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INTERVIEW: Dr. Charis Chambers Talks 'The Period and Puberty Parenting Revolution', Motherhood, Liberation + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Every day I wake up the Breakfast Club. I'm finished
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: for y'all.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Done morning, everybody in stej Envy just hilarious.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: Charlamagne the guy.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: We are the breakfast Club. Law on the Roses here
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: as well. We got a special guest in the building.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: They title her The Period Doctor. Doctor Shari's Chambers.
• 0:20
  Speaker 4: Welcome, Thank you for having Yes you did, this is amazing.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Well how are you doing this morning?
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: I'm doing so well. It's such a joy to be
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: in this space, and I'm just excited to be able
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: to have this conversation.
• 0:31
  Speaker 5: The book is called The Period and Puberty Parenting Revolution.
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: Yes it is.
• 0:35
  Speaker 5: Yes, I feel like lawrenceoul lead this conversation.
• 0:38
  Speaker 6: I'm underesting.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: But before you lead, I just got this is this
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: one line. His dads are in this too. This isn't
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: just a mom conversation, says who.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: I stand on that.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I let my wife do that as me. My wife
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: has that conversation and then she tells me, let me
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: just tell you so and so got her period. But
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I let my wife lead, and I'm following it.
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: I think that's totally fine. What I have an issue
• 0:59
  Speaker 4: with is parents, especially fathers, removing themselves as a source
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: of help and comfort and support. I think that that's
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: the opportunity that we're missing. Maybe you don't need to
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: lead the conversation, but you do need to be a
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: support for.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Your child absolutely.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I mean when Madison first got hussed, I mean they
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: hated me for it. But when she first got hus
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I thought it'd be cool to go to seven to eleven
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: and go to CVS and buy everything red red chocolate,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: red balloons.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: She didn't think it was that funny.
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: Though.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: She didn't think it was that funny. I thought it
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: was funny, but she didn't.
• 1:29
  Speaker 6: Think it was that funny to be sweet both Okay, first.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Verse, I had to run to seven eleven right, and
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: me and the homie from seven eleven right. Of course
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: he's not from my same background, but it was funny
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: because he had a daughter too, and we were both
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: in the section trying to find the right tanponds of
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: pads at that time, so that was hilarious extra paths,
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: so me and him were happening. We were bonding over that,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: and then I got the extra extra whatever and then
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: CBS didn't have anything, so I had to go to
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: balloons and up.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: But she didn't find it.
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: I'm doing a good job of saying why dad should.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Be involved, But that's what I'm saying that that's why
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have been involved.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: That's why we let my wife take.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: Care of it.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: So how are they?
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, no parent is perfect, right, and so that's
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: not the expectation. What I think is that dad's forfeiting
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: opportunity to show up for their daughters. And they often
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: fracture their relationships around puberty and periods because they get
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: so uncomfortable, and so their daughters feel that and they're like,
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: what happened to me that made me someone that you
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: don't feel comfortable around or talking to? Or what about
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: my changing body is something that you can't handle in conversation?
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: Does that make sense?
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 2:36
  Speaker 6: About if she came to you, would you?
• 2:42
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't know what I would. I don't know
• 2:44
  Speaker 7: what I would offer. I guess that's why books like
• 2:46
  Speaker 7: this are important.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And the thing is a lot of dad say that,
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: like what would I say? What would I offer? But
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: I would I would kind of want you to think
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: about all the things that you have learned and accomplished
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: in your life, right that you weren't taught at a
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: young age. No one taught you how to be in
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: this room, right, but you had a desire to do it.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: And so if you have a desire to meet your
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: child with their needs, you'll figure it out. So my
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: book is a resource for dads who have that desire.
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: It's so like, I want good dads to be better dads.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: I want their involvement and reproductive health to not be
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: exceptional but essential.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Crazy part.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I was with my wife when she got her first period.
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: Oh no, no, way back right.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: My wife got her first period she was sixteen. She
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: got her period late.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: She was sixteen, and we were dating, and she got
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: hella cramps. Yeah, and she you know, she was telling me,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: what's going on. I didn't know what to do. You know,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I thought she was having a baby. I was getting
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: cold rags, and you know, I had no idea. But
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: I went to we went to my house at the time.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: My mom was there, and my mom took care of
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: a and helped her out. But I had no idea
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: what was going on.
• 3:46
  Speaker 6: So that's crazy.
• 3:47
  Speaker 8: I've never heard anybody say that they're with their person
• 3:49
  Speaker 8: I got their period sixteen.
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: It's actually very special. That is a little later. But
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: was very specially in there.
