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Voddie Baucham - (Biblical Family) Child Training · Voddie Baucham Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's my great pleasure to introduce Dr.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Bauckham today.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: We just got done with our college conference, and we
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: had close to 500 students there, and they were all
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: buzzing and talking about Dr.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Bauckham.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: And we had our lunch afterwards, and you could just
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: go around all the different tables and hear about conversations
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: that are being spurred on from his talk. And even
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: in his first service, I could just tell people were
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: so encouraged and so motivated in how they were raising
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  Speaker 1: their children after hearing his talk today. I think you're
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: going to be blown away by him, and we're so
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: excited to have him here.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Dr. Bauckham comes from Houston, Texas.
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  Speaker 1: He has degrees from Southwestern and Southeastern Seminary. He's also
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  Speaker 1: studied at Oxford University. He basically does it all. He's
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: a gourmet cook. He does it all. He also has
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  Speaker 1: four children. And he has his wife, Bridget. And I
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: think you are going to be blown away by.
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  Speaker 2: His preaching and teaching.
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  Speaker 1: And we are very, very excited to hear him. So
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  Speaker 1: let's welcome Dr.
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  Speaker 2: Votie Bauckham up. Good morning. There you go. Good morning.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Works a lot better that way. All right. We've arranged
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: for a little more time in this session, and I
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  Speaker 2: know some of you are holdovers because we didn't get
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to deal with all of what we were talking about
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: in the earlier session, but I believe this is incredibly important.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: There are two sides of my life that are incredibly important.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: One is the area that you've heard much about, the
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  Speaker 2: area I call kind of the professional side of my
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  Speaker 2: life where I have the privilege of serving as a
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  Speaker 2: professor and as a pastor and preaching different places around
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  Speaker 2: the country.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: And then there's that other side of my life where
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  Speaker 3: I am the husband to Bridget and the father to
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  Speaker 3: Jasmine and Trey and Elijah and Asher and all of
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  Speaker 3: those arrows yet to come. And it is that side
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  Speaker 3: of my life, really, where the rubber meets the road.
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  Speaker 3: It is that side of my life that lends validity
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  Speaker 3: to everything else in my life. The fact of the
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  Speaker 3: matter is, if I am a failure as Bridget's husband
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  Speaker 3: and as Jasmine and Trey and Elijah and Asher and
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  Speaker 3: whoever else comes father, then whatever I say as a pastor, professor,
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  Speaker 3: or whatever else is illegitimate as far as I'm concerned.
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  Speaker 3: Because that is where I am who I am. That
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  Speaker 3: is where I demonstrate the veracity of what I say
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  Speaker 3: in every other realm of my life. There's a place
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  Speaker 3: where those two things come together.
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  Speaker 2: A place where my emphasis in cultural apologetics and this
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  Speaker 2: emphasis in family come together. Apologetics quite simply is a
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  Speaker 2: defense of the faith. A response, a reasoned response to
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  Speaker 2: those who question the faith. Either passively or aggressively question
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  Speaker 2: the faith. Cultural apologetics is an idea that was really
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  Speaker 2: made popular by Francis Schaeffer. And it's the idea of
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  Speaker 2: applying these principles and the discipline of apologetics to cultural
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  Speaker 2: issues and cultural trends. And I do that specifically in
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  Speaker 2: the area of biblical manhood and womanhood, marriage and family.
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  Speaker 2: Because I find that so many Christians are unaware of
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  Speaker 2: the influence that the culture has had on us in
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  Speaker 2: these areas. We have been lied to in the areas
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  Speaker 2: of biblical manhood, womanhood, marriage, family. We have been deceived.
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  Speaker 2: We have bought into the deception, specifically in three areas
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  Speaker 2: that I'll mention, and one I'll spend a little more
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  Speaker 2: time on. Area number one is the area of marriage.
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  Speaker 2: We have been deceived in the area of marriage. We
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  Speaker 2: have bought a cultural lie as it relates to marriage.
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  Speaker 2: We do not value marriage properly. We do not value
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  Speaker 2: marriage biblically. We do not hold marriage in its proper esteem.
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  Speaker 2: We don't. We think marriage is something to be avoided
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  Speaker 2: as long as possible. That's what we teach our children.
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  Speaker 2: If you don't believe me, just talk to anyone who
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  Speaker 2: was in my circumstance. My wife and I got married
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  Speaker 2: the summer between my sophomore and junior years in college.
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  Speaker 2: And church folks gave us fits for doing that. It
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  Speaker 2: was as though we were in sin. Had we been
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  Speaker 2: living together, we would not have received as much ridicule
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  Speaker 2: from church folks as we did by getting married before
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  Speaker 2: we graduated from college. Because evidently somewhere Over in 2nd Hesitations,
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  Speaker 2: it says, thou shalt not marry until after college graduation.
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  Speaker 2: You know? I mean, we believe that. We do. We
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  Speaker 2: believe that a college education is more important than marriage.
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  Speaker 2: That's a lie from the pit of hell. A college
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  Speaker 2: education is nowhere near as important as a marriage. Nowhere
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  Speaker 2: near as important. But we don't believe that. We really don't.
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  Speaker 2: I've had people come up to me. I had a
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  Speaker 2: woman come up to me not long ago weeping, wailing
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  Speaker 2: over her son. Just, I mean, what, you know, the chest,
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  Speaker 2: chest heaving cry, you know, it was one of those.
