Latest / Very Fine Friends / Sticky Hands Across America

Transcript

Sticky Hands Across America · Very Fine Friends

0:00
I have something to tell you.
0:17
Exciting.
0:18
I had an idea years ago when I was probably in middle school and I was writing like stories
0:24
and scripts and one of them was like a horror film, it was like a teen slasher film I was
0:27
writing.
0:28
and I just remember this came
0:30
it came to me the other day and
0:32
I realize now how stupid and
0:34
ridiculous it is
0:35
someone was trying to run away from
0:38
the killer in this part of the script
0:40
so they're running through the house and they're going to
0:42
go out the back right and go escape
0:44
that way and they get to the
0:46
back porch
0:47
where they're going to where there's then there's
0:50
stairs and someone
0:52
and I don't remember who
0:54
or what their relationship would have
0:56
been. I just, they were there clearly as a plot device yelled out and I quote, wait,
1:03
that guy just shellacked the deck. And then the whole idea was that they would slip on
1:12
the deck and fall down the stairs. Did the fall kill them? No, just maimed them long
1:18
enough for the killer to catch up. Get closer. Yeah. Someone off screen. It was, it's not
1:26
a random slip and fall audience. No, this was
1:28
don't worry. It was earned.
1:30
Yes. Yeah. You earned it with the script.
1:32
Yeah. So foreshadowing by directly
1:34
calling it out.
1:36
Oh, wow.
1:37
Now, it sounds like that's pretty smart to me.
1:39
You think I should go back and shellacked
1:41
the deck? Yes. This little
1:43
middle school Francis is like shellacked.
1:46
Yeah.
1:49
Did
1:49
you finish the story?
1:52
No, I had all the major stuff in my like
1:53
all. Here's another one. Here's another major
1:55
plot point and i stole some of this from other movies i liked by the way i realize that now
1:59
um i was in an they're in an rv right and they're trying to like there's no brakes okay and they
2:08
can't and they're on like this big sidewalk i don't know why and you know those ocotillo plants
2:13
that are like super thorny yeah well for my plot there's a whole row of them up above and they go
2:18
to climb out of the sunroof and boom their face gets hit by the ocotillo tears their face all up
2:23
dang yeah sounds like the environment's trying to kill these people not
2:28
like gotcha shellac that ocotillo
2:31
sounds a little uh like final destination like every time they get try and get away someone else
2:37
it's funny you say that because the next murder was on a train track just like in final destination
2:42
yeah these are movies that i watched
2:45
i think that's valid thanks everybody steals yeah name one truly new original idea
2:55
you can't because that would be new and original feet for hands
2:59
no that's been done before it has somewhere yeah spain 18th century oh you're right it's hard to
3:08
be original these days yeah the the trick is just putting it together putting your own spin on it
3:14
I don't think anyone's ever said shellacked in a horror script before.
3:18
You think?
3:19
So that's a new twist.
3:21
I don't think,
3:22
I don't think anyone's.
3:24
Yeah.
3:25
I'm going to finish this thing.
3:27
Yeah.
3:27
Do it.
3:28
Thank you.
3:28
And then suddenly you'll shellacking will pop up all over the place and we'll know that
3:33
you started it.
3:34
We're bringing it back.
3:36
Thank you,
3:36
baby.
3:37
I thought that was me.
3:39
Like just now,
3:40
I'm like,
3:40
I don't remember saying that right now.
3:44
No, for instance, we have these things pre-recorded.
3:48
That's right.
3:49
Yeah.
3:50
I remember now.
3:51
Sugar crush.
3:54
Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
3:56
Podcast where you get shellacked, baby.
4:05
Shellack you.
4:06
Yeah.
4:08
Does that just like just putting like a veneer on something?
4:12
I have no idea.
4:14
I would have assumed 12 year old Francis would have known that.
4:18
It's something you could do to a deck.
4:19
That's all I know.
4:21
Okay.
4:21
I think it is like putting a veneer on something.
4:25
Yeah.
4:26
Yeah.
4:26
It's a resin.
4:28
A resin in the sun.
4:31
From trees.
4:33
Someone said rosin before.
4:35
Is rosin a thing?
4:37
It's a weed thing.
4:38
Ah, that's not the same as resin?
4:40
No.
4:41
Resin and rosin are different things?
4:42
Different things.
4:42
I thought it was just an idiot way to say resin, like someone.
4:48
Well, I know who you're thinking of that said that word.
4:50
And to be fair, he is an idiot.
4:54
Okay.
4:56
Get him, Joe.
4:57
Yeah.
4:58
Listeners, it's one of you.
5:02
Do your little idiot senses start tingling?
5:07
If you think it's you, tell us on social media.
5:09
I have very fine friends.
5:12
or if you think it's someone else tag them yes yes tag who you think that's a better way to do it
5:18
tag who you think it is we really bring people together on this pod yeah we're connecting
5:23
communities our listener in portugal is going to be wondering who it is i bet i can guess
5:33
listener in portugal it's you hey can we stay at your house yeah by the way uh we'd love to stop by
5:40
say hi no i mean it i want to i've always wanted to go to portugal me too no yeah i would totally
5:45
go to portugal we won't even be there most of the time no we'll yeah like we'll hang out with
5:51
you as much as you want as much but we'll otherwise unless you're ugly yeah or as little
5:55
as we want yeah or yes the greater of the probably we'll hang out with you as much as we want
6:00
that's probably closer to what it is yeah the amount that we want to but uh maybe we'll even
6:06
record a pod and then you can be like that would be a really special episode from portugal that's
6:12
a sweet deal yeah yeah well hit us up we know you're out there i can see the downloads someone's
6:19
someone's listening in portugal yeah we're using a vp and then we're using a vp yeah true true but
6:24
also i hope it's not that i hope it's not that we have a few different weird countries actually
6:29
um ethiopia might have popped up once we will not be coming there
6:34
what about the coffee i don't drink coffee
6:39
uh sorry you're being a dumb bitch i've been outvoted sorry ethiopia well no maybe
6:48
maybe in the winter is it ever winter in ethiopia
6:51
have you guys invented winter down there yet
6:57
fucking idiots it's not her fault they don't teach us they don't teach us anything here
7:02
That's not what I meant.
7:03
That's not what I meant.
7:04
Or in Ethiopia.
7:05
I know the season of...
7:07
I know the seasons all exist everywhere.
7:13
That's not true.
7:13
Some places don't have seasons.
7:14
I'm saying like, do they get seasonally cool?
7:17
Like in a winter time?
7:19
Well, also it depends what hemisphere they're in.
7:21
Well, there's some countries in Africa
7:22
that are like actually very green,
7:24
which I think when I was growing up,
7:25
I never would have known
7:26
because there's this like stereotype
7:28
that it's just like all desert.
7:29
Yeah.
7:29
But like there are places that are...
7:31
Isn't Eritrea like...
7:32
Very green?
7:34
Sure.
7:36
Let's go with yes.
7:37
Okay.
7:38
Quick interruption.
7:39
Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
7:49
Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
7:58
If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
8:02
And right before we die, we add up all the points.
8:08
And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
8:13
Here's Joe with today's secret words.
