Latest / Sip Happens / Kid's Birthday - Episode 4

Transcript

Kid's Birthday - Episode 4 · Sip Happens

• 0:00
  I'm Alexandra. I am Lynn.
• 0:02
  I'm Rose. And this is Sid Happens.
• 0:05
  We wanted to just give you a heads up.
• 0:07
  This podcast is all for fun and entertainment.
• 0:10
  We are sharing our own thoughts and stories, not professional
• 0:14
  advice. So relax, enjoy and don't take
• 0:17
  us too seriously. Let's get this started.
• 0:20
  Welcome to Sid Happens. What's in your cup today?
• 0:23
  I have some Africa tea. I have some grape juice with
• 0:28
  water. And I have.
• 0:30
  Coffee. Thank.
• 0:31
  You to you, Lynn, I appreciate. It you're very welcome.
• 0:34
  Welcome ladies. What's in our cup today?
• 0:36
  What are we talking about? One of the topics that's been in
• 0:38
  my mind has actually been birthdays.
• 0:41
  Birthday planning because my first is turning 4 and I'm in
• 0:48
  that planning mode where I don't want a party but I do want to
• 0:53
  celebrate. So it's kind of like a blend of
• 0:56
  the two. But I recently learned that when
• 0:59
  you do get an invite, then OSVP, even if you're not showing up,
• 1:04
  you should always OSVP. What are your thoughts on that
• 1:07
  guys? Always knew about that on this
• 1:10
  civil play. So you answer whether you're
• 1:12
  coming or you're not coming. You guys should see Rosie's
• 1:16
  face. That's what that means.
• 1:20
  You got to respond. I speak.
• 1:21
  French, I should know this. I know that, but I didn't
• 1:24
  realize you had to respond. I assumed if I'm not showing up,
• 1:29
  that meant no. So do you know how many birthday
• 1:32
  parties that I've been invited to this year alone for Omari and
• 1:36
  I just I'm we're not going to be there and then we just don't
• 1:40
  show up. So now I feel bad because my
• 1:43
  friend called me out on it and I'm like, what is this an
• 1:45
  expectation? Like I can't be the only one,
• 1:48
  right? I did not know that if I don't
• 1:50
  respond it's because I'm not going.
• 1:52
  But apparently I did it correctly because I told you I
• 1:55
  am not going to be able to go on Omari's birthday by RSVP, my
• 2:00
  husband and my son, because they will be able to go.
• 2:03
  But I didn't know that was the expectation.
• 2:05
  It was just like, no, I'm not going, so I'm not responding.
• 2:07
  I feel so bad y'all, I feel bad. Bad new information.
• 2:10
  I guess RSVP is not like a German thing.
• 2:13
  So when I saw it the very first time I didn't know what it
• 2:15
  meant. So I asked some of that buddy
• 2:18
  and they told me RSVP means respond a civil play and it
• 2:22
  means that you're expected to answer whether you're coming or
• 2:26
  not. That's why they put RSVP on a
• 2:30
  invitation. So.
• 2:31
  I put it on all my invitations. See about weddings though, like
• 2:34
  you know how many weddings they haven't responded to?
• 2:36
  Like don't count me in, don't order a plate for me.
• 2:39
  You see weddings you do I expect that you.
• 2:43
  Should sometimes they don't have a yes or no, but they don't have
• 2:46
  that check box. I just don't respond.
• 2:48
  Presume I'm not. Yeah, again, I did not know that
• 2:53
  was the thing. And I feel so bad for all the
• 2:55
  invites that I received. I'm for Omari's classmates and I
• 2:59
  just, I knew the time or whatever the case, I knew we
• 3:02
  were not coming. I just didn't respond.
• 3:04
  And then I see them the next day or at school and I'm just like,
• 3:07
  all is well. And now I feel bad because I'm
• 3:09
  like, Oh my gosh, they're probably thinking I'm I'm that
• 3:12
  mom that just don't respond to things, that's all.
• 3:14
  You may not get invited if you. Look at it.
• 3:16
  I start apologizing. It's like OK, only one third is
• 3:20
  not responding well, 1/3 is responding.
• 3:24
  So maybe everybody like 1/3 of population thinks you have to
• 3:27
  respond yes or no. The majority like you both think
• 3:31
  you only respond if you're coming.
