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Resilience Through Trials (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 1 - 351 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:06
Daniel Moore: Have you ever noticed that marriage is a lot like taking a road trip with your spouse?
0:10
Daniel Moore: Before you leave, you're excited about the destination, you've got snacks packed, a playlist ready, and visions of making great memories together.
0:18
Daniel Moore: Then somewhere a few hours down the road, one of you is convinced the GPS is wrong, the other insists on stopping for gas even though we still have a quarter tank of gas left.
0:27
Daniel Moore: And somehow discussion about directions turns into a debate about something that happened three years ago.
0:33
Daniel Moore: Well, life's a little bit like that itself.
0:36
Daniel Moore: We enter marriage expecting the stenny crowds, the laughter, the adventures, the celebrations, and the dreams fulfilled.
0:42
Daniel Moore: What we don't always anticipate are the unexpected detours, roadblocks, and storms that appear without warning.
0:49
Daniel Moore: Well in this week's episode, we're talking about suffering, loss, and disappointment, and how God can use even the hardest seasons to strengthen our marriage rather than destroy it.
0:58
Daniel Moore: The truth is every couple faces storms.
1:01
Daniel Moore: The question isn't whether hardships will come, the question is whether we'll face them together or allow them to drive us apart.
1:09
Daniel Moore: Scripture reminds us that God never wastes our pain.
1:12
Daniel Moore: He uses trials to deepen our faith, refine our character, and teach us how to love each other in ways that sunshine and smooth sailing never could.
1:20
Daniel Moore: So if you're walking through a difficult season right now, or if you've ever wondered how to keep your marriage strong when life gets hard, pull up the chair and join us.
1:29
Daniel Moore: We believe this week's conversation will encourage you, challenge you, and remind you that even in the middle of the storm, God is still writing a story of hope.
1:38
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:44
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies.
1:47
Daniel Moore: We invite people to have inspiring stories.
1:48
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
1:50
Daniel Moore: Over here next to me once again is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:53
Daniel Moore: Hey, hey.
1:54
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week from Not Familiar with our show.
1:57
Daniel Moore: Check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com.
2:00
Daniel Moore: The links to our platforms are there.
2:01
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2:03
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2:05
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2:10
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2:14
Daniel Moore: Give us a thumbs up or five-star review on Apple Podcast.
2:17
Daniel Moore: And we thank you in advance for doing that.
2:20
Daniel Moore: Well, this week, as we mentioned, we are going to be starting off episode 11 in our 12-episode series on marriage as a mission.
2:29
Daniel Moore: And of course, if you'd still like to purchase this book, it is available everywhere you can get your books online.
2:33
Daniel Moore: You can go to our website at marriagelifeandmore.com and purchase it there as well.
2:38
Daniel Moore: And there is a six-session study guide that goes along with this.
2:41
Daniel Moore: So it's good for small groups or uh church groups, whatever it may be.
2:45
Daniel Moore: Uh if you're you do life groups or even marriage couples groups, whatever, it'd be a really good resource for that.
2:52
Daniel Moore: And so that's why all of that's been put together.
2:54
Daniel Moore: So you can find that and other resources on our website as well for marriage.
2:59
Daniel Moore: And also, as we've been mentioning here recently, the latest book we've released here is the Verse by Verse Study in Isaiah.
3:07
Daniel Moore: And the first uh volume of that has been released, chapters one through 39.
3:12
Daniel Moore: It's a big thick book with lots of historical points and wrapped into the biblical side.
3:18
Daniel Moore: There's an application in each chapter for today, uh, over 130 illustrations.
3:22
Daniel Moore: It's an excellent resource for people that like to do Bible study, especially if you're interested in the book of Isaiah.
3:28
Daniel Moore: Working on volume two at this point, the final chapters of that book will be coming out hopefully later this year.
3:35
Daniel Moore: And the way it's set up, you could kind of use it as a devotional if you'd like, with the applications that it's the end of each chapter, their summaries, and uh just all kinds of things.
3:43
Daniel Moore: So go check that out and remember that anything that you sew back into the ministry by purchasing resources that just helps us to stay on and keep bringing these episodes each week here for Marriage Life and More and Connecting the Gap, the other podcast I have for Bible study.
3:58
Daniel Moore: Well, without further ado, let's go ahead and get started into this week's episode.
4:03
Daniel Moore: And this one is a little different than what we've been doing.
4:08
Daniel Moore: Uh, we know that marriage is good in a lot of ways, and there's things about marriage that we love, the time we get to spend with our spouses, all the happy memories that are made.
4:17
Daniel Moore: You always have the dreams that you want to succeed to fulfill as you walk the married walk.
4:22
Daniel Moore: But you know, sometimes as we're moving right along and things seem to be going really great, all of a sudden something happens that just totally turns your world upside down.
4:32
Daniel Moore: And that can happen in various different ways.
4:34
Daniel Moore: So, starting this week, we're going to start walking through some of that.
4:38
Daniel Moore: We'll finish this episode next week on next week's podcast episode.
4:43
Daniel Moore: But we're going to be starting off with part one of episode 11: Resilience through trials.
4:49
Daniel Moore: Surprises you with your favorite snacks, and somehow remembers that you like exactly three ice cubes in your drink, not two, not four, you like three.
5:21
Daniel Moore: Life feels exciting, conversations flow easily, affection comes naturally.
5:27
Daniel Moore: It's all sunshine, butterflies, and matching hoodies.
5:30
Daniel Moore: Then, real life shows up.
5:33
Daniel Moore: Suddenly, you're not just sharing dreams and date nights, you're sharing bills, responsibilities, disappointments, and unexpected hardships.
5:41
Daniel Moore: The reality is that every marriage will eventually face seasons of difficulty.
5:46
Daniel Moore: Job losses happen, health scares arrive without warning, loved ones pass away, financial pressures mount, plans fall apart, and sometimes the trial feels as simple as discovering that your in-laws plan to stay for quote unquote a few weeks, and somehow those weeks begin multiplying like loaves of fishes.
6:05
Daniel Moore: The truth is that difficult seasons don't create marriage problems as much as they reveal them.
6:10
Daniel Moore: During good times, love often feels effortless.
6:14
Daniel Moore: When life is smooth, patience seems abundant.
6:17
Daniel Moore: Communication comes easier, and grace flows more naturally.
6:21
Daniel Moore: But when stress enters the picture, it has a way of exposing weaknesses that may have been hidden beneath the surface.
6:28
Daniel Moore: And for Michelle and I, we can vouch for this from one end to the other.
6:33
Daniel Moore: You name it, any of those things that we've just talked about there in the intro of this.
6:38
Daniel Moore: You know, we've we've had some crazy, um, crazy things that's happened um since we've been married.
6:45
Daniel Moore: And it's that again, it's not things that you exp you know that they're gonna happen because it's you know, life.
6:51
Daniel Moore: I mean, life happens, but it is a valid point, though, I think, that when you first get married and things are just so exciting and fun and new that really some of those hardships that could come up are really in a far distant place in your mind.
7:04
Daniel Moore: You just don't really think about that.
7:06
Daniel Moore: And I think sometimes that may be why it's such a surprise when it does happen, because you just it's not something you were expecting.
7:13
Daniel Moore: And then all of a sudden now the blue, this this disaster where this, you know, this drastic problem takes place.
7:18
Daniel Moore: And then you're like, oh, I never had training for this.
7:21
Daniel Moore: How do I approach this?
7:23
Daniel Moore: And it can actually cause divisions between spouses sometimes, uh, depending on what it is.
