Latest / ChabadLife.TV Street Farbrengen / Street Farbrengen Episode #141 Pusshed by Pain or Pulled by my Dreams?

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Street Farbrengen Episode #141 Pusshed by Pain or Pulled by my Dreams? · ChabadLife.TV Street Farbrengen

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Happy birthday, Ruven.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: A huge milestone tonight.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I wanted to wish you uh Hatslaka on the next year and all the brakas.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to know, Ruvain, when you are reflecting on your past year and thinking about the future, what would you tell your 20-year-old self now?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Zukaia, thank you for the wishes.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um I have to be honest, I have no idea what Ruvain today would say to his 20-year-old self.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: But as you get to my age, I have had the conversation the other way around.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: What has my 20-year-old been saying to me?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_04: Huh.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: I think we spoke about it a few months ago that uh that uh if you remember, I think I wrote it, but I don't remember if we spoke about it.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: I used when I first hitchhiked uh from Montreal to Vancouver, I was uh 18 years old.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I went across 3,000 miles.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: It was quite an interesting trek.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I spent about four months writing and drawing, like Toulouse La Trec.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: I thought I was gonna be like a famous painter, right?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: Uh but I didn't do it on napkins.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: So drawing in a place, I think it was called Mary's Pies or something, I don't even remember the name of the place in downtown Vancouver, and I would go there like at about 12 o'clock at night and write for four hours.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I was writing a couple months ago, I said, Oh my gosh, I'm the same guy.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we did do this, we did record.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: But it was really visceral, and I've been thinking about that.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the same guy, I'm just you know, wearing different clothes and writing about different things, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: So and I I came to this fundamental strong feeling that I live up to that 20-year-old who's sitting at Mary's Pies in the middle of the night in Vancouver every night, and I had a crowd of people that we would see each other every night, like because all the same people hung out.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um we'll leave that out.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: And where everybody knows your name, yeah, go on.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, we were just friends, and we were, you know, and I gave it up to go to yeshiva.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: So what was I thinking?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: What was my what was my the feeling that I had and the imagination in my mind?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm what I mean by saying what what would the 20-year-old tell me?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: And uh yeah, so um what can I say?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I mean, you're you're still okay, so we don't have to obviously discuss the same point we did, although I'm sure you would have a different answer now than even when we spoke about it a couple of times.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I don't remember what I said.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that helps.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm allowed to be that way.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm over 30.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Go on.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: But besides that point, um there's there's something that I saw once that there's only two people you ever have to um appease, I think is the word that they use, but I have to go check.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: But there's only two people you have to appease: your um nine-year-old self and your 90-year-old self.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: And the idea is that you're supposed to look as you are going and seeing, like, okay, am I going towards that 90-year-old self that I want to be?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: And is he happy with the the trajectory that I'm on now?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then, you know, uh alternatively on the other side, like the nine-year-old self, the the inner child self, the one that obviously needs the love and attention and holding from mommy and daddy and being able to take care of yourself now as a older person, um, are those two people satisfied and appeased.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: Which is a little bit different direction of what would you tell me.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm making an assumption that my nine-year-old self was an inner child.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And the truth of the matter is, it I wasn't.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: What does that mean?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: What it means, without boring you, what it means is I had to learn how to survive on my own.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: Not financially, because I lived in a relatively middle-class Jewish home, um, but emotionally and connected-wise.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I became a um so two things happen.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: One is that I became a loner in terms of my family.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't have this, you know, jolly inner child experience.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: I never had that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: No, but that that part of you needed needs to be healed.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're into healing.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, we'll get there.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: And yet, on the other hand, I look at a little bit later than nine years old.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I did um I'm trying to uh I I have a very um how should I say this?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't look so much in the past to ask this question, but it's come up, and that is did I have a joie de vive when I was growing up?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Did I have a was I fundamentally a happy dude or not?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Despite what I just said, like when I was nine years old.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um when I get older, right?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: And and the other thing as I've learned is that you never really change.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you do a really deep dive fundamental effort to change.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: You're just the same guy in a different in a different animal suit.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um you c you know you carry the same associations and whatever.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, at 10 you're gonna be different than when you're at 20, and then at 40.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: No, but you're a friend.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I was I was actually talking to uh to a Rebbe recently, a seventh or eighth grade Rebbe, whoever it was, and they were telling me about the idea of um of making shedukum for their students from you know 10, 15 years ago.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, do you know them?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like they were like, no, but nobody really changes.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: It was effectively that yeah, but it's a little but they we don't change, but it obviously changes his presentation.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, of course.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: But the the fundamental, like to the point where he would be able to make a suggestion for a shitduch, I think is a funny way of looking at uh how people just ask him to stay the same.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right, and I had somebody tell me the opposite when I was looking into a shit for someone that uh I can't say who they are because it's been 10 years since they've been in yeshiva.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully you've changed you've matured, doesn't mean you've changed.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: But um I don't want to sound cliche.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the old story like uh no one on their deathbed uh wants to know how many hours they spent at the office, you know.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's cliche.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: And Hasidim should know that already.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: But I do go back to that to the those aspirations, those dreams.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you know what's interesting.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: In the last few weeks, I've had certain younger people, I'm gonna start calling them younger.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's a relative term.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean by bouncing around?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've been revisiting Eva, Edith uh Eger, this incredible psychologist person who was a Holocaust survivor in Auschwitz.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: And she says there's two kinds of people, and she says this in context to where she was about her experience.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: She says there's two kinds of people.