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  Speaker 2: You could barely stop it. And I'm bracing myself. I'm like, man,
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  Speaker 2: whatever she says, I have to be pastoral. I can't
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  Speaker 2: be shocked because the last thing somebody wants when they
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  Speaker 2: tell a pastor something is for the pastor to go.
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  Speaker 3: Man, I.
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  Speaker 2: Don't know if God can handle that one. You know,
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  Speaker 2: so I just, you know, I'm just really, it's my son.
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  Speaker 2: I go, wow, it's her son. She's weeping and I
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  Speaker 2: put my hand on her shoulder and she just, It's okay.
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  Speaker 2: It's okay. He's getting married. Come on. You can tell me.
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  Speaker 2: He's getting married. Okay. Something horrible is happening. Like her
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  Speaker 2: life is over. Her son's getting married. And it just
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  Speaker 2: dawned on me. I stopped and I said, to a woman? Nowadays,
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  Speaker 2: you know, that would have explained the hysteria if it wasn't.
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  Speaker 2: She stopped crying. Like, well, yes, it's still a woman.
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  Speaker 2: Like she could tell by my posture that I was
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  Speaker 2: no longer feeling very, you know, empathetic here. But that
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  Speaker 2: was our deal. My son's getting married. He's not through
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  Speaker 2: with college. Needless to say, by the time we finished
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  Speaker 2: our conversation, she found out that I had gotten married
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  Speaker 2: earlier than her son was about to get married. And
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  Speaker 2: I was absolutely in favor of it. Absolutely in favor
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  Speaker 2: of it. Why didn't you wait? Well, a couple of reasons.
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  Speaker 2: Number one, I didn't want to communicate to my future
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  Speaker 2: bride that anything was more important to me than her.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't want to start my marriage off by saying
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  Speaker 2: to her that school was more important to me than
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  Speaker 2: she was. Secondly, the wisest man in the Bible, the
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  Speaker 2: most godly man in the Bible, and the strongest man
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  Speaker 2: in the Bible all fell into sexual sin. I was
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  Speaker 2: not wiser than Solomon. I was not stronger than Samson.
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  Speaker 2: I am not more godly than David, so I got married. Amen, somebody.
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  Speaker 2: All of a sudden, her eyes got huge. Your son
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  Speaker 2: wants this woman, and you're asking him to stay in
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  Speaker 2: contact with her, committed to someday consummating a relationship with her,
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  Speaker 2: and to fight it? For two years? You better ask somebody.
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  Speaker 2: Go let that boy get married. But again, we've bought
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  Speaker 2: the cultural lie. Wait. Live your life. Let me just
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  Speaker 2: put it in plain English, what we're saying to our
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  Speaker 2: young men today when it comes to marriage. Here's what
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  Speaker 2: we're saying to our young men. Young men, this is
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  Speaker 2: the attitude that you ought to have toward a woman someday.
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  Speaker 2: You walk up to her, you look her in her eye,
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  Speaker 2: and you say, I have sucked all of the joy
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  Speaker 2: out of life. Now I'm ready to give you the leftovers.
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  Speaker 2: That's what we're communicating. You don't believe me? Talk to
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  Speaker 2: somebody who has a child, 10, 11, 12, 13 years old,
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  Speaker 2: and ask them about their future goals for that child's college.
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  Speaker 2: They'll tell you how much money they're saving. They'll tell
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  Speaker 2: you how much it's going to cost by then. They'll
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  Speaker 2: tell you why they moved to where they live because
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  Speaker 2: of the schools in the neighborhood. They'll tell you the
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  Speaker 2: classes that they have their children taking and all the
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  Speaker 2: things that they have them doing so that they will
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  Speaker 2: get the right SAT scores to get into the right college. 10, 11, 12,
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  Speaker 2: 13 years old, they're already doing things to prepare their
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  Speaker 2: children for college education. Then ask the same parent, what
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  Speaker 2: are you doing to get them ready to be a
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  Speaker 2: husband or a wife? They will look at you like
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  Speaker 2: a calf staring at a new gate. They're doing nothing
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  Speaker 2: to prepare their children for marriage. Why? Because we do
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  Speaker 2: not value marriage. We don't. We don't. You who have
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  Speaker 2: sons and daughters, let me ask you something. What do
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  Speaker 2: you think will shape their future more? The degree they
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  Speaker 2: get from some university or the person with whom they
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  Speaker 2: enter into covenantal marriage and start a family? Think about it.
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  Speaker 2: We've bought a lie, people. We've bought a lie. It
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  Speaker 2: is far more important for me to prepare my children
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  Speaker 2: to be husbands and wives and mothers and fathers than
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  Speaker 2: it is for me to prepare them for an entrance exam.
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  Speaker 2: We've bought a lie. Secondly, we've bought a lie in
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  Speaker 2: the area of childbearing. Our attitude toward children is, a
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  Speaker 2: boy for me and a girl for you, and praise
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  Speaker 2: the Lord, we're finally through. That's our attitude. There is
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  Speaker 2: an unwritten rule in the church. It's not written anywhere,
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  Speaker 2: but almost everybody in the church knows what this rule is.
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  Speaker 2: And that rule is, you get two. And there's one exception.
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  Speaker 2: One exception where you can get a third. That is,
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  Speaker 2: if you got the same sex the first two times
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  Speaker 2: you get to try for the opposite sex on number
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  Speaker 2: three that's the only way that we will allow you
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  Speaker 2: to have more than two kids and not ridicule you
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  Speaker 2: in the church because we do not believe psalm 127
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  Speaker 2: we do not believe psalm 128 we believe that children
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  Speaker 2: are a burden and a blight and not a blessing
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  Speaker 2: We are the richest culture in the history of the
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  Speaker 2: world and one of the only ones who talks about
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  Speaker 2: how many kids we can afford. It's sick. It's godless.
