Latest / Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky / Chasing Dreams Without Apology: Beatie Deutsch on Ambition, Setbacks & Redefining Success

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Chasing Dreams Without Apology: Beatie Deutsch on Ambition, Setbacks & Redefining Success · Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky

0:00
I ran a marathon seven months pregnant.
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She is a religious Jewish mother who basically decided one day she was going to run a marathon and somehow turned into one of Israel's most elite athletes.
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I ran 327, but I was like, do you think in a million years I could ever run a sob three-hour marathon?
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Less than three years later, I was the national champion of Israel and I had to run a 242.
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That race made me realize that I could really take this to the next level, and Israel invited me to represent them, and that was where it got started.
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There's something so powerful about doing hard things.
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And when you are willing to do what it takes, get up early, go to that workout you didn't want to do to push yourself a little bit past that breaking point, that is the most incredible feeling.
0:45
Welcome back to Tribe Intribulations.
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I am Julia Makowski, and I am so happy you are here.
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Today, I am joined with Bidi Deutsch.
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Those who don't know who she is, her story might sound a little crazy.
0:57
She is a religious Jewish mother who basically decided one day she was going to run a marathon and somehow turned into one of Israel's most elite athletes.
1:03
She's a religious Jewish mother who basically decided one day she was going to run a marathon and somehow turned into one of Israel's most elite athletes.
1:07
But what I find most interesting about BD isn't actually how fast she can run.
1:11
It's that she entered a world that doesn't necessarily look like hers and never decided that she had to change in order to fit in.
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She runs in a skirt.
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She covers her hair.
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She's a mother.
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She's religious and incredibly ambitious.
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And I want to talk about what happens when all of those identities combine.
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Because I think sometimes, especially as religious women, we're given a subtle message of choosing one part of ourselves instead of another.
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So, BD, let's start from the beginning.
1:41
Nice to meet you.
1:42
Thank you.
1:43
That was such a beautiful introduction.
1:44
I appreciated it.
1:45
Thank you.
1:45
Thank you.
1:47
Okay.
1:47
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
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I'm actually not going to focus on the running, if that's okay with you.
1:54
I'm a therapist by trade and a coach, and I do a ton of work outside of the podcast.
2:02
And one of the things that is most important to me is making Yiddishkeit accessible to people and making sure mental health is always at the forefront.
2:14
So I want to start with who you were before you ran.
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Um, well, I've always been, you know, an athletic person and into sports and loved moving.
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And just, I would say a doer, like, you know, very, um, go-getter.
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I have my dream.
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If you asked me when I was in fourth grade, even what is your dream?
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It was really to share the beauty of Judaism with the world.
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Um, I can remember from a really young age wanting to, you know, shh.
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share what I had appreciated so much about Yiddishkeit with people who weren't as connected.
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And I started working as a babysitter on all these Kiruv Shabbatons gateways back in the day.
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And when I was in ninth grade, I literally would rollerblade around Central Park and hand out Rosh Hashanah cards to people I thought looked Jewish.
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And ultimately, my husband and I actually ended up working on a college campus for two years in Tucson, Arizona.
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And I was involved full time in outreach for about 10 years.
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And I got married when I was 19 and gave birth to five kids in seven years.
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And they're a big part of my life.
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Thank God.
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And yeah, that's kind of who I am.
3:32
What made you decide, you know, one day I'm going to just like go for it.
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I'm going to try something a little different and I'm going to run.
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So I don't think it was like so much as a goal one day.
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It was kind of like after having given birth to four kids in six years, I felt really out of shape.
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I always was a person who liked to exercise, but I found that over those six years, I had pretty much dropped to the point.
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lowest thing on my priority list.
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And then and so I felt like I hadn't moved for six years.
4:01
And I wanted to start exercising.
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And every day I would be like, you know, tomorrow, like, every day, it's like tomorrow, I'm going to sign up for the gym, or even the like, the thought of having to make it to a class on time was so scary, because I was never like, exactly my mornings were always chaotic.
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And so I'm like, you know what,
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What am I going to do that's going to be really so scary that it's going to force me to actually get out the door and train for?
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What can I do?
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And I said, I'll sign up for a marathon.
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Like, that has got to be it.
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That's like literally zero to 60 in 60 seconds.
4:30
Wow.
4:30
Okay.
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But I've always been a bit of an extreme person.
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I don't have a lot of, like, I don't, I'm a little bit impulsive.
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I don't think about things so thoroughly.
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And I'm not scared of big goals.
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Like, they just don't scare me that much.
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So I was like, yeah, like, let's try this, you know?
4:48
Okay, so then what goes from my first marathon to I want to represent Israel?
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There's a lot in between there, I'm assuming.
4:55
Yeah.
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People think, oh, right when you started running, you knew you were good, and that is not the case.
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I gave myself four months to train for that first marathon.
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I was literally running really slowly in the beginning, but I was enjoying it.
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I was enjoying every second of the process, and it was my secret.
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I didn't tell anyone that I was doing this.
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I lived in Harnoff at the time.
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It was not very...
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accepted or common for like women to be doing races or running but i was just like doing my thing fine um after i but after i ran that marathon i remember thinking and i ran a decent time for a first marathon i ran 327 but i was like do you think in a million years i could ever run a sub three hour marathon and then literally within three years i was less than three years later i was the national champion of israel and i had to run a 242
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And that race was kind of what, you know, made me realize that I could really take this to the next level.
