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That Gen-X Friend · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

0:13
Welcome back to that Gen. X Friend podcast, or we're
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welcome if this is your first time.
0:20
So before I start, I'm going to give a shout out to MB Radio for
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giving me this platform to share my, my thoughts, no matter how
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chaotic they may be. And guys, hopefully I'm not
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going to pull the, you know, the remember bewitched the little
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girl that twitched her face that to make magic happen.
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His allergies are so bad. I'm constantly trying not to
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scratch my face. So I wiggle my nose.
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Well, if something good comes out of it, that'd be great, but
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I, I haven't seen the results. So I'm going to try not to do
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that today the best I can. It is still cold here even
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though it's June Anyways, So my, what I wanted to cover today is
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that do you know if you listen to hear or do you listen to
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respond? The reason why I asked is that I
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know most of us have been in situations where we're talking,
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right? It seems like we're, we have
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pulled out our hearts and just laid it on a table for whoever
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you're talking to all kinds of situations, you know, personal,
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professional, whatever friendships.
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And, and you're sitting there, you're, you're talking about the
1:47
situation within your relationship, how you feel, all
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that stuff, all that, all the feels, all the feels people.
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And you finish and you're looking to the other person,
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whomever this person could be, you could be a couple people,
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whatever situation, right? And you're listening to the
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response and you're looking around like, wait, are we, are
2:22
we having the same conversation? Wait, hold on.
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I know I saw this movie, you know, spider man multiverse,
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whatever, or Doctor Strange, whatever.
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And you're like, could it be possible this is real?
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Like did I all of a sudden do a time slip and I, I travel to
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another universe where there's another version of me, another
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version of the same person? And, and I had this conversation
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in my old universe and I came back, somehow there was a
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different conversation going on and I landed here.
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Like it's like nothing makes sense.
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If the Twilight Zone sound, the music can come on, you know, it
3:09
would probably be fitting. And you stare into the void of
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whatever the hell they're saying, wonder if you're crazy
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or they're crazy or you're both crazy or somebody slipped some
3:21
drugs into this conversation. But nonetheless, it doesn't
3:24
matter, right? That doesn't matter because
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they're like, this is not me. But guess what?
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In the same time, after going through all these crazy
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scenarios in the head, they're almost done.
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They're almost done expressing themselves.
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And you, you just miss. You're like, wait, what?
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I didn't hear half or not even half.
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I missed most of what was just said because I was so in my mind
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wondering why didn't hear me? Why, why, why?
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And then, you know, now they're looking at you.
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If this is a cordial conversation, I'm not even
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talking about the crazy ones where people just start
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screaming, of course. Right.
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Let's just hold that off for a minute.
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So now wondering why you were wrong or why they weren't
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listening, You just did the same thing, right?
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Or I do this. But of course, at the moment in,
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in the moment, you, you don't recognize that or I, I don't
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recognize this. I just realized I catch myself
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sometimes. I'm like, oh crap, I was in my
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own head. I totally missed.
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So you know, there's tricks that people teach.
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Repeat that last thing they said so in a way that you can fool
4:50
them into thinking that you actually hurt them.
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So I'm just saying you pull that off and then you come back,
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right. Like I said, this is a semi
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chordal conversation. Uncomfortableness.
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Yes, you know, you got all the feels all all the Cray Cray that
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goes with it, but at least you're giving each other an
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opportunity to express yourselves.
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Post the other person's response or whatever they said.
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So now now you say what you say knowing in your head you miss
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half the conversation if not more because you were in your
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own mind. Like what are they saying?
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Like this is crazy I can't believe they didn't.
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Oh my God they never listened to me.
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Oh my God this is so rude. Like I have to put up your crap
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all the time and listen to you whine and blah, blah, blah,
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blah. So right, you know, you know
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what you thought and now you're responding and they're looking
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at you the same way that you're, you looked at them properly, you
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know, But you know, the lack of awareness.
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Most people don't think this is mostly the after actions review
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of conversations I've had that I know if we were being recorded,
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we will be almost mirror images of each other or expressively
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right like the like you know how you I have a very animated face.
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That is another reason I do what I do is just God had a sense of
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humor. I wish I could twist my nose and
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make things happen, but it it doesn't it just makes me sneeze
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sometimes that's the extent anyways.
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So if, like I said, we're mirror images of each other, right?
