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What Happens When You Tell a Narcissist About Your Past? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  All right, y'all, So what happens when you tell a
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  narcissist about your past? And not even when you confess,
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  but when you're just being real with a narcissistic person and
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  you decide that you want to tell them about your past?
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  Like you're getting close to them and you share some of your
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  deepest, darkest secrets with this person.
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  Like what? What happens?
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  What, what happens next when you share this type of stuff with
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  this person? I'll give some of y'all a guess.
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  What do you think happens next when you share this, when you
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  share this type of stuff with a narcissistic person And today's
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  mic holder is a red flag. I actually got a red flag to
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  hold the mic today. But yes, a lot of times when
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  you're dealing with narcissistic people will you share your past,
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  good past bad past traumatic past relationship past happy
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  past, sad past. Anything that you share with a
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  narcissist can and will be used against you in a court of
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  narcissism, in a court of narcissistic law.
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  Anything you share can and will be used against you.
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  Anything, anything will be brought up in an argument later
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  on. Right now, at the beginning,
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  when you share your past with the narcissist, like when you if
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  you decide when you get in to know is this person and you
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  share your past with them, a lot of times what will happen is
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  they will, you know, they will reciprocate.
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  They'll share something of their about their past with you.
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  You don't mean they'll share something, some type of hurtful
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  anecdote or something that they themselves have went through
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  their shit. They will share something with
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  you or they'll they'll feign some level of empathy.
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  They'll be like, Oh my goodness, can't be a leave.
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  You went through that. OK, you said that, but later on
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  the same thing in the beginning that they, they, they feel sorry
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  for you for or they feel bad about Later on they'll throw it
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  in your face. Let's just say you got whoopings
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  when you were a kid and you hated it.
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  You know whooping weapons now looked at looked at as child
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  abuse, right? So let's say you got whoopings
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  as a kid and you hated it, right?
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  And you told your narcissistic partner this.
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  I hated the fact I got whoopings as a kid.
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  I'm still traumatized from it. One day you're arguing with them
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  *** what happens? That's why your mom used to beat
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  your ass when you was little. That's when your daddy used to
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  beat that beat your ass in a little.
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  I see why you got that belt. I see why they use that switch.
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  I see why they use that plastic wiffle ball bat.
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  And the bat used to whistle right before he hit you across
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  your back. Woo bat, woo bat, woo bat.
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  That wiffle bat was wiffling when he was tagging your ass.
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  And you deserve every bit of it 'cause you're a horrible person
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  and the crazy money is y'all. When they throw your past in
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  your in, they throw your past in your face.
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  A lot of times out they're doing it because like you try to hold
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  them accountable for something. Like you haven't tried to throw
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  their past in their face. They're just trying to hold you
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  accountable or be angry at you because you, because something
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  happened right here. Like you didn't throw their pass
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  in their face. Like you might have caught them
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  in the ACT, caught them lying, caught them cheating, caught
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  them being manipulative or something like that, right?
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  But now because they're angry with you, they'll tell you that
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  they'll use your past against you as a weapon.
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  Your deepest, darkest secrets are, are now and will now be
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  weaponized against you. And this is what you're going to
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  have to deal with right here. They will use your deepest,
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  darkest secrets as a weapon against you.
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  They absolutely will. What?
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  Whatever you've been through, the pain you've experienced,
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  that type of stuff right there, they absolutely will use it
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  against you. The abuse will not stop.
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  The abuse will typically get worse.
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  And they'll throw it in your face in your moments of
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  vulnerability when you need a helping hand.
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  They will not. Instead of reaching, giving a
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  helping hand, they'll give you a clenched fist.
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  Maybe not a clenched, a physical clenched fist, but a
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  metaphorical, metaphorical clenched fist.
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  Nonetheless. You won't get a helping hand in
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  return because narcissistic people, a lot of them, a lot of
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  us lack empathy, right? So instead of being there for
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  you when you need us, they'll throw something in your face,
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  tell you to deserve it. You deserve what you went
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  through. The reason that you're crying,
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  why you crying right now? You fake crying, you faking
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  tears like this. You you're you're only getting
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  what you deserve. Like everything that's happening
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  to you right now, everything that you're going through, you
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  deserve it to happen to you because you're a horrible human
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  being. Because Ribble rabble rabble,
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  blah, blah blah, Boo Boo Boo BB. So anything.
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  So this is what I tell people. Make people earn your
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  information. I know some of y'all are free
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  spirits. You like to over share.
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  Usually I'm just a sharing person.
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  I just like to share, share, share.
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  Be careful with what you share. Yeah.
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  Untethered empathy. Untethered compassion will be
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  used against you by narcissistic people because a lot of
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  narcissists, we are like we, we make it seem like we are just
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  easy to talk to, just easy to chat with, right, easy to
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  converse with. We're, we're, you get, so
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  everything is so easy to talk to and converse with and all that
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  other stuff. It's we, we get to that point
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  right there where you trust us. So you share all your
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  information with us. And when you share with us,
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  you'll be thrown in your face. You won't just be thrown in your
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  face one time. You'll be thrown in your face
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  repeatedly, like they'll throw it in your face, right?
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  They'll use it against you and then you and they'll say, I
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  promise I'll never do it again. And guess what?
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  They'll do it again and they'll do it again and again and again
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  because it works. Because they know if they bring
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  up your grandma who you love dearly that passed away, they'll
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  know. They know that it hurts your
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  feelings. So they'll use it to get out of
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  something like if you are trying to hold them accountable for
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  something that they have actually done.
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  If you just talking to them about something that they have
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  actually did, they still will try to use your past against you
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  to justify something that they have done to you right now,
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  including and not limited to the past before you even met even
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  met them. You heard it the past.
