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S3 E48 - A Royal Scammed Again! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome to the Stephen Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_05: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_04: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_05: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_05: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us back into the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, I wasn't sure we would be here this week.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_05: Well, with all that rapture talk, you know, thought we might be gone, but in our case, it was more like a contracture.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_05: How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: It's going great.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: It was a great week.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: Jimmy Kimmel's back on the air.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: Although I don't know if he's a real American or not, you know, based on what our king thinks.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: But um, but I feel patriotic.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like maybe the system worked with Jimmy Kimmel, and I'm I'm kind of kind of proud of that.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: What about you?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_05: Well, a patriotic.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, are are you feel patriotic because you just threw out a perfectly good bottle of Tylenol?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's true.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: That is true.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: And Jim Comey is gonna be indicted, and that that makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_05: That's just says everything you need to know about our justice system, doesn't it?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, for injustice system, I suspect.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what's funny about the Jim Comey thing is that normally, like if you talk about Kimmel, you have one side who hates him, one side who loves him, and and that's kind of the way that works.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: With Comey, everybody hates him.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's just that we don't want to put him in jail for no reason.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but I mean everybody hates him, but come on, indicting.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, we indict people we don't like.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, boys, yeah.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_05: Wow, yeah, but anyways, why do you feel so patriotic?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Well, besides that, I feel patriotic because our king just came back from a trip to England, and I just get so excited when our royalty gets to meet British royalty, you know, they come together, and and you know, it's always a good time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, it sure is.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_05: And I I was reading all about that trip, and I just thought it was a shame that he came back.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_05: But I I I I hear it went well with the royal family, but not so much.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_05: He was talking about the mayor of London, you know.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they had a few issues there.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_05: See, I read a few of those royal blogs, you know, like the court gesture, the whimsical Windsor's, that's a good one.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_05: The harmonious handovers, that's kind of you know, it's a little dated.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_05: But anyway, they all talked about this, and the mayor's family was originally from Pakistan, which uh certainly our king didn't like that.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_05: He was very shocked and displeased that the mayor of London's family could be Pakistani.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_05: He didn't like that one little bit.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_05: And then he accused the mayor of instituting sherry law, as he called as he called it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_05: You know, and I know, of course, that sherry law is tawny port with fish, Madeira with meat, right?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_05: But I digress.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_05: In fact, Mayor Khan, London's mayor, was so offended that he accused our king of being racist, which, oh please, that's at least, well, I don't know, a few feet away from being the truth.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_05: You know, how could that be true?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_05: But that certainly escalated into really a pissing match where our king threatened to bring the national guard because the city of London was out of control.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: He's getting really good at putting the national guard in all kinds of cities, so I guess he probably thinks he can do that in other countries too.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, why not?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, I did not hear about his battle with the mayor, but I do know that our king was so excited to meet with the royal family again, you know, it just elevates him into this position where you know he can, you know, king kings meaning kings, you know?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I'd heard that he actually wrote a joke, you know, and he's kind of famous for his sense of humor and his ability to write jokes.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: Did he write that joke about Springfield, Ohio?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: I think he did, yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: Did he?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you know, I I think he was prompted by Vance.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_05: Vance was like the plain, the plain guy, you know.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_05: So I think he had a hand in that.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_05: But yeah, he's uh I tell you, he's a laugh riot, as Mad Magazine might have said.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_03: Or at least a riot.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_05: It's a riot, yeah.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but yes, I heard that it was a funny joke.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: I know that the vice president and of course Lindsey Graham laughed hysterically.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_05: And I think it's amazing how they can laugh with their mouths full.