Latest / Twin Mom Life / Hope and Healing: NICU Redemption with Twins After Emergency C-Section at 25 Weeks with Singleton

Transcript

Hope and Healing: NICU Redemption with Twins After Emergency C-Section at 25 Weeks with Singleton · Twin Mom Life

• Jessielee Sittig: Hello and welcome to the Twin Mom Life podcast. I'm your host, Jess. I created this podcast to help build community, connection, and most importantly, friendships among moms of multiples. Being a twin mom can be amazing and magical. That twin bond is unlike anything I've ever witnessed, but it can also be isolating and overwhelming. I'll be chatting with other twin moms, diving deep into the twin experience. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy twin mom life to listen along. I hope this podcast shed some light on a topic that's been on your heart and gave you more confidence as a twin mama. If you know a twin mom, please send this her way. If you like what you heard today, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Check out the show notes to be connected with today's guest and get discount codes for brands I love. See you next Thursday. Until then. giving advice on what works for us so you don't have to learn the hard way. Juggling two babies at the same time is challenging, but I'm confident we can learn from each other and figure out how to raise these babies together. You are made for this. Hey, Whit, welcome to the podcast. Whit C: Thank you, thank you for having me. I'm good, I'm good. A bit tired, but I feel like that's just parenting these days, but good. Jessielee Sittig: How are you doing today? Yes, well, why are you tired? Can you tell us about you and your family? Whit C: ⁓ my gosh, okay. ⁓ So I am a recent twin mom, so I had my twins in November. And before that we had our toddler who is now two and a half. So basically I am living the life of three under three and trying to figure out what that looks like. Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. It's hard. Like, I know you're in the thick of it. I had a very similar setup. My daughter was three when the boys were born, and it's just a lot of chaos. And just remember, like, this is just the season. So I'm so thankful that you're even here talking to me, because I know there's just, a lot going on. So thanks for being here today. Whit C: Yeah, it's hard. Thanks for having me. Thanks for making the space where you can actually talk about what it's like being a twin mom. Jessielee Sittig: Yes, it's what I wish. mean, selfishly, I absolutely still need it. My boys are, in my eyes, babies still. You know, they're two and a half, almost three. But it's really what I was looking for when I was pregnant with the boys and postpartum. And I basically consumed all the twin resources that there were. And I was like, I want more. it's been a lot of fun. So thank you. Whit C: you Jessielee Sittig: Okay, before we really get into it, I would love to know if you were able to fill your cup today or if you have plans to do that later today and maybe even as a postpartum mom, this week, what you're gonna do to fill your cup for the week. Whit C: It is so unpredictable. there are a couple of things that I do during the week to kind of fill my cup. And depending on how the week or the day goes, I could sneak some time in for myself. So number one would usually be trying to get a workout in. Because I, my background, I'm a strength coach and I'm an athletic therapist. In Canada, it's not an athletic therapist, but in the States, an athletic trainer. So being active and moving, just know it just makes me feel so much better. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Okay, cool. Whit C: So usually he's trying to get a workout in because I know I can sneak it in at any point. If that doesn't happen because either naps don't go the way I want it to or the day is just chaotic, I will try and go for a walk. So today we are hoping that if the twins are napping really well, I can just put them in the stroller and we can go for a walk around the neighborhood with our dog. And that is sunny right now, so I'm just hoping to just enjoy the weather. Jessielee Sittig: Yes, I feel that. feel like getting outside can just like quickly change everyone's mood for the better. Like fresh air, some sunshine. We have had tons of rain this week and yesterday we finally got like a little bit of sun. It's still like relatively gloomy. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Jessielee Sittig: So yes, I feel that. I actually have like a kind of terrible but really funny story about a stroller yesterday. Do you want to hear it for like some giggles? Okay. So like I said, we've been like stuck inside and I just feel like everyone's been going crazy. So we finally had a break in the rain yesterday. So I took the kids outside, playing outside and one of my really close friends who's our across the street neighbor comes over and she has two kids also, little. Whit C: Yes. Jessielee Sittig: two and one. So she comes over in her double stroller and it's the kind of stroller, it's not side by side. It's like, I don't think this is the terminology, but I call it like an elevator stroller. And so like she comes over and her kids are like playing in the yard. And then my boys are playing in her stroller, like almost doing like peekaboo stuff. And then she comes up to me and we're like chatting and she was like, ⁓ I think someone pooped. And I'm like, ⁓ and I'm thinking, Whit C: Yeah. Yeah. Jessielee Sittig: Both of my boys pooped earlier, so it's probably not mine. So she checks everyone's diaper and she was like, oh, my kids are clear. And then I go to check one of my son's diaper. Oh my gosh, he's almost three. It was like a blowout. I was like, oh, all over her, all over her stroller. Whit C: Yeah. No. Jessielee Sittig: mortified. was like, ⁓ Whit C: gonna say just like earth can open and swallow me in that moment. Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ I had to call my husband. like, I need backup. Wyatt is covered in poo, literally. It's everywhere. I'm like, this is a bath situation and I can't grab Waylon because I have poopy. And then I need to take her stroller from her so that I can get this professionally cleaned. I'm like, thank goodness she's like a close friend. She was like, ⁓ my gosh, it's like not a big deal. And I'm like, thank you for your grace. I'm dying. Whit C: think as moms we just get it though. like, of course, this is how it would go. Like I feel like if it's like someone that's not a parent, you're like, there's a bit more of a, they freak out a bit, but when you're a parent you're like, yeah, this is, mm-hmm, this is how it would go. Let's just deal with it and move on. Jessielee Sittig: Sure. Yes, our first outside time in several days was like a poopy disaster. that's my silly story. I haven't really had a chance to fill my cup today. I also love to try to find time to work out. It just makes me feel like good and strong and clears my mind. And I tried to go to yoga on Thursday nights. I have not booked that class. And maybe this is my reminder to like go do that after we chat. Whit C: Yup. