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Transcript

Why Narcissists Can't Be Alone: The Secret Battle with Self-Hatred · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What's going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:03
  Y'all understand that the point for most people about being
• 0:07
  alone is to be able to recharge, is to be able to give back to
• 0:11
  themselves is to be able sometimes to just find peace,
• 0:15
  right? For a narcissist alone, being
• 0:20
  alone, being by yourself is the exact opposite.
• 0:23
  It feels like a an attack on our internal psyche, an attack on
• 0:28
  our egos, right? That's literally how the mind of
• 0:32
  a narcissist work. That's, that's literally how the
• 0:34
  mind of this diagnosed narcissist works, right?
• 0:37
  It's like narcissist when we are alone, when we are up against
• 0:43
  our, our backs are up against the wall.
• 0:44
  When we, when we by our all by ourselves, our minds tend to
• 0:49
  attack us. That's literally the truth right
• 0:53
  there. If you this is This is why you
• 0:55
  see a lot of narcissists when they're about that they can't
• 0:59
  stand to be alone, like they can't stand to be single.
• 1:02
  They can't stand to not have other people around them because
• 1:05
  they feel like, Hey, look, I, I, I, I the mind attacks.
• 1:11
  It absolutely attacks the mind of a narcissist, goes to war
• 1:16
  with that narcissist when they are by themselves.
• 1:20
  Like my mind attacks me when I'm sitting here by myself, like I'm
• 1:23
  I'm, I'm by myself. My mind immediately, immediately
• 1:29
  goes to the negative. It just, yeah, it's it's just
• 1:32
  does my mind immediately goes to the negative about how how bad I
• 1:37
  am, how bad of a parent I am, how bad of this I am.
• 1:40
  Like my mind immediately just starts to attack me.
• 1:45
  And This is why you get a lot of narcissistic people out here
• 1:49
  that feel like they need like when you are taking time to
• 1:52
  heal, when you are an empath, when you're taking time to feel
• 1:55
  things out. This is why, like a narcissist
• 1:59
  doesn't do that. They immediately try to hop into
• 2:02
  something else, into someone else because they can't, we
• 2:06
  can't stand the thought of being by ourselves because the mind
• 2:09
  literally just starts to just go crazy.
• 2:11
  Go haywire on us, right? Literally go haywire literally,
• 2:16
  literally, literally. So I said got rid of the braids
• 2:18
  and saved your hairline just like my hey, my what's wrong
• 2:21
  with my hairline? What you talking about?
• 2:22
  I'm trying to insert. Yeah, I just got a fresh cut
• 2:24
  yesterday. We talking about and those are
• 2:28
  lots not braids, but that's part of it right there.
• 2:31
  Y'all You see, the mentality of narcissist is like, I can't
• 2:35
  stand to be alone, so I need to find other people to bring into
• 2:38
  my world. Narcissist struggle with self
• 2:44
  validation and I think that kind of goes without saying, right?
• 2:48
  It kind of goes without saying that narcissist struggle with
• 2:51
  self validation to the point where we it doesn't even matter,
• 2:54
  right? It doesn't even matter who we
• 2:56
  have around us. We have someone around us,
• 2:59
  right, We do we we had to have somebody around us.
• 3:03
  That's why y'all a lot of times when you see a narcissist, when
• 3:06
  you break up with a narcissist and they're not ready for you to
• 3:08
  break up, they they do what a lot of y'all would consider a
• 3:12
  downgrade right? They'll downgrade and go jump
• 3:15
  into another relationship very fast.
• 3:17
  You'll say that too, right? You'll be like why they
• 3:19
  downgrade? They took.
• 3:21
  They told me that they would never be attracted to somebody
• 3:23
  that looked that looked like this or somebody that was that
• 3:25
  that height, that weight, that ethnicity, that religion.
• 3:28
  They told me they would never, never, never, never, never,
• 3:31
  never. But as soon as we broke up, they
• 3:32
  did exactly that. Why, Lee?
• 3:33
  Why, why, why? Why?
• 3:34
  Why? It's because they need supply.
• 3:39
  Narcissist need supply. We need that validation from
• 3:43
  someone else to make sure that we are able to survive.
• 3:48
  Because when we by ourselves, right?
• 3:50
  When a narcissist by themselves, I promise you the mind goes
• 3:54
  haywire. The mind literally starts to
• 3:59
  just attack and go crazy and do a number of like if it's I I
• 4:03
  would say it's damn near 9998% negative thought process as a as
• 4:10
  a narcissist when I'm by myself 98 to 99% which is a crazy high
• 4:16
  number if you think about it me. Imagine being by yourself for 5
• 4:19
  minutes and for over four, 4 1/2 minutes you're thinking
• 4:23
  negative, right? 4-4 minutes and four, 4 minutes
• 4:26
  and 45 seconds, you're thinking negative.
• 4:29
  How did they feel right there? You just imagine, just imagine
• 4:32
  that feeling that goes on in their mind right there, while
• 4:34
  the mind is just attacking, attacking, attacking, making you
• 4:38
  question your worth, making you question your value.