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_05: But again, I digress.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_05: Tell me about this joke that our king wrote, because I I don't know that I've heard a joke that he wrote.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and when I tell the joke that he told, you're gonna tell it can't that it came from the king.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_05: I have a feeling I'll know, but yeah, go ahead.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: You can almost tell from the very beginning because it starts off that Dolly Pardon and Princess Diana they pass away on the same day, and both of them arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_05: Sounds about right for a king, but those two are respectively about 60 years and 30 years too old for him.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_05: But please go on, anyways.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: So Saint Peter is waiting in judgment when the women arrive.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: They both want to come in, but Saint Peter announces that ladies, we only have space for one person in heaven for today.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: So you'll have to prove your worthiness.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: And we all know how Trump would have people prove their worthiness.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I have a feeling, yeah.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I'm getting an idea here.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so Dolly Parton went first and she said, No problem, Pete.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: I guess she's on a first name basis for them.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_05: They talk a lot, yeah.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: So she proceeded to unbutton her blouse, open up her shirt to reveal two of the most perfect breasts ever seen on earth or even in heaven.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_05: You mean to tell me that our king wrote a joke that included Dolly Parton's breasts?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_05: I that's shocking.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's shocking, and it it reminds you of just how old he is.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_03: Well, right, because I have a feeling there may be women with breasts as good that might be younger than 85 years old.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_05: And usually he doesn't err on the side of older, if you know what I mean.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_05: I think you do.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_05: I know what you mean.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: So, anyway, so Princess Diana, she's watching this, and then they turn to her.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, everyone's waiting in anticipation.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: Out of nowhere, the princess pulls a six-ounce bottle of Perrier out of her purse and she shakes it violently, flips the bottle open, and jams the bottle between her legs, and it spews water between her legs without hesitation.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Saint Peter exclaims, You're in, your royal highness.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Diana's very happy and she runs in.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: But Dolly is completely pissed off.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: And she says, Are you kidding me?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: I show you two of God's greatest gifts, and she performs some cheap pornographic act, and she gets in.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_03: What the fuck is that about?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: St.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: Peter finally says, It's quite simple.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: A royal flush beats two of a kind.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_05: Ah, yes, that sounds like our king.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm sure that when he told that to King Charles, I'm sure that Diana's ex-husband, King Charles, laughed his crown off at that one.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_05: I I bet.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: The one thing about Trump that he proved when he spoke in front of the United Nations, he knows his audience, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: He knows when he writes a joke who it's going to really appeal to.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_05: You know, that joke actually reminded me of two things.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_05: First, how my mom took Tylenol, and all she got was, you know, me.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_05: Also reminded me of the last time our king visited their king.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_05: You know, remember he did that, I think it was earlier this year, and we talked to an English reporter who does a blog called The Royal Scam.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_05: You remember that show?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think this might be a good time for us to go back and kind of refresh our memories of what that interview was like, you know, kind of bring a little royalty in class into the show again, since we're basking in the glory of another successful foreign trip by our king.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think we have time to go into the wonderful success he had at the United Nations, but that's a whole nother show, I think.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_05: It's the rare world leader that can say you're all going to hell.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think anyone's ever said that at the UN, but there we go.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_05: That show would be great to listen to again because that it's very timely.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_05: Johnny, play that show.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_05: But anyway, as you mentioned, I heard he met with King Charles because everybody knows that the UK is a model of efficiency and the British royal family operates on total transparency.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_05: You know, so he asked Good King Charlie, Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_05: Are there any tips you can give me?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_05: You know, any pointers?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Good question.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_05: See, you know, yeah, oh yeah.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_05: See, that's a sign of a great leader.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_05: There you go.