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10 - Baron Trump's Marvellous Underground Journey - Ingersoll Lockwood · Daily Classic Science Fiction Books

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  Speaker 1: Chapter ten, A brief account of my conversations with Doctor Nebulosis,
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  Speaker 1: Sir amber Opake, and Lord Cornicor, who tell me many
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  Speaker 1: things that I never knew before, for which I was
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  Speaker 1: very grateful. Lord Bulgar and I were more than pleased
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  Speaker 1: with our new friends, Doctor Nebulosis, Sir amber Opake, and
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  Speaker 1: Lord corncor although so eager were they to make us
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  Speaker 1: thoroughly comfortable that they overdid the matter at times and
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  Speaker 1: left me scarcely a moment to myself in which to
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  Speaker 1: make an entry in my note book. They were extremely solicitous,
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  Speaker 1: lest in my ignorance I should set down something wrong
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  Speaker 1: about them, For said Sir amber Opake. Now that thou
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  Speaker 1: hast found the way to this underworld of ours, little Baron,
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  Speaker 1: I feel assured that we shall have a number of
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  Speaker 1: visitors from thy people every year or so, and I
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  Speaker 1: have already issued orders to have extra beds made as
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  Speaker 1: soon as the wood can be quarried. Doctor Nebulosis gave
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  Speaker 1: me a very interesting account of the various ailments which
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  Speaker 1: the Macamenkes suffer from, all sickness among our people. Little
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  Speaker 1: Baron said, he is pure mental or emotional, that is,
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  Speaker 1: of the mind or feelings, there is no such thing
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  Speaker 1: as bodily infirmity among us. Wine and strong drink are
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  Speaker 1: unknown in our world, and the food we eat is
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  Speaker 1: light and easily digested. We are never exposed to the
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  Speaker 1: danger of breathing a dust laden atmosphere. And while we
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  Speaker 1: are an active and industrious people, yet we sleep a
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  Speaker 1: great deal. For as our laws forbid the use of
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  Speaker 1: lamps or torches, except for the use of those toiling
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  Speaker 1: in the dark chambers, it is not possible for us
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  Speaker 1: to ruin our health by turning night into day. We
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  Speaker 1: go to bed the very moment the river of light
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  Speaker 1: ceases to flow. The only ailment that ever gives me
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  Speaker 1: the least trouble is I bury Euphrosenian pray. What is
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  Speaker 1: the nature of that ailment, I asked. It is an
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  Speaker 1: inclination to be too happy, replied doctor Nebulosis gravely. And
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  Speaker 1: I regret to say that several of our people attacked
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  Speaker 1: with this ailment have shortened their lives by refusing to
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  Speaker 1: take my remedies. It usually develops very slowly, beginning with
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  Speaker 1: an inclination to giggle, which after a while is succeeded
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  Speaker 1: by violent fits of laughter. For instance, little Baron when
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  Speaker 1: thou earnest among us, many of our people were attacked
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  Speaker 1: with a violent form of I bary euphrosna. And although
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  Speaker 1: Master Cold Soul, the Court Depressor made great efforts to
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  Speaker 1: check it, yet he was quite powerless to do so.
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  Speaker 1: It spread over the city with remarkable rapidity, without knowing why,
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  Speaker 1: our workmen at their work, our children at their play,
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  Speaker 1: our people indoors and out began to laugh and to
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  Speaker 1: be dangerously happy. I made examinations of several of the
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  Speaker 1: worst cases, and discovered that at the rate they were beating,
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  Speaker 1: the hearts of most of them would run down in
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  Speaker 1: a single week. It was terrible. A council was hastily held,
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  Speaker 1: and it was determined to conceal thee and Lord Bulgar
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  Speaker 1: from the public view. But happily my skill got the
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  Speaker 1: upper hand of the attack. Didst increase the number of
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  Speaker 1: pills to be taken? I asked, no, little baron, said
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  Speaker 1: doctor Nebulosis. I increased their size and covered them with
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  Speaker 1: a powder which made them extremely difficult to swallow, and
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  Speaker 1: in this way compelled those taking them to seize their laughing.
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  Speaker 1: But there were a number of cases so violent that
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  Speaker 1: they could not be cured in this way, those I
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  Speaker 1: ordered to be strapped in at the waist with broad belts,
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  Speaker 1: and to have their mouths held pride open with wooden wedges.
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  Speaker 1: As thou mayest understand, this made laughing so difficult that
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  Speaker 1: they speedily gave it up altogether. Ah, little Baron, continued
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  Speaker 1: the wise doctor, with a sigh. That was a sorry
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  Speaker 1: day for the human race when it learned how to laugh.
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  Speaker 1: It is my opinion that we owe this useless agitation
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  Speaker 1: of our bodies to you, people of the upper world.