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  Speaker 2: We have bought a lie when it comes to children.
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  Speaker 2: An absolute lie. We mutilate our bodies so that God
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  Speaker 2: won't bless us with more kids. Some of you, if
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  Speaker 2: your child came home with a tattoo, a tattoo on
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  Speaker 2: their skin, you'd have a conniption fit. You'd go pass
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  Speaker 2: out somewhere. But if they have two children and get
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  Speaker 2: a vasectomy or a tubal ligation, go under the knife.
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  Speaker 2: Disfigure themselves. We celebrate that Tattoo? Don't do that. Mutilate
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  Speaker 2: your body so that God can't bless you with any
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  Speaker 2: more kids? Amen. Are you hearing me, people? This is
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  Speaker 2: where we are now. We bought a lie when it
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  Speaker 2: comes to marriage. We bought a lie when it comes
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  Speaker 2: to childbearing. By the way, those of us who don't
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  Speaker 2: mutilate ourselves, we'll put things into our bodies that actually
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  Speaker 2: cause abortions. You ask your doctor about what birth control
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  Speaker 2: pills do. Do they always prevent pregnancy? No, they don't
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  Speaker 2: always prevent pregnancy. Sometimes they just end them early enough
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  Speaker 2: for you not to know that you just had an abortion.
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  Speaker 2: Ask them about IUDs. Talk to them about these things.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing. Some of the most pro-life people in the world,
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  Speaker 2: some of the most pro-life men and women in the
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  Speaker 2: whole world are putting things into their bodies that are
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  Speaker 2: actually causing the abortions that they say they're against. Marinate
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  Speaker 2: on that one for a minute. We've also bought a
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  Speaker 2: lie when it comes to child training. And that's where
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  Speaker 2: we're going to spend our time. Open your Bibles with
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  Speaker 2: me to Ephesians chapter 6. Ephesians chapter 6. We've got
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  Speaker 2: to lie when it comes to the way that we
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  Speaker 2: raise our children. And we don't get it. We don't
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  Speaker 2: understand it. We don't know how to do it. We're
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  Speaker 2: not taught this. We don't see this. It's not modeled
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  Speaker 2: for us. And because of that, we got parents who
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  Speaker 2: just really don't like their kids. But we explain it away,
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  Speaker 2: you know. We explain away the reason that we don't
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  Speaker 2: like our kids. We got teenagers who are, you know, 13, 14,
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  Speaker 2: 15 years old. They're looking at us eye to eye.
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  Speaker 2: They're going word for word. They're working their necks, clucking
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  Speaker 2: their tongues, smacking their lips, slamming doors. And we can't
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  Speaker 2: stand them. We love it when it's youth group time
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  Speaker 2: because we get to pass them off on somebody else.
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  Speaker 2: We love it when school starts back. We have parties.
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  Speaker 2: Parents have parties when school starts back because they can't
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  Speaker 2: stand having their kids around them because they're brutish beasts.
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  Speaker 2: But that's okay because it's just the phase of life. Hey,
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  Speaker 2: those are the teen years. Know that's sin. And it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't matter what name you put on it. It's sin.
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  Speaker 2: And here's what's worse. That sin is basically what we've produced.
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  Speaker 2: Because when it was small, we laughed about it. It
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  Speaker 2: was cute. Oh, aren't they cute at that age? Nope.
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  Speaker 2: That's a viper in a diaper and you better get
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  Speaker 2: it under control. It's not cute. It's not funny. But
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  Speaker 2: if we ignore it at that age, it grows up.
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  Speaker 2: And then we're mad at them for being what we've
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  Speaker 2: taught them to be. Amen, lights. And we can't stand them.
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  Speaker 2: We just can't stand them. But we want them to
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  Speaker 2: grow up and walk with God. What are we supposed
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  Speaker 2: to do? And I'm saying this to you today. If
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  Speaker 2: you're here today, let me tell you why I believe
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  Speaker 2: this message is important. For at least a couple of reasons.
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  Speaker 2: Number one, first let me speak to those of you
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  Speaker 2: who have earned some gray hair. Because you may be
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  Speaker 2: sitting here saying, oh, that's great. You're going to talk
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  Speaker 2: about training children. I've already raised my children. That's great.
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  Speaker 2: Then take your Titus 2 responsibilities seriously and don't coast
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  Speaker 2: on the second half of your life. But grab some
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  Speaker 2: young person by the hand and show them how to
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  Speaker 2: do what you did or what you should have done
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  Speaker 2: in raising your children. This is for you. This is
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  Speaker 2: for you. And if you're a young person here today
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  Speaker 2: and you've got kids and you're already pulling your hair out,
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  Speaker 2: And a lot of people, the reason they mutilate their
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  Speaker 2: bodies so that God doesn't bless them anymore is because
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  Speaker 2: these blessings are wearing them out. Okay? That's why they
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  Speaker 2: do it. And for those of you who are in
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  Speaker 2: that situation, listen, I recognize that you're like me. We
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  Speaker 2: got married somewhere between sophomore and junior year. I had
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  Speaker 2: just turned 20 years old. We had our first child
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  Speaker 2: 10 months later. We were efficient. And we didn't know,
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  Speaker 2: come here from Sycamore. as it related to being parents. Okay?