• 3:55
  Speaker 7: You know, it's interesting the book is called Puberty, Parenting
• 3:58
  Speaker 7: Revolution because when I think of revolution, like every revolution
• 4:00
  Speaker 7: to me is a response to something broken. So what's
• 4:03
  Speaker 7: broken about the way most of us were taught about putant?
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: So I think what's broken is actually it's actually breaking
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: even more right now. So if you think about like
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: modern times, what the political climate looks like, and how
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: we're approaching how we educate our daughters and especially people
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: with periods. So, for example, in Florida, the governor there
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: had passed like the Don't Say Period Bill that push
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: back mentrual education to sixth grade and beyond. If our
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: young black girls get their periods earlier than their white counterparts,
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: they're the ones who are going to be more affected, right,
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: And so if we're pushing back education on how our
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: body functions, and the majority of our people are going
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: to have these periods and be having them in the
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: school that can't talk about it, that's a problem. The
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: other aspect is that parents are thinking school's got it covered.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: Maybe I don't have to do this, but school doesn't
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: have it covered. And our kids have phones in their
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: hands typically by the age of ten, So the medical
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: men's information, their access to even pornography and all these
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: other images are there in their hands. So when parents
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: are not adding their truth to the conversation, your kid
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: is getting guidance from all of these sources that you
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: never intended to raise your kid anyway. So what I'm
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: asking parents to do is not forfeit that influence, to
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: step into that role and to get resources like my book.
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: When you feel like I don't know this, no one
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: taught me, Well, now I've written it down for you.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: Because I can't be the parent to everyone. I can
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: see all the patients in my office that I can,
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: but I can't overcome a parent that doesn't feel empowered
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: to show up for their kid.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: That's what my wife has those conversations. It's usually something
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: that they see and online that's misinformation, yes, or usually
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: something they hear from a friend that's misinformation. I remember,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: this's gonna sound nasty, but Madison and Logan were at
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: a party and they were at somebody's house and weird,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: they found a condom in the house.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: All right, They had an older brother or older sister and.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: They found a condom and it was had I guess
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: must have had blood on it or whatever, maybe way
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: back when, and they told them the brother told them
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: that the condom came from the butt.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: It was like this whole thing. So my wife.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Accent could have, but my wife actually had had to
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: have this whole conversation of what sex was, where babies
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: came from. And that's where a conversation started. And the
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: same thing now with my son, he's seen something online.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then my wife had to come on, let's
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: all sit, we all sit.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: As a family. I just let my wife God and
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I just sit there and I just sit there and
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: NodD my head in the grain that said together. But
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: that's what those conversations started from, and.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: It often does. We are living in a world that
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: exposes our kids to all of these things. And so
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: when parents are like, hey, we don't talk about sex
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: or I don't want to talk about that, you are
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: not protecting your kid by not having the conversation. You
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: are ensuring that your influence and your values is not
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: a part of that conversation. And so when I see that,
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: I want you. My whole thing is to unburden the
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: childhoods of especially young black girls, and to partner with
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: parents that they know how to show up better. But
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: when I see them not wanting to have it, thinking
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: that that's a form of protection, that's the problem.
• 6:51
  Speaker 8: It's crazy because in my household, my mom was so
• 6:54
  Speaker 8: honest about everything since I was like so young. It's
• 6:57
  Speaker 8: so I can't even fathom how is that, Like moms
• 7:01
  Speaker 8: don't have those conversations like I was. I knew about
• 7:04
  Speaker 8: my period, I knew what to do. Like when I
• 7:05
  Speaker 8: got it, I know exactly what to do because my
• 7:07
  Speaker 8: mom for years was talking me through, here's what this
• 7:10
  Speaker 8: is going to mean, here's the responsibility that comes with it. Here,
• 7:12
  Speaker 8: it's how you take care of yourself. Very honest about
• 7:15
  Speaker 8: a lot of things.
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  Speaker 4: That's amazing. But because well, the research shows that forty
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: percent of people start bleeding and have no idea what's happening,
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: not a clue.
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  Speaker 6: That's insane.
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: That's insane, and it's terrifying. And when you think about
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: anything you're doing in life, even coming here today, I'm like,
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: who's gonna be in the room? What do I you know?
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: I want to know about it? It is a general
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: human desire to want to get a heads up when
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: something's want to happen to you that you're responsible for managing,
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: but we don't tell our kids about it. So when
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: we think logically, the aversion to having period and puberty,
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: conversations are almost never informed by a desire to protect
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: your child. Truly has so much more to do with
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: like our traumas and our concerns and the things that
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: we carry as adults into this conversation.
• 7:56
  Speaker 6: You have a chapter eight.
