Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 141 | When to Send Your Wife on a Mom-cation

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Ep. 141 | When to Send Your Wife on a Mom-cation · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  The way that you can tell someone's going towards burnout is that they start the next week with less energy than they started the last week. Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned. Stay tuned.
• 0:32
  What's up guys, Jeff and Jeremy here, another episode of five minute fatherhood. Today's topic is when to send your wife on a momcation, which is basically what every mom and wife needs. But a lot of us aren't actually creating space for that or time for that or energy for that, for them to be able to do that. Now in our family, and I want to hear what Jeremy thinks as well on this, but in our family, this is huge. I would actually call this the thing that keeps our family together.
• 0:55
  Because our philosophy is if Alyssa is healthy and flourishing and feeling like she's not burning out, then that bleeds over and trickles over to the rest of the family, me, the kids, etc. There's a level at which the mom and the wife is a nucleus of the family, the center of the family, and kind of just the pulse of the family. And so that has to be guarded. That has to be honored. Yeah.
• 1:17
  But I know for us, this was true just a couple days ago. Just a couple days ago, Alyssa came to me and said, hey, I'm struggling. It's kind of difficult. I just need a break. And anytime, that's like code red of like, oh, I probably should have given her one last week if that's like I need a break comes out of her mouth, right? Like that exact phrase.
• 1:33
  But immediately I said, okay, tomorrow, boom. Like I just cleared, like I had a lot of work to do too. Right. And so tomorrow was not a good day, but tomorrow it had to happen. So I just cleared everything. I rearranged everything. Right. And for me, those are the times where if like I really need it and I got to get stuff done, then that's what I'm going to use screens or movies, because those are tools for me to then be able to navigate this. Right. So I just use things to your advantage so that you can make this sustainable.
• 1:54
  And so, yeah, so we sent her off. So she left for like 10 hours. She left right before breakfast and got home at dinner. So she basically, you know, only had to do, and then I still took care of the rest that night of dinner and putting the kids down and stuff like that. She just came home because she wanted to see the kids. So yeah, this is hugely important. But yeah, you talked about more about it, Jeremy. What do you think?
• 2:11
  Yeah, the thing that I noticed stands in the way of a lot of dads initiating this is when they have the attitude, I do my job, you do your job. And Jeff and I have told you guys that is not a good strategy for how to build a family team is the divide and conquer because what is often hidden is there are so many –
• 2:31
  pressures on a mother in the cultural season in which we live. And if you want to build a family team, man, you cannot let her burn out. And you have to take it personally. You have to personally take responsibility for keeping your wife from burning out. And so the way that you have to do that is constantly be monitoring, like Jeff is describing, monitoring how she's doing. Like if you're watching, the way that you can tell someone's going towards burnout is that they start the next week with less energy than they started the last week.
• 2:57
  You know, you can kind of, you kind of can do a bar graph and chart what's about to happen. You know, maybe not know when she's going to dip below that line and suddenly burn out, but that's what you're trying to avoid. And the scriptures really talk about this in very practical ways. It says, live with your wife in an understanding way in 1 Peter. Ephesians 5, love your wife like you love your own body.
• 3:16
  And if you knew you were burning out, what would you do? And so this is why I think men have to take this personally and send their wife on a momcation, right? Before she burns out, make sure that—because there are just seasons, you guys, when you're building families, when kids are young, when there's sleep deprivation. And having this attitude that, hey, I'm doing my job providing for the family. You do your job and do everything.
• 3:38
  God knows all the things that you're absorbing, but that's your responsibility. There needs to be an overlap, and you need to dip into her area and figure out how she's doing. Is this sustainable? When is burnout going to happen? Is it inevitable? And step in before it happens. And so this is probably the tool we use the most during the hardest seasons, is that I would just tell April, head to a hotel, go with friends. Whatever is going to rejuvenate your wife, your wife—
• 4:05
  may like to be with friends, may like to be with you, and then you need to get grandparents or child care involved, and the two of you go away. That's the way April and I did a lot of these. But make sure that you're monitoring this thing and that you're stepping in and being very intentional to head off burnout before it happens.
• 4:21
  Hey guys, we know it's really challenging to try to build your family team when all the tools you've grown up with or seen essentially are aimed at only helping develop family members as a collection of individuals. That's why we launched familyteams.com where you can find all the tools we've developed with tons of resources at different price points, free courses, videos, writings, etc. that help you build up and transform you and your family into a multi-generational team on mission. Check out all the resources we have over at familyteams.com.