Latest / Eating While Broke / YARIS SANCHEZ - Locrio Lessons from the Dalai Mama
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: M hm.
- 0:22Speaker 2: Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke.
- 0:26Speaker 2: I'm your host, Pauline Witt, and today we have very
- 0:28Speaker 2: special guest model and founder of the Dolly Mama not Dolly.
- 0:34Speaker 2: It wasn't Lama, right, Dolly Mama like mama beer founder. Yeah,
- 0:40Speaker 2: dollar Mammy, dollar, Mammy, Dolla Mama, that Tosh.
- 0:46Speaker 1: That too, that too, Dolly Mommy too. Your Sanchez is
- 0:51Speaker 1: in the building. Yes, yes, thank you.
- 0:56Speaker 2: For being patient while I do extra twists on the dollar.
- 1:00Speaker 1: Mama. Hey all good, Thanks for being patient for me.
- 1:03Speaker 1: I got here a little late.
- 1:05Speaker 2: You got here late, but you know what, I know
- 1:07Speaker 2: You're gonna feed me good.
- 1:08Speaker 1: Yes, I got it.
- 1:09Speaker 2: And I love that you prepared a secret sauce prior.
- 1:12Speaker 2: It shows that you were definitely your game for this.
- 1:16Speaker 1: Yeah. So what are you making me eat today? So
- 1:19Speaker 1: today we're gonna eat something called a dish called Lokri.
- 1:23Speaker 1: It's a Dominican dish, staple Dominican dish. It's a one
- 1:27Speaker 1: pop meal and it feeds a lot of people.
- 1:30Speaker 2: It looks like when I saw all the ingredients, I
- 1:32Speaker 2: was like, yo, I don't know if she knows it's
- 1:35Speaker 2: a broke dish show. And then you were like, oh,
- 1:38Speaker 2: it's one pot. And I went through the grocery store
- 1:40Speaker 2: and honestly, dish dish, I think I spent like thirty
- 1:44Speaker 2: or forty bucks, and I knew you can have multiple servings,
- 1:47Speaker 2: Like I got two packs of chicken with it, you know,
- 1:50Speaker 2: like the whole nine. So it's definitely affordable, guys, and
- 1:54Speaker 2: it's definitely can feed a whole family.
- 1:56Speaker 1: So what are the ingredients for your dish? So we're
- 1:59Speaker 1: gonna do We're gonna have rice, chicken, cilantro, orange, lime, olives,
- 2:07Speaker 1: tomato paste, all theive oil. It sounds overwhelming, but it
- 2:11Speaker 1: really is. It's just a lot of spices and herbs
- 2:14Speaker 1: and add flavor more so. But like the staples are
- 2:18Speaker 1: rice and chicken and they're gonna be cooked in one
- 2:21Speaker 1: pot together, and then you have you can run through
- 2:23Speaker 1: the seasonings just to kind of tell them. So we
- 2:26Speaker 1: got cumin, oregano, paprika, salt, and pepper, onion powder, adobo
- 2:34Speaker 1: and that's it. Yep, yep. And you did the cilantro right,
- 2:39Speaker 1: garlic cilantro, yes.
- 2:41Speaker 2: So well you get your But in the kitchen, I
- 2:46Speaker 2: want you to say the name of the dish again.
- 2:48Speaker 1: You said it with like a nice, nice, nice accent. Yeah,
- 2:51Speaker 1: it's called locrio low creo, Lo creo, low creo.
- 2:55Speaker 2: Yeah I said it right, Yeah. Okay, So take me
- 2:59Speaker 2: back to what was going on in the Look Real air.
- 3:02Speaker 1: Okay.
- 3:02Speaker 2: So I'm gonna start seeing the Chicken Star season, Okay,
- 3:05Speaker 2: for sure, I look forward to eating. And then you said,
- 3:07Speaker 2: this dish takes about maybe forty minutes to make, but
- 3:10Speaker 2: it's a one pot dish. So can people go home
- 3:12Speaker 2: and just throw it all in their little you know,
- 3:15Speaker 2: those little slow cookers or no, I've never used a
- 3:19Speaker 2: slow cooker, but I was just wondering, like, cause.
- 3:21Speaker 1: No, not even the slow cooker. You literally just put
- 3:23Speaker 1: it in a pot. Really in the pot, okay, in
- 3:26Speaker 1: the pot you make rice. I have a feeling that
- 3:28Speaker 1: I'm gonna go home and try to make this dish. Yes,
- 3:32Speaker 1: even though you didn't say what did you say what
- 3:34Speaker 1: was in the secret sauce? No? I didn't. So this
- 3:36Speaker 1: is so free. Though a lot of people probably know
- 3:39Speaker 1: about this, this is a famous Dominican staple in the kitchen.
- 3:44Speaker 1: Smell it.
- 3:45Speaker 2: Oh yes, Oh that's gonna be a lot of spice. Yeah, Oh,
- 3:48Speaker 2: you wasn't playing this is gonna be spicy. No, it
- 3:50Speaker 2: ain't gonna be spicy.
- 3:51Speaker 1: No, no, no, it smells spicy. It smells spicy, but it's
- 3:53Speaker 1: not spicy. Okay, So what's in it? So we got
- 3:55Speaker 1: bell peppers, cilantro, onion, garlic, lime, juice. Honestly, it's it's
- 4:06Speaker 1: whatever you want to put in it, you know, whatever
- 4:09Speaker 1: you want to make. This is your your your base.
- 4:10Speaker 1: You're gonna season your meat with this. You can seizon
- 4:13Speaker 1: your beans with this. It's just like however you want
- 4:15Speaker 1: to make it. You got white onion, red onion? Are
- 4:18Speaker 1: you gonna use that whole batch? Not good? So? Can
- 4:21Speaker 1: I keep some if it? Yeah, if it's a.
- 4:23Speaker 2: Great dish, guys, I love to pretend, like when we
- 4:26Speaker 2: have good dishes on the show, like in front of
- 4:29Speaker 2: guys that like, yo, I just swipped.
- 4:32Speaker 1: This up, you know, on my own.
- 4:35Speaker 2: I freestyled it, and I'll be stealing the dishes from
- 4:37Speaker 2: eating while broke and I'm like, hey, I mean for sure,
- 4:41Speaker 2: been a couple of things I took off this show
- 4:43Speaker 2: and definitely made it for like a week straight.
- 4:45Speaker 1: Use your resources, you know, and be like I made
- 4:47Speaker 1: this on my own. I came up with it on
- 4:49Speaker 1: my own and know you can't have the ingredients. Oh no,
- 4:51Speaker 1: I don't need to say that, okay.
- 4:53Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and you have tomato paste, Yeah, I got tomato.
- 4:57Speaker 1: Tomato paste is gonna go after okay. Okay, So so
- 5:00Speaker 1: Frito garlic, We're gonna do a little bit of orange
- 5:06Speaker 1: you So you want me to take you back to
- 5:07Speaker 1: the time of yeah dish? Yes, okay, you're right. Cooking
- 5:12Speaker 1: and talking is hard. It really is.
- 5:16Speaker 2: I've had guests that literally leave and be like, Yo,
- 5:19Speaker 2: that was a lot harder than I thought it was
- 5:21Speaker 2: gonna be.
- 5:22Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let me get to it. Okay. So
- 5:26Speaker 1: the last time I had this dish, actually it wasn't
- 5:29Speaker 1: that long ago because it's good, but my mom used
- 5:34Speaker 1: to make it at least once a week. It would
- 5:36Speaker 1: be it would be on rotation for the meals for
- 5:40Speaker 1: the week, and we were living in a one bedroom
- 5:43Speaker 1: apartment in Uptown Manhattan. Oh you're from New York. Yeah,
- 5:47Speaker 1: girl from New York. Make that little tell you the
- 5:52Speaker 1: Neveicant story earlier. Okay, Okay, so yeah, yeah, I'm from
- 5:55Speaker 1: the I'm from I grew up in Dykeman and the Bronx.
- 6:00Speaker 2: Gonna be homies yes, so okay, so how many siblings
- 6:04Speaker 2: did you have?
- 6:05Speaker 1: Two sisters, two older sisters that they came. So me
- 6:09Speaker 1: and my mom migrated to New York City first, and
- 6:13Speaker 1: then she sent for my sisters once she found stability.
- 6:16Speaker 1: You said, migrated from where Dominican Republic?
- 6:18Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, so you migrate here and then she
- 6:23Speaker 2: sends for the two other sisters. So it's just four
- 6:25Speaker 2: women with yeah, women living in a house.
- 6:27Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, and my stepdad was around for a bit. Yeah,
- 6:31Speaker 1: for a bed, a one bedroom, so we were sleeping
- 6:34Speaker 1: in the living room. So we had a bed in
- 6:36Speaker 1: the living room and the couch and stuff. So it's
- 6:38Speaker 1: just like, you know, we gotta make it work.
- 6:42Speaker 2: And it's tough in New York because, like they're really
- 6:44Speaker 2: small apartments unless you got like one of the old school.
- 6:46Speaker 1: Yeah, they're really small apartments. And yeah, we were a
- 6:50Speaker 1: bit crowded, you know, I didn't have my own space.
- 6:54Speaker 1: But we were obviously grateful, you know, but it was
- 6:57Speaker 1: definitely difficult to for my mother, especially to navigate coming
- 7:02Speaker 1: too another country, not learning not knowing the language. You know.
- 7:08Speaker 1: My stepdad was around for a bit, but did he
- 7:10Speaker 1: move from No, she met him out in New York. Yeah,
- 7:14Speaker 1: oh after Yeah, so she's like super independent woman. Yeah no,
- 7:17Speaker 1: my mom my mom already was. She's the only one
- 7:21Speaker 1: out of all her siblings. I came to the United
- 7:23Speaker 1: States and then her her sister's coming soon as well.
- 7:28Speaker 1: But she made that leap first, and she wanted to
- 7:32Speaker 1: give us a higher education, and she wanted to give
- 7:35Speaker 1: us more than what she had. She came from a
- 7:37Speaker 1: really small like farm in the Mindican Republic. And was
- 7:44Speaker 1: she young mom or older mom? My mom? So, my
- 7:47Speaker 1: mom had my oldest sister at nineteen, then she had me.
- 7:54Speaker 1: I know that she had me like twenty seven, okay, okay,
- 7:57Speaker 1: oh so there's an age spread. But she moved. So
- 8:00Speaker 1: she moved to the to New.
- 8:02Speaker 2: York at the age of probably around twenty seven or
- 8:06Speaker 2: thirty or how i'll yeah, okay, so she's actually thirty
- 8:11Speaker 2: like around that. I told she your mom's your mom's
- 8:14Speaker 2: a power house. Yeah, because it's a little bit of
- 8:16Speaker 2: a gangster.
- 8:17Speaker 1: Yeah, she's super gangster. Yeah she sounds gangster.
- 8:20Speaker 2: That's a that's a real independent move a woman by
- 8:22Speaker 2: herself with kids. Okay, so now I see, I see
- 8:26Speaker 2: where the the entrepreneurs coming.
- 8:28Speaker 1: In Okay, So you grew up with your mom and
- 8:32Speaker 1: uh in New York. Yeah, what's the next play from
- 8:36Speaker 1: there that I want to slowly land in the Dali
- 8:40Speaker 1: Lama lage. Okay, Dolly Mama. Okay, so boom, I saw boom.
- 8:45Speaker 1: I grew up in New York and the Bronx. So
- 8:48Speaker 1: let me just cut to the chase. I had a
- 8:50Speaker 1: daughter at fifteen. Oh wow, Yeah, so I got pregnant
- 8:54Speaker 1: when I was fourteen. I had my daughter at fifteen.
- 8:58Speaker 1: Definitely was a decision that I wanted to make, you know,
- 9:00Speaker 1: at first, it was really crazy. I didn't want my
- 9:03Speaker 1: mom to know. I was about to say, like, how
- 9:05Speaker 1: did your mom take that news? Not?
- 9:06Speaker 2: Well, did she whoop your book? Because I have a
- 9:10Speaker 2: I have a Jamaican mom, like I would have like, yeah,
- 9:15Speaker 2: that's the that's the for sure, Like I have to
- 9:17Speaker 2: run away from home because I ran it?