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: There are those who are pushed by their pain.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: And you can add anything else you want, desperation, except they're pushed by their pain, or they're pulled by their dreams and hopes.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's beautiful.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that kind of encapulate encapsulates not only her but the the whole choice that we have.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I so at the risk of sounding cliche, I realize more and more, and I don't think it's because of my age, but I think I realize more and more that we're so boxed in.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: She actually calls it the concentration of your mind, concentration camp of your mind, that we lock ourselves in into our into our now socially it's understandable, right?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: You're growing up, you're 20, you gotta follow some of the rules if you're gonna get married, you gotta, you know, and especially in the Frim world, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then 30 and 40, but uh each one, each s each decade has its own rules.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: So at least in general.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I'm finding it, including in coming out of Hasidis, that it's a total misunderstanding of everything.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: What is being boxed in.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: What's the misunderstanding?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: So so okay, so let me go full circle a little bit.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we had a few Lahaimes or whatever.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: So in the last few weeks, some people have come to me and they're really stuck.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: Some people are just stuck big time, like you know, with a six-foot stick in the mud, and they can't even lift it up, never mind move.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's relatable.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: And and yeah, we all have that in our own way.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I asked them because they uh you when you ask them, what do you want?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: They don't even know.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but they don't know what that means.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I know.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just that's not what you want, that's what you don't want.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: So they tell they all say the same thing.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I get that, you know.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I ask, what did you used to dream about when you were a kid?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: And mo and all of them, I'm talking about three or four people.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Give me a blank stare.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Did you have any hobbies?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: And also difficult for them to answer.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if it's because they're trying to figure out where I'm going with it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't go that far, but it just occurs to me now that maybe that's why they have a heart and they're trying to come up with the right answer.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't know if there's actually a right answer for that question that they would be so curious.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um not curious, contemplative of uh Um I'm into I was into sports.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: I was into that's just a weird thing to not like have an answer.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: You were into sports is not a hobby.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's not a hobby.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: Some people take it very seriously.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's I didn't say what were you serious about.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: What how do you define a hobby?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: A hobby with sports is not a hobby.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_03: Why why not?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because unless you are playing tennis yourself, if that's what you mean by into sports, I thought you meant you're into sports game like watching.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um no, I'll tell you why.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: When you were playing well, well let's see.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: When don't go mad at me.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: When Bradley was playing baseball, or whatever you were playing, did you play baseball?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Did you dream of playing for the Yankees?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: So then that's not what I'm talking about.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: So you don't mean hobby, you mean aspiration for the future that you're building.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no, no.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because a hobby, when you're into playing the sport, it's not I don't know, I don't see it as a hobby.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're not a hobby would mean, I don't know, you would play with your father's camera or and take pictures, or you would draw.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: A little bit more on the creative end, or you would read books about being um a detective.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm getting into my secular past, you know.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: Um So you're defining hobby as a passion.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Let's change the word hobby to passion.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: To passion or creative outlets.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: What was your passion when you were a kid?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Now I just told you at the beginning of our conversation that I I was didn't have nobody talking about.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: You had you were an aspiring writer and an artist.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: That was later.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: When I was a kid.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was a loner and and I was So what did you do?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: You played hockey.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: I did stuff on my own.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: I played against the I played tennis against the wall, you know, hitting the ball against the wall.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: I I drove my bike everywhere.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: I um I s you know, 1967 was the hundredth anniversary of Canada.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: They had this thing in where a swimming pool, whatever they call it, that the family goes to, community uh membership that they had.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: And if you swim a hundred thousand laps, you get, you know, I don't know what I don't even know if I got anything, but I did the hundred thousand laps.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: I spent the whole summer swimming.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: But then my point is is that uh we and it's all good whatever I did.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: But why do we not move on?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Or do we feel like we're moving?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: That we have movement in our life.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: What does it have to do with your hobby?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because hobby is a passion.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: So if a kid likes making, you know, uh models, when you buy these model kits and you glue them together, okay, fine.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: So you're not gonna do that when you're 20.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: So you'll move on.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: But do you have something that uh you feel you're expressing a deeper part of yourself?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't have that, that's pretty screwy.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of us don't have that.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_03: And could you describe an example of somebody who does who does?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I can give a hundred examples, but you want to know the formula.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: The formula is do you do something that you want to do without any consideration what other people will think about.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: Not because it's radical, but just doesn't come into the into consideration, into the mix because I'm doing it because of who I am.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: So you're in a different context in every decade of your life, obviously, you're maturing, you're old, but is it are you being authentic to who you are?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: And or is it always in consideration, in evaluation, how does it fit with whomever?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: I can say that all the way down to a marriage.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: What's the optimum partner that you can be exactly who you are?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: And you can feel comfortable.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I was thinking about Yom Kippur and I told this, I wanted to say it over in the in the show, but uh didn't get the chance.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of people trauma talk, you know how much I love trauma talk, right?