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, I find I'm such a, I'm a better mom after I work out or I do something for myself. Like I just have more patience. I feel like the endorphins are flowing. So everything is like working out. ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Yes. Yes. Yes. Like you literally feel better like in your body and in your heart. Whit C: Yeah, exactly. It could be the whole like you took some time for yourself and your glass is full again. So try really hard to make that a priority because I know I will be such a better mom than when I don't do that. Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And it's so impressive to be able to be doing that already, just like four months postpartum, because I feel like that's when it really matters. And then you're creating a routine of doing that consistently, almost preventatively. Like I think for me, I was like burning out and then doing some kind of self care, but I'm like, this isn't a good cycle to like reach burnout and then do something for myself. Like we need to do this. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: like consistently so that the burnout doesn't happen. So I think it's great that you're already doing that. And maybe it helps that you had a singleton first, Whit C: I was having a singleton the way we had the singleton, I find, helped me realize that I need to find good and productive ways to be able to get rid of stress. ⁓ And if I do that, I can become very, ⁓ I become like very inward person. ⁓ And when I really inward, like it's just like one negative thought after the other and I'm trying to crawl out of it and that just doesn't happen. So I've realized that if, Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Whit C: I can get a workout in before or if I can do something for myself before, then I don't reach that point of burnout. Because when I reach the point of it's so hard to get out of it. But when you are not there, then you can find little ways to correct and adjust as you go. Jessielee Sittig: Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and you were mentioning your daughter Can you tell us about that? I know you had mentioned before that you had high-risk pregnancies with both the twins and with your singleton Whit C: Yes, so ⁓ with my first pregnancy started really well. It was going really well. I was quite active. And then I got to 25 weeks. So I just went to do like my usual follow up with your with the OB. And ⁓ actually the week before that my mucus like had fallen out. And I remember calling and Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ wow. Whit C: Calling the clinic and they just told me like ⁓ like as long as you're not bleeding you're not getting any cramping like this shouldn't be anything you should be worried about and First pregnancy you're not really you don't know as much so I'm like alright. There's nothing I should be worried about I should be okay, and then I went to my follow-up with my OB and we're going through the follow-up as usual and She's about to be like okay like everything looks good We should go you can go home, and I was like can we talk about my mucus plug falling out like that's maybe a concern. ⁓ And she's like, ⁓ okay. And then she's like, I'm just gonna do one last exam. And she does an exam. And she's like, you know what, like, I'm just gonna send you for an ultrasound, like just a little follow up and see how things are. And thankfully, I could get an ultrasound book that same day. So I went to the ultrasound. And it's always fun. Like you go to the ultrasound, they're like, all right, we're all done. You can go get your pictures. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, that seems like big. Yeah. Whit C: This one was like, all right, we're going to take you to a different room and there's going to be a doctor that comes to talk to you. And I'm like, okay. ⁓ See, in my head, like there weren't any bells ringing. It was just kind of like, all right, I guess this is new. Like maybe they'll tell me something that I, I don't know. So I remember going in the room and I am all like relaxed and the doctor comes in and she's like, Jessielee Sittig: Mmm. Like, uh-oh. Whit C: So not to freak you out or anything, but it kind of looks like you have a really low amount of amniotic fluid and might be going into labor. So we would like you to go to the hospital that you're planning on having the baby at just for observation. And in my head, I'm like, okay, well, can I go to work and then go to the hospital right after? And she's like, no, no, no. Like, I need you to go now. I was so ⁓ oblivious. oblivious, just like. I don't know if the word is delusional, what I thought was happening. like, ⁓ it's fine. Everything's fine. Yeah, like I've been healthy this whole pregnancy. what? So I remember going to the checking into labor and delivery. ⁓ And OB that I was working that time, ⁓ again, like their examination. They're like, ⁓ everything looks good. I'm not really sure why they sent you here. ⁓ And she like, you know what? I'm just gonna do a last minute internal exam and kind of see how things are. Cause normally, Jessielee Sittig: You just like didn't know. Sure. Whit C: because she says sometimes ultrasounds and what's actually happened, might be a bit of a discrepancy. ⁓ So she does an internal exam and she's like, ⁓ okay. ⁓ You are still in your second trimester, so we're gonna need you to go to the high-risk hospital in town that has a level three NICU. So level three NICU, yeah, so that's like the highest emergency, ⁓ like highest NICU. Jessielee Sittig: Okay. ⁓ wow. Whit C: so my husband and I, go grab, pack a bag, and we go to the hospital. And they're basically giving me the steroid shots, because they're like, OK, your body looks like it's going to go into labor at any point. And we need to give you steroid shots, because the baby hasn't developed surfactant yet, which is what keeps the lungs open. So this is just going to help them develop a bit of surfactant a bit earlier. Just that if they're born they have a higher risk of surviving. like, alright. So stay in the hospital for three days and nothing happens. And the doctor's like, alright, you know what, sometimes, I think I was like two centimeters dilated or something like that. And they're like, you know what, sometimes that's just how things stay. And you end up having like a full pregnancy, no issues. So I was discharged ⁓ they were like, if anything feels off. just go to labor and delivery, this is the hospital you should go to. I was like, okay, great, I felt fine. I went home Thursday night. And then Friday, days kinda going normally, nothing unexpected. Friday afternoon, I