• 7:57
  Speaker 8: It says teaching the kids teach many the things you
• 8:00
  Speaker 8: had to learn the hard way, showing your child how
• 8:02
  Speaker 8: to live in the world. As administrator, I didn't even
• 8:05
  Speaker 8: think about the fact that once you get your period
• 8:07
  Speaker 8: as a woman, here now in the world differently.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Completely differently, completely differently. Now the world sees our girls
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: different when they're on the other side of puberty because
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: their bodies are changing. But I would argue that parents,
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: and while they need to show up a little bit differently,
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: it is really important, especially for young black girls who
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: have a different burden of adultification bias, to continue to
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: let them be the girl that they are, let them
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: live in their childhood. Stop giving them the burdens of
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: womanhood without the benefits. Like just because your daughter starts
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: to bleed doesn't mean she's a woman overnight, she's a
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: child who has a period, and so being able to say, yes,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: you have a new responsibility, but I'm just as involved
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: in supportive as before that matters. Those are the things
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: that bother me because you see parents pulling back. You
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: see parents not calling their daughter their nickname anymore because
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: they start bleeding. Like people feel that. Girls feel that
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: and it carries it. They carry it with them for
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: the rest of their lives. So you had a great,
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: you know, understanding with your mom, but many people don't
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: have that.
• 9:04
  Speaker 8: But what about the moms who are doing moms and
• 9:06
  Speaker 8: dads that are doing that because you're trying to like
• 9:09
  Speaker 8: protect your child and get her ready, like because you
• 9:11
  Speaker 8: know what the world is about to go at that?
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: Yah?
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, And people say that all the time. They
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: make that argument about HBCUs that they're not as realistic
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: because the world doesn't look like this, right, But our
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: homes were never meant to mimic the world. Your home
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: is supposed to be a safe space. Your home is
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: supposed to be a place of nurturing, right, and so
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: you don't have to mimic everything from the outside world.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: You can say, hey, out there, if you have you know,
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: an accident, someone might make fun of you. But in
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: this home, if you have it, I'm not going to
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: do right. So you can say that this is what
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: the world does, but this home is your safe space.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: So I don't think that parents are supposed to mimic
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: them insensitivities and lack of compassion that a stranger would have.
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: That's why you're a parent. You should be wrapping this
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: in love and context for how they should move in
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: the world.
• 9:53
  Speaker 7: You think parents have to confront like their own I
• 9:57
  Speaker 7: guess childhood embarrassment, embarrassment.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: They can raise emotionally healthy children.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, absolutely, that's a big part, and that's how I
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: start the book, like, You've got to learn a lot
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: of things. And the reason this is so heavy is
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: because puberty brings on all of these traumas and things.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: A lot of folks started to have different relationships with
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: their body when their body started to change. People started
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: to have different assaults and things in their life occurred
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: because of that time period of change. And so there's
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: a lot of correlation to seeing your child start to
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: develop acne and breast and all those things and have
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: a true panic of what could possibly happen but treating
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: your child is if those things have already happened, is inappropriate?
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: Like make it better?
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Ask a question everybody.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Did you have a conversation Charloman with your parents about
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: the birds and the beast about sex?
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: No?
• 10:47
  Speaker 7: And it's crazy because I had all of these Playboy magazines.
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: A pinhouse whatever.
• 10:51
  Speaker 7: It wasn't like a little traffic keeple and my mom
• 10:54
  Speaker 7: found it, and so she asked my dad to, like,
• 10:57
  Speaker 7: I guess, go beat me or whatever, and I could.
• 10:58
  Speaker 7: You know, we used to live in a trailer, so
• 11:00
  Speaker 7: my rooms right there by the kids, so I can
• 11:01
  Speaker 7: hear him talking. And my dad was like, you want
• 11:03
  Speaker 7: me to go punish him because he looking at nagga
• 11:05
  Speaker 7: women Like no, Like, I'm glad he's looking at ugga.
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
• 11:09
  Speaker 7: But when he came in the only thing he said was,
• 11:12
  Speaker 7: hey man, how this stuff from your mom?
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: And better? Man, Like that's all the conversation.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it now, like my parents never had
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: that conversation. But not one conversation was never a this
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: is did your mom?
• 11:22
  Speaker 6: Yes?
• 11:23
  Speaker 8: I used to actually be upset at my mom because
• 11:26
  Speaker 8: my friends their moms would either not do it or
• 11:29
  Speaker 8: they would like be so gentle about it. My mom
• 11:32
  Speaker 8: was very like straight to the point. I remember when
• 11:34
  Speaker 8: I lost my virginity and my mom found out. I
• 11:38
  Speaker 8: was upset because I felt I literally remember saying to her,
• 11:41
  Speaker 8: You're not my friend, You're my mom, Like I should
• 11:43
  Speaker 8: be in trouble for this.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 11:45
  Speaker 8: I was fifteen years fifteen years old, and I was like,
• 11:49
  Speaker 8: you're my mom, Like why are you? Why do you
• 11:51
  Speaker 8: want to talk to me about what happened?
