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The Worst Passive Aggressive Phrases We All Use… And What To Say Instead · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody welcome. It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and
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Speaker 1: we are talking about something that we all do, some
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Speaker 1: of us more than other, and that is take that
0:16
Speaker 1: passive aggressive approach to relationships. And we have six of
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Speaker 1: the most passive aggressive phrases that I would argue probably
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Speaker 1: each of us have uttered and some of us have
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Speaker 1: said daily. And so we're going to go over some
0:33
Speaker 1: of these phrases that I laughed out loud because I
0:36
Speaker 1: had to take full accountability of absolutely being guilty of
0:40
Speaker 1: saying them and offer an alternative way to say what
0:44
Speaker 1: you really mean. And with that, everyone, welcome to this
0:49
Speaker 1: episode of Amy and TJ. Would you say that you
0:52
Speaker 1: have been can be passive aggressive? No, you don't think
0:56
Speaker 1: you are not at all? All right, it'll be interesting.
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Speaker 2: I'm actually I would say that because you actually get
1:01
Speaker 2: onto me for being too direct, too clear, and I
1:03
Speaker 2: don't dance around stuff and need to get a point across.
1:07
Speaker 2: That is true, but there is something.
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Speaker 1: There are things that people do that are passive aggressive
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Speaker 1: that aren't necessarily freezing. So the point being is, at
1:16
Speaker 1: least according to the experts, everybody has a version of it,
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Speaker 1: and yes, some people are way worse than others, and
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Speaker 1: I will take full accountability. I am among that group
1:26
Speaker 1: and I am working on it. But what does passive
1:28
Speaker 1: aggressive mean? I thought this is a really because look,
1:32
Speaker 1: we use that word, and we'd say that people are
1:35
Speaker 1: we throw all sorts of labels around, But here is
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Speaker 1: what it actually means. It's when you express negative emotions
1:43
Speaker 1: like anger or hostility in an indirect manner, particularly in
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Speaker 1: a way that is easily deniable or not directly linked
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Speaker 1: to you. And so it's classified as a defense mechanism.
1:55
Speaker 1: And this makes a lot of sense because basically, what
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Speaker 1: you're doing when you're being passive aggressive is you're defending
2:00
Speaker 1: yourself from potential pain of expressing your anger directly and
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Speaker 1: then reaping the response from the person who you are
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Speaker 1: putting it towards. You're trying to avoid accountability, You're trying
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Speaker 1: to avoid getting anger being directed back at you for
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Speaker 1: expressing something that you're uncomfortable with.
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Speaker 2: Man, it's a lot heavier and complicated than I thought,
2:22
Speaker 2: but all that makes sense.
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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, okay, So and look they say this tends
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Speaker 1: to be this happens to people who are either avoidant
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Speaker 1: or conflict averse. So maybe you've grown up and you've
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Speaker 1: tried to avoid conflict, and so this is how you
2:36
Speaker 1: try to avoid conflict, but oftentimes you create more conflict
2:40
Speaker 1: by trying to avoid conflict, or it happens in a
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Speaker 1: lot of people who lack self esteem, and it could
2:45
Speaker 1: be a combination of all of the three. But they
2:48
Speaker 1: say passive aggressiveness can show up in many forms, and
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Speaker 1: this is what I thought was interesting. Yes, and the
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Speaker 1: way you say things, how you phrase things, giving people
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Speaker 1: the silent treatment, that is absolutely passive aggressive because you
3:00
Speaker 1: are not directly addressing the issue. Pouting is passive aggressive.
3:06
Speaker 1: And procrastinating on a task that you agreed to do
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Speaker 1: that's also passive aggressive because you're finding a way to
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Speaker 1: get back at someone without actually saying it.
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Speaker 2: That didn't own that sounded eventful, that sounded that's no
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Speaker 2: way to be to get people back. Listen to this
3:20
Speaker 2: example they gave.
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Speaker 1: I wasn't even gonna include it, but I read it
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Speaker 1: and I laughed out loud, and I thought, that's just mean.