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  Speaker 1: Exposed as ye were, to piercing winds and biting frosts,
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  Speaker 1: he contracted the habit of shivering to keep warm. And
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  Speaker 1: little by little this shivering habit grew upon you, so
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  Speaker 1: that ye kept up the shivering, whether ye were cold
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  Speaker 1: or not, only ye called it by another name. Now,
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  Speaker 1: my knowledge of the human body teaches me that this
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  Speaker 1: quivering of the flesh is, if very wise, provision of
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  Speaker 1: nature to keep the blood in motion, and in this way,
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  Speaker 1: to save the human body from perishing from the cold.
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  Speaker 1: But why should we quiver when we are happy? Little Baron?
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  Speaker 1: All pleasure is the thought. And yet at the very
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  Speaker 1: moment when we should keep our bodies in as perfect
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  Speaker 1: repose as possible, we begin this ridiculous shivering. Do we
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  Speaker 1: shiver when we look upon the beauties of the river
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  Speaker 1: of light, or listen to sweet music, or gaze upon
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  Speaker 1: the loving countenance of our gracious Queen Alaxa. But worse
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  Speaker 1: than all, little Baron, this senseless quivering and shivering, which
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  Speaker 1: we call laughter, unlike good, deep, long drawn, wholesome size,
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  Speaker 1: empty the lungs of air without filling them again. And
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  Speaker 1: thus do we often see these gigglers and laughers fall
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  Speaker 1: over in fainting fits, absolutely choked by their own wild
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  Speaker 1: and unreasoning action. I have always contended little Baron, that
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  Speaker 1: we alone, of all animals, had the laughing heabit, And
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  Speaker 1: I am now delighted to have my opinion confirmed by
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  Speaker 1: my acquaintance with the wise and dignityied Lord Bulger. Observe him.
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  Speaker 1: He knows quite as well as we what it is
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  Speaker 1: to be pleased, to be amused, to be delighted. But
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  Speaker 1: he doesn't think it necessary to have recourse to fits
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  Speaker 1: of shivering and shuddering. Through the brightened eye, the true
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  Speaker 1: window of the soul, I can see how happy he is.
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  Speaker 1: I can measure his joy, I can take note of
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  Speaker 1: his contentment. I was delighted with this learned discourse of
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  Speaker 1: the gentle doctor Nebulosis, and make notes of it, lest
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  Speaker 1: the points of his argument might escape my memory. The
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  Speaker 1: more pleased was I in that he proved my faithful
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  Speaker 1: bulgar to be so wisely constructed and regulated by nature.
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  Speaker 1: I made particular inquiry of my friends, Sir amber Opake
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  Speaker 1: and Lord Cornercore, as to whether Queen Glaxa ever had
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  Speaker 1: any trouble in governing her people. None, whatever, was the answer.
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  Speaker 1: In many a long year, has it only been necessary
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  Speaker 1: on one or two occasions to summon a micamenke before
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  Speaker 1: the magistrate and examine his heart under a strong light.
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  Speaker 1: The only punishment allowed by our laws is confinement for
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  Speaker 1: a shorter or longer time in one of the dark chambers.
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  Speaker 1: The severest sentence ever known to have been passed by
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  Speaker 1: one of our magistrates was twelve hours in length. But
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  Speaker 1: in all honesty we must admit little baron that falsehood
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  Speaker 1: and deception are unknown amongst us, for the simple reason that,
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  Speaker 1: being transparent, it is impossible for a mccamenke to deceive
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  Speaker 1: a brother without being caught in the act. Therefore, why
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  Speaker 1: make the attempt. The very moment one of us begins
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  Speaker 1: to say one thing while he is thinking another, his
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  Speaker 1: eyes cloud up and betray him, just as the crystal
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  Speaker 1: clear weather glass clouds up at the approach of a
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  Speaker 1: storm in the upper world. But this, of course, little Baron,
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  Speaker 1: is only true of our thoughts. Our laws allow us
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  Speaker 1: to hide our feelings by the use of the black fan.
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  Speaker 1: No one may look upon another's heart unless its owner
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  Speaker 1: wills it. It is a very grave offense for one
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  Speaker 1: micamenk to look through another without that one's permission. But
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  Speaker 1: as thou wilt readily understand, inasmuch as we are by
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  Speaker 1: nature transparent, it is utterly impossible for a marriage to
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  Speaker 1: prove an unhappy one, for the reason that when a
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  Speaker 1: youth declares his love for a maiden, they both have
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  Speaker 1: the right by law to look upon each other's hearts,
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  Speaker 1: and in this way they can tell exactly the strength
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  Speaker 1: of the love they have for each other. This and
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  Speaker 1: many other strange and interesting things did my new friends
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  Speaker 1: Doctor Nebulosis, Sir amber Opake, and Lord Cornercore impart unto me?
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  Speaker 1: And right grateful was I to good Queen Galaxa for
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  Speaker 1: having chosen them for me. Good friends are better than gold,
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  Speaker 1: although we may not think it at the time. End
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  Speaker 1: of Chapter ten,