Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #69 No More Piggy-Backing Birthdays!

Transcript

#69 No More Piggy-Backing Birthdays! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

0:00
Speaker 1: Have I ever told you about my mate who got
0:01
Speaker 1: to take my bush turkey? Please continue. I don't know
0:03
Speaker 1: why he went after a bush turkey, but he did,
0:06
Speaker 1: and it tore him to shreds.
0:10
Speaker 2: Yeah you're overpowered by a bush turkey.
0:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, it turned on him and just pecked the shit
0:15
Speaker 1: out of him. He ended up in hospital and everything.
0:17
Speaker 1: Just boot it and think you try it?
0:19
Speaker 2: Is he scared of bush turkeys?
0:20
Speaker 1: Now I don't know. I'm not friends with him after that.
0:39
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two notting dads. I am Mattie Jay
0:41
Speaker 2: and I am This is a podcast all about parenting.
0:44
Speaker 2: It is the good, it is.
0:45
Speaker 1: The bad and the relatable.
0:47
Speaker 2: And if you have come wanting any type of advice,
0:50
Speaker 2: stop right now, press pause, stop.
0:54
Speaker 1: Thank you very much.
0:55
Speaker 2: I need some but I need some buddy with a
0:59
Speaker 2: human touch. Cracking song spice girls. Yeah, absolutely nothing wrong
1:04
Speaker 2: with him, but I have to apologize just quickly. You've
1:11
Speaker 2: come into a construction site.
1:13
Speaker 1: I noticed I jumped the neighbors fence to get in.
1:16
Speaker 2: There's a lot of a lot of men here, a
1:18
Speaker 2: lot of men. I'll explain why they are all here.
1:23
Speaker 2: Why let's have a drink first?
1:27
Speaker 1: Yes, and today is something very different, something both of
1:30
Speaker 1: us haven't had before from Stone and Wood. So it's
1:33
Speaker 1: called the Northern Rivers be or NRB.
1:39
Speaker 2: This is a cute little can.
1:40
Speaker 1: It is cute. Yeah, I haven't had this one before either,
1:43
Speaker 1: so will quickly crack this, have a little taste and
1:47
Speaker 1: just let everyone know why it's so special.
1:49
Speaker 2: So this is it's a limited limited.
1:51
Speaker 1: Limited in location as well, so you can actually only
1:54
Speaker 1: get this in bottle shops between Tweed and Yamber or
1:58
Speaker 1: online or online.
2:00
Speaker 2: I feel that were one of the only people right
2:02
Speaker 2: now in Sydney drinking.
2:08
Speaker 1: Oh, that's delightful MAULTI.
2:10
Speaker 2: Ooh, here's a hint of malt there.
2:14
Speaker 1: It's multier than the other beers that they have. There's
2:16
Speaker 1: a little floral.
2:17
Speaker 2: Do you say that? There's a subtle malt flavor, low bitterness.
2:21
Speaker 2: But but that is bloody delish and.
2:23
Speaker 1: It's apparently the greenest beer not in color the environment
2:28
Speaker 1: Saint Patrick's Day. No, that do you mean? Ash seventy
2:31
Speaker 1: percent certified sustainable molt and one hundred cent certified sustainable hops. Now,
2:36
Speaker 1: I don't wonder what you're thinking. What do you mean
2:38
Speaker 1: by certified sustainable? All it means really is they use
2:42
Speaker 1: less energy overall when brewing this beer. It's also brewed
2:45
Speaker 1: in carbon neutral berries, making it the greenest beer.
2:49
Speaker 2: Oh, you mean like they're using less water.
2:51
Speaker 1: Yes, Matt. Anything that uses less energy and is better
2:55
Speaker 1: for the environment. That is what this beer is all about.
2:58
Speaker 2: Cheers to that is to that.
2:59
Speaker 1: And the good news for the listeners, Matt is we
3:01
Speaker 1: are giving away a case of this NRB this week.
3:04
Speaker 1: All you have to do is.
3:05
Speaker 2: What you have to post a story of you listening
3:08
Speaker 2: to the podcast at two doting dads tag Us tag
3:11
Speaker 2: Stone and would follow both accounts, and we'll pick someone
3:14
Speaker 2: each week to have this case of NIB sent directly
3:17
Speaker 2: to your front door.
3:18
Speaker 1: It will be missing a couple because we thanks Stony
3:22
Speaker 1: Wood for making this episode possible.
3:25
Speaker 3: How are you, Matt, it's been it's been stressful. Have
3:29
Speaker 3: you recovered from you're sick?
3:31
Speaker 2: Oh?
3:31
Speaker 1: I am?
3:32
Speaker 2: I am. I'm holding on to the end my life
3:36
Speaker 2: cycle ash of a flu. I would say it almost
3:41
Speaker 2: always starts with the tingle, a sore throat. That sore
3:44
Speaker 2: throat turns flemy. I have phlem for four days and
3:49
Speaker 2: then I come good.
3:49
Speaker 1: You're very routined, man.
3:51
Speaker 2: I find I am like every single time. I'm like,
3:54
Speaker 2: come on, sore throat, just and and I'm in the
3:57
Speaker 2: Flemy stage.
3:58
Speaker 1: It's such a relief when you're in the Flemy stone
4:00
Speaker 1: age and like the feeling of getting a good bit
4:03
Speaker 1: of phlem. Oh mate.
4:04
Speaker 2: This morning, I coughed up some phlegm and I spat
4:08
Speaker 2: it out and it was like it had it had
4:12
Speaker 2: the flem had veins in, it had like red. It
4:15
Speaker 2: was like it was part of a brain.
4:17
Speaker 1: There's any doctors listening, what's happening.
4:22
Speaker 2: I'm just coughing up part of my lung. But I
4:24
Speaker 2: felt great. I felt better afterwards. But in addition to
4:29
Speaker 2: being a little bit sick at the moment, we do
4:32
Speaker 2: have a number of tradesmen currently at my house, and
4:37
Speaker 2: you may recall that they will probably start drilling soon,
4:41
Speaker 2: so if they do apologize, I sometimes like to make
4:45
Speaker 2: myself sound a bit more masculine when I talk to
4:48
Speaker 2: the tradesman.
4:48
Speaker 1: Is that tools are out down.
4:55
Speaker 2: I get it, I get it. He was explaining to
4:57
Speaker 2: me what's wrong with the air of the house of
4:59
Speaker 2: trying to fix it. It's a front window, you may
5:01
Speaker 2: recall ash there was a little leak, a tiny little leak,
5:05
Speaker 2: and every time it rained. We'll just be doing a
5:07
Speaker 2: lot of lately in Sydney.
5:08
Speaker 1: This is the same bedroom that you stuffed me into
5:10
Speaker 1: when I came and stay with.
5:12
Speaker 2: This is that the guest room slash ash, and my
5:16
Speaker 2: mum's room and the mold room. And so he came along.
5:21
Speaker 2: He looked at it and goes, oh, yeah, we're just
5:23
Speaker 2: going to patch this little thing up here under the
5:26
Speaker 2: windows sill and you'll be good to go.
5:28
Speaker 1: There's no window.
5:31
Speaker 2: So so as he started patching up, he goes, oh,
5:36
Speaker 2: there's something wrong here. So he starts taking away a
5:38
Speaker 2: bit of the Oh no, it's the word, not the.
5:41
Speaker 1: Jip rock is the house.
5:45
Speaker 2: And then the more he took away, the more he
5:48
Speaker 2: realized we have a big problem.
5:51
Speaker 1: Tradies will do that once they get them in. We're
5:54
Speaker 1: going to have a thing against trades.
5:55
Speaker 2: Now. I'm not one to question, you know, to push it.
6:02
Speaker 2: He could say anything to me. He could say the
6:05
Speaker 2: wall was about to fall down and we need to
6:08
Speaker 2: rebuild the whole thing, and I would reply and say, gosh,
6:11
Speaker 2: thank goodness, you spotted it.
6:12
Speaker 1: Better get to it.
6:14
Speaker 2: So that the window apparently wasn't wasn't drilled in, It
6:18
Speaker 2: was just it was like it was like sitting there
6:20
Speaker 2: with some type of adhesive. Anyway, they removed the entire window.
6:25
Speaker 2: So what was meant to be a three hour job
6:28
Speaker 2: has turned into a three day job and I'm now
6:31
Speaker 2: missing the entire front window of my house.
6:34
Speaker 1: I turned up and I was like, how am I
6:37
Speaker 1: going to get in? Had to jump my neighbors fence.
