Latest / Faith Rehab / Ep. 14 - Ruth’s Story; The Rabbi That Let Her Down

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Ep. 14 - Ruth’s Story; The Rabbi That Let Her Down · Faith Rehab

0:00
SPEAKER_04: Thanks for tuning in to Faith Rehab Podcast.
0:03
SPEAKER_04: Today we get to have a conversation with my friend Ruth, who is our first guest who was not raised in a Christian home.
0:10
SPEAKER_03: She was raised Jewish.
0:12
SPEAKER_03: And I've learned a lot about it.
0:14
SPEAKER_03: A lot about the misperceptions of Jewish culture or stereotypes and all that.
0:19
SPEAKER_03: So listen in.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: We also learn about her son who like does a slip and slide down a hallway in a speedo.
0:27
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
0:28
SPEAKER_04: Aren't you glad you're here?
0:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
0:37
unknown: Okay, right, right, right.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Faith Rehab, real talk about church hurt.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: What's helped and where are you headed?
0:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm Heidi Brandt, the mother of four boys.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And a fun fact about me is I feel like I look very youthful for my age.
0:55
SPEAKER_03: That's a fun fact.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Ask me, ask me why that is, guys.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Because I get my beauty sleep.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: I love to sleep.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: I get nine hours minimum.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: What?
1:08
SPEAKER_00: A night.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: You know I'm a princess about my sleep.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: So whenever we record early in the morning in California, it's really early in California.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I aged.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: I found a new wrinkle.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: It's because of this podcast.
1:25
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
1:25
SPEAKER_03: That's sad, I guess.
1:28
SPEAKER_03: Hey, I'm CJ, aka uh CPAP set hike.
1:32
SPEAKER_03: That's my fantasy football name.
1:35
SPEAKER_03: Because I wear a CPAP and I don't get enough sleep.
1:37
SPEAKER_03: That's why I look like this.
1:40
SPEAKER_03: According to Heidi.
1:41
SPEAKER_03: Um, another fun fact: my first car was a 1985 Civic Wagon, which was um, and it's one of many early cars because my pastor was my my dad, who was a pastor, was gifted these cars that were about to break down.
1:58
SPEAKER_03: We call them temporary cars.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: So yeah, those are my first cars.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: What color was it?
2:04
SPEAKER_03: It was like, I think it was a silver, but when I got it, it was like a really faded gray.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: Was it a stick shift?
2:11
SPEAKER_03: It was not.
2:13
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
2:14
SPEAKER_03: It was not very cool.
2:15
SPEAKER_03: But the seniors at my high school lifted it and pretty much moved it while I was in it.
2:19
SPEAKER_03: Is that small?
2:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that is thick.
2:22
SPEAKER_03: And it is who's next?
2:24
SPEAKER_04: I am.
2:25
SPEAKER_04: I'm Steve, and I am a father of two boys, and they're both adopted and both better looking than anything we could have produced.
2:36
SPEAKER_04: And my fun fact is that one year I have a friend who did an episode earlier.
2:42
SPEAKER_04: His name is Trules, and every year Trules and I go on man cation.
2:46
SPEAKER_04: But before we had money or wives, we just did a mental health day, and one of our mental health days took us into LA and we snuck into the where the red carpet is at the Oscars, and it was fantastic.
3:00
SPEAKER_04: Seriously, we weren't on the red carpet because we were like in shorts and t-shirts, but we were in the audience where the red carpet they were doing all the interviews and doing all the that is so cool, Steve.
3:12
SPEAKER_04: It was really fun, it was really great.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember seeing any?
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Like who was there that year?
3:17
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember?
3:18
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
3:18
SPEAKER_04: Glenn Close.
3:19
SPEAKER_04: That was the year that Moonstruck won the best picture.
3:21
SPEAKER_04: Share.
3:22
SPEAKER_04: Which I'm still bitter about.
3:23
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I did see share, but um Glenn Close did not win, and I thought she should have because it was a fantastic movie.
3:30
SPEAKER_04: And we tried to press our luck and see if we could get in the building, which um this may shock you.
3:36
SPEAKER_04: They don't let people in t-shirts, and uh they said, Are you on the list?
3:41
SPEAKER_04: And I said, I'm not sure.
3:44
SPEAKER_04: So they actually looked on the list and I said, I don't reckon any of these any of those names, and I'm sure they were just laughing at me all the way home.
3:53
SPEAKER_04: But makes sense, yeah.
3:54
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we did, but that was fun, it was super fun.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: That is a cool thing, yeah.
3:59
SPEAKER_04: We may or may not have snuck into a few things in our day, but that's a good time, man.
4:04
SPEAKER_04: Cation, let's go.
4:05
SPEAKER_04: So, anyway, I'm glad you're here, and those are some fun facts, people.
4:10
SPEAKER_04: And today we are doing an interview with a good friend of mine named Ruth, and I think you're gonna learn a lot, and I know I have, and she is one of the toughest, most tenacious people I've ever met, and I think you're gonna love the interview.
4:24
SPEAKER_04: So let's go.
4:26
SPEAKER_04: Let's go.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: Add it up.
4:36
SPEAKER_04: Hey, welcome to Faith Rehab Podcast.
4:38
SPEAKER_04: Today we have a really cool honor.
4:41
SPEAKER_04: We get to interview a friend of mine who I I don't remember, I think we've known each other like 20 years or something, and she is got an amazing story, and I just love her and her family, and she has got some really cool stuff.
4:57
SPEAKER_04: Her name is Ruth, and um, she has also the distinction of being the first guest on Faith Rehab Podcast that is not raised in a Christian home or in a church, but has a story about another faith, and she uh was raised Jewish and is gonna have some talk about that.
5:19
SPEAKER_04: And for our audience, we may ask you to explain a few things here and there, but she is the mother of three amazing kids.
5:28
SPEAKER_04: Uh two of them are geniuses.
5:31
SPEAKER_04: The third one probably is too, but he's so funny, it's hard to know if he's really it it hides because he just does fun stuff and and um and I love him.
5:42
SPEAKER_04: Uh I met Ruth when I was a supervisor at a clinic and she was a young therapist, and uh part of my job was to read everybody that wasn't unlicensed, read their notes and give them feedback.
5:57
SPEAKER_04: And I think I have the honor in her life of being the most irritating supervisor uh that she's ever had because absolutely not.