• 3:33
  So we. Might need a poll on this.
• 3:34
  We need a call on. Good idea, See.
• 3:38
  Yeah, check out who's actually responding to No, Chris.
• 3:41
  I guess by the sound of it, people just respond with a yes.
• 3:44
  That's what I was thinking. I'm sure we're not the only ones
• 3:47
  that why. Again, my son is done before and
• 3:50
  I'm just not realizing this so. I'm thinking I don't even take
• 3:54
  count of who said yes. I'm still planning for more
• 3:57
  people if that makes sense. I'm planning for whoever I
• 4:00
  planned for or I invited, whether they come or not.
• 4:03
  This year, because we're doing our ice cream socials again,
• 4:06
  something small, I didn't want to party.
• 4:08
  I didn't want to do all of the things, but I still wanted to
• 4:10
  celebrate. And he's at that age where he's
• 4:13
  requesting friends and I wanted to honor that, You know, of
• 4:16
  course, Mama's heart here. So I've been asking, OK, who do
• 4:19
  you want? And now I'm feeling bad.
• 4:21
  Identified the whole class because I always get an invite
• 4:23
  and all the feelings. But we decided we're going to do
• 4:27
  an ice cream social. I really like the idea.
• 4:29
  Just stop by, we'll be there for two to three hours, get a scoop
• 4:32
  of ice cream, wish him happy birthday.
• 4:34
  No expectation that allows him to play with his friends.
• 4:37
  Probably will bring some bubbles.
• 4:38
  You know, they love bubbles. We'll be able to sit outside and
• 4:42
  enjoy and kind of call it a day. And then on his actual birthday,
• 4:45
  which is a sundae, we'll cut the cake and do all the gifts and
• 4:48
  stuff like that. So I think it's cute enough
• 4:51
  because I couldn't justify the spend because can we talk about
• 4:55
  a birthday party spending for kids nowadays?
• 4:59
  It's ridiculous. I'm all for the 1st birthday
• 5:02
  should be big, maybe the fifth one.
• 5:04
  Because yes, I do want to party for him when he turns 5 because
• 5:07
  I know you'll remember it, he'll be more involved.
• 5:11
  But right now I feel like I can wing it.
• 5:12
  Like last year for his 3rd birthday we went to the zoo.
• 5:15
  It was perfect. close friends got some cupcakes, it was
• 5:19
  beautiful, it was done. Mama felt rested.
• 5:21
  This year, again, I'm hoping for the best, but I do you count on
• 5:25
  those yeses because I'm like, well, I'm saying 10 people,
• 5:29
  which is really going to be like probably 15 kids right now
• 5:32
  because I felt guilty, but I couldn't invite the whole class.
• 5:35
  I'm inviting all of his close friends.
• 5:37
  And that's my tidbit on birthday right now.
• 5:39
  But can we talk about the pressure like expectations for
• 5:42
  mothers as we're planning our kids birthday?
• 5:45
  Maybe that's something you guys can chime in because I know you
• 5:47
  recently had a birthday celebration for Taggle Rosie.
• 5:50
  Yes, because I didn't listen to you with the zoo plan and I had
• 5:56
  the same thought process. We were going to do 1st birthday
• 5:59
  and then we'll do 5th birthday because by then he'll probably
• 6:02
  be in school, he'll have some friends, but somehow now we're
• 6:05
  celebrating every birthday and this third birthday was the one
• 6:09
  that we spent the most. I stopped counting at $600.00
• 6:14
  three-year old birthday because just the bouncy house alone is
• 6:17
  3. I'm sorry, 200 and then we had
• 6:20
  food and then we have this decoration plus the gifts.
• 6:24
  I, I don't know, I have a spreadsheet I meant to look at,
• 6:27
  but totally stop counting at 600.
• 6:29
  And I thought that was ridiculous because if I save 600
• 6:33
  every year for my child's future, I feel like there's more
• 6:37
  value in that. I also think they're so young,
• 6:40
  they're happy with whatever. Right, right.
• 6:43
  So was the birthday for me, for the family.
• 6:47
  That's a good. Question, is it for you or for
• 6:49
  them? He's not going to really
• 6:51
  remember. And I was also thinking like,
• 6:54
  where did this pressure come from?