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Expressively, right, If you think you can picture what
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people, what kind of facial expressions people have when
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they, they're wondering what the Hell's coming out of that
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person's mouth, What are they saying?
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I don't understand. This doesn't make no sense,
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right, 'cause your eyebrows might move.
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My eyebrows move a lot, right? But or your, your eyes might
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shift and you might furrow your brows or just unintentionally
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express your shock or like frustration from whatever is
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being said. Like I, I don't understand what
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you're saying that this had nothing to do with what I said.
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So I'm sure if there was a neutral recording of this,
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right? Both reflecting your face and
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their face and different parts of the conversation when you're
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talking, when they're talking it, it can be very, very
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similar. So of course, unfortunately we
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cannot, you know, with our nose and make them change our their
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behavior. So the only the only people we
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can change is ourselves. As I've said before in previous
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conversations I've had with you, so it does that make you think
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like if you ever have felt this way.
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And I honestly believe even for young people, most people, the
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large majority, I mean, I would say 99%.
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This is not a sign that don't quote me.
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I don't have stats for this. Maybe I can pull up some
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statistics later, but I'm positive most people have had
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this experience. So sure, we can't change other
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people, but we can change ourselves and we will
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undoubtedly be in another conversation because we live in
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this world. So what can we do to improve
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this, to improve our side of the conversation as the listener?
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Because to have a conversation, somebody has to be listening and
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you will play part of that. It's not always equal.
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Maybe you play most of the listener part, maybe sometimes
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you play most of the speaking part.
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But nonetheless, you will have to listen at some point.
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So I don't know who what type of communications you have or what
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type of listener you are because there are plenty of good
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listeners that actually listen. You know, in psychology, there's
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actually training for how to actively listen, meaning that
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you are engaged in a conversation.
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You're not wondering, you know, if you're in a multiverse and
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why you sitting here, Why doesn't this make sense what
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you're going to have for dinner, you know, or why do you have to
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go to another practice or for whatever, you know, it doesn't
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matter the conversation you have in your head.
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But the training is to teach practitioners to actively listen
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to whomever they are talking to them, right?
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So without going to that, of course, most of us are not
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practitioners or psychology practitioners.
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Nonetheless, we can practice being good listeners, right?
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At least at that point we can control what our actions are.
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That's the only thing we can control.
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So you know, being that I know I a couple weeks ago I did a a
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podcast on scrolling right? The ADHD mind, my mind is
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wondering about dinner, laundry. Oh my God, why hasn't you know,
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the realtor called me or whatever it it's just everywhere
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it is. I don't want to use this as an
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excuse, but in today's world, we are so busy.
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Not that maybe physically busy, but our minds are so busy with
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all kinds of voices in our heads that I think that was the the
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last podcast where like who, who's speaking through you, your
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voice, like all these things in your head.
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Well, they all occupy space. They all make noise, right?
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And it's definitely not helpful when we're trying to have a
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conversation and all these voices are going off, you know,
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the you know, where your mom or your dad like, oh God, take care
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of my kid or you're like, I have to worry about work.
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So all these voices, all the parts you play, whatever.
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So it makes it even worse when we are in a conversation and
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we're we're not paying attention.
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We're not trying to not pay attention.
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But sometimes, sometimes when you're just like hating on the
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other person, actively hating on the other person in the middle
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of a conversation, conversation, I mean, that's kind of a
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deliberate act of not listening, right?
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So knowing that I know I do this.
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So that's why I list all the crazy scrolling that I do in my
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mind. I know that even when I'm, I
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know I'm not going to say I know I'm going to say I know that I
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have conversations in with myself in my head.
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Even when I'm having a conversation with myself in my
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own head, I'm not listening. Like my, my mind is rambling,
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but I don't know if other people feel this way or experience the
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same thing. I can literally be saying man, I
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need, I need to do this. I need to do this better.
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All of a sudden, this is still going on inside my head.
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There's another like it's something like subtly running in
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the background, like today's kind of cold.
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I'm feeling really cold right now.
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In the middle of me having a conversation with myself, trying
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to maybe logically talk myself into making a change, right?
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Right now I'm trying to be a better listener, but there's
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parts to me like, wow, it's really cold today.
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Like I'm wearing kind of a itchy sweater and my neck is itchy.
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So all that stuff is still going in the background.
