Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to deal with loneliness

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how to deal with loneliness · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  I've been in crowded rooms, laughing, talking, smiling, yet
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  still felt completely alone, like everyone was looking at me
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  but no one could really see me. Have you ever felt this way?
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  Like you're surrounded by people but somehow you still feel
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  invisible? If so, then this episode was
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  meant for you. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  You're not the only one. Today we're going to unpack that
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  feeling, why it happens, what it means, and how to begin feeling
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  a little less alone in a world that doesn't always make space
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  for your emotions. We live in one of the most
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  connected times in human history.
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  Right now, you can pick up your phone and see exactly what's
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  happening in the world and see what everyone that you know is
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  doing. At any point.
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  You could text a friend, scroll for hours, hear the voices of
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  strangers like me and everything that I think, feel, live.
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  And yet studies show that we are more isolated, more anxious, and
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  more lonely than ever before. The US Surgeon General calls
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  loneliness an epidemic. One study from Harvard in 2021
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  found that 61% of young adults reported feeling serious
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  loneliness. That's more than half of all
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  young people. That's insane.
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  I know I have personally felt this times where I was
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  surrounded by people that I'd never felt more alone.
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  So how can it be that we're more in touch than any generation
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  before us? We're more synced up, we're more
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  connected via social media, yet we're more isolated than ever.
• 2:01
  Here's an easy way to think about it.
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  It's like trying to hydrate with salt water.
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  You're drinking something, right?
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  Your mouth is full, your hands are busy, but it doesn't nourish
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  you, It doesn't satisfy what you actually need, and in the end,
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  it even makes you thirstier. That's what shallow connection
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  does. Likes follows surface level how
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  are used when nobody really wants the truth.
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  It's water, but it's not clean and it leaves you starving for
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  something real. Here's the thing about
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  loneliness. Not only is it uncomfortable,
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  but it also can be dangerous. Psychologists have found that
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  loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes
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  a day. It can increase your risk of
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  heart disease, depression, anxiety, and even early death.
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  And yet we don't really talk about it, do we?
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  We talk about how bad it is to smoke 15 cigarettes a day,
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  that's for sure. If you were smoking 15
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  cigarettes a day, anyone in your life would be concerned.
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  But if you isolate, if you don't see anyone for weeks, that's
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  just a part of life. Especially living in a post
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  pandemic world. Loneliness and isolation became
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  more normalized than ever. And that is a real problem.
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  We need connection. Let me say this clearly, feeling
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  lonely doesn't mean that you're broken.
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  It means that you're human. We are wired for connection.
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  Our brains literally release oxytocin, the bonding hormone,
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  when we feel emotionally close to others.
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  It's built into our biology. So when you don't feel seen,
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  heard, or understood, your brain reacts like you're in danger.
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  That's why loneliness. It can feel like panic, like
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  something's wrong, but you don't know how to fix it.
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  And it's not always about being alone.
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  You can be at a party and feel it at school, at work, in a
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  relationship with your family. Because loneliness isn't about
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  proximity, It's about connection.
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  It's about being known, it's about being heard, it's about
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  being understood. I felt it deeply, especially
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  throughout college. I was surrounded by people my
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  age, people who looked happy, who seemed like they had it all
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  figured out, and there I was, struggling to get out of bed,
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  struggling to feel like I mattered.
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  I didn't know how to say it out loud, because what if they
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  looked at me like I was weak, like I was sick?
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  What if I made things awkward? What if I told the truth and it
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  made people leave? So I stayed quiet.
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  I smiled when I had to, I laughed when it was expected,
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  and underneath I was drowning. If that sounds familiar, know
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  that I've been there and you're not alone in your loneliness, in
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  the presence of company. And it gets better, but not by
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  pretending it doesn't exist. It gets better when you speak
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  it. The loneliness when you're
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  surrounded by other people comes often from self isolation.
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  And that's not to place blame on you or to place blame on myself.
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  Often, unchecked mental health issues can cause us to feel
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  isolated in ways that we didn't know were possible.
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  When I was struggling with depression at my absolute
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  lowest, it convinced me that I was better off on my own.
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  It convinced me that I was too sick, that something was wrong
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  with me, that I shouldn't be around other people.
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  And that's the problem with mental health issues.
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  That's the problem with loneliness.
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  It convinces us that we don't need anyone else, that we
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  shouldn't be around anyone else, that we're better off on our
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  own. And that's dangerous.
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  We need human connection. We need to be able to talk, to
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  have these conversations, to open up.
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  We need each other. And so it's important to address
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  those mental health issues and address this loneliness that can
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  happen when we're around other people.
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  So what can we do? How can we start to feel less
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  alone in a world that doesn't always know how to hold a space
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  for you? Well, I don't have all the
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  answers, but here's what helped me.
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  Sometimes you have to be the one who goes first.
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  We all want someone to check in on us.
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  But hey, what if sometimes we're the ones to check in first?
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  Send the hey I was thinking of you text.
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  Start the honest conversation. You'd be surprised how many
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  other people are also craving real connection right now. 2 Be
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  OK with being awkward. Connection is messy.
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  Vulnerability feels weird. You might over share, you might
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  cry, and that's OK. Real relationships are built on
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  honesty, not Polish. Three, seek out spaces that
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  welcome emotion therapy, support groups, creative communities,
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  places where emotional expression is not only allowed,
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  but encouraged. That's why I make music.
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  That's why I made this podcast. To create a space where we can
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  all feel heard and seen and not so lonely.
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  By communicating and by sharing. Because when we share how we
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  feel, we give others permission to do the same. 4 Connect with
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  yourself. This one's hard, but maybe the
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  most important. If you don't feel at home in
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  your own mind, it's hard to feel at home with others.
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  Journaling helped me. Sitting with my feelings, naming
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  them, not judging them, just noticing.
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  You are your own companion. You are your own best friend.
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  Always being alone is not always a bad thing.
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  Loneliness can be, but being alone, getting to know yourself
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  better, becoming your own best friend, that's a beautiful
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  thing, taking yourself out on dates.
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  Sometimes being alone teaches us more about ourselves.
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  It allows us to become closer with ourselves, with our
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  emotions. In turn, that allows us to be
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  more open towards others, to share, to be OK with expressing,
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  to connect deeper. Being alone is not an inherently
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  bad thing, but loneliness can be incredibly dangerous.
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  Here's the truth. Loneliness doesn't mean that no
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  one loves you. It doesn't mean you're unworthy.
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  It means that you need something deeper, something true or
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  something real. And it starts with honesty, with
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  saying to yourself, hey, I'm lonely.
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  And that might be the bravest thing you say all week, but it
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  could also be the beginning of something beautiful.
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  So if you're listening right now and you feel alone in a room
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  full of people, in a world full of people, know this.
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  You are not the only one that feels this way.
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  You are not alone in your loneliness and you are not
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  broken. You're not invisible, and you
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  are worthy of connection just as you are.
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  You matter. Those feelings of loneliness
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  matter, don't let them go unattended.
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  That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
• 9:30
  my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell and I
• 9:33
  almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  Also, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about
• 9:37
  today's episode. I'm chilling on the couch.
• 9:40
  Today I wanted to make it a little bit more relaxed.
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  Let me know what you thought about this topic.
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  Let me know how your day's. Going, I want to hear from you.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that being alone is not always a bad
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  thing, but loneliness can be. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.