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Professor Thomas Brooks | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #86 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

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  It's another episode of the Christian we've podcast.
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  But are you subscribed? If not make sure to like, share
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  and subscribe, spread the word about the Christian Reef podcast
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  and enjoy this episode. Hello and welcome to another
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  episode of the Christian Reef podcast.
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  Today's guest is a PhD student in educational psychology and a
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  podcaster hailing all the way from Dallas, Texas.
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  His name is Thomas. Brooks, welcome to the show.
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  Thomas, how you doing? Hello.
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  Hello. I'm doing very well.
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  Thank you. It's a pleasure to have you on
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  the show. What I'm going to say straight
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  off the bat is talk us through your room right there.
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  Because I got to say this was not what I was expecting.
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  And you shouldn't have preconceived notions assumptions
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  in life. So I feel bad for even assuming
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  but I just, I don't know. In my mind, I did, I guess I
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  just expected you to be in a suit or something and then to
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  see this it's like I don't know. It's a very cool Vibe.
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  I dig it. It's right up my alley but just,
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  yeah, disconnect there. Talk us through that.
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  Absolutely, so no, I'm sure you were expecting some stuffy
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  professor and is like office with his leg fancy books behind
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  him. It mean I knew that I knew that
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  you were younger obviously because being a PhD student
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  being you know. I yeah.
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  But there was a little bit of an assumption on my part so that's
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  that's my mistake. Yeah.
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  Is this just like personal style?
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  Is there bit more to it than that or does it relate in some
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  way to your work? Or is it just style?
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  I would say that. So the funny thing is is and I'm
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  going to kind of tie this to like the covid-19 stuff we're
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  going through right now. Is that PhD students have been
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  socially. And saying, like way before it
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  was cool. And so I spend like way too much
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  time in this room like this is like primarily where I live so
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  it's always super important to me to like be in a space that
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  promotes creativity and like a space that I want to be in.
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  Like if I was in, you know, just like, you know, super Bland
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  white room with like no personal effects or any sort of like
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  personal touches. Like I get the, some people do
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  better with the Minimalism, but I'm definitely a maximalist.
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  Yeah, no, I totally agree with you.
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  I'm right there. I mean, this, this is just a
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  rented room. This isn't how I would imagine
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  to have it, but I've done little things here and there.
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  And yeah, I've always had a fascination with psychology, and
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  how these things work and stuff, and I've got to say sometimes
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  even something very simple can change the whole dynamic.
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  I, for instance, right, right now on my bed, it's just like
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  white horrible covers, right? Which is just what I bought when
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  I moved in. I just needed something and then
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  the next So it covers that I bought were nice.
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  They have patterns on more what I like, right.
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  But every time I put this white cover on, I just sit there and
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  look at it for a couple of seconds and go.
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  This is disgusting. This is this.
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  There's no. I know, that sounds crazy to
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  some people, but like what I mean by that is, it's too bland.
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  It's devoid of anything and it's ugly and I froze me off, it
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  affects my mood weirdly. So then I just bought this,
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  throw not long after I got that, and I just threw it on there.
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  And suddenly I just felt, I don't know, way way better.
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  And this was actually something I learned from from my
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  ex-girlfriend. She was you European, right?
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  And before I started dating her, I guess I was just wasn't even a
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  being a minimalist. I was just lazy.
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  You know, I was lazy guy like, oh, that's fine.
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  I'll stick that their step out there.
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  That's fine. I never really paid much
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  attention to how these things can affect your mind, and your
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  mood more specifically. And ever since I had a good
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  impact on me because now I'm very Just putting a little
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  things here and there like you don't even need a lot
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  necessarily, you know, and sometimes you can just put,
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  like, I'll put a record there. That looks nice that fits in
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  there. You know, little thing here and
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  then suddenly, it kind of like builds over time.
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  And then obviously, yeah, you know, the more stuff you
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  accumulate, the more you just, as you said, like you booking,
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  sometimes you become a maximalist.
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  I think I'm kind of the same. I think my ideal place that I
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  would live, would be that that little cottage Vibe where it's a
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  warm fire and there's just stuff everywhere.
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  Everywhere. I like that.
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  That's what I like, but I absolutely do.
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  Yeah, they are. My goal is to live in a curio
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  shop for sure is I live in a to like, literally a two room
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  apartment. Cool.
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  So this is mostly of my creation but the other room is the
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  creation of like everyone in my life.
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  So everybody kind of just gives me things here and there and I'm
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  like oh this is cool. I just put it on my wall.
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  And so now all of my walls are completely.
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  The cover which is kind of a shame.
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  I don't know if you can tell but I have that like 70s like wood
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  paneling and I absolutely love it but now it's leaking any of
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  it anymore because it's just covered and stuff.
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  Oh we have it here in the UK like I do I do this volunteer
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  and stuff every every week right.
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  And one of the jobs I have to do is like going around a city in
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  collecting donations and giving donations right and naturally
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  you get a lot of 60s stuff. Tough just settle 70 stuff, I
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  should say, just lots of it and most of it is rubbish but some
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  of its some of its good sometimes you get like some
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  really really nice things and I look at it I'm like this this
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  stuff really stands the test of time and it has that kind of I
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  don't have to put it like a warm kind of vibe about it or like a
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  hmm. It's got like character to it
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  right. Which I feel like a lot of the
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  time it's missing when you go in to let your Average kind of
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  store and you see like a live laugh, life sign and just do you
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  know what I mean? But when you guys yeah, like,
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  like, I couldn't ever imagine going to just like, I don't
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  know, Home Depot type place or like, just a home store to then
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  just buy all my stuff that like, I just to me, that's fine.
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  If you want to get like a couch, you need a couch great.
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  But like for like, odds and ends and stuff, essentially stuff
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  that you're just going to put in your house, It's not right.
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  How would you buy it from these stores, where it's like, Mass
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  manufactured, it's crap. It's generally mean, it's like
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  you, what, you want things that mean something?
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  And I feel like some of that. Yeah, is the stuff that you give
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  them from people. It's more special and other
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  things. It's like our this was
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  handcrafted by someone or this has sentimental value or you
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  know, maybe it is even just something you pick out the looks
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  really, really nice. That is reflective of you in
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  some shape or form but I don't see how A live, love life.
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  Sign is reflective of you or you know what I mean?
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  I do. I mean, if you have to be
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  constantly reminded to do those three things, I don't know.
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  If you want that to reflect you, to be honest.
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  I when I see that or something similar to that in, someone's
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  house for me that's like a red flag.
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  You know, maybe they're serial killers, or something like that.
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  Maybe there's something wrong, man.
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  Yeah, the killer stalk you on Facebook?
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  Keeping someone in the basement, you know, there's something off
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  their rights right away. Now normally it's just like not
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  the sort of people you want to be hanging around with Germany,
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  they're just, you know, they're either really boring or they're
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  like So like pretension a gentleman, they got that.
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  Okay, I'll give you an example what I mean.
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  So like, you know that when you're at school and you'd get
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  people who would follow the trends, but they were like,
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  massive Hypocrites with it. So, like when I was growing up I
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  was, you know, like rock metal head, that kind of thing, right?
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  So like I got all the whole, you know, other music starts.
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  It's rubbish. Where would you like that?
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  Why do you dress like that? All your hair is terrible, blah
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  blah blah. All right.
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  And then ultimate irony and hypocrisies that then.
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  Load was that obviously one point I had like the emo hair
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  thing going on with a long-ass Fringe and cut short.
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  The sides of know. Yeah.
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  Like the reverse mullet. It's crazy.
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  I don't know why. That was thing I do is I guess
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  it's still kind mean. It's a beautiful thing.
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  I'm not gonna lie. It's nostalgic at this point.
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  Yeah but like I can't imagine having that as an adult.
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  I feel like that's very much like a team thing.
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  You have your moment you grow up.
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  I know there's adults that have it.
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  I'm not dissing you you know I just I don't know, maybe it's a
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  melfi. I mean women seem to like always
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  be able to pull these looks up. I feel like when you're a bloke
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  like you go through like stages generation of different looks
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  that you go for and yeah, bring it back to the story.
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  So like there was this one particular guy that would always
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  give me crap for that and then literally about a year and a
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  half later obviously, the whole Indie movement in the UK became
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  like a really big thing bands like zutons Arctic Monkeys that
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  so like everyone was like especially what We call Chad's
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  was like experimenting with all. Maybe I'll grow my hair a little
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  bit, but they would be the same people that would only ever have
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  Skynyrd's and be like, huh, you can't have long hair because
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  that makes you like to feminine or like, you know, there's
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  something wrong with you. The I mean these were different
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  times. By the way guys, this hoek
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  mid-2000s so shit was wild. But like yeah, people would
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  would say that to me I don't be like a year and a half ago.
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  You were saying this to me. Now, you have the haircut that I
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  had like Ago. That, what, what?
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  And but they like, it was almost like they were clueless to that
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  like oh what I said that I was like that, what that didn't
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  happen and that is how I feel most people that follow Trends
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  are like that tracks. They just do it because they
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  feel like they should or like it reflects some sort of like
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  cultural hegemony that like, you know, you know, reinforces their
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  image of themselves and where they're at, I will say, I read
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  this really interesting book and I don't have it on me at the
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  moment but it's what your stuff says about you or these
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  researchers down in Texas, in Austin.
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  The main thing that they found was that look at the location of
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  things. And so like let's say you're in
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  an office for example and someone has like a picture of
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  their family on their desk. Look at the direction.
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  It's pointing is it pointing at you or is it pointing at them?
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  Interesting. And so if it's pointing at Then
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  it's there for them but they want to see that but it right?
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  Of course you then it's they're projecting that.
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  They're a family person. That's a part of the image that
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  they want you to see and so translates to like apartments
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  and houses. So like very common rooms like a
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  living room or a den or the dining room.
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  Those sorts of decorations are typically for other people, but
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  things in like your bedroom, for example, are for you and so you
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  kind of get a sense of like, people self perception versus
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  how they They want to be seen socially depending on what
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  decorations are in what room of their house.
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  So like I'm not going to say who but there are people people even
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  close to me, the have what I would term showroom houses.
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  Hmm, and what I mean by that is we go into the house.
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  First of all, I mean this is the British thing as well.
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  Every house in Britain, almost houses in Britain, the new build
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  horrible white on the wall. I don't know what it is, like
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  people in the UK by some colors. All right, we've got being Q
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  home base, just go buy a tinted, yellow paint or something.
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  And that will immediately bring color into your life just to
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  say. Anyway, you come into these
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  houses and I sort of got a showroom.
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  It's all based on that minimalist thing, but it's just
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  like, no. Minimalism is like having a
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  Bonsai Tree on. Love the table and like you do
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  things specifically in accordance with like feng shui
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  or something or like there's a there's a like you.
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  It's not that you don't have anything or that you buy useless
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  stuff. That doesn't mean anything.
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  Your creative with how you do things.
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  It's a start that I've seen people that actually do it
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  properly and then, like, they're not the same people as these
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  people that have these showroom houses, if you know what I mean.
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  Right there. Look like lobbies for officers,
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  like, and waiting for the doctor.
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  Am I in your living room? Yeah, exactly.
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  Like, you know, I when someone invites you over to their home
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  but you want to feel welcome like okay, one of the things I
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  don't know if you do this as well but when the way I was
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  raised, if you got someone coming over you clean the house
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  before hand, you make it will tie the, you know, you try and
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  make it as warm and friendly as possible.
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  I don't know. You get tea, biscuits, whatever,
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  like, you know, and you sort of lay that all doubt and you make
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  them feel really special and warm and like, yeah, you know,
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  you are my guest, in this in this house and feel comfortable
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  for a warm. Now, to flip that over, In the
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  showroom type houses. It's like everything is white,
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  white sofas, White House, white picture frames everything,
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  right, and I just sit there like this, like, just feeling really
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  awkward, like, not know, and I look around and just going back
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  to what you were talking about with whole picture frames and
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  everything, right? Yeah.
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  Everything is out facing so I think it is for them to but it's
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  like, Like, even the family photos are like that.
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  They'll never be like You know, I sometimes that when you take
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  photos like, they're spontaneous, they're not always
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  like right hand, you know, like, oh we went to a professional
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  photography place and we got these photos made, whereas,
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  typically these people, with these showroom houses, all of
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  those photos will be professional photos, all of
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  them. Oh, absolutely.
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  And that freaks me out. Yes.
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  It's like, where's the photo of okay, that I'll give you a
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  really good example. I mean, my mom has this really
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  Sing photo of me when I was like, I don't know, I guess like
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  one and a half two years old and it's like me in the bathtub
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  like, start making with my hair like went like this and it's but
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  I'm smiling and it's cute, right?
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  And that's a photo. She has amongst others and
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  there's a lot of photos like that and you can tell that when
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  we were growing up and it was meat just me and her there was
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  fun times. Had there was warmth your you
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  get warmth from that, right? Whereas I don't feel you, get
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  the same amount of warmth from like professionally made for
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  maybe you can, but like a lot of the time Yeah, I know but I
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  totally get your Vibe. Like it's very it's kind of like
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  the live laugh. Love sign.
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  Like it's very manufactured like your purposefully, you're
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  putting aesthetic over Comfort. I think, and I think those two
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  things can go well together. Like, I'm perfectly cozy and I'm
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  an interesting space. So, like, don't sacrifice for
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  the like highbrow like white gray scale, everything
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  aesthetic, because it just feels like a doctor's office.
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  Absolutely. Yeah.
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  And there's nothing worse than a doctor's office.
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  That's because seriously. We have a different kind of
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  problem. You may have this problem too.
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  If like, I guess if you're in like the particularly like Posh
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  areas, I would say we're like there is color and there is
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  interesting things going on but it feels like you're in a
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  museum. And so you get like the opposite
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  problem where you're like walk into a very interesting colorful
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  room. And look at this couch and look
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  at the rounded wall. And then the person's like, oh
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  yeah. Yeah, this like cost five times
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  as much as your annual salary and you're like, oh am I allowed
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  to touch anything in here? Oh, shoot.
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  I'm in like better homes magazine right now.
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  And so, they like get the color part, and it looks cool and
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  interesting, you like equally discomfort, like uncomfortable
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  with the space. When you realize the price tag
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  attached to it. I didn't think you liked, ya,
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  creativity and like colorfulness within a home.
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  Or whether I don't think it has to have a high priced at but
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  yeah. Obviously, you want to go for
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  places that have more history and, you know, like even the
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  place that I live in now, like it's just a house show, you
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  know. I'm I'm not pulling anything on
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  I'm in the situation I'm in. So I don't need to bore my
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  listeners with that but the I lucked out the place that I've
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  got, I mean, it's a converted house refurbished.
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  I think it's like made in. I put it somewhere between 1930s
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  to 1960s somewhere around there as where it's made.
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  But it's nice too because it's the older house and more
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  specifically. It's got big Windows long
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  Windows, right? Which is something it's good.
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  You want that natural light right now?
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  There's no lights just natural light right now.
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  You know, it's good but when it comes to like you're a typical
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  houses that are built now in the UK and I'm just talking about
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  your average one. So not ones that built for
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  purpose. Ones that built from nice
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  materials. I'm talking Standard for your
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  average family or for a low-income family, right?
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  They use the cheapest materials possible.
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  Hmm and like I said that when they paint them insides all be
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  horrible white, like the whitest white, you can find I don't even
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  like a little bit of a beige or something.
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  No, just quite white white. And the actual look of the house
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  outside. I mean most of that's like it's
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  okay when they when they try to recreate the old stars like, you
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  know, 60s 50s, whatever, that's kind of nice.
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  Sometimes they do a good job with that, but a lot of the time
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  they don't do that. They just make some horrible
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  Abomination and then and people live there and they don't see
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  like how that's ugly in somewhere.
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  And okay, maybe we can say these things are subjective.
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  But I don't know, I think the place that you live should,
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  ideally be beautiful on the inside and the outside, the
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  inside matters the most. But yeah, you don't want to
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  like, rock up from A Hard Day's Work and look at where you live.
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  And it's just like, it looks like hell, you know, you move
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  from one office to the other. Yeah.
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  You know what I mean? And again, like the inside can
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  still be a sanctuary. So there is that and that can
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  help you to get over the horribleness of the outside.
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  But still there's I feel like the whole thing should be within
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  that context of, you know, home In your Sanctuary, you know,
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  home is you create a Harmony for yourself safe bubble and all
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  that. And yeah, I mean, it's nicer.
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  If that okay, so I'm living in this part of England.
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  Now called Manchester right, Manchester famously has an area
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  called Northern quarter which is very similar to London, Soho
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  area, or like, I don't know, maybe San Francisco or whatever,
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  it's like, you know, art Central culture Central which for me is
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  great. I didn't realize I'd knew
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  nothing about Manchester, when I moved here, apart from the
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  music. So, when I found out who there's
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  a place called Northern quarter and it's, well, the RT people
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  live, that's where I'm gonna be. And, unfortunately, I don't
• 18:49
  quite live there right now, but, you know, I go through there
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  quite a lot. I do.
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  Yeah, on the way to volunteer, and I walk through that, it's
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  great. I'm like, this is, this would be
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  great. And one day I'll probably have a
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  little spot here or something. This is perfect, right?
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  Mmm. But the one thing that makes it
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  so beautiful, is that other than the older buildings and stuff?
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  You'll See, things like massive murals that people paint on the
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  sides of like buildings and stuff.
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  And like, you know, all these RT places, you know, like
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  everything's full of color and it's creative and it's like,
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  back in the day Camden town and in the, in London was like that.
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  Like, there's still remnants of that.
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  If you look at like the old parts of shop at shop Frontiers
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  and stuff, you'll see like big creative things that people have
• 19:35
  created like a giant shoe or something like that.
• 19:38
  But now, Now candles gone to mainstream.
• 19:40
  So that's kind of died. But you still get this like
• 19:43
  Artie kind of creative vibe in places, certain places in London
• 19:47
  and in Manchester and at various places around the world and I
• 19:51
  think that is an awesome thing and I like some the type of
• 19:55
  place that you'd want to live and to some extent you can forgo
• 19:58
  if like quality of the places and all their so long as that
• 20:03
  it's more about, you know, creating that colorfulness,
• 20:06
  having that kind of vibe, if you don't know.