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Especially around Yom Kippur.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Because I gotta go there and tell God that I'm worthy and I sinned and please forgive me.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: I was at a I was at an after Yom Kippur party.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I was just listening to some people discuss this of like how much how difficult it was to go through the Davening and like ha list all of my sins and I can guarantee you they didn't list anything.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: They said the words, but you know They all had like an interpretation from some rabbi that held them stomach.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, yeah, I didn't think lobabachers.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't, it wasn't.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they have all these books with all the sins and how they yeah.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah no no.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um first of all, it says us, not me, by the way.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: It says annu.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: It says in plural, chateinu, not chatasi.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: So that in itself is interesting.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: But I was thinking like this.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: Who is the deepest, closest connection you have to someone?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: That they appreciate who you are, how they see you, or that you can come and tell them all of the negative stuff about you, real negative stuff, that you're comfortable with telling them.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Not comfortable with the negative, but you're comfortable telling them, and they're comfortable hearing it.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: Or is love when you just share your good sides with each other.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: So real love, real connection is I could feel comfortable dumping on you all of my iniquities.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: And you, my partner, could hear it, embrace it, and we can move on.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's the greatest expression with God.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: But that'd be an example, by the way, of being in your box, in your concentration camp box.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: That is God a related They they kick this word around in in Or Shlomo or I dove.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: Connection.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: Connection.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what they mean by that.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like how do what do they really mean by that?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right, no, so I'm I'm not asking you to answer it, but um That's like your favorite uh line, God loves me.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: What does that mean?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we throw around these these ideas to make ourselves feel better.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was thinking the famous Balshemtev um teaching that everyone quotes.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: That whatever you see in another person that gets you ticked off is a mirror that you have it.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it bothers you because you really have you see it because you really have it.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's a fundamental teaching.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: We're not gonna get around that.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's life.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Does that mean the other person doesn't have it?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: No, of course not.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean they do.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, a lot of people learn that Torah as being, you see it because you're projecting on them, etc.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: etc.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it bothers you, and that and they're absolved from having it.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, really?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think so.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, never thought of that.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's trying to take away your negative feelings about them.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: And that's one of the ways to do it.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: Probably not what it's talking about.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: I understand that.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: So when we're afraid to come forth, what's he thinking?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: God doesn't know what you've been up to?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously he does.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: And he didn't do away with you yet, anyways.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: So what are you all for hissed about?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: He just wants you to come clean with him.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he's willing to hear.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: What are you w but so who are you really afraid of?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: I I uh you know, today I was at the Oyo because it was my birthday.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I actually had the thought that that I should go to a twelve-step program.
• 21:23
  unknown: Okay.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: Not because I'm an alcoholic or addicted, even though I am a little bit, yeah.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because we all are, but because they're so fundamentally deep in the process.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: I once when I was a schliach, I went to a weekend with Jewish alcoholic addicted types at a convention.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh told us about the Long Island uh guy.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: So Rabbi Twersky, Dr.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Twersky, Rabbi Twersky was there, and um he made the statement that the most spiritual moment in his life was a twelve step and at the Time that really bothered me.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: How can this Twersky of all people, you know, that's New Square, that's like, you know, um, that whole lineage, his most highest experience was a 12-step program with a bunch of addicts smoking cigarettes, eating donuts, and telling everybody how they screwed up their life.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it took me a long time to figure out what why that was so spiritual for him.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Why it's such a high moment.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: And this is what I'm telling.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I was thinking about doing that, but um there's something very invigorating when, again, when you're you are what you're doing, because of you are what you're doing, because that's who you are.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's a very high place to be.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: We're we've talked about it so often that you know you're doing tour of the midstas, but really you'd rather go, you know, to the football game kind of thing.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: So do you live in a weird world of tension?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Do you feel like you're a faker?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, can you really enjoy yourself?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: What does it mean to be authentic, right?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: So why so what does it mean to have an authentic relationship with Hashem?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, go back to your passion.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: One second, where does it take place?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: In the mind, in the Ratsuin, in the mind, or in the heart?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: Where is the relationship seated?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: According to Well, there's two ways to answer it.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Your understanding and your experience.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: Where what's the question?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Where is it located?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is something that um I've turned to recently.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Everything has a location in who you are.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: You can call it me the Seichel Ratzein.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's a location within your being.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: So where is the relationship with God?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: In your feet, in your hands, in your heart, in your mouth, in your brain.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: In your ratsign.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, based off of something we're learning recently.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't want to know what the pages say.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know your experience.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Where are you living from?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: Where am I living from?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna talk about you.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Where am I living from?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, what's your answer?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that's what I was focused on today when I was at the oil.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: Where am I coming from?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, where am I right?
