Latest / Finding New Waters / From Prison to Purpose: A Story of Accountability, Recovery, and Service | Jesse McCraw

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From Prison to Purpose: A Story of Accountability, Recovery, and Service | Jesse McCraw · Finding New Waters

0:00
I'm the one who lost a friend. I'm the one that can't walk and
0:03
doesn't have a car anymore. And it took me years to to when,
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you know, took me years of truly understanding what we're up
0:11
against with alcoholism and addiction to look at that moment
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and go. That's how powerful the mental
0:17
aspect of this disease is. Because in that moment, there
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was no ability on my own to identify that I was responsible
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for all of that. The mental aspect of this
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disease had convinced me that I I was the victim and I deserved
0:32
to behave how I wanted to, to make myself feel better.
0:37
Well, welcome back everybody to another episode of Finding New
0:40
Waters. My name is Bea Reeves.
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I'm the Director of Business Development here at New Waters
0:44
Recovery in Raleigh. Sitting here with our CEO,
0:46
Justin McClendon got our buddy and special guest, Jesse Mccraw
0:51
down in Austin, TX. Jesse is the Director of
0:53
Business Development at Driftwood Recovery.
0:56
Great place, I've been there. But welcome, Jesse.
0:59
Thank you guys so much. Really honored to be here and
1:03
share this space with you guys. I know you guys have been doing
1:05
some great work with this podcast and just really grateful
1:07
to be a part of. Well, thank you and thank you.
1:10
Yeah, man, thank you for saying that.
1:11
Thank you for being here. And I was thinking about this.
1:15
I can't remember if I I think the first time I met you was
1:19
when I came to Driftwood. And then you came up to
1:22
Asheville kind of right after that.
1:23
But I remember well, you know, one of those things where I was
1:26
headed to Texas and somebody said, hey, call Jesse.
1:29
And then I drove out to Driftwood.
1:30
I didn't know why, you know, rental car, didn't know what I
1:33
was doing, where I was going. And all of a sudden I pull up
1:35
into this just Immaculate, beautiful ranch.
1:40
I guess. I mean, it was a retreat center
1:43
1st, but this just epic, beautiful campus.
1:47
And there Jesse was there to meet me and Jack Slater, who's
1:52
gone on to work for the Cleveland Browns.
1:54
And I was like, man, this guy is cool and just a good egg and had
1:59
a great tour and a great time. And then he came to Asheville
2:02
and we kind of then, you know, didn't see him for a little
2:04
while. And then now I, he's a road dog.
2:06
I see him all the time all over the place.
2:08
So I'm it's good to see you in this capacity.
2:11
As well. Yeah, I know.
2:12
I, I definitely remember that fondly, right?
2:15
Our our mutual buddy Jack, who, you know, worked side by side
2:19
with me at that time and has since moved on to bigger and
2:22
better things and super happy for him.
2:24
But I, I clearly remember it because how often do you meet
2:27
somebody that goes by a letter, right?
2:29
And I'm like, who's this, who's this guy?
2:31
B Reeves, right? Like, how dare he just use a
2:34
letter to represent himself. And now it's just one of the
2:37
most epic call signs ever, right?
2:41
And even like dating back to when we first started really
2:44
hitting the road together with that first recovery cop out at
2:47
in Missouri, right at Big Cedar Lodge.
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And just the remarkable bee Reeves was was birthed and has
2:55
stuck with you ever since. Until you became Steve Green,
2:58
you know, but. Oh, yeah, that's right.
2:59
Yeah. Yeah.
3:00
So yeah, tell, tell, tell us about what you're talking about.
3:04
Yeah. So this year, I guess it was
3:07
this summer, we were in Southern California.
3:09
We're invited to play at a pretty nice course there.
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And you know, I have definitely learned and and respected the
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honor of having a bag tag created for you when you're a
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guest at a club like that is to me that's top tier, right?
3:24
It's top tier customer service and so we didn't even realize
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it, right? We got to our bag, they pulled
3:31
it out of the car for us. They put it on the back of the
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cart and next thing I know, I'm looking at my tag.
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And you know, with my last name being Mccraw, right?
3:39
Most people think it's McGraw to, you know, MCG as opposed to
3:43
M2 CS. And so I was expecting it to be
3:46
misspelled and and lo and behold, my name, my first name
3:49
was Lesson E, right? So it was Jess Mccraw.
3:53
And that is definitely a first for me.
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And then when I pointed that out, you looked at yours and
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instead of it saying Bee Reeves, it literally said Steve Reeves
4:05
with AD. And we lost it.
4:07
Yeah, we absolutely lost it. And it became became your new
4:11
name. So Steve Reeves, you have me on
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the podcast, you know. You're very welcome, Jess.
4:16
And, you know, and that was with Louis Stanger, his husband John,
4:22
who was gracious enough to take us out.
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And not now. I've got one more thing to
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answer to. So this is not the first time my
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ridiculous name has come up on this podcast.
4:33
Well, man, yeah, it is. Well, let's just start from, you
4:38
know, I know you've been in this field for, I don't know, 10-11
4:42
years, something like that. Just. 11 years.
4:44
Yeah, nice. Well, just kind of give us a
4:50
little back story how you, you know, your own personal story a
4:53
little bit and how you got into the field and all that.
4:56
Yeah. So you know, I am not someone
4:59
who got sober by way of treatment.
5:02
And you know, really the only exposure I had to the concept of
5:07
treatment was the show intervention back in the day,
5:10
right? I mean, my sober birthday is
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August 2nd, 2009, just for reference.
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And I all that to say is like when I got sober, people started
5:23
talking about things like sober living and, and treatment and,
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you know, and I started to learn that this could be a career.