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: You want to be mad at you?
• 11:54
  Speaker 6: I just felt like and.
• 11:55
  Speaker 8: Maybe because being the oldest in the house, I kind
• 11:58
  Speaker 8: of probably always felt like I I just had to
• 12:00
  Speaker 8: take on things that like, you know, like I wasn't
• 12:03
  Speaker 8: able to just like be a fifteen year old, Like
• 12:05
  Speaker 8: I was working two jobs and it wasn't her fault.
• 12:07
  Speaker 8: It just was like we was doing what we had
• 12:08
  Speaker 8: to do. But and she was doing a great job.
• 12:11
  Speaker 8: But I always felt like I wanted my mom to
• 12:13
  Speaker 8: just like be a mom and not be my friend.
• 12:16
  Speaker 8: But now that I'm grown, I appreciate that because I
• 12:19
  Speaker 8: realized a lot of people didn't have that. Yeah, But
• 12:21
  Speaker 8: she we had a lot of conversations from young. She
• 12:23
  Speaker 8: was very honest from very young, so by the time
• 12:26
  Speaker 8: it got to the point where I was thinking about
• 12:29
  Speaker 8: that period all that, Like I knew what to do,
• 12:31
  Speaker 8: what not to do. I knew the conversations to have.
• 12:33
  Speaker 8: I knew about birth control. I knew about birth control
• 12:37
  Speaker 8: and like having to figure out which one worked for you,
• 12:39
  Speaker 8: Like I knew a lot of things really early. Why
• 12:41
  Speaker 8: do you think your mom had that approach? If you
• 12:43
  Speaker 8: don't mind me ass, I think, I mean, to be
• 12:45
  Speaker 8: honest with you, I still don't fully know her background,
• 12:48
  Speaker 8: like when she was young in here and living in
• 12:50
  Speaker 8: New York. I hear a lot about it from like
• 12:52
  Speaker 8: my uncles and my family here in New York. But
• 12:54
  Speaker 8: from what I hear, I think it was a protection
• 12:56
  Speaker 8: thing because she she moved out the house and came
• 12:59
  Speaker 8: up here about like six teen seventeen years old. Wow,
• 13:01
  Speaker 8: So she had to figure out a lot by herself
• 13:04
  Speaker 8: and on her own, and I think out of protection,
• 13:06
  Speaker 8: she just didn't want me to have to go through
• 13:08
  Speaker 8: certain things and probably certain things and decisions with men
• 13:10
  Speaker 8: too that she had to make to figure it out.
• 13:12
  Speaker 8: So she just wanted me to know what the world
• 13:14
  Speaker 8: was like when I was walking into I.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: Think it's so interesting because you highlighted that you expected
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: to be in trouble, that you lost your virginity. I
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: try to say lost your virginity, but you know, say
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: sexual debut or something like.
• 13:23
  Speaker 6: I see you say it's a medical diagnosis.
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: It's I like to say sexual debut or choordiarchy. That's
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: like the scientific term my thing is losing virginity suggests
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: that you lost this thing that was so valuable that
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: men don't highlighting that same way. It is applied inappropriately,
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: and I think discrepantly to girls and when they lost
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: their virginity, and I just think it's like a losing
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: of something. That's like the suggest is purity that I
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: think it's incredibly false, as.
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: I don't want none of my daughter to lose that
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: till they forty. They make their sexual debut.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: Sounds crazy, it's giving learning.
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it sounds like sexual debut sounds like something on Sexual.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: City, sounds like a choice. Losing your virginity sounds like
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: a mistake. It sounds like something happened to you. And
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: if we want empowered girls, they should be making this decision.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: So if you chose to have a consensual relationship with someone,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: it shouldn't be something that requires punishment, especially if you
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: made it with all of the right you know, things
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: with birth control at the forefront of your mind, understanding
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: that this was something you could or couldn't do with
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: someone who respected you. But at the same vein your
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: dad is celebrating you looking at naking women. And that's
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: why a revolution is never going to happen if only
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: women and girls are doing it. Right, when we think
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: about this, the majority of the context around these conversations
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: is a fear of men. So if we don't have
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: men in the conversation and make men better, then what
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: are we doing? You had just have women teaching our
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: young girls to always choose the bear right, Like, why
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: are we doing this?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: So if you had a son and your son you
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: found out that your son was looking at porn magazine,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: what do you say to your son?
