Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #483 Holiday Edition - Andrew Fuller

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#483 Holiday Edition - Andrew Fuller · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: once answers Now.
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  Speaker 3: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson. Welcome to another holiday
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  Speaker 3: edition of The Happy Families Podcast. A while back, I
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  Speaker 3: had a chat with a guy who I just have
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  Speaker 3: so much respect for, a really really clear thinker when
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  Speaker 3: it comes to kids' big feelings, emotions and parenting more generally.
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  Speaker 3: You might have heard of Andrew Fuller. He's based in
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  Speaker 3: Melbourne and run something called Resilient Youth Australia. The guy
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  Speaker 3: is a fountain of knowledge and I was talking to
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  Speaker 3: him about his latest book, The Aid is That of Feelings,
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  Speaker 3: I asked Andrew in episode three hundred and nineteen of
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  Speaker 3: The Happy Family's podcast, what a feelings matter so much?
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  Speaker 1: Really? You're in our world, so we have perception of
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  Speaker 1: basically outer world, and of course reading the outer world
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  Speaker 1: is incredibly important. We have this other inner world, which
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  Speaker 1: often we're less tune too, and so feelings are in
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  Speaker 1: some ways our internal perceptions, bubbling up seeking awareness within us,
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  Speaker 1: and we get very confused about them quite often. I
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  Speaker 1: think about feelings a bit like their guests that show
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  Speaker 1: up unexpectedly a digited party you didn't really even know
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  Speaker 1: you were having. And some of the guests are hard
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  Speaker 1: to please, some stay too long and don't stay anywhere
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  Speaker 1: near long enough, and often we don't have much idea
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  Speaker 1: about what to do with any of them. And so
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  Speaker 1: often our feelings are signals about what we need or
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  Speaker 1: what we are seeking. So one of the really useful
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  Speaker 1: questions to ask ourselves about any feeling is what is
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  Speaker 1: this seeking from me? What do I need at this
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  Speaker 1: point now? To confuse it just a little bit more.
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  Speaker 1: Feelings aren't always true, so it doesn't mean that we
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  Speaker 1: necessarily need to believe every feeling that. I'm sure if Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: you've had this experience where you've met somebody and you thought, oh,
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  Speaker 1: they're a bit dodgy, they're a bit kind of suss,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think I'll hang around, But then pretty much
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  Speaker 1: and then later on you've kind of gone, no, that
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  Speaker 1: wasn't kind of the right kind of perception of them
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  Speaker 1: at all. Actually they're a really nice person, And so
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  Speaker 1: you get this kind of signal which is often useful
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  Speaker 1: but not always true. That's a really interesting kind of process.
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  Speaker 2: I love the imagery that you've created there, Andrew, with
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  Speaker 2: this idea of our feelings being unexpected guests that just
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  Speaker 2: shut off unannounced, and we have to we have to
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  Speaker 2: work through that process and how you also touched on
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  Speaker 2: the fact that feelings are just feelings and not necessarily true.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that that's something that I have had
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  Speaker 2: to work personally with in recent times, learning that process.
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  Speaker 2: That's been tricky for me.
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  Speaker 1: I think there are days for all of us where
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  Speaker 1: after that at the end of the day we kind
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  Speaker 1: of scratch our head and go, why the heck did
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  Speaker 1: I get into I kind of stressed out situation or
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  Speaker 1: got so upset by that particular thing, And it doesn't
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  Speaker 1: often make sense. And so feelings can be related to
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  Speaker 1: the current events in your life that which we can
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  Speaker 1: hold onto some history in ourselves car we that basically
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  Speaker 1: means we misinterpret stuff. And if we keep doing that
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  Speaker 1: and getting it wrong and believing that our feelings are true,
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  Speaker 1: then we can end up in all sorts of bother
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  Speaker 1: because we're misreading the world and misreading ourselves in it,
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  Speaker 1: and that becomes a major problem.
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  Speaker 3: Andrew Fuller with some wisdom for us from episode three
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  Speaker 3: hundred and nineteen of the Happy Families podcast. You can
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  Speaker 3: go back and hear the whole thing just by pushing
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  Speaker 3: that button. Episode three hundred and nineteen with Andrew Fuller
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  Speaker 3: all about his book The ads Ed of Feelings, worth
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  Speaker 3: a look if you'd like to get your head around it.
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  Speaker 3: I think Brene Brown might have copied off him and
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  Speaker 3: come up with her one, The Atlas of the Heart,
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  Speaker 3: same kind of idea. Both wonderful books and both full
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  Speaker 3: of great ideas for us to navigate the challenges that
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  Speaker 3: life presents us and the feelings that come up every
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: now and again. Starting school is an exciting time, but
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  Speaker 3: it can also be a little worrying. The Starting School
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  Speaker 3: Activity Book is a printable workbook that will help prepare
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  Speaker 3: your little one for the first thrilling school days and
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  Speaker 3: give you tips on the best ways to talk about
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  Speaker 3: all the new things they're going to experience. Perfect for KINDI,
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  Speaker 3: preschool or big school, and absolutely free online at happy
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  Speaker 3: families dot com dot a you. It's the Happy Families Podcast,
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  Speaker 3: The podcast for the time poor parent who just wants
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Answers Now Tomorrow a really important conversation about boys with
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  Speaker 3: Maggie Dent. I hope you'll join me for that episode.
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  Speaker 3: As always, we appreciate Justin Ruland and Craig Bruce for
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: helping us to make the podcast sound great and giving
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  Speaker 3: us the ideas for what we should talk about the
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  Speaker 3: Happy Families podcast. We'll be back tomorrow. If you want
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  Speaker 3: more info about making your family happier, you can visit
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  Speaker 3: us at happy families dot com dot a you