5:31
And, you know, I'm definitely a, a big a a guy and it's
5:35
definitely the backbone of my life and has been for the last
5:38
16 years. And, you know, really enjoyed
5:43
helping people, right? Whether it was my story or
5:46
whatever it may be, the one thing that I learned really
5:48
quickly about myself in this new way of life is that I can
5:52
connect with people. Like I really enjoy connecting
5:55
with people and being able to truly help people, right?
6:01
And so when I, when I heard that it could be a career, it was
6:04
kind of news to me. And I didn't, I didn't quite
6:08
understand the, the breath of what that meant, right.
6:12
But so, you know, just doing the thing, you know, being active in
6:17
my recovery, I have a really cool experience of sharing the
6:20
last 13 years now with a group of guys that I've been playing
6:23
softball with annually. We play all year long, Thursday
6:27
nights and we play tournaments and everything.
6:28
But all that to say, you know, we invited a guy to come play
6:32
with us a year later and just hit it off quick with this guy
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really, you know, cut from the same thread.
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And, you know, so naturally I invite him to come start
6:42
participating in the H and is that I'm doing right.
6:44
And, and through that experience of, of carrying the message with
6:48
him at these treatment centers, you know, a couple months down
6:51
the road, he called me and was like, hey, man, I work at this
6:55
treatment center and, you know, we have this position available
6:59
and, and we, I think you'd be perfect for it if you have any
7:02
interest in it. And, you know, it's one of those
7:04
experiences that, you know, I believe many of us experience in
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recovery where I was comfortable, man, I was, I was,
7:14
it was kind of my get well job that grew into like a management
7:17
role with a, you know, a good old boy system.
7:20
It was, you know, one of my high school best friends, his dad was
7:23
the VP of the company. So I kind of had, I was one of
7:26
the good old boys in this good old boy system and you know, was
7:29
there for about 3 1/2 years and could have made a career out of
7:33
that. And so my point is, is that I
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became really comfortable with that and totally lost, lost
7:39
touch with this idea that I really wanted to work in, in
7:42
the, in the treatment industry until my buddy gave me that
7:47
call. And it kind of shook me up,
7:49
right? Because I mean, the scariest
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things I've ever done since I've been sober is, is leaving a,
7:55
leaving a job for another one. Like, you know, I'm, I'm
7:58
definitely someone that's, that can be loyal to a fault to a
8:01
degree. And so, you know, when I, when I
8:04
commit to an organization like I'm, I'm all in, you know, and,
8:08
and, you know, fantasizing about hanging up my, you know, hanging
8:13
up my boots at the end of the day with the, with the
8:15
organization that I'm working with.
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So, you know, it really shook me to my core, which I was about
8:21
5-6 years sober that I was going to leave a for sure option.
8:27
But you know, I took the risk and and stepped into a direct
8:31
care role with an organization here in the Austin area.
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And like I said, it was one of the scariest things I've ever
8:39
done at the moment. But it it's really, it's really
8:42
been quite the experience. I hear you.
8:46
That's awesome. And we'll get to this in a
8:48
second, but I mean in but driftwood itself, we want to
8:53
hear about what you do. But what exactly does drift?
8:55
I know tell tell our audience. What about driftwood?
8:58
Yeah, I mean, Driftwood is a phenomenal program.
9:01
You know, I think more so than anything, the fact that we are
9:04
privately owned by Peter and his family, Peter, Peter floors our
9:09
Ceoi think that in and of itself gives us the the freedom and the
9:15
mobility to naturally evolved, right.
9:19
I mean, I think first and foremost our our core value, you
9:24
know, is definitely being a resource for people that need
9:28
help. And that's a very general
9:29
statement, but from my perspective, what that really
9:33
means is it's our responsibility to make sure that we can provide
9:37
the resources that an individual in specific may need to get the
9:42
help that that person needs. Right.
9:45
And so over the last I've been here for, you know, almost seven
9:49
years, April first will be 7 years.
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Now I have seen us grow from, you know, 4045 employees to 75
9:58
employees, right. And, and through that has been a
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lot of natural evolution of programmatic approach and you
10:04
know, things like our assessment program that we've collaborated
10:07
on with you all a lot, you know, to our, our outpatient services.
10:13
But first and foremost, you know, we've never strayed away
10:16
from like who we really are, right, which is a clinically
10:19
sophisticated, highly acute dual diagnosis residential treatment
10:24
program that has everything else that an individual can need,
10:28
right. By that I mean we detox on site.
10:32
We have a 15 bed transitional living home that people can
10:35
transition to post residential care.
10:38
We that you know allows us to provide PHP level of care and
10:42
and true outpatient level of care.
10:44
We have since added a graduate house, right, which would be
10:47
your true, you know, standard sober living experience for
10:53
because we've naturally experienced where people just
10:56
want to stay with us and being as small as we are, right?
11:00
We have 18 residential and detox beds and 15 structured living
11:08
beds. We're pretty limited, right?
11:11
We're a small program. And and so when people want to
11:14
stay at what we call Riverside, our structured living
11:16
environment for a longer period of time, all that means is it
11:19
prevents more people from transitioning into that level of
11:21
care. And so, you know, we have
11:23
created this men sober living environment so that people can
11:27
stay within our community, but also, you know, allow other
11:31
people to to share an experience that they've they've received at
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the Riverside and PHP level of care.
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You know, B, you're not far off. I mean, you know, you get out on
11:40
campus and it's it's, you know, not lost on us on how beautiful
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our place is. You know, we've often referred
11:47
to it as the cherry on top. I mean, it, this was a turnkey
11:50
property. It was a six bed 6, you know,
11:53
bedroom, bed and breakfast wedding venue, right?
11:58
So the, you know, the touch that it has aesthetically is, is
12:03
definitely beneficial for our, our milieu and our, our folks
12:07
that seek treatment here because it is very comfortable.
