Latest / The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series / Mastering the Inner Game of Business Success | 7-Figure Entrepreneur Matthew Stafford

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Mastering the Inner Game of Business Success | 7-Figure Entrepreneur Matthew Stafford · The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I think the more investment you put between the six inches between your ears, the better the business does.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how much advice I give that has nothing to do with the business, but their business just explodes because they get correct with themselves.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to the Super Soil Model Podcast.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: In this week's episode I have an incredible guest, matthew Stafford.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Matthew is an entrepreneur, mentor and expert in e-commerce and he has helped countless businesses and individuals scale to seven or eight figures.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: But beyond the numbers, he knows success isn't just about profits.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: He knows it's also about mindset, resilience, well-being and in this conversation, we're going to dive into the habits.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: We're going to dive into the habits.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: We're going to dive into the mental shifts and strategies that's helped fuel both business growth as well as profits and a thriving life.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: So we want to find out how emotions equal profits.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: So in this week's episode, I am absolutely delighted to welcome Matthew to the Super Soul Model series.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to the conversation.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: So, matthew, I've been looking forward to this conversation and I've got to ask you this question, because success in business, to me, isn't necessarily an easy job.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: So how have you managed to build a very successful business, help so many people and yet, at the same time, stay a little sane?
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: So, what is your?
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: You know what's your recipe for success Because, from where I come from, the research I've done and my team has done, it's like you know what keeps Matthew keeping sane whilst building seven and eight figure businesses whilst building seven and eight figure businesses.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, in all reality, that part of the quality of life is to continually grow and expand, and I think that business is the ultimate inner game.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: It's constantly, as you grow, it's showing you where you're not showing up or where you need to improve, where you need to get better or expand in order to handle, you know, a different set of problems, and so, for me, uh, I really wake up excited each day, uh, knowing that it might not turn out the way that I want it to, but, uh, it will certainly be exciting, knowing it might not turn out the way.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: That's the thing you know.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: It's like you know you.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: You want to feel as though you've got some sort of control over the reins.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it doesn't always work like that yeah, I think control is an illusion.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Um, I certainly think, uh, the harder I work, the luckier I get, and so, really, um, preparing uh to do that, I'm reading a actually I'm going through it a second time a really, really good book.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's called the Journey to Remarkable, to Becoming Remarkable, and he literally says that we won't find the best version of ourselves in comfort, and so I think, if you have that mindset of always trying to become a better version, that mindset of always trying to become a better version, you're gonna have to choose discomfort in order to get there, and business pretty much provides that for you every day so I've read that you've helped a lot of people in e-commerce and you know scale to past the million and even the $10 million mark, yeah, and you know which is incredible by any feat.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: And I just have to know were you always business minded?
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Were you that kid that was?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: You know, selling lemonade on?
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: You know I was.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I figured that you might be.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: My first journey into making money was about 14 years old.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I sold a paper and this will date me, um, it was called true grit and it was like a quarter for the paper and I made about 60 bucks a week.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: So I created quite a route, um, and I used that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Uh, I saved up that money so that when I turned 15 I bought my car.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Then I did a whole bunch of repairs to it with my neighbor so that on my 16th birthday I went, got my driver's license and had a vehicle and so, yeah, that kind of started my journey of relying on myself.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: And then when, from 16 to 18, I had two jobs and at 18, I purchased the business from the guy that I was working for, which was the paper round?
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Was it the paper round?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: No, no, that was mine.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: That was from 14 to 16.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: From there I went on and I worked at a body shop and then from there I worked for the guy that I bought his business and it was basically landscaping and, uh, work around um people's homes.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: And so I bought that and grew it fantastic.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: And how many people did you have on board for that then helping you?
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: um, I want to say I grew that to probably around nine or ten employees and you were 18.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: You know when you first, yeah, yeah, okay the year that I bought it was 1989, um, and he had done about 49 000, so 50 grand back then.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: You know 1989 was a decent salary.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: That's amazing, um.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: The first year that I owned it took it to 149.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Second year, over 400,000.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Third year, we hit a million.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And then I ended up selling that when I was about 23, 24 years old Wow.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Matthew.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: That's impressive.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: So everyone listening.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: It really does take resilience In order to run like that type of business.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: What sort of mindset did you have?
