Transcript

#19 Joey · Heavyweight

0:02
Speaker 1: Hi, John, Okay. If I were to plan a surprise
0:05
Speaker 1: vacation for us, where would you want to go? Did
0:08
Speaker 1: you say vacation? Surprise vacation?
0:13
Speaker 2: It could just never happen with my work schedule, like
0:15
Speaker 2: I can, that can never happen.
0:16
Speaker 1: Where would you want to go?
0:17
Speaker 2: Why would I want to go?
0:19
Speaker 1: For fun in the sun? Listen how stressed you sound.
0:22
Speaker 3: The idea of actually being.
0:23
Speaker 4: On vacation with you nice idea.
0:25
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be vacation. It would be a slight cation
0:28
Speaker 1: because we'd do everything on a sleigh. We'd dash through
0:31
Speaker 1: the snow and I don't know, like check our phones
0:34
Speaker 1: and argue. Occasionally you'd hang up on me and I'd
0:39
Speaker 1: start the show. But from Gimblet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein
0:50
Speaker 1: and this is Heavyweight today's episode. Joey as a young man,
1:07
Speaker 1: whenever conflict arose, my go to move was to roll
1:10
Speaker 1: up into a fetal ball and pray to go unnoticed.
1:14
Speaker 1: Of course, this only made matters worse case. In point
1:19
Speaker 1: one afternoon, while riding a trolley, I fell into a
1:23
Speaker 1: daydream and missed my stop. Anyone else in my position
1:27
Speaker 1: might have yelled I missed my stop, or open the door, please.
1:32
Speaker 1: But in imagining all these trolley riding strangers turning around
1:35
Speaker 1: to stare at me, my mind went blank. So I
1:39
Speaker 1: decided it might be simpler draw less attention if I
1:43
Speaker 1: just jumped off. As I landed onto the street, I
1:48
Speaker 1: heard a high pitched scream that I would later realize
1:51
Speaker 1: was coming from me. Instead of drawing less attention, I
1:55
Speaker 1: was now center stage. The trolley conductor skidded to a halt,
2:00
Speaker 1: and all the passengers ran to the windows to watch
2:03
Speaker 1: as I painfully crawled into a nearby bush. Once in
2:06
Speaker 1: the bush, I hid waiting for the trolley to leave.
2:15
Speaker 1: For young Jonathan Goldstein, the cost of staying silent that
2:19
Speaker 1: day was two twisted ankles and the loss of my pride.
2:23
Speaker 5: Hey, Joey, Hey there, it's awesome to hear from you.
2:26
Speaker 1: This is young Joey, and he recently had a bad
2:29
Speaker 1: day that forced him to realize his fear of being seen,
2:33
Speaker 1: his fear of speaking up, was exacting a far greater
2:37
Speaker 1: cost than a mere double ankle injury. It was ruining
2:41
Speaker 1: his life, and so he's reached out for help from.
2:45
Speaker 5: Me and just never get myself in a situation like
2:48
Speaker 5: this again.
2:49
Speaker 1: I think Joey is twenty two years old, and the
2:52
Speaker 1: lead up to his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad
2:55
Speaker 1: day begins right after his art school graduation, when he
2:59
Speaker 1: moved into an artists loft in downtown.
3:02
Speaker 5: LA live in that downtown city life kind of living
3:05
Speaker 5: in a communal living style.
3:06
Speaker 1: The downside was that the loft had bed sheeets for
3:09
Speaker 1: walls in six roommates. But the plus side, the loft
3:13
Speaker 1: had bed sheets for walls and six roommates, six super
3:18
Speaker 1: cool roommates, a DJ, a dollmaker, a photographer, a guy
3:23
Speaker 1: who quote trimmed weed, and super coolest of all, a podcaster.
3:29
Speaker 5: And I pictured these cool artist types having great parties
3:34
Speaker 5: and a lot of cool people over and all the
3:37
Speaker 5: artists in the LA scene would come through, and I
3:41
Speaker 5: was going to come in and hopefully fit in immediately.
3:46
Speaker 1: But Joey didn't fit in immediately. He never felt comfortable
3:50
Speaker 1: just hanging out with everyone, never knew what to say,
3:53
Speaker 1: and so he ended up spending most of his time
3:56
Speaker 1: alone in his room rehearsing icebreakers. I like your tattoo,
4:01
Speaker 1: he'd repeat to himself, your tattoo. I like it, sweet tat,
4:07
Speaker 1: he'd say, pointing limply at the mirror like a socially
4:11
Speaker 1: crippled Travis Bickle, Unable to come up with anything that
4:15
Speaker 1: felt right. Paralysis set in. Joey began spending all day
4:20
Speaker 1: in his room, a shadow behind a bedsheet.
4:24
Speaker 5: They'd all be in the living room right next to
4:26
Speaker 5: my room, hanging out, watching a movie, you know, drinking,
4:29
Speaker 5: hanging and doing the thing, and I would be in
4:32
Speaker 5: my room, just like making people uncomfortable with by not,
4:36
Speaker 5: you know, being out there.
4:37
Speaker 1: Joey had been living in the loft several weeks when
4:40
Speaker 1: he realized just how isolated he become. One day, will
4:44
Speaker 1: waiting outside the bathroom, he ran into one of his
4:46
Speaker 1: new roommates.
4:47
Speaker 5: She she was like, oh, hi, what's your name? Oh
4:51
Speaker 5: where do you live? I was like, uh, here, I'd
4:55
Speaker 5: live here.
5:04
Speaker 1: Eventually, Joey began avoiding the loft altogether. He'd spend every
5:09
Speaker 1: day wandering the streets, only returning in the evening.
5:13
Speaker 5: When I was back in my house at night, I
5:15
Speaker 5: would sneak into my room and then make and then
5:18
Speaker 5: make it drink, make sure I didn't drink too much
5:20
Speaker 5: water so that my bladder was empty, so I wouldn't
5:23
Speaker 5: have to leave my room to pee. My new goal
5:25
Speaker 5: was to just be as unobtrusive as a roommate as possible,
5:28
Speaker 5: be invisible, So in this time I would just try
5:33
Speaker 5: to spend all my day out of the house out
5:36
Speaker 5: on my rollerblades, which I had also recently taken up.