• 4:40
  It is just crazy, boy. Good God, it really is man.
• 4:49
  It's a it is a very it's a very draining mindset to happen.
• 4:52
  I'm not saying this to make y'all feel sorry for narcissist.
• 4:54
  I know somebody was like, well, you trying to make us feel sorry
• 4:55
  for narcissist. They hurt us.
• 4:56
  No, I'm not trying to say that. I'm just trying to give you the
• 4:58
  internal look, the inside look at how a narcissist mind
• 5:02
  actually works here. Right, because if I'm by myself,
• 5:06
  you're, if you're a narcissistic person that's by themselves,
• 5:09
  they might lose their mind, especially if they don't have a
• 5:12
  new supply and you leave them. This is one reason why they
• 5:16
  might be blowing your phone up, Lee, why they keep blowing my
• 5:18
  phone up? Why won't they just leave me
• 5:20
  alone? Why won't they just move on?
• 5:21
  Because they're by themselves. They can't self validate.
• 5:25
  They can't make they can't find self worth.
• 5:29
  They need you to validate their existence.
• 5:31
  So they're blowing your phone up, they're calling you
• 5:34
  back-to-back. They're showing up to your
• 5:36
  they're showing up to your house.
• 5:37
  They're calling you over and over and over again.
• 5:39
  They're doing so much to you. Why are you all you try to do is
• 5:44
  leave them. They're doing so much to you
• 5:46
  because they feel like they need to.
• 5:48
  They feel like they need that validation from you in order to
• 5:51
  do something like that. Is that I, I watched that
• 5:53
  happen. Yep, it does happen.
• 5:55
  It's strange that you get a discard so they can be alone,
• 5:58
  but they jump right into another relationship.
• 6:00
  Yep, let's tell you record. A lot of times they'll they'll
• 6:04
  tell you they'll say something like we should take a break.
• 6:10
  Maybe maybe we should take a break.
• 6:11
  Yep, like oxygen, that validation Yep, it's damn near
• 6:15
  like oxygen. It's it's it's it's ego, it's
• 6:17
  ego oxygen, right, it's ego oxygen.
• 6:21
  That's what exactly what it is right.
• 6:22
  If y'all just join the the live from YouTube or not make sure
• 6:25
  y'all hit that thumbs up button drop a comment in the comment
• 6:26
  section. I'll do AQ and A at the end and
• 6:28
  whatnot. So drop a thumb, hit the thumbs
• 6:30
  up, turn on those notifications. You don't miss a live y'all, but
• 6:33
  that's what goes on right? But when they call you best
• 6:36
  believe they got someone else right down the street.
• 6:38
  Sometimes they do. If they're calling you, they
• 6:40
  just say, let's just say you broke up with a narcissist,
• 6:42
  right? And they don't have new supply.
• 6:44
  They're actively trying to find new supply at the same time that
• 6:48
  they're calling you, right? A lot of time, not every single
• 6:51
  time it's true, right? But like a lot of times they're
• 6:53
  actively trying to call you while they are actively also
• 6:57
  searching for a new supply. Because guess what?
• 7:00
  You left me before. That means you can leave me
• 7:02
  again, right? If you've left me before, that
• 7:07
  means that you can leave me again at any time.
• 7:10
  So if you do come back to me, what's stopping you from leaving
• 7:15
  again, right? Think about it like that.
• 7:18
  If you do come back to me, what's stopping you from just
• 7:22
  leaving me again? Nothing.
• 7:25
  So I need to have a Yeah, I need to have a backup plan because
• 7:28
  the last, the last you broke with me last time.
• 7:32
  You broke with me last time and you left me high and dry.
• 7:35
  I had no new supply. So now I got to make sure I have
• 7:38
  a backup plan. So This is why a lot of times,
• 7:40
  yeah, they do have new supply, but a lot of times they're going
• 7:43
  out here searching after the relationship ends because you
• 7:46
  left me before you could absolutely, positively possibly
• 7:51
  leave me again. Why would I wait around for
• 7:54
  that? So if they were not cheating
• 7:56
  before and then you take them back, they are probably going to
• 7:59
  try to cheat on you. I'll just keep it hot and ready.
• 8:01
  Let's keep it. Let's keep it hot and ready.
• 8:04
  And somebody said the silence. The the silence tortures them.
• 8:07
  Where'd it go? I just saw that message.
• 8:09
  I don't know where it went. They got backup lifeboat so they
• 8:13
  can jump ship. You got it.
• 8:14
  That's a good thing right there. Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 8:18
  You got it right there. I watched that happen there.
• 8:21
  I missed it. I don't know how I missed it.
• 8:21
  The silence tortures them. Yep.
• 8:23
  Silence. Lack of validation, lack of
• 8:25
  narcissistic supply. You're suffocating them like
• 8:29
  you're you're, you're depriving them of oxygen.
