Latest / Pastor John Piper's answers / Should You Marry Her Anyway?

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Should You Marry Her Anyway? · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: For your part, you did things right, not perfectly, but right.
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  Speaker 1: You waited, you saved yourself for marriage, You made purity pledges,
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  Speaker 1: you kept boundaries, you committed your sexuality to God early.
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  Speaker 1: And then you met someone great. She loves Christ and
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  Speaker 1: you have a lot in common. You can see your
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  Speaker 1: future with her. And then she drops a bombshell revelation
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  Speaker 1: on you. She didn't wait, and suddenly all the clarity
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  Speaker 1: you thought you had becomes a fog and a fear.
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  Speaker 1: Did her past ruin your future? It's a difficult question
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  Speaker 1: today on ask Pastor John, should you marry her? Anyway?
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  Speaker 1: The question is from a confused young man named Luke.
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John, I want to thank the Lord first of
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  Speaker 1: all for your devotion to Him and to us all
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  Speaker 1: and providing so many thoughtful biblical answers to tough questions
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  Speaker 1: over the years. Many of those answers have helped me
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  Speaker 1: at just the time in life when I needed it,
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  Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you about dating relationships in
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  Speaker 1: virginity and ask your advice. I'm a single, twenty five
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  Speaker 1: year old man, a virgin. I've striven to live a
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  Speaker 1: sexually pure life for God and for my future wife recently,
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  Speaker 1: I met a girl who is a loving Christian woman.
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  Speaker 1: I like and share a lot in common with her,
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  Speaker 1: except for this, she is not a virgin. This came
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  Speaker 1: as a shock to me. To be honest, the clarity
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  Speaker 1: I once had is gone. I don't know what to do.
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  Speaker 1: She has repented and asked Jesus for forgiveness, but I'm
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  Speaker 1: also painfully aware that sins have ongoing consequences, that I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to have to carry this memory for the rest
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  Speaker 1: of my life should I marry her. I'm worried I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to have a second rate in marriage. I know
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  Speaker 1: ultimate happiness isn't found in marriage or in this life,
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  Speaker 1: but in Jesus alone. However, I'm in a position where
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  Speaker 1: I could in this relationship and find another Christian woman
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  Speaker 1: who is a virgin. I guess what I'm asking is this?
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  Speaker 1: What Bible truth can you offer as I make this decision?
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  Speaker 2: Well dart with this Proverbs thirty one to ten. An
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  Speaker 2: excellent wife who can find she is far more precious
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  Speaker 2: than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her.
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  Speaker 2: There are no perfect women, but there are excellent women.
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  Speaker 2: There are trustworthy women, And what you want in a
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  Speaker 2: woman is a morally and spiritually excellent, trustworthy, lifelong partner.
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  Speaker 2: If she can be pretty, that's a bonus, but that's
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  Speaker 2: not the focus. Where does such a wife come from?
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  Speaker 2: Proverbs nineteen fourteen answers. House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
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  Speaker 2: but a prudent wife is from the Lord. I don't
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  Speaker 2: have any doubt that my wife of fifty seven years
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  Speaker 2: was and is from the Lord. The circumstances surrounding our meeting,
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  Speaker 2: our first talking are falling in love were not designed
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  Speaker 2: by us, and maybe so with you. So how shall
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  Speaker 2: you think about the woman in your life as God's
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  Speaker 2: gift to you and you to her? How does her
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  Speaker 2: previous sexual immorality that's the phrase from the from the
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  Speaker 2: New Testament, the old phrases fornication? How does that figure
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  Speaker 2: into this?
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  Speaker 1: Here?
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  Speaker 2: Five things to consider from the Bible. Number one is
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  Speaker 2: her repentance sincere are there evidences as you know her
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  Speaker 2: now that her past sin is a sign of an
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  Speaker 2: ongoing character flaw that would suggest she is untrustworthy? That's
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  Speaker 2: your key question. There's no formula here. This is what
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  Speaker 2: courting or dating or engagement is. For a time for
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  Speaker 2: both of you to discern each other's character, and you
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  Speaker 2: need to pray that God give you discernment. Pray earnestly.
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  Speaker 2: The Lord will show you and her your true selves.
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  Speaker 2: That's what you want. Genuine repentance is reflected in new
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  Speaker 2: character strengths. Otherwise it's not repentance. Repentance means change. Whatever
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  Speaker 2: sinfulness or weakness caused her to have sexual relations outside
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  Speaker 2: God's will should be deeply regretted, deeply changed, and God
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  Speaker 2: will help you see what He's done in her life. Second,
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  Speaker 2: don't treat the transforming grace of God as less powerful
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  Speaker 2: than the corrupting power of sin that would dishonor Christ
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  Speaker 2: dishonor the Holy Spirit. Believe first Corinthia six nine to eleven.
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  Speaker 2: Do not be deceived neither sexually immoral that's her action.
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  Speaker 2: Nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves,
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  Speaker 2: nor greedy nor drunkards, nor revilers nor swindlers will inherit
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  Speaker 2: the Kingdom of God. They won't. But such were some
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  Speaker 2: of you. What a statement about the church. But you
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  Speaker 2: were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the
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  Speaker 2: name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of God.