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: You know what was driving you?
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Honestly, if you asked me, then I would have just said you know it was entrepreneurial.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: But I think I've learned over my journey in the last four years that I probably, realistically, was running from a childhood that had produced a lot of unhealthy stories of not good enough, that I had to prove myself, and it became very transactional.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: So I would love to say it was all entrepreneurial, but I think a lot of it was really emotionally driven, that is a very interesting thing for you to be able to be completely aware of, and healthy as well, maybe not, yeah, I wasn't then.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, not at the time.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: But now you can look back in hindsight and go, wow, I'm a lot more well-rounded.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: And what was I running from and what was I trying to prove?
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Where was I trying to get validation from?
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and was that actually the right way to go about it?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And so certainly in my journey as I've shared my story with other people or other entrepreneurs because that tends to be the people that I hang out with yeah, it's given them permission to share theirs too.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And what I found is the majority of entrepreneurs have a you know, have a story of trauma or hardship when they're younger, and so I kind of just like I went after websites and tried to figure them out.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I said, now that I've discovered this about myself and I'm seeing this and other entrepreneurs, I really went pretty deep over the last four or five years and tried to figure that out as well.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: And I really believe, talking about business, you never really feel like you're in control because things are always changing.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Well, the definition of trauma is a feeling of loss of control, and so what makes an entrepreneur choose to be inside of that environment willingly, unless they've already probably developed a coping mechanism that allows them to be inside of that environment and function?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of employees look at what we do and they're like no way, I don't want anything to do with that.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I want to check out at five o'clock and go home and not think about it, and most entrepreneurs can't do that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: So a question is did you have a coping mechanism back then when you first started, because you must have hit the first million?
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Was it in the year three or year four?
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Is that?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: right, yeah, yeah, yeah, going into the fourth year?
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think 22 23.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what was your coping mechanism back then?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it was workaholism workaholic yeah, for sure I.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: I got my validation from people um seeing how hard a worker I was, okay yeah, and were they saying things to you or were they writing in or how were you getting that feeling of validation that was actually filling a void of that trauma you were feeling?
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: it was in person back then there wasn't really the internet and and um social media or anything like that, and so it was basically the business that I was building was, you know, recognized by my peers and the people that we did the work for?
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Did you know back then what was driving you?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: No, no, I absolutely.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: That didn't happen till a little over four years ago, honestly.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: So in my late forties and I had built several businesses and sold them a couple of them, you know, weren't successful either, but I've always worked for myself and don't know any other way or don't think I would enjoy any other way.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: And but yeah, I had a relationship fail and I was like, man, this hurts so bad.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I don't want to feel this way ever again and I'm the common denominator.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to figure out what it is about me that attracts this type of environment and figure that out, and then that way, when I build a business, it's going to be something that I love, not something I'm doing for validation Amazing.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: And you know, can I just take my hat off to you, because that is looking at things from a holistic perspective, then, because when we feel the pain in whether that's health, relationships or finances, or perhaps even a blend of all three, we have to turn inward because there's no other way to turn to.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the ego always wants us to blame the circumstances or the other person, but in all reality, if we do that, then we're giving away our power to change the situation, and so, for me, I think, I kept getting served the lesson until I finally listened, and once I did, that changed everything, and in all reality now, I think that is why I get up happy every day, because my validation isn't tied to how well the business does.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: It's tied to my quality of life, which is my relationship with myself, with other people and uh, you know, my health it's huge people going through things that are similar, maybe not exactly the same as what you have, matthew, but you know they can.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I think stories really relate, yeah, and I think they join us together, not only as, uh, human beings, but like, as you know, with our hearts and minds as well, and I think that's really powerful.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Like stories is there.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Is there a story that you could share, which which sort of just sort of just makes you think, hey, this, this was a turning point, this was a strategy, this was something that I used to begin to turn something around I'll share a story of something that I just did about four or five months ago.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: That was it's probably been one of the most transformational things that I've done.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, it was a dark retreat, so I spent 121 hours in the dark and how many days sorry, 120, five days, five days did you do it in the states or do you know?