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: I went to the oil because in all truth, it's because I don't want to drive into Brooklyn.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I went to the oil instead.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so I'm not this is, you know, I know we're meandering a little bit, but um, but this is a birthday for Braga, right?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm supposed to make hachlatas in public.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I was so one of the sukkum of David on Shabbos has caught me recent as of late, and that is I forget how it goes, something like Hatsileni Mikol Muguroisai.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure if it's Hatsilani, but take me out of all my fears, David Malek says.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: That keeps us in that box is our fears.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: And other than the fear of Hashem, right?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: What's the whole story with the Bashemtav?
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: His father told him, fear God and nothing else.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's pretty freedom.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's a big freedom.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: If you can be on that level of you don't fear any you don't have no social fears, you don't have any physical fears.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think it says that uh in Kas Hashem Tov that if you fearing Hashem, you can't fear anything else.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: So that wise tied to the 12-step program is uh the little that I know about it, but the reason why it came up for me is so I decided I am going to, since I'm in my tahilim saying of for my age, in my getting to my seventh decade, and seven and ten are full me dois.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: Seven me dois, a little kabbalah there, you know.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um your wisdom, you're yeah, you're now finally at Makubba.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm at Makouba.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I am going to evaluate every night as much I remember during of the day.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: What was the me dice that I displayed?
• 27:16
  unknown: Wow.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: And one of two things.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Either what was what's the Haskalah, the concept, the bel I call it the mind construct the construct construct of my mind that elicits that kind of emotion in that situation that I had that emotion.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um what's the association I had with that, you know, to other past experiences.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I was just repeating the emotion.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so first of all, that erases all should.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: When we go back to this idea of authentic and idea of no authentic means you know who you are.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a real major part of it.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, but let me back up for a second.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: Are you saying you don't know who you are and that's why you're doing it this way?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: Or you're saying this helps expose more of who you are?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: What what are you saying is the lacking here?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't know.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure that I will I'm not here to analyze myself, so I'm not going to be my psychiatrist.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know if it's if it's a search for if it's a search for who I am.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's more of who am I being throughout the day.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_03: So which meaning are you expressing it?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how does how is my character what's dra what's d what's driving what I'm doing?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um and how can I, when I want to, change it?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: But you can't change unless you know why it's there.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mean psychologically 20 years before.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm saying like, what's the emotion, what's the concept that I'm living by that creates, in other words, and I'm getting this from multiple places, but since it's in the moment uh when I've been involved reading, is this Edith Eger again.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like a Victor Frankel person.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: That was her one of her mentors after she got out of the war.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: You always have a choice to choose your response to something.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, she said an amazing thing that um I really was shocked.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: She was 16 years old, she's a ballerina, and she's standing with her mother and her sister in front of Mengala Yamakshima.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: And Mengele sends her mother to the left, and the two of them go to the right, and that meant she was going to be gassed and burned in the chimneys, the mother.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: Which she had no idea, of course.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: She goes into the the next couple of hours through the camp, whatever she had to go through and and do, and the capo of the can't the the Jew that's in charge of uh the bunk that she's in, or whatever you call it, um, tells her the rules, and she goes, When will I see my mother?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: And she says, Just look up at the chimney.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: So she finds out that her mother is no longer.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: In the middle of all of this, Mengela walks in to the bunk to the barrack, and someone, I think it was her sister, tells Mengela that her sister is a ballerina.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because they were playing music and there was a symphony.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: This guy was a very obviously warped individual, right?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: He was doing what he was doing.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: But he was into music and so on and so forth.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_02: So she ends up, she called it she called the chapter Dancing in Hell.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: So he asked her to dance.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, the story goes on, it's very moving, and he leaves.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: But she she writes that here was a guy who three hours before nonchalantly sent her mother to death and is now wanting to hear some, you know, classical music with her dancing.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, wait, wait.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: And she makes the following statement.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: I prayed for him.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: She prayed for him.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: She says I says let's look the other way.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: She says, He will never ever be able to live with himself because of what he's done.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: He can't.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: I can.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because he can't steal from me what I have inside her mind, is one of the things her mother had told her.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: So she prayed for him because he is gonna have to live with his evil.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: Now, that's a pretty advanced r response to this to this.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right, to the well, I don't know if she I guess she did it then, but um that's called freedom to choose how you look at something.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: I think for most of to answer maybe your question now, I would tell the twenty-year-old to be more cognizant of the choices that they to do things out of choice, not out of habit.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: And that you have you have the uh not only the permission, but you have the um obligation to give meaning to every step you take, whether you mean this or you mean that.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mean something purposeful, I mean you give meaning, you apply meaning to what it means.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: And if you don't, or when you don't, then well how are you reacting?