- 9:20Speaker 1: Did you actually run away hours? Because they found me?
- 9:26Speaker 1: But I actually did before you told her the news? Okay,
- 9:31Speaker 1: so she damn I got I really tell the story.
- 9:33Speaker 1: Got one hour? Okay. So she found out I was
- 9:36Speaker 1: pregnant because she looked through my book bag and found
- 9:39Speaker 1: my planned parenthood note that said I have an abortion scheduled,
- 9:45Speaker 1: so I was going to go through with it and
- 9:46Speaker 1: everything because I was like, my mom's gonna murder. I wouldn't.
- 9:49Speaker 1: I would have done this exact thing. I would have
- 9:52Speaker 1: been had to miss school that day so I could
- 9:54Speaker 1: go handle that business. And she went in my book
- 9:57Speaker 1: bag out of like I call that divine into because
- 10:00Speaker 1: that child, my daughter, saved my life. But we'll get
- 10:03Speaker 1: to that. But she came in and was like, out
- 10:07Speaker 1: of all days, never looked at my back, wanted to
- 10:10Speaker 1: look through my book back that day in front of you, Yeah,
- 10:13Speaker 1: in front of you. Oh, I would have just ran.
- 10:15Speaker 1: I would have booked it. That is that the day
- 10:17Speaker 1: you ran away? Yeah, shebed the letter and I, yeah,
- 10:23Speaker 1: I would have looked it. I'm with you. I would
- 10:25Speaker 1: have been like the fear of God would have I'm dead.
- 10:29Speaker 1: I'm dead. So yeah, I ran away. But then obviously
- 10:35Speaker 1: I was found. It's only so far I can go.
- 10:38Speaker 1: We were like hiding at some I wanted me and
- 10:40Speaker 1: my baby. Daddy was like hiding out one of his
- 10:42Speaker 1: friend's house and he's like, Yo, my mom's about to
- 10:44Speaker 1: come home from work. You gotta go. I'm like, fuck.
- 10:47Speaker 1: We didn't think this through bad? No, but yeah, so
- 10:52Speaker 1: I had I decided. You know, my mom was like, no,
- 10:55Speaker 1: you're gonna not have this kid, Like we're gonna go
- 10:57Speaker 1: to this appointment, You're not gonna have this child. And
- 11:00Speaker 1: you know, I was like, fuck, I gotta do what
- 11:02Speaker 1: my mama say, Like, you know, I already messed up
- 11:04Speaker 1: pretty bad, so I got to do what she says.
- 11:09Speaker 1: I kind of had between my pointment, between that moment
- 11:13Speaker 1: and the day of the appointment, I had some thoughts
- 11:17Speaker 1: and a change of heart and I was like I
- 11:20Speaker 1: actually don't want to I want to have this baby.
- 11:23Speaker 1: Like am you told it? No? I had not. I
- 11:26Speaker 1: was telling myself, I'm like, wait, I want to have
- 11:28Speaker 1: this baby. So as I was sitting the appointment came,
- 11:31Speaker 1: you know, she came with me. My sister came as well,
- 11:35Speaker 1: and I was sitting in the waiting room and she
- 11:39Speaker 1: was like outside and I was like, I can't go
- 11:44Speaker 1: through with it. And I was like what is she
- 11:46Speaker 1: going to do to me? Like what's the worst so
- 11:47Speaker 1: she can do? She really don't care on me, Like
- 11:51Speaker 1: I was like what is Like I cannot I need
- 11:54Speaker 1: to have my baby. So I like walked out and
- 11:56Speaker 1: I said I'm not going to do it, and I
- 11:59Speaker 1: stood on baby. But wait, you said it outside in public? No? Y, yeah,
- 12:02Speaker 1: in the waiting room. Yeah, you didn't do it in the.
- 12:05Speaker 2: Four the four corners of that apartment, because I'm sure
- 12:08Speaker 2: we would not be having this right now.
- 12:11Speaker 1: So you tell her? What does she say? She was no?
- 12:14Speaker 1: She a scene breaks out at the plant parenthound, you know,
- 12:17Speaker 1: and she's just like, how can you guys are love
- 12:19Speaker 1: She's a child and they're like, well, you know, it's
- 12:21Speaker 1: her body and it's her choice. That's the law here.
- 12:25Speaker 1: You know that don't fly in the Caribbean. But I'm
- 12:27Speaker 1: telling you I would have never lived to see another day.
- 12:29Speaker 1: I would have had to run away.
- 12:30Speaker 2: I love this story, by the way. It just like
- 12:33Speaker 2: makes me love you. So it's such a good story.
- 12:37Speaker 2: So so you So she does she she embarrasses you
- 12:41Speaker 2: in the in the and you still stick through to it.
- 12:44Speaker 1: No, I stand on business. Okay, I'm like, nope, I'm
- 12:47Speaker 1: having it. And you know, she loses it and you
- 12:53Speaker 1: know the following weeks after that, how was your baby
- 12:58Speaker 1: daddy taking the news too? Oh? He he swore up
- 13:01Speaker 1: and down. He was like, that was my baby? You
- 13:03Speaker 1: ain't wanna come, my baby. I'm like, right, yeah, I
- 13:08Speaker 1: was fifteen, he was sixteen or something. Guys were young
- 13:12Speaker 1: and young in love, young and in love, and it
- 13:14Speaker 1: was just like okay, and then yeah, but the weeks
- 13:20Speaker 1: after that were really hard for me, but more for
- 13:24Speaker 1: my mom. I mean, I don't know for who more honestly,
- 13:28Speaker 1: but I just could hear my mother crying through like
- 13:31Speaker 1: the walls, and you know, we've talked about it now
- 13:36Speaker 1: looking back, and you know, I learned that like she
- 13:39Speaker 1: had she got an antidepressant because of that, she was
- 13:42Speaker 1: on anti depressants for like twenty years for that. Because
- 13:46Speaker 1: of that or that like was like the breaking point
- 13:49Speaker 1: for her. I think she was like my mom was
- 13:51Speaker 1: a single mom, struggling and stuff, so like in general
- 13:54Speaker 1: that yeah, she didn't want that. She really tried to
- 13:57Speaker 1: protect me. It wasn't really so much like she was
- 13:59Speaker 1: being an ass hole mom, Like she just was really
- 14:01Speaker 1: trying her best to stick to the plan. You know,
- 14:05Speaker 1: I want my daughters to just like not get distracted
- 14:08Speaker 1: and not get you know, but sometimes I just feel
- 14:12Speaker 1: like when you shelter your kids too much, it tends
- 14:17Speaker 1: to make them want to like break out and do
- 14:22Speaker 1: more because it's like, oh, this is my only opportunity
- 14:24Speaker 1: the house do it all. But like I know, it's
- 14:26Speaker 1: ridiculous obviously like that that thought. Girlfriend, Like, no, I
- 14:30Speaker 1: saw that, Like they were kids.
- 14:31Speaker 2: So anytime I knew kids that like their parents like
- 14:35Speaker 2: restricted them to the max. The second they got loose,
- 14:39Speaker 2: they went zero to one hundred. And it was just
- 14:42Speaker 2: like it just it did the complete opposite.
- 14:44Speaker 1: And they had them watched but that ten minutes they weren't. Yeah,
- 14:49Speaker 1: it's literally that. It's like and the law of energy.
- 14:52Speaker 1: Love of the way the universal energy works, like too
- 14:55Speaker 1: much on something, it's just gonna explode.
- 14:58Speaker 2: And so during the pregnancy, So I had best friends
- 15:03Speaker 2: in school that you know had kids in high school.
- 15:06Speaker 2: How did your whole like high school atmosphere, teachers, and
- 15:10Speaker 2: how was your mom treating you during the pregnancy.
- 15:12Speaker 1: Not trying to stir up some beet between you and
- 15:14Speaker 1: your mom? You know what I'm saying. I get it
- 15:17Speaker 1: if you'd be like I'm leading it you know. No, No, no,
- 15:19Speaker 1: I feel like I've worked through all this in therapy. No.
- 15:23Speaker 1: But so high school was very very interesting. I was
- 15:29Speaker 1: a freshman, so I was definitely a baby. You know
- 15:35Speaker 1: I got. I definitely got a lot of looks from
- 15:37Speaker 1: a lot of teachers. I had some teachers that were
- 15:39Speaker 1: really supportive, Like I had a math teacher that he
- 15:42Speaker 1: had a cushion for me for the chair, like ready
- 15:45Speaker 1: for me, and like you know, and then I had
- 15:48Speaker 1: obviously not so many I mean, like displeasing looks like
- 15:53Speaker 1: how of you know, yeah, like damn you know, And
- 15:57Speaker 1: you know, I had like people tell me like, okay,
- 15:59Speaker 1: so are you gonna do? Like are you gonna even
- 16:01Speaker 1: graduate on time? Like you're not, you know, you're going
- 16:05Speaker 1: to be a statistic like all these other girls who
- 16:07Speaker 1: get pregnant. You know, you're from the Bronx. You don't
- 16:10Speaker 1: have too many opportunities or whatever the case. So for me,
- 16:14Speaker 1: I took that as a like challenge.
- 16:17Speaker 2: Accepted, like I'm approving, right, And that's why you said.
- 16:21Speaker 1: That earlier, because like that for me is like challenge accepted.
- 16:26Speaker 1: You know, I'm about to show show y'all, and you know,
- 16:30Speaker 1: and and that's exactly what what I did, you know.
- 16:32Speaker 1: I mean, I graduated on time. After I had my daughter,
- 16:35Speaker 1: I went straight to school, Like I think I took
- 16:37Speaker 1: off like two weeks maybe or like three weeks and
- 16:40Speaker 1: like I went back to school. Did your mom make
- 16:43Speaker 1: you make a promise that you were like in a
- 16:45Speaker 1: complete school or something during it, or she didn't make
- 16:47Speaker 1: me make a promise, you know, Like my mom didn't really,
- 16:51Speaker 1: I mean obviously she was like I just want you
- 16:54Speaker 1: to do, like which the right thing. And she once
- 17:00Speaker 1: she found out like the gender, she like warmed up
- 17:03Speaker 1: a bit and she was like, oh, it's a girl.
- 17:06Speaker 1: Like we weren't talking for months, and then when I
- 17:10Speaker 1: it was the day of my appointment for my ultrasound,
- 17:13Speaker 1: she was like, oh, did you find out the gender?
- 17:16Speaker 1: And I was like yeah, and she's like what is it?
- 17:19Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh my gosh, she's curious,
- 17:22Speaker 1: Like it made me really happy. And then she was like, oh,
- 17:26Speaker 1: it's a girl, and then forget about it. Since then,
- 17:28Speaker 1: she like come home from work with baby clothes and
- 17:32Speaker 1: she just got mad excited for this child. I love that.
- 17:35Speaker 1: I love that because I honestly I was scared for you.
- 17:39Speaker 1: I was genuinely like I would have been terrified. No, honestly,
- 17:44Speaker 1: it was terrifying. It was it was terrifying. It was
- 17:47Speaker 1: really difficult, and then like okay, to top it all, off.
- 17:53Speaker 1: Three months later, my other sister comes out pregnant. So
- 17:58Speaker 1: she has two teen daughters. Oh she's pregnant. Oh she
- 18:01Speaker 1: she You guys given your money. Hell, yeah, you guys,
- 18:05Speaker 1: you're giving her my poor mother. Literally, I just say
- 18:08Speaker 1: my poor mother. I will say this though, that that's
- 18:14Speaker 1: a strong character, that's a unique character.
- 18:18Speaker 2: And I don't know, I'm deathly afraid of my mom,
- 18:20Speaker 2: like straight up, like my mom could give me a
- 18:21Speaker 2: look and I'll run right now at forty. But I
- 18:25Speaker 2: think that takes a lot of guts to stand in
- 18:27Speaker 2: that truth of that moment, like I want to keep
- 18:30Speaker 2: the baby and like see death on the other side
- 18:32Speaker 2: of the door, because I know as like having.
- 18:35Speaker 1: An immigrant mom, like.
- 18:38Speaker 2: Everyone Jamaican, Puerto Rican, Dominican can relate like, yeah, you're
- 18:42Speaker 2: not gonna live.
- 18:43Speaker 1: That takes a lot of courage to stand on that.