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  Because when I was little, we had a little happy birthday
• 6:59
  banner, very basic, right? It was just like red, green and
• 7:02
  blue, very basic plastic cover, grocery cake.
• 7:06
  And I was happy. All I cared about was the gifts
• 7:08
  and the friends that I was going to play with.
• 7:10
  But then when did these big birthdays become a thing where
• 7:13
  they look like like the sweet sixteens.
• 7:17
  Why? So we say quinceaneros in Puerto
• 7:18
  Rico. So I get confused.
• 7:20
  But now they do balloon arches and themes and goodie bags and
• 7:24
  it's just like, what? I blame social.
• 7:26
  Media. I think it's social media all.
• 7:29
  Right, because it's for me growing up, even in Haiti, first
• 7:32
  of all, my mom baked. So all of our cakes she made,
• 7:35
  she made it from scratch right at home.
• 7:37
  That was like, OK, mom's baking us a cake.
• 7:39
  And then we had friends and stuff that came over and
• 7:41
  celebrated, but that kind of was it.
• 7:44
  So this big celebration, of course, I, this is where I think
• 7:47
  this is for us ish. Like, I could see the excitement
• 7:51
  of my husband through the celebration and have people that
• 7:54
  commemorates and enjoy. And then it comes to the gifting
• 7:58
  and all the toys, and I'm like, yeah, but he's not even playing
• 8:01
  with it all at once. I have to hide it.
• 8:03
  It's a whole process. But yes, you're right, Lynn.
• 8:05
  I think it's social media. I definitely think so because
• 8:08
  back in the days we didn't make a big fuss about taking pictures
• 8:13
  and making it look presentable. It's just all about having fun,
• 8:16
  having the family over having the birthday cake.
• 8:19
  I think birthday cakes is a universal thing.
• 8:21
  Everyone wants to get together, sing happy birthday.
• 8:23
  I found out this year that my teenager doesn't care about the
• 8:27
  birthday cake and the singing. She wants to do what she wants
• 8:30
  and the birthday cake is like, you guys want to do that.
• 8:33
  So that's something new to me. I didn't think that that ever
• 8:37
  stops, but I guess teenagers don't care about birthday cakes.
• 8:41
  And I asked her what kind of birthday cakes she wanted.
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  She didn't care. Was she always excited growing
• 8:46
  up? Yeah, absolutely, 100%.
• 8:48
  Birthday cakes was always a thing, but as a teenager, all
• 8:51
  she wanted to do, so it's never about it.
• 8:52
  But she doesn't want to party. She just wants her friends over
• 8:55
  and do the things that she wants to do.
• 8:57
  So she wanted to go to the bookstore or she wants to, you
• 9:00
  know, we had a couple of other things in her head, but because
• 9:03
  she went to Germany, it was not in our budget.
• 9:06
  We were thinking about she wanted to go to a race car.
• 9:09
  She didn't mention. That she wanted to go race car
• 9:12
  track, but that's like I think $4050 per head.
• 9:17
  And with her going in Germany, it was just not in our budget.
• 9:19
  So going to the bookstore and the mall, that was her birthday
• 9:24
  and she was happy and content. And then they all disappeared
• 9:26
  after the cake in her bedroom and did the girls thing playing
• 9:31
  Roblox on their phone. Whatever teenagers do nowadays,
• 9:34
  teenagers. Do right, they're socializing is
• 9:37
  sitting in a circle playing with their and laughing about it.
• 9:41
  Yeah, we've had a couple birthdays.
• 9:43
  We had Omars first and 2nd and yes, we did the whole arch
• 9:47
  thing. It was a house party.
• 9:49
  But then I don't want to say I felt pressure.
• 9:51
  No, it wasn't pressure. I was excited.
• 9:53
  I was excited to celebrate. And it's funny because now I
• 9:56
  have my second, I'm like, no, we can turn it down.
• 9:58
  And my husband's the one reminding me you can't do that
• 10:01
  because you did it for your first.
• 10:03
  You have to celebrate the 2nd. And again, Oliver, so chill is
• 10:07
  giving me that like mom, I don't care.
• 10:09
  I just you know, I know you love me kind of thing.
• 10:11
  So I think this whole celebration is definitely
• 10:14
  something for the parents as well.