7:29
Daniel Moore: And so throughout this next couple of weeks here, this week and next week, we're gonna share some of our story.
7:35
Daniel Moore: And I think some of this you guys haven't heard yet, some of it you have.
7:39
Daniel Moore: Um, but we are going to be sharing some of that just to kind of drive home a little bit about how these these unexpected um emergencies can happen in our marriages and how you have to immediately just start jumping on trying to figure out how are we going to navigate through this and what can we learn from this?
7:56
Daniel Moore: Why is this happening?
7:57
Daniel Moore: And I think one question that is asked a lot by people is why.
8:01
Daniel Moore: And sometimes we feel bad about asking God why, but God wants us to ask him why.
8:06
Daniel Moore: And I think that we need to remember that God doesn't expect us to have everything figured out, he knows that we're just human.
8:13
Daniel Moore: He created us with an inquisitive mind.
8:16
Daniel Moore: And there's no rules that say you can't ask God why something is happening.
8:21
Daniel Moore: He does have an answer for what's going on at that time.
8:24
Daniel Moore: Sometimes it may not be the answer that we want and or that we are expecting because we're wanting something a little different.
8:31
Daniel Moore: But we do know that whatever answer God has for those moments, it's always gonna have growth involved in it.
8:36
Daniel Moore: Right.
8:36
Daniel Moore: And so that's what we're gonna be touching on.
8:38
Daniel Moore: So I'm gonna go ahead and Michelle let you start there with the first point that we're gonna walk through this week.
8:42
Daniel Moore: Go ahead and share that with us.
8:45
Michelle Moore: The strength of a marriage is not measured by how it behaves in sunshine, but by how it responds in storms.
8:53
Michelle Moore: This is why the scripture continually calls believers to build their lives on a strong foundation.
8:58
Michelle Moore: Jesus taught Matthew in 7, 24 through 27 that the wise man built his house upon the rock.
9:06
Michelle Moore: Notice that both houses face a storm.
9:08
Michelle Moore: But the difference wasn't the weather, it was the foundation.
9:13
Michelle Moore: The same principles apply to marriage.
9:15
Michelle Moore: Every couple will encounter storms, but couples who build their relationship on Christ have something steady to hold on to while everything around them feels uncertain.
9:24
Michelle Moore: Love was never designed to thrive only in ideal circumstances.
9:30
Michelle Moore: Love is more than a romantic dinner's weekend getaways and cuddling on the couch while watching your favorite show.
9:36
Michelle Moore: Real love is forged in the ordinary and strengthened in adversity.
9:40
Michelle Moore: It is found in the hospital waiting rooms, difficult conversations, budget meetings, funeral services, sleepless nights, and seasons when neither spouse feels particularly strong.
9:52
Michelle Moore: Sometimes partnership looks less like a Hallmark movie and more like two exhausted people standing shoulder to shoulder saying, I don't know exactly what we're doing, but we're going to trust God and figure it out together.
10:06
Daniel Moore: So as you were sharing that point there, you mentioned the wise man building his house on the firm foundation.
10:12
Daniel Moore: Yes.
10:13
Daniel Moore: The foundation of the rock.
10:15
Daniel Moore: Well, the rest of that story, the not so wise person built his house on sand.
10:21
Daniel Moore: Right.
10:21
Daniel Moore: And I think that speaks volumes with our marriages.
10:24
Daniel Moore: And this is something that we've been really trying, I think, to drive home as we've been going through this whole series on marriage as a mission, is one of the biggest things that we really need to keep in mind is our foundation.
10:34
Daniel Moore: Right.
10:35
Daniel Moore: Because if our foundation of our marriage isn't strong like it needs to be, and I know every foundation is going to have its cracks.
10:42
Daniel Moore: We totally understand that, we totally get that.
10:44
Daniel Moore: There's not a perfect marriage out there, but we can limit how many cracks there are in our foundation as long as we stay in prayer mode, we keep reading the Bible, keep God in the center of everything.
10:55
Daniel Moore: And that does help when these things come up that we just weren't expecting.
11:00
Daniel Moore: And if as devastating as they can be, if we already have our focus and our foundation built on Christ, then I have to I have to believe myself that it makes that season much easier to navigate, even though it's hard, you know.
11:16
Daniel Moore: And so I think it's so important that we do keep ourselves focused and grounded in the word like we should and keep God first in all those situations.
11:26
Daniel Moore: You know, marriage isn't proven by how loudly you celebrate on the mountaintop.
11:29
Daniel Moore: It's how faithfully walk through the valleys.
11:32
Daniel Moore: And we know that being married is like a roller coaster.
11:36
Daniel Moore: You know, you're up one day and you're down the next, you're up one week, down the next.
11:39
Daniel Moore: You know, you might have six good months and all of a sudden you might have two bad ones.
11:42
Daniel Moore: You know, it's just that's just life.
11:44
Daniel Moore: You know, Satan's always in there trying to stir the pot.
11:47
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
11:48
Daniel Moore: He's always trying to make things come up, try to throw things in front of us to trip us up and maybe make us think twice about this relationship we have with God and with our spouse.
11:56
Daniel Moore: But we do know that uh the way that our marriages are proven is when we come into these moments where we have some kind of a disaster, some kind of a uh family type situation that's really bad and it really affects everybody's momentum, it affects everybody's lives, you know, especially of a loss of a family member, whatever it may be.
12:19
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, it does speak volumes with how you come out of it on the other side.
12:23
Daniel Moore: You can let it make or break you.
12:26
Daniel Moore: And, you know, the apostle Paul he reminds us in Galatians 6, 2 to bear one another's burdens.
12:31
Daniel Moore: And while that command applies broadly to believers, there's probably no place that it becomes more personal than within marriage.
12:38
Daniel Moore: God never intended husbands and wives to carry life's burdens alone.
12:42
Daniel Moore: Right.
12:43
Daniel Moore: Marriage is a God-given partnership where two people help shoulder the weight when one begins to stumble.
12:50
Daniel Moore: And that doesn't mean we make fun of each other when one of us makes a mistake or, you know, get snighty, you know, snarky comments and whatever.
12:59
Daniel Moore: No, we're there to help hold each other up.
13:02
Daniel Moore: It reminds me of that story of Moses when he, as long as his hands were held up.
13:06
Michelle Moore: Yes, you had one on each hand holding the arms up.
13:08
Daniel Moore: The battle was being won, but when he got exhausted and his hand fell, they started losing.
13:12
Daniel Moore: So, you know, you had, you know, two men came up next to him and held his arms up so that the battle could be won.
13:18
Daniel Moore: And that's a very good picture that we can uh, you know, look at whenever it comes to marriage.
13:24
Daniel Moore: Uh sometimes we need somebody to hold our arm up.
13:26
Daniel Moore: We need somebody to stand there and help us, you know, carry that burden.
13:30
Daniel Moore: You know, stress has a funny way of complicating things.
13:33
Michelle Moore: Amen.
13:33
Michelle Moore: Not really amen, but you know what I'm saying.
13:36
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you're you're agreeing.
13:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah, there's agreement.
13:38
Daniel Moore: There's stress is a killer.
13:40
Daniel Moore: It'll really get you to the core.
13:42
Daniel Moore: When pressures rise, patience often shrinks.
13:46
Daniel Moore: Fatigue clouds judgment, assumptions replace conversations, and suddenly that spouse that you once stared at lovingly across a breakfast table becomes the person you're frustrated with because they forgot to pay the utility bill again.