- 18:45Speaker 1: So like, what did you say you about your business?
- 18:48Speaker 1: What'd you say? I stood on business? You stood on business.
- 18:50Speaker 1: You definitely stood on business. So then your sister saw
- 18:53Speaker 1: you stand on business. It was like I'm gonna stand
- 18:55Speaker 1: on business too. No, literally, like that was like I
- 18:58Speaker 1: felt like that was the thought process. Like she was like,
- 19:00Speaker 1: wait a minute if Yady got away with it. It
- 19:03Speaker 1: was like literally something like that. And then my mom
- 19:06Speaker 1: at that point, you were like, girl, she threw She
- 19:08Speaker 1: just was like like she was just like, yeah, you
- 19:12Speaker 1: guys are stressing her.
- 19:12Speaker 2: Und It's just it was just too much. So two
- 19:15Speaker 2: out of three, yeah, okay, the third one didn't do it.
- 19:18Speaker 1: The third one no, but the third one had her
- 19:20Speaker 1: own own set of issues. She she just passed away
- 19:23Speaker 1: in December. I'm sorry, and you know she she my sister,
- 19:28Speaker 1: my oldest, had a really hard life. She struggled with
- 19:32Speaker 1: her mental health. She was like diagnosed pretty late with
- 19:36Speaker 1: bipolar disorder. Like you know, women get diagnosed with mental
- 19:40Speaker 1: health disorders such as like ADHD bipolar really late in life.
- 19:47Speaker 1: They just kind of say, oh, she's the trouble maker.
- 19:49Speaker 1: Like she's just the trouble maker. She's she's a hot
- 19:51Speaker 1: head or like whatever, and like usually those symptoms go
- 19:55Speaker 1: go what do you call it unnoticed or just like
- 19:58Speaker 1: swept on the rug, you know. So yeah, she you know,
- 20:03Speaker 1: struggled with her weight as well. As a teen, she
- 20:07Speaker 1: was pretty obese and then she had like the surgery
- 20:10Speaker 1: and like but then she got addicted to drugs and alcohol,
- 20:15Speaker 1: and then well that's not good for them if she
- 20:18Speaker 1: if she had bipolar exactly, it was if she couldn't
- 20:21Speaker 1: you know, people who have bipolar, so you cannot participate
- 20:25Speaker 1: in those things. You know, you can't even smoke weed
- 20:27Speaker 1: low key. Yeah. So and that was going undetected for
- 20:32Speaker 1: that whole time. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah yeah. So then yeah,
- 20:36Speaker 1: she passed away an overdose this past December, and since then,
- 20:42Speaker 1: I definitely have had to be like step up and
- 20:45Speaker 1: be the matriarch of my family, be the the person
- 20:49Speaker 1: who takes care of it, looks after my mother. And
- 20:52Speaker 1: it's isn't that crazy how I'm the I'm the baby,
- 20:54Speaker 1: I'm the youngest. Wow, yeah, you know, but that was
- 20:57Speaker 1: your oldest, right, Yeah, that's my oldest. Yeah, and then
- 21:01Speaker 1: I imagine your mom took it really hard. Yeah, it's
- 21:04Speaker 1: it's it's it's been hard. I mean it's been hard.
- 21:08Speaker 1: It's been hard for you know, grief doesn't go away,
- 21:11Speaker 1: like you just learned to live with it and it
- 21:14Speaker 1: becomes something else. I think over time, because there's a
- 21:18Speaker 1: moment I mean it's fresh, Like there's still moments where
- 21:20Speaker 1: I like, I'll listen to a song that she liked,
- 21:22Speaker 1: and then I'll like start fucking crying in the car
- 21:24Speaker 1: while I'm driving, and shit, you know, just thinking and
- 21:26Speaker 1: what I think about the most really is like what
- 21:29Speaker 1: a hard life she had. More than anything else, it
- 21:32Speaker 1: just makes me feel so like bad. You know. Yeah,
- 21:36Speaker 1: I was talking with Van Laythan.
- 21:39Speaker 2: I was talking to him about trauma, because what that's
- 21:41Speaker 2: that's a trum Like everyone that's around that situation that
- 21:45Speaker 2: happened to your sister is that's a that's a trauma, right,
- 21:49Speaker 2: And I was asking him like do people can people
- 21:51Speaker 2: grow get like, can you survive trauma? And he goes
- 21:55Speaker 2: he said something really interesting. He's like, you know how
- 21:57Speaker 2: the rings are in a tree. He's like, they don't
- 22:00Speaker 2: go anywhere. The tree can still grow over it. He's like,
- 22:02Speaker 2: but that trauma still lives there.
- 22:04Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 22:05Speaker 2: So it's like when you say you hear that song, well,
- 22:07Speaker 2: I mean it's still recent, but I'm just saying, like,
- 22:10Speaker 2: I feel like kind of just resonating with what you
- 22:13Speaker 2: said in regards to like grief being a while, Like
- 22:17Speaker 2: that's a very traumatic like that's a very traumatic experience
- 22:20Speaker 2: you have, so like just learning to how to kind
- 22:23Speaker 2: of be a tree and grow around the ring, but
- 22:26Speaker 2: knowing that that ring is like probably not going.
- 22:29Speaker 1: To go it anywhere, right, Yeah, yeah, exactly, And you
- 22:35Speaker 1: know it's just been then my other sister, I'm a
- 22:39Speaker 1: very big wellness advocate. We're jumping a little bit, but
- 22:43Speaker 1: you know, I've found a Dolly mama because of just
- 22:47Speaker 1: my upbringing. So my other sister who had the who
- 22:51Speaker 1: she's the middle child, she has schizophrenia. She developed schizophrenia
- 22:57Speaker 1: later in her life, in her late twenties, and she's
- 23:00Speaker 1: been struggling with also adapting to that. And I literally
- 23:05Speaker 1: just had to help, you know, get her proper care
- 23:07Speaker 1: and stuff. And so that's two sisters down.
- 23:11Speaker 2: And where did where in this story did you go?
- 23:13Speaker 2: Because you're living in New York right and then yeah,
- 23:21Speaker 2: wait wait, I don't want to skip too much around.
- 23:22Speaker 2: So you're living in New York because now it's you're you,
- 23:26Speaker 2: You became the matriarch. It sounds like later later now
- 23:30Speaker 2: all right?
- 23:31Speaker 1: Yeah? Now and your your where does your mom live now?
- 23:34Speaker 1: She's back in New York? Still? Okay? Yeah, all right,
- 23:48Speaker 1: take me back to how you end up here? For sure?
- 23:57Speaker 1: So high school graduated, stand on business, stood on business.
- 24:06Speaker 1: I've talked about this before through my cooking series on
- 24:09Speaker 1: on Instagram. But my the father of my daughter, my
- 24:12Speaker 1: baby father, also unfortunately got addicted to drugs as well
- 24:18Speaker 1: after my daughter was a shoes too, and you know
- 24:22Speaker 1: the street drug angel does, right, Yeah, oh that's a
- 24:24Speaker 1: dangerous one. That's a bad one. Yeah, So it really
- 24:28Speaker 1: slowed down his development and so he just hasn't hasn't
- 24:31Speaker 1: been able to bounce back since. So when that happened,
- 24:37Speaker 1: I had to That's when it clicked for me like
- 24:39Speaker 1: oh shit, like I'm doing this ship like on my
- 24:42Speaker 1: own Loki, you know what I mean. And then that
- 24:45Speaker 1: hasn't been tough because yeah, yeah, So then I had
- 24:52Speaker 1: prom so prom came around that this is pivotal prom
- 24:55Speaker 1: came around. I couldn't afford prom, you know they make
- 24:57Speaker 1: you buy these packages and ship and all that stuff.
- 24:59Speaker 1: I afford it, and I was kind of dipping into
- 25:03Speaker 1: music videos at that time. I had did my first
- 25:05Speaker 1: music video when I was seventeen and I was a
- 25:07Speaker 1: junior in high school, right, so it was like a
- 25:10Speaker 1: pretty big deal was on TV and stuff. So everybody
- 25:12Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, Like it was just like
- 25:15Speaker 1: the teen mom who's like also a video it's just like,
- 25:18Speaker 1: what is going on? It's a lot.
- 25:19Speaker 2: But hey, hey, hey hey the girls was probably hating
- 25:24Speaker 2: on you'd amazing.
- 25:27Speaker 1: I don't know. I do a baby boy sometimes that
- 25:31Speaker 1: was awkward. I like it, okay, so you yeah, I
- 25:35Speaker 1: like it. So what happens at the problem when you
- 25:38Speaker 1: realize you can't afford it? Okay, here we go. Okay,
- 25:41Speaker 1: So I have met this this guy who did like
- 25:44Speaker 1: bts for music videos, who was also like knew a
- 25:47Speaker 1: lot of dancers strippers. So I was like, yo, I
- 25:51Speaker 1: need to make some money real quick. Can you take
- 25:53Speaker 1: me to the strip club so I can make some
- 25:55Speaker 1: money for prom? Oh? You trying to get your prom
- 25:57Speaker 1: and murder? You got it?
- 26:01Speaker 2: I was gonna kill you.
- 26:02Speaker 1: Let's balls. What is going on with this girl? Okay? No,
- 26:06Speaker 1: I get it though. I would I ain't gonna lie.
- 26:08Speaker 2: If I look like you and had the body that
- 26:10Speaker 2: you had, I would have been like for sure, and
- 26:13Speaker 2: I need to make some money.
- 26:14Speaker 1: I would have done the same, not no no lies.
- 26:16Speaker 1: Yeah okay. So and you had a baby too, so yeah,
- 26:21Speaker 1: so I was like he was like yeah. I was
- 26:24Speaker 1: like yeah, and he was like okay, come on. So
- 26:29Speaker 1: he took me to some hole in the wall and
- 26:32Speaker 1: Hunt's Point, right, oh, Ship, I didn't measure this hold on, y'all. See,
- 26:36Speaker 1: this is why I'm gonna use your hilarious use it cook.
- 26:39Speaker 1: This story is just se so Juste's story. I'm gonna
- 26:43Speaker 1: have to write a book. You have to, yo. This
- 26:47Speaker 1: story sounds really good.
- 26:48Speaker 2: By the way, there's like I'm like, yo, I can't
- 26:51Speaker 2: and it's crazy because I can't, like miss your I
- 26:54Speaker 2: have to remember the little milestones that you say.
- 26:57Speaker 1: Yeah, but all right, so you go to the strip.
- 26:59Speaker 1: How was this guy that's like helping you out? Old
- 27:02Speaker 1: dude man got out of jail, and Ship lives in
- 27:04Speaker 1: the projects telling your hotels. So so he's like yeah, yeah,
- 27:12Speaker 1: So he takes me to this like strip club, hold
- 27:15Speaker 1: in the warm Hunts Point in the Bronx. You know,
- 27:17Speaker 1: Hunt's Point. Hunts Point is not good. I don't need
- 27:22Speaker 1: to be a hunts Point. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm like,
- 27:25Speaker 1: let's do it, and he takes me and he's like, yo,
- 27:30Speaker 1: Like it literally was like a movie looking back on
- 27:33Speaker 1: it now, but I was in it. So when you're
- 27:34Speaker 1: in it, you're not looking at it like your old
- 27:36Speaker 1: dangerous situation. So he was like Yo, this's my little sis, like,
- 27:40Speaker 1: you know, trying some money, like make sure you look
- 27:42Speaker 1: after her, So like, come on, make sure you look
- 27:49Speaker 1: after her. And I was like and then I just
- 27:55Speaker 1: like went on stage and I was like doing my
- 27:56Speaker 1: little bullshit dance because I definitely did not know how
- 27:59Speaker 1: to pull the Yeah, and I made like two hundred
- 28:02Speaker 1: three hundred dollars that night or something like that. Yeah,
- 28:05Speaker 1: money for a teenager. Hell. So I was like, when
- 28:08Speaker 1: I come back, I did I don't know what I
- 28:14Speaker 1: want to say. Yeah. So at the time I was
- 28:15Speaker 1: working at Children's Place retail. Oh yeah, I.
- 28:18Speaker 2: Definitely would have never been back. My mom would be like,
- 28:21Speaker 2: where is she at? You lucky the rings weren't around,
- 28:26Speaker 2: you know where you put the GPS dragging?