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And, you know, Israel invited me to represent them.
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And so that was kind of where it got started.
5:57
Do you think that your identity shifted from, okay, I just had four kids in six years and now I am going to be someone completely different?
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Was there something that like went, okay, I'm not the same person I was when I got married.
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Obviously, we all shift.
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We all grow.
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We all change.
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But do you think there was something that you're like, I need something for myself?
6:23
Well, I did.
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Funny also, I had a baby in between.
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I ran a marathon seven months pregnant.
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So I had five kids.
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I did see that.
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Honestly, I don't.
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I think that my I don't think my identity shifted, but I do think that I did start paying attention to.
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Yes, I'm doing this for me.
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And I.
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It's something that makes me a better human and a better mother and a better wife.
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And I need to keep doing this, like to stay sane and that I don't ever want to stop doing this.
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And I also became like really curious about, you know, what is my potential and how far can I take this?
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You know, a lot of women hold ourselves back because we're afraid we're not going to be able to accomplish everything that is set out in front of us.
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Being a good mother, a good wife, someone in business, someone who's an athlete, all of these different roles that we play.
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What was one of the things that you had to sort of say to yourself in order to go, I want this at a higher level.
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I want this so that my kids can see me do this.
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I want this because I just want this.
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Yeah.
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I still think there are areas that I hold myself back in, not athletically.
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It's easy for me to set really big goals as an athlete.
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And I've also failed a bunch of times.
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I'm really not like I always want to keep pushing myself that way.
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The things that like I feel like I don't pursue as much is like, you know, building my brand, investing in becoming a bigger, you know, having a bigger platform, social media, speaking, all the things like there are big things I want to do, but I'm
8:09
It's I I don't know if it's an excuse or a reality.
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There's always like certain limitations, like how much time in the day you have and how much time can you give to other people when you want to be present as a mother?
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But going back to your question.
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Yeah, there is.
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I think that.
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Sometimes it does feel a little bit selfish that it's like, I want to do this for myself.
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You know, I think what you're saying is what every mother feels every day of their life, that we all feel selfish in moments.
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Right.
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Everyone says, like, self-care, we're going to do self-care.
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Like and then the reality hits and your kids need X, Y and Z.
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And you're like, what the heck is self-care at the end of the day?
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It's funny because I think that's the first time I've ever even said that out loud.
8:59
I would never really usually admit that.
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First of all, because I think I'm generally a very positive person, so it's hard to let the doubts come up.
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I push them out of my brain.
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They don't exist, right?
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But I think saying that was helpful to say because...
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If it is selfish, like the parts of me that feel selfish is like when I make a decision, like I want to go altitude train for a month and leave my family for a month.
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That is a really hard decision to make.
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And I don't always know what if it is the right decision.
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I don't make it very often, but like it's weighing on my mind right now because I could have that opportunity.
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And it's just like, well, maybe that is really too selfish, you know?
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What is the litmus test for you when you're making these big decisions?
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Because by the way, that's a decision.
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That's a big decision.
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But there are decisions like that every single day for every person out there.
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So how do you sort of go through that process of understanding, okay, this is for me.
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It's important.
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This will achieve X, Y, and Z.
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My kids will be okay or they won't like,
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What goes through your head when making these big choices?
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I wish I could say I have this clear system.
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I said I'm not necessarily always the most thought out person.
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But no, I think it's really important for me to obviously discuss it with my spouse.
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And he is going to be the one to carry the brunt of the burden if I'm gone.
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And also my own Rav and mentor.
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And to kind of assess, OK, the
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how is this going to help me towards the goal I'm trying to achieve?
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And is this the right timing for my family?
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I think when people talk about, you know, balancing the work life balance or whatever, I don't necessarily feel like it's balanced all the time.
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I think that we have seasons of life and I think that there are,
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times where I'm more present with my family and pull back on my training.
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And there's times where I'm like, well, I'm all in on the training and maybe a bit less available to my kids.
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And that's, I think, how many high-powered women who are trying to create something, do it.
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And I think that kids really need quality of presence and, yes, quantity also, but you can build up a really strong relationship by being there a lot of the time.
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And if there are times when you're not there, they still...
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feel you and know that you weren't like an absentee mom, you know?
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Right.
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I think I went through this also when I was navigating.
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Do I start a podcast?
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I already have a business.
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I already am a therapist.
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I'm already doing 50 things.
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And I realized that it's important for my kids to see me want something and do it.
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Actually, okay.
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They were born into the fact that I was working as a therapist.
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They were born into the fact that I am there for them and drive them to and fro and all these things.
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And look at a goal and go, I want that.
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And you can want something new later on is a huge gift you're giving your kids because you're showing them ambition is legitimate and you don't have to hold yourself back.
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And you could still be a good parent.
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Yeah.
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And I mean, it's funny because, you know, I sometimes find it cliche, like when people say, like, you're doing it for your kids.
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But the way you phrased it really resonated with me.
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And I think, yeah, I see it happening because I see my kids are getting older, right?
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My daughter is 16 and a half.
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And she's training now.
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And she has a lot of things that she's working towards.
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And I know that she knows that.
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She sees from me what it means to want a goal and to invest in it and go after it and pursue it and not give up and be tenacious.
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And your actions speak so much louder than any preaching you can do, right, with your kids.
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Like, whatever we model is what they will see.
