Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 8, Season 2: Meet Coach Elizabeth: Coaching with Joy, Purpose, and Compassion

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Episode 8, Season 2: Meet Coach Elizabeth: Coaching with Joy, Purpose, and Compassion · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

0:11
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast. I'm your co host Raina,
0:14
Speaker 1: but you're here with our host, doctor Sarah Hensley, the founder,
0:19
Speaker 1: CEO and just the main squeeze of the love Doc
0:24
Speaker 1: relationship coaching services. And we are so excited today because
0:29
Speaker 1: we have another team member on.
0:31
Speaker 2: We do and.
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Speaker 1: People have been so curious because I see messages and
0:37
Speaker 1: they're like, so tell me more about you know, coach Elizabeth,
0:41
Speaker 1: and you know, like what's her coaching style and you know,
0:45
Speaker 1: what's she like and does she have social media? And
0:49
Speaker 1: we're like, well, she's great. She's kind of this mystery.
0:52
Speaker 1: But this was the perfect answer to just bring you
0:55
Speaker 1: on and have our listeners meet you and you know,
0:59
Speaker 1: hear you talk about your coaching style. Here, you talk
1:02
Speaker 1: about how you got to where you are, and so
1:06
Speaker 1: just tell us a little bit about yourself first and
1:09
Speaker 1: foremost your background, your education. You know, let's let's build
1:14
Speaker 1: your credibility because you're amazing and we love you so much.
1:17
Speaker 2: I love you, so tell.
1:19
Speaker 3: Us, well, first, I have to think both of you,
1:23
Speaker 3: because I just I'm so thrilled to be here. I
1:25
Speaker 3: absolutely love my career and I feel like I have well. First,
1:29
Speaker 3: doctor Sarah of course and then Raina coming in. It's
1:33
Speaker 3: just been such a blessing to be part of this practice.
1:36
Speaker 3: So I'm thrilled to introduce myselves to your listeners, our clients,
1:41
Speaker 3: and well, I'm Elizabeth Monroy. I have a background in education.
1:46
Speaker 3: I've taught everything from kindergarten to twelfth grade in the
1:50
Speaker 3: policical system. But shortly into my teaching career, I realized
1:56
Speaker 3: maybe this wasn't for me, and so I went and
1:59
Speaker 3: got a master's degree in counseling. But as many teachers
2:02
Speaker 3: will tell you, the classroom inevitably calls you back in.
2:05
Speaker 3: So I ended up going back into teaching for a
2:08
Speaker 3: period of time. But in the process of getting my
2:12
Speaker 3: master's degree, I was able to do some counseling and
2:16
Speaker 3: more of a ministry based setting, and wasn't really able
2:21
Speaker 3: to return to it full time until I joined Sara's
2:24
Speaker 3: practice a couple of years ago, and that was you know,
2:27
Speaker 3: life had changed very drastically. I had been teaching and
2:31
Speaker 3: this opportunity came along and here we are amazing, amazing experience.
2:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, and what's so cool about coaching is that it
2:41
Speaker 4: really does sort of combined teaching and counseling together and
2:44
Speaker 4: I think that that is probably why we have both
2:46
Speaker 4: excelled at it, because we.
2:49
Speaker 2: Both have history of, you know, being in education.
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Speaker 4: I was in higher education before I was a coach
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Speaker 4: for a number of years, and you were in the
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Speaker 4: K through twelve. But it doesn't matter teaching skills or
3:01
Speaker 4: teaching skills. You have to be able to break complex
3:04
Speaker 4: things down, or at least whatever's complex at that level
3:06
Speaker 4: down for your students and really our clientele. We do
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Speaker 4: a lot of psycho education as well as actual coaching
3:15
Speaker 4: strategies for change. But I can say personally that you
3:21
Speaker 4: have been an amazing coach. I am just now adding
3:24
Speaker 4: another coach because I don't think my strategy is ever
3:27
Speaker 4: going to be out a ton of coaches because I
3:29
Speaker 4: am so protective of my coaching strategy and of my
3:34
Speaker 4: coaching model, and I only wanted to have coaches on
3:38
Speaker 4: that I deeply, deeply trust to mirror to my clients
3:43
Speaker 4: back what I would be teaching if I were in
3:45
Speaker 4: the seat. And you have been that person and you
3:48
Speaker 4: have gotten all the great feedback and that is why
3:51
Speaker 4: you are definitely still here and moving up to groups now.
3:56
Speaker 4: Coach Elizabeth has her own groups now as well as
3:58
Speaker 4: taking individual clients. So I couldn't be more proud of
4:02
Speaker 4: where you are and how much of a wonderful addition
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Speaker 4: you have been to this company.
4:08
Speaker 5: I can second that.
4:09
Speaker 1: And obviously, you know it was really you Tube were
4:12
Speaker 1: like the ogs, right, y'all were like the two original
4:15
Speaker 1: I came on later and uh, you know, I just
4:19
Speaker 1: I say this to Sarah all the time, and I'll
4:21
Speaker 1: say it to you, Liz. Coaching is hard, and coaching
4:26
Speaker 1: takes a very special type of person because I tried it, Gang.
4:32
Speaker 1: I tried it for a minute and I was like, no,
4:35
Speaker 1: I can't.
4:36
Speaker 5: Do this, I'm out.
4:38
Speaker 1: But and it's you know, it's very serendipitous because I
4:42
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, we're all really where we're supposed
4:45
Speaker 1: to be, which makes it, you know, we're so in
4:49
Speaker 1: sync with each other the whole, the relationship between all
4:53
Speaker 1: of us works really well. And I think that a
4:55
Speaker 1: lot of it has to do with we're we're all
4:58
Speaker 1: very dynamically different. And so you know, because of that,
5:02
Speaker 1: even though you were certified and trained under Sarah, you know,
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Speaker 1: just tell us a little bit about your coaching style.
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Speaker 3: Sure, well, I would say it's really marked with deep compassion, grace, empathy,
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Speaker 3: which I know, like that's probably the goal for a
5:20
Speaker 3: lot of practitioners, and really non judgmentalism. I mean, clients
5:26
Speaker 3: come to some really hard things and that's in the
5:29
Speaker 3: feedback I get is like, Wow, thank you, Like Chris
5:33
Speaker 3: was so much easier to share my story with you,
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Speaker 3: and so I really value being able to offer that
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Speaker 3: to our clients. But I also come from a bit
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Speaker 3: of a joy based model of attachment from the work
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Speaker 3: of doctor Alan Shore. He's the guy who kind of
5:48
Speaker 3: first got me interested in attachment, and oh my goodness,
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Speaker 3: pairing that with what doctor Hensley teaches in the model
5:56
Speaker 3: of the strategies that we provide to our clients through
5:58
Speaker 3: her work has spend huge.
6:01
Speaker 1: So can you go a little deeper there when you
6:04
Speaker 1: because I'm curious, I'm very curious what you mean when
6:07
Speaker 1: because I'm not familiar with his work, what you mean
6:10
Speaker 1: from the joy aspect of it, which makes sense because
6:13
Speaker 1: that's all coming full circle in terms of what you
6:15
Speaker 1: name your practice. So tell me a little bit about
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Speaker 1: or tell our listeners a little bit about what's behind that.
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Speaker 3: I would love to So doctor Shorre's model of joy
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Speaker 3: based attachment really emphasizes that secure attachment isn't just about
6:31
Speaker 3: building safety. It's not just about the absence of threat.
6:35
Speaker 3: It's about mutual positive, emotional, positive emotional experiences, really mutual joy.
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Speaker 3: That is the marker. It's sort of the animating factor.
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Speaker 3: Attachment can become secure and still be relatively emotionally flat,
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Speaker 3: okay to some degree. And so you know, one of
6:54
Speaker 3: the phrases I got from reading some of his stuff
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Speaker 3: is joy is to relationship what fuel.
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Speaker 6: Is to a A And all of my clients hear that.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, I love that.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, it really becomes part of the foundational aspects of
7:09
Speaker 3: everything else that they're learning and applying mooving forward.