6:41
Speaker 2: But also I then had to explain to the three
6:44
Speaker 2: boys and say, I do a podcast and would you
6:49
Speaker 2: mind putting your tools down? And they were like, what's
6:52
Speaker 2: a podcast? So yeah, so if they start drilling, I'm
6:58
Speaker 2: not going to tell them to stop. You're going to
7:00
Speaker 2: have to go out there because you're more masculine than
7:02
Speaker 2: I am. Some have said that, and you also you're
7:05
Speaker 2: part you much.
7:08
Speaker 1: You watch my accent change completely. I will go from
7:11
Speaker 1: being like this to be like listening, turn it down?
7:14
Speaker 2: Will Can you check what kind of wood they're using
7:16
Speaker 2: for the window frame?
7:17
Speaker 1: Sorry? What type was it? I need to get a
7:20
Speaker 1: closer inspection, but I would say it's probably some sort
7:24
Speaker 1: of hard wood considering unless I'm it's something a bit
7:27
Speaker 1: more lightweight like cedar because it can be outside.
7:29
Speaker 2: I do think they might use the seedar for anyone
7:31
Speaker 2: who doesn't know ashwork in a timber yard, so he
7:34
Speaker 2: knows wood.
7:35
Speaker 1: And it's not a gay club.
7:38
Speaker 2: What woods? This table?
7:39
Speaker 1: By the way, is it oak? Thank you? It's Tasmania.
7:45
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure. Is it either that or American oak
7:49
Speaker 1: something like that. Don't leave this in the rain anyway.
7:54
Speaker 1: When are they going to be done?
7:55
Speaker 2: Maybe tomorrow?
7:56
Speaker 1: Okay, your mum's back this week, isn't she?
7:58
Speaker 2: No? Or she is back in the country, but she's
8:01
Speaker 2: back in Brisbane right and when she comes back to Sydney.
8:05
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get her back on the podcast.
8:06
Speaker 2: She's going to come on to the podcast. She's going to
8:08
Speaker 2: update us.
8:09
Speaker 1: She just did a Kentucky to her.
8:10
Speaker 2: She's essentially on a Kenticky to her, and I would
8:14
Speaker 2: get these updates from her. I should have. I should
8:16
Speaker 2: have spoken to her more frequently, but it maybe every
8:19
Speaker 2: three days we touch base, and every time i'd speak
8:21
Speaker 2: to her, she'd been scammed again. She's been scammed more
8:26
Speaker 2: times than anyone that I know who's gone on an
8:30
Speaker 2: overseas tree.
8:30
Speaker 1: I love that. I can imagine her too. She's so
8:33
Speaker 1: easily startled, so she was just seen like.
8:37
Speaker 2: Any bit of transit she was going to a couple
8:39
Speaker 2: of places in France. Anytime she had to move to
8:42
Speaker 2: another hotel, they were just like, this woman is easy prey.
8:46
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the taxi drivers are scamming her, people on
8:49
Speaker 2: the street are scamming her. Even other tourists are like,
8:52
Speaker 2: she's so easily scammed, I'm going to scam her.
8:54
Speaker 1: Oh that's great. I love that. I hope she's having
8:57
Speaker 1: a great time. She's listening, which she will be.
8:59
Speaker 2: She will be, she always listens. But how are you
9:01
Speaker 2: how a.
9:02
Speaker 1: Good good, good good. Macy has been sick. Everyone's sick, mate,
9:07
Speaker 1: It's getting around. So we had a bit of a
9:08
Speaker 1: couch rot day yesterday. We were just sorry, couch rot.
9:13
Speaker 1: Macey just said on the couch all day because she's
9:15
Speaker 1: poor things sick.
9:17
Speaker 2: Who's coin phrase? Couch rot?
9:20
Speaker 1: I think the next generation has which not our generation.
9:25
Speaker 1: It's a new generation thing on social media. I love it,
9:29
Speaker 1: bed roight couch rot. I've just pretty much said anyone
9:32
Speaker 1: that is lazy and now essentially just rotten away.
9:35
Speaker 2: I love it.
9:35
Speaker 1: I love that, I love it. I love to bed right.
9:38
Speaker 1: It's one of my favorite things.
9:40
Speaker 2: What were you guys watching on the couch rot?
9:43
Speaker 3: A mixture but a pig. Yesterday we watched Seeing Cracking film.
9:48
Speaker 1: It is a good one, one of the best. We
9:49
Speaker 1: watched a bit of YouTube which Macy does. This thing
9:51
Speaker 1: with YouTube now is because you know how the ads
9:53
Speaker 1: in the middle. She'll just yell out ad until I
9:56
Speaker 1: eventually hit skip. Like but all of the painkillers has
10:03
Speaker 1: made Paul Macy very constipated. So she found her in
10:08
Speaker 1: the cupboard again. Remember ages ago she.
10:11
Speaker 2: Was stealing the mints.
10:12
Speaker 1: No like eight months ago, I said, I lost Macie
10:15
Speaker 1: and I found her because she could smell pooh coming
10:17
Speaker 1: from the wardrobe. She just hides in the wardrobe two hours.
10:22
Speaker 1: She was in the wardrobe this afternoon and every time
10:24
Speaker 1: I go, do there.
10:27
Speaker 2: Not yet she was trying to do a little pool.
10:29
Speaker 2: She was trying to I say, little poo, but.
10:33
Speaker 1: To talk about it.
10:34
Speaker 2: If there's one thing that little girl can do, it's
10:38
Speaker 2: big poos.
10:39
Speaker 1: She is she.
10:42
Speaker 2: I've never seen anything like it, something so small and
10:44
Speaker 2: delicate and beautiful can produce something.
10:47
Speaker 1: And this morning she was like at hit its peek
10:52
Speaker 1: this morning where I've come downstairs and she's screaming and
10:59
Speaker 1: April's like help trying to help her push it out.
11:02
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever heard a scream of
11:04
Speaker 1: a young girl who's constipated, but it wretched?
11:07
Speaker 2: Man, do you give them like I saw it on
11:11
Speaker 2: your cupboard recently? You have a big container of metamucile.
11:16
Speaker 1: I told her that in confident.
11:18
Speaker 2: Could you kind of sneak in a couple of drink?
11:21
Speaker 2: I've never tried it.
11:22
Speaker 1: That's great?
11:23
Speaker 2: Gets please not sponsored bick. Can you give her anything
11:29
Speaker 2: to help the pood come out?
11:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's like mover cole and stuff like that, but
11:32
Speaker 1: she just needs to stop eating ship not like actual shit,
11:36
Speaker 1: but like she needs more fruit, like good fibrous fruit.
11:40
Speaker 1: But yeah, dealing with that. I was away over the weekend,
11:43
Speaker 1: so I missed the union, the kids union.
11:46
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you, I was how was
11:48
Speaker 2: that investment going?
11:49
Speaker 1: The investment's going great. They're playing really well.
11:52
Speaker 2: What's the team called the game?
11:53
Speaker 1: They called the Under six of Lambie Jets. Now, I
11:57
Speaker 1: did miss this weekend's game, but I got a update
12:00
Speaker 1: where we are. There was a drama, okay, within the
12:04
Speaker 1: first ten minutes. As you know, it's been really wet
12:07
Speaker 1: has in Sydney for the last month, let's call it
12:09
Speaker 1: a month. Yeah, but the fields are open, but they
12:12
Speaker 1: were quite muddy. So there was a lot of slips
12:16
Speaker 1: and falls, and it just so happened that Oscar happened
12:18
Speaker 1: to be the first slip in fall I heard in
12:22
Speaker 1: the mud?
12:22
Speaker 2: Is he a child that?
12:23
Speaker 1: I feel like?
12:24
Speaker 2: Some kids really enjoy the wet others hate it. Marley
12:27
Speaker 2: is one. She doesn't like getting dirty, doesn't like getting
12:30
Speaker 2: wet in any capacity. Is Oscar? Where's he on that scale?
12:33
Speaker 1: He slipped in the among the first ten minutes and
12:35
Speaker 1: they had to go home, and now it doesn't want
12:38
Speaker 1: to go back. Ah, he's blaming rugby union.
12:43
Speaker 2: That's the one thing they can like, one little bad experience,
12:46
Speaker 2: and that that activity is entirely tarnished.
12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah. So there was a few slips, a few falls.
12:52
Speaker 1: There's a couple of sore heads. All in all, played
12:55
Speaker 1: really well. We don't keep score, of course, because they're
12:58
Speaker 1: so young. I would say we want player of the
13:01
Speaker 1: match Mac. I'm going this week Oscar will be attending.
13:04
Speaker 2: How are you going to get it back on the field.
13:07
Speaker 1: Just got to pick yourself up, boy, Just drag him
13:09
Speaker 1: on the pep talk, give the team a pep talk.
