Latest / Becoming Flame: Where Sensuality, Sovereignty, and Sacred Power Ignite / Be Unacceptable: Alex Harvey on Visibility, Fear & Living Your Highest Calling
Transcript
- Alex Harvey: nothing you're experiencing right now in your life and in yourself is set in stone. Like you can learn to turn your energy back on. You can learn to be flowing. You can learn to be that woman and just know that and you get to choose that and you know, and choose what your life is about. Is it about doing that, becoming that woman and serving that or is it living an acceptable life to society's expectations? And that's just your fundamental choice to make. When you make that choice, everything will start changing. Kait Tregenza: you are the permission you've been waiting for. No one else is here to tell you what that wrong, that definition of wrong is coming from. No, You are the permission to be yourself. The underlying condition that most women are unconsciously waiting for, are unconsciously living out is this yearning and this deep need for approval, for certainty, validation, recognition, before fully claiming themselves. And this code collapses that hierarchy. It collapses that externality. It collapses that external need before the internal certainty, before the internal permission, Hi everybody and welcome to another episode of Becoming Fame. I am your host Kate Tregenza, and today we are having Alex Harvey to the podcast. Alex is a coach, whose work is about the psychic cost of female self-suppression. Her book, Be Unacceptable, is a manifesto against the internalized voice that tells women they must become smaller, more polished, more likeable, more controlled, more healed, more attractive, more impressive, and just more acceptable before they are allowed to fully live. Alex names this force the Voice of Acceptable. It's that unconscious operating system of conditioning that teaches women to monitor themselves, monitor their bodies, mute, their instincts, suppress their intuition, and negotiate their power in exchange for something. Usually that safety, belonging, approval and connection. the heart of her work is this brutal and liberating reframe that most women are not stuck because they lack something. They don't like intelligence. discipline, motivation, talent, potential, anything else. They are stuck because they have been conditioned to believe there is something fundamentally wrong with them. And that belief becomes the cage and that belief becomes the deep yearning to complete yourself, to heal yourself, to become enough in everything that you do. So one of the clearest concepts in her book is what she calls the passion to the pit of doom cycle. And you've been there and I'm going to explain what it is. It is that sense when the woman receives a vision, right? She receives that creative download. She's like, yes, I'm going to do that thing. I'm going to create that course, that book. launch the business, whatever it is. She's ecstatic. She's connected to electricity, to fire, to that infinity. and it's all flowing out of her and it's like coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming. And then. doubt, shame, perfectionism, panic, paralysis, all of the things that say no, don't move forward with this. The nervous system pulls her back into the familiar safety of what she already is and she abandons her true self, her true calling, her higher vision and she comes into what Alex calls genius idea graveyard. the place where women buried the books they never wrote, the art they never even completed or completed but never shared, the business that never launched, the truths that never was spoken, the lives never lived. Not because they weren't capable, not because they weren't great but because they were waiting to feel worthy, ready. healed approved of safe enough insert your reason here insert your excuse here and actually it's not just an excuse it's a deeply held belief system that we are not enough as we are because beneath this bold language and her rebellious tone and she's very funny and she you know she's she's this like avant-garde kind of rebellious spiritual warrior alex's work really speaks to this deep grief of that unlived female self, the woman who learned to fragment herself to survive, who kept shrinking before the world even rejected her. Like, have you been there? I'm not even going to post because I already can feel the rejection. I can already feel the hate. I can already feel all of those things. But it's like, you didn't get any hate because you never made the post. You never put yourself out there. those fears become so felt and so experienced that we live them without ever having actually done the thing that would give us that potential reality. And so it's like we're giving ourselves that reality and not doing the thing. And so it's like double negative. she's talking about permission to reclaim your instinct, to reclaim your erotic aliveness, that rage, that desire, the creativity, the intuition, the sovereignty, the self-expression, whatever it is that you are craving. It's like, how do you give yourself the permission to feel the fear and do it anyway? Because it means being willing to disappoint, to unsettle, to be misunderstood, to lose approval, to have all of these so-called terrible things happen in order to stop betraying the life that is actually yours and is trying to emerge. her book, Be Unacceptable, It's asking women, Who would you be if you stopped organizing yourself around approval, around being acceptable? what kind of woman emerges when she no longer negotiates with herself and that false voice that keeps telling her to shrink? So for your own information, before we dive the Be Unacceptable codes, counter spells The first one is the holy hot service of worship. It's the reclamation of devotion to self instead of devotion to approval. How devoted are you to approval? versus how devoted are you to self? So number two, feel unworthy and do it anyway. it challenges that, fantasy that you need to build yourself up to a certain level of certainty before the action. You're going to feel fear. You're going to feel uncomfortable. It's not normal until it becomes normal. everything that we do in our life is conditioning, but are we using the conditioning for good or are we letting unconscious conditioning from somebody else control our lives? Okay. So Number three, celebrate how gloriously wrong you are. celebrate how gloriously wrong you are, a direct attack on perfectionism. You cannot be a perfectionist. You cannot control all of the world if you are in celebration of how wrong you are. the medicine here in code number three is liberation from performance. Number four, you are the permission you've been waiting for. No one else You are the permission to be yourself. No dependence on external authority. The underlying condition that most women are unconsciously waiting for, are unconsciously living out is this yearning and this deep need for approval, that come from somebody else. before fully claiming themselves. And this code collapses external need before the internal certainty, before the internal permission, if you are waiting for somebody else to give you permission to be the higher calling that you are here to be, You will be waiting your lifetime line in the sand I am the permission I have been waiting for and I start showing up as my authentic self today and only in that way do I move forward into myself. code number five. Eat your fear for breakfast. Wherever you are avoiding who you are. It is hidden behind big, big fear. confront your avoidance, fear, limitation, then eat it, devour it, consume that fear. This code is about metabolizing fear instead of obeying it. number six, tone it up. women are constantly told to tone it down. Too much, too loud. tone down your sensuality, Tone it up means it is the declaration against shrinking. You be more truthful, more expressive, more authentic. More alive, more visible, more embodied, Tone it up, not tone it down. All right. So that's, that's, those are the codes. That's what we're talking about today. these codes are trying to retrain women. against self surveillance, against self censorship, perfectionism, fear based shrinking, and your addiction to approval So they are acting like these permission slips. Yeah, it is a very powerful book. We will put the the link to Amazon in the show notes. get the book, read it, consume it and start living it. Without further ado, let's get into the actual interview with Alex Harvey. Alex, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to meet you and to know you. Alex Harvey: I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for inviting me on. Kait Tregenza: You're so welcome. I want to talk about your book and I want to get into so many of the delicious pieces of wisdom that you have. I first I just need to highlight something that you are so rare and you are so extraordinary. The amount of consistency that you have shown up with over the last half decade or more. Like I just I just personally my personal curiosity is like, how, why? Like you decode that. You have Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: almost weekly podcast, you're huge on Instagram. It feels like you're making posts every three seconds. Like how do you actually not only find the time, but find the creativity to show up in this way. Alex Harvey: Yeah, I actually feel a bit emotional hearing you say that because it was such a journey for me in the first place to even be able to get anything out at all. And there were years where I just struggled to, to post anything. Like I, when I started my current coaching business, which I guess was in about 2017? Like for a full 12 months before that I guess I was trying I wanted to do my business I'd signed up for a business course I had put out for free sessions you know was trying to get things going and I couldn't I don't think once in that 12 months I managed to get myself to post on social media. felt so blocked and congested about it. And it actually wasn't until I decided to put on an in-person workshop where I was paying for a venue, you know, things were on the line. I remember thinking I don't want only one person or two people to sign up for this. And so I just have to do it. And that was what actually first got me posting with some sort of consistency online. And then it still took me another couple of years where I would go so on and off. would write posts for one week, post them and then nothing for four months or so. And it wasn't until I really fully cracked into... what am I serving? You know, what's my service? And I cracked into being able to just make that my focus and not make my statistics or how anything was received the focus at all. And I just went, yeah, I'm just sharing every day for the woman that I'm here to serve and what I think that she needs to hear. And that's it. That is it. Kait Tregenza: Thanks. Alex Harvey: And that's what got me able to start putting out content every day on Instagram and also to finally start my podcast, which I had had