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So even when I'm talking with myself, having a conversation
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with myself or reasoning something out, I'm not listening
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it. I'm on autopilot or I have no
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idea it is and it's a terrible thing.
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So I know me, I am AI wouldn't say I'm a terrible listener
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because I'm aware that I do this.
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I have to consciously decide like be present, be here,
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listen, listen, listen, listen. And sometimes that need to check
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myself also disrupts the listening.
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So knowing who I am or how I listen or my inability to listen
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properly, I, I have to come up with some way to help myself be
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a better listener. This isn't just it's not because
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I'm going to do some ground breaking interview or something
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like if, if you have one wish to interview somebody from the
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past, who would you right? I could tell you if I didn't
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know, I'd probably be squirrel right and that, but I'm not in
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that situation. It's just being a better
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listener that I found people who can listen properly.
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You, I'm pretty sure you have experienced that too.
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When you talk to somebody and they're engaged and they're
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there, they listen and you feel like you've been heard.
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Not that they agree with you, but you've been heard
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afterwards, after you've concluded what you had to say,
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You had exchange of communications, whatever, and
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you truly felt like you were heard, not that they agree with
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you. Agreeing has nothing to do with
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being heard, right? That's completely different.
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It it can change the trajectory of a situation an entire day,
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right. I think obviously there's, there
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are negotiators out there who probably very, very skilled at
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listening and picking out those nuances of what people say, how
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they are saying it, and then reflecting it back in their
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response to the whoever said it to them.
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And that in itself brings down the defenses, right?
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So just imagine what good that would do in your daily life.
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So, yeah, and I get it. I get that you want to be heard.
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I get that, but to practice to want to get to a place where you
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are heard it's pretty. It's the other side of the coin,
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right? If you can give whomever you're
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talking to, could be a group, could be whoever from you one to
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however many people you're talking to.
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If you or me or we can master this ability to listen and
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really hearing what people are saying.
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He really that's half the battle, right?
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Knowing is half the battle. Like at least just say they
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don't listen to you and you listen to them.
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You know their side. That's that's better that's 50%
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that's half the battle. I mean I don't think you can
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lose in this. You know, being being that I
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have just divulged you that I, I am the ADHD listener, even for
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myself. I don't even give myself the
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active listening that I should. I I'm here trying to be a better
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listener because I truly want to understand.
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I want to understand the other side and, and the other side is
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I believe that may be a misnomer like bad labeling.
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You can be on the same side and they can be talking and
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sometimes we automatically put up that defense, like just
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because they're different from me, they think differently from
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me, we push them to the other side like the opposing team,
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right? Well, it's not always that way.
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So, but listening to hear and allowing whatever information
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that's being communicated to digest and then responding with
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consideration, with intelligence, with emotional
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intelligence, with care, I'm willing to bet.
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Not that I have much to bet with.
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I'm willing to bet I would say 80% of most misunderstandings
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would wouldn't even happen, right?
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God, I have so many examples. Like they kind of all run
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together, so I won't give you particulars, but I, I think most
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of you guys know what I'm saying or have been there enough that
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you're like, yeah, no, I I get it.
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Yeah, seriously. Like I've talked to people and I
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can see they're not listening. They're sometimes there are
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people who you can see their mouth move like they're quiet,
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but like you can tell. In a way that the little
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hamsters in the in the tracks is running to think about what they
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can say, how they can refute you like, oh, I'm going to get that
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right there. I'm going to stomp on that, you
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know, so you can almost see it. And that's not a great setup,
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right? So going back to the we can't
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change anybody else. The only person we can't change
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is ourselves. So if we listen, we, if we can
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learn to be better listeners, I think that's a win.
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Win. Sure.
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Yeah, there are times that you should be heard.
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You need to be heard, but you're not.
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Can't control that, right? But you can control what you
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choose to do as the listener. Here's an example, right?
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You're in a situation. Perhaps you're in a disagreement
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and you need to come to some conclusion or resolution and you
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talk. You let the other person talk.
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Obviously. It's obvious either they chose
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to not listen or they did not listen.
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The results pretty much the same because nothing you said
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resonated or they care to consider right?
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Either through not listening or choosing not to listen and
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they're going on and on. But you, you because you
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understand what if how it feels like not to have been heard
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right? Because you're revealing a lot
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of information. Especially with conversations,
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more involved conversations. It's not like can you close the
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door? They just don't do well.