12:10
We're on 85 acres. We own the 100 acres next to us
12:13
so that, you know, a, a subdivision doesn't pop up next
12:18
to us, right? Like Peter and Brad want us to
12:20
be a generational program and therefore we have to protect it,
12:23
right? So we own the 100 acres next to
12:24
us, just have a bunch of cows roaming around it right now.
12:28
But it does create that barrier. And you know, the reality is
12:31
Driftwood is in a is it's a town in and of itself, right?
12:35
So Driftwood recovery is just in the town of Driftwood.
12:38
But I bring that up now because we're 35 minutes from center of
12:43
the city of Austin. But at the same time, when
12:45
you're here on the on the property, it feels like you're
12:49
away from everything, right? Which really provides that level
12:52
of serene experience that we're hoping people can find some
12:56
comfort in and rest in. Yeah, so I, I've been there
13:01
twice to visit and it is absolutely serene and beautiful
13:05
and and you do feel like you're in the middle of nowhere, but
13:07
you're not too, too far from Austin.
13:08
And I've seen pictures of at least the the first house.
13:13
So we where is the rest of the the programming in the house?
13:16
When was that in town? Yeah, it's a great question.
13:18
Yeah, it is, it is, You know, so we call everything post
13:21
residential. We called our community
13:23
integration program and by that, you know, we truly are hoping to
13:27
integrate people back into their life, right.
13:30
So although we do provide, we can provide a minimum of 90
13:34
days, you know, to as long as somebody needs within our full
13:39
continuum, we do see it fit that and truly understand that
13:44
residential treatment is triage, right?
13:46
Like let's get them in, let's stop the bleeding, let's create
13:50
the foundation, let's get them standing on their own 2 feet
13:52
again. Let's give them some skills and
13:54
help them identify what their core issues are and really start
13:57
to put a road map together on how to treat that and overcome
14:00
them. But at the same time, it's not
14:03
real life, right? It's not real life to have
14:06
someone here, you know, safe and protected and completely removed
14:11
from society, right? And so our community integration
14:14
program comes at it from the angle in which it's like, no,
14:18
we're going to put you back into life.
14:20
We're going to give you your phone back.
14:21
If you need a car, you can have a car.
14:25
And you know, the the goal is to get you back to that meaningful
14:29
role in life. You know, what does that look
14:30
like? Is it work?
14:31
Is it school? Is it simply volunteering
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because some of our, you know, some of our folks that come to
14:37
us are at the acuity level. Maybe that's all they're capable
14:40
of is, you know, 20 hours of volunteering a week.
14:43
But it's in order to have that moment where they not only
14:47
experience autonomy, but it's, you know, very much a
14:50
opportunity for them to feel like they're capable again,
14:53
right? And so that's the goal, right?
14:55
Getting getting them back to a meaningful role.
14:58
And that can come in many different, you know, flavors and
15:01
forms. And but that is where we start
15:05
to see a lot of the traction, right, a lot of the the growth
15:08
in the experience of like, OK, here's your phone, let's see how
15:11
you do with social media. OK, here's the opportunity to
15:14
start going applying for jobs. How do you handle that?
15:17
And unfortunately, again, you know, with our team being as as
15:21
vast it is as it is, I mean, you know, we are at probably just
15:25
north of 75 full time staff members for our, you know, 33
15:30
beds plus our eight sober living beds, right?
15:33
And so we have the ability to to send case managers and
15:38
clinicians on these interview runs, on store runs.
15:41
You know, we we had a individual that was a little less
15:46
physically capable and he had a cocaine overdose that affected,
15:51
you know, his cognitive abilities and physical
15:54
abilities. And, you know, it was really
15:56
exacerbated by his anxiety, you know, so something like taking
16:01
an Uber to the gas station to go get, you know, an energy drink
16:06
or whatever would really send him over the top.
16:08
And so it was a, a really cool creative experience where the
16:14
case manager jumped in the car with them, took it to the gas
16:16
station and said, hey, you need me, just call me and I'll come
16:20
in or whatever it may be. And he got to the cooler and,
16:23
you know, kind of froze, no pun intended, but was literally
16:26
standing there in front of the drinks and was feeling like he,
16:30
his legs were going to give out on him.
16:32
And so he was able to call the case manager and you know, she
16:37
walked him through it. He purchases his items and got
16:40
back in the car. And you know, we, we called it
16:43
a, you know, an Uber run. We, we mimicked him taking an
16:46
Uber to the gas station to go get some groceries.
16:50
Right. But to answer your question, our
16:53
structure living environment is just South of downtown Austin,
16:58
right? So it's right in the middle of
17:00
things. It's, if you're familiar with
17:02
Austin, the Colorado River runs through it.
17:04
We named it Town Lake, Ladybird Lake, Lake Austin.
17:08
I don't know why we named things multiple times in Austin, but we
17:11
do. But we're just South of it.
17:14
And on the other side of the river is literally downtown
17:16
Austin. And so again, you know, the
17:19
access to the city, the access to those resources, and then our
17:24
true sober living environment is probably like another 7 miles
17:27
just northwest of there. So it's still in the downtown
17:30
area. Cool.
17:33
Yeah. Man, y'all have really thrown
17:35
quite a, you know, I don't want to say a huge empire, but a
17:39
nice, perfectly curated continuum of care.
17:44
And you know, it's funny, I've been to Driftwood twice and I
17:47
didn't realize it was 18 beds. I thought it was definitely
17:50
bigger. And I think that's a great size.
17:52
And just to be able to do it right and people to get lost in
17:54
the shuffle, that's amazing. Yeah.