• 20:09
  No. Absolutely.
• 20:10
  I'm actually about to leave Texas at the end of the month.
• 20:15
  Why I got a professor position in Judea, thank you and New
• 20:20
  Mexico. It's right.
• 20:21
  Outside of Santa Fe. Wow.
• 20:23
  And so I'm about to Big culture shift, but we drove out there
• 20:28
  last week, my partner, and I did to look for housing and like,
• 20:31
  all the houses are terracotta or their Adobe, and it's just big
• 20:38
  like, the whole state is Artsy. And it's so wonderful.
• 20:41
  And I'm so excited to move there because like the misconception
• 20:44
  about Texas is that people seemed like to think that it's
• 20:47
  like wild west still and there are parts that are still very
• 20:50
  wild west, but there are huge swaths of Suburbia here.
• 20:55
  Yeah, I gotta say just just because I was going to ask you
• 20:57
  about Texas. Anyway, I have a very different
• 21:01
  perception of Texas now. Like, I've had quite a few
• 21:03
  people on my show from Texas. Usually musicians, people
• 21:08
  working in our Some stuff actors.
• 21:11
  And my perception of it now is that it's basically becoming
• 21:15
  like an art Hub cultural Hub and also, what you might call it,
• 21:22
  like, the second coming of like, Silicon Valley or whatever,
• 21:25
  that's the kind of vibe. But I guess it's basically
• 21:26
  business and Tech startups, culture, and, and everything
• 21:31
  else in between, as physical and more specifically, in places,
• 21:34
  like Dallas Austin, all of these places and that blows my mind
• 21:37
  because, yeah, obviously the The classic perception of Texas's.
• 21:41
  Yeah. You know, like Lone Star State
• 21:44
  and right farms and ranches and that part of Texas does exist.
• 21:47
  But as you say, there's this whole other world that's now
• 21:50
  building and growing because places change over time.
• 21:53
  Inevitably and oh, yeah, I would say that the majority of the
• 21:57
  state is still very much country.
• 22:00
  So yeah, yeah. It's because it's huge.
• 22:03
  It's absolutely huge. It took us nine hours to get to
• 22:05
  our new city driving. Most of that time was spent like
• 22:11
  no civilization whatsoever out in the west and so they just
• 22:16
  pure desert, then a lot of it then it's not desert its planes
• 22:21
  and so and a lot of its agricultural eyes.
• 22:23
  So there's a lot of like just miles and miles of a crop.
• 22:27
  We actually have a ton of windmills out here or the wind
• 22:30
  turbines. This is farmlands essentially,
• 22:33
  mmm. Now you do get to a point where
• 22:35
  you can no longer farm the land when you get closer to New
• 22:38
  Mexico, Echo because that's desert around.
• 22:41
  But the whole thing is just flat and you like see the curvature
• 22:45
  of the earth and like, you'll go for miles without seeing anyone
• 22:49
  or a building. Like, it's crazy.
• 22:52
  That was because I went to America back in 2014, and I
• 22:56
  originally stayed in California, but we moved, we went between
• 23:00
  California to San Fran and also to Vegas.
• 23:05
  So we saw a lot of stuff. It was like a long journey.
• 23:09
  But, one thing that I was most surprised by was just how many
• 23:13
  farm lands that were and how much rural areas that were
• 23:17
  between those States. Like, I don't know what I was
• 23:19
  expecting but I just I saw a lot of that and that really
• 23:22
  surprised me and I was like, okay, it's it's a lot more vast
• 23:25
  and there's a lot more to contend with them what than I
• 23:28
  originally assumed because I knew that that was the case in
• 23:31
  places like you know, Vada and and Texas and stuff like that,
• 23:35
  but I didn't know that in other states.
• 23:39
  Yeah, makes sense. But yeah, let's move it to New
• 23:42
  Mexico. Correct me if I'm wrong.
• 23:45
  Is that where they filmed Breaking?
• 23:46
  Bad? Or if I imagine that, I'm not
• 23:49
  entirely. Sure I am.
• 23:52
  Is that in? Oh yeah, Albuquerque isn't New
• 23:54
  Mexico. Yeah.
• 23:55
  Then I think it's the same place.
• 23:56
  Yes, it's just like a lot of like Yeah, it's very picturesque
• 24:02
  but it's yeah. It's essentially like you are
• 24:04
  living in the desert but it's heavily populated residential
• 24:08
  desert it. So you go.
• 24:09
  I don't know. I mean, I would say that it's a
• 24:12
  little bit more like nothing in between towns and say what I'm
• 24:16
  living in right now. Oh wow.
• 24:18
  Yeah. So like I'm going to be living.
• 24:21
  I think it's like an hour north of Santa Fe, and the town called
• 24:24
  Las Vegas. The original Las Vegas.
• 24:26
  Hmm, and there's Nothing between Santa Fe and Las Vegas.
• 24:32
  Like, you just drive out into the high desert and it just
• 24:35
  nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
• 24:37
  Oh, there's the city for like an hour.
• 24:40
  So in here, I'm like an hour away from Dallas and I go
• 24:43
  through town, Town, Town, Town, town to get to there.
• 24:47
  So it's less people and less development and less actual
• 24:53
  Farmland out there. When I lived because I've always
• 24:57
  found this really fascinating, but when I lived in Europe I
• 24:59
  lived in a country called Estonia and there was a similar
• 25:03
  thing that I noticed as well. Like it's Tony has tiny.
• 25:06
  It's a very small country but it's essentially you got several
• 25:10
  different like major cities. They're still small but like
• 25:14
  there that cities, right? And then everything in between,
• 25:16
  is farm lands. But yeah, there's a lot of like,
• 25:20
  just just land or Farms or nothing, right?
• 25:24
  But the weirdest thing that I always saw was like every now
• 25:28
  and again, you'd get to some light sort of randomly.
• 25:32
  There would be like, just not like exactly like tower blocks
• 25:36
  but they're all kind of like old Soviet buildings but they were
• 25:40
  on what is essentially just farmlands Journeys.
• 25:43
  So you'd see like a tiny pocket of civilization and then no more
• 25:47
  civilization. Ms. And that always kind of blew
• 25:51
  my mind. It's in the same way that when
• 25:53
  you travel around, like, in the states and yeah.
• 25:55
  You just see like a man's massive City, but in the midst
• 25:58
  of the desert and it's like, wow, it's like there's no life
• 26:02
  for ages and then there's suddenly life and then back to
• 26:05
  know life again. It's just, I don't know, it's
• 26:06
  really weird. Oh, absolutely.
• 26:09
  And that's something that I see particularly on like YouTube
• 26:12
  with people, from Europe, who come to visit the states, and
• 26:15
  they're like, oh, we had to get a car.
• 26:18
  Oh, we wanted to visit two different cities but they were,
• 26:21
  like, six hours away from each other and there was nothing in
• 26:23
  between. Yeah, I'm like Yeah.
• 26:26
  No, that's about right? I think, I think realistically.
• 26:29
  If you wanted to travel to States, you'd need Depending on
• 26:34
  how you do the trip. If you want to do a quick one, I
• 26:36
  think at least anywhere between six months to a year but we're
• 26:40
  talking like you barely see anything like you know you just
• 26:43
  stopped off. Maybe you spend a day then you
• 26:45
  move in. Oh yeah.
• 26:47
  You have to take it step by step for most of it but I wouldn't
• 26:50
  want to do. I want to go the Long Haul.
• 26:51
  I'd want to do like, you know, really like if I go to New York,
• 26:54
  I want to be there for like A while.
• 26:57
  I don't want to be there like, like, two days.
• 26:59
  I don't feel like you can do much into debt, but it depends
• 27:01
  where you are German. But I feel like most places,
• 27:03
  especially in America, you would need a lot of time to be that
• 27:07
  probably like a month or something.
• 27:08
  To really, like, see everything really get that the vibe in the
• 27:13
  feel of the plate. Like, I felt like, I really got
• 27:16
  a lot out of the time we were in the States, because we were only
• 27:19
  there for two weeks, but we managed to see a lot of
• 27:22
  California. Not all of it though, to be
• 27:25
  honest. Oh yeah.
• 27:26
  It bit. And then we really, I feel like
• 27:29
  Las Vegas, you know, if you see a little bit of you seen, most
• 27:33
  of what it is because it's basically just its casinos did
• 27:36
  an amine Devil's Playground. It's whatever.
• 27:40
  And and I quickly realized that, but that is novel against Las
• 27:44
  Vegas, by the way, it's just that like some places are a bit
• 27:47
  more straightforward. I think others are not so much
• 27:50
  like somewhere. Like New York is, there's so
• 27:51
  many things so much history, so many different things to see.
• 27:55
  I don't think you, An really do that in such a short space of
• 27:57
  time as you say. Yeah you're absolutely you
• 28:00
  cannot do a holiday in America or vacationing or any kind of
• 28:06
  traveling there without a car like you just can't, it's
• 28:08
  impossible. It's not, we can't even live
• 28:12
  here without cars. That's mad.
• 28:15
  That's kind of crazy. But like, what do you do if
• 28:18
  like, you can't afford it like if you're just in a tight spot
• 28:21
  or something, that would you do you pray that Have a friend or
• 28:27
  relative or co-worker to drive you around and if not, then
• 28:31
  you're going to get absolutely screwed by Uber.
• 28:36
  Yes pies. Mmm.
• 28:38
  So, I had a friend who didn't have a car and he had to get to
• 28:42
  work every day. So we just do bird and like that
• 28:44
  was a huge chunk of his paycheck and I'm just like, well, it's
• 28:48
  super expensive to have a car but in the long run, having a
• 28:51
  car is cheaper than relying on Uber Gino get to and fro Whoa,
• 28:57
  okay, so like how far was he traveling roughly, who's across
• 29:02
  town? It was in Fort Worth.
• 29:05
  I wanna say it was probably like 20 minutes there and back.
• 29:07
  Okay, so 20 minutes. Do you know roughly how much per
• 29:11
  trip is costing? Him a trip with Uber here.
• 29:15
  It's usually like 10 bucks a trap for real.
• 29:20
  Yeah. When you minute Journey this?
• 29:22
  Yeah, it's quite expensive. I had to rent.
• 29:24
  We rented a car to go to To New Mexico because we both have my
• 29:29
  partner and I both have older cars and we were like we're not
• 29:31
  breaking down in the middle of nowhere and it cost me like 20
• 29:35
  dollars just to get from like right outside of downtown Dallas
• 29:39
  to downtown Dallas and I was like 20 like I was in the car
• 29:42
  for 10 minutes and you charge me $20 Jesus.
• 29:46
  Yeah. So she I suppose even worse if
• 29:49
  you're a tourist as well. Jesus Christ.
• 29:51
  Oh yeah. Do you you will lose money.
• 29:54
  I mean, depending on where you You are it's worth it but just
• 29:57
  prepared to hand out. The cash is always more than you
• 30:02
  think it is because we don't put taxes into our total price.
• 30:04
  Oh yeah. Don't put tips and Tortola
• 30:06
  prices either, which is mad confusing for people.
• 30:09
  The tips thing I can understand, because it's just like, okay,
• 30:13
  10% 20% whatever. Like, you know, you just figure
• 30:15
  that out, that's pretty straightforward.
• 30:17
  But the taxes thing like that just used to drive me nuts.
• 30:21
  Like, why, why don't you include taxes, they want to go to the
• 30:25
  store and I buy I don't know, some Mountain Dew and like
• 30:30
  chocolate or something, right? It's 151. $1.50.
• 30:35
  Go to the till. Oh, there will be two dollars
• 30:38
  and forty-five cents. What?
• 30:40
  Oh, you gotta pay the taxes. What what would you mean?
• 30:45
  I don't know. I swear in the UK.
• 30:46
  We've got a value-added tax or is included into it.
• 30:52
  But you don't, you never see the price listed as 140 sometimes
• 30:56
  randomly. Sometimes you might see on the
• 30:58
  receipt, you actually give you the breakdown and say how much
• 31:01
  the VA T is. But you never pay attention
• 31:03
  because it's included in the price of the price has just
• 31:06
  passed the tax. So you just only pay attention
• 31:08
  to that number. Oh, yeah.
• 31:10
  Now and it drives us crazy, it drives us crazy because I'll go
• 31:13
  into a restaurant and buy like an eight dollar meal, right?
• 31:16
  That's already a dollar tax. So now my a dollar bills, nine
• 31:19
  dollars, plus the 25 percent or 15 percent That I give the
• 31:22
  waiter. So now I've spent, I walked in
• 31:25
  and ordered something for $8. I'm walking out spending like,
• 31:28
  $12. This is, and this is what I
• 31:30
  thought as well. Because if you're, if you're
• 31:32
  tight on money or you need to pay a specific amount, you've
• 31:37
  always got a den include more to that.
• 31:39
  So like if you say okay I only want to spend $30 then you need
• 31:46
  to get. This is a restaurant.
• 31:48
  You need to I suppose get somewhere around like the 21 22
• 31:51
  Mar Mark as like the maximum that you can spend and then
• 31:56
  everything above that is taxed at the site.
• 31:58
  That's just, yeah. That sounds like a massive
• 32:00
  headache perpetually I couldn't live like that.
• 32:03
  I do not know how we do. Just amazing ways.
• 32:09
  Do you not like it has a not been?
• 32:13
  I don't know votes to try to change that over time like to
• 32:17
  maybe replicate the system we have in the UK or something
• 32:19
  different or that never come up. I don't think it's ever come up.
• 32:23
  I mean I'm sure I mean everybody constantly you know gripes about
• 32:27
  it but I don't think there's ever been any official push to
• 32:30
  change that. I think it's just kind of we've
• 32:32
  accepted our Purgatory fair enough.
• 32:35
  I mean us but maybe maybe it would be more hassle to try and
• 32:38
  change the system. Maybe that would be too.
• 32:41
  Too much of a headache. Maybe, I mean changing price
• 32:44
  tags. Yeah, these days, isn't it?
• 32:49
  I suppose it would just be like, yeah, you could do it.
• 32:52
  Although, you know, we all have, you know, smartphones, well, not
• 32:55
  all of us have smartphones but you have easy access to a
• 32:58
  calculator, most of the time. So it's not like you're going in
• 33:01
  blind? No, official.
• 33:04
  Sure. All right, let's bring let's
• 33:06
  bring it back to you. So you hosts a podcast known as
• 33:09
  psychosocial. Stinson.
• 33:11
  I loved. Yes.
• 33:13
  Took us through the purpose of the podcast and the topics you
• 33:16
  discussed on the show and quick question.
• 33:18
  Before you answer that, is it based on the Slipknot song?
• 33:21
  Is that like a play on that? Or is it just fun?
• 33:25
  So we based it off of we didn't piss off of Slipknot.
• 33:27
  Unfortunately, we based it off of, you know, the social
• 33:30
  distancing that we're going through with covid because there
• 33:33
  are did it. So we started it.
• 33:35
  I believe the first episode was like, July 15th and I had Been
• 33:41
  very interested in starting a podcast for a while.
• 33:43
  So like you said at the beginning I'm have my will have
• 33:46
  my educational psychology degree.
• 33:48
  So a lot of educational psychology is related to the
• 33:53
  teaching material, the teaching method and like the context in
• 33:57
  which the teaching occurs. And so I was very interested in
• 34:00
  podcast that's kind of like a learning device and as a way to
• 34:05
  kind of supplement or provide access to knowledge to people in
• 34:10
  a way that It can, you know, be a periphery experience.
• 34:14
  So you know, I'm sure you're aware.
• 34:16
  Like, when people listen to podcast, they're driving their
• 34:19
  doing initiative is, It's usually the secondary thing
• 34:22
  that's going on in the background.
• 34:23
  And then they usually go. Oh, hey, I learned this today.
• 34:26
  Yeah. And it takes something away from
• 34:28
  it. So, I've been very interested in
• 34:29
  like the efficacy of podcasts, as a teaching, device and back
• 34:36
  last year and spring 2020, like right before we had shut down.
• 34:41
  Downs and everything moved online.
• 34:42
  I was actually in a educational technology course, and we were
• 34:47
  then I was doing my final project on podcasting and
• 34:50
  looking to the research to see how instructors use it and how
• 34:54
  it supplements lecture and you know, how you can embed it
• 34:57
  within an online learning space, and then we shut down and
• 35:00
  everything went online. And so the podcast grew out of
• 35:04
  this desire to provide some sort of like human connection to
• 35:09
  students. And so You know, when you're in
• 35:12
  an online class like you're alone, you're a professor, is
• 35:15
  typically going to only respond to you like an automated email
• 35:20
  service, like hey you submitted this, good job and okay.
• 35:25
  You have no idea who else is in the class.
• 35:27
  Typically. So unless you have a really good
• 35:29
  teacher who works really hard on building that like online
• 35:33
  atmosphere, like social connection, you're reading a
• 35:36
  book and taking a multiple choice quiz and then you submit
• 35:40
  something at the end of the list.
• 35:41
  Semester and your professor says, thanks.
• 35:44
  I enjoy most education in general.
• 35:46
  It doesn't sound that different descent would doesn't sound that
• 35:50
  different to normal class, like I know that way, but maybe it's
• 35:53
  different at University level, but I remember it's cool.
• 35:56
  It would be like that, you know, just be like, open the textbook,
• 35:59
  do the assignment? Yeah.
• 36:01
  No. It's very much like that.
• 36:03
  A lot of the time, at least, in a university class, unless
• 36:07
  you've got someone who's just reading off the PowerPoint
• 36:09
  slides, which is its own special hell.
• 36:13
  You get, dude, I've heard that so many times.
• 36:16
  I think I've ever told this story actually, but I remember
• 36:18
  there was a university lecture that I did.
• 36:21
  It was a particular module. So I studied management and
• 36:24
  marketing, right? And so, in the newer cards, it
• 36:28
  was fun. I enjoyed it marketing's.
• 36:30
  Good because marketing, yeah, I'm fascinated with psychology
• 36:33
  and marketing has a lot of psychology involved in business
• 36:37
  in general. Yeah.
• 36:37
  So like the stuff on like consumer behaviors.
• 36:39
  Mm, and stuff like that. I was like, this is amazing, but
• 36:42
  in the beginning, Genin, obviously, first-years
• 36:44
  foundation. So you just do what everyone
• 36:46
  else in the whole of the management does.