8:17
Jenna's secret word is reptilian.
8:19
Jenna's decoy word is chameleon.
8:22
Francis' secret word is orgasm.
8:25
Francis' decoy word is bobbles.
8:29
Back to the pod.
8:30
Anyone want to pay upwards of $2,000 for one ticket to Ethiopia?
8:36
And the flight is 21 hours Well Francis will invent something to get us there faster I sure One of his transportation inventions
8:46
Yeah, Da Vinci's bicycle with wings.
8:48
I don't know why no one's ever revisited that.
8:50
That's cool.
8:51
Yeah.
8:52
So, listener, in Ethiopia,
8:55
just keep an eye out for a big ball
8:57
dropping into your backyard one of these days.
8:59
Yeah.
8:59
that's not a bomb reference by the way no oh no i'm sorry ethiopia no we're not gonna bomb you
9:10
you might not have winter but we're not gonna bomb you great does ethiopia have winter sounds
9:18
like a like a bad like 80s song like do they know it's christmas like yeah like which does
9:27
Ethiopia have winter. Like I'm, I'm singing it to the tune of, have you ever seen the rain?
9:32
Yeah. I want to know. Does Ethiopia have winter? You just spawned a parallel universe where that
9:41
is the song. Good. I like that better. Why wasn't that the song to begin with? Yeah. We
9:49
were born in the wrong reality. That's all. Yeah. I think so. CCR. If you're listening
9:54
and we know you are.
9:56
You are.
9:56
We know you CCR.
9:58
Also, go for it.
10:00
I was just going to sing Feliz Navidab,
10:01
but Navidab was going to be Ethiopian.
10:03
No, sing it.
10:04
Sing it.
10:06
Feliz Ethiopia.
10:10
Feliz Ethiopia.
10:12
Yeah, yeah.
10:14
I want to wish you a happy Ethiopia.
10:17
Happy winter.
10:20
Also, listeners, if you're using your VPN
10:22
to download our thing, stop doing that.
10:24
You're making us feel like we're international stars.
10:27
Yeah.
10:28
Or do it more.
10:29
Yeah.
10:30
Or pick a really random country to VPN through.
10:34
Like how random can we get?
10:35
Like Belarus?
10:37
I was literally thinking Belarus.
10:39
Yeah.
10:40
Wow.
10:41
And also Trinidad and Tobago.
10:42
Trinidad and Tobago is my go-to.
10:44
What about is, wait, no.
10:46
Kokomo a country or a city in a country?
10:48
I don't even know if it's, is that a.
10:50
Panama, isn't it?
10:51
It's not.
10:51
It's definitely not a country.
10:53
I always thought that that was made up for the song.
10:56
No, it's real.
10:57
Go down to Coke.
11:01
That's a real city.
11:02
It's gotta be at least Coke.
11:03
Is it spelled with the,
11:05
or get a hold on.
11:06
Our producers are secret producers are looking it up.
11:09
It's not,
11:10
is it not a real place?
11:13
Really?
11:13
Our secret producers are giving us really unhelpful.
11:16
But I had a dog named Coke.
11:17
Oh,
11:17
that doesn't mean it's.
11:20
Wow.
11:20
That dog is now invalid.
11:23
You can only name dogs real places.
11:26
No, stop.
11:28
There's a city in Indiana.
11:30
That's not it.
11:31
I told you.
11:32
Obviously not.
11:33
I told you.
11:34
I thought it was a made up place.
11:35
Or it's just a real magical city in Indiana.
11:37
Go down to Coop.
11:39
Aruba, Jamaica.
11:40
Ooh, I wanna.
11:44
There's a Kokomo Beach Club at Lake Havasu City.
11:46
I'm going to lead the jury.
11:48
Where is Kokomo?
11:49
Where is the real place of Cocoa?
11:53
Of Beach Boys fame.
11:55
Oh, is that a Beach Boys song?
11:59
No, what does it say?
12:01
It says Cocoa does not exist.
12:09
Why would they do this?
12:12
You're not allowed to sing about places that aren't real, Beach Boys.
12:15
It says, wait, it's from 1988?
12:18
I thought that was old.
12:20
What's happening today?
12:21
I thought this was like a 60s song.
12:23
I,
12:24
well,
12:26
I remember hearing it as a kid and I thought,
12:28
I remember thinking it was an old song.
12:29
Cause it's the beach.
12:30
But when I heard it as a kid,
12:32
it must have been a new song.
12:36
Well,
12:36
the lyrics place the Island off the Florida keys.
12:39
The song was actually an upbeat college collage of
12:42
Caribbean destinations.
12:47
Ooh,
12:48
John Stamos played the drums in the music video for that song.
12:52
I'm so sorry.
12:54
Can we continue?
12:55
Is your world too shattered?
12:56
I feel bad for my dog.
12:58
Yeah.
12:59
Your dog was like, you idiots.
13:01
Please, do Aruba, do Aruba.
13:05
Jamaica, even call me who I want to take you.
13:09
You know what?
13:11
You called your other dog Summer.
13:12
At least Ethiopians have that.
13:14
I'm going to buy an island and name it Kokomo.
13:18
So it can get the respect it deserves.
13:22
Okay.
13:23
It is crazy that since then, no one has named anything Kokomo.
13:27
What are you going to do on that island?
13:29
What are we going to do on that island?
13:33
Well, I wish that I could invent a time machine
13:37
and take you back to a time when you didn't know that,
13:41
but I can't, so maybe you can,
13:44
because it's time for the invention of the week.
13:48
Inventions.
13:54
Listeners at home, Francis looks shattered.
13:56
He looks like he can't go on.
13:57
This is a tough week.
13:59
The T-dubs, that's what they call it.
14:03
Okay.
14:04
Well, I've just got to pivot and I've got to be strong.
14:06
You're being so brave.
14:07
I want you to know that.
14:08
Thank you.
14:09
Bless you, child.
14:10
Somewhere the ghost of Kokomo is looking down on you.
14:13
The ghost of Kokomo.
14:14
We've got to do something with that, right?
14:18
Okay. You know how people are slave to their moods?
14:22
I do know that. Like right now, for example.
14:25
You know how it would be great if we could immediately emotionally pivot when something was not ideal?
14:32
I do know that.
14:33
Wow. You might want to put your seatbelt on, Jenna,
14:36
because the inertia from this invention is about to blow your socks off and expose your feet.
14:43
Wow. Okay.
14:45
Yeah. Are you ready?
14:48
wait isn't inertia a lack of
14:50
oh
14:51
okay I can't find out that I don't know
14:54
what inertia is today
14:55
it's when
14:58
energy like continues
15:00
but you have to stop
15:01
okay so there is stopping involved
15:04
which would blow your socks off if your socks want to go
15:06
so I'm stopped but
15:07
your socks aren't
15:08
my socks aren't
15:09
my invention is patience
15:14
you're gonna love this
15:17
alright
15:17
Here's what is going on.
15:21
And keep in mind, before you start going all crazy on this thing,
15:27
remember that we have an R&D department that has scientists.
15:33
Okay?
15:34
Which means any scientific questions you have, yes, I can answer today,
15:37
but I do need a leap of faith from you that whatever gaps there are will be closed
15:42
by the time this thing comes to market.
