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The ADHD Middle School Transition: How to Help Your ADHD Child Survive (and Actually Grow in) Middle School · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl: If you have a kiddo going from elementary school where they had one, maybe two teachers, where the teacher knows your kiddo, they know your family, they know what your kid's backpack and lunchbox look like, what their coat looks like if they leave them on the playground, pretty much like a second parent, to middle school, where they have six or seven teachers, a locker, different classrooms, different expectations, different assignments, different homeworks, more papers, more independence, more deadlines, more home hormones, and somehow we've made the message in this transition to be you need to be independent.
• 0:39
  Apryl: And all of a sudden, we've walked these kiddos to a cliff, and instead of making middle school or junior high this bridge between dependent to independence, we've kind of left them to just jump off the cliff and hope that they gain wings and fly to the other side.
• 1:06
  Apryl: So if your ADHD child is walking into middle school and you are wondering how on earth they are supposed to handle all of this, this episode is for you.
• 1:17
  Apryl: We are going to build the bridge between dependence and independence.
• 1:22
  Apryl: That's what we want to do in middle school.
• 1:25
  Apryl: And today's episode is all about how you can do that.
• 1:29
  Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to Raising ADHD.
• 1:32
  Apryl: I'm April, former classroom teacher, an ADHD parenting coach, and a mom raising my own ADHD right alongside you.
• 1:42
  Apryl: On this show, we take the research and real life and turn them into something you can actually do in your home.
• 1:49
  Apryl: Today we are talking all about the transition to middle school.
• 1:54
  Apryl: And I want to be very upfront and clear here.
• 1:57
  Apryl: Middle school is not just elementary school with bigger kids, it is a major shift in executive function demands that we place on our kiddos.
• 2:07
  Apryl: And for ADHD kids, it is one of the most difficult school transitions they face.
• 2:14
  Apryl: But here's the good news middle school is not too late.
• 2:18
  Apryl: And I actually think that middle school, if we start looking at it differently, can be a very valuable time for our kids.
• 2:28
  Apryl: I think somewhere along the way, we've lost the this perspective of what middle school is.
• 2:35
  Apryl: And it's kind of like we just hope and pray that they make make it through and get out safely on the other side, right?
• 2:41
  Apryl: But I think it's a really valuable time that we can teach our kids these skills that they need to be successful into high school.
• 2:49
  Apryl: And what's really nice is we can get all of these systems and skills.
• 2:53
  Apryl: We have a few years to implement this before grades start counting in high school and before the academic expectations increase to where, oh, this is gonna go on your transcript.
• 3:07
  Apryl: The colleges are gonna look at this, right?
• 3:10
  Apryl: And before we can catch this and set these systems in place before your child starts believing that they're simply bad at school.
• 3:20
  Apryl: So before we dive into the actual system, a few things that we're gonna walk through today.
• 3:27
  Apryl: Number one, I want to talk about this time, a period in your child's life.
• 3:33
  Apryl: Um, I want to talk about what I saw as a junior high school teacher and what I would do differently now.
• 3:41
  Apryl: I want to talk about obviously the research, which we always do, and then we're going to talk about how what the research shows and how essential you as the parent are in this time, even though this is the time where your kiddo is trying to push you away worse than probably any time in their life.
• 4:03
  Apryl: This is the most difficult time for them.
• 4:06
  Apryl: So, what can you do as a parent?
• 4:07
  Apryl: And then we are going to end the episode with a plan.
• 4:12
  Apryl: As always, we always want to create a simple plan that you can start following and start implementing to make these middle school junior high years a success for your kiddo.
• 4:25
  Apryl: Okay, so to start, I want to talk about why this is a risk point.
• 4:30
  Apryl: The research actually called this a risk point for kids with ADHD.
• 4:37
  Apryl: This is a hard transition for any kid, as we know.
• 4:42
  Apryl: I want you to know that you are not the only one struggling here.
• 4:46
  Apryl: This is this is hard for every kid.
• 4:49
  Apryl: And there have been studies that have followed children with ADHD throughout these years to see, you know, what's happening, what supports are helpful, all of those things.
• 5:01
  Apryl: And what they found was super interesting to me.
• 5:04
  Apryl: Typically, as kids get older, ADHD symptoms start to gradually decline.
• 5:10
  Apryl: They don't disappear, but they do decline.
• 5:13
  Apryl: And there's usually a developmental trajectory where inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity slowly improve with age.
• 5:22
  Apryl: But here's what was super, super interesting to me.
• 5:26
  Apryl: The transition into middle school disrupted that trajectory.
• 5:30
  Apryl: Researchers found a small but statistically significant increase in inattention hyperactivity and impulsivity right around that move to middle school.
• 5:40
  Apryl: So if you're seeing that in your kiddo, you're not crazy.
• 5:45
  Apryl: This is this is research back.
• 5:47
  Apryl: This is what they've seen in the studies that inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity may increase during this transition.
• 5:58
  Apryl: That finding held even when researchers accounted for age, treatment history, and stimulant medication use.
• 6:06
  Apryl: Here's what really stood out to me: is that kids taking medication for their ADHD did not fare better during this transition because meds don't equip kids with organizational and planning skills.
