. Well, instead of what if they
51:18
don't do blank, it should be what if they rise to the
51:21
standard of X? So I always tell people in your
51:26
business, scaling is not a matter of what you can do.
51:29
It's a matter of what you can teach.
51:32
And I will say that backbone thinking in your entire business
51:39
will be the make it or break it of your ability to scale.
51:43
Because if your entire business's success and its
51:45
ability to scale is entirely based off of you doing
51:49
everything, you don't have a business.
51:52
You have a very high paid job potentially, and I don't know
51:58
for how long. Because when you're also
52:00
controlling everything yourself, you can't hold space for all of
52:03
that yourself. You can't manage and navigate
52:06
all of that yourself. So it means that you won't have
52:09
longevity because you're trying to do anything and everything.
52:11
And what happens in that instance, you burn out.
52:14
So the thing we want to remember is that when you delegate, you
52:19
have to trust. And when I tell people, you
52:22
know, in questions with team, I say, do you trust your team
52:25
members? And they go, yeah.
52:28
And I'm like, OK, great, let's stop there.
52:31
Why don't we trust this team member?
52:32
Well, because she doesn't do AB and C.
52:35
I'm like, great, where's her training?
52:38
Where's her feedback? Where's her standards?
52:40
Where's her values? Where's her principles?
52:43
Where is the thing that is to guide her on the weight in which
52:46
you want it done. And my whole thing within my
52:49
business is if I haven't taught it, if I haven't taught the
52:53
strategy, I can't have the standard.
52:56
So you know, when you're like kind of like quickly delegating
52:58
something and you're quickly handing it off to somebody, if
53:01
you have not given a effective standards to the person when you
53:05
delegated, you should not be surprised if that standard is
53:08
not met when you get it back. And that's because we've set no
53:12
structure. They've just had space.
53:15
They had no bumper lanes. So if they go outside the bounds
53:18
of what you would have had to be the bumper lanes or maybe the
53:20
bumper lanes in which they look like in your head but not
53:23
documented, then that really means that you're giving someone
53:27
free range. And when free range results come
53:29
back, we can't be surprised. So we want to remember that it
53:33
really does start with us. So like command type of energy,
53:38
you can trust the container in which you've built, right?
53:41
You trust the standard, whereas control, you're going to babysit
53:45
that person every 5-10 minutes or what feels like every single
53:48
day because you don't really trust them to do it #5 is you
53:52
want to audit your business for control points.
53:55
You want to audit your environment.
53:57
So you want to also look at asking yourself, does the
54:00
environment in which in which your business is operating
54:03
actually serve you and support you in seeing the clarity that
54:07
you need to feel supported? OK, so do your system support me
54:12
or do they make me feel like I need to hover?
54:15
Are clients too dependent on me and is that on them or is that
54:19
on me? Does my team know what's
54:22
expected or are the expectations I have of them kind of in my
54:25
head? So with that, we have to ask
54:29
ourselves these critical questions because even when
54:32
someone most recently they were a social media agency and they
54:35
came to me and they said, you know, I just don't trust my team
54:37
members because of XYZ. And so I said, OK, great.
54:40
What would make you feel better? And she said, well, I would
54:43
really love to be able to see when they're working on this,
54:46
this, this, and this. And I'm like, OK, amazing.
54:48
If you could see that, do you feel like that would give you
54:52
confidence to step back? And she's like, yeah, I feel
54:55
like I just got stressed out about what they're doing because
54:57
I can't see what they're doing. So I'm constantly asking,
55:00
inquiring. So what we did is we focused
55:03
with her team on building out her click up and her internal
55:06
systems to give her weekly reports of updates.
55:09
So she wasn't needing to contact the team.
55:12
And since then, her contact with her team has diminished
55:15
significantly, and that is because she doesn't need to
55:19
constantly be checking in because she has it being
55:20
presented to her now as a report that allows her to see what she
55:25
needed that was causing the anxiety in the 1st place.
55:27
So her thing was not actually the fact that she didn't trust
55:29
the team members. Her thing wasn't even
55:31
necessarily the fact that she didn't have the standards in
55:33
place. She had all of that, but she
55:35
didn't have the environment to give her what she needed to make
55:37
her feel comfortable. So that really is what allows
55:42
someone to step into a more commanding, grounded presence.