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_05: That's a sign of a wise king.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_05: You know, he could have asked him how to destroy a country and probably gotten the same answer, but you know, that's that's that's just bad optics.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_05: Plus the whole thing was on signal, so who knows who was listening.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_05: So that's right.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_05: Anyway, so instead he said he wanted to make it more efficient.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_05: That just sounds so much better.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_05: But you know, at first, King Charles was confused.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_05: It appeared the good King Charlie that King Trump didn't know that England has a prime minister who really runs the Commonwealth.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_05: But old King Charlie is nothing if not diplomatic, and he certainly didn't want to offend our first ever king.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_05: So he answers, oh, the most and and yeah, I'm not gonna do the voice because you know I I don't want to offend you know, I I can't, you know, it would be you know, no, no.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_05: So Charlie says the most important thing to run an efficient government, or I guess in your case, you know, dismantle a government is to surround yourself with intelligent people.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: Well, exactly King Trump was confused.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_05: He frowned, he said, but how do I know the people around me are are really intelligent?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_03: So another good question.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, well, King Charlie took a sip of tea and said, Now, you know, and again, I'm not gonna imitate the accent, but you know, he said, uh, you know, I I don't want to offend him because I you know who knows?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_05: I may want to live there someday.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_05: So I don't want to, you know, get a man, right?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_05: So so anyway, Charles says, Oh, that's easy.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_05: You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_05: Let me give you an example.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_05: Charles pushes a button on his intercom and says, Please ask Queen Camilla to come in.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_05: So Trump starts getting angry.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_05: I I know it's hard to tell when he's angry, but he was.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_05: You know, he was really, really angry, and he said, You know, you mean to tell me that Kamala Harris is your queen?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_05: Well, King Charles, nothing if not diplomatic, right?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_05: But he's a little confused.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_05: He doesn't laugh in his face and whatever, but he kind of leans over, so like he's talking to a five-year-old, and he says, No, Camilla is my wife, the queen of England, right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: That makes sense.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_05: King Charlie is wondering at this point if Trump could pass the intelligence test as well, right?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_05: So Camilla comes in, Queen Camilla comes in.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_05: Charles says to her, Yeah, help me solve this riddle, my love.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_05: I almost did the voice here.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry, almost did.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_05: I don't want to do that.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_05: So he says, Help me solve this riddle, my love.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_05: See, that was more American, right?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that was good.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_05: Your mother and father have a child.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's not your brother, and it's not your sister.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_05: Who is it?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_05: Camilla snubs out a cigarette and says, Well, it's easy, it'd be me.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's very good.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_05: Our king replies, hey, that's very impressive.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_05: You know, you had me stumped.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_05: He gets back to the White House, so excited to try that intelligence test on his people.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_05: So he calls in JD Vance, right, to the o to the oval and says to him, Hey, JD, answer this for me.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_05: Your mother and father have a child.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_05: It's not your brother, and it's not your sister.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_05: Who is it?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_05: Well, JD, not wanting to give any answer that might offend the king, you know, says, Well, I'm not sure.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, let me get back to you on that one.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_05: Well, at least to his face, and at least now as opposed to like the year ago.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: But but I but I digress, but you know, says, Well, I'm not sure.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_05: Let me get back to you on that one.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_05: So JD goes off and he he meets with everybody, he meets with Hegzith, he meets with Gabbard, he meets with Waltz, even that great mind Stephen Miller meet meets with all of them, but nobody can give him an answer.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_05: Finally, he has to go to the men's room, right?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_05: So goes in the men's room, and uh somebody in one of the stalls he recognizes that it's little Marco Rubio in one of the stalls.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_05: He knew it was Marco because of the shoe size, you know.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_05: Well, yeah, sure.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_05: So so JD yells out, Hey little Marco, you busy?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_05: Marco says, Oh, thank you, sir.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_05: May I have another?