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Whatever we, me doves we want them to have, whatever kind of values we want them to have, will not happen unless we live them.
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And I have seen that so clearly.
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So, yeah, to me, I'm happy that my kids see it.
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In a world where, if I'm telling you the truth,
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I sometimes feel stifled by the rules within our community where we talk about modesty.
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And I know that you run in a skirt and you cover your hair and you cover your elbows and you do all the things.
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Do you ever feel like, what am I doing?
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I am at this like elite level.
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I, I know who I am as a person, but at the same time,
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I'm not I don't fit into a world necessarily that appreciates this, but I am setting an example for on a global stage for modesty.
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Do you feel the pressure of that?
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I don't feel pressure so much.
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I feel more internal pressure to make it meaningful for myself.
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Yeah.
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because it is a choice I make for myself and my relationship with God.
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And I think that there are times where I'm just like, I don't know, it's like, does it really matter?
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And obviously I have a reputation to uphold and obviously I believe in modesty and I want to be able to encourage women.
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And there are many, I care very much about our community and the values, but then I have to really constantly relearn and re
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and ask questions for myself and reinvestigate.
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It has to be meaningful for me.
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And like that to me is the pressure that I should never just be doing it just because the world expects me to do it or that's the norms or standards of our community.
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I'm doing it because I chose it and it's meaningful.
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It's so interesting because...
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Modesty is more than just a dress code.
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And I think that people forget that within our world, that modesty is behavior.
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And on the one hand...
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I feel like sometimes we're supposed to be a little bit reserved, held back.
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And on the other hand, here you are.
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You're on a global stage showing off your capabilities and Hashem's gifts for you.
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Do you ever feel like the balance of that?
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It's hard because you're like, on one hand, I want to be this elite athlete.
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On the other hand, we're almost put in a box sometimes where we're like, OK, maybe you should just take a side where you're supposed to be made small, where, you know, we're not supposed to be a center of attention kind of thing.
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If you've ever read Miriam Cosman's book where she talks about masculine and femininity, she talks a lot about how in this generation the light of the women is going to be coming out more.
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And I see that more and more that I think that we have so much power.
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And when you understand your power and you hold it in the right way and you really respect yourself, then you can...
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I mean, I speak to mixed audiences, but I'm very comfortable with myself and I'm very comfortable.
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I feel that holding those two ideas is very essential.
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It's like modesty is a reflection, you know,
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In essence, humility.
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And what is humility?
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It's not saying I don't have something to offer.
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It's saying I have so much to offer, but it's all a gift from God.
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And that, to me, is exactly what it is.
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When you go and perform at the highest level, but you say, this is not me.
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This was not my hours of work.
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This was 100 percent because Hashem gave this to me.
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And then I could use this raw talent that he's given me.
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to bring more light into the world is the greatest opportunity and gift.
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And when people feel like they have to sit at home and stifle themselves and deny their talents because it's not modest, it's actually, I think, the exact opposite.
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If you have a gift, you're obligated to figure out a way to use it in the appropriate way and to bring that beauty out into the world because Hashem gave it to you.
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And every single one of us have a gift.
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Every single one of us have something unique.
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I truly believe that, and I'm passionate about everything,
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encouraging people to find their passions and run with them.
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Literally and figuratively.
17:01
Yeah.
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It's hard because, you know, I live in the from community.
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I love the from community.
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But obviously there's questions and it's not easy and there's so much there and
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And I think what you're saying about recognizing where our gifts come from takes those questions out of it.
17:26
It really does.
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I think for me, I'm like, I don't really need to have the answers because I know Hashem has my back.
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Like, I know that it's whatever is supposed to be will be because that's the life I'm choosing to live.
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I'm choosing to believe that Hashem has my back, that he's giving me these talents.
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He's giving me these gifts.
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And...
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Being able to honor him by using my talents is a gift I never realized I needed to have until later on.
17:57
Yeah, I think a lot of times it takes, you know, a journey to get to that point and to realize that you have something unique and that you want to share it with the world and that you want to develop it, you know.
18:08
And that's why I say even as mothers, like, don't don't just because, you know, sometimes we get caught up in that hamster wheel.
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And I was in that wheel.
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I was like surviving.
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But it's sad when we lose parts of ourself to motherhood because I think that our kids deserve our fullest self, you know, and they deserve us being happy and fulfilled.
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I actually think the more time I spend doing the things that fill me up, the better mother I truly am.
18:36
I am so much more patient and I'm more focused and want to be with my kids rather than I'm just like going through the motions of life of like, OK, from here to here, I got you carpool.
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Then we're going to take this and I have to make dinner.
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Like, I actually find that I have more time and energy to give now when I'm more busy than when I wasn't.
18:55
What do they say?
18:56
Like, give a busy person a task if you want it to get done.
19:00
Yeah.
19:00
No, my mom, actually, interestingly, she wrote a book on helping women return to the workforce after taking off time to raise kids.
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She was Harvard MBA.
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She was high-powered career.
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She took off seven years completely, had that huge gap in her resume, and then got back into, like, recruiting.
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And she helped many women.
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And she always says the work expands to fill the time.
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And that, you know, when you're a stay-at-home mom, you will be the busiest person in the
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That's what you're doing.
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And then when you go back to work, you will find time to—you will make it work.
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And I especially agree with that point.
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When you're fulfilled and when you're filled up, you have more patience and more energy and more happiness.
