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Honoring Grief & Life’s Final Departure with Kacie Gikonyo · Groove with Portia

0:06
Welcome to Group of Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the hidden treasures within grief.
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I'm your host, Porsche the Producer, and I'm inviting you to join
0:14
me on a transformative journey where we will exchange laughter, of course, the
0:17
best medicine of them all, reflect on cherished memories, Remember that time that
0:21
the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his mother's at the amusement park yikes,
0:25
And of course, discover gratitude while navigating one of the life's hardest challenges
0:30
lost. So get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer, let's
0:35
dive in. Hey listeners, welcome back to Group with Porsche. I'm your
0:47
host and executive producer, Porsche the Producer, And before we begin these conversations,
0:52
don't forget to like, share and subscribe to keep up with the latest
0:55
episodes of Group with Porsche. So, today, you guys, I have
0:59
the honor of being joined by an individual who I will refer to as our
1:03
Crossroad Companion, and she is on a mission to not only reduce the fear
1:10
and anxiety around end of life transitions, but also provide death education and support
1:15
those who are ready to take their walk back home. So Welcome to Greul
1:21
Porsche, CEO and founder of End of Life Consulting Co. Miss Casey Gakanyo.
1:26
How are you doing today, Casey? I'm doing great. Thanks so
1:30
much for having me. I'm excited to be here. Excellent, Casey,
1:33
the honor is truly mine. Before we begin, as always, i'd love
1:37
to start off my conversations with gratitude. What are you grateful for today?
1:42
Well, today, I'm grateful for you. First of all, I like
1:46
to be able to talk to anybody who will listen, and you're helping me
1:48
kind of get my word out there. And I know that any conversation with
1:51
Porsche is a great conversation. So I'm grateful for you first of all.
1:55
Second of all, I'm grateful that the sun is shining where I'm at.
1:57
I love the sunshine. And third of all, I'm grateful for my kids
2:00
because they're my whole heart. O, Casey, you're gonna make me cry
2:06
already. That's too early. It's too early in the conversation. Well,
2:12
let's see how we get through it. And I truly I've received that case
2:16
one hundred percent because I remember at one point in my journey in my life
2:21
where I felt as though I couldn't even stand myself. So to hear this
2:25
confirmation that I'm in good company with myself and also with you, and how
2:31
our conversations definitely continue to uplift each other is truly just heartwarming. So I
2:38
thank you from the bottom of my heart. And of course the kidds.
2:39
I got a fur kid upstairs. His name is mister Fletcher Blaze. He's
2:43
spoiled rotten. I could definitely relate because fur kids are kids, right,
2:46
they got their own you know, agenda, and that we get absolutely.
2:51
I've got the furry ones and the non furry ones. I've got all kinds.
2:54
You got the two legged and the four legged. So I do,
2:58
yes, Yes, you've got a no and intend to fairly fun household.
3:04
That as a perfect way to describe my household, I'll be honest. So
3:08
Casey for starters. For our audience who is tuning in, I always love
3:14
to shine light on topics that tend to be a little I guess you can
3:20
say taboo. So for those who are tuning in, would you mind highlighting
3:25
the term death dula For our audience who may or may not be familiar with
3:30
the role and responsibility of a death dula. Yeah. Absolutely. Death dulas
3:37
are something that's newer and definitely becoming more and more popular. Most people have
3:43
heard of a birthing duela, So a birthing duela helps somebody safely and comfortably
3:47
labor into this world. A death dula does the same thing, just on
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the opposite end of life. So as a death dula, I help people
3:54
too safely, comfortably and calmly leave this earth, labor out of this world,
4:00
if you will. That's why I love that I called it being the
4:04
crossroad companion, because really, you're, in a sense, walking them back
4:12
home. I am. I am. Whatever home may be. For some,
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it's probably the fields of goal pastures, right. For some it might
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be back into the clouds or heaven. However we depict what that back home
4:30
might be. For those of us who are faith driven religious, that whole
4:33
thing, it's heaven, right, going back to heaven with our loved ones
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and whoever we knew on this physical plane that have made their physical transition before
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us, right, And Casey, for you, I gotta ask this,
4:48
I'm just curious. I know that you have a background in working with people
4:55
who as a nurse for a long time. For what twelve years you've You've
5:00
been a nurse, so you've had experience working with individuals who have made their
5:05
physical transition, and so I'm curious, Casey, what made you really step
5:11
into this as a full time passion of yours instead of like a lot of
5:16
people, they kind of get burned out and walk away from it. What
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made you walk to it? This is a great question as well. You
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know, I noticed in my nursing career very early on that I was able
5:33
to navigate the realm of death and dying a lot better than most people.
