Latest / High Five Hot Mess Podcast / I Love My Life. Why Do I Want to Run Away from Home at 55?
Transcript
- High Five Hot Mess Podcast: Five hot mess podcast, it's gonna be okay. We're fine. So I had a go bag. Not like a hurricane go bag, a leave my life go bag. Packed at work, socks, underwear, a little bit of money, and a burner phone, just in case I ever needed to pick up everything in my life and just disappear. For years I thought this must be about needing a plan B. Like having a having a bug out plan. But after about a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in therapy and a little bit of time to kind of really pull apart why somebody would have a bag, which number one, my therapist told me that's not normal, which came as a surprise to me because I thought everyone had to go bag at work just to escape their lives and run away from home as a grown ass adult. ⁓ apparently they don't. So that was a big lesson number one. Number two, we really talked about why I would feel the need to constantly have a plan B. And when we dissected everything about it, it really became about the other Lisa. The Lisa that sits in her car at the grocery store for an extra 15 minutes just to listen to a comedy podcast, laugh my ass off before I have to pack my stuff up and go back home and be everything to everyone. And it's recently occurred to me that I didn't really leave a lot of room in my life. For the car Lisa. It was really all about the Lisa that was, you know, a wife, a friend, a worker, someone's boss, someone's employee. It was never just about me and what I wanted to do. So at 55, I'm just now figuring out how to let her exist outside of the car. This is high five hot mess, and we're talking about performing a life versus actually living one. And I definitely want to bring in our partner in crime on this week's podcast. So let's go ahead and we're gonna get into it. Hey Lisa Smith. Hey, how are you? Good. I mean, I'm having some deep moments this week. It's been a wild week. I always say the entropy poss persists, but so do I. How's your week been? You know, my week actually has been really good. I have, you know, had some really busy days at work, which I love. I I you know me, when I can be busy, I That's where I thrive. So yeah. Yeah, it's it's been great. Actually, really, really great. How about you? Good. I mean, I think I'm a little punch drunk. It's been a it's been a lot happening. Right. So you guys listen, like this week's episode is if you like wake up on a Tuesday and suddenly wonder where all these people came from in your life, that this episode is for you. So in my week this week, have you ever been in a meeting and you start, you know, coughing? And then it feels like you kind of broke character, or are you always like you're always Lisa in every room? Pretty much the same per I would say I'm the same person that you see at work, you're gonna see at home. Those characteristics just like they follow me. Good or bad? Yeah. Good or bad. So for me, it's definitely not that way. Like I will be in a meeting and I will say something and be like, ooh, I shouldn't have said that. Because you can see their faces. Like You know? I always like joke around like don't scare the straights, you know? But like yeah, so I was, you know, scrolling Instagram like I always do. I mean, you guys I really do live outside of Instagram, but I just every once in a while you see something either on TV or you're reading a book and it just stops you in your tracks. Yeah. So I saw this thing this week where it was like this person realizes that they built this life for everyone else. And they're kind of walking around in this other life that was not built for them. Right. It got I got choked up when I read it. Like, and I'm like, I don't know what I'm going through, but I think, you know, I need to I need to think about this because I don't know how one person can be so grateful for your life, but still also feel like, I don't know how I got here. You know? I think it's fair to say that many people probably have those moments of kind of like, I mean, I know I have over the last couple of years of completely changing so much about my environment. Yeah. ⁓ and I wonder how I got here at this point in my life, right? Like for for the for the better. And and then there's some things that were left behind that I miss. ⁓ so yeah, I wonder like where like 30 years went, you know? I mean Yes, I do know. Like we've talked about this before. Like I don't know how I got into retail. Like I don't know how I got into theater in college. It's almost like I just fell into these things, you know? Yeah. It wasn't like anything that I was just like driven from like being a child and like this these are the things I want to do. As a child go, I want to be i in a work in a retail store. I mean that's that's Fair to say and it is it is a good career. I'm I'm not knocking it at all. I had it for long time, but ⁓ but it's fair to say that you do kind of fall into it. I think both of us were not planning