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: So, I do have a son. He is one and
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: a half, so hopefully he's not looking at that.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: You don't You don't want to say in trouble. You
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: don't want to make him feel like.
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: You lead with questions. And that's I say in the
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: book curiosity is the purest form of love. Right, Why
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: are you looking at this? What does this give you
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: what is the desire? Right, and they could just say
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: this is beautiful and makes me feel something. We have
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: to stop demonizing pleasure. Pleasure is a real thing and
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: we are sexual beings, and so if God created us
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: as sexual beings as in experiencing sexuality and understanding pleasure,
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: we need to be teaching our kids that it exists
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: in there are context in which it exists safely, in
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: which it exists in a way that aligns with our values.
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: So for my son, if I'm like, hey, what do
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: you get out of this, it's like, hey, it makes
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: me feel good in my body. Someone showed me this
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: and it made me feel good. Okay, let's talk about
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: that feel good feeling. What is it? Well, do you
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: what do you think she feels this person in this picture?
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: Do you think she had a choice here? Is there
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: an opportunity where this wouldn't be good or this wouldn't
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: be safe? You know, like, what does this look like
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: in real life? Okay, if we saw this down on
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: the street, would that be normal or not? So you're
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: teaching contexts, you're planting seeds of truth, and you're not
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: leading with shame. But even in the context of like
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: I want my daughter to lose her virginity or sexuality
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: at forty, That to me is still like a remnant
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: of this kind of patriarchal thought process where our best
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: girls are not sexually empowered that somehow at forty it's like,
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: now it's acceptable. But I believe you probably want grandchildren.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: We understand the process by which that would occur. And
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: if we're forty, question, is your.
• 16:43
  Speaker 6: Son your only child?
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 16:45
  Speaker 8: So if you had a daughter and your daughter was
• 16:46
  Speaker 8: like twelve right now, and she came to you like, mom,
• 16:49
  Speaker 8: I want to make my sex your debut before I
• 16:51
  Speaker 8: turn thirteen, you would be like, go ahead, be liberating.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: Oh of course not. I would say why, why do
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: you feel that that's needed? Does that make sense to you?
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: In our home, these are our values. I would want
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: you to do this, and I'm also going to parent
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: in a way that she not going to have a
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: lot of opportunities for sexual debut. My parents always knew
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: where I was, but people, especially in high school and
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: med school, having second like, well, how my parents know
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: exactly where I am? This was this preceded you know,
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: tracking and your phone and all three six and your friend.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: My parents always had an account for where I was.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: I was either at cheer practice, I was at school,
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: or I was in our home. And so also parenting
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: and not losing track of your child is appropriate, but
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: making sure that you are using opportunities where they have
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: curiosity to plant your seeds of trust and values and saying,
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: even so, I want you to come to me. What
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: parents do is is let their kids know they cannot
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: be trusted with their vulnerabilities, they cannot be trusted with
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: their curiosity. And if you come to me, punishment is
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: waiting for you. And so kids learn and they don't
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: go to them, and they come to me at the
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: doctor's office saying, please do not tell my mother. And
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: I'm sexually active, and I won't because I'm not going
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: to break that tru because that's my only opportunity to
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: support their health and to give them the knowledge necessary
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: to make good choices.
• 18:05
  Speaker 7: That's why when you asked me that question about the
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: birds and the bees, I bought up the traffic keeper
• 18:09
  Speaker 7: yeah thing, because that was the opportunity I believe for
• 18:12
  Speaker 7: my to have that conversation.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: Yes, I'm glad you bring that up, because I highlight
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: in the book having these conversations. You don't always have
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: to create the scenario, it will come. But if you
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: want to be able to have it on your own terms,
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: kind of having these open ended questions and being curious
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: about your child is the way to go.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Even even my twelve year old a couple of months ago,
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: he didn't want to go to school. One day, I said,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: well why not at health class? And in health class they.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Were learning about the birds and the bees.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, And I'm like, mom, already spoke to you
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: about it, So what's the problem, Like you know about it, Like,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: what's the problem.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: He was like, it's.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Uncomfortable to be around my friends and they teach that
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: because I know, He's like, I know everybody's gonna be laughing.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be laughing.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: So I just don't want to do it. I'm like, no,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: you have to. It's like no, Dad, I just don't
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: want to go to school. But I mean to school.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: But it's just a comfortable for a lot of kids.
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: It is. There's true discomfort. And I will say that
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: this generation they're more open to talking about a lot
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: of these things. But they would gather with friends to
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: look at porn, right, which gives no accuracy that actually
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: distorts their understanding of what sexual partnership looks like and
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: even what body image looks like. It would gather for that, right,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: but when it comes to actual learning, that's when there
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: isn't a desire for that. So that's why parents have
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: to be the push to say, this is the balanced narrative.