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And you know, some people think that healthcare workers, you know, nurses,
5:41
doctors, they have to all be good with death because they deal with
5:44
it all the time. But the fact is that they're not all good with
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death. Not all nurses are good with it, and not all doctors are
5:49
good with it. And that's okay. You know, we each have our
5:53
strengths and our weaknesses. I was really good in the realm of death and
5:56
dying. I was able to provide unemotional care and support, but also really
6:03
make sure that my clients were kept comfortable. You know, something, at
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the end of life, it can sometimes be a rocky road depending on you
6:12
know, what your end of life process is, and if you don't really
6:15
have somebody there making sure that the medications are like they should be, then
6:20
sometimes people can be uncomfortable. So I mean, I spent my lengthy,
6:25
lengthy nursing career working with people at the end of life. I worked as
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a private duty nurse, I worked in long term care, a Q care,
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skilled care, so I just worked with a lot of people who are
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at the end of their lives and then when they did transition into you know,
6:41
the death phase, I was kind of the one that everybody called,
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you know, Casey's the girl for that. COVID was obviously huge, especially
6:49
for somebody who's a nurse. I was a registered nurse working the front lines
6:53
of COVID, and I was actually an infection preventionist at the time, so
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it is one of the worst jobs you can have of working during COVID.
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But during this time, I did see a lot of people die in a
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small amount of time, and their deaths they weren't great. They didn't get
7:11
to say goodbye to their family members, they didn't get somebody to be there
7:14
with them. They were alone. And even the last people that they saw
7:18
were doctors or nurses who were dressed from head to toe in ppe, so
7:23
they almost didn't even look human. You couldn't see their eyes, their face,
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their mouth, their skin, nothing. So it was during this time
7:30
that I really found that I had a passion for making sure that people die
7:33
a more beautiful death. I did everything I could do for these people to
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try to make their death more human, more beautiful. I would take off
7:41
my gloves, which was against every single rule possible, and hold their hands
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so that they had that skin to skin context so they knew that there was
7:48
somebody there with them and they weren't alone. I would face time their family
7:51
members if I could, to just try to get them to be together in
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any way that they could. It was just kind of during that time time
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that I really realized that I'm different when it comes to death. I'm different
8:03
than most people are, and I'm good at it. So I just wanted
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to kind of throw myself into that only I wanted to get out of the
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traditional world of nursing and do it my own way, where I could manage
8:16
my own schedule, where I wasn't burnt out, where I was able to
8:20
give all of myself to the people who need me as opposed to spreading myself
8:26
out amongst you know, thirty forty people as a nurse. So that's kind
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of what led me led me here. Okay, see, I'm already starting
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to tier up a little bit. Well, we'll give through it because what's
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coming to me right now, especially as you recount your journey of being here
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as a death duel, I'm working with clients individually instead of in a healthcare
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setting where you're standard is multiple patients on a unit depending on how big the
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unity is, depending on obviously how severe there ailments are, and then of
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course with COVID, lots of people with probably breathing issues on ventilators, that
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whole thing in Casey, I'm just curious during that period of time when you
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were obviously visiting with these different patients and you know, letting them contact their
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family members and even before that, right what did you notice as far as
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the patients who you interacted with, what was something that really stuck to you
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about their story as they were making their transition from this physical plane. Oh
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man, you know, every death is its own journeys, and I've been
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with so many people through their death journey that I couldn't even narrow down like
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a couple stories. There are so many different stories from so many different people.
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I just find that I like to make it a sensory friendly experience,
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and I like to make sure that there's a lot of love the room,
10:00
you know what I mean, so people know that they're not alone. Something
10:03
that happens to people in their last days of life. They're not really able
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to move or speak or communicate or anything. They're just kind of laying there.
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So I like to make sure that in those last moments, even though
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they're not able to say it's too bright in here, or I'm freezing or
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I'm hot or anything like that, you know, I try to anticipate any
10:20
needs that they would have during that time, so that even though they're not
10:24
able to communicate with me, I'm still being sure to keep them as comfortable
10:26
as possible as they make that transition. I do love when a lot of
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times, in the last days of life, people will see loved ones who
10:35
have already passed away. That is something that very frequently happens with almost every
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single person that I've been with, and I've actually even had people who didn't
10:46
see family members who had passed away. But I saw pets who had passed
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away. So that's something that you commonly see throughout the end of life.
10:54
That is just I find it magical and I love it. But yes,
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I hope that answers your question little bit. It does in casey, I
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want to something else that's coming up to me right now is obviously you're on
11:07
this journey as a crossroad companion, and you're seeing people make their physical transition
11:15
on a frequency. Right, it could be weakly daily, depending on now
11:20
how many clients that you're working with. I'm curious as to how do you
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grieve obviously this physical transition of someone who you've grown so close to in such
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a short period of time, and also if you're currently going through any type
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of grief in your own personal life. Okay, so two part question.