13:59
Daniel Moore: You know, and if we're being honest, most arguments aren't really about the dishes, the laundry, the thermostat, or the toothpaste left in the sink.
14:06
Daniel Moore: It's never really about the toothpaste.
14:08
Daniel Moore: Those surface disagreements often reveal deeper issues underneath that fear that's there, that exhaustion, those unmet expectations.
14:15
Daniel Moore: Maybe there's feelings of being unappreciated, or simply carrying more emotional weight than we realize.
14:22
Daniel Moore: There's so many things there sometimes that if we don't put those out in the open and allow our spouses to help us through different scenes in our life and and different seasons, then that does kind of fall back to the expectations thing.
14:35
Daniel Moore: It's hard for us to know where to navigate with our spouse if we don't know what's going on.
14:40
Michelle Moore: And I think that's very important that this is, you know, we're talking about this because, you know, there's days that I'm I can come home and I it's been a stressful day or the same for you.
14:50
Michelle Moore: We can kind of more now recognize it, but I can go back to the fact of when we had our children and there was days and I mean we'd snap at each other and it's because of everything that was going on previously, but there was no communication.
15:04
Daniel Moore: Right.
15:05
Michelle Moore: And I think about okay, what if we would have had the communication, we would have saved ourselves multiple fights, like you know, and I so I think it's very important.
15:15
Michelle Moore: I mean, I I know I've mentioned this before, but you know, even as we have a great marriage and everything, but there are times when I'm like, okay, I it's been a day.
15:25
Michelle Moore: So I tend when I have a long day, usually I have a headache and I go to quiet mode.
15:32
Michelle Moore: And and it's not anything against Daniel or anybody else.
15:36
Michelle Moore: It's just I have so much going on in my mind.
15:39
Michelle Moore: But now I'm like, okay, rough day.
15:42
Michelle Moore: I'm not mad at you.
15:44
Michelle Moore: We try to talk about it, and there's days that I can tell when you're quiet.
15:47
Michelle Moore: I'm like, okay, so then today, you know, we know how to recognize that, but I think communication is such a big key in this area because you're if you have so much pressure, if you have you know stress, it does.
16:02
Michelle Moore: And I think God didn't give us those to carry.
16:05
Daniel Moore: No.
16:06
Michelle Moore: And we forget that because we take them on and we don't even tell our partners, even though they may recognize it, but God didn't give those to us to carry those on to begin with.
16:15
Daniel Moore: Yeah, a lot of it's man-made.
16:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
16:17
Michelle Moore: So you have to be able to in a marriage, if you're gonna carry those on, which we all do.
16:21
Michelle Moore: I mean, if we're honest with ourselves, there's gonna be at some point we're gonna carry some of those on because the pressures of life, there's so many of them.
16:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
16:30
Michelle Moore: So we have to communicate that with our spouse to say, hey, this is what's going on.
16:34
Michelle Moore: Your spouse can either, hey, you're not supposed to be carrying that.
16:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
16:39
Michelle Moore: Or it may be something that you have to carry at that moment because of life and how it is.
16:44
Michelle Moore: I mean, there's you think about the pressures of life.
16:46
Michelle Moore: If you're taking care of a sick person, you know, like our granddaughter's special needs, those are continuous pressures of life that is hard.
16:55
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
16:56
Daniel Moore: And both spouses have to be on board.
17:00
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
17:00
Michelle Moore: That's where they come and uplift each other through that time.
17:04
Daniel Moore: Exactly.
17:05
Daniel Moore: And, you know, sometimes the sick person might be a relative of your spouse.
17:10
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
17:10
Daniel Moore: It may not be your direct family member, but your spouse is in a position where there's no other choice really but to be a caregiver in that moment.
17:19
Daniel Moore: And that can really cause a divide between spouses sometimes because that's gonna take a lot of that spouse's time.
17:26
Daniel Moore: And it's gonna take time away from the marriage occasionally.
17:29
Daniel Moore: It's gonna take time away from the other spouse, and that can really uh you know create some dissent.
17:36
Michelle Moore: I'm glad you brought that up because I was gonna go to that point of you do have to be careful because you can carry that and the conflict can arise from that.
17:44
Daniel Moore: Sure can.
17:45
Daniel Moore: Go ahead and continue there with the next one.
17:47
Daniel Moore: It kind of goes right with what we're talking about.
17:49
Michelle Moore: What comes out uh during a conflict often reveals what has been building up in silence.
17:53
Michelle Moore: Oh dear.
17:54
Michelle Moore: This would be me 100%.
17:56
Michelle Moore: Um, this is why healthy communication becomes so critical during difficult seasons.
18:01
Michelle Moore: Ephesians 4 29 reminds us to speak words that build up rather than tear down.
18:07
Michelle Moore: That's easy to quote on a Sunday morning.
18:10
Michelle Moore: It's a little harder to practice on Thursday night at a stressful week when both spouses are tired, frustrated, and one of them keeps loading the dishwasher the wrong way.
18:19
Michelle Moore: During challenging seasons, couples must intentionally choose understanding over assumption, grace over criticism, and teamwork over blame.
18:29
Michelle Moore: That doesn't mean pretending everything is fine.
18:33
Michelle Moore: It means having the humility to say things like, Hey, I'm struggling today, or I'm scared of this, or I don't know what to do.
18:42
Michelle Moore: And my favorite, I was wrong.
18:46
Michelle Moore: And I'm sorry.
18:48
Michelle Moore: And I love this one the most because this is very dear to me.
18:53
Michelle Moore: I need your help.
18:54
Michelle Moore: Those simple statements often do more to strengthen a marriage than winning an argument even could.
19:01
Daniel Moore: And how many times, you know, even as we work with our marriage 911 couples, do we come across this situation where we realize that a lot of these things are never spoken.
19:10
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I think there is a level of pride that all of us, I think, withholds within our own selves moment by moment.
19:19
Daniel Moore: And it's really hard to be humble sometimes when we really need to be, because it's hard to go through this whole life on your own and make it with no help.
19:29
Daniel Moore: Right.
19:30
Daniel Moore: Sometimes you have to have somebody come alongside you and help you.
19:33
Daniel Moore: And who's a much better person to do that than the person that's the closest to you?
19:37
Daniel Moore: That's right.
19:37
Daniel Moore: Your spouse.
19:38
Daniel Moore: And, you know, whenever we married, we not only married a best friend and a, you know, a future co-parent, uh, whatever it might be in your situation, but you also married one of your greatest support systems.
19:52
Daniel Moore: But you can't be a support system for each other if you haven't, you know, stiffened up that foundation a little bit and put God in the center of everything.
20:00
Daniel Moore: It you're gonna possibly get into some conflicts and some bad situations if that isn't right, if you don't keep that where it needs to be.
20:09
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
20:09
Daniel Moore: And so we this is something that even you and I have learned is that if we are having a bad day or whatever it may be, and we sense that, we start talking to each other, and then we do utilize sentences like these, you know, well, uh, you know, I don't know what to do right now.
20:26
Daniel Moore: This is really bothering me and frustrating me with what's going on at work or what's going on with so-and-so, my friend or my family member, whatever it may be, we talk about that stuff.
20:36
Daniel Moore: And if we need help, we sincerely say, you know, I need you to pray with me on this.
20:40
Michelle Moore: I think that's the biggest thing that I mean, for me and you, not only do we talk about, hey, we're struggling, whatever, but I think the biggest thing is when I say I need your help, you know, automatically, prayer, go into prayer for me.
20:51
Michelle Moore: And, you know, and I don't have to say, Well, you pray for me.
