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Mini: That's Just How My Brain Works · Why We Do What We Do

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Why we do what we do? Welcome
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to Why we do what we do Many I'm your
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: host Abraham.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: And I'm your host Shane.
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  Speaker 1: We are a psychology podcast. We talk about the things
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  Speaker 1: that people do and animals do, and sometimes we talk
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  Speaker 1: about the mantras that we recite to ourselves that have
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  Speaker 1: us convinced that we can't change.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, So like when you hear things like
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  Speaker 3: I always think of it is what it is, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: as a mantra. And so our friends used to make
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  Speaker 3: fun of that because somebody would say that, and we
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  Speaker 3: would be like, all you're saying is what's happening?
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  Speaker 2: Is what's happening?
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  Speaker 1: Yep. So there's a certain zen to that, you know,
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  Speaker 1: Uh huh.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's nice if you aren't somebody who likes change.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: The a lot of people that fall into that category, and.
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  Speaker 2: That's true, that's true.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us, however you found us. If
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  Speaker 1: you like what you hear today, then please consider liking, subscribing,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: and of course telling a friend. If you'd like to
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  Speaker 1: support us financially, you can join us on Patreon, Patreon
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: dot com, slash WWDWWD podcast. You can always head of
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: our tour website, pick up some merch and other things
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  Speaker 1: that would support a podcast that I haven't mentioned. But
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  Speaker 1: let's go ahead and dive into this. Because I am
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  Speaker 1: what I am.
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  Speaker 2: I am what I am too, I too am what
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  Speaker 2: I am.
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  Speaker 1: We have a common refrain for explaining or excusing our
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  Speaker 1: behavior with the universally accepted rationale of because. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: So the modern version of this migrates the responsibility of
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  Speaker 3: our mushy head stuff our brain. It's not wrong, but
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  Speaker 3: it might be a little bit misleading and is not
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  Speaker 3: particularly helpful, especially when we're trying to solve a problem
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  Speaker 3: or create solutions, or maybe even change our own behavior.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, or just even create like the possibility of a
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  Speaker 1: different future than what is the current situation, inviting change
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  Speaker 1: if you will, exactly so. I hear people frequently comment
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  Speaker 1: about their behavior by excusing it with this idea that
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  Speaker 1: something along the lines of quote, that's just how my
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  Speaker 1: brain works, end quote. And throughout time we have likely
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  Speaker 1: had this way of thinking about what we do when
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  Speaker 1: we don't understand ourselves. So we might say that's just
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  Speaker 1: who I am, or as Popeye said, i am what
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  Speaker 1: I am, or as I like to say, a.
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  Speaker 2: Yam what a am? I love that.
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  Speaker 1: But this idea that I am what I am seems
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  Speaker 1: to come from the Hebrew phrase, Oh, I look this
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  Speaker 1: up and I forgot how it is. It's like aa
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  Speaker 1: escher aa be ave escher av I am who I am.
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  Speaker 1: That's how that that say would translate, I think more directly,
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  Speaker 1: which in turn comes from the Hebrew Bible in Exodus
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  Speaker 1: three fourteen PI hey, when Moses asks God about his name.
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  Speaker 1: But the translation about the exact what that would mean
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  Speaker 1: is debated by people who character debate those sorts of things.
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  Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, so what is curious about the idea behind
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  Speaker 3: the that's just how my brain works is the implication
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  Speaker 3: of this means that this is how your brain has
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  Speaker 3: always worked and will always work. But it almost certainly
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  Speaker 3: did not work that way before it acquire language and experience,
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  Speaker 3: and it will almost certainly change with language and experience
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  Speaker 3: as you age, with maturation and all the things that
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  Speaker 3: go along with that. As you develop and have more experiences,
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  Speaker 3: your brain will operate differently than it did. I think
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  Speaker 3: of like, if I had this brain when I was
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  Speaker 3: a teenager, I would be a very different person. I
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  Speaker 3: would have had a very different outcome in my life.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I sometimes think like it would be cool to
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  Speaker 1: go back to being a teenager and know what I
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  Speaker 1: know now, But I have not really thought through the
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  Speaker 1: implications of that, and it is a little scary.