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First of all, so how do I battle all of the grief with seeing
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all of the people die. I do build a really great report with all
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of the people that I work with, so by the time that they have
11:56
passed away, it is like losing a friend. It's not like losing a
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client or a customer. You know, I've grown close to not only them,
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but their family, so it is like losing a friend. For me,
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I see grief differently than other people do because I see beauty in things
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where other people aren't able to see the beauty. So, you know,
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I have this friend, for instance, that I've worked with as a death
12:20
dula for several several months, We've grown close, we've become friends, and
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they eventually make their transition and they pass on. Well, everybody is really
12:30
sad because they're not going to see that person anymore. But for me,
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internally, I just see it in such a different way. I know that
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because I was there with them, that their death and their passing and they're
12:41
crossing over was as beautiful as it could be. I know that I made
12:46
it safer and more comfortable. And not only that, I know that I've
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helped the loved ones. So you know, when my people pass on,
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I kind of, you know, surround their loved ones with love, of
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course, because that's what they would do, That's what they would want.
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So I I just see grief a little bit differently. I do grieve in
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the way that I still miss these people absolutely, but I just I focus
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more so on the beauty of all of it as opposed to the sadness of
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it. So that's kind of how I handle that type of grief. As
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far as grief in my own life, my grandmother passed away. It was
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a few years ago, so I don't want to say recently, but she
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was the closest person to me who's ever passed away, and she had Alzheimer's
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and I was her deaf du la. I was there with her and my
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whole family through absolutely all of it, and it was just incredible, to
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be honest, to be able to provide that type of support to my family
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and education to my family, and also to be able to be there with
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her in her last moments. So I grieve her every day. Every day
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I miss her. But also, you know something else that I like to
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say is all of these people that I've worked with, whether it be my
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family or not my family, they've all taught me something along the way,
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and I hold those things in my heart. So for me, while those
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people aren't physically here and I can't physically see them, a piece of them
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lives on inside of me, whether in my brain something great they've taught me
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or something beautiful that I hold deep inside my heart. So that's kind of
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how I picture grief, if that makes sense, and it's it's a very
14:24
beautiful way, right. It's that legacy preservation, right, because you've come
14:28
in contact with so many different people. Right. There's a song that's coming
14:33
up in my head right now, and it's the band's name is leaving Me
14:37
at the moment, but I Prevail. The band's called I Prevail, and
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one of their songs on one of their albums that came out a few years
14:45
ago, it's called every time you leave, I lose a piece of me.
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And it makes me think of even my mom. Right when a lot
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of you guys know the story about my mom. It's been a full year
14:56
since my mom made her transition from this physical plane. And what always comes
15:01
up for me with my mom was her passion for education. And she always
15:07
had a motto that everybody has the ability to learn. And every time I
15:13
encounter someone who is on their new journey of whether it's a new career or
15:20
going back to school, you know, I feel my mom's spirit like tackling
15:24
me, like, hey, hey, remind them, encourage them. So
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I definitely can relate to you there about holding onto a piece of each person
15:33
who we've encountered on this physical plane in case it before we jump into the
15:39
next part of the conversation. For our audience who is tuning in if they
15:43
want to connect with you and learn more about you, or maybe have you
15:48
come and do some type of educational seminar. Is there a website or a
15:52
social media handle that they can connect with you. Yeah, absolutely so.
15:56
My website is Coaching Withcasey dot Com. But I am so on all of
16:00
the social medias that you can think of. So you can find me on
16:03
social media not only to reach out and connect with me, but you can
16:07
also find a lot about me on social media. I post a lot of
16:10
educational content every single day. Actually, I tell a lot of stories and
16:15
just really do my hardest to educate everyone about death and dying. So if
16:19
anyone is interested in following along or reaching out to me, you can find
16:23
me on YouTube at death Dula Casey. You can find me on TikTok at
16:29
death Dula Casey. You can find me on Facebook at End of Life Coaching
16:33
with Casey, and Instagram is End of Life with Casey, and LinkedIn is
16:38
just Casey Getcobo. But you can pretty much find me anywhere, and I
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would love to connect with anyone who's interested in talking to me, learning more,
16:45
working with me, having me do some education from speaking any of it.
16:49
Please reach out. Excellent, Excellent. So those of you who want
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to connect with Casey, you definitely can. She's on all the popular social
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media channels. Casey, I gotta ask this. You brought up a key
17:02
point about education and kind of reducing that anxiety around death and transition, and
17:08
so I'm curious what's coming up for me is what are the common misconceptions about
17:14
death? Because I feel like there's so many and that continues to flood the
17:21
anxiety pool around oh my god, I'm afraid to die, that whole thing.