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I did it down in mexico.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Um, I was booked for uh, in fact, I'll give you the journal and you could share it with the show notes.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Um, I booked it for in Oregon and they sent me an email and said, hey, does November 27th through December 4th work?
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm like yep, sure does.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: And cleared my calendar and made all that work.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Well, about three months before that, I sent him an email and I'm like, hey, I need more details, I don't even have my flight.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, oh, we're sorry, that's for 2025, not this year.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, bummer, I have my calendar scheduled cleared.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: And so I got online and found a couple other places and found one that could match the dates.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: And so I went down to Mexico and did that.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you, when you have zero distraction, your body and your mind kind of detox from all the things that we have in daily life, and then you have a chance to face all the thoughts or things that you distract yourself from in the regular world.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: And now, for the past four months, things continue to shift and it's really been a very gentle experience where some of the other plant medicines and things like that I've done were a little more harsh.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: This one also seems like.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Let me go back into it.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: On the third day I was sitting on the edge of the bed and my brain literally recreated the entire room that I was in and turned the lights on and I was just like really amazed and kind of caught up in this image that my mind had created and I thought, wow, I'm going to get back up and go over and sit on the meditation bench.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And I got up and took about three steps and walked right into a concrete wall.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're quite small, those dark rooms right, yeah, yeah, it's just a bed, a bench.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Yep steps and walked right into a concrete wall.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're quite small.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Those dark rooms, right?
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: yeah, it's just a bed, um yep, some water in a bathroom and they deliver you food.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Is that right?
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: yeah, through a chute, yeah, so there's no, no light at any point, it's fascinating how the mind begins to play tricks or shares different images or lights or visuals that you get because there's no stimulation, and then suddenly another area of the brain is opened yep, that's exactly what happened and so I walked into this concrete wall and, like, stunned me and what I had realized?
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: um, you know, after the experiences, how many places in our life does our mind create what we consider to be reality?
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: And we just haven't walked into the concrete wall yet to realize that the way we believe them to be, instead of the way that they actually are.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And so, for me, the last several months has been really trying to walk into as many walls as possible and figure out where my limiting beliefs are preventing me from seeing the things that are true when you walked out of that, did you have a bump on your head?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: number one yeah, no, thank.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Thankfully I didn't smash my face, but uh, um, I I did actually two more times walk into the wall and and realize like man, um, until my mind stops playing these tricks, I need to walk with my hands in front of me.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: So it it took, you know, just like real life.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: It took a couple experiences, um, for it to sink in and go, hey, um, your mind is playing tricks or your mind is, you know, essentially creating a reality.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: That's not true.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: And uh, until until you get out of here, you need to protect, you know, you need to walk with your hands out so as a strategy to cleanse the mind, to detoxifying the mind from all types of uh emotions and day-to-day life and past trauma, etc.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: When you walked out of that darkness retreat after five days, what was your emotion?