to be in that career. ⁓ it just became too hard to leave. I mean, I think you're definitely right. I mean, we were definitely had those golden handcuffs on, and I think we still do. But one of the things that that was in this article that I saw, this story that I saw for 4.5 seconds. It has now become my whole personality. Is did you become who you became in order to survive? Are you like a character in a story in order to survive? And I really feel that way. Like I love my husband and I love my house and I love my job and I love my friends. But I honestly feel like I'm kind of an imposter and like I don't know that it in if If I could go and be left alone for a year where I didn't do anything, I'd do whatever came my way. Like I don't know. I don't know what I would do. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like I would be selling she seashells on the ocean or something because someone's like, hey, I need someone to sell these shells. Are you interested? And I'm like, I guess so. Like that's okay. Yeah. Sounds good. Amazing. That's how I've gotten where I am. So like if you didn't have to do anything for a year, what would you do? Like, do anything like Do anything for someone else or do anything or work or if nobody expected anything from you for one year, what would you do? I'd I'd probably f have FOMO. I'd probably feel left out. I'd probably feel that I like being needed. I think there's just a balance of like the overuse of needing me for things. But if nobody expected anything of me or nobody asked me to help with anything. I don't know where my place would be. You'd be with me selling seashells. You'd be calling me up. Get out here. Like, let's paint the let's let's paint the shells. And then you go to this side of the island. I'll go to this side of the island. We'd have that all worked out in like no time. We would. ⁓ what is something people think you love the actually drains you? my gosh. I honestly think that people think that I love to be like a caretaker. It's a my fear. And we know that is not you. Like I mean me. And I love people. Yeah. And I love family and I love friends, but and I am kind. But I I have a fear of certain things and that is one of them. And I think people think that I'm just ready to go. And that I mean, this has come up, you know, recently where it's like, ⁓ that's actually not like my gem. Like I'll I'll do finance stuff or yeah, organizing or cleaning or whatever. But I can do that. I can do that for my child and that is that's I think people misunderstand that what I have limits and that's just because I'm and I think that is the crux of my whole life. Just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I want to do it. Yes. Yes, that's a great way to put it. Because I could do it. I could I could painfully get through it, but Lisa, I I it's actually a it I'm learning it's actually a fear of mine. Like well, we're gonna talk about that towards the end because I have an idea that I'm gonna try to do for us. ⁓ that I think will help us maybe abate some of those fears. ⁓ I don't think there's anything that people think I love. I'm very vocal. Yes. I think I think you you pretty much say what you like and what you don't like, but let's hear it. So so my parking lot behavior is when I want to just be myself, just let it all hang out. Because you know, remember, you guys, I mean, this is not just me. My poor husband, he lives with me 247. We live in the same house. We work in the same house. We go to all the same places all the same time. So like there is not a moment for that poor man to just let it all hang out and not have to help me or do something for me in some way. And I'm the same way, right? So like if I go away, I'm still going to a place where I have to be this other person for someone else, right? Like I never get time really alone. So for me, it's my car. When I'm in my car, I will, I will just take drives to be alone, right? So that I can have my own thoughts and make my own decisions about what I do or don't want to do. Do you have a car behavior? Well, I have a hobby that I absolutely feel very connected to, love to do it. when I'm when I'm doing it. And I don't do it anymore. And I don't I I realized the other day that I was like, ⁓ my gosh. Like that is one thing that I would love to do. Like normally where I used to live, it was a little bit more metro and we had access to to different things. And I could just run down to you know, the floral shop and the wholesale floral shop and do some projects or whatever if I if I was getting like that yeah itch but it's floral design for me, Lisa. When I do that, I am in my own zone. Everybody leaves me alone. I it's not just about putting flowers in a vase for me. It's about figuring out complex things. So 'cause there is a there's a huge, yeah. So anyway, that's that's it for me. And I realize I don't do that anymore. And I am happy when I'm doing that. Could I make money at it? ⁓ and that's a whole other podcast. We are gonna definitely talk about how you