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Transcript

What Is Narcissist Hoovering? Why Won’t They Leave You Alone?! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Come on, come on in here. What is it called when a
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  narcissist won't stop reaching out to you?
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  When they keep finding ways to contact you?
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  When they just find ways to break your no contact or find
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  ways to pop up on you, whatever the case may be?
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  What is? What the hell is that called?
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  Y'all? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  I'll give you an inside look at the mind of a narcissist and
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  that's what we're talking about today.
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  Y'all when that narcissistic person types of person just
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  refuses to stop reaching out. What what the hell is that
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  called? I know most people are going to
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  say, well, Lee, honestly, that's called stalking and you and
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  you'd be right. It is absolutely called stalking
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  in the normal in the normal sense of the word, right,
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  because it is stalking. They stalk you, they harass you,
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  they keep popping up. But in the, in the world of
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  narcissism, in the the field of narcissism, in the, the niche of
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  narcissistic abuse, right, it's called hoovering or hovering,
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  whatever people want to call it. Hoovering is 2O's.
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  Hovering is one, right? I've always heard it as
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  hoovering since I got into this space and whatnot about five
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  years ago. But I've also heard people refer
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  to it as hovering because hovering is like you're hovering
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  above the person. You're hovering around the
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  person, right? Hoovering comes from the term
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  the vacuum cleaner, The Hoover vacuum cleaner.
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  What a narcissist tax person won't stop reaching out to you
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  and they're trying to do anything and everything to suck
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  you back into that relationship space to get you back into a
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  relationship with them or whatever that looks like, right?
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  To get some type of access back to your life.
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  That's what the hoovering is, right?
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  That's when it that's what it's called when they won't stop
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  reaching out. Now, why do they do this?
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  Why do narcissists Hoover? Or why will they refuse to reach
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  out, refuse to stop reaching out, refuse to stop contacting
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  you? Because they want to, to control
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  over you. They want the power, y'all.
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  They want the access to you. Let's get it.
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  Let's get to the nitty gritty of a y'all.
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  Most narcissists think you belong to them.
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  Yeah, they do. They just think you.
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  They just think you belong to them.
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  Like they claim ownership over you.
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  So they act a certain type of way towards you, right?
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  But with them claiming ownership over you, that means they're
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  going to act a certain type of way towards you.
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  They're going to treat you in a certain type of way.
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  They're going to behave in a certain type of way, right?
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  They're going to keep doing this stuff because that's how the
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  mind of a narcissist works. They feel like the more I do,
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  the more I keep doing this stuff, this type of stuff, the
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  more I'm allowed to get away with it.
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  You see what I'm saying? Allowed.
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  You see how I'm saying allowed? The more I'm allowed to get away
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  with it, the more I'm just going to keep doing this stuff.
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  Like they feel like you belong to them.
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  They claim ownership over you. This is why a lot of times
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  y'all, and the crazy thing about it is they can claim ownership
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  over you and not even be with you anymore.
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  Y'all keep. Y'all won't even you won't even
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  be living with this person or around this person anymore.
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  Y'all won't even be in the same city or the same state
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  sometimes, in the same country sometimes and they'll still
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  refuse to stop reaching out. I've talked to people before
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  that were in, they moved to damn near what is that, Germany or
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  somewhere, somewhere overseas and the narcissist, the X is in
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  like Texas or somewhere and they still find a ways to send
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  letters. They find a ways to call and
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  e-mail and text. They've still find a ways to
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  WhatsApp. They still won't leave them
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  alone even though the relationship has been over for
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  years by now. Years, years.
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  This hoovering is also part of an obsession.
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  A lot of people ask me, I just did a video very recently, if
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  you haven't seen it, do narcissists love you?
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  That's the question. I get somebody to leave.
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  Can they love you? Do they love you?
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  I think that most narcissists think that they love you, but
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  it's actual, it's an actual obsession.
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  A lot of them are obsessed with you.
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  And I know some people out there just like, we'll leave.
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  I've been wanting them to be obsessed with me, which I
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  believe that's all I needed to hear.
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  I've been wanting somebody to be obsessed with me.
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  No, you don't want to. You don't want a narcissist to
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  be obsessed with you because they won't leave you alone.
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  If a narcissist is obsessed with you, they damn sure are not
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  going to leave you. They're going to keep messing
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  with you. They're going to keep doing this
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  type of stuff because they feel entitled to do it.
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  They feel like it works. They feel like this is what's
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  going to keep happening. They are obsessed.
