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Decoding the Implosion: The Science of Narcissistic Collapse · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So you've seen the narcissistic rage and probably been a part of
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  or Privy to an ice cold narcissistic discard.
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  But you've never seen the moment when the internal software of a
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  narcissist collapses right when it actually crashes.
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  Today I'm taking you inside a narcissistic collapse.
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  The moment when we lose control of the narrative in our entire
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  world comes crashing down. Tumbling down the intro, The
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  intro. No, seriously, y'all.
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  Then we'll talk about today, y'all.
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  The narcissistic collapse, man, if you don't know what a
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  collapse is, A narcissistic collapse happens when we lie to
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  ourselves, right? When we lie to ourselves and the
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  lies don't work anymore. Like maybe you left, maybe you
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  discarded us, Maybe you broke up with us.
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  Maybe we saw online that you're happy and moved on after we left
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  you, right? Or something happened.
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  Maybe I got exposed. They were, you just never know,
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  right? Suddenly the superior internal
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  vision that a internal vision or the superior version of that we
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  have of ourselves, it no longer exists.
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  So without that, it's kind of like the foundation of the
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  narcissist, the foundation of our ego no longer exists.
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  Just imagine a you've been to the beach before, right?
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  Imagine those stilt houses on the beach and one of the stilts
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  get snapped somehow. What happens?
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  The house more than likely will come crashing down.
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  That's what a narcissistic collapse looks like.
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  We're staying. Our egos are built on the beach
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  and something happens. We get exposed, our egos get
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  destroyed, and one of those foundational stilts gets busted
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  up, right? And what happens right there,
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  instead of asking for help, that narcissistic person typically
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  lashes out in an in, in an effort to keep your house from
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  crashing down and whatnot. Y'all, it really is a cold
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  inside the mind of a narcissist. Oh, the the old collapse, y'all?
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  If you're watching a narcissist fall apart right now, if you're
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  part, if you're seeing a narcissist collapse right now,
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  don't try to save them. I promise you your empathy, that
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  that high, the empathy core, the empathy center that you have
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  will be used against you. It's the fuel that they will use
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  to rebuild that stilt, right? Rebuild that stilt to rebuild
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  their foundation and the ego will be back intact.
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  And guess what happens? They'll take it out on you,
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  right? A narcissist to collapse is the
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  only time when a narcissist is forced to see the truth.
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  It's very capable. It's very like they might like
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  this. It's very akin to rock bottom.
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  Yeah, now I know y'all hear me talk about rock bottom before,
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  right? Like it's very akin to a
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  narcissist hitting rock bottom. Like we no longer can blame
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  anybody else. Y'all hear my story very
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  recently about how I came home and my wife was gone.
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  Like that's one of my most my my videos that is doing well right
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  now. I came home, the title is gone.
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  I came home, my wife was gone. That's the thumbnail says right.
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  Think about it like this. That was a narcissistic
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  collapse, right? And I told y'all like in my mind
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  when my wife was gone and my wife's left.
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  Each time my wife has left, I think I've experienced
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  narcissistic laughs. The first time she left was when
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  she came home and I was literally losing my mind
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  screaming, yelling, do all kinds of stuff in the house with my
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  six month old son, right? I would lose my like literally,
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  you know, yelling on top of my lungs.
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  When she left, it broke that it broke a stilt, right?
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  It did break a stilt. I was having a narcissistic
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  collapse. I had no one else to blame for
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  for my financial ruin, my physical, I was over overweight.
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  I was like literally mental, physical, financial, emotional
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  ruin. And because she was gone, I
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  could no longer no longer blame her.
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  It's kind of like she was the stilt.
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  Her empathy was the stilt I was talking about earlier, you know
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  what I mean? And when she left that stilt, I
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  got a piece of wood right here on my kids toys right here, like
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  a little thing that not a toy somebody a school project.
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  That stilt snapped right because she's gone.
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  But in memory y'all told your story the first time she did
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  come back very quickly. So they stilt got reaffirmed.
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  You see what I'm saying? I did end up going to therapy,
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  but when I was alone, when I was forced to face myself, it was
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  the scariest moment of my life. I was literally forced to face
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  myself and I hadn't I had a choice to make.
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  Am I going to sit here and Stew and just be angry at everybody
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  else or, or am I going to take the tough road and blame myself
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  because during that narcissistic collapse, like I could always
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  blame her. Like, oh, we oh, she wanted to
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  have kids. So that's why I don't have
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  enough money to invest in my business or to do this or do
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  that. I don't have time to hang on my
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  friends because she has kids and that's why my relationships are
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  ruined. That's why my friends never
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  invite me to anything anymore because why would they?
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  Because they know I'm not going to come because my wife is doing
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  this. My wife don't want me there, My
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  wife, my wife, my wife, blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo BB.