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Speaker 1: Well, and it's interesting that you say that because I've
7:16
Speaker 1: said this in the past. You know, I lost my
7:19
Speaker 1: mom suddenly eight years ago, and and we've talked about
7:24
Speaker 1: this too on other episodes, but you know, she had
7:26
Speaker 1: this deep sense of like she just never really knew
7:31
Speaker 1: how to experience joy at her core. And you know,
7:35
Speaker 1: I won't get into all the reasons why I think why,
7:38
Speaker 1: but you know, so after she passed, I I sort
7:43
Speaker 1: of had this epiphany and I was like, the secret
7:47
Speaker 1: to longevity is joy.
7:49
Speaker 2: For sure.
7:50
Speaker 1: It's the secret to living a long.
7:54
Speaker 5: Life because because when you're sad.
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Speaker 1: Or again to relate it to what we talk about often,
8:05
Speaker 1: or just in constant emotional distress or living in victimhood,
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Speaker 1: it really does something to the brain.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it robs your ability to access joy.
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Speaker 4: So you know, as Elizabeth can tell you here, we
8:18
Speaker 4: can only experience joy when we feel safety in our
8:21
Speaker 4: own body. And so when we feel like we are
8:24
Speaker 4: under threat, and of course how do we stay under threat?
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Speaker 4: While our own thoughts can keep us under threat, own
8:28
Speaker 4: processed emotions can keep us under threat, as can unsafe connections,
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Speaker 4: we are unable to tap into joy. Joy is a
8:38
Speaker 4: present experience. It is an experience of being in the
8:41
Speaker 4: present moment. And Elizabeth makes a great point here because oftentimes,
8:47
Speaker 4: especially in the therapy world, I would say not as
8:49
Speaker 4: much in the coaching world, but in the therapy world,
8:52
Speaker 4: we have this idea that as long as we can
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Speaker 4: bring people back up to like a baseline of functioning,
8:58
Speaker 4: that they've done their job.
9:00
Speaker 2: The therapist has done the job.
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Speaker 4: And it's like, okay, well you're not depressed anymore, but
9:04
Speaker 4: are you really happy? Are you experiencing joy? Do you
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Speaker 4: feel safe enough in your body to have joy. And
9:09
Speaker 4: so I think you make a great point, Elizabeth, talk
9:12
Speaker 4: a little bit more about that and how you try
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Speaker 4: to foster that with your clients.
9:17
Speaker 6: And that's the catch twenty two.
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Speaker 3: And I tell the clients that, like, hey, we can
9:20
Speaker 3: talk about joy all day long, but it's sort of
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Speaker 3: a front brain thing. It is a strength thing, it is,
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Speaker 3: and your work, Sarah around you know, cognitive reframing, taking
9:30
Speaker 3: authority of your thought world is really what helps us
9:32
Speaker 3: shift from that subconscious driving the bus to more of
9:36
Speaker 3: that front brain way of functioning. And so that's sort
9:39
Speaker 3: of the little carrot we kind of put out. There's like, hey,
9:42
Speaker 3: not only you know is this work going to help
9:46
Speaker 3: you change up patterns that are really difficult in your
9:49
Speaker 3: relationship and help you learn how to process emotions in
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Speaker 3: a safe, healthy way, But you're going to access new
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Speaker 3: levels of joy in your life that is going to
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Speaker 3: shoot you forward in this.
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Speaker 4: Props absolutely, and I have so many I know you
10:03
Speaker 4: can probably relate to this and the clients that you
10:05
Speaker 4: take onto, you know, dismissive avoidance that live in such
10:08
Speaker 4: a frozen state and if you really talk to them
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Speaker 4: about their emotional experiences, yeah, they don't have a lot
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Speaker 4: of low lows, but they're not having any joy either.
10:16
Speaker 4: They're not having any high highs either, because they're stuck
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Speaker 4: in that frozen state, which is that flat affect, that
10:21
Speaker 4: numbness of suppression.
10:23
Speaker 2: And a lot of times, one of the.
10:26
Speaker 4: Best pieces of feedback I can get from a DA
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Speaker 4: who has gone through this work is like, Wow, I'm
10:32
Speaker 4: experiencing joy. Like I'm noticing when my kids do stuff
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Speaker 4: that I like feel really happy, or like I just
10:38
Speaker 4: noticed my partner in a new way and they make
10:40
Speaker 4: me feel really happy when before I just wouldn't even notice,
10:43
Speaker 4: you know, with what they were doing to provide something
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Speaker 4: good to their relationship or how great of a mom
10:48
Speaker 4: they were or dad they were or whatever. And so
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Speaker 4: they're actually tapping into joy because they finally feel safe
10:54
Speaker 4: enough to do that. Their emotional you know, processing ability
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Speaker 4: has strengthen to the point where their nervous system is
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Speaker 4: finally feeling the effects and it's joy.
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Speaker 1: I also think it's important to put and you know,
11:07
Speaker 1: it seems so elementary when you just think of the
11:10
Speaker 1: word joy, right, it's this three letter word and it's
11:14
Speaker 1: your middle name, and it's my middle name. Maybe I
11:16
Speaker 1: shouldn't have revealed that on the pot, but it is
11:18
Speaker 1: your middle name.
11:19
Speaker 5: That's totally okay.
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Speaker 1: But it's like, when you shift that perspective of aligning
11:24
Speaker 1: healing with joy, it really puts this.
11:28
Speaker 5: Idea on healing that it.
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Speaker 1: It's it's happy, right, it's happy, it's lovely, it's beautiful.
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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be this really painful experience. It
11:40
Speaker 1: should actually be this really joyful, beautiful.
11:43
Speaker 5: Experience, you know.
11:45
Speaker 1: And and I think too many times we get stuck,
11:49
Speaker 1: especially recently because I say a lot that like I
11:53
Speaker 1: think as a human race, like we're reaching these higher
11:56
Speaker 1: levels of consciousness, and some of that has to do
11:58
Speaker 1: with social media, but sometimes you can get so like
12:03
Speaker 1: you can get information fatigue and like there's we're infiltrated
12:07
Speaker 1: with so much information. And so when it comes to healing,
12:11
Speaker 1: I think we are reaching this higher level of consciousness
12:14
Speaker 1: around it as a whole. But sometimes there's this negative
12:18
Speaker 1: perspective or this negative connotation like you're broken, you have
12:22
Speaker 1: to heal, right, And that's not really the truth, right.
12:27
Speaker 1: The truth is that healing is available to you, and
12:30
Speaker 1: healing brings you really beautiful new sensations. And I think
12:35
Speaker 1: we're all three testaments.
12:36
Speaker 5: Of that for sure.
12:38
Speaker 6: Amen.
12:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I know you can't show favorites obviously,
12:43
Speaker 1: but is there like a particular type of client or
12:47
Speaker 1: it's a particular type of attachment style that you like
12:50
Speaker 1: to coach versus another.
12:53
Speaker 6: Oh man, I have a heart for fas.
12:56
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think we all do.
12:57
Speaker 3: We are so motivated and you know, it's the pain
13:01
Speaker 3: that inner chaos are experiencing. But it also makes them
13:04
Speaker 3: amazing clients to work with because they are ready to
13:08
Speaker 3: hit the ground running. That being said, I have yet
13:11
Speaker 3: to come across the client that i've you know, seriously
13:15
Speaker 3: been like no, this isn't gonna work. I can't, you know,
13:18
Speaker 3: because of their attachment style, like right, you know, but
13:22
Speaker 3: I will say I find the most joy myself in
13:25
Speaker 3: helping an FA move forward.
13:26
Speaker 5: That makes sense.
13:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, they have high levels of awareness usually.
13:30
Speaker 4: Yeah, if they are FA tipped more to the anxious side,
13:33
Speaker 4: they usually are pretty able to name their emotional experience.
13:38
Speaker 4: As people report in that category that they are more
13:42
Speaker 4: aware of their patterns when they come.