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_05: So JD says, answer this for me.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_05: Your mother and your father have a child, and it's not your brother or your sister.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_05: Who is it?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_05: Now little Marco's a little worried that's the setup because it's so easy.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but he yells back, he says, That's easy.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: It's me.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_05: So JD is thrilled.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, JD has the answer now.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_05: He goes back to the oval, grabs his knee pads on the way because he knows this is really gonna make the king happy, right?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_05: Goes back to the oval and says, My liege, I did some research on that riddle, and I have the answer.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_05: It's a little Marco Rubio.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_05: Our king gets up and is really angry, and again, it's you know, it's hard to tell, but because he, you know, it's kind of always, but a little more so than normal.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_05: Gets right in JD's face and yells, No, you idiot, it's Kamala Harris.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: And it could be Kamala Harris, right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_05: It could be why not?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna tell him it's not Kamala Harris.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds like our king is really catching on to this royal family stuff, you know.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: He's really got got a got a hang of it.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: And that story is so cool because you get to see the inside of how the royal family functions, and of course, we're talking about the real royal family, the Trump royal family, not the fake Canadian royal family or Trudeau's family and and not England's fake royal family.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, according to our king, his royal family has been around longer than any royal family in the history of the world.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_05: You know, we have been taken advantage of by all those countries with royal families just for decades.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_05: I bet they don't even wear suits.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_05: It's not just in the U.S., our royal family was also the first family of Germany in the 30s and 40s.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, as great-grandmother Ava, you know, was queen.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, sort of.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: Speaking of royal families and gossip, Kathy has, you know, she listens to the about the royal family every night.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: And but lately she's been listening to our royal family, not the one in England.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and she came to me with this rumor that she heard that Tiger Woods is dating Don Jr.'s ex-wife, Vanessa Trump.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's really pretty cool.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: She's a beautiful woman, connected to Tiger Woods.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, how cool is that?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: But from what I've been told, the king is not too proud of that, and he's not happy.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not sure why, but but it's one of those things that I'd like to explore and kind of get the backstory on.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_05: It's crazy how you hear all these rumors, and I mean, we've done shows on conspiracy theories and rumors, and you know, you just you just don't really know what to believe.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_05: Give you an example here.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_05: I heard that Eric Trump had surgery recently to lose some of his hearing, to make himself more deaf, just so he couldn't hear the booing, people booing him at rallies, you know.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_05: Again, I I'm not sure if that's true.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_05: And because of all those rumors that you hear, and we really don't know what to believe.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_05: I thought we should get an expert on our show, an expert about all things royal.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_05: And just the other side of that glass, here she is, Stacy Blank.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_05: And she hosts the new American Royal Family podcast called A Royal Scam.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_05: Stacy, welcome to the show.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you ever so much for having me on, gentlemen.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's been quite the honor to be on the number one comedy podcast in the world.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: I must say I really get invited to be on a competitors podcast.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, but after listening for several months, I can see what a lover you are of our great king and his incredible family.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely, we are, and I love your accent.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that English or is that like South Carolina?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: I can't quite remember.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Is there any other language but English, my dear Jeffrey?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: All right, well, wonderful.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: Anyways, regardless, it's so classy, and it's an honor.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I appreciate Stephen for not trying to attempt to accent yourself earlier.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: It would have been quite defeat.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_05: All I would have failed miserably.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_05: It it was not as as delicate as yours.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_05: I probably would have done more.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yours sounds more like Cambridge, Oxford, London type.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: Mine would have been probably more, yeah, Liverpool, you know.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: So a little liver puddle.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: But it's it's great to have you on the show.