• 10:16
  But those stress that involves, I remember you stressing for
• 10:19
  Thiago's birthday and me, right, the preparation, the parting
• 10:22
  gift. What is this?
• 10:24
  You're coming to the party now I have to put together goodie bags
• 10:27
  to say thank you. Oh my God.
• 10:29
  Like, where do we draw the line? Because to your point, it all
• 10:32
  cost, right, 600 a $1000. And then when I'm looking on
• 10:37
  social media, they had like a spider man theme.
• 10:39
  Then they had the people dressed up that showed up like the whole
• 10:43
  thing. Spidey, amazing kids, that Black
• 10:45
  Panther. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I want
• 10:47
  that, that the pool and I'm thinking how much?
• 10:50
  Because I think a little boy just turned 4 and I don't have
• 10:53
  that kind of money. I don't have that kind of
• 10:54
  budget. So my question is, where do we
• 10:56
  draw the line? Or is there even a line?
• 10:59
  I think we just get to the side because when she mentioned the
• 11:02
  photos, I was like, that was something that was I was
• 11:05
  stressing about, like, oh, I want to have a cute area for
• 11:07
  photos. You know who didn't care about
• 11:09
  the photo? Yeah, Fiago, right.
• 11:11
  So of course, we didn't even take nice photos that day
• 11:14
  because he's just running around.
• 11:16
  And then about a few weeks later, before we got rid of the
• 11:19
  arch, we were taking photos. So I definitely think it was
• 11:22
  more for me. I do feel a social media
• 11:25
  pressure, the family pressure, because everybody's asking are
• 11:28
  you guys going to do a birthday? But I don't think it was worth
• 11:31
  it. I had a lot of anxiety.
• 11:33
  I didn't really have fun until everybody was like fed and
• 11:36
  settled and then I started enjoying the party.
• 11:39
  That was weeks of stress and organizing.
• 11:41
  I'm not a planner. I don't know what I'm doing.
• 11:43
  So I think we just have to draw the line with whatever makes us
• 11:47
  happy and like, this is content for me and this is what I'm
• 11:50
  doing and follow through and who cares what people think?
• 11:53
  I think it's a judgement part of it.
• 11:55
  I think it the other perspective for me also is we don't have
• 11:59
  family nearby. So it's a lot of friends
• 12:01
  involved, right? Friends, family now.
• 12:03
  And I feel people that live further away, this is their
• 12:08
  chance to come see the babies or the kids growing up.
• 12:11
  I like that aspect of it. But I don't think the
• 12:13
  expectation is like a fool party, right?
• 12:16
  Then it comes down to me or my husband and I to put on a show
• 12:20
  because you know, they're traveling from however, like
• 12:23
  because I live this way and they live for 45 minutes and they're
• 12:27
  coming to spend the time, then you feel the need to do all the
• 12:30
  things to make it worth it. And I probably, if I were to ask
• 12:34
  them, like, we just wanted to see and visit you, right?
• 12:37
  But I don't know. There's just a lot of pressure
• 12:39
  because then afterwards, the introvert in me is like, I would
• 12:42
  need to recover. I need to recover from all the
• 12:44
  festivities. I'm glad everybody ate and had
• 12:46
  fun. Everybody had their goodie bags.
• 12:49
  I don't know what you're doing to do with it.
• 12:50
  It's candy and toys that I don't know if you care for, but it's
• 12:53
  there. But yeah, it's it's there's a
• 12:56
  hype. So that's what I'm looking
• 12:57
  forward to. That's what's happening.
• 13:00
  I'm getting the text from the mama's asking, well, what should
• 13:02
  we bring? And I really want to be, let's
• 13:03
  keep it simple because the holidays are coming.
• 13:06
  He's giving Christmas. So his birthday is like this
• 13:08
  fall is time where he gets all these gifts.
• 13:11
  And yes, I do hide them. And then once a month I put
• 13:14
  like, it's just a brand new toy. That's a great idea.
• 13:17
  Yeah, I've had all of the things.
• 13:18
  I think our problem a lot is that we don't delegate the
• 13:24
  things that we that we could because we try and I look at
• 13:29
  you, I know what. I'm talking about just calling
• 13:32
  us out. We trying to do everything on
• 13:34
  our own even though friends always come like what can I
• 13:38
  help? I'm good.
• 13:40
  I don't know, I got. This open in my head.