20:54
Michelle Moore: I know you're praying for me.
20:56
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
20:56
Michelle Moore: Because I you know I'm not gonna ask for that.
20:59
Michelle Moore: You know, I need your help, you know, and not need the prayer.
21:03
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
21:04
Daniel Moore: And, you know, there's a point here that says the strongest marriages are not built by two perfect people, but by two humble people.
21:10
Daniel Moore: Yes.
21:11
Daniel Moore: And what do those two humble people do?
21:13
Daniel Moore: And choose grace.
21:14
Daniel Moore: Keep choosing grace.
21:15
Daniel Moore: If we can't have grace in our marriage between each other, it's gonna be very difficult for us and we were once there.
21:20
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
21:22
Daniel Moore: And we'll talk a little bit about that as we get to it.
21:24
Daniel Moore: But I'm gonna jump down to our next point here.
21:27
Daniel Moore: A thriving marriage isn't two people pulling against each other, it's two people pulling together towards God.
21:33
Daniel Moore: And I love this because this really sums this whole section up here in a nutshell, just with you starting about that firm foundation, yeah, built on the rock, built on Christ.
21:44
Daniel Moore: That is what makes a thriving marriage.
21:46
Daniel Moore: And what is a thriving marriage?
21:48
Daniel Moore: That's a marriage that's growing.
21:49
Daniel Moore: That's a marriage that the two people want to keep coming back to every night.
21:53
Daniel Moore: They, when they're not home, they miss each other.
21:56
Daniel Moore: You know, all the stuff that goes along with having that relationship.
21:59
Daniel Moore: With your best friend, with the person that you know has your back, no matter what may come your way.
22:05
Daniel Moore: And you always look forward to all those times together.
22:07
Daniel Moore: That is a thriving marriage.
22:09
Daniel Moore: And you can't have that if you both are divided.
22:13
Michelle Moore: Right.
22:14
Daniel Moore: A divided house falls.
22:15
Daniel Moore: You know, that's a biblical scripture.
22:17
Daniel Moore: It's when both of us are actually actively hanging on to God and keeping him in the middle of our lives so that the two of us can mesh.
22:25
Daniel Moore: That's what makes all this work.
22:27
Daniel Moore: You know, the goal of marriage isn't to avoid hardship, and that's impossible in a fallen world.
22:33
Daniel Moore: The goal is learning how to face those hardships together because we know those hardships are going to come.
22:38
Daniel Moore: It's just the way it is.
22:39
Daniel Moore: That's just life.
22:40
Daniel Moore: Storms are going to come, and some of those might just be brief summer showers that others are going to feel like hurricanes that linger far longer than you expected.
22:49
Daniel Moore: Every trial presents an opportunity to deepen trust, unity, and experience God's sustaining grace together.
22:55
Daniel Moore: Love isn't the absence of storms.
22:58
Daniel Moore: I know there's this lie that goes around sometimes, especially with teenagers, when you're out there trying to find your lifetime love and wanting to get married and all this stuff that goes on.
23:08
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times you'll hear, well, I just can't get wait to get married because we love each other so much.
23:13
Daniel Moore: We're going to have so much fun together, you know, and you hear all this stuff.
23:17
Daniel Moore: Well, that is the goal.
23:18
Daniel Moore: That's what we want to have.
23:19
Daniel Moore: But in all reality, that love doesn't mean that once you get married, it's just going to be sweet smelling roses until you die.
23:26
Daniel Moore: There's going to be some storms that's going to come up, and no matter how much you love each other, it's not going to stop that.
23:31
Michelle Moore: Right.
23:31
Daniel Moore: Those storms are still going to come.
23:33
Daniel Moore: What really love actually is, is two imperfect people remembering why they boarded the same boat in the first place.
23:40
Daniel Moore: It's holding hands when those answers are scarce.
23:43
Daniel Moore: It's choosing faith when fear feels louder.
23:46
Daniel Moore: It's refusing to quit when circumstances become difficult.
23:50
Daniel Moore: You know, sometimes it's hugging it out right after an intense discussion about who ate the last cookie and then conveniently forgot to mention it.
23:57
Daniel Moore: Well, at the end of the day, marriage isn't about having a storm-free life.
24:02
Daniel Moore: It's about having someone God has given you to walk through that storm with.
24:06
Daniel Moore: That's what's important.
24:07
Daniel Moore: You know, the deepest levels of love are often discovered on the hardest roads of life.
24:12
Daniel Moore: When Christ is at the center, every storm becomes an opportunity for greater unity rather than greater division.
24:20
Daniel Moore: And the goal isn't to survive the storm separately, the goal is to emerge from it stronger.
24:25
Daniel Moore: And how is that?
24:26
Daniel Moore: It's together.
24:28
Daniel Moore: You know, we want to make sure that we're together during those storms when we come out of that on the other side, that we're stronger.
24:34
Daniel Moore: So I think there's a lot of really good truths there in that section that we really just need to put into application in our marriages.
24:41
Daniel Moore: You know, if we remember to keep Christ first and keep that firm foundation underneath us, and remember that no matter how lovely our marriage seems to be right now, and it's just sliding along like nothing's gonna happen, and we're just having this fun, awesome time, not to rain on the parade, but make sure you're ready for when those hardships may come your way because they will happen.
25:03
Michelle Moore: I was gonna say it's not if they will, they will come your way.
25:07
Michelle Moore: At some point in your marriage, they will come your way.
25:10
Michelle Moore: There are a few things in life more beautiful than a marriage that is thriving.
25:41
Michelle Moore: When everything is going well, love feels natural.
25:45
Michelle Moore: You laugh together, you dream together, you finish each other's sentences, and somehow your spouse still finds your jokes funny, even the ones that you repeated from 20 years ago.
25:56
Michelle Moore: Life feels manageable, the future feels bright, but then life happens.
26:03
Michelle Moore: A phone call changes everything.
26:05
Michelle Moore: A diagnosis arrives unexpectedly, a job disappears, a dream falls apart, a loved one passes away.
26:14
Michelle Moore: Suddenly, the marriage that felt so strong is standing in the middle of a storm neither spouse saw coming.
26:22
Michelle Moore: The reality is that suffering, loss, and disappointment have a way of testing even the healthiest marriages.
26:29
Michelle Moore: It's not necessarily because the love disappears, it's because pain has a way of affecting people differently.
26:36
Michelle Moore: The very person you love most can suddenly become difficult to understand because both of you are carrying a burden that feels almost impossible to bear.
26:48
Daniel Moore: And I know from experience that sometimes when a spouse goes through a very severe hardship, it leaves the other spouse sometimes in a vulnerable position of not knowing what to do.
26:58
Daniel Moore: And that's a that's a very common place to be in.
27:02
Daniel Moore: And I think that if anybody's listening today and you're actually in this season of your life right now where something bad has happened and you're the support spouse in the situation, and you know, the problems keep rolling in for your spouse, and they're looking to you for help and you feel like you're helpless, you don't know what to say.
27:21
Daniel Moore: Um, it seems like whatever you do say just doesn't seem to hit the mark.
27:25
Daniel Moore: You know, that's normal.
27:26
Daniel Moore: I mean, it's tough when you have something happen totally unexpected that's devastating.
27:33
Daniel Moore: It's hard to navigate through that stuff.
27:35
Daniel Moore: And I think one thing that, you know, we have to remember is that hardship doesn't just test the marriage, it reveals what foundation the marriage is standing on.
27:43
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
27:43
Daniel Moore: And again, that comes back to why it is so important that our foundation is solid.