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  You know what I'm saying? That's what ends up happening
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  right there. That's the space that so many,
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  so many of us fall into. Like we don't know.
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  And I was completely lost. I really was and doing that
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  collapse, I didn't know what the hell to do.
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  So yeah, I started looking up my wife on the way out the door.
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  She called me a narcissist, right.
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  So yeah, I saw looking up the word narcissist I like maybe
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  going on this rabbit hole will help me figure out something.
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  Maybe going on this rabbit hole will help me figure out what
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  exactly is going on internally or whatever the hell.
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  Maybe I can fix me right by going on this rabbit hole of
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  narcissism. What is a narcissist?
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  My wife called me a narcissist. Did you mean narcissistic
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  personality disorder? Well, I didn't mean that, but
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  hey, let's talk about it. You know what I'm saying?
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  I didn't mean narcissistic personality disorder.
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  Hey, let's get into it. And then the signs, traits, and
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  symptoms of NPD made sense to me because for the longest period
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  of time, I had looked at myself as the victim, right?
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  I was the victim of everything. I was always the victim.
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  I was always able to paint myself as a victim.
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  My dad wasn't around. He was, he was present, but he
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  wasn't around. Emotional.
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  My dad was literally the most very emotionally disconnected
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  man, right? I know you're going to say, of
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  course your dad was around. He black.
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  Nope, he was around. He was just emotionally
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  disconnected. Was just emotionally neglectful.
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  He was around. I could always blame him, right?
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  I made my mom for me. My mom worked 2nd shift for a
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  long time. So I had to cook the stuff for
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  my, my, me and my twin brother had to cook the stuff for our
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  little brothers and we had to do that type of stuff.
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  I could blame my mom, right? I could blame my girlfriend who
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  broke, who broke my heart and left me my my very first
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  girlfriend who broke my heart and left me for somebody else.
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  I could blame her, right? I could blame my hatred of
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  women. I could blame my mistreatment of
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  women on her, right? I could blame my the reason I
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  didn't go play college football or something on my Mama.
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  I could say my mom, he needed me to help pay bills, right?
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  You know, actually, I was afraid I was AI was literally a victim
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  for a very long time of my own life, right?
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  And it sucks saying it out loud now.
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  Yeah, because it really, it really does suck, man.
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  Because I was a victim for so long and I could play the victim
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  nowadays. I could still use the stuff.
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  The stuff I said back then I could use right now.
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  I absolutely could. But Victoria playing the victim
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  gets me nowhere. I wasn't an actual victim.
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  I was playing one. It's a role.
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  It's a character. I wasn't an actual victim.
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  You know what I'm saying? I could always find a way to
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  perpetually victimize myself. But my wife was gone.
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  I could no longer blame. I could no longer blame her.
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  I wasn't talking to my mom. My mom at the time.
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  I can't blame her. My dad, no relationship as an
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  adult, right? Couldn't blame him.
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  My kids, they kids, they didn't have to be bored.
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  Couldn't blame them. Collapse like this image of
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  myself at this strongman blah, blah, blah.
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  I got money. I look good, looked at myself in
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  the mirror. I'm overweight, teeth messed up.
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  I'm just like, I got bad tattoos.
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  I'm like I who the hell am I right?
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  I didn't know who I was. So the age of 32 years old, I
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  did have a narcissistic collapse.
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  It wasn't a full collapse, right?
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  Because my wife did come back very soon.
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  She did come back quickly, but she was going to leave again.
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  She came back, what was it, February that year, February,
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  2017, March, whatever. She did come back like in a
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  couple days like, but later on down the road, October of that
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  year, she was going to leave again.
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  So I really did go to therapy. 2017, she's going to leave
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  again. And it helped kind of like
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  reaffirm myself, right? I was in therapy for about 2 1/2
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  years, but I was wasn't really putting it in the work.
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  It was more performative. I was getting help.
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  Of course, I was getting help, but I because I wasn't being
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  100% honest with my therapist, it wasn't really helping me out
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  to the, to the amount that it needed to help me out, right?
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  It wasn't helping. It wasn't doing me justice, so
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  to speak, you know what I mean? So that sucked.
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  But when she did like when she left again, go back to go back
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  to see my other video, I came home and she was gone.
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  That really snapped that last foundational piece and I had
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  another collapse. I cried in the mirror looking at
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  myself. Who the hell are you?
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  I had more money, my teeth were better.
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  I was slimmer. You see what I'm saying?
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  They had good hair. I was good and I was just like,
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  but I didn't know who I was. My identity was shattered
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  because she wasn't there. I thought I was a good husband
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  and a good father. Lie, right?
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  Wasn't true, so I had to collapse.
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  I was I went to went into the darkness.
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  I thought about punching the mirror when the she was gone.
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  But I'm gonna punch this mirror right now.