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: How are you living if you have if you're not conscious of the meaning that you're giving it?
• 34:07
  unknown: Yeah.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, so that's how I came out of the oil today.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if whether all of this has uh made sense or not, but you know, we're allowed to just forbrain.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think it did.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think is that it should?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_02: I should have a this kind of a forbringer, not that kind of a brain.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's actually quite a powerful message.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, however we however we got here.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I really like your hakletter.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_03: That's a really interesting thing.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: I hope I can do it, but yeah.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm tired of often lying.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_03: Well, but it's also just being very self-aware and conscious of Yeah, but it's not an yeah.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um of who you are and who you're expressing.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: As you get older, it on one hand, depending who you are, for me, it's getting harder.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you why.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: I told you this this week.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: That during the Elenos of uh Davin by Musaf, so you put the little square piece of whatever on the floor and you're gonna bow down, right?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: So you're supposed to bow down, and like most people are aware of, that you're supposed to put down your head on the piece, not your knees.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: So so I had a piece, and the guy I was standing, I was sitting on the aisle seat, and the guy on the other aisle, on the across from me, on his side of the aisle, had his piece.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: So he says, Let's share so you can put your knees on this, on my piece and your head on this on this square piece, and we can each take a turn.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: So he bowed, he gets up.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: He was like a 25-year-old guy or whatever, and I get down on the floor, and I'm about to get up, and he sticks his hand in my face, and he says, Do you need help?
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I wasn't asking for help.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I said, No.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: We bowed down three or four times.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: Each time he asked me that.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_03: I was ready to slap him.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_03: So he thought he was doing such a mitzvah.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: So one of the guys, yeah, he didn't think about me going first to bow down.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: That would have been a cover.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so one of the guys saw this happening.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: He goes over to the guy.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: He says he's better shaped than most of the guys in the room.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: So don't which Burkhosham I am.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't need help getting up off the floor.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: Thank God.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of the signs that you're doing well in terms of fitness, actually.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but people box you in.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then the question becomes how you doubt yourself based on that pressure, how people see you.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say an example.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: You come out of Yom Kippur, you really had an amazing Yom Kippur, not like the guys you were talking about, right?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: You really had a stimulating Yom Kippur, and now you're back into the world, the Marv after the Mapoleon's march, right?
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: Do you question how you feel about dubbing Marav?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: Do you question?
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm having the same feeling as when you were screaming, who else?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, most I mean, I can tell you for myself.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_03: No, I I don't, but at the same time, there's there's a little difference.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_03: There's a little like like, okay, like everything was now made for this Marv.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: Like now this is the Marv of the of the Okay, the next morning.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, I hear you.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: But I was just thinking, though, of the fact that after you do all this beautiful, long, drawn-out Hazanas and Daviding, and then Marv is two and a half minutes tops.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_03: Just fly through it.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, what is going on here?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: What if we just dab it if we're gonna do that?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what it means, connection, relationship.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: Not that you, you know, whether you continue it, whether you feel there's someone on the other end.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the mushal that the free altar rebba gives, right, is two people next to each other.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: They can't get any closer, but they're opposite, facing opposite, because they don't have kiru villa vhavais, right?
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: Their hearts are not in sync with each other.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: So even though they're right there next to each other, you can't get any physically closer, they are worlds apart.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what it means that you have to do chuva.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean chuva?
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: The Abhishda's everywhere.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: Malikularsk.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: But so what so does that mean when it says they don't have Kirava Lavavois, does that mean they don't like each other?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: Is that in the mashal that that's why they're facing opposite directions?
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: So what is it?
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_03: They're just not facing each other.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_03: You could ascribe whatever you want to the reason why they're not seeing each other.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's connection when you do see each other.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: With God, right?
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_03: One one interpretation I once heard is that they were facing each other, but they were looking past each other.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's like when you're looking at a person, but like you're not seeing them.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but that's like already.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: I just think that's a cute, that's a cute.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's psychology, pop psychology.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, whatever.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: Listen, Al-Tareb is Al-Tareb.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: He gave the mushroom, you can't change the mushra.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: But so yeah, so it's kind of like um that's what happens when you get to that's what I'm saying, is we're boxed in by habit, by what other people think of us, by what we think of ourselves.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: So we may hold ourselves back because you know, who cares what we were feeling on Yem Kippur?
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's different worlds.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what are you gonna do?