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  Speaker 2: Don't treat that miracle as less glorious than the ugliness
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  Speaker 2: of her sin. Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.
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  Speaker 2: Number three, keep in mind the marriage of God to
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  Speaker 2: Israel and the marriage of Christ to his Church. Neither
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  Speaker 2: neither God nor Christ found a pure bride. They made
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  Speaker 2: a pure bride. Listened to God's engagement and marriage to
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  Speaker 2: Israel in Ezekiel sixteen five to seven. It's an incredible chapter.
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  Speaker 2: No I pitied you talking, God talking to his bride
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  Speaker 2: that he found. No I pitied you. You were cast
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  Speaker 2: out on the open field. You were bhored on the
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  Speaker 2: day you were born. And when I passed by you
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  Speaker 2: and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you,
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  Speaker 2: in your blood live. I made you flourish like a
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  Speaker 2: plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall,
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  Speaker 2: and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed, and
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  Speaker 2: your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare.
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  Speaker 2: God did not find her beautiful. He made her beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: Here's the marriage of Jesus with his church and Avishan's
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  Speaker 2: five husbands. Love your wives, Christ, love the Church. Love
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  Speaker 2: her as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up
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  Speaker 2: for her. That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her
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  Speaker 2: by the washing of water with the words, so that
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  Speaker 2: he might present the church to himself in splendor, without
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  Speaker 2: spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might
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  Speaker 2: be holy and without blemish. Now this doesn't mean we
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  Speaker 2: go looking for the most impure woman we can find
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  Speaker 2: to marry. We're not God and we don't have his
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  Speaker 2: ability to sanctify. But the picture is telling, isn't it.
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  Speaker 2: Marriage does not begin with a sinless bride. It begins
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  Speaker 2: with love and faith and progresses with growing holiness. Four.
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  Speaker 2: Ask yourself whether you are concerned that she has had sex,
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  Speaker 2: or whether you are concerned that she has had sinful sex.
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  Speaker 2: If you are primarily concerned that it was sinful, that's good,
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  Speaker 2: and you know what the answer that is repentance from
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  Speaker 2: her forgiveness from you. But if you are concerned about
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  Speaker 2: the sheer fact of her previous sexual intercourse and whether
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  Speaker 2: it will be in your minds when you lie together,
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  Speaker 2: and whether it will fill your thoughts and ruin the
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  Speaker 2: purity of the ecstasy, remember this. The Bible teaches that
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  Speaker 2: it is good for young widows to remarry one Timothy
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  Speaker 2: five fourteen, which means it is possible for a man
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  Speaker 2: to have a beautiful sexual relationship with a wife who,
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  Speaker 2: in a previous marriage has had sex with another man
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  Speaker 2: hundreds of times. That doesn't mean that both of you
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  Speaker 2: may not be tempted to go there in your mind,
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  Speaker 2: but it does mean you don't have to, and the
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  Speaker 2: Lord will give you great grace to enjoy each other
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  Speaker 2: for who you are now. In the moment finally, number five,
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  Speaker 2: when all these things have taken their proper place, all
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  Speaker 2: those four things that I've suggested, the decisive question, Luke,
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  Speaker 2: is going to be, do you love this woman with
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  Speaker 2: the kind of love that consumes like a fire, every
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  Speaker 2: obstacle standing in the way of your enjoyment, of her
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  Speaker 2: presence and her commitment? Test yourself. This is the song
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  Speaker 2: of Solomon. Set me as a seal upon your heart,
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  Speaker 2: as a seal upon your arm. For love is as
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  Speaker 2: strong as death. Jealousy is fierce as the grave. It
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  Speaker 2: flashes like fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many
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  Speaker 2: waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drone it. If
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  Speaker 2: a man offered for love all the wealth of his house,
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  Speaker 2: he would be utterly despised. That song of Solomon eight, six,
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  Speaker 2: and seven. Do you love her like this? If so,
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  Speaker 2: then you will find in Jesus all the resources necessary
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  Speaker 2: for forgiveness and faithfulness and joy.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Marriage does not begin with a sinless bride. Now
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  Speaker 1: we all come to the author broken Bride Angram. The
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  Speaker 1: mistake is thinking that pass sin is stronger than God's forgiveness.
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  Speaker 1: Don't treat the transforming grace of God as less powerful
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  Speaker 1: than the corrupting power of sin. Yeah, that's good. If
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  Speaker 1: her repentance is real, the grace is real. Christ centered love,
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  Speaker 1: grounded in faith can build into a holy, joyful marriage.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you, Pastor John four for this. We have covered
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  Speaker 1: so many topics on dating, romance, idols, fornication, and you
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  Speaker 1: can see a summary of all those episodes in the
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  Speaker 1: Ask Pastor John book beginning on page one forty one
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  Speaker 1: if you want more. It's a lot to cover because
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  Speaker 1: of the complexity of this season of a life of
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  Speaker 1: finding a spouse, it has so many questions that come
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  Speaker 1: along with it. Today we spoke of a failing woman.
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  Speaker 1: Next time failing men. Why do good men fail? God?
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  Speaker 1: I'm tony ranky Pastor John, and I will see you
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  Speaker 1: back here on Thursday.