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  But who would what would that solve?
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  What would this violence against the mirror solve?
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  Because I only person who's going to be hurt.
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  I'm about to punch the mirror. And I thought about the light.
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  I've seen enough movies to know I punched this mirror.
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  I'm gonna slice my damn hand open.
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  I'm being here bleeding and I'm gonna get angrier and I'm being
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  in the hospital. What the hell I'm gonna do right
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  here. You something.
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  What what what the hell is going on?
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  What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?
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  What would be the point? You know what I mean?
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  What would be the point? I was lost and I, just like I
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  told myself, I made a promise to myself.
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  Instead of breaking the mirror, I sat in the mirror and cried.
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  Cry for the old version of me. Cry because I no longer got to
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  play the victim. It's hardly out.
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  It's hard letting go of victimhood, right?
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  It is an extremely difficult thing to let go of this self
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  victimization I had going on for so long.
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  I was 30 at this time, what, 2020?
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  I was like what, 34, right? I was just like, OK, let's take
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  therapy 100% serious. Let's go in the therapy's office
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  and just be honest, even if it hurts, even if it sucks, even if
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  I can't play the victim anymore. And that's when I actually
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  started getting better. So that from the ages of 35 to
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  where I'm at right now at 40, my life has gotten way better.
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  It just has my wife has gotten way better because I've been
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  willing to put the work in. My life has gotten way better
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  because I've been willing to just not no longer play the
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  victim. My life has gotten way better
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  because I've, I've been able to rebuild that stilt, that, that
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  stilt that broke and had my house come tumbling down.
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  I was able to rebuild that on my own, right with therapy, you
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  know, help my with therapist and my family, whatnot.
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  My wife, you know, she helped but also I also didn't just
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  rebuild that one stilt. I went down and systematically
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  tore down all the other stilts that I felt like were holding up
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  that false ego, the financial stilt, the emotional stilt, the
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  mental stilt, the physical stilt, all of it.
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  I tore it down. I had to rebuild my personality
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  and that's why you see me now. If you knew me back then, you
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  probably you probably talked to me right now.
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  You see me online like damn he different because I am I'm not
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  the same person. I would I can still make Joe I'm
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  still funny. Y'all still if you knew me from
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  back there, if you know me, grew up in Reidsville, NC in
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  regional, you know regional Rams class of 2003, right?
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  If you knew me back then, it would not be like who the hell
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  is that guy now? I know he was.
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  I went to school with me and he wouldn't act like that.
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  No, I'm different. I was a victim back then.
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  I'm no longer a victim. So narcissistic collapses or
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  rock bottoms are the only way narcissists can actually decide
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  to make the choice to change their behaviors.
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  You can't keep, you can't keep holding them up right?
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  Just imagine you this just imagine you their, their, their
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  foundation is coming down right? They're about to hit rock
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  bottom. They're about to have that
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  narcissistic collapse. And instead of letting them have
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  this collapse, you go rescue them.
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  So just imagine you, your own personal body taking the place
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  of that stilt you're holding up. Like imagine you on the beach
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  right now. You're holding up a corner of a
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  house. There's big huge wooden stilts
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  that are probably designed to to carry this whole thousands of
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  pounds right. You over here on the edge, hold
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  it up shaking because you love them.
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  Sometimes if you love them, you have to let it come crashing
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  now, y'all, You have to let them have this collapse and you have
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  to get away from them for a little bit as well, just to be
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  safe, because you never know when they have them collapse,
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  when they're questioning their ego.
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  Sometimes it's because you left right.
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  It doesn't mean that they will get better.
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  A narcissistic collapse could absolutely mean that you're in
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  danger. You see what I'm saying?
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  Remember I told you a few minutes ago, I thought about
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  breaking the mirror. I was going to get violent, but
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  I made the decision not to. But not all narcissists are self
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  as self aware or self present as I am, right?
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  I knew I was like if I punched this mirror, I'm a I'm gonna be
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  bleeding everywhere. So I'm not going to do that.
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  But not every narcissist is going to be able to make that
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  decision in a conscientious Safeway.
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  Some of them are going to have the thoughts of hurting you and
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  some of them cannot stop those thoughts.
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  They will try to follow through and hurt you, so if they're
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  having a narcissistic lapse, it's the only way that they can
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  change and get better. But it also could mean that
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  you're in danger, so you have to be safe y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all, if you haven't already, you have kids, make
• 14:04
  sure to check out my kids book. It's called Remember.
• 14:06
  It's called remember it's not your fault.
• 14:08
  It's available on Amazon right now.
• 14:10
  It's a good conversation starter to talk to those kids about
• 14:15
  toxic relationship dynamics, self love, self appreciation,
• 14:18
  body positivity, all of the other good stuff.
• 14:20
  Y'all hit the subscribe button and please.