17:55
And just the, you know, you mentioned, I think you said
17:58
total with the, the extended care 3030 something clients to
18:03
75 staff. I mean that's just a really nice
18:05
ratio man to where people can get a lot of individual
18:08
attention like you were saying. I mean, gives you guys the
18:10
ability to run somebody to the store or you know, spend some
18:13
additional time with somebody that sometimes that stuff makes
18:15
all of the difference. For sure.
18:18
Absolutely. Yeah.
18:20
Well, all right, so you you started in the you've been sober
18:24
now 16 years and you're you're a softball guy.
18:28
I mean, and that seems like a bigger thing.
18:31
I mean, I come across other guys we work with who are I didn't
18:34
know that was a thing. I mean, obviously I knew
18:35
softball existed, but in but you have a baseball background and
18:41
tell us just kind of how you ended up getting sober, if you
18:43
don't mind. Yeah, yeah, OK.
18:47
I'll try to I'll try to keep it brief.
18:49
I can definitely get on a roll with this.
18:50
So please interject and ask questions along the way and, and
18:54
kind of keep this this ship steered in the right direction.
18:58
But yeah, I mean, baseball was a big part of my life.
19:02
And so it was when I kind of woke up to the fact that I
19:07
hadn't played baseball in the last two summers that I was
19:11
like, Oh my gosh, what's going on with my life?
19:13
Right. And of course, those two summers
19:17
are, you know, the, the peak of my, my drinking and using.
19:22
But it was, it was that thought that, you know, if I believe
19:25
that if I could just get back on the diamond, that I would be OK,
19:28
right? And so I started umpiring high
19:32
school games, which was really cool.
19:35
And then I got a gig to start coaching baseball with like A12U
19:40
team. And you guys will understand
19:44
this for sure. But at 21 years old, coaching
19:46
these kids was the coolest thing I've ever done in my life,
19:50
right? In the same way that sponsorship
19:54
is the coolest thing that we do these days, right?
19:56
Where it was like, I'm getting, I'm able to help somebody
20:01
experience something that has deeply affected my life, right?
20:07
And so it was the coolest thing I'd ever done.
20:09
But it was also, looking back, one of those very clear
20:12
experiences of, you know, this power saying like, hey, this is
20:16
how cool your life could be. If you could have any ability to
20:21
manage and control your life, right, because that is
20:25
ultimately like the end of the road for me.
20:27
And so I had made a really good friend with another coach.
20:34
We shared this team together. He was, you know, a, you know, a
20:39
former semi pro baseball player who had kind of really fired me
20:43
up about going to do some some semi pro tryouts that summer,
20:47
which was the goal. But he, you know, his life
20:51
looked very similar to mine, right, in the sense that very
20:54
often couldn't rub, you know, 2 pennies together, You know,
20:57
major factors of life like car, cell phone, ID were often
21:02
missing, you know, and so we became really fast friends.
21:08
And, you know, it was around his birthday that, that, that spring
21:14
that, you know, we kind of wanted to celebrate, you know,
21:19
And so him not having an ID, me having years of experience of
21:24
partying in Austin without an Idi, took him to the bar that I
21:27
knew wouldn't card us. And you know, lo and behold, 3
21:32
drinks later, I'm completely blacked out, right?
21:36
And I wake up in the hospital with my parents kind of walking
21:40
around my bed and I have no idea what's going on.
21:43
And so I asked my parents, you know, my right leg is hanging in
21:48
the air that, you know, I'm asking for some clarification as
21:52
to what occurred. And, and, you know, without a
21:54
lot of reference, my parents were very much handling me in a
21:59
way those last few years of like, let's do anything to not
22:03
stress Jesse out, right? And it's super pertinent to know
22:06
that because in that moment, my mom was like, everything is OK.
22:10
You know, you just got out of surgery, your leg is going to be
22:13
fine. You know, you're, you're, you
22:16
got into an accident last night, but everything is going to be
22:20
OK. And I looked at her and I, I
22:21
asked about my buddy. I said, is Jake OK?
22:24
And she said, yes, he's fine. And but I could see this look on
22:28
her face that was truly disturbed.
22:31
And I, for whatever reason, I, I mean, I remember this like it
22:35
was yesterday. I asked a question.
22:37
Would you be able to tell me if he wasn't OK.
22:39
And she just lost it, right? So I blacked out around midnight
22:45
that evening at the bar. And what, on the drive back to
22:51
Jake's family's house, I hit a tree.
22:55
And in that accident, Jake did not survive, right?
22:58
I, I, I got pinned in the car and almost, they almost had to
23:03
remove my right leg just to Get Me Out of the vehicle.
23:06
And that's what, you know, the surgery was for was to repair my
23:10
broken leg. But Jake did not survive the
23:13
accident. And you know, I spent the next 5
23:18
days in the, in the hospital recovering from surgery.
23:21
And, and the reason why I bring that up as opposed to moving on,
23:25
because to most people, an experience like this would
23:34
change things for them. But for me, it didn't change
23:39
anything, right? I got home after five days and
23:46
proceeded to, you know, to smoke weed with my buddy on my parents
23:50
front porch, which is something that I'd never done before.
23:53
I just wasn't that I just didn't make those types of decisions
23:58
around my family. And, and it's really pertinent
24:02
to know the experience that walking in from that, you know,
24:06
my dad practically got in my face right.
24:09
And my dad is a very non confrontational, especially not
24:13
in front of my 2 little sisters. And this is like in my living
24:16
room in front of my sisters, in front of my, my buddy.
24:19
And he's just like, man, what are you doing?
24:21
What are you out there doing? He's like, your life is
24:24
literally on the line right now and you're out there smoking
24:28
weed. And in that moment, and This is
24:31
why it's so powerful for me to share this experience because,
24:34
you know, with the disease of alcoholism and addiction, right?