• 6:19
  Apryl: They don't automatically, here's medication, all of a sudden you have executive function skills, right?
• 6:26
  Apryl: No, medication can create more access to these skills because it helps with that attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, emotional regulation, and the day-to-day functioning, but it does not magically teach your child how to use a planner, how to look in the planner, know how long homework will take, manage a binder, keep track of assignments for six teachers.
• 6:48
  Apryl: Medication can create more access to the skills, but it does not replace direct teaching, practice, and scaffolding of these skills.
• 6:56
  Apryl: And I will caveat all of this saying that I wish every single parent, not even just parents of ADHD kids, every kid is going through this transition period.
• 7:10
  Apryl: Every kid is still developing their executive function skills.
• 7:14
  Apryl: And so these demands that we put on kids this young, and then we just expect them to be independent, it's difficult for all kids.
• 7:23
  Apryl: But as we know, our ADHDers, their executive function skills are about 30% behind their peers.
• 7:29
  Apryl: So we are going to have to set up some systems and some scaffolding to help support these kiddos, but it's going to be easier than you think.
• 7:39
  Apryl: And that's what we're going to dive into.
• 7:41
  Apryl: Here is the main overall message that I want you to take away from today's episode.
• 7:47
  Apryl: Middle school success for ADHD kids cannot rest on medication reminders or hoping they will figure it out.
• 7:53
  Apryl: They need explicit teaching of the executive function skills middle school suddenly demands.
• 7:59
  Apryl: And I saw this with my own two eyes in my classroom.
• 8:05
  Apryl: For four years, I taught over 500 kids, and I can say that to be true.
• 8:13
  Apryl: So let's first dive in.
• 8:16
  Apryl: And beyond the typical what you know makes middle school different, I want to dive in here with my former teacher hat on.
• 8:25
  Apryl: I taught elementary school for years, and then I taught junior high math for years, okay?
• 8:33
  Apryl: And when I say junior high, it was sixth, I taught sixth graders, but it was at the junior high level.
• 8:39
  Apryl: Um, you know, it depends on your district, whether you have middle school, junior high, but you get the idea, right?
• 8:45
  Apryl: So I was in the junior high, I taught math, taught sixth grade math, okay?
• 8:48
  Apryl: So I got these kiddos straight from the elementary school, their fifth grade elementary school class, they were coming to me.
• 8:55
  Apryl: So I feel like I have a very clear vision of the struggles that these kids had.
• 9:01
  Apryl: Like I said, over 500 students I have seen and taught.
• 9:06
  Apryl: So here we go.
• 9:07
  Apryl: This is what I can tell you for certain.
• 9:10
  Apryl: The expectations are completely different.
• 9:13
  Apryl: In elementary school, teachers are constantly scaffolding organization.
• 9:18
  Apryl: In my classroom, we had classroom systems.
• 9:21
  Apryl: We had folders.
• 9:22
  Apryl: We had a red folder for math, blue was writing, yellow was reading, and I would say things like as we were going through the day and we were transitioning from math to writing or whatever it was, I would say, This is your math paper, put it in your red math folder.
• 9:39
  Apryl: Then we would have days, like I would have like once a month a day where everyone would clean out their desk and we would take out the papers that they didn't need anymore.
• 9:49
  Apryl: I had a literal um poster that showed you what a clean desk looked like.
• 9:55
  Apryl: Your folders go here, your pencils go here, and you don't have extra stuff in your desk.
• 10:01
  Apryl: I would literally be telling the kids like, take out the extra papers, empty the folders, take this home.
• 10:07
  Apryl: That can go in the garbage can.
• 10:09
  Apryl: Like we just spent like 30 minutes at the end of a Friday once a month and cleaned out their desk.
• 10:15
  Apryl: And as an elementary school teacher, I knew exactly what I was assigning as homework.
• 10:21
  Apryl: I gave, you know, reading, reading was always a thing.
• 10:24
  Apryl: And then we had like a math worksheet or whatever it was, and I was the only teacher assigning homework.
• 10:31
  Apryl: I knew how much time it would take approximately.
• 10:35
  Apryl: I knew that it was in the homework folder.
• 10:38
  Apryl: I was actually, the kids turned in their homework folder.
• 10:41
  Apryl: I would take out the homework that they just turned in and I would put the new homework packet in the homework folder.
• 10:47
  Apryl: And so the kids, there was a very little of the skills that they were having to do.
• 10:52
  Apryl: It was interesting moving into middle school or junior high.
• 10:56
  Apryl: The junior high bought every student a planner and they were expected to use their planner.
• 11:02
  Apryl: And I remember specific kids watching them.
• 11:06
  Apryl: They were so good with their planners.
• 11:08
  Apryl: They came in, they sat down, they wrote in their planner, they were organized, like they had really good organizational skills.
• 11:15
  Apryl: Like that part of their frontal lobe, it was kicking for them.
• 11:18
  Apryl: They were doing great.
• 11:19
  Apryl: And then there were other kids that were like, What the heck is this planner thing?
• 11:23
  Apryl: Oh man, I think I used that for scratch paper, right?