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  Speaker 2: We just were clueless. And that's where some of you are.
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  Speaker 2: You just don't know. Nobody's ever told you. You don't
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  Speaker 2: even know if the Bible even addresses these issues. Well,
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  Speaker 2: it does. And this morning, we shall. Ephesians chapter 6,
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  Speaker 2: verses 1 through 4. I want to take you through
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  Speaker 2: three things. I want you to see three things. Three
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  Speaker 2: phases in the training of our children. Phase number one
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  Speaker 2: is the discipline and correction phase. The discipline and correction phase.
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  Speaker 2: These are the first few years of life. Incredibly important.
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  Speaker 2: It's where we lay the foundation for everything else. The discipline...
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  Speaker 2: and training phase. In this phase, we're saying to our children,
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  Speaker 2: give me your attention. Give me your attention. You need
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  Speaker 2: to pay more attention to me than I do to you.
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  Speaker 2: Give me your attention. The world doesn't revolve around you.
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  Speaker 2: Your world revolves around me. That's what we need to
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  Speaker 2: teach our children those first few years of their life.
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  Speaker 2: Because they come here and just by nature of things,
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  Speaker 2: they believe the world revolves around them. And for, you know,
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  Speaker 2: a few weeks, that's okay. But eventually, we have to
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  Speaker 2: teach them that that's over. The world no longer revolves
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  Speaker 2: around you. Your world, toddler, revolves around me. Around me.
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  Speaker 2: So phase number one, the discipline and training phase, give
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  Speaker 2: me your attention. Phase two, the catechism phase. So we're
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: teaching what to believe and why to believe. And phase two,
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  Speaker 2: we tell them, give me your mind. Give me your mind.
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  Speaker 2: That happens as soon as they become verbal. We start
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  Speaker 2: working on that. Phase three, it's the discipleship phase. when
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  Speaker 2: they enter into biblical adulthood. Biblical adulthood is considered from
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  Speaker 2: age 12 or 13 to age 30. You ever notice
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  Speaker 2: we only see Jesus at two ages in the scripture,
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  Speaker 2: at 12 and at 30. Why? Because according to the
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: biblical model, childhood is from birth to 12. At 12,
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  Speaker 2: there is a ceremony. Some people still do. It's called
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  Speaker 2: a bar mitzvah. And at 12, that ceremony means you've
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  Speaker 2: gone into phase two, which is adulthood, 12 to 30.
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  Speaker 2: At 30, you've entered into senior adulthood. By the way,
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  Speaker 2: at 30 is when you can become a rabbi. That's
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  Speaker 2: why we see him at those two ages. Because they're
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  Speaker 2: the two breaking points in the life cycle and development cycle.
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  Speaker 2: And so at that second phase, it's the discipleship phase.
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  Speaker 2: And in that phase, it's give me your hand. Give
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  Speaker 2: me your hand. Phase one, give me your attention. The
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  Speaker 2: discipline and training phase. Phase two, give me your mind.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to teach you what to believe and why
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  Speaker 2: to believe it. Phase three, give me your hand. I'm
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  Speaker 2: going to show you how to live out what I've
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  Speaker 2: taught you to believe. Okay? These are the three phases.
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  Speaker 2: Let's look at them in turn from Ephesians chapter 6,
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  Speaker 2: verses 1 through 4. Children, obey your parents and the Lord,
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  Speaker 2: for this is right. Stop there. So first of all,
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  Speaker 2: if I tell my child to do something and my
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: child doesn't do it, not only has my child just
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: disobeyed me, my child has directly violated Scripture. Okay? Okay?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: So I tell my child to do something. My child
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: doesn't do what I tell my child to do. My
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  Speaker 2: child has disobeyed me. They've sinned. They've violated the clear
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: teaching of Scripture if they don't do what I told
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  Speaker 2: them to do. By the way, if I tell them
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: to do something and they don't do it when I
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: tell them to do it, that's delayed disobedience. And the
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: technical Greek word for delayed disobedience is disobedience. Okay? So
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: if they don't do what I tell them when I
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: tell them, my child has been disobedient. And according to scripture,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I cannot tolerate that. If I tolerate that, I'm tolerating sin.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: If I'm tolerating sin, I'm teaching my child that sin
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: is okay. All right. Verse two, honor your father and
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: your mother. This is a first commandment with a promise
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: that it may go well with you and that you
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: may live long in the land. So he goes back
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: here to the fifth commandment. So he must honor his
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: mother and father. So now here's what we add in
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: phase number one. My goal is to teach my child
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: in those first few years of life to do what
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: they're told, when they're told, and with a respectful attitude.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: If they do what I tell them when I tell them,
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: but they roll their eyes and smack their lips and
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: cluck their tongues and slam the doors, they've still sinned
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: and I can't tolerate that. So I cannot have the
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: attitude that says, well, at least they did it. No. No,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: that's sin. It's a violation of the fifth commandment. It's
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: the first commandment that has a promise attached to it.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: And that promise is about longevity. We must not tolerate
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: disobedience and disrespect from our children. We must not. We
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: must correct them when they do this because they are
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: in direct violation of the law of God. Well then,
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: what are we supposed to do? I'm so glad you asked.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: You know, we love Proverbs 22, 6. Train up a
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: child in the ways you go when he's old, but
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: will not depart from it. Okay? And that doesn't mean
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: what a lot of people think it means, but that's okay.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: That's for another time. If I don't make y'all too
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: mad today, you ask me back, I'll tell you what
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: that means. All right? Now, you're reading nine verses later,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: and you find the key verse. Verse 15. Folly or
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: rebellion is bound up in the heart of a child,
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: and time out will drive it far from them. That
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: ain't in the book, folks. Folly is bound up in
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: the heart of a child, and the rod of correction
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: will drive it far from them. In other words, God says,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: your children desperately, desperately need to be spanked. Amen, hallelujah,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: praise the Lord, and spank your kids, okay? They desperately
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: need to be spanked, and they need to be spanked often.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: They do. I meet people all the time, you know,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: and they're like, yeah, you know, I can think of maybe,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: you know, maybe four or five times, you know, I
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: ever had to spank Junior. Really? That's unfortunate. Because unless
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: you raised Jesus II, there were days when Junior needed
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: to be spanked five times before breakfast.