17:26
So can you elaborate or shot some light on what are the common misconceptions
17:30
about death? Yeah, definitely, there are a lot of them. So
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I'm going to try to keep this as minimal because I've got about a hundred
17:37
that flooded my mind. First thing that I think is important for people to
17:41
know is that death is a labor out of this world. I think that
17:45
since we don't know much about death and we don't think much about death,
17:48
people think that they just die one day and it is not like that for
17:52
most people. There is like ten percent of the people in the world that
17:56
you know, die spontaneously. But for the rest of us, it's a
18:00
process. It's a process of your body declining, and it's a process of
18:03
actually dying. And depending on you know, what it is that is going
18:07
to ultimately be at the end of your life, whether it's a terminal illness
18:11
or you're aging out of life. Either way, it can sometimes even be
18:17
over a year or two of declining, of slowly declining, and then when
18:22
you are dying, even that is a period of days. I mean sometimes
18:27
two to ten days. Somebody can take that long for their body to finally
18:33
shut down and leave. So that's just important for people to know. I
18:37
mean, I think that a lot of people think that you just kind of
18:38
die and it's real quick, easy like that, and it's not. There's
18:41
just a lot more to it. Another misconception that people have is about hospice.
18:48
So I read a statistic yesterday that seventy percent of people wish to die
18:52
at home, but seventy percent of people end up not dying at home.
18:56
They die in long term care facilities or you know, hospitals. Or something
19:00
like that. Part of my explanation for the reason behind this is because people
19:06
don't have the right plan in place. So I mean, if somebody does
19:10
want to die at home, that's absolutely something that's possible, but you have
19:12
to have all your ducks in a row, you know, not only legally,
19:15
but financially. It could require a lot of care. It could cost
19:18
a lot of money, something that people don't often realize about hospice. People
19:23
kind of have this false belief that you know, well, I'll just put
19:26
them on hospice and hospice will take care of it. Hospice is fantastic and
19:32
wonderful and absolutely needed at the end of life, but they don't provide twenty
19:36
four hour care, they don't move into the house, they don't do all
19:38
of the care. What they do is give you the tools and the education
19:42
that you, as the family member need to care for your loved one.
19:47
And I think that's another huge misconception. I think that people think they'll just
19:51
be able to handle handoff this care to hospice and it won't really be that
19:53
big of a deal. But it's much bigger than that. You know,
19:57
if your loved one wants to I at home and you are part of their
20:02
circle, or there are people who are going to be taking care of them,
20:03
a lot of that caregiving is going to fall on you. So that's
20:07
just one of the biggest misconceptions that I think people definitely need to know.
20:12
Another one, you know, people don't like to talk about death because it's
20:15
scary and if we talk about it, you know, we'll bring it on.
20:18
We'll die if we talk about our death. And I had some I
20:22
heard somebody say before you know, you can talk about being pregnant all day
20:25
long, but that's not going to make you pregnant, right, It's the
20:27
same thing with death. We can talk about death all day long and it's
20:30
not going to kill you or I. All it's going to do is make
20:33
us that much more prepared for our death. So something that people really miss
20:41
is people plan for their retirement and they plan for what's going to happen after
20:45
they die. But most people don't think about that part there of planning for
20:49
when you're dying. It's just something that people kind of overlook. You know,
20:55
you plan for your retirement, you plan for where all of your finances
20:59
and your state and all of your things will go. After you're gone,
21:00
But what do you want while you're dying? What do you want during those
21:04
last few months of life where you know you're not able to leave the house
21:08
or you know you're not able to move very much on your own. So
21:12
these are the types of things that I really like to bring to the forefront
21:15
of people's thoughts to think about. For me, it's important for me that
21:19
I die at home. I'm forty years old, so hopefully I'm not going
21:23
to die anytime soon, but if I will, my family knows my wishes.
21:27
They know this is what I want, and also I plan for this.
21:32
You know, I have a certain amount of money that I set aside
21:33
to plan for it, so that let's say I get Alzheimer's disease in my
21:38
last few years of life are pretty rocky. You know, If I have
21:42
planned financially and legally and everything else to be able to stay at home with
21:48
caregivers and people who can help me, then that's something that can be possible.
21:52
But if you don't have all of that stuff arranged and the right amount
21:56
of finance to set aside to pay for it, then you know, there's
21:59
only so much that your family can do on your own and you might have
22:02
to end up moving into some type of special home instead. He see.