• 11:26
  Apryl: Or I don't know what happened to it, left it on the bus, poured a drink on it.
• 11:30
  Apryl: I don't know.
• 11:31
  Apryl: And so there was definitely a broad spectrum of kids who could actually, like they developmentally were ready to have this transition, where other kids were like, Whoa, what are we doing here?
• 11:43
  Apryl: And I remember the first week or two of school, I would have them pull out their planner.
• 11:51
  Apryl: Here's your planner, here's where you write for math, every single day on the board, here's where the assignment is, you write it down, and then I would check it, right?
• 12:00
  Apryl: The expectation though becomes that you know how to write in your planner, you know how to do your homework, you know how to bring it back.
• 12:07
  Apryl: But even if your child successfully writes the assignment in their planner, that is only the first executive function step.
• 12:14
  Apryl: They still have to remember that the planner exists, open the planner later, read what they wrote, understand what it means, be able to find the page of the date that they're actually looking at, estimate how long that assignment will take, decide when to do it, start it, keep going when it's hard, put it in the correct folder, bring it back to school, and remember to turn it in.
• 12:33
  Apryl: That is not one skill.
• 12:35
  Apryl: That is a chain of skills.
• 12:37
  Apryl: And as we know for the ADHD brain, every link in that chain can break.
• 12:42
  Apryl: Research on middle school ADHD interventions focuses on homework recording, materials organization, planning, and time management because these skills do not automatically transfer from elementary to middle school.
• 12:56
  Apryl: So when we look at a middle school child versus an elementary school child, there's all of a sudden this huge executive function pile up that we expect these middle school kiddos to manage from multiple teachers, multiple classrooms, different teacher expectations, which can be huge, way bigger than I think that we even put emphasis on, lockers, binders, more materials, more homework, longer assignments, more independent management of time, more social pressure, long-term projects that they're expected to manage the time of that long-term projects, and let's put on top of all of that puberty.
• 13:40
  Apryl: All of this lands on an executive function system that is still developing in every single child.
• 13:47
  Apryl: And of course, when a child has ADHD, that system is often developing more slowly and working less consistently.
• 13:55
  Apryl: So when teachers and just society in general, at least here in the US, it's like, oh, our kids should be responsible at this age.
• 14:05
  Apryl: They're 12 years old.
• 14:07
  Apryl: Okay, think about that.
• 14:09
  Apryl: They're 12 years old, and we're all of a sudden, like, like I said at the beginning, it feels like we're like, okay, you hit fifth grade, boom, you're done with elementary school.
• 14:19
  Apryl: Now we're at the edge of the cliff, though, and high school, where they are expected to perform, is at the other cliff, and we're not building that bridge, right?
• 14:29
  Apryl: Here's what is super important is that this child needs more explicit support with the invisible skills that middle school now requires.
• 14:43
  Apryl: That's what we've got to start realizing.
• 14:45
  Apryl: One thing, sadly, that I noticed as a teacher is the change in parent support when it came to the junior high level.
• 14:56
  Apryl: And again, junior high for us was sixth grade, so that 12-year-old.
• 15:00
  Apryl: All of a sudden, the PTO or PTA, and if you're in a different country, that's the parent-teacher organization or association, it's where parents um volunteer at the school, that drops off dramatically when we hit those these secondary grades.
• 15:21
  Apryl: And the involvement in back to school night, parent-teacher conferences falls off really, really steep.
• 15:31
  Apryl: It's like all of a sudden we're just expecting our kids to be responsible for all of this.
• 15:37
  Apryl: And then when do the parents come and take a step in?
• 15:42
  Apryl: When there's something wrong.
• 15:43
  Apryl: When they see the F, the D, the C, depending on what type of parent you are, that they're all of a sudden, why is my kid failing your class?
• 15:52
  Apryl: Well, they haven't turned in homework, right?
• 15:54
  Apryl: And so it the research is very clear of how important parent support is in these years.
• 16:04
  Apryl: Responsibility is not a character trait.
• 16:08
  Apryl: Responsibility is made up of a whole bunch of skills: planning, working memory, time awareness, task initiation, organization, flexibility, self-monitoring, help seeking, emotional regulations, and these skills have to be taught.
• 16:26
  Apryl: So here's the good news is I think that this is a beautiful time that us as parents can step in and build this transition because middle school is not the end of the road for us.
• 16:43
  Apryl: This is not where we're like, you know, park the car, get out, good luck, see you at school.
• 16:48
  Apryl: That's usually what happens.
• 16:49
  Apryl: It's like, okay, great.
• 16:50
  Apryl: We drop them off, they'll do great, they come back, and then it's like, you got homework?
• 16:55
  Apryl: No?
• 16:56
  Apryl: Okay, and then we just trust that they don't have homework, right?
• 17:00
  Apryl: Middle school, again, is not the end of the road.
• 17:02
  Apryl: It is not proof that your child cannot do school.
• 17:04
  Apryl: It's actually an incredible practice window.
• 17:07
  Apryl: And I think that's what we need to start looking at.
• 17:09
  Apryl: For most kids, the grades from sixth, seventh, and eighth grade are not what colleges will look at.