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: And blah, blah, blah, whatever.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's it's tough.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's it's uh But it's the Avoida and 100%.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_03: You should be Matslia to advance.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_02: I hope I certainly hope so, but um I hope we all are.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's um Yeah, so I mean I think that we're getting to a time in history where people cannot be fake anymore.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: So therefore we think we have nothing.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: And we're not gonna have more than what we have.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because we don't want to be fake.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: So okay, so I did Al Khait and I did all this and I did all the stuff.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: But really, when you get down to it, I don't relate to it.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like let's take succus.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: We were learning today.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know that we everyone was probably familiar with the idea of uh wine was poured on the Mizbayach because it's tasty, it's uh sachel, and water was poured at succus time on the Mizbeach on the altar because it has no taste.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: So what does that mean practically speaking for you, for me?
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: We should go rocking go around like zombies, no sechel?
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what does it mean?
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: And the very fact that we can ask that question, what does it mean?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: I not know sure for sure the answer.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: It means we're in a prison of the mind.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_02: When you get down to it.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: But anyways, um what does it mean?
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's this year.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: This year started off on on Shabbos, and everyone was running around freaking out about it.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: Shabbos, not a good omen.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: I thought screw you with your omens.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: I hate these omen people, right?
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um there's God is so transactional for so many people.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: Am I being naive that he's not?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_03: According to them, yes.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm according to you.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 42:57
  unknown: Okay.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel better.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um no, I I think I'm an epicoris.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why don't I feel like I don't know.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: That he can wipe me out.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because I don't think he's going to.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_02: Not in a way of like he's mad at me.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I guess that's just because you don't have that childhood trauma of being told you were you were gonna be doing that, but whatever.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thank God I didn't have that.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: That would be nuts.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, so we're we're bouncing around.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: But the bottom line is is that um the connection is not transaction.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's life.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and like you were saying, a true love is when you actually is when you actually could expose the the side when you aren't, you know, agreeing or aren't comfortable.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: So so you know what this came up?
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: I hope the guy's not listening.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: There was a certain synagogue where I was in, and this synagogue had a conversation at Marav on the No, what was it?
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um post post Musav of on one of the days of Rosh Hashanah.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_02: That someone brought to the shool a some kind of iguana or reptile.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um my goodness.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: The kid had a reptile on his shoulder and came to school to show with a reptile.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: And okay, I wasn't there at the time.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: This was in Mincha time now.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: And somebody started talking about it, how much it bothered him, and it was terrible, and this and that next thing.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's a sharet.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: He can't bring a sharet into the shoal.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good point.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: Listen.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: I guess they would have the same feeling if there was a dog in the room.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have a freak out about that.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: So somebody called the guy on the carpet.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: He said, The guy brought the sharets at Shachris and you're talking about it at Mincha.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: And called him on the carpet.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: Why didn't you tell him to get out of the shoal if it bothers you so much?
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you talking about it now in the late afternoon, right?
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_03: Good question.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's the difference of being able to tell a person who you have intimate love with, I have this wrong and this wrong.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: And you're not afraid of the reaction.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're safe with them, and they will react properly to you because they're safe with, and vice versa.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: They're not going to fall apart because you have all these bad things about you.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_03: You really think that's where it was coming from versus the guts that you're talking about?
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, wait.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: He was not able to tell the guy for whatever reasons he had that it wasn't appropriate because the guy will get mad or whatever.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't have the gust to tell him.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because there's obviously not a connection there between the two of them.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: And a deep connection.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying there could have or should have been.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_02: You're just saying But that's a good muscle for feeling comfortable with God.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_02: If you really believe he's listening.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever that means, anyways.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's it's it's really hard to treat God like a reality.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because it makes no sense why he should have any kind of persona for us.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_02: It makes no sense at all.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: Let alone all the things he asks us to do that don't make any sense.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not even talking about the thing.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, who spend however many thousands dude that you're talking about too.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_03: He wants you to spend a thousand dollars on a beautiful piece of fruit for a week.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if he wants that.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying, like we say he wants that.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_03: I'm saying like how far it extends.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um on the other hand, we have stories with the small sukkah of the balshamta that everyone had a question whether it was kosher or not.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um Everybody leaves those stories out when they're all the all the builders.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_02: Is it to swing around an S-rug and a palm branch with a few other things?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what in the world is this all about?
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's gotta look totally insane to anyone from the outside.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_03: From the inside, it looks insane.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_03: We just don't think about it, but whatever.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: We don't think about it.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, but but having Malava Malka at the pizza store, that makes sense.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_04: Makes total sense.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, total sense.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so anyway, so I hope I'll do those haqhlatas.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: Fulfill them.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_02: I have others, but this was from my uh came out of the oil with.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: And uh it'd be beautiful if I fulfill.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we'll hold you to them, Ruven.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's what uh you're saying it publicly for.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're gonna make me?
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna should me?
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_03: You gonna you're gonna uh every week we can start Street for Bring in with So Ruven, how are you doing?
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_03: What Mita did you express today?
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, who did you get angry at?
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_03: Were you really just angry at yourself, Ruben?
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's just it's the trauma.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's the trauma.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's cool.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_02: We just gotta accept your trauma.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's yeah, it's um what can I say?