• 13:43
  Do you remember for Was it for the for?
• 13:47
  Oh yeah. Oliver's first birthday?
• 13:49
  We met here Yes in this location to do the Goody badge.
• 13:53
  Yes, you did, and we're right here.
• 13:55
  We had to make you. You wanted to do it by yourself.
• 13:58
  I kept. Offering and then.
• 13:59
  But when it comes to me I don't ask for help.
• 14:02
  It's so weird. It is so weird because yes, you
• 14:04
  guys were so nice asking like what you know, what can I help
• 14:07
  you with? What can you do that was foreign
• 14:10
  language to me because I've heard it before.
• 14:13
  And of course, as Mama's, I'm thinking, yeah, I got this.
• 14:15
  It's going to come together again.
• 14:17
  My friend Land, she keeps insisting I'm like, well, I need
• 14:20
  to, you know, not delegate. Well, delegate.
• 14:23
  I need to learn to delegate. They're offering help.
• 14:26
  They want to help me. That's another story for another
• 14:28
  day here. But my best friend always says
• 14:31
  accept the blessing, right? It's coming in different forms.
• 14:34
  Just accept it. Sometimes you saying no, you
• 14:37
  might be stopping that person's blessing.
• 14:39
  So I tried to see it in that lens, but Oh my gosh, it was
• 14:42
  such great help. We came here, had all the toys,
• 14:45
  thank you to Amazon here and had all the goodie bags.
• 14:48
  I think I have pictures of it and everything was laid.
• 14:51
  That helps them so much. It was.
• 14:54
  We have the kids here taking all the stuff.
• 14:56
  Yeah, all the. Time stuff was together.
• 14:59
  That was fun it. Was fun, we got together at the
• 15:02
  end of the day we walked away with your I don't know the bags
• 15:06
  or however. That was such great help and I
• 15:08
  needed the help as Mama was like, you know, yes, you're
• 15:11
  right. We need to learn how to
• 15:12
  delegate, accept the help, and we don't have to do it a lot all
• 15:16
  on our own. Maybe that's where the pressure
• 15:17
  is. Remove some of that pressure.
• 15:19
  I mean, you can always ask somebody, hey, can you pick up
• 15:22
  the cake? Because I remember cake story,
• 15:25
  I'll leave it for you to tell. You did I ask to pick up the
• 15:28
  cake? I don't remember.
• 15:29
  Was it your husband? I think so because I think I
• 15:32
  wanted to do all the things as well.
• 15:34
  And then last minute I was like, oh, can you also pick up the
• 15:36
  cake? Can you pick up the pizza?
• 15:38
  Can you do this? But everything is happening on
• 15:40
  the last day, on the day in the moment.
• 15:43
  But yes, I have a hard time asking for help, which makes no
• 15:46
  sense because I do like to offer help.
• 15:48
  But then I was like, it's OK. And people watch this.
• 15:50
  A lot of people want to help. You guys dove in at the party
• 15:54
  itself like, OK, what do you have?
• 15:55
  What do you want to put these things?
• 15:56
  What do you need? I have all of this stuff.
• 15:59
  And then everybody just came in and just put everything out.
• 16:01
  I was like relief, yeah, I'm good because I could just say I
• 16:05
  don't know. I don't know what to do.
• 16:07
  I don't know what what needs to be put out.
• 16:09
  And yeah. It makes me think of when you're
• 16:11
  having guests over, that was before kids, OK, and you want
• 16:13
  the house to be all clean and tidied up and you're always
• 16:16
  cleaning like the mother in laws or the parents are coming to
• 16:19
  visit and everything is dusted. That's kind of the vibe it gives
• 16:22
  that anxiety that, you know, that emotion where it's just
• 16:25
  like, OK, until it's done. I don't want them to go over
• 16:28
  like they're going to go and dust my table.
• 16:30
  They're not going to do that. But that's something we want to
• 16:32
  make. We fluff the pillows, make sure
• 16:34
  everything is up to par. Yeah, that's the pressure I
• 16:37
  feel. Honestly it makes me feel good
• 16:39
  when I go to a friends house and it's not perfect because I'm
• 16:42
  like OK it doesn't have to be perfect in my house when they
• 16:46
  come over. That's the thing I have to let
• 16:48
  go post baby though. It is something.
