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Arielle Ford - The Love Thief · Destination Unlimited with Victor Fuhrman

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My name is Victor Furman. Some call me the Voice. I've always been
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fascinated with human nature, spirituality, science and the crossroads at which they meet.
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Join me now and we will explore these topics and so much more with
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fascinating guests, authors and experts who will guide us to Destination Unlimited. May
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a novel featuring a roller coaster writhe of love, betrayal and unexpected transformation with
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a juicy revenge subplot and a surprise ending not only entertain readers, but also
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offer lessons on both love and life. My guest this week on Destination Unlimited,
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my dear friend Ariel Ford, joins me to share her first novel,
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The Love Thief. Ariel Ford is a celebrated love and relationship expert, author
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and speaker whose mission is to help people find love, keep love, and
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most importantly, be love. She's a gifted writer and the award winning author
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of eleven non fiction books, including the international bestseller The soul Mate Secret.
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Her websites are ariel Ford dot com and The Love Thief dot com, and
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she joins me this week to discuss her first novel and a book guaranteed to
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be number one in twenty twenty three summer reading The Love Thief. Please join
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me in welcoming back to Destination Unlimited my dear friend Ariel Ford. Welcome,
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Mariel, Thank you, Vic. How are you? I'm wonderful and it's
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so great to have you back. On the publication post date it was yesterday
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of your brand new book, The Love Thief. But please share with our
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listeners meeting you for the first time your path and how it led to your
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work as a relationship expert. Well, it's kind of a long and winding
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road. I never woke up one day in my life and said, oh,
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I should become a love and relationship expert. That is not what happened.
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I spent many years in pr and publicity and marketing, mostly in the
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publishing industry, and then I became a first time bride at the age of
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forty four, and every woman over forty that I came in contact with said,
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how did you do it? I want to Brian, tell me how
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to do it. And I had created a program for myself that I call
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the Soulmate Secret, and it's a law of attraction program on how to manifest
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your soulmate. And it worked for me really well. As anybody who's ever
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met Brian knows. And I started sharing it with different people and it was
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working for them. And then one day I was on a cruise with my
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sister, the late Debbie Ford, and she had two hundred of her coaches
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there, and Debbie spontaneously called me up on stage and said, tell everybody
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how you manifested your Soulmate. So I did this like forty five minute off
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the cuff talk and when I was done, two hundred people rushed the stage
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and said, I need that book. I want that book. And I
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was like, oh no, I don't want to write a book about this.
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So instead I created an internet product that I called the Soulmate Kit.
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It doesn't exist anymore, but back then it was a workbook and a bunch
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of audio CDs. It might even even min cassette tapes. It was so
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long ago, and I was just sort of selling it online. This was
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back in maybe two thousand and five or something, and I was out at
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dinner one night with some friends that run Harper one the Harper Collins office in
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San Francisco, and they said, well, what's new are you? Hell,
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what are you up to? And I told him about the Soulmate Kit,
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and they said, oh, send it to us, so I sent
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it to him, and the next thing I knew, they offered me a
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really good deal to turn it into a book. And the book took off
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like crazy. It was published in twenty one languages in forty countries. It's
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called The Soulmates Secret. And then suddenly people started calling me asking me to
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come do workshops and retreats and give talks. And I was like, what
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what are you kidding. I'm a behind the scenes pr person. I'm not
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like on the stage. But that's what happened, and I ended up transitioning
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out of my business into becoming a speaker and a quasi expert. And what
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I discovered was that, you know, manifesting the soulmate is truly the easy
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part. It's learning to live with them where all the work is, and
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that's a really hard part. And soon after Brian and I got married,
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I discovered that I had zero partnership skills. I was really good at being
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the boss and running a business, but I was no good at being a
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partner. So at that point I I decided I was going to commit my
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life to becoming a student of love. And finding out what it takes to
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have a long term, healthy, committed, happy marriage. So it was
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just you know what, did they say something's the mother of invention, crisis
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or whatever. Desperation is the mother of invention. So that's what happened.
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It was just an unplanned, unexpected evolution. And that's what I've been doing
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with my life pretty much for at least the last fifteen years. So that's
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the short version. And you've written twelve books and you're a best selling relationship
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and self help author. But The Love Thief is fiction. What was it
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like writing fiction for the first time? Oh? Well, that was another
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thing that was not on my to do list. Basically, what happened was
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Brian came walking into my office one day and he said, I just had
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this idea. I think you should write a book about me, and it
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should be called I Married an Alien. And I said to him, I
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would never write that book. You're not alien to me. But after he
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walked out, I started thinking, you know, well, if I was
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going to write a book about Brian, what would that be like? And
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I realized that I would want to write it as a story where the hero
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of the book has his personality, you know, somebody's very loving and empathetic
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and giving and a good person to talk to. And then I thought,
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okay, enough of that, and I forgot about it. And then a
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few days later this title of a book came to me. The title was
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the loved Walla. And in India, a walla is somebody who's really good
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at what they do. So if you and I met on a street corner
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in Delhi and you said, oh, I really need a coffee, I'd
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say, oh, bit, go see him. Go see my chai wallah.
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You know he's just around the corner. Or if you know you needed
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a ride somewhere, it's like, oh, let's call my auto rickshaw walla.