27:48
Daniel Moore: We have to make sure because no matter how solid that marriage foundation is, there's still something, something out there that can tear it up if you're not careful.
27:58
Daniel Moore: There's some really bad things that can happen to people.
28:01
Daniel Moore: And one of the examples uh that we have here is you know, one of the most devastating examples is the loss of a child, for instance.
28:07
Daniel Moore: You know, a few experiences compare to that kind of heartbreak.
28:11
Daniel Moore: I couldn't even imagine that.
28:12
Michelle Moore: I couldn't either.
28:13
Daniel Moore: It's often described as one of the most traumatic events a couple can face.
28:17
Daniel Moore: While studies vary on the exact statistics, researchers consistently agree that couples who lose a child face a significantly higher risk of marital strain and divorce than the general population.
28:29
Daniel Moore: And Michelle and I know people that that's happened to.
28:31
Daniel Moore: They've lost a child when they were very young, whether if it was because they were a special needs child or whatever it may be.
28:37
Daniel Moore: I can think of a couple of couples right now off the top of my head that I thought were very solid Christians in their walk with God.
28:44
Daniel Moore: And they lost a child and, you know, everything was looking great, but then it ended up eventually ending up in divorce.
28:50
Daniel Moore: There was just too much there in the mind going on to salvage that marriage.
28:56
Daniel Moore: They just, it just didn't work out for some reason.
28:59
Daniel Moore: And you know, why is that?
29:00
Daniel Moore: Well, the main reason is because grief really looks the same to two different people.
29:05
Daniel Moore: We have to understand this is where that grace thing comes in.
29:08
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
29:08
Daniel Moore: And this is where a lot of prayer comes in, quite honest.
29:11
Daniel Moore: Because the person that it happens to is gonna they're gonna look at it totally different than the person that's the outsider looking in.
29:20
Daniel Moore: You know, one spouse may need to talk through every emotion, where the other may process internally and need some quiet, need some silence.
29:27
Daniel Moore: One may seek connection while the other seeks solitude.
29:30
Daniel Moore: One may cry openly while the other throws themselves into work projects or daily responsibilities just to make it through the day.
29:36
Daniel Moore: They're just trying to keep their mind busy and try not to think about stuff.
29:39
Daniel Moore: And you know what's crazy is none of those responses are really necessarily wrong.
29:44
Daniel Moore: There's nothing wrong about those, but the problem begins when those differences are misunderstood.
29:49
Daniel Moore: The spouse who needs conversation may interpret as indifference, that silence that they're they're getting from their spouse.
29:55
Daniel Moore: The spouse who needs space may feel overwhelmed by constant emotional discussions.
30:00
Daniel Moore: What begins as different coping styles can slowly become frustration, misunderstanding, and emotional distance.
30:07
Daniel Moore: Now, Michelle and I actually both have a scenario in this that's happened to us since we've been married.
30:14
Daniel Moore: And Michelle will let you kind of share yours here first of all.
30:20
Michelle Moore: So I I'm sure I've mentioned this on the podcast a little bit.
30:24
Michelle Moore: Not have I ever went in depth on any of it, and I won't go in depth on this one, you know, as we talk about it.
30:32
Michelle Moore: Um, there will be a time for that.
30:34
Michelle Moore: Um, but back in 2015, my dad had an affair and um it was a big ordeal.
30:45
Michelle Moore: And my, you know, I had to do a lot of things to help my father um because he wanted to work on the marriage relationship with my mother.
30:53
Michelle Moore: And so there was a lot of things we didn't know that came out in the open.
31:00
Michelle Moore: And, you know, when my dad asked me to help him, I, you know, I love my father.
31:04
Michelle Moore: I'm the only girl out of four of us.
31:07
Michelle Moore: Um, so of course I'm gonna help him, and you know, because one, I was in his shoes at one point in time, and I did that exact same thing.
31:16
Michelle Moore: So how who am I to judge?
31:19
Michelle Moore: You know, so yeah, I'm gonna help him.
31:22
Michelle Moore: But him and my mom were working on things, and um the the lady was mentally unstable when my dad broke things off, and needless to say, um, she showed up at a house, one uh my parents' house and killed my father, murdered my father.
31:43
Michelle Moore: And I can remember the exact I was working.
31:47
Michelle Moore: We were short-handed.
31:49
Michelle Moore: My brother told me to finally got there.
31:54
Michelle Moore: I answered the phone and he's like, I've been trying to call you.
31:57
Michelle Moore: He's like, get in a car, and um I I remember us driving like maniacs, and um of course they had everything blocked off, and my brother was driving like a maniac and got us in there.
32:10
Michelle Moore: Um but by the time we got there, he had passed.
32:13
Michelle Moore: And so I honestly I I try to remember everything, but I think I was in so much shock.
32:22
Michelle Moore: I knew it was gonna happen at some point, I don't know why, but just the unstablen of everything.
32:29
Michelle Moore: Like I said, I'm not gonna go in details, there was a lot there, but I didn't even check on my mother, like my mom was there, and I don't remember even I and I didn't.
32:42
Michelle Moore: I called you.
32:43
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and I was like, you better tell the kids before this gets on, because you know, social media is just brutal.
32:50
Michelle Moore: Oh yeah, and it's a small town, obviously, and so and my dad was very well known, and well, both my parents, and so it was very difficult.
33:00
Michelle Moore: And once everybody was all my brothers were got the phone call and everything.
33:09
Michelle Moore: Um, I went with my mom.
33:10
Michelle Moore: My mom came over to her house, and there was just people, there was a couple of people stopping by, so we all decided, you know, we don't need this.
33:17
Michelle Moore: We went to my brother's house out in the country that nobody ever goes visit.
33:21
Michelle Moore: And I never asked you how you were feeling.
33:26
Michelle Moore: I never even thought about our children.
33:28
Michelle Moore: We had two seniors and a sophomore at that time, and I honestly can't remember even checking on you guys.
33:37
Michelle Moore: My focus was my mother.
33:39
Michelle Moore: You know, that that was my whole focus.
33:41
Michelle Moore: I wouldn't even stay the night with my mom at my brother's house.
33:46
Michelle Moore: I never came home.
33:48
Michelle Moore: And, you know, to this day, I'm like, I I'm so sorry.
33:51
Michelle Moore: You know, because it just didn't even my family didn't it just didn't even faze me.
33:57
Michelle Moore: Like my family was my mom at that moment.
33:59
Michelle Moore: And I didn't even think about myself.
34:01
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
34:01
Michelle Moore: But I can remember the night I had my Bible and it went into Isaiah, and he brought me to scripture.
34:09
Michelle Moore: And, you know, I've stood on that scripture because to this day I still don't understand it.
34:14
Michelle Moore: But I can remember so many times that I'm trying not to cry.
34:20
Michelle Moore: Um your whole world just gets totally just flipped out from underneath you.
34:27
Michelle Moore: And my focus was my mom.
34:30
Michelle Moore: And I can remember not really talking to Daniel.
34:34
Michelle Moore: I don't even know for how many days.
34:36
Michelle Moore: I mean, we touched base and you were there for me.
34:40
Michelle Moore: But my grief and my shock, I I I it was a lot.
34:45
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
34:46
Michelle Moore: And you know, trying to hide your emotions because when you're trying to take care of your own family, your mom, that you do hold things back.
34:53
Michelle Moore: And um, but you know, as I go back, and I'm kind of all over the place because my brain I'm I'm trying not to cry.
35:01
Michelle Moore: And when I'm not trying to cry, it's kind of like squirrel.