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And your kids will feel it.
19:39
Yeah, I totally agree.
19:42
You've been through some challenges when it comes to training and qualifying for—
19:51
the Olympics and navigating that and having Shabbos as an issue and all of these things.
19:57
Do you ever get frustrated with Hashem and go, how?
20:00
Like, I'm doing everything you want for me.
20:02
And I'm like trying my best.
20:05
Can't you throw me a bone?
20:07
Yeah, totally.
20:07
It's not just been Shabbos.
20:09
It's been like a lot of like, you know, injuries and setbacks and so many challenges.
20:13
At the end of the day, I'm like, if you made me this fast, like, can you just make me a little bit faster?
20:17
You know, why are you making me work so hard?
20:19
And I think I've spent like the last four years.
20:22
Um, I just like trying to get back to the level that I was at.
20:26
And like, I haven't set a new personal best of PR in four years.
20:29
And that's a really, really humbling feeling.
20:34
And.
20:36
It is really hard.
20:37
And I do have a deep relationship with Hashem.
20:39
And I think that when you have a real relationship with God, you can be angry with Him.
20:42
And sometimes I am.
20:43
And sometimes I question it.
20:45
But I also do feel...
20:47
deeply that every single part of our journey is designed to help us, you know, grow into the person we're meant to be.
20:54
And there's a reason I have to go through this.
20:56
So it's like, this is just shaping me and developing me and helping me become stronger and teaching me things about myself that I didn't know before.
21:03
And, um,
21:06
It's not I sometimes say like, you know, if you had told me at the beginning of my elite career how hard I would have to struggle, I probably would have said this is not for me.
21:16
Right.
21:17
Like, I don't want to go down this path.
21:18
I don't want to put myself again and again in these painful situations.
21:22
And when you want something so badly and then, you know, come up short so many times, it's really hard.
21:30
But there's a lot of beauty, I think, in a journey of struggle.
21:34
And I know, you know, I've come also to really appreciate the impact that I'm making regardless of results.
21:42
And I think that in itself was such a huge lesson that I needed to internalize as a human because, you know, throughout high school, I was a straight A valedictorian type A girl who always succeeded in everything she did.
21:55
And I think I measured myself so much by my accomplishments and without
22:00
realizing it because, you know, I was always fine.
22:02
Everything's always great.
22:02
Like, but yes, like these things mattered a lot to me.
22:06
And when you're in the elite world at the end of the day, it's all about your times.
22:10
Every second matters.
22:12
And either you hit the time or you don't.
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And I had to step back from that and say that I embrace myself wholeheartedly as a person.
22:21
no matter what.
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And that takes a lot of, you know, internal work and just a lot of, I've been humbled, but I also feel like,
22:36
Once I released myself from that, I can really enjoy the journey even more.
22:41
One of the things that initially stopped me from starting the podcast was how demanding editing and figuring out what exactly to post.
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Luckily for me, I found Shortform Media, and they took all of the questions out of the process.
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So...
23:00
If you're looking for someone to help you edit or make you go viral, don't forget short form media.
23:10
You know, I think everybody goes through struggles.
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You're doing it on a pretty public page.
23:17
I've also done it on a pretty public page.
23:20
Lots of struggle, lots of fun.
23:22
There's beauty in sharing and there's fear and scary things that come out.
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What are some of the things that you feel like, I know I'm sharing for a purpose, but at the same time, like, what if I don't do as well?
23:40
What if I don't hit my PRs in four years or all these things?
23:43
What goes through your head when you're going, do I even post this?
23:48
Well, I think also the first time you do is a lot scarier.
23:50
And then as like, I remember the first time I shared that, and I didn't realize I was kind of naive.
23:56
I was like speaking to a journalist and I kind of shared that I have this dream to be in the Olympics.
23:59
And then the next day I saw it plastered on the cover of the weekend edition of that news in Israel, like, Biti Deutsch, Chalom Liot be Olimpiada.
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And I was like, oh my gosh, I just shared this dream with the whole world.
24:10
This is so freaking scary.
24:11
So it is scary.
24:12
But then the more I've done it, the more I also realized that,
24:17
it's empowering for so many people when you put your dreams out there because you know what?
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Who cares the most about your success?
24:24
You.
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No one's really going to judge you if you don't make it or not because no one really even understands what you've had to go through.
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And
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We, at the end of the day, care more than anyone else cares.
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So if you can release yourself from caring, from defining yourself by hitting the goal and realizing that the most beautiful thing in life is to try.
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And if you never, if you don't try, you'll never know.
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And if you want to truly live and love to the fullest, you have to be willing to like put yourself out there and try hard and invest and care and care deeply.
24:59
The thing that I really, I don't, I think it's a problem when people say, oh, you know, like I tried, but like, oh, I didn't really care that much.
25:08
No, like wear your emotions on your sleeve.
25:11
Like you cared and that's okay.
25:13
And it's good to care.
25:14
It's so beautiful to care.
25:16
it's like a lot of times we put up this armor in front of ourselves where we're like, in order to protect ourselves, I'm gonna say, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.
25:27
We all care.
25:28
We all care what people think.
25:30
We all care about being successful.
25:33
We all care about being all of these things.
25:37
But at the end of the day, if we start being open about saying, I do care and I want you to like me and I want to not feel judged and I want to be the best and I want to do these things.
25:48
Hashem helped me get there.