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Speaker 1: That's not passive aggressive. They suggested an example of that
3:29
Speaker 1: was you agreed to pick someone up at the train
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Speaker 1: station and then you just forget what.
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Speaker 2: That's terrible, Dammit, you know what you just gave me
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Speaker 2: what last season Huda's last date with the Big Black Eye,
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Speaker 2: and you wouldn't carry across the water? Absolutely, absolutely, they
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Speaker 2: refused to be a gentleman to her anymore because they
3:52
Speaker 2: just broke up. That was an amazing scene, by the way,
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Speaker 2: you could forget that the woman that came out and
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Speaker 2: saying at the end it was so uncomfortable. We got
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Speaker 2: to go back and why they.
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Speaker 1: Created this whole romantic setting where they thought they were
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Speaker 1: either gonna you know, fall deeper in love. Instead they
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Speaker 1: broke up and then he refused to carry her over
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Speaker 1: the water.
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Speaker 2: So what that was? That was a bad moment, But
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Speaker 2: again passive aggressive. We don't know how to react when
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Speaker 2: we're hurt.
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Speaker 1: There you go, all right, so these phrases, babe, you
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Speaker 1: were gonna laugh out loud? And then so they this
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Speaker 1: isn't in any order. This is just number one.
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Speaker 2: Can I ask something? But do they have any statistics
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Speaker 2: or any breakdown of is this stuff? Men and women
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Speaker 2: both do this?
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Speaker 1: The article said everybody does it, you can, and some
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Speaker 1: people do it more than others. But I didn't see
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Speaker 1: that in this article. But that would be an interesting question. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: I don't know what that would be. That's interesting. Okay,
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Speaker 1: first phrase, good for you.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, man, that's that's that's I've heard you say that
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Speaker 2: several times. Good for you. It is one of the
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Speaker 2: nastiest things I hate, because you're you're expressing that you're
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Speaker 2: not happy for somebody who actually had something positive happened
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Speaker 2: to them. Is how it's that's not.
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Speaker 1: One that I know, one that I've said that, one
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Speaker 1: I did not know was in my vernacular. Oh yeah,
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Speaker 1: good for you. This can be envy or resentment lurking
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Speaker 1: below the surface, and it's truly a statement about unfairness.
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Speaker 1: So you just need to express that it's unfair, and
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Speaker 1: they say instead, try to if someone needs to be congratulated,
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Speaker 1: sincerely congratulating the other person. But then you can also
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Speaker 1: acknowledge that you feel it's unfair, or you could say
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Speaker 1: can you help me strategize ways to get where you are,
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Speaker 1: or to just acknowledge that you feel pain that if
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Speaker 1: there is something that needs to be addressed and you
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Speaker 1: need to get out the feeling, you have to be
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Speaker 1: direct about it. You can't say good for you.
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Speaker 2: Okay. See this, I took this totally differently because usually
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Speaker 2: when it comes out. It's not a matter of anybody
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Speaker 2: having a confrontation. There is no problem, there is no issue.
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Speaker 2: It's just someone is jealous. Someone is jealous of something
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Speaker 2: that the other person good for you, Like you're you're
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Speaker 2: so upset to see them celebrating in the moment, you're
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Speaker 2: so upset to see that success, and then you just
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Speaker 2: kind of good for you. I see it presented in
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Speaker 2: that manner to where, uh, there is no the two
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Speaker 2: of us don't have beef, but you can't be happy
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Speaker 2: for me, so good for you.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't remember feeling that towards you. That's so interesting.
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Speaker 1: Another one. I'm sorry you feel that way. Obviously, this
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Speaker 1: is terrible you're saying. I stand by what I said,
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Speaker 1: and I'm sorry you're having this reaction to it.
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Speaker 2: But it's your problem. That should never that phrase should
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Speaker 2: never be uttered.
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Speaker 1: And people use it all Yeah time.