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  Speaker 3: We would not be fun teenagers, I don't think, like
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  Speaker 3: I think that we would be too serious for our
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  Speaker 3: own good, Like we would be so risk averse. We're like, no,
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  Speaker 3: we don't need.
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  Speaker 2: To do that anymore.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, very much. Yeah, yeah, definitely not fun at all. No,
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  Speaker 1: So this idea that our behavior is kind of locked
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  Speaker 1: in place, that's just who I am, that's just how
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  Speaker 1: my brain works. But also thinking that like that isn't
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  Speaker 1: how it worked before you've had experience and developed language
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  Speaker 1: and participated effectively in a culture. Right, This means that
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  Speaker 1: our pattern of behavior cannot be an idiosyncratic necessity for
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  Speaker 1: the neurological structure and functioning of one's brain. Sure, And
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  Speaker 1: what I mean is that if our patterns of behavior
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  Speaker 1: are developed, then it is not a universally human thing
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  Speaker 1: to have us be like sort of locked in place.
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  Speaker 1: And it's not even necessarily a you thing, as it's
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  Speaker 1: kind of just the current state of a thing that
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  Speaker 1: is constantly in flux. But it's just what it's like
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  Speaker 1: right now. And I guess that's a long, esoteric, roundabout
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  Speaker 1: way of saying that if it's developed, that means that
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  Speaker 1: it's kind of just always in a constant state of change.
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  Speaker 1: And whatever it is that seems to be your fixed
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  Speaker 1: pattern of behavior is your behavior right now in this circumstance,
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  Speaker 1: not the way it has always been and will always be.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 3: So if it is the developmental thing, then a more
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  Speaker 3: accurate way of saying this is to add two critical
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  Speaker 3: words to the end of it, this is just how
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  Speaker 3: my brain works right now, which is kind of also
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  Speaker 3: totally not true, or at least is so obvious that
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  Speaker 3: it isn't worth saying. It's like saying that is the
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  Speaker 3: thing that just happened in this moment, But it is
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  Speaker 3: at least closer to being correct because it's a little
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  Speaker 3: bit more objective and it's not quite as locked in
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  Speaker 3: as this is just how my brain works.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, very good, And unfortunately ads are not forever,
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  Speaker 1: they are not fixed. But there are ads right now.
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  Speaker 2: Ads are happening when they're happening, all right, So.
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  Speaker 1: Let's get back to that's just how our brain works.
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  Speaker 3: So the other problem with this kind of this defeatist
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  Speaker 3: attitude is that it implies it cannot and should not change,
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  Speaker 3: so is not helpful. Like what do you do with
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  Speaker 3: that kind of statement or attitude or thought, Right, there
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  Speaker 3: is no opportunity to learn if that is just the
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  Speaker 3: way things are. If that's how things are and they're fixed,
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  Speaker 3: then there's no it doesn't matter what you do next.