25:50
That's very different than I don't care.
25:53
I don't care.
25:53
I don't care.
25:54
And it changes your outlook completely when you're able to.
25:58
connect to another human being and say, I really want this.
26:02
Putting that goal out there, having that plastered, it gives you a finish line.
26:07
You're a marathon runner.
26:08
It gives you a finish line.
26:09
If you didn't have a finish line, you'd just be running in circles.
26:13
Yeah.
26:13
And I think that desire is really beautiful.
26:15
You know, like I always say, which like, there's nothing that stands in the way of your willpower.
26:21
Ratzon is your will, it's your desire.
26:24
And your desire, if the deeper, the greater it is, the more power it has to create and build something, you know?
26:32
So I think that's beautiful.
26:34
You know, there is a...
26:36
I was a high school athlete.
26:39
I love...
26:40
I still coach boys basketball.
26:41
Like, I love...
26:44
Sports and that aspect of my life is still really big because my kids are working towards being elite ballplayers.
26:55
And we are on many teams and doing all these things.
26:59
What's something amazing?
27:01
Yeah, it's a lot of investment on the parents.
27:02
So much money and so much time.
27:05
And in America, we all think like our kids are going to the NBA.
27:07
No, they're not.
27:08
My kid is not going to the NBA.
27:10
I know that.
27:10
But I do also understand that it's good for their brains.
27:15
It's good for them to have a goal, for them to feel confident.
27:19
What are some things that you feel imparting to the next generation that you've lived through when it comes to athleticism?
27:31
One bad performance doesn't define you.
27:34
And I know it can really be mentally tough to get back up.
27:37
after a bad race or, you know, a bad pass in a game.
27:40
But I think that you become so much more resilient when you learn how to move past it.
27:47
And I think also that there's something so powerful about doing hard things.
27:55
And when you are willing to, you know, whatever it is, do what it takes, get up early, go to that workout you didn't want to do.
28:02
But when every day when you choose to push yourself a little bit past that breaking point, that is the most incredible feeling.
28:11
And you have to train yourself sometimes to appreciate it.
28:16
And every time I know for myself, like every time I get I have to get back in shape after, you know, I have a little break or whatever and the paces feel so hard and my brain is like, I just want to quit now.
28:24
It's like it just doesn't feel comfortable.
28:26
And I can stretch myself a little bit longer.
28:27
Like at the end, I am beaming because there is nothing better in the world than knowing that you didn't give in.
28:33
And those moments are defining moments.
28:35
They're character building moments.
28:36
They will come with you for the rest of your life.
28:38
So there is so much power in sport and the workouts and the training that can really help you become a better human being.
28:46
I said that you have to learn how to lose.
28:49
That's also part of all of this.
28:52
Yeah.
28:52
That there's a skill in losing to that being gracious, understanding that your body didn't fail you.
29:02
You are more than your medals or trophies and you are blessed because you have this talent and it's
29:13
Literally, my kids will come to me like, we've learned how to lose, Mom.
29:16
We do like to win, but we know how to lose.
29:19
I promise.
29:19
I totally agree with you.
29:20
It's a very important skill.
29:22
And it's hard.
29:23
You see kids like stomp off courts and be down on themselves.
29:28
It's normal.
29:28
You're allowed to feel disappointed.
29:29
You're allowed to feel sad.
29:31
You're allowed to feel hurt.
29:32
But you're also allowed to feel like, wow, I did finish the game.
29:36
Wow, I made...
29:37
X amount of shots or I ran the marathon or I did whatever.
29:41
Maybe it wasn't my best game.
29:42
And we all have off days.
29:44
Right.
29:45
And yes, that skill of learning to forgive ourselves.
29:48
It's so important.
29:49
So important.
29:52
One of the things that I really wanted to talk to you about, which I am going to give a trigger warning to our listeners and viewers, is a discussion about body image.
30:04
I actually recorded a solo podcast on this exact topic and I never released it.
30:11
Why?
30:11
I never released it because I wasn't ready to...
30:16
say the things out loud that I have to tell you more people struggle with than we even remotely know.
30:26
As somebody who has struggled with disordered eating myself, I really feel that because we're scared to talk about it, it's a silent epidemic.
30:41
There are so many women within our community, and men actually...
30:46
who struggle with body image.
30:48
I fluctuated weight because I was unhealthy.
30:51
I had medical issues between 250 pounds to 120 pounds.
30:55
And I actually said that I felt more confident at 250 pounds than I did at 120 because I let go of what was the norm.
31:01
And I,
31:14
I think that you're in a completely different place where your weight and how you look at yourself is so ingrained in the training.
31:27
100%.
31:27
That this is an extreme level.
31:32
Not because your eating is extreme, but because there's a lot of pressure to maintain a certain physique in order to compete at a certain level.
31:41
Absolutely.
31:41
Yeah.
31:44
When you are dealing with training while also knowing that you suffer from disordered eating, how do we balance that?
31:55
How are you navigating this?
31:57
Yeah.
31:59
Okay, so yeah, I think that really, if I had to, you know, I struggled a little bit with anorexia, eating disorder, disordered eating in high school.
32:07
It wasn't extreme.
32:09
I don't think I processed it 100%, but like somehow miraculously it lifted.
32:13
I got married.
32:14
I had kids.
32:15
Everything's good.
32:15
I'm never, no thoughts crossing my mind.