• 16:51
  Still working on it. I've let go of it quite a bit
• 16:53
  and then sometimes I was like, should I be?
• 16:55
  Embarrassed. No, that's just how the house
• 16:57
  looks. But.
• 16:58
  We don't have that energy anymore.
• 16:59
  No. I have a question though.
• 17:01
  So do you feel less stressed now that you're planning the ice
• 17:04
  cream party versus a home party? Yes, I like it so much better
• 17:08
  because it is at a location and then we can head back home.
• 17:12
  I do like it. Calling it like an ice cream
• 17:14
  social doesn't have that birthday celebration tied to it,
• 17:17
  which means I don't have to worry about pizza or the food.
• 17:20
  I don't have to worry about what is it like a bouncy house.
• 17:23
  Doing all of the things I'm looking forward to because I
• 17:26
  know they like ice cream and the timing is like the afternoon,
• 17:29
  not perfect. He gets to enjoy the time with
• 17:31
  his friends, which I think that's what it should really be
• 17:33
  all about. And I will get someday I'll get
• 17:36
  some balloons and like I said, the bubbles and stuff.
• 17:38
  But I'm looking forward to it because I know it's a moment
• 17:41
  that we're going to have with the other parents as well while
• 17:44
  the kids are playing outside. So more like an escape versus
• 17:48
  putting all the pressure on me. I'm I'm OK with it.
• 17:51
  I'm accepting it. So let's say she wants it for
• 17:53
  his favorite birthday. That's a win my book.
• 17:55
  I'm. Pretty sure the ad for it will
• 17:57
  be like that. I don't think I want to plan
• 17:59
  another party at home. It's stressful at home because
• 18:01
  honestly, yeah, you can't time it right.
• 18:04
  You can say the parties at two to four people are travelling
• 18:07
  for this. So then we're here till 10 PM,
• 18:10
  11:00 PM. The party never ends.
• 18:12
  You don't know how to end the party.
• 18:14
  And then you can just be like, OK, I did the thing and, you
• 18:17
  know, kind of wrap up the night. But with this, like, because
• 18:19
  we're somewhere else, because I was thinking of different areas
• 18:22
  too, like maybe do like a water park or something.
• 18:25
  You know how I I am with water right now at that age, lots of
• 18:29
  kids running around the pool. I'm like, no, I'm not there yet.
• 18:32
  So that was off my list. But I do appreciate this.
• 18:36
  They have a nice sitting area. I'm excited.
• 18:38
  The brewery down the street if they had a.
• 18:42
  Their play area. Yes, the play area set up.
• 18:44
  They probably would have been on my book too.
• 18:46
  Maybe for the 5th. Birthday.
• 18:47
  I like that place that you selected because it's also
• 18:49
  gated, right? Yeah.
• 18:51
  They have little ones running around and there's like a little
• 18:54
  tight space where people get out, but it's mostly gated.
• 18:57
  They have the Janka blocks. They do, and they have.
• 19:00
  Should be. Turfy grass.
• 19:01
  Right. Because I'm thinking of that.
• 19:03
  Yes, yes. I'm like for their protection
• 19:05
  because you know they're going to run around.
• 19:06
  I had thought about doing the birthday at splash pad, the one
• 19:10
  at Apollo, yes. And then there was just a lot of
• 19:13
  things that would come to mind, like kids falling and getting
• 19:16
  hurt and mosquitoes because Diagos birthday is in the middle
• 19:20
  of summer. And there's like mixed feedback
• 19:22
  for that. But the safety of the kids was
• 19:25
  also a concern. So the bouncy house, while fun
• 19:27
  for him, was very stressful for me because I had anxiety about
• 19:31
  somebody breaking something because I've heard so many.
• 19:33
  Stories, so many stories of the bouncy house you know you're
• 19:36
  trying to entertain. It's just a lot.
• 19:38
  Go the ice cream social route going if you can do it, I
• 19:42
  recommend. Now we want to hear from you.
• 19:44
  How do you celebrate your kids birthdays?
• 19:47
  Follow us on Spotify and then over to our Instagram account
• 19:51
  sip happens and leave a comment on our most recent post telling
• 19:54
  us if you RSVP for kids birthdays, remember it's S under
• 19:59
  score. I under score P under score
• 20:02
  happens. We'll meet you there.