Latest / Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm / The ADHD Decision Crisis: Why You’re Spinning in Circles (and How to Stop) | 014

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The ADHD Decision Crisis: Why You’re Spinning in Circles (and How to Stop) | 014 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis, and this is your space for bite-sized tools, real talk about ADHD, and just the little wins that help us feel like life is actually doable.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode: focus.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or more specifically, I want to focus, but what do I actually focus on?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Where is my focus?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes it's not our lack of motivation, sometimes it is, but many times it's not our lack of motivation, our lack of energy or tools.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We have all of the things.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: We just can't seem to focus.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about how to decide what to focus on when everything feels important and urgent and your brain is just bouncing around like a pinball machine.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: But before we dive into focus, let's do today's quick win.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, right now, ask yourself, what's the one thing that would make everything else easier or less stressful today?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And no, you can't get rid of your kids or your husband or your friends.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: What's something that maybe you've put on yourself that you can just either take care of or talk through it with your best friend?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: What's the one thing that would make everything easier or less stressful for you today?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: What's weighing on you?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't even have enough time to pause and think about that.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So this is your chance to just take a minute and pause and think about, all right, what's really, really weighing me down?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Can I get clear on that?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, what's the real challenge about that?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what do I need to do?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do about that?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't mean you need to take action exactly right now, but give yourself some time to reflect.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Reflection is so important as we make our way forward.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to focus.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: ADHD plus focus equals super complicated.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: We know this about ourselves and we see it in our children.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we saw it in our children first and we realized, oh my gosh, I do that too.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing ADHD, it's not a deficit of attention.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually just a dysregulation of attention.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: We can focus really well and sometimes too well.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like we call that hyperfocus.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we hyperfocus on things that we love or things that we think are urgent.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that can give us a lot of anxiety and stress, right?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: But everything else, it just seems to slip through the cracks.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what makes it worse is decision fatigue.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Our ADHD brains don't just struggle to focus, we struggle to choose what to focus on in the first place.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why we want to focus on everything.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: So what should you focus on?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's start with what not to focus on.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: First, we don't want to waste your precious mental energy on everything all at once.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not focus on someone else's priority that isn't actually yours.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: That hits me right there.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I take everybody's urgency as my urgency, and I'm like, I'm creative, I can fix this.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just stop it.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody needs to tell you that.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just stop.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And stop trying to reorganize your life today, right now.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just take a break.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Save that for your next hyper-focused wave.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: All right, back to you.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: What should we focus on?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's a three-question filter for this.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: So when you feel like your brain is scattered, let's just take a pause and ask yourself, all right, what's on fire right now?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna start with urgency.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something that's due today?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something that's waiting on you for something?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is dinner in 20 minutes and nobody's eaten yet and everybody's getting hangry?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right, well, that goes to the top of your list.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: This dinner thing gets me all the time.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know every day dinner's coming, and yet 20 minutes before we really need to eat, and everybody's mood is shifting quickly, I'm scrambling to pull something together, and sometimes it's scrambled eggs.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or I decide, hey guys, we're having tacos with shredded chicken.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: But then I realized I have chicken, I just didn't cook it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's veggie tacos tonight.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So the first question, what's on fire?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: What needs what actually needs to be taken care of right now?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We can work on planning it out so we're not doing last minute things later, but right now, what's on fire?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: What actually needs to happen?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the first question.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: What's on fire?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: The second question, what's really weighing down on me right now?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: What's taking up so much mental space, that ugh feeling?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a task that's draining your energy by just existing on your task list?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's really small, like returning a text, making a quick phone call, or clearing a pile off the table, it deserves your attention.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the trick to this is not to take on more things or saying yes to things.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I feel bad saying no about being on the PTA at school, like the parent teacher.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: What does the A stand for?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Association?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: The parent teacher thing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if it's called PTA at our school, honestly, but that I'm not a part of it.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just it's not where my gifting is.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't need to spend my time there in this season of my life.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to say no to many things.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: If someone else is telling you that you should be doing something, definitely take a long pause and consider it a no.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Should is a really interesting word.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think Brene Brown talks a lot about that too, and like the guilt that we feel.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have ever read Brene Brown or you haven't, really great resource for you on that.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: But that question, what's weighing down on me today?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great question for anyone.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And beyond this question is why is it so heavy?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the real challenge there?