6:06
SPEAKER_04: Not I believe it.
6:09
SPEAKER_04: And it wasn't that her notes were bad.
6:11
SPEAKER_04: I did that for everyone, and what I will tell you is what she has told me later is she's been the best documenter in every staff she's worked on since then.
6:21
SPEAKER_04: So she wanted to learn, loved to learn, all that kind of stuff.
6:25
SPEAKER_04: She is a therapist, she has worked in mental health, she has worked with um foster kids, she has worked in that arena, she teaches parents how to parent and not just you know, good quality, like all everything's right, but for really tough, dysfunctional families, she really gives them a lot of tools and really helps them to grow in ways that they can deal with difficult life situations or difficult kids or both or all of that.
6:55
SPEAKER_04: She is um a swim mom like nobody's business.
7:00
SPEAKER_04: I mean, her kids have swam you know two or three oceans by now and uh is a big proponent of women's sports, of course, and water polo in particular.
7:14
SPEAKER_04: And if you don't know anything about water polo, it's the most violent thing there on this planet where they're trying to throw a ball into a net while drowning you're gonna be.
7:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and she is uh coached for many years in that and has uh seen lots of competition and done great stuff with all of that.
7:34
SPEAKER_04: And Ruth, I am sure I've missed some stuff.
7:37
SPEAKER_04: So want to tell us um where'd you go to college?
7:40
SPEAKER_04: Tell us about a quirky job, tell us about the all the good supervisors you've had.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so Steve, you were one of my favorite supervisors, not my most difficult by far.
7:50
SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you.
7:51
SPEAKER_04: That's that's disappointing.
7:53
SPEAKER_04: Way to kiss up on those five people.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't even need to kiss up.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, so let's see.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: I went to UNR and I graduated from there, and then I went to Sack State.
8:04
SPEAKER_04: Wait, UNR for those that are not local is the University of Nevada at Reno.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and it was a good one.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: They're wolf pack, yeah.
8:15
SPEAKER_03: Yes, okay, and then sack state, and then sack state stingers up, stingers up, sack state.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know if I had any quirky jobs, but I I will tell you, so I ended up coaching youth sports for 18 years.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: Whoa, um, right, which is crazy.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: So I started when the girls were really little, and uh, I think they did one year of soccer before I had Spidey.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: I should say Spidey.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: Um so one year before I had Spidey, and then he was just in a like a snugly on my chest while I coached their soccer team.
8:54
SPEAKER_04: So I did soccer, ski team, and then you at least put headphones on him while you were screaming at the kids.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: I didn't.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: He just loved it and he would sleep, like he was just like in his zone.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: He liked it.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: I think anything to be included.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: So he got like control over his body at a really young age because he just wanted to be part of it.
9:14
SPEAKER_04: And then you did ski team as well.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I coached, yeah.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: I coached ski team, and then water polo was the end of the run for me.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: So I really thought that water polo was like horses in the water mixed with lacrosse until like a year ago.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
9:33
SPEAKER_04: Wow, yeah.
9:34
SPEAKER_04: How many horses drowned in your fantasy?
9:37
SPEAKER_00: No horses in water polo.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: Just for our listeners who maybe you know think like I do.
9:43
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay, that's good to know.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: But it is like lacrosse in the water, right?
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Just without the horses.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: No, so I think of it more like a combination of soccer, basketball, and then like wrestling while trying to stay afloat.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: Survival.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: It's like my worst nightmare.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:04
SPEAKER_04: I played football in high school, and the water polo team always invited us to come play with them, and we thought it was just a lame sport.
10:11
SPEAKER_04: So, of course, we always said yes.
10:14
SPEAKER_04: And, you know, a like 47 seconds into it, we were exhausted.
10:20
SPEAKER_04: And they were trying to pull off our suits with their feet, and they were trying to drown us, and and um, and successfully, I died seven times.
10:28
SPEAKER_04: Um great.
10:30
SPEAKER_04: Well, welcome, thank you for being here.
10:32
SPEAKER_04: I appreciate that.
10:33
SPEAKER_04: I appreciate you being here.
10:34
SPEAKER_04: And we're gonna kind of start at the beginning.
10:36
SPEAKER_04: Well, tell us what how how I know, and we've said earlier that you were raised in a Jewish home, and so tell us what that's like, tell that what it was like for you in that, and then we can get on to like uh your adult life and and some other things.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think it's fantastic to be raised in a Jewish home.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: I had a really I had a great childhood.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, my mom was actually raised Catholic, and my dad was raised in a Jewish home by a Catholic mom as well.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: And so they both always had Christmas trees, and my mom grew up um going to church and stuff.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: When they got married, they said they would raise the kids one religion.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: And they were, I guess, gonna do Catholic, but my mom was really busy and my dad knew the Jewish faith.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And so she said, Why don't you do this part?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: And so all of us actually had to convert to Judaism when we were really young.
11:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I have really vague memories of having to do that.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: My mom had to like study with a rabbi and pass some tests, and then and the we had to convert, and I feel like I must have been like four or younger.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Even though every my dad was Jewish since my it goes by uh the mom's faith, so we weren't considered Jewish until then.
12:04
SPEAKER_04: What what kind of test do they give a four-year-old to convert?
12:08
SPEAKER_01: We had no tests, just my mom.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: She had to like study, and we had to like.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: I remember getting in like a bathtub of water, but I don't remember much of it all.
12:18
SPEAKER_04: Okay, but you're like, mom, we're counting on you.
12:21
SPEAKER_04: You fail this test, and we're gonna be Catholic forever.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: She has never failed a test in her life, so that doesn't surprise me.
12:28
SPEAKER_03: I kind of like the idea of having a test to be join the church.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she had to start sleeping, she had to know the rules and stuff like that.
12:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and so what is it?
12:37
SPEAKER_04: I, as you know, was not raised as a Jewish child.
12:40
SPEAKER_04: So, what what is it like for you, you know, growing up, going to school?
12:46
SPEAKER_04: What other kinds of things, you know, with the temple and with uh Sunday school and that kind of stuff?
12:53
SPEAKER_01: First, you're different than everybody forever, because although Judaism is a world religion, here in the United States, it's not, it's like less than one percent or something, even throughout the world, it's one percent, you know, it's not a lot of people.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: And so, um, and I'd say that a major holidays like Christmas and Easter were not our holidays, right?