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So my interpretation of a wallet is somebody who's really good at what they
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do. And when I came up with this phrase, the love walla,
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which I knew wasn't an existing term, I just swooned. I just thought,
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oh, yes, I'll write this book someday about Brian being a love
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walla, thinking it'd be like a self help book, like how to Become
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a love Walla. Well that wasn't the plan. All of a sudden,
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this movie starts unfolding in my head this story, and I can see that
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it's not nonfiction. It's a novel which I don't know how to write.
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And I could see that it takes place in Rishikesh, India, a place
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that I've been to in the past but never walk the streets thinking how I
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would describe it to a reader. And then I thought, oh, this
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is so stupid. I don't want to write another book. Isn't twelve enough?
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I mean eleven at eleven at that point, and I certainly don't want
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to write fiction. So again I pushed it away. It's like, I
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am not going to do this. At the same time, I got an
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email from masterclass dot Com telling me about a new online course with Dan Brown,
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who is my favorite author. I worship and adore Dan Brown, and
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I thought, oh, this will be fine. It was called how to
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Write a Thriller, and I thought, I don't care about writing a thriller.
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I'm never going to do that, but I would like to hang out
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online with Dan Brown. So I sign up for the course and on episode
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number three, the topic is location as a character in the book, and
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he's talking about how Florence Italy was a character in the da Vinci code and
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why that's so important and what's what that's like? And then I started thinking,
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well, I were going to write this novel, The Love Wall,
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and it takes place in Rishikesh. I definitely would need to go back to
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Rishikesh to write it as a character. And then and then I thought,
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now isn't eleven books enough? I want to write another book? And I
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finally it was just torturing me, like the movie wouldn't go away and the
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idea wouldn't go away. So I thought, okay, I'm going to talk
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to God about this. I sat down and I said, okay, God,
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I don't want to do this, but if I meant to do it,
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then I need to manifest a round trip business class ticket to India so
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I can go do this research. Now, these tickets are about seven thousand
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dollars, so I was relieved. I thought, okay, that is never
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gonna happen. I'm off the hook. And forty eight hours later I had
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the ticket in my hand and off I went to India. Synchronicity, Oh
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who knows? I would call it destiny more than anything. So at that
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point I really got that I was supposed to write this book. And then
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when I got to India, all the scenes in my head and this movie
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that's playing in my head, I saw them. I tripped over them,
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I walked through the door into them. So I never wanted to write a
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novel. I never ever had the conscious thought maybe I should write a short
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story, let alone a novel. And yet five years later, here it
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is all one hundred and five thousand words. So now I'm quite excited and
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I'm very happy that I did it. But it was unplanned. It was
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an unplanned pregnancy. Yeah. The tagline for the Love Peep says he broke
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her heart, crushed her dreams until Karma intervened. What is this book about
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and what inspired you to write it? Well, like I said, I
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didn't really come from inspiration. It came from somebody beating on me to write
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it. But here's what the book's about. It's about a very ordinary American
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girl, almost thirty eight years old, single, has spent her whole life
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waiting for her prince to come on a white horse. And he's late,
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and he's late, and she's now worried that her eggs are dying off and
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she's never going to have the white picket fence life that she always wanted,
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and she's a chef. She's an up and coming chef in San Diego,
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and she gets this huge deal to cater one of the biggest galas of the
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year. And while she's there, she has this magical under the fireworks meeting
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with this prince, the son of the owner of the estate where she's throwing
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the party, and very very quickly they fall in love and they make plans
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for the future, and he whisps her off to Europe on this incredible trip,
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and then he takes her to Hawaii and everything's peachy and they get engaged.
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They get engaged at Peco Park on the Pitcher's Mound and it's on the
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jumbo drawn and her mother learns about it on the evening news, and then
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she discovers that her fiance has betrayed her with her best friend and business partner,
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and she discovers pretty much everything she knows about him is a lie,
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and her life is over. She is heartbroken. All her dreams are crushed.
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She gets in a car accident and nearly dies, and she's back home
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living with her mother, recovering from all her car crash injuries. And her
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broken heart. And during all this she has an auntie, a woman who
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was born in India, raised and educated in America who's an attorney, and
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her auntie hands her check for ten thousand dollars and says, this was going
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to be your wedding gift, but now it's going to be reinvent yourself,
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recreate your life gift. I think you should go to India to my cousin's
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cooking school while you try to figure out what's next for you. And that's
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how she ends up in India. And the one thing you need to know
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about Holly, about this girl is she is not a believer. She is
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a reaction to her baby boom mother who used to hang dream catchers over her
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crib. She's not into meditation, she's not into yoga. She thinks all
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the stuff mother and Auntie are into, all the you know esther Hicks cruises
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and law of attraction stuff is nonsense. And yet she ends up in the
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holiest city in India and begins to have these magical, mystical healing experiences.
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So that's sort of the big picture of what the book is about. What
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I will tell you is that it's a romantic, spiritual thriller with a very
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juicy revenge subplot that has a happy surprise ending. Now, the villain in
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the Love Thief that you started describing is one of the most despicable men I've
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ever read on the page. How did you create such an evil character?