• 8:31
  It's damn near like they're they're drowning, right?
• 8:34
  It's down there like they're drowning.
• 8:36
  They've got backup lifeboats. So they, oh, I I've read that
• 8:38
  one already. Thank you for your work.
• 8:39
  Totally helped me. 36 years, four years free.
• 8:42
  There you go. Good job, good job.
• 8:44
  Good for you, good for you. But yeah, that's a big part of
• 8:47
  right there though, man. So usually that's something you
• 8:49
  have to think about as well. Y'all, what's another part of
• 8:52
  this right here? It's like, but you got to think,
• 8:56
  think, think, think, think about the narcissist mine like a the
• 8:59
  the gear shift in a car narcissist.
• 9:03
  Then they're almost always want to be in drive, right?
• 9:06
  We always want to be in drive. When you leave or you abandoned
• 9:10
  us or whatever you abandoned us. Guess what?
• 9:13
  Now we're in neutral. We might, we might still be
• 9:16
  rolling forward a little bit because we're on a hill, right?
• 9:20
  We might still be rolling forward just a little bit
• 9:21
  because we're on a hill, because what you don't mean we're going
• 9:24
  to be rolling forward forever. Sooner or later we're going to
• 9:26
  come to a stop. So in before we lose momentum,
• 9:28
  we have to find new supply. You know, you have to find new
• 9:31
  supply. And that's what goes on right
• 9:34
  here. This is why they sometimes they
• 9:35
  will be actively trying to cheat, actively searching for
• 9:38
  somebody else because they want that new supply.
• 9:41
  Yeah, it it does. It does resemble a model right
• 9:45
  after codependency. You have to get that right.
• 9:46
  But that's what goes on right there.
• 9:48
  Some men use women that have a solid job so they can spend all
• 9:51
  women's money. Yeah, those, those men typically
• 9:53
  are bums, right? This one always have a supply.
• 9:58
  He plays house but lets you know he's single so he can be with
• 10:01
  anyone. But try to make it seem like
• 10:03
  it's just you and him. Yeah, they work.
• 10:05
  They do that type of stuff because it works.
• 10:06
  Y'all Cause like, let's be, let's keep it hiding.
• 10:08
  Ready. There is some people out here
• 10:10
  who don't care if a narcissist is cheating on them.
• 10:12
  They don't care. Some people's minds are in a
• 10:14
  different place. They don't care if they're
• 10:16
  getting their face played. They don't care if the
• 10:18
  narcissist is cheating on them or lying to them as long as they
• 10:21
  come back to them, right? As long as you come home to me,
• 10:24
  we're going to be fine, right? You hear that all the time.
• 10:26
  As long as you. At least I got a man, at least I
• 10:29
  got a girl, right? That's the brutality right
• 10:34
  there. You know what I'm saying?
• 10:36
  Yeah, My baby Mama left me for a second baby daddy and now she on
• 10:39
  another guy. Every year she got a new guy.
• 10:41
  Yeah, That person right there seem like they won't ever find
• 10:44
  happiness because they're bouncing around like that,
• 10:46
  right? Literally bouncing around doing
• 10:48
  that type of stuff, right? Literally the only it says, what
• 10:52
  about the ones that are in bombs and use their money to get
• 10:54
  people interested? That's the opposite right there,
• 10:56
  right? If all it take look, just be
• 10:58
  real. If all it takes is money to get
• 11:00
  you interested, they're just going to use that against you.
• 11:03
  They're going to weaponize it against you.
• 11:05
  If, if you are not, if let's just say I was a, let's just say
• 11:08
  I'm a, I'm a, let's just say I'm a ugly narcissist, right?
• 11:11
  Let's say I'm a, I'm a bad looking narcissist.
• 11:14
  I know I'm ugly, right? I know, I'm I know you're not
• 11:18
  attracted to me, but I got money and now you're attracted to me.
• 11:21
  Guess what? You think I'm going to treat you
• 11:22
  like a queen or a Princess? No, no, I might do that at first
• 11:27
  to to lure you in, but then I'm going to treat you horribly.
• 11:30
  Why would I take you seriously if I only think you want me for
• 11:32
  my money? Why would I take you seriously?
• 11:35
  That don't make any sense right there.
• 11:36
  You know what I'm saying? That doesn't make sense to an
• 11:37
  arsonist. Like, if you only want me for
• 11:40
  money. Yeah, You don't have to be ugly.
• 11:41
  I'm just. I'm just saying.
• 11:42
  But like, if I think you only want me for money, I'm just
• 11:46
  going to play in your face. That's what this tends what
• 11:47
  happened. Like if I think you only want me
• 11:49
  for something, then I got you know what I'm saying?
• 11:52
  If I think it's a transactional relationship, I'm going to make
• 11:54
  sure the transaction benefits me.
• 11:56
  That's what I'm saying. They also like to flip the blame
• 11:58
  and say you're cheating to validate their they validate
• 12:00
  their choices. Yeah, absolutely.