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then how does the Rebbe fit into this?
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's a that's that's a good segue to what how does the Rebbe fit into everything?
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_03: How does Mashiach fit into everything?
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_03: What's uh Well that's very important.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_02: Uh what's your connection?
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think any connection to God is the same connection as to Mashiach.
• 49:41
  unknown: I don't know.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's synonymous.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_02: No?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um do I really live for a could that be what you're passionate about, Ruvain?
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_03: Could that be what I mean you were talking about your nine-year-old self or whatever self that you felt like you didn't have any real hobbies that we really translated properly into passions.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like you learn Hasidis for hours a day, Ruvain.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: You have tons of Havrussas.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_03: Hours a day, yeah.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_02: You uh I don't have tons of no chavrussas.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm saying you have you You're not a ton.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_02: You may be a peckle to ho to deal with, but you're not a ton.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_03: No, but I'm saying, like you're passionate about it.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: So that's um yeah, but nisht.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's gotta have the follow-through in my subappoil.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_02: It has to.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_03: Fine.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I mean that's the reb.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_03: The rebba is follow-through.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_03: But it is.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_02: And at my point in my life, I haven't changed in the in the idea that it's not there in follow-through.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_02: I can still do the same sticklach that I've done for many, many years.
• 51:11
  unknown: Okay.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: So look, I am should be a year of follow-through.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm about to tell you all of my secrets, and you just cut me off.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um I don't know if you want to reveal of your secrets right now, but you should have a year of follow-through.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just giving your braca.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_03: We can continue.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's beautiful.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's beautiful.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: I should have a year of follow-through.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: Great ideas are just the beginning.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_02: I told you I did this ChatGPT thing, and it said, Ruvain, who are you?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_02: He said, You have to realize.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm being mentored by ChatGPT.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: You have to realize, Ruvain, that good ideas are not accomplishments.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_03: But you don't you dream and you dream big, and so that's why I'm saying that.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't dream big.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna I am going to this year, but what are you talking about?
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_03: You do dream.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't dream big.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_03: That's not a true statement.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: It is a true statement.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: I have ideas that are big, but I don't dream big.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_03: What's the difference between the two?
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: Follow through.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_03: So then that's okay.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_03: So that was a good bracha I just gave you.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_03: Good.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_03: But the Rebba was about follow-through.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_02: I understand.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_02: The Rebbe is about a lot of things.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_03: No, but I was saying the Mashiach is follow-through.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's dir patak doing him.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's real, okay.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_03: Pushed against uh the wall.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, who are you and what are you revealing?
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_03: You can't you can't reveal unless you know who you are.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_02: You can't you can't really feel and you can't work the program a hundred percent.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_02: So that's just uh you know it's it's really quite interesting.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I am the most I'm not rich by far, but I'm the most comfortable financially than I've ever been.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not an Adonis, but I'm the fittest I've ever been in my life.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um Rachel.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing things that I've never done before, but wanted to.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I say to myself, you're bucking the system, Ruben.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: What are you doing?
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_02: How dare you buck the system?
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_02: Take the guy's hand and tell him you need help getting up off the floor when you bow down in Elena.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_02: The old man in.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: You got it, babe.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: And everybody has that in their own lifetime all the time.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: And the fact that I hop it now in a different way, in a visceral way, so maybe the answer to your original question is I would tell the 20-year-old, don't wait until you're 60 or 70 to realize it's all BS.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: Do it at 20.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_02: And and go for it.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_03: Follow through.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't even, I'm not even sure what that means for me.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_03: You're saying now or your 20-year-old self?
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you have a lot of these big ideas.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: What are you talking about?
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: You have to do that.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but big ideas, A, are cheap, and I haven't followed through on them.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's not that they're cheap, it's that you have to pick what you want to follow through with, which is the one that speaks to your core that you want to follow through and to see expressed.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_03: So just pick one and start with one.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, when you when when Adine Stein, everybody likes to quote the Adine Steinsaltz uh um dollars, where he goes to the Rebbe and says, I'm doing this project, this project, and this project.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_03: And it was literally Gamara, Tanya, and whatever else he was working on.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_03: What should I do?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_03: And the Rebba told him all of them.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_03: And he said, You have to do all of them, follow through on all of them.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_03: Now he had the capacity, obviously, to be able to do so, but I'm saying you could do all of them, pick one to start with.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm bepoiled doing that, but um so then feel satisfaction in that one that you're bepoiled doing.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um okay, uh you're right.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: The reason why I don't is because where all the doubts come in.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: And where you that's what I'm saying with the example of the guy holding his hand out.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm supposed to be needing help at my age.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: Seriously.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I get I get it.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: I get it.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um I feel no different I've I I think of myself as a 25-year-old.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: I have no concept of time in this regard.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: So um it's beautiful.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a big blessing.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm saying that's I put I put effort into it.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_03: So that's my whole point, is that like you're saying, like, I don't know what I'm passionate about, I don't feel, but you've done a lot of follow-through.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you haven't maybe followed through on these big ideas that you're discussing.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so you're right.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_02: Every morning I get up and I dive in.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_03: And and you learn and you dive in and you have documentaries and you have a business.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, what are you young kipper to speak for me?