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Well, unfortunately, I have at least three close girlfriends who dated a man
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like that, so he is a mishmosh composite character of men that I've known
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in my life. Of course, all names and changes in circumstances have been
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radically changed, and I have a very vivid imagination. But the behaviors and
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the way that all these women in my life were love bombed, which is
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a technical term. They were love bombed and tricked into having a relationship with
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this sociopath. It wasn't that hard to write, and in fact, it
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was very satisfying at times to write. Because there's this one scene where Holly's
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having a dream where her ex is boiling in a big vat of oil.
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I had that dream, so some of it just came from my own spontaneous
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memory. But writing it was very cathartic. Much of the Love Thief takes
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place in India, as you shared when and how did you fall in love
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with India. In nineteen ninety seven, Deepak Chopper, who was my client
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for more than a dozen years, took me to India to attend his daughter's
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wedding and it was the most magical trip ever. I just everything about it
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when I from the moment I landed at the airport, I just felt like
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I had come home. Everything about India is totally unlike anything about America.
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The sites, the sounds, the smells, the way people dress, the
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way they get around, the level of daily ritual. It's just a magical,
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magical place. Just like some people fall in love with Disneyland and they
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say it's the happiest place on Earth. For me, Disneyland is the most
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miserable place on earth. For me, everything about it is fake and phony
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and cliche. And I hate Disneyland. But for me, India is probably
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the magic every eight year old feels to Disneyland. It's just like wow,
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it's a collodius scope of things I don't know, but I'm falling in love
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with. And what happened on your research trip to India, Well, besides
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manifesting the ticket instantly, like I said, every single day, the scene
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the movie in my head appeared in three D reality. You know, a
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lot of what happens takes place at both an ashram and also a spiritual bookstore.
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And those places that I saw in my head, I found them,
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they really exist. I would have thoughts, Oh, wouldn't it be lovely
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if I could walk down the main street of the little town and a holy
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man would put red strings and give me blessings around my wrist, and ten
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steps later there's a man painted up and dressed like Hanuman, the monkey god,
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asking may I give you a blessing. That kind of magic kept happening
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every single day. Do you think you had a past life in India?
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Oh, I think I've had many, many, many past lives in India
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because it was also familiar. You know, I could breathe deeper when I
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was there. I just felt like home. I had no fear year of
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anything. Well, that's not true. The traffic in Mumbai is terrifying,
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But beyond that, I felt at home and very comfortable. And I'm very
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certain I've had lots of past lives there. As you had mentioned, you've
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visualized in three D these places, and there they were there they appeared,
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so you think you walked those paths before you know. I'm not sure if
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it was the exact streets or locations, because India is huge, right,
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there's one point two billion people in this gigantic country. But certainly there have
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been parts of India when I've been there that feel totally at home. Rishikesh
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is one of them. Coachin in the state of Kerala's another one. You
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know, when I went to see the tash Mahal, it was beautiful.
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I'm glad I've saw it. I don't think I ever lived in Agra,
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but it's a fascinating, fabulous place. And I always tell people, if
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you have the desire to go, take that as a sign. But if
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you have no desire to go, also listen to that because you know it's
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different and it's hard, and things don't operate at the same you know,
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pace that we're used to having. And is there a lot of poverty in
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places? Yes, of course there is. Will you see things that will
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completely blow your mind? Yes you will. So if you're up for an
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adventure, India is a good place. Something that you just mentioned resonates with
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me, and that's this question of if you have a desire to do something,
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do it listen to the inner voice. If you don't listen to that
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inner voice, also, do you always listen to your inner voice? Always?
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Always, always, always. I believe that. Well. Actually Deepak
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taught me this. He said that when you have a desire, you can
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trust that the seeds for the fulfillment of that desire already exist within you.
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And that's why I have no desire to learn how to become a real estate
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broker, right none whatsoever. I do have a desire to get on a
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plane and go almost to anywhere exotic. So I follow that one as opposed
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to you know, maybe I should torture myself and go back to school now.
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As you had cheered before, and as I know personally, you are
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blessed with this wonderful man in your life, Brian, And yet the character
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that you create, the antagonist to poor Holly, is one of the most
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miserable men that exists. How are you able to manifest a miserable man with
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such a loving husband? You know, because they exist? You know,
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I actually don't know any woman who hasn't been betrayed by a lover at some
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point in their life. And I can't tell you how many of my early
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readers called to tell me, Hey, are y'all, I just finished your
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book, and I want you to know that you wrote that book for me.
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You just wrote my story. I've never I've never read anything that's so
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described the emotional rollercoaster I was on trying to get out of this relationship with
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a sociopath. So it's a much more common experience. People don't talk about
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it, especially in our community. The people who consider themselves spiritual, whether
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they are or not, you know, because they don't want to talk about
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what my sister's work is, the dark side. They don't want to own
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that they have a dark side. They don't want to own that. You
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know that there is evil in the world, you know, it's all you
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know, peace and love, and you know, let's pray over that.
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And sometimes even prayer doesn't work. Now, what prayer works for is it
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will help you get to a more neutral space in your heart, maybe get
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to some acceptance and understanding and forgiveness. But you can't actually pray away evil.