13:13
Speaker 1: There's the footage of some of the some of the kids.
13:15
Speaker 1: One kid in particular who's very good, Hugo, Young Hugo,
13:20
Speaker 1: which is the son of Zach Beer.
13:22
Speaker 2: Hugo is a strong name.
13:23
Speaker 1: I show you this footage afterwards, but he's just.
13:25
Speaker 2: I'm actually already seen it.
13:26
Speaker 1: Oh, I've seen it online.
13:29
Speaker 2: You're checking it on where it got. I didn't go
13:32
Speaker 2: hunting for the footage. I found the footage and I
13:36
Speaker 2: was to Laura. I was like, look, that's the that's
13:38
Speaker 2: the team we sponsored. And she was like, there are
13:39
Speaker 2: a bunch of kids, and I was like, how dare you?
13:42
Speaker 1: How dare you? You got to start somewhere.
13:44
Speaker 2: Disrespect the athletes like that.
13:45
Speaker 1: And athletes is correct, I think, And we maybe invest
13:48
Speaker 1: a little bit more money into Hugo.
13:50
Speaker 2: What do you how much are we talking our sky's
13:54
Speaker 2: limits for this? Okay, we want to lock him down.
13:56
Speaker 2: He's like a future Nathan Cleary.
13:57
Speaker 1: I was thinking about locking him down for the next
13:59
Speaker 1: thirty five years.
14:00
Speaker 2: Okay, sure's let's talk budgets. After the podcast.
14:03
Speaker 1: Treats, we should get us to the first couple of
14:05
Speaker 1: a pack of snakes. But anyway, they're going, well, I'll
14:08
Speaker 1: keep you updated with anything that happens this week?
14:12
Speaker 2: When would you like me to come and help out
14:13
Speaker 2: as water boy?
14:15
Speaker 1: Very good question. We'll organize the time.
14:17
Speaker 2: Maybe not this week, maybe not next because I'm away.
14:19
Speaker 2: It's a long let me know, got twenty six rounds,
14:22
Speaker 2: it's a long season. I had something happened to me, Ash,
14:25
Speaker 2: which I can only assume that this has never happened
14:27
Speaker 2: to you before. And I promise you this is a
14:30
Speaker 2: truthful story. Okay, I'm not embellishing it in any capacity.
14:34
Speaker 1: I'm strapped in.
14:35
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you exactly what happened. It was
14:37
Speaker 2: a very unique situation that I found myself in fire
14:40
Speaker 2: Away on Sunday. Laura was up at the crack of
14:43
Speaker 2: dawn standard and I was also awake. You know, sometimes
14:47
Speaker 2: I like to give Laura, not to make myself sound
14:49
Speaker 2: like an absolute hero. I like to give Laura a
14:52
Speaker 2: little lieon. And Lola was like, what are we doing, daddy?
14:55
Speaker 2: And I was like, you know what, Let's go get
14:57
Speaker 2: Let's go get some croissants. How you say croissant, baby Chino?
15:02
Speaker 2: And I can get my morning coffee because that's my
15:05
Speaker 2: favorite time of the day.
15:06
Speaker 1: Ash. How do you order the croissant? Do you say
15:08
Speaker 1: croissant or croissant.
15:10
Speaker 2: I say, I say, and then I say, and then
15:15
Speaker 2: I say MESSI Oh.
15:18
Speaker 1: It's such an ick when like behind someone in line
15:20
Speaker 1: the I just get a plane crossan Yeah, you.
15:23
Speaker 2: Hate it when I try and talk in the dialect
15:26
Speaker 2: of the country where the food comes from.
15:27
Speaker 1: We're not in the country where the food comes from.
15:29
Speaker 2: No, I know, but the crosshind is friends. You attacked
15:33
Speaker 2: me like this on the podcast. I ordered my coffee
15:35
Speaker 2: and I have a keep cup. They prefer the keep
15:38
Speaker 2: cup without the lid on it, right, ye See, when
15:41
Speaker 2: I order it, I hand over the keep cup with
15:44
Speaker 2: no lid.
15:45
Speaker 1: You keep the lid.
15:46
Speaker 2: I keep the lid. I put the lid back on
15:48
Speaker 2: once the coffee is made. That's just how they operate,
15:50
Speaker 2: and I'm happy.
15:51
Speaker 1: That's pretty standard.
15:53
Speaker 2: I think I think it's pretty standard. I put the
15:54
Speaker 2: lid back into the pram because that's where Lola is, yep,
15:58
Speaker 2: and we wait for the coffee to be made. The
15:59
Speaker 2: coffe it gets made. I then get the lid from
16:01
Speaker 2: the pram and I put it back on the keep
16:04
Speaker 2: cup and I start to screw it tight. Something strange
16:07
Speaker 2: has happened. I look, and I'm just going to give
16:09
Speaker 2: you a visual reference here so you understand.
16:11
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's a Keep cup.
16:13
Speaker 2: This is the key.
16:14
Speaker 1: It's not like the brand Keep cup.
16:15
Speaker 2: I screw it on. Yeah, I look at the cup
16:18
Speaker 2: and I have half a caterpillar hanging out. What. Yeah,
16:23
Speaker 2: there's half a caterpillar. It's been severed by the Keep
16:27
Speaker 2: cup as I screwed it on. So obviously the caterpillar
16:29
Speaker 2: was in the pram.
16:30
Speaker 1: You've screwed a caterpillar into your coffee. What a way
16:33
Speaker 1: to go?
16:36
Speaker 2: So then I'm like, shit, what do I do here?
16:40
Speaker 2: What's a man to do? I've never found myself in
16:41
Speaker 2: this situation before.
16:42
Speaker 1: Did you blame the cafe the caterpillar's in your milk? No?
16:46
Speaker 2: Well I couldn't because I was holding onto the lid, right,
16:49
Speaker 2: So the responsibility now was entirely on me. The cafe.
16:52
Speaker 2: They have no involvement in the lid. The lid is
16:55
Speaker 2: my responsibility. Okay. It's like when someone's been crushed and
16:59
Speaker 2: you know you can't, like you don't want to, you
17:01
Speaker 2: know that once like you move them away from the
17:04
Speaker 2: car or like what they're being crushed by, they're going
17:06
Speaker 2: to die. And the caterpillars looking at me, going like wooz,
17:10
Speaker 2: don't don't touch anything, leave me be, And I was like, caterpillar,
17:14
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, dude, I've got to.
17:15
Speaker 1: You've already screwed around round. He's probably the death is imminent.
17:19
Speaker 2: So I unscrew it. One half fall to the floor.
17:22
Speaker 1: The other half into the coffee.
17:24
Speaker 2: Into the coffee.
17:25
Speaker 1: Did you drink it?
17:26
Speaker 2: Well? Then I was like, the line for the cafe
17:29
Speaker 2: now is massive. I've beaten the rush. So I'm like,
17:31
Speaker 2: I don't want to order a new coffee. I don't
17:32
Speaker 2: want to pull this coffee out. Also, this is it's metal.
17:36
Speaker 2: It keeps things really hot. This coffee is molten lava.
17:39
Speaker 2: So I go and I get a spoon and I
17:41
Speaker 2: start fishing out the second half of the caterpillar in
17:44
Speaker 2: the coffee cup, trying to find it. And every time
17:47
Speaker 2: I bring the spoon up to the surface and I
17:49
Speaker 2: try and like drizzle out the coffee to see if
17:51
Speaker 2: I can spot the second half of this caterpillar, there's.
17:54
Speaker 1: Nothing there that's it melted.
17:56
Speaker 2: Well, then I think to myself, I'm going to just
17:59
Speaker 2: drink the coffee and when I get to that body,
18:03
Speaker 2: you know, obviously i'll notice it in my mouth and
18:05
Speaker 2: I'll spit it out.
18:07
Speaker 1: Ooh ooh.
18:11
Speaker 2: So I start drinking this coffee.
18:13
Speaker 1: It could have easily been like, you know that kid
18:14
Speaker 1: that ate the slug and he died.
18:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, so there was there was a boy who ate
18:20
Speaker 2: a slug and there's a parasite in the slug killed
18:22
Speaker 2: him and it killed him. That's what I was thinking about.
18:25
Speaker 2: That was at the forefront of my mind. Ash. But
18:27
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm so tired, I'm so desperate for coffee.
18:32
Speaker 1: I'll risk my life.
18:33
Speaker 2: I'm just going to drag to drink it. And Lola
18:36
Speaker 2: was also very confused. She's like, why could kill a
18:38
Speaker 2: caterpillar because we love caterpillars. Hungry Caterpillar, great book.