5:42
Speaker 1: Everyone needs a hobby, and Joey found one that provided
5:45
Speaker 1: both good exercise as well as a way to free
5:48
Speaker 1: himself from the oppressive yoke of human dignity. And so
5:52
Speaker 1: it was while rollerblading that Joey discovered his new home
5:55
Speaker 1: away from home, the pizza parlor. The pizza tarler played
6:00
Speaker 1: cool music and had cool art on the walls. It
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Speaker 1: even served cool pizza. There was one shape like a
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Speaker 1: marijuana leaf and other shape like circles. But because Joey
6:11
Speaker 1: was Joey, even a simple thing like ordering pizza was
6:15
Speaker 1: a challenge, and so he rehearsed his icebreakers.
6:19
Speaker 5: I found myself like making sure I could have something
6:23
Speaker 5: to say, like preparing something for the quick interaction while
6:27
Speaker 5: I buy my pizza, Like what kind of thing I
6:30
Speaker 5: don't know, Like if it's raining out, I would have
6:33
Speaker 5: something clever to say about that, or.
6:36
Speaker 1: Give me an example of the clever thing that you
6:37
Speaker 1: would say when it was raining.
6:40
Speaker 5: I'd say, oh, man, bummer, and this is not rollerblading weather, okay,
6:46
Speaker 5: like I would or I don't know what I'm trying
6:49
Speaker 5: to say.
6:51
Speaker 1: Slowly, Joey began making social inroads, even managing to earn
6:55
Speaker 1: himself a nickname, that rollerblading guy. His fantasy is fun
7:00
Speaker 1: in friendship with his bohemian loft buddies were over, but
7:04
Speaker 1: his fantasy is a fun in friendship with his bohemian
7:06
Speaker 1: pizza parlor buddies had only just begun.
7:10
Speaker 5: I had planned on continuing to visit there and making
7:14
Speaker 5: these friendships grow and hopefully progressing them to real life
7:18
Speaker 5: friendships outside of the shop.
7:24
Speaker 1: And so every morning Joey wood Blade straight to the
7:27
Speaker 1: self service refrigerator that housed the day old dollar slices.
7:32
Speaker 5: I pretty much exclusively ate pizza from that moment on
7:35
Speaker 5: for all your meals pretty much. There was definitely days
7:40
Speaker 5: that went by when it was just pizza.
7:42
Speaker 1: Like, how many slices a day were you eating.
7:44
Speaker 5: Say four or five? Two for breakfast and then stick
7:48
Speaker 5: them in my backpack for the rest of the day.
7:51
Speaker 1: What were you doing for fruits and vegetables?
7:54
Speaker 5: I occasionally got the veggie slice.
8:00
Speaker 1: And that was Joey's life, eating za, rolling blades, and
8:04
Speaker 1: waiting for old man scurvy until one terrible, horrible, no good,
8:10
Speaker 1: very bad day.
8:11
Speaker 5: January fourteenth, was like every other day. I woke up
8:16
Speaker 5: to go get my pizza, headed into the shop, and
8:20
Speaker 5: unfortunately I only found pepperoni in the fridge.
8:25
Speaker 1: Joey is a vegetarian, and so without having prepared anything
8:29
Speaker 1: clever to say, like pepperoni pizza, Oh man, bummer, Pepperonis
8:34
Speaker 1: aren't vegetarian, he instead said nothing and trying to just
8:38
Speaker 1: roller blade back out the door without anyone noticing. But
8:43
Speaker 1: he'd only bladed a couple blocks when he saw a
8:46
Speaker 1: familiar face biking towards him.
8:48
Speaker 5: And it's one of the pizza chefs. So I just
8:51
Speaker 5: thought he was gonna hell, I don't know. I thought
8:54
Speaker 5: he was gonna say, what's up, man, let's hang out.
8:57
Speaker 5: What's your name? Will, Let's you know. I thought he
9:00
Speaker 5: was just interested in me. So I was excited to
9:04
Speaker 5: see him biking towards me, and I took off my
9:07
Speaker 5: headphones to greet him, and the first thing he said
9:10
Speaker 5: is don't come back. I said, I said, excuse me,
9:21
Speaker 5: he said, you're taking slices, I.
9:25
Speaker 1: Said, what, and then it clicked, flipping through the dollar
9:30
Speaker 1: slices and then abruptly leaving in silence. Looked fishy, like
9:34
Speaker 1: Joey was stealing pizza.
9:36
Speaker 5: And I was kind of like panicking talking to him,
9:41
Speaker 5: like I could feel that I could hear the panic
9:42
Speaker 5: in my voice and stuff, but I didn't know what
9:45
Speaker 5: to say, so I kind of just I was kind
9:46
Speaker 5: of speechless, and I, you know, didn't have the confidence
9:49
Speaker 5: to keep fighting. Okay, yeah, and then he he biked away.
9:57
Speaker 5: I started crying on the streets, and I I must
10:00
Speaker 5: have looked ridiculous, rollerblading down the street while crying.
10:04
Speaker 1: At that point, it was a terrible day. It became
10:07
Speaker 1: horrible as well as no good and very bad when Joey,
10:12
Speaker 1: crying on the street, received a phone call bearing more
10:16
Speaker 1: bad news.
10:20
Speaker 5: The roommates had been kind of talking and they that
10:27
Speaker 5: they used the words I'm getting under their skin.
10:31
Speaker 1: The roommates found Joey's silent, sneaky ways unsettling. They wanted
10:36
Speaker 1: him out.
10:38
Speaker 5: I like went and got my stuff, and I don't know,
10:42
Speaker 5: I basically moved out in that moment. I like just
10:47
Speaker 5: left without seeing anybody and I kind of ran away.
10:57
Speaker 1: As the day came to a close, Joey called called
11:00
Speaker 1: the one person he always calls, the person he's leaned
11:03
Speaker 1: on his whole life, Elise, his twin sister.
11:08
Speaker 5: She gave me the same advice that everyone did, which
11:10
Speaker 5: is just you know, go talk to them, be normal.