• 12:02
  They do that as well, right? They absolutely do that type of
• 12:04
  stuff right there as well. You know, narcissistic people
• 12:07
  cannot take accountability. Accountability stings to a
• 12:10
  narcissist. Accountability is really like
• 12:12
  hot, flaming hot coal put on their bodies, right flaming hot
• 12:17
  coal just put on my shoulder and whatnot right.
• 12:21
  This goes on flaming flaming hot and whatnot.
• 12:25
  That's the space that somebody narcissists fall into right
• 12:28
  there. You know I mean and the next
• 12:32
  point I have a, a list of things right here.
• 12:34
  The next point right here. Y'all narcissistic people.
• 12:37
  I I think a lot of people out here truly believe that
• 12:40
  narcissists won't praise, want to be won't praise and adulation
• 12:45
  because narcissists love themselves.
• 12:47
  You're like, well, that narcissists love themselves.
• 12:48
  They just want other people to love them as well.
• 12:51
  No, that's not the the reality is something completely
• 12:54
  different, right? They need praise.
• 12:56
  Narcissist needs praise to drown out all the noise of the
• 13:00
  internal self hatred, the internal self doubt, the
• 13:04
  internal insecurities. So I always need constant praise
• 13:08
  and validation to just I need the volume to be turned up on
• 13:11
  that so I can turn down the volume on something else.
• 13:14
  You know what I'm saying? You just feel like they're right
• 13:16
  there. So they always need some type of
• 13:19
  validation, whether it be external or internal.
• 13:22
  They need something from you. This is why they cannot be
• 13:24
  alone. This is why they'll settle for
• 13:26
  somebody that they're not even attracted to or actually want to
• 13:28
  be with. But just look, hey, I'm not
• 13:30
  alone. Hey, I have somebody.
• 13:32
  Hey, I have someone. At least I'm not by myself.
• 13:35
  That's what goes on right there in the mind of an artist.
• 13:37
  At least I'm not here by myself, right?
• 13:40
  At least I'm not here by myself. Da da, da, da, da, da.
• 13:43
  So that's what ends up going on right here.
• 13:45
  Exactly why I refuse to go on apps.
• 13:47
  It's like swimming in alligator water.
• 13:48
  Yeah, you might like, go go watch those videos about those
• 13:50
  like zebra and gazelles. They have to cross the the Gator
• 13:54
  field, the Alligator Field river.
• 13:56
  Some of them make it through, right?
• 13:59
  Some of them make it through the Alligator Field River to the
• 14:02
  other side of the Crocodile Field River.
• 14:03
  They make it to the other side. A lot of them don't though.
• 14:06
  They end up being croc food, alligator food, right?
• 14:08
  Does it make sense? Some of y'all get on dating
• 14:10
  apps. You going to have good results,
• 14:11
  you going to make it through, but some of you are going to get
• 14:14
  beat up. Beat up, bit up, bit up.
• 14:15
  Melissa, what's going on, girl? Norcs is desperate to fill the
• 14:19
  void. Yep, absolutely desperate to
• 14:21
  fill the internal void that we they are facing and whatnot,
• 14:26
  right? You always have to protect
• 14:27
  yourself in a situation like this job.
• 14:29
  If you feel like somebody's only with you because of you, you're
• 14:31
  validating something inside of them.
• 14:33
  You got to watch out for that, right?
• 14:35
  You got to watch out for that. Because the crazy thing about it
• 14:36
  is, I mean, this is going to sound.
• 14:38
  I know how this sounds, right? This is going to sound ass
• 14:40
  backwards, right? Narcissistic people could
• 14:44
  possibly resent you because they need you for validation because
• 14:50
  I'm not, I'm not able to be self-sufficient.
• 14:54
  So I need you to be here with me, right?
• 14:57
  I and I hate the fact that I need you at the same time.
• 15:00
  I need you, but I also hate the fact that I need you.
• 15:04
  It's kind of like, it really is a vicious cycle.
• 15:07
  I need you, but I hate the fact that I need you at the same damn
• 15:11
  time. It's crazy how that works.
• 15:14
  It really, really it, you know, it really is, it really is like
• 15:17
  say it's kind of like also it also kind of like like this
• 15:21
  right here. Like imagine making like a
• 15:24
  narcissist being interested in you, right?
• 15:27
  And then you're not interested in them and then you finally
• 15:31
  decide to give them another, give them a chance.
• 15:32
  And then they get you and they treat you horribly.
• 15:34
  They resent you for telling them no.
• 15:35
  They resent you for the the rejection and whatnot.
• 15:38
  And you said, why do narcissists think you're desperate to have a
• 15:40
  relationship with them just because you're friendly and warm
• 15:42
  when you meet them? They think everybody's flirting
• 15:44
  with them. Ego, ego, ego, everybody,
• 15:49
  everybody likes me. Everybody wants me.
• 15:52
  Everybody wants to be with me. So if I'm, if you're flirting
• 15:54
  with me or smiling at me, I think you want to give me the
• 15:57
  cheeks. You must want me.