• 36:49
  So you don't get to choose what you do.
• 36:50
  You only get a tiny bit of marketing then the second year,
• 36:54
  it's the same for the first part of the second year.
• 36:57
  And then the second part of the second year, it finally starts
• 37:00
  going into your specialism, right?
• 37:01
  It's basically a year and a half of doing stuff that you don't
• 37:04
  want to do, right? So that annoyed me but there was
• 37:07
  a particular module, it was information systems or some crap
• 37:11
  like that and I was So frustrated, because there were
• 37:14
  so many problems with uni, things, like buying textbooks
• 37:17
  that they never use, you know, you're already paying who are
• 37:20
  here in the UK, you pay like 9 Grand per term, right?
• 37:24
  So when you start and they tell you hmm you need to pay 300
• 37:28
  pounds per term for these textbooks in which will only use
• 37:32
  maybe two to three pages. And if you don't have it, you
• 37:36
  know, we're going to fail you and blah blah blah.
• 37:39
  And it's like what about if I don't have the money and it so,
• 37:42
  you know, maybe you'll have to Borrow them from someone else
• 37:44
  and it's basically a way of saying like screw you if you're
• 37:47
  poor like yeah that's your absolutely but like yeah exactly
• 37:52
  what it is. It's all my makes me angry but
• 37:56
  like I quickly discovered you don't actually need the
• 37:59
  textbooks. You know, there's ways you can
• 38:01
  work around that but there was one particular one as I said
• 38:05
  this module information systems and every single time we would
• 38:09
  go to the lectures in the very beginning, we quickly realized
• 38:12
  it was pointless. And the reason that we realize
• 38:14
  this is, we actually bought the textbook for the module because
• 38:18
  you needed it for that particular mod module.
• 38:20
  You needed it. But here's the thing, when we
• 38:23
  would turn up the actual Professor, who wrote the book,
• 38:25
  who did everything you know? With regards to that, he
• 38:28
  assigned his own book. There's a lady and you all do
• 38:32
  it, they all do it because it's so like on their caught it won't
• 38:35
  be the primary book. But most of the books on the
• 38:37
  course will be their own books. And if you know pretentious,
• 38:41
  well from a business standpoint, it makes sense.
• 38:43
  Sense of me. It's like, you know that's
• 38:45
  that's good. It makes sense but it's still
• 38:47
  like here's my book. I wrote because I'm such a
• 38:50
  scholar. Yeah well that's the thing they
• 38:52
  do it, it's a factory. So you go into like 784 dish
• 38:55
  every year, new edition, new edition and the only things that
• 38:58
  change our. If they have a major well if
• 39:02
  they have a major new Theory they're just making a new book
• 39:04
  but like normally they just released the same thing every
• 39:06
  single year. Maybe a new forward and they are
• 39:09
  case studies will change and that'll be it.
• 39:11
  Yeah. Whatever Pro tip for University
• 39:14
  students right now who listen is Type in the title of your
• 39:17
  textbook and put PDF and then just download absolutely a free
• 39:21
  copy of an older edition because it doesn't change.
• 39:24
  And to be honest, text books themselves are even outdated to
• 39:28
  it. Like they don't do a very good
• 39:29
  job of keeping up with current literature anyway, even if you
• 39:32
  get one from the year that like if you're taking the class and
• 39:36
  you get one that was published that year, it's still going to
• 39:38
  be behind like two or three years.
• 39:40
  Yeah which is bizarre. I don't understand why you
• 39:43
  can't. Don't get at least within a year
• 39:44
  of the release Joe. Why does it have to be so old?
• 39:47
  Yeah, I mean, it's like and it's painful particular for business
• 39:50
  as well because obviously business is heavily related to
• 39:54
  culture and what happens in society and stuff like that.
• 39:57
  So, like, you'll get a like, I remember they were given us
• 40:00
  examples of things like that happened at, like the Super Bowl
• 40:03
  or something, but it been like five years prior to that, or
• 40:07
  something. So, it's like, so the day and
• 40:09
  were like, yeah, this happened years ago, man.
• 40:12
  Like this is And I hate to be mean but look the world moves
• 40:17
  differently right now. It's it moves so quickly and you
• 40:22
  you even need to keep up and move with the times or devote
• 40:29
  yourself to sort of a way of life that doesn't rely on that
• 40:33
  if you know what I mean, which is possible.
• 40:35
  Don't get me wrong. There's plenty of professions
• 40:36
  did things you can do in life, that you don't have to worry
• 40:39
  about, like, keeping up with the latest bloody technology, every
• 40:41
  5 seconds. But if you do want to keep into
• 40:45
  it, if you are in the entertainment Industries or
• 40:47
  business or whatever you need to keep up with everything, you
• 40:49
  know, I mean like me like I'm 27 years old I'd say I'm pretty
• 40:53
  switched on and have the pulse or more.
• 40:54
  Going on in society. And even I often will find
• 40:58
  things from the generation underneath me, where I'm like,
• 41:00
  what the hell, what does that mean?
• 41:02
  What's the context of this? I do, understand know.
• 41:04
  Normally, I'd be thing on things like memes, or like something
• 41:07
  like that, but like like the memes have evolved to such a
• 41:11
  degree now but like they've become so context, heavy.
• 41:16
  So, like sometimes it's actually impossible to find the context
• 41:20
  or if you do find the context it's like one of those or you
• 41:24
  had to be They're kind of things.
• 41:26
  Yeah, I do. My first instance of realizing
• 41:28
  that was where there was one that I had to Google and find
• 41:32
  out about and the mean was based on Mike video game character or
• 41:36
  something. And when I finally found that
• 41:38
  out I still didn't really understand the significance of
• 41:41
  that and I understood then you needed to have been part of that
• 41:45
  generation and played that game and understood it.
• 41:48
  You know, it's the same as like when we when we talk about like,
• 41:51
  oh man, you kids wouldn't have been able to deal with like
• 41:54
  Modern Warfare Lobby Circa 2006 2007, but that is the same thing
• 42:00
  because you had to have played it to understand how brutal and
• 42:03
  crazy a lot. Obviously, there's you find
• 42:05
  evidence of it online. Oh yeah.
• 42:08
  Then clips of it and stuff but like that's pretty mild like
• 42:11
  compared to what actually happened later.
• 42:14
  That's way worse. Trust me.
• 42:17
  But yeah, it's a similar thing. Is it is interesting is
• 42:19
  interesting. Yeah, I know.
• 42:21
  I'm also 27 and so when I talk to my younger Sister who is a
• 42:25
  part of that gin Z cohort. I'm just like, she sends me
• 42:30
  videos and memes and stuff and I'm like it's this like
• 42:36
  Avant-garde art that I'm not supposed to understand.
• 42:40
  Am I supposed to understand this?
• 42:42
  What is happening here? Is it, is it my 15 year old
• 42:45
  brother is very switched on with things, right?
• 42:48
  And we both post memes on our counts as work because I like to
• 42:52
  mix. So like on, if you follow me on
• 42:53
  Instagram, right? I will post published stuff
• 42:58
  about myself. You're my podcast, my latest
• 43:00
  videos, blah, blah blah, but I'll also post, like, pretty
• 43:03
  stuff that I like, you know, like Arty stuff.
• 43:05
  And Then memes, right? Yeah, but when I compare my
• 43:08
  memes to the memes that he's posting, I feel like a boomer by
• 43:12
  yes, comparison. I feel like what I'm laughing at
• 43:15
  is just is just sad and pathetic and I should just accept that.
• 43:19
  I'm an old man, but it's not. I'm not that old.
• 43:21
  I'm not like 50, I'm still like a young man but compared to him.
• 43:25
  I'm ancient hearing because I let used to look at especially
• 43:29
  in Internet years. Like, it's like light years away
• 43:33
  but oh absolutely. Um, yeah dose.
• 43:39
  It's it's a lot and that's kind of like to wrap it back to the
• 43:45
  point of the podcast, particularly the point about
• 43:47
  like professors, like, you know, setting up books that are
• 43:51
  outdated or they were known for themselves.
• 43:53
  He could I just add to that, by the way, I don't ya finish that
• 43:55
  story so like that Professor, that did that would that
• 43:57
  lecture? She literally every time we turn
• 44:00
  up to our lessons she would word.
• 44:03
  So I read verbatim Mmm word for word.
• 44:07
  She was a professor. It's not even.
• 44:09
  Like she was like some, I don't know PhD student.
• 44:12
  That didn't care or so because obviously, you get that I
• 44:14
  understand when you're studying for a PhD, you know, there's
• 44:18
  people that want to teach and want to go down that route and
• 44:20
  you can tell because they're passionate and they love
• 44:22
  teaching and there's everyone else who doesn't like doing it,
• 44:25
  but it's forced into doing it. And I understand I do understand
• 44:29
  that that's annoying but please don't make everyone else suffer,
• 44:32
  you were a student once or you know, you were a bachelor.
• 44:35
  Even ones that make everyone else suffer you know me and like
• 44:38
  with this teacher I was so I think that was the first major
• 44:42
  realization that University is a business and they don't care.
• 44:47
  They will legit read from a fucking PowerPoint.
• 44:50
  That is based word for word on the textbook that they've given
• 44:53
  you. Like literally after that we
• 44:54
  just did lectures anymore, always go to the seminars but
• 44:57
  lectures you can miss those, doesn't it?
• 45:00
  Yeah, no. That's that's ridiculous.
• 45:02
  And the worst part is like When they fill time with student
• 45:08
  presentations. I don't know if y'all deal with
• 45:11
  that at all but like it's like, yeah, I'm going to read out of
• 45:14
  the book for the first like several weeks.
• 45:16
  And then we're just going to have like a revolving door of
• 45:20
  your student presentations for the last couple weeks because I
• 45:23
  don't have any more material to cover.
• 45:25
  Like it's absolutely ridiculous. And then you know the whole
• 45:29
  process of evaluation on the teachers part is like a customer
• 45:34
  service satisfaction. Survey.
• 45:36
  Yeah, the like I forgot about that.
• 45:38
  Yeah, it's so, you know, like you don't even have to teach
• 45:41
  students anything, you just have to make them feel good at the
• 45:43
  end and typically, no, make them feel good at the end, you just
• 45:45
  give them their a or there be or however, whatever grading
• 45:49
  system. Hey, you totally unlocked a
• 45:51
  memory for me for me. I totally forgot that I know
• 45:54
  that's amazing that happens in the states to.
• 45:56
  Yeah, so I'll explain for our listeners for anyone who hasn't
• 45:58
  gone to UNI, so at the end of every, usually every term as
• 46:02
  Anna think. Yeah.
• 46:03
  Every term and the end. Every course essentially, yeah,
• 46:07
  every quarter, every term, you get like these questionnaires
• 46:10
  that you have to fill out both in the seminars and the lectures
• 46:13
  and it's your typical like, how did I do?
• 46:16
  How did you find the course? How was it?
• 46:18
  And it's like the most childish thing I've ever seen in my life.
• 46:22
  And it's it, really. I mean, it's Anonymous.
• 46:25
  It's fine. So you can be honest and you can
• 46:27
  say, if it's terrible and you can give your thoughts.
• 46:29
  So that element of it is good, you know, I'll give credit where
• 46:32
  credit's due. But look, first of all, they
• 46:35
  Kitt. I don't know about you, but they
• 46:36
  made it compulsory for us to have to fill it out and it was
• 46:39
  it wasn't like a quick like five-minute delos.
• 46:42
  It was pretty lengthy. There was some open-ended
• 46:44
  question. A lot of us would just be, you
• 46:45
  know, like you were fine. Hmm.
• 46:48
  Harry are like Jeremy that we don't care that, we're too busy
• 46:51
  with our degrees to care about, fill it out this stupid for my
• 46:54
  doing, right? And like, if you're going to do
• 46:57
  multiple choice, Make it quick? Yes, have have.
• 47:01
  Like if you can do multiple choice have a thing that's like
• 47:04
  I don't know if it's 15 questions. 13 of them are
• 47:07
  multiple choice. Uh-huh.
• 47:09
  The final two open-ended but you make them optional, that's how
• 47:13
  you do a proper form. And then to be less, you'll
• 47:15
  probably get more likely less people spoiling spoiling the
• 47:20
  results or them are actually pay attention.
• 47:23
  And do even people that are lazy will probably do it because it's
• 47:25
  quick, and the probably be nicer in here.
• 47:29
  Feedback as well, right? They don't get you know burnt
• 47:32
  out by the time they get to the open-ended questions.
• 47:35
  Yeah. Really feel.
• 47:36
  Did you know there was a lot of stuff there that was charred.
• 47:39
  It's like I remember because we stopped going to lectures pretty
• 47:43
  much from three weeks in onwards.
• 47:45
  Once we realized that a it was very hit and miss if the
• 47:49
  lectures would actually be useful to us this is just my
• 47:52
  personal course but it was very hit.
• 47:54
  Miss you had to really pick and choose because sometimes you
• 47:56
  just be going there and have been literally a waste of time,
• 47:58
  it would even be more Boring monotonous or it would be not
• 48:01
  useful in some way at the seminars are stand by it
• 48:04
  seminars, at least a business management and marketing is
• 48:06
  concerned. Go to that, go to every single
• 48:09
  one that is, that is the Holy Grail of Education, right, that
• 48:14
  and because you get to ask someone who is because for us it
• 48:18
  was always a PhD student that would be the leader of the
• 48:20
  seminars and I'm guessing the seminars are analogous to our
• 48:23
  Labs I guess. I mean the seven is literally
• 48:27
  just you sit in a room. Small.
• 48:32
  It's it's small. It's casual, you've got someone.
• 48:36
  Yeah. Sometimes they have some sort of
• 48:37
  presentation or task for you to do, but especially are just
• 48:40
  walking through the content for the week.
• 48:42
  Well, it's like your opportunity to basically ask his tooth is to
• 48:48
  folks. You can ask what you don't
• 48:50
  understand in the lectures because they'll be tied to the
• 48:54
  course tutor that they're essentially working for the
• 48:56
  couch cost year. So if the court, if the tutor is
• 48:58
  a There's a professor there. There are PhD student under
• 49:02
  them, so it kind of makes sense that they are vested interest in
• 49:05
  it and yeah, they'll do help you understand and make sense of the
• 49:08
  lectures and then they'll also make additional content for the
• 49:12
  seminars that's like specific to the seminars.
• 49:15
  But it relates to the main course not.
• 49:18
  So it's all useful but often it will help expand the pond,
• 49:22
  what's going on in the lectures. And I don't know, for me, I
• 49:25
  always felt like it was more useful and I understood and more
• 49:28
  specifically Couldn't put your hand up and ask questions.
• 49:31
  It's not like the lecture where you got 300 people in the room
• 49:33
  and you're like, asking a question in front of 300 people
• 49:36
  and you don't want to be that guy.
• 49:37
  That asked some dumb question or it's still awkward because I
• 49:41
  felt. Yeah, I'm a pretty fairly
• 49:44
  comfortable guy talking in front of crowds and people, but even I
• 49:47
  didn't like, put my hand up and asking a quick because you don't
• 49:49
  want to be like, oh, wow, he asked that.
• 49:51
  Wow, what an idiot. Like, he's to be honest though.
• 49:55
  You can ask a whole assortment of dumb questions because the
• 49:58
  people and Like in particular, the 300 level like 300 person
• 50:01
  courses, like top half of the top back of the room.
• 50:05
  They don't know what's going on. They're on their phone.
• 50:08
  So if you ask a dumb question, they're like, oh, that's a smart
• 50:11
  question. I didn't know the answer to
• 50:12
  that. I'm in the browser.
• 50:13
  Just said it, I've got photo this because I still to this
• 50:16
  day. Yeah, I don't judge people, too
• 50:18
  harshly is not like I was always 100% focused on every lecture.
• 50:23
  Most of the time I was just there to hopefully absorb
• 50:25
  something and just be there to justify attendance and stuff.
• 50:29
  Huh? Once I realize like how to
• 50:31
  actually do uni like in an effective manner, but that being
• 50:34
  said, I would judge other people who would act like this.
• 50:37
  There was a girl who legitimately was watching
• 50:41
  because wasn't a fucking movie. Oh yeah.
• 50:44
  During the lecture as that, why are you here y-you'd?
• 50:48
  What is the point? Like, what is the point?
• 50:52
  I couldn't believe it. I just, I just screenshot it.
• 50:54
  And I just, wow. Wow.
• 50:58
  What is and you're paying you're paying to be here.
• 51:01
  Like, I'm not trying to be like mr.
• 51:03
  Sanctimonious mr. Annoying below who use your own
• 51:06
  time you're wasting. But like you are that when you
• 51:09
  look at it like how much money you're going to owe afterwards?
• 51:11
  And this is why I don't take it too seriously.
• 51:14
  When they threaten you like or you need to go to let you need
• 51:16
  to do this. You need to do that.
• 51:17
  No do the degree in the way that works best for you.
• 51:20
  So if you're your most effective, you know, studying in
• 51:24
  your own place or study in the library or bad natural way do
• 51:28
  that, you know, do the bare minimum, you need just to not
• 51:31
  get thrown off the course as far as seminars and lectures.
• 51:33
  But do what's most effective for you because look, they're not
• 51:36
  going to help you to get the degree.
• 51:38
  You're the one who's in charge of doing that.
• 51:40
  Like, they'll give you Give you tips and tricks.
• 51:43
  Like obviously like I learned this more recently but the whole
• 51:45
  thing with the reading list but they don't tell you that but
• 51:48
  it's supposed to be these are things that would help you but
• 51:52
  every single thing that you read will take you in different
• 51:56
  directions, they make it seem like you have to read everything
• 51:58
  on that list which is you a, it's not possible and be if you
• 52:02
  do that, you'll drive yourself nuts, absolutely time.
• 52:06
  But you're not supposed to do that.
• 52:07
  That's not actually what you're supposed to do is supposed to
• 52:09
  read some of it and pick a direction and that's Often where
• 52:12
  the assignments will go, you know, if you have to do an
• 52:16
  essay, it's like you pick one of the different readings and that
• 52:20
  will take you in a different direction and you base your
• 52:21
  theories on that right. Only that.