24:37
Like the mental aspect is, is the most difficult aspect of
24:43
this disease to really understand and, and truly, you
24:49
know, defeat, right? And, and in that moment, right
24:54
here I am, I can't even walk under my own power, responsible
24:58
for the life of a friend of mine.
25:00
And I'm looking at, you know, a pretty significant, you know,
25:06
legal ramifications to my actions, but all I know how to
25:11
do is comfort myself and, and, you know, as non confrontational
25:15
as my dad typically is, I never talked back to my dad.
25:18
And, and in that moment I looked at him and I said, don't you
25:21
realize what I'm going through? I'm the one who lost a friend.
25:25
I'm the one that can't walk and doesn't have a car anymore.
25:29
And it took me years to to when, you know, it took me years of
25:33
truly understanding what we're up against with alcoholism and
25:36
addiction, to look at that moment and go, that's how
25:39
powerful the mental aspect of this disease is.
25:42
Because in that moment, there was no ability on my own to
25:46
identify that I was responsible for all of that.
25:50
The mental aspect of this disease had convinced me that I
25:53
was the victim and I deserved to behave how I wanted to, to make
25:58
myself feel better. And so, you know, it was another
26:02
couple of months that I was kind of living that lifestyle of just
26:08
trying to treat this condition that I had caused, right?
26:12
And so I ended up, you know, I end up getting charged for
26:17
intoxicated manslaughter and was on pretrial probation and
26:22
couldn't even stay clean for those drug tests, right?
26:25
I ended up testing positive for cocaine while on pretrial
26:29
probation. And so the, you know, September,
26:33
September 3rd, 2008, I showed up for court after testing dirty
26:38
the month prior and they incarcerated me.
26:41
And so I spent a number of months in county jail trying to
26:46
plea my deal down. It started at 16 years where I
26:50
would have to serve at least 8 and I just, you know, the Max is
26:54
20. So it's like, man, they've, we,
26:56
we have to be able to, you know, do better than that.
27:00
And so it was when I was in county jail, it's probably about
27:05
3 1/2, four months later that, you know, it hit me of like what
27:10
has happened to my life, you know, and it, and it took that
27:13
long. It took 3 1/2 four months.
27:15
I mean, September it was New Year, it was after the New
27:19
Year's in, in 2009. So it took several months for me
27:24
to kind of wrap my head around like, wow, what has happened to
27:29
my life? And fortunately, I had this
27:32
experience when I was a senior in high school where I was like,
27:36
thank you parents, thank you coaches, thank you teachers.
27:39
But I got this right. This is my life.
27:41
Nobody else is living this life. Therefore, I'm going to make the
27:45
decisions because I know what's best for myself.
27:48
And that that memory hit me when I was in county jail of like
27:53
this is this is the best you can do man.
27:56
Like this is the best you can drum up at the age of 22 years
27:59
old is looking at several years in prison, you know, completely
28:04
isolated and burn your life to the ground.
28:06
And so fortunately I had been to 3A a meetings court appointed,
28:11
of course, while I'm probation, pretrial probation at that
28:15
period. And the one thing that I
28:18
remembered from those meetings is that it had worked for
28:21
millions of people. And the way that I drank and
28:24
drove, the way that I tried any substance that was put in front
28:27
of me was one in which like, why would I be the statistic?
28:30
Why would I be the one person that tries something one time
28:33
and dies or gets addicted or gets pulled over, right.
28:36
And, and I, I reference that because it was that much of an
28:40
open mind that allowed me to, to reference that, you know, line
28:45
in a, A to go, well, if it's worked for millions of people,
28:48
why wouldn't it work for me too? And at that point, I mean, I was
28:52
willing to do whatever it definitely was under the notion
28:55
of like, I need to get myself to be OK, so my sisters don't ever
28:59
have to make the same mistake. So my cousins and my family so
29:02
that I can be available for them if they need me to come pick
29:05
them up so that they don't make the same mistake.
29:08
But that, you know, that's all it needed, right?
29:10
Was that that little seed of like other centredness, you
29:13
know, to, to get me into the doors of a A?
29:16
And so that was, you know, early 2009.
29:21
And, you know, I was, I was in county jail and I hit my knees
29:24
and essentially made a third step commitment before I truly
29:27
knew what that was. And so, you know, unfortunately
29:31
a A was not available in county jail.
29:33
So it wasn't until, you know, I went through the whole, you
29:38
know, process of clean my case down to a nine year sentence
29:43
that I finally got shipped off to prison here in Texas.
29:46
And, you know, spent a couple of months without availability to a
29:50
A and then finally got to a place where they had one a, a
29:55
meeting a month. It was the first Sunday of the
29:57
month. And, you know, I was the, the
30:00
guy at the front of the line looking for a reason to go And,
30:04
and, you know, at this point in time, I, you know, I'm the only
30:08
person that's ever been in trouble with in my family.
30:10
So, you know, being a felon now, I thought I was going to be
30:13
breaking rocks for the rest of my life, you know, and so I
30:17
walked into this a, a meeting. And This is why H and is, are,
30:22
are so important to my recovery because there were four guys,
30:26
right? There was a panel of guys.
30:27
And you know, of course we don't have a meeting unless volunteers
30:30
show up in prison. And and these four guys had
30:33
multiple prison sentences, right?
30:35
They had been incarcerated multiple times, but they were
30:38
happy. They were business owners.
30:40
You know, they were successful. And then they just outlined a a
30:45
in this most simplistic way, right?
30:48
It was it. I have learned now that it was a
30:51
lineage, right? It was a sponsor and his
30:52
sponsees, but they all opened up their shares with the same thing
30:56
of like, you know, this morning I hit my knees and, and asked
30:59
God for guidance and the opportunity to help somebody and
31:01
stay sober today. After I got off my knees, I
31:04
opened up the book and read page 86 through 87 and you know, sat
31:09
quietly for a couple of of moments before calling my
31:12
sponsor. And then I called another a A
31:14
and then I went to a meeting that day.