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: How were you feeling?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: yeah, um, the fifth day for me was really difficult because I fasted 70 hours and so, um, your brain produces like a dmt.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, uh, starting around the third day.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Usually, if you're eating, it's mild and then it goes away, but because I was fasting, it got stronger and stronger, and so I was actually pretty relieved to come out on day five and we were on the ocean.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So we walked out to the cliff and watched the sunrise ocean.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: So we walked out to the cliff and watched the sunrise and I had, uh, was talking with the host, lady Um, and she started sharing some difficulties that she had with their family, and so I shared a little bit of what I had dealt with growing up.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: My dad was abusive and my mom, um, kind of emotionally, had withdrawn and so I didn't have a close relationship with my father, but then the last 13 days of his life I spent with him in hospice and really had healed a lot of that relationship.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Well, when I was, I've told that story probably 30, 40 times over the last 10 years and there's never been a lot of emotion attached to it, just because I didn't have that emotion tied to my father.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And when I was sharing that with her.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I was literally sobbing trying to get it out, and I don't remember having thought about that one time in the dark, and so that was my first indication that a lot of stuff below the surface had been shifted or was changing.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: Into the dark of even your subconscious mind.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, during the dark.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, and it's proven true over the last four months that, yeah, there's been a lot of shifts.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I think Carl Jung is the one that said until you make the unconscious conscious, you'll go through life and call it fate.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: And so so much of our life is really on autopilot from our old stories and until we can see those stories, our mind won't really upgrade them to the new version of ourselves.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: And I think that's really what the experience in the dark was.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: So I would say that this was a huge turning point for me.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: I was aware of a lot of stuff, but this kind of turned that awareness into an integration, which has been really beautiful.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing, because I know it's not for the faint-hearted going into the dark yeah, about 50 percent of people leave early.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a little over 50 percent leave early.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: I haven't done what you've done, but I've had other very unusual spiritual experiences in the dark, um, I spent two days in the dark fasting, um, and it's amazing, I've stood still in the same place for a whole day, not allowed to move on a pillow, because if I fall off then you really hurt yourself.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: So, yes, just to try and still the mind, to see what surfaces, and it's very interesting because you know anyone who's tuning in.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: We have so much that we kind of stuff down inside of ourselves, like Matthew's experience and he wasn't even aware.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: That's what you're saying, matthew what's in there.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: Until you can get still, until you can distract yourself.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: And most people say, oh, try and do a digital detox or try and do a fast, or you know whatever it may be, detox or try and do a fast, or you know whatever it may be.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, these are great because these help you get to see what's under the layers of what's really happening with you.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: And I think if you want to be really, really happy, healthy and successful in life, you've got to see what's driving you.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: And that's where we've started this conversation with matthew what's the driver?
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: 100% agree with that sentiment.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so do you feel like now you're driving in the right direction?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: That's the million dollar question, right?
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I genuinely do.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I find a lot of fulfillment in helping other people hit their goals and dreams.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: And also, again, I think my definition of success isn't just monetary.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: We certainly need money, and it's important for choice, and so I like it just as much as anyone else and I want it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I think that we can have more impact if we make more money, and so that's certainly still a driver for me, but it's not for validation from other people.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: It's more of validation that I'm providing value, and then it gives me the opportunity to use that in a way that I see fit.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: I think that's beautiful.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Can you just say that again, just so that everybody hears, because I think that that's such a pure, pure insight that I think people can really get.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: You were saying something about when you're providing value.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm on the right track.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so the money that we make is tied to the value that we create, and if we're not making the money that we want to make, then it's a really good opportunity for us to self-reflect and ask ourselves are we actually providing value that people are willing to pay for?
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and when you are making that money, it gives you the ability to then contribute to things that you want to have impact with you know, I believe that money is a beautiful source of energy.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: That's a part of us and it's an expression or an extension.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: And, you know, value is a, the value is what we give and the money is what we receive, and I think that money always, uh, shows you more of who you are.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: So if you're a good guy it's gonna amplify you, and if you're if you're a bit of a douche, then it's gonna amplify that as well.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I I see that everywhere and I just constantly bless everybody because, you know, the mind is the driver, the body is the car, and some people are very good at driving and some people aren't so good at driving.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: So it just depends on how you handle it.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: And if you're not handling it, well then maybe spending a bit of time in the dark seeing what's uh, you know, going on and ticking your limiting beliefs, bump into a few concrete walls to go.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Hey, maybe I need to change the way I'm looking at things and I love the way you're speaking about, like, your own experience.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Even though you, like, made some fantastic financial, monetary success earlier on in life, you still realize that whilst that's my doing, that's not the purity of who I am and what I'm choosing to do now yeah, and I also, you know, damaging a mission.