• 17:15
  Apryl: High school transcripts usually begin in ninth grade.
• 17:18
  Apryl: So that means that this, these middle years are so great.
• 17:22
  Apryl: It is a transition period.
• 17:24
  Apryl: However, your district structures it, whether it starts in sixth grade, seventh grade, however they do it.
• 17:30
  Apryl: But we know colleges, at least again here in the US, start looking at transcripts in ninth grade.
• 17:35
  Apryl: Ninth to 12th grade is when those grades really matter that colleges are gonna look at.
• 17:39
  Apryl: So let's look at these years as years where we're teaching skills.
• 17:43
  Apryl: And maybe we do let them get the F.
• 17:45
  Apryl: Maybe we do let them fail, and we make it a learning time, not a time that we scream and yell and make them feel like a failure.
• 17:54
  Apryl: You got an F.
• 17:54
  Apryl: What happened?
• 17:55
  Apryl: You're grounded for a year until you get your grades up.
• 17:58
  Apryl: Why do we say that until you get your grades up and then we don't support it?
• 18:01
  Apryl: Right?
• 18:02
  Apryl: This is a practice time.
• 18:04
  Apryl: We have time, we have a few years to teach them how to use a planner, how to clean out their binder, what comes home and what stays at school, how to estimate time, how to start an assignment, how to ask for help, how to time manage those semester-long projects, how to recover from a missed assignment without spiraling into shame, which I think is so incredibly important.
• 18:29
  Apryl: And your child doesn't need to hit ninth grade already perfect.
• 18:33
  Apryl: They need to hit ninth grade with systems that have been practiced, adjusted, supported, and slowly made their own in a way that they can manage it themselves.
• 18:43
  Apryl: So these years are our scaffolding years, and then into high school, we're gonna feel like we've prepared them to be successful in high school, right?
• 18:54
  Apryl: Now, I want you to hear this because middle school comes with a lot of pressure to back away.
• 19:00
  Apryl: Again, I like I said, I saw this.
• 19:03
  Apryl: Like parents just kind of drop like flies, we hardly see them.
• 19:07
  Apryl: The research is very, very clear here, though, that we need to do differently.
• 19:13
  Apryl: It is societal expectations that we start expecting our kids to be independent of this.
• 19:21
  Apryl: They need to be independent, they need to be doing this on their own.
• 19:26
  Apryl: Yes, but independence is a long-term goal.
• 19:29
  Apryl: Research is very clear that parent involvement remains just as important for academic achievement in middle school as it is in elementary school.
• 19:37
  Apryl: The difference is that our role changes.
• 19:39
  Apryl: We're not supposed to simply supervise homework completion.
• 19:43
  Apryl: We are not just asking, did you do your homework and accepting yep at the end of the conversation?
• 19:50
  Apryl: Effective parent involvement in middle school looks like skill coaching.
• 19:55
  Apryl: So this includes teaching self-regulation, teaching time management, helping set goals, helping build persistence, teaching self-monitoring, helping your child notice what is working and is not working, helping them ask for help, and helping them develop systems that fit their actual brain.
• 20:15
  Apryl: What was interesting with the research, especially with boys, was that a lot of them did not perform as well in these years because they couldn't ask for help.
• 20:26
  Apryl: They didn't know how to get the help when they needed their help.
• 20:30
  Apryl: These are skills that we want to be focusing on.
• 20:32
  Apryl: Like I said, we're transitioning more into skill coaching here.
• 20:36
  Apryl: So instead of asking, did you do your homework?
• 20:38
  Apryl: And yep, sure did, we might ask something like, let's look at your planner together, what do you have today?
• 20:44
  Apryl: And then we ask, when are you planning on doing that?
• 20:48
  Apryl: And then we ask, how long do you think that will take?
• 20:51
  Apryl: Okay.
• 20:52
  Apryl: These actual questions are doing a lot for your kiddo's executive functioning.
• 20:58
  Apryl: I am in Peg Dawson's, the author of Smart But Scattered.
• 21:02
  Apryl: I'm in her executive function coaching cohort right now, um, learning how to coach secondary students and elementary students in these executive function skills.
• 21:12
  Apryl: And these are really important questions to be asking.
• 21:16
  Apryl: So we pull out the planner.
• 21:18
  Apryl: What do you have going on today?
• 21:21
  Apryl: When do you plan on doing that?
• 21:23
  Apryl: And how long do you think that will take?
• 21:26
  Apryl: This is helping them start to look at time management, help them planning, and help them organizing.
• 21:33
  Apryl: And our kiddo might say, Oh, I think that might take 15 minutes, or I think that might take two hours.
• 21:39
  Apryl: And then you say, Okay, when are you going to do that?
• 21:42
  Apryl: And they're like, eight o'clock, and you're like, okay, so if you're starting at eight o'clock and you think it's going to take two hours, what time will you finish?
• 21:50
  Apryl: They're like, um, 10 o'clock.
• 21:53
  Apryl: Okay, do you think that's a good time to finish?
• 21:56
  Apryl: And we're not lecturing them, we're just helping them think through time, right?