- 28:27Speaker 1: Oh my god. But listen, my mom ended up finding
- 28:30Speaker 1: out later and she just laughed because at this point
- 28:34Speaker 1: I just feel like she was just like, Yo, you're nuts, bro,
- 28:38Speaker 1: Like you know, she's She's like, I'm laughing because I'm
- 28:41Speaker 1: about to kill you, like you seconds second, I'm sad. No,
- 28:48Speaker 1: But yeah, I ended up going back, and I actually
- 28:52Speaker 1: was a stripper for like two years. I did it
- 28:58Speaker 1: after high school. I continued to but then at the
- 29:00Speaker 1: time at the same time simultaneously, and your mom found
- 29:04Speaker 1: out how long into the stripping, oh, maybe like a year,
- 29:08Speaker 1: and she kind of like found the outfits in my
- 29:11Speaker 1: in my closet, Like, you know.
- 29:12Speaker 2: You're not good at hiding, You're terrible. I would have
- 29:15Speaker 2: hit that shit in the back of a freezer or something.
- 29:20Speaker 1: So she found it. I was just like, what does
- 29:25Speaker 1: that mean. She's like, you're poll dancing. I was like, yeah,
- 29:31Speaker 1: earned some extra cash, and she was just like, oh
- 29:34Speaker 1: my goodness. And then she mentioned college. She was like,
- 29:37Speaker 1: you need to go to college. And then I'm just curious.
- 29:41Speaker 2: It sounds like drugs were very relevant and probably popular
- 29:45Speaker 2: if you're even if your baby daddy starts doing angel.
- 29:48Speaker 1: So I'm curious, like what stopped you or did you
- 29:51Speaker 1: ever partake in the drugs? See? So I not definitely
- 29:58Speaker 1: not that stuff, you know what I mean. I love weed, okay, okay,
- 30:03Speaker 1: but but even in the strip clubs like that, Yeah, no, no,
- 30:10Speaker 1: it is, it is. It is. And I actually didn't
- 30:12Speaker 1: because I was scared because of what I saw it
- 30:15Speaker 1: due to my baby daddy because he was tweaking, you know,
- 30:20Speaker 1: and my sister, my older sister, you know what I mean.
- 30:22Speaker 1: I was. I just was scared to like not be
- 30:24Speaker 1: in control, so I just didn't really want to participate.
- 30:27Speaker 1: So I actually was pretty good about that. Yeah, they
- 30:30Speaker 1: scared you straight pretty much. Yeah. I just would drink though.
- 30:34Speaker 1: I would drink a little bit to just kind of
- 30:36Speaker 1: take the edge off, which is also just very unhealthy obviously,
- 30:39Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But you were like extremely stressed,
- 30:42Speaker 1: like imagine a fifteen year old or seventeen or seventeen
- 30:45Speaker 1: year old ege eighteen. Now did you end up going
- 30:47Speaker 1: to prom by the way I did? Okay? Good? You
- 30:49Speaker 1: stand on business, okay, mad respect, But you're also from
- 30:52Speaker 1: New York, so I'm not. Yeah, okay. And it's so
- 30:56Speaker 1: funny because when you were calling a nine one seven
- 30:59Speaker 1: for social reason, I did not think you were a
- 31:01Speaker 1: New Yorker. And then the second you said it, I
- 31:03Speaker 1: said her number was nine one seven. Okay, So you
- 31:10Speaker 1: so your.
- 31:10Speaker 2: Mom just kind of rolls with the punches like at
- 31:13Speaker 2: this point, I can't control her, so right, okay, right,
- 31:16Speaker 2: And I'm like, and you're paying the bills at this
- 31:18Speaker 2: point because you really making money? Yeah, yeah, I was
- 31:20Speaker 2: looking after my daughter and I was like putting down,
- 31:23Speaker 2: you know, So okay, so what we're what's next to?
- 31:28Speaker 1: So much?
- 31:29Speaker 2: So you go, you you do two years of the
- 31:31Speaker 2: stripping and your taking care of business. Okay, you graduated
- 31:36Speaker 2: and then graduate high school.
- 31:39Speaker 1: Then I at this point two years then I'm deep
- 31:43Speaker 1: in as well in the music video I Guess World.
- 31:47Speaker 1: Then did a few music videos, and I had a
- 31:49Speaker 1: platform on Twitter. That was when Twitter first came out.
- 31:52Speaker 1: So that's when like the whole having an audience, having
- 31:56Speaker 1: a following became a thing. Yeah, and natural way of things.
- 32:01Speaker 1: People started like following me a lot because they kept
- 32:04Speaker 1: seeing that girl in the videos. Hence now the popularity
- 32:08Speaker 1: from them that yeah, okay, okay, what videos were you in?
- 32:14Speaker 1: So I throcking that thing? The dream I did like
- 32:19Speaker 1: French Montana was the biggest one, the shock collar one.
- 32:23Speaker 1: What's the one that I think everybody knows me from
- 32:25Speaker 1: the most. Okay. And then when you were doing those,
- 32:28Speaker 1: how did that impact you in any way good or bad?
- 32:31Speaker 1: Like the bed like you know, if you had to
- 32:33Speaker 1: be look, I mean honestly, I just like I realized that,
- 32:41Speaker 1: you know, women are just so undervalued, mistreated, treated as commodities,
- 32:47Speaker 1: as objects, you know, and although yeah, I was making
- 32:53Speaker 1: money from my looks. I felt like I had so
- 32:56Speaker 1: much more to share, so much more to talk about,
- 32:58Speaker 1: so much more, Like this was just me trying to
- 33:00Speaker 1: make some money on the side. Like I wasn't like
- 33:02Speaker 1: I'm gonna be the world's best video box and it
- 33:04Speaker 1: was just really like I was trying to make some
- 33:05Speaker 1: dough on the side, you know, and everybody was like
- 33:08Speaker 1: you're you're super thick and Kurby like you should do it.
- 33:10Speaker 1: And obviously those women I grew up looking at music videos.
- 33:14Speaker 1: I was like, damn, one day, I want to be
- 33:15Speaker 1: like her, like, you know. So it was it was
- 33:18Speaker 1: very cool when I was in it. It was it
- 33:20Speaker 1: was fun, you know, I got to travel. But then
- 33:23Speaker 1: there was also that side of it that I just
- 33:25Speaker 1: felt like just super dismissed and pushed under the rug
- 33:29Speaker 1: and not not seeing that valued. Yeah. Yeah, I did.
- 33:35Speaker 2: H When I first moved to LA, I did, like
- 33:37Speaker 2: soul trained, God, please God, I hope I shouldn't have
- 33:39Speaker 2: even confessed this, and I did. I think it was
- 33:42Speaker 2: like fifty cents in the club and I just and
- 33:45Speaker 2: I did, like I think Eric Sherman did the Redman
- 33:48Speaker 2: a song, and uh, but Anyways, what I had seen
- 33:52Speaker 2: in the industry was like they were just definitely predators.
- 33:56Speaker 1: It was just it was a predator chilled.
- 33:59Speaker 2: You just couldn't trust for anybody really, and it's it's
- 34:03Speaker 2: like literally it was like I walked in one door
- 34:05Speaker 2: and was like I'm walking out the other because the
- 34:08Speaker 2: dudes were just so obnoxious and it wasn't ever like
- 34:11Speaker 2: the main talent. It was like whatever whoever, whatever guy
- 34:16Speaker 2: was in the background affiliated with the main.
- 34:19Speaker 1: Yes, trying to get trying to get you. I definitely
- 34:22Speaker 1: had my share of that when I was in it.
- 34:26Speaker 1: Just men that were like, oh, like you're trying to
- 34:27Speaker 1: be in this news video and I'm like, bro, it's
- 34:29Speaker 1: never that deep, Like, never that deep. Yeah, it was
- 34:34Speaker 1: never that deep. Like you know, I will say it,
- 34:37Speaker 1: I was definitely prayed on, that's the word. But I
- 34:41Speaker 1: will say that like I was. I wasn't I wasn't down. Yeah. Well,
- 34:47Speaker 1: I think too.
- 34:48Speaker 2: If you've been approached a million one time, I think
- 34:51Speaker 2: it's easier to say no, right, you'd be like, Okay,
- 34:54Speaker 2: let's see this this, what's your what's your I was
- 34:57Speaker 2: thinking about this the other day, like I've been with
- 35:00Speaker 2: the Christian guy the bad boy, the older guy, the
- 35:03Speaker 2: younger guy. And I was like, yo, all of them
- 35:07Speaker 2: are just the same guy, just dressed in different on
- 35:09Speaker 2: the outfits.
- 35:10Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
- 35:11Speaker 2: Yeah, gets to a more where it's just like now
- 35:13Speaker 2: I just need reference checks. Give me your three ex
- 35:15Speaker 2: girlfriend's numbers, you know right, I will go from there.
- 35:19Speaker 2: So after this, after the is this when you start update?
- 35:23Speaker 1: Do you want an update on the dish? I'm about
- 35:24Speaker 1: to cover it. Yeah, I saw you put bullion in it, cilantro. Yeah,
- 35:28Speaker 1: give me the update. It looks really delicious by the Okay,
- 35:31Speaker 1: so right now the rice has soaked up the water.
- 35:36Speaker 1: The chicken is pretty much cooked, because now it's just
- 35:40Speaker 1: the last bit of it of the cooking when the
- 35:42Speaker 1: rice cooks with it. If that makes sense? Am I
- 35:45Speaker 1: speaking English? Sometimes I don't even know if I'm talking English.
- 35:48Speaker 1: But yeah, now I'm gonna cover it. I put some
- 35:50Speaker 1: cilantro in it, and we're gonna lower the fire. I
- 35:53Speaker 1: was gonna say that fires up high. Yeah, we're gonna
- 35:55Speaker 1: lower the fire. I'm just waiting for the I got
- 35:59Speaker 1: nervous and that plastic flew over to that electric gun.
- 36:03Speaker 1: All right. I just don't want the rice to car
- 36:05Speaker 1: I feel like, you know what, I wonder if do
- 36:08Speaker 1: Puerto Ricans make this dish? Yeah? I feel like I've
- 36:10Speaker 1: had this at my homegirl, I'm sure you have.
- 36:13Speaker 2: I'm just I'm genuinely like, I wonder how spicy it's
- 36:16Speaker 2: gonna be because I smelled that it's not spicy at all.
- 36:19Speaker 2: I'm gonna try it. It looks good, it looks like
- 36:21Speaker 2: I'm gonna get leftovers. Yeah, okay, all right, So is
- 36:26Speaker 2: this at this point? Are you still you needed a
- 36:28Speaker 2: neighbor and look at you, you totally needed I'm.
- 36:31Speaker 1: So glad because I was gonna ruin my fick. God
- 36:35Speaker 1: that so you at this point, you're still in New
- 36:39Speaker 1: York doing all of this stuff. Yes, I'm still in
- 36:43Speaker 1: New York doing all this stuff. You know. Are you
- 36:48Speaker 1: still with your baby daddy during all of this? No? No, no,
- 36:51Speaker 1: I Me and my baby daddy were done when I
- 36:55Speaker 1: was a two. Okay, around that time, we I had
- 37:02Speaker 1: ended it because it was definitely like just unhealthy and
- 37:08Speaker 1: it wasn't it wasn't even safe anymore, and it was
- 37:12Speaker 1: just like, yeah, no, you know, we had a plan
- 37:16Speaker 1: and like you ain't stick to the plan. Bro, Yeah,
- 37:18Speaker 1: he wasn't on business. Wasn't standing on business. That's my
- 37:21Speaker 1: term for today. I stay on business.
- 37:23Speaker 2: Change my name in all your phones if you have
- 37:26Speaker 2: my number, that I stand on business.
- 37:28Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, I like that. I do that too. Yeah.
- 37:32Speaker 2: So now you're a single mom, you're totally now are
- 37:35Speaker 2: you still living with your mom? Are you guys all
- 37:37Speaker 2: like sticking together as one solid team?
- 37:40Speaker 1: Yes. So my mother but being the amazing mom that
- 37:43Speaker 1: she is, she once that she saw like obviously she's
- 37:47Speaker 1: gonna have grandkids. She I don't know how she did it,
- 37:50Speaker 1: but she always surprises me. Moves into like a bigger
- 37:53Speaker 1: apartment so that we each have her I love her.