• 52:25
  It's and I will say though I don't really judge students
• 52:29
  terribly much for doing the whole watching the movie and
• 52:32
  lecture. I mean obviously I won't allow
• 52:35
  it in my classrooms but you know like you said the university is
• 52:41
  a - and so the student pays for parking, they pay tuition, they
• 52:46
  pay for their food so like they're paying for their degree.
• 52:48
  So there's a very much this consumer mindset when it comes
• 52:51
  to University right now. And so you are paying for that
• 52:55
  grade, it's kind of the connection that's made there for
• 52:58
  the students because they're paying for everything else.
• 53:01
  And so if you look at like that, you know, customer service
• 53:04
  satisfaction survey, if you're a teacher who's rough and actually
• 53:08
  challenges your students and actually, you know, makes them
• 53:11
  do the Eating actually makes them pay attention learning is
• 53:15
  uncomfortable and that's going to reflect poorly on those
• 53:18
  customer service satisfaction surveys.
• 53:20
  And so on the back end of those surveys because I just had to do
• 53:24
  this, I had to average all of my courses.
• 53:27
  I taught as a student to get the job that I'm moving into and
• 53:31
  then include that in my packet and along with like quotes from
• 53:36
  students from those open-ended. So the university that hired me
• 53:41
  had to go through and look at my customer service satisfaction
• 53:46
  averages, I've gotta also be. Oh, yeah, well let me say one
• 53:51
  thing real quick, please. So the incentive for professors
• 53:55
  is to make students as comfortable as possible, so they
• 53:58
  can move up and get tenure, they can move out and get a new job.
• 54:02
  And so, the incentives structure encourages students to just show
• 54:08
  up purchase their grade watch the movie in the back of the
• 54:10
  classroom, because they You have to learn anything most of the
• 54:13
  time. Yeah.
• 54:14
  And that seems to be what like even the school system seems to
• 54:17
  be running the same way, at least in the UK.
• 54:19
  It seems like School College University is all based on that
• 54:23
  premise of like that's for example this is something I
• 54:26
  learnt really recently as well. If you're at school and they're
• 54:29
  telling you like our it's really important that you get these
• 54:32
  high grades. It's not because they want you
• 54:34
  to do. Well, it's because the more
• 54:36
  higher grades they get and the more money they get and then the
• 54:40
  higher ratings of the of the schools will be.
• 54:44
  So obviously in the UK that set ofsted for high schools and
• 54:48
  primary schools, it's the governing body that basically,
• 54:50
  checks each school. So and like like I, when I
• 54:55
  realized that I was like Jesus, that's exactly how Unis are as
• 54:58
  well and they just care about the average.
• 55:00
  And like, I understand that those people were there and that
• 55:03
  they don't, they don't care particularly and, you know, it
• 55:06
  doesn't bother me that much. I mean, you know, they're
• 55:08
  wasting their own time and stuff but like, I think full
• 55:12
  professors and teachers, that really care about what they're
• 55:16
  doing is frustrating to see that, you know, me.
• 55:18
  And it's like, I just wonder why they bother turning up, you know
• 55:23
  what I mean, right? Because it's a weird position to
• 55:26
  be in. So, I just finished up reading,
• 55:29
  it's called, it's a book called capitalist realism by Mark
• 55:32
  Fisher. And he talks about kind of the
• 55:34
  shift between, like the disciplinary Society to the
• 55:37
  control societies. So, like in the disciplinary
• 55:40
  societies, i d like you left your house to go to a building
• 55:44
  where you are surveyed and you know, you do your work or your
• 55:47
  school so like you go to the workplace, you go to the
• 55:50
  university, you sit in the classroom and then the control
• 55:54
  Society is that control system follows you around with your
• 55:57
  phone and so your surveyed through your phone now.
• 56:00
  And so you are incentivized through the phone to do what
• 56:03
  you're supposed to do or through media Etc and the university
• 56:07
  still has the structure of the discipline Society.
• 56:11
  Where you have to go in, you sit single file, you have to take
• 56:15
  your tests, like, you wouldn't like the 1940s 50s 60s, 70s.
• 56:20
  But the people in the room are living in the control Society.
• 56:24
  So, they're given a media diet constantly of entertainment.
• 56:29
  And so how do you manage the control subject within the
• 56:32
  discipline structure? And so the teacher ends up both
• 56:35
  being like a disciplinarian who is goal is to get you to pass
• 56:39
  the test. But Also the facilitator
• 56:42
  Entertainer because you have to constantly engage the students
• 56:46
  as well. So you have to both be good.
• 56:48
  Cop and bad cop in the classroom.
• 56:50
  I don't think it's that difficult, you know, because
• 56:52
  I've said often of often cites State, this is an example.
• 56:57
  But I had a professor for a module that to be honest, I
• 57:01
  didn't even particularly like, but he made it so enjoyable and
• 57:06
  so fun that he had the biggest turnouts for his leg, right?
• 57:10
  Not what not one. Day.
• 57:11
  I trust me when he was doing his seminars.
• 57:14
  No one was missing those seminars when he was doing
• 57:16
  lectures. If you think, okay, we had 300
• 57:18
  people in our year, right? Average attendance, for a
• 57:22
  lecture, was between 10 to 20 people.
• 57:24
  I kid you not, and I was one of those suckers that was there,
• 57:27
  because I'm a sucker and I turn up to start.
• 57:30
  Even though II perpetuate about all you can Skip and I believe
• 57:33
  me, I did Skip lectures. Most of the time I was there.
• 57:37
  You know what I mean? Is I just, I just figured like,
• 57:39
  if I can I should go, you know, right.
• 57:43
  But with his lessons I was always there and there was a
• 57:46
  there was a higher tone I think he got between 50 to 75 people,
• 57:49
  generally, and then full attendance when they were
• 57:51
  pushing attendance on us. Because the ud really did try to
• 57:55
  intervene in second and third year, it was like, really, this
• 57:58
  is when we really need to be doing independent study, and we
• 58:00
  need as much time as possible, and they were trying to perforce
• 58:03
  us to go to lectures, and it was just a waste of time.
• 58:07
  Anyway, his lectures were excellent and I put that down,
• 58:10
  too. His passion.
• 58:13
  But also, you know, they say that like the, you only have
• 58:18
  about 20 minutes of someone's attention before they, you know,
• 58:21
  they click off and stuff. Right?
• 58:23
  Yeah, the way to let battle that I think is too kind of like peer
• 58:29
  into the interactivity. Bring the students in.
• 58:32
  Because if you're just talking for a full 50 minutes, I mean
• 58:36
  sometimes you can you can hold a room with that sometimes, you
• 58:39
  know, it's possible. But it's tough, especially,
• 58:43
  yeah, with a lecture, as well. When you're just relaying
• 58:45
  information, you're always going to have the front row of kids,
• 58:49
  that, you know, taking all the notes doing everything.
• 58:53
  Are they really engaged? Like, how engaged are you?
• 58:55
  If you're just taking notes, not really, you know, you're kind of
• 58:59
  maybe, maybe you can do both, but most of the time, you're
• 59:01
  either paying attention or you're writing notes and not,
• 59:05
  right? I'll pay attention.
• 59:06
  And then everyone else as we explained before is either half
• 59:09
  listing, I'm going to sleep in. Little playing games, I don't
• 59:12
  know, maybe all they're not there he says, yeah, they're not
• 59:15
  there, this is like, you know, that's what you got to contend
• 59:19
  with. So I think to tour the men, you
• 59:20
  need to have that kind of you took five ten minutes, take some
• 59:25
  questions, mmm, you bring you bring you bring the
• 59:29
  interactivity into play and you make it interesting for them.
• 59:31
  And you give fun examples, you give stuff to make people think
• 59:36
  shock people every now. And again, with something that
• 59:39
  you wouldn't expect them to say, Say, because I think that's the
• 59:42
  thing is, what? There's a massive disconnect
• 59:43
  between you, the student, and then the professor who's up here
• 59:47
  and like, there's, there's that hierarchy system and I know
• 59:50
  don't get me wrong, I know there's teachers that try to
• 59:52
  kind of be a bit more like, hey, I'm done with the Cubes but it's
• 59:55
  like, haha. Is that people like that?
• 59:57
  But like, don't like that. And I think that's right.
• 59:59
  There's a way to pin down. How you do it?
• 1:00:01
  Yeah, precisely. Yeah.
• 1:00:03
  There's a way to do these things and I think, normally hits, one
• 1:00:06
  hard extreme, it's either boring monotonous can't stand you or
• 1:00:10
  two over. Stop trying to be my friend, get
• 1:00:12
  away from me. It's very hard to get the middle
• 1:00:14
  balance but some people do I've had professors that have done it
• 1:00:17
  so I know it's possible, right? Yeah I know it's a big challenge
• 1:00:21
  to teach and compete with the phone.
• 1:00:24
  Oh yeah. No.
• 1:00:25
  Don't get me wrong yet like that is that's the stiff competition.
• 1:00:28
  Like am I gonna get you off your phone today?
• 1:00:30
  I mean I'm old fashioned anyway I think that's the rudest thing
• 1:00:34
  you could ever do is be sitting down your phone.
• 1:00:36
  You know II never used to do that.
• 1:00:39
  I'd have it like with me and I Check things when I needed to
• 1:00:42
  but I wouldn't be generally. Like another human being is
• 1:00:45
  talking to you and giving you their attention, don't be rude
• 1:00:48
  right now. If you want to sit on your
• 1:00:50
  phone, just don't bother showing up, you know.
• 1:00:52
  Like I think that's less rude than sitting there with your
• 1:00:56
  phone like generate that. And it used to annoy me like
• 1:00:59
  everything I do business presentations and look around
• 1:01:02
  the room, and I look, I hate doing that anyway, because I can
• 1:01:05
  easily do it in front of a rumor, like 300 people.
• 1:01:07
  No problem, you know, I've been a musician in the past, you
• 1:01:09
  know, performed in front of That's easy, but when you're in
• 1:01:13
  a room in Intimate room about 10-15 people your peers and
• 1:01:15
  you're trying to, you know, stress this thing and you're
• 1:01:18
  worried about it and you're also being assessed by the lecture.
• 1:01:21
  It like it's not a great situation to be in but when you
• 1:01:24
  see those fuckers like a couple of them just sitting there on
• 1:01:26
  their phone up, Yeah, it's like get your fucking head up.
• 1:01:32
  Like I was no attention to your crappy presentation.
• 1:01:35
  Pay attention to my good presentation.
• 1:01:37
  Ha ha ha you'll learn something. New, always be the guy, I
• 1:01:42
  remember this, right? You ever get that thing where it
• 1:01:45
  with the group projects because I could talk all day my group
• 1:01:48
  projects, they drive me nuts. I hate working in groups purely
• 1:01:51
  because you always get lazy people.
• 1:01:54
  Oh, yeah, fucks. And this is especially true at
• 1:01:57
  University that there, Guy. I used to specifically do
• 1:02:00
  projects with and we would seek each other out because we both
• 1:02:04
  knew we would do work and we knew okay if there's five people
• 1:02:07
  at least me and you if we do, our work will get it done.
• 1:02:11
  We'll be okay. Because obviously I've been in
• 1:02:14
  touch in situations where it's all just come down to me.
• 1:02:17
  And I Harriet and I remembered so many times watching group
• 1:02:21
  presentations where you can see the person that did no work
• 1:02:27
  nothing. And they're like, They've
• 1:02:28
  literally been given handed a script to read and they like and
• 1:02:33
  it was this and yeah and and then like they all get a fucking
• 1:02:38
  a star inside but they didn't do any work.
• 1:02:40
  They did nothing. They don't deserve jack shit.
• 1:02:43
  Why are they getting what though?
• 1:02:47
  I found a way to get around it so where I can use a group
• 1:02:50
  presentations like group projects at my courses but like
• 1:02:53
  not have that. I'm make it so that every single
• 1:02:58
  student Then the group like they're all working on the same
• 1:03:00
  topic, but they all have their own independent project within
• 1:03:03
  that topic that they have to outline to me.
• 1:03:06
  And so when they go up and present it, I can tell who did
• 1:03:09
  their work. Because it may also like, for
• 1:03:11
  example, in my human sexuality class.
• 1:03:14
  We had a group that did like we actually it was really cool.
• 1:03:17
  We had two groups, one group did sex-toy software and the other
• 1:03:21
  one did sex toy Hardware, okay. So each individual within their
• 1:03:26
  chose like a different dating app or a A different kind of
• 1:03:29
  like someone did teledildonics. Are you familiar?
• 1:03:34
  No, I think I've had the name but no, we don't, we know that
• 1:03:37
  is it's a pair of, it's a dildo and then a like a flashlight
• 1:03:44
  that are connected via Wi-Fi and so you can be a part in the
• 1:03:49
  movement of one affects the movement of the other.
• 1:03:52
  Okay interesting. It's good for like companies in
• 1:03:55
  long-distance relationships, okay?
• 1:03:59
  So they would do that. So when that person came up and
• 1:04:01
  talked about, you know, like the Wi-Fi dildos I was like okay.
• 1:04:05
  Yes, here's all of your work. Blah blah blah, blah blah.
• 1:04:08
  And then I could assess the collective and go.
• 1:04:10
  Okay. You did your work.
• 1:04:11
  You didn't do your work. Okay.
• 1:04:12
  Here's all of your individual grades.
• 1:04:15
  Because they each were distinct within the presentation.
• 1:04:18
  I didn't they didn't like sort themselves, they had to sort.
• 1:04:21
  They had to come to me first to approve their sorting.
• 1:04:24
  So I was like, okay, now I can track you.
• 1:04:26
  So that way, I'm not screwing over the person who did most of
• 1:04:28
  the work to put the PowerPoint together.
• 1:04:30
  I'm sorry if I was studying human sexuality, I would just
• 1:04:33
  be, like, enthralled in that. That sounds amazing.
• 1:04:37
  You know, like how could you be bored and not do your own so
• 1:04:41
  much fun. And I'm real sneaky, I teach
• 1:04:45
  Stats in that class because that we pull up like, research
• 1:04:50
  articles and stuff like that. And so I teach them statistics
• 1:04:53
  and like, statistical literacy in the course, and they don't
• 1:04:56
  even know it because they're think they're just learning
• 1:04:59
  about, like, average, like penis sizes, or how frequently people
• 1:05:02
  have sex in a week or things like that.
• 1:05:05
  But like, I'm under the radar building that stats Literacy for
• 1:05:09
  them. Okay.
• 1:05:10
  So they have no idea. They just think they're having
• 1:05:13
  fun. But then when they leave the
• 1:05:14
  class or like, Oh, I know what a normal distribution is.
• 1:05:18
  I know what significance means. I know what effect sizes are and
• 1:05:23
  I'm like, ha, ha ha. You just thought you were
• 1:05:25
  learning about penises. That's clever, is clever.
• 1:05:32
  I like, how would you say your research on human sexuality is
• 1:05:36
  affected like your own sex life in terms of you, like, how you
• 1:05:40
  perceive it and how you approach it.
• 1:05:43
  Mmm. Because I always wonder like if
• 1:05:45
  you're studying the thing, especially something as personal
• 1:05:50
  is your sex, like obviously being a scientist and being
• 1:05:53
  scientifically, you obviously like extracting stuff.
• 1:05:57
  But I do Wonder like, wouldn't that kind of like destroy A lot
• 1:06:02
  of it for you. Like it is kind of like takes
• 1:06:05
  almost takes everything away because you understand it on
• 1:06:07
  such a deep level and like Jenna mean, right?
• 1:06:12
  Yeah. I think the one thing that I've
• 1:06:14
  learned and this is a benefit I think is that people are both a
• 1:06:21
  lot weirder than you. Think they are a lot more normal
• 1:06:25
  than you think they are okay. Like at the same time, it's
• 1:06:28
  really weird. It's kind of like a paradox.
• 1:06:30
  So You know, there is not there is no like equation or formula
• 1:06:37
  or prescription I can give you for a healthy sex life because
• 1:06:41
  it's so independent on each person.
• 1:06:43
  So there's a study that came out recently that looked at it was
• 1:06:47
  like the experimental sample like they had to double their
• 1:06:52
  sexual frequency and a week and then a control group got to do
• 1:06:56
  just their regular sexual frequency and the control group
• 1:07:00
  came out more sexually satisfied.
• 1:07:02
  So it's not even how much sex you're having.
• 1:07:04
  It's like, what is right for you.
• 1:07:06
  And so, I'm a lot more comfortable with my decisions
• 1:07:09
  romantically and sexually now, because I'm like, I get to be
• 1:07:13
  the boss of this, like there is no formula or like Norm.
• 1:07:18
  That is overreaching enough to affect any individual person and
• 1:07:23
  Society, like we have a bunch of expectations and we got a bunch
• 1:07:27
  of misconceptions, but when it comes down to it there, No, like
• 1:07:31
  secret magical formula. That's going to like make it
• 1:07:34
  better. So just as an example, I
• 1:07:37
  actually so obviously you know what the sun is?
• 1:07:40
  Because you're in the UK, the Tabloid.
• 1:07:43
  Oh yeah. So I was covered in the sun last
• 1:07:48
  week for sure for saying that consensual non-monogamy had
• 1:07:53
  better relationship outcomes than monogamous couples dead.
• 1:07:57
  Okay. And so we ran a study with like
• 1:08:00
  500 people, 550 people who were in consensually non-monogamous
• 1:08:05
  relationships. This is like your swingers, your
• 1:08:07
  open relationship your polyamory and they did better in love
• 1:08:12
  passion satisfaction fulfillment, they had healthier
• 1:08:17
  coping mechanisms for relationship issues.
• 1:08:20
  The only thing that didn't differ was that the monogamy in
• 1:08:22
  the Nama Naga me were equal on trust which I thought was weird.
• 1:08:26
  Hmm. And because I figured you'd have
• 1:08:29
  to be like way more trusting if you're gonna have Relationship.
• 1:08:32
  But they both had the same level of trust.
• 1:08:34
  And so I don't recommend people go into open relationships, just
• 1:08:38
  because the stats say it's better because it's like a lot
• 1:08:42
  of work. Like the the underlying meaning
• 1:08:46
  of those stats is that if you want those positive outcomes
• 1:08:49
  it's not like changing your relationship and who it's all
• 1:08:51
  better. It's those people have to
• 1:08:53
  monitor and like, emotionally and socially and sexually
• 1:08:58
  satisfy multiple people throughout the week.