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe we could start off by you telling us a little bit about your background, besides where you're from, and how you got all this started.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Intuitably, yes.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, I should say, ought to use an American parlance.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't my first rodeo doing podcasts.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, I've been hosting podcasts for several years now, beginning with one.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you might have heard of this actually.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: It was called Almost Famous, but not the movie.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Almost famous, but not the movie.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: It told the stories of borderline celebrities, or as you call them, one-hit wonders.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Every week we look at the career of a celebrity that had tasted on, but ultimately threw it right in the bin.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: We've covered Almost Famous, but not the movie.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but you would see people like Vanilla Ice, you know, David Caruso, and even uh great King Donald Trump.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, before Kingdom, of course, before his arrival royalty in interestingly enough, along with the massive popularity of our Lord and King Donald Trump, has quite the certain popularity for many other shall we say challenged challenged, uh, you know, Elmost famous stars.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I say, like, oh, the good sir Scott Mayo, you know, very hot right now, the squadron mayo.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so word is you hear this, you hear this, he is favored to win your Academy Award next year.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't believe he's any he's even hired for any pictures.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_05: Wow, now that is talent.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's that hot, you know.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's just if he even glances at a movie, I dare say he shall be nominated.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_05: What talent that is, and I'll tell you, I bet Joni's wants him again, you know.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, just bet Joni, she does love Chargy.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, she does.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_05: I can tell you just by listening to a few of the episodes of your podcast, which I have, uh I I just love it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_05: I just love it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_05: There's so much juicy stuff about our royal family that we're still yeah, we're still learning about it.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, you know, over in the UK, you've you know, you guys are used to this, but you know, it's all all new to us, right?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, I dare say I I hate to I hate to say I feel like you Americans have done royals better, you know.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: You have as there's often the American way, you find something that England does, and then you'll do it just a little bit better, like we'll show friends.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_05: Well, there you go.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_05: Or like most TV shows, right?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you take our television and you're like, oh, this is good.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: What if we made it better?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_05: Where did you get the name a royal scam from?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_05: It uh sounds a little might be perceived by some as a little criticism of our king, and uh you might make him sound like a scammer.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, don't don't, you could be nothing, nothing further from the truth.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: No, you as most of our royal fans know, our king's favorite 70s rock group is Steeley Dan.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, his favorite album is that of the Royal Scam.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: And not only does he love that album ever so much, he loves the name of the group too.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's Steely Dan.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, in fact, in the 1960s, our president used to go by the name Stealing Donald as a sort of shout out a little tip of the cap to the group.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: That is so interesting, and the name fits perfectly.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so excited.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go on and let's kind of dig deeper into this.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: As you know, I mentioned that Vanessa Trump, Don Jr.'s ex, was dating Tiger Woods.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: That sounds crazy to me, but can you kind of give us the real story behind that?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: It has been quite the hot bit of gossip, you know.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I I must say, I can indeed confirm that they have been dating for quite a few months now.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: Several fortnights, one might say.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, but the king, he is not pleased.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, why is that?
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh dear, where shall I even begin?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well, first of all, Vanessa Trump, Vanessa Trump, she's still using the Trump name.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's just basically not a Trump anymore.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: She clings to it.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: She clings to it like marmalade bread.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: She breaks that golden rule that no one can be as good a golfer as the king.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, yes, and the tiger.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he he loses to the king every time they play, but tiger is quite a good golfer, you see, and uh too good, in fact, if you should ask our king.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: He treads on you know some dangerous, dangerous, you know, that is uh what do you call that in golf, where the the dangerous areas of golf in the rough.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: The rough, he's in the rough.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think the king likes that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: He likes the rough.