13:44
Speaker 2: You know, I would say that.
13:45
Speaker 4: AP and DA's are less aware of themselves in general.
13:50
Speaker 4: Now that's just an in general statement.
13:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, So you know, in terms speaking on patterns,
13:58
Speaker 1: and I'm sure it's the same for you as it
14:00
Speaker 1: is for Doc, But you know, what are the most like,
14:05
Speaker 1: what's the primary pattern that you see come into your
14:08
Speaker 1: practice in terms of relationship dynamic Because I'm curious, I'm
14:13
Speaker 1: curious if y'all are seeing different things.
14:15
Speaker 3: I will say the most common pairing I get is
14:18
Speaker 3: the FA with the FA of course, one leaning anxious,
14:20
Speaker 3: one leaning avoidant, and all dynamic is just in full force.
14:24
Speaker 4: I call it the best friends slash mortal enemies dynamic.
14:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I mean that's I can say with certainty
14:31
Speaker 1: that that was probably my ex and me that we
14:35
Speaker 1: were both fas, me leaning more anxious, of course, but
14:41
Speaker 1: it's it can it can get pretty.
14:43
Speaker 4: Nasty, yeah, it can. It can get very toxic. But
14:46
Speaker 4: they they create such a deep friendship and like such
14:49
Speaker 4: a deep bond because they have that core in our
14:52
Speaker 4: need to be understood, and so I think they're really
14:55
Speaker 4: attentive to each other's needs, at least at first until
14:57
Speaker 4: that anxious avoidant trap just gets into full and then
15:02
Speaker 4: it kind of cycles.
15:03
Speaker 1: Are you know this because you've talked about it before,
15:05
Speaker 1: But like when two fas are healed.
15:09
Speaker 5: It's like beautiful, It's very beautiful. Yeah, because that's you
15:12
Speaker 5: and Donald.
15:13
Speaker 2: It is me and Donald.
15:14
Speaker 4: Yeah, because we do have some degree of hypervigilance toward
15:19
Speaker 4: each other, but in a very good way, in a
15:20
Speaker 4: way that makes us attentive to each other's needs and
15:23
Speaker 4: able to sort of anticipate each other's needs, which is
15:26
Speaker 4: a very fa thing to want.
15:27
Speaker 5: Yeah.
15:28
Speaker 4: Right, But we've been able to master our triggers to
15:32
Speaker 4: the for the most part. I mean there's some catching correct,
15:34
Speaker 4: but for the most part we get it right, and
15:36
Speaker 4: we're able to handle conflict in a really respectful and
15:39
Speaker 4: efficient way.
15:40
Speaker 2: And that is the absolute key. But we had to
15:43
Speaker 2: be able to.
15:44
Speaker 4: Train our nervous systems around intimacy to do that, which
15:47
Speaker 4: is interesting.
15:48
Speaker 2: You say two fas.
15:49
Speaker 4: I usually see the FA in the DA, but I
15:51
Speaker 4: make a lot of videos on that, so that might
15:52
Speaker 4: be why.
15:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say that's probably my second most frequently
15:56
Speaker 3: I will What may happen the most though, is the
15:59
Speaker 3: person who believed their DA and then we do the
16:01
Speaker 3: assessment and we just cover the yes.
16:04
Speaker 4: I have that a lot too, because the FADA and
16:07
Speaker 4: the true DA. I'd say, there's like this, I don't
16:10
Speaker 4: know if you experiences too, But there's like this small
16:13
Speaker 4: percentage of people that are FA DA, but they they
16:19
Speaker 4: just don't have the they're not really fully DA, but
16:24
Speaker 4: they're not really fully FA either.
16:25
Speaker 2: They're like almost in their own category.
16:28
Speaker 4: They lack the emotional intelligence of the FA, but they
16:31
Speaker 4: have the reactivity. There's a lot of evidence of the
16:35
Speaker 4: betrayal wounds there. But they may have like DA things
16:39
Speaker 4: like they have the blinders on and they just have like.
16:43
Speaker 5: Really a stream of consciousness.
16:44
Speaker 4: Like no, they don't have as much of a stream
16:47
Speaker 4: of consciousness or awareness of their own stream of consciousness.
16:50
Speaker 4: So they're like this real blending between the FA and
16:53
Speaker 4: the DA. But they're not necessarily like your typical FA.
17:00
Speaker 4: So almost it's like this weird category. I always call
17:03
Speaker 4: them like the ten percent that doesn't fit perfectly into
17:05
Speaker 4: one of the four boxes. It's usually in that category
17:08
Speaker 4: because they usually have like they're usually like DA but
17:10
Speaker 4: with like the anger problem of the FA.
17:12
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, And of course, I mean a reminder for everybody,
17:16
Speaker 1: and this is something that you guys know better than me,
17:19
Speaker 1: But attachment is on a spectrum. It's so you know,
17:23
Speaker 1: like you always describe it because most people are visual learners.
17:28
Speaker 1: Like if you think of a line right and secure
17:30
Speaker 1: attachments in the middle, the DA is over here, the
17:33
Speaker 1: the AP is over here, the anxious preoccupied. You know,
17:36
Speaker 1: there's this line that people can kind of oscillate down
17:40
Speaker 1: the line right right, And in terms of analogies, you
17:44
Speaker 1: probably could have said that way for.
17:47
Speaker 5: You're so good at analogies.
17:49
Speaker 1: Is it like she is on top, Like she can
17:52
Speaker 1: always like just pinpoint this analogy and it makes like
17:57
Speaker 1: the light bulb go off even that much more. I mean,
18:00
Speaker 1: still with me even knowing you as long as I've
18:02
Speaker 1: known you, like you'll say things and I'm like.
18:05
Speaker 2: Yes, clean, yes, and the teacher, yeah, the teacher it.
18:10
Speaker 5: Is it is.
18:11
Speaker 1: And that's what I've always said, like when I'm talking
18:14
Speaker 1: to people on the phone about you all, that's one
18:17
Speaker 1: point that I always like to make. It's like, you know,
18:19
Speaker 1: both doctor Hinsley and Coach Elizabeth have education backgrounds, and.
18:24
Speaker 5: Guys, teaching is a gift. It's a gift.
18:27
Speaker 1: I like, I don't have it right and it's okay,
18:31
Speaker 1: but it's a gift. And so when you are able
18:33
Speaker 1: to combine your backgrounds in terms of attachment and counseling,
18:40
Speaker 1: and then you have that and real life experience because
18:43
Speaker 1: we know you've had some real life experience as well,
18:46
Speaker 1: and then you add that teacher component on top of it.
18:48
Speaker 1: It just makes you this triple threat in terms of
18:52
Speaker 1: teaching our clients what they really need to know and
18:56
Speaker 1: really getting them to the next level in terms of
18:58
Speaker 1: their healing journey. So that was actually going to be
19:01
Speaker 1: My next question is, in your opinion, what's the most
19:05
Speaker 1: powerful shift that someone can make on their healing journey.
19:12
Speaker 6: Let me think about that. That's a good question, and
19:14
Speaker 6: that's a hard question.
19:15
Speaker 2: It is a hard one.
19:16
Speaker 1: That's a tough one because there's there's a plethora right
19:19
Speaker 1: of things that people can do.
19:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say that shift from self protection to
19:26
Speaker 3: self connection right.
19:29
Speaker 5: That that was beautiful.
19:34
Speaker 3: I mean it's really it's when you go from asking
19:36
Speaker 3: like how do I stop feeling this?
19:38
Speaker 6: Or how do I get them to change? To what
19:41
Speaker 6: is this feeling?
19:41
Speaker 3: Trying to teach me about my wounds, my patterns, you know,
19:45
Speaker 3: my my feelings, so are my needs rather And when
19:51
Speaker 3: I see clients make that shift, when they realize they
19:53
Speaker 3: can deeply source that safety within themselves.
19:59
Speaker 5: It's just everything changes. Everything changes.