• 22:00
  Apryl: Or they might say, I'll do it later.
• 22:02
  Apryl: Okay, when do you plan on doing this?
• 22:04
  Apryl: I'll do it later.
• 22:05
  Apryl: Then we want to ask them, what does later mean?
• 22:08
  Apryl: Before dinner, after dinner, at seven.
• 22:11
  Apryl: Let's put an actual time to it.
• 22:14
  Apryl: This is executive function coaching.
• 22:17
  Apryl: With that system we just talked about, those questions, I still want to be really thoughtful about after school because, like we've talked about with our younger kids, our kids may still need some decompression time.
• 22:31
  Apryl: They have been in a building all day managing noise, social expectations, which is crazy stressful for them at these ages.
• 22:41
  Apryl: Transitions, multiple transitions in these grades, teachers' rules and demands.
• 22:46
  Apryl: So they may need this decompression time.
• 22:48
  Apryl: Maybe that's a snack, maybe it's quiet time, maybe it's movement, a time where nobody asks them a question.
• 22:54
  Apryl: Give that to them.
• 22:56
  Apryl: But I also don't want us to wait so long that the details of the school day discipline your peer.
• 23:01
  Apryl: So here's a middle school after school rhythm you can try.
• 23:04
  Apryl: You come home, you take a short rest.
• 23:07
  Apryl: So, you know, get a snack, quiet time, movement, no heavy questions, and then let's do that quick school check while the day is still fresh in their mind.
• 23:16
  Apryl: And you may flip-flop this where you do that quick school check and then the short rest, but it just depends on your kiddo.
• 23:24
  Apryl: So this is where, you know, at the kitchen counter, you pull out the planner, pull out all of the papers out of their backpack, all of their new papers, right?
• 23:35
  Apryl: See what assignments exist, and then decide what needs to happen today.
• 23:39
  Apryl: And let's make a realistic plan.
• 23:42
  Apryl: What are we doing first?
• 23:44
  Apryl: When, how long, is and is there anything that needs help?
• 23:48
  Apryl: Again, super, super incredible life skills that we're doing here by doing this.
• 23:55
  Apryl: And when we're sitting there in the kitchen, I think the kitchen is the hub of the home because we do things like this.
• 24:02
  Apryl: And so having something like a calendar where we have, okay, you have tennis practice tonight, you have football practice tonight, we look at those as well because when we're planning, oh, I'm gonna do this at six o'clock, and then you're like, but you have football practice until seven, that's not gonna work, right?
• 24:23
  Apryl: So being able to also look at our family calendar, that's gonna be super helpful too.
• 24:30
  Apryl: Okay, so we look at that, then we make the realistic plan, and then we can decompress fully or begin homework when the plan time comes.
• 24:41
  Apryl: This check-in does not take 45 minutes.
• 24:44
  Apryl: This is literally like a quick five-minute check-in.
• 24:46
  Apryl: Like, hey, let's pull out your planner, what you got going on tonight, what homework to do tomorrow, what big projects do you have?
• 24:53
  Apryl: We don't need to do your homework right now.
• 24:54
  Apryl: Let's just walk through really quick, see what needs to go on tonight, and make a plan for that.
• 24:58
  Apryl: Make it super casual.
• 25:00
  Apryl: We're not like, hey, get out your homework, do your homework now.
• 25:03
  Apryl: Um, another thing that can be very, very helpful here in these middle school years and junior high and high school years is a lot of times at the beginning of the year, the teachers will give out a syllabus, and on that syllabus, they will have big due dates.
• 25:21
  Apryl: So if there's a project or a report or math test, science test, whatever it is, those are usually on that syllabus.
• 25:32
  Apryl: Adding those to the family calendar and adding those to the planner, your child's planner, is very helpful.
• 25:40
  Apryl: And then having like in the planner, like check-in times and and working backwards from okay, here's when this is due.
• 25:49
  Apryl: A lot of times teachers will kind of have like a layout of suggested timelines.
• 25:54
  Apryl: So, okay, this should be done by this date.
• 25:56
  Apryl: Putting those in the planner as well at that first of the semester or quarter when they hand those syllabus syllabuses or syllabi, not certain.
• 26:05
  Apryl: Hand those out.
• 26:06
  Apryl: Okay, so do that as well because we want we don't want those to be forgotten either.
• 26:10
  Apryl: Helps with that long-term planning.
• 26:12
  Apryl: See these skills that we're working in here?
• 26:15
  Apryl: Okay, so doing this is so different, and so you're gonna get less pushback from your kiddo, then sit down, do your homework.
• 26:23
  Apryl: Why didn't you do it at school?
• 26:24
  Apryl: Why do you have so much homework, right?
• 26:27
  Apryl: We're helping them make a plan while their memory is still available.
• 26:31
  Apryl: We get that out of the way.
• 26:32
  Apryl: They can go decompress, do their thing, and then come back and do the plan.
• 26:37
  Apryl: And some kids will be like you may have your kid might be the one that's like, no, here's what I got to do.
• 26:42
  Apryl: I'm gonna do it right now, so I have the rest of the night for you.
• 26:44
  Apryl: This is a testing time.