22:07
You know you've touched on a lot, and one thing that's coming back up
22:10
for me is that conversation piece. Right, It's like we talk about being
22:15
pregnant or all these other trending things. But as we all know, being
22:22
human, death is a part of our journey, right, Transition is part
22:27
of our journey, and we transition in so many different areas of our life,
22:33
from number one, when we become a teenager, then when we become
22:37
an adult, when we graduated from high school, and all of those things.
22:41
And casey, for our audience who is tuning in, how can they
22:47
open up the conversation around death and their family Because I'll be honest, quick
22:55
story for everybody. So, my mother has always been trans parent with me
23:00
and my brother since we were little about her final wishes. So when the
23:07
day came right, it was it was a very seamless process for us because
23:14
my mom flat out said, look, just get me cremated. That whole
23:18
thing. So we kind of went a little above and beyond because my mom.
23:22
Those of you who knew my mom, you guys knew who she was
23:23
so we got her cremated. But then we had what I call a celebration
23:29
of life. So we went to Edgewater, we had food, we had
23:32
fun, we had music, and then we did a balloon release at one
23:36
sixteen on that day because my mom's birthdays January sixteen, So we did a
23:41
celebration of life for her. But the fact that my mom was always so
23:45
transparent from the very beginning, that whole conversation and maybe taboonists around death never
23:53
really in a sense stuck with me and like made me like, oh my
23:57
god, I'm too afraid. So Casey, can you elaborate maybe what are
24:02
some action steps that people can take to maybe open up the conversation with their
24:08
family about their final wishes without it being such a uproar. Yeah. So,
24:17
I mean that is very common that family members will not want to talk
24:19
about it, you know what I mean. I'm not talking about the day
24:22
you die, absolutely not. We're not thinking about that, you know,
24:25
But then when that day comes, nobody knows what to do. You know
24:29
what I mean. I love that your mother did this for you. I
24:32
love that not only did she remove that negative stigma so that you were able
24:37
to see the beauty in her death even though it hurts so bad, you
24:40
know, but also she made sure you knew what she wanted. And for
24:45
me, that's so important. I work with my clients on this because a
24:48
lot of times our clients and my clients are trying to please everybody else,
24:52
you know what I mean. I don't know if I want to do that
24:55
because so and so might not like that, or well that does sound great,
24:59
but I don't know how you are going to feel about this. But
25:00
I think it's really important for people to take control. Right they say take
25:03
control of your life, Well, I say, take control of your death,
25:07
take control of it, and really just you know, make your plans
25:11
known to everybody so everybody knows. Now, Like you said, that's difficult
25:15
to talk about. So what's an easy way to kind of transition into that.
25:18
I always tell people to meet within a state attorney to just start throwing
25:25
around these ideas. Right. I don't know why. I feel like that's
25:29
a little bit less scary than maybe sitting down and making your death plan,
25:32
but it is for some people, you know, And a state attorney can
25:34
help guide you in all things as far as your a state. But they
25:37
can also help with your paper you know, living will and your other paperwork
25:41
if you need for me. I like to tell people, once you've sat
25:45
down with your state attorney and you've made your plans, then that's a good
25:49
time to sit down with your family, right, Like it's more of a
25:52
kind of more of a business transaction than really an emotional thing. I just
25:56
want you guys to know, Dad and I sat down with so and so
26:00
yesterday and here's what we want. We made these plans. We made this.
26:03
You know, this person is going to be in charge. If we
26:06
can't speak for ourselves, you know, it's really important to talk these things
26:08
out with your kids or whoever it is you're leaving behind. Something that I
26:14
like to make sure people think about is who you want to be your medical
26:17
power of attorney and your financial power of attorney. Those two people can be
26:21
different people. It doesn't have to be the same person. So a reason
26:26
that it's important to talk about this, right, I'll give you us as
26:27
a for instance, my parents, I am their medical power of attorney.
26:33
I am a nurse, and obviously this is my realm. So this is
26:37
where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be their medical power attorney.
26:40
My brother is the numbers guy. He knows everything about finances and the money
26:45
and all of that, so he's their financial power of attorney. So we're
26:48
both able together to make decisions for them in the sense that they're not ever
26:52
able to make decisions for themselves. But this is another reason why it's important
26:56
to talk about these things. Right, If you have a few different people
27:00
in mind who could be your medical power of attorney, you know, maybe
27:03
it's wise to talk to them about that and see I was more receptive to
27:10
it, or who you know who thinks they would be the best at that.
27:12
Some people will definitely be able to make great decisions on your behalf.