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: If you only spanked your child five times, then that
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: means almost every time they disobeyed you, you let it go.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: And almost every time they dishonored you, you let it go.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: When they were two and you said, come here, and
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: they said, no. You should have worn them out, but
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: you didn't. And so you think because they didn't escalate
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: to a certain point that that means you didn't need
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: to spank them.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: No.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: They disobeyed. We can't tolerate disobedience. They dishonor you. We
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: can't tolerate the dishonor. We can't. We can't. So in
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: those first few years of life, you might get tired
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: some days. Physically, emotionally. You may feel like picking up
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: the phone going, I think I'm going to kill him.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: That's okay. See what Proverbs has to say about that?
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: It says don't spare the rod because though you beat
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: him with a rod, he will not die, but you
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: may save his very soul from destruction. A couple of
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: problems we have with that. Number one, we listen a
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: lot more to Dr. Phil and Dr. Spock than we
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: do to Dr. Jesus. That's problem number one. Problem number two,
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: We all hear horrible things about abuse and all these
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: sort of things. You know, people who are abusive to
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: their children. Again, first of all, it's sin. But secondly,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: a lot of times those are people who don't spank
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: their children enough. What do you mean? Here's what I mean.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Junior does 15 things by lunchtime for which he should
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: have been spanked. And you push it down and you
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: push it down and you push it down. And finally,
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: when you can take no more, you unleash your wrath
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: and your anger and then you're in sin. Then you
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: feel guilty about it. So guess what happens next time?
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: You don't address it again and again and again and
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: again until you fill up again. And there's this cycle
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: that goes on and on and on. Whereas had you
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: been dealing with it consistently, He could have kept the
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: emotions under control. And again, am I talking about just
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: flying off the handle? Absolutely not. It should be remorse
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: full time. It is. One of our children is right
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: at the tail end of this phase. One of our
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: children is a three-year-old. And we're right at the tail
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: end of this phase. He gets spanked regularly. And so
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: we bring Elijah in, you know, and I talk to
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: Elijah about what just happened. Explain to him. Where scripturally
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: it was a violation and why it's sin and how
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: sin grieves the heart of God and why Jesus had
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: to die for sin and why as his father, I've
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: been commanded to spank him for what he just did
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: because God desires that he not be that kind of boy.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Do you understand that? Yes, sir. And then one of
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: the scriptures that he's memorized directly related to whatever it was,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: sometimes it's this one. Ephesians 6.1 says what, Elijah? Children,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: obey your parents and the Lord for this is right.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: And that's exactly what you violated, is it not? Yes, sir.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: So daddy must spank you. And so I spank Elijah. Firmly.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: And he weeps. And that's all he gets to do.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: If he goes beyond that and screams and yells and
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: throws a fit, then I spank him because that's rebellion.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: And if I don't, then I teach him that he
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: can embarrass me and make me not spank him. Hello, somebody.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: A lot of your toddlers throw fits because you've taught
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: them that that's the way they can control you. When
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: instead you need to just have an all day session
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: where you just wear them out and they finally decide,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: you know what? Things get worse when I do that.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Maybe I should stop. We finish and we hug and
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: we kiss and we pray And then we rejoice when
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: we go out. I'm not sitting in his room so
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: that he can soak in his sin and build up
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: anger and animosity towards me. No, I'm bringing justice. I'm
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: bringing it swiftly. I'm bringing it scripturally. And then it's over.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: I am not mad at him. I am not withholding
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: affection from him. I am not building barriers and walls
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: in my relationship with him. No, we deal with it.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: We deal with it swiftly. We get it over with.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: And then we go out rejoicing together. And his conscience
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: is delivered. You see this, folks? By the way, that
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: takes time, effort, and energy. But when you've got an
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: obedient three-year-old, it's so worth it. Because not doing it
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: takes more time, more effort, and more energy. By the way,
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: there also must be trainings discipline and training. It's the
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: other side of it. Imagine a coach who walks out
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: day one. He's a soccer coach and he throws a
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: ball out there. You know, he's got these kids and
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: he says, okay, I want you to run this play.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: And they go, what? Just run it. And they go
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: out and they do all this sort of stuff. And
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: then he gets on, you didn't do it right. But
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: he never told them what it was. He never drew
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: it up on the board. He never said, you go here,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: you go here, you do that. He never trained them.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: He never taught them what they were supposed to do.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: That's what many of us do with our kids. We
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: never have a session where we train them to do
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: what we expect them to do. Let me give you
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: an example. The prime example, the so-called shy kid who
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: doesn't shake hands at church. Okay. Usually what happens is
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: you come up, you know, and I, here I am
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: and I'm a guest and I walk up and I'm
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: saying hi to somebody and they say to their kid, Hey,
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: you know, say, say good morning to Dr. Bachman. The
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: kid hides and runs behind the leg. And here's what's
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: supposed to happen. This is what we've agreed on silently
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: in our culture. What's supposed to happen is I'm supposed
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: to look at their child and say, Hey, that's okay,
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: but I can't do that. Because if I do that,
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: then what has happened is, number one, the child has
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: just sinned by not doing what they were told to do.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: It's direct disobedience. Secondly, the parent is in sin for
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: not correcting it. And thirdly, I'm in sin because I
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: just told a child that it was okay for them
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: to disobey and dishonor their parent in direct violation of Scripture.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: I can't do that. I won't do that. I'm going
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: to stand there until you make them do what you said. Well,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: what am I supposed to do? Train them. So on
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Saturday night, before you come to church, hey, listen, we're
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: going to practice. We're going to meet a whole lot
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: of people tomorrow. We're going to practice. So the first time,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be you, all right, and you'll be
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: the stranger. And I'm going to show you what I
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: want you to do. Strangers are going to come up,
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: and they're going to say, hi, Johnny. And then you're
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: going to say, you're going to look them in the eye,
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: shake their hand firmly, and say, good morning. How are you?