• 26:46
  Apryl: Let them figure out what works for them, let them fail.
• 26:51
  Apryl: There's a book called The Gift of Failure and how helpful failure is to learn from.
• 26:58
  Apryl: And again, I know what it's like to be a parent and how we want our kids to, you know, get straight A's, do great, all the things, but don't we want them to learn?
• 27:11
  Apryl: I think that's the key that we really want them to learn these life skills, and so it's like, oh, you didn't do your homework, or this timeline didn't work, or you said that you'd do your homework at seven, and now it's seven and you're tired, okay, and now you don't want to do your homework or whatever.
• 27:29
  Apryl: We let these be learning opportunities instead of yelling match opportunities, okay?
• 27:35
  Apryl: And then it's like, oh, you didn't get your homework done.
• 27:37
  Apryl: Well, maybe we're gonna have to turn it in late.
• 27:39
  Apryl: You may have to take that deduction in the late points.
• 27:43
  Apryl: And being reasonable as a parent instead of just yelling of you didn't get it done, but oh, how does that make you feel?
• 27:52
  Apryl: How do you want to perform in class and have these conversations with them?
• 27:57
  Apryl: It's going to be way more helpful than just the yelling match.
• 28:01
  Apryl: Okay, so where do we start?
• 28:03
  Apryl: I don't want you to take this episode and buy like every single organizational tool on Amazon.
• 28:09
  Apryl: No, you do not need to do that.
• 28:11
  Apryl: The research shows, and I do find it's super, super helpful to help your kiddo, number one, get organized.
• 28:18
  Apryl: I think number one, if we can get their backpack organized day one is gonna be really helpful.
• 28:27
  Apryl: So color coding can be super helpful because it's an external reminder visual of like I was saying, like red is math.
• 28:37
  Apryl: Okay, so everything that I write in my notebook, my red notebook should be math because otherwise, you're gonna have kids have notes from every class in every other notebook, like all over the place.
• 28:51
  Apryl: So, really trying to help them, like, okay, this is a red notebook, is math, blue notebook is writing, getting that organized, and if they have composition notebooks and your teachers will recommend or require different things, but even just putting like a sticker on there of the colors can be super helpful.
• 29:09
  Apryl: So, I do think that a color-coded organization system can be really, really helpful.
• 29:15
  Apryl: And if they are more working in like a big binder, then same thing, having you know the loose leaf paper, but then we have the tabs that are color-coded.
• 29:26
  Apryl: Okay, red is math, all of your math notes go in here.
• 29:31
  Apryl: There's the red folder for it, right?
• 29:33
  Apryl: So having that I think can be very, very helpful to get that set up.
• 29:37
  Apryl: Number one thing.
• 29:39
  Apryl: And again, you are coaching this, we're not just expecting it, right?
• 29:45
  Apryl: And then we need some sort of planner.
• 29:48
  Apryl: The schools that um my son has attended and that I've taught at usually give the kids a planner.
• 29:55
  Apryl: If they don't, though, I would highly recommend uh researching um like a student planner on Amazon and grabbing one of those and then teaching them how to do it.
• 30:06
  Apryl: Okay.
• 30:07
  Apryl: So research-based interventions that help middle school kids with ADHD have this all focus on the same general targets, and that's homework recording, so the planner, binder and material organization.
• 30:21
  Apryl: I think a color-coded system is the way to go here.
• 30:25
  Apryl: Time management, and that we've already talked about how to implement that.
• 30:30
  Apryl: Planning, we've talked about that, and then homework completion.
• 30:34
  Apryl: I would maybe would have them show me their homework when it's done.
• 30:39
  Apryl: Some kids that may be overstepping the bounds, some kids may need that much structure.
• 30:43
  Apryl: Doing that, we're gonna set them up really, really well.
• 30:46
  Apryl: But as the school year goes on, again, these are our bridge years.
• 30:50
  Apryl: We're building that bridge to be able to get them to from elementary to the gap, this gap between elementary and high school.
• 30:57
  Apryl: So you may start noticing things like the homework gets completed, but then it never gets turned in or gets lost.
• 31:06
  Apryl: So then we start looking at the system and go, okay, well, you're losing your homework.
• 31:11
  Apryl: Okay, I need to make sure that we are scaffolding in after they do their homework at night.
• 31:18
  Apryl: Completed homework goes into what specific folder immediately.
• 31:21
  Apryl: And maybe putting it in a folder is making them forget about it.
• 31:26
  Apryl: So maybe it needs to be like in the front pocket or somewhere where they're not going to forget it.
• 31:31
  Apryl: Okay.
• 31:31
  Apryl: So working with these systems as they go along, we've set them up really well, and now we start to see where is the chain breaking for our kiddo and what do we need to put in place.
• 31:43
  Apryl: So another example is maybe they never know what they have for homework.
• 31:47
  Apryl: So we're gonna start with something like take a picture of the assignment board before leaving for class.
• 31:52
  Apryl: That's super easy.
• 31:52
  Apryl: That one, too, if teachers are like, you can't have your phone out in class, that could be a good 504 um uh request to put on their 504, letting them take a picture of the board, or you know, you just emailing the teacher for me.