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Does something need to change?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to set better boundaries?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to say no more often?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to get clarity on what the heck I'm doing?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, we're talking about focus.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And all of this is helping us reflect and get focused so that we know what we can say no to and we know what is actually important and urgent.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: But beyond that, here's a third question you can ask yourself.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: What would actually bring you peace or momentum?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So this one's about supporting your future self.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe make tomorrow easier, or it could create some momentum.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's resetting your planner, taking a look at all the different things that are that's going on.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's something in your planner that is just doesn't bring you peace?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference between having to do something because that's our responsibility.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there's also things that maybe not bring us peace that we can say no to and get rid of.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just tidying the living room for 10 minutes, just decluttering things can bring you a lot of peace.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite scheduling tweaks, and I know most people have probably figured this out years and years and years ago, but I cannot make good coffee in the morning.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I make hot water.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I forget to put the coffee grounds in.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I make hot water in the morning.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or I forget to put the little coffee mug under the drip thing and I wake up to a huge mess.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So what brings me peace is I prep my coffee at night, put it on the delayed timer, and then I have coffee in the morning to start my day.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I just think better at night when it comes to getting my coffee ready so that morning Jess can get her day started well.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then evening Jess can be thankful that morning Jess got all of the tasks done that she needed to get done.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: So taking a moment to reflect and figure out those little tweaks during your day that you can do to help set yourself up for success tomorrow.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: All right, today, maybe we just feel really scatterbrained and off.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this does happen more on days where our hormones are all off and everything just feels urgent and important all at once.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're in the middle of that right now.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just saying, you're okay.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just take a moment to reflect, see what, you know, ask ourselves three questions, what's on fire right now, what's really weighing down on me, and what could bring me more peace or momentum thinking about your future self.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think we can get a clear picture of what is actually going on right now and think of solutions.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're smart.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have helped everybody else succeed.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let's spend a little bit of time helping ourselves succeed.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So once you have your clear focus, what you know you need to focus on today, let's figure out how to stay focused once you choose what you need to do.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can set a timer, even if it's just 10 minutes.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you could remove distractions.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to silence the phone, shut the door, maybe play music if that helps you focus.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can even talk out loud.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I do this all the time.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm focusing on recording my podcast right now.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: It tells your brain what you're going to do, and you can follow through.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Saying it out loud for some reason helps.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or write it down.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's also another way to just get it out of your brain and then keep it in front of you so you're not chasing the next shiny idea or you're not distracted by a kid who urgently needs a pay on date right now.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Get a little sticky note out and just write down your focus today to remind you what your focus is today.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love using Google tasks.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can just drag a task up and down the list, and it helps me organize my focus for the day.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I work my way down the tasks, of course I cross them off.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes, you know, working from home, things always change and shift, or you get a phone call from school, and all right, now I need to go in for something, or I forgot to sign something.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Focus gets lost.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But writing something down, keeping those task lists in order helps you go do the things you need to do, come right back and see, okay, this is what I'm focusing on.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: So back to revisiting the quick win for today.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just ask yourself: what's the one thing that would make everything else easier or less stressful today?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's make that your focus.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down, say it out loud.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just one thing, one win, one direction.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm excited that pretty soon we're going to be having guests on the show sharing their own quick tips and a little bit more about life with ADHD.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a suggestion, if you're struggling with something, if you're being challenged with something, I would love to hear that because you're probably not the only one dealing with that.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want this to be a really fun resource for you.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want it, I want it to be really helpful.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to really authentically connect with you.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to be able to find those, those products and those resources and the groups that you find are really working for you.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes when we think about ADHD and ADHD moms and kids, it's like this yes, we live in chaos, but sometimes we mask it.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't look like we are chaos.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: But inside we feel all of that and it gives us a little bit of anxiety and a lot of stress.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're trying to figure out how do we build our life on a structure that helps our ADHD brains?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we teach our kids that?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: How do we stop masking because we're just we're exhausted from trying to keep it all together?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess if I have to reflect back, that's really where I want to go with this podcast is just being a resource and helping you not mask things any longer and not be so chaotic or stressful.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like let's figure out the strategies that are actually going to work with your brain.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you know another ADHD mom, I would love for you to share the show with them.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can find more information at theadhdmom.com, or you can email me directly, jessica at theadhdmom.com.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a newsletter that's going to be coming out.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I will get that link in the show notes so you can sign up for that and make sure that you don't miss a show and make sure that you don't miss any of these quick wins.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing awesome, and you're doing so much better than you think.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: For real.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: All right, go out and have a beautiful day.