Latest / Spiritual Homegirl / 613-I Stopped Expecting My Friends & Family to Support Me

Transcript

613-I Stopped Expecting My Friends & Family to Support Me · Spiritual Homegirl

• 0:00
  Hey, y'.
• 0:01
  All.
• 0:01
  You are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.
• 0:10
  I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental professional.
• 0:14
  And on today's episode 613.
• 0:18
  Oh, that feels good to say.
• 0:21
  On episode 613, we are talking about a problem that a lot of us, as creatives or entrepreneurs or both, we tend to go through, which is building something that those closest to you may or may not be the
• 0:36
  loudest supporters of.
• 0:38
  And I understand that that can be very hurtful because you would expect, again, expect people that fool with you to fool what you're doing.
• 0:50
  But what if I told you that everybody that doesn't support what you're doing at the level you expect, expect them to or at any level.
• 0:58
  It's not that they're hating.
• 1:00
  A lot of times we would like to make assumptions, and I say we because I'm never above what I say.
• 1:06
  I've seen a lot.
• 1:07
  I've seen people say, oh, that person don't want me to win.
• 1:09
  Oh, this person probably talking about me behind my back, or this person is jealous, or this person is that and the other.
• 1:15
  And those can be possibilities.
• 1:18
  But I don't want us to assume that because somebody doesn't retweet every single thing we're doing that that they don't want us to win, because that's not true.
• 1:28
  Number one, everybody has their own stuff going on, okay?
• 1:31
  Everybody is busy.
• 1:34
  There are a lot of people.
• 1:35
  Matter of fact, let's go to number two.
• 1:36
  There's a lot of people trying to keep their mental together, their spirit together.
• 1:41
  There's a lot of warfare of all types happening in the world today.
• 1:46
  And I always say, you know, spiritual warfare, warfare, you know, outside of, outside of our, our walls and different parts of the world, things like that, that can be a warfare of our mental state too.
• 2:00
  Warfare on our sanity, warfare on our stability.
• 2:03
  And a lot of times we make things about us that have nothing to do with us.
• 2:07
  There are some people that are just trying to survive mentally and emotionally.
• 2:10
  So they're not even thinking about you, not because they don't care about you, but because they're trying to put on their own life vest to make sure that they are energetically sound.
• 2:18
  So it's not always about us, but we will make it about us.
• 2:21
  And that's a problem that we got.
• 2:24
  The third issue.
• 2:27
  I mean, they could be sliders, but you gotta not Let that affect what you got going on.
• 2:34
  There are some people that may not want you to win, but I want us to avoid making that the go to solution or the go to answer for questions that we have about people's varying levels of support or
• 2:48
  lack thereof.
• 2:49
  We don't have to just chalk it up to oh, she a hater or oh, he don't want me to win.
• 2:54
  Now what I will say is if somebody is outwardly being a hater, then yes, you know, respond how you want to.
• 3:02
  Whether it is saying, okay, you're a hater, I'm gonna keep my distance, or somebody tries to say, oh, your little thing you're working on, you know, you can correct them.
• 3:10
  You know, this is not a little thing, this is something that, you know, it's my God given mission that you're not gonna.
• 3:15
  Or maybe that's how I would do it, you know, it's my God given mission and I'm not going to allow you to speak on it as anything less.
• 3:22
  You know, whatever it is, whether you want to correct them, whether you want to just notate it, whether you want to take distance or a combination of all three or something different.
• 3:31
  I'm saying until they bring it to you, let's not make any assumptions.
• 3:36
  And also the thing that we're building and catering to might not be those that we're trying to actually reach.
• 3:43
  Believe it or not, some people will prefer to hear the same message from somebody else.
• 3:49
  You could be saying some real cool stuff and you could be keeping it extra real and you could be out here just doing your thing or you could have the awesomest product known to whomever.
• 3:58
  But some people just prefer to not receive whatever that is that you're offering from you.
• 4:05
  Some people are like that.
• 4:07
  I don't think it's personal, so to speak.
• 4:10
  But sometimes when you're a peer of somebody, it's kind of hard to take advice from a peer.
• 4:16
  For some.