20:03
Speaker 2: It does.
20:04
Speaker 4: And I always say, if you are in a place
20:07
Speaker 4: where you are asking how do I get my partner
20:10
Speaker 4: to blank? That is a key key sign that you're
20:14
Speaker 4: not in the secure place. It has to be what
20:17
Speaker 4: is going on with me that I am tolerating this,
20:21
Speaker 4: or what is going on with me that I'm having
20:23
Speaker 4: this reaction to this in this way? Right? We have
20:26
Speaker 4: to point the finger back atself because that is the
20:29
Speaker 4: only element you can control in the situation.
20:32
Speaker 1: It's right, right, Yes, So do you have a favorite
20:37
Speaker 1: success story? Like obviously without mentioning names, right, because I
20:43
Speaker 1: mean you've been doing this, how long have you been
20:45
Speaker 1: on with with Sarah and now I.
20:47
Speaker 6: Mean two solid years?
20:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gone on three.
20:50
Speaker 5: Yeah I thought that.
20:51
Speaker 1: I thought it was going on three. So I know you've,
20:54
Speaker 1: you know, at this point coached you know, if hundreds
20:57
Speaker 1: of clients and you know, I know that you've you've
21:01
Speaker 1: probably seen some people really grow. So tell us one
21:05
Speaker 1: of those stories.
21:07
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I knew when when you asked that
21:08
Speaker 3: I had, I had my person in my head and meeting.
21:11
Speaker 5: I love that.
21:12
Speaker 3: So this client, the cool thing about this client is
21:14
Speaker 3: that he started with me literally my first day in
21:16
Speaker 3: this practice.
21:17
Speaker 6: And it's amazing, it really is.
21:21
Speaker 3: And so most clients and I'm first session, I tell them, hey,
21:25
Speaker 3: we are solution focused practice. My goal is to get
21:28
Speaker 3: you what you need in as few sessions as possible
21:31
Speaker 3: and send you on your way. Right, this is a therapy,
21:33
Speaker 3: it's coaching, so it's not really designed to like go
21:36
Speaker 3: on forever and ever.
21:37
Speaker 6: But this client we're on like session forty or something.
21:41
Speaker 5: Wow.
21:42
Speaker 6: But when he came to us, he was in the.
21:46
Speaker 3: Throes of breakup with the DA and he is anxious,
21:50
Speaker 3: preoccupied textbook, and he was really engaging in some pretty
21:55
Speaker 3: destructive self soothing behaviors.
21:58
Speaker 6: Just really in the pit.
22:00
Speaker 3: And to see where he was to where he is now,
22:04
Speaker 3: where you know, he spent some time single, he spent
22:07
Speaker 3: some time healing, learning the tools and strategies and applying
22:10
Speaker 3: those things. He now is on.
22:14
Speaker 6: The verge of getting engaged. So it's been over two years,
22:18
Speaker 6: so be on the verge.
22:19
Speaker 3: Of getting engaged to a wonderful woman who came into
22:23
Speaker 3: his life. And so just seeing that transformation and being
22:29
Speaker 3: directly a part of that has just it's been huge
22:33
Speaker 3: for me.
22:33
Speaker 1: To get that's such a gift and I will say
22:36
Speaker 1: like that was One beautiful thing about coaching is seeing
22:39
Speaker 1: the transformation, seeing the perspective shift, seeing the light bulbs
22:43
Speaker 1: go off, and seeing people really get it.
22:45
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you know, I mean, I think.
22:48
Speaker 1: That's that's what it's all about, right, that's that's the
22:52
Speaker 1: premise of really changing people's life so that you change
22:56
Speaker 1: the world.
22:57
Speaker 5: And you, ladies, are world changers.
23:00
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say it, y'all are y'all are out
23:03
Speaker 1: here changing the world, making people better. And I mean
23:06
Speaker 1: just the fact that this guy's been with you that long, Liz,
23:09
Speaker 1: is a true testament of how great you are at
23:11
Speaker 1: your job. And and you know, and I have heard
23:15
Speaker 1: tons of feedback because again it's a question I get constantly,
23:21
Speaker 1: what's the difference between doctor Hensley and coach Elizabeth? And
23:26
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, there's no wrong answer here. You know,
23:29
Speaker 1: there's no wrong answer. And if anything, you know, Liz
23:32
Speaker 1: has a good return rate. Yeah, people come back.
23:36
Speaker 2: Right, absolutely, That's why that's why you're still here.
23:39
Speaker 5: That's right.
23:39
Speaker 1: You're highly trusted, highly trusted, and honestly, you just have
23:44
Speaker 1: this beautiful presence about you. In the few times that
23:47
Speaker 1: I've been around you. That's that you do you do
23:51
Speaker 1: exude joy and you exude sort of like this real
23:54
Speaker 1: calming effect, A lot of warmth, Yes, a lot of warmth,
23:58
Speaker 1: And I think that goes a long way when you're touching.
24:01
Speaker 4: It does, and I think that that I I mean,
24:03
Speaker 4: I consider myself a kind and warm person.
24:08
Speaker 5: But I can be more direct.
24:11
Speaker 4: I can.
24:12
Speaker 1: It's how I would describe you and how I typically
24:14
Speaker 1: do describe you.
24:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm I'm I prefer telling people the truth over
24:22
Speaker 4: preserving their long term feelings, but I try to do
24:26
Speaker 4: it as gently and respectfully as possible.
24:27
Speaker 1: You do, And the way that I would describe it
24:29
Speaker 1: is it's sort of just the it's it's the shift.
24:32
Speaker 1: And you have a doctor brain, so like your brain
24:35
Speaker 1: is a little bit more logical and a little bit
24:37
Speaker 1: more prescriptive, which makes you appear a little bit more direct.
24:42
Speaker 1: I mean, think about just a regular physician, right most
24:45
Speaker 1: of the time, most of the time they are very direct.
24:47
Speaker 1: Like if you if you just you know, if you
24:50
Speaker 1: were trying to differentiate between your physician and like a
24:52
Speaker 1: nurse practitioner, right, like, that's how it would kind of
24:55
Speaker 1: describe you to Like Liz, you're a nurse practitioner, doc
24:58
Speaker 1: you're a doc, you know, and so hopefully.
25:02
Speaker 5: I get I just gave a good analogy. Look at
25:04
Speaker 5: look at you.
25:06
Speaker 1: I did it.
25:08
Speaker 5: But yeah, so I you know.
25:09
Speaker 1: But I again, for our listeners out there who are
25:12
Speaker 1: thinking about, no, which direction do I go? Listen, I
25:17
Speaker 1: know that both of these these women personally, you can't
25:20
Speaker 1: go wrong. You can't go wrong, you know, And you've
25:24
Speaker 1: been trained directly under Sarah. You follow her curriculum, and
25:28
Speaker 1: so in terms of the tools and strategies, like in
25:31
Speaker 1: the groups specifically, you're gonna get it all.
25:36
Speaker 4: You're gonna get Yeah, you're gonna get it all. And
25:38
Speaker 4: even the groups that you are leading, they're still taking
25:41
Speaker 4: my online course, so they're getting a little dose of
25:44
Speaker 4: me too. But I think some people just want to
25:46
Speaker 4: see me because on the face, because they're who they
25:50
Speaker 4: connect with me in this one way connection on social media,
25:53
Speaker 4: and they're not as connected to Liz.
25:55
Speaker 5: But which I think we're having you on.
25:57
Speaker 2: That's right.
25:58
Speaker 4: We want them to be connected to you because you
26:00
Speaker 4: have been such an asset, such an asset. And even
26:03
Speaker 4: clients where you know, I've done one or two sessions
26:06
Speaker 4: and they're like, okay, you know, I know now that
26:09
Speaker 4: I have a lot of work to do, but I
26:10
Speaker 4: can't really keep up with your price point. I feel
26:13
Speaker 4: perfectly fine sending them to you because I know that
26:15
Speaker 4: they're going to be in great hands.