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_03: You have, you have, and now it's just time to have the big ones that you're in your mind or are are thinking of that you struggle with.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_03: And then listen, that's that's me, that's everybody, I think, is just okay.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: I know that I'm not living up to my potential in a lot of different areas, and so therefore, I feel uh like I have our potentials, who knows, it's probably bleak full, but it's but what we're talking about tonight is do I live up to the potentials that I dream of?
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: Where do I stop myself from moving towards the things that I dream that I fantasize over?
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's um that's a good way of laying that's a different animal, you know.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't believe that we all don't have that.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because we all have a separate mission here.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_02: And you are who you are and unique and so on and so forth.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_02: So you should feel it.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um it's feeling it, it's knowing it, it's following through with it, it's all right.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_03: There's a you're uh maybe that's setting the bar very high right now.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe that's maybe that's the connection between water and uh wine.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because the Rebbe says about Rashand Shachaliya's Bashabis that there's no he puts it in alignment with there's no reason for creation whatsoever.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_02: There's no driver before for creation.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's what the right?
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_02: None none so whatsoever.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_02: But we know what he wants.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_02: We just don't there's no why to it.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_02: He wants to do the okay.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: So the why that what do you start with?
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_02: Do you start with if I have uh do the so-called follow-through stage, that therefore that makes sense and gives legitimacy to me?
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's one approach.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: The other approach is nothing is based on Seiko.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: That here's my your birthday.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_02: I t we we I think we said it a couple of weeks ago that that the in the voort in the uh it's I we have to go over it again.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_02: Hashem Oiri.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: It says in that capital Avi Aveimi Azov Tani.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_02: My mother, my father abandoned me, but shem Yasvani, Hashem gathered me.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: Rashi says the most incredible talk about vulnerability and authenticity.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_02: Think about Rashi being the Roshiva in Lakewood.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: He's the top.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: So they're gonna hire him in Lakewood.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: And he gets up and he writes a Pirish on this capital and he says, What's Pshat?
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_02: My father and my mother were intimate with each other, and after they enjoyed themselves, each one turns one to their side, the one to the other side, they're up like they they this one turns to this side, this one turns to that side, meaning to say, I don't know, they're gonna go to sleep, whatever it is.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_02: And they had their oinag, says Rashi, and done with.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: So they were there for themselves.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: And a shem Yasvaini, but a shem, he had a whole different picture, and he gathered me up and created me, right?
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the seed hit the egg while these two guys were glowing in their afterglow, if you don't mind me saying it that way.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_02: What an incredible Rashi.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:00:54
  unknown: Right?
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_02: Can you imagine La Rosh Hashiva and Lakewood talking that way?
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't think so.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like Davin Amalek, they also wouldn't let him into the base of mention.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I think the follow-through and everything that we're mentioning, I think a lot of it comes down to honest emotions.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_02: Honest emotions.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_01: So Okay.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_02: And your birthday, by the way, is the day that we're s you're celebrating Hashem Ya Asvenir, the Hashem made the egg hit the seed.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's not your birthday, but that's you wouldn't have one without that, right?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_02: So you had your little personal um narcissistic experience, mom and dad, and God was running his story.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: And that's who we are.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: Aren't we?
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so there's any sacral to it?
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, none whatsoever.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_02: But we know what God wants.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_02: So but the the idea of psychology, a lot of the talk about in the Chabadu now about is Chasilis psychology and all this kind of.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I just saw they have this new advertisement.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: I know we're going way beyond our time.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: They have this new advertisement for Chasidis Made Real.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: Think about the audacity of that title.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: I know that it's very pure in what's meant by it.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: But just think about without knowing the people who have come up with it.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna make it real.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_02: How are you gonna make it real?
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_02: Is street verbang and chosilis made real?
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_03: Some argue that's what a verbringen is.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_02: That what?
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_03: Making a chassis real.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: How does it do that?
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_03: Taking what you've learned, what you're thinking about, what you're experiencing, and uh and talking about it?
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and making it real for you, making it practical, making it livable.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_02: Livable.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_03: Experiential.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, experiential.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_02: Can it for Bregen make Davening experiential?
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_03: How?
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: The takeaway that you get from the may inspire you to go out and Daven real, but Yeah, that's what I mean.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so Okay, follow through.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to follow through.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_03: You just want to talk more.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, we lost all of our uh friends out there.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, Brahva Vatslacha, thank you for putting up with me.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um should be an amazing year, Ruby.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_02: We should have a year of gold.
• 1:04:18
  unknown: Amazing.