11:15
Speaker 5: But I don't know. I mean, I never was able
11:19
Speaker 5: to take that advice from anybody coming from her, though
11:22
Speaker 5: it was especially I felt especially bad.
11:26
Speaker 6: He was like almost in tears telling me this story.
11:30
Speaker 1: Alise knows Joey better than anyone, and he's relied on
11:33
Speaker 1: her socially his entire life. When he started dating, Alise
11:37
Speaker 1: introduced him to her friends, and when he was too
11:39
Speaker 1: anxious to attend family functions, Elise would go in his place.
11:44
Speaker 6: And he told me about how he cried, which is
11:46
Speaker 6: always he doesn't cry that often. You could tell it
11:50
Speaker 6: was a big deal that he expressed that he cried
11:52
Speaker 6: about it, and he told the whole story, and I
11:55
Speaker 6: was laughing so hard because really funny story, and I
12:01
Speaker 6: wanted him to see that it was funny too, and
12:03
Speaker 6: he could see the humor in it, but he was
12:05
Speaker 6: also pretty clearly devastated.
12:09
Speaker 1: When I ask Elise, what's so funny about her brother
12:12
Speaker 1: crying on the phone. She makes a pretty strong case,
12:15
Speaker 1: casually eviscerating him in the way only a loving sister can.
12:19
Speaker 6: Him and his rollerblades and often like funny looking tank tops,
12:24
Speaker 6: his like creeper mustache, and his mullet.
12:27
Speaker 1: Definitely wait, just the look of him, Hang on a second.
12:30
Speaker 1: He has a mullet.
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Speaker 6: Full mullet full, full, creepy young child mustache, and his
12:45
Speaker 6: shoulders and arms look looks strong, but they're small, and
12:50
Speaker 6: same with his legs. His legs are shockingly skinny. They
12:55
Speaker 6: do have an incredible shine to them.
12:57
Speaker 1: I will admit, does he does he play at.
13:00
Speaker 6: I'm not sure that's ointment. I'm guessing that's just his
13:04
Speaker 6: oily self.
13:09
Speaker 1: I don't want Joey to have to wait years and
13:11
Speaker 1: years like I did, just to know the sweet joys
13:14
Speaker 1: of uncrippling an abnormality. So I asked Joey's oily self
13:18
Speaker 1: what he most wants out of all this, and the
13:21
Speaker 1: answer he delivers is pretty to the point, almost like
13:25
Speaker 1: he's rehearsed it.
13:26
Speaker 5: I want to say sorry that I wasn't able to
13:30
Speaker 5: leave my room. I wish they knew how I felt, basically.
13:35
Speaker 1: But when I put forward my action plan for Joey
13:37
Speaker 1: to fix his bad day by rerollerblading through it, rerollerblading
13:42
Speaker 1: back to the pizza parlor to clear his name, and
13:44
Speaker 1: rerollerblading to the loft to apologize for being such a creepy,
13:48
Speaker 1: sneaky roommate, I can hear the beads of sweat squeak
13:52
Speaker 1: out of Joey's hairline and saturate his mullet.
13:56
Speaker 5: Right, yeah, I'm definitely yeah, I've definitely been meaning to,
14:02
Speaker 5: but the prospect is pretty scary. I just mentioning it.
14:08
Speaker 5: I got nervous, for sure.
14:10
Speaker 1: Joey still wants to be invisible, but decades of experience
14:14
Speaker 1: have taught me that oftentimes the more invisible you try
14:17
Speaker 1: to make yourself, the more visible you become. So if
14:21
Speaker 1: I have my way, Joey will no longer have to
14:24
Speaker 1: hide in the metaphorical bush like a young metaphorical Jonathan Goldstein.
14:35
Speaker 1: After the break, helping Joey to stop spinning his wheels. Okay,
14:47
Speaker 1: hold the line for a moment, Joey, All right.
14:50
Speaker 5: Sounds good. Hang on, I'm practicing my witty retorts anything.
14:53
Speaker 1: Don't do that, Okay, During the ad break while you
14:59
Speaker 1: were loading up on unbelievable deals, I was considering the
15:03
Speaker 1: full extent of Joey's dilemma as much as Jonathan Debonair
15:07
Speaker 1: Goldstein wanted to help him. The truth is, Jonathan Stuart
15:12
Speaker 1: Goldstein is actually a lot like Joey. And so I
15:16
Speaker 1: made a phone call to an old friend, a man
15:18
Speaker 1: whose example and critical feedback, some might say overly critical feedback,
15:24
Speaker 1: have helped me to become the animalist socialibus. I am today, happy, confident,
15:31
Speaker 1: out of the shrubs and loving it. And I was
15:34
Speaker 1: hoping you could work the same magic on Joey. Joey,
15:38
Speaker 1: this is my friend Gregor. Howdy, Hey, So Joey was
15:44
Speaker 1: living in this loft, and he Gregor is the exact
15:47
Speaker 1: opposite of Joey and me in any given social interaction.
15:51
Speaker 1: He's never afraid to stand out, never afraid to say
15:55
Speaker 1: the wrong thing. Case in point, was.
15:58
Speaker 2: Johnny kidding when he said you're wearing rollerblade?
16:00
Speaker 5: Yes? No, I am a rollerblader.
16:03
Speaker 2: But so you rollerbladed into the store wearing your rollerblades.
16:06
Speaker 5: That's right.
16:08
Speaker 2: I have these very vivid memories of being in Central
16:10
Speaker 2: Park and seeing these people, mostly grown men, on rollerblades
16:13
Speaker 2: with that folded hands over the lower back and their
16:16
Speaker 2: body bent forward like zipping around in like a lycroskin suit.
16:19
Speaker 2: The big giant grin as they gasp for breath and
16:21
Speaker 2: like goggles on.
16:22
Speaker 1: You got all that out of your system.
16:24
Speaker 2: I hate rollerbladers, and I hate everything about rollerblades, but
16:27
Speaker 2: I think most people don't have the caurage to ask
16:28
Speaker 2: for help. It takes a very big man to ask
16:30
Speaker 2: for help. Okay, so the guy wants the rollerblade.