started feeling a little bit off, but I'm like, you know what, I'm just tired, it's been a very stressful week. ⁓ just need to take things slowly by Friday night, I'm like. Jessielee Sittig: Sure. Whit C: I had like a gut feeling that something wasn't right. Like I wasn't in pain, I wasn't uncomfortable, just something wasn't right. And my husband's like, you know what, you're probably just tired, let's just go to bed. So we went to bed early. I woke up around midnight and I'm like, I still like this gut feeling that something isn't right. So I woke my husband up, I'm like, we should just go to labor and delivery. I'd rather go there and they tell me, know what, you're crazy, everything is okay, just go home. Then something happened at home and... and I'm like regretting it for the rest of our lives. So I wake him up. ⁓ I, so this is like my biggest experience of like, yeah, I'm just gonna trust my gut no matter what, even though I can't explain it. So we go to the hospital and I started feeling uncomfortable on the way there. It's like a ⁓ minute drive. So we leave the house around like 12, 15, 12, 30. We to the hospital, check into labor and delivery. Jessielee Sittig: sure intuition is real like intuition is so real Whit C: And the OB that was on staff at that moment was ⁓ a C-section. So they were like, all right, we're going to try and keep you as comfortable as we can. And once they're done the C-section, they'll come get you. OB comes to get me, or OB comes to take a look and see what's going on. ⁓ they're like, all right, it looks like you're in labor. I think I was like six centimeters dilated at that point. And baby is breached. Only 25 weeks, and baby is breached. Jessielee Sittig: and you're only 25 weeks? Ohhhh Whit C: And she's like we are having this baby right now I'm like, okay so my husband and I are trying to wrap our head around the fact that she's coming at 25 weeks and the OB like I remember this vividly so the OB tells me like yes, we're having a c-section I am going to go get the nurse to tell the nurse to prep and in that moment my water breaks and baby's like coming immediately so like At that point, everyone stops what they're doing and they rush around our bed. So they're unhooking the bed to try and get me in the OR. Someone is handing my husband gowns and trying to get him to go in. And basically, there's a nurse whose main job was just to make sure that baby didn't come out. That holds. So they're you're wheeling me in the OR room. I'm freaking out and being like, well, I need Josh there. I need my husband. They're like, he's coming, he's coming. And they wheel me into the OR room. And they're like. Jessielee Sittig: Stop! Whit C: 12, 15 people there just waiting and they put me under ⁓ she was born at 2 30. So we got to the hospital at like ⁓ something, 2 30. She was born emergency C-section. Yeah. Jessielee Sittig: Stop. ⁓ my gosh. Okay. Did they have to put you under like under general anesthesia because it was because it was that big of an emergency. ⁓ my gosh. That's wild. Whit C: ⁓ immediately, yes, because they were like, we don't have time. Yes, yeah. Yeah, they're like, we don't have time for anything to, we didn't have, they didn't have time for like the epidural or anesthesia to work. They're like, we just need to go in right now to save her life. Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ yeah, I would be like anything but how wild like were you even really having contractions or you just kind of felt like off? Whit C: So looking back at it, I think I was having contractions, but they didn't start, like between contractions and the time when she was born, an hour and a half? Like everything just like happened so fast. Jessielee Sittig: That's wild. That's so wild. so fast. I'm so glad that you followed your gut. You know, you were like, something's weird. Let's go now. Because, wow, okay. I'm like wrapping my head around this. I'm like, I know that you said that you were high risk and that you have NICU time, but I had no idea that was like, the birth story that that is wild and a lot. Okay, so then what happened? What happened next? She like had to go to the NICU and Whit C: Yeah. It's quite. Yes, so she was in the NICU for three months. And so my first postpartum experience was trying to deal with baby blues and trying to deal with being postpartum and dealing with this high stress situation. Because even when she was in the NICU, there were all these things that they were unsure how it was going to go. They were like, OK, her brain hasn't fully developed. Her lungs haven't fully developed. Jessielee Sittig: Okay. Whit C: there are all these different situations that like we're going to try all these interventions and if it doesn't work like surgery might be the case. So here we are like, I think at one point she was 31 weeks gestation like in the NICU and we're looking at probably having to do a surgery. So I am like in the thick of postpartum trying to find a way to be strong, but I'm also in the NICU with a baby who is like fighting her like hardest to live. and I have to be strong and I have to sit by her side but inside my brain I'm like, how did I end up here? And I am trying to deal with all the different hormones and definitely one of the hardest moments of our lives. And also I think the hardest part was living in NICU and trying to live life outside. So in that period of time you have... Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, yeah. Whit C: birthdays, you have holidays, have, know, like Thanksgiving is there and I'm like trying so hard to be thankful for something. Like I'm thankful she's alive, but also I'm like, why are we here? Like what did we do to deserve this, you know? ⁓ So yeah, so that is when I learned that if I didn't work out, if I didn't do something, those thoughts would be overwhelming to the point that I wouldn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Whit C: Oh, I wouldn't wanna, you you just wanna like, I feel the best way. I feel like I just wanna go inwards and lock myself up and just not talk to anyone. Cause I'm like, how do you live life when you've got a baby that's fighting the NICU? I just, yeah, the dichotomy of it all. Jessielee Sittig: I feel like you phrased it so perfectly. It's like, when you're going through something so life altering, like how do you just go back to normal? Like, how do you do that? I'm gonna cut part of this out to be honest, because I am not ready to share this personally, like with whoever listens to the podcast, but my daughter had a seizure two weeks ago and it was like the biggest life, like, Whit C: Mm-hmm. ⁓ no. Jessielee Sittig: The biggest and scariest thing I've ever had to go through as a parent. And like I had to call 911 and she was hospitalized. And like we had never had that kind of like medical event in our lives. And then everything came back normal. They think it was like a freak thing. And then the