• 15:58
  She want more. She want, she must want to strip
• 16:00
  down in front of me. She keep looking at me like
• 16:01
  that. She just smiled and was, was
• 16:03
  friendly. And there are also a lot of
• 16:05
  people out there who are not narcissists.
• 16:06
  They misinterpret signs and stuff like that and they just
• 16:11
  are very bad at reading body language and signs and things
• 16:13
  like that. Right?
• 16:15
  My narc X said I want you to love me.
• 16:18
  I want you to idolize me. I want you to be my #1 fan.
• 16:30
  Did I read that? I want you to love me.
• 16:32
  I want you to adore idolize me. I want you.
• 16:35
  That's that right there. That person is just screaming
• 16:38
  narcissist. That person is yelling
• 16:41
  narcissist from the rooftop. I want you to idolize me.
• 16:44
  They went to, they literally went to the top of the roof and
• 16:46
  just said idolize me. Idolize me and y'all.
• 16:59
  I just got like literally just now the confirmation just came
• 17:02
  through from my I booked, I booked the spot in New York City
• 17:05
  for June for June the 2nd. I'll be in New York City June
• 17:08
  the 2nd for my live in person Q&A.
• 17:12
  Live in person Q&A. I'm calling it Ask me Anything
• 17:15
  live. It'd be live in New York City.
• 17:18
  Y'all. I haven't set up the event
• 17:19
  registration yet. I just, yeah, I wanted to get
• 17:21
  the spot first, but now the spot is reserved.
• 17:23
  So yay, Yay New York City. June 2nd, my first live in
• 17:31
  person Q&A with nobody else. It would be me solo, right?
• 17:34
  Me solo dolo Yolo, right? Another another point I got to
• 17:38
  make. Y'all hear about about
• 17:39
  narcissists being by themselves. Like sometimes a narcissist is
• 17:44
  seeking validation when it's too when it's too quiet, they start
• 17:48
  chaos. What's going on, Lily?
• 17:51
  When it's too quiet, you get a lot of narcissists that start
• 17:55
  chaos. They'll start an argument out of
• 17:58
  nowhere. Y'all would just be look, y'all
• 17:59
  would just be chilling, chilling like a villain, right?
• 18:03
  Chilling like a villain, thrilling and all of a sudden
• 18:05
  out of nowhere, chaos, chaotic craziness and whatnot.
• 18:12
  I don't know what you and you, you're confused.
• 18:14
  You're like what? You're like what the hell?
• 18:16
  What? You know what, why, what are you
• 18:20
  what, what are you mad at? You know, what are you so angry
• 18:23
  for? What are we arguing about?
• 18:25
  And you, because you don't know you, you are literally confused,
• 18:29
  right? You're literally confused as
• 18:31
  hell. You have no idea, right?
• 18:33
  And that's what ends up happening.
• 18:35
  That's what goes on. They because they can get
• 18:39
  validation from your reactions. Your reactions allow them to
• 18:45
  feel validated. And Veronica Veronic, Veronic
• 18:49
  says, yeah, so they can be with their other supply.
• 18:51
  Yeah, sometimes they'll start an argument so they can go get be
• 18:53
  with new supply. Yeah, they'll start an argument
• 18:55
  on purpose out of nowhere. You'll be like, wait, why the
• 18:56
  hell you'll be like, why? Why are we arguing?
• 18:59
  Why are we arguing if us in the fighting?
• 19:01
  And you'll be like, wait, we're arguing because of what what
• 19:04
  happened? And then you'll realize that
• 19:06
  y'all are arguing over something small and minute and you make
• 19:09
  you feel like you're going crazy.
• 19:10
  And then they leave and they'll leave.
• 19:13
  And then sometimes you'll catch them cheating, right?
• 19:16
  You'll catch them cheating. And then they'll just say it's
• 19:18
  your fault. You know, you argue with me.
• 19:20
  You started a fight. They'll gaslight you and tell
• 19:21
  you that you started the fight and whatnot.
• 19:24
  Got that fresh cut? Yes, ma'am.
• 19:26
  Super fresh. Just got to.
• 19:27
  Yeah, this is this is yesterday's fresh.
• 19:29
  Actually, I have a photo shoot in South Carolina on Saturday or
• 19:32
  Friday. Saturday.
• 19:33
  Gotta get a fresh cut. Hey, from Australia.
• 19:37
  Monarch X Moved in. Moved in around the corner from
• 19:40
  my house. Crazy.
• 19:40
  Yep. There you go.
• 19:41
  There you go. God damn.
• 19:45
  It's good. OK, I just seen that one.
• 19:46
  I seen that one. So true.
• 19:48
  Yeah, you see right there. So there's sometimes they'll
• 19:49
  start it right there and the parent does this too.
• 19:52
  Yeah. Some narcissistic parents are
• 19:54
  always going to try to keep their kids around, start
• 19:56
  argument, start fussing, start fighting and stuff like that,
• 19:59
  just because they can still seek validation from their kids.