• 32:09
  Apryl: If the a teacher would have or a parent would have emailed me and said, hey, my kiddo's gonna pull their phone out at the end of class and take a picture of the assignment board, I would have been just fine with that.
• 32:19
  Apryl: And another thing that they could do is set an alarm for you know five minutes at the end of every class, like five minutes before the end of every class.
• 32:28
  Apryl: And again, if you talk with the teachers and just say, hey, we're struggling remembering what the homework is, we've come up with a system.
• 32:35
  Apryl: Is this okay with you?
• 32:36
  Apryl: Yeah, great.
• 32:37
  Apryl: I mean, I would be totally on board.
• 32:39
  Apryl: Like I said, to have a parent reach out and try to mitigate things before they become a problem, I'd have been like, praise the Lord, parent of the year, yes, you can do that.
• 32:49
  Apryl: Another thing that you might see is maybe they know what they need to do, but they can't start.
• 32:54
  Apryl: So we as parents start with pick one task, set a 10-minute timer, and we begin together.
• 33:00
  Apryl: Maybe the backpack is a disaster.
• 33:02
  Apryl: You've set up these folders so you know, got them all ready, and then you look in, and like two weeks later, you're like, holy freak, what happened to your backpack?
• 33:08
  Apryl: It's like full of just jammed in papers.
• 33:10
  Apryl: So then we start with every Friday we do a 10-minute backpack and binder reset.
• 33:16
  Apryl: Just like I did in my classroom, right?
• 33:18
  Apryl: We're not trying to solve every problem here, we're trying to make the one link in the chain a little bit stronger.
• 33:25
  Apryl: So we're setting them up for success, and then we are building this chain or this bridge as we go along.
• 33:31
  Apryl: And if something breaks, then we support where it's broken, okay?
• 33:35
  Apryl: Organizational skills interventions can improve ADHD-related organization and homework problems, but the target skills must be taught and practiced directly over time.
• 33:45
  Apryl: That is key here.
• 33:47
  Apryl: Another big skill for middle school is time management, and ADHD kids are often terrible at estimating time.
• 33:53
  Apryl: They think an assignment will take 15 minutes and it takes two hours, or they think a two-hour project, they think it it will take two hours and it's like totally draining them, and then it really only takes 10 minutes.
• 34:02
  Apryl: I think that one's very um relatable for ADHD or like, oh my gosh, I have this huge task, and then you're like, it took you two minutes, right?
• 34:12
  Apryl: So instead of us saying, oh my gosh, you need to learn how to manage your time, why did you wait so long to get started on this, right?
• 34:20
  Apryl: Or why did you complain so long?
• 34:22
  Apryl: It took you longer to complain about this than it took you to complete the assignment.
• 34:26
  Apryl: I'm guilty of that one.
• 34:27
  Apryl: Um, we want to start teaching time by asking, how long do you think this will take, like we talked about earlier, and then let them do it.
• 34:36
  Apryl: Ask after how long did it actually take?
• 34:38
  Apryl: I'm working on this right now with my daughter.
• 34:40
  Apryl: I will say, how long do you think this is gonna take?
• 34:43
  Apryl: She she is very much an overestimator of time, as in the fact of like, how long do you think it's gonna take you to clean your room?
• 34:51
  Apryl: It's gonna take all day, it's gonna take hours.
• 34:54
  Apryl: And I'm like, okay, well, let's time it and see.
• 34:58
  Apryl: And then I'm like, it took you five minutes.
• 35:02
  Apryl: Right?
• 35:03
  Apryl: So this is not shaming though, it's just data.
• 35:07
  Apryl: Over time, their brain will begin to develop a more accurate picture of time.
• 35:11
  Apryl: You can also help them break down work instead of finish your science project.
• 35:16
  Apryl: Try tonight, we're just choosing the topic.
• 35:18
  Apryl: This is where it goes back to where I was saying if there's a lot, a big project like this, we break it down into these small tasks, so it's very easy.
• 35:25
  Apryl: So tonight we're choosing the topic.
• 35:27
  Apryl: Tomorrow we're finding the three sources, Wednesday, we're making the outline, Thursday, we're writing the first section.
• 35:33
  Apryl: ADHD brains do better when the next step is visible and small.
• 35:38
  Apryl: They do not need you to solve the whole project, they just need help identifying what comes next.
• 35:44
  Apryl: When we can help them see what comes next, a lot of times they can be pretty independent on their own.
• 35:50
  Apryl: And one more skill I think that we do not want to miss, like I mentioned at the beginning, is help seeking.
• 35:57
  Apryl: Research on the middle school transition shows that unhelpful academic strategies like avoidance, poor study habits, and failing to ask for help can compound the impact of ADHD symptoms on grades.
• 36:10
  Apryl: And this makes sense, right?
• 36:12
  Apryl: Totally makes sense.
• 36:13
  Apryl: Your child may not ask for help because they're embarrassed, they do not realize they are confused until they are behind, they think they should know the answer already, they forget to ask, they do not know when the teacher is available, or they're afraid of being seen as different.