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Although we could have a conversation about why taking out an evil person is
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actually a spiritual act. I'm happy to go there well, well, we'll
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leave that for another time. My guest is my dear friend Ariel forward her
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new book, The Love Thief. Ariel, please tell all our listeners with
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it and get the book and find out more about you and your amazing work.
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Oh great, Well, the website for the book is the loove Thief
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dot com and if you order the book from that website you get this incredible
21:22
bonus. I had eight of the world's top yoga teachers each make a video
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taking a deeply disturbing emotion and then showing you the yoga philosophy and yoga pose
21:33
to overcome it. So it's betrayal, heartbreak, anger, despair, uncertainty,
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reconnecting to the divine. So you get all of that for free instantly.
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You can download it when you've ordered the book from Thelove Thief dot com.
21:52
And then the other place to find me is I'm my website which is
21:56
my name dot com, Ariel four dot com and also on Instagram aril Ford
22:02
forty four And we'll be back with more of Aril and Beloved Thief after these
22:07
words. On the Home Times Radio Network, the best of the holistic,
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International. Through their commitment to creating community and providing conscious content, they aspire
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to uplift humanity on a global scale. Home Times co creating a more conscious
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lifestyle. Imagine yourself being transported to India, to the banks of the Ganga
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and an ashram in Rishikesh. Visualize that you are welcome to satsong with an
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five one back on Destination Unlimited by guests this week my dear friend Ariel Ford.
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We're talking about her new book of a Love Thief. Ariel, on
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your many trips to India, you've experienced some amazing mystical experiences of your own,
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including having a naughty reading. What is that? Well, five thousand
24:23
years ago there was a seer who wrote down the futures of people who were
24:30
to come, and he wrote them on palm leaves, everything about their life
24:34
from the moment they were born to the moment they die. And there aren't
24:40
leaves for everybody in the world, but there are a lot of leaves.
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So on one trip again, I've been to India, many times with Deepak
24:48
Choper. So Brian and I went with Deepak and his wife and a few
24:51
friends to India and he took us for one of these readings. We were
24:55
in the jungle in South India, six hours away from the closest town,
25:00
in a little cement block building that had a single light bulb hanging from the
25:04
ceiling and an outhouse. And this was in the late nineties, so this
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was before there was no internet. There was no way for them to search
25:12
us. The way that they find your leaf is they take your left thumb
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print. That's the only thing they have. They don't have They don't even
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see you, like the left thumb print is sent to them in advance,
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so they don't know your name, they don't know what sex you are,
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they don't know where you're from. They know nothing about you. And then
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they put you in a room with a priest who can read the writing on
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the leaf. It's an ancient tamil, and they give you a translator who
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speaks what I like to call English. I mean it's you know, it's
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half in the half English, and there's a lot of accent to it,
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so it's not too easy to hear and as they get the leaf, they
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start asking you questions, and you know, you'll get maybe five questions in
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a row where you say yes, and then the next question is a no,
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and then they say not your leaf, and they go to the next
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one. So it's this very slow process and for most people takes about forty
26:08
five minutes till they find your leaf. If there is a leaf for you,
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where every question is a yes. So when they got to mind,
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it was something like, you were born on an early Monday morning. Yes,
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you have a younger brother and a younger sister. Yes, your father
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had two wives. Your mother was the first wife. Yes, you went
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to advanced schooling. Yes, you work in the same field that you studied.
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Yes you are a writer. Yes you have a husband. His name
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is Brian. Yes. I mean, it's just incredible that they have all
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this with this tiny leaf. And then they start to tell you the major
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events of your life starting from childhood on till the present day. That you're
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sitting in the room with them, and they say to you, and it
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is forecast that you would be here on this day for this reading. Do
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you want to know the future? Yes? So then they start going year
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by year major things to tell you, you know, things around family relationships,
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money, work, health, which was a big one for a lot
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of people, stuff like that, and it's just fascinating. The whole reading
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is. It was probably close to three hours, and I videotaped a lot
27:30
of mine. I actually I had one of those little camps that were so
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popular back in the nineties. I have a video of mine. And then
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at one point I could tell that the reader, the priest, and the
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interpreter were debating whether or not to tell me something, and there was a
27:48
lot of head bob in going on and a lot of whispering, and finally
27:52
I just said to them, guys, really, whatever it is, I'm
27:56
a big girl, just tell me what it is you're seeing. And the
27:59
interpreter looks down at his feet and says, in a whisper, Madam,
28:06
I'm so sorry to inform you you will not be blessed with children in this
28:11
lifetime. And I started to laugh because I said, yes, I know
28:15
that that's by choice. And he looks at me like I'm a lunatic,
28:19
like he can't believe what I'm saying, and then he translates it to the
28:23
you know, the Tamil priest and he's looking at me like they've never heard
28:27
such a thing. And then the translator, his name was Babu. Babu
28:33
says to me, well, madam, would you like to know why you're
28:38
not having children in this lifetime? And I said sure, why not?
28:42
And he said, well, in your last lifetime, you lived here in
28:47
Tamil Nadu. You were the only daughter of a very nice family, and
28:52
you were educated, and you worked as a healer and you performed many illegal
28:56
abortions, which is why you were not blessed with children in this lifetime.