the download for a year prior to that. Kait Tregenza: Yeah, you can intellectually understand so much about what you need to do, what's good for business, what's good for you, what's good. Like, take your vitamins. Yeah, I get it. And so I'm just wondering was it just a visibility thing? Was it, there a deeper pattern here for you? Because why is it so hard for women? to be seen, why was it so hard for you to be seen? Alex Harvey: Well, that is a whole can of worms. It's funny you say this because I just recorded a podcast on this and I did a YouTube video on this specifically visibility and why women do find it so hard to be seen and to put themselves out there because most of the time you know what you need to do and when you're in the magical playground I call it of your bedroom it could be anywhere in your house of your bedroom and you're getting all excited and you're visioning it up it's all flowing you're having a million ideas for content but then when it goes to actually post it or or post the edgy thing like post the things that you've really had downloads about that you want to share I remember this happening to me so many times that, you know, that then all of the fear about actually being seen comes up and scrambles your entire brain. You get amnesia all of a sudden about the clarity you just had of what you were going to share and how obvious, how obvious that was. And there's a lot that goes into it. I'll sort of put it into like two categories. for the now. So the first thing is just the perfection good girl conditioning that women have had that, you know, just these expectations that I would say most women have received, whether it was explicitly from your family or just culturally at school in movies, have you got to be perfect. You got to get everything right. You know, like you, you, you've got to be ever generous, ever giving ever. you know, putting others before you, like all of these different standards, you know, smart, intelligent, not sexual, but also maybe sexual, like just so many things that then it becomes this total minefield to actually being seen in who you are because you're actually really afraid that something wrong is going to be seen or you'll be torn down for some reason. And there's lots of different ways I think this can manifest because it can also be, you know, even just that if you do get attention, you'll be torn down for it. You know, like people will start ripping you to shreds and calling out everything that you're doing wrong. That's bad. That's not right. You know, you shouldn't be doing it at all. So I think like that's sort of one major thing that's going on around visibility. Yeah, really this fear of actually being seen and what might be pulled apart about you if you are. And then for me, I guess it relates to this, but something that I've just been contemplating even more and more recently and just seeing more and more clearly, you know, in my childhood, there was quite strict rules. My mom was very clear about what she... believed was best for us. And she really did have her heart in the right place, but she was very clear about what she thought was best for us. And I was very clear that I didn't agree with that basically from as young as I can remember. I hid everything. I hid so much of what I did. It was like, okay, I can do what I want. but like just don't be too visible doing it, you know, because what I'm doing Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Alex Harvey: is obviously there's gonna be really wrong things in it. And I mean, there's even more to that, I would say from my childhood, because I also went to bed until I was nine. So that was something that set me up for people can't see. Like I have to make sure people don't see this thing that's so wrong and defective about me because then no Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Alex Harvey: one literally will accept me. So, you know, when you got those sorts of things going on as well, then your subconscious is not going to let you put yourself out there because you have this unconscious association that you'll be found out for what is wrong, bad or defective about you. And you, and you will be rejected. Like you will create disconnection and downfall actually through allow through exposing yourself. So there's just a couple of things. Kait Tregenza: I love how you've set this all up of like your visibility on posting something is never about your, posting the thing. It's never about having the time to do it. It's never about having an idea about what to post. Like, let's go back to beginning. So in that same vein, let's go back to the beginning. Why did you write this book? Because you could have written any book. Like, you've made so much content. You've made so many wise remarks over the years that you've been constantly posting your belief system into the world. Why this book? Why was it so important for you to be unacceptable? Alex Harvey: I love this question. This was the book that came out because I use intuitive processes to create everything so that it's never coming from my concept of what I already know and what I think is, you know, going to land or be what people want or even what I just think I should write. so central to all of my creative process is intuition. and that's an intuition is actually really quite simple. Because the premises that I work with is that we have essentially two modes of awareness, our mode of awareness from our ego, which is our survival self and what that's you know, that's, which is constantly orientating us around survival, safety, security, belonging, all that kind of thing. And so that's when we saw seeing validation and energy externally as well, because we're trying to fit into based off what we learned in childhood, how do I need to be to survive? And then we have the other mode of awareness, which is you might call your higher self or your soul or your creative spirit or your true self and And so the premise that I work with and use is that we all have a true nature and purpose from our creative spirit. What we love, what we're inherently connected to and our gifts, talents and abilities that support that. so intuition is just being able to tune into that voice. And it is quite simple because when you get your... pre-egoic preoccupations out of the way. Am I going to be accepted? Am I going to be wanted? Are people going to reject me? Are people going to hate me? Am I going to fail? When you get that out of the way, actually the messages you're getting is from your higher self. So there's a definition of intuition. That intuition is what the mind immediately apprehends before rationalizing. Kait Tregenza: you Alex Harvey: before you start, so it's that thing in the bedroom, that download in the bedroom, but you're not rationalizing anything. You're just like hot and passionate and the ideas are coming and you're like, yes, this is gonna be amazing. And then it's the rationalization that comes in that's like, my God, I can't do that. I can't do that. That's outrageous. No, that's gonna be too much or that's not gonna work or that's gonna sabotage things I've already built. So. So intuition is how I wrote the book and it just came to me, honestly the title came to me first because I knew I would be writing this book. I actually didn't think it was going to be what it was, which is actually a good sign in what we call genius writing, intuitive writing. I thought it was going to be more of a creation, I don't know if instruction manuals or guidebook instruction manual of like, more so the principles of creating and manifesting, know, what you desire. But the title landed at some point, I'm not sure exactly when, and then I sat down to write the book and I didn't know what I was going to write. And that's really the point with intuitive writing. You just start writing and you just receive it. And that's what came out. Like I didn't know. I didn't know, I don't know at what point actually I knew there was gonna be two parts to the book, there was going to be the codes. I didn't know that when I started writing it, I just started writing it. But once I did, sorry, just Kait Tregenza: So for those who, yeah, go ahead. Alex Harvey: to come back to your question, once I did, then it was so obvious, like this has been, my path is being unacceptable. You know, this Kait Tregenza: Yeah. Alex Harvey: has been everything, like, yeah, sure, there's the manifesting creative principles that I use. But this is the thing to even allow yourself to go for what you want, to even allow yourself to be free and flowing and allow what's inside you to come out into the world. Kait Tregenza: I I resonated with the title of your book and the book in general simply because my word wasn't unacceptable. My word was unreasonable because I feel like it's maybe a little bit more, I have more like a rebellion or more like destructive codes. So I was always unaccepted. I was always like irksome to people around me. But that bothered me so deeply. at the same time. It's like my presence was never going to be accepted by people, but my acceptance of being unaccepted was the part I needed to work on, if that makes sense. And when I was reading the intro to your book, I was like, how many of us have felt that instant deflation, whether it's from our own reason, our own accepted self, or someone outside of us, where you come totally high. totally in this aligned idea. It's flowing through you. You literally can't catch all the pieces because it's just, it's downloading so quickly. And then that one ill-timed conversation with another person or that aspect of fear speaks up and the whole thing comes out just completely deflated. And it's almost like you don't know how then to pick up those pieces and find the inspiration again. So What actually is it to be unacceptable, move out of that accepted expectation. Alex Harvey: Yeah, so in childhood, all, you know, through that our early phases of from when we're born to about the age five or seven, we are constructing our understanding of how the world works. So imagine coming in blank slate. You don't know anything. You don't know gravity exists. You don't know how water works. Like you don't know anything. You're a total blank slate. You come into this world and you got to figure out how everything works and then how you need to be in it to be viable. And so your ego, the nature of your ego is constantly to seek validation and understand what gets you validated or not. Because literally to your survival brain, negative validation, means death. know, if you were back in tribes, if you were ejected from the tribe, you'd go out and get eaten by a lion, like you would die. Rejection means death. Positive validation means safety, means survival. So we have this part of our brain that is orientated towards survival and from zero to about five, seven, we're building our image and idea of the world. How does this work? How do I, who am I? How do I need to be? What is lacking about me that I need to resolve? How are others? How is the world? And then we