take what you love doing every day and put it in its proper place in your life. Yeah. ⁓ because it can't all be about, I mean, don't let my husband hear this, but it can't be all about earning money, right? It has to be about all the other p parts of you. Like this week Claude told me that I need to get out and live life if I want to improve the podcast. ⁓ like who's got time for life, Claude? That's all I do now. I'm bringing up So listen, Claude's not wrong, but I will say that I have two fun questions that I put in here that I want to ask. Okay. So who you or me, who do you think would survive off grid longer? Not you. Like, you would you would you would die just because you got dropped off. I would run into the cliff. Yeah, you would just be like, Where is the next cliff I can just jump off of? Because I am not doing this. I'm not gonna fight for aspirin at CVS, okay? Like I'm running into the cloud. So you. The answer is you would survive longer. I would absolutely survive longer. Okay, and then the next one, who would be more likely to join a cult retreat? You. I would thousand percent. I would. But here's my angle. I would be gaming to be the cult leader at the end of day one. You'd be like, I can do this better. I can do this. So you guys like that is like if you don't know me and you're a cold audience member, you need to know that when I enter any environment, I'm immediately thinking how I can take over. Yes. It's just my natural go-to state where if if I'm in your colt, just you should have someone tasting your food and water because you're gonna be out by the end of the day. But you know what, Lisa? It's so interesting because you appear to be an extrovert on the outside. Around your friends, around at work. There's but you're really not. You really want to be alone. And you don't come across that way at all. But and I think that that's a really good point, Lisa. Thank you for bringing that up to me because that is the difference between performing your life and living it. Right? Like I have been trained from a small child to perform to make everyone around me happy and make meet everyone's needs. But no one really took care of what Lisa needed to do to be happy, even though that and I think that's why I'm so vocal about what I'm happy about, what I'm not happy about, you know, and I'm not an unhappy person. I love my life. I love I got I hit the fucking jackpot with my husband and not for a second do I ever think that I did not. But I'm sure like it's still weird and that I kind of just am like, how did I get here? I'm really an introvert, but 99% of my day I spend as an extrovert. It's exhausting. Yeah, and it would be exhausting. But see, I think I think what's also exhausting on the flip side though, Lisa, is I don't ever shut off. So I'm the same high intensity person at work that I am at home. I don't there that doesn't change. So it's actually it's actually hard for me too, because I n I'm I'm the same person. I get that. And that would be exhausting. Wicked because I don't ever like I don't I don't have a different care like a character. I'm the same person, but I but that means I'm burning at both ends for sure because I never shut off. That's a like Lisa. That's exhausting. Yes. That's not good. It's not good. We need to go do some flower arrangements, but and and start a cult. ⁓ there is a I mean, it would be rad. I've been talking about starting my own cult since like what the early two thousands. Yeah. Yeah. I'm missing my calling. All right, we'll talk about that in a minute. So there's a massive cultural shift happening. So when I started doing some deep diving into performing your life versus living your life, and again, you guys, if you're somebody who constantly eats food that you hate because no one in your family will eat the dinner you like, this is also about you, right? Like, like when are you? living and eating what you want to, right? If it's in your car while you're alone, which I know women do that. I have friends that do that. Let's assess, right? But so anyway, so I'm deep diving into the the Reddit pages and deep diving into this whole concept. And I notice that there there's a lot of chatter about people feeling like they're performing these roles we're talking about, those people that, you know, are fantasizing about, you know, either doing like cottage core. Or they're living in a tiny house. Or like they're they're going from all of these demands and things and stuff to nothing. Like one plate, one spoon, one plate. Minimalist life. I couldn't. I'm more maximalist for sure. I could not. And and it's a it's a lifestyle that a lot of people really love. And there's a huge movement behind it. So there's nothing wrong with it. For me personally, I couldn't do it. Well, and there's like a new phrase called soft life. Which is like this very gentle way of like being yourself in your existing life, which I thought that was cool and something I need to think about. Bare minimum Mondays, slow living, tiny houses, quitting corporate jobs, growing