13:20
SPEAKER_01: So, like what we're celebrating, nobody else is really celebrating, and they don't have a lot of understanding of that.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: So it kind of separates you from everybody.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: And depending on what um where we were living, I grew up all over the world.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: And so depending on where we were living, depended was how much of it was what other people were doing.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, so for instance, we lived in Guam and there was nobody.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: So my dad was the lay leader, there wasn't even a rabbi on the island, right?
13:49
SPEAKER_01: So when we were there, it was just us, and every now and then someone would visit or something, but that was it.
13:55
SPEAKER_04: And so, how many times in your life have someone said to you, Merry Christmas, hoping that you were gonna like respond?
14:04
SPEAKER_01: I always respond, right?
14:06
SPEAKER_01: People always say that, and I always respond.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I want to respect everybody else's holiday stuff.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, so like for teacher gifts at Christmas time or the winter break, I always get like snowmen or something, you know, a snowflake or something kind of universally recognized because I don't know what those teachers celebrate ease either.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
14:32
SPEAKER_02: Right.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, everybody says that and I just say back to them, I mean, I'll say Merry Christmas or I say happy holidays when I say it.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
14:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it makes total sense.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Like I'll say Merry Christmas back.
14:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: But if I initiate it, I'll say happy holidays.
14:49
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
14:49
SPEAKER_04: I know when you and I talked recently, one of the things that I think our audience should hear is that as inclusive and as gracious as you are, lots of people, especially in our sphere where people are raised in Christians or were hurt by Christian folks or churches, whatever, that you know, you one of the things you've said is that lots of people, especially when you've gone through harder times, and we'll talk about that in a minute, have said things to you like, you know, Jesus loves you.
15:21
SPEAKER_04: And um and talk about how that hits for someone who was raised Jewish.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: So for me, uh I mean it just it hits different, I guess.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: I don't I mean, to me that's not a statement that's including me um or letting me know that people know anything about my religion, especially if they know me and they say that, right?
16:06
SPEAKER_01: It it rubs me the wrong way.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it's not always just like, I mean, it it happens, there's so many different ways that that kind of message will happen, right?
16:14
SPEAKER_01: So like at work, they'll do a gift exchange, right?
16:19
SPEAKER_01: And I want to participate and be part of the gift exchange, and they'll say, you know, name things that you want, or or not, but everybody knows I'm participating, but I'm like a Jewish staff member.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: And then I get a bunch of gifts that say Jesus loves you, which is something I'm not ever gonna use.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
16:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, and I'm just like, oh, so you really don't know who I am, or you're saying, like, hey, Jesus loves you, come join me.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: There's still time for you.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, save yourself, right?
16:49
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, hey, like, cool, I just don't agree with you, right?
16:54
SPEAKER_01: But I don't know how to like say that nicely, so I usually just drop it, but it it doesn't feel like they know me or they have listened to like what I have to say about things.
17:04
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, feel like you're somebody's project then.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: I'd be a really hard project.
17:10
SPEAKER_04: You would be depending on the project, you'd be wonderful.
17:14
SPEAKER_04: Um, so tell us about your adult life because I know part of your story has to do with you know, your your girls and your their birth and and how things sort of interwove with the temple life.
17:28
SPEAKER_04: And um so tell us a little bit about that.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I graduated college and I um you know, I came home and I was my husband and I, my husband is also Jewish, and our um marriage was the first marriage in the temple that we have built.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's just different um being Jewish because where our temple is, there's um a church and a mosque um directly uh next to it, was in between two of them.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: However, ours was the only one that the city sued and said we couldn't build there because of traffic, right?
18:11
SPEAKER_01: So it took forever to get built.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, um, had we not been a congregation filled with lawyers, um, it would have been probably really difficult to defend ourselves on the property that we had bought to actually build the synagogue, right?
18:26
SPEAKER_01: So it's like a lot of like everything for you is a fight when you're a Jewish person, right?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Um because you are already behind when you start.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: And so that kind of stuff had been going on.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, we were the first ones to actually get married there.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: So that was a big deal.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and you know, um, I grew up uh when we moved here, we started in that congregation.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: We didn't have a building, so my parents were part of building that.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: My dad taught Sunday school and Hebrew school.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: My mom was the principal of our Sunday school.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: So we went every Wednesday to Hebrew school, every Sunday in the morning to Sunday school, in the afternoon to Hebrew school, um, some mornings on Saturdays and Friday nights.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: So we were there a lot.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: We did a lot for the congregation.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I went away to college, and of course, when you're in Nevada, you do not go to any kind of stuff here unless you come home for like a holiday, right?
19:29
SPEAKER_04: For those that don't know where we live, and Ruth lives near me.
19:34
SPEAKER_04: In order to go to Reno, you have to go up and over the Sierra Mountains.
19:39
SPEAKER_04: So right.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: So you would only go on like special occasions and if there was something at college or whatever.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, I was in graduate school when I was pregnant with a girl.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: So do you want me to just go into like how the go get it?
19:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: So I was in graduate school um when I was pregnant with the girls, and um, I had intended to finish before I had them, but I got put on bed rest.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: And while I was on bed rest, I switched to a different set of doctors that were in Sacramento, which is a closer, well, further hospital, but um, you know, a more technologically advanced hospital than the one that's near us.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: So I had gone to a different group, and the first day I had an ultrasound, they found out that one of my daughters had a heart defect.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: Um and I was already, I was already on bed rest.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: I was already having trouble.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: So I spent more than half of my pregnancy on bed rest.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: And about I think I was like 24 weeks pregnant when they just put me into the hospital.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: So wow.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: I stayed in the hospital on bed rest until I was 30.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: I want to say it was like 32 weeks.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: And then they said, well, the babies are viable, so you can go home.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: But I spent a month in the hospital.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I was on these drugs that it's called like magnesium sulfate.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: So you can't, your muscles are super relaxed.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: So it stops you from going into labor, but also you can't focus your eyes.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: So I was like sitting in my hospital room and I could see two moons out the window.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Like I was on different planet for a month.
21:29
SPEAKER_01: Did you have pre-eclampsia?
21:31
SPEAKER_01: I had everything.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, so I had placental previa, then I had a placental abruption, and then I had pre-eclampsia, and then I was pregnant with a baby or two that had heart defects, and they didn't know if they were both gonna need surgery of just one.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, we need these babies as big as we can get them.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: And so I mean, I was like sick.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know how to tell you, I was just like sick.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: So I went in there and I wanna um just back up a second.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: I always I would ask my parents when I was little, what do the like they would talk about the rabbi salary, of course, because my parents were on the board and all that stuff, right?