27:15
But if it's a situation where it's really emotional and they're upset and they're overwhelmed,
27:22
maybe they don't want that too. They don't want to have to make
27:26
decisions for you when their whole world is crashing down. So I don't know
27:30
that there is any easy way to kind of slip these conversations in there,
27:33
But I just encourage people to do it. I really do. And you
27:37
know, a lot of times people think that they don't want to have these
27:38
conversations because it'll make the people that they're talking too sad, you know,
27:42
if it's a mom and a dad for instance, and they don't want to
27:45
make their kids cry thinking about when they die, And yeah, that might
27:49
be a little bit hard, but it's a lot less hard than when you
27:53
die. And they have no idea what to do. So I mean it's
27:57
kind of like you got to choose your heart, you know, you want
28:00
to. It might be hard for us to have this conversation, but it
28:03
needs to be done, you know, so that you're prepared, so that
28:06
we're prepared. Or do you just want them kind of floundering when they've just
28:10
lost their loved one. They don't you know, you're probably the one they
28:12
run to with questions, you know what I mean? So for me,
28:15
I just I really really really stress the importance of this, and I stress
28:18
the importance to everyone, right, So I mean people who are later in
28:22
life, I absolutely stress the importance for them, but also people who are
28:26
taking care of their loved ones. If you don't know what they want,
28:30
you need to know, so bring it up. You know, maybe they're
28:33
afraid to bring it up to you, but you bring it up to them.
28:37
You know, I want you to know I'm here to take care of
28:38
you. I'm here on this journey, but I really want to know what
28:41
your wishes are, just in case there's any way you can't speak for yourself.
28:44
I know I'm doing the right thing. So that's my long answer to
28:48
that question. No, in case. So you hit on several key points.
28:52
There's really no easy way, right, and but the key part is
28:56
having that conversation right, getting the ball rolling, because I think we live
29:03
in a society now where some people are here today and gone an hour.
29:07
Yeah right. And I think it's important to be proactive. Right. We're
29:12
proactive when we're ready to go get those new pair of Jordans from finish line
29:17
when it's a release, But why are we not being more proactive when it
29:21
comes to setting ourselves up for our future? Ye whatever that road may take.
29:27
If we've gotten kids, if we own a business, why not have
29:32
those ducks in a row before we're standing in line to get the latest pair
29:37
of shoes. So I think it's kind of that shifting in in priorities.
29:41
Yeah right, And I'm glad that you hit on that casey, because I
29:45
think in our society now, people are being more open. Right, We're
29:48
kind of seeing the shift a little bit where some people are like, hey,
29:53
I want to make sure that this is taken care of, this is
29:57
taken care of before I dive into this, right, and then kind of
30:03
healing that generational curse, right, because think about all the families that have
30:11
seen this same narrative time and time again, where the conversation was not had
30:18
about what this person's final wishes were, who's beneficiary of this, who's maybe
30:23
listed as an agent, the difference between how power of attorney works in comparison
30:30
to when a living will comes into play. So I can I've seen it
30:34
from both ends of the spectrum being very transparent here. The situation between my
30:41
mom making our transition and my father making his transition was night and day.
30:48
Let's just say my mom's was more seamless. My father's was like trying to
30:52
ride a bike up Mount Everest and not having some type of supplemental oxygen to
30:59
catch me at some point if you can. I'm not gonna go too much
31:02
into detail with that, but you catch my drift in a sense. Yeah,
31:07
and Casey, you know what else is coming up for me? Because
31:10
I've got so many questions I want to ask, like, obviously, but
31:12
I know that we're allotted on time. One of the things that I'm always
31:18
curious about, especially as you're sitting with these individuals, your clients, who
31:22
are about to make their walk back home. So, how do you,
31:27
Casey, help your clients to maybe make peace in their final days? Because
31:36
I know that that's a hard thing, right, and even for their families,
31:41
right, some of their families might be highly emotional with the process.
31:48
So how do you, Casey help them obviously come to terms with their morality
31:55
and also find peace in their days to leading to them walking back home.
32:02
I find that education is key. I know we've all heard this before.
32:09
I do a lot of talking with my clients, okay, and even things
32:15
like you know, I'll go meet with the clients and I'll kind of say,
32:19
what's on your mind today? What's on your mind today is the biggest
32:22
I mean, that could be nothing. It could be the baseball game I
32:24
watched, or the news or the rain, or it could be the heaviest
32:29
thing that is weighing on your mind, you know what I mean. So
32:31
it's kind of how I like to start with my clients, what's on your
32:35
mind today to just really see because usually if something's weighing on them, it'll
32:37
kind of come up. We do talk about everything. I mean everything,
32:43
I talk about anything. They might have guilt over or shame over or regret
32:46
over. These things happen in their lives, and I can't fix those things.