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Speaker 2: That should go up in like the level of some
6:40
Speaker 2: things that just that should never come out of a
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Speaker 2: person's mouth. There's no good that can come. Yes, get
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Speaker 2: rid of that, folks y, don't ever ever ever say
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Speaker 2: that again. I will absolutely say that.
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Speaker 1: I have said that before, and the moment I say it,
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Speaker 1: I think, at least as of late, I rescind it
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Speaker 1: because I realize, holy hell, that is awful. I stand
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Speaker 1: by what I said, and I'm sorry you're having a
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Speaker 1: reaction to it. That is what I'm sorry you feel
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Speaker 1: that way means. And I think a lot of times
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Speaker 1: that's very like intentional, like you know what you're saying
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Speaker 1: when you say that.
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Speaker 2: Don't we see that in a lot of apologies, like
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Speaker 2: public apologies, they've take taking responsibility. Yeah, I'm sorry what
7:14
Speaker 2: I said made you feel that way kind of a thing,
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Speaker 2: But I still stand by what I said. I'm sorry
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Speaker 2: that you were upset by my words.
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Speaker 1: Yes, so they say instead I love that in this
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Speaker 1: article they give you what you can say instead, instead
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Speaker 1: take accountability. Say I'm sorry I hurt you. Or you
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Speaker 1: say I apologize that what I said caused you pain.
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Speaker 2: That's a better way to say it. But not being
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Speaker 2: sorry for what you said that was a two different things.
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Speaker 1: Well, maybe you aren't sorry for what you said, and
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Speaker 1: that can still be true. You don't have to be
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Speaker 1: passive aggressive about it. You can say I'm sorry I
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Speaker 1: hurt you, I'm sorry my words hurt you.
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Speaker 2: When you said I this is not a good dress
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Speaker 2: for you. I'm sorry you didn't take that well.
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Speaker 1: I'm sorry my words hurt you. Then just don't add but.
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Speaker 2: Still a bad dress. But I'm sorry I shouldn't have
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Speaker 2: said that.
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Speaker 1: I mean, what do you do if you're honestly saying
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Speaker 1: something to someone though? I mean, I don't think you
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Speaker 1: can lie. You can just say I'm sorry I hurt you, babe.
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Speaker 2: See, this goes into a different lane. I think passive
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Speaker 2: aggressive comes with some malintent. I think passive aggressive is
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Speaker 2: something when when there is some conflict between those two individuals.
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Speaker 2: I think you can say things wrong and not be passive.
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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I find it.
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Speaker 1: I went back to go look at what they actually
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Speaker 1: This is what an expert said. It's classified as a
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Speaker 1: defense mechanism because you're defending yourself from potential pain of
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Speaker 1: expressing your anger.
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Speaker 2: So you so it, Okay, Yes, that's a good way
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Speaker 2: to Maybe you.
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Speaker 1: Don't demonize the other person for doing it. You can
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Speaker 1: actually have pity for them because they don't have the
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Speaker 1: confidence or the self awareness to be able to be
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Speaker 1: direct with how they're feeling. And so if that's maybe
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Speaker 1: a way to look at someone through that lens. It
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Speaker 1: might help the person who's being offended that it's actually
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Speaker 1: a defense mechanism by the other person. Here's another one.
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Speaker 1: It's fine. You do say that it's fine.
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Speaker 2: Daily, several times a day, maybe in different variations. Oh good, yes,
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Speaker 2: exact same thing.
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Speaker 1: Okay, So here's what they say that really means what
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Speaker 1: you're really saying. You're testing the other person. You're hoping
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Speaker 1: that the other person will take action to address the
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Speaker 1: fact that you're not actually fine. But you're not asking
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Speaker 1: for support or attention.
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Speaker 2: I didn't get that last part.
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Speaker 1: But you're refusing to ask for the support or attention,
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Speaker 1: and you're hoping that the other person will just take
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Speaker 1: action to address the fact that you're not actually fine.
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Speaker 2: Well, you lost me in the last part. But yes
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Speaker 2: the first part, Yes, I do this, and you see
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Speaker 2: me do this. When I say it's fine, I am
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Speaker 2: am off to the races in handling whatever the thing
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Speaker 2: is that needed to get me.