22:13
SPEAKER_01: So they were talking about salaries and stuff, and I'm like, what are they?
22:17
SPEAKER_01: Get paid for.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: You just see them on Wednesday for two hours and like Saturday and send them like, and I don't understand.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: And my mom's like, well, they go and they visit sick people and they do counseling with people that need help and they do all this other stuff that you just don't see.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, right.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: I accepted that.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: I believed it.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Right.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I believe with everything, right?
22:38
SPEAKER_01: So they show up in when people need them the most, right?
22:42
SPEAKER_01: And to me, that's the most important part because that's what Steve and I do for a living, right?
22:49
SPEAKER_01: And it's more than just your living, it's like who you are as a person, right?
22:53
SPEAKER_01: It becomes who you are, right?
22:55
SPEAKER_01: So I show up for people when they're at their lowest.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: Right.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: I see people at their worst.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: And most of the time they didn't ask me to be there.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: And some of them tell me like to leave and not so nice words, right?
23:10
SPEAKER_01: But I'm there.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: So I was in the hospital for a month and I saw a bunch of priests.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: They came in to check on me, and that was very nice.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: And I remember saying to my mom, gosh, it would be nice if I saw like, you know, just somebody that represented us.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: Because like I told you guys before, we're not represented Jewish people.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, we're not represented in most things.
23:36
SPEAKER_01: And if we are represented, it's usually not correctly.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: And so I was like saying that to my mom, and she didn't say anything to me.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: She'll never start stuff.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: So she didn't say anything to me.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: And then I went home and then I went back into the hospital.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I had the girls, and I was there for, you know, I they were in the NICU for like eight days.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: And and um we actually got them home like Christmas Eve.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: And I remember having said to somebody and like a social worker, I said, Well, they can leave, but they need to send somebody here from lactation.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Honey, if you think anybody's coming right now, you are wrong.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Might as well just ask that doctor if you can leave.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: And so my husband's all, can we get out of here with these kids?
24:21
SPEAKER_01: And the doctor's all, sure, no problem, and sent us home.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: Like, and I never, they had been telling me the whole time, well, you just need to meet with somebody from lactation, but I guess they all took vacation.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: So since it was Christmas Eve, uh, we got to take them home that night.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: And then I did not really hear anything.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: So about a week before my daughter was supposed to have so open heart surgery is a big deal.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: So I will tell you guys it turned like my and my whole my my husband, my mom, my dad, everybody's lives turned upside down, right?
24:55
SPEAKER_01: So I live in the middle of the nowhere.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm driving an hour and a half to get to doctor's appointments.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: I sometimes have five in a day.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: I work the crisis shift at night.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: Over is my job.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: And um I uh get no sleep because I'm feeding babies and um and I'm I'm a grad student, right?
25:22
SPEAKER_01: So one day a week I go into college and I do all my coursework that day, and then I work two days a week for free at mental health.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm driving to these doctors' appointments, and we're one week away from surgery.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: And P.S.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: I've been feeding my daughter through a tube.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: If I put the tube in wrong, I drowned her.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean, it there's just no end to like what it all was, right?
25:51
SPEAKER_01: So I'm driving home and I live in the middle of nowhere.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: So my phone service is sketchy, and this is in the days of like flip phones.
26:00
SPEAKER_01: And I say, I get a call and it's from our rabbi.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: And I say, she said, Hey, I was told that you're gonna be going through something and I wanted to reach out to you.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: And I say to her, I would love to talk to you.
26:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm like 10 minutes away from home, right?
26:16
SPEAKER_01: And um, can I call you back in 10 minutes?
26:20
SPEAKER_01: And she basically said, I'm not gonna have time in 10 minutes.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, do you have time next week?
26:26
SPEAKER_01: And she basically said, like, I'm pretty busy.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I just don't have time to deal with, like, I didn't have any more time, but I just wondered to myself, like, as a therapist, you know, when I get a new client or somebody, I always make sure I have an hour set aside to talk to them in case they really need somebody, right?
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Um and so for her to have not 10 minutes and um, you know, not not a time at all in the next week before the surgery happens, like to talk to me, I was I was just taken aback.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: But to be real, like at that point, you know, I just was really focused on my kid, right?
27:07
SPEAKER_01: So uh she has her surgery.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: We spend, you know, five days, she's there for five days, and then we come home and we have slews of doctor's appointments, and I had to use my like bonding with a like a newborn or something.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: I had to go back to work and save that so that I would have be able to take off time for her surgery.
27:28
SPEAKER_01: Like it was crazy how they don't give you more time, right?
27:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and my work at that time was um I worked at a different office because I was unpaid at mental health, right?
27:41
SPEAKER_01: That was a uh that was part of your grad school correct right, so I wasn't even off of that one.
27:48
SPEAKER_04: Let me interrupt you for a second because I want to get back to the rabbi.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:54
SPEAKER_04: You you spent your whole life hearing, hey, the rabbi's there for you.
27:58
SPEAKER_04: They're this is what they do, this is why we pay them.
28:00
SPEAKER_04: Yes, and so what did that mean to you?
28:04
SPEAKER_04: You didn't get a call and you're in the hospital, and when you finally did get a call, it was sort of uh obligatory, I don't have time.
28:12
SPEAKER_04: What did that mean to you?
28:14
SPEAKER_01: So I was hurt, yeah, and just kind of beside myself about how it was happening, but I I felt more hurt when I found out that it wasn't just that my parents had requested her to come and she didn't, and that my parents' best friends, who were like my second parents, had requested her to come and they had all visited me and she didn't.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: And when several other members of the board had requested it and she just didn't.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: So when I found out that it wasn't like she just didn't know, or we were all just so stressed that nobody asked, you know, and she didn't find out she knew and she didn't come.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: That's what kind of like I think that was the biggest part.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: It was like a huge letdown for me.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: And meanwhile, you are like juggling school, new babies, hormones changing, recovery from having children, like your daughter's recovering from surgery.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: She doesn't have 10 minutes, but you're out volunteering your time, driving to and from appointments.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: Like that had to have felt maddening.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: It was, I mean, it was crazy.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'll tell you, like, I didn't feel like I had community support.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't, I couldn't, I wanted a therapist, and I tried to get one from my school, but I couldn't.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: And they referred me to my own work, like where I, you know, just go to the office next door.