• 4:16
  Some people would prefer that their messenger look a certain way or be of a different type of credential or education or what have you.
• 4:25
  And sometimes if you're a person that had to kind of get it from, from nothing and you end up achieving even though you view yourself differently.
• 4:32
  Some people may not.
• 4:34
  And I'm not saying that they're wrong or right, that you're wrong or right.
• 4:37
  I'm just saying that sometimes our perception is, can cloud receiving or being the audience of something that we have to offer.
• 4:45
  It's like that sometimes some people may not want to hear it, not because it's us.
• 4:52
  But it's just about their personal preference.
• 4:54
  And they have the right.
• 4:56
  They do the same way we have the right to shop in and give our energy to other people.
• 5:01
  We have the right to engage with them, folks or not.
• 5:03
  And that's nothing.
• 5:04
  That's.
• 5:05
  I don't think it's a personal issue as, oh, I don't like them, but it's just about whether they're actually aligned for you.
• 5:13
  And I think sometimes we focus too much on what's not aligned or who's not aligned, and then that actually takes away from us being able to keep our roads clear to where we can interact and engage with those
• 5:25
  who are aligned.
• 5:26
  So for those that are struggling with that, I want to tell you, as your homegirl who loves you and wants to see you win, it is okay to feel how you feel, but you gotta do something at some
• 5:35
  point.
• 5:36
  Do we harp on?
• 5:37
  And luckily, with spiritual homegirl, my family, I let them know ahead of time this is what I was doing, not for permission, but so they were aware.
• 5:44
  And there were some opinions that were supportive.
• 5:48
  And then there were some questions about, like, hey, well, how are you gonna, you know, do this?
• 5:51
  You have time, you know, things like that.
• 5:53
  And I answer all the questions.
• 5:55
  But even if somebody had a problem with it, it didn't matter because I still was gonna do what I was gonna do because the mission is above me and it's above them.
• 6:01
  If I do believe in my heart of hearts and I'm getting all this confirmation that this is what God has sent me to do, there's no human that's going to tell me to do something different.
• 6:09
  And I want you to take that same approach if this is truly what you're meant to do, and you know that in your heart of hearts, this is what you're guided to do by a higher power that's greater
• 6:17
  than you.
• 6:18
  Please do not let another human support dictate whether you continue to miss the mission or not.
• 6:23
  Because if you're not going to continue the mission based on how humans support you, then what are you really doing it for?
• 6:31
  Are you doing it to follow the instruction and to carry out the mission?
• 6:33
  Are you worried about if your mama like it or not or your sisters like it or not, Your homegirls or your cousins or your partner, whoever?
• 6:40
  Now, again, I will say, if you're sharing your dreams and your ideas with somebody who does not champion or support you in that regard, you may want to keep your distance.
• 6:49
  And what I mean by that is, when they're constantly talking down on you, or they say you can't do it, or they say that, you know, maybe you should, you know, not do this right now.
• 6:59
  You know, if it's something where, you know that it's not supportive in that regard, I would be mindful as to whether I would keep telling them things because again, because we're all different and we all have different levels
• 7:10
  of perception, sometimes people cannot fathom you doing something they would never dream of doing.
• 7:15
  So of course they're going to not encourage you because they don't have that type of energy to really do it big like that.
• 7:21
  Their dreams don't scare them because their dreams are not that big.
• 7:27
  So your dreams may scare you because they're that big.
• 7:29
  They're huge.
• 7:31
  And some people are happy living a modest life, and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but some people will speak to you from their modest life and don't want you to do anything bigger than that,
• 7:40
  than what's comfortable.
• 7:42
  So you have to be careful of that.
• 7:44
  But when you actually build it and you're ready to engage and things like that, and they don't support you, that's what I mean when I say don't take it personal in terms of them constantly, always posting, posting, posting,
• 7:54
  posting, posting like it's okay.
• 7:59
  Keep doing what you do.
• 8:01
  Keep focusing on what you're supposed to do.
• 8:05
  Allow yourself to feel how you feel, but don't keep carrying it with you because that becomes baggage about those who aren't supporting that you expected to support and engage with those that engage with you.