16:33
Speaker 6: Fine.
16:36
Speaker 1: Since Joey feels most comfortable when he's rehearsing social interactions,
16:40
Speaker 1: I suggest we do some role playing. Joey plays himself
16:44
Speaker 1: and Gregor plays the pizza shop owner. After ten minutes
16:48
Speaker 1: deliberating over his character's name, Gregor decides on Carmine.
16:52
Speaker 2: Please call me krmine.
16:53
Speaker 1: All right, stop just trying to add a little depth
16:56
Speaker 1: of the character.
16:56
Speaker 7: Don't do that.
16:57
Speaker 1: Once I finish offering some helpful direction, we begin. So, okay,
17:01
Speaker 1: so you're you're the owner. I'll do the folly work.
17:04
Speaker 1: I'll make any necessary sounds. Okay, Joey, you're coming into
17:09
Speaker 1: the pizza parlor, tingle, tingle.
17:13
Speaker 5: Hey, so it's been a long time. I don't know
17:18
Speaker 5: if you heard I. I had a bit of a.
17:26
Speaker 1: Joey trails off. Even in a simulation, his nerves get
17:30
Speaker 1: the better of him. I try to inspire him with
17:33
Speaker 1: more folly work. Tingle, tingle. The place is starting to
17:37
Speaker 1: fill up a little, so you might want to spit
17:39
Speaker 1: it out. Tingle, tingle, tingle, tingle.
17:41
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's like radio lab. Suddenly a monkey
17:46
Speaker 2: came in, Gregor call me Carmen. The whole duration of
17:51
Speaker 2: this shoot. I need to be in character. I'm like
17:53
Speaker 2: Daniel da Lewis. I will only answer if you call
17:56
Speaker 2: me Krma.
17:56
Speaker 1: Why did I even have you be the shop owner?
17:58
Speaker 1: Why wasn't I the shop.
18:00
Speaker 2: I could be your son who's got like bigger dreams.
18:02
Speaker 2: I don't want to spend my whole life saying pizza
18:04
Speaker 2: derailing that I got big dreams. I want to get
18:07
Speaker 2: into real estate, commercial real estate. I want to least laundromats.
18:11
Speaker 2: See I'm not like you, you really I want to
18:13
Speaker 2: have a self storage unit. They're very profitable, don't you see?
18:19
Speaker 2: Now we're gelling as a team right at the very end.
18:21
Speaker 2: As you start to fade us down, you can't even
18:23
Speaker 2: hear what I'm saying anymore.
18:24
Speaker 1: Sure, Gregor was taking none of the work seriously. But
18:27
Speaker 1: Joey was enjoying Gregor, and in his own way, Gregor
18:32
Speaker 1: was enjoying Joey. It looked like Gregor was in I
18:43
Speaker 1: noticed that you like to sit very close to the gate.
18:47
Speaker 1: Gregor and I meet at the airport for the flight
18:49
Speaker 1: to see Joey in La. While squatting on the floor
18:53
Speaker 1: staring fixedly at the gate, Gregor shares some insider tips
18:57
Speaker 1: on air travel.
18:58
Speaker 2: Because when they say extra time getting on the game
19:00
Speaker 2: jet way, you're allowed to run.
19:02
Speaker 5: Past those people.
19:09
Speaker 1: You're allowed.
19:11
Speaker 2: See like I could easily run outrun that little girl
19:14
Speaker 2: in the purple. Anyway, Johnny, stick with me. I'm gonna
19:17
Speaker 2: show you how to board this big bird. That's what
19:21
Speaker 2: I say as the pilot when I bought the play.
19:23
Speaker 2: Let's bring this big bird down, brother. But that way
19:26
Speaker 2: he knows I'm a member of the free Eternity of Aviation.
19:38
Speaker 5: Cross checket where you grow on pompleys.
19:41
Speaker 1: Once we've board it, running down the jetway like a
19:43
Speaker 1: couple of giggling idiots, Gregor regales me with stories the
19:48
Speaker 1: time lou Reid threatened to put an ashtray through his head.
19:51
Speaker 2: No, he didn't heavy glass.
19:52
Speaker 1: One the time a taxi driver told me he had
19:55
Speaker 1: eyes like his dead brothers.
19:56
Speaker 5: That's a terrible story.
19:58
Speaker 1: The time all dozen or so members of the Wu
20:00
Speaker 1: Tang clan squeezed onto his living room.
20:03
Speaker 2: Couch, he asked for my seat to tree.
20:05
Speaker 1: Then come the aviation stories, all the flights he's been
20:09
Speaker 1: on where people have died.
20:10
Speaker 2: But then there was another photos on when someone died
20:12
Speaker 2: right next to me, and they were literally doing the
20:14
Speaker 2: thing on the PA where they're like, there's any doctors
20:17
Speaker 2: on board? And I was like, I'm kind of a doctor.
20:20
Speaker 1: How are you kind of a doctor?
20:21
Speaker 2: I'm a very good diagnostician. Look, we're on twenty five RL.
20:25
Speaker 2: It's one of my favorite runways.
20:32
Speaker 1: Gregor and I rent a car and meet up with
20:34
Speaker 1: Joey at his favorite coffee shop. From here, we planned
20:37
Speaker 1: to head to the pizza parlor, get him unbanned, and
20:41
Speaker 1: then go to the loft so Joey can apologize to
20:44
Speaker 1: his former roommates.
20:46
Speaker 5: Morning. Nice to meet hi, How are you hid?
20:50
Speaker 8: How are you?
20:51
Speaker 1: As well as being rollerblade footed, Joey's just as chopstick legged,
20:56
Speaker 1: mustache lipped, and mullet headed, as his sister Relise said, caution.
21:00
Speaker 5: And.
21:01
Speaker 1: Did it take you a while to decide like what
21:03
Speaker 1: you were going to wear today? Joey seems anxious, so
21:06
Speaker 1: I asked him, Joey, are you anxious? But before he
21:10
Speaker 1: can answer, Gregor steps in.