tomatoes and disappearing into like disappearing from society, which really goes back to my go back, right? Like I really thought in my head that when I was like, that's it, I'm done. I'm gonna go to work. Get my bag 'cause I that was where I hid it. It's like so weird how our brains work. And I had like gift cards in there for cash and a burner phone with my sister in law's phone number written on it, because it was the only one I wouldn't be able to remember if I didn't have my cell phone, which could be tracked. Because remember, I'm disappearing. That's true. That is true. And my therapist asked me, she's like, Where would you go? I'm like, I don't know, work in a field. She's like Lisa, you wouldn't have 10 minutes. She's like, Do you really think you could work in a field all day? I'm like, Well, no. And I was like, but I could do like house cleaning. I could do work in a hotel. And she's like, you have not thought this out. So that tells me this is not like a serious plan that you are just you are getting ready for something that is likely not going to happen. Let's talk about why. Which I thought was. Really good. So then we we spent like seven months talking about that. I won't bore you guys with it here. But the theme of people fantasizing about living a totally different life than the one that they live is a big trend right now. Like yeah, it's all over the place. So Lisa, let me ask you. Yeah. If you could do anything at all where you were your true authentic self, what would you do? Like what career would you own? A coffee shop? Would you own a bookstore? Would you do an alpaca farm? Like, what would you do? ⁓ I've thought a lot about that as I had a pretty, you know, major transition in my life recently. And like, what do I what do I want to do? Like, this is a time where I could just figure it all out. Well, it's not always that easy, but ⁓ but yeah, those times where you're like, hey, this is what like I picture my ideal life looking like. I would live in Carmel. California. Mm-hmm. I would do Pilates in the morning. I'd live by the I'd live by the water. That's a for sure thing. I'd live by the water. I'd live in Carmel. That is my happy place. And I would I'd probably own a little floral shop, I think. I would that I could close whenever I wanted. Because I would I would have it because I wanted to. I wouldn't have it because I need to. It wouldn't be my income. It would be my hobby. Right. yeah. I think so. I think I would do something like that. I know what my house would look like in my mind. I know I know what my friends me and my friends would do. I know where we'd eat. We'd eat so much. Wow. Love. You've really thought about ⁓ I have. I have, I actually have a picture. I have it in my office. I've had it in my office for how I don't even know how many years. Yeah. And I have it also on my fridge. And it is a picture like I'm gonna live there one day. I know it. Same picture and I've had it and I carry it around with me everywhere I go. So Lisa, I want nothing more for you than to make that fantasy life happen. I don't have one. What? I r I don't have a fantasy li I mean, like I have the outrageous like I want to be a cult leader. Like I've always wanted to be a cult leader, but I think that's just me wanting to be in control 'cause I have a trauma ⁓ of never being in control. So I don't think that that's a real thing. I can't think of anything that I would want that I don't already have. And I can't think of anywhere I'd rather live than where I live right now. I mean, of course, like I would love to be in Spain, but I think Spain would get old 'cause there's no target. Yeah. I mean, I need a target in my life. I mean, I know that, you know, my son's gonna go off to college and you know, he's gonna be going to a bigger city, I'm sure. And that's just the that's the speed that I wanna be at. Okay. That's the that's the life speed, that's the community speed. It's very it's affluent, but it's also It it's also very welcoming too. So anyway, I've thought a lot about it for many, many years. I cannot believe you don't have a fantasy life besides meeting a cult. Everyone has their thing that they watch. So I love dance and I love ice skating and I love, you know, all the different like hip hop dance movies. I've seen them all. ⁓ I absolutely wish that I could have been like a kung fu assassin. Like I admire those things, right? Like I really admire them. Here is my idea of a fantasy life is I love hip hop. I love dance. I love professional dancers. I could watch them all day long. I also love to dance. So I asked my gym teacher to let me use the studio for just dance class. And she was like, With who? I'm like, with me. And she's like Just me myself. You're just gonna dance. I'm like, that's it. She's like, I feel like this is a genius idea, but I'm just worried about the execution. So then I'm like were you just gonna go in there and like shake it in front of the scene. Right? I love choreographing dances in my mind. Like when I have downtime, I do