• 20:01
  Like narcissistic supply or validation just doesn't come
• 20:04
  from partners, right. It just doesn't come from
• 20:07
  partners. It also can come from the
• 20:09
  children Co workers. Something like that, literally
• 20:13
  watching one of your videos. Appreciate it.
• 20:14
  Thanks for popping. Thanks for popping in the live
• 20:16
  though. You know that ends up going on.
• 20:19
  So sometimes they'll do just like that.
• 20:20
  They'll do they'll they'll handle it just like that.
• 20:27
  But yeah, so sometimes they'll start arguments and stuff like
• 20:29
  that on purpose. So y'all have any questions?
• 20:31
  I got I got a few minutes to answer some questions.
• 20:32
  We're going to do AQ and A and whatnot.
• 20:34
  So drop your questions in the chat and we'll do or just like
• 20:37
  say I'm going to come in. I'm going to do it as I go.
• 20:40
  I've been to two lives VA beach in DC.
• 20:42
  You can get off want to go? Oh, yay, Rebecca.
• 20:44
  So I, I, I have got the chance to meet you twice, haven't I?
• 20:46
  I appreciate you coming through. And the DC was a while ago in
• 20:49
  it. I think it was in September a
• 20:50
  couple years ago. Well, a year and a half ago.
• 20:52
  Well, I always appreciate you coming through.
• 20:53
  Like seriously. Oh, my ex told me I had to call
• 20:58
  him master and that was one of his rules.
• 20:59
  Oh hell no. Unless you into some unless
• 21:01
  unless there's some BDSM type of stuff going on and I can
• 21:05
  understand the master stuff, Master slave, you know, not a
• 21:09
  little BDS, you know, a little little something something
• 21:11
  right, little fat like stuff. I can get it a little here and
• 21:13
  there, but other than that, no. Why do narcissist parents give
• 21:18
  intermittent violation punishment just keeps you
• 21:20
  around. It just keeps you feel like if
• 21:22
  it keeps them feeling like you're always going to be there
• 21:24
  and coming back. I'm going to try to come June.
• 21:26
  Oh, yay, come through. I think it's the spot is in, I
• 21:30
  think they sent me a it's Alpha 37th St.
• 21:35
  NW in Manhattan. So it's in Manhattan.
• 21:38
  I say, yeah, I'm New York. I'm New York ignorant.
• 21:40
  I never been. So I'll be there.
• 21:42
  I'll be there June 1st, June 2nd.
• 21:43
  I got to pull out. I got to fly back.
• 21:45
  June 3rd. It's requesting tattoos if their
• 21:48
  name something they do, some of them, some of them would do that
• 21:50
  right there. Y'all.
• 21:52
  But there's some people out here who get their name tattooed on,
• 21:55
  has their name tattooed on multiple people because it
• 21:57
  works, right? It works.
• 22:01
  Do female narcs and elves present differently?
• 22:03
  I just did a video Monday about the 15 traits of a female
• 22:07
  narcissist and how they differ from men.
• 22:09
  So it's I literally just did one on Monday.
• 22:11
  So my YouTube channel got found my YouTube channel Lily.
• 22:13
  I'm gonna drop the link from my YouTube channel for people who
• 22:15
  are who are in her on Facebook which on my YouTube channel a
• 22:18
  lot. I'm currently trying to escape
• 22:20
  my narc partner. We are in a lone distant
• 22:22
  relationship but our kids are best friends.
• 22:23
  We don't have any kids. The other tips, please, I'm not
• 22:28
  telling you, I'm not saying you have to your your kids can't be
• 22:30
  friends, but there has to be some boundaries set up right?
• 22:34
  There absolutely has to be some boundaries that are set up and
• 22:38
  whatnot, right? You have to be able to set
• 22:40
  boundaries because if you don't, you're just in for you're in it
• 22:42
  for the long haul, right? You're 100% in it for the long
• 22:45
  haul. That's what's going to happen.
• 22:47
  You're just going to feel like there's stuff going on right
• 22:48
  there. Tall.
• 22:50
  Oh, I'm trying to do it. I'm putting the questions on the
• 22:53
  screen. So y'all y'all go see them
• 22:54
  regular? Mine told me all women want his
• 23:00
  kids and I all women want to have his kids and I'm lucky he
• 23:04
  chose me. Oh dear Lord, boy, they really
• 23:08
  do feel that way. But when I did give him praise
• 23:12
  validation, he would say that's what I'm supposed to do, don't
• 23:14
  compliment me. But he constantly asked me to
• 23:15
  say something nice. I was like, no, So that's a
• 23:18
  that's a endless cycle right there.
• 23:19
  Because whatever supply that narcissist is getting from you,
• 23:23
  it runs low. Y'all, It doesn't feel the same.
• 23:25
  It feels it it does feel like it's supposed to be there.
• 23:28
  You're supposed to do this. You're my girlfriend.