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: And you do that four or five times. And then
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: you say, okay, now you get to be yourself and
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I'll be the stranger. And you practice that five, six, seven, eight,
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: nine times. Have a ball. When they do it correctly, rejoice.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Act like they just won the Super Bowl. High five, hug, kiss,
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: roll around on the floor, everything. Have a blast with it.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: The next day, they'll surprise you. They'll be nudging you
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: when they see people and they'll go, can we do
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: it now? And you walk over, and they do it,
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: and it'll be awkward. They're like, okay, shake the hand.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Look at the eye. You know, but they'll do it.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: And then when they do it, you just look at them,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: and you say, I'm so proud of you. You just
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: hug them, and you kiss them all over the face
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: and everything. You high-five them, and then they'll go, let's
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: do it again. If they don't, you take them to
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: a private place and wear them out. because they have
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: just been directly defiant after you trained them and told
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: them what to do I have a pastor friend of
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: mine one of his daughters was really just defiant in
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: this one particular area and they had one instance where
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: they had drawn the line and they were like this
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: has to end today And they told her to train
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: everything else. And so they were leaving, and there was
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: a deacon. It was, you know, a deacon family. They
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: walk out, you know, supposed to say bye to the deacon,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: shake the deacon's hand. She won't do it. Pastor goes
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: back in the office, deals with it, goes through that
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: whole process I talked about earlier. Spanks the child, comes
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: back out. Child won't do it again. Goes back again,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: asks the deacon, would you please wait here? You know,
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: 13 times. 13 times. That deacon was like, little girl,
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: please do it. They never dealt with it again. Never
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: dealt with it again. Are you going to reign in
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: your home or is sin going to reign in your home?
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: Which one? Next part of the text says, fathers do
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: not provoke your children to anger or to wrath. How
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: do you do that? Here's some ways you do that.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Let me just explain this. Some ways I've done that.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Some ways I have actually helped my children and coached
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: my children to be more sinful.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: One of them was by yelling. By yelling.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: And I would yell. I was yelling. Now, how is
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: that coaching my children in sin? Basically, what I was
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: teaching my children is not, you must do what I
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: say when I say it. You must do what I
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: say somewhere between The first time I say it and
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: the time I begin to yell. That's what I was
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: teaching them. I was also undermining my wife's authority in
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: the home. How so? I'm big and scary. Got a big, deep,
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: scary voice. If I teach my children to obey my big, deep,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: scary voice and my huge size, my wife doesn't have
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: any of that. So they're not going to respect her
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: the way they respect me. Men, are you smelling what
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I'm stepping in? All the yellers in the house, please
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: hear me today. You're undermining your wife's authority in the home.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: You're also being a poor example to your children. And
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: you're also teaching them delayed obedience. You don't have to
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: do it the first time I say it or if
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I say it with a whisper. You only have to
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: do it when I become frustrated enough to yell. You're
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: teaching your child delayed obedience. You also teach them delayed
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: obedience by telling them things three, four, five times. Then
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: you've just taught them. You don't have to do it
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: the first time. You have to do it somewhere between
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: the first time and the time that I use all
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: three of your names and the veins pop out of
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: my neck. Tell them once. If you think they might
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: not have heard what you said when you told them
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: the first time, you clarify. You don't tell them over
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: and over and over again. That is coaching them in disobedience.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: You're teaching them delayed action. Obedience. Another way we teach
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: them delayed obedience, the famous count. Boy, you get one, two.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: You just taught sin. You don't have to do what
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: I say when I say it. You have to do
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: it somewhere between when I say it and when I
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: count to three. By the way, I'm telling on myself now.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: These are things I had to learn, okay? Also, inconsistency. Inconsistency.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: A couple of ways we're inconsistent. One, mom and dad
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: have a different philosophy on this. And instead of going into,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: we call it the war room, okay? We go into
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: the war room and we deal with these things. Not
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: that there's a war between myself and my wife, but
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: basically that's where we strategize for this war against the
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: sin that wants our children. And we go into the
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: war room and we say, listen, here is going to
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: be the standard because we can't have two standards. That's
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: provoking our children to anger. That's not consistent. Can't have
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: one standard for mom and one standard to dad. You
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: get on the same page. And dad, it's your responsibility
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: to lead here. It's your responsibility to set the tone here. Wife,
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: when your husband sets the tone and the standard, you
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: live by that standard, whether he's there or he's not.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: If you don't, you are undermining the authority of your husband.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: You are not being submissive And if you are not
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: submissive to your husband, don't you dare get mad at
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: your children for not being submissive to you.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: It amazes me how many times I sit down and
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: I talk to women and they're having these huge problems
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: with their children. First question I'm going to ask a
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: woman is describe for me your level of submission to
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: your husband.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You want order in your home, right? And you
