Latest / The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa / Rebuilding Self-Worth And Self-Trust From The Inside Out

Transcript

Rebuilding Self-Worth And Self-Trust From The Inside Out · The Inner Beacon Podcast With Marisa

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Inner Beacon.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Marisa.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a Canadian girl mama of two, business owner, flight attendant, and a certified self-love coach.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are in the right place if you are ready to lead your life from within to reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself deeply, and reclaim your power.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: My goal and intention here is to inspire and empower you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive into today's episode.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: What we're diving into today deserves the space.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to rush it or split it into two pieces.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, these two topics belong together.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: They are deeply connected.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: They feed each other, feed off of each other, and I don't think you can truly have one without the other.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've been a little bit, you know, in my own thing right now, and I didn't post for two weeks, so I guess this will make up for it.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I my brother just got married, which is really fun, and I've been in BC visiting family.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, back to the topic.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're take or talking about self-worth and self-trust.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to start with two questions.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sit with both of them before we go in any further.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: First, do you feel enough?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Not the future version of you, not the you that will feel enough once you've achieved the thing, healed the thing, figured the thing out right now, as you are today, do you feel enough?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And secondly, do you trust yourself?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not in a perfect, certain always know the right answer kind of way, but in a deep, quiet, I've got me kind of way.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do you trust your own knowing?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: If your honest answer to either of those questions is no, or not really, or I'm working on it, then this episode is exactly where you're supposed to be right now.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because self-worth and self-trust are two of the most foundational things a woman can build.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they are also two of the things most of us were never actually taught how to have.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: So let's change that today.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The feeling of not being enough didn't just show up one day.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: On its own.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: It was built slowly over time through experiences and messages and environments that taught us directly or indirectly that our worth was conditional.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Conditional on how we looked, how we performed, how agreeable we were, how productive we were, how much we gave, how little we needed.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: As kids, so many of us were praised for doing and achieving rather than simply being.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we learned that love and approval came with conditions attached.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so we started working, constantly working to earn our place, to prove our worth, to be enough.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the exhausting and heartbreaking truth about the conditional worth is this it never actually delivers because there's always another bar to clear, another standard to meet, another version of yourself to become before you can finally feel about who you are right now.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the goalposts keeping moving, keep moving, and you keep running.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So what does it actually look like to have worth that doesn't depend on any external unconditional self-worth means your value as a human is not up for debate.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is not earned.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is not lost when you make a mistake.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your relationship status, your income, your follower count, or anyone else's opinion of you.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It just is constant, stable, yours.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know that might sound almost too simple, or maybe even impossible for where you're sitting right now.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that because when you've spent years measuring your worth against external things, the idea of just having it unconditionally can feel almost suspicious.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I want you to understand.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: You were born with it.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every single one of us was.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Think about a newborn baby.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody looks at a newborn baby and thinks, well, let's see how productive they are before we decide their worth of love.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: The worth is just there, obvious and unquestioned.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: The baby is you.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Before the world started layering conditions on top of your worth, it was already there, whole, complete enough.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: The work is not to create worth that doesn't exist.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: The work is so you remember and return to the worth that was never actually gone.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a reminder of it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And for you to step into that.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want to name some of the ways that we chase this feeling of enough.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think seeing it clearly helps us to start to make a different choice.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: We chase it through achievement.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: If I accomplish this, reach this goal, get this recognition, then I'll feel like I've done enough.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am enough.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: We chase it through appearance.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I just look at if I just look like this, way like this much, then I'll feel comfortable in my skin.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then I'll feel worthy of being seen.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: We chase it through relationships.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: If this person loves me, chooses me, stays, that proves I'm lovable and I'm enough.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: We chase it through busyness.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm always doing, always producing, always being useful, then I have a right to take up space.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And none of these are wrong in themselves, achievements, health, love, contribution.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: These are all beautiful.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're beautiful parts of life.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the problem is when we use them as proof of our worth instead of our expression of it.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because when your worth is tied to any of these things, it means your worth can be taken away by a bad day, by a breakup, by a number on the scale, by someone's opinion, by failing.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that is an incredible fragile place to live.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we actually build this?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to be honest.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a switch you flip.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: It is a practice.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And a practice of choosing a different relationship with yourself.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Separate your worth from performance.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Start noticing when you are tying how you feel about yourself to what you did or didn't do that day.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: When you catch yourself thinking, I was so unproductive today, I'm such a mess.