• 1:09:00
  And That is exhausting and you learn how to do it better
• 1:09:05
  because you get more practice, you know, being able to meet
• 1:09:08
  different needs of different people in different ways.
• 1:09:11
  But God, I would that would I would go to bed tired every
• 1:09:14
  night. Like even just like a evening
• 1:09:16
  meal would be exhausting. Yeah, here's the thing like
• 1:09:20
  because I'm more into a monogamous relationship.
• 1:09:23
  I thought I thought about polyamorous and stuff and I
• 1:09:26
  think it's something that I couldn't do.
• 1:09:30
  Before this one fact, right which is that if I would
• 1:09:36
  discover that my partner was sleeping with other people, that
• 1:09:39
  would just break. Be it would cry, try me and but
• 1:09:43
  I don't judge people for having those type of relationships, if
• 1:09:45
  anything I think is amazing but I only like I looked at it like
• 1:09:50
  if it was possible for me to do it, how would I do it?
• 1:09:52
  And I think the only way that I sort of rationalize in my head
• 1:09:55
  that I could do it is if you have that that relationship with
• 1:09:59
  that person, Owen, but then the people that you sleep with, like
• 1:10:04
  there's no love there. There's no kind of Maggie's just
• 1:10:07
  sex. Basic, right.
• 1:10:08
  Right. That I kind of kind of made
• 1:10:10
  sense to me because it's like, you know, if for what like
• 1:10:14
  hypothetically if you couldn't get fully Satisfied, by the
• 1:10:16
  person you're with and you both understand like oh it's nothing
• 1:10:20
  against you. It's just, you know I need maybe
• 1:10:22
  that they'll actually get tired up and you don't know how to do
• 1:10:25
  not say yeah you know it could be something as silly as that or
• 1:10:29
  like just like you want to go a bit.
• 1:10:30
  Too crazy with something, then there that we need to that.
• 1:10:33
  So you get what you need elsewhere, but you don't want to
• 1:10:35
  lose that relationship that you have with it because that's like
• 1:10:37
  the draw. That makes perfect sense to me.
• 1:10:40
  But what you just laid out where they're having multiple like
• 1:10:45
  relationship like motional and physical?
• 1:10:47
  Yeah, I do understand that I kind of get it's kind of like
• 1:10:52
  fascinating in a way because it's like how do you know unless
• 1:10:54
  you try? But at the same time it's like
• 1:10:57
  yeah that does sound exhaust and how is it possible that you
• 1:11:00
  could? I'd love several people at once.
• 1:11:03
  Mmm, I mean I suppose it's possible.
• 1:11:05
  I mean obviously it's possible like you know you can maintain
• 1:11:08
  several different kinds of relationships at the same time
• 1:11:12
  it lessons because Isn't Love well I mean they were reporting
• 1:11:16
  more love than the monogamy. So while I'm not recommending
• 1:11:20
  and I'm not non-monogamous either like I'm very monogamous
• 1:11:26
  I would not because of this researchers switch sides by any
• 1:11:29
  means, but I think it has to do with that.
• 1:11:32
  Like it takes a lot of time like because you learn how to love
• 1:11:35
  somebody, right? Like you don't just go in.
• 1:11:38
  Like if you just rely on your feelings when you enter a
• 1:11:41
  relationship, that's going to end in like six months.
• 1:11:43
  And then you like and you didn't spend the time to learn how to
• 1:11:47
  love that person. So if you are learning how to
• 1:11:49
  love multiple people over the course of time, you're learning
• 1:11:53
  different ways of socially and Interacting and being with
• 1:11:57
  different people. And so you get better at it
• 1:12:00
  because you get more practice. It's kind of like having sex
• 1:12:03
  like the more you have sex. The better you get at it.
• 1:12:04
  Yeah absolutely. So I think it's like a crash
• 1:12:08
  course in relationships to be in an open relationship because you
• 1:12:11
  get like multiple different kinds of relationships that in
• 1:12:14
  different people that you have to sexually romantically and
• 1:12:17
  socially satisfy. And so I believe it's a lot of
• 1:12:22
  hard work to do that and especially for like monogamous
• 1:12:26
  We were like having a hard time and they're like, oh well, just
• 1:12:28
  open up our relationship and that'll save us.
• 1:12:31
  What do I do ever? No, no, that will not work.
• 1:12:38
  Neither will having a child. Yeah, let's let's add another
• 1:12:43
  person into this equation. Already.
• 1:12:45
  Terrible relationship. That's a great idea.
• 1:12:48
  You gotta start your own house first before you bring other
• 1:12:50
  people and like if you haven't figured out that monogamy yet
• 1:12:54
  you're not going to be successful with Phenomena for me
• 1:12:57
  because it's a lot of work. So to answer your question,
• 1:13:01
  about how it affects my sex life, like I can do that
• 1:13:03
  research and then not feel like I need to go be naumann
• 1:13:06
  Optimist. Now it's disconnect them
• 1:13:08
  basically. Yeah, there's it's, you know,
• 1:13:10
  but it will say it's made like pornography awkward because I do
• 1:13:14
  a little bit of like porn research, and so I'll be in my
• 1:13:17
  office on my computer through porn.
• 1:13:26
  Let's see what the window and there's a giant Excel
• 1:13:28
  spreadsheet. I'm tired of watching this.
• 1:13:34
  Okay, yep. That's the same order behaviors.
• 1:13:37
  They did in the last video. Great so much diversity.
• 1:13:40
  So exciting. Some well, yeah.
• 1:13:43
  So you must be just like like, you just don't watch porn and
• 1:13:46
  just bored of it now. I mean, I don't know, ouch, I
• 1:13:49
  still watch it but like it's definitely not what it was magic
• 1:13:54
  is gone. The magic is that The movie
• 1:13:56
  Magic has been broken. Yeah.
• 1:13:58
  Now I'm like, I'll give you that hiring.
• 1:14:01
  I don't often talk about these things, but I will say that I
• 1:14:04
  think most porn. It's just shockingly terrible.
• 1:14:08
  Yes, it's just just just not. I mean it's gotten better.
• 1:14:10
  I think over the past 10-15 years but it's, yeah, I spent it
• 1:14:14
  sometimes especially because I'm into acting and stuff so I'll
• 1:14:18
  hear them playing out there seen doing wrong but I'm like, I'm
• 1:14:20
  just like, oh my God, I can't watch it.
• 1:14:22
  Like the ACT is so bad you don't have to do a To make this good.
• 1:14:27
  But you've somehow managed to make this terrible.
• 1:14:30
  He's just get some acting lessons before you do this
• 1:14:33
  people. No, seriously, well, I mean, and
• 1:14:36
  they don't even need to have all of the scenes in the character,
• 1:14:39
  like the background and like how the characters are dressed
• 1:14:42
  before they're undressed, will give you enough inference that
• 1:14:45
  you don't need to pretend to be actors.
• 1:14:47
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less is more.
• 1:14:50
  I think less is more less is more important.
• 1:14:56
  I think so yeah because as you say like a lot of it is, is
• 1:14:59
  scenario, but or yes, scenario based or roleplay based that's
• 1:15:03
  kind of the whole deal. With with with, with porn is
• 1:15:06
  it's like fantasies. It's like seeing things that
• 1:15:10
  maybe you don't get to experience in your in social
• 1:15:12
  life or the. You would love to experience but
• 1:15:14
  it's not awesome or something. Right?
• 1:15:16
  And so like you often will imagine you.
• 1:15:19
  You are that person or you are in that situation.
• 1:15:21
  So it's very off-putting if they have these things that Clash
• 1:15:24
  some way or there is Right? Or they just, I don't know.
• 1:15:28
  Like I see a lot of laziness in it that like just realize I
• 1:15:32
  barely even watch it anymore. To be honest just because it's
• 1:15:34
  so so bad. And also I found over the years
• 1:15:38
  that I have a very creative mind of my own, which Ray I find
• 1:15:42
  interesting because I think that comes that's coming later in
• 1:15:44
  life and I think that's come more from me opening up with my
• 1:15:47
  creative Endeavors and doing that.
• 1:15:50
  Never thought I'd be talking about.
• 1:15:51
  This is Matt, I feel I always get awkward talking about these
• 1:15:55
  things but Yeah, this feels everyone does in the context of
• 1:15:58
  like, what we're talking about. Yeah, actually.
• 1:16:00
  Sounds like a decent conversation to have.
• 1:16:03
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 1:16:04
  Because I don't like typical conversations like this, like
• 1:16:08
  crude and that, you know, like the lads.
• 1:16:10
  I don't know, I've never been that type of guy, but I will say
• 1:16:13
  that, like, I think it's a fun conversation to have.
• 1:16:17
  And as you said before with this idea that like no one is normal,
• 1:16:20
  and no one is is weird. Or, you know, the reverse is
• 1:16:23
  true as well. I think there's a lot of Truth.
• 1:16:26
  For now and it surprises me that people get so up in arms.
• 1:16:30
  I like, how could you suggest that right when there's just so
• 1:16:34
  much craziness out there, you know, it's like okay for
• 1:16:37
  example, the foot fetish thing that people seem to have right.
• 1:16:40
  I don't get that, I think it's odd, but I don't like hold that
• 1:16:44
  against people, that might have that.
• 1:16:46
  I just think you're into what you're into as long as it's like
• 1:16:50
  the difference between a fetish and a paraphilia, like the
• 1:16:53
  fetishes I like my lady friend. To wear a particular shoe in the
• 1:16:57
  bedroom. The paraphilia is I break into a
• 1:17:00
  department store and jerk off into the shoes.
• 1:17:04
  Like we're good like it's healthy, it's fine.
• 1:17:12
  So no that's like as long as we're not like Crossing those.
• 1:17:16
  And I will say though it is like if we are looking at something
• 1:17:20
  like distress over your sexuality, then we need to start
• 1:17:24
  asking questions and Perhaps pursuing like a counseling or
• 1:17:28
  like an open brightness and like, start exploring, what's
• 1:17:31
  going on? But I worry a little bit like,
• 1:17:37
  This is going to sound counterintuitive, but I feel
• 1:17:40
  like we're moving into a very sexually closed age and a lot of
• 1:17:47
  ways we are getting particularly in the research, we're getting
• 1:17:51
  very wrapped up and like medicalizing a lot of stuff
• 1:17:55
  right now. So you get a lot of the like
• 1:17:58
  pornography addiction research or sex addiction research and
• 1:18:02
  there's some like this roll like researchers out there who just
• 1:18:06
  like It's a thing. This is the most toxic stuff on
• 1:18:10
  the planet. Blah, blah, blah.
• 1:18:12
  Like Rafi is totally. Yeah.
• 1:18:14
  Yeah. And like and I'm like, guys,
• 1:18:16
  like people were freaking out about like comic books in the
• 1:18:19
  way that you're freaking out about porn right now, but we
• 1:18:21
  have like, online movements that are picking it up.
• 1:18:23
  So, there's this group called nofap, where they like to only
• 1:18:27
  believe that they're addicted to pornography and so they try to,
• 1:18:30
  you know, quit cold turkey and they use their Reddit board as a
• 1:18:34
  way to. Yeah.
• 1:18:35
  You kind of talk. Yeah.
• 1:18:37
  So So and there's been some recent research that if you're
• 1:18:40
  the more you engage on that red important, the more likely you
• 1:18:43
  are to relapse but even like the addiction model.
• 1:18:46
  And of itself does not really account for pornography or
• 1:18:49
  sexual addiction, which is why you don't get pornography or
• 1:18:52
  sexual addictions, they like the DSM, for example, like it's not
• 1:18:56
  an official diagnosis yet. And there's some interesting
• 1:19:00
  research, that's starting to show that the people who have
• 1:19:04
  porn addiction or compulsive porn Behavior.
• 1:19:07
  They don't track similarly and their frequency.
• 1:19:10
  So you could watch one video a week and feel like you're
• 1:19:13
  addicted. Just as much as someone who
• 1:19:15
  watches like 6 hours a week or like 24 hours a week, like the
• 1:19:21
  level of distress is the same and perception.
• 1:19:24
  And the only thing that predicts it is believing that what you're
• 1:19:26
  doing is wrong. And so you don't even have to be
• 1:19:31
  like, say, like religious, but just to have that, like, oh,
• 1:19:35
  what I'm doing is wrong and the Back of your head or is a part
• 1:19:38
  it's called moral incongruence and that is for some.
• 1:19:42
  Yeah. It's all his.
• 1:19:43
  I mean, I mean I live by myself. I Jeremy and I'm a fully-fledged
• 1:19:49
  adult like this. This is it.
• 1:19:51
  I think the thing that always makes used to make me feel like
• 1:19:54
  it was wrong. Like obviously when I was, you
• 1:19:57
  know, living with my parents, many many, many moons ago
• 1:19:59
  obviously. It's the thing of like home when
• 1:20:01
  you get call when I get. Yeah.
• 1:20:02
  Right. But then when you move out and
• 1:20:04
  you become an adult and everything, it's like do what
• 1:20:06
  you want, right? there's always that thing of
• 1:20:08
  like, I kind of that. Okay, this sounds stupid now,
• 1:20:13
  but, like, I kind of grew up with that idea.
• 1:20:16
  That like only a select few watch porn.
• 1:20:18
  And like, only disgusting people watch and I didn't like, oh
• 1:20:22
  yeah, I didn't rationalize it in my hadn't.
• 1:20:23
  I actually think that way, but I had like, a sort of, like, a
• 1:20:26
  feeling that that was the case. And then when I kind of found
• 1:20:29
  out and I would talk to people friends girls more specifically,
• 1:20:33
  when I found that the women watch porn that kind of shocked
• 1:20:37
  me, but then, at the same time, I was like, well, of course,
• 1:20:40
  Yeah, who says it's only a male thing and I like object in
• 1:20:43
  statistics tend to show that it's more predominantly men, but
• 1:20:47
  at the same time, you know, plenty of people, people watch
• 1:20:50
  it together a couple's, watch it together, you know, it's and I
• 1:20:52
  think that obviously a lot of that is just, you know, history.
• 1:20:56
  Things changing obviously over time, it's become more and more
• 1:21:00
  accepted. And now, you know, we've entered
• 1:21:01
  an age where it's much more just open, like, it's something that
• 1:21:06
  people freely talk about and it's not super accessible.
• 1:21:10
  Right. Exactly.
• 1:21:11
  But I think that, that whole feeling of like, it being a
• 1:21:14
  wrong thing, comes from the fact that we seldom talk about it.
• 1:21:17
  I mean, even myself, like I don't, it's what it's the one
• 1:21:20
  thing I don't talk like this is the first time I've ever talking
• 1:21:23
  the spoken about this publicly, right?
• 1:21:25
  And obviously, like a narrative that there are still things that
• 1:21:28
  I'm not really willing to discuss like personal to me.
• 1:21:31
  But this giving you institutional coverage by being
• 1:21:34
  an academic but it's respectable that you need.
• 1:21:38
  But here's the thing, like I don't think there's In
• 1:21:40
  disrespectful about about talking about those things.
• 1:21:43
  But the same time II have this thing and I think that's just an
• 1:21:46
  old-fashioned part of me. That's like certain things.
• 1:21:50
  You should just keep for you, you know?
• 1:21:52
  Yeah, then but I don't at the same time I don't judge people
• 1:21:56
  that talk about that if that you feel enemy, right?
• 1:21:58
  Right. It's a weird thing.
• 1:21:59
  It's like for me, personally, it's a private thing.
• 1:22:02
  You know, I'm happy to talk about what we're talking about
• 1:22:04
  because this is like talking about from a psychological
• 1:22:07
  perspective and oh yeah, I think I think conversations like this
• 1:22:09
  should be B, I think it's very important, it's interesting
• 1:22:12
  research, but it when it comes to that, that private element
• 1:22:16
  level, you know, your likes your dislikes.
• 1:22:18
  These things I don't know. Like I've never spoken about
• 1:22:21
  that. Like I could probably count on
• 1:22:23
  my fingers, how many times I've spoken about that and I always
• 1:22:25
  get all like like you know the last girl that I had a bit of a
• 1:22:29
  fling with she wanted to ask me about that and I was like a
• 1:22:32
  little schoolgirl in terms of my response.
• 1:22:35
  I was so it's so pathetic but I was just I don't know, I didn't
• 1:22:39
  know how to Spartan because I was so shy and embarrassed about
• 1:22:44
  that because I never speak about it.
• 1:22:45
  Yeah. And maybe together your elevator
• 1:22:47
  speech. This is what I like.
• 1:22:50
  This is why I don't like deal with it.
• 1:22:58
  You know, that I think the conversations are healthy.
• 1:23:01
  I worry a little bit about the medicalization and like forcing
• 1:23:04
  like addiction models and to sexuality, but I also think that
• 1:23:08
  there's this interesting like Paradox with it, too.
• 1:23:11
  So, like, sex is just paradoxical all over the place.
• 1:23:15
  You know, more people are talking about poor and more
• 1:23:16
  people are watching porn, more people have access to porn.
• 1:23:19
  The algorithmic nature of the internet, pushes you into
• 1:23:22
  different genres and fetishes and so people are learning more
• 1:23:26
  about themselves and their likeness like, but at the same
• 1:23:30
  time, we are in an age of like the lowest sexual frequency ever
• 1:23:37
  You mean by sexual people and stuff like that?
• 1:23:40
  Like, Pete. Not even asexual people just
• 1:23:42
  people not having sexual partners.
• 1:23:43
  So like, if you were born in the 90s and the United States, you
• 1:23:47
  were like way more likely to not have had a sexual partner
• 1:23:50
  outside of high school. Then like the Boomers.
• 1:23:53
  Wow. Why?
• 1:23:55
  Well, yeah, why do you know did this this have you found out
• 1:23:59
  why? According to the statistics is
• 1:24:00
  there, I mean well, the Stith, the stats tell us what, they
• 1:24:04
  don't really tell us why we can like culturally guess what?
• 1:24:08
  You know, people are, you know, living at home more after the
• 1:24:12
  financial crisis so it's a little bit harder to get it on
• 1:24:16
  when your bedroom is next to your parents.
• 1:24:19
  There's also some issues with like finances to.