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Speaker 1: But you're shutting me out of it, and I feel
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Speaker 1: responsible for it, and I remember feeling like you feel
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Speaker 1: a little helpless. But what Yeah, yes, they say the
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Speaker 1: what the what you should say instead is lol, you
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Speaker 1: should tell the other person how you're actually feeling.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, tell about you're actually feeling. Okay, I get what
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Speaker 2: they're saying. I can agree with I'm I'm making it
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Speaker 2: too personal and that's why I'm taking issue with it.
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Speaker 2: But no, no, that makes sense. That makes okay.
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Speaker 1: Here's here's the fourth one. This Honestly, I hate this
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Speaker 1: word so much. And if I ever say this to you, babe,
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Speaker 1: tell me you said this was your your least favorite word.
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Speaker 2: You don't think you say it, I absolutely might have to.
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Speaker 1: I will not say that I didn't, but I when
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Speaker 1: I when I see this word, it actually makes my
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Speaker 1: chest tightened. Whatever that is an awful word. No one
10:56
Speaker 1: should ever say that, So I like this. They say
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Speaker 1: it usually comes up after you've tried to explain your
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Speaker 1: viewpoint a few times, maybe even to no avail, and
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Speaker 1: then you just resign, resign yourself to not being understood,
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Speaker 1: and you say whatever, yeah.
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Speaker 2: And the way you just said it, whatever is never
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Speaker 2: said without that inflection. You just have the end, right,
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Speaker 2: you go, whatever, you go? Whatever. Yes, it's always yes.
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Speaker 2: That is a nasty word.
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Speaker 1: I think it's one of the nastiest words in the
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Speaker 1: English dictionary. And I didn't realize it until I saw
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Speaker 1: it on print, and it was so funny how it
11:33
Speaker 1: created a I actually had a visceral reaction to seeing
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Speaker 1: the word whatever. And I am not saying that I
11:38
Speaker 1: have not done that. I'm not trying to say I'm
11:40
Speaker 1: some saying here. I'm pretty sure I've done it. But
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Speaker 1: when I saw it, it reminded me. Never say that word.
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Speaker 2: And you know it can almost come all hum and worse,
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Speaker 2: be a text. Oh you have texted that to me?
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Speaker 1: You have? Actually, that's hilarious, Oh my goodness. Okay, instead,
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Speaker 1: this is funny. I can't I can't hear you saying
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Speaker 1: this or me saying this, but they suggest you say
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Speaker 1: this instead. Hey, it seems like we're not really hearing
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Speaker 1: each other. Let's talk about what you like and I'll
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Speaker 1: tell you what I don't like, and maybe we can
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Speaker 1: find a compromise.
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Speaker 2: Okay, some variation of that. I understand the sentiment there.
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Speaker 1: Yes, like Okay, obviously we're not agreeing on something, so
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Speaker 1: let's try to find a compromise instead of just going whatever.
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Speaker 2: And so it should that word should always be a
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Speaker 2: part of a full sentence. It should never be whatever
12:28
Speaker 2: should never be the full sentence. It has to be accompanied.
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Speaker 2: Whatever you'd like to do today sounds great to me.
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Speaker 2: Whatever happens at the end of this happened, or it
12:37
Speaker 2: should be a full sentence. Yes, whatever is without sarcasm
12:40
Speaker 2: out can never ever be a one sentence. It never
12:44
Speaker 2: should be used alone. Yes, you know what.
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Speaker 1: I love this episode because I am learning things like
12:48
Speaker 1: when it's out there and it's put in print and
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Speaker 1: it's explained, you can actually process it in a way
12:54
Speaker 1: when you're not in an argument, when you're not in
12:56
Speaker 1: a conflict, and you can tell yourself, I choose not
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Speaker 1: to do this.
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Speaker 2: I choose not to use these phrases.