29:03
Okay, so I'm getting this message. Brian's in another room with another priest
29:07
and another interpreter and they're saying to him, Sir, we're so sorry to
29:11
inform you you will not be blessed with children in this lifetime. And he's
29:15
thinking, yeah, that we had that conversation on our first date, you
29:18
know, like that was planned. And they said and sir, would you
29:22
like to know why? And he said, well, of course, yes.
29:25
Well, in your last lifetime when you lived here and tom will Nadu,
29:29
you had relationship, you had intimate relationship with many women who were not
29:33
your wife. That had other husbands. So it's just this fascinating thing called
29:40
a naughty reading. And you know, we went back to India and had
29:44
other NAUGHTI readings at other times, and we brought other friends and it's really
29:48
something else. And then a few years ago, the most magical thing happened.
29:52
This man called me that I didn't know, and he said he you
29:56
know, he told me. He said, my name's doctor Q and I
30:00
I live in Europe and I live in South India, and I now am
30:03
offering naughty readings for people through Zoom and I'd like to come to San Diego
30:07
and take you to lunch and tell you all about my program. So I
30:11
met up with him and then I actually had a reading with his people via
30:15
Zoom and it was just as significant, just as accurate, just as mind
30:21
blowing as the in person readings that I've had. So this is part of
30:25
the story of the Love Thief, of the reading that Holly has and how
30:30
it impacts her life. And then in the back of the book, I
30:33
give more information that should somebody want to do the Zoom reading, how to
30:37
contact doctor Q. Because there are phony people who do this, you know,
30:42
and doctor Q is the only one that I have vetted that I know
30:47
and trust. But it's a real thing. It's a real thing. Five
30:49
thousand years ago somebody wrote down on a leaf an ancient tom all my life
30:55
story, and it's fascinating. We had talked about reincarnation and having lived there
31:00
before that the last lifetime was there, right, Yeah, it makes perfect
31:04
sense, and I hope at some point in this lifetime I get to spend
31:08
even more time in Toamamada or in Carola. Either one of those states would
31:14
work for me. It's in the south, it's very tropical, and I
31:17
just love it there. But with India, you can only be there for
31:22
like four months of the year, like November to February is when the weather
31:26
is most enjoyable because otherwise it's you know, it's on the equator. It's
31:33
hot and humid and crazy, and so you know, if I could spend
31:38
four months in India some year between November and February, that that would be
31:42
a bucket list item for me. I remember seeing on Facebook that you were
31:47
staying somewhere that had monkeys outside of your terrace. You have there's monys monkeys
31:52
everywhere, No, no, everywhere, monkeys everywhere. In fact, that
31:55
happened my first date on the trip to Rishikesh. I heard all this screeching
32:00
on my patio and I opened the drapes and there was this family and monkeys
32:05
just looking through the glass door at me, carrying on like little silly lunatics.
32:09
And I just pounded on the door till they went away. But yeah,
32:14
there's monkeys everywhere, and they're considered holy. Right, No, the
32:16
cows are holy. Oh, the cows are holy, I thought, because
32:22
well there's you know, there's like well your wife would know for sure.
32:25
There's dozens of gods and goddesses and the Hindu pantheon, Hanaman is the monkey
32:31
god, and you know, Ganesha's the elephant god, and the monkey has
32:38
also the monkey god. They worship everything there. You know, if there's
32:43
something there, they'll find a way to make it sacred. And that's a
32:45
wonderful concept. The gratitude for everything that you have in your life, right,
32:50
isn't that wonderful? Absolutely? Also, did you ever spend any time
32:53
in the Ganga? Well, that's you know, the holiest river, and
33:00
a lot of the mystical experiences for holly take place in the river. In
33:04
Rishikesh, yes, and it runs all through India and there's there's four other
33:12
holy cities. So I personally have not sat in the river, but there's
33:17
a there's a location at the foot of the Himalayas where the water's pretty clean.
33:22
And when we took a group ten years ago, Brian and all of
33:28
our friends sat in the water and prayed in the water, and I would
33:34
never do it. Brian ended up getting very sick because he had an open
33:37
wound on the bottom of his foot and a parasite crawled into it nearly killed
33:43
him. But everybody else who sat in the water did not get sick.
33:46
It was just, you know, it was destiny, you know. So
33:51
why did you choose to send your main character in The Love the Holly to
33:53
India to help her heal and transform her life? But it wasn't really my
33:59
choice. That's what the movie in my headge held me to do. You
34:04
know. It wasn't like I never went to how to write a novel school,
34:07
you know, don't I do know now that people who go and get
34:13
an MFA and writing fiction, like there's actually like an outline that you use
34:20
on how to do it. They have these big whiteboards, and they plot
34:22
out all the characters and all the major scenes, and they draw arrows from
34:27
this to that. I didn't do any of that. If I wanted to
34:29
know what to write next, I would sit down, get quiet, close
34:32
my eyes, and the movie would resume and tell me where to go.
34:37
So there's a lot of women listening to us right now, whom maybe looking
34:42
for their soul mate. What are the red flags for them to watch for
34:45
to avoid getting into a relationship with a narcissist. Yes, that's a really
34:50
good question. So so narcissists, or let's call them sociopaths, the toxic
34:55
narcissist extreme version, they love bomb you. And what love bombing is is
35:01
they move really really fast. You meet them, they put all their attention
35:07
on you. They start saying things like where have you been all my life?