32:52
I can't get rid of that, but I can hold space for them
32:54
in a loving, non judgmental way, which is something that a lot of
32:59
people need. You know, sometimes people have done things in their life but
33:01
they're not particularly proud of and to be able to say that to somebody without
33:05
having them give you any type of judgment or anything back is almost like taking
33:09
it off of your shoulders a little bit. Also, I do like to
33:14
prepare people for what's coming. Okay, a lot of the people that I
33:16
work with are terminal with cancer. I've worked with several several several various different
33:22
cancer diagnoses, and sometimes there's trends in them. So sometimes if I'm working
33:30
with someone who has a certain cancer diagnosis, I more or less know what
33:34
we're looking for in the future, or I know we're looking towards in the
33:37
future. So I like to really just provide a lot of education about what
33:42
we may see in the future, so that when we do see it,
33:44
it's a lot less scary. And this happens for both the person themselves and
33:49
the family. So at first, you know, when I'm working with the
33:52
clients and they're not, you know, actively dying or anything, or just
33:55
kind of working through their life and their diagnoses and all of this stuff,
34:00
you know, I can give them a little bit of education about what it
34:01
might look like in the future, or what your last days might look like,
34:05
or how I'm going to help make sure to keep you comfortable. Something
34:09
that's really important. With my clients. Most of them are interested in end
34:14
of life medications from hospice, but I've worked with somebody who was very much
34:17
against it and did not want any narcotics or any end of medication end of
34:22
life medications, and that's okay, absolutely, but I made sure that she
34:27
was very educated on what that would look like, you know. And also,
34:31
there comes a point where you're not able to speak for yourself anymore,
34:35
so you've got to make sure that if this is your wish, that it's
34:37
very fully fully documented so that somebody, you know, whoever, is going
34:43
to make choices for you when you can't that they're going to stick with that.
34:49
I lost my train of thought. What was your question? Even it
34:54
it happens, Katy your By, you did answer because I really was curious
34:59
as to how you support your clients as they're making their preparations to be walked
35:07
back home. Right, kind of wrap up that feeling of guilt of shame
35:13
wherever they're feeling anxious about. Right, you you obviously start off with what's
35:17
on your mind today. Let's start there, and then you're able to really
35:22
unpack the layers there and then as they're opening up. Right, it's kind
35:28
of like what I call the fortlift effect. Right, you kind of come
35:31
under, take it, eat and then take it away from them. Raid.
35:37
Yeah, so you definitely did. You answered it beautifully and I thank
35:40
you for shedding light on that because I think a lot of us even now,
35:45
even though most of us don't have some type of terminal diagnosis, I
35:51
think it's something for all of us to ponder on, is what's on our
35:54
mind today? And then what are we feeling shame and guilt about? Right?
35:59
Because we talk about living life to the fullest, but how many of
36:02
us are still carrying the baggage from our past that's hindering us from really living
36:08
life to the fullest and not being defined by the past shame and guilt.
36:15
Right, and the another thing that people are really afraid of at the end
36:19
of life is that they're going to suffer and that they're going to be in
36:21
pain. And that's where I can provide relief because I know how to keep
36:28
you out of pain. And if that is your goal and that's what you
36:30
want, I'm here with you. I'm here with you through the end.
36:34
I will work with hospice and I will do everything I can do to make
36:37
sure that you don't suffer and that you're not in pain. And the relief
36:40
that that brings people is just incredible. And you know, some people do
36:45
have pain at the end of life, and sometimes it is a tricky game
36:49
of really keeping up on top of the medication to keep the person comfortable.
36:52
But some people don't. Some people kind of just comfortably go on their way.