21:12
Speaker 2: Johny, let's take it from here. You don't want to
21:14
Speaker 2: make the guy nervous by asking me if he was nervous,
21:15
Speaker 2: Why don't you go around in a circle and each say,
21:17
Speaker 2: a member of the Wu Tang until we get.
21:19
Speaker 1: On with his idiot's game. What Gregor's really doing is
21:22
Speaker 1: distracting Joey, protecting him, in this case, protecting him from me. Ready, Okay,
21:30
Speaker 1: I'll start the rizza Diu stop is the genius?
21:36
Speaker 2: Genius?
21:36
Speaker 1: Okay, stop number one? The pizza parlor? Is this the place?
21:44
Speaker 2: What time they open? Eleven?
21:46
Speaker 5: Oh? I'm getting nervous. My stomach is jumping.
21:49
Speaker 1: Oh wait here, Joey, I have some of the creer
21:52
Speaker 1: just in case. As Joey's mentor, I know he runs
21:56
Speaker 1: a pretty good chance of choking, so I prepared him
21:59
Speaker 1: some notes during my.
22:00
Speaker 4: Okay, here you go. Read this that.
22:04
Speaker 5: You guys were like family to me, and when you
22:06
Speaker 5: accuse me of theft. I try it slower.
22:09
Speaker 1: You guys were like family.
22:12
Speaker 6: Go ahead.
22:14
Speaker 5: You guys were like family to me. And when you
22:16
Speaker 5: accuse me of theft, I mishandled the situation. I became discombobulated.
22:21
Speaker 5: I should have defended myself, told you I'm no thief.
22:25
Speaker 1: Although we want to offer Joey help, it's important that
22:28
Speaker 1: he do this on his own. No Gregor, no Jonathan,
22:32
Speaker 1: no Elise. We'll be there with Q cards and emotional support,
22:36
Speaker 1: but ultimately Joey needs to enter the pizza shop and
22:40
Speaker 1: make his case solo.
22:42
Speaker 2: We're gonna let Joey shine.
22:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think like you bring.
22:46
Speaker 2: Your shine box, Joey.
22:48
Speaker 1: Are you getting the reference to the shinebox?
22:50
Speaker 5: That would be a you guys got a lot of
22:51
Speaker 5: references out on that. Have you seen Good Fellas?
22:54
Speaker 1: Do your joe pesci for Joey just to loosen him
22:57
Speaker 1: up a little.
22:57
Speaker 2: Ed was one tough irishman. I put his hand and
23:00
Speaker 2: advice tween days until his eyebowl pop.
23:02
Speaker 5: That yet, get two vegetarian pizzas stuff.
23:11
Speaker 1: I instruct Joey to order pizza and kombucha's for his roommates.
23:15
Speaker 1: This way the pizza parlor crew will see he's not
23:18
Speaker 1: just a dollar slice guy, but someone capable of committing
23:21
Speaker 1: to an entire pie and a vinegar and bile based beverage.
23:25
Speaker 1: It'll show personal growth.
23:27
Speaker 2: Just have fun yourself.
23:31
Speaker 1: Joey swings open the door and roller blades inside. Remember
23:37
Speaker 1: the rollerblading this whole time, Joey's been wheels down wearing
23:43
Speaker 1: his blades. You might want to rewind a few minutes
23:46
Speaker 1: and re listen with that image in your mind. And
23:50
Speaker 1: it's not just the roller blades. Joey is also wearing
23:53
Speaker 1: a wire. So standing outside, Gregor and I can eavesdrop
23:57
Speaker 1: on how things are going inside the parlor. Do you
24:00
Speaker 1: want to hear?
24:02
Speaker 2: I can't stand well.
24:04
Speaker 1: Gregor paces back and forth on the sidewalk. I cut
24:07
Speaker 1: an earphone and listen as Joey rolls up to the counter.
24:11
Speaker 5: Hey, how's it going?
24:13
Speaker 1: Joey is greeted by a pizza chef.
24:16
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know if you remember me. I used
24:18
Speaker 5: to come here all the time. I was kicked out
24:21
Speaker 5: of your shop a couple months back for stealing slices,
24:24
Speaker 5: even like I was accused of stealing slices. No, I
24:27
Speaker 5: totally know why you thought it was me because it
24:30
Speaker 5: looked like I mean, I came.
24:31
Speaker 1: In, Gregor and I watch nervously through the storefront window.
24:34
Speaker 5: Oh, he's blowing in, rushed to his eight.
24:39
Speaker 1: Joey isn't mounting a defense, and he isn't offering a
24:42
Speaker 1: counter narrative. Instead, he's exhibiting a level of mealy moothery
24:47
Speaker 1: not seen since a young Jonathan Goldstein tried to explain
24:50
Speaker 1: to a trolley conductor why he was hiding in a bush.
24:53
Speaker 5: And I was kind of hoping I could come back
24:55
Speaker 5: just because I.
24:56
Speaker 1: Love But as Gregor and I bicker over whether to
24:58
Speaker 1: walk inside and rolled your Joe out the door like
25:01
Speaker 1: a dessert trolley full of flaming horse manure, we noticed something.
25:05
Speaker 5: I know, it's weird that's been so long, but I
25:07
Speaker 5: just like felt really bad at her. That was really embarrassed. Really,
25:10
Speaker 5: I'm sorry. She's really nice.
25:12
Speaker 1: You saw like someone come in and with like bloller seats.
25:15
Speaker 5: I remember that day. I was working that day.
25:17
Speaker 1: Not only does she remember that day, but she also
25:20
Speaker 1: remembers Joey.
25:21
Speaker 5: No, I was a guy who came in like several times.
25:23
Speaker 5: She's like, yeah, no, I see, I think that was me.
25:25
Speaker 1: Kind of remembers Joey.
25:27
Speaker 5: I came in. I'm a vegetarian. I saw that you
25:29
Speaker 5: guys only had Pepperoni slices because I was like, oh,
25:32
Speaker 5: not for me, And I just turned around totally looks
25:34
Speaker 5: like I just grab one.
25:35
Speaker 1: And since you didn't do it, you know, you don't
25:37
Speaker 1: have anything.