35:12
I have been waiting for you. I'm so glad we finally met.
35:15
We are going to have the most beautiful life together. And things move boom
35:20
boom boom boom boom. They especially if you're if you're an attractive, successful
35:25
woman of any age but have means and money, that they target you.
35:30
You become prey. Right, so they know that you've spent all this time
35:34
on your career being really busy, and that at the end of the day,
35:37
you have no one to go home to, and that's your biggest,
35:40
fondest dream is to have, you know, a life partner, a soulmate.
35:45
You're safe place to land. And then they whisper in your ear and
35:49
they say everything you ever wanted to hear, and you fall in love with
35:52
them, You totally, you get love bombed and you fall for this.
35:55
So one of the red flags is how fast it all moves. You know,
36:00
if you've known somebody for you know, three days, and suddenly they're
36:04
making lifelong plans with you and say, you know, I think I could
36:07
fall in love with you, and I think we're going to have a beautiful
36:09
life together. That's a red flag. You're being love bombed, right And
36:14
if you have sex with them at that point, then it's game over for
36:17
you because now all the oxytocin is happening and you're you know, you're bonded
36:22
to them sexually. And so they just keep this up for a few months,
36:28
everything's peachy, wonderful. You think this is it, I've hit the
36:30
jackpot, and tell who they really are shows up and you discover that much
36:36
of who they claim to be is not true. And suddenly you know you're
36:39
investing in something of theirs on some financial level, and at the end of
36:44
the day, you're going to be heartbroken and broke. Women most often feel
36:52
heartbroken. Thus guys too with the romantic mistakes they make and blame themselves.
36:59
What do you readers get from this book? Well, a couple of things.
37:04
One of the major takeaways from the book is talking about what love really
37:09
is. Unfortunately, most people believe that love is a feeling. They think,
37:16
Oh, how do I know I love you? It feels like champagne
37:20
bubbles going through my veins and I'm swooning, and it's nature's greatest drug high.
37:29
It's your brain on drugs. It's on adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin
37:32
and it feels so great. But it is absolutely zero indicator of love.
37:37
It is not love. It's nature's trick to get us to procreate real mature
37:45
adult love is a behavior. It's a behavior, it's a choice, it's
37:50
a decision, it's an action. It's a way of being, and there
37:52
are plenty of good feelings that come and go with it, but it is
37:58
not a feeling, it is a behavior. So understanding that and knowing that
38:02
if you meet somebody and suddenly you have butterflies in your stomach and you're having
38:07
all these wild feelings, it's you know, the greatest feeling ever is the
38:13
red flag, because how could you have deep, long term, lasting love
38:19
with somebody you haven't known for seventy two hours. So that's one of the
38:23
big messages of the book. And unfortunately women want that feeling. They just
38:28
want to feel like they're in love. And then, of course, scientifically
38:31
they've proven that honeymoon effect lasts from like six months to three years if you're
38:37
really really lucky, and then it comes and goes at will, but it's
38:40
pretty much gone. So if you're just going for the feeling, then you
38:45
have really no chance of long term happiness. Because the science that they've done
38:52
on relationships that work have a couple of factors in common connection compatibility, good
39:00
communication, which thank god can be learned chemistry. Although chemistry is the least
39:06
important of the factors, the single most important determinant of a long term,
39:13
happy, committed relationship is having a shared vision for the future. We both
39:17
want kids, we both want to live in the city. We both want
39:21
to live in the country. You know, we like to do some things
39:24
together, but not everything together. Right, We're both financially responsible people.
39:30
You know, you have to have shared core values and a shared vision for
39:35
the future, along with the compatibility of the connection and the communication. Absolutely.
39:42
My guest is ri l Ford, her brand new book, The Love
39:45
Thief. We'll be back with more after these words on the OLM Times Radio
39:50
Network. Hello, I'm Sandy Shber, host of Home Times Magazine's Flexship radio
39:53
show. What is going on? My passion is sifting through information, research
40:00
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40:04
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40:09
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40:13
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40:22
if you're the kind of forward thinking, eager investigator of what lies beyond
40:28
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the ad Council. More than twenty four million Americans have an autoimmune disorder,
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and that number continues to grow. I'm Sharon Sailor, and I'm one of
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to live your life uninterrupted. Back on Destination Unlimited. My guests this week
43:36
Ariel forward her new book, The Love Thief. Ariel, you were sort
43:40
of touching on this before you say the Beatles song all you Need is Love
43:45
is a big lie. What do you mean by that? It's a big
43:47
fat lie. All you need is love because as I just got then talking
43:52
about, you know, love is not a feeling. Love is not enough
43:57
to sustain a relationship. That's all here is to it. Now. Love
44:00
is a critical important factor. But all you need is love, absolutely not.