29:44
SPEAKER_04: There's somebody that's up to Steve.
29:46
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
29:47
SPEAKER_04: Right.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just was looking for anybody that could like hear me out that wasn't like my mom who really couldn't like nobody was handling it all well.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: Like, not me, not anybody.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: And so I needed support and and I was asking for it from anywhere I could get it, and I could not get it.
30:10
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
30:11
SPEAKER_04: You know, it reminds me of a sort of desperation that I can't even imagine.
30:18
SPEAKER_04: I you know, I've never given birth.
30:20
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we've all had what they call the dark night of the soul, but it sounds like such a desperate time.
30:28
SPEAKER_04: And, you know, your husband's going through this some of the same things.
30:32
SPEAKER_04: It's not like he could be there, you know, and fully meet all your needs.
30:36
SPEAKER_04: And in that moment people oftentimes get, you know, desperate to do desperate things.
30:44
SPEAKER_04: And it just sounds like I'm picturing you treading water in the ocean, but the ocean is like s you know, 30 foot swells and um hurricane warnings and whatnot, and and and just survival sounds like next year's impossible.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:06
SPEAKER_04: And how did you manage that?
31:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm like a put your big girl panties kind of girl on.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Like I just like, I don't know, just like you gotta, I always just I you have to get through it, right?
31:22
SPEAKER_01: Like, if I give up, then where are we all?
31:25
SPEAKER_01: Right.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: So I just have to get through it and hope that everything's gonna turn out okay.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: And and then I don't know, to myself, I'm like, I'll do things differently.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: So when I see people in need, I don't respond the way I felt like people were responding to me.
31:42
SPEAKER_01: I try to be there and offer support and show up and make meals and in the synagogue world.
31:49
SPEAKER_04: I'm assuming it's sort of similar to the church world in that you know, if the um pastor isn't available or the rabbi isn't available, then you know, other members will sometimes reach out and whatnot.
32:05
SPEAKER_04: And it sounds like it was compounded by they weren't there either.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: So my parents and their close friends were there and they came.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: I just think I know that all of them asked, and and again, I think that all of them were too close to all of it.
32:24
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
32:25
SPEAKER_01: Too close, they're too close.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: Like these, it's my parents' oldest daughter with their first grandkids, and everything was crazy.
32:37
SPEAKER_01: I mean, and their best friends, I'm the oldest of all of them, and none of them had grandkids, and they still treat my kids like their own, but they were all like too close to it.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: Like, I didn't have someone that was a little removed that I could just be like, my mom is in here crying every day, or she's trying to do her best, or my dad is doing this, or you see what I'm saying?
33:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's all these people when you're in crisis, I think um, you know, they couldn't quit their job, so I had to be at the hospital by myself, you know.
33:12
SPEAKER_04: And um well, and knowing you, you were probably caring for them.
33:17
SPEAKER_04: I mean they'd come in and cry, and you'd be like, Oh, it's gonna be fine.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: And so it was just, I mean, just like I definitely needed somebody a little removed.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: When you look back at that period in your life, what finally felt like reprieve?
33:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, how long did you feel like you were kind of in that storm and you finally felt like you're coming up for air?
33:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, so you know, having her surgery done was a big one.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Uh graduating when I got finished.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I bet.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Were you just bawling when you walked across that stage?
33:55
SPEAKER_01: Like no.
33:57
SPEAKER_01: I was just, I don't know.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: I was just relieved.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Like I got that done, you know.
34:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:04
SPEAKER_04: Ruth, you Ruth, when we were um, when we talked the other day, you were talking about how that was bad.
34:11
SPEAKER_04: But then, okay, I got a family, I want to raise them in the synagogue.
34:17
SPEAKER_04: And you know, we're struggling for financially, but I want to raise them in the synagogue.
34:24
SPEAKER_04: This seems like a really great idea.
34:26
SPEAKER_04: And then it sort of turned a little bit even in that.
34:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so so what happened was when the kids were old enough, I was like, Oh, I'm gonna take them to preschool.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh, we're struggling financially, and that is an understatement.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: My daughter's heart surgery cost like$300,000.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, and and our insurance was not working.
34:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, the children's services around here were not picking up where they were supposed to, even though they should have.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, our medical bills and the year that I had them were$45,000, and my husband made like$50,000.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: And the expectation was we would just pay them and like live.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: So, so if you look at how much we made at the time, you know, we should have been able to pay these, but they weren't taking into account like so.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: In the um the synagogues, they look at how much you make and they determine whether or not you can afford to pay to belong to the congregation.
35:30
SPEAKER_01: It's not like church where you show up and you put money in a basket, or like the Mormon religions, they take a certain percentage.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: They just uh for for Jewish people, they just have um like this is what the dues are, monthly dues.
35:46
SPEAKER_01: And if you're doing um Sunday school, the dues are higher.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, and if you do Hebrew school, that's an additional charge as well.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
35:55
SPEAKER_01: And if you do Hebrew school with um the bot mitzvah package, it's more expensive.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to do that.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: They wouldn't let me have my dad paid for a family membership.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: And they just said um, she can't be on your family membership anymore.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: So he was paying for a family membership so that I could like attend with him because he can just pay for like a couple for him and my mom.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, but he paid for a family so we could attend stuff with them.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: And then they were like, no, she can't be on that anymore.
36:27
SPEAKER_01: She has to have her own membership.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: So I had to prove to them that I didn't make enough money, which felt like I mean, it was just really like hard, I guess, to have to feel like I was uh proving to them, like, no, I really don't have this money.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't do this.
36:47
SPEAKER_01: And they were like, well, you know, we always have to reassess this every year.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: And so then I wanted to make a deal with them, like my parents had done when I was younger, which was I could teach Sunday school for free.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: And um, then they would not charge me for my kids, right?
37:05
SPEAKER_01: And then we could just not pay the membership or whatever.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: And they were like, no, you have to pay the membership and you have to let us pay you, which means that if I'm sick, I can't stay home and rest or anything like that.
37:22
SPEAKER_01: Like I have to show up, right?
37:24
SPEAKER_01: And if if they pay me, then it goes into my taxes, which means I bump into like a higher tax bracket that I can't afford.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: And I'm giving more than that money back to the congregation for dues.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I just couldn't like do it.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: So I just was like, you know what?