- 37:56Speaker 1: I love her, Okay, I love her. She moves to
- 37:59Speaker 1: a big apartment where we each have our own room
- 38:02Speaker 1: so that we could each have our room with our kid. Awesome. Yeah.
- 38:05Speaker 1: So and then my oldest sister had her room, she
- 38:08Speaker 1: had a room, and then you know, she was just
- 38:09Speaker 1: such a great grand She's such a great grandmother and
- 38:14Speaker 1: just been like so supportive and yeah. So during that time,
- 38:20Speaker 1: we are I'm in New York and I'm still I'm
- 38:22Speaker 1: living with my mom. Still I move out when I'm
- 38:25Speaker 1: like our own twenty twenty one to my own place,
- 38:28Speaker 1: still very young, like you were really standing on business,
- 38:31Speaker 1: you were focused. Yeah, I like I was forced to
- 38:33Speaker 1: grow up so fast because of the responsibilities with my
- 38:38Speaker 1: child and around me. Like I feel like I absorbed everything,
- 38:41Speaker 1: and I like I watched you know, I never meant
- 38:44Speaker 1: to like cause my mom any harm by having this child.
- 38:47Speaker 1: This was just something I wanted to do.
- 38:48Speaker 2: But you were also a child making a yeah, yeah exactly,
- 38:52Speaker 2: like looking back to you, well, I don't want to
- 38:54Speaker 2: ask that question because now you have your the skipped
- 38:58Speaker 2: you know that question.
- 39:00Speaker 1: No mine mine, No. When it came out, it is
- 39:03Speaker 1: really weird.
- 39:04Speaker 2: But I'm just saying like, because you know, looking back,
- 39:06Speaker 2: like I was drunking with you earlier, Like you know,
- 39:09Speaker 2: they don't they don't tell you all the non the
- 39:12Speaker 2: realities of becoming a mom.
- 39:14Speaker 1: You know, you kind of have this vision of like
- 39:16Speaker 1: the what they show you in the movies. I'm like,
- 39:18Speaker 1: but they don't. They don't. They don't showcase that fine break.
- 39:22Speaker 2: So like looking back, the reason why I was retracting
- 39:25Speaker 2: a question is because now obviously I have a daughter too.
- 39:27Speaker 2: It's like once the you know you love your child,
- 39:30Speaker 2: obviously you would never take it back, but like you
- 39:32Speaker 2: just you really realize, like you didn't really know all
- 39:36Speaker 2: what was.
- 39:36Speaker 1: Entailed, wasn't sign of course, and it comes out. It
- 39:41Speaker 1: comes out later on and bits and pieces as you
- 39:44Speaker 1: as a child starts getting older. You know, I'm like, damn,
- 39:48Speaker 1: Like for a long time, A dealt with the guilt
- 39:51Speaker 1: of Beau I didn't grow up with a father, and
- 39:55Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, I didn't give my daughter that. Fuck
- 39:57Speaker 1: I was selfish, you know. I dealt with that. But
- 40:00Speaker 1: you know I've healed from that, and you know those
- 40:02Speaker 1: things are not mine to control. But you know, yeah,
- 40:07Speaker 1: it comes out and then you think, damn, I didn't
- 40:09Speaker 1: think this through. It's not just all like changing diapers
- 40:13Speaker 1: and dressing her up like a little doll. You know,
- 40:17Speaker 1: it's it's a lot more work. You're raising an actual
- 40:20Speaker 1: human being to be a decent human in this world. Yeah,
- 40:23Speaker 1: and that takes a lot of work because of all
- 40:25Speaker 1: the outside influences that we have to be up against
- 40:29Speaker 1: as parents.
- 40:30Speaker 2: You know, I always tell people the second you walk
- 40:33Speaker 2: out your front door, you're being sold to, whether it's
- 40:36Speaker 2: the car you drive, the candy, the chips at the aisle, McDonald's, whatever, billboard, sex, whatever, drugs, alcohol.
- 40:45Speaker 2: The second you step outside of those four walls, everyone's like,
- 40:49Speaker 2: give me some of your money.
- 40:50Speaker 1: And so as a parent, could you imagine you're like,
- 40:52Speaker 1: eat this home cooked meal, stay in the house.
- 40:55Speaker 2: And they're not with you when you're getting sold outside
- 40:58Speaker 2: all the time. So yeah, it's a lot of.
- 41:01Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's a lot, a lot, And yeah,
- 41:03Speaker 1: I definitely there were times where I felt really lost.
- 41:07Speaker 1: There were times where I missed a lot, you know,
- 41:10Speaker 1: from my kid as well. Because I was traveling. I
- 41:13Speaker 1: started hosting clubs. This was when Instagram then started popping
- 41:18Speaker 1: off and then the follow you know, the following count
- 41:20Speaker 1: and all that stuff started to matter. And from that
- 41:26Speaker 1: and the music video of the French Montana, I was
- 41:27Speaker 1: able to travel, you know, all of the United States
- 41:30Speaker 1: and even to the UK because they wanted to meet
- 41:33Speaker 1: the girl from the music video. It was dope. It
- 41:35Speaker 1: was like damn, wow, So they're paying you to just
- 41:38Speaker 1: be in clubs. Yeah, and this was this was an error.
- 41:41Speaker 1: Do you know I remember this. I remember when people
- 41:44Speaker 1: hosting clubs. I remember that they still do that kind
- 41:47Speaker 1: of they're still not as much, but yeah, yeah, they
- 41:50Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, but are you drinking at this time too?
- 41:55Speaker 1: Do you think that like you were starting to because
- 41:57Speaker 1: that's a that's a weird space you're in too, right, Yeah,
- 42:01Speaker 1: Like I didn't develop an addiction to alcohol, but like, yeah,
- 42:05Speaker 1: at these things, you're you're drinking. Yeah, you're at the club,
- 42:08Speaker 1: you having a drink too? Does it feel like work
- 42:10Speaker 1: as you're doing it? Yeah? Or no? You know? Young? Yeah,
- 42:14Speaker 1: I was young, and there were moments where I had
- 42:17Speaker 1: to check myself and be like, girl, like, be grateful
- 42:20Speaker 1: that you get you're making a living this way because
- 42:23Speaker 1: a lot of people work a lot harder, you know
- 42:24Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But there were moments where I would
- 42:26Speaker 1: be a bit ungrateful of the situation or whatever. But
- 42:29Speaker 1: it was a lot of fun.
- 42:31Speaker 2: And did you feel now some women like it looks
- 42:36Speaker 2: like you're just naturally you know, like fat goes and wherever.
- 42:39Speaker 2: Everybody's different where the fat goes. But did you feel
- 42:42Speaker 2: precious to maintain a certain level of beauty?
- 42:44Speaker 1: Yes? Yes, yeah, we can touch on this. So yeah, girl,
- 42:49Speaker 1: when I was in the strip club, the girls that
- 42:52Speaker 1: were making a lot of money had the big butt,
- 42:54Speaker 1: smallways ratio situation, I definitely always had a nice figure,
- 43:00Speaker 1: but I went and got as shots back in the day, yes,
- 43:06Speaker 1: and then I got them removed back in twenty sixteen
- 43:08Speaker 1: for my health that had gotten a breast augmentation as well.
- 43:13Speaker 1: And all of this was to appease the male gaze
- 43:17Speaker 1: and to make more money from the mail gaze. You
- 43:19Speaker 1: know it was it never really felt like anything was
- 43:22Speaker 1: done for me at that time, and then I had
- 43:25Speaker 1: like my awakening. Yeah, but the.
- 43:30Speaker 2: But it's I know you're saying it's for the male gates,
- 43:33Speaker 2: but I mean technically, like I've only been with you
- 43:37Speaker 2: for a little bit, but you scream entrepreneur like you
- 43:40Speaker 2: you are definitely one hundred percent entrepreneur. So it's like
- 43:43Speaker 2: you're in this industry where you're looking over and you're like, well,
- 43:46Speaker 2: the product is making more money over here, so is
- 43:50Speaker 2: it like do you think it was mail gaze or
- 43:53Speaker 2: more like, okay, if this is just a business move,
- 43:56Speaker 2: but maybe you don't realize, like how what the fine
- 44:00Speaker 2: print of the negatives?
- 44:02Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, And that's exactly how I looked at it,
- 44:05Speaker 1: Like I was like, oh, the money is over here
- 44:08Speaker 1: that you know, I'm trying to make the best money move.
- 44:11Speaker 1: So definitely looked at it like that, but then you
- 44:13Speaker 1: don't really realize what goes behind you know, closed doors,
- 44:17Speaker 1: which is just like a lot of times women doing
- 44:19Speaker 1: drugs in the locker room. Yeah, or I definitely you
- 44:25Speaker 1: know this, This happened to me twice where I got drugged.
- 44:30Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, yeah, that's got to be like extreme scary. Yeah.
- 44:33Speaker 1: For the first time, I was able to make it home,
- 44:36Speaker 1: thank god, but it's very scary out there for real,
- 44:40Speaker 1: it was. It was really scary. The second time. It
- 44:42Speaker 1: was actually by a doctor who drugged me. I went
- 44:45Speaker 1: on a date, you know that that drug that.
- 44:48Speaker 2: Did they Yeah, where you wake up and you don't
- 44:50Speaker 2: remember were you able to like uh, like what do
- 44:55Speaker 2: you call it, like turnament or anything? Or do you
- 44:58Speaker 2: or did you go through the phase. I'm gonna just
- 45:01Speaker 2: say this just from speaking from a woman's standpoint of like, well,
- 45:05Speaker 2: if I hadn't put myself in this position, then you know,
- 45:08Speaker 2: it's like almost like it's my fault that it happened.
- 45:10Speaker 2: Of course I went through the Okay, Yeah, I definitely
- 45:13Speaker 2: did go through all of that, Like it's my fault
- 45:15Speaker 2: for putting myself in this position. But also I was
- 45:17Speaker 2: like I was like literally on a date, like yeah,
- 45:20Speaker 2: I had an.
- 45:20Speaker 1: Actual restaurant, you know. And then from then on shit
- 45:23Speaker 1: went less like I don't even you know, yeah, but
- 45:27Speaker 1: yeah I thought about it being like my fall and stuff,
- 45:30Speaker 1: and I didn't. I didn't press charges, right, Yeah, a
- 45:32Speaker 1: lot of women do that, a lot of women.
- 45:34Speaker 2: I got to a point in my twenties where I
- 45:37Speaker 2: only did breakfast in lunch dates because guy's had so
- 45:41Speaker 2: many different games of like, well we went to dinner
- 45:44Speaker 2: and like you're a tea, you're teasing me or whatever.
- 45:47Speaker 2: And I was like, yo, if I could reduce any
- 45:50Speaker 2: of these like extra stupid ass pressures like and I
- 45:53Speaker 2: remember like I would, then I started creeping up just
- 45:56Speaker 2: more to breakfast, and dudes would be like breakfast, click
- 46:00Speaker 2: fuck you. Like, but it just got to the point
- 46:02Speaker 2: where it's just like I'm sick of battling myself over
- 46:05Speaker 2: something you're doing. You know, I've been in a situation
- 46:09Speaker 2: where you're saying no to a guy and a guy's
- 46:10Speaker 2: like no, and you're like, well we're gonna am I
- 46:14Speaker 2: gonna end up like a scene on the movies, like
- 46:16Speaker 2: well you know what I'm saying, Like it's crazy out there,
- 46:19Speaker 2: and then you just start to think, I wouldn't have
- 46:21Speaker 2: if I wouldn't have put myself in this situation. Really
- 46:24Speaker 2: it's not the case. But I just remember when I
- 46:25Speaker 2: was younger, I would always go, Okay, maybe I could
- 46:28Speaker 2: try something different, but like you said, a date, a
- 46:31Speaker 2: normal setting, you don't think those things happen.
- 46:33Speaker 1: And then also, you know, you you're a doctor's fair,
- 46:38Speaker 1: he's a doctor. You know.