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: um, my success that I had achieved didn't match my internal story of myself, so I found ways to turn the thermostat back down and align my life with where I felt I was worthy.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: During this healing journey, I've realized that a lot of the bumps in the road were self-imposed.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: It wasn't bad luck from the outside.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: It was literally my internal world showing up in my external world.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: And so, yeah, you can achieve really cool things and create a bunch of money, but if you don't feel like you deserve it or that you're worthy of that, you will find ways to get rid of it as well, just as quickly.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because the worthiness is not.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: It would just feel like I don't feel worthy of this.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: You know, I've got a $10 million villa.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: You know, don't worry, you'll find something like a crack and you've got to replace a wall and that's going to cost you this and then leaks and all these types of things.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: So can I be so bold as to ask the question?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: If you called it success and you were just thinking I can create this, maybe we should find another word for it.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: That isn't success, because it sounds as though to me you're defining it differently.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Success is different nowadays to what you define it, to what it was.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would term it.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: What I'm seeking is fulfillment, yeah, and uh, not success, because fulfillment um is a.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It embodies more than just the monetary.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: It also and embodies the feeling and contribution.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like the word fulfillment.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: It's beautiful because it's like you're.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: You're full up with life, you're full up with energy and you can see it in the eyes, you can hear it in the contentment, in the voice that I'm relaxed, I'm calm, I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing, I'm contributing and I'm quietly going about my business.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm on the right.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: yeah, and and I've the journey has been really beautiful because, as I healed and started sharing that with my friends and clients, I've been able to go deep and learn some modalities of healing, and so what I would say is, yeah, my discovery was that most entrepreneurs think their feelings instead of feel their feelings Really.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: What happens is, until we feel our feelings and process them, it becomes this stuck energy and when we feel it, our body releases it, and I think that's where a lot of the removing the emotional baggage and business becomes more fun, life becomes more fun, relationships become, you know, more ease and flow.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: You know there's more fun and play, and it's just a different.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: It's a different experience of life when you can feel your feelings instead of think your feelings so how do?
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: okay, so let's go go into this, because this is quite great.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Someone listening in right now is thinking, well, okay, that sounds right, but what's the difference?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Like think a feeling and feel a feeling.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: So I ask people, ask them.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: They go, oh, I'm angry, and I'm like, okay, where do you feel angry?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And they'll tell you a story.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Well, the story is them thinking what anger is to them.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: It's not a feeling.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: A feeling is where do you feel anger in your body?
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's like in my chest, or oh, it's in my face.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: And then, is it warm or cold?
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: Is there a shape?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: That's a feeling, that's not a story.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: And the thing is, when I went into the dark, you can't see anything and so you're forced to feel.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: What emotions did you feel in the dark?
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Because this is enlightening.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: The idea of being in the dark means that you're going to see your own light in the dark.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: So you become.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so in my journal and, like I said, I'll share that with you and you can put it in the show notes I journaled each day when I got out what my experience was, and on the third day I laid there on the bed and would think of a memory and feel the sensation that it would create in my body, and then I would just sit there and observe that sensation until it dissolved and then I would think of another experience, and I did that for hours and at the end of that I literally, like my body, just felt like this ball of energy.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: It was really remarkable and it just highlighted to me that I was on the right path over the last few years of learning to feel and observe instead of judge and make things right or wrong.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: In all reality, hurt people hurt people.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: So most of the people that do things that hurt us, they're hurting themselves and they are projecting their feelings on us and the ego is saying it's our fault instead of theirs, so that they don't have to face the feelings.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so everyone who's hurting is having in their own experience and they're projecting their energy out onto the person who's the recipient, who's in the closest range of a similar frequency, but maybe at a victim sort of feeling, and then that's going on and creating this energetic entanglement yes, 100.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: And when you step out of that, what happens?
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: While you give yourself some grace and recognizing and being humble enough to see that you're doing that, you start to give other people a lot more understanding and grace, and that allows them the space for them to recognize and heal it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: So when you show up, it's amazing how, when you take 100% responsibility for everything in your life and you show up that way, how much people change in relation to you and how much easier things get.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: We don't realize that we literally are the ones that are creating the tension and until we release that, they can't, they're not even capable of doing that they're not even capable of doing that.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: This is fascinating and I'm just still stunned by this lovely comparison that we mentioned success versus fulfillment, that real success is a sense of fulfillment.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: So when you got out of the um the dark, did you feel the urge to call people, say sorry to people, to to do anything like that?