44:07
You know, especially if there's kids involved, you need love, and
44:09
you need you know, mature, responsible people who are working and making money
44:14
and taking care of the family. And there's plenty of people who have loved
44:20
somebody with all of their heart and couldn't sustain a relationship with them because they
44:25
have character defects, or they have addictions, or they want to be artists
44:32
and don't want to work, or whatever it is. So lots of people
44:36
know what it's like to love somebody, but it's not enough to sustain a
44:40
relationship. So what really is a soulmate? I believe that a soulmate is
44:46
first and foremost somebody You can completely be yourself with, somebody with whom you
44:52
share unconditional love, and when you look into their eyes, you have the
44:58
feeling of being home. And if you accept that definition, then the truth
45:04
is all of us have many soulmates. It's our kids, our parents,
45:07
our siblings, our co workers, our best friends, our cats, and
45:09
our dogs. Because these are people that you can be yourself with, you
45:15
share unconditional love, and they feel like home. So I always tell single
45:20
people the fastest way to have a romantic soulmate is to start each day with
45:25
a daily gratitude process where you drop into your heart and you give thanks and
45:31
gratitude for all the soulmates you already have, for the abundance of love you
45:37
already have, and when you become present to the abundance of love and soulmates
45:43
you already have. You raise your love frequency, which makes your heart magnetic
45:47
to attracting a romantic soulmate. You share that you believe that happiness is the
45:54
wrong goal for us to pursue. Why. Yeah, it took me a
45:59
long time to figure that one out. So happiness is generally dependent on people,
46:06
places, things, and experiences. You know, I'm happy, Victor,
46:08
because right now I'm talking to you and I just really love you.
46:12
So I'm happy, you know. But you know, in a few more
46:15
minutes we won't be talking anymore. I may not be as happy or you
46:20
know, I've wanted to, you know, lose forty five pounds for so
46:24
long, and I spent a year exercising and eating right, and I lost
46:30
the forty five pounds, and all of a sudden, I realize I'm not
46:34
any happier. You know, it didn't make me happy. So I discovered
46:38
this word, at least I discovered it from myself. It's a Sanskrit word
46:43
called santosha, and santosha means utter contentment. Santosia is about being not you
46:52
know, being at peace with whatever is. You know, the guy comes
46:57
and goes, the girl comes, and goes, the money comes and goes,
47:00
the health comes and goes. You know, that could impact my happiness
47:05
level. But if I'm in contentment, if I'm willing to be with what
47:09
is and find the good in what is, then I'm not thrown from side
47:15
to side by happiness. It's sort of like the understanding that everything is unfolding
47:22
in divine order, yes, and choosing to make it so because who knows.
47:29
Do we know what divine order is now? We really don't know.
47:31
But if we choose to say the universe always has my back, that's a
47:37
lot more empowering than you know, I'm a loser when it comes to love.
47:42
Yeah. Yeah, you are well aware of my story with Lorie Sue,
47:47
And for our listeners who are not familiar, I'm going to give you
47:50
a very quick summary of what had happened. Lorie Sue was coming into the
47:53
New Seminary as I was graduating, and at the time I was in a
47:58
relationship with a wonderful woman named Judy, who unfortunately was suffering from cancer.
48:02
And at our graduation and ordination ceremony, she was there with me. She
48:07
was graduating with me, and she was on the stage and I was the
48:10
class president, and I was giving a speech before this huge crowd and honoring
48:15
her about her courage, about the lives she had changed as a special education
48:20
teacher and turned around so many kids and kids who had had no future were
48:23
then going to college and seeking out wonderful careers and we're finding goals in life.
48:29
And she instilled those goals in them. And that was November of nineteen
48:32
ninety seven. She transitioned in January of nineteen ninety eight, and I'd become
48:37
part of the teaching team at the new seminary at the time, and one
48:42
of the working with the deans. And I kept seeing this woman smile at
48:46
me, and I said, who is that? And they said, that's
48:47
Lorie Sue Brockway. I said, oh, she's new in the school.
48:51
What does she do or what did she do before coming into the school.
48:53
And they told me that she had been the editor in chief of Playgirl magazine.
48:57
And I said, she's not smiling at me. I'm not, mister
49:00
January. But little did I know that when she heard me give that speech
49:04
honoring my former partner, she said, where do you find a man who
49:07
honors a woman the way this man was? Honoring that woman, and it
49:10
planted a seed and a few months down the line, we became friends,
49:14
and I became friends with my now son Alexander, who was her son at
49:17
the time, and it's the lizard's son obviously, And about a year later
49:22
the relationship began. And talk about finding your soul mate. We really found
49:27
soulmates within each other. And we were at your wedding when you got married
49:31
by Elvis, and you guys came to our wedding the second wedding, You
49:36
and Brian came to our second wedding in Vegas. We had our Vegas Elvis
49:39
wedding, which was so wonderful to have you there with us at that time.
49:44
But that to me, you know, I feel very blessed to have
49:46
had all of the experiences in my life, even with loss, and then
49:51
finding this relationship with Laurie Sue, which really became the adult relationship for the
49:55
rest of our lives. Yeah, no, it's and that is desk Any.
50:00
You know, you had a calling to go into the ministry, she
50:05
had a calling to go to the ministry. You both listened, and you
50:08
know, divine timing played out, you know, and then you got this
50:13
amazing bonus kid Alex absolutely, who's just one of the most amazing little creatures
50:19
on the planet. Absolutely. I met him when he was five years old.