- 46:39Speaker 2: It's just like, actually happened to a girlfriend of mine,
- 46:41Speaker 2: like a couple of years ago, young beautiful girl, influencer,
- 46:46Speaker 2: similar situation. Hers ended pretty bad. It's scary, and it
- 46:51Speaker 2: took a lot of courage for her to come out
- 46:52Speaker 2: and like address it and you know, and still traumatize
- 46:56Speaker 2: from it.
- 46:56Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, It's definitely made me just I just didn't
- 47:02Speaker 1: want to be a part of the night life world anymore,
- 47:05Speaker 1: and I wanted to do other things, and I just
- 47:09Speaker 1: wasn't sure what, you know, at the time, I was
- 47:12Speaker 1: twenty one. This is when I was done with the
- 47:15Speaker 1: strip club and hosting in videos videos. Video hosting kind
- 47:32Speaker 1: of went on still because you know, the money came,
- 47:35Speaker 1: I had to. But around this time I started to
- 47:41Speaker 1: I guess go back to the things that brought me
- 47:43Speaker 1: joy as a teen and as a child, and I
- 47:48Speaker 1: wanted to do something more for me as opposed to
- 47:52Speaker 1: just like money. I think that was like what my
- 47:55Speaker 1: thought process was at the time. And also, oh, I
- 47:59Speaker 1: was just like online so terribly. I was suicidal, uh
- 48:05Speaker 1: you know after the when I got the breast augmentation
- 48:08Speaker 1: a year later, I had like complications with it and
- 48:11Speaker 1: I needed to get them removed, and I just was
- 48:13Speaker 1: like I remember being in my like back in my
- 48:16Speaker 1: mom's house because she had to take care of me,
- 48:18Speaker 1: and I'm just thinking, like what the fuck, like yo,
- 48:24Speaker 1: like this is not it, Like none of this is it,
- 48:29Speaker 1: and I want out, and I don't know how I'm
- 48:32Speaker 1: gonna do it, but I want out, you know. And
- 48:35Speaker 1: I think I had like a you know when people
- 48:36Speaker 1: say you had an awakening, so like after that, I
- 48:39Speaker 1: was like I had an awakening, and but it was hard.
- 48:42Speaker 1: I was like also battling with my mental health. I
- 48:44Speaker 1: had severe panic attacks anxiety. I think probably definitely was
- 48:49Speaker 1: PTSD for sure, but all throughout my twenties I had
- 48:53Speaker 1: some really bad panic attacks.
- 48:55Speaker 2: Do you mind describing like what that panic attack felt like?
- 48:58Speaker 2: Just for people that don't even know if they're experiencing.
- 49:01Speaker 1: So for me, it felt like I had this fear
- 49:06Speaker 1: that I was gonna lose my mind because like I
- 49:09Speaker 1: was in my head and like you know, when you're
- 49:11Speaker 1: in your head, you're like you're almost like analyzing each
- 49:14Speaker 1: and every thought that comes into your mind, and you're
- 49:17Speaker 1: and I don't know, it drives me insane, you know
- 49:20Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like when you're in your head, so mutch,
- 49:22Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean I do that all the time.
- 49:25Speaker 1: I'd be, like.
- 49:27Speaker 2: I was telling Jared earlier, I'm like, Yo, people don't
- 49:30Speaker 2: need to tell me negative things about me.
- 49:32Speaker 1: I do that very good job all by myself. You
- 49:35Speaker 1: ain't gonta point out that, right, I'm the first one, like,
- 49:38Speaker 1: I'll do it. But I'm curious.
- 49:41Speaker 2: Your sisters had struggled with a little bit of meountal health.
- 49:44Speaker 2: Were did that also like make what you were going
- 49:48Speaker 2: through worse? Because or was that around the time when
- 49:52Speaker 2: you had discovered like maybe one had bipolar, one had schizophrenia,
- 49:55Speaker 2: and then you start to be in your head a
- 49:56Speaker 2: little bit more exactly?
- 49:58Speaker 1: Okay, this was at that time with the panic attacks. Yeah,
- 50:03Speaker 1: my sister had had her mental breakdown and then my
- 50:06Speaker 1: other Yeah, so I was like, also, damn, like my
- 50:08Speaker 1: sister's like, that's gonna happen to me. Well yeah, so
- 50:11Speaker 1: I was like I would have been scared. Scared. Yeah,
- 50:15Speaker 1: And it really stemmed from just a really awful experience
- 50:19Speaker 1: that I had at the emergency room in the hospital.
- 50:21Speaker 1: Another reason why I started alling Mama and things like that,
- 50:24Speaker 1: which will let me tell you something. I'm seeing it,
- 50:27Speaker 1: I'm seeing and I love hearing it because okay, go ahead.
- 50:32Speaker 1: So yeah, my panic attacks stemmed from a really horrible
- 50:37Speaker 1: experience I had in the emergency room in the hospital
- 50:39Speaker 1: in the Bronx. I had come from a really long
- 50:43Speaker 1: flight in London and might have really bad back problems.
- 50:46Speaker 1: I have a hip and pinchment syndrome, and my back
- 50:49Speaker 1: was killing me. Oh Like I was in so much pain,
- 50:52Speaker 1: like from just sitting on the plane and stuff like
- 50:55Speaker 1: you don't really get comfortable on the plane, you know.
- 50:58Speaker 1: So I was like, Damn, I think I'm gonna have
- 51:01Speaker 1: to go to the er. I'm so much pain. Like
- 51:03Speaker 1: I don't take narcotics or like perks or anything like that,
- 51:08Speaker 1: but I was like, I think I need something really
- 51:09Speaker 1: strong So I went in there and I was telling
- 51:12Speaker 1: them about my pain and like my day and like
- 51:14Speaker 1: what I had gone through, and you know, I told
- 51:16Speaker 1: them I said I need something really strong. So they
- 51:19Speaker 1: see a brown woman asking for pain meds, first thing
- 51:24Speaker 1: they think is she's an addict. Yeah, so instead of
- 51:29Speaker 1: giving me what I know is okay for my body,
- 51:33Speaker 1: they gave me a concoction of medication and sent me home.
- 51:37Speaker 1: And then I was hallucinating. I thought you were going
- 51:40Speaker 1: to say, like, baby Chile, No, no, they gave me
- 51:44Speaker 1: me some shit, gave me some pill. I don't know
- 51:45Speaker 1: what the fuck sent me home? Girl, I was hallucinating.
- 51:51Speaker 1: I was not myself. I was having a psychosis episode. Yeah,
- 51:57Speaker 1: and I had to go back to the emergency. I
- 52:00Speaker 1: remember being at my mom's house and just like my
- 52:03Speaker 1: daughter was coming up to me and like this was
- 52:05Speaker 1: like after the hospital, and I was just like like
- 52:09Speaker 1: I just didn't even reco Like it's like I didn't
- 52:11Speaker 1: even know who she was. It was so weird. So
- 52:14Speaker 1: then I went back to the hospital. Anybody, Yeah, I
- 52:17Speaker 1: went back to the hospital and I was like, yo,
- 52:19Speaker 1: what the fuck is wrong with me? Like what is
- 52:21Speaker 1: going on? And they were like I had to explain
- 52:24Speaker 1: to them that the day the night before, I was
- 52:26Speaker 1: here for pain and they gave me. I don't know
- 52:28Speaker 1: what they gave me, but they need to look at
- 52:30Speaker 1: what they gave me. So there was nothing I could
- 52:33Speaker 1: do but wait, waited out and it was the most
- 52:36Speaker 1: awful experience of my entire life that would have Yeah. Yeah,
- 52:42Speaker 1: so so that like even more yeah and I and
- 52:45Speaker 1: at that time, I was dating my ex and he
- 52:49Speaker 1: he was on the phone with me the entire time
- 52:50Speaker 1: in the hospital, like he had to shoot a music
- 52:53Speaker 1: video during her time he was shooting a music video. Well,
- 52:57Speaker 1: I had to be being on the phone with me
- 52:59Speaker 1: for me to be able to like be okay, wow. Yeah.
- 53:02Speaker 1: It was really bad. And then my panic attacks, and
- 53:05Speaker 1: it got even worse from that because I thought that
- 53:08Speaker 1: I guess I would never be the same again. Yeah,
- 53:10Speaker 1: or fear or you're possibly thinking, like.
- 53:15Speaker 2: Will I ever end up in it even though you
- 53:17Speaker 2: knew it was the drug, you don't know, you don't
- 53:19Speaker 2: really know, no, so you're like, what could possibly bring
- 53:23Speaker 2: that on again?
- 53:24Speaker 1: Exactly? So I was just too weak and girls so hard.
- 53:30Speaker 1: Like I just remember one of the panic attacks that
- 53:33Speaker 1: stand out the most. I was with my daughter and
- 53:35Speaker 1: we were gonna go. I wanted to leave the house.
- 53:37Speaker 1: I was like, I need to leave the house, but
- 53:39Speaker 1: you know, I ran the risk of having a panic attack,
- 53:41Speaker 1: but I was like, I just need to leave the house.
- 53:42Speaker 1: So we went shopping. I took her to Madison Avenue
- 53:44Speaker 1: and like, we went shopping. But when I got out
- 53:46Speaker 1: of the train, I had to go inside this cafe
- 53:49Speaker 1: Dina and De Luca for a minute to collect myself
- 53:53Speaker 1: because I was so dishoveled. Wow, And you know, my
- 53:59Speaker 1: daughter was just like Mommy, oh, what are we doing?
- 54:02Speaker 1: And I'm just like I just need a second. And
- 54:05Speaker 1: it was just like wow, Like that was just that
- 54:08Speaker 1: was a really hard moment for sure.
- 54:10Speaker 2: And I can only imagine so now that we're so
- 54:15Speaker 2: we're still in New York, when do you pivot? Because
- 54:19Speaker 2: I see you in LA now, so I'm like, when
- 54:21Speaker 2: do you pivot to LA and when, like, how do
- 54:24Speaker 2: we get closer to wellness?
- 54:26Speaker 1: Okay, let's do it, which I love talking about as
- 54:30Speaker 1: of late.
- 54:31Speaker 2: So I think it was kind of just a backtrack.
- 54:33Speaker 2: It was very mature of you at the age of
- 54:35Speaker 2: like twenty one or twenty two to say like like
- 54:39Speaker 2: forget the money, like you, it's to acknowledge your actual
- 54:43Speaker 2: feelings inside. Yeah, I thought that was like a very
- 54:45Speaker 2: much that was mature for a twenty twenty one year old.
- 54:48Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. I looking back on it, Yeah, I
- 54:50Speaker 1: think I feel like that too. I think that was
- 54:52Speaker 1: very mature of me to take notice of that and
- 54:56Speaker 1: be like, I want to do something that comes from
- 54:57Speaker 1: the heart, right, Yeah, it is very muchure. Yeah. But
- 55:03Speaker 1: I was dating so La. So. I was dating my
- 55:07Speaker 1: ex who his name is Absol So a lot of
- 55:10Speaker 1: people know about him, but he's he was my ex.
- 55:14Speaker 1: We were dating for five for like five years at
- 55:16Speaker 1: the time when I moved to La. So I moved
- 55:20Speaker 1: to La with my daughter and we moved in together
- 55:24Speaker 1: like a little family. So you moved. That's how I
- 55:28Speaker 1: got to l A Okay, and then sorry, I'm like
- 55:32Speaker 1: blanking out a little bit with my story. I got
- 55:35Speaker 1: to l A. Sorry. I'm like, you know what it
- 55:40Speaker 1: is because we're really hungry today. Ready, let's check, Like
- 55:48Speaker 1: my stomach is over here, like yo, feed me it is.
- 55:53Speaker 1: Thank god, I'm starving. Sorry, I like lost because they're hungry.
- 56:00Speaker 1: The food smells so good. It's so much to recount. Okay,
- 56:04Speaker 1: so I feel like this is done good? Do you
- 56:08Speaker 1: want to serve me first? Are you sure I got you? Okay?
- 56:11Speaker 1: So I come to LA and it was very hard
- 56:15Speaker 1: to adjust. Yeah, because La compared to New York.
- 56:18Speaker 2: Oh my god. I would write like little sad poems
- 56:20Speaker 2: every day when I it was it was like the
- 56:23Speaker 2: eminem of just sad, depressing lacks compared to New York.
- 56:27Speaker 2: The food is terrible, the people are different.