18:43
Speaker 1: I don't know if there was a hungry caterpillar ate
18:45
Speaker 1: a coffee in that, but did you find it? Well?
18:47
Speaker 2: I start drinking the coffee. Yeah, And I'm also like,
18:50
Speaker 2: does this coffee taste weird?
18:51
Speaker 1: Yes, it's got normal people last for sugar. You ended
18:56
Speaker 1: up with a caterpillar.
18:59
Speaker 2: So I I'm nearing the end, and I'm thinking, at
19:01
Speaker 2: any point now, I've got the lid off the coffee,
19:03
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I sip and I look and I sip,
19:05
Speaker 2: and I look, and I sip and I look. I
19:08
Speaker 2: get to like my last sip, there's nobody. The caterpillar
19:11
Speaker 2: is nowhere to be found.
19:14
Speaker 1: Well, what do you mean? I don't fucking know, dude,
19:16
Speaker 1: and you're here to tell the tale.
19:17
Speaker 2: I don't know. So then I finished the coffee. I'm thinking,
19:22
Speaker 2: I can only assume that the heat of the coffee
19:27
Speaker 2: has almost melted away the body of the caterpillar.
19:30
Speaker 1: And now you have super huge strength.
19:34
Speaker 2: I was walking back home and I thought, you know,
19:37
Speaker 2: I'm a bit sick. I was like, is this the
19:39
Speaker 2: sickness or is this the caterpillar getting vengeance on me
19:43
Speaker 2: for eating its body? I was like, I got this
19:45
Speaker 2: love on my throat. Got's a feeling weird.
19:50
Speaker 1: That's disgusting.
19:51
Speaker 2: Has it ever happened to you?
19:52
Speaker 1: No, there's a few things I would have done differently,
19:56
Speaker 1: so just bear with me. Just pick the main one.
19:59
Speaker 1: I would have just ordered another coffee.
20:00
Speaker 2: No, dude, you cannot tell me that you would have
20:03
Speaker 2: lined up for another five ten minutes, waited another five
20:08
Speaker 2: ten minutes. We're talking. We're on the cusp now thirty
20:11
Speaker 2: minutes for another cup of coffee. I've got a screaming
20:15
Speaker 2: three year old ash there's.
20:16
Speaker 1: A caterpillar half alive in your coffee.
20:18
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter to dude.
20:19
Speaker 1: I once ordered a coffee and I went, I walk
20:23
Speaker 1: out of the coffee shop. I was doing something with
20:26
Speaker 1: the pram. I just put it onto rest on the
20:28
Speaker 1: side of like a pole. It fell off immediately, hadn't
20:32
Speaker 1: even had ai. I just walked away. I'd much rather
20:34
Speaker 1: not drink the coffee than have to go through the
20:36
Speaker 1: embarrassment of picking that up, take another ten minutes to
20:41
Speaker 1: get a coffee without being poisoned by a caterpillar.
20:44
Speaker 2: You're just you're ignoring what I just said. There was
20:47
Speaker 2: a queue. We were looking at minimum twenty minute wait time.
20:52
Speaker 1: I don't have to.
20:52
Speaker 2: I've you got to push on.
20:54
Speaker 1: You gotta push on, push on to the next cafe.
20:56
Speaker 2: But I'm also if it's going to wake me up,
20:59
Speaker 2: I'll drink It's fair regardless of what's inside that coffee cup.
21:02
Speaker 1: That's fair. And yeah, I probably still wouldn't have rank it.
21:06
Speaker 1: I don't know.
21:07
Speaker 2: That's why you and mere different, my friend different, very different.
21:11
Speaker 2: Tenny environmentalists out there also don't come for me. I
21:14
Speaker 2: will put it out there that I love animals of
21:16
Speaker 2: all shapes and sizes.
21:17
Speaker 1: Do the rest of the body start dragging itself away?
21:21
Speaker 2: I ran it over in the prem accidentally.
21:24
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, that's a series of unfortunate events, and I'm
21:28
Speaker 1: glad you're here to tell the tale.
21:30
Speaker 2: So far, I will say, I'm feeling okay. I'm not
21:33
Speaker 2: out of the woods just yet. Matt.
21:36
Speaker 1: It is that timing year again when the New South
21:38
Speaker 1: Wales Blues take on the Queensland Maroons.
21:42
Speaker 2: Yes, state against state, mate against mate. Ash at the
21:46
Speaker 2: time when you and I we put the relationship.
21:48
Speaker 1: On pause, we do.
21:49
Speaker 2: Yes, we will dislike each other for the next couple
21:52
Speaker 2: of weeks until Game three is over and Queensland have
21:55
Speaker 2: retained the shield once again.
21:57
Speaker 1: We will see my friend. But one thing is for sure.
22:00
Speaker 1: We are partnering with Puma to give away four you
22:04
Speaker 1: heard it right, four jerseys that are signed two New
22:07
Speaker 1: South Wales and two Queensland As Matt, how do people
22:11
Speaker 1: get their hands on these bad boys?
22:13
Speaker 2: As? All you have to do is head to our pages,
22:15
Speaker 2: personal pages, or it'll also be on two dotting Dads.
22:18
Speaker 2: There is a photo of yourself and me dressed beautifully
22:23
Speaker 2: in Moron. You are wearing the disgusting light blue of
22:26
Speaker 2: New South.
22:26
Speaker 1: Wales looking delicious.
22:29
Speaker 2: Revolting, And all you have to do is tag a
22:31
Speaker 2: mate that you would like to share the prize with.
22:33
Speaker 2: So we have in total four signed jerseys thanks to Puma.
22:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, so tag you mate. Who else is your fellow
22:40
Speaker 1: state supporter? Who would you watch the game with? We'll
22:43
Speaker 1: pick two people, one from Queensland, one from New South Wales.
22:45
Speaker 2: And just a reminder, you have to also be following
22:48
Speaker 2: at Puma Footy on Instagram to be eligible to win.
22:51
Speaker 1: Come on, Pleaseland. Good best of luck to you and
22:57
Speaker 1: best of luck to Queensland. You're going to need it.
23:00
Speaker 1: Good luck, Matt. I recently put on our Facebook group
23:05
Speaker 1: two dad Facebook group that.
23:07
Speaker 2: Is, I saw your post. I want to say, considering
23:10
Speaker 2: how many followers we have, the post went viral.
23:14
Speaker 1: All a hundred people are right.
23:15
Speaker 2: Normally there's like one or two people will comment and
23:19
Speaker 2: I'll you know you and I will say something and
23:21
Speaker 2: then like I think her name is Donna is normally
23:23
Speaker 2: the one person who replies, Donna, thanks for messaging us.
23:26
Speaker 2: You've got like fourteen comments. My friend WHOA, that's it
23:30
Speaker 2: and everyone was on the money.
23:32
Speaker 1: The bang on the money. So the update it's not
23:35
Speaker 1: just an update, was it's a complete change to my
23:38
Speaker 1: parenting style.
23:39
Speaker 2: What was your post for those of you.
23:40
Speaker 1: My post said something along the lines of I just
23:43
Speaker 1: got a text message from me were saying, can I
23:45
Speaker 1: have the leftover tie? Please?
23:49
Speaker 2: At least she's asking can you call her and say no?
23:53
Speaker 1: Just calling April? Hey, what do you mean the tie?
23:56
Speaker 1: What do you want? No? That's mine?
24:00
Speaker 2: A bit late?
24:01
Speaker 1: You ate it?
24:03
Speaker 2: I literally just.
24:05
Speaker 1: Well put it back in the fridge immediately.
24:09
Speaker 2: You're not even high. You wouldn't need it.
24:11
Speaker 1: And I'm just messing with you.
24:13
Speaker 2: Hi, April, Hi, you going don't pretend like it's not
24:17
Speaker 2: been eaten already. When I texted you, I was actually
24:21
Speaker 2: eating it because I was like, oh, I better just
24:22
Speaker 2: do it.
24:26
Speaker 1: Very good. I was just letting our listeners know about
24:29
Speaker 1: our big update and announcement that we've got the big party, April.
24:35
Speaker 2: I'll be there black.
24:39
Speaker 1: April's really self conscious that she's not done enough or
24:42
Speaker 1: not going to have done enough, which I think is ridiculous.
24:44
Speaker 2: Will there be a petting zoo there? Not quite? It's
24:47
Speaker 2: budget friendly.