15:44
Right.
15:45
Hey, I know the boys down in R&D.
15:46
They're solid.
15:47
I trust them.
15:48
Yeah.
15:48
Great.
15:49
Well, here it is.
15:52
It is a chip in the brain.
15:55
Okay.
15:57
And again, shut up.
16:04
Not for you guys, but other people will love this.
16:08
It's a chip in the brain that comes with a remote control.
16:12
Okay.
16:12
okay and it and there's like a couple of tiny they're very very tiny chips and key good not a
16:21
huge plate not like the villain and mr nanny do you remember that no i never saw that i saw that
16:29
was it's called mr nanny wasn't it with hulk hogan was that the name yeah and the villain
16:33
has like a giant plate in his head.
16:37
Look at this fucking picture.
16:41
Oh, yeah.
16:42
Okay.
16:43
Yeah.
16:43
So no, it's like that.
16:44
It's very, we're talking about nanotechnology now.
16:47
You know what I mean?
16:47
Mr. Nanotechnology.
16:49
Yeah, that could be, that could be something.
16:52
Anyway, so it's, it's, it's minuscule, but anyway, they're placed in the brain, um, near
16:57
centers of certain like aggression, you know, happiness, sadness.
17:04
Yeah.
17:05
And when we need a little boost, right?
17:09
Like when you recognize, oh, I'm pissed.
17:11
I'm so pissed right now.
17:12
You could just take your remote and be like and hit the happiness center.
17:16
A little boost you know boop boop It like a little tap on the brain i think i heard of this invention before it called um drugs well you can buy drugs with an fsa
17:28
anyway so this will help you oh and by the i know you're probably wondering like oh what if someone
17:38
gets a hold of your remote well they can't do any real damage because it's not like you're
17:42
going to be like, boost my anger. That's not an option.
17:44
Or it's a thumbprint.
17:46
Yeah.
17:47
Unlock.
17:48
Maybe face ID enabling.
17:50
I don't know.
17:51
Yeah, we've already given technology too much. Why not just a little bit more?
17:55
Yeah, why not give it our brains?
17:58
Probably in 10 years, people are going to have, like, you know, like, there's like technology
18:02
now where they actually have stuff like that. Not quite like what I'm saying, but.
18:06
What percentage of people do you think are actually going to use this as a regulating
18:10
device like to combat bad emotions how many of people are going to use it recreationally
18:15
yeah i feel like this is going to be a 90 it's going to be people using it like a drug yeah and
18:21
then like maybe a couple ceos it's like a pressure point in your brain but then you'd still you'd
18:27
still get addicted to it like get addicted that's our slogan
18:30
uh we've done something similar to this before we have yes it was related to like
18:43
male aggression men and male aggression and making them like safer around women how did i do it
18:50
something in their brains it was an invention for women i didn't it was
18:53
it was it was for women to put into men to make them less aggressive so like whatever like
19:01
things testosterone what have you makes them aggressive it like dampens that down
19:09
so that they're not aggressive anymore i think there was also an element where it was like there
19:15
was an app and you could track like high levels of testosterone congregating in a single area and
19:20
be like i don't want to go there good news i still like that okay yeah but this is great because
19:27
it's mostly for you self-control you bought you drugs this is drugs you your own drug make your
19:38
be your own lab be your own drug maker farm me see
19:46
the audience farm a me i just looked at joe and then jenna and joe happily um
19:55
unrelated but remind me i forgot to show you something a picture that i took yesterday
20:04
remind me after the pod okay listeners you don't get to see
20:07
um this is you invented drugs that are permanently in your head
20:14
yeah but you don't have to take them
20:16
but
20:18
drugs on demand
20:19
you make your own drugs with your brain
20:22
you're selling your brain hey I need more of that thing we like
20:24
make your own kind of drugs
20:27
but that's
20:28
kind of what drugs are doing
20:30
you take a drug and it activates something
20:32
in your brain that like
20:33
now you don't need that
20:35
now you don't need the drug
20:37
it would also be more responsible too
20:39
people just don't necessarily think about
20:41
this is an upper or this is a downer
20:43
this will make me feel this thing.
20:45
They just take them.
20:46
So this is more concentrated.
20:47
And for an upgraded model,
20:49
we could even have a part in your brain
20:50
where you could be like,
20:51
disassociate, disassociate a little more.
20:53
Good.
20:54
Yeah, people would be on that all of the time.
20:58
Oh, I would be on it
20:58
when I didn't have responsibilities.
21:01
It's like, okay, I'm off work for the day.
21:03
Time to disassociate.
21:04
Bye, world.
21:07
Again, that's drugs, that's alcohol.
21:09
Yeah.
21:10
This is healthier.
21:11
it is it is healthier but you've healthy pledge yeah oh the name needs to be something with vice
21:19
miami vice advice with but it's two d's
21:27
oh advice yeah
21:29
get addicted
21:33
or i like goodbye world
21:38
goodbye cruel world can we throw that in there there's a difference between being vice and being
21:45
kind oh sweet sweet this will give us coconut money i mean yes because drugs are a very profitable
21:55
industry yeah and now you don't have to worry if they're real if they're tainted
21:58
if you're going to get caught, nabbed by the Poe.
22:02
I mean, you actually, this is what you've done.
22:05
You've created the everlasting gobstopper of drugs.
22:10
It's the candy for poor people.
22:12
They'll never have to re-up.
22:14
They don't have to worry about that.
22:16
Wow.
22:17
Good for me.
22:19
Yeah.
22:21
And the boys in R&D, we haven't forgotten about you.
22:24
No, no, no.
22:24
Because you're going to.
22:25
Steve, Jerry, you're doing great.
22:27
Yeah.
22:28
Bartholomew.
22:28
You're our number one.
22:30
Mattathias?
22:34
Well, 100% this would sell.
22:37
I worry that humanity will quickly dissolve
22:41
into just people sitting there
22:43
just pressing this button until they die.
22:45
No, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:48
It's like when you're in the hospital
22:49
and you're pushing the morphine button.
22:52
At some point, it's just,
22:54
it's not giving you any more morphine.
22:56
It just makes you feel like,
22:57
okay, I'm pushing the button.
22:58
Like, you know what I mean?
23:00
Opening the market for black market chips.
23:03
What I'm trying to say is,
23:04
let's say you're pushing the button to be happy.
23:06
I want to look, where's my serotonin?
23:08
Make some.
23:11
Once you get to a certain level of,
23:13
like, you're not going to push it anymore
23:14
because it's like, I'm happy.
23:15
I don't need to be happier.
23:17
You know?
23:18
Everyone will push it more.
23:20
And then if you go too far,
23:21
you're like, oh God, what do I do?
23:22
What do I do?
23:23
Push the disassociation button.
23:25
Maybe you need a little deregulation.
