Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / Why Women Leave Networking Events Empty-Handed
Transcript
- Lucas: There's a study that's been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now. It's from a Harvard Business School professor named Lakshmi Balachandra, and she looked at what actually happens when women go to networking events. Luna: I think I know where this is going — we go, we smile, we exchange pleasantries, and then nothing. Lucas: Exactly. She observed a mixed-gender entrepreneurship conference. Men exchanged, on average, 2.3 contact cards. Women? 1.6. That's a 30% gap. And both genders initiated conversations at similar rates. Luna: So it's not that women aren't putting themselves out there. It's what happens after the conversation starts. Lucas: Right. Balachandra's key finding was that women received 30% fewer follow-up requests. The people they talked to — men and other women — were less likely to say 'Let's grab coffee' or 'Can I send you my card?' Luna: That resonates. I remember going to a big tech conference a few years ago. I had maybe six or seven solid conversations. Walked away with exactly one LinkedIn connection that never messaged me again. Lucas: The frustrating part is that these events are supposed to be the great equalizer. You show up, you talk, you collect contacts — that's how the 'weak ties' work. Sociologist Mark Granovetter showed way back in 1973 that most people find jobs through weak ties, not close friends. Luna: Weak ties being the people you don't know well — the acquaintance, the person you met once at a conference. Lucas: Exactly. And here's the thing: women tend to have networks with a higher proportion of strong ties — close friends, family — and fewer weak ties. That's partly because of social expectations around relationship maintenance. But it also means we're missing out on the very connections that actually lead to opportunities. Luna: So what's driving the gap at the event itself? Is it that women are perceived as less valuable contacts? Less likely to be in a position to help? Lucas: Balachandra's research suggests a subtle bias. In her study, both men and women were less likely to ask a woman for a follow-up. It's not overt sexism — it's an assumption that the connection won't be as useful. Or maybe it's just that the person doesn't know what to say next. Luna: And that's the part we can actually do something about. If the other person isn't going to ask, maybe we need to be the ones asking. Lucas: There's a specific tactic I've seen work. It's called the 'two-question rule.' After the initial pleasantries, ask two genuine questions about the other person's work — not just 'What do you do?' but something like 'What's the most interesting problem you're working on right now?' Luna: That's a good one. It signals interest and also gives them material to respond to. And then? Lucas: Then you follow up within 24 hours. Not with a generic LinkedIn request — with a specific reference to the conversation. 'Hey, really enjoyed hearing about your work on X. Would love to continue the conversation.' That turns a weak tie into a slightly stronger weak tie. Luna: And quicker follow-up matters. There's data showing that if you don't follow up within 48 hours, the likelihood of any meaningful connection drops by like 70%. Lucas: Right. But there's also a structural issue. Women often attend networking events in smaller numbers, so they're more likely to be the only woman in a conversation with men. And in mixed-gender conversations, research shows men tend to talk more and direct more comments to other men. Luna: So even if a woman is present, she's more likely to be listened to than heard. That's a real barrier. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where the event organizers have a role to play. Structured networking — where people are rotated in timed conversations — can actually reduce the gap because everyone gets equal floor time. Luna: But most events aren't structured that way. They're open mingling. So the onus is on us to navigate it. Lucas: Before we go deeper into strategies — and this might feel like a slight pivot, but it relates — I want to mention something about how this show stays on the air. We've never run ads, and we want to keep it that way. Luna: Yeah, and that's only possible because a small group of listeners chips in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's not a big ask — just that if you've gotten something useful out of an episode, especially a practical tip like the two-question rule, tossing a few dollars helps us keep making these. Lucas: Right. It's listener-funded, no corporate pressure, which means we can dig into topics like this without worrying about pleasing an advertiser. If that matters to you, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Now, back to networking — what about the follow-up itself? Luna: Yeah, let's talk about the email or LinkedIn message. I think a lot of women hesitate to send that follow-up because they don't want to seem pushy. Lucas: That hesitation is real. But the data says follow-up is exactly what builds the weak tie. In Balachandra's study, people who received a follow-up were 60% more likely to agree to a future meeting. So not following up is actually a missed opportunity. Luna: So what's a good template? Keep it short, remind them of the conversation, and offer something of value. Like a relevant article or a connection. Lucas: Absolutely. And if you're not sure what to offer, a simple 'I enjoyed our chat about X' and asking a follow-up question is enough. You're not asking for a job — you're building a relationship. Luna: I've started doing something else too. Before I go to an event, I look at the attendee list and pick three people I really want to talk to. I prepare a specific question for each. That way I'm not just wandering aimlessly. Lucas: That's strategic. And it addresses another finding — women at events often spend more time listening than actively seeking contacts. Having a target makes you more proactive. Luna: But even with all that, there's still the emotional tax. I've left events feeling like I didn't get what I came for. And sometimes it's not about the number of cards — it's about the quality. Lucas: Right. One good connection is worth more than ten superficial ones. So if you leave with one solid lead, that's a win. The key is to not judge yourself by the same metric as men. Men might measure success by how many cards they collected. Women might need to focus on depth. Luna: That's a good reframe. It's not about collecting more cards — it's about converting the conversations you do have into something real. Lucas: And organizations can help too. Some companies now run 'women's networking events' that are structured differently — more workshop-style, less cocktail hour. Those tend to produce more follow-ups. Luna: So the takeaway for today: go in with a plan, ask the two-question rule, follow up within 24 hours, and don't beat yourself up if you leave with fewer cards than the guy next to you. Lucas: Exactly. And if you want to dive deeper into the research, Balachandra's paper is called 'The Networking Gender Gap' and it's worth a read. Next time, we'll talk about how to turn those weak ties into sponsors — people who actually advocate for you. Luna: Looking forward to that. For now, go practice your two questions.