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he likes it rough, yeah.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he did a recent video about that.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, that is a problem.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I guess we can sum this up and say that the king really hates Tiger Woods, then, correct?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, don't hates it.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, please, no, it's much more complicated than that.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, he has quite the soft spot for Tiger, you know, especially after he cheated on his wife with I say, yeah, you're worthy ten different women.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_05: It makes him relatable to him, yeah.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like his bosom buddies.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: It definitely gave him quite the you say the brownie points with Alina, you know.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: He often says he he says to Tiger, he's the luckiest man in the world, you know, he has everything you could want, golden toilets and all.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And uh well, they they definitely.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: have quite a bromance going, you know, it's so cheeky.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and in fact, a king's his favorite joke was one told to him by Sir Tyler Woods.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: He said that golf is the only game where the slowest players are in front of you and the fastest players are behind you.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the king he already he says this he says oh unless the junior miss America pageants in town you know though this is no criticism of our king but I'm not sure I get that joke.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think it makes sense.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah what's your perhaps broads not to you but all his Republican friends oh I love with laughter when he tells this joke.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh especially that majority leader Michael Johnson.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah I bet he's such a card oh yeah he and he and Marco trade shoes I think but but I digress I think you're right I guess we then can assume that everything's good between the king and Tiger about dating Vanessa you know what they say now about assuming though I'm afraid no I say you've made an ass out of you and me.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: No this is what it's much more complicated here you see so now the king even though he loves Tiger he loves him dearly he's not fond of that um shall we say sketchy ethnic background so to speak you know is he Asian?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Is he black?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know we saw this with Kamala Harris he does not like the racial ambiguities or or when sudden someone suddenly becomes one exactly you never know you know you never know right they just this race these ethnic backgrounds didn't come up on you and you know our king he already has you know what a thing what a Jewish member in the family you know so you oh you should add an Asian or a black and it's just it's just too much is his family has been infiltrated by the DEI crowd yeah I can see what he means indeed yes oh finally you know the biggest reason that he does not want tiger to date Vanessa with Ivanka getting up in age you know having children what it does to one's body our king he's had his eye on Vanessa for quite some time you know he always has that thought there back of his head you know hmm if some additional surgeries or she could be quite the the star you know the pornographic star and Academy award winner.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_05: Now that is some juicy royal gossip.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right Scott Mayo Scott Mayo you know is that Academy Award.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_05: Ooh hey you know they'd be great in a movie together wouldn't they?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Wow that's how you get people back into the theaters oh absolutely absolutely that won't go right direct to streaming no sir no no no that will stay in the studios yeah you know you just avatar this is just great stuff you don't get this stuff from that surrendered media that is what we're here for my dear Stephen now shall we shall we take on the other story you brought up earlier about Eric oh yeah and you know as I said the rumor is that Eric made himself deaf more deaf yes so he didn't have to listen to people yes can that be true I mean indeed it can you know now that but you it could be but I'm afraid it is completely made up yeah I'm afraid so I know we'd love that juicy gossip but this one was just a little too not quite there you see he may suffer from some loss of hearing but you know it it does explain some of his more you know bizarre answers to some very simple questions one might think but uh the Trump family you know they would never have a doctor perform such an experimental surgery on one of the their dear precious Trump boys no now even if he has no chance ever ever ever ever to be king but you know I say what we have pardon the choice of words what we do hear is that uh the king might be asking the Tiffany Trump to volunteer for the surgery and you know his little guinea pig if it turns out I say then then we may see the Eric have a gun that kind of makes sense and Tiffany's always been one to you know make the king happy so you know I could I could see her doing that.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_05: Fall upon the surgical sword as it was yeah if she had surgery that made her deaf I don't know that anybody would know it because nobody nobody talks to her who would who would know right who could say really true so this is just all such good stuff and these are such juicy tidbits.