23:28
maybe you have a
23:30
some kind of like
23:31
a built in thing where it's like
23:34
if you push it too many times you actually start to feel
23:36
shitty so you like back off
23:38
or like
23:40
it could be like a K therapy
23:42
type situation where people go to do this
23:44
in like controlled environments and like a nurse practitioner
23:46
is like guiding them through the experience
23:48
or something
23:48
I really like the idea of being in control of it
23:52
myself. Obviously it would sell better
23:54
that way but I'm just saying if you wanted to actually make it
23:56
practical and eliminate the problems that Jenna is talking about it. It could be like
24:00
a controlled environment type thing.
24:03
Okay, let me meet you in the middle. Let's say
24:06
You get a practitioner comes to your house.
24:08
No, I was going to say you get set up, you get it implanted and it's through your
24:12
doctor and so it gets programmed
24:15
what it's capable of doing or how much and how often
24:19
so you can't abuse it. You're only getting what you need out of it.
24:23
So you need like a prescription for the capabilities.
24:27
It's kind of like a sleep apnea machine.
24:29
When you get a prescription for a sleep apnea machine,
24:32
they program the machine before you get it
24:35
because everyone needs a different level.
24:37
They don't want you breathing too much.
24:38
Yeah, too much of that sweet, sweet air.
24:40
Really wake up to what's going on.
24:45
Just enough to keep you alive, not enough to keep you happy.
24:48
I know what's happening.
24:50
Anyway, so like they put it within parameters.
24:53
of like the pressure.
24:56
So that could be like the same thing with like you get a baseline.
24:59
Cause like when you're, if you're depressed, you have to take,
25:00
I hear you have to take like a questionnaire and they like kind of find out
25:05
where you are on like the scheme of things.
25:07
And so some people it's like, okay,
25:09
they might need a little more therapy than someone else.
25:13
You know what I mean?
25:14
So it could be like more customized based on who you are,
25:18
or you could just go down to Mexico and get the free for all version.
25:22
yeah i think guys don't lie on your questionnaire okay i think if it's like you um
25:30
yeah you'd need some kind of i don't know i still think you need some kind of um
25:36
regulating thing in there like if you press it more than five times in an hour the sixth time
25:43
you press it um the sixth time you press it like a different part of your the angry part of your
25:51
brain gets activated.
25:52
To like calm you down? To calm you down.
25:55
But then you can't press it again after that
25:57
because it just keep making you angry Yeah Then we might end up with a lot of people that are very angry What if you what if it just times out So it like you can you can hit the button only so many times within a certain period of time
26:10
Or maybe it's like hitting a crosswalk button.
26:12
Like you can hit it 30 times if you want.
26:14
It's not going to make it.
26:15
It's only going to dose you,
26:16
or you can even set,
26:16
you can even set up like a,
26:18
uh,
26:19
what was it called?
26:20
A coward,
26:20
but like a,
26:20
uh,
26:22
like an auto timer sort of thing.
26:23
It was like,
26:24
Oh,
26:24
I want this thing to go.
26:25
I want this thing to,
26:26
to pulse every hour.
26:28
And that just does it automatically.
26:30
Or because it's a chip,
26:32
it can read your,
26:34
like what's going on in your body.
26:35
So it's like, oh, we got cortisol spiking.
26:39
Well, maybe not though,
26:40
because you might be exercising.
26:42
I wouldn't want to trust the chip
26:43
to be in charge of that.
26:46
Also, this is
26:47
something we discussed with your
26:50
calming men down
26:51
invention.
26:53
That's what I thought of the cortisol thing immediately.
26:55
I'm like, oh, I already got spanked for that one.
26:57
Was that there are sometimes things in your body
27:01
you need to have happen from an evolutionary standpoint.
27:07
Oh, yeah.
27:08
Like what if you're being threatened like in an alleyway,
27:10
like someone's holding a knife at you
27:12
and then your fight or flight like doesn't kick in
27:13
because it's like your body's like, well, you're stressed,
27:16
so I'm going to make you happy.
27:18
And you're like, stab me.
27:21
Yeah.
27:22
That might work.
27:23
I'm like, what's wrong with this guy?
27:24
Oh yeah, no, we talked about this.
27:28
If you're like, yes, please stab.
27:30
And you're like, oh no, I didn't want an easy stab, I want a hard stab.
27:34
I want it so bad though, stab me.
27:37
I forgot that sometimes the things need to happen in the body,
27:40
so maybe that's not a good idea.
27:41
Because there's probably a lot of situations where that would be the case.
27:44
But also probably really screw with women's menstrual cycles, I would imagine.
27:49
What's screw with everyone?
27:50
What about sex?
27:51
you're like i want to be angry while i'm having sex you're like okay i orgasm and now
27:57
i'm mad because the thing auto went off you get you get post nut anger
28:04
uh no oh my god uh yeah i 100 this was sell because drugs sell and this is a drug drug
28:25
sell new slogan get addicted advice drug sell drug sell is the slogan on the back end be your
28:33
own drug dealer.
28:37
Yes.
28:37
That I mean
28:38
great slogan.
28:40
Yeah.
28:41
Um
28:42
I think this would
28:43
probably deal with it.
28:45
Deal like
28:46
like dealer.
28:47
Yeah.
28:49
Deal with it.
28:52
The new deal.
28:55
Yeah.
28:56
Screw you FDR.
29:01
Wait.
29:01
Hold on.
29:02
Let me turn out the anger.
29:02
Do you think FDR ever said
29:06
make it the wheel deal?
29:09
The new deal.
29:10
Let's make it the wheel deal.
29:11
Probably in tight inner circles where they were like,
29:13
good one.
29:14
Good wheelchair joke.
29:16
But he probably had to explain it to at least one person
29:17
and then he was probably annoyed.
29:21
Okay, well, yes.
29:22
This is going to make you a lot of money.
29:24
This is going to make you Kokomo Island money.
29:30
It's all for you, Kokomo.
29:31
That's the sound that beeps when it turns on,
29:37
like when you have the device and you have power.
29:38
And it's not enough that we have to pay for that.
29:43
Yeah, exactly.
29:44
Yeah.
29:45
You have a proprietary Kokomo.
29:48
Let's change one note.
29:51
Yep.
29:53
We did it.
29:55
We did it.
29:57
Don't sue us, Beach Boys.
29:58
Yeah, they won't.
30:00
They survived the Manson.
30:01
family. They're cool.
30:08
Which makes them pretty cool.
30:10
Yeah. Did they survive the Manson
30:11
family? One of them did.
30:13
That's why Sharon
30:15
Tate's an uncool bitch. Oh my god,
30:17
no.
30:19
No, she was cool. You're cool, Sharon.
30:21
Yeah, she was cool. Say hi to Kokomo in heaven for us.
30:24
It's real in heaven.
30:25
Kokomo's real.
30:26
In heaven where Kokomo's real.
30:27
Yep.
30:29
Okay, well,
30:30
advice.
30:33
Goodbye world.
30:34
Deal with it.
30:38
This is going to make you a lot of money.
30:41
I'm concerned for the future of humanity.
30:43
Everyone's going to be cool.
30:44
Calm, happy, relaxed.
30:45
It's going to be everyone sitting there
30:47
like fentanyl nodding.
30:51
You call it plug.
30:53
It's like you plug it in.
30:54
Plug is like a term.
30:55
Like, oh, I have like a plug for.
30:58
Yeah, yeah.
30:58
Write it down.