31:17
And you know, when I get home tonight, I'm going to hit my
31:19
knees and thank God for the opportunity to stay sober and
31:22
hope that the next day can be just as good, if not better.
31:25
And it was just in that moment, I was like, is that all it
31:28
takes? Like, sign me up?
31:30
Like I'll go stand on my head in the corner of a room for a year
31:33
if it's what it takes, right? Like, if it's that simple, you
31:36
guys have what I'm looking for, which is this peace and
31:40
happiness and success in life, Then, you know, I'll I'll do
31:43
anything you guys say. And so I ran back to my dorm
31:48
kind of like waving the big book, asking people to tell me
31:50
about it. And you know, what I had learned
31:53
throughout my experience in prison is that hundreds and
31:56
hundreds of guys had been hey, but nobody had actually worked
32:00
the steps right. And so the guy who chaired that
32:04
meeting happened to be in my dorm.
32:06
And so I went to him naturally 1st, and he said to read the
32:08
first 164 pages and 48 hours. I was done, right?
32:12
Had all the time in the world to do that.
32:14
Went back to him and I said, now what?
32:15
And he said, well, I don't really know.
32:17
I haven't worked at SAPS. There was another guy in my dorm
32:20
that went to that meeting. So I went to him and I said, hey
32:22
man, read the first 164. What do I do now?
32:25
And he tells me, I think that you're supposed to write about
32:28
everybody that you're mad at. I was like, OK, cool. 8 pages
32:32
later, I had this full life story about how the world had
32:35
screwed me over and it was everybody else's fault.
32:37
And so I ran to him with this, you know, novella.
32:40
And I said, what do I do now? And he said, you know, man, I
32:44
only hear people talking about it.
32:45
I haven't actually done it myself.
32:47
And so I kind of met this point where now I'm just kind of going
32:50
to the meeting and, and joining the fellowship, but no real
32:53
guidance, right? And and I think, you know, what
32:56
I was able to experience is like the grace of God, right,
32:59
because, you know, we we see it and and BI know your recovery.
33:04
And you know, there are times when we can get so regimented on
33:07
that it has to be black and white just like this as fast as
33:11
possible. If you want to save your life,
33:13
these are the things that you need to do.
33:15
But I think, you know, the back of the book says it perfectly
33:19
like honesty, open mindedness and willingness is all it takes,
33:22
right? And and that's all I, that's all
33:24
I could have, right? That's all I knew and could
33:28
provide was honesty, open minded and willingness.
33:30
And, and because I kept showing up like my life began to change.
33:34
And, and so I'm standing in line to sign up for a business
33:40
management class, something to Get Me Out of the dorm, right?
33:43
And at this point in time, you know, probably been almost a
33:46
year that I've been in prison, probably, you know, close to two
33:50
years that I've been incarcerated in general.
33:53
And at this time, I, everybody thought they knew me.
33:56
I guess I have a real familiar face, right?
33:58
And so I'm standing in line, this guy taps me on the shoulder
34:02
and it's like, hey, man, I think I know you.
34:04
And I'm like, hey, I get that a lot.
34:06
You know, I definitely get, you know, Logan and Wolverine and
34:09
Hugh Jackman often. And so I, I get, I, I get this
34:13
reference often. And I'm like, hey, man, I hear
34:16
you. I don't think so.
34:18
And then he says, no, Do you remember this girl?
34:21
And this girl was a girl that I dated for two months of the my
34:25
high school summer between junior and senior year when I
34:27
was 16 years old. This kid was 12 years old at the
34:31
time. He was her stepbrother that, you
34:34
know, had just come into her life.
34:35
And he said, no, man, I remember you coming by the house often
34:39
that summer. I was always in the back on the
34:41
computer. But I I recognize you.
34:43
And I was like, wow, dude, that is wild.
34:46
Like, yeah, that I do remember her that I was, I did spend a
34:49
lot of time at that house that summer.
34:51
And he goes, hey, man, I see you going into these a A meetings.
34:55
Do you want to work the 12 steps?
34:57
And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, man, I've
35:00
worked the 12 steps. I came to prison with a year
35:02
sober. I can walk you through the work
35:04
if you want. And I was like, that's awesome,
35:06
brother. Absolutely.
35:08
Right. And so the, the way that our
35:11
living situation was set up, it was essentially like a big
35:14
warehouse. And this warehouse had four
35:16
dorms. And those 4 dorms went out to
35:19
wreck for one hour a day together.
35:22
And so he said he was in dorm 3, I was in dorm 4.
35:25
And so we were meeting on the rec yard for an hour to go
35:28
through the step work. And he took me through the 1st 3
35:33
steps and showed me how to properly do the first 3 columns
35:36
on 1/4 fourth step inventory. And you know, got through that
35:41
and went out and shared it with him.
35:42
And then he told me how to do the 4th column, which is looking
35:45
at my part. And Sunday night, went back in,
35:48
started working on that Monday. I came out to meet with him and
35:51
he wasn't there. And in Texas, they'll just pick
35:56
you up and move you whenever necessary, whenever appropriate,
35:59
you know, shuffle you around the state.
36:01
And so he had gotten moved in the middle of the night.
36:04
And so that was Monday morning. And kind of again, my solution
36:08
was taken from me, right? And, and so I'm kind of, you
36:11
know, just wondering what's going to happen and how am I
36:14
going to continue with this work?
36:15
And they wake me up in the middle of the night Wednesday
36:18
and they tell me that I'm being moved.
36:20
And right. And so they moved me about an
36:22
hour and a half further South to a location just north of
36:26
Houston. And these dorms are, you know,
36:28
anywhere between 45 and 62 guys in one room, right?