55:47
So command is something that requires structure.
55:51
So it's not a matter of structure to control, but it's
55:54
structure to be able to feel like you have a well built house
55:58
here that you can rely on. Versus control is typically
56:02
something that usually thrives within chaos because again, it
56:05
allows you to be the fixer of all the problems.
56:09
So things that you could look at would be do you need to upgrade?
56:12
Maybe SO. PS do you need to adjust or
56:15
refine some of your teamwork flows?
56:17
Do you need to create better onboarding videos for clients?
56:19
If they're not, you know, super clear as to what they're
56:22
supposed to be doing and how they're supposed to be doing it.
56:24
If there's things that you need to communicate, it's your job to
56:27
set those standards, those processes and those systems in
56:30
place. And lastly, you need to embody
56:34
the energy in which you want to lead from and you cannot command
56:39
a business ACEO while you're thinking like a scrappy, kind of
56:44
like a one off hobby or a one off contractor.
56:48
And just like I'm going to do this one off project or one off
56:50
contract, right? Like if you want to run
56:53
something that's like a company and ecosystem a business, you
56:57
have to think about it as such versus how you would do it if
57:00
you were scrappy and figuring it out on your own.
57:02
You have to become the person who understands the role that
57:06
you play within your business. So you have to realize, I don't
57:09
control, but I do set the tone of our expectations.
57:13
I do not chase, but I do invite. I don't micromanage, but I do
57:18
guide with clarity, right? So you want to remember that on
57:25
a deep level. And we always talk about, right,
57:28
like the idea that they're really their strategy.
57:31
But then there's also the way that that synergy exists in your
57:35
embodiment. So a lot of people want to see
57:38
the outcomes of what a commanding energy is within
57:40
their business, but they also don't want to do the work to
57:43
say, am I showing up in a way that would produce those
57:48
results? And if you're not showing up in
57:50
a way that would produce those results, then of course, you're
57:53
going to always struggle. And the issue is not the
57:55
strategy, it's your embodiment. And to, I guess, put it in
57:59
simpler terms, if you want your team to feel like they can run
58:03
with things, they need to know that you trust them to run with
58:07
something. If you want your clients to be
58:10
self LED, they need to know and see your embodiment, which is
58:14
the fact that you require and you expect them to be self LED.
58:18
Meaning there's this is not a babysitting program.
58:21
I'm going to be showing up in a way that causes you to really
58:25
step into the version of you that you are ready and wanting
58:28
to become when you are embodied. And that sounds like a very woo
58:34
word, I know. But when you're embodied, it
58:37
means that the things that you say and the things that you tell
58:40
people you believe are actually what you have integrated within
58:43
your behavior. And so when you put it in your
58:46
behavior, you have alignment between your words and your
58:50
thoughts and your beliefs with your actions.
58:52
So there's no like what she says one thing and she does another.
58:55
And we want to remember that there's also there's two ways
58:59
that people learn from us, which is the way that they're taught.
59:02
So what we tell people to think. And then there's the other side,
59:05
which is what is caught, which is what people watch us do.
59:09
And you want to remember as a leader and as ACEO that there's
59:11
there's two things that we kind of have to keep in control at
59:15
all times, which is the fact that some people are going to be
59:18
taught your beliefs, They're going to be taught what you
59:22
think, they're going to be taught what you want them to
59:25
have a standards. And then there's the moments
59:28
where you're not speaking at all and you're operating and you're
59:30
making decisions and you're doing things and they're
59:33
catching the way in which you move.
59:37
And so there's like a witnessing of the embodiment versus what
59:40
they're telling you to embody. So like I can tell you to be AB
59:43
and C, but it's different if you and I are together somewhere and
59:48
you're seeing me do those things in real time without saying a
59:52
word as to why I'm doing them. You would witness somebody,
59:55
you'd watch somebody operate a certain way versus telling you,
59:59
hey, go be this way. And that's important because
1:00:02
your clients see that, your audience sees that within
1:00:04
marketing, and your team also sees that as well.