30:59
Plug.
30:59
Go plug yourself.
31:04
Yeah.
31:06
Okay.
31:07
Any further thoughts, comments?
31:11
That wraps up
31:12
the invention of the week.
31:16
So
31:17
it's time for
31:20
our next segment
31:22
Blackmail
31:24
on the Fly.
31:26
Blackmail on the Fly
31:28
let's learn some secrets steal some money from this guy okay can you tell me more about that
31:37
uh in this segment we try to blackmail each other but we don't really have a plan okay
31:45
that's yeah i got that yeah okay great fly by the seat of your plant pants blackmail
31:52
oh my god that needs to be something for a nursery fly by the seat of your plants that's good
31:57
there was this, uh, uh, nursery on, um, or like flower shop or something on, um,
32:06
Sunset Boulevard in LA, uh, in like the Los Feliz area. Um,
32:11
and I used to drive by there a lot and it would, they had,
32:14
they had these marquees and they would always try and make like funny puns,
32:18
like plant puns. And, um, one time the marquee just said,
32:23
take off your plants.
32:27
It's still funny.
32:29
It's like,
32:30
that's not a pun.
32:31
It really,
32:32
it's not like take off your pants is a phrase that gets said all the time.
32:37
Disagree.
32:38
Yeah.
32:38
Maybe not in your world.
32:39
Yeah.
32:40
Usually a gunpoint to myself watering can point.
32:44
Yeah.
32:46
But I want,
32:48
I really want to take off my pants.
32:49
No,
32:50
I didn't want you to want it.
32:53
You know,
32:53
from the stabbing thing.
32:54
I love it.
32:55
Yeah.
32:55
I would listen to this as like its own radio hour.
32:59
Well, Jenna, little did you know that when you would drive by that nursery,
33:05
there was a speeding camera thing there that I set up.
33:11
And I know that you would speed by that nursery every time.
33:16
And I'm going to report you to the government of Los Feliz
33:20
unless you give me one million dollars.
33:25
you're being blackmailed. Um, well, um, really funny thing, Joe, um, the jokes on you, uh, my
33:32
car actually has, um, special paint on it that, uh, it makes it look like it's speeding and it's
33:42
not, it's meant to trick cameras because I like getting those tickets. Cause I like going to court
33:46
to contest the tickets. So nice try trying to blackmail me. Looks like that didn't work.
33:51
yeah joe and while you were planting that camera i was at your house going through your sundries and
34:01
baubles
34:01
and i found unfortunately some souvenirs from crimes
34:15
that lead me to believe you're an uncatched killer.
34:23
And I'm going to turn you in unless you liquefy your 401k
34:28
and give it to me.
34:31
All of these are the correct terms for these things.
34:35
Joe, what do you have to say about that?
34:41
Well, as a matter of fact,
34:43
While you were looking through my sundries and baubles,
34:47
I was looking through your knickknacks and tchotchkes.
34:52
No.
34:53
And I discovered that you are delinquent on your taxes.
35:02
So, mutually assured destruction, baby.
35:05
Oh, I hate to burst your bubble,
35:08
but what you don't know is that due to my noble birth,
35:15
I have diplomatic status in the United States,
35:18
which I don't know if you know this means that you can commit any crime except
35:22
murder.
35:24
Although it might include murder because I know someone,
35:26
I don't know someone.
35:27
I read a story about a lady who had diplomatic immunity and she ran over
35:30
someone's kid and got away with it.
35:32
So guess what?
35:33
I don't have to pay those.
35:36
Nice try though.
35:38
Yeah.
35:38
Well, there's one thing that you won't be getting away with, Francis.
35:44
I was at your house once when you weren't there.
35:49
It seems like we've all done this to each other.
35:51
Wait, what were you looking through, though?
35:52
Yeah.
35:52
I was looking through your bedsheets and your bedroom.
35:58
Bedsheets and?
36:01
Ding-dongs and thingamawats.
36:03
and and and i found that you don't have a bed you have a terrarium because you are
36:18
a chameleon in real life you're part that's right you're part reptilian and you are hiding it from
36:27
the rest of the world. You were a lizard person. And I am going to tell everybody that you're a
36:33
lizard person unless you, unless you, uh, sodify, sodify your Roth 401k in my name.
36:44
Well, nice try. Howsoever you need to know something. I knew you were going to do this to
36:54
me. So over the past decade, I have been working in the highest branches of government to slowly
36:59
breadcrumb and release information about extraterrestrials and reptilians so that now
37:04
it's common conversation across the country, which means if you do reveal my hidden secret,
37:10
no one's going to give two shits in a handbasket because everyone is already like, yeah, okay,
37:14
whatever. You can't afford something else. Why do I care about a lizard person? That's called
37:22
desensification.
37:24
And I did that.
37:27
You bastard.
37:28
Yeah.
37:29
Yeah.
37:30
While you were going through my sheets and whatchamacallits,
37:34
guess where I was?
37:36
Where?
37:37
Your high school.
37:38
And I was going through your permanent record.
37:42
No, no, no.
37:42
That was sealed.
37:43
I unsealed it.
37:44
I brought a letter opener.
37:47
And I found what you didn't want anyone else to know.
37:52
you got straight A's in high school.
37:55
Even though you had a personality of the cool kid,
37:59
you were actually a complete poindexter.
38:03
So I'm going to go tell all the cool people that you were friends with
38:06
because they never would have been your friend had they known.
38:09
Okay, well, I got a little joke for you.
38:13
I actually paid someone to take all my tests for me,
38:18
which is the ultimate cool kid move.
38:20
So those straight A's are fake straight A's.
38:23
And you fell into my trap.
38:25
Or did he?
38:27
Because I was the person that you paid to take those tests for you.
38:32
I was wearing Groucho glasses each time, which is why you didn't recognize me.
38:37
And I'm going to report you to the Board of Higher Education and Test Taking.
38:45
And they will unseal your record with a letter opener.
38:50
The B het?
38:52
Yes.
38:54
The B H E T T.
38:58
Well, the jokes on you, Joe.
39:05
Because as part of my long plan to pay someone to get straight A's and then not get in trouble for it.
39:13
I have seek,
39:16
I have set up seven different secret identities and each one of those secret
39:21
identities has been elected to the board of.
39:25
And so I'm all seven board members.
39:28
And you know what I say?
39:30
I think I'm fine.
39:32
I think I'm going to be just fine.
39:35
Nice try.
39:40
Jenna.
39:42
Yes,
39:42
Francis.
39:43
I'm sorry to throw ointment in your soup.
39:47
That's where ointment goes.
39:49
But you know how you had a plan that involved seven identity?
39:57
Didn't finish it.
39:59
That you had seven personas?
40:01
Yes.
40:01
That are all E-worded to the B-word?
40:05
Guess what?
40:06
I don't know what's safe anymore.
40:11
One of those was me.
40:16
You were one of my fake personas?
40:19
Yeah.
40:19
And I spread a rumor about you that you had flatulence in inappropriate times.
40:33
At wine tastings.
40:35
Can you imagine?
40:38
Well.
40:39
Because you need your nose.
40:41
And you're throwing off the pallet.