37:45
SPEAKER_01: I was like uncomfortable and feeling like pretty like rejected at that point, anyway, from all the stuff that I had just been through.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: And then just having that going on, I'm like, I just don't think I'm gonna do it.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't have time to do this, and I don't want it was just all of it together.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: So then I just didn't didn't do it.
38:07
SPEAKER_04: And I all sounds logical, but that had to have some emotional overtone.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes, of course it did.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: Of course it did.
38:17
SPEAKER_01: Like, of course, it was huge, and I just decided like my kids, I'm gonna teach the class that I'm gonna be paid less than it cost for you to go to, then I can just talk to you at home about that stuff, and we don't need to come down here every week.
38:37
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
38:38
SPEAKER_04: And so you raised them knowing in their faith, knowing your family's faith.
38:44
SPEAKER_04: And did you teach them Hebrew?
38:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, no, I don't know.
38:49
SPEAKER_04: I was gonna ask you to say something to us in Hebrew because I love that, but you know, you don't have to.
38:55
SPEAKER_01: The only really thing that uh besides prayers that I can say, I can tell you that shalom means peace, hello, and goodbye.
39:04
SPEAKER_04: All at once.
39:05
SPEAKER_04: So if I say shalom to CJ, he doesn't know what I mean.
39:09
SPEAKER_02: It's a greeting.
39:10
SPEAKER_02: It's a greeting, right?
39:11
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
39:12
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
39:13
SPEAKER_04: That's that's a lot.
39:15
SPEAKER_04: And and I know in uh you know, here we talk about what's helped.
39:20
SPEAKER_04: And so what what helped you?
39:23
SPEAKER_04: I know you're a still a person of faith and still a person of you know, you pull up your big girl panties, as you say, and work hard, and you every job I've known about and your reputation, you work really hard.
39:38
SPEAKER_04: But what what's helped you, you know, work wise not not so much work-wise, but faith-wise and sort of just you know, as a spiritual person and as a relational person, what's helped you get through all that?
39:53
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you, like, at one point, um a couple of uh like a year or two after all of this the stuff with um so my girls must have been like two or something.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: No, they must have been older because it was after the whole Sunday thing school thing happened.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: So it must have been like years later.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: Um, I guess the rabbi was ready to do her renew her contract, and some people gave her some feedback um about she didn't really follow up with people and they were upset about me.
40:28
SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't my parents or their close friends, so someone else knew and said something to her, and she called me up and she said, I think I did something wrong to you, but I don't know what I did.
40:41
SPEAKER_04: And how did that feel?
40:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I actually it felt a little better because like to me, she was waiting.
40:53
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, no.
40:54
SPEAKER_04: It felt better that she knew she was a part of it, yeah, lacking and didn't know why.
41:00
SPEAKER_04: Like so here's this is not bliss in this case, you know.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's two pieces to it.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: So part of it felt better because I don't think she did it intentionally, and that matters to me.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
41:13
SPEAKER_01: Like it wasn't intentional.
41:15
SPEAKER_04: All right, I'm with you on that.
41:17
SPEAKER_04: Okay, um see, you're a great person, and I should be better.
41:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I uh um I wasn't like super friendly to her.
41:27
SPEAKER_01: Like I she goes, I I don't know what I did, and I I guess I owe you an apology, but I'm not sure what for.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, okay, do you want me to tell you what it was?
41:37
SPEAKER_01: And she said yes.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: So I explained it to her, and I said, you know, I was in the hospital for like, I think it was a total of like I spent two, if you told it it all together, two full months in the hospital.
41:50
SPEAKER_01: And I know now that you were told multiple times to come and visit me and you never did it.
41:55
SPEAKER_01: And I told her, I'm paid for a living to show up for people when they need me most.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: And when I needed it most, no one showed up for me.
42:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, besides my family, who was all in it with me, you know, and I needed someone else.
42:13
SPEAKER_01: And um, and I told her, and and she said, Well, she wanted to apologize.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, um, you know, if if that is what you need, then I will accept your apology.
42:27
SPEAKER_01: I said, But what I need you to do is never do this to someone again.
42:32
SPEAKER_01: Good for you because it was so hard for me.
42:34
SPEAKER_01: So I don't think I was like really nice to her, but you know, it hurt, and it changed a lot of things for me in my life.
42:42
SPEAKER_04: So yeah, and and I want to just say this to our listeners, and I'm I'm talking to me as a listener as well.
42:49
SPEAKER_04: This has nothing to do with which synagogue or church or temple or whatever you go to.
42:54
SPEAKER_04: No, we gotta show up for people, yeah.
42:56
SPEAKER_04: And when we don't know what to do to show up for people, showing up is the thing.
43:03
SPEAKER_04: And um, we don't have to know what to do when we get there to show up.
43:07
SPEAKER_04: We don't have to know what to say when we show up, we just have to show up.
43:13
SPEAKER_04: And um, if I may, uh Ruth, I don't know how familiar you are with the story of Job, but I it's a story that I love.
43:21
SPEAKER_04: And one of the things I love about it is after all of the catastrophic things happen to him, his friends show up and for a whole week they don't talk.
43:32
SPEAKER_04: And at the end of a week, they start to talk, only they're lecturing him a little bit.
43:37
SPEAKER_04: And he says, Why did you abandon the ministry of silence?
43:41
SPEAKER_04: And I think that there's something so powerful in just showing up.
43:45
SPEAKER_04: And so I wish people had showed up for you, and I wish that all of us would take the advice you gave your rabbi that don't do this to anybody else.
43:56
SPEAKER_04: Like, let's show up for people, let's let's go and figure it out when we get there.
44:01
SPEAKER_03: And you showed a lot more grace than I would, because I would have been like, you put me back on that family plan.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: And I know I only got ten minutes, girl.
44:11
SPEAKER_02: Let's show you ten minutes.
44:14
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:15
SPEAKER_04: All right, so.
44:16
SPEAKER_04: Let me let me just kind of turn a corner.
44:19
SPEAKER_04: Tell us where you are now with your faith and where are you headed?
44:24
SPEAKER_04: Where's your faith journey going?
44:27
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
44:28
SPEAKER_01: I go with my dad and my mom when they want me to, when they're going.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know.
44:37
SPEAKER_01: I don't know where it's heading.
44:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I'll ever be a member of a congregation again.
44:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I can see.
44:46
SPEAKER_01: I just think I can believe in all of my faith on my own, and I don't need to gather to do that.
44:54
SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
44:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:56
SPEAKER_04: Totally.
44:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
44:57
SPEAKER_04: I when you said I don't know where I'm headed, I thought none of us do.
45:03
SPEAKER_04: I mean, we all know some of us are in a place to go.
45:08
SPEAKER_04: I know where I want to go, and so I'm gonna keep walking in that direction.
45:12
SPEAKER_04: Hope when I get there.
45:14
SPEAKER_04: Um and it sounds like there's been enough hurt and enough um stuff that you know joining a congregation doesn't seem that attractive, but who knows?
45:25
SPEAKER_04: And also, um your your faith is maybe stronger because you've had to kind of wander the wilderness and be there by yourself and with your husband and with your family and with their close friends, and and that that you know is is uh healthy, but it's not the best.
45:47
SPEAKER_04: You know, we would want it to be sub surrounded by great people and wonderful folks, and and you are, I know, in your friendships and in your um your social life anyway, but I'm sorry that they weren't there for you.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
46:03
SPEAKER_00: When I think about the Jewish tradition and the Jewish faith, I think about the significance and ritual and the meaning behind a lot of the spiritual practices that you have.
46:15
SPEAKER_00: And I think about people sitting Shiva, which is like what you needed.
46:20
SPEAKER_00: You needed people to be able to just like Steve said, sit with you in the ministry of silence.
46:26
SPEAKER_00: But being a person who grew up feeling like the only, I live in a um on the North Shore in Chicago where there's a significant population of Jewish people.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: And so schools take Jewish holiday.
46:39
SPEAKER_00: And what is something that you want people to know about the Jewish tradition, Jewish faith, Jewish people, like that that you still hold on to?
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Like if you say that there's still fragments of like your faith there that you hold on to, what do you wish people knew differently that so we can do better?
47:00
SPEAKER_01: The the majority can do better instead of having um stereotypes or misperceptions or you know, I guess like the biggest thing, I mean, right now, like Jewish people are under fire again.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
47:14
SPEAKER_01: And like there was a meme I saw, and it's like, once again, they tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.
47:22
SPEAKER_01: And and I think like what's crazy is the Jewish people are like really peaceful, and the religion itself is all about peace, it's not about any exclusionary things and um or practices, you know, and it's all about like trying to be the best person you can be and the time that you're here, and that's how I turned out how I am, and why my kids are dedicated to service and and how everyone's chosen their careers and my whole entire family, right?
47:57
SPEAKER_01: And that we value education and morals and right, and I feel like that's misunderstood, and it gets lost in times when people go up to my kid wearing a Jewish star and say to him, Is that a pentagram?
48:10
SPEAKER_01: Are you a devil worshiper?
48:11
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, right?
48:13
SPEAKER_01: Do you see what I'm saying?
48:14
SPEAKER_01: Where we have that kind of stuff, and that's where where you have this like piece of of a lack of understanding of the basics, right?
48:25
SPEAKER_04: Right.
48:25
SPEAKER_04: And and I can tell you all that we don't have enough time on this podcast to talk to you about how much uh volunteer work that her kids have done around the community.
48:37
SPEAKER_04: And I'm not talking about showing up and sweeping the synagogue, I'm talking about serious involvement in really significant issues, and that may be a whole nother episode someday.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: But um Jen, that was awesome.
48:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh! Like, I can't even imagine you're just sharing your story, and I'm like, this is just all that you went through with with your twin.
49:04
SPEAKER_00: I assume they're twins, yeah.
49:06
SPEAKER_00: Two girls are twins, yeah.
49:08
SPEAKER_00: More than one for sure.
49:10
SPEAKER_00: Being in the hospital and surgeries afterwards and going to school.
49:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you ever look back and go, How did I do that?
49:16
SPEAKER_00: Not lose my mind.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: I feel like that um prepped me.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, one of my daughters is a cancer survivor.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I just so I think like um all of the stuff that was happening, and even if it was like really hard to go to go through, it was like kind of okay.
49:38
SPEAKER_01: So when the the cancer diagnosis came, I was like, this isn't my first rodeo.
49:44
SPEAKER_01: Right, like buckle up, I guess.
49:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
49:47
SPEAKER_04: I will say this, and I don't know if you feel like this, but I know you know Caleb's had cancer twice, and I everything that we had been through prepared us for that, and then that prepared us for that, and and now I go, I don't want to be prepared for it.
50:05
SPEAKER_04: I mean, uh isn't there like a limit?
50:08
SPEAKER_04: You know, you get you get heart surgeries, premature birth, and uh cancer, then you're done.
50:15
SPEAKER_04: You don't have to do any more, you don't I wish that I hope that's true.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: I wish that for you for sure.
50:20
SPEAKER_01: Me too.
50:21
SPEAKER_04: But that's a great question, Heidi.
50:23
SPEAKER_04: Thank you for that.
50:24
SPEAKER_04: Um, see you do you have something to say or or I was telling my kids to close the door for the 10th time.
50:31
SPEAKER_04: 100 children at his house right now.
50:34
SPEAKER_04: Um, I think we're gonna um get close to ending there.
50:39
SPEAKER_04: Ruth, is there anything else you want?
50:41
SPEAKER_04: You know, this is an audience of uh primarily Christian people who I think the people that listen to this are wanting to do better or are wanting to be uh more inclusive and also helping one another.
50:55
SPEAKER_04: And so if you have 30 seconds or a minute of great advice for us, go for it.
51:03
SPEAKER_01: I just think um I don't know, just be inclusive, as inclusive as you possibly can.
51:10
SPEAKER_01: So just if some even if somebody doesn't go to your church, include them, they don't have to come to church with you, include them in your group.
51:17
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, absolutely.
51:18
SPEAKER_04: I love that.
51:19
SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
51:21
SPEAKER_04: Hey, thank you for being here today, and thank you for um touching my life for sure for many, many years.
51:29
SPEAKER_04: Through lots of work stuff, through lots of laughter and friendship for sure, and um lots of coffee at a particular place that we probably shouldn't name, unless they want to sponsor us, Foxwood.
51:43
SPEAKER_04: Come on, you can help us do it.
51:45
SPEAKER_04: Um uh, but thank you for being here.