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And ask, would I say that to someone I love?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Would I tell my daughter her worth depends on how much she got done today?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Of course not.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So why is this okay to say to yourself?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Speak to yourself like someone you love.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: The critical voice in your head is a habit.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And we spoke about that on one of the most recent podcasts, right?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: The inner critic.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And like any habit, it can be changed with enough awareness and repetition.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: When it shows up, try to redirect it.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And not with toxic positivity, but the kind, the kind of honest, compassionate voice that you would use to speak to your best friend.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the one I'm doing the best that I can.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I am allowed to feel work like a work in progress.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I am worthy of kindness, especially from myself.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Things like that.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do things for joy and not worth.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Start asking yourself, am I doing this because I genuinely genuinely want to, because it lights me up?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I doing this to prove something?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: When you move from doing things to earn worth, or to doing things as an expression of who you already are, everything feels different, lighter, more aligned, more yours.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Practice receiving.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: The next time someone pays you a compliment, instead of deflecting, just say thank you.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let it land, let yourself receive it.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And deflecting love is often a symptom of not feeling worthy of it.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the practice of receiving, even in small ways, starts to shift that.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then we can move on to self-trust because this is the other side of the coin.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to start by clearing something up.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Self-trust is not about being certain, it is not about always knowing the right answer, never making mistakes.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's not trust.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's control.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And control is actually the opposite of trust.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Self-trust is the deep knowing that no matter what happens, you can handle it, that you will figure it out, and that you have the inner source resources, the resilience, the wisdom, the capacity to navigate whatever life puts in front of you.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why this is so, so, so important to build.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because the difference between standing at the edge of something unknown and thinking, I need to know exactly how this plays out before I take a step, versus taking a breath and thinking, I don't know how this is going to go, but I know I can handle it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: You see how that sounds different?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: The second feeling that is self-trust.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it is one of the most powerful things that you can cultivate, honestly.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: So how do so many of us lose it?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: In a few ways, like through being told we were wrong.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: When our feelings, instincts, and choices were consistently dismissed or criticized, we learned our inner voice wasn't reliable, that we needed someone else to tell us what was right.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say, you know what?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you want advice, don't go to somebody who doesn't already have it.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're gonna have, they're gonna put those inner critic thoughts and things into your own mind.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: You want to go to somebody who's already achieved it, who's already been there.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's who you want to learn from.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who's not gonna build you down but be like, hey, yeah, this is how you can do that.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Through perfectionism, when we hold ourselves to impossible standards and punish ourselves every time we fall short, we create a belief that we can't be trusted because we always get it wrong eventually.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Through not keeping promises to ourselves, though, every time we say we're doing something or we're going to do something and don't follow through, we send a message that you can't that you can't count on yourself.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And those small broken promises add up into a really significant loss of self self-trust with ourselves.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you and like if you have that inner knowing or just something pulling you to do something, trust yourself.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to know all the details.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just trust that if it's put in your heart, it was meant for you.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Through another way, is like through chronic people pleasing, which is like a huge thing, right?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: When we constantly override our own needs and instincts to accommodate others.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: We essentially teach ourselves that our inner voice doesn't matter and that everyone else, everyone else's needs are more valid than our own.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sound familiar?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us have experienced at least one of these, and the good news is every single one of them is healable.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to pause here because I think this is the most important thing I'm going to say in this whole episode.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Self-worth and self-trust are not separate things, they are deeply, intimately connected.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: We when when when you don't feel worthy, when you believe at your core that you're not enough, you will not trust your own judgment, you will not trust your own way of doing anything or you know, what you've put out there, you'll still be kind of in limbo about it.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because why would you?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: If the person making the decision isn't trustworthy or capable enough, how could your instincts be right?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when you don't trust yourself, you outsource your decision to everyone around you, which is why you start to believe everything that they're saying and letting that feed your self-criticism.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: You look outside for validation because you don't feel worthy of having your own to be enough.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And they reinforce each other in both directions.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Low worth erodes trust, low trust erodes worth, and see how I mean about the other side of the coin?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Building one builds the other.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start treating yourself as someone worthy of love and care and respect, you start taking your own inner voice a lot more seriously.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start trusting your inner voice and following through on what it says, you can start to feel more worthy, more capable, more you.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I put these two topics together today, because you can't fully separate them, they are two threads of the same cloth.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get practical on this on the trust side now.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Start keeping small promises to yourself.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is one I come back to, and over and over because it works, and self-trust is built through evidence, and you build that evidence by showing yourself in small ways every day that you can count on you.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: You say you're going to drink more water, then drink more water, do it.