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  That's why they keep hoovering. That's why they won't stop
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  reaching out to you because they're trying to claim
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  ownership about you. And sometimes they're, they're
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  just trying to exhaust you, right?
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  They want to wear you down to the point where you just give in
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  to them. You give in to their demands
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  like you just refuse to leave them be.
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  This is what they're trying to do.
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  They're trying to just get to the point where you refuse to
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  leave them alone. You can't stop leaving them
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  alone. You can't, you won't stop doing
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  this type of stuff right here. This is what narcissistic people
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  are going to continue to do. They try to exhaust you till you
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  get to the point where you just like, damn it.
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  It's just, it's just easier for me to talk to them, Lee.
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  It's easier for me to just pick the phone or when they call or
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  they won't stop calling. It's easier for me to just text
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  back because they won't stop texting.
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  I get it, y'all, That's the best.
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  That's literally where they want to get you to.
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  This is literally the point where a lot of narcissists want
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  to get you to where you feel like it's easier to just give in
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  to their demands as opposed to fighting back, as opposed to
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  pushing back, as opposed to doing anything else.
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  So this is what that this is what they want to get you to to
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  they want to get you to that point where they have you
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  literally beating that beaten down emotionally, mentally,
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  physically, psychologically, all of that.
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  They want to get you to that space right there where they
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  really feel like you're beaten down and then they just take
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  over your life. They try to take over your life.
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  They absolutely do. This is that mindset of a lot of
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  abusive, manipulative, narcissistic people.
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  This is why a lot of them will not start, will not stop
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  reaching out. Now let me say this real quick,
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  not every single narcissist is going to reach out to you y'all.
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  Not every single toxic person, not every single ex is going to
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  reach out to you or try to Hoover you or hover you back in.
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  I know that some people just like, well Lee and I hear it and
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  I say that and some I know I probably got a few different
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  reactions from you right there. Some people like thank God, Lee,
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  I hope they don't reach out. I'm tired.
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  I'm done. I cannot wait for the day when
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  that happens. I I hope that happens when I
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  when we break up, I hope that happens when the relationship
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  ends. I hope they never reach out
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  again. But then on the other side of
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  things, they're going to be people out there that don't get
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  reached out to. They feel like they're not worth
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  anything. You guys are questioning
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  yourself. You can be like, well, Lee, why
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  wasn't I good enough to get hoovered?
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  What's wrong with me? Why, why, why don't they reach
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  out to me now? So many people which they, they
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  don't get hoovered, hope they don't get hoovered.
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  Because when narcissists start hoovering, there's levels to it,
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  right? Some hoovers or just text
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  messages, right? I'm not trying to make it seem
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  like yeah, I'm not trying to diminish anybody's hoovering or
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  stalking or whatever, right? I'm not trying to do that.
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  But some or just text messages, some or phone calls some or
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  emails, some are writing letters.
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  Some are popping up at your house, some are popping up at
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  your job. Some or just, you said, calling
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  your job over and over again trying to get you fired.
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  Some are stalking you, putting an air tag in your car.
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  Some are just hiring private investigators to follow you
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  around. Some are hacking your devices
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  and you're hacking your devices and your social media accounts.
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  Some are doing that type of stuff right there.
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  So there's levels to it. There's so many people who wish
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  and hope and pray, you know, and some end your life.
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  Let's be real. Some of them out there will
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  absolutely end your life because they feel like you belong to
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  them because they kind of, they claim this ownership of you.
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  Some of them will absolutely try to end your life because they
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  think you belong to them. They think you own, they own
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  you. That's where some of them are.
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  You know, I like leave. I know people like damn, that's
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  crazy. I hope it don't happen to me.
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  That's why you got to be so proactive in your healing.
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  That's why you have to be so proactive on your growth and
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  whatnot, because the struggle you are on your growth and
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  healing journey, the better you're off for the you better
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  you will be forward, right, because there's levels to the
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  there's levels to the hoovering and so many people are wishing
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  that their narcissistic ex or partner whatever stops reaching
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  out. There's so many people out there
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  who wishing that. But if you so if you're right
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  now wondering why, why didn't I get reached out to you could be
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  on the other end of the spectrum where you're begging them to
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  stop. You know, I know me saying that
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  won't be enough for some people because some people are further
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  along on the scale of being narcissistically abused, right?
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  Some of y'all are just, you have been pulled so far into that
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  narcissist reality that is very difficult for me to breakthrough
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  to you because you don't want to hear it right?