40:46
Jokes on you,
40:48
Francis.
40:49
No.
40:50
Cause that personality that you think you took over,
40:56
you didn't know I'm actually you.
40:59
So when you were spreading those rumors,
41:01
you were spreading them about yourself.
41:04
And I'm going to tell everyone that I'm actually you.
41:07
unless you give me all of your Kohl's cash.
41:17
I found your Nazi memorabilia.
41:25
And if you don't,
41:28
if you don't donate to my museum,
41:33
I'm going to tell everyone.
41:37
you you want the memorabilia donated to the museum
41:45
it's okay when it's in a museum
41:48
well uh i'll do that as soon as you donate to me
41:57
for all your 9-11 didn't happen no memorabilia that's right you think
42:07
The twin towers are still there.
42:10
I saw the,
42:11
I saw the drawings.
42:13
Did you watch the documentary because they lay it out so cleanly?
42:18
Oh,
42:19
I'm supposed to deny it.
42:21
Um,
42:21
Oh,
42:24
you found my drawings.
42:25
Yeah.
42:27
Well the jokes on you because I been going to night school to learn how to do art conspiracy art And I got a scholarship for it
42:37
So if you out me, you're just going to make me a more famous artist.
42:42
So suck it.
42:46
Maybe we should turn the tables on Joe.
42:50
Together.
42:51
I'm clean as a whistle, baby.
42:54
No ointment in this soup.
42:56
oh yeah yeah that's right you're not gonna find anything to blackmail me with
43:05
joe we know the truth yeah we were both at your apartment the other day yeah and it became
43:15
abundantly obvious that you're wearing a reverse fat suit yep yep you're presenting to the world
43:25
like you're thin.
43:27
And we know the truth.
43:29
We know the truth.
43:30
The night that thing comes off and half your apartment gets blown to smithereens.
43:35
Furniture,
43:35
art,
43:36
gone.
43:38
All your
43:38
watsadoodles.
43:43
And thingamabobs.
43:45
And hing-hong hoogles.
43:46
And your joobie bats.
43:48
All go everywhere.
43:50
You get stuck in your rolls.
43:52
We're going to let the world know.
43:53
Yeah.
43:54
how could you do this to me
43:56
fuck you
43:58
fuck you both
44:00
alright well good for us we teamed up on Joe in the end
44:05
yeah we shouldn't have shamed him though
44:07
it's okay to be fat in your own apartment
44:08
yeah
44:10
it is
44:12
outside of that fuck off
44:13
get back in your apartment
44:15
that's what apartments are for
44:17
well
44:19
I think
44:22
we're all in trouble.
44:26
Yeah.
44:27
We're all screwed.
44:28
You most of all.
44:30
The Board of Higher Education and Test Taking,
44:32
if you're listening, we know you are.
44:34
We know you are because it's all me.
44:36
Yeah.
44:39
All right.
44:40
Hey, blackmail's fun.
44:41
That was fun. It adds a little spice to life.
44:44
See, we don't need a brain chip.
44:46
No, we just need to blackmail our friends.
44:47
Yeah, blackmail our friends.
44:49
Listeners, do that if you want to be happy.
44:51
yeah just do it a bunch of times that'll be your as many people as possible
44:55
yeah the darker the secret the better you'll be
44:59
all right that wraps up blackmail on the fly
45:03
you've been blackmailed you just got blackmailed
45:09
okay oh did you have something to say no i was just
45:14
just preparing mouth open near the microphone yeah i wouldn't be ready at all times
45:19
All right.
45:22
Time for one final segment.
45:25
The big question.
45:27
The question is very big.
45:31
Do you have a question for me?
45:33
Thank you.
45:34
Thank God.
45:36
My question is, do you have a question?
45:37
No.
45:38
That is the biggest of all possible questions.
45:41
My question is, Jenna.
45:44
Francis.
45:45
If I, I want you to explain to me how you would convince people that you invented the donut.
46:00
Okay.
46:03
And just so we're clear, not how you would invent the donut.
46:06
How I would convince people.
46:08
It was your, you came up with the donut.
46:10
It was like a Romeo and Michelle situation.
46:12
Yes.
46:13
We're not at all worried about the fact that donuts were around long before I was alive.
46:20
Were they?
46:22
Should we just bust it open, make a general?
46:25
Like Post-its and Romy and Michelle,
46:27
what would you convince people that you have invented and how would you do it?
46:33
Okay, 9-11.
46:37
You just come in and destroy Francis's idea?
46:40
Wait, is that what you said?
46:41
He hijacked my idea, but yeah.
46:43
Oh, yeah.
46:43
But yeah, actually, I think that's better.
46:48
Okay.
46:48
It's got to be something that's come up in our lifetime.
46:52
Okay.
46:54
Weather vein.
46:56
Weather vein, did you say?
46:58
Yeah, I'm trying a new tactic.
47:00
You just said weather vein, and then I said it like an asshole?
47:07
Hold on, he's trying something.
47:13
oh my god
47:16
I hate you so much
47:18
well I guess we'll find out soon
47:22
if I'm completely fucked by Francis
47:25
on that one
47:25
that was fun
47:28
I know I was thinking
47:33
it's about to be
47:38
alright
47:39
um
47:41
I
47:45
okay
47:48
I would say
47:51
I invented
47:53
you know those
47:56
those like
47:57
like
47:59
long sticky like
48:02
hand things that you had when you were a kid
48:05
where you just like whip them at
48:06
whip them at stuff and then
48:08
it would stick. The hand would stick. Um, I would say that I invented that. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.
48:18
Poke holes in it. I won't tell you exactly how I, where were you when you came up with the idea?
48:23
Great question. I was, uh, bedridden as a child. I couldn't get out of bed.
48:30
and I was just like I was trying I was reaching for something that was just out of reach and I
48:39
I was like I can't reach I can't reach it uh and then no one was around to help me and I just I
48:51
really needed it uh and it was a light enough thing that I it would have been easy to get if
48:56
only there was something, but I couldn't get it.
49:00
And so I was like, I just wish there was some kind of, because I was also sick at the time
49:04
because I was, you know, I was bedridden.
49:06
What'd you have?
49:08
Cholera.
49:09
Hand, foot, and mouth disease.
49:12
Isn't that like from cows?
49:14
No, it's from babies.
49:17
Foot and mouth disease?
49:18
Hand, foot, and mouth disease?
49:19
You get it from like little kids.
49:20
They like eat sand or they put their feet in their mouth?
49:23
Yeah.
49:24
What?
49:24
Yeah.
49:25
Yeah, that seems right.
49:26
No, it's from little kids.
49:28
You get it from little kids.
49:28
Wait, is there such a thing as hoof and mouth disease?
49:33
Why did I think this was a cow disease?
49:35
Are you thinking?
49:35
No, you're thinking of mad cow disease.
49:37
Oh, quiz question.
49:40
What's the term for?
49:42
Bodvine spongiform disease.
49:45
Is that it?
49:46
There's one more word.
49:46
But bovine spongiform.
49:51
I don't know.
49:54
Encephalopathy.
49:55
Encephalopathy.
49:55
I almost just said that I swear to God. Really? I believe you. Oh,
49:59
I was actually going to say encephalitis, but I almost did close. Yeah.