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: You're going to get this, it's going to happen socially.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Let me give you the balance narrative that says, what
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: is the appropriate context with my lived experience, knowing you
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: better than anyone else, loving you more than any of
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: your little friends, and knowing the values of our family.
• 19:42
  Speaker 6: That's crazy.
• 19:42
  Speaker 8: I just started thinking about the first time at like
• 19:46
  Speaker 8: not like some of my age, because I think when
• 19:48
  Speaker 8: you're young, boys your age don't really know what this
• 19:50
  Speaker 8: they're do or as someone who was old enough to
• 19:52
  Speaker 8: know what to say or do said something to me
• 19:55
  Speaker 8: about like how I looked h and I think I
• 19:58
  Speaker 8: was like thirteen, and I and again, and I was
• 20:01
  Speaker 8: walking by a group of older guys and a guy
• 20:02
  Speaker 8: who was like, wait, till you get older, you're gonna
• 20:04
  Speaker 8: be and it was like that was the first time
• 20:06
  Speaker 8: I was like, wait, like this is like guys do this,
• 20:10
  Speaker 8: like older guys do this thing where they talk to
• 20:13
  Speaker 8: you about your body, and.
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know, I can't.
• 20:18
  Speaker 8: Even tell you who it was, but I literally remember
• 20:21
  Speaker 8: it because before that, like I think the way I
• 20:25
  Speaker 8: looked at older guys was just like I have older
• 20:27
  Speaker 8: uncles or cousins, and like they're like, these are supposed
• 20:30
  Speaker 8: to be the protectors of the family. And in that
• 20:32
  Speaker 8: small interaction, I remember being like, wait, so this is different.
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, like okay, so that's starting to happen.
• 20:38
  Speaker 8: And then boom, you get to high school and it's
• 20:40
  Speaker 8: it's old outside and it happens.
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: It happened so often, especially to our young girls that
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: start to develop earlier because they're the first in their
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: class to start to have breast development and hips, and
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: when society starts treating them differently from the girl they
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: believe they are, oftentimes there can be like this disassociation, right,
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: They're just like I don't see myself in this body,
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: so I don't connect with it. And that's when people
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: start to resent their bodies. And there's a lot of
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: layers there. But back to what you said, that's inappropriate,
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: like a person looking at a girl and saying in
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: a few years, you're gonna be a problem. Yeah, that's
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: not because they can tell the future. That's because they're
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: assessing your body and seeing something desirable about it.
• 21:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's insane.
• 21:21
  Speaker 8: In the book, you talk about a bunch of different
• 21:23
  Speaker 8: myths around, like period sex. One of the myths that
• 21:26
  Speaker 8: you talk about is virginy as a medical diagnosis. Right
• 21:29
  Speaker 8: in this part, you talk about parents bringing you their
• 21:32
  Speaker 8: children to see if their kids are still virgins or not.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: Every time that happens, I think it happens maybe like
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: monthly at this point, and there's a mom that comes in,
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: it's like I need to know if she's having sex,
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, what a that is not a good
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: use of my medical license. But I always tell them,
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: both of them, I'm going to find out the same
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: way you would. I'm going to ask her. And if
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: you think that there's some sort of test I can do,
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: like looking at the hymen typically is what they want
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: you to do. And one mom, even in the book
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: and I references, says she tried to look at her
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: daughter's hymen. Oh lord, I'm like, can you imagine? Because
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: it is so shameful. Right, So you're trying to look
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: at your daughter's hymen, not knowing what you're looking at,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: trying to see if there's a tear or a break
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: or something so that you can make her feel worse.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: That is beyond ridiculous. And also in the book, there's
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: someone I will not bring up their name who took
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: their daughter to the gynecologists on a yearly basis after
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: their birthday and like said it on like and said
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: that he would take her to the gynecologist to check
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: her hymen regularly. First of all, checking her hymen isn't
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: protective at all. It only lets you know that something happened, right.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: I think he did on the show, right, yea, I
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: did on the show.
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 22:43
  Speaker 8: Well yeah, well it was on a podcast, but they
• 22:45
  Speaker 8: were filming for the show, so it was on the show.