24:50
Speaker 1: All right, Thank you and enjoy your lunch, April. Thanks
24:53
Speaker 1: for saving me. So I appreciate it. Welcome bye back
24:56
Speaker 1: to it. Okay, so I said it says it reads,
24:59
Speaker 1: I wrote, Am I a politician? Yes? After five years
25:10
Speaker 1: of avoiding this one aspect of parenting, they say all
25:14
Speaker 1: good things must come to an end. Can you guess
25:17
Speaker 1: what it is? If not, you'll find out in the
25:20
Speaker 1: coming weeks that time has come. After five years, I've
25:25
Speaker 1: decided to change my whole outlook on parenting and throw
25:28
Speaker 1: one of my children a birthday party. Don't all claim
25:33
Speaker 1: it once?
25:35
Speaker 2: Wow, I know I never thought the day would come.
25:39
Speaker 1: The day has come, my friend. Some of the party planners, no,
25:43
Speaker 1: we can't afford them unless you read.
25:47
Speaker 2: So what was the catalyst for deciding that this year
25:50
Speaker 2: was the year that you were going to throw your
25:51
Speaker 2: first birthday part?
25:52
Speaker 1: I was shamed online for being a bad dad.
25:56
Speaker 2: Actually, can I ask was it? What was it? When
26:01
Speaker 2: we jumped on She's on the Money podcast, Yeah, that.
26:04
Speaker 1: Was my money saving tip, and people were like, you're
26:08
Speaker 1: a muster.
26:08
Speaker 2: Think of the children, because anyone who doesn't know we
26:14
Speaker 2: jumped on we were guest hosts of that podcast. And
26:19
Speaker 2: it's not a serious money saving it's kind of a
26:21
Speaker 2: half serious, half joke. Yeah, there were a few outrage people.
26:25
Speaker 2: They were outrage who didn't know us.
26:27
Speaker 1: They don't know the context. I don't know the context.
26:29
Speaker 1: They don't know that. I like to tell jokes and
26:32
Speaker 1: that's a joke ish kind of real laugh. But I
26:37
Speaker 1: think it's funny. So I've continued with it.
26:39
Speaker 4: And someone was like, hey, dare you take the birthday
26:42
Speaker 4: away from a child? And it was like, hang in
26:45
Speaker 4: a fucking minute, I don't. I've never done that. We
26:49
Speaker 4: do celebrate their birthdays. I'm not a gypsy.
26:52
Speaker 2: We let Oscar out of his cage.
26:53
Speaker 1: I'm not a gypsy shackle him. We let him watch
26:58
Speaker 1: us eat cake. If that's how they portrayed me, like
27:03
Speaker 1: there was some sort of monster. And then they were
27:05
Speaker 1: like when I because I took Macy's birthdays the same
27:09
Speaker 1: day as a friends a friend's son's birthday, and the
27:14
Speaker 1: joke is so embedded in our friend group that they
27:17
Speaker 1: threw Macy into the birthday song at the same time.
27:19
Speaker 1: Well I did, and then I tagged them in it,
27:24
Speaker 1: saying I've got you next year, like it's my turn. Well,
27:28
Speaker 1: well that's a joke too, and someone was like, those
27:32
Speaker 1: poor parents, I would defriend you like, relax, all right,
27:36
Speaker 1: fucking relax. It's a joke, have I said? My response
27:40
Speaker 1: to this person's outrage comment was maybe you should have
27:44
Speaker 1: a laugh every now and then. Just sure left it
27:47
Speaker 1: at that, a harmless This is where we've ended up.
27:51
Speaker 1: April's gilted me into having a party. Okay, it doesn't
27:54
Speaker 1: mean I'm not going to sabotage it. No, we're in
27:59
Speaker 1: We're in time. So we are having a party. I
28:02
Speaker 1: wonder if you can guess.
28:03
Speaker 2: What the theme is now, well, I got my invite.
28:06
Speaker 2: Oh you did, I got my invite.
28:09
Speaker 1: That was an accident.
28:10
Speaker 2: It's manly themed.
28:12
Speaker 1: It's Manly seagulls theme. Yes, so we're having a Manly
28:15
Speaker 1: seagulls cake.
28:16
Speaker 2: Oh surely, surely you can get the mascot from Manly
28:21
Speaker 2: Seagles down to the birthday party. We don't want to
28:24
Speaker 2: say where it's being held, but is it in a
28:26
Speaker 2: park because that's one of the big questions. Is it indoor,
28:28
Speaker 2: outdoor venue, public space?
28:30
Speaker 1: There's so many questions when you're like, you know, where
28:33
Speaker 1: do you have it? What do you do? Are we
28:35
Speaker 1: doing too much? What's not enough? No? We opted for
28:40
Speaker 1: pub love that. So it's a pub with a big
28:43
Speaker 1: kids playground, like a big one outside and then all
28:47
Speaker 1: like the area that we've booked is like up against
28:50
Speaker 1: the park, so the kids can all play in the park.
28:52
Speaker 1: We get a table with shit there?
28:55
Speaker 2: Can I ask? What is the mascot? Is a big eagle?
28:58
Speaker 1: It's a big eagle. He's at the eagle. I was
29:01
Speaker 1: with the Manly ceo over the weekend, actually got a
29:04
Speaker 1: flight with him.
29:04
Speaker 2: On the all right legend.
29:06
Speaker 1: I didn't must be nice, it was.
29:10
Speaker 2: Nice to Can you drop something mainly seagulls? Name you?
29:15
Speaker 3: Just?
29:16
Speaker 2: Oh not the ceo? Already I already dropped with the
29:23
Speaker 2: Manly seas. Look how the tables have turned, my friend, I.
29:26
Speaker 1: Already dropped it. You didn't need to pick it up,
29:29
Speaker 1: so anyway, could I? Tony? I didn't drop. I didn't say.
29:35
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything. Okay, I haven't said anything. But
29:38
Speaker 1: if they're listening, I will would like the mascot for
29:41
Speaker 1: the afternoon. I think maybe we could get that done.
29:44
Speaker 2: Who is in the mascot? Does it change depending on.
29:46
Speaker 1: What I used to have a friend that was the
29:47
Speaker 1: mascot years ago. Hundred bucks a game used to get paid.
29:51
Speaker 1: That's quite good. That's quite good.
29:52
Speaker 2: I could. I could, I'd gladly invest one hundred dollars
29:57
Speaker 2: to see just a smile on Oscar's face for the
29:59
Speaker 2: first time.
30:01
Speaker 1: Oh that's a low blow, my friend, that is a
30:04
Speaker 1: very low blow. So my job was to organize the pub,
30:11
Speaker 1: organize the booking. April's got me dming people who you
30:16
Speaker 1: dming the pub? We want to make sure we get
30:19
Speaker 1: that spot at the front. I'm like, I'll just call
30:20
Speaker 1: them like the week out, Like it's not a huge deal.
30:22
Speaker 2: Also another question, did she want you to DM because
30:25
Speaker 2: they may yes, they know they're talking to Does he
30:28
Speaker 2: want to only this guy Ash Wicks you might get
30:31
Speaker 2: the VIP space?
30:33
Speaker 1: Yeah? So yeah. I was like, I'm number one manly member, okay,
30:38
Speaker 1: and I'm not that's Hugh Jackman. I'm New Jackman. And
30:44
Speaker 1: all I did was DM. They'll just say, hey, look
30:46
Speaker 1: I just want the and they're like, yeah, no worries,
30:48
Speaker 1: which is great, just perfect. What else am I in
30:50
Speaker 1: charge in charge of? I'm in charge of organizing my
30:54
Speaker 1: friends that the dad's and the kids. And that's the
30:57
Speaker 1: thing when you're when you're having a party, it's like,
30:59
Speaker 1: how do do you go on the guest list?
31:01
Speaker 2: It's hard. What's what's the capacity? What are we looking at?
31:05
Speaker 1: What's a pop? How many people can get in there?
31:06
Speaker 1: I'm just how many? So the invite will be on
31:10
Speaker 1: our Facebook based.
31:13
Speaker 2: If people would like to buy a present for Oscar,
31:15
Speaker 2: where can they send them? I think this is great.
31:18
Speaker 2: I'm very excited. I'm excited, and I can tell that
31:21
Speaker 2: while your exterior is showing a little bit of discomfort frustration,
31:24
Speaker 2: I can tell deep down there is a part of
31:28
Speaker 2: you that's very excited to create this.
31:30
Speaker 1: I am for Oscar. I am excited for a Saturday afternoon.
31:33
Speaker 2: Can I help it anyway? Is anything you want help with?
31:35
Speaker 2: Can you leave me the responsibility of the mascot?
31:38
Speaker 1: Yes?
31:39
Speaker 2: Do you have a child entertainer?
31:40
Speaker 1: No? Okay, great, we have an adult entertainment.
31:44
Speaker 2: Leave it with me. Leave it with me, my friend.
31:47
Speaker 2: I don't want to promise anything.
31:48
Speaker 1: April, you heard it. I don't want to promise anything,
31:50
Speaker 1: but leave it with me.