50:03
I would have said that's close and then you would have said the other one.
50:07
Anyway, I, yeah, I had cholera. How'd you get it?
50:15
I rescued I rescued a mosquito and I saved it and it was my pet for a while but then it grew up to be old and it turned on me
50:26
That's why you don't keep mosquitoes as pets.
50:28
It had cholera.
50:29
Oh, that makes sense.
50:31
Yeah.
50:32
How did you, how did your public life change after you invented such a, such a hit?
50:39
Um, well, obviously I couldn't walk through the state fair without people carrying me
50:43
on their shoulders.
50:44
because I was a hero of every kid at the state fair.
50:49
I mean, name a prize better than that.
50:52
Were they all reaching for you with their own?
50:54
Yes, they were.
50:55
Jenna!
50:57
How did you invent it?
51:04
Well, what originally happened was I had,
51:11
you know those molds that you make of your hand when you're a kid?
51:18
Like, so your parents have like,
51:19
oh, look at their tiny little hands, whatever, right?
51:22
Well, after I had this fantastic idea,
51:26
I took one of those out of my mom's closet that she had
51:29
of all of her kids with the little handprints.
51:32
How'd you get to it if you were bedridden?
51:34
I didn't do.
51:35
You said it.
51:36
No, I didn't.
51:37
Yeah, you did.
51:37
I made it into a new word.
51:39
No, you said it.
51:41
well then over this time I was well, I had recovered from cholera.
51:46
I bounced back from cholera pretty quickly. Um,
51:49
how nice and rare. Yeah, I know. I'm a special kid.
51:54
And as you can tell by my invention that I invented, um, so yeah,
51:59
so I had the whole time when I was in bed to like really map this out.
52:02
So, um, at first I started with silly putty, which was a waste. Uh,
52:07
but that's, you know, that's like, Hey, we're still in prototypes. Uh,
52:11
the silly putty actually part of the silly putty uh i was the one that found out that the silly
52:17
putty you can put it on newspaper and it'll pick up the imprint because i was trying to do the
52:22
throwing and like picking up paper and i pulled it back it was it didn't really stick so well but it
52:27
came so it came back with the imprint and i was like oh that's a cool little side project
52:31
uh here you go world i found this out for free while i was inventing something even cooler
52:37
And then I tried taking grape jelly and putting it into just above freezing state.
52:46
And that got closer because grape jelly was sticky, obviously.
52:53
If you've ever been around kids, you know that.
52:56
Am I right?
52:58
I wouldn't know.
52:59
You're not allowed around kids.
53:01
I choose not to be.
53:03
I choose not to be.
53:04
I choose not to be.
53:05
I choose not to be.
53:07
I feel loud around children.
53:08
Yeah.
53:09
I said, your honor.
53:10
I said, good.
53:12
And he's like, no, you're a favor.
53:15
And he's like, no, you're into it.
53:16
I'm reversing my sentence.
53:17
Yeah.
53:18
Too late.
53:19
I'm moving to a 55 and up.
53:23
And eventually I, I worked through and found the polymer that became the sticky material.
53:33
The thing that I was never really, well, actually that's, I was able to invent a certain kind of like rubber, right?
53:44
That actually was immune to lint.
53:46
So it would be sticky forever.
53:48
But the businessman in my head was like, no, no, no.
53:55
I'm not everlasting gobstoppering this.
53:58
I want kids to be buying these things.
54:00
so I made it so after
54:02
you know several like when he gets the lint and then it's
54:05
no longer sticky then kids are addicted
54:07
at that point because it's like what's
54:09
more fun than that right
54:10
and parents everywhere
54:12
there's a chip you can put in your brain when your hand isn't
54:15
sticky anymore
54:15
yeah
54:16
parents everywhere oh man they hated me
54:20
but the paint industry loved me
54:22
because kids were leaving these little like
54:24
just barely noticeable handprint
54:27
things all over the paint on the walls
54:28
and so then people would have to touch up the paint
54:31
and it was
54:33
I mean it's one of those things
54:37
it's a nice legacy to have
54:40
but I don't let it define who I am
54:44
I don't like to lead with it
54:46
you know what I mean?
54:48
Occasionally though in public I will just pull one out
54:51
and slap someone's ass from far away
54:54
and then pull it back and watch celerity ensues
54:56
as they look around to see who did it
54:58
And then it's, no, me, I was too far away.
55:03
I just felt a normal size and regular level of stickiness hand slap my ass.
55:08
Who did that?
55:09
I did.
55:10
I tried to work on one that would actually stick to humans and you could pull humans through them.
55:14
And I thought, that's too much.
55:15
That's probably, I don't want this to be used as a snare of some kind.
55:22
Yeah, this should just be fun for kids from three to 93, you know?
55:28
so anyway you're welcome earth
55:32
that's why it's called the jenna
55:34
you know people don't usually call it by its actual legal name
55:39
I know that's what it's called
55:40
I mean I know you're an inventor Francis
55:45
but anything I'd know
55:47
yeah the name of the guy at the patent office
55:52
who was it again
55:53
there's one guy that works there
55:57
Albert.
55:59
Okay, I guess that's available online.
56:05
There's a crucial step after you think of an idea
56:08
before it gets made.
56:10
What's the name of that middle step?
56:13
I'm not saying it.
56:15
That's for damn sure.
56:16
What do you mean?
56:18
Do you know it or not know it?
56:20
I guess I don't know it.
56:21
You're going to have to say it.
56:24
No.
56:25
I'll move on to other questions
56:26
because I'm just not convinced that you invented this thing.
56:30
So I would say...
56:32
Oh, we're still in my invention?
56:35
I thought...
56:37
Do we move on?
56:38
I thought you were claiming to have invented the patenting process.
56:44
No, I was quizzing her because...
56:49
Do we believe her?
56:50
short acting
56:54
short acting cholera
57:01
it was fast acting
57:03
like fast acting to nactin
57:04
right okay well we'll go with this
57:07
how much money did you make
57:08
I only made
57:11
production money back
57:13
I didn't want it to be
57:14
I took the cost of making them
57:16
essentially
57:18
but this was like a gift to the world.
57:22
What was the first store it was in?
57:24
That's a trick question.
57:25
It wasn't in stores.
57:26
It was in Gumball Machines.
57:28
Nice try.
57:29
Okay.
57:30
I'm sorry.
57:30
The five cent store.
57:32
Bad.
57:32
My bad.
57:33
Yeah.
57:34
And also, I think I read somewhere that every hand that you sell,
57:39
you donate half.
57:40
Give a hand to a child.
57:42
In Ethiopia.
57:44
That doesn't have winter.
57:45
Yeah.
57:46
Yeah.
57:47
That's right.
57:48
Oh, that's really nice.
57:49
Thank you.
57:49
I must miff you that they don't call it by your name.
57:53
No, no, no.
57:54
You know how annoying it is to hear your name in public?
57:58
You're constantly turning around thinking they're talking about you,
58:01
and instead they just talking about these rubbery hands These rubbery hands sounds like a band These rubbery hands have seen a lot of love but they never seen a lot of Okay
58:13
Well, let's say I believe you,
58:15
and I'm starting to come around.