unconsciously carry that around. And that's what I call is like your frame of acceptable, your box of acceptable. know, if when you grew up, being sexual was like a terrible sin, then. You're gonna have some stuff you got to break through around that because your brain's telling you get that's not acceptable or if Asking, know asking for something was unacceptable You're gonna find you like you just struggle to ask for things having any of your own desire or will if that was unacceptable, you know And so we all have this unconscious Rulebook of what's acceptable and not acceptable for survival how we need to be in the world. And so, you know, that carries through with us usually unexamined for a period of time until we might start to become more self aware and start examining it. And so we unconsciously keep ourselves in the confines of that, or we break out of it for a bit. And then our egoic tension rises. And so we snap back into it. So you might find yourself Yeah, you get really out there, you get really free. And then you kind of snap back. And so to be unacceptable is to break out of the confines of what you've defined is the acceptable way to be and be who you truly are, be free. Take up the space that you wanna take up. Share the things you wanna share because usually there's a whole swag of things within that that are unacceptable to your brain. It's unacceptable maybe to draw attention to yourself. It's unacceptable to maybe, you know, talk about spirituality and believe in something that's not like scientific based. It'll be different, it'll be slightly different for everyone. There's a lot of common threads because obviously culturally we're in the same cultural context, but there's also, you know, things that are differences. And so to be unacceptable is to break out of your conditioning that makes you limit how you are to be fully and freely expressed. Kait Tregenza: Right. And what has been the before and after for you? The acceptable versus the unacceptable. I mean, because it doesn't have to be you're incorrect, like that you're insane and that you're, you know, like hanging from the ceiling, like shouting profanity. Like it doesn't have to that. And I Alex Harvey: Mmm. Kait Tregenza: think that's like sometimes what people will think like, I'm Alex Harvey: Mmm. Kait Tregenza: just, how to be unacceptable. Like, I don't know, I don't want to change my personality and I think it's really important to speak to the nuance of Alex Harvey: Yeah, you know, it's, well, and it's not, it's not changing your personality. It's letting yourself be yourself. And of course, like a lot of people have fear of that, fear of how they'll be if they don't control themselves and keep themselves in all these limits. Because part of that individuation process, you know, when we're between zero and about five to seven is that, you know, you're, you're seeking validation from your mother that you belong in the world and you're seeking validation from your father that you have a heart to share in the world. Like you have something to bring out into the world. And so we're seeking validation through both of those things of our creative nature, of like the viability of let's say our true self. And just no matter what, there's gonna be ways that that validation is unmet. And so we're all actually wounded against our true nature. And so it's really normal actually to have a fear of like, who will I be if I just let myself out of the box? And for me, what I live right now, there's a lot of things I live right now that's completely unacceptable to my ego and my conditioned way of being. Firstly, that I would even post content because to my conditioning that says that I think I'm important. I think I've got something like important and worthy to say. And also that I am asking for attention. I want attention. And so I've got this total wounding around like I'm not allowed to make anything about me to do anything to draw attention to myself so much so that I used to, I remember, well I'll give you a specific example. I used to do gymnastics when I was a kid so I can do handstands and I remember when I went on, actually the first retreat I ever went on when I was about 22, I was with some of the other women in some sort of break in a park and there was grass and one of the girls was trying handstands and so. One of the other women came in and was trying handstands. Now I can do a handstand. I could not let myself get up and do a handstand and then also help show them how they could improve their handstands because to me it was like, that's showing off. I, Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Alex Harvey: because I can do that and that's actually something that not a lot of people can do, let's say. Then that is showing off and being, you know, it'll start making it all about me and that's not, you're not allowed to be like that. And so I couldn't even do that, you know? So to even post, to even claim that I have wisdom to share, to put Kait Tregenza: Mm. Alex Harvey: out courses, you know, this is something that I actually pretty much have to face almost every time I'm gonna launch a program. At some point it'll come up is this shame. And for so long, I couldn't understand why I would suddenly go into this shame and contraction once I was in the middle of launching something. And I came to understand that it's because I was positioning myself as an authority on whatever the thing that I was selling was. Like here, come and learn this from me. And to my conditioning, I'm not allowed to do that. I don't have, you know, like I'm lying. I'm lying and yeah, I'm lying to people and being a fraud if I say that I have some sort of authority to share in the world. I never knew until about two years ago how much wounding I have around authority and a lot of my resistance to putting things out was around I'm not allowed to be an authority. I can't say that. I can't say that I have authority. So there are a few things. I could go Kait Tregenza: All right. Alex Harvey: on, but there's many, many, many. Kait Tregenza: Is that because you have a version of authority, a definition of authority where it's power over somebody? Where it's like, authoritarian as opposed to authority or agency? Alex Harvey: It, no, for me personally, it's more like I'm not allowed to be the authority, you know, and where a lot of authority wounding can come in is that like you were negatively validated in your childhood for having your own will and like Kait Tregenza: Right. Alex Harvey: opinion and direction. And that can be as innocent as just having a super like capable parent that thinks they know what's better. And so they're going to always disregard what you want and you are negatively validated when you want it to be the way you want. And they Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Alex Harvey: go no, and you get energy from your mother when you do what they want. So it's like you're Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Alex Harvey: not allowed to be the authority. So rather than being a power thing. Kait Tregenza: I think that makes sense. think a lot of children that would have grown up with Boomer parents would probably resonate Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: with that. That's the basic parenting style of an entire generation. Yeah. Alex Harvey: Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, every single woman that I work with, it comes out at some point, there's like, I'm not allowed to just say that I can do that or that I'm a thought I need some sort of external thing. And you know, trap that a lot of women fall into is the constant. Okay, they have this wound. And so what their brain tells them the surface level experience of it is, well, I need a qualification. then, once I get a qualification. But do you know what? They get that qualification and then suddenly they Kait Tregenza: and they don't feel any different. Alex Harvey: still feel that gaping sense of incompleteness of there's something lacking, there's something incomplete. can't, no one's gonna believe me. No one's gonna believe me. I can't just go and do that. People won't follow, you know, because I don't have the authority. I'm not allowed to be. It feels like you don't have the authority, but the true thing underneath it is I'm not allowed to be an authority. So then they get another qualification and another call, actually I need to add this skill instead. but now I've realized I need Reiki as well. now I've realized I need bodywork as well. Now I've realized I need this other thing as well. Kait Tregenza: I may or may not be laughing in complete Alex Harvey: You Kait Tregenza: connection to this information. I don't want to Alex Harvey: you Kait Tregenza: tell you how many degrees I have. And it's funny, right? Like what used to be a flex in like this Alex Harvey: Hmm. Kait Tregenza: paradigm of this subsection of society is now like, I'm literally wearing my wounding in the letters behind my name. Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: And one of the reasons why that's a self-perpetuating trap is that as you advance in that pursuit of knowledge or authority or agency or expertise, you're going to find yourself in rooms with more experts and greater authorities and all of this. And so it's like, never will you ever, unless you just teach kindergarten. Will you ever feel qualified enough to be in the rooms that you're now? And so it's like, if you don't plug that within you, if you don't plug into the truth of your own authority and the own, the real thing that you're here to do, you will be in a perpetual, how do I make myself good enough to say anything at all? Alex Harvey: Yes, absolutely. And that's the whole problem or perpetual dynamic when you are being motivated or driven to resolving your sense of incompleteness. know, Eckhart Tolle really defines the ego and the nature of ego and also let's say your true self really well in amazing simple terms and The nature of ego is to feel incomplete. And I, you know, I've got a chapter about it in the book of the gaping hole of incompleteness. And so whenever you're trying to resolve that, whenever you're feeling that sense of incompleteness and you're trying to resolve it, like, Oh, I don't know enough yet. I'm not enough yet. I don't have enough experience yet. I don't belong. I'm not worthy enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not perfect enough yet. All of these things, whenever that's what you're trying to resolve. Whenever you reach the point that you think is going to resolve that because you're in your incompleteness, you still feel incomplete once you get there. And then there'll be something else. Like you said, the next level, the next thing. That's why people, when they're being driven by that incompleteness, you know, sense of like insecurity or not successful enough in pursuing, let's say money or career goals, It's, you know, we all know the kind of example of like it never is enough. Like they then make, you know, $100,000 and then that's not enough. And