35:05
Michelle Moore: So um, but the media and the news got a hold of it, and of course she was arrested, and um so the grief and uh the shock of everything just kept going.
35:22
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and you know, finally when things settled down, or my mom stayed with us for a while, yeah, and so our whole life changed so tragically, so quick.
35:34
Michelle Moore: And you know, I mean, I just talked to my dad and my mom that day, and you know, they were gonna put the house up for sale, they were gonna move.
35:43
Michelle Moore: So they were really working hard.
35:46
Michelle Moore: And my dad, you know, was going to a counselor, a Christian counselor, and getting his life right back with God.
35:51
Michelle Moore: Um, he made a mistake.
35:53
Michelle Moore: But man, let me tell you, when something like that happens, the shock of it, you know, you were always there right and beside me.
36:03
Michelle Moore: Yeah, you never we never really talked about how you felt, never really talked about or processed how our children felt.
36:10
Michelle Moore: I know I didn't, and I wish I could go back to that and talk to him because I think because we all I didn't process it as as much as maybe they did.
36:21
Michelle Moore: Um my kids were really close to my dad.
36:24
Michelle Moore: And because of that, it really hurt them in a lot of ways, and they closed off and their lives changed to that day.
36:35
Michelle Moore: And so but because we didn't talk about it, I think there was a lot of unsolved things until later on when me and you, but if you hadn't been there to support me, I don't know what I would have done.
36:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
36:51
Daniel Moore: And so fortunately, um at this point in time here, if we had still been the wreck of a marriage that we had been in the past, I think that the outcome of that whole situation might possibly could have been a little different, even.
37:10
Michelle Moore: Oh, I would say it would be.
37:12
Daniel Moore: You know, that's why it's so important to make sure that, and we just can't stress this enough, in marriage relationships, you have to figure out what it takes to make sure that you stay strong in your marriage so that when these situations do pop up, you can be strong for each other.
37:29
Daniel Moore: And, you know, you mentioned several times about kind of forgetting about me and forgetting about the kids or whatever.
37:35
Daniel Moore: See, I never even looked at it that way.
37:36
Daniel Moore: And I think one of the things I want to do talk about here for a moment while we're in this spot is it does.
37:43
Daniel Moore: It comes back to that statement that we made earlier that grief looked, it rarely looks the same between two people.
37:49
Daniel Moore: Two people are gonna handle things completely differently depending on uh what position they are in that story, in that scenario.
37:57
Daniel Moore: This was your dad, so I totally understood why you reacted like you did.
38:02
Daniel Moore: I mean, your whole family was scrambling at that point.
38:04
Daniel Moore: What do we do?
38:05
Daniel Moore: And what's the next step now?
38:07
Daniel Moore: You know, we've got this situation where, you know, she's did what she did and her family's out there too.
38:14
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like you got all these things you got to think about.
38:16
Daniel Moore: And I think at that point, what my uh the main thing that I wanted to make sure of is that you didn't have to worry about me or the kids, you know, and you did great.
38:26
Daniel Moore: I handled the kids and tried to, you know, because they were, like you said, they were struggling through it too.
38:32
Daniel Moore: I mean, that was their grandfather, and so they had all this emotions and all these things going on at the same time and probably tons of questions.
38:40
Daniel Moore: And, you know, somebody had to be for there for them as well.
38:44
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, that's where this is so important that we stay together like we do, so that we can actually be a support to each other when these times happen, because stuff like this is what can tear a marriage apart very quickly if you're not careful.
39:00
Daniel Moore: And someday we will do the full testimony on that as a total different subject because there's that gets into forgiveness and all kinds of stuff.
39:08
Daniel Moore: If you hear the whole story, it's just a phenomenal thing, and we'll do that eventually.
39:13
Daniel Moore: But for this week's purpose, uh what we're trying to say here is you know, marriages go through things sometimes.
39:19
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, I lost my dad since we've been married, he got cancer, and so it wasn't just an instantaneous death just out of the blue like your father, but my dad, we lost him within a year.
39:33
Daniel Moore: So we still, even though we knew he was sick and knew it was probably coming, you always had that hope back in your mind that God's gonna heal him or there's some kind of treatment that's gonna start working and the cancer is gonna go away.
39:47
Daniel Moore: And I don't think that you ever really process or accept the fact that you're gonna lose that family member until they just die.
39:54
Daniel Moore: And so it still hits hard, you know.
39:57
Daniel Moore: When even if you're kind of expecting it, it's still such a change, a life-changing event in your life and your your family's story.
40:06
Daniel Moore: It just completely changes everything.
40:08
Daniel Moore: And during that time, you just so happen to be going through some oral dental work inside.
40:14
Michelle Moore: I actually just had my wisdom teeth cut out that morning.
40:18
Daniel Moore: So you're sitting over there.
40:19
Daniel Moore: I mean, I'm so you you didn't really didn't need to be there because you were in so much pain and not really feeling well at all.
40:26
Daniel Moore: There was so much stuff going on just with you physically in your body.
40:29
Daniel Moore: And I felt bad about that.
40:31
Daniel Moore: But, you know, you sit over on the couch, you were there for me.
40:35
Daniel Moore: You know, I was up there with my dad that night that he passed away, I was there by his side.
40:39
Daniel Moore: But I knew that if I looked across the room, there you are.
40:42
Daniel Moore: You're in my support system.
40:43
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I'm thankful for that.
40:48
Daniel Moore: Uh, because that's what being married's all about.
40:51
Daniel Moore: That's what having a good spouse in your life is is all about.
40:54
Daniel Moore: That's where, as we talked earlier, where they come next to you and hold your arms up during the battle and make sure that battle's won, that's a perfect picture of how that happens within a marriage.
41:06
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, don't think that you're the only one going through stuff.
41:11
Daniel Moore: You know, if you've got things going on in your marriage right now where some, you know, tragic thing has happened or some kind of a disaster has taken place.
41:19
Daniel Moore: It's real easy for us to get judgmental and mad and furious at the world, furious at God, wanting to blame anything and everything, and then our we end up blaming our marriages and our spouses and marriages fall apart, all this stuff that can happen because we think we're doing it.
41:32
Daniel Moore: This is all on us.
41:34
Daniel Moore: You know, we're the only ones going through this right now.
41:36
Michelle Moore: Well, cling to the Lord.
41:38
Daniel Moore: Yes.
41:38
Michelle Moore: We have I'm just gonna be like, cling to the Lord.
41:42
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's you just have to remember that hardship doesn't just test a marriage, you know, like we said earlier.
41:48
Daniel Moore: It does, it refills reveals the foundation of what that marriage is standing on.
41:53
Daniel Moore: You know, many marriages don't break because of the pain itself, they struggle because the pain isolates two people who desperately need each other.
42:01
Daniel Moore: You know, in this situation with your dad, this was a a potential, you know, situation where we could have been isolated from each other, you know.
42:12
Daniel Moore: Um, you had the grief that you had.
42:14
Daniel Moore: If I had, you know, me not understanding, because I've never had that happen to me, um I could have thought that, well, you're just getting too ate up with this.
42:23
Daniel Moore: And I could have been more of a hindrance and rather than being somebody there as a support system.
42:29
Daniel Moore: And that's not what God's called us to be as spouses.
42:33
Daniel Moore: Right.
42:33
Daniel Moore: He wants us to be a support system.
42:35
Daniel Moore: We should not be a hindrance in that situation.
42:37
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, a husband may not know how to support a grieving wife because he's never seen her carry this kind of pain.