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  Speaker 3: There's no developmental growth, there's no learning. And if things
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  Speaker 3: are stuck in an immutable place for the rest of
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  Speaker 3: your life, then there's really no point in trying to
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  Speaker 3: do new things. And if this is just how your
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  Speaker 3: brain works right now, just who you are right now,
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  Speaker 3: and this is just kind of one isolated incident that
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  Speaker 3: you can kind of learn or grow or develop and
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  Speaker 3: gain new things. If you commit to never changing, it
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  Speaker 3: will be harder to change. You still will, but it'll
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  Speaker 3: be more difficult or you might not at least recognize
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  Speaker 3: that you have changed when those things happen.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly right. So sticking to how things are means
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  Speaker 1: finding value and reward and correspondence between how things are
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  Speaker 1: and how you said that they should be sort of
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  Speaker 1: saying and what I'm saying here is like you're more
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  Speaker 1: or less incentivizing for yourself to keep things static, to
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  Speaker 1: find value in a lack of learning, in a lack
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  Speaker 1: of change. If you say they should be stagnant and
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  Speaker 1: follow this one particular pattern, then you will find value
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  Speaker 1: and reward in outcomes and actions that are stagnant and
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  Speaker 1: stick to that one particular pattern. So it is treating
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  Speaker 1: this as a not only is this how things work
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  Speaker 1: right now, but also how they're going to continue to
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  Speaker 1: work indefinitely. But that again sort of incentivizes a pattern
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  Speaker 1: of seeking that like you then only you try and
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  Speaker 1: keep it the same even if you're not doing so,
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  Speaker 1: like with a clear cognizant attention to the fact that
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  Speaker 1: that's what you're doing. You're setting yourself up to look
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  Speaker 1: for correspondence between the idealized should sort of world and
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  Speaker 1: the one you actually find yourself in and are always
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  Speaker 1: constantly trying to push it back to the homogeneity of
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  Speaker 1: things are just this way, right.
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  Speaker 3: So committing to the opportunity to learn from our experiences
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  Speaker 3: means finding reward and value and outcomes that align with
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  Speaker 3: the progression along some dimension of improvement. So essentially what
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  Speaker 3: that means is when we have opportunities to learn. Then
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  Speaker 3: we can improve, we can get better, we can contact
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  Speaker 3: new and better rewards as a result of this. It
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  Speaker 3: doesn't mean that we need to be perfect, but it
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  Speaker 3: does allow us to strive to get better, especially if
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  Speaker 3: we have kind of the value or the belief system
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  Speaker 3: that we are not stagnant creatures. Our behavior is not permanent, right,
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  Speaker 3: So like, we always learn something new and we it varies,
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  Speaker 3: and that is a really powerful thing, and we should
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  Speaker 3: be creating those opportunities and just saying that I am
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  Speaker 3: who I am doesn't allow for that.
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  Speaker 1: The simple fact of the matter is that we are
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  Speaker 1: constantly learning and developing from cradle to grave. This is
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  Speaker 1: a lifetime experience that we are going to find ourselves in.
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  Speaker 1: We can try and pretend like things aren't going to change,
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  Speaker 1: but they are going to because we have impermanent lives, right,
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  Speaker 1: They do not last forever.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: The particular reason we do any one thing at a
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  Speaker 1: given moment is part of a very rich, interwoven tapestry
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  Speaker 1: of variables and experiences that we have had and the
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  Speaker 1: present circumstances under which we find ourselves. All of that
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  Speaker 1: stuff creates the ongoing context of right now and sets
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  Speaker 1: the path for the future. So we're sort of just
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  Speaker 1: fooling ourselves pretending that we can keep things the way
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  Speaker 1: that they are when they never will be. They're just
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  Speaker 1: always in an ongoing interaction with all the other things
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  Speaker 1: around us.
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  Speaker 3: Right, So when you're not sure, it is actually more
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  Speaker 3: productive to ask questions like why did I just do that,
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  Speaker 3: and then reflect on it. It's a more productive take
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  Speaker 3: because you start analyzing the conditions and the circumstances by
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  Speaker 3: which you did this thing, or even better, what can
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  Speaker 3: I learn from this and then do better next time
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  Speaker 3: because you can analyze what you've done, what the outcomes were,
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  Speaker 3: and then make a different choice or different decision in
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  Speaker 3: that circumstance.
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  Speaker 1: Again, so all of this is talking about this idea
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  Speaker 1: of people saying things like that's just the way my
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  Speaker 1: brain works. That could be around anything really like I
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  Speaker 1: can't do math, that's just the way my brain works,
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  Speaker 1: or in this case, maybe doesn't work, or like I
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  Speaker 1: don't like action movies. That's just the way my brain works.