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Again you don't hear them anywhere else is there anything else you could share with with our audience I'm sure they're just eating this stuff up I hate to spoil I mean you know I do want everyone to turn into my podcast of course you know I hate to be giving it away for free i i will say you know that this family they they just this is something that why I tell you that this you've perfected the royal family treatment here you know because this family they've got something going on all the time the royals I mean when's the last time anything interesting happened in in Britain you know but I say this is not a second that goes by that there's not some this is simply mad goings on here in America now it's so hard to keep up with it in fact you know I think just the other night we got a scoop that Baron young Baron Trump he's looking at colleges he's looking for university you know he's been visited by all the Ivyleagues and I say being the king's son he should have his pick of any school he wants and I say my bet my bet you can quote me on this Fordham University in New York City you know his his father went there so he is a legacy Wow you know I had always heard that our king went to University of Pennsylvania the Warden School of Business he talks about that a lot I say well like most things about Margaret King Trump it is partially true you know there's sprinklings of truth uh little Jimmy's of truth in there is actually he went to Fordham University after high school he hear this because because he wanted to stay close to home and he was maturing very slowly you know he's a a late bloomer and you physically academically but after a couple of years of being at city school all of a sudden it blossomed like a flower just opening up especially as an SAT taker and from there I say he miraculously got into the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton School of Business God I could just sit here and listen to stories about our royal family all day long is there any word on whether Baron will like father in his fault father in his fall father in his fall as father in his father father his feet yeah whether he will follow in his father's footsteps you know to to go into politics or business do we know yet well I should say you know that Baron beautiful young man that he is we hear he has often dreamed of being an actor treading the board so they say in the rumor has it Baron is thinking of trying out for the remake of the omen as Damien of course I know you you see it right oh gosh he was made for that part oh my god I mean you could probably find a part in that movie for the whole family you know and well and Delamus too you really could I think you can even get Sam Neal back to play some of them oh yeah they've already tried to remake the omen you know recent a recent you know I believe a prequel was made um before but yeah and they they just they have trouble getting the finances going you know the Hollywood it suffers they just keep cranking out all this woke garbage and they just can't get the money for it but it looks like they may finally get this done thanks to good old Uncle Moneybags Elon oh he's the best we love the original movies and you know the any of the old ones they just don't hold up that well it's kind of an unrealistic storyline you know for some reason putting an antichrist in the White House it just seems a little more believable these days don't you think oh yeah I agree completely then again I'm I'm a gullible person I always thought that Canada was our friend so what do I know?
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Most about you Jeffrey well thank you so we don't have a lot of time left but maybe you could share like is there a one final story that you'd like to tease our audience with and everybody remember check out a royal scam and when you're done checking that out check out her podcast too cheeky okay I shall give you a little taste here a little morsel uh this is a developing story as I said where I say it's it's kind of a fun one as we know our king he likes to eat all kinds of food all the best food stuff that the the regular bargain person eats uh fried and delicious uh but I say we have it from a very good source that is part of the doge layoffs and firings of the White House the White House chef and his film staff shall be fired replaced by a food court in the West Wing shopping hall for the 1980s.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Brilliant wow I love those Cinnabons like a good Sabaro five different restaurants for our king and dignitaries to choose from I'm not sure exactly which point which restaurants will be chosen at this point as there's much contention about this but we all know his favourite fried chicken is likely to get a spot there and probably some kind of hamburger joint is where we know he loves his burgers and um well we'll just keep our listeners up to date you tune in here to uh our show here and it will keep you all the news just as it breaks should be very exciting although one thing is for sure none of the breakfast sandwiches shall have any Canadian bacon on it whatsoever what a what a sham that is probably no eggs either you know say waffles waffles might be a good choice there all the little the little divots you can fill with syrup yeah and maybe the only choice by then when they when they do that so um well I think this is great about Belgium oh yeah I think they're our future enemy aren't they oh absolutely yeah I mean they've been very unfair to us you know by hosting NATO I mean you know that's very unfair well I'm sure ego is fairly an American this was great and I just couldn't be prouder of our king the more you share about him the the more prouder I am and praise him indeed yeah and long live the king long live the king yes yeah I know Steven I would like to thank you for being on our podcast this was excellent maybe occasionally in the future we could have you back on our show to give some updates and tell us if you hear anything special that's going on there's always sounds like there's always some good information.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: I should love to do that.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: I do so love chatting with you gentlemen and I would love to just keep your listeners up to date on all of the wondrous things going on in your house of white oh gosh thank you thank you and again thanks for coming on the show and listen to that a royal scam podcast and I I just want to thank you for being on the show and you know I think you shouldn't go home empty handed because you know after after liberation day you might be empty handed.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_04: So Johnny what do we have for a royal scam podcast host right Steve Miss Blank won't draw a blank when she grabs onto a lifelike replica of our king's new five million dollar gold card she'll be able to imagine the long line of people who would pay five million dollars to have a king snapped together by child labor in Arkansas this American beauty is a 79 cent value.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_04: All hers for just 795 plus shipping and hand and she'll want to put a podcast on video when she sees how she looks at her new diamond tiara this diamond shaped tiara is just in time for the baseball season.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_04: Manufactured by Penguins in the herd and McDonald Islands she won't even mind paying the terrorist for this simulated silver zircon imitation replica product of Xmarks the Spot Company formerly known as the United States this has been the No Kings in America production and associated with hands off media.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_04: Find out all about our host at their website step.com This is Johnny speaking I've never cared about gossip royal or otherwise I don't think it's anybody's business what goes on in people's personal lives.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh but let me tell you what Steve's mom told me last night.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_04: She said that her hairdresser's neighbor's brother said that his co worker's aunt said oh never mind.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_04: Good night