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There's deeper conversations, but that the conversation is can
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you close the door? They didn't listen.
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It was none, right. But if it's more involved, like
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hey, I need to talk to you about the bills.
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So I see this is happening and you know, we are, we need to
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save because blah, blah, blah. We need a plan for this plan for
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that because I'm concerned and you have just relayed your
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thoughts on this, on saving money that has deeper
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implications, right? And they come back and like,
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don't you try to control me, blah.
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You know, I do all this stuff. I know it's hard.
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I know you feel like you haven't heard, been heard and you want
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to defend yourself. Don't at this point, listen,
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listen to what they're saying. Even if you see it as an
22:48
opponent, right? Like they're on the opposite
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team. Apparently we're just, we're
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always going to be fighting or what they're doing.
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If you're going to have a conversation that's that
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involve. Obviously you 2 are involved in
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the in in this situation, right? So they have not brought their
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defenses up to a point. They're completely lying to you.
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They could be too. But when they're talking, they
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are revealing to you all sorts of information.
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They can reveal inconsistencies, reveal reasons why.
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Like the control thing. Like you're just trying to
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control me where you're like, no, I'm no, I I don't.
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It's not a control thing. It's about our future, right?
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You can. When you listen and you're
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listening, you're actually listening to hear what they're
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saying, even if you don't agree. It has nothing to do with
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agreement. OK, No, it doesn't matter if
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they agree or not. It'd be great if they did
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because, you know, we're all just right in our own right
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anyways. But if you listen, there are
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clues. There are clues in there.
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If you listen to hear and you don't listen to respond.
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Like, oh, I can't believe you said that.
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I'm going to say this, man, they're they're, no matter how
24:25
bad a conversation is, there are little treasures in what they're
24:29
saying to you in a way that you can later respond to.
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And just just understand, maybe because you felt like you
24:46
weren't hurt, you want to respond to hurt, right?
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Let that go, Let that go. Listen to them, hear them and
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really find whatever they're going to give you.
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Then consider it when you're calm, if the time allows, right?
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If you need it, like, you know, if you you just gotten something
25:11
just happened, you say, I don't know that needed immediate
25:18
attention like you had to. You have a flat tire.
25:23
You don't have time to argue. Now things needs to be done.
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Well, you can prioritize those things, right?
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You can say, Hey, let's have this conversation later.
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It's, it's better to have conversations where you have,
25:35
you know, beneficially time to digest the situation, the
25:39
conversation, and then respond like adults, not like babies in
25:47
adult bodies. Anyways, Let them let them talk.
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I know it's, I know it's tough to hear a lot of things that
25:58
people say and not let it get to you because some people say some
26:03
hurtful stuff and just out of pocket stuff that's so out of
26:08
pocket. You're like, what is happening?
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Man? I, I didn't, I know, I didn't
26:12
take drugs today. Did you just remember, take a
26:18
breath and listen, just listen. Pretend you are on a
26:24
reconnaissance mission and you're gathering Intel, right?
26:28
That is vital Intel. There's, it doesn't matter what
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the conversation is, how whatever they're saying, they're
26:35
giving you Intel if you if you hear it.
26:39
So from that perspective, it's beneficial, but just say it's
26:45
not volatile. It's it's not something huge and
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you they didn't, they didn't listen to you, but you listen to
26:52
them. And when it's your turn to
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respond, you respond in a way where they can't deny that you
27:01
hurt them, that you gave it in such a honest way, in a like
27:09
emotionally intelligent way. It disarms them.
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That's a win, win, right? This is not going to be easy.
27:18
I'm not saying if you just listen, there's different ways
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of listening. I'm learning.
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I'm I'm trying to learn how to better listen, right.
27:29
So it will take practice. This is there's no miracle.
27:32
There's no miracle cure except for to practice how to listen to
27:40
hear, all right. And then after you've heard
27:44
them, you can mount epic responses if you want.
27:49
Or if it was so out of hand. Heck, silence is a response.
27:57
Silence can be interpreted for many things, right?
28:01
You don't have to respond just that's, that's an ace in your
28:05
back pocket. By the way, because some people
28:11
say things in conversations, if you listen, they're deliberate.
28:16
They're meant to hurt you. They want to elicit this
28:19
response, right? They're counting on you, not
28:22
listening by these little inflection points like these
28:28
little scut missiles coming at you.