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Did you have any sort of feelings like I've got something that I may need to address, that I haven't addressed?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Where was your heart and mind at the end of that, those five days?
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there was some of that.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: I think I've done that healing prior to going into the dark.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I've reached out to people.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: You know I went through a couple of different experiences where that was part of it.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: You know, write a letter and send it and do the different things.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: So I've done that, I think for me, and everybody's journey will be unique to them.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: For me, it was more of actually forgiving myself and not being so hard on myself and expecting perfection, and not being so hard on myself and expecting perfection, really coming to a true belief of whatever happened couldn't have happened any other way, because it didn't.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: And that allowed me to not look backwards and try to change things, because you can't Just understand that what happened happened and the way it was supposed to happen and moving forward.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I can use that lesson to make new choices and, in all reality, the only moment that we have is the one that we're in, so that we have the opportunity to change who we are and how we're being at every moment, at every moment, every moment's a new moment.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I know it's quite daunting to sort of share your story when you know you're going.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, I haven't been the perfect person and none of us have right.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: We're total imperfection.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: That's what makes us kind of beautiful.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: And if, when, really hard on people because they're comparing their real life with other people's highlight reels and thinking that know lacking, when in all reality, that highlight reel is just a snippet that that person felt safe enough to share, because they haven't shared the ones that weren't the highlight reels.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: All, all everything, with radical honesty.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you that there's a lot of growth that comes from that when you face the things that you're ashamed of and share them so that you can take accountability instead of avoid or suppress it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, I think the most interesting person in the room is the person who's willing to be radically honest about everything and that typically will draw people to you, even though your brain is telling you that, oh, if I share this, they're not going to like me.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I think one of the probably the largest lie that our brain tells us is that I have to figure this out to be okay.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: And, in all reality, if you're just okay with the way things are, you have a lot more clarity and you can make much better decisions than when you're trying to figure it out.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: I feel that when we're able to be open and honest with the challenges that we have, it makes us more relatable as well.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: You know that.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: That that's that's I mean.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: That's that makes us human right.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Human gives other people permission to accept.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Hey, I'm perfect.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: I you know I haven't done the greatest there.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: I could have done better.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: And you know, tomorrow's another day.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: I'll give it a, you know I'm gonna have.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: I can reflect a little bit.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Um, one of the reasons why, uh, you know, I began to change my life is because I had a near-death car crash and came back from that.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: I should have really died.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: It's a miracle I'm here.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: It took me another eight or nine years to to stop drinking and taking drugs, to be able to to, to look at life through a new lens.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: So I started meditating twice a day, not once a day, but you know, my emotions were just so uncentered, yeah, and even though in in my heart of hearts I knew that there was this beautiful person inside, I was really not reflecting that with my actions on the outside.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: And it was only when I began meditating that I was like, oh, reflecting that with my actions on the outside.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: And it was only when I began meditating that I was like, oh, that's coming to the surface today.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: That's coming to the surface today.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: And you know, I've been meditating for I don't know, since 2004, no, 2003 every day, so that's daily.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: I've done over like 20 000 hours, I don't know, maybe more meditation.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: Like I worked it out, was like six months of my life I've been meditating non-stop, um, and I'm just trying to live in the world and enjoy being in this world, be human, be both perfect and imperfect, and be happy and at peace with that, knowing that I'm not always going to be right about things.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: I would say that, on my journey, um, meditation and a journal have been the two greatest gifts that I've given myself.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: And it's funny, I suffered from this too.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: In the beginning.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: I would start and then stop, and start and stop and wasn't consistent about it because I just thought like I couldn't calm my mind down.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And what really happened was someone said to me they said well, because I was like, yeah, I just I can't meditate.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: And they're like what do you mean?