1:00:07
Now when you start to step into this, because my hope is that by
1:00:11
learning all of this today that you will start to really take
1:00:14
some of these and put them into the day-to-day practices for
1:00:17
yourself. In the way that you show up, in
1:00:19
the way that you operate in business.
1:00:20
You're going to see clients are going to respect your time way
1:00:23
more and they're going to be really intentional about the way
1:00:26
in which they navigate with you inside your services.
1:00:29
Sales are going to feel cleaner. They're going to feel less
1:00:32
effortful, less strenuous. You're going to feel like things
1:00:35
are closing and it's not such a strain to get them to close.
1:00:38
Your team's going to perform better.
1:00:39
You're going to feel like they're more in line, and also
1:00:43
with that, that they're more empowered to kind of take their
1:00:45
individual departments or areas and really take it and run with
1:00:48
it. You will stop being the
1:00:50
bottleneck in your business, which is the most exciting thing
1:00:53
because it means that you're not any longer going to be the cap
1:00:56
of the reason that you're not growing and you're going to
1:00:59
attract more aligned opportunities.
1:01:02
The thing that I would say has been the difference in like
1:01:06
leading a certain way within business is the fact that things
1:01:10
start to kind of fall into my ecosystem as a result of showing
1:01:14
up that way. As a result of leading that way,
1:01:16
there was different opportunities that came forward
1:01:19
for me because people were like, great, we want that energy for
1:01:23
our room to go to a speaking engagement or we want that
1:01:25
energy for our our community to do a guest training.
1:01:28
We want that energy on our podcast to have you on as a
1:01:31
guest. And so things like those
1:01:33
opportunities are also going to come from, again, the presence
1:01:37
and the energy that you have in the way in which you show up and
1:01:39
interact. So today is really an
1:01:44
opportunity for you to first check in and ask yourself, do I
1:01:49
feel like I'm operating maybe from control a little bit here?
1:01:52
And if I am to start to flex some of these muscles when it
1:01:56
comes to commanding energy versus controlling energy and
1:02:00
realizing that as we step more into a command energy versus
1:02:04
needing to control everything, you're going to see things shift
1:02:08
in your business. And that by doing this, it's not
1:02:11
going to happen overnight, but you will see, I will tell you in
1:02:14
a matter of three, six, even nine months, you're going to see
1:02:16
a very different experience within your business.
1:02:18
And that's because you are showing up in a different way,
1:02:22
which is just your behavior and the behavior of everybody around
1:02:25
you because of that. So I would say, you know, if
1:02:27
you're one of those tactical type of people, how do I
1:02:29
integrate this? You want to remember that this
1:02:31
really starts with the work that you're going to do on yourself.
1:02:34
This is not going to start just your clients or just with your
1:02:36
team. It actually has to start with
1:02:38
you because you have to have full clarity of what it means to
1:02:42
command in your business before you can ever really start to put
1:02:45
that into tactics like setting standards, onboarding,
1:02:47
offboarding, SOP's and all those, you know, more micro type
1:02:51
pieces. So I hope today was helpful for
1:02:54
you and I'm really excited to see the way that this allows you
1:02:56
to show up in this next wave within your business.
1:03:00
And this is an invitation. This is not a critique.
1:03:02
This was really today an awareness to bring it to the
1:03:05
surface of which you are and to invite this new way in which you
1:03:08
want to lead within your business.
1:03:09
And so, as always, if there's something that maybe landed for
1:03:12
you today and you feel like, you know, there was maybe an area of
1:03:15
your business that you kind of had some realizations.
1:03:17
OK, wow, I realize I really am trying to control in this area.
1:03:20
Or maybe we even just enlisting today, have decided that there's
1:03:22
in an area that you really want to start to, you know, embody
1:03:26
more commanding energy and less of that control.
1:03:29
Reach out. I would love to hear from you in
1:03:30
the DMS. My DMS are always open.
1:03:32
So if there's anything that I can support with or if you just
1:03:34
even want to share some downloads that you had today,
1:03:36
please feel free to do so. I'd love to hear from you.
1:03:38
But with all that being said, I will see you on the next
1:03:41
episode. And, as always, stay ambitious.