58:18
Where does it go from here?
58:20
What's the next thing?
58:22
You know?
58:24
Oh, I don't know.
58:27
I mean,
58:28
I delved briefly into more child toy stuff.
58:38
Tamagotchis were me. Yeah. I just thought I, you know, it was a,
58:47
it was a rage for a while kind of fizzled out the electronic pet,
58:51
but that was a fun,
58:52
And that was really more for me because I wanted the fun of a pet without any of the responsibility.
59:01
So it's just so funny to hear the phrase Tamagotchis were me.
59:06
Yeah.
59:08
That's why you call them Tamigotchis.
59:10
Yeah, that's where the me in that comes from.
59:13
Well, then you must not regret being sick as a child.
59:16
Obviously.
59:17
Oh, no.
59:17
Cholera was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time.
59:21
Of course, I was like, no.
59:22
peak summertime too.
59:27
These are kid hours.
59:29
But I made it work.
59:30
And as a result, all of child manatee is better off.
59:36
Okay.
59:37
And adult manatee.
59:38
Yeah.
59:39
That's the word.
59:40
Well, you still use it.
59:42
Humanity, let's say.
59:43
No, no.
59:44
Yeah.
59:44
Adult manatee.
59:45
Yeah.
59:48
Thank you for your contribution to society.
59:51
You're welcome.
59:51
It's been a real boon.
59:54
Yeah.
59:55
I don't know.
59:56
I feel like I don't want to get greedy with success.
59:59
So I think I might stick with that.
1:00:04
And that, the Tamagotchi.
1:00:08
Well.
1:00:09
And obviously the jump rope.
1:00:11
What a beauteous thing.
1:00:13
The jump rope.
1:00:13
We all know that was me, though.
1:00:15
Yeah.
1:00:15
Well, no one's contesting that.
1:00:16
Yeah.
1:00:17
It's the J rope.
1:00:18
Yeah, the J rope.
1:00:19
Yeah, I get it.
1:00:19
So you're welcome, world.
1:00:23
But I don't need any thanks or praise.
1:00:25
No.
1:00:25
That's good because you're not going to get any.
1:00:27
Good.
1:00:28
I don't want it.
1:00:29
You got to do it for the love of the game.
1:00:30
Exactly.
1:00:31
So glad you believe me, Francis.
1:00:33
I believe you now.
1:00:33
It's all true.
1:00:34
Yeah.
1:00:35
No, we just got your medical records faxed in when you were talking.
1:00:37
And yeah, there it is.
1:00:39
There it is.
1:00:39
Big red letters.
1:00:41
Cholera.
1:00:41
Fast acting cholera.
1:00:43
Yeah.
1:00:44
And then there's a handprint on it.
1:00:45
Yeah.
1:00:46
So checks out.
1:00:47
Yep.
1:00:48
Okay.
1:00:49
Well.
1:00:50
Tomahawk.
1:00:52
Tomahawkey.
1:00:56
Weather vane.
1:00:57
That answers the big question.
1:01:02
The big question.
1:01:03
There's only...
1:01:04
What?
1:01:06
What?
1:01:07
I was going to say there's only one less thing to do.
1:01:09
Yeah.
1:01:10
Angaroo.
1:01:12
Marsupial.
1:01:13
Pouches.
1:01:15
Okay.
1:01:17
You're being a little shithead right now.
1:01:18
let's do it okay secret words
1:01:21
mammals
1:01:23
okay let's do it you want to go first
1:01:25
or second I need this
1:01:27
I gotta play dirty
1:01:29
I need this
1:01:31
I'm gonna go first
1:01:33
okay alkaline
1:01:35
bovine spongiform
1:01:39
and syntholoppy
1:01:40
okay here's a question
1:01:43
I think you were trying to beat me into saying words
1:01:46
that you
1:01:48
didn't say yourself well how does that work because if you don't say if i if i can guess
1:01:56
your secret word and you didn't say your secret word i feel like i should get extra points for
1:01:59
that if you don't say your secret word you don't get a point right yeah exactly so i'd be hurting
1:02:03
myself all right i'm gonna go right out and say copyright is a guess no but trademark no
1:02:12
patent okay all right
1:02:17
inertia no nanotechnology nope minuscule did i say that no orgasm
1:02:30
that's my word that was your word yeah oh
1:02:36
all right so sick of being alive
1:02:42
all right can i'm i have i have ones that i want to specifically guess for decoy which i would have
1:02:52
guessed as your decoy anyway regardless of i'm getting so fucked
1:02:57
is your decoy word sundries
1:03:05
is it bobbles yeah
1:03:10
yes
1:03:14
don't look like you want to die Francis
1:03:22
you're true i don't want to go does it matter yes it matters you could cancel out all my points
1:03:33
it's not a thrilling prospect to someone who's lost all will to live
1:03:39
amen no let's get your advice activated and uh you'll feel fine
1:03:44
is your decoy word snare no is that your word no
1:03:51
Rosen.
1:03:56
Rosen.
1:03:57
Rosen.
1:03:58
Rosen.
1:03:58
Rosen.
1:03:59
Yeah, yeah.
1:03:59
Rosen.
1:04:03
Deregulation.
1:04:04
Nope.
1:04:06
Regulating.
1:04:07
Nope.
1:04:09
Identities.
1:04:11
Mm-mm.
1:04:12
Fizzled.
1:04:14
Mm-mm.
1:04:16
Sticky.
1:04:18
Sticky?
1:04:19
No.
1:04:19
Stick.
1:04:20
Nope.
1:04:21
Tea.
1:04:21
Bedridden.
1:04:23
No.
1:04:25
Prototypes.
1:04:27
Nope.
1:04:29
Polymer.
1:04:31
Cholera.
1:04:33
No.
1:04:34
I don't have anything else.
1:04:38
She said her real word and her decoy word within five seconds of each other.
1:04:42
Yeah.
1:04:43
Oh.
1:04:45
My real word was reptilian.
1:04:47
And my decoy word was chameleon.
1:04:51
Did I say reptilians?
1:04:53
You didn't.
1:04:54
You said reptilians.
1:04:55
You pluralized it.
1:04:57
I'm pretty sure.
1:04:59
Oh, I don't know.
1:05:00
You said all the other reptilians out there.
1:05:03
So it could have been worse for you.
1:05:04
I thought you just said lizard people.
1:05:06
No, you did say lizard people also.
1:05:08
But you said reptilians plural.
1:05:10
No, yeah, that wouldn't count.
1:05:11
That wouldn't count.
1:05:12
So you dodged a bullet by talking about multiple reptilian people.
1:05:15
You dodged a bullet, but I have a feeling you're going to put one voluntarily in your mouth.
1:05:19
You wish you hadn't dodged that bullet.
1:05:21
Yeah.
1:05:22
Good for you.
1:05:26
All right.
1:05:27
Well, listeners, go to veryfinefriends.com to see that I am winning.
1:05:33
And Francis may or may not be around to ever record an episode again.
1:05:38
We'll see.
1:05:40
Thank you.
1:05:40
All right.
1:05:42
Bye.
1:05:51
you