32:18
It's all behind me.
32:20
Um, then I started, you know, running.
32:24
I, I, I, yeah, and I, I started running because I wanted to lose a little bit of the baby weight.
32:28
I wanted to get in shape, whatever.
32:29
I wasn't very focused on what I was eating, but it happened so naturally.
32:32
And I was getting compliments.
32:33
Wow.
32:33
You look amazing.
32:34
I was not, I wouldn't say I was, I really wasn't fat to begin with, but then I was like really skinny because when you start running, you just lose the weight.
32:41
And then I got even more serious, you know?
32:43
And I remember my, my husband who was always really supportive.
32:46
He's like, you know, like elite athletes, like if you want to get even, you know,
32:49
more, if you want to get even more serious, like you focus a little bit on what you're eating, because like the less you weigh, the faster you run.
32:58
Like he was very well intentioned in saying that.
33:00
And I wasn't really thinking too deeply in it.
33:02
And I was such a busy mom, I literally did not have time to fuel myself.
33:05
So again, like the first big marathon, the first fast marathon I ran the 242, like,
33:10
I was at the lowest weight I've ever been.
33:12
And I just, but it happened so naturally.
33:14
I didn't think about it.
33:15
And then I was getting, I was training.
33:17
Now I'm an elite athlete.
33:19
I'm sponsored by Israel.
33:20
And I start, and you know, the more you run actually, the less of a like stimulus that is to your body.
33:27
So you're actually burning less calories, right?
33:29
So at this point, I, my body's more efficient than it used to be.
33:32
So it was like, I was really hyper-focused on everything I'm eating to be doing the right thing.
33:37
And then it just creeps into your head all the time.
33:40
And then it became this like, okay, but I'm hungry and I can't really eat what I want to eat.
33:44
And I can never eat the things I crave.
33:46
And I want, I love chocolate and sugar and I just want to eat it all the time.
33:49
And it would like, it spiraled into, you know, real disordered eating and obsessive thoughts and addictive habits that I just couldn't break.
33:57
And I think I spent four years.
34:01
Seesawing back and forth, you know, and always believing, like, always wanting to really get out of it, but then also being really scared.
34:09
Like, if I let go of this, then I won't be able to, like, be the weight I need to be.
34:13
And I did, you know, I worked with a nutritionist that really had a negative effect on me because...
34:18
He, you know, he accomplished what he wanted to accomplish.
34:21
I wanted to lose two kilo in a month and I did that, but it was so extreme that and when you restrict yourself so much, you end up craving even more.
34:31
And I didn't believe that, but it's really true.
34:34
And, you know, it triggered a lot.
34:37
So I had to find the right nutritionist who was so
34:42
supportive and just so understanding and like I feel like she's my food therapist she's a nutritionist and she's 100 not a therapist but she really helped me in that regard of like really reminding me that you don't need to be a specific weight like that's not holding me back in my training right now and it was my coach also constant reassurance from my coach that like it's not my weight that is holding me back in my training and I happen to be an athlete that's
35:06
more built than your typical runner.
35:07
I build muscle like that.
35:09
Like, yes, I have insane muscles everywhere.
35:13
And it's just like I do I do way more than I am.
35:15
I'm short.
35:16
So it weighed on my mind.
35:18
But then I think, you know, realizing at a certain point that like,
35:25
I don't want this to be defining my life.
35:27
And I worked with my nutritionist and I worked with a somatic coach and I did work with a therapist for a year and that was great.
35:35
But also I think at a certain point, like...
35:37
I can you can talk yourself through everything, but like you need to feel it.
35:40
And I'm not a feeler.
35:41
I'm a thinker.
35:43
It's funny.
35:43
I do therapy and I do coaching because I always say that therapy asks the right questions to get you to the right answers.
35:50
Coaching helps you put a plan in place, because if you don't have a plan in place, like it's just thoughts ruminating again.
35:58
And especially for somebody who's suffering from disordered eating or an eating disorder,
36:04
There's already ruminating thoughts over and over and over again.
36:08
And this idea, somebody who's dealt with it and still dealing.
36:13
Honestly, I'm still dealing with it.
36:16
You're it never fully turns off.
36:18
And I think that that's something important to say out loud that.
36:24
Your brain doesn't turn off.
36:26
Those habits that you had don't turn off.
36:28
You just know how to control them better.
36:31
And you know the difference between what is good for you and what is not as good for you.
36:39
But that doesn't calm the voices.
36:42
Honestly, I really do feel like certain things turned off for me, which is an amazing feeling.
36:48
I mean, it's never—I would say you never know and whatever.
36:53
There could be triggers, but I feel so—
36:58
Just in a different mindset, like a different headspace, like a different person.
37:02
Okay.
37:02
So I'm going to, I would push back a little bit.
37:05
I mean, like, that's so beautiful and so wonderful.
37:07
And I hope this continues for the rest of your life, Amir Tashem.
37:12
But in reality, any type of addictive personality, there's relapses.
37:18
That's how it works.
37:19
That's life.
37:19
It's true.
37:21
I would believe you that.
37:22
And we work really hard to shift the mindset.
37:25
And the fact that you already have that is a bracha, like really so amazing.
37:31
And I'm so impressed and inspired.
37:35
If you were looking back at yourself when suffering during that time period, what would you tell yourself now?
37:43
I felt so much shame, which is why it was so important for me to sometimes speak about it because I could see so many people living in their own shame.