42:45
Daniel Moore: A wife may feel helpless watching her husband wrestle with the emotions he doesn't know how to process.
42:50
Daniel Moore: Both may genuinely love each other while simultaneously being disconnected.
42:55
Daniel Moore: You know, none of us are trained for this.
42:57
Daniel Moore: You know, what happened to you?
42:59
Daniel Moore: I had no training for how to get through all of that.
43:01
Daniel Moore: I mean, it's by the grace of God that I even reacted like I did.
43:05
Daniel Moore: I mean, I'm not a genius, you know, psychologist type person that knows how to get through things.
43:10
Daniel Moore: And when my dad passed away, it was the same for you.
43:13
Daniel Moore: You know, sometimes it's the best thing is just not to say nothing, just be there.
43:19
Daniel Moore: You know, people just want to know that someone's there to support them.
43:22
Daniel Moore: And, you know, death isn't the only thing that creates these challenges.
43:27
Daniel Moore: There's other things, you know, infertility is a big one.
43:30
Daniel Moore: And that can really place pressure on a marriage.
43:33
Daniel Moore: We know people that's you know, struggled through that, still can't have kids, and they watch everybody around them just having kids like crazy.
43:41
Daniel Moore: Uh, chronic illness, exhaustion and frustration, you know, financial collapse can generate fear and uncertainty.
43:47
Daniel Moore: Betrayal can shatter trust.
43:49
Daniel Moore: Dreams that once seemed certain suddenly disappear.
43:53
Daniel Moore: The Holmes Ray Stress Inventory, one of the most widely recognized measures of life stress, consistently.
43:59
Daniel Moore: Identifies many of these experiences among the highest stress-producing events that a person can face.
44:05
Daniel Moore: And when stress rises, marriages feel the impact.
44:08
Daniel Moore: Stress has a remarkable ability to shrink patience and magnify frustrations.
44:13
Daniel Moore: Things that normally wouldn't matter suddenly become major issues.
44:16
Daniel Moore: A forgotten errand becomes a heated argument.
44:19
Daniel Moore: A misunderstood comment becomes a personal attack.
44:22
Daniel Moore: A simple disagreement becomes evidence that you never listen.
44:26
Daniel Moore: And somewhere along the way, the real problem gets buried beneath a mountain of smaller conflicts.
44:31
Daniel Moore: You know, most marriage arguments aren't actually about the dishes or the laundry, those normal things that happen in our marriages.
44:37
Daniel Moore: Most of the arguments aren't really about the toothpaste.
44:40
Daniel Moore: Those issues are often the symptoms of something deeper: fear, exhaustion, loneliness, disappointment, unspoken grief, feeling unseen, feeling unsupported.
44:50
Daniel Moore: There's so many things that are at the root of what's going on in our lives and our relationships at that time that can really create a lot of these issues.
45:00
Daniel Moore: And if we're not careful and the two spouses don't handle these the way that they should, it can it can become a huge issue.
45:07
Daniel Moore: Right.
45:07
Daniel Moore: You know, very, very quickly.
45:09
Daniel Moore: So let's go ahead and jump down to not the next point, but the one below that.
45:14
Daniel Moore: Okay.
45:15
Michelle Moore: The goal is not to avoid suffering.
45:17
Michelle Moore: The goal is to make sure suffering doesn't separate what God intended to strengthen.
45:22
Michelle Moore: When hardship enters a marriage, Scripture offers both comfort and direction.
45:28
Michelle Moore: Ephesians 5.25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
45:33
Michelle Moore: The kind of love isn't based on convenience or comfort.
45:36
Michelle Moore: It's sacrificial.
45:38
Michelle Moore: It's patient.
45:39
Michelle Moore: It stays engaged when everything inside wants to retreat.
45:43
Michelle Moore: Likewise, Ephesians 4.32 instructs believers to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving toward one another.
45:51
Michelle Moore: Those qualities aren't most valuable during easy seasons.
45:56
Michelle Moore: They become absolutely essential during painful ones.
45:59
Michelle Moore: These aren't just verses for wedding ceremonies.
46:02
Michelle Moore: They're survival verses for difficult seasons.
46:06
Michelle Moore: They're reminders that love often looks less like romance and more like faithfulness, less like grand gestures, and more like sitting together in silence when there are no answers, and less like fixing the problem, and more like simply refusing to walk away.
46:25
Michelle Moore: Real love isn't proven when life is easy.
46:29
Michelle Moore: It's revealed when life is hard.
46:31
Michelle Moore: One of the healthiest responses a couple can make is choosing to lean in rather than pull away.
46:38
Michelle Moore: That means communicating openly about grief and being patient with different emotional responses, allowing space for healing, giving each other grace when emotions run high.
46:53
Michelle Moore: And perhaps most importantly, remembering that your spouse is not the enemy.
46:59
Michelle Moore: The hardship is the enemy.
47:01
Michelle Moore: The grief is the enemy.
47:04
Michelle Moore: The disappointment is the enemy also.
47:06
Michelle Moore: Your spouse is your teammate.
47:09
Daniel Moore: Yeah, there's some really good valid points there.
47:11
Daniel Moore: And I think one thing that I just want to draw out of that real quickly is you know, sometimes it is better to just not say something.
47:23
Michelle Moore: Right.
47:24
Daniel Moore: Uh I know that whenever people are going through things, we always want to be right there helping, and we're just searching for that right statement that we can make that fixes everything.
47:36
Daniel Moore: And sometimes those statements are there.
47:38
Daniel Moore: Sometimes, you know, God can give you, reveal something to you to share to that person, and it changes the whole atmosphere of that situation that they're going through at that moment.
47:48
Daniel Moore: And maybe a light bulb comes on and and it's a good thing.
47:52
Daniel Moore: But you know, sometimes they just want somebody there and just to be there.
47:57
Daniel Moore: You know, there's not really anything you can say that would help smooth over that situation.
48:03
Daniel Moore: There's there's things that they have to work through in their minds and prayerfully, you know, just if God, if you allow God to help you through those things, you know, God can help you through that stuff.
48:13
Daniel Moore: And when they're ready to talk, they'll talk.
48:16
Daniel Moore: If they want to get some advice, they'll ask for some advice.
48:20
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
48:21
Daniel Moore: You know, just be sensitive to the spirit.
48:23
Daniel Moore: You know, allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in those moments.
48:26
Daniel Moore: Uh, because, you know, definitely there's no way that as a human being that we're ever going to know the answer to everything and how to fix everybody's problems.
48:36
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
48:36
Daniel Moore: That's not why God created us.
48:38
Daniel Moore: So as we're closing up here this week, a strong marriage is not two people fighting each other, it's two people fighting for each other.
48:46
Daniel Moore: And this statement is true in so many different applications within our marriages, uh, because you can apply this not only to when we have, you know, catastrophic situations going on, but, you know, in every conflict that we have, uh, you know, when we fight for each other, we're going to probably be more likely to win those battles and we're going to come out of those much easier.
49:09
Daniel Moore: You know, research consistently shows that counseling can significantly improve struggling relationships, especially when both spouses are committed to growth and healing.
49:18
Daniel Moore: Counseling can help couples understand different grieving styles, improve communication, and reconnect emotionally when pain has driven them apart.
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Daniel Moore: In addition, couples who pray together and intentionally pursue God together often report greater resilience during life's hardships.
49:33
Daniel Moore: And why is that?
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Daniel Moore: Because prayer does more than change circumstances.
49:36
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
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Daniel Moore: Prayer changes hearts, prayer softens bitterness, prayer restores perspective, prayer reminds us that we are not carrying our burdens alone.