• 36:32
  Apryl: So teach them the words to use.
• 36:36
  Apryl: Practice these at home.
• 36:38
  Apryl: And I look back from when I was in high school, junior high, even into college, I was not the person who raised my hand and asked for help.
• 36:47
  Apryl: I did not want to call attention to myself.
• 36:50
  Apryl: I would rather just sit quietly and then try to figure it out on my own later.
• 36:55
  Apryl: Um, and that did not always serve me well.
• 36:57
  Apryl: So let's practice with our kiddos so they're not the kid in the back going, Oh, well, I didn't know what's happening, right?
• 37:04
  Apryl: So, can you explain the first step?
• 37:08
  Apryl: I wrote this down, but I don't know what it means.
• 37:10
  Apryl: I'm stuck.
• 37:11
  Apryl: What should I do next?
• 37:13
  Apryl: Can I get help during study hall?
• 37:15
  Apryl: Can you help me make a plan to catch up?
• 37:18
  Apryl: Then talk through who are the adults at school you can ask for help.
• 37:23
  Apryl: Maybe it's the teacher, maybe it's a counselor, maybe it's the special education teacher, maybe it's a coach, maybe it's the librarian, a trusted adult at lunch.
• 37:33
  Apryl: Help seeking is not a sign of weakness, it is a skill of successful students.
• 37:37
  Apryl: And I think changing that in their minds, letting them know, hey, asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.
• 37:43
  Apryl: Like asking for help, that's how you become successful.
• 37:46
  Apryl: Okay, so this has been a long one.
• 37:49
  Apryl: Let's break this down.
• 37:51
  Apryl: What to do?
• 37:53
  Apryl: Here is your experiment for the week.
• 37:55
  Apryl: Do not create a whole huge success plan.
• 37:58
  Apryl: We're gonna break it down.
• 38:00
  Apryl: Pick one skill your child needs support with.
• 38:02
  Apryl: Recording homework, checking the planner, cleaning the binder, managing the locker, packing the backpack, starting homework, estimating time, asking for help, turning into work, turning in work.
• 38:12
  Apryl: Those are some examples of skills they may need help with.
• 38:16
  Apryl: Then do these three things.
• 38:17
  Apryl: Number one, make it visible.
• 38:19
  Apryl: Create one checklist, one color-coded folder system, or one planner routine, or one script.
• 38:25
  Apryl: Number two, practice it with your child, not in the middle of a missing assignment crisis, not when you're blowing up that you just looked at, you know, power schools or whatever it is your your school uses and they're failing.
• 38:37
  Apryl: During a calm time, walk through it together.
• 38:40
  Apryl: And number three, decide how you will scaffold it for the first month.
• 38:43
  Apryl: So if that's the five-minute after school planner check, the Friday binder reset, backpack check before bed, Sunday school portal check, a reminder alarm, or a weekly meeting with a teacher or support staff member.
• 38:58
  Apryl: Remember, you are not creating dependence.
• 39:02
  Apryl: You are teaching a skill in the way skills get taught.
• 39:05
  Apryl: First you do it with them, then you cue them, then you ask them what their system says, then eventually they'll do it independently.
• 39:13
  Apryl: If your ADHD child is headed to middle school, the transition may be hard.
• 39:18
  Apryl: The research tells us that ADHD symptoms can bump up right at this change point, grades can fall, organization can fall apart, planning can get harder.
• 39:28
  Apryl: The research shows all of that.
• 39:30
  Apryl: So your kiddo is not the only one struggling.
• 39:33
  Apryl: I promise you that.
• 39:34
  Apryl: This is not because your child is lazy, it's not because they've been in school long enough that they should know better.
• 39:41
  Apryl: It's because middle school asks for a completely new level of executive function and their brain needs time, teaching, and support to grow in these demands.
• 39:52
  Apryl: But like I said, middle school can also be a really huge gift to us if we look at it this way.
• 39:58
  Apryl: It gives us that window to teach the skills that will matter more in high school and college when things actually count.
• 40:07
  Apryl: How to make a plan, how to manage materials, how to estimate time, how to begin, how to persist, how to recover, how to ask for help.
• 40:14
  Apryl: You are not a passive recipient in school updates.
• 40:19
  Apryl: You are an active partner in teaching the skills your child needs.
• 40:23
  Apryl: So remember that.
• 40:25
  Apryl: That is what we want to do.
• 40:27
  Apryl: We have to be the parents who are actively involved, scaffolding the support for our kiddos at this age.
• 40:35
  Apryl: You do not need to fix middle school.
• 40:37
  Apryl: You need to start with one invisible skill, make it visible, practice it together, and then let that system grow.
• 40:43
  Apryl: If you know a parent who's looking at sixth grade with a knot in their stomach, send them this episode.
• 40:48
  Apryl: Middle school can feel like a cliff, but you and your child do not have to jump off without a bridge.
• 40:54
  Apryl: Let's build that bridge.
• 40:56
  Apryl: I'm April, and I'll see you in the next episode.
• 40:59
  Brian Bradford: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 41:03
  Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 41:07
  Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 41:09
  Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you'd leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 41:18
  Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 41:23
  Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.