- 56:30Speaker 1: It was hard to adjust, but you know, it worked out.
- 56:36Speaker 1: But then I was having issues with my partner Max.
- 56:41Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was when you're going through issues with
- 56:43Speaker 2: your partner and your kid is involved, is that like
- 56:46Speaker 2: at extra pressure?
- 56:47Speaker 1: I'm just randomly curious, genuinely curious. Yeah, because you you know,
- 56:51Speaker 1: you have you know your child is watching, so you
- 56:53Speaker 1: just want to make sure that you know you're setting
- 56:55Speaker 1: an example for your kids. So it does add extra pressure.
- 57:00Speaker 1: And you know, again, like we had a long distance
- 57:03Speaker 1: relationship and I didn't really you don't really get to
- 57:07Speaker 1: know somebody very well until you're like living with them,
- 57:09Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But he which he has
- 57:15Speaker 1: spoken about, so I feel more comfortable talking about and
- 57:17Speaker 1: now because he's he already talked about it through his
- 57:19Speaker 1: music and stuff, and he is still a really dear
- 57:22Speaker 1: friend of mine and I love him so much. But
- 57:24Speaker 1: it was like a really hard period living with somebody
- 57:28Speaker 1: who was severely depressed and also was struggling with drug addiction.
- 57:33Speaker 1: And at that point in my life, I went to
- 57:36Speaker 1: therapy and I said, that was your first time going
- 57:39Speaker 1: to therapy? And I said, why do I keep attracting
- 57:41Speaker 1: this in my life? Like? Why do I keep attracting
- 57:44Speaker 1: people that that are broken? And it's because like I'm
- 57:49Speaker 1: also broken? Right? Is that what you learned in therapy?
- 57:52Speaker 1: That is no reason? No, no, no, not that I'm broke,
- 57:54Speaker 1: not literally like you broken. No no, no, I'm really curious.
- 57:57Speaker 1: I'm just not. No, But yeah, because I wonder that
- 58:01Speaker 1: same shit, I track the same exact rson because a
- 58:04Speaker 1: reflection of us. Yeah, everyone in our lives is a reflection.
- 58:08Speaker 1: It's a mirror, so something inside of us. Right, So
- 58:14Speaker 1: I'm like why so what it is like my savior complex?
- 58:18Speaker 1: Like I just want to save everybody and shit, okay,
- 58:21Speaker 1: but I don't. I don't take care of myself. I'm
- 58:23Speaker 1: doing that better now, but but I wasn't taking care
- 58:26Speaker 1: of myself. You know what I'm saying. That was really
- 58:29Speaker 1: like the book of it. Yeah, that when Dali Mama
- 58:33Speaker 1: enters the picture, Dalli Mama enters the picture twenty twenty. Well,
- 58:39Speaker 1: the nickname. I've had the nickname though since I was
- 58:42Speaker 1: like twenty one years old, and it was my ex
- 58:44Speaker 1: who gave it to me because he came to my house.
- 58:46Speaker 1: He saw the Buddha, he saw all my little wellness stuff,
- 58:50Speaker 1: he saw my quotes. He was like, like the Dali Lama.
- 58:54Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you the Dali Mama. That's cute. And
- 58:56Speaker 1: I was like, that's mad cute. And I was just like,
- 58:59Speaker 1: it's been stuck since. Okay, but twenty twenty, I'm going
- 59:05Speaker 1: through a terrible breakup. You know, me and him end
- 59:06Speaker 1: up breaking up. I have to get my own place,
- 59:09Speaker 1: and it's going into the pandemic breakup. That just sucks.
- 59:12Speaker 1: It sucked ended breaking up officially, because you know, the
- 59:16Speaker 1: long term relationious be on and off, like breaking up
- 59:19Speaker 1: during a pandemic. It's like, how are you gonna find
- 59:21Speaker 1: somebody to replace the pandemic? No, you have to be alone,
- 59:25Speaker 1: do the work. Yeah on yourself. Did you do it? Yeah?
- 59:29Speaker 1: I was alone for some time afterwards, but he ended
- 59:37Speaker 1: up like trying to commit suicide, so he had like
- 59:40Speaker 1: thrown himself off of the freeway into the four or five.
- 59:46Speaker 1: And when all of that was taking place, this was
- 59:50Speaker 1: like after I literally the year after I moved out.
- 59:52Speaker 1: I was not that long after when that happened. Dolly
- 59:56Speaker 1: Mama was just like, oh, like, this is my purpose,
- 1:00:00Speaker 1: Like I need to help people with my story and
- 1:00:06Speaker 1: be a testament of my story to let people know
- 1:00:10Speaker 1: that you can make it through all of the adversities
- 1:00:13Speaker 1: that life throws at you, and that you can stand
- 1:00:18Speaker 1: on business despite whatever life throws at you and you
- 1:00:22Speaker 1: cannot and you can make that shit look sexy. Yeah
- 1:00:25Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So yeah, Then Dalli Mama
- 1:00:30Speaker 1: came about, and this was actually, you know, I had
- 1:00:35Speaker 1: a really good friend of mine named Ariel, and she
- 1:00:38Speaker 1: was like, you know, like you are just such a
- 1:00:41Speaker 1: wellness person that I just feel like you need to
- 1:00:44Speaker 1: do something with that. And originally Dalli Mama was going
- 1:00:48Speaker 1: to be called Dollai like pitbulls Dallai, I like Dali Mama. Yeah,
- 1:00:53Speaker 1: And then I was like what And then my friend
- 1:00:55Speaker 1: was like, why is that's your nickname. That's something everybody
- 1:00:58Speaker 1: knows you as that, Like why are you going to
- 1:00:59Speaker 1: shut up? And like, yeah, that's stupid. Let me not
- 1:01:01Speaker 1: do that. So there's a couple of questions I have. Well,
- 1:01:05Speaker 1: let's take a bite of the food, because I have
- 1:01:08Speaker 1: to say good, because you know, when you cook with
- 1:01:10Speaker 1: other pots and ship I'm starving. I think it can be.
- 1:01:17Speaker 1: It's good. It's good, and there's more. All that matters.
- 1:01:24Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be a lot more saucier.
- 1:01:28Speaker 1: Mm hmm. There's the rice absorbed it. Now I'm curious.
- 1:01:32Speaker 1: I keep bringing up the sauce. Do you ever add
- 1:01:35Speaker 1: some of the sauce to rice? If it seems like
- 1:01:37Speaker 1: because I low ke you want to? I feel like
- 1:01:43Speaker 1: it's raw garlic and raw peppers and stuff saucy. Can
- 1:01:49Speaker 1: I try it? I just want to try it. She's like,
- 1:01:51Speaker 1: but it's saucy. I like it. But I feel like
- 1:01:56Speaker 1: I'm one of those people that like gooey and messy food. Yeah,
- 1:02:00Speaker 1: do you like do you like that all fattening? So messy?
- 1:02:04Speaker 1: This would be good with some beans. The beans were
- 1:02:06Speaker 1: at the sauce. Yeah, I think the beans were at
- 1:02:08Speaker 1: the sauce. Yeah, you know, what or sides out the beans.
- 1:02:14Speaker 1: But this feeds a lot of people, and it's so cheap,
- 1:02:17Speaker 1: and you have car and proteain. I want to see
- 1:02:20Speaker 1: what happens if I mix it with this sauce though,
- 1:02:22Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I'm obsessed with this. Have
- 1:02:24Speaker 1: you ever tried that? I mean, yeah, have you ever
- 1:02:27Speaker 1: done it on top of the rice? After? Okay, I'm
- 1:02:30Speaker 1: gonna change your life. But you can't take that that.
- 1:02:35Speaker 1: You can not take that sauce with you. Okay, I
- 1:02:37Speaker 1: promise you you're gonna be doing this after this. It
- 1:02:41Speaker 1: is delicious with it as okay? Right? Yeah? Are you
- 1:02:51Speaker 1: just saying that? I'm not? I mean, I made the ship,
- 1:02:53Speaker 1: but but you had admit right it's good? Yeah, because
- 1:02:57Speaker 1: I just grew up thinking that that's bad my mom like,
- 1:03:00Speaker 1: don't eat it like that, like love it. I hope
- 1:03:03Speaker 1: nobody who your mom is going to be like what, No,
- 1:03:07Speaker 1: I love this and it's not it's it's actually it's
- 1:03:10Speaker 1: just peppers and onions and stuff. So I don't see
- 1:03:12Speaker 1: why not. It's taste, cellar. I just love it on
- 1:03:15Speaker 1: the rice too. Are you saying it? Are you just no?
- 1:03:18Speaker 1: I'm not as like, would you ever do this. If
- 1:03:20Speaker 1: your mom was around, you know what I would do.
- 1:03:21Speaker 1: I would add a chili pepper to make a spicy
- 1:03:26Speaker 1: because your Jamaican. You like spice. I like your Scotch bonnet.
- 1:03:29Speaker 1: You like Scotch bonnet, pepper. Bay. I want to touch
- 1:03:34Speaker 1: on two things before we can close out. Okay.
- 1:03:39Speaker 2: One, Whenever people say holistic in wellness, I'm like, what
- 1:03:43Speaker 2: does that mean? We're eating carrots, Like, what does that mean?
- 1:03:47Speaker 1: Holistic? Because I saw that you, that's you, That's a
- 1:03:51Speaker 1: part of your wellness. Right. Holistic means like overall comprehensive,
- 1:03:57Speaker 1: that doesn't just encompass like actual health like organ health
- 1:04:02Speaker 1: or something like that. Like it's literally your lifestyle, it's
- 1:04:06Speaker 1: your diet, your mental it's an overall approach to health. Holistic, whole,
- 1:04:14Speaker 1: a whole complete. And then if someone like, how does
- 1:04:18Speaker 1: someone join Dolly Mama or how does it work? Okay,
- 1:04:21Speaker 1: So Dolly Mama is still very much a baby. Dolly
- 1:04:26Speaker 1: Mama is like two to three years old, and right
- 1:04:29Speaker 1: now we are doing events. You can find us on
- 1:04:33Speaker 1: Instagram right now and we do events. I did a
- 1:04:37Speaker 1: retreat in Costa Rica. I'm glad you like it. Sorry,
- 1:04:43Speaker 1: we did a retreat in Costa Rica. We have Bali
- 1:04:46Speaker 1: next year. And what I'm really doing is building more
- 1:04:50Speaker 1: than anything. I have a product line coming out and
- 1:04:54Speaker 1: all that stuff launching in like six seven months, along
- 1:04:58Speaker 1: with website and every thing. But more importantly for me,
- 1:05:04Speaker 1: I want to create a real genuine community. I don't
- 1:05:09Speaker 1: like that and I and I want to take my
- 1:05:10Speaker 1: time with that. And that's why I do these meetups
- 1:05:13Speaker 1: and these hangouts with people. I do a lot of
- 1:05:15Speaker 1: community work and things like that. It's because I really
- 1:05:18Speaker 1: want something I didn't have, which was like community and
- 1:05:21Speaker 1: people talking the way that meaning you are talking on
- 1:05:25Speaker 1: the regular and and we're doing we're having like minded
- 1:05:28Speaker 1: conversations for elevation, for growth and things like that. That's
- 1:05:32Speaker 1: where you go for that to learn. Dalli Mamas is
- 1:05:36Speaker 1: a hub for everything to learn, to educate yourself and
- 1:05:41Speaker 1: all of that to grow and build a support to
- 1:05:44Speaker 1: build a support system. And how many trips have you
- 1:05:48Speaker 1: done so far with Dolly? This year is my first?
- 1:05:52Speaker 1: This year was my first one in Costa Rica. And
- 1:05:54Speaker 1: then what happened on the trip, like what can people expect?
- 1:05:58Speaker 1: So on the trip, the truck was beautiful, We did
- 1:06:02Speaker 1: a lot of excursions. So we went to like a waterfall.
- 1:06:05Speaker 1: We learned about cacao and the indigenous people. We like
- 1:06:10Speaker 1: hands on, like made chocolate from scratch and it was good.
- 1:06:15Speaker 1: Did you did you do good chocolate? Joe, chocolate come out.
- 1:06:20Speaker 1: That's so funny. Did you do good chocolate? Yeah? It
- 1:06:23Speaker 1: was good. Teach me how to make chocolate. My life
- 1:06:25Speaker 1: will be complete. I'll be on you talk about at it.