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  But your relationship past before you even met them will be
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  used against you. It absolutely will.
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  That's one of the things that happens to so many people.
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  Your relationship past can and will be weaponized against you.
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  This happens to people all the time.
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  Like if you dated somebody that they know you've had you see
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  what I'm saying? You've dated quite a few people
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  and they don't like that they will use it against you all the
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  time. I only I cheated on you because
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  you were with 15 people before we dated.
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  What? I cheated on you because you
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  You, you. You.
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  You. You.
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  You dated somebody before me? What?
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  I just felt super insecure because you because you had
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  boyfriends before me, and I don't know how to get handle it.
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  So I started cheating. What?
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  Did you have girlfriends before me?
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  Yeah, but that's beside the point.
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  Or the my my personal favorite is y'all, we all break up or
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  y'all take a break and then you end up trying to move on.
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  Like you y'all take a break when y'all break up with no intent on
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  getting back together and you try to move on and somehow y'all
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  do in the back together and they will call you a cheater.
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  So your relationships, doing y'all's breakups count as
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  cheating to narcissistic people. Because now again, that's the
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  past, right? But I just what I said earlier,
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  that's the past. You know, the past is relevant
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  in these situations. You're dealing with a
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  manipulative, A manipulative narcissist.
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  The past becomes so relevant in these scenarios, in these
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  situations, it absolutely does. So that's something that you
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  absolutely need to be thinking about it.
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  It needs to be this needs to be rattling around in that little
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  empathetic head of yours that make sure that you are making
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  people earn the information that you're sharing with them.
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  And also make sure that they're they're sharing or reciprocating
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  information back. Because what happens to a lot of
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  people is that like you end up over sharing and they don't
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  share anything. So down there, you down there
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  talking to yourself, like you end up over sharing with this
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  person and they just they don't share anything with you.
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  You like, Hey, I've just shared some trauma with you.
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  You got, you got, I just shared a little bit of trauma with you.
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  You want to share something with me, please.
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  Oh, no, I, I just, I'm not ready to do that yet yet.
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  But thanks for sharing yours. I promise you I won't use it
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  against you. You see that's what happens.
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  I know some of y'all will hear that just like damn it leave.
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  This video was four years too late or two months too late.
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  I told him about my dad leaving and he used it against me.
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  He made me feel like a horrible person.
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  I told I told her that my mom abandoned me and every time we
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  get the arguing and talking and we get the arguing she brings up
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  my mom. She's keeps He keeps talking
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  about my mommy issues and said I'll never be healed and I need
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  to grow up and stop and just move past my mommy issues or
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  I'll never be a happy happy man. Whatever it is you see it can
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  and will be used against you no matter how small it is.
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  Y'all anything that you've done small in the past can be used
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  against you. Again, this could be before the
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  relationship started before before you even met this.
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  Not just the relationship starting before you even met
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  this person, it could absolutely be going that way before you
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  even met this narcissistic person.
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  They can absolutely use the stuff that happened to you
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  before against you later on. And that's the mindset of
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  narcissistic people. They always feel like everything
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  is free game to them. Everything can will be used
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  against you. And This is why it's so
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  important to guard your information damn near with your
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  life y'all. Because if you don't guard your
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  information with your life, I'm telling you that narcissistic
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  person, they going to take everything, everything that they
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  learned about you, they're going to weaponize it against you and
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  they're going to be keep being completely abusive and oblivious
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  to you. Everything that you say and do
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  to this person will be used against you.
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  Every single thing. I promise you, no stone will be
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  left unturned. You're giving them more
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  information to hurt you with. Of course, in a healthy happy
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  relationship, you can share past traumas, you can share things
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  that have happened to you. They can share.
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  Y'all can go back and forth playing trauma tennis, right?
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  Trauma table tennis. Y'all smacking y'all sharing
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  trauma back and forth you back, you backhanded trauma to them.
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  These 4 they forward smashing it, but you have to be careful
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  with narcissistic people because they can and will be using it
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  will be used against you and the crazy about it is y'all, they'll
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  do something horrible to you, right?
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  They'll throw something in your face that you prom that they
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  that they promised never to bring up again.
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  They will literally throw something in your face and then
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  they'll throw something in your face, right?
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  And then when you refuse to share future things with them,
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  they'll say that. They'll say you don't trust me.
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  That's why we'll never work out because you don't trust me.
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  And then we, we never going to work out because you don't even
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  because you don't think about how we got here in the 1st
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  place. Like you don't take
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  accountability, but how we got here in the 1st place.
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  Nothing doesn't work like it's your fault.
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  We not as close as we used to be a we, things are not working
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  out. It's your fault.
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  It's your fault, it's your fault.
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  They will almost always try to find a way to blame you for
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  everything that's going on. Y'all it's like I'm telling you
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  it literally is like clockwork. They will always use your past
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  against you. That's why it's important to
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  keep your past close to the cuff.
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  If you have issues and whatnot, you always talk to a therapist.
• 11:01
  Try to find a good therapist to talk to you your past about.
• 11:03
  If you're dealing with a past a narcissist.
• 11:07
  Lee Hammock does one on ones over zoom in phone calls and Lee
• 11:11
  hammock has a support group. Lee Hammock has courses and has
• 11:16
  courses and video series about healing for narcissistic abuse
• 11:19
  and understanding what you went through as well.
• 11:21
  So y'all hit the subscribe button if you don't have.
• 11:23
  If you haven't already, go to mentalillness.net for coaching
• 11:25
  courses, all the other stuff. Check one of these videos on the
• 11:27
  screen to stay on the channel. Watch a different video.
• 11:30
  YouTube thinks one of these videos will fit you perfectly.
• 11:33
  Hit the subscribe button y'all. I'm out please.