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: want your children to be submissive and obedient to that
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: order in your home, right? Are you modeling it for
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: them in your submission to your husband? Or are you
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: modeling for them that that order is meaningless? That's where
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: we got to start. Because if the sergeant is disrespectful
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: to the lieutenant, don't expect the private to be respectful
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: to the sergeant. If you can't say amen, you ought
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: to say ouch. I hope we're beginning to see here
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: some of the problems that we've created for ourselves. I
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: hope that's what we're beginning to see here. Ideas have consequences.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: When we buy into these ideas and allow them to
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: take root in our homes, they have consequences. And sometimes
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: they have consequences for generations to come. Second phase. We
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: don't have much time for these two phases, but I
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: want to get to these two phases, the catechism phase.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: And I call it the catechism phase because catechism is
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: the tool that we use. Catechism is learning doctrine and
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: theology through a series of questions and answers. When our
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: kids are little, we use, for example, the children's catechism.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: Some of you may be familiar with the children's catechism.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Most people are most familiar with the Westminster catechism. You know, Westminster,
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: what is the chief end of man? The chief end
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Okay.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: That's the Westminster catechism. Question number one. Well, the children's catechism,
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: you know, who made you? God made me. What else
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: did God make? God made all things. Why did God
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: make you in all things? For his own glory. How
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: can you glorify God? Why ought you to glorify God?
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: Because he made me and he takes care of me.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: How can you glorify God? By loving him and doing
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: what he commands. Who is God? God is a spirit.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: He does not have a body like man. Where is God?
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: God is everywhere. Can you see God? No, I cannot
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: see God, but he always sees me. How many gods
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: are there? There is only one. And how many persons
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: does this one God exist in three persons? Who are
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: these three persons? The father, the son, the Holy spirit.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Now I'm only going to go that far because that's
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: where our two year olds get. They're learning doctrine and
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: theology through a series of questions and answers. They're learning
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: what to believe and why to believe it. We also
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: read scripture. We have the memorized scripture, the great songs
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: of the faith. Okay. We're pouring it in there. We're
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: getting it in there. Now, one of the objections that
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: I sometimes hear from people is this. Well, you know,
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: I just don't, I understand what you're saying, but I
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: want my children to to love God and have a
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: relationship with him and not just rote memorization. Really? Then
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: how come you teach them A, B, C, D, E, F, G?
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: Don't you want them to love reading and not just
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: rote memorization? How come you teach them two times two
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: is four, three times two is six, four times two
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: is eight? Why don't you teach them the times table?
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: That's rote memorization. How come rote memorization is okay everywhere
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: except in theology? Help me understand that somebody. Why is
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: it that in every other area, we understand that children
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: must start with rote memorization. But when it comes here,
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: it's well, I just don't want them to have rote memorization. Well,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: you better pour everything in there. You can get in there.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: I just, you know, I don't want to force religion
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: on them. I want them to grow up later and
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: be able to make that choice on their own. Really?
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: What if I said that about education? I don't want
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: to force education on my children. I want them to
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: grow up later and make a decision on their own
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: whether or not they want to be educated. How ridiculous
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: does that sound? That's how ridiculous it ought to sound
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: when we talk about the same thing from the standpoint
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: of doctrine and theology. Get it in there.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Amen?
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: And when you think you've gotten enough in there, just
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: stuff a little bit more. Okay? Get it in there.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: As much as you can, get it in there. Do
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: it regularly. Deuteronomy chapter 6. These words I'm commanding you
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: diligently to your sons. When you rise up, when you
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: lay down, when you walk along the way, get it
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: in there. Teach them God's truth. Teach them God's word.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: And then teach them and teach them and teach them
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: some more from the time they become verbal. Get it
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: in there. Give me your mind. Teach them what to
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: believe and why to believe it. You know, I often
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: have people that come to me and they go, you know,
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: My kids are, you know, they're 14 and they're 15.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: Do you think that, you know, they can handle, you know,
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: some doctrine and some theology by now? When they're 14
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: and 15, they have a theology already. You might be
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: too late. All things are possible with God. But by
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: the time they're 14, 13, they already have a theology.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: They don't necessarily know that, but they do. By the way,
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: this is why some of you have had conversations with
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: your 13 or 14 year old, and they've said things
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: that are in complete contradiction with what you believe about
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: a particular issue. And you're going, where in the world
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: did that come from? You didn't teach them theology, so
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: somebody else filled the void. MTV taught them theology or Somebody,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: you know, the movies that they watch, the music that
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: they listen to, they're being taught theology constantly, constantly. Get
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: it into them early. This final phase is the discipleship phase.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: These two words, again, teach them to believe like Christians,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: teach them to behave like Christians. And again, by doing this,
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: we don't guarantee that they're saved. That's a work of God, okay?