• 1:24:22
  So like if you can't afford like a smartphone, how are you going
• 1:24:25
  to get on tender to find a sexual partner?
• 1:24:29
  If you're from like a rural community and everybody moved
• 1:24:31
  out to the big city to get work because there's no jobs in your
• 1:24:35
  community anymore. Like, Are you going to have
• 1:24:38
  that? You know, High School?
• 1:24:39
  Fling. Turn into a marriage now.
• 1:24:42
  People are putting off getting married.
• 1:24:44
  People are putting off having kids and then with covid like
• 1:24:48
  our frequency is dropped even more.
• 1:24:51
  Yeah, that's good. It seems God looked down.
• 1:24:53
  It's going to be crazy, man. It's going to be more.
• 1:24:56
  I would say yes. But we were already down a
• 1:25:00
  downward trajectory to begin with.
• 1:25:01
  So we feel like we're like, peaked and then we dropped it
• 1:25:05
  now. We're gonna like react like
• 1:25:06
  yeah, but come on. Fighting.
• 1:25:08
  Come on, man. You keep people caged for us
• 1:25:11
  after such a long. I like that.
• 1:25:14
  We are if nothing else animals. Okay, right.
• 1:25:18
  And I mean, I've understood this moreover, the like, I think when
• 1:25:22
  I was younger, I used to downplay sex.
• 1:25:25
  I thought like I, it's not something that people really
• 1:25:26
  need. No, you absolutely need it.
• 1:25:28
  But I was thinking like, but I think it's more to do with like
• 1:25:34
  It's that kind of it's like a release.
• 1:25:35
  I put it in the same category as like, Gym, training or boxing or
• 1:25:39
  like the basic need. Yeah.
• 1:25:40
  It's like something unique. You need something as a form of
• 1:25:43
  release to kind of get, I don't know.
• 1:25:46
  Frustration, now your system or anxiety or whatever and it's
• 1:25:49
  good. It's a good release, its
• 1:25:50
  euphoric. It's, you know, it's the same as
• 1:25:52
  like I said, when you do exercise and you get the
• 1:25:54
  endorphins released into your systems is same thing, yours or
• 1:25:58
  the literally saying that you actually get that when you, you
• 1:26:00
  know, Climax and stuff. Oh yeah.
• 1:26:02
  So it's like The stand that and I also think that it's so
• 1:26:05
  damaging if you if you don't have that and and you're in a
• 1:26:10
  situation like we're in now, where you can't meet anyone, you
• 1:26:13
  do, you don't have that, that luxury.
• 1:26:15
  So that's why I think when things go back to normal, you're
• 1:26:19
  going to see a sharp rise because I hope so.
• 1:26:22
  I really, really hope so, I'm not optimistic, but I hope so.
• 1:26:26
  Because people need to get laid and they're not even before
• 1:26:30
  covid, they weren't. So that's something that that
• 1:26:33
  That's the Paradox here that I'm like, you know, like obviously I
• 1:26:37
  don't follow the addiction model of porn that it like around your
• 1:26:40
  life and makes you, you know, like an N cell but also, there
• 1:26:44
  are more in cells and people are watching more porn.
• 1:26:46
  So like on a social cultural level, I'm like, okay this kind
• 1:26:50
  of makes sense on an individual, like, porn consumption level
• 1:26:53
  unlike and it's probably not actually addiction.
• 1:26:57
  So what did that's like the disconnect that I'm trying to
• 1:26:59
  Grapple with recently is figuring out like, where's that
• 1:27:02
  line and how did Two things related to each other, you
• 1:27:06
  mentioned in. So is like, what do you know
• 1:27:08
  from your research about inserts?
• 1:27:10
  Because I've done a little bit of stuff Research into this.
• 1:27:14
  I know what's a research, so silly say that to a professor,
• 1:27:18
  but, you know, I know a little bit about it and I've kind of
• 1:27:23
  reasoned based on what I've understood it but like what have
• 1:27:26
  you discovered about it. But what the main things that
• 1:27:29
  you can say is like factual based on stats that is.
• 1:27:32
  Yeah, I mean it Relates back to, what we would have been talking
• 1:27:35
  about. Like I'm not surprised that they
• 1:27:37
  exist. Hmm by any means, like if you
• 1:27:40
  are, you know, a dude from like that rule Community, everybody
• 1:27:45
  moved out of town to the city to get a job.
• 1:27:47
  You stayed in town, you're working at the Walmart or UPS or
• 1:27:51
  Uber or whatever and you live with your parents.
• 1:27:54
  Like obviously, you're going to have a harder time, finding a
• 1:27:58
  romantic partner and then so, one of the things I find really
• 1:28:01
  interesting about them is that they believe in To me or like
• 1:28:05
  the sexual Marketplace. Okay, capitalized.
• 1:28:08
  Sexuality is like a essentially, a meat market where, you know,
• 1:28:14
  you try to get the most attractive person you possibly
• 1:28:17
  can you, you know, weigh the pros and cons like the
• 1:28:20
  investment model of, it's very like calculated in capitalistic
• 1:28:26
  and relationships, aren't like that.
• 1:28:31
  But that's a perfect reflection of the way like Tinder or Grindr
• 1:28:36
  or Plenty of Fish or other dating apps work.
• 1:28:38
  Where you literally turn yourself into a commodity in
• 1:28:41
  order to find a romantic partner?
• 1:28:43
  Never thought about it that way. Yeah, you're right.
• 1:28:46
  You know like the picture is your like product design.
• 1:28:50
  You fill out all of your information and then people have
• 1:28:53
  to click through and compare you to other people.
• 1:28:56
  And so like, I gave up on that. I had 10 to 50 a year and I
• 1:29:00
  like, literally never got likes ever.
• 1:29:03
  I Three or four. I started conversations people,
• 1:29:08
  never got bad. I just gave up.
• 1:29:09
  I was like clearly, I'm just not meant to get partner.
• 1:29:12
  This is the whole, there's a weird gender gap in tender to
• 1:29:16
  and all dating apps where women receive a bunch of messages and
• 1:29:22
  a bunch of matches. Yeah.
• 1:29:24
  And because men have to compete for attention within that
• 1:29:29
  context. And so if you were not sending a
• 1:29:32
  hey, how's it going? Hey, how's How's it going?
• 1:29:34
  Hey, how's it going to like 30 women, 40, women 80 women.
• 1:29:40
  You're probably only get like two or three that respond to you
• 1:29:42
  because their inbox is constantly getting refreshed
• 1:29:45
  with new messages that are pushing yours down.
• 1:29:48
  Hail. So, you know, you've already
• 1:29:52
  missed out on people you've matched with because they're
• 1:29:54
  matching with everyone. Yeah.
• 1:29:56
  And so when you're at from the perspective of say, the in cell,
• 1:30:00
  who's trying to find someone, because there's no one within
• 1:30:03
  their context for them to date and their message, just keeps
• 1:30:06
  getting pushed down. And they think they're being
• 1:30:10
  rejected when the woman has actually no idea who they are.
• 1:30:12
  And they probably never even saw your message.
• 1:30:15
  So it's not like she's like, looking at you going.
• 1:30:17
  Oh, you're terrible. Nah, like your message is
• 1:30:21
  literally getting shoved down by other men.
• 1:30:23
  You get the impression that the woman has rejected you and when
• 1:30:26
  you're in the context of the dating app, where your profile
• 1:30:29
  is your, you know, that's where the goods are in that sort of
• 1:30:33
  situation. So, if you have any sort of body
• 1:30:37
  dysphoria or any sort of, Low self-esteem, like you're going
• 1:30:40
  to notice all the bad stuff so they get into this like weird
• 1:30:43
  craniology where like they get hyper obsessed with like brow
• 1:30:47
  ridges and jawlines and like noses and they started actually
• 1:30:51
  like in California. There's been some reports of an
• 1:30:53
  increase of masculinization surgery plastic surgery,
• 1:30:58
  interesting to get like, stronger, brow ridges and stuff.
• 1:31:01
  So that way, they're more attractive on dating apps and
• 1:31:04
  online. Scary.
• 1:31:07
  So even our like sense of like attraction is shifting into like
• 1:31:12
  a very 2D digital space too. So I understand why in cells
• 1:31:17
  exist. Like it does not surprise me
• 1:31:19
  whatsoever and they're having a hard time.
• 1:31:22
  They're blaming the wrong people obviously.
• 1:31:25
  Yeah. I mean but I definitely
• 1:31:28
  understand the struggle. I understand the frustration but
• 1:31:32
  the problem is always because I'm about I did a video.
• 1:31:35
  About in cells over a year ago and oh my god, did I get hate
• 1:31:41
  for that? And the thing is, the thing is I
• 1:31:43
  didn't even attack them or anything.
• 1:31:45
  I literally just looked it up because I knew nothing about it
• 1:31:47
  before. Then you know, I've heard these
• 1:31:49
  terms like see him in cell and I was like, what is this?
• 1:31:52
  So I wanted to do my research and obviously make it into
• 1:31:54
  content, right? And I literally just read
• 1:31:57
  everything there and the only thing that II mocked which okay
• 1:32:01
  maybe I shouldn't have done it's not really on-brand for me
• 1:32:03
  anymore these days you know I tend if If I ever mock anything,
• 1:32:06
  I'll be like businesses and stuff these days.
• 1:32:09
  But back then I mocked this idea that in cells, get angry and
• 1:32:15
  blame because it's mostly men. That tend to write those.
• 1:32:19
  Yeah. And they'll get angry and
• 1:32:20
  they'll blame the women and they'll get aggressive because,
• 1:32:24
  okay, this is the thing that I read it said that they feel that
• 1:32:28
  they're owed or being denied something that's owed to them.
• 1:32:31
  This idea that you're entitled, its entitlement of a
• 1:32:35
  relationship. Of sexual gratification Etc and
• 1:32:38
  that just hit me the wrong way. I was like, what do you mean?
• 1:32:42
  Entitlement? What do you mean?
• 1:32:44
  This is something you deserve like you have to work for it?
• 1:32:46
  Like, yeah, you know, I don't really get much attention if
• 1:32:51
  ever. I'm like a ghost these days,
• 1:32:53
  right? But when I was younger, you
• 1:32:55
  know, I had relationship. I've had long-term
• 1:32:57
  relationships, I've had my fun bubble, alright, so I that's
• 1:33:01
  where the confidence element is that was like, look you know, if
• 1:33:03
  I'm never desired ever again at And I was, I'm happy.
• 1:33:07
  I'm okay with that, right? I think.
• 1:33:09
  But I think the biggest thing for me was the relationships
• 1:33:11
  that made me feel and understand things a lot better.
• 1:33:14
  So now I'm I'm, I'm just easy. I'm relaxed about it, right?
• 1:33:18
  But at no point, did I ever feel like I was owed?
• 1:33:20
  Something like, if a woman rejected me, I didn't suddenly
• 1:33:23
  get angry and be like, screw you and write like, oh, how dare
• 1:33:27
  you, not like me. It's like, you get rejected a
• 1:33:30
  million times. That's just the life, you know,
• 1:33:32
  it can be right, it might not even be anything to do with.
• 1:33:34
  You could be based on Several factors and I'm bringing it back
• 1:33:39
  to why I understand to some extent.
• 1:33:41
  If you've never had any kind of sexual relationship, affection
• 1:33:47
  Love anything like that. So you don't even know what it
• 1:33:49
  feels like. I can understand why it would be
• 1:33:53
  so difficult and why you would get angry and frustrated.
• 1:33:56
  But like for you guys that are in sounds, like the women are
• 1:34:00
  not your your enemy, you know, me.
• 1:34:02
  It's not their full, it's not like you They don't owe you
• 1:34:06
  anything and it also just in life, in general life, owes you
• 1:34:10
  nothing you got to work for everything, you have like never
• 1:34:13
  ething, if it relationships jobs opportunities, you got work for
• 1:34:17
  that shit. Nothing is getting given for
• 1:34:19
  free ever. So just extend and work and to
• 1:34:25
  be fair to like the gala Therrien.
• 1:34:27
  Relationship is rather new as well.
• 1:34:29
  Like the way that relationships are now forming where it is that
• 1:34:33
  egalitarians equal partner like has Norm and then, as the same
• 1:34:37
  expectation, that's still super new more still figuring that out
• 1:34:41
  of you. Still do what for it though.
• 1:34:42
  Even though right, we're equal me.
• 1:34:44
  How we don't have a blueprint in the way that say, like her 50s
• 1:34:48
  housewife and like, you know, working man had so we can't
• 1:34:52
  really rely on our culture to give us cues on how to be in
• 1:34:56
  relationships right now. So we're actually having to work
• 1:34:58
  a little bit harder than like, say people in the past did when
• 1:35:01
  they could just rely on the norm and also, we're putting more
• 1:35:05
  stuff Sock into like self-actualization needs with
• 1:35:09
  our romantic Partners now to not just like economic or social or
• 1:35:15
  you know, we're adding that like little existential layer to our
• 1:35:19
  relationships to right now. So we're kind of in growing
• 1:35:23
  pains too. So I don't want to say that like
• 1:35:26
  the in cell phenomenon is going to be here forever.
• 1:35:28
  I doubt it, I think we need to develop our cultural norms and
• 1:35:33
  people will start shifting on a smooth path.
• 1:35:36
  Because I think we're in flux, I think we don't know, we're all
• 1:35:40
  running in different directions and we don't know exactly what
• 1:35:42
  we're doing at the moment. We don't have a society that
• 1:35:45
  reinforces a specific kind of relationship yet.
• 1:35:49
  Yeah, I mean it's just, I don't understand.
• 1:35:52
  And the thing is like, there's so much more to life than just
• 1:35:57
  relationships and physical physicality.
• 1:36:01
  That's something I've really like, I think I've been single
• 1:36:03
  now. Like three years something like
• 1:36:06
  that and, you know, yeah. I mean you learn to accept
• 1:36:10
  situation as it is. You have to can't can't get
• 1:36:14
  anything else other than that, that is your situation, right?
• 1:36:18
  And I think the last time I had any kind of physical relation
• 1:36:21
  with someone was about a year ago, now is very brief, and I
• 1:36:26
  remember thinking like, You don't like need this.
• 1:36:31
  It's a desirable. It's something you you know you
• 1:36:34
  feel better. You it makes everything better
• 1:36:36
  like to be loved to be wanted and to have that for someone
• 1:36:39
  else's is ideal, you know, and same with, we have sex.
• 1:36:42
  It's it makes you feel good, makes them feel good.
• 1:36:45
  Everyone's happy, everyone's, yeah.
• 1:36:46
  But there is so much more to life than that, but because
• 1:36:50
  those insoles are so obsessed with something they've never had
• 1:36:54
  that. I mean, that's basic human
• 1:36:55
  psychology. We always want a mustapha.
• 1:36:57
  So we don't have, We're Never Satisfied.
• 1:36:59
  Seemingly. We always want the next thing.
• 1:37:01
  We want more money. We want bigger house, one faster
• 1:37:05
  car. You know, it's always more and
• 1:37:07
  more more, and more more. And it's very, it's very rare.
• 1:37:10
  You get me people that are like, you know, I'm happy with this.
• 1:37:12
  I'm, um, I'm happy with this. And that for me, you know, I'm
• 1:37:15
  not in the ideal situation. I want to be in life, but I'm
• 1:37:17
  for the first time in many years, happy with how things are
• 1:37:21
  because I've kind of learned to accept like small things, a
• 1:37:24
  little things and stuff like that, and I feel like those
• 1:37:26
  insults would be better. If they would try to do that bit
• 1:37:29
  more and also reverse psychology you become more attractive by
• 1:37:35
  doing that the happier. You are the more positive
• 1:37:37
  energy, you put out into the world and just in general, the
• 1:37:40
  more people will be attracted to you, because nothing is more of
• 1:37:43
  a put off than someone is a miserable lazy - asshole, like,
• 1:37:50
  no one wants that. You know me, there's nothing
• 1:37:52
  attractive about that. You want the person that's
• 1:37:54
  bubbly? You want the person that's full
• 1:37:56
  of Life, full of energy, because You just want to be like damn or
• 1:37:59
  to be around them, what a smoking, like why are they so
• 1:38:01
  happy? And that's, you know, I mean I
• 1:38:04
  thought yeah. And I mean, I will say for
• 1:38:06
  people who are listening or kind of like okay.
• 1:38:08
  Yeah. But that sounds fake like,
• 1:38:10
  right? We're going to have to fake it
• 1:38:11
  till you make it. Like that's kind of the key you
• 1:38:14
  have to practice being that person.
• 1:38:16
  You don't just become that person.
• 1:38:17
  You don't, you shouldn't just. You know, it's not something
• 1:38:20
  that comes from within, you have to practice being that person.
• 1:38:23
  It's a, it's a skill set that you have to develop, so
• 1:38:26
  appreciative. On this, if you're being like,
• 1:38:30
  you know, like if you're like, hey, I'm you know, pretty much a
• 1:38:33
  downer. I need to go out and smile more
• 1:38:36
  eventually, the smile will come naturally, you just have to
• 1:38:39
  practice it. He's where I disagree with you
• 1:38:41
  on this. I agree with this concept that
• 1:38:44
  you need to Aspire to the, to be this person that that takes
• 1:38:48
  work. I agree with that adamant, but I
• 1:38:51
  disagree with the whole fake it to make a thing because I think
• 1:38:53
  people can see through that. You can tell when someone's
• 1:38:56
  bullshitting, when they're trying to be something.
• 1:38:57
  They're R. Not like, I think, And I have
• 1:39:02
  had a lot of people say this especially coming out of
• 1:39:04
  relationships and I've experienced it myself when you
• 1:39:07
  really start to sit and just spend time.
• 1:39:11
  Firstly repairing, but also just learning thinking spending time
• 1:39:16
  by yourself and not enough, people spend enough time on
• 1:39:20
  their own after breakups or when they're unhappy and because of
• 1:39:25
  that, they never sort of iron out these issues.
• 1:39:29
  They never real, because everything comes from within
• 1:39:31
  Hundred percent every every issue you have.
• 1:39:33
  Every problem you have is from within, it has nothing to do
• 1:39:36
  with the situation around you unless it's like an external
• 1:39:39
  thing that's ruining your life. Like I don't know.
• 1:39:42
  Joe and that's like covid. Exactly.