25:38
Speaker 5: To apologize for it. Yeah, I just want to make
25:39
Speaker 5: sure you, like you guys, don't think I did a
25:41
Speaker 5: man okay, okay, cool.
25:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, if he was willing to come back to face
25:47
Speaker 1: his accusers, she says, he probably didn't steal the pizza,
25:51
Speaker 1: and with that, Joey orders his pies and kombucha's with
25:56
Speaker 1: her faces pressed against the window. Gregor and I watch
26:00
Speaker 1: with amazement as Joey waits for his order while engaging
26:03
Speaker 1: in some completely unscripted repartee cool song. He says, totally.
26:10
Speaker 1: She says this band is so cool. He says yeah.
26:16
Speaker 1: She says, we didn't prepare Joey for any of this,
26:21
Speaker 1: but here he was riffing and scatting away like some
26:24
Speaker 1: kind of improvisational jazz cat Carmine would have been proud,
26:29
Speaker 1: thank you very much, and tingle tingle. Joey emerges from
26:36
Speaker 1: the restaurant holding our pizzas aloft like trophies. Joey, Oh
26:44
Speaker 1: you did it.
26:44
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I'm shaking.
26:46
Speaker 2: I'm shaking it.
26:47
Speaker 5: You did a great job.
26:48
Speaker 1: Despite his fear of saying the wrong thing, Joey had
26:51
Speaker 1: managed to put himself out there and stumble his way through. Joey,
26:55
Speaker 1: that was great, and like, yeah, you really like and
26:58
Speaker 1: you did it by yourself. We didn't have to go
26:59
Speaker 1: in anything.
27:00
Speaker 5: Yah, that's awesome. Oh I really really was nervous though.
27:04
Speaker 5: I felt my leg completely shaking. I thought she was
27:06
Speaker 5: gonna look down and just see my leg shaking like it.
27:08
Speaker 2: Okay, one to ten, how you feel? Did you wrestle
27:12
Speaker 2: the bear?
27:14
Speaker 5: Because I know I still have to go to the loft.
27:15
Speaker 5: That's you know, the relief hasn't come.
27:17
Speaker 1: But after the break, Joey tries rolling up a much
27:25
Speaker 1: harder hill, apologizing to people. He actually knows.
27:31
Speaker 2: Those people you lived with, they actually know the real
27:33
Speaker 2: joy I mean maybe they didn't like the real Joys,
27:35
Speaker 2: but they knew who you were.
27:37
Speaker 5: No, I don't think they did. I mean I hope
27:39
Speaker 5: they did it.
27:45
Speaker 1: Do you think it's a good sign that the roommates
27:47
Speaker 1: did not respond? No?
27:49
Speaker 5: No, to be honest, I'm pretty nervous about that.
27:53
Speaker 1: Joey had tried to contact his former loft mates via
27:55
Speaker 1: group text to let them know he'd be coming by
27:58
Speaker 1: to talk. But as we stay and on the street
28:00
Speaker 1: in front of the building, our kombucha bubbling and vegetarian
28:04
Speaker 1: pizzas congealing, Joey checks and re checks his phone, not
28:09
Speaker 1: a single one of his former roommates has responded.
28:13
Speaker 2: Not even like any response is not a good sign.
28:15
Speaker 1: Well maybe that's better than like responding by saying I'm
28:18
Speaker 1: not interested. Right, the loft is on the second floor,
28:22
Speaker 1: behind the metal gate, and there's no doorbell.
28:24
Speaker 2: All right, let's figure out how to get into this fortress.
28:27
Speaker 1: There's no drain pipe to shimmy, no fire escape banister
28:30
Speaker 1: to reverse oli. All we can do is wait for
28:33
Speaker 1: someone to come in or out. Gregor fills the time
28:36
Speaker 1: with yet another aviation story.
28:39
Speaker 2: When I was going through the TSA, the lady was like,
28:41
Speaker 2: could you pull your pants up a little bit?
28:44
Speaker 5: You just told me to take my belt off.
28:45
Speaker 2: Now my pants are falling down. You want me to
28:47
Speaker 2: pull my pants up?
28:48
Speaker 4: Which is it?
28:48
Speaker 1: You really get told to play an?
28:50
Speaker 2: I get told that every time I go through the tar.
28:52
Speaker 1: Where's a belt with a pair of shorts? You wear
28:54
Speaker 1: a belt and shorts?
28:55
Speaker 5: Yep, I never heard of that.
28:57
Speaker 2: How do you think I keep mouth?
28:59
Speaker 1: I think someone's coming. Thankfully we're interrupted.
29:02
Speaker 5: Oh thank yo, how's it going?
29:06
Speaker 1: One of Joey's old roommates emerges. He's a hip young
29:10
Speaker 1: man who, if not wearing a straw pork pie hat
29:13
Speaker 1: and carrying a gondola paddle, is certainly giving off that vibe,
29:17
Speaker 1: a Venetian boatman vibe. Joey, foregoing all social foreplay, dives
29:24
Speaker 1: right in.
29:25
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm here because I want to apologize. I don't
29:27
Speaker 5: know if you've got the group text. Oh no, yeah,
29:31
Speaker 5: I just wanted I felt really bad about how I
29:33
Speaker 5: love things here, so I brought some pizza and my
29:35
Speaker 5: friends here. Okay.
29:37
Speaker 1: Joey gestures over to his friends, two balding middle aged
29:41
Speaker 1: men slumping behind him like bald scarecrows stuffed with museley.
29:46
Speaker 5: Hey, h okay, all right, well this is really awkward
29:50
Speaker 5: in a surprise.
29:51
Speaker 4: All right, I was just going out of my car.
29:54
Speaker 1: Okay, So the boatman isn't very receptive, but Joey proceed.
30:00
Speaker 5: Does anyone else tell him? If you want to ask
30:02
Speaker 5: if they are okay with me coming up?
30:04
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you so much. It's taken all of Joey's
30:10
Speaker 1: courage to return to the place where the coolest art
30:13
Speaker 1: kids in La live, and he's still being denied entry.