neurologist was like, oh yeah, she can go to school tomorrow. And I'm like, are you crazy? So I just, when you said that, I was like, I feel that so deeply and I honestly Whit C: Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: probably wouldn't have understood exactly what you meant like two weeks ago because I've never had like something so wild happen in my life. So, ⁓ my gosh, I'm just, that is all a lot. And then it's like, yeah, how do you, how do you like move on from that and just go about normal and then not be like scared? And I think like a Whit C: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: a really big difference. Like when I had my daughter, there was no thought in my mind that we would have NICU time. Like that didn't, it wasn't even a thought. Where at least when I had twins, it was like something that I had heard so much that I was like kind of mentally preparing myself for. So I'm sure it wasn't even on your radar. Like why would that be on your radar? Whit C: Mm-hmm. Yep. Exactly. Exactly. It is, you go like you hear so many stories about pregnancies and you're always like, ⁓ like, you get pregnant, you go for like first, second, third trimester, you have the baby, you bring the baby home, you have the Spartan, like in your head, that is the journey. to have something like this thrown into it where your journey is not the typical one and you have to go through it, I find it's like a whole different Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Whit C: mind game of its own. ⁓ So yeah, that was our experience and I have to say I'm so grateful we had fantastic doctors. I always have the doctors and the nurses at the NICU, our angels on this planet and they don't get enough recognition as they should because you think they're there for the babies but they're also there for the parents because the amount of times there's this one ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Mm. Whit C: There's this one exam they do for babies in the NICU and it's basically checking their eyes to make sure that their eyes are developing properly. And Jess, it is one of the most, it is one of the hardest like appointments or like exams I've had to watch her go through. Cause they are putting all this light in her eyes and here's like this newborn baby that you just want to protect, ⁓ but have to check her eyes and you're trying to like move her eyes around with all this instruments. And it's like, it's ghorish, like just not the greatest one. ⁓ And she had to have it done every two weeks. The nurses knew I could barely handle it. So the amount of times that she would have that exam and I'm sitting by her NICU bed and just trying to be strong and a nurse would come and just hold my hand while the procedure happened, infinite. Like I feel like every single time there was always someone there that's like, okay, you're just gonna hold my hand, she's fine. Jessielee Sittig: Ugh. Whit C: She's crying, but that's okay. Crying means her lungs are working. So just trying to keep me on the positive side of things that I can, like walking out of the NICU, it wasn't just her they took care of, but I felt like they also took care of me. We're just absolute angels on this planet. ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Hmm. ⁓ my gosh. Well, that makes a huge difference. Like if you have a doctor with like terrible bedside manner or is like rude, then you're not going to trust them and you need to be able to trust this person. Like they have the most precious thing that you have there like caring for. So I love hearing that you just like were that your baby and that you were loved on by your medical team because that really does make a big difference. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: And I'm just so glad that they were there and they were supporting you too. Whit C: Yeah, yeah, we're, we got excellent care and my daughter is doing as great as she's doing today because of, because of the care that we got in NICU and she is thriving. Like I'm so grateful of how well she's doing. So yeah, so that was our first, our first NICU experience. So then finding out that we were expecting twins, I'm like, oh no, here we go again. Jessielee Sittig: I bet. do have before we move on to like the twins and that pregnancy. Okay, so how big was she when she was born? Whit C: Mm-hmm. ⁓ she was one pound eight ounces. It was like, I remember she was like slightly bigger than my husband's Like I, let me see if I can have that picture. Cause it was insane. Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ I know I was like, ⁓ my gosh, that's, that's wild. And then I know that you were mentioning, okay, she had three months in the NICU. And then you were mentioning that she might have needed surgeries. Did she end up needing any surgeries? ⁓ that's great. Whit C: Mm-hmm. No, so ⁓ the step, the last, I the step before surgery, like things just started to resolve on their own and I was like, okay. Like I think I got, was so frustrated by them trying different ways to manage it without needing surgery. ⁓ So. So by the time we got to the point where it was like, well, we're gonna try this one more procedure and if it doesn't work, like surgery's down the road. was like, can we just do the surgery? I'm tired of the, ⁓ we're gonna try this. It doesn't work. ⁓ we're gonna try this. It doesn't work. But thankfully she did not. She did not need the surgery and I am thankful that we waited. Jessielee Sittig: Mmm. Sure. That's so incredible to be born at basically one and a half pounds, spend three months in the NICU and need no... Whit C: So that's my husband's hand and that's her. Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ my gosh, that's ⁓ my gosh, so teeny tiny and her little legs. It's like string beans. ⁓ sweet girl. And I just Whit C: ⁓ yeah, like just the tiniest thing. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, it, like maybe I'll cut this part out too. But like, I didn't have a NICU experience with either of my births. And I had always heard, like I can of course like empathize. Like I can't imagine like the cords and the IVs and all the tests, like how overwhelming. And then to have it experienced with my, and my daughter is six, so it is different. Like it was still heartbreaking. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: But now I have that, I have that experience now and it wasn't on a baby. And yeah. Whit C: Yep. Yep. I think it doesn't. It doesn't matter whether it's a baby or your child is like 35 years old. Because I remember like I was going through this but then like I look at it from the lens of my mom of her watching her daughter go through it and not being able to help. Like your heart still breaks. Like you still have these you still have these memories. You still have this trauma that comes with it. And ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Aww. Yeah. ⁓ let's get it. Whit C: I feel like it sticks with you and that helplessness in the moment is something that you'd feel as a parent whether it is a 25-weeker in a NICU or you're, I don't know, like 35-year-old going through something. It's okay. is, is hard. Being a parent is so hard. So hard and yeah. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't expecting to cry. ⁓ I just feel like you're doing such a good job, like putting into words what has been on my heart, like feeling helpless and kind of being at the mercy of like the medical providers. So we also had a very good experience with all of our doctors and nurses. Like, like we felt like there was no stone unturned, so to speak, like they, were very thorough. So I just, I just feel you. Whit C: But... Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: And I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that, but I am thankful that, like I said earlier, that she was loved on, you guys were loved on, and that she's healthy and thriving now. Whit C: Yeah. It's... yeah. It's wild. What a journey. Jessielee Sittig: And so, then you got pregnant with twins. and thought, here we go again. Whit C: Here we go again. So before we even decided to have another, we ⁓ the conversation of like, what would it look like if we had another kid ⁓ they end up in NICU again? Because all these tests were done and no one could really fully explain to me why our daughter was born early. ⁓ They were like, oh, it could have been a hormonal thing, or it could have been incompetent cervix, or it could have been, like, they just kept on throwing different ideas at me, but no, I feel like, yeah. Jessielee Sittig: hate that terminology. Incompetent, you're like, okay, like failure to thrive. I'm like, can we work on the medical terminology here? It's mean. Whit C: I know. It is... I feel like they're... It's one of the things that like whoever came up with those terms early on... didn't really understand it and now that I feel like we're understanding it a bit better, maybe better term- like geriatric pregnancy, really? Right? Like that's not nice. And also, are we like, you're like, before because you're above, what is it, 35? I'm like, that's just rude, first of all. So like, we're beginning to get like better terminology for it, I would hope. Jessielee Sittig: That's mean. That's not nice. ⁓ Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm hmm. But that's hard to not have an answer like that they can give you these scenarios, but that you were never able to understand 100 % what happened and then that's terrifying. Like how do you move on? Whit C: Yes. Yes. want to know more, like ⁓ doesn't just happen. Yeah, yeah. ⁓ is, ⁓ very frustrating and it's the idea of like you're making decisions without knowing the full picture. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you like in my mind right now? Whit C: and just kind of hope. We've been through similar things, so I feel like you just understand what I'm saying. Jessielee Sittig: It's just wild because I feel like, of course, like I said, like I can empathize with everybody. Like, oh my gosh, like I could understand, I could put myself in your shoes. But like, literally, we would be having a different conversation if we would have had this two weeks ago, you know? So, okay. Whit C: Mm-hmm. And being able to talk about it. I know, like, you know, that's partially... ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ It's been it's hard. I'm like I'm the kind of person who are like I'm gonna have to talk about it 85 times because that's how I process it like clearly I have a podcast like I like ⁓ I like to talk it out ⁓ and like my husband's like ⁓ I'm done talking about the situation because it's obviously emotional like, it's not not emotional for I literally just cried but Whit C: Mm hmm. Yeah. you Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: That is how I process things. So it is nice to be able to be able to talk about it. And I will say one other thing. I have had moms like share their birth stories or their NICU experiences on the podcast often. And then they'll listen to it back. And they're like, I have shared my story with like my friends and my family several times, but listening back and hearing me talking about it was like therapeutic. like, I didn't even Whit C: Yes. Mm-hmm. ⁓ yes. Jessielee Sittig: Think about that, that's so cool. Whit C: It is, it is. And I think it's the talking and processing, because every single time you talk about it, you're gonna process a different part of it or a different piece of it. And hearing yourself talk about it, then you get to like, it's almost like you're receiving that information again for the second time. I ⁓ did a podcast last year, I believe, and it was talking just basically about NICU experience. And I mentioned something that Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Whit C: carried me through the NICU experience with the twins, but also carried me through the with the twins. it is possible to be mourning and grateful at the same time. Like you could be like, am ⁓ supposed to have grief and be grateful at the same time. you might be grieving. Jessielee Sittig: Mmm. Whit C: how you thought your pregnancy would go or how you thought your postpartum would go or how you thought the NICU experience would go or how you thought your birth would go but still be grateful that your kids are still here. You can't be like, ⁓ I just have to be grateful and ignore the grieving part of it all. And things can be true at the same time. Yeah, so every single time I find I am overwhelmed with Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Whit C: just three under three life. I'm like, all right, it is possible for me to be really grateful to have these three amazing kids, but also feel like right now it is just a lot. And that helps with the mom guilt sometimes. Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, absolutely. So you guys are in a position where you don't really understand. Like, I like what you said, like, you don't know how to move forward because you don't really know the full picture. So, ⁓ so where you guys were like, deciding whether you want to grow your family or not. Whit C: Yes. Yeah, so that's that's where we were at. We come we both come from big families. So I've got two brothers. My husband has a brother and two sisters. So we understand the importance of siblings and our siblings are so close. Like I am so grateful we have these things called sibling nights, where is basically my siblings, my husband's siblings. And now we just like get together and we'll have like Christmas dinners or we'll have like Jessielee Sittig: So sweet. Whit C: Karaoke nights, like it's just, we're just so tight. So special and I wanted to give our daughter that opportunity as well. So we suddenly thought about it and we're like, okay, we don't have all the pictures, but there is a chance that we can