• 22:47
  Speaker 8: But he recently just talked about that again and talked
• 22:49
  Speaker 8: about kind of what they went through because of like
• 22:51
  Speaker 8: all of the how the reaction to it was.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: Because that was never a form of protection. That's a
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: form of policing, right, policing says I believe the threat
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: is in you, protection says leave. The threat is somewhere else, right,
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: And so when parents are bringing their child in Typically
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: that child begrudgingly being dragged in for me to see
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: if they're sexually active. There's so much shame in that room,
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: and so I have to say there is no test
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: for that. And it breaks my heart in some ways
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: because we can't even appropriately criminalize people that harm young girls, right,
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: because we can't prove that there's a break in that
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: timen specific to that. So I definitely can't prove it
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: in a consensual sense for your daughter. But more importantly,
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: if you are worried about her being sexually active, what
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: does protection really look like? Looks like conversation, looks like
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: talking about like birth control, It looks like having conversations
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: around consent and what partnership looks like. But it doesn't
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: look like dragging her in here, like you know, I'm
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: some sort of probation officer trying to get her in trouble.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: That's not what I do.
• 23:46
  Speaker 7: But if I'm a parent, right, how do I compete
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: with I guess, like my influences and social media and
• 23:53
  Speaker 7: my child's friends, Like when I'm trying to be my
• 23:55
  Speaker 7: child's most trusted source of information, how do I compete
• 23:58
  Speaker 7: with all?
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: You start? You start early and So when people talk
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: about having the talk, I never say the birds and
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: the bees because I think that's like intentionally ridiculous, Like
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: what are we even saying, you know, to talk about
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: sex or reproductive help. You start that early. So we're
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: talking to our children about their bodies as young as
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: two and three when we're potty training. Whether we know
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: it or not, we just haven't sexualized that, right, We're like,
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: this is normal, it's potty training. We're talking about different genitalia,
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: Like my son needs to potentially stand, he doesn't always
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: have to wipe in a certain way. And my sister
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: has twins she's going to teach her daughters differently. So
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: we've been having those conversations. So having those conversations early
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: and often in age appropriate setting is how you present
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: the topic without it always being in the context of shame.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: And I found a condem out of party type of thing.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: So if you take control over that and say, hey, actually,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: you know you're talking to a five year old, Well,
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: mom is going into the bathroom because I have periods
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: and I'm going to take care of my periods. That's
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: when I bled monthly. I don't have to give you
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: a whole you know, rundown of everything. I have to
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: give you a dissertation, but it's important for you to
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: understand the world around you. One of my analogies is
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: we live in Atlanta. When my son sees a plane,
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: say that's a plane. It's an airplane, it flies, there's
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: people in that plane. I'm not explaining physics right right,
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: Why would I do that. I'm explaining the world around
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: him in age appropriate way. That's what we need to
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: be doing to our kids. And every time we shy
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: away from the conversation, they say, there's something there. How
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: can I find out about that? How do I fill
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: the gaps? And so it's yes, you're competing with some things,
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: but you are sure to lose if you never show
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: up to compete.
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:26
  Speaker 7: You know, it's interesting because I have a you know,
• 25:28
  Speaker 7: my youngest are ten, seven and four, and it's like
• 25:31
  Speaker 7: any modus is eighteen now. But when they were young,
• 25:33
  Speaker 7: you had those conversations, yeah, don't nobody, don't let nobody
• 25:36
  Speaker 7: touch you there, especially when you're taking them to the
• 25:37
  Speaker 7: bathroom and stuff like that. And for whatever reason, it
• 25:39
  Speaker 7: seems like it's easier to have those conversations when they're
• 25:41
  Speaker 7: young and I see that they're having more autonomy over
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: their bodies at a young age, yes, than before, at
• 25:48
  Speaker 7: least to me. I feel like my four year old
• 25:50
  Speaker 7: is like, Okay, leave the bathroom there.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, you know, And I think we know that's important now, right.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: We know that kids have consent, We know that they
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: understand their bodies. We know some kids don't even like hugs. Right,
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: there's sensory differences. And as we start to better understand
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: how we show up as humans and full humans in
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: this world, that's when we start to really honor it.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I like what you said. You said, there's like god privilege, right,
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: and God creates us in this way that allows us
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: to all have this full and meaningful life. That means
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: that our girls who have periods should have that too,
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: that that shouldn't shut them down or in that existence
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: or allow them to feel inconvenient or inferior because of
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: this bodily process that God gave them. So if we
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: talk about it earlier, it is a lot easier. But
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: we also have to deal with the feelings we have
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: when they start pleading, and when they start to develop breasts,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: and when they start dating, when they start having sexual relationships,
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: understanding that God created us to live full lives and
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: our daughters are worthy of full lives too.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes I struggle with what I should do
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: in certain situations, Like so I have a four year
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: old as well, and she'd be like, Dad, take me
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: to the bathroom, right, And usually that's like ask your mother,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: but she feels comfortable, Dad, take me to the bathroom.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: And when she goes to the bathroom, she'll have a
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: conversation with me. I'd be like, go ahead, like no, Dad,
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: She'll tell me about her day while she's in the bathroom,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: And I struggle with that cause I'm like, I don't
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: know if I don't want to be in there, but
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: also I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable and awkward, right,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? So I have those even
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: my eight year old. My eight year old will be
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: in my shower and call me Dad, this happened to school,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, YO, tell me you.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Get out, and she's like, YO, stay at the door,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: and she'll have a conversation with me.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: But sometimes I'm like, well, is it good that she
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: just feels comfortable with her father and she feels like
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: she could talk about it?