• 1:39:45
  Exactly. Yeah, perfect example.
• 1:39:47
  But generally speaking most situations are from you you
• 1:39:54
  know, you whatever, you put out into the world, that's what
• 1:39:57
  you're going to get back, you know, whether you think that's
• 1:39:59
  what you're going to go back and also your the way You perceive
• 1:40:02
  everything in your life. That comes all from within, no
• 1:40:06
  one's going to come around and change that, like, I know this
• 1:40:08
  because I used to be a negative person, many, many years ago as
• 1:40:11
  mr. Negativity, and I hated life.
• 1:40:13
  Everything was terrible, right? And the only thing that was able
• 1:40:16
  to change that was me changing the reality of my life.
• 1:40:21
  So going to University, you know, quitting this job.
• 1:40:25
  I hated taking opportunities where I didn't before, for
• 1:40:30
  instance, I be example if someone gave me advice and this
• 1:40:33
  is more of a recent one in, Recent years I've learned to do
• 1:40:35
  when normally when someone would give me advice years ago, I
• 1:40:38
  blood. Yeah, whatever.
• 1:40:40
  Okay. See if that works.
• 1:40:42
  Yeah. But that's not going to work.
• 1:40:43
  But did I try it? Did I ever try that thing?
• 1:40:46
  That they said? Well, as now I'm like, I haven't
• 1:40:48
  tried it before, let's give it a go and see what happens, right?
• 1:40:52
  And even things I've tried before and it hasn't worked, Now
• 1:40:56
  I think maybe I'll work this time.
• 1:40:58
  Maybe maybe there was something I did wrong last time.
• 1:41:01
  Maybe maybe it'll work this time.
• 1:41:02
  It's, that is how you do it, you change your perception, you
• 1:41:06
  change your outlook on life, your mindset and then that's
• 1:41:10
  when you can become that person that I'm talking about.
• 1:41:13
  But you, I think you need to spend that time initially by
• 1:41:17
  yourself working on that creating that person.
• 1:41:22
  And then you sort of quote unquote debut it when you're
• 1:41:25
  ready to debut it but you can't you can't I don't I don't I
• 1:41:28
  disagree on this idea that you should go out when you're not
• 1:41:31
  ready. I think that whole fake it till
• 1:41:34
  you make it thing. I get that concept but I just I
• 1:41:38
  think I'm thinking about it in the long term more so than the
• 1:41:41
  short terms like it's more like I'm like you know sour depressed
• 1:41:45
  Moody I'm going to go out tonight and pretend to be happy.
• 1:41:49
  It's not going to go. Well, yeah, it's not.
• 1:41:51
  To go over weeks. But you one of the things about
• 1:41:55
  like the cell, for example, like I partially disagree with you, I
• 1:41:58
  don't think that it's all internal, okay?
• 1:42:01
  My like social psychology like we can manipulate your
• 1:42:04
  personality depending on what context you're in.
• 1:42:07
  So, you know, like a part of being a human, is your
• 1:42:13
  relationship like that space between you and other humans and
• 1:42:17
  like how you inhabit that space. And so, in order to be Social
• 1:42:21
  you have to learn to be social and so you can Coast on your
• 1:42:25
  sour post mood, you know. And like that's real easy.
• 1:42:29
  That's a behavior that you already know that's a system
• 1:42:32
  that you're used to. But you have to learn a whole
• 1:42:35
  new different way of being socially.
• 1:42:37
  If you're going to be the happy person, you have to inhabit a
• 1:42:41
  different space. And so you can't, you know, sit
• 1:42:44
  at home and like I'm happy. I'm happy, I'm happy, let's
• 1:42:47
  debut. You actually have to go in put
• 1:42:50
  yourself in that situation. Ian and fail a lot and then
• 1:42:53
  learn and then craft it, while you're there.
• 1:42:55
  Well, you have to do it, obviously, sincerely.
• 1:42:57
  If you're going out and like hahaha, I'm gonna trick them
• 1:43:00
  into thinking, I'm a good person.
• 1:43:02
  You're not going to succeed, you have to be genuine with that
• 1:43:05
  training. Actually I should play something
• 1:43:08
  over that. Yeah.
• 1:43:08
  Like when I said that, what I meant was like Get to the point
• 1:43:14
  where you're comfortable kind of.
• 1:43:18
  Going out and cut it, like an easing it.
• 1:43:20
  So like okay. You might smile and still be
• 1:43:24
  depressed inside. Be sad inside, right?
• 1:43:27
  I've been there, right? But the important thing is that
• 1:43:30
  you're thinking, I'm trying this, this could work that your
• 1:43:35
  mindset is checked, you're not, you're not going out and
• 1:43:37
  thinking are, this is point, knows it won't work, it will be
• 1:43:39
  terrible. You're thinking you're being
• 1:43:41
  positive, you're thinking it might work, it could happen.
• 1:43:44
  It could, there's, I think the feeling element comes later,
• 1:43:47
  when you start to realize those to say, it was the same for me.
• 1:43:50
  Like, I would totally You know, especially when people give me
• 1:43:53
  advice on the but yeah just try it.
• 1:43:55
  You always into it. Things will get better, I just
• 1:43:57
  but yeah. Alright yeah, ok.
• 1:43:59
  We'll see about that. But it was only to us, it does
• 1:44:03
  it does it really does? Yeah.
• 1:44:05
  But it takes time, I think to get there and it takes even
• 1:44:08
  longer for you to then feel that that's right.
• 1:44:11
  And feel that, that's and they also feel as you said that it's
• 1:44:14
  genuine. So when you have that happiness,
• 1:44:16
  you feel that it's genuine and you're not actually just hiding
• 1:44:19
  something, yeah, when it's automatic, It feels genuine,
• 1:44:24
  right? Yeah.
• 1:44:25
  So you just have to move it into the automatic so you don't
• 1:44:28
  actually have to consciously think about it.
• 1:44:32
  So what would you say are some common misconceptions about
• 1:44:37
  psychology and being a psychologist?
• 1:44:40
  The number one thing that I get all the time is oh my gosh,
• 1:44:43
  you're a counselor, you help people might know, don't do
• 1:44:50
  that. There is no session with with
• 1:44:53
  mr. Thomas, so that's the number one
• 1:44:56
  misconception is that people blend counseling and psychology.
• 1:44:59
  So, Counseling is the art and the craft and the science of
• 1:45:04
  working one-on-one and doing talk therapy with someone
• 1:45:08
  psychology is the science of studying human behavior.
• 1:45:11
  So I'm more analogous to like an act like a natural scientist
• 1:45:16
  that I am say a counselor because you know I observe the
• 1:45:21
  world I'd develop hypotheses. I set up research paradigms and
• 1:45:24
  I test them. So that's the number one
• 1:45:26
  misconception I get And obviously, like, lots of Freud
• 1:45:32
  people, throw a lot of Freud at me, was it actually my mother?
• 1:45:37
  Do I have penis envy? Like the that kind of stuff is
• 1:45:41
  my unconscious telling me something.
• 1:45:44
  So, you know, that's and I don't dig on Freud.
• 1:45:48
  I don't agree with Freud's, like one-on-one.
• 1:45:51
  It's kind of like, the idea of like this is sex addiction,
• 1:45:54
  like, I don't agree with it, on the personal level, but like,
• 1:45:58
  Culturally, I think Freud has been huge in, like, describing
• 1:46:02
  Western culture in a way that like is very clear and make
• 1:46:08
  sense. So you said you were very
• 1:46:10
  interested in marketing or you familiar with Edward Bernays, no
• 1:46:13
  God. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:46:16
  So like genius crazy but he was Freud's nephew and took its
• 1:46:21
  theories to, you know, convince women that it was both
• 1:46:24
  fashionable to smoke and that they should wear green the
• 1:46:27
  ladder. As well.
• 1:46:29
  Yeah. Freud hated that?
• 1:46:32
  Yeah. Hey today, he was like, how can
• 1:46:34
  you use my theories for financial gain?
• 1:46:37
  This is totally unethical and against everything I'm doing.
• 1:46:40
  And but as was like, just listen, chill out.
• 1:46:42
  This is, this will work. This will make because I think
• 1:46:44
  at the time Sigmund, Freud was in a difficult financial
• 1:46:47
  situation as well. So, it's a, he had to rely on
• 1:46:50
  Bernays, and obviously Bernays was just straight, marketeer
• 1:46:54
  sales guy. So he's just like, oh yeah, he's
• 1:46:55
  thinking did he do? Engineered consent.
• 1:47:04
  You know? But the the question though is
• 1:47:06
  is did psychoanalysis talk therapy last or did Freud's
• 1:47:11
  theories Channel through that social cultural lens into
• 1:47:14
  marketing. Last Hmm, because we still have
• 1:47:21
  very sexy toilet paper commercials.
• 1:47:24
  Yeah, I think we were just very basic might like I was saying
• 1:47:28
  this the other day to someone how it bothers me, the marketing
• 1:47:34
  affects us. In in such a.
• 1:47:39
  Okay, here's what I mean, even notice how that when you're
• 1:47:42
  watching adverts, like they never speak the way that people
• 1:47:45
  normally speak and that's designed and engineered on
• 1:47:48
  purpose. I lot of it like, you know, if
• 1:47:49
  you watch a baby commercial, it has a soft tone.
• 1:47:52
  It's that's that's designed to kind of put you in the mood in
• 1:47:55
  the frame of mind. I get that.
• 1:47:56
  But when we're talking like, I don't know.
• 1:47:58
  Just your average. Like you, you're being sold.
• 1:48:03
  I don't know. It's a phones and their legs
• 1:48:05
  are. Come now and get 80% off the
• 1:48:08
  latest iPhone 6, and it's like bit, they speak like that right
• 1:48:13
  now hype it, but no one in real life.
• 1:48:16
  Really speaks like that. And that kind of, I kind of
• 1:48:19
  constantly rapid constant energy.
• 1:48:21
  Like, people generally mean you have a little burst of energy,
• 1:48:24
  then relax and I'll put them down again, right?
• 1:48:26
  No one speaks perpetually like that.
• 1:48:29
  And yet that type of marketing has never changed Consistently
• 1:48:35
  is like that. I mean, you do get W, do get
• 1:48:37
  adverts to a bit more different tack.
• 1:48:39
  They'll be a bit more slower. You know, if you have a car
• 1:48:41
  adverts, calm, it's like the new BMW.
• 1:48:45
  It's very slow right in the mood, right?
• 1:48:48
  But a lot of emotion advertising is, is this kind of fast,
• 1:48:51
  high-pitched, you know, marketing, voice sales voice.
• 1:48:57
  But no one speaks like that, and it amazes me that it works.
• 1:49:00
  I think that's the bigger thing. Not the fact that it exists, the
• 1:49:03
  fact that it I got like when it first came out and in the 40s
• 1:49:08
  50s whenever right 5060 that you know it was a new era.
• 1:49:12
  It was a new age. It's never been done before I
• 1:49:14
  get that. And but then, there wasn't that
• 1:49:16
  perception necessarily those fake.
• 1:49:18
  They probably just fought and felt like, oh, someone's talking
• 1:49:21
  to me all that sounds good right now.
• 1:49:22
  We all know that it's just fake as hell.
• 1:49:24
  And it's, they were worthless doing, it's like annoying, if
• 1:49:27
  anything, but it amazes me that after all this time, it can
• 1:49:32
  still kind of work if you know what I mean.
• 1:49:33
  Like and amazes me that we still do that in that format in that
• 1:49:38
  way. It's yeah, I mean, don't fix
• 1:49:41
  what's not broken, right. But how does it still work on
• 1:49:44
  us? I mean, if anything, it just
• 1:49:48
  when I see that it just bothers me, I'm just like well I'm never
• 1:49:50
  going to buy that product because that's just annoying.
• 1:49:52
  Like, why would you pay for that crappy advert?
• 1:49:56
  Like what I'm sure you would, I'm sure you're aware but, you
• 1:50:01
  know, we've have shift a little bit in marketing so it's very
• 1:50:04
  Algorithmic and individualize now.
• 1:50:06
  So like it's not that you're just getting generic car
• 1:50:09
  commercial. It's, you're getting the car
• 1:50:11
  that your phone heard. You talked about last week.
• 1:50:13
  Yeah, no, no, that that that's amazing.
• 1:50:16
  That's, that's understandable. But I'm just talking the adverts
• 1:50:19
  in general. Yeah, yeah, it's if it's not
• 1:50:23
  targeted, it's not working. But even when it is targeted,
• 1:50:27
  like, yeah, I'm aware of that. I know that I'm being advertised
• 1:50:30
  everything that, you know, my phone is hearing You say, but
• 1:50:35
  and that if anything, it just makes me laugh.
• 1:50:37
  But when I actually see the adverse as they are, I'm just
• 1:50:40
  like well, okay. Like for example, you know, when
• 1:50:45
  I was in Estonia, I would often I'd sometimes I talk about my
• 1:50:51
  website and the website that I used, which was Wicks, right?
• 1:50:56
  And so then I got a bunch of adverts in Russian about Wix
• 1:51:01
  now. It's Tony Allen's, don't speak
• 1:51:02
  Russian they speak. But there are a bunch of,
• 1:51:08
  there's a large proportion of the population that are
• 1:51:10
  russian-speaking, right? So obviously, when my computer
• 1:51:13
  phone, whenever heard me say Wicks and I was in Estonia, it
• 1:51:16
  was like, right. We're gonna flood him with, like
• 1:51:19
  500 million Russian adverts about Wix, and it just was like,
• 1:51:25
  and that. Now, I've spoken about this so
• 1:51:27
  much on my computer. Now, I'm going to get a ton of
• 1:51:29
  adverts for weeks. Oh, absolutely.
• 1:51:31
  And it's just like it pisses me off.
• 1:51:33
  It's just Like, well, you know, I'm not interested in this, you
• 1:51:36
  know? I mean, in ever advertisers
• 1:51:37
  things that I'm interested, if anything, it's weird like you
• 1:51:41
  have seen creepy and unsettling. Yeah.
• 1:51:44
  Like have you ever seen like some of the stuff that they
• 1:51:46
  advertise on Facebook through wish you seem wished or comes?
• 1:51:50
  Oh, I've seen where she yeah, those are adverse will always
• 1:51:54
  kind of confused me because like, they're not targeted in
• 1:51:59
  any way. They don't have anything.
• 1:52:03
  The is anything that I would want, I've even spoken about and
• 1:52:07
  that, some of its just odd, really odd stuff that makes
• 1:52:13
  okay. Some of it will be like sexual,
• 1:52:14
  right? Right.
• 1:52:16
  It'll be like really weird sexual stuff.
• 1:52:19
  Like not not not not like something you would even buy.
• 1:52:23
  It's like just odd. Like it like might resemble
• 1:52:26
  something you've seen before, but it's like a really even
• 1:52:29
  cheap version or just like really odd version or you'll be
• 1:52:32
  something. Like, I don't know like if he's
• 1:52:35
  a desk lamp, it'll be like a desk lamp but it's like missing
• 1:52:38
  half the pieces or something. Or I don't know, right.
• 1:52:42
  Very strange. Yeah, they're trying to like
• 1:52:44
  Target. I think it's cause we're
• 1:52:45
  Millennials, maybe they're like, oh, the Millennials will think
• 1:52:48
  this is cool. It's deconstructed or
• 1:52:50
  alternative, or hipster. So maybe might be tagged in a
• 1:52:55
  little bit of a way but I think they're like broad brush in it.
• 1:52:58
  They're like, oh, you are in this age category.
• 1:53:01
  We're going to give you like Like partially deconstructed
• 1:53:04
  lamp. One thing I didn't ask you about
• 1:53:09
  earlier was with regards to your students, like what is the whole
• 1:53:15
  spectrum of feedback? You've received good and bad
• 1:53:17
  like and because I'm interested in finding that, that because
• 1:53:20
  you seem like you'd be a good professor.
• 1:53:21
  So I'm sure like a lot of it's like mostly positive but I'm
• 1:53:25
  interested to hear what the - would be as well.
• 1:53:28
  Most of it is positive. I usually get really good
• 1:53:31
  customer service satisfaction survey results.
• 1:53:35
  Most of the negative. And this isn't even like
• 1:53:38
  necessarily - I mean, it's obviously uncomfortable, but I
• 1:53:41
  teach a psychology of death and dying course and you know, like
• 1:53:47
  when you have a big class, like obviously someone is going to
• 1:53:50
  have lost a loved one, right? Sometimes it's that semester,
• 1:53:54
  sometimes it's the like summer before and then they go to the
• 1:53:58
  stuff glass. And so, like, I have to keep
• 1:54:01
  like an open door policy like, hey, you're going to be
• 1:54:05
  Uncomfortable in this class. So if you need to leave, you can
• 1:54:08
  leave. And so, I regularly have people
• 1:54:11
  coming in and out of that classroom who have to go out
• 1:54:14
  into the hallway, because they can't handle a particular topic
• 1:54:17
  or video that I'm showing, because it's just hits way too
• 1:54:19
  close to home. But overall, like students
• 1:54:23
  really enjoy that class and they get a lot out of it.
• 1:54:26
  I think that's the most, like, friction that I have felt with
• 1:54:29
  the student body is that like because I don't, you know, based
• 1:54:33
  on this conversation like I don't go soft.
• 1:54:35
  I Not cover anything up. And so when we talk about death,
• 1:54:39
  we talk about death, right? Yeah.
• 1:54:41
  It's not like, you know, I'm not very sensitive.
• 1:54:46
  I mean I try to be sensitive obviously but, you know, I don't
• 1:54:49
  like you for my eyes, anything. And so that's where I get a lot
• 1:54:54
  of problems and then just general workload amount.
• 1:54:58
  I make my students do a lot of work.
• 1:54:59
  I follow this researcher. She's The Graduate Dean at
• 1:55:04
  Flinders University. The in Australia her name is
• 1:55:07
  Tara brabazon and she is like a goddess of like teaching and
• 1:55:12
  scholarship. Like I just just cling on to
• 1:55:15
  every word she says and so but a lot of what she does in her work
• 1:55:20
  and in her teaching, is very Hands-On.
• 1:55:22
  It's very active. It's a lot of work.
• 1:55:24
  But every single class that I have like students always leave
• 1:55:28
  with like their own little miniature like original
• 1:55:31
  contribution to knowledge. Come never like I never do.