36:32
And, and so I walk into this dorm and it's completely empty.
36:37
It's a huge dorm. It's a 62 bed dorm.
36:40
But I walk in there and there's only about 10 guys in that dorm.
36:43
And this kid Dalton is one of those guys.
36:46
And, you know, probably not the, the, the greatest place to do
36:49
this, but we ran like through a field of daisies and, and
36:54
embraced each other like survivors from a shipwreck,
36:58
right? And it was just everything in
37:00
that moment to like be reunited again and again.
37:04
I'm 24 at this time. He's 21 years old and this kid
37:08
tells me he's like, hey, man, as long as you and I sit together
37:10
with this big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, that's a meeting.
37:13
And I want to do it at least three times in this dorm.
37:15
And then we'll go to the unit meeting once a week as well.
37:18
And, and so that in that dorm is where AA really grew its roots
37:22
in my heart, right? Because it started with just he
37:25
and I reading this book and then a couple meetings later, 2, two
37:29
other guys joined us to read. And then like a couple weeks
37:31
later, I'm sharing my story very similar to this, standing in
37:35
between two bunk beds to four guys, right?
37:39
To like within a couple of months, like we have 10 to 15
37:43
guys, grown men sitting Indian style on this concrete floor in
37:49
the middle of summer in Texas, Like with these guys pouring
37:52
their hearts out to, to Dalton and I right, to what are what I
37:56
would consider kids, a 24 and a 21 year old.
37:59
And then then asking us for help.
38:01
And, you know, and it was in that moment that I was like,
38:03
hey, man, like, I don't know if I can help you.
38:08
But then Dalton just said as simple as like, just show them
38:11
what I showed you, right? And so, you know, it was in that
38:15
dorm that I woke up 1 morning. I was raised non religious and
38:20
so prayer was a new concept for me.
38:23
And the simplest form I could curate at the time was, God help
38:26
me, please allow me to be happy, joyous and free, right?
38:29
And I woke up in that dorm one day and it was the happiest and
38:34
freest I've ever felt in my life up to that point.
38:38
And I immediately felt guilty, right?
38:41
Because how dare I feel this, be allowed to feel this good when
38:47
I'm responsible for a friend's life, right?
38:50
Like I was. I understood that God would
38:52
forgive me. I understood that people could
38:54
forgive me. But how dare I ever forgive
38:57
myself for what I've done to Jake and his family And without,
39:01
you know, as burning bushes, it may come across like in that
39:05
moment, the next thought, which I believe was, you know, an
39:09
intuitive thought from God was how dare you determine when God
39:12
is or isn't going to answer your prayers?
39:14
And so it from that moment, I was like, OK, if this is what
39:18
you want from me, I'll do everything I can to help people
39:21
have this same experience. And so I became Mr. AA in
39:25
prison, you know, going to the meetings, helping guys, taking
39:27
guys through the book, suggesting it to people, right.
39:32
How many times I got the answer of like, yeah, man, I hear you.
39:35
I understand it will be good, but I'll wait till I get home to
39:38
work the steps. And it was just, I was just
39:39
like, dude, we have all the time in the world.
39:41
Like, what else are you doing? You know, like I'm studying SAT
39:45
and ACT books and, you know, doing 1000 push ups a day, just
39:49
trying to do whatever I could to better myself.
39:52
And so like, it was, it was a no brainer for me.
39:55
But you know, it just goes to show what the mental aspect of
39:58
this disease does. It's like, hey, I'm not, I'm not
40:01
at threat right now. Therefore there is no threat,
40:03
Therefore I am OK. And it's like, man, if we don't,
40:06
if we don't create a connection with something greater than us,
40:09
you know, this will overpower us in an instant.
40:12
And so I ended up serving three years and nine months on my
40:16
sentence. And when I got home, you know,
40:19
my perspective was like, OK, here we go.
40:21
Like this is the test, right? Like, you know, there are no gas
40:25
stations. There are no, you know, cell
40:27
phones to a degree in prison where I can call the dope man,
40:31
you know. And so I got home and, and
40:33
fortunately for me, one of my softball guys is a guy that I
40:37
met playing baseball when I was 17 and he was 16.
40:40
And we've been fast friends. This is like my #1 using buddy
40:44
too. It turns out that he had just
40:46
moved back to Austin with 14 months sober himself.
40:50
And so, you know, I always like to, I always like to give him a
40:56
hard time because I'm like, hey, man, like, let's, let's do this.
40:59
Like show me the meetings, like, you know, get me plugged in.
41:02
And, and his response was, I don't think I can sponsor you,
41:06
you know, but I can help you find a sponsor.
41:08
I'm like, dude, I never even asked you to consider sponsoring
41:13
me. I do not want you as a sponsor,
41:15
but thanks for the help, you know?
41:18
And so he got me connected with a guy and, and the point of
41:23
bringing this up is because in that moment, my first meeting
41:26
with this new sponsor was like, he was like, cool, what's your
41:29
sobriety date? And I was like today.
41:32
And he's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you know, like
41:34
this is this is the first Test, right?
41:36
Like I was, I was incarcerated. Like he's like, absolutely not.
41:40
You know, like you have been sober, you've worked at 12
41:43
steps. Like you deserve every bit of
41:45
that credit. He's like, what was the day that
41:47
you were locked up? And I was like, oh, September
41:49
3rd, 2008, he's like, OK, cool, that's your sobriety date.
41:52
And I was like, I've definitely snorted a few things since then.
41:56
You know, there were definitely pills in county jail that I
41:59
ingested and I was like, but you know, the first a, a meeting was
42:03
the first Sunday of the month in August of 2009.
42:06
And he pulled out this iPhone, this magical phenomenon of an
42:12
iPhone that I've never experienced and pulled up the
42:15
calendar and went back to 2009 and he's like cool, August 2nd.