one of two things with my brain. One, I write in my book, so I tell myself these stories that I've been telling myself for a hundred years and I add on to them based on new music that I love. Or I come up with like a choreographed dance. Like, so you think you can dance like that? Okay. And so I was like, Yeah, no, I'm good. She's like, Okay. And she's like Here's how the stereo works. I'm like, okay. And she's like closing the door. She's like, You're good? I'm like, I'm good. I don't need any help. I'm set. So I put in the song that I have been like envisioning this specific dance steps to for I don't know how long. Okay. And I start and then I get like a two minutes into it. I'm like, this is exhausting. And I have no rhythm. Like, no rhythm at all. And I made the mistake of telling all my friends what I was gonna do. And they were all like, That's so cool. Good for you. Just getting your vibe on. And of course they all wanted to know how it went. And I was like, not well. Like it did like cannot move my body in real life. How I can move my body in my head. I need a stand in. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I was like, yeah. And then I'll tell another quick story. So I I went to bar class. Everyone goes to bar class. E everyone, if you haven't taken bar classes, basically ballet moves for an hour that make you want to die. And by the time, you know, I'm very fit, much more than I am now. And I wanted to go to a bar and there was a special session. And I was like, Can I take it to the instructor that owned the studio that I was at? She was like, Have you had it before? And I'm like, No. And she's like, I'm not sure this is your class. And I like took it personally. I'm like, I took dance when I was a kid. Like, I think I think I'd be okay in a bar class. Like I'll just be in the back. And she was like, okay. So I go in, I go into this bar class, and I'm back near the bar, and this class is full of gazelles, some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. And they all look like ⁓ dance movies where there's Juilliard where the girl walks in and everyone is like this amazing dancer. Like if you have not seen all of like Central stage, all those movies, then you won't know what I'm talking about. But if you've seen any dance movie, you know the scene. Where she walks in and like looking around at all the the people there, and they all are like amazing. Flash dance, same situation. Okay, okay. Okay, so I walk in and I'm like, these guys are all like six feet tall and they all weigh two pounds and they all like look stunning. Like they have their head up in like the the ballet bun. And I'm like, Yeah. So the the back is full. I can't get into the back. So I have to get up in the front, in the middle. And I'm like, okay, like how hard could this be? Like I work out six days a week, two hours a day. Like I got this. And everyone around me is so nice to me. They're like, ⁓ is this like, are you a ballerina? And I'm like, no, I'm just I just wanted to take a bar class. And they're like, good for you. This is gonna be fun. You're gonna love it. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, these guys are way nicer than those bitches in spin. Like, way nicer. When I tell you that my legs were shaking so bad that the whole bar was shaking with me, the whole bar and these girls around me are like peer a wedding and they are like killing it. And they're like encouraging me. They're like, you can do this, don't quit. It's gonna be fine. And one of them's like trying to help me with my posture. And she's like, if you would just stand up straight, you wouldn't be in so much pain. Like don't like slump. Like stand up straight and you know, hold your stomach in. I'm like, I'm doing the best I can. And literally, like I am dying. And so at the end of I made it through though. I was I will not quit a class. And plus again, I have everyone now watching me because they're all like trying to help me. They kind of feel sorry for me, I think. And I'm like, okay, you know, well, we get to the end of the class. And the instructor's like, you know, and just another thank you to the Washington ballet for coming in and working with our new instructor. And I'm like, wait, what? What? These bitches were professional ballerinas. You were the Washington ballet. And they came to support their friend who was teaching a brand new bar class. And there's me. And leg shaking. You guys, I could not sit down for like a week. That's that's what pride will get you. So to bring it back to the whole topic of this is that in our minds, what what was our fantasy, what we think we'd be great at, I have now proven at least twice that that is not true. That just because I can do it in my head and I've watched a few movies, that does not mean in in life. So through that lens, no, I can't think of anything I would rather do. Like you do have a very beautiful life. I do. And you have a very fortunate life. I do. And you've you've you've built it. It hasn't just happened. You've built it ⁓ with a partner that you love. And ⁓ so that would I guess that would be hard to be like I want a an alternate life. But you know, some people think that their life is going to turn out a certain way. And then when it doesn't, ⁓ dot That can be kind of jarring too, right? Like I always thought I would be married f one time one time. Yeah. You know, I I thought maybe I would have you know more than one child, ⁓ or something. Like I just pictured it different. I pictured it very different. I but here we are and I wouldn't change it for anything, you know? 