- 1:06:30Speaker 1: I learned how to make chocolate, it's gonna be a problem. Yeah.
- 1:06:34Speaker 1: So we learned how to do all that. We went
- 1:06:37Speaker 1: to the rainforest, We learned about the animals, the plants.
- 1:06:41Speaker 1: We did a lot of healing work with ourselves. Just
- 1:06:44Speaker 1: like things that I tools that I've learned that have
- 1:06:47Speaker 1: helped me overcome my issues and my hurdles in life
- 1:06:51Speaker 1: are the tools that I'm just like teaching people, like journaling, meditating,
- 1:06:55Speaker 1: like all that stuff I had to learn so that
- 1:06:57Speaker 1: I can keep it right. You know, So journaling, you
- 1:07:02Speaker 1: do feel like really does help with wellness. I know
- 1:07:04Speaker 1: people talk about it, but do you really feel like
- 1:07:07Speaker 1: it really? Yeah, it does help, Like putting your thoughts
- 1:07:10Speaker 1: on paper and your feelings on paper instead of having
- 1:07:15Speaker 1: them in your mind and like bottling it all in.
- 1:07:18Speaker 1: It really helps. And it also helps like when you
- 1:07:20Speaker 1: look back at your journal entries and seeing how far
- 1:07:23Speaker 1: you've come. I have like three journals from like so
- 1:07:25Speaker 1: many years, and I always I love from time to
- 1:07:29Speaker 1: time going back to where I was and twanty you
- 1:07:31Speaker 1: were like, thank god that girl, if only would have known. Yeah,
- 1:07:36Speaker 1: then I start getting real lately. My journal entries are
- 1:07:39Speaker 1: real descriptive. But do you do like just random do
- 1:07:44Speaker 1: you ever do like letters to your younger self? I
- 1:07:49Speaker 1: feel like I have done that before as a as
- 1:07:52Speaker 1: an exercise. Yeah, yeah, I feel like helper. I mean
- 1:07:57Speaker 1: I feel like what those things help us with perspective,
- 1:08:00Speaker 1: like giving you a different perspective and how you view
- 1:08:04Speaker 1: things in life, how you view the things that happen
- 1:08:06Speaker 1: to you in life, or how to become empowered from
- 1:08:10Speaker 1: those things that have happened to us in life. And
- 1:08:13Speaker 1: that's one of the main things for me, is like
- 1:08:16Speaker 1: a prevalent theme is empowerment throughout throughout and that's something
- 1:08:20Speaker 1: I want everybody to feel, is empowered throughout life and
- 1:08:24Speaker 1: no matter what obstacles are thrown at you. And it's
- 1:08:28Speaker 1: not just journaling, and it's more than that. It's you know,
- 1:08:31Speaker 1: it's like when we were on the retreat, it's like
- 1:08:33Speaker 1: we were together for a week and like, you know,
- 1:08:35Speaker 1: we did some exercises, some meditations and some some things
- 1:08:38Speaker 1: that change their perspective on the way they view the
- 1:08:43Speaker 1: world and things like that. Like that's why you come
- 1:08:45Speaker 1: on those trips for like life changing aha moments that
- 1:08:48Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, and then you go home
- 1:08:50Speaker 1: and apply it. You know. Do you ever do you
- 1:08:54Speaker 1: do on the on the trips? Do you take away
- 1:08:56Speaker 1: phones and stuff? No? I don't. You know, I don't
- 1:09:00Speaker 1: all your exes, don't search on Instagram? You know that's
- 1:09:04Speaker 1: funny as hell. No, it's all actually because I'm like,
- 1:09:07Speaker 1: it's not like a like the whole time, it's like
- 1:09:13Speaker 1: we're here, we're shaking us, We're doing it is a
- 1:09:16Speaker 1: fun trip. It's like we're it's like a girl's trip.
- 1:09:20Speaker 1: Wix well in the trip and do guys are guys
- 1:09:22Speaker 1: allowed to go? Well? Because it's called Dolly Mama? No,
- 1:09:25Speaker 1: I know, it's just like right now, I just like
- 1:09:28Speaker 1: I feel like women feel more comfortable with women, but
- 1:09:32Speaker 1: I would like to for the men. The men need this.
- 1:09:35Speaker 2: You have like a Dolly Papa and a Dolly Mama,
- 1:09:38Speaker 2: Dolly kids right now, my kids certainly. Okay, it was
- 1:09:48Speaker 2: such a pleasure to eat this food with you and Julie.
- 1:09:52Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you left more in the pot.
- 1:09:54Speaker 1: You know what.
- 1:09:55Speaker 2: I'm realizing as you say why your mom said not
- 1:09:58Speaker 2: to because when you were discrib I'm in the all
- 1:10:01Speaker 2: the ingredients in here.
- 1:10:02Speaker 1: Like I took a big bite of it, and I
- 1:10:03Speaker 1: was like, oh, now I.
- 1:10:05Speaker 2: Get why you don't do because now you're yeah when
- 1:10:09Speaker 2: I say yeah, when I say like, I mean, I
- 1:10:12Speaker 2: don't kiss anybody anyways, but my goodness, like I was
- 1:10:15Speaker 2: doing so much in a sauce, and then I took.
- 1:10:18Speaker 1: A big tongue and I said, oh, there's a reason
- 1:10:20Speaker 1: why they don't. They don't because that's literally just raw.
- 1:10:24Speaker 1: And you kept saying it too, and I was like this.
- 1:10:29Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, girl, this is how you do it.
- 1:10:31Speaker 1: You're like, okay, you do know that it's like garlic
- 1:10:36Speaker 1: and vegetables chopped up. I was like, yeah, now my
- 1:10:38Speaker 1: mouth is just covered in garlic and onion. It's raw.
- 1:10:44Speaker 1: Just eat it when you guys, get eat it exactly
- 1:10:48Speaker 1: the way she told you to eat it. Yeah, you
- 1:10:50Speaker 1: gotta listen at me. You gotta cook it, cook it
- 1:10:52Speaker 1: a little bit. Yeah, very valuable lesson learned trying to
- 1:10:58Speaker 1: chef the chef. And I will say this, I coun
- 1:11:02Speaker 1: tage the orange and a lemon. You can, yeah, nice,
- 1:11:05Speaker 1: I can taste a little bit. How can people keep
- 1:11:09Speaker 1: up with you? Sorry, I got a full mouth and
- 1:11:11Speaker 1: I'm talking people can keep up on I'm mostly on
- 1:11:17Speaker 1: Instagram these days and TikTok, but Yaris Underscore Sanchez and
- 1:11:25Speaker 1: Dolli Mama World, Dolly Mama World on Instagram. And now
- 1:11:30Speaker 1: that's one hundred percent of your focus. Now, Yeah, building
- 1:11:33Speaker 1: the community, and but be on the lookout for products.
- 1:11:39Speaker 1: Product line, hair, product line. I hope it's for like
- 1:11:42Speaker 1: curly hair. It is for curly hair, for sure.
- 1:11:45Speaker 2: I always feel like curly hair, no matter like how
- 1:11:48Speaker 2: many brands you're loyal to. Someone told me this recently,
- 1:11:51Speaker 2: you just got to switch it up because once you're
- 1:11:53Speaker 2: curly hair conquers a brand and it stops working for you,
- 1:11:56Speaker 2: you gotta be like, I know, I'm a diehard of
- 1:11:58Speaker 2: this fit in this brand, but you have to go
- 1:12:00Speaker 2: out there and try a new brand because like if
- 1:12:03Speaker 2: you don't, because like I started noticing.
- 1:12:05Speaker 1: Some of my curls was like, if you I've been
- 1:12:07Speaker 1: doing this for ten years, give rid of that shit.
- 1:12:10Speaker 1: We're in twenty twenty four you still in twenty fourteen,
- 1:12:13Speaker 1: you still using horse and made it? Oh my god,
- 1:12:15Speaker 1: man and tail. Let me tell you something. My little
- 1:12:18Speaker 1: brother he had long hair, and I would go to
- 1:12:20Speaker 1: his house and he had horse made and tail, and
- 1:12:22Speaker 1: I would be like, how the fuck do you even
- 1:12:24Speaker 1: call me? You're here with that? That ship was terrible,
- 1:12:27Speaker 1: Like I feel like my hair knotted up even more,
- 1:12:29Speaker 1: and like that shit was terrible, terrible. I was like, bro,
- 1:12:33Speaker 1: But no, I just recently started switching it up because
- 1:12:35Speaker 1: I noticed that my curls, especially in the front, they
- 1:12:38Speaker 1: go limp. Really, I have fine hair, but they go limp.
- 1:12:42Speaker 2: But if I do switch up the different curling products,
- 1:12:45Speaker 2: like find a different conditioner, my curls will actually come back.
- 1:12:49Speaker 2: I used to think I'd have to cut it off
- 1:12:50Speaker 2: or whatever, but no, it's definitely like, you gotta switch
- 1:12:53Speaker 2: up your product, so we'll be looking out for your products.
- 1:12:56Speaker 1: Cool. Thanks. Yeah, I put a lot of love into
- 1:12:58Speaker 1: everything I do, and I don't support shit that it's
- 1:13:01Speaker 1: not like legit. So just know that whatever it is
- 1:13:05Speaker 1: that you're supporting from Daly, Mamma is coming from a
- 1:13:09Speaker 1: really true place, you know.
- 1:13:11Speaker 2: And I've gone on your page and I will say
- 1:13:14Speaker 2: it was like a peaceful it looks like you have
- 1:13:16Speaker 2: a good self care routine and so peaceful.
- 1:13:20Speaker 1: And all that.
- 1:13:21Speaker 2: So I was like, Okay, definitely still in that you know,
- 1:13:25Speaker 2: self love, self care thing. I'm slowly getting into that,
- 1:13:28Speaker 2: even though I'm like.
- 1:13:30Speaker 1: It's a journey, like we're as we're growing and involved
- 1:13:34Speaker 1: in becoming different people, we have to then relearn or
- 1:13:39Speaker 1: teach ourselves new ways for this new person we're becoming.
- 1:13:42Speaker 1: Or is it like right now I feel like I
- 1:13:44Speaker 1: have to rise up to the occasion, Like right now
- 1:13:47Speaker 1: in my life where I'm at, God is asking of
- 1:13:49Speaker 1: me to to to rise to the occasion, to stand
- 1:13:54Speaker 1: in my power fully you know, and really and and
- 1:13:58Speaker 1: and it's gonna take a lot. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna
- 1:14:01Speaker 1: take a lot. But I'm one of his souldiers.
- 1:14:04Speaker 2: Well you stand on your business, yes, So I know
- 1:14:07Speaker 2: it's gonna happen. And I look forward to hopefully one
- 1:14:10Speaker 2: day join in the retreat when my daughter's like at
- 1:14:13Speaker 2: least five. Because obviously you don't want to be a
- 1:14:16Speaker 2: mom on a retreat. It ain't gonna be a retreat
- 1:14:19Speaker 2: as if your kids.
- 1:14:20Speaker 1: Show up with you. No, you don't, you don't. But
- 1:14:23Speaker 1: the retreats are fun, like the girls, they had so
- 1:14:26Speaker 1: much fun, Like we went on so many adventures and
- 1:14:30Speaker 1: we went out and the night time. Like it's overall
- 1:14:33Speaker 1: having a balanced life. It's not just like being vegan
- 1:14:37Speaker 1: and then everything, all your problems go away. Yeah no,
- 1:14:40Speaker 1: like you can still do the things that you love
- 1:14:42Speaker 1: in moderation. Yeah, still live in health and still heal
- 1:14:46Speaker 1: and have fun, still do the work on yourself and
- 1:14:49Speaker 1: try to erase the trauma, breaking generational cycles and all this,
- 1:14:53Speaker 1: that and the third while also having fun. I gotta
- 1:14:56Speaker 1: be so serious all the time.
- 1:14:58Speaker 2: Yeah, you heard it here first. You ain't gotta be
- 1:15:00Speaker 2: so serious, but stand on your business. Thank you so
- 1:15:04Speaker 2: much for your time and feeding me.
- 1:15:06Speaker 1: On another episode of Eating Broke. Peace y'all,