30:17
Speaker 1: As Joey stares in silence at the steel door that's
30:20
Speaker 1: just clanged shut in his mustachioed face, I struggle to
30:23
Speaker 1: come up with something positive to say. I think you
30:29
Speaker 1: handled yourself.
30:30
Speaker 5: Well, I'm extremely nervous right now. I don't feel good
30:32
Speaker 5: about how this is going.
30:35
Speaker 1: Upstairs, the gondolier is saying to his roommate something along
30:39
Speaker 1: the lines of, Hey, remember that silent roller skating weirdo
30:43
Speaker 1: we kicked out of our art loft. Well, he's downstairs
30:48
Speaker 1: with pizza and his two gay dads. But then, yo,
30:57
Speaker 1: how you doing. Zach is the unofficial head of the household,
31:03
Speaker 1: the guy who takes care of all the square noormy
31:05
Speaker 1: stuff like throwing out expired cottage cheese and paying the
31:09
Speaker 1: rent on time. He's bearded and shaggy. He turns to Joey.
31:14
Speaker 1: Joey stares down at his rollerblades and starts mumbling explanations.
31:19
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just thought. I mean, I didn't think it
31:21
Speaker 5: was just like I just thought, like.
31:25
Speaker 1: I haven't heard this much mealy mouthing since I guess
31:28
Speaker 1: an hour ago, when Joey was at the pizza parlor.
31:32
Speaker 1: Zach looks at Joey skeptically. His arms are crossed. Nonetheless,
31:37
Speaker 1: Joey soldiers on, I.
31:39
Speaker 5: Just feel really bad about kind of how how I
31:42
Speaker 5: left things here. Huh. Yeah, I know that I wasn't
31:45
Speaker 5: the best roommate, and I feel really bad. I'm just
31:48
Speaker 5: kind of uncomfortable about like just you know, even just
31:51
Speaker 5: how you guys think about me. But I just wanted
31:53
Speaker 5: to apologize and make things right.
31:59
Speaker 4: There were things like that bugged me.
32:00
Speaker 1: Here we go no Whereas the pizza chef had been
32:03
Speaker 1: impressed with the mere fact Joey had returned for Zach,
32:07
Speaker 1: that wasn't enough.
32:09
Speaker 8: You had your headphones on a lot, and you had
32:12
Speaker 8: noise canceling headphones.
32:13
Speaker 4: You're just like in your world.
32:14
Speaker 1: He launches into a laundry list of grievances.
32:17
Speaker 4: Didn't clean the bathroom, and I was just like.
32:20
Speaker 1: Dude, Joey ignored everybody, never cleaned up after himself, never
32:24
Speaker 1: even washed a dish.
32:25
Speaker 4: The amount of rent or who's paying what? Or why
32:28
Speaker 4: are you paying her and not paying Ah?
32:31
Speaker 1: The worst thing Joey could imagine was happening. He was
32:35
Speaker 1: being seen and told that he'd always been seen. He
32:39
Speaker 1: put all his effort into trying to become invisible and
32:42
Speaker 1: absolutely no effort into doing his share of the chores.
32:46
Speaker 1: That's why his roommates wanted him out. They'd seen him
32:49
Speaker 1: visibly not cleaning the loft, visibly not taking out the garbage,
32:54
Speaker 1: trying to hide but not really hiding at all.
32:57
Speaker 4: He taking an advantage of And that's what I was like, whoa.
33:01
Speaker 1: If ordering a pizza had given Joey the Jimmy legs,
33:04
Speaker 1: facing Zach was giving Joey the Joey leg a name
33:08
Speaker 1: I've just coined for a condition in which one's entire
33:11
Speaker 1: body becomes one single Jimmy leg that is a Joey
33:15
Speaker 1: leg that won't stop. Jimmy ing is like a liberty,
33:18
Speaker 1: you know. But while Joey is jimmy ing, he isn't folding,
33:22
Speaker 1: He's not running away.
33:24
Speaker 4: But it was just the way that it was done. Yeah.
33:29
Speaker 1: As Zach finishes speaking, Joey maintains eye contact. And what's more,
33:34
Speaker 1: as the la breeze whips up the hindquarters of his mullet.
33:38
Speaker 1: He does not fall prey to his lifelong crutch, silence,
33:43
Speaker 1: without notes, without wittyish rejoinders. He responds all this stuff,
33:48
Speaker 1: like the.
33:49
Speaker 5: Not paying rent on time, and all the chory stuff,
33:52
Speaker 5: all that stems from this shyness, this like the weirdness
33:55
Speaker 5: and like just feeling uncomfortable to like, I don't know,
33:58
Speaker 5: be in the public space is kind of just because
34:00
Speaker 5: I'm weird and shy, and I can't blame it on
34:03
Speaker 5: anything but myself. I mean, it was all It's all me.
34:06
Speaker 5: It's like my own things.
34:08
Speaker 1: Zach looks at you as I wish I was more.
34:10
Speaker 5: Able to like be friendly with you guys.
34:11
Speaker 1: Sees them struggling, and his face softened.
34:17
Speaker 8: I understand like having social anxiety, having like issues where
34:21
Speaker 8: you're like you feel something that's like strangling you in
34:24
Speaker 8: a position where you have to converse or whatever.
34:26
Speaker 4: Like I can understand that.
34:28
Speaker 5: Yeah, like I only wanted to just be friends with
34:31
Speaker 5: you guys.
34:32
Speaker 4: I have I appreciated where were you staying now?
34:35
Speaker 1: Awkwardness is just a step along the way to vulnerability
34:39
Speaker 1: and being vulnerable, allowing yourself to be seen is the
34:42
Speaker 1: only soil from which friendship can grow.
34:45
Speaker 4: I love your funky style.
34:47
Speaker 1: And what better fertilizer than a mutual love of the mullet.
34:51
Speaker 8: I've been contemplating a similar mullet as yours, but I
34:55
Speaker 8: don't know if my hair would work as much as yours.
34:58
Speaker 4: You have a different volume.
34:59
Speaker 1: So as Zach and Joey wax on about the beauty
35:02
Speaker 1: of Joey's ape drape, another loft made appears in the stairway.
35:06
Speaker 5: Nice.