51:48
SPEAKER_04: We appreciate it.
51:49
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely such a beautiful story and person, and I love your tenacity and your realness.
51:56
SPEAKER_00: Like you are not beating around the bush in the ways that you were hurt, and you you have a strength that is so admirable.
52:05
SPEAKER_00: And I think that um I just think of you as like this badass mom that's like you know, you have no idea.
52:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, such an advocate for the underdog, and I love that.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for taking the time to do this.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
52:22
unknown: Okay, all right, right, right, right.
52:24
SPEAKER_04: All right, well, welcome, Ruth.
52:26
SPEAKER_04: That was such a great interview, and we have a tradition here where we take um topics and we break them down like we've already done, but then we try to end with some funny stories.
52:39
SPEAKER_04: And I know your family well enough to know that you have one, but I'd like to tell one first because when I turned 60, I decided I was gonna try 60 new things in my 60th year that didn't cost me$60,000.
52:53
SPEAKER_04: And because I'm a person that loves wind chimes, I thought I want to learn how to make wind chimes, which by the way, is a lot.
53:00
SPEAKER_04: I'm like, you buy a board, a bunch of pipes, some string, and then you gotta do all these things to put it together.
53:06
SPEAKER_04: And I found the nerdiest website there is, uh Lee Height, if you want to look it up.
53:12
SPEAKER_04: Um, but I did, you know, I make these wind chimes, and CJ was moving to a new house, and I decided as a housewarming gift, I would make he and his family a wind chime, and I would deliver it to them, it would be a surprise.
53:29
SPEAKER_04: They would all, you know, praise me, lift me up on their shoulders, walk me off the property.
53:34
SPEAKER_04: It'd be great.
53:35
SPEAKER_04: It'd be this amazing moment that they could never ever repay me.
53:39
SPEAKER_04: And so I show up with the wind chimes and they say thank you.
53:44
SPEAKER_04: And CJ leaves the room, comes back with a little digital tuning thing to see so he could chime the chimes and see if they were in on key or if they were platoon.
53:58
SPEAKER_04: I don't even know anything about music, but CJ does, and he's a music guy.
54:04
SPEAKER_04: And he's surprised you remembered it like that.
54:07
SPEAKER_03: Oh, it was I was just curious what chord you put on there.
54:10
SPEAKER_03: That's all I wasn't trying to say anything.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: What chord was it?
54:14
SPEAKER_03: I think it was a suspended A.
54:17
SPEAKER_03: We say ASUS.
54:19
SPEAKER_03: Is that thank you, Steve?
54:21
SPEAKER_03: Is that a chord?
54:22
SPEAKER_04: It sounds sketchy, like it's ASUS, which is like what the kids would say if yeah.
54:29
SPEAKER_04: What grade did you get?
54:30
SPEAKER_04: A sus.
54:31
SPEAKER_04: Okay, they were problematic.
54:33
SPEAKER_04: But thank you.
54:34
SPEAKER_04: Anyway, Steve, it's great.
54:35
SPEAKER_04: You're you're welcome.
54:36
SPEAKER_04: And I know he was more grateful than that.
54:39
SPEAKER_04: And Ruth, I know your family is fun, and so tell us a story.
54:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I was at a swim meet, and I kind of walked up to a group of moms that were talking and laughing, who in front of all of them, and I hear something about a video, and they're all, well, you saw the video, and I'm like, what are we talking about?
55:01
SPEAKER_01: Right.
55:01
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so nervous about seeing this video.
55:05
SPEAKER_01: And I'm all, does anybody have it?
55:07
SPEAKER_01: The video?
55:08
SPEAKER_01: Because I haven't seen what video you're talking about.
55:10
SPEAKER_01: And they were laughing like a lot.
55:12
SPEAKER_01: So somebody pulls out their phone and they had the video they took from their kids' phone, and it was a video of my son in his speedo.
55:23
SPEAKER_01: And he had used something to tip at his school.
55:30
SPEAKER_01: The locker room has like a tiled hallway that goes to the locker room from the locker room to the pool, and there's a sink at the end.
55:39
SPEAKER_01: So he had used something to make the spigot come out of the sink so that it would flood the hallway, and then covered himself in soap from the hand thing, and he was slip and sliding down the hallway over and over and over.
55:58
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my god, really?
56:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, but what?
56:06
SPEAKER_04: Um that is fantastic.
56:07
SPEAKER_04: That's like boy mom work right there.
56:10
SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
56:11
SPEAKER_01: He's like, it's okay because there is no video camera there.
56:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, but you let everybody videotape that and we let them see it.
56:21
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, no one's gonna put that up there.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: It would be fine.
56:25
SPEAKER_03: And all the parents knew about it.
56:27
SPEAKER_03: I actually have a story that relates to that, believe it or not.
56:30
SPEAKER_03: But I was in a drum core and I I was I was in I played horn for this group that toured uh around the nation, right?
56:38
SPEAKER_03: And we'd stay from high school to high school, and we'd stay, and we'd take showers in those type of locker rooms, those you know, where they're all there.
56:46
SPEAKER_03: And I on show days we would do that on a daily basis.
56:50
SPEAKER_03: We make a slip and slide.
56:52
SPEAKER_03: Wow, this is a thing.
56:53
SPEAKER_03: I've never heard of it, and it was it's weird, but it was the funnest thing to be honest.
56:58
SPEAKER_01: Did you guys have speedos?
57:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh no speedos, that's that's probably what makes it worse.
57:07
SPEAKER_04: Just the way it was.
57:08
SPEAKER_04: This kid just everybody talked about it hilarious on the sidebar, but we didn't plug the sink.
57:14
SPEAKER_03: That that's pretty ingenious.
57:16
SPEAKER_03: That is very cool.
57:18
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for just being such a real person and sharing your story in such an authentic way.
57:26
SPEAKER_00: I love your humor and your tenacity, your strength.
57:29
SPEAKER_00: Yes, um, this was a great episode, and I know it's gonna help so many people.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
57:36
SPEAKER_03: Thanks, Ruth.
57:37
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Ruth.
57:38
SPEAKER_03: Nice meeting you.
57:39
SPEAKER_00: Take care.
57:40
SPEAKER_03: All right, bye-bye.
57:43
SPEAKER_00: Be blessed.
57:44
SPEAKER_03: I thought I'd be blessed.