37:54
And I think I felt so much shame because it was like I held myself to a certain extent.
37:58
Everyone assumes you're so disciplined.
38:01
You do everything you're supposed to do running.
38:02
Why can't you just get a grip on this?
38:04
Why can't you just get over it?
38:06
Like how come you're not disciplined and you're eating?
38:08
All this judgment to myself.
38:11
So the thing I would say is that, you know, you're beautiful the way you are.
38:19
And humans aren't perfect.
38:20
We're complex emotional beings.
38:23
And if you're feeling something, let yourself feel something.
38:27
Yeah.
38:27
Do you think I used to think that emotional eating was like I never I'm like, I don't have emotional eating because like I didn't picture myself.
38:33
I'm not the type of person that goes and sits down with a bag of chips when they're feeling sadder, buys a carton of ice cream and eats out of control.
38:39
No, that's not me.
38:41
But I did have emotional.
38:42
I did struggle with emotional eating because why was I resorting to chewing and spitting out chocolate all the time?
38:48
Because I was clearly holding in emotions that I wasn't feeling.
38:52
And it's just now like I also feel so much less.
38:57
what's the word like tension around these type of foods are like, I think it's just like, if I want to have a piece of chocolate, enjoy it.
39:07
I don't know.
39:08
I'm not scared of it.
39:09
You know, I hear that.
39:11
And sometimes it does come back to like, well, maybe you're not, then it will haunt me the voice like, well, you're not being serious enough in your training.
39:17
Buckle down now and put on the put on that, you know, plan, you know,
39:22
For me, I really believe that we control a lot of our outcome based on our mind.
39:30
Right.
39:31
So when you say to yourself, I changed my mindset, so now I can overcome it.
39:39
I think our mind is stronger than any physical part of our body.
39:43
So if you are convincing yourself that.
39:46
on on either end of the spectrum you're able to do it meaning if i want to convince myself that eating six does six donuts alone in my car which is something i have done okay yeah i think that's i would do that too right like i can convince myself that that's okay and that's normal but then the other voice in my head will come in and go oh
40:08
Julia, like we know that's not the right thing to do.
40:12
But what is the right thing to do?
40:14
It's so hard to manage those emotions when you're in it.
40:18
Yeah.
40:19
When you're out of it, when you're not having these ruminating thoughts and you're not, you're able to go, oh, this makes sense.
40:26
Like I can have one donut and not have six.
40:29
That's normal.
40:30
Like I'm like, I love a good donut.
40:32
But now I don't binge six of them in one sitting.
40:37
I can space them out, which is a beautiful thing.
40:40
But it takes time and training.
40:43
I think the most validating thing for me in my journey was seeing that it was actually possible to get to like no longer, like people would always say, if you stop restricting yourself, you won't crave as much.
40:56
And seeing that happen was so wild because I really didn't believe it.
41:00
I thought I would always be craving.
41:02
And it's like.
41:03
I'm not I don't know I could eat a piece of dessert I might not even want it most of the time I will want it but then I won't also feel like well now I need to have like more or like it wasn't enough I just want more it's like I don't know there's way less shifts energy around it right it shifts off the like almost this like devil on the shoulder kind of person who's like no eat more of this or don't eat more of this because you're like oh okay I had it now move on with my day it's not a constant focal point in your life
41:32
And that is so freeing.
41:33
And I wish that to every single person who might be struggling with obsessive, addictive thoughts that you'd be able to release it and experience true freedom and healing in your life.
41:48
I mean, I mean, because really there is nothing like now, even when the voices come and they do come, trust me, they come for me, at least.
42:00
I'm just not interested.
42:02
And it's such a weird thing to say, like, that you can say you're not interested in something that's a mental health issue.
42:07
It's not.
42:09
But it doesn't define me where it once did.
42:13
Yeah.
42:14
I get that.
42:15
I'm just like, you know what?
42:17
It's okay.
42:17
And I've been through more things than I wish on anybody ever in their life.
42:23
And I think that mind over matter is a real, real thing.
42:28
It's – I can –
42:31
When you're getting to your 20 something mile, what are you telling yourself at that point?
42:36
Cause that's what you're in right now when you're dealing with- Yeah, I mean, I've always been a mind over matter person, but in those miles, I have a lot of mantras and it's like, I will do anything it takes to get to the finish line.
42:50
You know, I just say it's it's just pain.
42:52
It's just a figment of my imagination.
42:55
Like it's not really it's what you tell yourself.
42:58
And I'm not going to let you trick me into thinking I need to stop right now because I don't.
43:01
I'm fine.
43:02
So it's the same thing when it comes to the eating.
43:05
I'm not going to let you trick me into thinking that I I won't be as elite if I don't if I eat this.
43:12
Right.
43:13
It's the same idea.
43:15
I think that I think the one thing that I see like that really saddens me is how much pressure there is in our community to look a certain way, to be a certain size, to have a certain body.
43:30
It's just like, aren't we supposed to be better than that?
43:32
Why has it all come down to this extreme superficialness?
43:35
And I think social media is not helping.
43:38
And I.
43:40
It's hard for me to see that.
43:41
I don't think that that was what my struggle was about because, like I said, it's very connected to the elite performance.
43:47
And I know it's a lot.
43:48
It's very common for athletes.
43:49
But I see that so many young women are suffering from that.
43:52
And it's sad.