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Speaker 1: And now that we're on the record with these phrases,
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Speaker 1: I promise you I am going to do my best
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Speaker 1: not to say them, and if I do, I will
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Speaker 1: take accountability for saying them.
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Speaker 2: You don't use these no, you know was the one
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Speaker 2: at the top of you said.
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Speaker 1: You, and I was like, wow, good for you. I
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Speaker 1: will never say that you used that before. Yeah, and
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Speaker 1: you've said whatever.
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Speaker 2: That's not a common thing you used And the rest
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Speaker 2: of this is common.
13:22
Speaker 1: But when we come back, we have two more and
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Speaker 1: they are doozies. Welcome back everyone to this episode of
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Speaker 1: Amy and TJ. We are talking about some of the
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Speaker 1: most passive aggressive phrases that you have probably said, and
13:48
Speaker 1: maybe you even say them daily. And look, I do
13:51
Speaker 1: think I love the idea of not demonizing the person
13:55
Speaker 1: who is being passive aggressive, but trying to understand that
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Speaker 1: this is a defense mechanism. This is someone who is
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Speaker 1: either insecure, someone who is trying to protect their feelings,
14:04
Speaker 1: who is conflict avoidant. And if you can try to
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Speaker 1: look at it through that lens, maybe you'll be a
14:09
Speaker 1: little less offended when you're the recipient of passive aggressiveness.
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Speaker 1: And hopefully this will make folks aware when you are
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Speaker 1: the passive aggressor. Is that a word or a phrase
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Speaker 1: when you are the passive aggressor that you stop yourself
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Speaker 1: and say, wow, I am avoiding what I really need
14:27
Speaker 1: to say. I am avoiding actually being honest and direct,
14:31
Speaker 1: and I have been working on being more direct. I
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Speaker 1: fully recognize that I have leaned on some of this
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Speaker 1: and it's not healthy and oftentimes it leads to greater conflict.
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Speaker 2: Would you not say, wait, that was a lot Then
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Speaker 2: you're a.
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Speaker 1: Passive aggressive You're trying to avoid conflict. A lot of
14:47
Speaker 1: times you're trying to get the message across without taking accountability.
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Speaker 2: For extending the message, which is.
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Speaker 1: A total crap way to go about life. But sometimes
14:56
Speaker 1: that breeds more resentment and creates more problems versus rather
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Speaker 1: addressing how you're feeling, even if it hurts in the
15:02
Speaker 1: moment to the other person.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought about the back and forth or back
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Speaker 2: and forth you and I often have when you're always
15:10
Speaker 2: asking me, what do you mean? What does that really mean?
15:14
Speaker 2: What is wrong? And all these things? And I stop
15:16
Speaker 2: you and I say, Babe, do you think I have
15:18
Speaker 2: any problem telling you that I have a problem with you.
15:21
Speaker 2: I'm just I say that to you all the time.
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Speaker 2: You're trying to interpret so much of what's going on,
15:27
Speaker 2: where I really, sincerely don't have a problem knowing you.
15:31
Speaker 2: I got a problem with you, right.
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Speaker 1: I think sometimes you're just mad at a situation or
15:34
Speaker 1: at the world, or at events, and they have nothing
15:37
Speaker 1: to do with me. And I'm trying to determine if
15:38
Speaker 1: I was a part of it. When I say how
15:41
Speaker 1: you doing, You're like terrific. I know you're not terrific.
15:44
Speaker 1: That's just sarcasm.
15:45
Speaker 2: We do that jokingly. Now, that's not mudding the waters. Now, no,
15:48
Speaker 2: that's just sarcasm.
15:49
Speaker 1: Oh okay, here is the next passive aggressive phrase. I
15:54
Speaker 1: don't know if we use this one, but well if
15:56
Speaker 1: you say so. If you say so, I don't think
16:02
Speaker 1: I get it. But no, that's not in our house.
16:04
Speaker 2: I don't think we do this often.