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  Speaker 1: Whatever it is. And that's again like this doesn't say
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  Speaker 1: anything useful, and it certainly seems to commit to stagnation.
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  Speaker 1: But there is a really important caveat to bring in here,
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  Speaker 1: which is that they're a diegon notices that people have
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  Speaker 1: that reflect a genuine pattern that can more or less
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  Speaker 1: be expected for those people.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: And further, there are certain patterns and preferences that are
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  Speaker 1: very consistent for people throughout their whole lives. The research
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  Speaker 1: on this is actually shows that once your personality starts
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  Speaker 1: to develop, the longer it goes on on the path
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  Speaker 1: that it is on, the more it will sort of
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  Speaker 1: lock into place that that is your personality. Right, that's
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  Speaker 1: a fairly consistent thing that happens. We've talked about personality.
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  Speaker 1: I think people treat it as being prescriptive when it's not.
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  Speaker 1: But that's a conversation for a different time. But just
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  Speaker 1: to state that there are things that become more and
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  Speaker 1: more fixed ways of being over time unless circumstances put
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  Speaker 1: that on a different path. So adding to that, people
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  Speaker 1: who are gay or trans have remarkably consistent thoughts, feelings,
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  Speaker 1: and behaviors on this from an early age, early in
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  Speaker 1: childhood and throughout their lives. And I mean, obviously it
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  Speaker 1: would make sense to say people who are not who
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  Speaker 1: would identify as CIS, CIS gender and straight also have
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  Speaker 1: consistent thoughts and feelings about this their entire lives. Right,
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  Speaker 1: That's just right, that's just the thing. And so we're
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  Speaker 1: not at all saying that like that's not actually how
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  Speaker 1: their brains work, Like it is a pretty fixed pattern,
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  Speaker 1: and like, I think that's it's a different type of aspect.
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  Speaker 1: And again, let's think of like diagnoses, like a diagnosis
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  Speaker 1: for like let's say like down syndrome, that's like that
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  Speaker 1: that is going to be like a part of who
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  Speaker 1: they are their entire lives. Right, But I think there
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  Speaker 1: are people who again, like when it's they're talking about
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  Speaker 1: things like their preferences or their relative skills, and they're saying,
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  Speaker 1: that's just the way my brain works. And that's that's
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  Speaker 1: really what we're talking about with respect to with this conversation.
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  Speaker 3: Right, absolutely, So the moral of the story is, don't
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  Speaker 3: commit to stagnation. For this day of sagnation, no one wins.
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  Speaker 3: You certainly don't win. You miss out on growth opportunities,
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  Speaker 3: You miss out on opportunities.
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  Speaker 2: To really do better.
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  Speaker 3: So really don't commit to this, commit to learning and
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  Speaker 3: growth and development and making sure that your flower outgrows
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  Speaker 3: its pot.
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  Speaker 1: Love that that's very cute, Yeah, all right, Well, I
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  Speaker 1: could certainly pontificate further, but we are about at the
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  Speaker 1: time that we have set for ourselves. So I think
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  Speaker 1: that was a really lovely note to end On. If
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: you like to support us, join us on Patreon, tell
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: a friend, like subscribe to all the things. If you'd
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: like to tell us about how your brain works, you
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: can email us at info at wwd wwdpodcast dot com.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: You can also reach us on the social media platforms.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much to my team, Thank you everyone
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: for listening. Thank you to our Patreon supporters. Is there
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: anything that I miss, Shane, or anything you would like
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: to add before we wrap up?
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  Speaker 2: Not today?
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  Speaker 1: No, all right, go out, go forth and change your behavior. Yay.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: This is Abraham and this is a Shane.
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  Speaker 4: We're out bye, listening to why we do what we do.
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  Speaker 4: You can learn more about this and other episodes by
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: going to WWDWWD podcast dot com. Thanks for listening, and
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: we hope you have an awesome day.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: But what do you do with that