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  You want to hear how to get them back.
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  You want to hear how to get them back into your life.
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  And that's why I tell people it might be time to go sit down and
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  talk to a therapist because we, we, we might be too far gone,
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  right? You don't want to get to the
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  point where you feel like your mind is zooted, right?
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  Zooted is one of those words that people your mind is just
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  gone because the narcissist in your life will not care that
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  your mind is gone. They just realized they will
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  not, you know, they don't want to see you happy.
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  And yeah, some narcissists, like I said earlier, will not stop
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  reaching out. Even if they have somebody else.
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  They don't want you to be happy. They'll come out and something.
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  Does this work? Yes.
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  Sometimes they will lie to you, cheat on you, leave you for
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  someone else, right? They will leave you for someone
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  else and then guess what happens?
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  They'll come back to you and make you the side piece.
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  I've seen this time and time again.
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  They'll come back into your life and make you the side piece to
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  the person that they cheated on you with.
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  And so many people are in agreeance.
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  Today I've talked to so many people in that situation that
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  are embarrassed, that are ashamed of themselves, that are
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  embarrassed that lately I can't believe I let this happen.
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  I can't believe this is, I'm actually going through this
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  right now. I can't believe this is what
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  I've allowed my life to devolve into.
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  It's an embarrassing situation. They can make you feel so much
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  shame until you stop it. But again, guess what happens
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  when you try to stop it? Your narcissist ex is going to
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  try to come back into your life again.
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  You like, well, I'm I'm tired of being the side piece and they
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  can be like. Well damn, are you going to
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  leave me like this? I was just getting ready to
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  leave them to come back to you and you going to leave me?
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  Wow, wow, wow, You see how stupid that sounds?
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  And I know it sounds stupid. I know it sounds ignorant.
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  I know it sounds ridiculous, right?
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  I know how dumb that sounds. And that's why I'm just like,
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  that's why I do a lot of these videos to show y'all to just
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  when I say this stuff out loud, hopefully it resonates with you
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  so you can it can help you wake up to what you're actually going
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  through and what you're actually experiencing, who you're
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  actually dealing with. Because I'm just telling you,
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  that narcissistically abusive partner that you're dealing
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  with, or that friend or whoever you're dealing with, they're
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  going to ruin your life if you keep letting them back in, if
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  you give in to the Hoover, if you break no contact, they're
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  going to keep doing it right. Sometimes they'll keep doing it
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  anyway. But if you, if you continuously
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  are breaking no contact or if they are reaching out to you,
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  you're responding. Why wouldn't they leave you?
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  Why would they leave you alone? Well, they can actually happen
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  though. Sometimes when the narcissist is
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  begging you to talk to them and then you finally crack and reach
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  out to them, they go, they'll, they'll go silent on you.
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  They'll go silent on you because now they think you're playing
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  the game with them. Now they think you're playing
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  this this game with them and whatnot.
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  Y'all, they really think you're playing the game now It's like,
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  oh, you're playing the game with me right now.
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  So thanks, Thanks for playing the game.
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  Thanks for thanks for logging on.
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  Here's your controller. So I suggest that people don't
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  play these games with narcissistic people or it is
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  just how it just it, it's just become so stressful and what are
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  you getting out of it, right? I just did a video about the
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  cost of a narcissistic relationship.
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  What are you actually getting out of being in this
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  relationship with this person or going back to this person or
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  talking to this person other than a other than a hit of
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  dopamine and a colossal waste of your time?
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  Those are things that you have to consider as you're moving
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  forward. Y'all, you know, So any unwanted
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  contact is a Hoover or a hover. Whatever works for you, right?
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  They can be or you can use it. Orbiting, stalking, harassment.
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  Those are other terms that the law of white use.
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  But in the field of narcissism or the terms of the the niche,
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  the genre of narcissistic abuse and narcissism as over as a
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  whole, it's called hoovering or hovering.
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  I know a lot of y'all have heard it before, but Lee, why do they
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  do it? Because they think you belong to
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  them because they think you own they own you.
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  They don't think they don't deserve to be happy without
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  them. They they have a lot of shamed
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  attached to themselves and they can't imagine you being happy
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  with anybody else because your happiness with somebody else
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  means that I'm hurting that there's somebody else out there
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  better than me. Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe
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  button if you haven't already. Also click one of the videos on
• 12:28
  top of the screen right here. YouTube thinks y'all will like
• 12:30
  it but YouTube say hey one of these videos is directly for you
• 12:34
  and I am out peace.