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And I said I just constantly have all these thoughts.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: And they said you realize that meditating is observing your thoughts.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, but I'm trying to stop them.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: And he goes yeah, well, as long as you're observing them, um, you're actually meditating.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: You just need to do it longer and and stick with it and over time it's, you know, become more and more and more beautiful.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: And uh, yeah, I would say that that's one thing that I would never give up and it's one thing that doesn't cost us a penny and it gives you returns like you can't even imagine.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, I agree, and the peace that you can get and the happiness that you get about when a challenge comes up, it doesn't feel as intense or highly strung.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: I like to call it red lights.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: You know, when a problem turns up it doesn't feel like like the worst red light in the world.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: You'd be like, oh okay, I'll find a solution to this.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: Maybe not this red hot second, but I will find one.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the way that I describe it is by meditating.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: It teaches you how to respond instead of react.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Beautifully put beautifully put and you know, the more you pay attention to something, the bigger it gets.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: So if you're paying attention to your inner world, the bigger.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: That gets right, and then the reflection on the outside is you're able to provide greater value.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it gives you a space between you and the situation so that you can think Clearly yeah, that's where the response rather than reaction, because the reaction is unconscious, um, we don't say, uh, face, tighten neck, you know, pump blood, all these things like when, when we're reacting to something, and so that's an unconscious response, and by meditating it slows.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: It gives us the ability to create that space to respond rather than react and and that's where your power is in the response, because it means you're conscious in your yeah return.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: So how do you turn your success in your business, or we could call it business fulfillment?
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: How can we use that sort of mindset for the people tuning in to be able to create that extra fulfillment?
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: yeah, I I wouldn't say that I have it all figured out.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: I'm getting closer and closer.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I think that, uh, you know obviously that's a process of life, you know yeah, as we grow.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I'm learning at 90, you know yeah, yeah, so I I would say that I'm still on that journey, um, but I am thoroughly convinced, um, that, uh, we find the best version of ourselves in the challenges, not in comfort, and so true, I am always trying to choose challenging situations so that I build that mental toughness, because life is inevitably going to shoot challenges your way and when you have that mental toughness, it gives you the resiliency and the ability to handle them in a powerful way.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: So does Matthew have any well-being strategies that he does every day that are absolute non-negotiables?
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely meditate and journal.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: I also have a conversation with myself where I encourage myself and give myself encouragement about the qualities about myself that I appreciate, and I think that the relationship that we have with ourself is reflected in the relationship we build with others, it's reflected in our relationship with money, it's reflected in the health of our body, et cetera, and so that's a non-negotiable for me to have that conversation, journal and meditate.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: So I think that what I would love to say, just sort of like as we sort of round up the conversation a little bit, I'm just I just like to say what is something that someone in the audience could do, how they could relate better to money, and then we'll do each of those little sections that you've talked about, because think this is highly valuable I learned it through um, a gentleman named garrett white.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: It's, you know, four b's, which is body being, balance and business.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, and you do them in that order because your relationship with your health, um, is how you experience this world.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: And so, essentially, you know, a man with his health has a thousand dreams.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: A man without his health has one dream.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: And so fixing your health and taking good care of that, moving every day, you know, breath, et cetera, exercise, creating a stressor so that your body can grow, that's number one.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: So I do that the very first thing when I wake up.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: The second thing I do is that conversation with myself, my journal and my meditation, and then I start my day, which is my work.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: So I've won my day already, health-wise, mentally and physically, before I start my day.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: And so I show up from what I would consider a powerful state rather than a reactionary state trying to put out fires, and that's just what's worked for me.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: And I've tried a million different things and I think different things work for different people, but the goal isn't perfection, it's consistency what's your relationship with your money that people could have?
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: they're thinking right how can I build a better relationship?
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Because I'm dealing with something that I'm using and thinking about every day yeah.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: I think a really important question to ask yourself is would I?
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Would I buy this if nobody knew?
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Or I didn't tell anyone?
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, interesting, and I buy this if nobody knew?