31:52
Speaker 2: Leave it with me. I'm going to see what I can.
31:54
Speaker 1: Wrangle where April. I'm most worried about April. Mainly she's like,
31:59
Speaker 1: what if no one turns up? Like that'll be a disaster,
32:02
Speaker 1: And it's.
32:02
Speaker 2: Like, get a pressibility is one person who's going to
32:07
Speaker 2: be there.
32:08
Speaker 1: There you go, and that is Oscar really wants is Maddie.
32:11
Speaker 2: J He doesn't like me?
32:14
Speaker 1: Does he come to duck me again? So actually, what
32:17
Speaker 1: I do want to know is I don't know if
32:19
Speaker 1: you've got any disaster stories, but I want and whether
32:22
Speaker 1: it's on your face on the Facebook group or whether
32:24
Speaker 1: it's on I might update. I might update the Facebook
32:28
Speaker 1: group with the announcement of this uh and ask for
32:33
Speaker 1: disaster stories birthday disasters.
32:36
Speaker 2: Also, I'm going to just send that Facebook link to
32:39
Speaker 2: all the people who criticized you previously. Ash. I'm going
32:42
Speaker 2: to go out there and just make sure those people
32:45
Speaker 2: who threw shade on you now. But then I guess
32:47
Speaker 2: they'll be like, huh see I want.
32:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't give it to them, still be wondering what happened?
32:54
Speaker 2: Where is that Ash guy? This is exciting, man, I'm excited.
32:58
Speaker 1: I'm excited. The pub on a Saturday afternoon, and I.
33:00
Speaker 2: Think it's a great venue. I think a pub is
33:03
Speaker 2: a great shot. If it's wet.
33:04
Speaker 1: Weather inside, there's outside, You've got food there, there's heaps
33:08
Speaker 1: of other people that don't have kids to annoy.
33:11
Speaker 2: There's toilets. There's toilets, and then you know, if you
33:13
Speaker 2: want to peel out, you can't peel out.
33:15
Speaker 1: There's also like a restaurant that does food, not just
33:19
Speaker 1: beerd love that. So yeah, it should be good.
33:21
Speaker 2: And if we want to kick on easy, we can
33:23
Speaker 2: stay that.
33:24
Speaker 1: We can stay there. There's other places.
33:26
Speaker 2: I'm pumped. I'm pumped.
33:27
Speaker 1: Great.
33:28
Speaker 2: Can I bring both kids?
33:29
Speaker 1: No, yeah you can. We'll have enough Lolli bags for
33:33
Speaker 1: those kids. Okay, that's another thing, trying to organize a
33:36
Speaker 1: Lolli bag that's not for the choke hazards.
33:38
Speaker 2: Okay, that is. I think one of the hardest parts
33:41
Speaker 2: of a kid's party is a Lolli bag and a
33:45
Speaker 2: parti bag.
33:46
Speaker 5: If you will try not to put something in that
33:47
Speaker 5: that's going to choke a child, because that would fall
33:50
Speaker 5: back on if you if your lollly bag choked a child,
33:52
Speaker 5: and God for beard that child was to pass away,
33:57
Speaker 5: you would be responsible.
33:58
Speaker 2: Yeah. I put life saving in your pretty to go
34:00
Speaker 2: to jail. Thank you, we're all thinking it.
34:03
Speaker 1: I put life I've seen you atlet.
34:08
Speaker 2: I would be I would be worth quite a lot
34:11
Speaker 2: in prison.
34:11
Speaker 1: You will be, I would be. You'd be hanging onto
34:13
Speaker 1: someone's pocket. Immediately shut up.
34:17
Speaker 2: I put life Savers in a party bag. I now
34:19
Speaker 2: know that the irony in that three to four year
34:23
Speaker 2: olds life savers are no good.
34:25
Speaker 1: The irony in them called life savers. But they could
34:27
Speaker 1: so easily take a cho.
34:31
Speaker 2: I did.
34:32
Speaker 1: I did.
34:32
Speaker 2: I went to a party recently. In the party bag.
34:35
Speaker 2: It wasn't it was a budget version, it wasn't match
34:37
Speaker 2: Box brand. It was like the Kmart version. Each party
34:41
Speaker 2: bag had a.
34:41
Speaker 1: Car, a new car. Just why is there a BMW
34:46
Speaker 1: key in my bond?
34:49
Speaker 2: It went down very well. Yeah, no pressure do so
34:52
Speaker 2: not all lollies to have some kind of tangible gift.
34:58
Speaker 1: Just gonna plant to thinking with these kids, like a
35:01
Speaker 1: calendar or a book. That's who don't need Dad's book? Question?
35:06
Speaker 1: Free time available on pre sale.
35:10
Speaker 2: I love how every episode we get it just quickly ash.
35:14
Speaker 2: I don't want to my own horn. I am a hero.
35:18
Speaker 1: I've always said that I am a hero. You've saved
35:20
Speaker 1: my baking in a lot of situations, so I want
35:22
Speaker 1: to hear this one.
35:23
Speaker 2: We were at the Entertainment Quarter on Sunday.
35:27
Speaker 1: Yes, More Park. More Park is a suburban Sydney.
35:29
Speaker 2: By the way, people outside of Sydney would be like,
35:31
Speaker 2: what does he mean? Now they know there is a
35:34
Speaker 2: great park there? There is great park pretty new?
35:37
Speaker 4: Is it free?
35:38
Speaker 1: Free?
35:38
Speaker 2: Park? Park is free? Parking is not free. The park
35:42
Speaker 2: is free. They're confusing. You're with me, it's continuing confused.
35:46
Speaker 1: Parked up the slide in my fucking car.
35:51
Speaker 2: There was it's like a rocket ship type setup if
35:55
Speaker 2: if you're with me, where you have to climb up
35:58
Speaker 2: to these little chambers and then I'll show you a
36:02
Speaker 2: video so you understand what I'm what I'm talking about.
36:05
Speaker 2: But it was quite hard to climb up. There wasn't
36:07
Speaker 2: like a set of ladders. You had to climb up
36:08
Speaker 2: a rope to get then into these chambers and then
36:11
Speaker 2: to get to the top you had to go through
36:12
Speaker 2: little pipes, just go up into different lias and then
36:15
Speaker 2: once you're at the top, then there's the top slide
36:18
Speaker 2: and that's how you then go back down.
36:20
Speaker 1: Is that the only way back down?
36:22
Speaker 2: Or you have to come back on yourself and go
36:24
Speaker 2: through the pipes.
36:25
Speaker 1: You have to come on and it's.
36:28
Speaker 2: But even I found it a little bit hard. You know,
36:31
Speaker 2: obviously I'm a big guy because sorry, sorry, okay, big guy.
36:41
Speaker 2: What I meant. What I meant is I'm an adult
36:45
Speaker 2: and this was designed. But Lola wanted to go on
36:49
Speaker 2: the slide. She was like, that looks great. She was like, dad,
36:52
Speaker 2: come with me.
36:52
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, big guy, don't know if
36:55
Speaker 1: you can tell can I go down sideways?
36:59
Speaker 2: But I thought, you know, I'll go with it because
37:01
Speaker 2: also the slide was pretty pretty steep as well.
37:05
Speaker 1: You know, but you're a big guy, so for you
37:07
Speaker 1: as fu.
37:09
Speaker 2: Okay, So I start climbing through and I'm just going
37:13
Speaker 2: to show you what the final chamber looks like.
37:16
Speaker 1: A final chamber, like it's some sort of torture chamber.
37:20
Speaker 2: I play, my guy, holy shit, thank you?
37:24
Speaker 1: Is that an outdoor of bonfire?
37:26
Speaker 2: So that's that's the chambers, right, And also they're fully
37:31
Speaker 2: enclosed as well, so you don't know how many people
37:34
Speaker 2: are like currently playing inside those chambers.
37:37
Speaker 1: That's a prison for children. That's what if someone's like,
37:40
Speaker 1: great news, We've built a prison specifically for children.
37:45
Speaker 2: Here's what it looks like, right, So it looks impressive,
37:47
Speaker 2: but actually, yeah, it's a child trap. So I climb
37:51
Speaker 2: in there, I get to the top chamber. Dude, what
37:54
Speaker 2: do I find skeleton? There's like eight kids crying up there.
38:01
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they're stuck.
38:02
Speaker 2: All the kids are stuck. They're all crying and they're like, mommy, please.
38:06
Speaker 1: No other parents.
38:07
Speaker 2: Noticed because it's so hard. No other parent's gone up there.
38:10
Speaker 2: So I'm found myself with all these kids, and I'm like,
38:14
Speaker 2: don't worry everybody. So I'm like, all right, who's first.