• 1:55:35
  Do multiple choice tests. I hate that they always leave
• 1:55:40
  with the finalized project of like, hey, I learned about all
• 1:55:43
  sorts of things, but I really learned about this thing.
• 1:55:47
  And so I obviously get complaints about like, why are
• 1:55:50
  there so many papers? Why do we have to do this?
• 1:55:53
  This is so much work. I had to read so much and I'm
• 1:55:56
  like, well, welcome to University because I have to
• 1:56:01
  read everything that you're reading too.
• 1:56:02
  So it's like 30 of y'all. So that's generally it's either
• 1:56:08
  a workload or the student needs to leave the glass because we
• 1:56:11
  get too heavy in the lecture. Tell us some things about the
• 1:56:14
  academic world. The average person doesn't know
• 1:56:22
  generally professors are more like me in this room then people
• 1:56:28
  think interesting. Okay.
• 1:56:32
  Like they act very stuffy. They you know, there's a A weird
• 1:56:36
  power Dynamic relationship when you're the undergrad in there,
• 1:56:38
  the professor but like if you go to an academic conference I went
• 1:56:44
  to one in Portland Oregon before covid.
• 1:56:47
  And we went to a bar like immediately afterwards and got
• 1:56:52
  sloshed. Cool.
• 1:56:54
  What was rifle and we just talked about like it was with
• 1:56:57
  the sex researcher like section of the conference and so we just
• 1:57:00
  like went to this Elvis themed bar in a basement and just got
• 1:57:05
  Arched. And because it was Portland, you
• 1:57:08
  know, like typically if you're at a conference like the
• 1:57:10
  researchers and professors will come out and the like all light
• 1:57:13
  their cigarettes between sessions, but Portland is
• 1:57:16
  marijuana legal. So like they were lighting like
• 1:57:18
  joints, right outside the convention center.
• 1:57:21
  Wow. So they're very normal, very
• 1:57:26
  weird people who do very normal and weird things.
• 1:57:30
  So that is something to keep in mind with professors is that
• 1:57:33
  they put on Airs. But there's definitely like
• 1:57:38
  that's a front that one of them to our, like, socially anxious.
• 1:57:42
  Yeah. It's also a guard because like,
• 1:57:45
  I have horrible, social anxiety. I don't know why I chose this
• 1:57:47
  career path because I have to publicly speak like every day.
• 1:57:51
  That was something. I always found very interesting
• 1:57:53
  when I was at Uni, I guess I just came across well, because I
• 1:57:57
  found it weird when my professors would start talking
• 1:58:00
  to me, like, I was their peer because I was like, well, I'm
• 1:58:03
  just some shitty. Undergraduate rhinos.
• 1:58:07
  Nothing, you're a professor. Why are you talking to me?
• 1:58:10
  Like, I know something like, you know, and I guess maybe it was
• 1:58:14
  because I've always had that fascination with with having
• 1:58:18
  these types of conversations and learning and stuff and yeah for
• 1:58:21
  instance there's even professors who like there's one Professor
• 1:58:25
  who remembers me like through Linkedin.
• 1:58:28
  Right. And I even see him like liking
• 1:58:31
  some of my stuff and I'm like wow like the guy like that's a
• 1:58:34
  real human. Woman that that to me is like
• 1:58:36
  the ultimate honor because I studied under him.
• 1:58:39
  So like if he likes my stuff, I feel like, oh my God, he likes
• 1:58:42
  my stuff like I feel right? And but at the same time, I'm
• 1:58:46
  like, why would he be interested in this in the slightest?
• 1:58:49
  Like, yeah, I just made some some podcast and stuff and he's
• 1:58:53
  like this. It's professor, in his in.
• 1:58:56
  Oh, yeah. No, we're all losers.
• 1:58:58
  Like that's the one thing we're all losers.
• 1:59:02
  I think you don't know what we would be doing with our lives,
• 1:59:04
  if we don't be. The yourself.
• 1:59:07
  That's not know. I've seen some cool professors
• 1:59:09
  in my time, there's that, that does exist.
• 1:59:12
  That does solutely. So you couldn't give up the Cool
• 1:59:15
  vibe. You give off the Cool vibe.
• 1:59:17
  If I'm thinking your students leaning more towards the course,
• 1:59:20
  I because it's not just about like who the person is.
• 1:59:23
  It's how they how they interact with people and and like Yeah.
• 1:59:28
  Like it was that what you said earlier in the conversation?
• 1:59:29
  How they make it more interesting or how they make
• 1:59:32
  students feel comfortable? I mean look you know talking
• 1:59:34
  about sex is never a thing that's really going to be
• 1:59:37
  comfortable for a lot of people. So there's a way you can do that
• 1:59:40
  in a way, you can't do that. And I would say the fact that
• 1:59:42
  you're very open with this and you just push it and make people
• 1:59:45
  feel comfortable, it's going to make people feel happy because
• 1:59:48
  people want to know more about it.
• 1:59:50
  They just don't know how to communicate that is, they're
• 1:59:53
  worried about it because it's uncomfortable conversation to
• 1:59:55
  have, you know, I mean, oh yeah. Need to learn how to talk about
• 1:59:59
  it without making it hyper personal exact, I don't need to
• 2:00:02
  know what you like or do, but we can still talk about it.
• 2:00:05
  Precisely. Exactly.
• 2:00:09
  Yeah, I want to talk more about your research.
• 2:00:10
  So what would you say? Like, because we've done, we've
• 2:00:14
  already kind of explored a lot of it already, but what would
• 2:00:17
  you say? I like the key things that
• 2:00:20
  you've kind of discovered through your research into human
• 2:00:23
  sexuality. Straight people are just as
• 2:00:28
  weird as the rest of us. Okay, this is interesting, this
• 2:00:33
  implies something. So is there like a perception
• 2:00:36
  that non-straight people are more like adventurous in the
• 2:00:39
  bedroom or something or so straight?
• 2:00:42
  People are typically treated as like, a default in research.
• 2:00:46
  So, there's a big issue with like, who's the comparison group
• 2:00:49
  is like? So, it's how our gaze compared
• 2:00:52
  to straight people. However, women compared to men.
• 2:00:55
  So there's like a superficial Social Dynamic that goes into
• 2:00:57
  research design. And so a lot of my research
• 2:01:01
  flips, the script a little bit and ice like specifically
• 2:01:05
  research. Straight people particularly
• 2:01:07
  straight men because they're just kind of treated as like
• 2:01:11
  this background like control group.
• 2:01:14
  Like oh yeah we just collected some straight Bend and then
• 2:01:16
  we're going to compare them to the gays or we're going to
• 2:01:18
  compare them to the women or what have you.
• 2:01:21
  And so like my thesis and dissertation specifically go
• 2:01:25
  into To, you know, like how our men constructing sexual
• 2:01:29
  knowledge, like how are they reporting their sexual
• 2:01:31
  behaviors? How are they identifying?
• 2:01:33
  How are they, you know? What is the how similar or
• 2:01:38
  dissimilar are they? And it's varied.
• 2:01:41
  Like, you can't just treat straight men as a monolith,
• 2:01:45
  like, we often do and research. Like we put them on like this,
• 2:01:48
  like, default monolith, pedestal kind of not even a pedestal,
• 2:01:52
  because it's not like a, you know, a privilege necessarily to
• 2:01:55
  The default because then you're nondescript as an individual and
• 2:02:00
  so treating. So a lot of my research focuses
• 2:02:05
  in on how straight men are. And how varied it is and how you
• 2:02:12
  can treat it as though, you know, a default group like if
• 2:02:15
  you specifically want to study it.
• 2:02:17
  Great. And that's kind of the area that
• 2:02:19
  I'm trying to open up and do some masculinity studies in that
• 2:02:22
  area. And I put I do that because it's
• 2:02:25
  a lot easier to study something that you are kind of distant
• 2:02:27
  from. So like I'm gay for example,
• 2:02:30
  I've done some gay research, but I find that, you know, the
• 2:02:32
  personal perceptions and experiences and like, trying to
• 2:02:36
  keep that, like, you know, straightforward research mindset
• 2:02:38
  is a little difficult. So, Do a little bit there, but
• 2:02:42
  not a lot, a lot easier to look at a group that I'm not a part
• 2:02:46
  of and be like, oh, this is how y'all are moving.
• 2:02:49
  This is. So I'll do with that.
• 2:02:51
  Be like research bias for you then, okay?
• 2:02:53
  Absolutely. Because there's a conflict of
• 2:02:55
  interest because you closely identified to it.
• 2:02:58
  So it's like, so and there is room for that, kind of research,
• 2:03:02
  like I can take your personal lived experience and use that as
• 2:03:05
  like informative to study. But like if I'm studying
• 2:03:09
  consensual non-monogamy as A monogamous person, like,
• 2:03:12
  obviously I have monogamy biases against them but I, you know,
• 2:03:16
  like may or may not be there. But yeah, and more objective
• 2:03:19
  than if I'm in like the midst of consensual non-monogamy and I
• 2:03:23
  can't see the forest for the trees because I remember like
• 2:03:26
  when I was studying psychology at a very young age, I remember
• 2:03:32
  hearing about this thing where you know psychologist with often
• 2:03:35
  even not pursue their research anymore or would like skew the
• 2:03:39
  results or whatever. Based on the fact that they
• 2:03:41
  found something that conflicted evil with what they were trying
• 2:03:44
  to do or that they just weren't happy with.
• 2:03:47
  So I'd imagine like the in the scenario that you gave let's
• 2:03:50
  say, you were studying gays as the group and then you found
• 2:03:55
  something that, you know, you didn't like finding out if you
• 2:04:00
  know what I mean. It's like our this this goes
• 2:04:01
  against not only why the research on trying to do but
• 2:04:05
  it's also just not flattering. I don't know from my personal
• 2:04:08
  perspective or something but then that would present An
• 2:04:10
  issue. So I suppose it's more logical
• 2:04:12
  to then study different groups because as you said, you can be
• 2:04:16
  more objective and then that's not going to affect your
• 2:04:18
  research. And anyway, right, I mean it
• 2:04:20
  still will affect the research. You're never going to get rid of
• 2:04:22
  bias. But I think that I have a
• 2:04:24
  problem with the what you were talking about is that so much
• 2:04:28
  that, like, that conscious like, oh, I found this.
• 2:04:30
  I don't like it like that. Well, I yeah, I'm using very
• 2:04:34
  severe but like, I'd imagined work.
• 2:04:36
  Its professors aren't like that, you know, it's like you.
• 2:04:39
  I mean, some of them are But it's a little bit more
• 2:04:42
  pernicious than just that. So it affects the questions that
• 2:04:46
  you even asked, right? The options for the answers that
• 2:04:50
  people can give so you may not even come into contact with the
• 2:04:54
  information that you don't like because you've already funneled
• 2:04:56
  your participant like you unconsciously have funneled the
• 2:04:59
  participant into a specific answer that you wanted them to
• 2:05:02
  say. And so that's where you have to
• 2:05:04
  be really careful and you know, work with the team and have a
• 2:05:08
  diverse team with different perspectives.
• 2:05:11
  And different lived experiences because they can point those
• 2:05:13
  things out to you because like your study that failed may have
• 2:05:19
  not failed, you may have forgot to add a particular variable
• 2:05:22
  that like puts the whole puzzle piece in order because you
• 2:05:26
  aren't thinking about that variable on the outside.
• 2:05:29
  So you know, lived experiences helpful in doing research
• 2:05:33
  because it kind of gets you like an inside scoop of like what's
• 2:05:36
  going on. But it's also super limiting
• 2:05:38
  because it can you know, you end up Cutting a tree instead of the
• 2:05:42
  Forest right? And limiting your own research.
• 2:05:45
  So I find it helpful to study things that are.
• 2:05:47
  I'm not a part of what's the biggest life lesson that you've
• 2:05:50
  learned so far? Oh, lord, it's allatra.
• 2:05:57
  Everything is trial and error and boundaries are important.
• 2:06:02
  Boundaries are super important boundaries with yourself with
• 2:06:05
  other people, with the things that you do like it's if you
• 2:06:09
  don't if you're just And through life, it's going to be
• 2:06:12
  overwhelming. And so, kind of like, what we
• 2:06:14
  talked about with, like, being comfortable being by yourself.
• 2:06:17
  It's hard to be by yourself. If you haven't constructed a
• 2:06:21
  situation in, which you can be by yourself without other things
• 2:06:26
  leaking end. So I think boundaries are like,
• 2:06:28
  the number one thing like you not, you gotta know, when to
• 2:06:31
  turn the computer off, you got to know when to put the homework
• 2:06:33
  down, you got to know, you got to take your hat off off work,
• 2:06:36
  you've got to you know, allow people inappropriately It
• 2:06:40
  distance to you and how to interact with you.
• 2:06:43
  Like if you let it bleed, you're going to live in chaos.
• 2:06:47
  I couldn't agree more. Yeah totally.
• 2:06:49
  So now and that's you know, I'm fortunate to be in Academia
• 2:06:53
  because I got to spend undergrad and graduate school like testing
• 2:06:56
  all of that out now, hyper structured space so you know,
• 2:07:00
  it's been I've had an easier time than say other people have
• 2:07:03
  to, you know, test it out and learn how to do it and you know,
• 2:07:06
  get lots of restarts because sometimes you don't get redos.
• 2:07:10
  Yeah. It's very dry how you know from
• 2:07:14
  testing the waters and you know getting a trial run at life and
• 2:07:17
  extended trial run through my 20s.
• 2:07:21
  Boundaries are important learn to set those even with yourself
• 2:07:28
  as we draw things to a close today do you have any upcoming
• 2:07:31
  projects or maybe some final thoughts that you'd like to
• 2:07:33
  share with our listeners? Yeah.
• 2:07:36
  In terms of projects that don't have anything particularly
• 2:07:39
  exciting. I mean, I am going to start
• 2:07:41
  teaching in New Mexico. The school is very open, access
• 2:07:46
  friendly and Centric and they encourage it.
• 2:07:48
  So my website may start getting loaded up with like, you know,
• 2:07:52
  like hey, you can just take my class online for free here.
• 2:07:55
  All my resources, if you want it, I'm going to figure out how
• 2:07:58
  to do that. But the major work that I'm
• 2:07:59
  doing right now, particularly online is what the podcast.
• 2:08:02
  So we come out with a new episode every Tuesday or
• 2:08:05
  Wednesday. We essentially what we do is we
• 2:08:09
  cover a A Open Access psychology textbook but we don't like read
• 2:08:15
  the textbook or like we don't we barely even talk about what's in
• 2:08:18
  the textbook. To be honest we pick a topic
• 2:08:20
  that we can use the basic theoretical information from a
• 2:08:25
  chapter in the textbook to inform our conversation about
• 2:08:28
  the topic essentially. So the idea is that if you're
• 2:08:32
  not reading the textbook you can listen to our podcast and learn
• 2:08:36
  something new. If you are in our class.
• 2:08:38
  And we've assigned this textbook, you've Got additional
• 2:08:41
  information that teaches you, how to take that psychological
• 2:08:44
  theory and apply it to a real world situation.
• 2:08:46
  So for example we did we're doing an introduction to
• 2:08:51
  psychology book right now and we did on the intelligence testing
• 2:08:56
  chapter and like IQ and stuff like that.
• 2:08:58
  We talked about how it's that. Research is like embedded in the
• 2:09:03
  Eugenics movement in America and how even like rsat is remanence
• 2:09:08
  of that Eugenics movement. And kind of like the overall
• 2:09:12
  cultural space that we're talking about when were
• 2:09:13
  discussing something like IQ or standardized testing because the
• 2:09:18
  book will tell you everything you need to know about, like the
• 2:09:21
  stats and the nitty-gritty. And we would cover that in a
• 2:09:23
  lecture. But the podcast is more like, so
• 2:09:26
  what why do we care about this chapter?
• 2:09:29
  What's interesting about this. So sometimes my co-host and I
• 2:09:32
  just, you know, go through and we talked about, you know,
• 2:09:35
  Eugenics or the Myers-Briggs test or what else have we
• 2:09:38
  covered. We talked about drugs.
• 2:09:40
  This semester, that was fun. And then, sometimes we have
• 2:09:44
  guests on. So, we've had people on talking
• 2:09:45
  about eyewitness memory in the context of, like, suspect
• 2:09:51
  identification and lineups. We've talked about International
• 2:09:55
  romance tourism, with someone who actually went on tours with
• 2:09:58
  men, to like this. Don't know.
• 2:10:03
  Was it not stoning? You went to Estonia what's the
• 2:10:05
  other European country? where all the mail order brides
• 2:10:10
  are from the begins with the E. Yeah.
• 2:10:18
  Leave. It begins with an E, cancel me
• 2:10:22
  that. Okay, cancel by Eastern Europe.
• 2:10:30
  Shoot, I cannot remember. Anyway, the Eastern European
• 2:10:34
  mail, order brides the Philippines and then Columbia as
• 2:10:37
  well. So she came on and talked with
• 2:10:39
  us about that. So uh it's a good time we get
• 2:10:42
  experts on. Sometimes we ramble this summer.
• 2:10:46
  We're going to start going through controversies in
• 2:10:48
  Psychology and where psychology is not the best, where it does
• 2:10:51
  not Shine the brightest. So if you're ever interested in,
• 2:10:55
  you know, having a justification for hating psychology, tune in
• 2:10:59
  the summer, Listen, you've been absolutely fantastic guest.
• 2:11:04
  So I wanna say a massive thank you for being on the show and
• 2:11:08
  yeah to all of my listeners. Thank you very much for
• 2:11:12
  listening to Christian radio Podcast.
• 2:11:13
  Make sure to go check out Thomas's podcast, it's called
• 2:11:18
  Psycho Social distancing. And yeah, as I always say, if
• 2:11:22
  you're watching this on YouTube make sure to like, share and
• 2:11:24
  subscribe. If you're listening on Spotify
• 2:11:26
  or podcast Google podcast. Leave us a follow.
• 2:11:28
  Leave us a rating. Let me Know, who you want to see
• 2:11:31
  on the show in the future? What you want to hear on the
• 2:11:33
  show in the future? And as always be safe, be well,
• 2:11:38
  and I'll see you in the next one.