'Cause every experience has got us to or has got me where I am today. so I wouldn't change it. I needed those experiences and I needed those the ups and the downs to get me to today. You are where your choices have brought you. And I mean sometimes it's not good choices, bad choices, but you know. you've made those active decisions. And I and I think that that's true too. But I still feel like because I am, it's so hard for me to like exist in these worlds that I've created for myself sometimes, not pretend I'm like this other person. Like remember when we listened to the the loneliness guru and he basically told the story about the person that he was watching at work dinner? And that person was like the life of the party. Everyone loved them. I mean, that's not me, but look, I try. And the person leaned over was the person leaned over and said, I've been performing this role for so long. I don't even know who I am anymore. And I'm really worried about that. Like I don't ever want to like get to the end of my life and have regrets because I didn't I didn't pursue something or I didn't go after something or I I got along to get along. Too much. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it does. But you would have to know, Lisa, what you would want to be doing different. I don't know. Because getting to the end of your life and being like, I don't want regrets, but if you don't even know what you wish you would have done, I mean, we've been talking a lot about well, me and my son was talking about bucket lists. Mm-hmm. And because I was able to cross off a bucket list item with my aunt this past weekend. Her on her bucket list. Nice. And so we were talking about it. She was like, that's it. That's the last thing on my list. Crossed it off. I can die now. Like she was like, okay, done. Right. I was asking my son on Monday. ⁓ hey, bud, what's on your bucket list? What do you want to accomplish in life? Where or what do you Do you is there a place you want to go? Is there a vacation you want to do or a job you want to have or or whatever, a college you want to go to? And he just sat there and he was like, No. That's that's your son. Like to the T. Yeah, no, not really. And he's like, You know the career I want to go into? I will do that. And that's it, mom. Like he was like, that's it. And I'm like, so there's like, you don't want to go to Thailand, or I'm just throwing out all these random places that are not just like on our annual, you know, vacation list. Mm-hmm. And he's like, I mean, not really. Like, all these exotic things we could do. Like, do you want to jump out of a plane? No. Do you want to do no? Like, he is so content. And he knows exactly what his life is gonna look like. And he knows exactly what he how he thinks his life is going to be. And he is fine with that. He is a very zen child. He's a very zen child. Very zen. So anyway, ⁓ I think that's also something like it like do you have a bucket list items that you maybe want to continue to, you know. cross off that maybe you'll find some sort of spark in doing that, Lisa. Maybe that I mean, maybe. I'll tell you the the thing that I'm doing that has given me a spark, like that's like literally all I want to do is this podcast. Because I've learned so much and I'm it takes so much energy and time. It's so much work. It is so much work and but it's all I want to do. Like I You're doing it all too. You are you are you are doing all of it and you're killing it and you are you're learning more than we learned in seven ⁓ months. You've learned in three. ⁓ and then they changed everything on us. And then they changed everything on us. So I mean, you have you have done an an incredible job. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. And I appreciate that. And I mean, we will definitely eventually get to a behind the scenes so you guys can all see what we're talking about. But it is it is all consuming. It's but it's like it is a love project. Like it's all I really want to do. Like my husband comes in here and drags me away from the computer, like to go out and get some air. And he was like, Why why don't we go do this? I'm like, I don't want to do that. I'm busy. He's like, You've been in here for like six hours. Like, let's let's go take a drive. Let's go drink some water. And I'm like, Yeah. Fine. Like but it's it's all that it's good to have something that I feel like is mine that I enjoy doing that I could share with you that we get to do. But