then they want to make, you know, $500,000 and then that's not enough. And then they want to make a million. It's never enough because when you're moving from and trying to, making your life about resolving your incompleteness, you will always feel incomplete no matter what external situation you managed to get yourself into. Kait Tregenza: And it sort of goes back to what you were saying around how you wrote the book, which was through that intuitive channel of just like, I accept that what is coming through me is meant for is eyes, whomever is going to be listening. And therefore I'm in high service and I sit down and I, and I allow. And not to say that the hard work of allowing, you know, doesn't have to be done. But assume that that's been done, then you sit down and you write the thing and it flows through you, right? You're in that flow state. Whereas if you were to write a book from your. Accreditations, your mind, your all of this kind of, you know, logical, reasonable, acceptable stance of how your mind is your primary consciousness vehicle. And you know, you need to access information from that to research. that you yourself inherently know nothing, and if that's the baseline, then that's a really hard life. And I think for so Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: many of us, particularly, you know, the kinds of women that are here to literally shift the axis of this world and to bring balance, to bring harmony, to reset the scales. We have been conditioned not only by our parents, but by our societal structures, by our schooling, by our education. And so there has been such an enormous effort put into not only deflating the true self of ours and completely mistrusting it, but by building structures and systems that say this is how knowledge is acquired and this is how knowledge is disseminated. And that means that no new meaningful, wise, you know, divine consciousness is being brought through and grounded onto the earth because all of us who have access to it and it's easy and it's effortless and it's there and it's available and you just sit down and you transmit, that's wrong. Stop. What are you doing? Alex, why are you doing that? Nope, no, no, no, no, no, That's not, that's not. Nobody said that before. Go and give me citations. And I remember that when I wrote my master's dissertation and I came up with an authentic body of work and it got rejected because I had no citations. And I said, this has never existed before. I didn't read something and then decide to compile this information together and improve slightly upon it. I'm giving you an opportunity for a paradigm shift. And just because I'm a student doesn't make it any less. But of course I didn't have that authority then. What did I say? Okay, I'm so, sorry. Yes, I will do the whole new thing even though I've been working on this, you know, and bringing this together. Of course I scrap that and I'll go and do what you want me to do. And I'll quote other people who have done marvelous, amazing things. And I will simply reference their work as being good and reject my own. And so we're constantly being enforced into these ways of non-creating, of compiling and curating other people's work. Who have compiled and curated other people's work? Who have compiled and curated other people's work? And so originality is not it. Yeah. Alex Harvey: from original genius, like that managed to get it through, that managed in ancient Greece, that managed to present these ideas. And then, yeah, no, it's like, you just gotta go along with that. you like, that was such a good illustration because that's absolutely right. It's like the way that our culture operates, it rejects genius because where did you learn that from? How do you know that? And particularly as women, know, everyone, I definitely believe that everyone has access to their intuition, you know, going by that definition I gave, it's inherent in all of us. And women in particular, like it's a quality of the feminine to have like enhanced intuitive ability. But... you know, but that's rejected. can't say you know something that you haven't been explicitly told by someone else because that's the only way to know something in our culture. And as you said, like it just completely squashes and kills all creativity. And that's part of the reason, just like you said, your very own experience of it, why women have such a hard time presenting their ideas. because also women in particular, like, you're not allowed to have your own ideas. What do you know? How do you know that? Is that a scientific fact? That's literally like a phrase, right? Is that a scientific fact? Because it's gotta be verified. just don't even get me started on the science thing. So I am a trained engineer. My brain is like maps patterns, sees how everything fits together. And so I appreciate I guess a level of science, but science is just like the study of the relationship between things and it's continually catching up to that. you know, the science we have now is progressed immensely from the science we had 20 years ago, right? And so what I find just insane is that there's this mentality like whatever hasn't been verified by science right now today isn't real, you know, but it's like, but it is like it's all real and it all exists and science is just like on, you know, plodding along, try to catch up to understand all the things that exist. Kait Tregenza: My favorite thing now is like, you know, like the heart math Institute that are putting out things, you know, information of like 20 years ago, 30 years ago in the fifties, the thirties, in the 1800s, we knew this and there was no science. was no proof. was no technology that could even see what we knew at that, at that level. And now, you know, 2026, We can prove what we've always known and so there's there is a requirement. For us as women to lean into the. What I call the biotechnology of our bodies of our of our being as you know you are you talk a lot about sex in the power you know the the technology of sex and how you use sexuality sensuality the body to create. None of it's proven. People are heretically speaking about this in a proven, reliable system. But if you need scientific proof, you're going to go and get a nine to five and do your job like every single other person Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: and then die a very Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: unenjoyable life because you didn't ever believe that creation could happen in the way. And my retort to every single person was, I never went to university to gestate a baby. I don't know how to do it. Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: And yet... Here's the proof. I did Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: it. I did the thing. She exists. But if you asked me to sit an examination to tell you exactly what I was going to do every single day, to tell you how I'm splitting cells, how I'm creating a brain, how I'm this, that and the other, I cannot give you that answer. And so in the same way, if you need me to give you the answer about how women create, I will not be able to. If you choose therefore not to do it, that's your choice. Alex Harvey: Yeah, absolutely. don't like there is Kait Tregenza: So simple, right? Alex Harvey: a, there's a greater intelligence that we can tap into and use to create from. And like you said, if you have to know how everything works and why and all the things you need to do, you will, yeah, you'll have a pretty, I would say uncomfortable, maybe painful life and a completely limited life where you will only do the things. literally already prescribed, verified and like tick of approval by society and not break into your own contribution. know, like we're all here to make a contribution, our own unique contribution. And if you can't take on being unacceptable, if you can't take on presenting something new, if you can't take on what like what have I discovered about this? What have I learned? Or like you know you've been contemplating and you make these connections and you're like wow holy shit like that is how that works and if you can't let yourself present that because you haven't found someone else that's already presented it then you're honestly robbing the world of the you know evolution that we could be having. Kait Tregenza: It is true, right? Because otherwise we're all stuck with the linear microscopic improvements on ideas that happened centuries ago and that have never ever been challenged, fundamentally challenged since. We have these so-called truths in the world and then that's it. And I talked to, I mean, not scientists themselves, but so many people who aren't even the science, like, I feel like physicists are far more metaphysical than they've ever been, right? Because they're actually like gaining so much inspiration from like, what are these people talking about? How do I go and prove that? How do I uncover the secrets of the universe? I'm talking about layman people who are like, well, everything that could be discovered has already been discovered. that like, like the heaviness of that and like this deep sadness of that belief system. Alex Harvey: And Kait Tregenza: even about your own self. Alex Harvey: yeah. Kait Tregenza: Like I already know I'm who I am and that's who I am, right? Alex Harvey: Yeah, and I would also add to what you just said and discovered by someone exceptional that I couldn't even understand how to relate to. As if Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Alex Harvey: you couldn't discover something meaningful and impactful because, it's only the Einstein's and Einstein is up there and I'm down here because we have eradicated the understanding and nurturing of human genius in our culture. Kait Tregenza: I always remind myself that Einstein worked as a clerk in a patent's office on the basement floor and never decided that that was his identity. because how many of us are working as clerks on the basement floor of a patent office, believing that's our identity, believing that's Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: our total contribution, right? Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: So Einstein is no, he didn't start anywhere different. He just chose that he had something to say. Alex Harvey: Yes, because how many people, how many people, if they even let themselves, and let's say maybe they do, contemplate things, make these connections, but then assume that it's nothing or it's meaningless or it can't be true if someone else hasn't already said it or, yeah, or someone else must have already said it because we assume, like you said, I think it's a... particularly a modern day thing, we assume it's all been done, it's all been discovered. Now we just gotta learn, you know what people in the past discovered and go to work with it. Kait Tregenza: which is so important to upholding a system of oppression, right? Alex Harvey: Yeah. And this, this brings us, you know, this is this whole conversation again of authority and do you, you know, do you let yourself realize your authority or do you assume that the authorities out there and there's no, there's no true authority that you have to bring or share. Kait Tregenza: Why do you think you still every launch have to go through this? Alex Harvey: Because what a premise that I learned, which is consistent again with most of the spiritual, you know, what I see as really the great spiritual teachers is just there's this really consistent understanding of the ego, how the ego works, and then our true self or our creative self and how that works. And one of the things is with our ego that the concept that we build of the world, who we are in the world, who others are and how the world is and operates between in our individuation phase between zero and five to seven just gets set in stone. Like it's like we're you know completely malleable in that phase and part of that phase is for part of our brain, the survival orientated part of our brain to build an understanding of the world. And so we build that understanding and you can just imagine it calcifying and okay, now that's our understanding from the world. So whenever we're looking at things through the lens of our ego and which is just basically you're trying to resolve a sense of incompleteness or you're trying to understand how do things work? How do I need to be, you know, you're all up in the how and trying to figure it out and trying to figure out what must be wrong with me, what must be. wrong that things aren't happening that what I want. Like it all goes through that. It all goes through that. so that's continuously the same conclusions that you'll draw. You've to drop an engagement on your social media. It goes through this. You get the same feeling. Your brain will give you the same reason. It doesn't change. know, like the way it's dressed up on the outside can change, but fundamentally it's like, I'm not enough or I'm insignificant. or I don't belong, I'm not really a part of this, I'm not really a part of this world. And so part of my work and the process that you can go through is to become more more attuned to your true self so that that is a much more predominant experience that you have, but your ego is always with you. There's no such thing as getting rid of your ego ever. And it's your ego's job, your ego is your survival orientation. It's your ego's job to constantly be figuring out what do I need to know? How does this work? Like what is incomplete about me? And what do I need to do to resolve that so that I can survive? And so your ego is experiencing alongside you everything that you're doing. And so whenever you do something that is going to be vulnerable, that does like challenge your ego, those same beliefs are going to arise. You just get better and better at seeing it, not being identified with it. So if we take that qualification example, when you're identified with that, you full on believe I've got to get this next qualification. Like you just, it's just Kait Tregenza: Yep. Alex Harvey: like, have to, like I'm not enough without it. And then, to be not identified with it is to see that that's happening and like, hey, that's just my beliefs, that's not real. I don't actually need that qualification, right? But it's still there, it doesn't go away. the more you just break through your own levels out of your beliefs, like once you kind of go into the next and you reach the next point of vulnerability or the next point of stepping out of what your ego beliefs is acceptable, It's like the same beliefs are just gonna keep arising. You just get better at seeing them, not identifying with them. And when you do get fully thrown into them, because you will, if you're gonna keep pushing your edges, you will, like how Kait Tregenza: Mm. Alex Harvey: to actually deal with it and process it when you do. Kait Tregenza: I think that's a good segue into the codes in the part two of your book. If you can just speak more to that aspect, because I feel like we've covered, there's a lot of stuff that you're gonna Alex Harvey: Mmm. Kait Tregenza: be thwarted by. You make a good case for a selection of those, but like there's a limitless amount of things that you could be using as excuses for why your life isn't what it is supposed to be or like what you feel deeply. is that higher truth or calling or purpose or mission, whatever. And then equally you explain and go into and transmit these codes for moving beyond that. And so I think this is what you're getting into now. If we can highlight that. Alex Harvey: Yeah, so in my book, the first part for anyone that hasn't read it, the first part is the spells that bind you, the spells, you know, like we've just been talking about this sense of incompleteness. There's something wrong with me. I've got to resolve it. That binds you to your egoic beliefs of how you need to be in the world to be acceptable. And has you just chasing that hungry ghost. that is never gonna resolve. You get a fleeting moment of it feeling better. And then you're like, why, you know, you're at your achievement and you're like, why do I still feel like shit? you know, so in the first part of the book, it's the spells that bind you, that keep you in your box, that keep you trapped and unable to fully move forward on following your ideas and your genius and actually what wants to come through and come out of you, your contribution to the world. And then in part two of the book, which you're referring to now is the codes that wake you up. And in the book, I share six codes that are honestly incredibly simple and incredibly effective. Some of them work within 30 seconds that help snap you out of that. because, when you, when you're really in those spells, it honestly doesn't seem like you have another choice or another option and everything is feeling really life and death. And so the codes that wake you up is how to break out of that and live the life you're meant for. Allow yourself to share what you have to share and make the contribution that you're here to have and have the entire life that you would most deeply love to have. so code number one, actually is something that I referenced right at the start of this conversation, is the holy hot service of self worship. And the Holy Hot Service of self-worship is about knowing who you are, like what you're here to serve, what is your purpose, and that you commit to serving that and no one else, nothing else, not the expectations of society, not the expectations of your parents, not the expectations of your partner. surprising how hard it can be sometimes, especially with our parents or family of origin, to actually allow ourselves to fully go against what they tell us is the way to live, or how they tell us we need to be to be responsible in life. which is then can be a visibility blocker. It's like you might follow your path to an extent, but you still feel like raging guilt anytime you do something your brain tells you is irresponsible because you've just been trained. No, you've got to be responsible. You've got to be safe. You've got to be like this. So the Holy Hot Service. Kait Tregenza: or raging anger that you believe it, right? Because I oscillate Alex Harvey: Yes. Yes. Yeah. Kait Tregenza: between that guilt or that like, what are they going to feel like even not even whatever they're to think because I'm beyond that now, but like Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: knowledge that they will think something is still just as curbing. And then I go the other extreme, which is like Why do I have to ever care at anything and like, you know, using that rage then to move me through, but it's still like it's energy. It's time. It's like, I have to do this work, which is frustrating. And then you get frustrated, you know, keep going. Alex Harvey: Yeah, yeah. And then you go down the whole thing, you know, and it's not even just like, you worried about what they think, but like you worry that that's true. You know, I Kait Tregenza: Mmm. Alex Harvey: last year, I don't remember exactly what it was that happened, but I started to get this much deeper insight on this certain moment I would experience guilt, which would be when I would really fully go for something. So I must've made some like major like commitment or investment in what I'm doing and like believing in it and going for it. And I got home and I was in my like jungle palace home, like looking over just entire jungle. And I just started to feel so guilty because, and what started to come up in my brain is like, am I being really irresponsible? Like am I being so, is this why my life isn't working even though my life was working just fine? But this is what my ego starts going, is this why things are wrong? Is because I keep being irresponsible and I'm supposed to be responsible and my brain is telling me that this is irresponsible because I've been indoctrinated with a certain image of what you need to prioritize in life and if you don't prioritize that you're basically just gonna be a dropkick. And so I get guilt. get, I get guilt. That's why I get guilt when I spend money even on like clothes, because it's the exact same thing in my brain as like, did we just do something really irresponsible? We're not supposed to do. You meant to save all your money, not spend money on anything you don't need, you know? And, it like binds you in that. yeah, code number one, holy hot service of self worship that you identify what your true values are and what you want to make your life about and what you want to share with the world and you serve that and nothing else and no one else and the paradox with that is that is how you're going to contribute your highest service to the world even if you know the people around you don't see it or don't see it immediately and they think you're being really selfish. So, my God, selfish is the ultimate like electric fence Kait Tregenza: Sim. Alex Harvey: for women. Yeah, of like keeping them in because, if you're selfish, that's the worst thing you can be. Kait Tregenza: Yeah, if you could be full of yourself and only yourself, do you Alex Harvey: Cheers. Kait Tregenza: know how dangerous you would be? My God. It's like, if you start reframing that, it's like if I filled myself up with everything that I am, if I became the most dangerous villainous woman who served her self pleasure and joy and fulfillment and abundance, and I loved my life and I served my clients and my children and my people and my family. And if I did all of that, how evil I would be. Alex Harvey: So evil. you better sit down and like go and help your mom and your grandma and like the community center. Not to say you might not do any of those things authentically, but you know, you better sit down, put all of your own needs and desires aside and just do things for other people. but the paradox is like that. That takes you away actually from your true service and what you really have to offer. Kait Tregenza: This came to a whole new level of initiation for me when I became a mother and Alex Harvey: Mm-hmm. Kait Tregenza: balancing personal, what you would