16:06
Speaker 1: So what this is basically saying, you're communicating that you
16:09
Speaker 1: don't wish to continue the conversation, and even if that
16:12
Speaker 1: person does continue, you really don't have any interest or
16:15
Speaker 1: investment in what's being said.
16:17
Speaker 2: If you say so, this is the cousin of whatever.
16:21
Speaker 2: This is the same thing.
16:23
Speaker 1: That is such a good way to put it. I
16:26
Speaker 1: think it's actually a nicer cousin to whatever. If you
16:29
Speaker 1: say so, you are completely dismissing what that person is saying.
16:33
Speaker 1: But it is a go to phrase that people lean on,
16:35
Speaker 1: so they suggest instead say this, I'm not sure I
16:40
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying. Could you please clarify what you mean,
16:43
Speaker 1: because then at least you care what they mean, You
16:46
Speaker 1: care what they're trying to communicate, versus just brushing it off.
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Speaker 2: If you say so, but you're essentially that sounds like
16:53
Speaker 2: a rejection of what they're saying. It sounds like you're disagreeing, yeah,
16:57
Speaker 2: without doing it. It's like you are almost capitulating. You're
17:01
Speaker 2: almost just caving even though you know you're right. It's
17:04
Speaker 2: almost one of those Okay, i'll let you have it,
17:07
Speaker 2: you say so, I love it.
17:08
Speaker 1: It's the cousin of whatever I'll let you have it?
17:11
Speaker 2: Is that not on there?
17:12
Speaker 1: No, But that's like, yes, they're all related, all of
17:15
Speaker 1: those phrases. So, but I do like the idea if
17:17
Speaker 1: you could just say, look, I don't understand what you're saying,
17:20
Speaker 1: could you clarify? Like even that shows you care, you
17:24
Speaker 1: want to know, you want to learn.
17:25
Speaker 2: It's better than if you say so.
17:28
Speaker 1: And here's one that I will fully This is the
17:31
Speaker 1: one that I will fully cop to, and you might
17:33
Speaker 1: get I might get a rise out of you on
17:35
Speaker 1: this one because I'm admitting it. I don't say it
17:37
Speaker 1: exactly like this, but I have reference this.
17:40
Speaker 2: You're just too sensitive and that's something you I mean,
17:44
Speaker 2: you rail against the idea of any guy ever saying
17:48
Speaker 2: that something like that to you, being told you're sensitive.
17:51
Speaker 2: You're ridiculous.
17:52
Speaker 1: You're being I hate that, You're ridangulous, You're out of it. Yeah,
17:56
Speaker 1: that whole calm down.
17:59
Speaker 2: Oh, Yeah, that's your ridiculous. That's all on the same vein.
18:02
Speaker 2: If you're dismissing or you're justifying, you're only behaving that
18:06
Speaker 2: way because you're not rational, calm, mature like me. You're
18:10
Speaker 2: behaving this way because there's a deficiency, there's a problem
18:13
Speaker 2: with you that's causing you to act that way.
18:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awful, and you're gonna appreciate this. The way
18:19
Speaker 1: they describe you're just too sensitive. What you're really saying
18:23
Speaker 1: is why are you so weak that you can't handle
18:27
Speaker 1: the pain I just inflicted on you?
18:30
Speaker 2: Sensitive? And again, that is something in terms you're talking
18:34
Speaker 2: to a woman talking to a man, a woman coming
18:38
Speaker 2: to a man saying something like that, a man is
18:42
Speaker 2: not supposed to express himself or be hurt or be
18:45
Speaker 2: sensitive when you all do that to us, and the
18:48
Speaker 2: reaction then, oftentimes from a woman, is why is this
18:51
Speaker 2: man not taking it? Those are the dynamics. I keep
18:55
Speaker 2: going back to Casey, so true. I'll keep going back
18:58
Speaker 2: to Casey on Love Island. Yes, yes, Bro's that happens.
19:02
Speaker 2: So I don't know. So you all aren't giving men
19:04
Speaker 2: the permission to be soft and sensitive and what you want,
19:09
Speaker 2: because when we do it? What's wrong with you? Why
19:13
Speaker 2: you can't take it? Why are you not being man enough?