here's a good question. Do you ever feel like people only know the capable version of you? yes. I would say yes. I would say yes a thousand percent. I don't think people get to see the like the scared version or the The funny version, Lisa, you're very funny. You crack me up all the time. I know why. But I don't think people see a lot of the version. They see the operational leader version all the time. See. We both definitely s like operate differently. Like I am I feel like I perform more than I don't. You feel like you don't perform at all ever. So we're both always not good. Right. And so it's like, yeah, it's how do we get this way? Right. Like what in our lives made this happen this way? And I think that sometimes people are fantasizing about these wild other careers and these other things that they want to do, not because they hate their lives, but because they don't know where they fit in their life today. I'm not exhausting all the performing all the time is exhausting. Not performing and being on all the time is exhausting. Yeah. So of course we're gonna fantasize and find like carve out space in our brains for like these alternate lives that we're gonna live. I mean, we know that mine is is not gonna be dance. ⁓ but you know what are you gonna do, right? ⁓ a brunch with the ladies. Correct. We wanna yeah. All the things. Exactly. So I think that part of like also living like the fantasy life and and trying to come together. is you have to be authentic, right? And you and I have focused a lot on being positive and authentic and experiencing our lives and living them in the moment rather than decart decompartmentalizing everything into how it serves something, right? Yeah. So this is a perfect bridge into the hunt for the high five. So what is your high five moment this week? I had an opportunity to go to a a concert. with my aunt this past weekend. So fun it was so fun. I had a blast. I love concerts anyway. ⁓ but this was a this was a band I normally don't listen to, but it was a blast. And it was so fun because I think for a lot of a lot of time, like she hasn't wanted to go because they're, you know, she's old, you know, like Yeah. There it's a younger band and she's older. Like we've kind of talked about that, you know? Yeah. But she really loves this music. Go, let's go. She was her authentic self. She showed up. Everybody was so kind, so nice. And it was just a good time. It was so good to connect with her. ⁓ that and I walked across that crazy bridge from the stadium. I was trying to avoid that bridge. with the thousands of people. I was like, I'm no, I'm I can't do it. And then I'm like, all of a sudden, I'm like, we gotta do it. We gotta go. So so yeah, we made the we made the bridge walk with like sixty thousand other people. So Nice. Yeah, so that's my high five. I I was really nervous to actually do that and I did it and it was great. What was your high five moment? So my high five this week was I started reading that book that I talked about a month ago. So I finally opened my brand new JR Award book. Because the thing is when I read, you guys, I go all in. Like I can't participate in anything else. And I can't be in here doing this all day and then out there reading all night. I'd my husband be like, Hello, where are you? Yeah. ⁓ this week I was finally like, okay, in the in the theme of living my life and not performing it, I'm going to make room for everything. And I did. So I started reading and it you guys had so good and it makes me so happy that literally right now I'm sitting here excited for when we're done because I can go read. Like because I love doing this, but I also love doing that. I've been very lucky this week. ⁓ it's been a lot at work, ⁓ and it's been a lot at home, like good stuff, but it's all just, you know, stuff. You guys, we all do so much, and I don't think we give ourselves credit for it enough. Just to kind of wrap us up and get us back to the the beginning, I feel very much like my life, if I had to say, is 90% performing, 10% living. Lisa, you think you're a hundred percent living, no performing. I'm I am who I am at work and I am who I am at home. It's the same person. Yep. So you guys that are listening, I want you guys to respond to your homework this week is to let us know. What version of your life are you living versus what version of your life are you performing? Are you cool with that? Do you wish it was different? Is there a fantasy career that you wish you had that you just want to tell somebody about? put it in our chat. If you guys listen to us on Apple or Spotify, make sure that you You know, rate the podcast or share it. That helps a lot. If you have somebody who you're like, girl, you need this episode because you are not living your life that you should be living, send them this episode. And we'll make sure that we include everything that we can in our DMs. With that, you guys, please make sure that you hydrate, you unclench jaw, you roll your shoulders back and go high five somebody. Thanks, guys. Bye. Bye.