• 8:16
  It's almost like making friends even, or forging your relationships in any aspect, whether it's work or socially or even in your family, things like that.
• 8:27
  Like, do you focus on those who don't fool with you, or do you focus on those that do?
• 8:31
  Do you focus on those who don't love you the way you want to be loved?
• 8:34
  Or do you focus on your family members or your.
• 8:36
  Or your friends or your sisters or whoever that love you the way that you want to be loved?
• 8:42
  It's almost similar here.
• 8:44
  Do we focus on those that don't want to support every single thing we do every single time?
• 8:49
  Or do we support and champion those and.
• 8:54
  And give, you know, our attention to those who are like, yo, like, this is right up my alley.
• 8:58
  I love everything you're doing because the wrong attention and the wrong focus can take you off your mission if you're not careful.
• 9:06
  And a lot of times we don't see that as a distraction.
• 9:08
  So be careful not to get too distracted in your feelings about those who aren't there as.
• 9:13
  As much as you like them to, to where you're forgetting why you really here.
• 9:19
  And while we're talking about support, there's different levels of support.
• 9:22
  So I think we should also challenge our expectations as to what we're expecting from other people.
• 9:27
  As a, As a mother myself, a new mother, and, you know, I got a family of my own and things like that, I may not be able to do every single thing at the level that I may not
• 9:36
  have been able to do for others.
• 9:38
  I mean, y' all seen it.
• 9:39
  I took a break from podcasting because I wanted to prioritize my pregnancy.
• 9:43
  So again, when we're looking at us, us, us and our feelings and what we think other people should do, we sometimes we don't consider what other people have going on, and I don't think that's fair.
• 9:51
  So we also have to look at it.
• 9:52
  Are people even in a capacity to support themselves at a, at a certain level, let alone us, and even then, does it have to be support?
• 10:01
  In a way, we want it.
• 10:03
  If a person doesn't have $50 to contribute to your event or to your mission or whatever you got going on, or if they don't have $50 to buy a product or a service you're selling, but they tell people
• 10:15
  about it, or, or they encourage you through loving, kind words, does that mean that.
• 10:20
  That monetary support isn't as important, or is it more important than them actually supporting you in different ways?
• 10:27
  Because sometimes we'll expect people to just give, give, give, and everybody don't have it like that.
• 10:33
  Let's just be honest.
• 10:34
  So we have to start looking at, and I always say weeks.
• 10:37
  I'm never above my own advice.
• 10:38
  We have to start looking at, like, the energy and the monetary type of support that we're looking for, because everybody has it in different ways and at different.
• 10:48
  That's okay.
• 10:50
  We have to give people more grace with that again, because for those that don't, there's some that do.
• 10:56
  If you would tap in and keep sticking to the mission, you'll get there.
• 11:01
  And also with us living in a microwave society, we forget that it takes time to build things, even in the technology age.
• 11:08
  It takes time and patience and it takes fortitude and it takes determination and perseverance to keep doing things.
• 11:17
  You're not going to sell out on first launch, you might not sell out second, third launch.
• 11:21
  Everybody you think is going to be your client is not Going to be your client.
• 11:25
  Even with me, it took months and months and years even to get to a certain amount of downloads.
• 11:33
  But that wasn't my goal.
• 11:34
  As I said in 612, the episode 612, my goal was never to reach like a certain amount per month.
• 11:41
  It was to interact with people that want to interact with me.
• 11:44
  And if I could just reach one, I was cool.
• 11:46
  So the power of one kept me focused on just making sure I stayed.
• 11:50
  The power of one.
• 11:51
  Not just one listener, but, you know, one post or one episode posting or something of that nature.
• 11:56
  One email.
• 11:57
  So I always said, let me just do it one at a time and just keep building.
• 12:01
  And that was my focus and making sure I stayed within my.
• 12:07
  My mission versus trying to be like, oh, I'm gonna do 100 episodes this year.
• 12:12
  Like, I just never wanted to do that.
• 12:14
  So I always said, take it one day at a time, one episode at a time, one email at a time, one social media post at a time, one interview request at a time.
• 12:21
  And things will go where it needs to go.