35:08
Speaker 7: Yeah, if that's okay, that's great, Thank you, Holy cow,
35:21
Speaker 7: this is a really big space.
35:23
Speaker 6: Good.
35:25
Speaker 1: Joey leads Gregor and I on a tour through the
35:27
Speaker 1: old audio cassettes and dummy heads, past the kickboxing bag
35:31
Speaker 1: and vinyl collection, and ends the tour in a truly
35:34
Speaker 1: empty V cribs kind of way at his old bedroom
35:39
Speaker 1: where the magic happened. And by magic, I mean where
35:42
Speaker 1: Joey slept on the floor wrapped in unwashed blankets.
35:47
Speaker 5: This is where you used to stay.
35:48
Speaker 1: Did you have a mattress? Joey breaks out the pizza
36:00
Speaker 1: and kombucha, and we all gathered by the hot plate
36:03
Speaker 1: for a toast.
36:04
Speaker 2: You're supposed to actually look up, look at each other's eyes.
36:11
Speaker 5: The communication.
36:18
Speaker 1: After we choke back our kombucha, I suggest a symbolic gesture.
36:24
Speaker 1: You want to you want to wash all the glass?
36:27
Speaker 5: I do. This is totally ridiculous.
36:33
Speaker 1: You're gonna use soap and everything.
36:36
Speaker 5: I know.
36:38
Speaker 6: Something.
36:43
Speaker 1: Just as we're about to leave, Gregor decides he'd like
36:45
Speaker 1: to use the bathroom. And whereas a couple of shrinky
36:49
Speaker 1: and sneaky violets like Joey and me might just slink
36:52
Speaker 1: off looking for it, Gregor does not.
36:54
Speaker 2: It might be too much of in a position if
36:56
Speaker 2: I was to leave a little urine in your toilet
36:58
Speaker 2: on the way out.
37:00
Speaker 1: By embracing the awkwardness of life, acknowledging that we are
37:04
Speaker 1: creatures who require toilets, Gregor somehow makes things less awkward,
37:09
Speaker 1: at least for himself. Gregor has mastered something that Joey
37:19
Speaker 1: is still learning the art of saying, here I am,
37:23
Speaker 1: even when peeing into a toilet while wearing a lapel microphone.
37:40
Speaker 8: You're welcome, Thank you, take it.
37:45
Speaker 5: Easy, Thanks you guys.
37:48
Speaker 1: After leaving the loft, there's only one thing left to redo.
37:55
Speaker 2: Hello.
37:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, Joey phones up his twin sister Release, and this
38:00
Speaker 1: time he isn't crying.
38:03
Speaker 5: It was so good, it was so cool. Yeah, I
38:06
Speaker 5: think he genuinely forgave me and I did it all
38:09
Speaker 5: on my lone, son.
38:11
Speaker 4: No, you did it.
38:12
Speaker 5: You needed so much help. Well after I got the help,
38:16
Speaker 5: I did it on myself, you know, I mean, but
38:18
Speaker 5: now I just feel like I can do it on
38:20
Speaker 5: myself by myself.
38:22
Speaker 6: I am really proud of you that I know that
38:24
Speaker 6: it takes a lot.
38:25
Speaker 1: It did.
38:26
Speaker 5: It takes a lot from me. Yeah, you know more
38:28
Speaker 5: than anyone. Your proudness feels good.
38:32
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised that Elise is proud, but I'm taking
38:35
Speaker 1: aback to see that. Gregor looks proud too, proud of himself,
38:38
Speaker 1: of course, but also with Joey. So once Joey gets
38:42
Speaker 1: off the phone, Gregor offers up some fatherly advice.
38:46
Speaker 2: I understand what it is to be young. It's a
38:48
Speaker 2: tough phase. Until you're about forty five. Life is really difficult, okay,
38:52
Speaker 2: and then from there on in it's all just sitting
38:54
Speaker 2: in one of those soapbox derby cars, rolling down the
38:56
Speaker 2: hill to your senescence and eventual death.
39:00
Speaker 1: You're depressing the guy.
39:01
Speaker 2: I'm coming to my Hallmark inspirational line. I'd say it's
39:04
Speaker 2: a tough fifteen to twenty five year period. It's very
39:08
Speaker 2: unpleasant really most of it.
39:11
Speaker 5: Could you repeat that Hallmark line again?
39:19
Speaker 1: And with that, Joey pulls off his unlikeliest feet, yet
39:23
Speaker 1: he gets in a genuine off the cough zinger. Gregor
39:29
Speaker 1: and I had brought this big bird down a big
39:35
Speaker 1: group hug.
39:36
Speaker 5: On Kang Kang, there we go, touching me.
39:54
Speaker 3: Now that the furniture's returning to its goodwill home, now
40:03
Speaker 3: that the last.
40:04
Speaker 5: Month's rant is scheming with.
40:07
Speaker 2: The damage to pozzle, take this moment to deserve.
40:14
Speaker 3: If we imagine, if we felt for far.
40:23
Speaker 1: From things good. Accident Heavyweight is hosted and produced by
40:31
Speaker 1: me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Khalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and
40:34
Speaker 1: Stevie Lane. The show is edited by Jorge Just, with
40:37
Speaker 1: additional editing by Alex Bloomberg. Special thanks to Emily Condon,
40:41
Speaker 1: Flora Lickman, PJ. Vote, say E, TG and Thomas and
40:44
Speaker 1: Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with music by
40:48
Speaker 1: Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, and he himself,
40:52
Speaker 1: Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our
40:55
Speaker 1: website Gimltmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is
41:00
Speaker 1: by The Weaker Thans courtesy of Epitaph Records, and our
41:02
Speaker 1: ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter
41:05
Speaker 1: at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com.
41:09
Speaker 1: We'll have a brand new episode next week ATIOS.
41:21
Speaker 2: You're fly Enough, You see it All, Johnny. I've seen
41:25
Speaker 2: people get married on planes, people get divorced, babies being
41:28
Speaker 2: born a bunch of times, seen a man take another
41:31
Speaker 2: man's life. Mar Mitz's Wutkins Vinieires. I've seen on planes,
41:34
Speaker 2: seen kittens be born,