28:31
And you're trying to now you're being reflected like the it's a
28:34
reflex and not so much as a considered move, right?
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They're counting on it. They know most people don't
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listen, listen to hear. They're counting on you
28:45
responding in a rash way. So that way the table is
28:49
completely turned. Now, I don't want to give this
28:52
sort of do you listen to hear or hear to or listen to respond a
28:58
negative point of view. It could be good and bad, right,
29:05
depending on how you do it. So but it will most definitely
29:10
end bad or at least misunderstandings.
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It's never I thought it was really good when you don't
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listen right? Based on your own experience now
29:24
don't. Don't trust mine.
29:25
I know what I've gone through with this.
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So use your own life as the examples you need.
29:31
Why listening to hear is better than listening to respond.
29:36
Because then you just miss a whole bunch of stuff they just
29:38
throw at you. All this all all these little
29:41
treasures, they they're giving you hints, they're giving you
29:43
Intel, they're giving you information about things you
29:47
didn't think to even think about.
29:49
But if you're all in your head trying to respond, you're going
29:52
to miss all of it. So sad.
29:56
I I found that sometimes when I do listen, I'm like, what?
30:00
Holy, I didn't know that was going to come out.
30:03
Wow, that was pretty useful. And you keep that in back your
30:06
head, not as a way to attack if you need to attack, I don't
30:10
know, depending on the situation, can't cover it all.
30:13
But that's where I wanted to share with everybody.
30:18
It's never a bad thing to listen to hear.
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I think based on my life, most like over 90% of all, let's say,
30:40
misunderstandings like issues, whatever big and small, could
30:48
have been largely avoided if listening to hear was part of
30:57
this, this behavior, right when we're having a conversation, not
31:03
just from my side. Of course, having a conversation
31:05
depends on both sides. But even if it was just me
31:10
listening, I could have probably avoided a lot of the stuff
31:15
because I would have heard what they said.
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And then when about my planning my ways appropriately because I
31:26
had heard them, I know what they're thinking or consider
31:30
what they said and navigated around it properly instead of
31:36
missing half the words and then coming back and wasting my time
31:39
getting mad and then get to anything or causing additional
31:44
issues. So that was my puppy.
31:48
It's sneezing. I don't know if you heard, but
31:53
yeah, I, I think listening to hear is, is more or less a win,
32:04
win for, especially for, for you, for me on our side, because
32:10
we cannot control other people. We can't, right?
32:13
But even if we we can mass or we can start being more aware for
32:19
listening to hear, you can see that things might not get
32:27
complicated, not that complexity wise, but you don't further
32:33
complicate things because you didn't hear the information that
32:37
was given, right. So I'm going to practice this.
32:42
Not not that I have like a particular example to give, not
32:48
that I lack them either. I just don't have one right now
32:51
that I would want to share, but I know is it's been on my mind.
33:00
Why is it when I'm even when I'm talking to myself that I don't
33:04
listen? Like, you know, most doctors
33:08
don't listen to the Roman vice kind of thing, right?
33:11
Why don't I listen? Why don't I hear what is being
33:15
said and I just substituted with my own junk.
33:21
So I wanted to share that with you guys and maybe maybe start a
33:32
thought process within you or help someone get out of their
33:38
own heads when they're talking to people.
33:41
Maybe this is a way, a path to start reducing the numbers of
33:52
misunderstanding or problems that we cause by not listening
34:01
to hear. Yeah.
34:06
So maybe next time, I don't know, Hopefully I'll have some
34:11
better examples. I know I'll probably come back
34:14
to this topic again. Like many of the other topics, I
34:20
sort of kind of weave them together sometimes.
34:23
Hopefully I'll I'll have a good situation that I can share and
34:33
how I responded or, you know, whether I heard or listened to
34:37
hear or listen to respond, I'll share it either way.
34:41
So that way get some critiques or you know, help somebody think
34:48
about it from another perspective.
34:52
Well, OK guys, it is cold here, my sweater sweater itchy and I
34:56
really want to scratch my face. So I will talk to you guys again
35:03
in a couple weeks and in the meantime, please take care of
35:06
yourself. I pray for you guys.
35:10
I hope, I hope you guys are doing well.
35:14
OK, Well, until next time. I will talk to you later.
35:18
Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you
35:22
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35:26
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