36:55
But it is always something that people are worried about, is that I'm
36:59
going to suffer, I'm going to feel a lot of pain, or is
37:00
it going to hurt at the end of life. And so that's just kind
37:04
of another way that you know, we've built this report together. Now not
37:07
only do they like me kind of as a friend, but they also trust
37:09
in me, you know, kind of like family. I'm able to remove
37:14
that fear from them, you know what I mean. I will do everything
37:16
in my will power to make sure that you don't suffer and that you're not
37:19
in pain. I mean, it's my thing. I make sure that everybody
37:22
dies calmly, comfortably, and safely because we're not having any injuries, we're
37:27
not having any falls, and we're going to be calm and comfortable. So
37:30
that's another way that I'm really just able to relieve a lot of fear and
37:34
anxiety for people. Excellent, Casey, I you know, first and foremost
37:38
again, thank you so much for being so generous with your expertise and also
37:45
the fact that you're the same way with each of your clients, giving so
37:51
much of yourself to make sure that they are being walked back home, safely,
37:57
rapped beautifully, all of those great things. And I can be honest,
38:00
Casey. For me, as my mom was making her transition, that
38:06
was my biggest concern was her being in pain. And I think I've shared
38:10
this story with some people that the day that I got the call that my
38:15
mom's and I might get emotional, I'm gonna hold it. I'm gonna hold
38:17
it together. The day that I got the call that my mom's oxygen wouldn't
38:22
go above seventy, I knew that that this was my mom's transition day,
38:29
This was her day of being walked back home. And I remember, Casey,
38:32
as I was making my way out the door to go up to the
38:36
hospital, I set a prayer. I set a prayer to God. I
38:39
said, God, if it's my mom's day to go back home, I
38:44
surrender her back to you. I surrender her back because I mean, I'm
38:49
grateful for the thirty years of life that I got with her. I'm grateful
38:53
for all the lessons that I've learned from her that I take each and every
38:59
day. And as I got up there, I remember that fear set in
39:06
for me, like, oh my God, is she in pain? Is
39:07
she gonna be able to interact all of those things? And the one thing
39:14
that still sticks out for me was the comfort I received throughout that whole day
39:21
from my friends, my family who came up, and even with the METS,
39:27
I know that I wrestled with that for a minute when my mom said,
39:30
I'm opting for the morphine drip. Even though I wasn't a fan of
39:34
it, I supported her. I still supported her through that journey, even
39:42
though it was hard for me, but I recognized that I was her companion.
39:47
I was her companion through her transition, and to me, that is
39:52
one of the best gifts and one of the most profound experiences I'll always carry
40:00
with me. I'm glad you were there with her too. I know that
40:04
it was more beautiful because you were there. It was beautiful. It was
40:08
I love to call it the beautiful bitter experience because it was. It was
40:14
truly profound. We got my mom to laugh, we got her to saying,
40:16
we got her to interact, we played all her favorite music, and
40:22
it was that bitter moment of this is the last physical interaction between me and
40:30
her in this way. So that was more of the bitter part. But
40:35
the beauty of it was being present with her as she made her walk back
40:42
home. Right Casey again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart
40:47
for coming on and sharing with our listeners. Number one, the role of
40:52
a death Dulah and how they not only support the families, but also the
40:55
person who's making their transition. Number two, being proactive in our approach to
41:01
setting ourselves up for our future right where our crossroad going back home is not
41:08
rocky right. Number three being present in the moment and recognizing that these conversations
41:17
may not be easy, but we have to be realistic and choose our heart
41:22
and Casey again, for our listeners who are tuning in if they're interested again
41:27
and connecting with you and learning more about you, can you share your social
41:30
media with us again today? Yeah? Absolutely. You can find me on
41:34
Facebook end of Life Coaching with Casey. You can find me on YouTube at
41:38
death Dula Casey. TikTok is also death Dula Casey, and Instagram is end
41:45
of Life with Casey and I am on LinkedIn as well, just as Casey
41:49
get coono excellent, Casey. I always love to save this question for last,
41:55
and you've left us with a path way of information, no pun intended,
42:04
Casey, what words of inspiration can you leave with families today who may
42:10
be in this boat of I want to be proactive with my future choices,
42:19
or even someone who might have just received that terminal diagnosis and they want a
42:25
crossroad companion to accompany them on their way back home. So my words of
42:32
inspiration are this. It's always hard when it's somebody's time to go, But
42:37
as we've mentioned, as human beings, every single one of us is going
42:40
to die someday. It's wise to talk about it and to plan for it.
42:46
If you do plan for it, and you plan out how you want
42:52
your end of days to go, it can be truly beautiful. If you
42:55
don't plan for it, it's the type of thing that just kind of happens.
43:00
But it doesn't have to be that way. It has to mean.
43:01
It can be something just as magical as a birth, where we prepare for
43:07
it for several months, and we planned for it for several months, and
43:09
you know, it's just another beautiful transition. So that's my advice for everybody
43:15
today. Please don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to answer any questions
43:19
or anything that anyone's interested in learning. Casey, I mean that was a
43:24
word that was hands down mic drop on that. I mean, let's be
43:30
realistic. Our walk back home doesn't need to be alone. Yeah, well,
43:38
everybody, that was miss Casey Gakanyo our death dula or what I call
43:45
our crossroad companion that you heard from And that concludes another episode, A Grew
43:51
a Porsche Season number two. Thanks for listening, Piece and Hagree's everybody,
44:00
thank you so much for tuning in to Grow with Porsche. Remember to subscribe
44:04
to my channel for the latest episodes, and of course follow me on social
44:07
media. Can follow me on Instagram at Porsche the Producer Anyway, guys,
44:13
until we meet again, peace and hair grease.