• 12:23
  One prayer at a time, Some time to meditate and just kind of sit one focus planning day at a time like I always did.
• 12:30
  The power of one.
• 12:31
  So if you're a person that wants to just immediately jump because you see everybody on here lying about.
• 12:37
  Because they do.
• 12:38
  Because they lie about how quickly it takes to get results.
• 12:41
  And for some, there are some anomalies.
• 12:43
  So let me not act like these things don't exist.
• 12:45
  There are anomalies out there who are different.
• 12:47
  Or outliers, I should say.
• 12:49
  It's a better word, outliers.
• 12:50
  But if you're focused on again, just building on your own time at your own pace, that'll stop you from comparing yourself too.
• 13:00
  Because some of that support or some of the gripes about support will come from comparing to other people.
• 13:04
  Oh well, this person got so and so, so and so followers.
• 13:07
  How come I don't have that?
• 13:08
  Or this person got so and so or made this amount of money.
• 13:11
  How come I don't have that?
• 13:12
  Or this person be posting they family support him?
• 13:14
  How come my family don't support me?
• 13:16
  Again, it can be hurtful because we would want our families to support or our friends or whoever that we're around, or co workers that we cool with, or people in other organizations that we're a part of, or church
• 13:28
  members or spiritual community members, whoever it is.
• 13:31
  There's nothing wrong with having your feelings hurt about the expectation not being met.
• 13:37
  But the thing about expectations is that it puts pressure on you to measure something that people don't even know they being measured by.
• 13:44
  And that's not fair to you or them.
• 13:47
  So again, as your homegirl who loves you, it wants to see you win, please take it how it comes.
• 13:56
  Don't expect your best friend to post every single thing, every single time.
• 14:02
  Would it be nice if he or she did so?
• 14:04
  Yes.
• 14:05
  Is that necessarily mandatory for yalls friendship to continue?
• 14:09
  If it is, you might want to sit with that because life is very fluid.
• 14:13
  There's going to be times where you're going to be able to support at a high level all the time, around the clock.
• 14:17
  And then life is going to happen and you're going to have to sit inward and start fixing some stuff or resting or recharging or raising families or working more.
• 14:26
  And you might not be able to support at the level you're expecting others to for you.
• 14:29
  And that's not fair.
• 14:31
  So again, sit with it.
• 14:33
  If it hurts, focus on what you got going on.
• 14:36
  Focus on those who are supporting.
• 14:38
  We know we're on social media, the algorithms is toe up at least on certain apps.
• 14:44
  And there are people like myself, I have like 17000 followers on Instagram.
• 14:48
  The people don't see all that stuff.
• 14:51
  They don't.
• 14:52
  Do I sit there and get upset and say I'm not posting anymore because of the algorithm?
• 14:56
  Or do I say, you know what, whoever's meant to see it, sees it.
• 14:59
  Whoever doesn't, doesn't.
• 15:00
  I'm not gonna sit here and let Instagram dictate whether I post or not.
• 15:03
  It's one thing if I dictate and I take a break.
• 15:06
  It's another if I let an algorithm be like, nah, now am I going to give that my best content?
• 15:10
  Probably not.
• 15:11
  What am I going to save it for my podcast?
• 15:14
  Will I make some bite sized versions of it and post it elsewhere and other platforms?
• 15:18
  Absolutely.
• 15:20
  So get out there.
• 15:22
  You know what I mean?
• 15:22
  Get out there, find your folks.
• 15:25
  And also be mindful that that support might be transitional, might be seasonal, and that's okay too.
• 15:31
  Sometimes people come in your life for certain aspects and they get on when they.
• 15:35
  When they get what they need.
• 15:36
  For instance, I've been podcasting for 10 years.
• 15:38
  There are some people that might have been going through a rough time in their life and my platform might have helped them get some healing and help them embark on the journey of moving forward through some of the
• 15:48
  things they've gone through and they might not find me as relevant four years later.
• 15:54
  And that's okay.
• 15:55
  The Mission still continues, and there's nothing wrong with that either.
• 15:59
  Sometimes you might be a person that serves a purpose in someone's life for a certain amount of time, and then once that purpose is served, they move on.