49:46
Daniel Moore: That's right.
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Daniel Moore: Galatians 6 2 tells us to carry each other's burdens, and in this way you're going to fulfill the law of Christ.
49:51
Daniel Moore: That's not just good at marriage advice, that's God's design for marriage.
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Daniel Moore: So, what's the best path forward when suffering arrives?
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Daniel Moore: Well, keep showing up, keep communicating, keep praying, keep extending grace, keep seeking help when needed, keep choosing unity, even when your emotions tell you to isolate.
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Daniel Moore: And most importantly, keep trusting God.
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Daniel Moore: There's no shortcuts through deep pain.
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Daniel Moore: Healing takes time, grief takes time, rebuilding takes time.
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Daniel Moore: But Romans 8.28 reminds us of a powerful truth.
50:24
Daniel Moore: We know what?
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Daniel Moore: That all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.
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Daniel Moore: That doesn't mean every circumstance is good.
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Daniel Moore: It means that God is still at work, even in the middle of what hurts, even in broken dreams, even in shattered expectations, and even in those seasons where you feel like you're barely holding on.
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Daniel Moore: And as you mentioned earlier, it's not if those seasons come, it's when they come.
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Daniel Moore: Because there's not hardly a marriage out there that's not going to be touched somewhere during its span of a lifetime by something, you know, catastrophic happening uh that you're gonna have to work through and that you're gonna have to figure out between the two of you.
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Daniel Moore: And so I think one point too to make is if somebody needs counseling, please seek it.
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Michelle Moore: Yeah, absolutely.
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Daniel Moore: Fortunately, with both of us, the things that we've had to work through, we've been able to do it between each other and you know, prayer, having God uh on our side with us and everything.
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Daniel Moore: But we do know that there's certain some circumstances out there that people just really can't wrap their mind around and they struggle.
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Michelle Moore: And we're so thankful for f family and friends that get in the trenches with us and pray with us.
51:39
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
51:39
Daniel Moore: That might be a good point for the strength of families.
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Michelle Moore: I mean, that's just to me, I mean that into the as I walk through what we did um with my father, we had so many people praying for us and lifting us up, and I'm so thankful for that.
51:55
Daniel Moore: Yep.
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Daniel Moore: And as a family, typically when stuff like that happens, they do seem to have a stronger bond at that moment and they get a little bit tighter to try to help each other through.
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Daniel Moore: So it's it's good to have a a good army around you during those times.
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Daniel Moore: So is there anything on this one that you'd like to add?
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Michelle Moore: I do want to add, um, back when I was talking earlier, I mentioned that scripture that God brought to me that night.
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Michelle Moore: And it's I wanted to read that scripture and explain something.
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Michelle Moore: Um, so the scripture is Isaiah 55, 8, which you know a lot of people probably know.
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Michelle Moore: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
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Michelle Moore: And I want to just kind of bring out a little bit what that scripture means.
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Michelle Moore: And it talks about God's wisdom, his perspective, and moral outlook are infinitely greater and completely different than a human understanding.
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Michelle Moore: And um that's one of the things that when that night, as I was praying and crying out to him, he brought me that scripture, and it took me a while to understand what that scripture meant, and I just kept thinking, you know, there's gonna be a day he's gonna he's gonna show me.
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Michelle Moore: And as time went on, I feel like, you know, he has, because he he knows things that we don't even know.
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Michelle Moore: And I, you know, I kept thinking of why is this happening?
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Michelle Moore: You know, why I I don't understand that.
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Michelle Moore: I don't need to understand it.
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Michelle Moore: I mean, if I trust in the Lord, and and even though it happened, bad things happen.
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Michelle Moore: I mean, as as much as we want to say great things happen all the time, but there's evil in the world.
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Michelle Moore: Yeah, and people make bad choices.
53:40
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
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Michelle Moore: And you know, and that's the part that I had to understand.
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Michelle Moore: Even though we walk through what we did, I'm so thankful that I had you to walk through it with me.
53:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
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Daniel Moore: You know, faithfulness means so much when it comes to our faithfulness in Christ, because he's faithful to us.
53:58
Daniel Moore: You know, he's he's always there and he has the answers.
54:02
Daniel Moore: I'm so thankful for that.
54:03
Daniel Moore: Well, all of this is in the book, Marriage is a mission.
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Daniel Moore: So if you don't have a copy and you'd like to get a hold of that, you can get go to our website at marriagelifeandmore.com and get you a copy there.
54:14
Daniel Moore: Uh, but just remember that the strongest marriages are not the ones that never face storms, they're actually the ones that learn to hold on to God and each other in the middle of them.
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Daniel Moore: So as we close this episode, be sure to subscribe and share these episodes to anyone that may need to hear them.
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Daniel Moore: Uh we know that lots of different relationships go through different storms in life, and maybe you know somebody out there right now that's going through a season like this that's had something similar happen, or you know, any type of a disaster that can happen in a marriage.
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Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of the same principles apply.
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Daniel Moore: But if you know of anybody that this might help, please share this.
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Daniel Moore: And maybe in the process of that, you can help them get through something that they don't know if they can get through on their own and know that God's there with them in all of this, and that you're there as a friend or maybe as a family member, whatever it may be, and that you really do care.
55:23
Daniel Moore: And don't forget to come back next week as we'll finish up this episode.
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Daniel Moore: And Michelle and I have some more uh personal examples that we're gonna use next week for the topics we're gonna cover as we go through this very tough topic, really, of things that we do have to unfortunately navigate sometimes through our marriages.
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Daniel Moore: But as we close, remember this the goal of marriage is not to build a life that is free from storms, it's to build a relationship that can withstand them.
55:53
Daniel Moore: Every couple will face seasons of suffering, loss, disappointment, uncertainty.
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Daniel Moore: Those moments don't mean that God has abandoned you, and they don't automatically mean your marriage is failing.
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Daniel Moore: In fact, some of the strongest, deepest, and most Christ-centered marriages are forged in the fires of adversity.
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Daniel Moore: The key is refusing to let hardship turn you against one another.
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Daniel Moore: Instead, allow it to drive you toward one another and then ultimately toward God.
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Daniel Moore: The storm may be beyond your control, but how you respond to it together can determine whether if it becomes a source of division or a catalyst for greater unity.
56:27
Daniel Moore: Just remember, a marriage centered on Christ can bend under pressure without breaking apart.
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Daniel Moore: So this week, take a moment to honestly evaluate how you and your spouse respond to difficult seasons.
56:39
Daniel Moore: Are you withdrawing or leaning in?
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Daniel Moore: Are you assuming the worst about each other or extending grace?
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Daniel Moore: Maybe the application this week is as simple as having an honest conversation, praying together before bed, or asking, how can I better support you right now?
56:54
Daniel Moore: Don't wait until a crisis becomes overwhelming before reaching for help or opening your heart.
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Daniel Moore: God designed marriage to be a partnership where burdens are shared, not carried alone.
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Daniel Moore: So whatever challenge you may be facing this week, choose to keep showing up, keep communicating, keep praying, and keep trusting.
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Daniel Moore: With God's help, every storm that's threatened to pull you apart can become the testimony that proves his faithfulness.
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Daniel Moore: The greatest victories in marriage often come after two people decide that they're not giving up on God or each other.
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Daniel Moore: Well, that's gonna do it for this week's episode, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
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Daniel Moore: This episode's recorded in the upper room at our Connecting the Gap Studios.
57:38
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries.
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Daniel Moore: We pray that you have a blessed week.