• 23:30
  You're supposed to tell me I look good.
• 23:31
  You're my husband. You're supposed to smack me on
• 23:33
  my butt. You must say my, my, my, my
• 23:34
  cheeks are my cheeks are are wiggly, right.
• 23:37
  You're supposed to say I have a nice smile, a nice hair.
• 23:40
  You're supposed to do that so it doesn't feel the same as a
• 23:42
  stranger. Like you can literally say
• 23:44
  something and a stranger can say the same thing to them and
• 23:46
  they'll just feel like the stranger stuff is more the the
• 23:48
  strangers comments me more master at narcissism.
• 23:55
  Oh yeah, they they, they are. I mean, sometimes, yeah, I'm
• 23:56
  telling you, some people are into the the the old BBBDSM
• 24:00
  life, BBDSM life. They like that master slave
• 24:04
  dynamic. Big little Dom them, all the
• 24:09
  other good stuff. Makes sense to me.
• 24:11
  A lot of them want to be slave drivers.
• 24:13
  Yes, absolutely. A lot of narcissist feel that
• 24:15
  way and whatnot. Yeah.
• 24:19
  So yeah, I'm all like I said, I'll be in New York June 2nd,
• 24:21
  but I'm also about to start. I'm considering bringing back my
• 24:24
  live show, the Waving the Red Flag show, where I had people on
• 24:27
  and I was actually interviewing him and what I might do one of
• 24:29
  those tomorrow. I might actually do one of those
• 24:31
  tomorrow. We'll see.
• 24:33
  My ex has my name on him seven times and he always had his
• 24:39
  females tat his name on him. I feel like he did that and make
• 24:43
  me feel like it was true to me. But other females didn't care.
• 24:46
  He had his wife's name and so not some yeah people.
• 24:48
  Yeah again, some people don't care, right?
• 24:52
  Some people don't care. As long as they got a man, they
• 24:54
  do not care. They don't care as long as they
• 24:57
  got. I got a man.
• 24:57
  This. I got a man.
• 24:58
  Yeah. He got his wife's name on him
• 25:00
  seven times on his eyeballs, on his scrotum, His his the small
• 25:04
  of his back. But that's my man.
• 25:06
  He mine. Now narcissists are looking for
• 25:12
  puppets. That's why we are controlling.
• 25:14
  Yeah. What about when somebody works
• 25:17
  on the road, comes to visit for a holiday and just doesn't leave
• 25:21
  no matter how many times you break up with them or
• 25:22
  accidentally? It's not like they homeless that
• 25:24
  person homeless that you're going to live with you.
• 25:26
  It's the only thing they got. Where else is feel like they got
• 25:27
  nowhere else to go. I'm new here.
• 25:29
  I wondered, do you have a video about your own nurses?
• 25:31
  Yeah, I have a whole playlist on my YouTube channel called Self
• 25:34
  Aware Sundays. Right, so it's called Self Aware
• 25:38
  Sundays. I got to start back doing it
• 25:39
  here pretty soon. Is it normal for them to be
• 25:43
  constantly rude when you ignore the BS they choose to show it?
• 25:46
  Yep, Yep, Yep. The game, the back and forth,
• 25:48
  the ups and downs, the cycle. It's the cycle of narcissistic
• 25:51
  abuse. First time catching one of your
• 25:53
  strangers welcome. Is there an ultimate high supply
• 26:03
  or the one that got away that they'll never forget?
• 26:05
  I think, I think if you, if you serve any type of purpose in a
• 26:07
  narcissist's life, I don't think they'll ever forget you to a
• 26:09
  certain extent, right? Do I remember my, my very, my
• 26:13
  second girlfriend? Do I remember that person?
• 26:16
  You know what I'm saying? It really just kind of depends.
• 26:20
  I got on, I got on. I got his on my butt.
• 26:22
  And he makes sure to remind me he will exist in my body the
• 26:24
  rest of my life. Like, like you can't get there.
• 26:26
  Like you can't get there removed.
• 26:27
  But I'm in. I'm in the process of getting
• 26:28
  this one. I'm in the process of this,
• 26:29
  getting this one. Lays it off.
• 26:31
  Some sessions, some sessions now I got some stuff.
• 26:33
  I got some stuff coming up I want to do.
• 26:37
  My ex hated when someone would give him something for his
• 26:40
  birthday if it's not on his list.
• 26:42
  That's like, how old is your ex? Like 5.
• 26:44
  It seemed. He hates attention.
• 26:45
  Last time I forgot about his birthday completely.
• 26:47
  He got really mad. Yeah, that's.
• 26:49
  So that's a childish response right there.
• 26:50
  That's a childish person right there.
• 26:51
  Like you. You didn't get some of the money
• 26:53
  List where? Huh.
• 26:57
  My ex still have my name on his own.
• 26:58
  I wish he would remove it. Yeah, sometimes they don't
• 27:00
  remove it because they thank you.
• 27:01
  They know you wish they would remove it, right?