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can say you're going to journal in the morning, do it.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's five minutes, you say you're gonna going, you're gonna be going to rest, then actually rest.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: These sound almost too simple, but every time that you follow through on a small commitment to yourself, you are depositing into your self-trust bank.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, those deposits add up into a deep knowing that you are someone who shows up for herself.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Take my example of, you know, I've changed my diet this year.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm walking more into that becoming that that version of myself in a different, deeper way.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I've speak spoken about that.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it it's not easy, but it's committing to it and actually staying at point.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I've because I've done that over time, I've seen the results, and um, it's built an even deeper self-trust.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just an example.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So consult with yourself first before you reach your phone to text a friend, before your poll, you put a poll on Instagram because apparently their opinions matter more than your own.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Before you just just anything, just pause, close your eyes, take a deep breath.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what do I actually think about this?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: What do I actually feel?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have the perfect answer.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to have practice, habits of going inward first.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your inner compass is there to guide you.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: It just needs to know that you're listening and that you can trust that.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes time, it takes practice.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Stop punishing yourself for past decisions, for one.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Every decision that you have ever made, you made with the information and awareness and capacity of what you had at that time.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: You were doing the best that you could with what you had, and that deserves compassion, not punishment.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you stop using your past against yourself is the moment that you start to create real safety within yourself.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And safety is where trust glows and grows.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Take action before you feel ready.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Waiting until you feel fully confident before you act is one of the biggest ways to keep you to keep ourselves from building that self-trust.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because confidence doesn't come before action, it comes from action.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And every time that you do the scary thing, the uncomfortable thing, and you come through on the other side, you prove to yourself that you can do hard things.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that proof is self-trust building in real time.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I want I want to connect self-trust to intuition because here that's where they're deeply linked.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Your intuition, your inner ping, your inner compass is essentially your highest self trying to guide you.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, but you can only hear it and follow it if you trust it.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you can only trust it if you've been practicing to listen to it.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we do a lot in the inner purity, right?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: We ln to listen to our bodies, learn to listen to your inner guidance, your your inner, your higher self.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the moments in your life when something just felt right, even though it made no logical sense, or when something felt off, even though everything looked fine on paper, that was your intuition speaking.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And the more that you honor those feelings, the more that you act on them, even when you can't fully explain them, the louder and clearer that voice becomes.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that oh my god, that's why those moments start to come.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your intuition and your self-trust feed each other.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Strengthening one, you strengthen the other.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And together they become the most reliable navigation system that you will ever have.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: So let me bring this all together.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: You were born worthy, not conditionally, not partially, completely and unconditionally worthy of love, of joy, of rest, of good things, of being chosen to of taking up space.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you have within you a knowing, a deep, quiet, wise inner voice that has been guiding you your whole life, even when you haven't been listening, even when fear was louder, even when everyone else's opinions drowned it out.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: The work, all of it, is about returning to those two truths again and again, in small ways, every single day.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Treating yourself as someone who is enough, treating your inner voice as someone who is worth listening to.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: That is the whole practice.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: That is the whole beautiful practice.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And here are your journal prompts for this episode.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: As per usual, there are a few things because this is a big one.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you can pause this, write these down, journal about it for your journaling today.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: One is where in my life am I chasing enough through achievement, appearance, or approval?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what would shift if I stopped?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Two, what conditions have I placed on my own worthiness and where did those come from?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big one.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Three, where have I been outsourcing my decisions instead of trusting my inner knowing?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And next, what small promise can I make to myself this week and actually keep?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or what what is one decision I've been sitting on that my gut already knows the answer to?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: These are all goodies.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, another one.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: If I already knew I was enough and I already trusted myself completely, what would I do differently?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, write yourself a permission slip.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: What do you give yourself permission to be, feel, or let go of today?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sit with those, be honest, be gentle, have grace for yourself, and know that the version of you who is enough and who trusts herself completely, she is not somewhere in the future.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: She is already within you, she's already here.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: She, you just have to remember her.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have, if you feel like you need to share this with somebody, if you think somebody needs to hear this message, send them this podcast, share it on your stories.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing is caring.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And thanks for spending time with me today.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for spending this time with me here on the inner beacon.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not already following me, you can find me on Instagram at immarisa.xo.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonates, spread the love like you would Nintendo by sharing this podcast and tagging me so that I can personally thank you.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are feeling extra loving, leaving a review helps light up another beautiful soul and supports the growth of this space.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you're here.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll meet you on the next episode.