38:20
Speaker 2: I imagine this is what it would have felt like
38:23
Speaker 2: being one of the rescuers from the tie cave situation,
38:27
Speaker 2: being face to face with all these kids.
38:30
Speaker 1: In a life threatening situation, a live threatening situation, waiting
38:34
Speaker 1: for the tide to come in.
38:37
Speaker 2: So I all of a sudden, I'm directing these kids
38:40
Speaker 2: down the slide, which is very steep, and they're all
38:42
Speaker 2: pretty scared. Don't worry, I start sedating the kids. I didn't.
38:49
Speaker 1: I didn't. I was wondering, like, go backwards, if you're scared,
38:52
Speaker 1: go back.
38:52
Speaker 2: To close your eyes, timmy, and I start. All these
38:57
Speaker 2: kids are going down. Then finally it's low. It's myself.
39:01
Speaker 2: She goes down first. I go down afterwards. And I'm
39:03
Speaker 2: coming down the slide and I'm just wondering to myself,
39:06
Speaker 2: what kind of reaction will I get, you know, these
39:08
Speaker 2: parents must have been worried, sick. Where the hell's timmy?
39:11
Speaker 2: Where are my kids?
39:12
Speaker 1: No one? No one knows.
39:16
Speaker 2: Nothing.
39:16
Speaker 1: Parenting is a thankless chore, my friend, I.
39:19
Speaker 2: Don't know how long these kids have been up there, days, weeks.
39:22
Speaker 1: Perhaps that story reminds me of have you seen the
39:24
Speaker 1: opening of Trolls?
39:26
Speaker 2: Yes?
39:26
Speaker 1: No, and he comes down with his daughter.
39:31
Speaker 2: I get nothing. I don't do this for the pat
39:33
Speaker 2: on the back afterwards.
39:35
Speaker 1: But you're looking for it now? Are you not a
39:37
Speaker 1: single bit of redig you're looking for it? Did you
39:40
Speaker 1: come down like, yeah, you know what? Well done, sir,
39:48
Speaker 1: Thank you. A lesser man would have gone. Not my problem.
39:51
Speaker 1: That lesser man would have been me.
39:53
Speaker 2: Again, I don't do this to hear those words spoken about.
39:56
Speaker 1: Me, but they're appreciated.
39:57
Speaker 2: Thank you.
39:58
Speaker 1: Speaking of praise, let's go into our favorite segment, which
40:02
Speaker 1: is Patty couple, Welcome down the street, Patty couple.
40:09
Speaker 2: They like with met couple. I love you, but immit you,
40:18
Speaker 2: no one can push me quite like you. Ash first
40:24
Speaker 2: one here is from t J. Spelt Te Space.
40:31
Speaker 1: Do not know there's a quicker way to spell that?
40:33
Speaker 2: I love words. Marley's learning how to spell right now,
40:36
Speaker 2: words like TJ. They're fantastic, very easy, pretty easy for
40:41
Speaker 2: young minds. It's just two letters, well said, TJ says.
40:46
Speaker 2: My husband did one of the few loads of washing
40:49
Speaker 2: he's ever done and hung it on the line. Well done,
40:52
Speaker 2: well done. Round of applause.
40:54
Speaker 1: That's great, bar so low, that's so good.
40:56
Speaker 2: Good to see him doing his fair share. Not fair share?
41:00
Speaker 3: Is it?
41:01
Speaker 2: He's on the road, it is, She says. I noticed
41:05
Speaker 2: it was still in the line the next day and
41:06
Speaker 2: reminded him to bring it in. The reminders continued over
41:10
Speaker 2: the next couple of days. Those clothes and towers remained
41:13
Speaker 2: on the line days, she says. Heah, And I don't
41:18
Speaker 2: know if she's embellishing the story, TJ. TJ. I don't
41:21
Speaker 2: want to call you a liar, but this is this
41:23
Speaker 2: is a bit far fit, she's saying. Cut to ten
41:26
Speaker 2: months later. No, ten months.
41:29
Speaker 1: They weren't out there for ten months, that's what she's saying.
41:31
Speaker 2: TJ says. It must be true. He finally took them
41:34
Speaker 2: off the line.
41:36
Speaker 1: Ten months later.
41:38
Speaker 2: She says, I looked at them every single day. Out
41:41
Speaker 2: of sheer pettiness, I refuse to bring them in. TJ.
41:46
Speaker 3: You've done the right thing here, You've done the right
41:49
Speaker 3: thing ten months. That's more than a pregnancy. Oh that's
41:58
Speaker 3: pretty petty.
41:59
Speaker 1: TJ say. They're probably his clothes too, Like, that's probably
42:03
Speaker 1: why she's left it, if it was anything important of hers,
42:05
Speaker 1: I guarantee TJ's got that off.
42:08
Speaker 2: Also. Yeah, like the one time he finally does the washing,
42:10
Speaker 2: he just does his clothes and not hers.
42:13
Speaker 1: So who's the pew on here, Matt, I've got one
42:17
Speaker 1: from Gemma. Jemma says sharing a bathroom with my husband
42:22
Speaker 1: is so annoying. Separate bathrooms. I'm with you. If he
42:27
Speaker 1: shakes too vigorously and sprays his piss on the floor,
42:30
Speaker 1: I use his towel. No. Oh. She also goes on
42:39
Speaker 1: to say the same applies if he gets water all
42:42
Speaker 1: over the floor because he's incapable of using a bath
42:45
Speaker 1: mat properly. Oh my, so it still goes. She then says,
42:51
Speaker 1: sometimes I watch him drying his face and creep, but
42:56
Speaker 1: you've got to kiss that face. She don't have to,
42:59
Speaker 1: bro she doesn't have to. I hope he's not listening.
43:03
Speaker 2: He's got to get his four skin checked and it's
43:04
Speaker 2: not his problem.
43:05
Speaker 1: He's got a six skin. That's great. And I love them.
43:09
Speaker 1: Keep the coming in. Wow. You can send them to
43:12
Speaker 1: Hello at two Doting dads dot com, or you can
43:14
Speaker 1: DM two Doting Dad's the Instagram page and we will
43:18
Speaker 1: try and it around to all of them. There are
43:20
Speaker 1: lots because people are out there being petty makes the
43:22
Speaker 1: days go by.
43:23
Speaker 2: I love how all these men are just completely oblivious
43:28
Speaker 2: to what's happening around them, wiping their face, like town
43:32
Speaker 2: smells a bit weird.
43:33
Speaker 1: Why does my town smell pissy?
43:35
Speaker 2: Anyway? Anyway, it must be me questions ash, yes, questions,
43:39
Speaker 2: We do have a question. Last episode, I think it
43:42
Speaker 2: was we told a story about a friend of mine
43:45
Speaker 2: who bit their kid as a way to tearing them.
43:47
Speaker 2: You're careful not to say that we're advocating for parents
43:51
Speaker 2: to bite their own kids. Holy shit. It was an
43:54
Speaker 2: outpouring of parents being like, I'm a barter, They're everyone's.
43:58
Speaker 1: Not your kids a bit. They're probably just like, that's
44:00
Speaker 1: what sposed.
44:01
Speaker 2: To everyone's biting, and it is the most effective way,
44:05
Speaker 2: according to the people that have reached out to us,
44:07
Speaker 2: to stop the kids from biting other kids. And even
44:10
Speaker 2: people were saying I was a bier as a kid
44:12
Speaker 2: and I got bit by my parent. I no longer bit.
44:16
Speaker 2: So once again, we're not advocating for this. We're just
44:19
Speaker 2: saying that there's a lot of people out there that say,
44:21
Speaker 2: as parents, it works, as kids getting bit by their
44:24
Speaker 2: parents also worked.
44:25
Speaker 1: That's crazy for.
44:26
Speaker 2: Everyone who reached out. We want to say thank you.
44:28
Speaker 1: I have a taste let us.
44:32
Speaker 2: Question here is from Ronda. Ronda asks Ash, when you're
44:38
Speaker 2: giving your kids a bath at night time, what do
44:41
Speaker 2: you do if they we in the bath? Do you
44:43
Speaker 2: change the bathwater? Or do you just push on, push on?
44:49
Speaker 1: Nice words there. I definitely depends on how yellow it is,
44:54
Speaker 1: because if I can't see it, I don't know it's there.
44:58
Speaker 1: But the other day I said to Scar, do we
45:01
Speaker 1: get in the bath? Because I don't need to shares
45:04
Speaker 1: a bath.
45:04
Speaker 2: With his sister, and especially now when it's a bit colder.
45:07
Speaker 2: As soon as they hit that warm water floodgates open.