• 27:05
  My my narcissist ex friend treated me the same way.
• 27:07
  He's still stalking me every day he can.
• 27:10
  Two year. Oh, yeah.
• 27:11
  Goodness. Racist.
• 27:11
  That's crazy. See, his friends can do it too.
• 27:13
  All right. How do you get rid of them then?
• 27:15
  It really just depends. So now you have to say, look, if
• 27:17
  he's in your house unwanted, if he's in your house unwanted,
• 27:21
  then you probably have you can probably press charges and have
• 27:24
  them have them removed. You might have to forcibly have
• 27:26
  this person removed because sometimes you sometimes you have
• 27:28
  to force them to leave you alone or they won't.
• 27:31
  You got to be paying for a reason.
• 27:32
  Easy to cover up. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
• 27:37
  Get on and off quick. Right on and off quick.
• 27:40
  Somebody, somebody else say that.
• 27:41
  Who's this when, when you get my name, When you get my name, you
• 27:48
  got his name. That's how you know, that's how
• 27:50
  you know if you get another. That's how you know if you get,
• 27:51
  you know, with another narcissist right there.
• 27:53
  They they start saying stuff like that.
• 27:54
  Well, when you get my name, that's you got his name.
• 27:57
  You didn't have no problem to get his name.
• 27:58
  So you can't get my name. Not special enough.
• 28:00
  You see what I'm saying? I don't do it anywhere and
• 28:02
  everybody there, This one got to go crazy right there.
• 28:07
  He didn't say the master thing in that way.
• 28:08
  He wanted to be all the time and wanted me to treat him and such.
• 28:10
  He was Tell me when I could last my old girl.
• 28:14
  No, Oh, that's that's that's that's trauma.
• 28:19
  Never forgets me. I left 23 years of him cheating
• 28:22
  and he still calls me. I haven't blocked.
• 28:23
  I haven't spoken to him since. Stay safe out here.
• 28:25
  I know they stay people like that.
• 28:26
  That's that's scary. That's scary.
• 28:29
  He's still doing that type of stuff.
• 28:31
  When I got angry, he would start smirking and eventually tell me,
• 28:34
  see how much you love me. You see what I'm saying?
• 28:36
  This is what I was telling you earlier.
• 28:37
  Sometimes they love to get those reactions from you.
• 28:39
  They love those reactions because they mean they think
• 28:42
  that they think your reactions is a validation for them, Right.
• 28:46
  They think reactions is validation.
• 28:48
  My ex would buy himself new products, like from Amazon all
• 28:50
  the time. They ended up in the closet like
• 28:52
  it was Christmas. Yeah, it might.
• 28:54
  It might just be a, a, a what else?
• 28:57
  What else? Addicted to somebody.
• 28:59
  Addicted to the shopping channel.
• 29:00
  Shopping channel would. My narc dad tried commanding
• 29:03
  people to call me by my full name instead of the shortened
• 29:07
  form because he gave because he gave it to me.
• 29:09
  Yeah. Again, some people have their,
• 29:12
  their, some people have their, their things right there, right?
• 29:14
  Some people have their own things that they have going on
• 29:17
  that they're trying to do, which again, be kind of crazy.
• 29:20
  You're dealing with somebody like this, right?
• 29:22
  We have a somebody has a personality like this, you can
• 29:26
  be kind of crazy to deal with somebody like this.
• 29:37
  And sure, I think I saw you back on Instagram too.
• 29:39
  Welcome back. Welcome back to the Gram.
• 29:42
  He would. Oh, I just saw that one.
• 29:45
  Anyways, y'all, I do get ready to hop off this thing, man.
• 29:47
  Thank y'all for riding with me for this little while, this last
• 29:49
  last little 30 minutes. Make sure y'all can go back and
• 29:53
  watch the replay from the beginning.
• 29:54
  It would not as well. Just be safe.
• 29:56
  Take care of yourselves, y'all. Again, New York City is on June
• 29:59
  the 2nd. It would not I'll probably be
• 30:03
  doing I'll probably be doing something on June the first too,
• 30:04
  but it it won't be anything. I'm probably just be going out.
• 30:06
  I've never been in New York before, so I'm probably just be
• 30:08
  going out in New York y'all. So more information to come
• 30:10
  soon. It's just a live Q&A event.
• 30:12
  It's not going to be no, it won't be no like section thing
• 30:17
  is just going to be straight question and answer.
• 30:19
  Come to the mic, ask your questions, ask a question or two
• 30:23
  and keep it like round Robin. Just keep going like that.
• 30:25
  Y'all it being with y'all. I appreciate y'all so much.
• 30:29
  Thankful for y'all being here. Hit the subscribe button, follow
• 30:31
  me on YouTube if y'all haven't already.
• 30:33
  The live show is coming back soon where I have guests on and
• 30:35
  stuff like that. Be safe, take care of
• 30:37
  yourselves, and as always y'all, as always, I'm out.
• 30:40
  Peace.