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: That's a work of God. However, I trust God completely
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: to take care of that work. But I also believe
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: that he is sovereign over the means as well as
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: the ends. And he's given me the means. I'm going
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: to employ them to the best of my ability and
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: trust him to use them. Amen? In this last phase,
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: that 12, 13-year-old phase, we tell him, give me your hand.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: And now that I have taught you what to believe
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: and why to believe it, walk with me and I'm
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: going to show you how to live. in accordance with
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: these truths. My son is not with me, my oldest son.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: My oldest son is 14 and he travels with me
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: full time. I give him the weekend off. We've been busy.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I travel with him. He travels with me full time.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: We're a homeschool family. We homeschool our children. And my son,
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: one of the things that we've done in our home,
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: we just had the privilege because of the things that
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: the Lord has given us and the way that we've
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: been allowed to organize our lives. When our sons reach manhood,
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: we take them through a manhood ceremony. And from that moment,
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: My wife turns over the books and I become their
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: teacher and their discipler. Scares her to death. Scares her
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: to death. But what he needs to learn now more
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: than anything else is how to be a man. And
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: God put him in my home because he intends for
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: me to teach him that. Me to teach him that.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: So my 14-year-old son spends every moment with me that
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: is humanly possible. Every moment that is humanly possible. Because
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: I'm discipling him. I'm pouring my life into him. I
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: want to teach him everything I know about everything.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I teach him by doing well. Sometimes I teach
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: him by blowing it. My 14 year old son was
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: with me a while back and I'll, I'll close with
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: this for the sake of time. And you know, we
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: were together and there's this guy who came up to
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: me as this young guy is, you know, 20 something
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: years old. And Wanted to have this, you know, sort
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: of discussion with me. It may have been over the
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: issue of marriage or ministry. One of these issues, okay?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Just wanted to have a discussion. Really wanted to have
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: a debate. And this guy comes out. He's got a
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: couple of his buddies with him. And he just gets
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: all up in my grill. And we're talking. And when
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: we're talking, he wouldn't even look at me. He's looking
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: over there somewhere, you know. And so, what you're trying
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: to say is, I'm over here now. See, what you're
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: trying to say was, okay, so what about so-and-so? You know,
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: this kind of thing. Just utterly disrespectful. And I said, well, no, brother,
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: you actually misunderstood what I said because what I clearly
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: said was this, that that's not accurate. Well, you wouldn't
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: satisfy with that. Well, what about so-and-so and so-and-so? What
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: about with so-and-so and so-and-so? He's showing off for his boys, okay?
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: My son, who's 13 at the time, is with me,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: standing with me. This guy's been disrespected. Finally, I say,
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: you know what, brother, here's the deal. First of all,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: You don't even have the respect to turn and look
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: me in my face while you're talking to me. Secondly,
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: you're asking me questions that I've already clearly answered. Thirdly,
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: it's obvious that you're trying to impress your friends. This
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: conversation is over. And he turns and he goes, how
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: come you people got to always turn it into a
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: respect issue?
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: You people?
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: You people? I really hope you're talking about tall people.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I really hope I didn't just see the race card
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: fall out of your pocket. He goes, yeah, you people
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: always want to make this a matter of respect. Like
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I disrespect you or something like that. And you can't
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: do it. I said, you know what, sir, this conversation
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: is officially over. He took a breath to say something else.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: I stepped forward and got about this close. And I said,
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: this conversation is over. His buddies start backing up and
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: grabbing him with them. Because I guess at that moment,
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: they just had an inclination. You know what? This man
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: is saved, but I think he remembers some stuff. My
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: son and I get in the car and we ride
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: back to the hotel. Not a word is spoken. We
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: get back to the hotel. We finish up and we
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: do our stuff. My 13-year-old son goes, Dad, did that
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: guy not know that you could crush him? I said, yes, son.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: He was very well aware of the fact that I
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: could crush him. Dad, did you want to crush him?
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: He said, oh, Lord, yes, I did. And then he says,
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: but if you had crushed him, he would have won.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: Because then you're the angry, out of control black man.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: And I said, yes, son, that is true. A couple
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: of minutes later, a 13-year-old son, tears streaming down his face.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: And he says, dad, I've never been more proud to
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: be your son. He can't learn that in a book.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Nor can he learn what happened the next day. When
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: we had to stop at the airport, go back outside
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: security and walk up to the gate agent where I
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: had to apologize and say, ma'am, I was short with
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: you and I was upset with you. You didn't mess
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: up my reservations. would you please forgive me for my
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: tone of voice when I spoke to you a few
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: minutes ago? And she wept. She wept. Because they always
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: get abused and never respected. I don't know what's taught
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: my boy more. The great victory that he saw or
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: the broken man who blows it. But I know that
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: his hand was in mine. And I was showing him
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: the validity of all that I had taught him to believe.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: And the reality of what it looks like when you
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: live in accordance with those truths. I have said to him,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: give me your attention. And he has. He's an obedient
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Respectful young man. I've said to him, give me your mind.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: And he has. And now I say to him, give
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: me your hand. And he is. And he's my best friend.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: I don't hate my boy. I miss him like crazy.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: The teenagers don't have to be like that. My 17-year-old
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: daughter is my business partner. We started a business together.
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: I miss them. I love them. I rejoice over them.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: I want to spend every moment with them I can.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: That's what we can have, people, if we stop buying
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: the lie. Train your children well they will become a
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: delight to you and to others. And they will bring
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: honor to you and to the kingdom as opposed to disgrace.