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because then it's actually something that you want.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: It's not something that you're doing for external validation.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: So much of our life is tied to status because we haven't gotten comfortable with ourself, and that's a really good indication of if you're making purchases or spending money on things that you're doing it for a reason other than you want to, then you're probably using it as a tool to feel better about something that money isn't actually going to solve.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I love that Brilliant.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: And the last one.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: What was the last one?
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: Uh, business.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's which I think.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: I think business is your relationship with money, cause the reason why we're in business is to, you know, make money, provide value and create money.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: And I think that that provide money, create value and contribute to something greater than just yourself that enhances the quality of other human beings or the environment, or something yeah, um, tony robbins has a the six human needs and one of them is contribution.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: so once our needs are covered, uh, you know, we see that innate need for legacy or to contribute to others and create something of lasting value, and so I think that does come through contribution to others.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: And you know, if I look at my own experience as well, you know, I had this podcast is going to be five sometime soon and prior to that I was male modeling for 20 odd years and that felt great to be able to do that, but I felt like I needed to contribute more to something great.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: I felt I had a voice.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: Um, people would always ask me things and about health or mindset, because I'd been meditating and I didn't drink and I was like you know, I found that it was only when I began starting this podcast and sharing some stories, my ideas, my faults, you know and sharing some stories, my ideas, my faults, you know where I'd gone wrong that I felt, like you know, the people can relate at some level because we're all human beings, not human doings and that area.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: So I feel, if anyone's tuning in and they're like thinking do you know what I need?
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: To feel fulfilled Matthew was talking about fulfillment, that equals success Then it's like where can you contribute to something greater than just yourself?
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: That is an extension of you?
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: Yes, I think that's where the actually do.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: You know, and it might be, you might be very good with your art.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: You might be very good with your voice.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: You might be.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: You know it could be.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: You might be very good at developing like platforms, whatever it may it could be.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: I mean songs, you know it could be.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: You might be very good at developing like platforms, whatever it may it could be.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I mean songs, you name it.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: What are you naturally good at?
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: Because that contribution will really fill you up and then from that it's almost as if success finds you then what you consider success, but really it's just the fulfillment, because you're filled up with what I like to call that naturally high energy that you have available to when you turn the tap on yeah, the, um, the energy I discovered in that dark too.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: Um, when you process those emotions that are stuck, um, our body has an enormous amount of natural energy and we know that, like when you're tired and all of a sudden, something that you're looking forward to, you get a phone call or or something happens and all of a sudden, instantly full of energy.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Like where did that come from?
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: It was internal and that's always available to us and I really think that the more of the feelings that you feel and process, it gives you access to that natural energy much easier, much greater quantity matthew, it has been so fulfilling to speak with you today, so enjoyable this conversation.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: You know I've got a whole bunch of notes here that I I have, but I decided we'd just freestyle with matthew today and it's taken us on a much richer and deeper meaning about what success and fulfillment are, and that we're human beings and we are imperfect and we've all made mistakes and we've all had problems, whether it's financial, health or with relationships.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: One of those things, or sometimes all three of those things and I think that what we I hope you as the audience can take out of this is that you know tomorrow's another day.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: You can keep going and it's good to look to see what's actually driving you.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: And, as Matthew said, I think when you know what's actually driving you and it's coming from a place of purity, it's coming from a place of contribution and offering value, I think that maybe you know something great is going to happen.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: You're on the precipice of something beautiful.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: So in that closing, matthew, have you got anything that you'd like to share with the audience that you think, hey, this is a great takeaway for you?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably will go back to that statement that I said earlier that you won't find the best version of yourself in comfort, so be willing to challenge, uh, your status quo and grow and, um, constantly evolve, and I think that's really where I really think that's where the joy of life is I just want to say, matthew, what a joy.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning into this episode, and if you've enjoyed this episode or any of the others, please hit that subscribe button and share it with people who you think will benefit, because when you're sharing, what you're also doing is uplifting, and you're uplifting other people's lives as well as your own.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: This is what this community and this podcast is all about.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: Now, until the next episode, I wish you a wonderful week ahead and green lights all the way.