45:10
Speaker 1: He and he was so de hyght and had to
45:17
Speaker 1: redo the whole bath again. Subsequently, we only have a
45:20
Speaker 1: small hot water hit heater at our house, so both
45:22
Speaker 1: April and I ended up with cold showers. Oh no,
45:26
Speaker 1: she was not very happy.
45:27
Speaker 2: What is it with kids? They like? My kids? They've
45:30
Speaker 2: now got a taste of pissing in the bath, and
45:33
Speaker 2: they prefer that the pissing in the toilets. Every time.
45:36
Speaker 2: I'm like, before you get in the bath, do are
45:39
Speaker 2: we on the potty? And they're like, no, no, are
45:42
Speaker 2: we in there? And I'm like it's like they will fight,
45:47
Speaker 2: they will fight me to not wei on the potty.
45:49
Speaker 2: I'm like trying to force them on. So I'm like, hey, fine, but.
45:52
Speaker 1: Then they want to drink the bath water.
45:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what they've got, this taste now, the taste
45:58
Speaker 2: for urine.
45:58
Speaker 1: What is wrong with you? You see ships in the bath?
46:02
Speaker 1: I've set your photos of that ship, which I get
46:05
Speaker 1: them out immediately. Immediately you change the bath water then
46:09
Speaker 1: or bath's over. I Dad's going to fish out of
46:14
Speaker 1: the drain that bath is well and truly, because then
46:18
Speaker 1: I've got to like disinfect the bath.
46:21
Speaker 2: I didn't think you would.
46:22
Speaker 1: I wouldn't April make it? What about you? Do you
46:28
Speaker 1: push on through?
46:29
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, always always would. It would have to be
46:33
Speaker 2: like acid coming out of their body for me to
46:37
Speaker 2: change the bath water. I'm like, man, that's wild. That's
46:40
Speaker 2: good to go. You guys are fine. You won't notice
46:43
Speaker 2: that's a lot of water, Matt.
46:46
Speaker 1: This one's from Sam. What do you tell your kids
46:49
Speaker 1: when they ask you how babies get inside mummy's belly?
46:54
Speaker 2: Well, that's a good question.
46:56
Speaker 1: We want to turn it back on them to see
46:59
Speaker 1: how they think the baby got in the belly.
47:01
Speaker 2: What are your kids saying?
47:02
Speaker 1: Whatever they say, I just say that that's the answer.
47:05
Speaker 2: I've always been pretty upfront, pretty transparent with my kids.
47:09
Speaker 1: And it's funny you ask, I've got a tape here.
47:13
Speaker 2: I say that you're always babies are in mummy's tummy.
47:18
Speaker 2: But when it comes to explaining the intricacies of how
47:20
Speaker 2: they got in there, I'm like, go ask your mother.
47:26
Speaker 2: I just say, when you love someone very much, you cuddle.
47:32
Speaker 1: Always the case, though.
47:36
Speaker 2: I don't don't to those single mums out there, I
47:39
Speaker 2: don't say I don't say specifically how good in there?
47:42
Speaker 2: But I just say that when mum and dad, as
47:45
Speaker 2: me and Laura, when we loved each other very much,
47:47
Speaker 2: that's how the baby happened. End of good night, and
47:52
Speaker 2: let's get out of here, then figure it out. I
47:54
Speaker 2: don't think.
47:54
Speaker 1: I mean, I do think lambled my way through it.
47:58
Speaker 2: I do think did she no? Maybe not thinking if
48:02
Speaker 2: she said to them, they come out the vagina.
48:05
Speaker 1: Hmm, that's what they come out of. Know how they
48:07
Speaker 1: got in there?
48:08
Speaker 2: No, well, actually that's not true.
48:10
Speaker 1: It's both.
48:12
Speaker 2: I don't think she did. I don't quote me on this.
48:15
Speaker 2: I do have this memory of like, that's where babies
48:18
Speaker 2: come out from. I think, okay, this is for getting
48:21
Speaker 2: deep and dark a lot. It's a lot for the
48:24
Speaker 2: young mind of a four year old to comprehend. So
48:26
Speaker 2: I think all that Marley cares about is that the
48:29
Speaker 2: baby's inside the tummy. She's not really pushing hard for
48:32
Speaker 2: direct answers of like, tell me, now, how did it
48:35
Speaker 2: get in there?
48:35
Speaker 1: She's looking for a specific anatomy.
48:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we're just like it's in there, Like, eh,
48:39
Speaker 2: fair enough, fair enough, it's in there, then it's not.
48:41
Speaker 2: So we'll just park that for now, for now, until
48:44
Speaker 2: she's a bit older, yes, and until the kids start
48:47
Speaker 2: asking specific questions. Then I'll start to lighter them more.
48:53
Speaker 1: Perfect. That sounds like a really good plan. That sounds
48:56
Speaker 1: that actually is something I would love to do. Just
48:59
Speaker 1: laugh at them about it.
49:00
Speaker 2: I have this weird memory. Sometimes it's just strange how
49:03
Speaker 2: one particular moment sticks out in your mind. And I remember,
49:06
Speaker 2: I think I was grade five.
49:08
Speaker 1: I'm listening.
49:08
Speaker 2: His name was Kieren and I don't remember how he
49:12
Speaker 2: was using it, but he was using the word stiffy.
49:15
Speaker 2: And I was like, stiffy. You say, what is it?
49:19
Speaker 2: What is a stiffy? And he was like, you don't
49:21
Speaker 2: know what a stiffy? He had older brothers, Yeah, he
49:23
Speaker 2: was like yeah. And I went to my brother and
49:26
Speaker 2: I was like, what's the stiffy? And he was like.
49:29
Speaker 2: My brother was like, you don't know what a stiff
49:30
Speaker 2: he is. Maybe he didn't know, but he was like,
49:33
Speaker 2: I'm not telling you, bro. Yeah. So I went to
49:36
Speaker 2: mum and I was like, what's a stiffy? She wouldn't
49:38
Speaker 2: tell me.
49:39
Speaker 1: That's just wrong, thank you?
49:41
Speaker 2: Do you know?
49:41
Speaker 1: I was recapping one of the worst conversations I ever
49:44
Speaker 1: had with my mum, and that was her explaining to
49:46
Speaker 1: me what an orgasm is. How old were twelve? Makes
49:52
Speaker 1: so much sense now, doesn't that. I We used to
49:55
Speaker 1: have this school near us called Sant Augustin's and the
49:57
Speaker 1: nickname for it was sat Orgasms. And I was like,
50:00
Speaker 1: we'll say orgasms like some of the boys again to
50:02
Speaker 1: an orgasms. She was like, would you like to know
50:03
Speaker 1: what orgasms.
50:04
Speaker 2: I like, no, and she she went on to.
50:08
Speaker 1: Try and explain it to me, but I was like,
50:10
Speaker 1: like so distraught.
50:11
Speaker 2: Good on her, Good on her?
50:14
Speaker 1: Anyway?
50:15
Speaker 2: Did you call it orgasms? Following that?
50:18
Speaker 1: Never, I never used the word ever again, genius missus Wicks.
50:21
Speaker 1: We'll play anyway. That's all we got time for.
50:24
Speaker 2: The builders need to get back to work. We need
50:26
Speaker 2: to get out of here to get back to They're
50:29
Speaker 2: all currently waiting and being like we had to come
50:31
Speaker 2: to the house of a podcaster. Yeah, of course we did,
50:34
Speaker 2: waiting for me to give them the signal.
50:35
Speaker 1: Extra line back on the tools boys, get back.
50:39
Speaker 2: Who wants some tea and lemonade? I have to get
50:43
Speaker 2: them drinks at one thirty, No, I promised them, Well,
50:45
Speaker 2: they can have big it's the biggies some lemonade.
50:49
Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone
50:52
Speaker 1: who needs a laugh parent and non parent definitely not
50:55
Speaker 1: a pet parent, otherwise we'll find out and leave us
50:58
Speaker 1: to reviews and.
50:58
Speaker 2: Subscribe as well. Yeah, subscribe review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify,
51:03
Speaker 2: watch us some shorts, Yeah whatever, do whatever. And yeah,
51:08
Speaker 2: if you have any advice for Ash's party, please send
51:11
Speaker 2: it away because we want to make sure it's the
51:13
Speaker 2: Bash of the year.
51:14
Speaker 1: Yes, and don't forget. If you want to win this
51:16
Speaker 1: case of Stonewood, follow whatever Matt said earlier. Go back
51:20
Speaker 1: and listen to it again from the start. All right, sir, Back.
51:29
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
51:33
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
51:37
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
51:39
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight
51:42
Speaker 1: Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land