give her a sibling. Like we can give her someone to ⁓ ⁓ that closeness that we have, someone to go through life with. ⁓ I heard this thing, I think like Josh sent it to me, it might've been like a Jessielee Sittig: That's special. That's really special. Whit C: real or something and it was like how ⁓ you only get a certain amount of time like I think like you meet your partner later in life you meet your parents a little bit older but how your sibling is the one that you can spend the majority of your life with like they're gonna be that one constant and I was like okay like we need to give it a shot so we decided that we were going to give another shot if it ended up in we end up in a queue again we will deal with it however we have to deal with it ⁓ but it was worth trying again to give our daughter a sibling so we decided to try and went to the first ultrasound and they're like I have to laugh because our first ultrasound experience was the funniest thing ⁓ I think I've ever experienced because we go in and we're having the ultrasound and I don't think that the tech knew that we didn't know it was twins because she goes and she's like doing the ultrasound and she's like all right there's baby's heartbeat like everything is going okay there's other baby's heartbeat everything's looking okay and we're like ⁓ wait a minute let's let's backtrack what did you say she's like ⁓ you didn't know and we're like no Jessielee Sittig: Like, wait. Whit C: So here's the shock of like, of course, like there's the shock of like, ⁓ my gosh, there's two. And then there's like excitement that there's two, but then there's like, ⁓ suddenly the chances of NICU is not just something that we're talking about. Here's some like the chances, yeah. So that whole week was a roller coaster of emotions. Jessielee Sittig: Gosh. Right, it's so much higher. I bet. Whit C: My sister-in-law is doing her residency to be an OB and ⁓ was like, all right, we are going to ⁓ and get you ⁓ the care of the best OB she can think of for twins. And ⁓ I able to ⁓ work this amazing, amazing OB during my pregnancy with the twins. Like she specializes in high-risk pregnancies, specializes in twins. So that helped me a lot with my anxiety of like going not just like not just going through a pregnancy but going through another high-risk pregnancy or hitting certain milestones pregnancy yeah that I didn't with the ⁓ certain milestones that like the week where I was pregnant like 25 weeks when I was pregnant with the twins I was ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Whit C: I don't think I could explain how stressed I was that whole time. Jessielee Sittig: I can't imagine that is like PTSD. Like you're like, how can you not be thinking about that kind of nonstop during that week? Whit C: Yeah. Yeah. And I remember just being like, all right, let's, you know, like we made it to 25, let's make it to 26, let's make it to 27, and just trying to like count the weeks and every single time the smallest thing would be not going the way I would want it to. So I remember having an ultrasound at 26 weeks and they were being like, so I'm gonna backtrack a little bit. Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Whit C: this OB that I was sent to, the one that specialized in high risk pregnancy, she was like, like my first appointment with her, she was determined to figure out why my toddler came early. So she's like, all right, here, I wanna hear your story. I wanna hear, ⁓ she's fantastic. I love her. ⁓ I wanna hear your story. I wanna see how your birth story went. I wanna look the medical records. Jessielee Sittig: Mm. love her already. Whit C: So she looked at everything and she was like, all right. So it ended up being that like I did have an incompetent cervix. So that was ⁓ issue. ⁓ the way they normally treat it would be, all right, it's been determined that you have an incompetent cervix. We are going to give you progesterone ⁓ hormone kind of balance ⁓ things your pregnancy. so just try and like make sure that your body doesn't go into labor earlier than it should. ⁓ And then the other option was, or the more advanced ⁓ was having a circlage. Jessielee Sittig: Okay, like a pill or something. Whit C: Yes, so I don't know if you know what a circlage is or if you've... Jessielee Sittig: Okay. heard of that, but I feel like you should. explain it. So ⁓ someone who's listening who heard what that is, can you give like a like a little description? Whit C: Yeah, so a circlage is basically a stitch that they put through your cervix to make sure it doesn't open before it has to. Yeah, basically what it is. Like one stitch, they go and put the stitch Jessielee Sittig: Perfect that's what I thought it was, but I wasn't sure if it was like actually a stitch or if they or if it was something like that they they placed I wasn't sure so that's yeah. Okay. Whit C: Yeah, it's actually a stitch that they go in and it's kind of like, it's a really hard stitch. So she was like, yeah, so my OB was like, okay, this is like, you have an incompetent cervix. We're not even gonna try the progesterone. She's like, you've had enough trauma with the first one. We wanna give you the best care that we possibly can. So I had the cerclage placed and then it was monitoring me throughout my pregnancy. I think I saw her every. Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Whit C: two to three weeks, So it was placed at 15 weeks. Jessielee Sittig: What week was that place? Whit C: Earlier on, they don't want to do too many things just to kind of affect the pregnancy with how it's progressing. So they're like, let's just wait till second trimester and then we'll get it on. think the timeline, I might be wrong, but the timeline that they like to put it between 13 and 15 or 16 weeks. Because earlier on, things might be too sensitive and that might affect the pregnancy. So they're like, we're just gonna wait, let the body figure out what it's doing and then get the cerclage done. Jessielee Sittig: Okay. Sure. Whit C: Yeah, so had the circlage done, was monitored every like two to three weeks. And when we got to 26 weeks, my cervix started to want to open. I remember going into the ultrasound and just like regular ultrasound and you're like, all right, we are going to check babies, babies are okay. ⁓ Let's check the circlage. And like, ⁓ yeah, your cervix is trying hard to open. ⁓ And I remember just like bawling in that appointment and being like, here we go again, we're going through this. My husband was with me at that appointment. And I remember the doctor basically coming and holding my hand and being like, look, all we're saying ⁓ that this just proves that the circlage was the right option. We're not saying the babies are coming today. Jessielee Sittig: I love your doctor. Whit C: ⁓ I, she was the best doctor I could have been given, because she could understand where I was coming from and would have the right words that I needed to hear in that moment, and would do the, like would do interventions that were needed at the right time. Like she was just unreal. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Whit C: Yeah, so basically I remember her coming to me and like looking at me and being like babies aren't coming today, ⁓ just tells us that sarclage is the right option and let's trust the sarclage to do the work it has to do. I was like, okay. I still cried the whole day because every single time I'm like what if the sarclage doesn't work and what if it fails? Yeah, ⁓ and we it to 30 weeks. And he's like, all right, see, like it did work. ⁓ we ⁓ made it to 30 weeks. And in that 30 weeks, I started having pieces of my mucous blood that were falling out. And I'm like, all right, suddenly the NICU experience is becoming like a lot more real than what it was before. And again, I had an appointment with her and she's like, all right, yes, high chance of NICU experience. But this time we are past the micro pre-me stage that my daughter was at and she's like, your lungs are a lot more developed so your naked experience is gonna be different. And suddenly she's like, just to help me feel a lot better, my monitoring became like every week instead of every two weeks, just to be like, you know what, we're just keeping an eye on how things are progressing. And we made it to 34 weeks. The twins were bored at 34 and four. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. That's incredible. I just thought you were gonna say oh, they were born at 30. Oh my gosh 34 is like so good Whit C: Now, we made it to 30 weeks and it was like, okay, now the circlage is holding on, but the body ⁓ No, we made it to 34 and ⁓ And I remember I had an appointment her and I go, we do the ultrasound and just was not, like I was getting a lot of back pain. I was getting some contractions. I went to go see her in her office and she's like, ⁓ she does an exam and she's like, you need go to the hospital right now. like, so I had, because my first was an emergency C-section, I had something called vertical C-section, which is different than your typical horizontal C-section. ⁓ sorry, it's called a traditional C-section, yes. So. Jessielee Sittig: Okay. ⁓ so they had to Whit C: Yes. Jessielee Sittig: Okay, so they had to cut a vertical line. that's intense. It makes sense. It was like an emergency. Yeah. ⁓ my goodness. Whit C: It was an emergency, yeah. So they had to do a vertical, sorry, might be like, vertical might be the wrong term, but I know it's called a traditional C-section, which is different than your horizontal one. And what that meant was I had a higher chance of a uterine abruption if I had a contraction, if I went into labor. So partially why they were monitoring me so often, like once a week, closer to the end. just to make sure that I never got to the contraction part, just because the fibers heal differently. so I went to her, I went to the appointment at 34 and four and she's like, yeah, your body's looking like it wants to go into labor, you should go in, we're just gonna have a C-section that day. So of course I start to freak out because I'm like, ⁓ we're not at 36 weeks, like, Nicky of experience. And I'm like, I don't wanna go there again, like I don't wanna be in that same situation. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, that makes sense. Whit C: And then she had the conversation of like, ⁓ babies are 34 and four. They have enough surfactant in their lungs right now. So their lungs are mostly developed. Right now we just need them to get a little bit bigger. So right now these babies being born would be called feeders and growers. That's all they would need to do in the NICU is just to get a little bit bigger. You've done a great job. We've made it this far. Your body has done what it has to do. And now we just have to get them out for your safety and for their safety. So that helped me feel a little bit better. So we went to the hospital, had a completely different experience than with my first. ⁓ remember calling my husband. He got, he came back home from work. We picked up our daughter, had someone to watch her. We like packed our bags, went to the hospital. We're like talking the last minute, like conversation about names. And we get there and we're sitting and talking and laughing while when our first was born, it was like, I was in pain. He was like, what on earth is happening right now? Nurses are rushing in and out. Like this one was so serene. And then when it was time to have the C-section, nurse came in, put the IV, I walked into the OR room. He was right there with me. The twins were born and they had to go to the NICU. But this time, Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Whit C: he could go with them when our first was born. It was like she was out, they just rushed her. Poor guy, like no one cared about where he was or informing him about anything. He was like in the list of like priorities they had, he wasn't even on it. ⁓ So this time he could like walk with them and then watch them kind of, you know, get all settled. And here's where... ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Yeah, sure. you Whit C: The second NICU experience healed so much of the trauma from the first because we had, so we had the twins and boy and ⁓ The second NICU experience healed so much of the trauma from the first because we had, so we had the twins and boy and ⁓ ⁓ Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Hmm. Whit C: get into the room, the place where the girl was set up was the exact same cot our oldest was set up. get into the room, the place where the girl was set up was the exact same cot our oldest was set up. and and Jessielee Sittig: Ugh. Ugh. Whit C: So she was set up there and my husband is watching them set her up and it's again a completely different experience. So she was set up there and my husband is watching them set her up and it's again a completely different experience. It's not 500 wires. It's not trying to restart her heart. It's just like, all right, we're going to put you here. Here's a little oxygen because you might need a little bit more. But we could touch them. Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ mama. ⁓ mama. Whit C: Well, with my first it was like, all right, well, we have to let her body get used to the environment so we couldn't touch her for four, like we couldn't hold her for four days. So that happens. And then I get to visit them that night and then I go rest. The following morning, the twins are put in the same cot, or sorry, in the same section of the NICU. And the section they were put in is the exact same section my oldest was put the second time around. So they had the exact same journey as their sister. Jessielee Sittig: Ugh. Wow. Aww. Whit C: I go to see them this time, so when we go to see them in the second section of the NICU, they are breathing on their own, they are both asleep, like they've got the monitors on there, but the monitors aren't beeping, it's just, we're just measuring, just monitoring their respiratory rates. ⁓ We could hold them immediately, we could feed them immediately. So here I am in a place that the first time I was in, so much trauma. Like I am watching doctors talk about my daughter's brain development and you're talking about, and she's having like ultrasounds and x-rays and blood drawn. And then the second time I'm in the exact same spot, but I'm like holding my babies and they are being fed from a bottle. And the NICU doctor that helped us through my eldest, just like the first couple of weeks of her life where we're like, Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Hmm. Whit C: she gonna need surgery, she not gonna need surgery, was the same doctor on staff when the twins were born. And he was the one that was like, okay, the twins are doing really good. We are going to move them from a high-risk NICU that they don't need to be here to lower risk NICU. And so the day I was discharged, they were transferred to a lower, lower risk NICU. And in the lower risk NICU, they were one bed over from where Jessielee Sittig: Aww. Whit C: my daughter was the first time. So like they had the exact same bed and now instead of having high stress memories of that place I've got better ones. Like I wouldn't say that they were like great because again it's always hard leaving your baby who wasn't in the NICU but it's walking in the morning and not have to worry about Jessielee Sittig: ⁓ my gosh. Whit C: ⁓ did her oxygen levels need to be increased overnight or did, you know, like it was just completely different experience and it's wild. Jessielee Sittig: I'm so glad that you redemption through all of that because I can't imagine how healing that was to ⁓ be that they followed the same journey and it was just like a little bit of a brighter one, you know? That's really special. Really special. Whit C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know, I feel like the first NICU experience and journey prepared me for the second and the second healed the first. Because now with the first, because she was in NICU we did a lot of, I was like exclusively pumping. And now with the twins, find, I just, just to keep them fed, pumping is the way to go, like tandem feeding. It's great for when I am stuck, but one of the twins absolutely hates it. Like just will scream her head off, does not wanna share. I always joke, does not wanna share. Jessielee Sittig: Sure. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Whit C: But now, because I already had the pumping experience for the first, I'm like, all right, as much as I hate it, I still don't love pumping. At least I've been through it before. yes. It is. It is a lot. Jessielee Sittig: It's like a full time job. Mm hmm. It's a lot. I pumped for the twins also and it was like, it's the pumping is annoying, but it's also all the things that come with it, like the prepping and the cleaning and it's a lot. It's a lot. Whit C: I still have the hospital grade one because I just might just works a lot better but having to like sit and be stuck to this machine when there's so much going on or so much you should be doing or need to be doing, ⁓ that is what gets to me and I'm like all right well I guess I can't do much for the next half hour or try to feed the twins and pump at the same time like Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to do that a lot, which was still hard because then I'm like, my toddler's on her own because I literally don't have any more hands. Pump, both hands, doing bottles, and I'm like, you're good. We have the TV on. You OK over there? So I Whit C: Yeah. Yep, it gets a little too quiet and you're like, hey, what are you doing? Jessielee Sittig: That is like, yes, my favorite. I can be hearing like dishes breaking, like people screaming and I'm like, everything's fine. And then when it's quiet, I'm like, what are they, yes, what have they gotten into? Okay, Whit C: Yeah, what are you doing? Jessielee Sittig: lot. So Whit, thank you so much for ⁓ sharing your story. mean, ⁓ it's so vulnerable to be able to up about your experience everything that you guys went through. And I'm so glad that there was like a redemptive aspect to your story and thank you for sharing. And I always end every episode with, if you could have a heart to heart with a twin mom. ⁓ What would you tell her? Especially like three under three. Whit C: ⁓ I would tell her to give herself some grace. I think as moms we do such a great job of encouraging other moms. I say motherhood, like the circle of motherhood is one of the best, most encouraging, like you think girlhood is good? Motherhood is like a whole different level. We do such a great job of encouraging others and I think sometimes it's important to turn that encouragement onto ourselves. Jessielee Sittig: Hmm. Mmm. Whit C: The version of you right now is still your kid's best version. It's the ones that the twins are going to hold on to. It's the ones that the toddler is going to remember the most of. And they are just grateful that you're there and you are doing a lot more than you think by just being present. So give yourself some grace. You don't have to have everything figured out or have everything perfect. Jessielee Sittig: Mm-hmm. I love that. Yeah, that's so true. ⁓ my gosh, that's good. It reminds me of like those things where it's like, the mom thinks about her day and she was like, I didn't do this. I didn't do that. And then it's like the toddler's perspective. And it's like, my mommy read to me, my mommy made me lunch. And you're like, ⁓ like, you just have to, yeah, like give yourself grace because you being there is like more magical than you even think. So I love that. Whit C: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Like there are times when I know I am especially in the morning like trying There are times when I'm frustrated and I'm like we just we need to go let's let's grab your like let's grab your bags let's get out the door ⁓ and I'll say something I'll say it in a that I'm like I could have said that a little bit better and I feel so bad about it but then the toddler is gonna come like two seconds later and just be her happy self and be like ⁓ mom can and I'm like okay. Could I have been better at that? Yes. But also, they are so forgiving and they're just happy that you were with them in that moment and you're taking care of them. Jessielee Sittig: Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I had so much fun talking and just thank you for being so vulnerable and open. just really feel like moms who are going through the NICU or who have had a similar experience are probably just like so thankful that you were able to share your story. So thank you. Whit C: Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed this. Jessielee Sittig: Yes, I did too.