maybe call ambition. And I would call service or you would call service. because for me, ambition can get convoluted in the reasons that you're doing something. So ambition might be for external gain money, you know, all of those things. Services, have no choice. So services you die if you are not in service, right? Like you actually start to wither and die. And so service and the way that you talk about it, I really resonated with because it's like, if you are not in service, you're just taking oxygen. You're just existing. So service work for me, I had to bump up against that illusion and that belief system where women don't come to service when they're mothers and Alex Harvey: Mmm. Kait Tregenza: children and being a mother cannot be your service work, it cannot be your calling. Motherhood is just something you do, it's your obligation, it's your job. And you hear that all the time, motherhood is the hardest job in the world. No it's not. It's the highest calling in the world, is that what you mean? And if you reframe it that way, Everything starts to shift. Now all of a sudden, you're not a mother by herself doing the things you need to do. You're in a higher calling. And when you're in a higher calling, you have all of the support in the entire universe organized around you to fulfill that mission. Alex Harvey: Wow, I love that. I've never heard that so well put in terms Kait Tregenza: Thank you. Alex Harvey: of combining or how you be in service and in the service to your highest purpose and mission with motherhood. what jumps out at me about what you just shared. I'm not a mother, but what jumps out at me at what you just shared is, you know, I think the cultural script for a lot of women around motherhood is that you must self-sacrifice and you should be the one doing everything. And what I just heard in what you said is... If I'm in my highest service and this is my highest service, know, the whole universe is here to support me and support that and it's not all on me. And that just brings you into a completely different vibration, orientation and perspective that allows support and allows, you know, allows everything to actually exist together rather than the martyrdom. Kait Tregenza: And it would have been really easy for me to be a mother because I am a single mother who became a single mother by escaping violence, experienced homelessness as a result of that. And then it would have been so easy to stay there. And the way Alex Harvey: again. Kait Tregenza: that the systems of support reinforces victim mentality of martyrdom of you will be here for the rest of your life. And I think because it was so extreme for me from where I had come from that it was like, no, I don't choose to adopt that. And so while my physical 3d reality doesn't have any physical support structure in its illusionary state where I don't have babysitters or I don't have family support or any of these kinds of things, where I'm not getting financial support, where all of these things where it's like that everything around my life was asking me to adopt the belief that I was alone, that I was a martyr, that I was a victim and that Alex Harvey: you Kait Tregenza: this was my lot in life. Alex Harvey: you Kait Tregenza: And none of it made sense to me because my deepest erotic sensual, sexual reality was taking place in motherhood. And I was like, I have never felt this erotic. And I'm a single mom. I don't have a partner. I don't have time to do half of the things that I used to do as a single woman. And that clicked something in me in this investigation into highest service. And it made me realize I had made every single decision for the last decade of my life, choosing to serve as a mother. And so why would I, when I became a mother, abandon that Alex Harvey: you Kait Tregenza: into this collective agreement that motherhood was hard, that you lose yourself in motherhood, that you cannot be successful, that you don't have any time, all of these kinds of things. And so after I recovered, You know, I gave myself enough time to recover from, you know, what was a really truly horrendous thing. And I had ended up on a list of the top 100 most at risk women in Australia, Those were not small things to overcome. But it's, I say this not to be like, I'm so great. Look at me. I say this because there's always a choice. There's always a choice. Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: and your choices are who you are. And it's coming back to if I mothered how your mother and sounds like my mother, mothered where I am the authority, I am the keeper of all the wisdom, I know all that I know, not only do I disempower my daughter, I disempower myself because now I have to do all of the things. And so where Alex Harvey: Yeah. Kait Tregenza: does the help, where does the support actually come from? And what I found is as I step into my highest service and my highest calling, and I do that in this extremely erotic way. And so like the way that you explain it in the book is like, that's how I feel. My daughter has her own hot, pleasurable service calling as well. Obviously she's three. don't say it in that way, but the, the tech, like that fundamentals of what you're talking about in that, in that first code means that she can exist in herself and I can exist in myself and we're not competing for authority or who's Alex Harvey: Hmm. Kait Tregenza: right. And so it's like peer networks exists when you. understand that the wisdom that this very small human body carries just as much weight as the very large human body. And so as long as you don't get too confused about the form that the wisdom presents itself in, you can give the authority to each person. she's done more to serve me and my up leveling than any other person on the planet. Alex Harvey: Wow, that's incredible. And what you're speaking to just there, what really comes to mind for me is this principle of being receptive. know, when Kait Tregenza: Hmm. Alex Harvey: we do, when we feel like it's us against the world, it's all on me. I've got to do everything. And you were describing that with the single mom narrative. It's all on me. I've got to do everything. And people experience this. just in their lives in general. If I'm building my business, it's all on me, everything is all on me, then we cut ourselves off from receiving from the universe, receiving anything from life. And you do have to do everything yourself and it's pretty fucking hard. And you're not getting any help from any direction because you're just powering and pushing your way through. But when you open up... to, okay, yeah, I'm here in service and I open myself up that I'm not responsible for it all, right? And other people are powerful. My daughter is powerful. Everyone is powerful. And, you know, I can receive, that's when you do allow yourself to be supported from the universe. You allow yourself to receive wisdom from your daughter. You allow yourself to receive like the things that, come your way, you receive them and use them to create with rather than thinking everything is bombarding you and knocking you off your path. That is how you don't receive and everything becomes hard work and everything comes on you and you got to fight and resist everything to do it your way. You know, the way you plan like we're talking about with our mothers, like this is my way, this is the way and when I take on that mentality, it is all on me. But if you can actually be receptive, and receptive is essential to being in your erotic nature and your pleasure nature, like that makes you receptive, but it is also a product of being receptive, then the things that come your way and that are in your experience are all things that you can use to further what it is that you're creating. Kait Tregenza: I see, that's where I see not just mothers, you know, getting looped up with tending to their children, but I see this in all business owners and just women in general on the planet, tending to so many different things that don't need their inputs. And Biologically, we're wired to be in receiving state as women. That's our biology. That's the way that our body system, our technology works, right? So if you don't know what you're receiving and you're not conscious about what you're receiving, you're receiving anyway. you're receiving the control, you're receiving the struggle, narrative and dialogues, you're receiving all of these other things that you're ingesting and ingesting and ingesting. just going back to the single mother narrative rejection it was this really conscious decision to be like I am going to receive very specific information about what it is to be a single mother and I am going to reject or remove all other narratives from the ingestion That's the choice as well in terms of how you actually show up to service. Alex Harvey: Yeah, absolutely. And do you know what just came to mind to me from that story you were just sharing and receive it like the messages you're receiving and being conscious of them was a year, I think about a year ago or maybe just over a year ago, I was at a birthday party and there was a guy there that I had met a couple of times who was someone who was really, you know, he he would get triggered if someone even asked what country he was from because he didn't want to be defined by what country he was from. know, know, like people that get triggered by like, what do do? It's like, I don't want to be defined by what I do kind of thing. That level of breaking out. And, you know, so was really interesting because he had that sort of mentality. And at the party, somehow, somehow it came up that I was sharing, like, I put on some weight recently and I was doing X, Y, Z, you know, to help get it off. And he was, he said to me, Oh, but like you're over 30 now. So like, that's just what happens to your body. And I was like, excuse me. And, know, for a lot of women that would have just gone in as one of those messages. But for me, I was, I just, yeah, you're Kait Tregenza: Yeah, don't you know your menopausal, your outer posture, you're over 30. Alex Harvey: over 30. Like you're Your metabolism changes. You're over 40. Your metabolism changes. You know, there's nothing you can do. And fortunately, I knew enough that I was like, that is crazy that you just said that to me. I don't believe that at all. But if you just receive that, then you go, maybe that is true and there's nothing I can do. And so then you won't do the things you can do because you don't believe there's anything you can do. And so then that's how you then reaffirm that belief. You perpetuate it and you reaffirm it. Kait Tregenza: Totally. And okay, so that's a really big code is what you believe in what you're consuming. what are the other codes? What's your favorite one maybe? Alex Harvey: Okay, my favorite one would have to be one that I just worked with so hard for the past two years and has created so much transformation in my life. They all are really powerful, but I think this one is maybe the most powerful and it's the one that barely anyone else teaches and people