42:19
And I was like, OK, cool man, that's perfect.
42:24
And so, yeah, that was the birth of my sobriety date, so to say.
42:28
And so, yeah, I hit the ground running and, you know, got super
42:31
plugged in. You know, I was the guy that had
42:33
like 3 home groups at a young person's meeting, at ACA meeting
42:36
and a, a meeting, you know, and just loved every second of it
42:41
and couldn't get enough of it right.
42:42
It was didn't have a license until that, that was, you know,
42:46
June of 2012. So I didn't get a license until
42:49
March of the next year or so. Was biking around, you know, the
42:52
city of Austin, taking buses and having friends pick me up,
42:57
having my parents pick me up and, you know, was just doing
42:59
the deal. And, you know, really created a
43:03
solid foundation that, you know, today I can look back on and be
43:07
extremely grateful for because you know, it, it was really
43:11
easy, man. And, and I, I'm not, you know,
43:14
afraid to talk about that in any meeting or what not.
43:19
Like, I think we, we can very often get, you know, weighed
43:24
down with the difficulty in which it is to get sober, which
43:27
it is. It's a, it's a monumental task.
43:30
But I think, you know, if we get to a place of humility and that
43:34
honesty and open mindedness and willingness and can simply ask
43:38
for direction and then follow that direction.
43:41
I mean, I, I definitely understand, like as a team
43:43
sports guy, as a guy that thrives in structure, like you
43:46
give me directions, I follow directions, right?
43:48
Like it's something that I've learned I'm really good at.
43:51
And so this experience for me has been really easy.
43:55
I mean, you know, the emotional sobriety piece over the years
43:58
can definitely take a toll. But you know, I did the work and
44:02
I've been safe and protected since doing the work.
44:05
And that's, you know, my experience and its fullest.
44:08
And from my experience, I think it's available to everyone as
44:13
long as they seek it, right? Absolutely.
44:16
That's amazing, Jesse and Jesse, thank you so much for sharing
44:20
that. I, I just, I, I don't know, say
44:25
I can't say anything other than thank you.
44:26
That just and and I and you've told me before, but I but not in
44:30
that detail and and it's just the synchronicity involved.
44:35
Yeah, so much. It's just, I've never really
44:37
quite heard anything like this. And what I was thinking, you
44:42
know, I didn't know you until five years ago or so.
44:46
And I don't know what you were like, what your demeanor was
44:49
like, you know, when you were a kid or when, you know, when
44:51
you're in your active addiction or, you know, when you were in
44:53
jail. But what I do know is over the
44:57
course of my life, I've. I've met a handful of people who
45:00
just really, you know, I don't use this word frivolously, but
45:05
give off a very good peaceful vibe.
45:08
And you're one of those people. And I just, driftwood is just so
45:12
lucky to have you and I'm lucky to know you.
45:15
Justin's lucky to know you. We're, we're a, a is lucky to
45:18
have you. We're, I mean, I just, I'm just,
45:21
it's just a miracle, another miracle of, of recovery and a, a
45:25
that you've been able to turn this tragedy into just such a
45:29
life of service and, and peace. It's just, it's just amazing.
45:33
Yeah, Thank you, man. Thank you so much those.
45:35
Thank you, Jesse, your. Words are very meaningful.
45:38
B Yeah, Justin, I really appreciate the opportunity to
45:41
connect with you guys and and be here with you all.
45:43
And you know, truly honor and respect not only what y'all are
45:47
doing at New Waters, but you guys as as human beings as well,
45:50
right. I think that the greatest
45:52
experience that I've had with, you know, this marketing life
45:55
that I've lived for the last several years is, is the
45:58
opportunity to meet authentic people, right?
46:01
And, and be obviously we've become very familiar with each
46:05
other And, and I definitely accredit you as being one of
46:08
those genuinely authentic people that you know is going to be the
46:12
exact same every time that you're with them, right?
46:16
And I think that speaks honor to, you know, the life that
46:19
you've created. But Justin, I mean, you know,
46:21
we've spent a matter of hours together and those hours, it was
46:24
very clear that you are one of those people as well.
46:28
And, and to, to be able to create relationships with people
46:32
of that magnitude is, is the joy of what I get to do as a, as my
46:37
profession and as my career, right?
46:39
It's, it's almost like this game inside a game.
46:42
It's like, cool, I'm getting paid to go out and meet cool
46:46
people and, and build relationships with people that I
46:50
vibe with, right? Like that.
46:52
And, and Driftwood honors me enough to know that I'm going to
46:57
be able to make those decisions, right?
46:59
And, and it's as simple as that, right?
47:01
Create relationships with people that are, that are authentic
47:05
and, and genuinely just trying to help people.
47:07
And I know that you guys, especially you guys as a as a
47:11
team, as a tandem, you know, have very much so proven that
47:14
over the last several years. Thank you for that, Jesse.
47:18
We. Appreciate you.
47:19
And we feel the exact same about you and, and your team and the
47:22
work that's happening at Driftwood.
47:23
Man, we, we really appreciate you guys.
47:26
Yeah, I mean, Driftwood is, you know, we only want to work and
47:31
refer to people, places and providers we like know and trust
47:34
and y'all are definitely top of that list and absolutely.
47:37
So keep up the good work there man.
47:39
And I just want to say thank you again for being here and sharing
47:42
your story and just, you know, keep keep it up man.
47:47
Thank you. Thanks.
47:48
Sure, I'll be talking to you guys real soon.
47:50
Yeah, absolutely. Let's do it.
47:53
Alright man, thank you. Enjoy the day.
47:54
Thank you. If you liked what you heard
47:55
today or just want to know more, give us a call on 9196708119 or
48:02
visit us at newwatersrecovery.com.
48:04
Thank you.