19:15
Speaker 2: And all these things?
19:16
Speaker 1: Man up right.
19:17
Speaker 2: But then, on the other flip side, if a guy
19:19
Speaker 2: says that to a woman who is already considered the kinder, softer,
19:24
Speaker 2: and more sensitive gender, you don't want to hear that shit.
19:28
Speaker 1: No, you do not. You're just too sensitive. But I do,
19:31
Speaker 1: like I do appreciate. Just the next time you think
19:33
Speaker 1: about saying that to someone, remember you are saying, why
19:37
Speaker 1: are you so weak that you can't handle the pain
19:40
Speaker 1: I just inflicted on you? You are absolutely deflecting and
19:44
Speaker 1: not holding yourself accountable for the pain you caused. Whether
19:47
Speaker 1: you think it's justified or not. That person is in pain.
19:50
Speaker 1: We have had this conversation, and I think that's really interesting,
19:53
Speaker 1: and instead they say you should say this. I think
19:56
Speaker 1: this is beautiful. I can see that I hurt you
19:59
Speaker 1: and I'm very sorry for that. I'd like to understand
20:02
Speaker 1: how I hurt you so I don't do it again.
20:05
Speaker 1: Can you tell me what upset you? And that's about
20:08
Speaker 1: wanting to understand, because it is absolutely true that you
20:11
Speaker 1: can piss someone off and do something, and you could
20:13
Speaker 1: hurt someone and not have intended it or not have
20:16
Speaker 1: realized that you did it. But don't dismiss the fact
20:18
Speaker 1: that they're hurt. Don't say they're being ridiculous. Get curious
20:22
Speaker 1: instead of defensive. I think that is the key.
20:25
Speaker 2: I think in relationship it's few and four between that
20:27
Speaker 2: part you read that you might not know that you
20:30
Speaker 2: upset somebody, You might not know what actually set them off.
20:34
Speaker 2: This is the problem with that phrase about your being
20:37
Speaker 2: too sensitive. You know exactly what the hell you did
20:40
Speaker 2: to upset this person, and you're so And I find
20:43
Speaker 2: that on the other side of that, folks can't handle
20:46
Speaker 2: the idea of hurting. You don't want to be the
20:49
Speaker 2: bad guy in a situation, absolutely, so you have to
20:53
Speaker 2: find a reason that your reaction to what I did
20:55
Speaker 2: is the problem. And it's not really what I did. Man,
20:58
Speaker 2: this is this. We could do this all time, yeah,
21:00
Speaker 2: the past.
21:01
Speaker 1: And so it's so interesting the passive aggressive phrases that
21:04
Speaker 1: we all go to and really there and I love
21:07
Speaker 1: the beginning of this. They are all defense mechanisms and
21:11
Speaker 1: they all require you if you're the person saying these phrases,
21:16
Speaker 1: then you need to examine why you're using them, why
21:21
Speaker 1: you're relying on them and actually get honest with yourself
21:24
Speaker 1: and dig deep and say why am I avoiding conflict
21:29
Speaker 1: and trying to defend myself instead of trying to understand
21:32
Speaker 1: the actual situation. So I thought this was so interesting
21:37
Speaker 1: and for me, like just seeing those phrases life changing.
21:40
Speaker 1: And I think we can all commit to not our
21:43
Speaker 1: doing our best not to utter them. And if we do,
21:47
Speaker 1: recognize it immediately and take accountability for it, what have
21:53
Speaker 1: I think what you meant to say is I'm Sorah.
21:55
Speaker 1: I didn't exactly understand what you say.
21:57
Speaker 2: Can you clarify that for me? You say so It's fine,
22:03
Speaker 2: And with.
22:03
Speaker 1: That, everyone, we hope you have a wonderful day today.
22:06
Speaker 2: We always appreciate you listening to us.
22:08
Speaker 1: I made me Brobok alongside d J.
22:10
Speaker 2: Holmes. We'll talk Si