26:16
Speaker 5: Yep, that's right.
26:18
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26:24
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26:54
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27:01
Speaker 2: Yes, he's going to be so spoiled.
27:03
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27:43
Speaker 1: Cozy Earth. So on a personal level, like how do
27:47
Speaker 1: you like, what's your what's your work life balance? You know,
27:50
Speaker 1: because I know one thing I struggled with when I
27:53
Speaker 1: was coaching was like I would I would be exhausted
27:57
Speaker 1: right after I would coach. And that's why I say, like,
27:59
Speaker 1: coaching is really hard and you have to, you know,
28:01
Speaker 1: find this level of compartmentalization, you know, because you're you
28:05
Speaker 1: are dealing with people who are in high emotional distress
28:08
Speaker 1: and it takes a toll. And so how do you
28:11
Speaker 1: balance that and how do you not get things like
28:14
Speaker 1: empathy or expectation fatigue?
28:16
Speaker 6: Great question.
28:17
Speaker 3: Well, I'm a mom, so yes that that balance is
28:20
Speaker 3: really important because when I'm not here on screen with clients,
28:23
Speaker 3: I'm with my daughter and so you know, I even
28:26
Speaker 3: if I'm feeling that, it's like I do have to
28:29
Speaker 3: do a bit of that compartmentalizing.
28:30
Speaker 6: But I tell my clients all the time, I practice
28:32
Speaker 6: what I preach.
28:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if I'm feeling that at the end of
28:35
Speaker 3: a session, I'll take a few minutes and do some
28:38
Speaker 3: regulating work. I'll do some neural feedback, I'll do some breathing.
28:42
Speaker 3: And that makes all the difference. And you know, we
28:44
Speaker 3: happen to live close to the water. I'll go dip
28:46
Speaker 3: my toes in the in the sand ground myself being outside.
28:51
Speaker 3: But to be honest with you, one of my favorite
28:53
Speaker 3: strategies for achieving balance is taking a nap now and then.
28:56
Speaker 5: Thank you, I thank yeah.
28:58
Speaker 4: Nice sign that you have a good nervous system, Like
29:01
Speaker 4: if you can take a nap and it's like a
29:03
Speaker 4: productive nap, not like an all day nap.
29:05
Speaker 5: Or right, right, just like a little like a little yes.
29:09
Speaker 2: Oh man, jealous too.
29:11
Speaker 1: I'm jealous because I have yet to master that, and
29:14
Speaker 1: and I would really really love to, But I think
29:16
Speaker 1: you're right.
29:17
Speaker 4: If I try, it'll be bang crash, boom mom.
29:20
Speaker 2: Mom.
29:21
Speaker 1: If I tried, I'd just be like, hmm, what can
29:24
Speaker 1: I scroll on social media? You know, but sometimes I will,
29:28
Speaker 1: like if I'm really, you know, tired, I will make
29:32
Speaker 1: a point to take the load off and take at
29:35
Speaker 1: least take a little nap. But I think you're right,
29:36
Speaker 1: and I've never really thought of it that way. That
29:38
Speaker 1: is a sign of a healthy nervous system, which we're
29:42
Speaker 1: told our whole lives after like preschool, that naps sort
29:46
Speaker 1: of aren't allowed, right, like societal norms have put on us. No,
29:49
Speaker 1: you have to come to work from eight to five
29:52
Speaker 1: every single day, and if you fall asleep at your desk,
29:54
Speaker 1: your fire day.
29:57
Speaker 5: But it's like wait, in Europe, they take the is
30:00
Speaker 5: all the time.
30:01
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, we don't operate that way in the US, right,
30:04
Speaker 4: And we you and I keep odd hours because we
30:07
Speaker 4: do evening groups, we have clients maybe in the evening.
30:11
Speaker 4: We try to accommodate people, try to have times open
30:14
Speaker 4: outside of a normal work schedule because you know, I
30:18
Speaker 4: don't want to shut out people that really need help,
30:21
Speaker 4: but they have to be glued to a desk and
30:23
Speaker 4: being productive from eight to five. You know, I want
30:25
Speaker 4: to have a six pm available or something available to
30:29
Speaker 4: them so we can we can work odd hours which
30:32
Speaker 4: is also tough sometimes.
30:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think one of the most beautiful things
30:36
Speaker 1: about adding you into the group segment of our services
30:41
Speaker 1: is that you've been able to really open up some
30:43
Speaker 1: more unique times that Doc doesn't necessarily have in terms
30:47
Speaker 1: of her schedule.
30:48
Speaker 2: I just don't have it because of my kids.
30:50
Speaker 5: Yeah.
30:51
Speaker 7: So well in your content, I mean you're yeah, trying
30:55
Speaker 7: to Yeah, there's a lot of other aspects that go
30:59
Speaker 7: into to what you're doing, Sarah that that's.
31:02
Speaker 1: Kind of behind the and I mean the behind the
31:04
Speaker 1: scenes stuff is also huge.
31:06
Speaker 5: Like even listen.
31:08
Speaker 1: Answering emails is a huge feat for her, and because
31:13
Speaker 1: I just because I have access to her email, Like
31:16
Speaker 1: the infiltration of emails that come through on the hour
31:20
Speaker 1: is pure insanity.
31:22
Speaker 2: Don't even go to the social media message.
31:25
Speaker 1: I mean, well we know, you know, I mean listen,
31:27
Speaker 1: I know, because we help facilitate that. And it's we
31:31
Speaker 1: have to, right, we have to because you're one person
31:35
Speaker 1: and you have a very busy life. And the again
31:38
Speaker 1: talking about just serendipity and feeling like how in sync
31:43
Speaker 1: this is or godly it all is that we all
31:46
Speaker 1: came together, is that thankfully we know enough about the
31:51
Speaker 1: foundation of attachment, and all of our backgrounds come from
31:56
Speaker 1: you know, psychology or counseling or ministry work for you, Liz,
32:00
Speaker 1: and teaching. It's made this perfect sort of marriage between
32:05
Speaker 1: us that it works really well. It works so well,
32:09
Speaker 1: and we're excited because we're about to bring on another coach.
32:12
Speaker 1: And you know, I think one thing that Sarah and
32:14
Speaker 1: I both said when we interviewed our new coach is that, Wow,
32:19
Speaker 1: she reminds us a lot of Liz.
32:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what we said.
32:22
Speaker 4: We were like, she's so positive and thoughtful and warm
32:27
Speaker 4: and kind and her disposition and you know, but also truthful, yes,
32:32
Speaker 4: you know, and we need that, you know. Going back
32:36
Speaker 4: to just my directness, I mean, you're also not going
32:39
Speaker 4: to deprive clients of the truth. And sometimes it is
32:41
Speaker 4: a hard truth that they have to face. And so
32:44
Speaker 4: tell us a little bit about that. How do you
32:46
Speaker 4: handle that when you have a client that's maybe making
32:49
Speaker 4: really poor decisions or is continuing, you know.
32:54
Speaker 2: Some self destructive behavior. How are you able.
32:58
Speaker 4: To connect with that client and get them to attempt
33:02
Speaker 4: to see that these patterns are not fruitful for them.
33:08
Speaker 3: I think something I learned and like counseling one on
33:11
Speaker 3: one in grad school was unconditional positive regard, assuming the
33:15
Speaker 3: best about your client, kind of setting that expectation that
33:19
Speaker 3: you will just assume will become a.
33:21
Speaker 6: Self fulfilling prophecy for that client.
33:24
Speaker 3: And so, you know, while while we're talking about the
33:27
Speaker 3: hard things, I'm also speaking about where we're going and
33:32
Speaker 3: and and.
33:33
Speaker 6: The way forward and growing.
33:37
Speaker 3: Usually, if they've come to us, there's some level of
33:40
Speaker 3: self awareness that has developed.
33:42
Speaker 2: Not always, not always clients who have been dragged there.
33:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but the ones that are sort of starting
33:51
Speaker 3: that self awareness and realizing like the pain of these
33:54
Speaker 3: patterns is just becoming intolerable and starting to recognize the
33:58
Speaker 3: ways that they're hurting themselves. And really it's just continually
34:03
Speaker 3: putting truth in front of them, right, and also speaking
34:07
Speaker 3: life into their story, right.
34:09
Speaker 4: And sometimes it's reminding them that although the change is painful,
34:15
Speaker 4: you can choose the indefinite pain of the current patterns,
34:18
Speaker 4: or you can choose the temporary pain that the change
34:21
Speaker 4: or moving through the pain of detachment, or whatever the
34:24
Speaker 4: temporary pain is, it's worth it to get to the
34:27
Speaker 4: other side, right, So I can understand that.
34:31
Speaker 1: I would say too, that approach really gives them this
34:33
Speaker 1: idea that hey, someone sees the good in me, and
34:38
Speaker 1: I don't want to let them down, right, like I
34:40
Speaker 1: don't want to let Liz down, or I don't want
34:42
Speaker 1: to let doctor Hensley down, like I want to show
34:45
Speaker 1: up in a different way. And that's a big motivator.
34:47
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a huge motivator. I know it would
34:49
Speaker 1: for me and my people pleasing skills. I would be
34:52
Speaker 1: on that all day.
34:54
Speaker 2: Yeah.
34:54
Speaker 4: And I think the interventions that we give we try
34:57
Speaker 4: to be prescriptive. Go home, do this for this many minutes, right,
35:01
Speaker 4: do this thing and keep practicing it instead of just
35:04
Speaker 4: leaving session where people have just vented and they don't
35:08
Speaker 4: have any real tools. I mean, of course, we can't
35:11
Speaker 4: always give prescriptive tools after just one session. Sometimes all
35:16
Speaker 4: we can do is get through the attachment interview because
35:18
Speaker 4: somebody has so much to say about their past or
35:20
Speaker 4: you know, and so we try to give maybe even
35:23
Speaker 4: just one initial strategy, and that could be Okay, we
35:25
Speaker 4: need more coaching here, right, because we filled up the session.
35:29
Speaker 4: But I think we try to give people really clear
35:32
Speaker 4: tools to use so they don't just feel like they're
35:35
Speaker 4: just talking and venting and that's all they're getting. Out
35:38
Speaker 4: of it, which a lot of people come from a
35:40
Speaker 4: therapeutic setting and say I had a great therapist and
35:44
Speaker 4: she was really kind and she she made me aware
35:46
Speaker 4: of some things and I got to vent a lot,
35:49
Speaker 4: but I don't actually know what to do to get better. Yeah,
35:53
Speaker 4: and not knocking therapists. There are some good ones out there,
35:55
Speaker 4: but this from also not good ones out there.
35:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that is one thing that probably
36:00
Speaker 1: sets the practice as a whole, apart from a therapy setting,
36:05
Speaker 1: is that it really is the next level of healing
36:09
Speaker 1: past processing, which we've you've said multiple times, and you
36:12
Speaker 1: say in a lot of your content that I mean,
36:15
Speaker 1: like I feel like if you had like one saying
36:20
Speaker 1: that I mention over and over and over again. There's
36:23
Speaker 1: a few of them like because you know, we've we've
36:25
Speaker 1: been told our whole life like knowledge is power. Knowledge
36:27
Speaker 1: is power, not if you don't do anything with it.
36:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
36:30
Speaker 1: So I mean the one thing that you say a
36:32
Speaker 1: lot is you know, knowledge is not enough. Knowledge is
36:35
Speaker 1: not equal healing, right, Like, it's the integration of the tools,
36:38
Speaker 1: it's the capacity building around the tools. It's the daily
36:41
Speaker 1: practice of the tools. And I don't again, not like
36:45
Speaker 1: you said not knocking therapy at all. I think therapy
36:47
Speaker 1: serves its purpose, but coaching is is different in the
36:51
Speaker 1: sense of, like you just said, Liz, this isn't necessarily
36:56
Speaker 1: like hey, it's not a long game where you have
36:58
Speaker 1: to keep coming back and keep coming back and keep
36:59
Speaker 1: coming back. We want you to walk away from this.
37:03
Speaker 1: And this is why the group is so so beneficial.
37:07
Speaker 1: It's literally the fast track to healing. It's because in
37:11
Speaker 1: four weeks you can have these tools and strategies if
37:15
Speaker 1: you continue to practice them.
37:17
Speaker 4: It's all about continuing to practice them, if you continue
37:21
Speaker 4: to practice them, where you can really cultivate real change
37:24
Speaker 4: in your life.
37:26
Speaker 1: And I think that listen, that's what people are searching for.
37:29
Speaker 1: That's what people are wanting. That's especially within their romantic relationships.
37:34
Speaker 1: I mean, we all know the divorce, right, we all
37:36
Speaker 1: know that it's high and and what it's doing to
37:40
Speaker 1: you know, the next generation. And so I mean that's
37:43
Speaker 1: why I say, y'all are y'all are world changers because
37:46
Speaker 1: you're changing people's relationships, you're saving marriages. And when you
37:50
Speaker 1: can save the marriage and the family unit, you save
37:54
Speaker 1: the world.
37:56
Speaker 5: Yeah, you save the world.
37:57
Speaker 4: We have to be able to try to protect the
38:00
Speaker 4: family if we can, but sometimes there are marriages that
38:04
Speaker 4: should end. Ye tell us a little bit about that, Liz,
38:06
Speaker 4: Like how do you approach clients when you know and
38:10
Speaker 4: I know you see it because I see it, there's
38:13
Speaker 4: one partner that is not interested in doing this work.
38:17
Speaker 4: They're too they have too much resentment, they have too
38:20
Speaker 4: much pain, or maybe they're just too avoidant and it's
38:23
Speaker 4: too uncomfortable for them, and they've been dragged there and
38:28
Speaker 4: they're there and they're not participating, like they're not using
38:31
Speaker 4: the tools, Like when do you and when do you
38:35
Speaker 4: call it? And how do you approach that conversation of
38:38
Speaker 4: like and this this is it's time to call this.
38:42
Speaker 3: That's that's a painful conversation to have it when talked
38:45
Speaker 3: about work life balance. That's probably when I need the
38:48
Speaker 3: most recovery. Is asked me to have that conversation with
38:51
Speaker 3: the client too, especially when we have that client who
38:53
Speaker 3: has done all the things for so long everything just
38:57
Speaker 3: having to accept.
38:58
Speaker 6: So it looks a.
38:59
Speaker 3: Little bit like, you know, first we really examine, like, Okay,
39:03
Speaker 3: have you been able to apply these tools and strategies
39:06
Speaker 3: to yourself and set some real boundaries in this relationship
39:09
Speaker 3: to try to change some of those dynamics, because we
39:12
Speaker 3: know that's key to sort of initiating change. You know,
39:16
Speaker 3: sometimes that that's most of the time, I would say
39:19
Speaker 3: that's extremely effective. And if it's still just something that's
39:24
Speaker 3: really toxic, or especially if it crosses the line into abuse,
39:27
Speaker 3: which is my all pet peeves is when people kind
39:30
Speaker 3: of attribute abusive behaviors to attachment.
39:32
Speaker 6: Iman like no, no, no, that yeah, yeah, it.
39:35
Speaker 3: Does not explain or excuse any kind of abuse, but
39:38
Speaker 3: as it's the conversation around encouraging them, you know, here's
39:45
Speaker 3: what you've done, here's what you've tried, here's how far
39:48
Speaker 3: you've come. Now we may need to have the hard
39:52
Speaker 3: conversation around letting go, and I'll just output.
39:54
Speaker 6: It like that letting go.
39:57
Speaker 3: And walk them through with that looks like and very painful,
40:03
Speaker 3: but yeah, sometimes very necessary. But I usually will honestly
40:08
Speaker 3: do all that I can to honor the client's wishes
40:11
Speaker 3: if they're wanting to relationship. And then but if it
40:14
Speaker 3: becomes inevitable, yeah, sometimes I have one to kind of
40:17
Speaker 3: break the news.
40:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hate that conversation as well, And it's usually
40:22
Speaker 4: almost always the same situation of just one partner that
40:28
Speaker 4: a lot of times it's either a very severe DA
40:32
Speaker 4: who like just can't scratch the surface with even self
40:35
Speaker 4: reflection because there's too much internalized shame and they're too suppressed.
40:39
Speaker 4: Or sometimes it's somebody who is it's you know, even
40:44
Speaker 4: though we can't give these diagnoses, we know there's narcissism there, right,
40:48
Speaker 4: Like we know there's like this person has high narcissistic traits,
40:52
Speaker 4: if not NPD, and we're just like.
40:55
Speaker 2: They're not getting it.
40:57
Speaker 4: You know, I'll never forget having one client where this
40:59
Speaker 4: was the case and we talked about you know, we
41:03
Speaker 4: take them through the conflict resolution plan, and instead of
41:06
Speaker 4: saying like I feel like this was my experience and
41:11
Speaker 4: I feel unheard, they would make an accusation, like they
41:16
Speaker 4: couldn't understand the difference between saying in my experience, this
41:22
Speaker 4: is how it felt, versus I feel like you're a
41:26
Speaker 4: terrible partner, right.
41:27
Speaker 2: Or like I feel like you, you know, don't listen.
41:31
Speaker 4: Like that's different than saying I feel a little bit
41:34
Speaker 4: unheard here. Right, It's like you're making an accusation. And
41:38
Speaker 4: then you can see like the narc spiral, right when
41:42
Speaker 4: they lose control of the conversation or when they it's
41:44
Speaker 4: pointed out to them that they are the ones that
41:46
Speaker 4: are not following the rules.
41:48
Speaker 2: You can see it in their eyes.
41:50
Speaker 4: You can see like that narcissistic defensiveness come out, and
41:55
Speaker 4: you're just like, oh, man, I was really hoping this
41:57
Speaker 4: wasn't what that is.
41:58
Speaker 2: But it's what that is. And we can't give those diagnoses.
42:01
Speaker 2: We don't.
42:02
Speaker 4: We're not we're not operating as clinical psychologists. We're not
42:06
Speaker 4: operating from a clinical therapeutic setting or a diagnostic setting.
42:10
Speaker 4: We're operating from a coaching perspective. And attachment is not
42:13
Speaker 4: a psychological disorder. It is simply a pattern of behavior
42:17
Speaker 4: that comes from subconscious beliefs. So we have a lot
42:21
Speaker 4: more wiggle room. But I don't know. For me, it's
42:23
Speaker 4: usually one of those two situations. I don't know what
42:25
Speaker 4: about you. Do you encounter those two situations?
42:28
Speaker 3: I absolutely relate. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And the tricky thing,
42:33
Speaker 3: like you said, we can't diagnose, but how well word
42:36
Speaker 3: that is. I'm picking up on some factors that might
42:40
Speaker 3: be beyond or outside of attachment.
42:42
Speaker 6: Yes, that are a lot more static, a lot more.
42:45
Speaker 3: Difficult to change. And this is not going to be
42:47
Speaker 3: the setting wherever that's going to happen.
42:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:51
Speaker 4: I always refer them to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation,
42:55
Speaker 4: you know, and most of the time their partner's like,
42:57
Speaker 4: I don't need that, and it's like, oh oh yes.
43:00
Speaker 1: And again I just want, you know, to point out
43:03
Speaker 1: how beautiful that is about this practice.
43:07
Speaker 5: Is that like, we're not here to keep you around
43:11
Speaker 5: to just take your money, right, Like, we're y'all.
43:14
Speaker 1: You know, y'all are here, I say we you know,
43:16
Speaker 1: I'm more of a back back person operations marketing, but
43:21
Speaker 1: I mean, y'all are here to take these people on
43:24
Speaker 1: a journey to kind of like parenting, like of letting
43:27
Speaker 1: them go yep, letting them go into the world to
43:30
Speaker 1: apply what they what you've taught them, to apply what
43:33
Speaker 1: they've learned, and hopes that they'll you know, it's a
43:36
Speaker 1: lifelong thing that they practice. And so I wanted to
43:41
Speaker 1: ask you one more question because I think it's important.
43:44
Speaker 1: So we know that you're a strong Christian woman, and
43:48
Speaker 1: of course you know, doctor Hinsley is too, as am I,
43:52
Speaker 1: and we talk openly about our Christianity on the pod,
43:56
Speaker 1: but we also you know, we respect and honor those
43:59
Speaker 1: people who you know, maybe those aren't their belief systems.
44:04
Speaker 1: So the way that you practice in terms of, you know,
44:08
Speaker 1: the Christian aspect of what the Love doc offers and
44:11
Speaker 1: then the secular aspect.
44:13
Speaker 5: Can you just talk a little bit about that.
44:15
Speaker 3: Sure, I am definitely a Christian and in fact, my
44:20
Speaker 3: graduate work was from a seminary.
44:22
Speaker 6: Right, definitely have that background, which is.
44:26
Speaker 5: I think something that makes you unique.
44:28
Speaker 2: It makes you very unique.
44:29
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's a lot of where I think your
44:31
Speaker 4: compassion comes from for sure.
44:32
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, And most of my clients are not believers, right,
44:37
Speaker 3: and so it's really one of these things where I
44:40
Speaker 3: don't put it out there. I don't necessarily go there
44:45
Speaker 3: unless the client mentions that for themselves or you know,
44:48
Speaker 3: expresses that they're Christians. And then I'm more than happy
44:51
Speaker 3: to offer some of our faith based to goals and
44:54
Speaker 3: strategies and you know, share a little bit about especially
44:58
Speaker 3: when it comes to managing our thought world. When it
45:00
Speaker 3: comes even that joy based model of attachment, I'm like,
45:03
Speaker 3: isn't this exciting that science is telling us something we
45:06
Speaker 3: already knew?
45:07
Speaker 2: Yeah?
45:09
Speaker 4: Right?
45:09
Speaker 6: And gratitude and how all of that plays into it.
45:12
Speaker 3: These things that kind of you know, sound a little
45:13
Speaker 3: fluffy and cheesy, have some hard signs behind them and
45:17
Speaker 3: are also affirmed in what we know in the Bible,
45:20
Speaker 3: and so you know, I have that kind of always
45:22
Speaker 3: running in the background. And also just my view of
45:26
Speaker 3: humanity and and just the inherent worth of every single
45:29
Speaker 3: person who's made in the image of God, and.
45:32
Speaker 6: That absolutely informs my practice.
45:34
Speaker 3: But but of course I work with clients from absolutely
45:37
Speaker 3: every imaginable background and lifestyle, so you know that that
45:41
Speaker 3: comes up.
45:42
Speaker 6: When appropriate, and if not, you know, I leave it
45:44
Speaker 6: in the background.
45:45
Speaker 1: Right. You meet people where they are, which again is
45:47
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing.
45:48
Speaker 5: A beautiful thing. So do you have any more questions?
45:53
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like I know, le, But let's
45:58
Speaker 2: just tell the world.
46:00
Speaker 4: Why you do this work, and you know what keeps
46:04
Speaker 4: you motivated doing this work and why people should book
46:08
Speaker 4: with you.
46:10
Speaker 2: Tell the world.
46:12
Speaker 3: I love my clients and I am a sojourner on
46:15
Speaker 3: this path with them. Yes, I'm the expert in the room,
46:18
Speaker 3: and I try to, you know, approach it with that bearing,
46:20
Speaker 3: but also with the empathy and the compassion to walk
46:23
Speaker 3: alongside and be able to get them where they are,
46:28
Speaker 3: from where they are to where they want to go,
46:31
Speaker 3: and those light bulb moments and those moments where there's
46:34
Speaker 3: evidence of healing and evidence.
46:35
Speaker 6: Of progress make it absolutely worth it.
46:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, more times than not, you know, we I the
46:42
Speaker 3: vast majority of the time we're able to really be
46:44
Speaker 3: witnessed to those changes in our clients.
46:46
Speaker 6: And yes, it's absolutely amazing.
46:48
Speaker 2: Yes it truly is.
46:50
Speaker 4: And you know, for people that don't believe us, like
46:52
Speaker 4: we don't want you as a perpetual customer, because then
46:55
Speaker 4: we feel like we failed. We feel like we've failed
46:58
Speaker 4: at our jobs. We want to feel good about ourselves.
47:00
Speaker 4: We want to say, yes, they went through this program,
47:04
Speaker 4: and look at how well they're doing. Look at how
47:07
Speaker 4: happy they are, Look at how much their relationship is improved.
47:10
Speaker 4: Look oh they're they're with a new secure partner now
47:12
Speaker 4: and it's going so much better. And wow, they've made
47:15
Speaker 4: these changes and these shifts. And you know, I love
47:19
Speaker 4: hearing a client come back and check in with me
47:21
Speaker 4: and tell me how great they're doing. Like that is
47:23
Speaker 4: what keeps us going. I don't want to have to
47:26
Speaker 4: listen to someone's trauma over and over and over again
47:28
Speaker 4: and see them stay stuck. That's exhausting for me too, right,
47:33
Speaker 4: it's the growth and the outcome that keeps us going.
47:37
Speaker 4: And so no, we don't want you as a perpetual client.
47:40
Speaker 4: We will take you as long as you want to
47:42
Speaker 4: check in and need and need support or want support.
47:45
Speaker 4: And I have some long term clients that have been
47:47
Speaker 4: with me for a really long time and they just
47:49
Speaker 4: you know, they just check in every now and then,
47:51
Speaker 4: and they just want, you know, for their own well being,
47:54
Speaker 4: to be like, here's my accountability, here's what I'm doing,
47:57
Speaker 4: you know, or how do I tweak this, I'm in
48:00
Speaker 4: a new relationship or whatever it is. But when we
48:03
Speaker 4: can send somebody off and we're like, wow, they're gonna
48:05
Speaker 4: make it like they've just changed their lives. There's no
48:09
Speaker 4: greater feeling than that than knowing that you've been a
48:11
Speaker 4: positive force for good in the world. And so we
48:14
Speaker 4: are not here to take your money. Right if we
48:17
Speaker 4: wanted to take your money, we could, and we're not
48:19
Speaker 4: going to do that over and over again. You're gonna hopefully,
48:23
Speaker 4: you know, if you do individual work, you know, maybe
48:25
Speaker 4: five six sessions. If you're doing the group, you've got
48:29
Speaker 4: four sessions. And then we want you to be that
48:33
Speaker 4: little birdie that takes off with your own wings.
48:35
Speaker 1: And we are we're about I don't ever like to
48:38
Speaker 1: give a timeline because timelines never work out the way
48:41
Speaker 1: that I plan them in terms of operations, but we
48:45
Speaker 1: are going to launch some bundle packages for both of
48:48
Speaker 1: your one on ones very soon. It'll be a three
48:52
Speaker 1: or five package deal, which I felt like was made
48:56
Speaker 1: the most sense right because a lot of times I know,
48:58
Speaker 1: in terms of relationship, like one partner may want to
49:01
Speaker 1: come in like each one may want to do one
49:04
Speaker 1: individually and then they come in together, or they may
49:07
Speaker 1: want to do the two individually and then come in together,
49:10
Speaker 1: or vice versa. So just be on the lookout for
49:13
Speaker 1: the bundle one on ones. Those are coming down the pipeline,
49:17
Speaker 1: and of course Lizz's group dates are posted on the
49:21
Speaker 1: website as our Doctor Hensley's and of course for all
49:25
Speaker 1: of our listeners included with Lizzi's groups as well. You
49:30
Speaker 1: can put in Love Doc twenty seven at checkout and
49:33
Speaker 1: receive twenty seven percent off any of the courses or
49:37
Speaker 1: any of the hybrid groups including Lizz and Liz has
49:42
Speaker 1: a ton of dates coming up.
49:45
Speaker 4: So excited about that, and the feedback we have gotten
49:48
Speaker 4: from your groups has been fantastic. You're an excellent facilitator,
49:52
Speaker 4: excellent on your feet at answering questions and being able
49:55
Speaker 4: to help clients in real time. And that's where that
49:58
Speaker 4: teacher training meets counseling training, and you know, we're teacher
50:03
Speaker 4: and psychology just meet up. Then we have a real
50:08
Speaker 4: powerhouse duo. And you definitely have that powerhouse. So we
50:11
Speaker 4: are so happy that you're still here and that you
50:15
Speaker 4: love what you do just as much as we love
50:17
Speaker 4: having you.
50:17
Speaker 6: So thank you so anywhere you've stuck with me.
50:20
Speaker 1: Yay, we love you and that makes me really I
50:22
Speaker 1: love you so much. Yeah, so thank you for being here.
50:26
Speaker 1: Thank you for giving me hour of your time. We
50:28
Speaker 1: know you're a busy mom, and we just we just
50:32
Speaker 1: love you dearly.
50:33
Speaker 2: Yes we do.
50:34
Speaker 6: Oh, I love you though so much.
50:36
Speaker 3: I'm just so grateful and thank you for letting me
50:39
Speaker 3: join me today.
50:39
Speaker 1: And we may do this, you know, just periodically, just
50:42
Speaker 1: bring you on, you know, and just because this I
50:44
Speaker 1: just love how this conversation went was really beautiful and
50:48
Speaker 1: just you know, because we're always getting new listeners and
50:51
Speaker 1: it's always nice for people to really get to to
50:54
Speaker 1: hear you and meet you on a deeper level, because
50:56
Speaker 1: I think that matters, right, that matters when you think
50:59
Speaker 1: of like, who am I going to choose to, you know,
51:02
Speaker 1: take my healing journey with, you know, in terms of facilitation.
51:05
Speaker 2: Some of the hardest things that people deal with.
51:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want those things to be placed in good hands.
51:11
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and both of you. I'm I know that
51:16
Speaker 1: y'all are going to think I'm biased, but I'm really not.
51:20
Speaker 1: I'm really not Like I can be objective here, but
51:23
Speaker 1: I can say with one hundred and ten percent certainty
51:27
Speaker 1: that if you're on a healing journey, either of these
51:30
Speaker 1: ladies would be a wonderful choice to help you facilitate
51:36
Speaker 1: or start or you know you, if you're in a
51:39
Speaker 1: you know you and your partner are both needing it,
51:42
Speaker 1: they are both a wonderful.
51:44
Speaker 5: Option for that.
51:46
Speaker 4: And we like to get to the root cause, and
51:47
Speaker 4: we'd like to fix it for good, and we want
51:49
Speaker 4: to see you on your way.
51:50
Speaker 2: We want to see you thriving. So absolutely we uh
51:54
Speaker 2: we hope you will entrust us with your healing journey.
51:56
Speaker 2: It's a big deal, yep.
51:58
Speaker 5: That's right.
51:58
Speaker 1: So you can get to the lovedoc dot com check
52:01
Speaker 1: out all of the services there, and just a reminder
52:04
Speaker 1: for all of our listeners, we now have a Patreon's
52:06
Speaker 1: account patreons dot com slash the Love doc podcast. If
52:11
Speaker 1: you are one of our super fans, you can go
52:13
Speaker 1: there and sign up for a subscription. There's different tiers
52:18
Speaker 1: you can check them out. I won't explain them all here,
52:20
Speaker 1: but there are perks to each tier. So we would
52:22
Speaker 1: love to have you as a super fan. But to
52:25
Speaker 1: all of our fans, we love you, guys.
52:27
Speaker 5: We love you all.
52:29
Speaker 1: Yes, we're so grateful for all of you, and of
52:32
Speaker 1: course until next time, peace, love, and perspective.