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: But then I also struggle.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I never want that comfortability to be like I can
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: do that with everybody you know, of course.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: And that's something you can say so just as clearly
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: as you said it, like I love that you're comfortable
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: with Daddy, but I need you to know that that
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: comfort doesn't extend to people outside of our family. Not
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: every adult that would want to be around you has
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: the best interest in heart for you, and so that's
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: important to know that not every person is a safe person.
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: So when that comes up, instead of shying away from
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: it and saying this is weird, I think we need
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: to lean into why do I feel differently here? I
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: know in my heart my child is safe. I know
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: that I have good intentions and that she just wants
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: to talk to me about about her day. But in
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: what context is this not safe? And tell them?
• 28:09
  Speaker 7: You know, you made me think about something earlier, because
• 28:11
  Speaker 7: when you were talking about periods and you said, it
• 28:15
  Speaker 7: comes a point where your father's kind of stopped.
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: Treating their little girls like little girls.
• 28:20
  Speaker 7: But that is a natural thing, right, because when your
• 28:23
  Speaker 7: daughter starts to develop, like there's a period where you know,
• 28:26
  Speaker 7: you're bathing your kids and your kids are running around decades,
• 28:29
  Speaker 7: but then there comes a point where you not doing
• 28:31
  Speaker 7: that with your daughter in the most start.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and she.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: Exactly. But what I've heard from my patients specifically is
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: that their their dad's pushed away, like their dad used
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: to play softball with them, right, and like doesn't do
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: that anymore because they don't feel comfortable potentially having conversations
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: around the topics that they wouldn't want to have conversations around.
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: And so it's not the same thing as like bathing
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: your kid. Obviously, there's developmentally appropriate milestones where they can
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: do that themselves. But what I'm saying is dad allowing
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: their own discomfort around the topic, their own discomfort around
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: perceptions in society about if someone was like, why is
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: your daughter standing at the door of the shop, you know,
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: or something like that, to potentially push them away from
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: having these close, loving moments with their child. Our daughters
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: are kids. They desire closeness, like they genuinely do. Now
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: as they get to teenage years, they push away. If
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: you try to connect when they're pushing away, and you've
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: already set a standard that you are not safe for
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: their curiosity, that you respond with shame or panic, then
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: you really miss that opportunity. It's going to be harder.
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: What is father's treating periods like women's business.
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: What do you think that has cost daughters?
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, I think it's cost them another listening ear.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: It's cost them understanding. It definitely can teach them that
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: in the context of relationships with men or male partners,
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: that their bodily functions are not something to be discussed.
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: So it's like if my father, who is the man
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: in my life, cannot handle if I'm bleeding, Like if
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: I even mention it, they say la la, goose their
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: ears and walk out of the room. Then that maybe
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: I don't bring it up with my husband. Maybe I
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: don't bring it up with my boyfriend. You know, maybe
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: I hide these things and this is just an unnecessary burden.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: But you think about it. It used to be the
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: dads didn't belong in the delivery room. It used to
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: be the dads weren't changing diapers, Like all of these
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: things are slowly changing for whatever reason. That menstrual involvement
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: is like the last frontier, it feels like, and I
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: want dads to know that in the same vein and
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: the same logic, the sets. I can change diapers, and
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: I can be there supporting my wife in the delivery room,
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: even though I'm not carrying the baby and I'm not
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: an obstetrician or a midwife. You can be in that
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: same space with your daughters. And so that departure, that
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: exodus that happens as soon as bleeding starts happening, that's harmful.
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: Doctor Sharff's Chambers, cherish right, Doctor Shari's Chambers.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: How can people reach you if they need to reach you?
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: So you can find me online and all platforms at
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: the Period Doctor. You can go to my website, the
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: Period doctor dot com, and I am opening my own
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: practice in Atlanta coming this fall.
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: Congratulations, You have.
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: The breakfast and the book is out right now.
• 31:01
  Speaker 7: The Period and Puberty Parenting Revolution is available everywhere you
• 31:04
  Speaker 7: buy books right now.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: That's right. It's the Breakfast Club on morning, thank you,
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: thank you.
• 31:08
  Speaker 7: Every day I wake up, wake your ass up, the
• 31:11
  Speaker 7: Breakfast Club.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: You'll finish. So y'all done,