43:53
Right.
43:53
Well, you're not getting read to the right boys if you don't look a certain way or you don't like we do have.
44:00
Think about a resume, right?
44:03
The first thing somebody asks is, what do they look like?
44:05
And let's be honest.
44:07
That's normal.
44:08
It is normal.
44:09
Think about a dating app.
44:10
If the person doesn't have a picture on their dating app, like I'm not.
44:14
I wouldn't go out with them.
44:15
Now, I haven't been on a dating app because I've been married for so long.
44:18
They didn't have dating apps.
44:19
But.
44:20
Those are normal things.
44:21
And we do look at people differently based on how they look, how they dress, all of these things.
44:29
But I do think that it's hyper-focused within our community.
44:33
I think the obsession over weight is a bit out of control.
44:36
Yeah, it's 100% about community.
44:39
And the interesting thing, this is the thing that really gets me, is that it's worse in the more from community.
44:45
And I'm like, the girls, and I see this so much when you have seminary girls and you host them, and you have all the girls from the community.
44:54
Very Basiaco schools are so worried about what they're eating and they're like so careful not to take too much.
44:59
And also they have no personality.
45:01
Sorry, I just made a huge generalization, but they're so quiet.
45:03
And I don't know.
45:05
They don't know how to express themselves necessarily.
45:06
And they all want to do the same cookie cutter thing.
45:08
And I went to very Basiaco seminary, so I'm not trying to say anything negative.
45:13
It's just generally this is what I see.
45:14
And then I'll have the girls from more—
45:17
modern Orthodox seminaries, and they're just colorful, and they have personality, and they're enjoying themselves, and they're living their best life because they're not worried about who they're going to get to the next year, which is like, why are we rushing girls to get married so quickly?
45:31
Not that I didn't get married at 19.
45:32
This is a very side rant that I've never said, and I hate saying rants, but...
45:36
Well, I think it's an important one, actually.
45:38
It's true.
45:39
Listen, I am in the modern Orthodox world, but a lot of my family is in the Bayside-Aquiv world, and we were just discussing seminaries, actually.
45:47
And they're like, well, if I want my husband to be like this, I need to go to this type of seminary.
45:53
And I looked at this person who's really a child at this time, and I said, yeah, but what do you want to be?
46:00
Not who do you want to marry.
46:02
Exactly.
46:02
The girls haven't thought about it.
46:05
No, because remember, we're still in our formative years.
46:09
Our frontal lobe hasn't even formed when we get married.
46:11
I got married at 20 and we didn't I didn't know.
46:14
And yes, I grew with my husband.
46:15
And by the way, it worked out.
46:16
Thank God.
46:17
But we need to be focusing in on who we are as people.
46:23
And the more confident we are, the more colorful we can be.
46:27
Absolutely.
46:27
And the more honest we are about maybe the pitfalls within our community, there are, there's beauty.
46:35
There's so much beauty and so much amazing things that we have, but there are issues and there are things that hold us back.
46:45
So I think that if anybody is coming and listening to this podcast to remember that you are perfect,
46:54
You might make mistakes and you might look at yourself in a way that isn't perfect.
47:01
But come back to the fact that Hashem made you in his image and he is perfect.
47:07
That's what I told my daughter before Yom Kippur.
47:09
I said, when she was asking me, give a Devar Torah on Yom Kippur.
47:11
I said, Yom Kippur is the day that you get to connect to your purest, truest essence.
47:17
And it's so pure and it's so holy.
47:19
And it's what you want to be every single day.
47:21
It just gets covered up and distracted.
47:23
And I'm like, it's the washing machine for your soul.
47:25
And you're going back to that and hold on to it and cling to it and realize that that's the true you.
47:30
I love that.
47:31
Can we do a little rapid fire to end this?
47:33
Yeah, of course.
47:34
Okay.
47:34
Running alone or running with someone?
47:37
Someone.
47:38
Morning run or evening run?
47:40
Morning.
47:43
The mile you hate the most.
47:45
Like 18 is pretty bad.
47:47
The best feelings, starting line or finish line?
47:50
Finish line.
47:52
Music, podcast, or silence?
47:54
Silence.
47:55
Really?
47:55
Yeah, I spent a lot of time.
47:57
I said running with someone because I spent most of my time running by myself in silence.
48:01
But I like a good run with someone.
48:03
Oh, my God.
48:04
That is a lot of thoughts.
48:05
Yeah, I like my thoughts.
48:07
Most overrated thing runners obsess about?
48:11
I don't know everything.
48:12
I'm not one of those, but they obsess about everything.
48:14
It's ridiculous.
48:15
One thing your kids make fun of you for.
48:17
I think they just make fun of me for being on Instagram.
48:22
Oh, I've been there all the time.
48:24
Yeah.
48:25
Who's tougher, marathon runners or Jewish mothers?
48:28
Jewish mothers.
48:30
If you could never race again, who would you be?
48:34
If I could never race again, who would I be?
48:37
Um, a passionate, um, you know, change maker for the Jewish people.
48:46
I used to think I couldn't, but now I know I can public speak in Hebrew.
48:55
insane.
48:56
Good for you.
48:58
You've accomplished something honestly incredible.
49:00
And I am so grateful that you've shared your gift with the world, but also that you came here to share it with me.
49:06
So thank you, Beattie, for coming.
49:07
I really appreciate it.
49:08
Thank you.