are so afraid of, which is celebrate how gloriously wrong you are. think it's code number three, because everyone feels in some way like they're wrong. They're getting it wrong, they're doing it wrong, my body's wrong, my weight's wrong, my income's wrong, my bank balance is wrong, should have bought five houses 10 years ago, should have done this, I've got it wrong, I did it wrong, I'm wrong. that's part of our sense of incompleteness coming up is like, there's something wrong. So then what we want to do is that we want to fix ourselves and we've got a whole personal development industry built on fixing yourself. And I think you mentioned this at the start as well, this experience of like, once I fix all of this, then I can create what I want. But all that does is keep you in a loop and cycle of the thing that feels incomplete because it never, it never goes away. And the more you try to fix it, the worse it feels. or you know, it feels a bit, maybe you feel, you did a weekend workshop and you feel like, my God, I healed that, I resolved that, I'm all good now. And then a week later, three months later, one year later, you're feeling that thing you thought you healed again. And then now you're like, my God, I must be even more fucked up, I'm even more wrong because I thought I dealt with this, wow, it must be so bad. And so it actually reinforces and gives it more power and gets even more strength. And the truth is there's nothing wrong. Like you don't need to resolve anything your brain starts telling you is wrong. Like that sudden shame, that sudden guilt, that sudden sinking feeling. And so this code is to not only just accept that and not need to resolve it. but celebrate it. what it does in your consciousness is it returns you to wholeness. Because actually when you're feeling like there's something wrong with you, you are in an illusion that you are not whole. And you need to resolve that in order to be whole. And when you embrace and then celebrate this thing, my God, I feel like so disgusting. Yes, yes, I'm disgusted. I'm just a big... blob of disgustingness or I'm such a failure. Yes, I'm such a failure. I'm just such a ridiculous failure and you celebrate it and you just try it on for a few minutes. You don't have to commit to it for the rest of your life and you will notice immediately a shift in your energy and your consciousness and suddenly you'll return to wholeness and when you actually celebrate it, you turn your energy back on. So you're back in that Eros. You're back in that aliveness. You're back in that creativity. That's my short version. I could go on, but that's like my super short version. Kait Tregenza: My favorite thing about this as well is it there's no, how do you be yourself wrong? How are you wrong when you're yourself? I think that's like a such an interesting like turnaround of the question. Like how do I be me wrong? Alex Harvey: Yeah, well, there's this assumption that, you know, that the, that there's things about you that are just wrong. And that's why you're emotionally eating or you're self-sabotaging and not posting, or you got three people sign up for something you wanted 20 people to sign up for. And you know, your brain is, coming up with the reasons, my God, I'm wrong. And if only I could be more introverted, more charismatic, more popular. skinnier, prettier, more like this, more like that, then I'd be right. Then everything would work out. I like once my income gets to here, then I'm cruising, I've got no worry for the rest of my life. You know, that's really what the sensation is like. if I could just resolve this and get here and be like this, then everything's sorted. That is your telltale sign. that you are trying to resolve something incomplete about yourself because that's never the case. that's a fantasy of resolving that incompleteness. That's never the case. You never get to that income and now you never have to worry about money again. No, you don't. Now you got to worry about like, well, you don't have to worry, but you know, like you've got to sustain that things change. Things are always changing. That one structure is not going to work forever. You know, you're always going to be creating, changing, moving. Maybe now you fear someone can steal it from you or like that was a fluke. How am going to do it again? Like you never set and forget for life. You're always going to have things. And so whenever you think like, if I just fix this, then everything will work out. That's when you know there's something you're rejecting about yourself. Kait Tregenza: I think that it ties so well into the higher service as well, right? Because you, in your higher service, you don't have a sense that you're wrong. You have a sense that you are the perfect conduit for this. Alex Harvey: Absolutely 100%. That's exactly it. When you are in your incompleteness, you have this preoccupation around, I good enough? Will people believe me? Like it's all focused around yourself because your ego is asking, am I viable? Here's all the ways I believe I'm not viable. But when you're in your highest service, just like you said, and you're in you know, that open receptive energy and in your wholeness, that doesn't even exist. Like the concept of being unworthy or worthy to do it actually doesn't make sense because all you feel is the truth and the perfection that yeah, you're the perfect conduit for this to come through and you just desire to do it. And so why wouldn't you, you know? Kait Tregenza: Yeah, I was thinking about what my favorite code was. about eating for breakfast? Eat it for breakfast? Alex Harvey: That's a very good one. Kait Tregenza: Yeah, I think it's because it just, for me it was, it gave me that... Almost like that gluttonous fill me up. It was this way of moving into this archetype of devouring that. Yeah, talk about that one. Alex Harvey: Yes. So that's the code. Eat your fear for breakfast. It might even be eat your fucking fear for breakfast in the book. And then on the t-shirts I made, I took out the fucking, but eat your fear for breakfast. So here's the thing is often when we have fear about what we're doing or creating, we even take that as a sign as something wrong. and I need to resolve this fear or I'm being held back by this fear. And then we might even start to fear our fear. So gathers all this energy and becomes this whole big drama, right? Just, just the thing that's going on in your head becomes this whole drama. And so eating your fear for breakfast is about identifying what the, what the fear actually is and being open and vulnerable to it. fully. opening yourself to it, fully receiving it. Because if there's something, if there's an outcome that you fear happening as a result of posting the thing, launching the thing, doing your next level thing, and you've got this fear of what might happen when you do it and you're not okay with that happening, then you won't let yourself take the action that could put you in the path of that feared outcome. You won't let yourself. And that's why you're sitting there like, like just so frustrated. Why aren't I posting? I said I wanted to do this. Why aren't I doing this thing? I said I wanted to do this. Well, it's because you've got fear about what's going to happen when you do or what it will mean. And you're not open to the possibility of that fear. So you. cannot let yourself move. You cannot let yourself take action. Your brain won't let you. It's trying to keep you safe from that fear. So eating your fear for breakfast is about actually getting to the bottom of what that fear is and imagining it happening and allowing it to. And this can be challenging. I've got a actually really good podcast episode on my podcast on this. It's got a process to go through this of where you open yourself to that feared outcome, not because you're going for it or you're focusing on it, but to free yourself from being preoccupied with the fact that it can't happen because that's stopping you and that's actually giving it energy. So eating your fear for breakfast is opening to it, allowing it through this process. And then once you do that, you're now actually fully free to focus on your desired outcome, what you want to create, because you're no longer being blocked to doing that by focusing on what you don't want. Kait Tregenza: And I guess for me, what this conjured in it was like, even if you do do the thing one time or managed to do it somewhat consistently, the energetic boundaries that you've put like, okay, so maybe you've posted on Instagram, but guess what? You're getting like one view on that post because even if you've done the thing, your fear has such a field around it where it's like, I did it. but no one will see it. I'm so powerful. I'm so clever. And I think like realizing this is the difference between doing mind and mental and logical, reasonable, accepted activity. And then realizing the field that you emit is so powerful that we don't even understand it. That if you're not alchemizing that fear, you're not eating it. You're not having that devouring like villainous way of just like I devour this fear and I eat it for breakfast and this is my you know like it's this erotic act of cannibalizing your fears right and you can have so much fun with that you can really embody that playful aspect of this or you know or you can be really I guess logical about it and write it all down and burn it put it in the dishwasher I don't know whatever you want to do. but if you do not understand the energetics of the field that you emit you will think well I'm doing all the right things like I'm I'm I'm posting or But it's like, how are you posting? you posting in this like fearful way of like contracted, like I'm just doing it anyway and I'm just going to, or is it authentic? And is it desires? Is it part, is it in that alignment to that higher service? Like, cause I think it all comes back to the code. Number one is, is the foundation for all it's like, how do you show up and be your highest service? Alex Harvey: I love how you transmitted that, the whole thing of devouring the fears and how sensual and erotic it is. Yes, so much yes to that. And yes, you're absolutely right. And this is something that I've started to really understand as like, is your energy turned off or is your energy turned on? And I find it's a way that actually... or yeah, a frame, a way that most people can understand is like, are you trying to do all the things and you're doing all the things and taking all the actions, but from contraction and actually Kait Tregenza: Mm. Alex Harvey: from like a fear of it even being seen and not wanting it to be seen? Because when your energy's turned off, firstly, nothing you're writing has any energy behind it. So like, Kait Tregenza: So you still LGBT? Just don't even bother. Alex Harvey: So like, of course no one cares. Of course you got one like it's because it was dead. Like you just wrote it out of like, you know, a dead energy turned off state, which means you're just going from your mind. There's not actually any passion. There's not actually any of your energy and your vibration behind it because actually just like you just said, your full preoccupation is how is this going to be perceived? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to be okay? And whatever comes out of that, like, yeah, you might be able to say some technically correct stuff, but it's not going to hit. It's not got any turn on. It's not got any life. It's not got any of your energy. And so it's just like, yeah, reading a bit of chat GPT. and you don't notice at the time, but once you get really good at this, you start to notice it affects actually everything that you do. You may like, you may post it at a time where obviously you know, no one that follows you is online or you don't share it to your stories or you like, you know, you run and hide afterwards. So you actually do a whole bunch of things that sabotage the visibility without noticing it. You think I'm doing all the things, but actually you're doing a ton of things to sabotage the visibility. Whereas when you, your energy is turned on, you're it's fully in that service where you're not being self conscious. When you're being self-conscious, you're in your egoic orientation. When you're in that service, you're not being self-conscious. You don't even think, it's just not even in your brain, how are people gonna perceive me, receive me? Like your creative energy and juice is flowing, you're going. And so what comes out of you is alive, it's turned on. And that's where you channel your genius from. And so ideas and things come out that you didn't even... anticipate like writing my book, right? I didn't anticipate that. And that's how that starts coming out is when you're turned on. And when you're turned on, and you're in the orientation of service, not fighting yourself, because in that orientation, you're fighting yourself, you're fighting to be seen, you're fighting to figure out how people can see you. And everything becomes really difficult in that turned on energy. You just, you just, you just attune to like, How can I get this out there in a way that's turned on, passionate and authentic? And so you do. You get a million ideas that you didn't get in that turned off energy and you just naturally follow them. You're not fighting yourself to follow them. You're naturally following them. It's a huge energetic difference and it is everything in creating completely different outcomes. Kait Tregenza: I love that. it's, it's, I think it's this reframing. This is why, this is why sexuality is so important. Sensuality is so important because it is literally your life force energy. It is that which turns you on. And we need to distinguish that very resolutely from in, you know, that's the difference between serving a higher calling and being turned on into that and simply servicing somebody else's needs with your sexuality. And those two things are extremely different. In fact, it's almost as different as what you're talking about in terms of like where the energy aliveness actually resonates at. And you can be in service. to a partner, to a lover from this highest authentic version of yourself. But what else could you be in service to? Like if you know how to cultivate that into a partner, it's like start cultivating it in yourself, become your Alex Harvey: you Kait Tregenza: most amazing lover to yourself. Because first of all, you're going to be with you for the rest of your life. You may as well love it. You may as well get turned on by yourself. You may as well get turned on by your authenticity, your truth, your service, your calling, the life that you have to live. And guess what? As you said, everything else in your life will start to shift and change and up level and just things will naturally reorganize and rearrange. The good news is in this podcast episode ending is that Alex has as much. insight into every single thing that she's ever thought available for you to consume and devour online. We will put your podcast, your YouTube channel, your Instagram, your website and your book down below. But I would love for you to just leave the audience with really what is your highest vision? What is your highest service? Your calling? Why are you here and what do you invite? women and the listeners to come into your world and experience. Alex Harvey: I love that question. My highest calling and purpose is to bring women back to their feminine nature and to be able to learn how to live and create from that highest superpower, which is their feminine nature, their feminine gifts, so that they can share their gifts with the world. I want women, I want all women to be sharing their gifts with the world, having the contribution that they're here to have and living the lit up turned on lives that they would most deeply love to live because that's what you're meant for. What you would most deeply love in life and the person you would most deeply love to be, that's who you are. That's who you are. It's just letting yourself be that and it's letting yourself live that life. and realize that that's possible. Like you said earlier, it's, you always have a choice and that is possible. And it's only your brain's version of the rule book of life that tells you you can't or you shouldn't, or it's not the right way to be. So that's what I'm here to serve. I'm, and fundamentally like I'm here to show women how to live turned on, live and create turned on with their full energy and life force flowing. And I am developing at the moment really my full frameworks for that, you know, to put together in like a full initiation of the turned on woman rather than just having it in parts or just in my long-term containers. So that's what I'm working on. That's what I'm creating. And what I want, what I would, what I want women to take away from this is firstly, Absolutely, like the woman you want to be and the life you want to live is possible and I am living proof of that because I never thought I could do it. I never thought life could be good for me. I was severely depressed from a teenager, completely shut down in my pleasure. I couldn't even feel sexual pleasure or turn on for a whole period of my life. I felt completely broken and like I would never be able to access that and I did, you know, that was a journey that I went on that helped me uncover a lot of those keys around pleasure and Eros. And I am now absolutely one of the most orgasmic women that I know. And the amount of like pleasure and energy I can experience in my body is off the charts because I learned how to turn my energy on and exist in that. And then I learned how to let my energy actually flow in my contribution and in my work. And so anyone can, nothing you're experiencing right now in your life and in yourself is set in stone. Like you can learn to turn your energy back on. You can learn to be flowing. You can learn to be that woman and just know that and you get to choose that and you know, and choose what your life is about. Is it about doing that, becoming that woman and serving that or is it living an acceptable life to society's expectations? And that's just your fundamental choice to make. When you make that choice, everything will start changing. Kait Tregenza: And when you make that choice, make it again and again and again and over again. I think that's Alex Harvey: Yes, yes, yes. Kait Tregenza: another really key point is like this is not a one time decision. You know, on the bathroom floor, I'm going to get up. I'm going to I'm going to change and live differently. It's every single thing then adds up. Your life changes at the speed of choice. And so keep choosing the life you want. Alex Harvey: Yes, keep choosing it and don't worry about timelines and don't start trying to figure out, if I'm not here by here, does that mean I can't or no, leave all of that, put all of that aside and just keep making the choice. Like you said, every day, make the choice. Kait Tregenza: Thank you so much Alex I think personally what I've got out of this conversation today is. And I feel like I just keep saying this but these principles are so simple they are so accessible Alex Harvey: Yes. Kait Tregenza: they are free and they are innate biological there is no barrier to this and reframing the it has to be hard it has to cost money. It has to take a lot of time. has to be, you know, this, that, or the other. has to come from someone else. This person that it's like, it all boils down to devote your life to your highest service of calling and then there are all of the codes that follow that. But I think everything that we've even spoken about today. The subsequent codes almost don't matter unless you have that first one tapped in. Alex Harvey: Yes, 100%. Yes. Kait Tregenza: And in a, in another way, once you have the first code tapped in all the other codes reveal themselves to you very organically. So this is not something you need to learn from your head and be like, okay, highlight all of Alex's books and the, and this code and that code and this, you know, this spell and that spell. And it's like, become aware of the spells that you're under because they will start to be very uncomfortable in your commitment to your higher service. They will reveal themselves to you as in when you are ready to see them because they will be in misalignment to you serving at this higher level of self in this authentic, truthful based way. And so if you can just make everything simple, you don't need to go out and get a thousand things fixed before you devote yourself to your calling. It's like, do that now and choose that every millisecond. every micro decision that comes up, choose that. Just keep choosing. Just keep choosing. I think what you've said is deceptively simple. And I say deceptively because we have learned to complicate life changing information, but it's the simplicity of everything that you say and you can read your book very quickly and very easily. It's so authentically your voice and your passion coming through and I love it. so reading a book is not about the information, it's about the codes that are being transmitted, it's about the energy that's being transmitted by the writer. So it's really important to actually read the book, not get the cliff notes, not just be like, great, these spells and these codes, I've got it, it's all good. This is about reading someone's transmission and we go back to receiving, receiving that for yourself to change your life. And if you start to understand your female Eros, your female technology, receiving somebody else's wisdom, receiving somebody's transmission is the wisdom that will help you unlock your own authentic calling into your own self. so Alex, Thank you for making so many transmissions. Thank you for being of such incredible service to this world, to women, to yourself and to me. Thank you for being here. Alex Harvey: Thank you. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been such a pleasure. Could talk about this for hours. Kait Tregenza: Yes, and apparently you do. So tune into her. has a lot of things to say. Alex Harvey: Thank you.