• 16:08
  That's fine.
• 16:09
  So, you know, just understand that when the mission comes, people get to come and go, and that's their right.
• 16:15
  So I just wanted to put that on you all's heart again.
• 16:18
  I know some of y' all gonna be like, what are you trying to say?
• 16:20
  Just don't care.
• 16:20
  Please re listen.
• 16:22
  Because that's not what I said at all.
• 16:24
  Sometimes our emotions can have us hearing things that people are not even saying.
• 16:27
  So if you are a person that kind of gets like, but I want you to pause and rewind and listen a little slower, I'm telling you, at the end of the day, you have the right to feel how
• 16:34
  you feel, but you also have the right to keep pushing, and you have the right to continue to engage with those that fool with you.
• 16:41
  Sometimes those folks may be there forever.
• 16:43
  Sometimes they won't.
• 16:43
  I have people that have been around since day zero, since before I launched, because I had the my Instagram before I launched.
• 16:50
  But I noticed that sometimes some of the day zeros, some of the day ones, some of the day year twos, sometimes they in and out, and that's okay.
• 17:02
  There are also some that might listen to five episodes and be like, all right, she cool.
• 17:06
  I'm done.
• 17:07
  Or there might be some people that are following you for reasons or engaging with you for reasons that you don't know, but you can't worry about it until they show you differently.
• 17:16
  Again, like I said in episode 612, sometimes I had some male followers that were following me to try to date me, not because they cared about what I was saying, and I had the right to withdraw my engagement.
• 17:26
  I don't have to engage with you because you think I'm cute.
• 17:28
  I don't have to engage with anybody.
• 17:30
  You know, I'm married now, so it's irrelevant.
• 17:32
  But, you know, like, I don't have to engage with every single person either, until I figure out their motives.
• 17:37
  So as a person that's building something, you have the right to do that, too.
• 17:40
  You also have the right to withdraw and engage with your support or your just interaction once you determine that these people are not your folks, because it's not always about them.
• 17:54
  It could be about us too, in terms of how we withdraw our support and engagement.
• 17:59
  People might be cool online and you support their brand and what they're doing and they say something that's problematic.
• 18:03
  And you might realize, oh, these folks are not necessarily my type of community anymore.
• 18:08
  You have the right to do that, too.
• 18:09
  So just know that everybody has a choice, but your mission is yours.
• 18:14
  So no matter what, as long as you keep that in the forefront, everything else you'll see is moving parts.
• 18:20
  It's all variable.
• 18:22
  Don't get too attached, and you might be all right.
• 18:25
  So with that being said, y' all just wanted to put that on y' all spirit in mind.
• 18:28
  Also, episode 6 14, we're gonna talk about if spirit gives me the words, because I've been praying on it.
• 18:33
  I think.
• 18:34
  I think I'm ready to talk about it.
• 18:35
  How I prayed to God for a sign that only I would notice, and then there was a hawk in my yard right afterwards.
• 18:44
  I mean, like two weeks later, like, I think about two weeks later, I'm gonna go through my journals and make sure I have it accurately, correctly for y' all for next episode.
• 18:52
  But if you have not signed up for the email list, tap in with your girl.
• 18:54
  Click the second link in my show notes so we can stay in touch.
• 18:57
  If you are new to my email list, you get a free gift for joining.
• 19:01
  And I look forward to showing more of what we have for year 10 of the spiritual Homegirl Podcast.
• 19:07
  But y' all know I can't do any podcast episode without thanking you all for listening.
• 19:10
  So thank you for listening.
• 19:11
  Boo friends, since September 15, 2016, out of the tens of thousands of podcasts out there in podcast land, you've lent me your ears whenever you felt like tapping in with your girl.
• 19:21
  And I really appreciate that.
• 19:22
  So with that being said, I will catch you next Homegirl Thursday.
• 19:26
  This has been another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl Podcast.
• 19:29
  My name is Maria, your spiritual homegirl.
• 19:31
  And remember, boo friends, trust the journey, trust yourself, and whatever you do, do it with love, okay?
• 19:36
  Love y'.
• 19:36
  All.
• 19:36
  Peace.