50:22
He came to one of my book signings in the village and he just
50:28
like walked right up and wanted to give a talk with me and just started
50:30
talking. We hadn't met yet, just started chatting with me, and I
50:35
was like, well, who are you, because well, I'm here with
50:37
my mom. Laurie Sue's like, wow, you're pretty adorable. And he
50:40
said, well, when I grow up, I'm going to be a radio
50:43
sportscaster. I was like, oh, okay. He just took over.
50:47
It was so much fun. And he's a wonderful son, the stepson to
50:52
me, and of course Laurie Sue became stepmom to my daughter Abby, and
50:54
we have this wonderful family and we love and support each other. And I
50:58
feel very, very block. Well, you guys are just like the picture
51:04
perfect. Love each other, grow together, support each other. I mean
51:07
I left following all of you on Facebook. Thank you. Why is your
51:12
book The Love Thief such an important story? Well, I would say more
51:17
than anything, it's an entertaining story from people who love to read, especially
51:22
summer beach reads. I have a woman in Hollywood who's going to develop it
51:27
as a limited streaming series, and she says, the book is Eat Prey,
51:31
Love meets Dirty John, and that is exactly what it is. So
51:36
first and foremost, it's a fun read. It's an enjoyable read. My
51:39
character Holly, even though she's going through a lot of trauma, she's funny
51:44
as hell. She's really snarky, all right. And so it's this crazy
51:49
blend of through the back door mysticism and spirituality coupled with you know, real
51:54
girl stuff, you know, like her favorite TV show Us Say Yes to
51:59
the Dress. Right in the meantime, she's floating in the Ganges having these
52:02
Santosha experiences. So and I also put recipes in the book because Holli is
52:09
in Rishikesh learning Indian cooking, so I thought, well, let's make it
52:14
even more authentic. There's really delicious Indian food recipes in the book as well.
52:17
So my hope is that anybody who's ever had their heartbroken will find healing
52:24
in the book. But anybody who loves to read will absolutely have a great
52:29
time reading this book this summer and as you said in the press release,
52:35
your water has broken. The book is about to be delivered, actually was
52:38
delivered yesterday and is available now on all the wonderful sites. Let me ask
52:44
you the loaded question. Is there another novel in ariel Ford's future? You
52:49
know, every time I think about it for a second, I make it
52:52
go away. It took me five years to write this and I didn't even
52:57
know what I was doing. If another movie starts up, I mean,
53:00
I okay, I have to admit the title has come to me and I'm
53:04
not going to share it. So there is a title that I really love,
53:07
but I don't know because right now it's like I got a newborn,
53:10
right there's no time to think about having another kid. You know, I'm
53:14
still I'm still having you know, memories from pushing this one out. It
53:17
was hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done because, as I
53:22
said, I the only thing that writing fiction and nonfiction have in common,
53:27
the only thing is words. They both use words. Other than that,
53:30
it's a totally different game. And I the learning curve was hard and steep.
53:35
I'm glad I did it. I'm really proud of myself for sticking with
53:38
it. But the idea of doing it again. Ask me next year,
53:44
okay, and I'll have the show reserved for you to come on next year
53:46
when the next book gives out. When you birth the next book, tell
53:51
us about your very special Heart Healing Yoga video series and how listeners can get
53:54
it. Oh yeah, So, since Holly goes through all these motions in
54:00
the book, you know, every she's a roller coaster of emotions. I
54:04
wanted to create Healing the Heart video series where I had eight of the world's
54:08
top yoga teachers each give me a video where they took on one of the
54:13
emotions and explained the yoga philosophy and demonstrated the yoga poses to overcome anger,
54:20
heartbreak, betrayal, get to forgiveness, letting go of uncertainty, topics like
54:30
that. So when you order the book at the love Thief dot Com,
54:32
you get instant free access to all of these videos. That's wonderful. Can
54:37
you describe one of them one of the yoga poses? You know, I
54:45
know, I know that I actually go more for the philosophy than the poses.
54:51
I suffer from reflux, so I can't really do yoga because when I
54:54
go upside down, it really hurts. So I've never focused on the poses,
54:58
but they are all in their But the philosophy, you know, is
55:01
really great. And I guess the yoga teacher who was talking about uncertainty demonstrated
55:09
how to use humming as a way to let go of anxiety, which I
55:14
thought was fascinating. My guest, my dear friend, ariel Ford, her
55:19
book The Love Thief, aril one more time, please tell our listeners where
55:23
they can get the book and find out more about you and your amazing work.
55:27
Oh thanks, Okay, So the book is at the Love Thief dot
55:30
com. My website is my name dot com ariel Ford dot com. I'm
55:35
on Instagram at aril Ford forty four and I'm pretty easy to find. If
55:40
you google me, you'll find me. And mostly I just want anybody who
55:45
loves to read to read The Love Thief. And this is going to be
55:49
the big hit for the summer, for that beach read where you're at the
55:52
beach and you're relaxing and you want to read a really amazing and juicy story,
55:57
The Love Thief by ariel Ford. A. I love you. Thank
56:00
you so much for joining us and sharing this wonderful tale. Thank you,
56:05
Vick, it's always so much fun to be with you. And give Lois
56:07
Sue big hug and kiss for me absolutely, and thank you for joining us
56:12
on Destination Unlimited. I'm Victor the Voice Furman. Have a wonderful week.